# The Urban Writing Thread



## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

So, who fancies it?
Similar to the Urban Photography Thread: monthly theme, one entry per poster, word limit (not sure how many, what do you think?), the poster voted as winner gets to choose next month's theme.
July starts soon, i people are interested we can start it then.
Sign up here


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## Pickman's model (Jun 24, 2009)

might as well


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

Deffo.


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## isitme (Jun 24, 2009)

i'll give it a shot


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

Oh good


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

worth a punt.

Shall we say 1500 words or less? 

It's enough room to be creative but not enough to go off on one.


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

Just posted up into a thread as normal? What does a 1500 word post look like 

Reckon maybe poems etc should be seperate from short stories and the like, if they're all lumped together something tells me the poems are more likely to win as people won't be arsed to read the longer stuff... Or maybe I'm being too cynical.


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## TheDave (Jun 24, 2009)

Sounds like a good idea. 1500 words sounds reasonable enough.


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

DaRealSpoon said:


> Just posted up into a thread as normal? What does a 1500 word post look like
> 
> Reckon maybe poems etc should be seperate from short stories and the like, if they're all lumped together something tells me the poems are more likely to win as people won't be arsed to read the longer stuff... Or maybe I'm being too cynical.



type written, 1500 is about two pages of A4 iirc


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

yes but some people don't like poetry and it's a good exercise to compare poetry with prose....

yep, i was only going to submit poems 

i don't know what a 1500 word post looks like, let me go ask mrs quoad


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> type written, 1500 is about two pages of A4 iirc



At size 12 font on a piece of A4 it is yeh (approx). But on the boards, tis gonna make for a long thread


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> yes but some people don't like poetry and it's a good exercise to compare poetry with prose....
> 
> yep, i was only going to submit poems
> 
> i don't know what a 1500 word post looks like, let me go ask mrs quoad



Would it be so hard to seprate the two, an award a 'poetry' and a 'prose' prize each time round or whatever?

E2a - It doesn't bode well that really want to select the 'wotz ritin' option


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

DaRealSpoon said:


> At size 12 font on a piece of A4 it is yeh (approx). But on the boards, tis gonna make for a long thread



*shrugs*

s'all good. Remember it's 15000 _or less_. I don't imagine everyone is going to seek to fill meet the word limit of 1500 religiously.


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

is there somewhere else online we could stick it and link to it from here then?


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

Maybe set up a blog especially for it?

Ed would probably appreciate that.


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> is there somewhere else online we could stick it and link to it from here then?



I really see no need tbh.


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Maybe set up a blog especially for it?
> 
> Ed would probably appreciate that.



ah, bandwith issues. Hadn't considered that


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

DaRealSpoon said:


> Would it be so hard to seprate the two, an award a 'poetry' and a 'prose' prize each time round or whatever?
> 
> E2a - It doesn't bode well that really want to select the 'wotz ritin' option



well you're not getting any votes fom me as you didnt select the good gives poll option 

i'm not opposed to seperate awards


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

i think it would be better if you could enter stuff anonymously...and then leave it up to the authors to reveal themselves...


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> *shrugs*
> 
> s'all good. Remember it's *15000* _or less_. I don't imagine everyone is going to seek to fill meet the word limit of 1500 religiously.



I spluttered at that, fucked if I or anyone is gonna churn out 15k o' words!


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

that's a good idea mads, i've always wanted a pseudonym


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

The Peoples Writing Group needs some decisions making. I have tabled the 1500 word limit which people seem happy with.

now. Seperating prose from poetry. I see no need, but the Collective can decide.

Seperate blog: is this necessary and desirable?

Shifty, you have the floor.


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> well you're not getting any votes fom me as you didnt select the good gives poll option
> 
> i'm not opposed to seperate awards



Ahem! I take it I can count on your vote  

Thats what I was thinkin you see, that very soon the thread would be huge and may rinse bandwidth... See what the Mods from on high think.

Separate awards and anonymous entries, I don't have a problem with both.

In fact anonymous entries may be a great idea, cancel out any nepotism


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> that's a good idea mads, i've always wanted a pseudonym



a nom de plume! Count me in if you do it like that...not that im ashamed of my musings of course!


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

Madusa said:


> i think it would be better if you could enter stuff anonymously...and then leave it up to the authors to reveal themselves...



Another good reason to set up a blog 

I'll do it if people want.


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

At this point I would like to state that The Peoples Writing Group will see no nom de plumage from me because I am well arrogant.


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> The Peoples Writing Group needs some decisions making. I have tabled the 1500 word limit which people seem happy with.
> 
> now. Seperating prose from poetry. I see no need, but the Collective can decide.
> 
> ...




I propose all decisions be seen as being under a trial period for the initial stages of the PWG. A beta test if you will.

Well, generally in Literature poetry and prose are kept seperate for award purposes aren't they? To me they are very different mediums, as crazy as that might sound


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

http://thepeopleswritingcontest.blogspot.com/

Anyone can log in and make a post, I believe.


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

We could do one for say, July... Upsidedownwalrus you reckon you could sort the blog thingy for then? 

Anyone got any ideas for the initial topic or am i getting ahead of myself here?


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> At this point I would like to state that The Peoples Writing Group will see no nom de plumage from me because I am well arrogant.



All the more reason to make anonymity mandatory IMO, sort the wheat of talent from the chaff of arrogance


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> http://thepeopleswritingcontest.blogspot.com/
> 
> Anyone can log in and make a post, I believe.



Ooo quicker than I thought.


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

DaRealSpoon said:


> All the more reason to make anonymity mandatory IMO, sort the wheat of talent from the chaff of arrogance



Zactly. Also, in my experience, writing is slightly skewed when you ''know'' who's the voice iykwim? It should only be about good writing...


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

Madusa said:


> We could do one for say, July... Upsidedownwalrus you reckon you could sort the blog thingy for then?
> 
> Anyone got any ideas for the initial topic or am i getting ahead of myself here?



Not really sure yet.  I make up most stuff I write as I go along


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

Oh good. It's a goer.



Madusa said:


> Anyone got any ideas for the initial topic or am i getting ahead of myself here?



this be the tricky part


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

Madusa said:


> Zactly. Also, in my experience, writing is slightly skewed *when you ''know'' who's the voice iykwim? It should only be about good writing*...



And therein lies my point


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> Oh good. It's a goer.
> 
> 
> 
> this be the tricky part



Not really. someone should choose any shitty topic. It'll be fun to see how people approach it.


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

In the face of the Peoples decision I shall post under a psuedonym, upon the blog provided by Comrade Upsidedownwalrus


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

Ah, there's going to be a set topic?


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Ah, there's going to be a set topic?



Keep up with the agenda of todays meeting dear boy


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Ah, there's going to be a set topic?



yes, I think it'll be a good exercise to do it that way. Get the creative juices flowing as it were.


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Ah, there's going to be a set topic?



monthly. I believe shifty proposed that the previous months winner set the topic, and while I worry that 'First past the post' might be a better system, I see no massive issues with her idea.


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> monthly. I believe shifty proposed that the previous months winner set the topic, and while I worry that 'First past the post' might be a better system, I see no massive issues with her idea.



You've confused me. 'First past the post', isn't that what is on the table already... That the 'first past the post' selects the next topic?


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

OK, so can i set the first topic, seeing as I made the blog?


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

DaRealSpoon said:


> You've confused me. 'First past the post', isn't that what is on the table already... That the 'first past the post' selects the next topic?



ah, perhaps if I'd said 'first to mention a topic gets to set the topic'.

which is another way of doing it. I'm happy with winner sets the topic though.


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> OK, so can i set the first topic, seeing as I made the blog?



I second this motion


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## Bakunin (Jun 24, 2009)

May one suggest, being a writer by trade, published in the short story genre and, given that this is a blog and not on Urban, that we bump up the word limit to 3000 words or less (nobody has to use all 3000 words, obviously) as 1500 isn't always enough to make for a really meaty story?

Like I said,m nobody need actually use 3000 words, but it does make for a little more in the way of creative freedom if the opportunity to do so is available.


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> OK, so can i set the first topic, seeing as I made the blog?


yep, go ahead


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> OK, so can i set the first topic, seeing as I made the blog?



Thats only cause you already have something to submit isn't it? 
Nah, seems fair though, nice on the blog 



DotCommunist said:


> ah, perhaps if I'd said 'first to mention a topic gets to set the topic'.
> 
> which is another way of doing it. I'm happy with winner sets the topic though.



I see what you mean now, the only reservation I have with the winner choosing the topic is that may incur some advantage. Tailoring the topic for themselves etc. Perhaps thats the spoils of victory though, dunno..



e2a - 3 votes and the motion is passed sir, your topic?


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## Bakunin (Jun 24, 2009)

DaRealSpoon said:


> Thats only cause you already have something to submit isn't it?
> Nah, seems fair though, nice on the blog
> 
> 
> ...



How about a monthly poll (anonymous, naturally) among the contributors to select the next month's topic?

It'd remove any possibility of any one person being able to choose a topic that automatically favours them and should help generate a good spread of subjects and different winners.


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> How about a monthly poll (anonymous, naturally) among the contributors to select the next month's topic?
> 
> It'd remove any possibility of any one person being able to choose a topic that automatically favours them and should help generate a good spread of subjects and different winners.



Sounds good.

If your entering mr 'Published short story man' I think you should have a handicap... You've got to write with your foot or summink!!


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## Bakunin (Jun 24, 2009)

DaRealSpoon said:


> Sounds good.
> 
> If your entering mr 'Published short story man' I think you should have a handicap... You've got to write with your foot or summink!!



Handicap, eh?

Well, being Urban's resident Quintessential Studmuffin and all-round Captain Charisma, I shall see no problems in facing up to such constraints.

Onward, good people of Urban, onward I say, to a bright and shing future of creative GLORY!!!!!!!!!!


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> How about a monthly poll (anonymous, naturally) among the contributors to select the next month's topic?
> 
> It'd remove any possibility of any one person being able to choose a topic that automatically favours them and should help generate a good spread of subjects and different winners.



I have no objections to whatever method of topic-choosing is proposed. Let us not get bogged down in procedural details, however, comrades.

Forward with the Peoples Writing Contest.


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> http://thepeopleswritingcontest.blogspot.com/
> 
> Anyone can log in and make a post, I believe.



how do I sign in to this?


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

So, to clarify. We seem to have lost Shifty for the moment.

1. Anything up to 3000 word limit.
2. Fresh topics will be decided by anonymous Urban poll.
3. Uppy'downy'walrus to pick the first topic.
4. All entries must be submitted anonymously.
5. A toblerone for the monthly victor.


What else???


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

am still here, no objections so far
what about a deadline? i say around te 25th to give people time to read and vote before the end of the month


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## Bakunin (Jun 24, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> am still here, no objections so far
> what about a deadline? i say around te 25th to give people time to read and vote before the end of the month



Good idea, Madam.

That should give folk enough time and encourages folk not to be tardy in their writing.


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## girasol (Jun 24, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> i don't know what a 1500 word post looks like, let me go ask mrs quoad



 

I think it would be better to leave it open, no number of words limit, and both prose or poetry

I would enter if I felt inspired by the theme and had no limits imposed in terms of the number of words.  Some themes might inspire someone to write a novel!  Why restrict them?  (also anyone who can write a novel in month deserves some form of recognition!!!)


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

Iemanja said:


> I think it would be better to leave it open, no number of words limit, and both prose or poetry
> 
> I would enter if I felt inspired by the theme and had no limits imposed in terms of the number of words.  Some themes might inspire someone to write a novel!  Why restrict them?  (also anyone who can write a novel in month deserves some form of recognition!!!)



They have NanoWriMo for that.

I think a tight limit a) aids creativity

and
b) makes it readable. for a crowd not onto taking on a whole book as a read


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> am still here, no objections so far
> what about a deadline? i say around te 25th to give people time to read and vote before the end of the month



so topic proposed last day of the month then?


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> how do I sign in to this?



You just make a blogger.com account and then I believe you can sign in, just like with the urban film review thingy.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

My topic is: 

Transformations

(And yes, I have a story in mind, which I've been thinking of writing for a while )


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## TheDave (Jun 24, 2009)

Does that mean we have to register a new account each month if we're going to stick with the anonymous thing?


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> My topic is:
> 
> Transformations
> 
> (And yes, I have a story in mind, which I've been thinking of writing for a while )



Kafka


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> so topic proposed last day of the month then?



yeh. once the deadline has passed people can suggest themes, vote on the last day of the month, result on the first then scramble for pens and whatnot


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## SpookyFrank (Jun 24, 2009)

Iemanja said:


> I think it would be better to leave it open, no number of words limit, and both prose or poetry
> 
> I would enter if I felt inspired by the theme and had no limits imposed in terms of the number of words.  Some themes might inspire someone to write a novel!  Why restrict them?  (also anyone who can write a novel in month deserves some form of recognition!!!)



I reckon if we were to do a no-limit contest then we'd have to do it with a longer deadline than one month.


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> My topic is:
> 
> Transformations
> 
> (And yes, I have a story in mind, which I've been thinking of writing for a while )



ooh
*scrambles for pens and whatnot*






feels a block


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## SpookyFrank (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> My topic is:
> 
> Transformations
> 
> (And yes, I have a story in mind, which I've been thinking of writing for a while )



So that's the theme for July, upon which we are to write no more than 3000 words which are themselves to be submitted, in the correct order, before the 25th of July? 

Presumably creating four dozen aliases and entering something different by each of them is frowned upon?


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

I can't even work out how to post anything. I was going to put 'first in LOL'


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## scifisam (Jun 24, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> You just make a blogger.com account and then I believe you can sign in, just like with the urban film review thingy.



You don't have to have a blogger account - you can post anonymously as long as anonymous comments are enabled. That is, you'd create a post  introducing the competition, outlining the rules and saying what this month's theme is, then every can post their stories/poems in the comments section.


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> So that's the theme for July, upon which we are to write no more than 3000 words which are themselves to be submitted, in the correct order, before the 25th of July?
> 
> Presumably creating four dozen aliases and entering something different by each of them is frowned upon?



yes it is. clearly states one submission per poster in the opening post.
we must abide by the spirit of the rules


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I can't even work out how to post anything. I was going to put 'first in LOL'



I cant figure it out either


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

nor me


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

TheDave said:


> Does that mean we have to register a new account each month if we're going to stick with the anonymous thing?



I guess so.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

scifisam said:


> You don't have to have a blogger account - you can post anonymously as long as anonymous comments are enabled. That is, you'd create a post  introducing the competition, outlining the rules and saying what this month's theme is, then every can post their stories/poems in the comments section.



Ah OK - I'll do that then


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 24, 2009)

Done a post - enabled comments, now should be a doddle to reply.


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> May one suggest, being a writer by trade, published in the short story genre and, given that this is a blog and not on Urban, that we bump up the word limit to 3000 words or less (nobody has to use all 3000 words, obviously) as 1500 isn't always enough to make for a really meaty story?
> 
> Like I said,m nobody need actually use 3000 words, but it does make for a little more in the way of creative freedom if the opportunity to do so is available.



 
Hmm, how about we just submit a novel each every month!


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## Bakunin (Jun 24, 2009)

Madusa said:


> Hmm, how about we just submit a novel each every month!



Writing 3000 words is no great effort to anyone who really wants to write, you know.

If you've got a decent story idea, one that really fires your imagination and makes you want to get it all down on paper, then 3000 words isn't that much to play with.

I once wrote 20000 words in one all day/all night session.


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> Writing 3000 words is no great effort to anyone who really wants to write, you know.
> 
> If you've got a decent story idea, one that really fires your imagination and makes you want to get it all down on paper, then 3000 words isn't that much to play with.
> 
> I once wrote 20000 words in one all day/all night session.



god, I'm not playing anymore.


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## Jon-of-arc (Jun 24, 2009)

So we just write some bullshit and leave it as a comment?


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## Jon-of-arc (Jun 24, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> Writing 3000 words is no great effort to anyone who really wants to write, you know.
> 
> If you've got a decent story idea, one that really fires your imagination and makes you want to get it all down on paper, then 3000 words isn't that much to play with.
> 
> I once wrote 20000 words in one all day/all night session.



Thats about 1000 words an hour, with reasonable toilet, food, fag breaks.

1000/60 = 16-17 words a minute.  

bum tits arse fish cock dick fat woman open palm kung fu bum work no way that is white bit of alright 

Theres 22 words, and I reckon I typed that in about 45 seconds.  You call yourself a real writer bakunin?


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

Jon-of-arc said:


> So we just write some bullshit and leave it as a comment?



A million words of it, yeah. 

I find it more of a challenge to be creative and concise. Massive word counts arent everything!


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

Madusa said:


> A million words of it, yeah.
> 
> I find it more of a challenge to be creative and concise. Massive word counts arent everything!



3000 is the _upper limit_

wordage of less verbosity is allowed ye kna


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 24, 2009)

indeed. I've only ever written (very bad) poetry so if i manage to scrape together 500 coherent words it will be a triumph.
if people want to write masses and masses of stuff then let them. doesn't mean they'll get that toblerone.


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## Bakunin (Jun 24, 2009)

Jon-of-arc said:


> Thats about 1000 words an hour, with reasonable toilet, food, fag breaks.
> 
> 1000/60 = 16-17 words a minute.
> 
> ...



Why, Sir, you have impugned my professional credentials and thus questioned my honour!

*Slaps Jon-of-arc round the face with a silken glove*

'I demand satisfaction!'


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## Jon-of-arc (Jun 24, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> Why, Sir, you have impugned my professional credentials and thus questioned my honour!
> 
> *Slaps Jon-of-arc round the face with a silken glove*
> 
> 'I demand satisfaction!'






			
				jon-of-arc said:
			
		

> Are you challenging me to a word off






			
				billy zane said:
			
		

> It's a word-off!



no lower limit is top suggestion!


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> Why, Sir, you have impugned my professional credentials and thus questioned my honour!
> 
> *Slaps Jon-of-arc round the face with a silken glove*
> 
> 'I demand satisfaction!'



I like to slap with an iron gauntlet. That way satisfaction is a bit more instantaneous


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## DotCommunist (Jun 24, 2009)

Jon-of-arc said:


> So we can do as little or as much as we like?  Cool.



Jonathon, in between defiling slices of toast you might like to google the phrase 'upper limit'


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## Bakunin (Jun 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I like to slap with an iron gauntlet. That way satisfaction is a bit more instantaneous



Although I'm reliably informed that viciously planting a steel toecap in the clinkers provides both instant incapacitation of any opponent, while giving the ultimate in thuggish satisfaction.


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## Jon-of-arc (Jun 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Jonathon, in between defiling slices of toast you might like to google the phrase 'upper limit'





I was infering from the statement that the upper limit was 3000, and that lower amounts were allowed, that there was no lower limit?  Apart from 0, obviously.  I did distinguish between the two concepts...


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## Madusa (Jun 24, 2009)

Jon-of-arc said:


> no lower limit is top suggestion!



One word stories.


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## SpookyFrank (Jun 24, 2009)

I know what I'm going to write about. With any luck it won't win so I'll never have to admit to writing it.


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## DaRealSpoon (Jun 24, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> I know what I'm going to write about. With any luck it won't win so I'll never have to admit to writing it.



Firkys sex change? That was my first thought.. Transformations... lol


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## Madusa (Jun 25, 2009)

So Transformations is the first theme?


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## Ceej (Jun 25, 2009)

Sorry to be dim, but how do we submit an entry?
*der-brain*


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 25, 2009)

Madusa said:


> So Transformations is the first theme?



yup

i'm told you reply to the comment section. cross that bridge if i ever get to it


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## SpookyFrank (Jun 27, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> I know what I'm going to write about. With any luck it won't win so I'll never have to admit to writing it.



Well I wrote it. 2,000 words, of which the first 500 were tedious quasi-autobiographical pondering and the remaining 1,500 descended into the most apalling, utterly iredeemable filth of the sort I would never have though myself capable of producing. Really quite shocking. So the bad news is I won't be entering that particular piece. The good news is that I think I've finally found a career I can really enjoy


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## Balbi (Jun 27, 2009)

Erm. How do we post to the blog then? I'm following it


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 27, 2009)

Balbi said:


> Erm. How do we post to the blog then? I'm following it



simply post a comment in response to my top post 

I thought of my first sentence while I was walking around the supermarket.


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## scifisam (Jun 27, 2009)

Would it be OK if I submitted a story that I'd written for a different challenge (not competition) before? It defintely fits the theme, but I'm going to try for a new story anyway.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 27, 2009)

nah, i think we should stick to the rules that it has to be written this month


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## ericjarvis (Jun 27, 2009)

What's the deadline for entries? I think I'm fairly clear on the rules otherwise.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 27, 2009)

25th July


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## scifisam (Jun 27, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> nah, i think we should stick to the rules that it has to be written this month



Fair enough, but it's not actually mentioned in the rules. Maybe you should add it to the blog post.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 27, 2009)

OK, will do.


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 27, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Really quite shocking. So the bad news is I won't be entering that particular piece. The good news is that I think I've finally found a career I can really enjoy








			
				upsidedownwalrus said:
			
		

> I thought of my first sentence while I was walking around the supermarket.


thought of mine in the garden. i felt like a genius. downhill from there however


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 27, 2009)

I edited it.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 30, 2009)

*resists the temptation to write Transformers slashfic*


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 30, 2009)

If you want.


----------



## redsnapper (Jul 1, 2009)

Has anyone written a story yet cos I've just been to the blog site and can't see any. How does one access the stories that have been written? All I can see are about 5 profiles of urban members


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 7, 2009)

So how is everybody doing?


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Jul 7, 2009)

Madusa said:


> i think it would be better if you could enter stuff anonymously...and then leave it up to the authors to reveal themselves...



I had the same idea on the photo thread, but it didn't fly.


----------



## ericjarvis (Jul 7, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> So how is everybody doing?



Kind of have an idea, but need to do a bit more research before starting. Might be a tad on the "gritty" side.


----------



## scifisam (Jul 7, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> I had the same idea on the photo thread, but it didn't fly.



People can post anonymously to the blog if UDW allows anonymous comments. 

I don't know if there's much chance of me managing to write a story this month, but you never know.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 7, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> So how is everybody doing?



Cock, I still haven't got beyond my first sentence.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 7, 2009)

redsnapper said:


> Has anyone written a story yet cos I've just been to the blog site and can't see any. How does one access the stories that have been written? All I can see are about 5 profiles of urban members



Yeah - people are gonna add them towards teh end of the month.  They paste them on as comments in reply to my OP.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 15, 2009)

Bump

Have people written stuff?

My thing's a bit random.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 18, 2009)

I guess this has given up the ghost 

Well, I'll still submit my rather random story


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 19, 2009)

Oh no i hope it's still on.
I've been too busy/tired/apathetic to write much. have one whole page though which is a start. Got a few days, will pull my socks up


----------



## Diamond (Jul 20, 2009)

Only just seen this. I'm well up for it, mad like, etc...

Have there been any entries yet?

Also I understand we're looking at 3000 word max, no minimum. Is that correct?


----------



## Diamond (Jul 20, 2009)

Hey, what's the deal?

I can't post what little I've cobbled together to the site.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 20, 2009)

you've got until the 25th to submit it so if ouwat to coble it som more there's till time and i believe you post it under the replies section. not sure if you need to register an account first or not


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 20, 2009)

The comments section will only let you post 5,000 odd characters, not enough for a 3,000 word story


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 20, 2009)

Sort it out, dissident canine!

I've got 1000 and  (maybe a bit) more to come for the 25th


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 20, 2009)

I believe I once created a blog for a u75 writing competition that never took place. If I can find it perhaps people can email me their entries, using a bogus email account if your usual email resembles your urban logon name, and I can post them all up as separate entries...


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

OK, I will go back and have a look.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

I need to work out how it was that on the Urban Film Review site we could all log in with our own names and make posts of our own.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

Yup, I just managed to make a post on the Urban Film Review site.

It must be something in settings.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

OK, well I think I've worked it out.

You have to have permission to post.  There doesn't seem to be an option to just allow anyone to make a post on it.  For some reason I can't quite fathom.

So I think the best thing would be for all who want to be involved to make yourself a blogspot account, with a different name from on here if you're that arsed about that, and then PM me the email address.  You can give it a different name to on here if you like.  Then, I will add that email address to the list of people who are allowed to post on it.



Should have thought about this before.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

OK - PMs with email addys please and I will invite you


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

redsnapper said:


> Has anyone written a story yet cos I've just been to the blog site and can't see any. How does one access the stories that have been written? All I can see are about 5 profiles of urban members



See next page


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 20, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> OK, well I think I've worked it out.
> 
> You have to have permission to post.  There doesn't seem to be an option to just allow anyone to make a post on it.  For some reason I can't quite fathom.
> 
> ...



But I don't have permission and I managed to post a test comment using my blogger account 

And you still can't make the comments long enough, or did you intent to give everyone permission to make proper posts instead of comments?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

If you register with an invite from me, then you can make your own posts 

That's what I mean.,..


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

So we'll all register (which does give me the advantage of knowing who wrote each story, but I won't vote if that's the case  ) and then we'll post with the story title, then.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

Ooh, can  I just be a bit pedantic and ask that everyone puts the title 'Transformations' at the top.  If it's not the title of your story, then just put it at the top and then your title underneath.

Just so that they can sort of stay grouped together.

Although, that might happen naturally month by month as blogger automatically sorts each month's posts together, doesn't it?


----------



## Balbi (Jul 20, 2009)

Great, I see my paragraphs are entirely ignored by blogger


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

Umm... that kind of gives your identity away.

I agree, though, the formatting sucks doesn't it.


----------



## Balbi (Jul 20, 2009)

Not too bothered tbh


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

Yeah people will be able to tell what mine is from the first bit.

I don't care, it's completely random nonsense.


----------



## Balbi (Jul 20, 2009)

I must admit to some crowbarring of topic in


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

Balbi said:


> I must admit to some crowbarring of topic in


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

Right, I'd better get busy scouring the competition so far.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 20, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> So we'll all register (which does give me the advantage of knowing who wrote each story, but *I won't vote if that's the case*  ) and then we'll post with the story title, then.



How quickly the Peoples Writing Group falls into the trap of strongman President-for-Life statist top-down lennist oppression.

My pravda will be in on the 25th, Stalin


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

I won't be voting, the people will be choosing. 

THe vote will take place on Urban and will be publick so I can't cheat 

No leninism here.  Quite the opposite.  I am not a leader, merely a facilitator 

(Rimmer in Polymorph when he turns all leftie)


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

Blimey, read the top one of the two properly.

Good stuff !


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 20, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I won't be voting, the people will be choosing.


i think you should vote


----------



## Balbi (Jul 20, 2009)

Nice not too far beyond sci-fi stuff.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)

Second one a bit more like the sort of thing I write...


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 20, 2009)

they are both very good
still, i'm going to blow you all out of the water with my entry... : optimistic smiley :


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 20, 2009)




----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 21, 2009)

I have three people who have been invited now and haven't signed up.



What kind of authors do you think you are?



I bet you're actually writnig your stories instead of procrastinating by posting rants on Urban, fucking around with the font settings on the blog, and having a beer.



Bastards.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 21, 2009)

i'm going to sign up when I have somethign to submit
and no, I haven't written anything


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 21, 2009)

Look, I know I have this rock n roll staying up all night exterior, but really I am a bit of a librarian.

I feel agitated and irritated when stuff isn't 'closed'.  Four damned invites unresponded to god damn it 



I might post what I've done so far and then post the rest later.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 21, 2009)

calm down dear, loosen a button on your cardi and breathe 

no, post it when it's done. finished. you wouldn't serve a half cooked meal would you?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 21, 2009)




----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 22, 2009)

Oh dear mine's gone totally off at a strange Pullman tangent


----------



## Diamond (Jul 22, 2009)

Super. We're up and running. A good punt up the backside was what this thread needed. I'll be submitting tomorrow or the day after. It's whimsical stuff, centring on the amputation of a big toe and high stakes scrabble. I hope it works.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 22, 2009)

Mine is totally all over the place, about 3-4 random stories shoehorned together as too much of my stuff tends to end up


----------



## Madusa (Jul 22, 2009)

i wont be able to contribute this month.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 22, 2009)

invite not working


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 22, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> invite not working



In what sense?

I think someone else said that first but then she managed to post earlier?


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 22, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> In what sense?
> 
> I think  said that first but then she managed to post earlier?



it won't let me log in. I just get redirected to a page of gibberish. I'll have another go. nope


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 22, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I just get redirected to a page of gibberish.



Those are the entries mate


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 22, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> it won't let me log in. I just get redirected to a page of gibberish. I'll have another go. nope



shall i delete you and then reinvite you?


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 23, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> shall i delete you and then reinvite you?



your re invite has fucked me off both on PC and Mac log in attempts


curses!


----------



## chainsaw cat (Jul 23, 2009)

So, you just create a blog and cut'n'paste in, right? Is this just for Urbs and how do I see other peoples stuff then? God I am sooooo 2002.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 23, 2009)

chainsaw cat said:


> So, you just create a blog and cut'n'paste in, right? Is this just for Urbs and how do I see other peoples stuff then? God I am sooooo 2002.



No, you PM your email address to me and I'll invite you to the blog, and then you will be an official Blog Author and can post directly to it with your story 



(Not that I've said this already   )

No wonder I didn't pass the PGCE - no fucker ever listens to me


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 23, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> your re invite has fucked me off both on PC and Mac log in attempts
> 
> 
> curses!





OK, email me your story and then I'll make a sodding log in name and then invite it and paste it.

 

Christ, this is like friday night at the wailing wall!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 23, 2009)

So the closing date is midnight on the 25th.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 24, 2009)

hmm. i'm really going to have to pull my finger out


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 24, 2009)

Yeah I've got to make a new email address for dottie and then invite him to blogspot on that and then post his story.

Who does he think he is?  My mum?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 24, 2009)

That was the most faffing I've ever done to post something.

Christ only knows why dottie couldn't do it himself

Ah - I think I know - he was trying to sign in on his NORMAL blogspot account affiliated with his normal email which had the blogspot user name dotcommunist.  He was then trying to do it anonymously.  

Anyway, done now.

You owe me a pint, dude


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 24, 2009)

I'm a useless cunt tbf.

Consider that pint well earned and cheers


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 24, 2009)

Yeah - people who have already got a blogspot/google account which has their urban username will have to create another separate one to be invited on so as to post under that other name.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 25, 2009)

I've done mine.

It's a bit over the limit



As dictator I have changed the limit to around 4500 and you can go over 1000 over if you want

I reckon the upper limit oughtn't to matter that much.  Most people aren't going to go way over every month...


----------



## Bakunin (Jul 25, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I've done mine.
> 
> It's a bit over the limit
> 
> ...



Job done.


----------



## Paulie Tandoori (Jul 26, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> So the closing date is midnight on the 25th.


whoops!!!


----------



## scifisam (Jul 26, 2009)

Well, illness and holiday meant that I had no chance of writing a new story, so I'll have to be content with reading others' work.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 26, 2009)

Paulie Tandoori said:


> whoops!!!



Um, dude, see me not so much as a dictator, more a facilitator, and I'm sure we can work something out to make sure that nobody feels alienated or excluded.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 26, 2009)

shame on me 
I have spent the night flirting instead of writing, forgive me comrades. i look forward to reading all the entries and will do better next month.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 26, 2009)

ie get it in by tomorrow night/monday as no bugger's even going to be arsed to set up a poll to get people to read and vote for them before about wednesday anyway

Is that how it's going to work?

Are we asking urbs en masse to read all the entries and vote


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 26, 2009)

Paulie Tandoori said:


> whoops!!!



given that it's the first month i think we can count that a teething problem


----------



## Paulie Tandoori (Jul 26, 2009)

_Fantastic piece of scaffolding that.

Mick isn’t putting up with any nonsense, we’re out for our Sunday stroll and he’s drawing faith from the fact that we’re still walking. 
The ultimate piece of scaffold. He says.

And you think. Is that it? Whilst you also spread your gaze towards the tower in question.

And you know what? It’s proper, it’s looking good, you can see the symmetry, angles all over the shop.

Mick lives for scaffold. It’s been his life.  And now there ain’t nothing left cos he’s got old. Can’t get insured (those posh cunts in charge tell him) can’t get work, ask around but there’s nothing about, bastards……

He’s  a proud man, he doesn’t want your charity, he wants to work. 70 years though…..his bow legs….can’t lie anymore…..insurance Mick, nothing personal……_


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 26, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> shame on me
> I have spent the night flirting instead of writing, forgive me comrades. i look forward to reading all the entries and will do better next month.



Nout wrong with flirting.

You can give it in tomorrow 

Seriously, you started the bloody thing


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 26, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> ie get it in by tomorrow night/monday as no bugger's even going to be arsed to set up a poll to get people to read and vote for them before about wednesday anyway
> 
> Is that how it's going to work?
> 
> Are we asking urbs en masse to read all the entries and vote



i think all urbs should be able to vote, maybe we could extend the deadline to monday and start the poll then?


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jul 26, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Seriously, you started the bloody thing



as i said, shame on me


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 26, 2009)

I do think it's quite a lot of reading.

*Thank heavens relatively few have entered*


----------



## Paulie Tandoori (Jul 26, 2009)

done


----------



## Bassism (Jul 26, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I do think it's quite a lot of reading.
> 
> *Thank heavens relatively few have entered*



Am looking forward to it xx


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 26, 2009)

You're going to read the entries and vote?


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 26, 2009)

What's the deal then? Deadlines and word limits gone out of the window have they? I won't compain too much about the word limit as my entry is a teensy bit over, but I did have to trim it down quite a lot to get it to that point. If I knew other people were just going to take the piss I could have turned in a better piece of work. IMO there's got to be some kind of limit if we expect passing urbs to bother reading all the entries and voting, and we also need a proper deadline so that potential voters don't have thousands of entries to trawl through and only 45 minutes in which to do so.

Not my place to lay down the law I know, being as it wasn't me who set all this up in the first place, but if you look at the very successful u75 photo contest you see there's a bunch of clear rules that people stick to.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 26, 2009)

OK i'll edit it down to 3000 words then


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 26, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> What's the deal then? Deadlines and word limits gone out of the window have they? I won't compain too much about the word limit as my entry is a teensy bit over, but I did have to trim it down quite a lot to get it to that point. If I knew other people were just going to take the piss I could have turned in a better piece of work. IMO there's got to be some kind of limit if we expect passing urbs to bother reading all the entries and voting, and we also need a proper deadline so that potential voters don't have thousands of entries to trawl through and only 45 minutes in which to do so.
> 
> Not my place to lay down the law I know, being as it wasn't me who set all this up in the first place, but if you look at the very successful u75 photo contest you see there's a bunch of clear rules that people stick to.



I think 3000 is a good limit, for short fiction. Above that you are straying into novella length.

This is the first run though, so we can expect these teething issues before we get the format right


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 26, 2009)

it's ok i think i can get it down to 3000


----------



## scifisam (Jul 26, 2009)

Having a limit tends to make your writing better, anyway. Some of the best stories I've ever written have been for challenges where you had to write to a specific word count.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 26, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Having a limit tends to make your writing better, anyway. Some of the best stories I've ever written have been for challenges where you had to write to a specific word count.



Quite. Condensing a story or an idea into just 3000 words is a real challenge IMO.

What about deadline then? Midnight tonight and then a poll tomorow?


----------



## Bakunin (Jul 26, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Having a limit tends to make your writing better, anyway. Some of the best stories I've ever written have been for challenges where you had to write to a specific word count.



I like the 3000 word limit, personally, as there's enough space to make things reasonably detailed without too much in the way of waffling. That's not to say that you always need 3000 words to tell a good story, but it's just my personal preference.

So how's the voting going? Who's winning, dare I ask?


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 26, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> I like the 3000 word limit, personally, as there's enough space to make things reasonably detailed without too much in the way of waffling. That's not to say that you always need 3000 words to tell a good story, but it's just my personal preference.
> 
> So how's the voting going? Who's winning, dare I ask?



We don't seem to have any voting at the moment


----------



## Bakunin (Jul 26, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> We don't seem to have any voting at the moment



Ah. In that case I'd agree with a deadline of midnight tonight and then a poll tomorrow.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 26, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Quite. Condensing a story or an idea into just 3000 words is a real challenge IMO.



I agree with most of this (but not all): http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/george-orwells-5-rules-for-effective-writing/


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 26, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> Ah. In that case I'd agree with a deadline of midnight tonight and then a poll tomorrow.



to close on the 30th was I believe the original deadline for voting on the poll. Five days is enough for interested parties to read and vote, is it? I think so, but I have no job.

Is the 30th deadline for poll voting acceptable to the people?


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 26, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I agree with most of this (but not all): http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/george-orwells-5-rules-for-effective-writing/



Good link. I adhere to most of those anyway, particularly the one about tried-and-tested (ie shit) metaphors. Not so sure about the active/passive thing but that's because I have absolutely no writerly training and so never think to stop and deliberate over what kind of verb I should use, nor which kind of verb should be used by me


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 26, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> to close on the 30th was I believe the original deadline for voting on the poll. Five days is enough for interested parties to read and vote, is it? I think so, but I have no job.
> 
> Is the 30th deadline for poll voting acceptable to the people?



If the deadline for entries is today then that should be fine I reckon.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 26, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Quite. Condensing a story or an idea into just 3000 words is a real challenge IMO.
> 
> What about deadline then? Midnight tonight and then a poll tomorow?



Ok, deadline midnight tonight then.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 26, 2009)

Glad that's all sorted then


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 26, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Good link. I adhere to most of those anyway, particularly the one about tried-and-tested (ie shit) metaphors. Not so sure about the active/passive thing but that's because I have absolutely no writerly training and so never think to stop and deliberate over what kind of verb I should use, nor which kind of verb should be used by me



In poetry they get called dead metaphors. In that they are hackneyed and have no place in a poem. I thinky you CAN use them but not in an offhand lazy manner. A barrage of particular metaphors to describe a specific charachter can serve to build an archetype style character, which is useful when doing modern fairytale or an ironic pastiche of the fairytale (and yes I did just punch myself in the face after writing that sentence).


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 26, 2009)

I got it down to 3000

I have to admit my normal problem with word limits is essays and struggling to get the last 500 words up to the minimum limit, so I didn't think it would be a problem if it was over


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 26, 2009)

I too have trimmed mine down to the limit. Only seems fair given my earlier rant


----------



## Belushi (Jul 26, 2009)

Okay, my short short story is up. First thing I've ever written


----------



## Paulie Tandoori (Jul 26, 2009)

what do you have to do? i don't understand it....


----------



## Belushi (Jul 26, 2009)

Send your email to upsidedownwalrus and he'll send you an invite, the whole process is a bit of a palaver!


----------



## Paulie Tandoori (Jul 26, 2009)

ta


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

Yeah - I can't quite figure out why Blogspot doesn't have an option to have open posting.

I think it must be to stop spammers.


----------



## Belushi (Jul 27, 2009)

It took me longer to post the story than to write the bloody thing!


----------



## Paulie Tandoori (Jul 27, 2009)

i can't do it, something ain't working. this is my entry anyway.

spectacularly brief


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

Ah, cunteroony, if I go back to China they block blogspot 

Hopefully it will be unblocked


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 27, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Ah, cunteroony, if I go back to China they block blogspot
> 
> Hopefully it will be unblocked



VPN FTW!
Proxies make mock of the censors.



Who keeps cutting those data cables though? Out in the middle of the sea?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

Yeah but for some reason it can be quite hard using proxies for certain sites like blogspot

What's this VPN business all about?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

Paulie Tandoori said:


> i can't do it, something ain't working. this is my entry anyway.
> 
> spectacularly brief



What isn't working


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 27, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Yeah but for some reason it can be quite hard using proxies for certain sites like blogspot
> 
> What's this VPN business all about?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_private_network


it's the sort of shit that gives me a hard on for high level cryptography.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

Is that a thing where I pay a relatively small annual fee and can use it freely anywhere.

Does it work via a site?  Could still get blocked in China.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 27, 2009)

I'll do a poll then shall I?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

OK.  I just called mine transformations - shall we tell people to choose another title first to make it a bit clearer?


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 27, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Is that a thing where I pay a relatively small annual fee and can use it freely anywhere.
> 
> Does it work via a site?  Could still get blocked in China.



Grokes your man on this one- he used to have one one to escape the evil cencorship of the Sultans.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

Cool.  I'll ask him.

In China before i'd stupidly buried my head in the sand (i.e. ran away from debt) and had no credit card.

If I go back, I'm going to make sure I've got the means to pay for stuff like that.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 27, 2009)

Now there's only one entry with no title we can safely call it 'untitled' in the poll without confusion I reckon. Although in case the author is nearby and wants to quickly edit in a title I'll wait a bit before starting the voting thread


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

I mean there are lots of stories with just 'Transformations' as their title.  I guess as long as we link to each one people won't get confused.

So yeah - go ahead and commence the poll


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 27, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I mean there are lots of stories with just 'Transformations' as their title.  I guess as long as we link to each one people won't get confused.
> 
> So yeah - go ahead and commence the poll



Most have titles in the text, there's only one left with no title at all.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

Shall I go and edit them all so that it's entry A, entry B, entry C and so on?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

OK, I've put the proper titles in place of transformation and given the bottom one a title


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 27, 2009)

OK - and I've changed the title colour so people can actually see it  at self


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 27, 2009)

Cast thy votes here


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 27, 2009)

If anyone votes for thier own, remember you are only cheating yourself


*digs up Firkys huge tome of alternate log-in details*


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 31, 2009)

Congrats to Belushi.

What deadline shall we set for the new topic?


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 31, 2009)

25th again? then a five day vote poll.

I think it's worked well enough for the first round


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 31, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> 25th again? then a five day vote poll.
> 
> I think it's worked well enough for the first round



Yep. The poll could have been done a bit better but rest assured it has been arranged for those responsible to be shot.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 31, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> 25th again? then a five day vote poll.
> 
> I think it's worked well enough for the first round



No, I mean what deadline shall we give belushi to set the new topic by?


----------



## Belushi (Jul 31, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> No, I mean what deadline shall we give belushi to set the new topic by?



Done, see the other thread.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jul 31, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> No, I mean what deadline shall we give belushi to set the new topic by?



Monday morning, or it's to the Gulag with him!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 31, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Done, see the other thread.



Cheers.  I like the topic too.


----------



## sojourner (Jul 31, 2009)

Aha, never looked in here

Just answered a question of mine anyhow


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jul 31, 2009)

Where the fuck is shiftybaglady


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 31, 2009)

I was wondering that myself 

Did she even enter? There are still some entries yet to be claimed IIRC...


----------



## Diamond (Aug 1, 2009)

There's an interesting collection of short stories in the granuiad mag today.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 1, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> I was wondering that myself
> 
> Did she even enter? There are still some entries yet to be claimed IIRC...



she did not. Made her apologies.

this month should see her entery to the glorious PWC


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 1, 2009)

Diamond said:


> There's an interesting collection of short stories in the granuiad mag today.


----------



## Diamond (Aug 1, 2009)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/series/summer-short-story-special


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 1, 2009)

For a sec I thought you meant the Grauniad had nicked our stories without our permission


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 1, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> For a sec I thought you meant the Grauniad had nicked our stories without our permission



If they had the Creative Commons would have meant paydays all fucking round. They reproduced for profit? I'm hearing the ringing bells of cash-registers


lol


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 2, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> If they had the Creative Commons would have meant paydays all fucking round. They reproduced for profit? I'm hearing the ringing bells of cash-registers
> 
> 
> lol


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Aug 2, 2009)

Because upsidedownwalrus seems to be getting impatient (and, only because of him), I've decided to pre-publish a small taster of a classic to come 




> Ketchup. Will there be enough ketchup? One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, 10, 11, 12. Including himself there would be 13 sitting for dinner this evening. But, would there be enough ketchup?



You're all begging for more already innit?


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 2, 2009)

I'm champing at the bit mate.


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Aug 2, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I'm champing at the bit mate.







> He knew he enjoyed a generous dollop, but a generous dollop was considered a bit crude in these new circles. Nevertheless, he squoze a generous dollop from the bottle onto a slice of Mothers Pride. A test measure.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 2, 2009)

You are entitled to post it on the blog, since I invited you.


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Aug 2, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> You are entitled to post it on the blog, since I invited you.



I have yet to re-read it 1 and a three quarters times.

I'll have to post it Wednesday becuase I start walking again and have no guarantee of web access and it's all on a Word.doc on ordenador numero 9 in locutorio Cyber Latino on Calle Burgos here in Santander and nowhere else other than my brains. My brains aren't so reliable.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 2, 2009)

squoze isn't a word stan

Actually if your work is littered with a made-up vocabulary I will be impressed. Writing in made-upese is as difficult as writing in accent.


----------



## mauvais (Aug 2, 2009)

What are we writing for the what now? I can't be bolloxed to read the thread but I want to write a fuckin story so tell me what words it should have in it and I might fuckin do something.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 2, 2009)

mauvais said:


> What are we writing for the what now? I can't be bolloxed to read the thread but I want to write a fuckin story so tell me what words it should have in it and I might fuckin do something.



This months theme is 'Half Light'.

3000 words or less, closing date for entries is the 25th of this month.


----------



## mauvais (Aug 2, 2009)

Ta!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 2, 2009)

mauvais said:


> What are we writing for the what now? I can't be bolloxed to read the thread but I want to write a fuckin story so tell me what words it should have in it and I might fuckin do something.



Half Light is the theme, max 3000 words, no minmum limit (this months' winnter had about 900 words), probably shorter things are favoured in fact...

he says, turning his into another mini cod epic, but fuck it...

are you a member of the blog?  If not, PM your email addy to me, dottie, spookyfrank, claire de la lune, belushi or bambi, they can invite you...


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Aug 3, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> squoze isn't a word stan
> 
> Actually if your work is littered with a made-up vocabulary I will be impressed. Writing in made-upese is as difficult as writing in accent.



It will be filled with made up words


----------



## scifisam (Aug 4, 2009)

I wrote one tonight. Yay!


----------



## scifisam (Aug 4, 2009)

I can't figure out how to email anyone on the blog, though.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 4, 2009)

scifisam said:


> I can't figure out how to email anyone on the blog, though.



What do you mean?

You have to PM one of us, on Urban, with your email address, and then we will send you an invite to the blog.


----------



## sojourner (Aug 4, 2009)

Eeep

I think I've finished it.  It's very short 

I have now created an elitist googlemail account, so can someone invite me the fuck in please?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 4, 2009)

sojourner said:


> Eeep
> 
> I think I've finished it.  It's very short
> 
> I have now created an elitist googlemail account, so can someone invite me the fuck in please?



If you PM It to me


----------



## sojourner (Aug 4, 2009)

sorted


----------



## sojourner (Aug 4, 2009)

edit

sorted


----------



## mauvais (Aug 4, 2009)

I've written about 500 words of shit, in which nothing happens. Now it needs an ending, and a typist.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 4, 2009)

mauvais said:


> I've written about 500 words of shit, in which nothing happens. Now it needs an ending, and a typist.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 4, 2009)

Blogspot is a really fucking un-userfriendly site though isn't it?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 4, 2009)

The new entry is rather metaphysical-looking.


----------



## Clair De Lune (Aug 4, 2009)

Not written a thing yet.
May duck out this month.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 4, 2009)

I reckon August will be an easier one to win as most people will be off being Augusty


----------



## Belushi (Aug 4, 2009)

Clair De Lune said:


> Not written a thing yet.
> May duck out this month.



I was going to but then I had an idea on the train home last night and ended up writing 600 words before i went to bed


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 4, 2009)

I was going to write two different stories and submit them as two different usernames but have combined the stories into something a bit like The Neverending Story.


----------



## Diamond (Aug 4, 2009)

Right, I think I've got my story idea sorted. Will start tonight.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 4, 2009)

Clair De Lune said:


> Not written a thing yet.
> May duck out this month.



early days mate.

I'm still mulling over how to play mine tone-wise although I think I have the content straight in me head.


----------



## Belushi (Aug 4, 2009)

Looks like we'll have more entries this month


----------



## scifisam (Aug 4, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> What do you mean?
> 
> You have to PM one of us, on Urban, with your email address, and then we will send you an invite to the blog.



Oh, OK. I thought you had to contact people via the blog. Tis all very confusing. PM sent.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 4, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Oh, OK. I thought you had to contact people via the blog. Tis all very confusing. PM sent.



Cheers, will invite you now


----------



## mauvais (Aug 4, 2009)

My story is done and it's shit hot tbf, even if it's not about anything and might be total bollo. I'm fucked if I'm tapping it out on my phone though so it'll have to wait a few days.


----------



## Balbi (Aug 4, 2009)

My latest vote repellent piece of work is under way.


----------



## Bakunin (Aug 4, 2009)

I have an idea and am researching it now.


----------



## Balbi (Aug 4, 2009)

1265 words later, and I feel close to being almost done.


----------



## Diamond (Aug 4, 2009)

*Minor query on stylistics*

I'm revising a piece of writing at the moment and recently I've taken to reading it out aloud so that I can hear more precisely how each word sounds.

I've never had problems with this part before but I've just been going over it now and reading it out loud this one line has more or less stumped me every time:



> Those times the stations had had a sheepish, mischievous air.



I can't work out if it's because it's genuinely a clumsy piece of writing or whether it's because the syllables in a few of the words edge it towards tongue twister territory.


----------



## Balbi (Aug 4, 2009)

sheepish and mischevious seem to clang a bit?


----------



## Diamond (Aug 5, 2009)

In terms of how they sound or their meaning?

This is the wider context of the paragraph:



> He had not been in many police stations. Only twice had he picked up friends from a night in the cells. Those times the stations had had a sheepish, mischievous air. Friends and family, mostly hung over, picking up those who had gone a bit too far the night before. The police officers had been forgiving in their attitude - schoolmasters reprieving pupils after their punishment.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 5, 2009)

Balbi said:


> My latest vote repellent piece of work is under way.



In the name of, at the very least, rampant political correctness or something, I'm voting for yours next month regardless.


----------



## Balbi (Aug 5, 2009)

I think it's because those times and then stations and sheepish, the alliterative effect just falls off a bit for me.


----------



## Diamond (Aug 5, 2009)

Balbi said:


> I think it's because those times and then stations and sheepish, the alliterative effect just falls off a bit for me.



Yeah, I think you're right.

I used to have a lisp on s/sh and saying that line out loud by the time I get to air I can't help saying "shair".


----------



## scifisam (Aug 5, 2009)

Diamond said:


> I'm revising a piece of writing at the moment and recently I've taken to reading it out aloud so that I can hear more precisely how each word sounds.
> 
> I've never had problems with this part before but I've just been going over it now and reading it out loud this one line has more or less stumped me every time:
> 
> ...



You need a comma after 'those times.' It's an adverbial conjunction. Better to rephrase, though: 'on those occasions,' 'when that happened,' or even just 'then.'

Course, I'm not sure I like the idea of the station having a mischevious, sheepish air. Apart from the fact that it's a bit of a tongue-twister, it gives me a mental image of a wooly police station with a grin.  If that air were caused by the decor or something then it would make sense, but the people there have that air, not the station. 'Atmosphere' might work.



upsidedownwalrus said:


> In the name of, at the very least, rampant political correctness or something, I'm voting for yours next month regardless.



Ahem! Anonymity?


----------



## mauvais (Aug 5, 2009)

Had had always looks wrong too. One will probably do.

Apparently I've written a touch over a thousand words and typed it out on my phone as a Blogger draft. However I can't put the finishing touches on it because Opera Mini will only let me write 5500 characters unless there are more there to start with, and I have 0 of those remaining. Cockkk. Can someone just write 'mavis is a twat' on the end of it a few times?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 5, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Ahem! Anonymity?



Ah, I thought we had agreed to drop it... I've already changed my name to my U75 username on last month's entry


----------



## scifisam (Aug 5, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Ah, I thought we had agreed to drop it... I've already changed my name to my U75 username on last month's entry



I like the anonymity. I still don't know who wrote most of the stories from last month, except the winner's and DotC's.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 5, 2009)

scifisam said:


> I like the anonymity. I still don't know who wrote most of the stories from last month, except the winner's and DotC's.



Yeah I dunno really.  I don' really mind.  We agreed one thing and then we siad we'd use our usual names, I guess if people want to, tehy can


----------



## SpookyFrank (Aug 6, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Yeah I dunno really.  I don' really mind.  We agreed one thing and then we siad we'd use our usual names, I guess if people want to, tehy can



The photo contest seems to tick over OK despite having people's 'real' names on the entries. I think I will stick with my pseudonym for future entries, mostly because I can't be doing with setting up multiple blogger accounts.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 6, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> The photo contest seems to tick over OK despite having people's 'real' names on the entries. I think I will stick with my pseudonym for future entries, mostly because I can't be doing with setting up multiple blogger accounts.



You can change your blogger posting name at any time, while not changing the log in name.  For some reason.


----------



## mauvais (Aug 6, 2009)

Posted.


----------



## scifisam (Aug 6, 2009)

I'm still trying to think of a blooming title even after finishing the story days ago. Two hours to whip a story out, several days to think of a title.


----------



## Diamond (Aug 7, 2009)

mauvais said:


> Posted.



Wow. That's pretty damn good.

*starts desperately rewriting*


----------



## mauvais (Aug 7, 2009)

Ha, cheers.

Err, currently it says:



> This blog has been locked due to possible Blogger Terms of Service violations. You may not publish new posts until your blog is reviewed and unlocked.
> 
> This blog will be deleted within 20 days unless you request a review.


What's that about? 

It seems to think it's spam, and I've requested an unlock.


----------



## sojourner (Aug 7, 2009)

^ weird 

I don't get that message


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

mauvais said:


> Ha, cheers.
> 
> Err, currently it says:
> 
> ...



WTF?


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

working fine this end?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

Me too.  Have no clue what the fuck that was about.


----------



## Bakunin (Aug 7, 2009)

mauvais said:


> Ha, cheers.
> 
> Err, currently it says:
> 
> ...



I got this message as well.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> I got this message as well.


----------



## Bakunin (Aug 7, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


>



I just checked and it's working fine now.

Weird.


----------



## sojourner (Aug 7, 2009)

Someone best get it sorted out before we lose the blog then, eh?

e2a - oh - but now bakunin is okay.  mauvais, tried it again?


----------



## mauvais (Aug 7, 2009)

The message was in the Dashboard, but it's gone now. Like I said, I requested it reviewed as non-spam.


----------



## Diamond (Aug 7, 2009)

I'm trying to post my effort just now but I keep on getting this message whenever I press the publish post button:

Your HTML cannot be accepted: Tag is not allowed: <meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8">

Anyone know why?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

Yeah I get that sometimes, you sometimes have to reopen it and try again


----------



## Diamond (Aug 7, 2009)

Well I've got it up put for some reason the formatting's all gone to shit.


----------



## Diamond (Aug 7, 2009)

Ah well. I've salvaged the structure as best I can. Should have probably written it on the blog's actual post thing rather than in word.


----------



## sojourner (Aug 7, 2009)

Diamond said:


> Ah well. I've salvaged the structure as best I can. Should have probably *written it on the blog's actual post thing *rather than in word.



That's what I had to do in the end

It kept giving me that stupid html message when i tried to cut and paste from word, and fucking up my formatting


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

Yeah, I think that happened to me.

You just have to faff a little.

Tis to be expected.

I really wish some of you had had to brave Using The Internet in China, christ, the 'problems' some of you come up with are like absolute nothing.

Imagine having to use a proxy for one site, and then when you try and use it again, it all gets translated into Chinese, and then you use the proxy again, but that won't let you log in, just look, and so on.



I seriously seriously hold that as a major major reason not to live or work in China, it's fucking pathetic and ridiculous what they do there.

Listening to you lot "oooh, the formatting's weird"

Try fucking being somewhere where you can't open ANY blog at all because of the govenrment.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

(tongue in cheek that was meant to be, sorry i'm a bit pissed)


----------



## sojourner (Aug 7, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> (tongue in cheek that was meant to be, sorry i'm a bit pissed)



perhaps you should submit that - as a rant on the half light theme


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)




----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

This month, though, I, just for dot commie's benefit, cos he was unable to work out how to reply to the sodding invite and sign up, I actually set up a new gmail addy especially for him, then invited him to the blog at that gmail addy, then activated the blogspot account, gave it a username etc, then submitted the story under the username I had created for him.  For some reason he was unable to work out how it worked.



Mind you I do think it's a shite website, considering its rep.


----------



## scifisam (Aug 7, 2009)

BTW, if the posts are no longer anonymous, I reckon the poll should be. Otherwise not only will people vote for their friends, but you'll know if your friends didn't vote for you.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

scifisam said:


> BTW, if the posts are no longer anonymous, I reckon the poll should be. Otherwise not only will people vote for their friends, but you'll know if your friends didn't vote for you.



Yeah, personally I'm against any poll being anonymous.

I would have made the original one open too


----------



## sojourner (Aug 7, 2009)

scifisam said:


> BTW, if the posts are no longer anonymous, I reckon the poll should be. Otherwise not only will people vote for their friends, but you'll know if your friends didn't vote for you.



definitely


----------



## Balbi (Aug 7, 2009)

This is getting complicated


----------



## scifisam (Aug 7, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Yeah, personally I'm against any poll being anonymous.
> 
> I would have made the original one open too



So we _will_ know which of our friends didn't vote for us?


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

I find it really hard to believe people would just vote for their friends tbh.

I don't care how warmly I think of you as a poster, If your story stinks you aint getting my vote.

Little bit classroomy and teacherly to assume we are all likely to vote out of matehood rather than merit Sam.  

Some of us divorce text from author and aint afraid to harsh critique regardless of matiness


----------



## mauvais (Aug 7, 2009)

The Urban photo comp has worked pretty well for years on merit alone. I've no issue with everything being open.

The only thing I can see being difficult is where one story is poorly written but conveys a much better yarn than its well written but unimaginative rival. I guess you vote for the latter but I don't know.


----------



## sojourner (Aug 7, 2009)

Personally, I was after a bit of anonymity because i don't wanna compete


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

sojourner said:


> Personally, I was after a bit of anonymity because i don't wanna compete



I really do not care either way, but I really don't see how namings would make any odds. I can spot most of you through writing styles anyway *massive ego twat here* and wouldn't make a distinction based on who wrote what.

I'm happy to go all anon if thts what people want. Or part anon. Or all named.

Let someone else decide!

UDW! you must sort this blood!


----------



## scifisam (Aug 7, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I find it really hard to believe people would just vote for their friends tbh.
> 
> I don't care how warmly I think of you as a poster, If your story stinks you aint getting my vote.
> 
> ...



Oh, I'm sure some people would just vote for the one they thought best, but others would be influenced by their friendship even if they tried not to be. Or they'd not want to vote for someone they _dis_liked. Or they'd promise to vote for someone next month. 



mauvais said:


> The Urban photo comp has worked pretty well for years on merit alone. I've no issue with everything being open.
> 
> The only thing I can see being difficult is where one story is poorly written but conveys a much better yarn than its well written but unimaginative rival. I guess you vote for the latter but I don't know.



The photo comp gives you the option to vote for several different photos, which makes it easier. 

It's fine - let the majority opinion prevail. It's probably just me who's paranoid about letting people see my writing - I was 25 before I even let _anyone_ see any fiction I'd written. At least this month I got a story out of the challenge; I'll see if I can find somewhere else to post it.


----------



## sojourner (Aug 7, 2009)

Well, I liked that the last one was anonymous

I was free to enjoy reading the stories, and think what I want, without being influenced in any way by me knowing who wrote it

I wouldn't be so low as to vote for my 'mates', but I might be more interested maybe, in something they'd written

There, honesty


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Oh, I'm sure some people would just vote for the one they thought best, but others would be influenced by their friendship even if they tried not to be. Or they'd not want to vote for someone they _dis_liked. Or they'd promise to vote for someone next month.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




ok, this is the Peoples contest and the people need to decide on this, no?

I table a motion that the anonymity issue be put to poll and henceforth from the results of said poll this becomes policy. Do I have a second on this motion?


----------



## sojourner (Aug 7, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> ok, this is the Peoples contest and the people need to decide on this, no?
> 
> I table a motion that the anonymity issue be put to poll and henceforth from the results of said poll this becomes policy. Do I have a second on this motion?



No

you need to do a proper poll

not just hide it in a thread

call yourself working fucking class?


----------



## mauvais (Aug 7, 2009)

If we make it anon, then what about the ones already posted? This is getting messy.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

sojourner said:


> No
> 
> you need to do a proper poll
> 
> ...



this aint my thread sister, I was talking a seperate poll set up by me to work out this thorny issue dammit! what say you all?


----------



## sojourner (Aug 7, 2009)

mauvais said:


> If we make it anon, then what about the ones already posted? This is getting messy.



log in, change the name?

actually, i can't be arsed


----------



## sojourner (Aug 7, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> what say you all?





sojourner said:


> log in, change the name?
> 
> actually, i can't be arsed



this


----------



## mauvais (Aug 7, 2009)

Well, I can do that, but then won't this just descend into 'well we know who wrote that one, blah blah blah'?


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

mauvais said:


> Well, I can do that, but then won't this just descend into 'well we know who wrote that one, blah blah blah'?



I'LL know who wrote what, I spotted all of the authors last run. You can hide behind anonymity but but you cannot escape the certain phrasings and tropes that give you away


bollocks to it, do what you will. I'll post anon if peeps want that. Poll motion is denied.


----------



## scifisam (Aug 7, 2009)

Um, we were talking about the voting poll being anonymous, not the posting of the stories. It's clear that posting the stories anonymously is too complicated.

Though changing your name might be a good idea if you can be arsed and it is easy.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I find it really hard to believe people would just vote for their friends tbh.
> 
> I don't care how warmly I think of you as a poster, If your story stinks you aint getting my vote.
> 
> ...



I agree.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Um, we were talking about the voting poll being anonymous, not the posting of the stories. It's clear that posting the stories anonymously is too complicated.
> 
> Though changing your name might be a good idea if you can be arsed and it is easy.



oh, right!

anonymous voting is deffo a good idea. Long may it continue. Up the PWC!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

Hang on - yeah what are we talking about?

Belushi posted his as belushi - my original entry is now up as Upsidedownwalrus

If other people want to change their names then fine - I reckon it's up to the submitter, totally

PLUS I've invited some non urbs to submit or join if they want (well my brother and one other mate who knows about urban but is too lazy to join)

Surely the point is that the VOTING poll should be public?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> oh, right!
> 
> anonymous voting is deffo a good idea. Long may it continue. Up the PWC!



Ah, no I think scifisam and I were saying that the voting should be public


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

scifisam said:


> BTW, if the posts are no longer anonymous, I reckon the poll should be. Otherwise not only will people vote for their friends, but you'll know if your friends didn't vote for you.



Wont' people be more likely to gratuitously vote for their friends if the poll is anonymous?


----------



## mauvais (Aug 7, 2009)

Oh, that's my fault, I didn't get exactly what we were on about.

I'm not changing my name on the story. I don't really give a fuck if voting's anon or not, though my preference is for public, because if anything it reduces cliques and also ensures the winner voted for someone else


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I really do not care either way, but I really don't see how namings would make any odds. I can spot most of you through writing styles anyway *massive ego twat here* and wouldn't make a distinction based on who wrote what.
> 
> I'm happy to go all anon if thts what people want. Or part anon. Or all named.
> 
> ...



Well, I would have made last month's poll publick anyway!  It was SF who started it without my knowledge or asking me about whether it should be publick!

I;m going to start this month's poll before SF does and make it publick!

As to usernames, you can make them whatever you sodding well want!

You can even change them after you post!  I posted mine as Blind_Corner and then changed it to Upsidedown_Walrus!  Now it's showing as Upsidedown_Walrus!  It really doesn't matter!

It's up to the writer!  What people think of a story I wrote in a couple of days really doesn't matter!

But I want a publick poll to make sure friends don't just vote for each other!


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

I am thoroughly confused now, and will simply submit my story. It is up to the other member of the glorious PWC to work out the format now.

I put in my input for the initial format. My role here is done and I retire to my Dacha for vodka and contemplation.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

mauvais said:


> Oh, that's my fault, I didn't get exactly what we were on about.
> 
> I'm not changing my name on the story. I don't really give a fuck if voting's anon or not, though my preference is for public, because if anything it reduces cliques and also ensures the winner voted for someone else



Yup.  People can post their story up under whatever cocking name they want.

Everyone has admin priveliges too meaning that theoretically people can invite themselves and make second posting names and post separate stories under those names too!  

I just want open polls, so I can see who voted for mine!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I am thoroughly confused now, and will simply submit my story. It is up to the other member of the glorious PWC to work out the format now.
> 
> I put in my input for the initial format. My role here is done and I retire to my Dacha for vodka and contemplation.





I'm drunk anyway.


----------



## mauvais (Aug 7, 2009)

I might do that and write another bollox story tbf  I quite enjoyed coming up with my current load of cock.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

scifisam said:


> So we _will_ know which of our friends didn't vote for us?



I don't give a cock.  Seriously.  There's only one I _might_ expect to, and I seriously wouldn't be offended if he/she didn't.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

mauvais said:


> I might do that and write another bollox story tbf  I quite enjoyed coming up with my current load of cock.




Mind you, if we get more than 12 entries, how do we do the poll for it?


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Mind you, if we get more than 12 entries, how do we do the poll for it?



Heats ennit.


----------



## scifisam (Aug 7, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Wont' people be more likely to gratuitously vote for their friends if the poll is anonymous?



Why? Nobody would be ashamed to be seen voting for a friend; unless the story were absolutely execrable, nobody would know whether the vote were due to friendship or merit.

Course, if I were more popular I probably wouldn't be bothered.


----------



## scifisam (Aug 7, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Mind you, if we get more than 12 entries, how do we do the poll for it?



Blimey, it's amazing how a simple idea can end up so complicated, isn't it?


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

More than 12 entries, then divide up into an equal two polls with the top 3 voted from both going into the final poll (which would be 6 stories obv.)

works, no?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Heats ennit.














			
				rimmer said:
			
		

> I think from now on, things get just a _little_ bit confusing


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Blimey, it's amazing how a simple idea can end up so complicated, isn't it?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> More than 12 entries, then divide up into an equal two polls with the top 3 voted from both going into the final poll (which would be 6 stories obv.)
> 
> works, no?



Yeah - should be fine.

Hopefully.


----------



## Diamond (Aug 7, 2009)

*So it's complication you want, eh?*

Right well here's my little bit of input.

As an embryonic enterprise the PWC should make the recruitment of new competitors of paramount importance.

To wit, we should take all reasonable measures to dismantle disincentives to entry.

Consequently, all polls should be private by default until we have a unanimous or near unanimous consensus to the contrary.

With regard to competitors recruiting spivs and lackeys to vote for them, I think we can rely on the thoroughly Corinthian spirit that guides all urban efforts to guard against such an eventuality.

Finally, there does appear to be the capacity to submit under an infinite number of different usernames.

Therefore those who would prefer to submit anonymously should be able to do so.

However, they would be well minded of DC's warning that an individual's style is recognisable and consequently, in the long run, the mask will always slip.

So the only remaining issue that I can foresee is this:

- What is the consensus on inviduals submitting multiple entries?

Firstly, is it to be allowed?

And secondly, must they then post any subsequent entries under their chosen username for that given month's competition?


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 7, 2009)

I should think one entry per month is sporting and and fair. Given the time for reading and voting decided. Let us not make this some unwieldy thing.

Aside from that, I have exhausted my patience with anonymity discussions. Do as you will. I shall simply put forward a piece.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 7, 2009)

I can always revoke the admin priveliges to ensure there are no multiple self-invited entries.

TBH I Doubt if anyone will be arsed doing that.  I have two accounts - renegadedog and upsidedownwalrus, but renegadedog doesn't post anything other than tittle tattle and whatever.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 8, 2009)

Just been on and, as yet, all the posters are accounted for, there are no 'self invited alternate' names which stick out.

There are, though, some 10 people who have been invited and not replied.



As for polls, I'm happy making it private.  I don't really care tbh


----------



## scifisam (Aug 8, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Just been on and, as yet, all the posters are accounted for, there are no 'self invited alternate' names which stick out.
> 
> There are, though, some 10 people who have been invited and not replied.
> 
> ...



Basically, I would prefer for it all to be completely anonymous, because then you know that everyone really is voting on merit. (I'd be surprised if even DotC can actually pick out everyone's writing style - fiction is sometimes different to messageboard posts). 

But anonymous posting is just too bloody difficult, so that's out the window. 

Anonymous voting is easy enough, so we should stick with that.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 8, 2009)

Anonymous posting isn't difficult.  Peeople can post their story under any username they like.  Only the blogspot mods  (i.e. us) will know who wrote it and even that isn't always clear either as some are real name emails and so on.

Hmm actually, perhaps I ought to revoke the mod thing as some people might not have said that everyone else is entitled to see their email addys.

It's a minefield!


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 8, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Basically, I would prefer for it all to be completely anonymous, because then you know that everyone really is voting on merit. *(I'd be surprised if even DotC can actually pick out everyone's writing style - fiction is sometimes different to messageboard posts*).
> 
> But anonymous posting is just too bloody difficult, so that's out the window.
> 
> Anonymous voting is easy enough, so we should stick with that.



I thought it would be difficult but I managed to pick em out one by one.

But I (arrogance alert) get a feel for styles. 


Poll should be anonymous, posting of stories should be identified or not depending on authors choice. IMO.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 8, 2009)

Right, only I am a mod (renegadedog) and USDW has the same peasant status as everyone else.

That's taught him.  I mean me.  I mean us.



Goes off to scold self.


----------



## scifisam (Aug 8, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I thought it would be difficult but I managed to pick em out one by one.
> 
> But I (arrogance alert) get a feel for styles.
> 
> ...



Did you confirm with the authors, though?


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 8, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Did you confirm with the authors, though?



oh yes. Save claire de lune and bakunin, but man you'd have to be blind to writing style to not spot those. Nowt wrong with a distinctive authorial voice mind. Oh and comrade UDW, but he sort of gave himself away.


----------



## mauvais (Aug 8, 2009)

I quite obviously write like me, but that's no bad thing, since we're both so amazing.


----------



## scifisam (Aug 8, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> oh yes. Save claire de lune and bakunin, but man you'd have to be blind to writing style to not spot those. Nowt wrong with a distinctive authorial voice mind. Oh and comrade UDW, but he sort of gave himself away.



See, apart from yourself, UDW, and Belushi after the fact, I didn't actually know who was contributing at all.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Aug 10, 2009)

My entry for this contest is pretty much the exact opposite of my last entry but I reckon it's still quite obviously my writing.

Or it is to me anyway, on account of how I remember writing it


----------



## Belushi (Aug 10, 2009)

I'm trying to make my entry a little longer this time.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 10, 2009)

I keep starting mine and then realising I'm doing UK true blood.

Might have to abandon the vampyr theme


----------



## 5t3IIa (Aug 10, 2009)

WHy not send them to someone who is happy to help but not nceccessarily contribute and he or she can upload them to your blog?


----------



## Diamond (Aug 10, 2009)

The latest story's top notch. Worth a read if you haven't done so.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 11, 2009)

Can't open the blog here in the isle of bloody wight as the sodding council has deemed it inappropriate material (library computers)


----------



## SpookyFrank (Aug 15, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Can't open the blog here in the isle of bloody wight as the sodding council has deemed it inappropriate material (library computers)



My local library won't even let me on urban 

In other news, the competition is looking good so far but I'm bumping this thread anyway so it doesn't slip people's minds to finish their entries 

Only ten days left...


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 15, 2009)

Yeah I've been a bit slack with this month's one.


----------



## Clair De Lune (Aug 15, 2009)

I read what is up there so far last night, cracking stuff people 
I still haven't written anything and now feel intimidated by the other entries


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 15, 2009)

My extended pissup down south venture for various interviews and other such important stuff has left me a bit behind.  On 950 words.  I know what I've got to write, mind you


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Aug 17, 2009)

If I post my story on the blog, can I go back and edit/add to it? I'm about to hit the road and life is going to be hectic for a couple of weeks. I'd prefer to 'store' an unfinished version on the blog and add to it 'on the fly' so to speak. Can I do that? Please.

e2a; Fuck it. I'll 'store' it in stages here 

Chapter One.



> Ketchup. Will there be enough ketchup? One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, 10, 11, 12. Including himself there would be 13 sitting for dinner this evening. But, would there be enough ketchup?
> 
> He knew he enjoyed a generous dollop, but a generous dollop was considered a bit crude in these new circles. Nevertheless, he squoze a generous dollop from the bottle onto a slice of Mothers Pride. A test measure. Five servings at best. He needed more.
> 
> ...


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 19, 2009)

You have to register and post it properly


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 20, 2009)

You're welcome to store it unfinished, whichever version you store will be the voted-on one


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 20, 2009)

How are people coming along?  Only four posted so far, mine should be ready by the 25th,only getting a bit of time each day to do it, I'm a tad concerned people have forgotten...


----------



## Belushi (Aug 20, 2009)

I should have mine up on Monday, real busy at the moment so have had less time to devote to it than I would have liked.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 20, 2009)

My aim this month is to be as minimally wordy as possible.


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Aug 20, 2009)

Mine's been finished in my head for a while, but I'm a lazy fuck. Probably convert it all to keyboard Sunday evening. It's not very good 



> Bill and Sue Roman lived at number XXVII. They hadn't been invited.
> 
> The deep fat fryer was being held steady at the perfect temperature. He wasn't sure what that equated to in numbers. All he knew was that if the raw chip floated and fizzled it was the perfect temperature. The circular table was set.
> 
> ...



Saving in bits. Sorry if it's against rules, or anything. Mad weekend ahead of me. Not sure when I can finish it.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 20, 2009)

It doesn't count if you just post it on the thread.  I've told you a hundred times to simply PM me your email address and I'll invite you and then you can post it on the blog.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 20, 2009)

SHIT!

this is in four days!

*does deadline-dread punching in face*


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 20, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> SHIT!
> 
> this is in four days!
> 
> *does deadline-dread punching in face*


----------



## SpookyFrank (Aug 21, 2009)

Two new entries up. Quality still worryingly high


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Aug 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> It doesn't count if you just post it on the thread.  I've told you a hundred times to simply PM me your email address and I'll invite you and then you can post it on the blog.



I've got the invite. It's going to have to be a very short non-story story.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 21, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Two new entries up. Quality still worryingly high



mcan't read till finished own.

tendency to ape styles must be defeated


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Aug 21, 2009)

No way am I going to find anytime before dealine to edit and stuff. At least I gave it a go


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 21, 2009)

I see you've posted it now


----------



## sojourner (Aug 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I see you've posted it now



well its either missing a bit, or a bit of a postmodern ending


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 21, 2009)




----------



## madzone (Aug 21, 2009)

I'd offer to post one but my commas are apparently quite shocking


----------



## sojourner (Aug 21, 2009)

madzone said:


> I'd offer to post one but my commas are apparently quite shocking



fuck the punctuation

post a story


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 21, 2009)

Deffo madz - if you want an invite, just bung me your email addy by PM and I'll invite you


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 21, 2009)

madzone said:


> I'd offer to post one but my commas are apparently quite shocking



yes they are. I'm too lazy to correct them though

post anyway! content is better than grammatical exactitude !


----------



## Belushi (Aug 21, 2009)

Mine is shaping up nicely


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 21, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Mine is shaping up nicely



cunt off


----------



## scifisam (Aug 21, 2009)

Wow, the coding on that blog is really shite, isn't it? 

(Not a criticism of you, UDW, but the blog).


----------



## Belushi (Aug 21, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> cunt off



You come at the King...


----------



## sojourner (Aug 21, 2009)

i'm not liking the competition aspect


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 22, 2009)

woah! I just splurged off 800 wrds and can see room for a few more!


I'm gonna try to wrap it at 1500 this time and then get my reading gums into what other people have done in order that I may make sage judgement.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 22, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Wow, the coding on that blog is really shite, isn't it?
> 
> (Not a criticism of you, UDW, but the blog).



Yes.  It's actually astounding that Blogspot is the most prominent blogging site.


----------



## scifisam (Aug 24, 2009)

Bump to remind people to post their stories up before the deadline, if there are any left to post.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 24, 2009)

scifisam said:


> Bump to remind people to post their stories up before the deadline, if there are any left to post.



12 pm tommorow?  midnight?

I have summat. Needs a little editing which I had considered leaving til tommorrow cos of getting a pasting and it being well late.

I the deadline should be midnight of the 25th though. Did we agree that already?


----------



## Diamond (Aug 24, 2009)

Finish him!!! (meaning the short story)


----------



## scifisam (Aug 24, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> 12 pm tommorow?  midnight?
> 
> I have summat. Needs a little editing which I had considered leaving til tommorrow cos of getting a pasting and it being well late.
> 
> I the deadline should be midnight of the 25th though. Did we agree that already?



I really can't remember exactly what was agreed, except that it was soon and it'd be a shame if anyone missed posting just because they lost track of time.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 24, 2009)

agreed. I'm taking 12 midnight of tomorrow as deadline. I like what I have but there are some structural faults iyswim.


----------



## Bakunin (Aug 24, 2009)

scifisam said:


> I really can't remember exactly what was agreed, except that it was soon and it'd be a shame if anyone missed posting just because they lost track of time.



It was midnight on the 25th of each month, as I recall.

I won't be able to submit anything this month as other writing commitments beckon, but I should be back next motnh.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 24, 2009)

Bakunin said:


> It was midnight on the 25th of each month, as I recall.
> 
> I won't be able to submit anything this month as *other writing commitments beckon*, but I should be back next motnh.



Splitter!


----------



## Belushi (Aug 24, 2009)

Mine will go up tomorrow night, it needs a good edit


----------



## SpookyFrank (Aug 24, 2009)

Any volunteers to post a poll at midnight tomorow then?


----------



## scifisam (Aug 24, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Any volunteers to post a poll at midnight tomorow then?



I can do it - it's not like I'll be asleep.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 24, 2009)

I'll post the poll.  Although I may be tempted to make it publick.


----------



## scifisam (Aug 24, 2009)

DotC, Belushi, post!


----------



## Belushi (Aug 25, 2009)

Isnt it midnight tomorrow?


----------



## scifisam (Aug 25, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Isnt it midnight tomorrow?



Midnight on the 25th, ie now.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 25, 2009)

scifisam said:


> DotC, Belushi, post!



midnight of the 25th, so I was believing?


----------



## Belushi (Aug 25, 2009)

Okay okay! hang on a mo'!


----------



## scifisam (Aug 25, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> midnight of the 25th, so I was believing?



Yeah. 

Although it's not like it's going to be timed to the minute.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)

Yeah, midnight tomorrow.


----------



## Belushi (Aug 25, 2009)

Now it wont let me sign in!


----------



## scifisam (Aug 25, 2009)

Bloody Hell the rules of this contest are incredibly complicated. Never mind - gives people longer to edit. 

Shame we can't start a thread about the August contest a bit sooner so that people can start reading, but we wouldn't be able to add a poll. I mean, there aren't going to be hundreds of readers anyway, but it'd be nice to get a couple more.


----------



## Belushi (Aug 25, 2009)

I'm confused now - do I have to out it up now or do I have until midnight tomorrow?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)

Midnight tomorow as I said above.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)

Twenty four hours (minus thirteen minutes) from the present time


----------



## Belushi (Aug 25, 2009)

Okay thanks.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)

One minute after 11:59 pm on Tuesday 25th August.


----------



## Belushi (Aug 25, 2009)

Okay okay!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)




----------



## sojourner (Aug 25, 2009)

How long does the competition run for then?


----------



## Belushi (Aug 25, 2009)

Voting lasts a week I think.


----------



## sojourner (Aug 25, 2009)

I should be back in time for results then, ta


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)

We will have 10 entries this week rather than the 8 we had last time, by the time Dottie sorts his act out and Belushi posts his (I actually created a gmail account, and a blog account, for dottie, last month, because he was unable to work out how to post, but I've lost the email details as I emailed them to him from the account I set up, and I'm buggered if I'm doing all that again  he can set up his own damned new gmail account and blogger account  ), we could even have 11 if Bambi hasn't been too wounded by last month to write one this month...


----------



## scifisam (Aug 25, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Voting lasts a week I think.



Really? I thought it lasted till midnight of the 31st.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)

OK, 5 days then


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 25, 2009)

Right!

Short piece from me, I had to scrap loads of stuff that was ripping off an author and a tv program!

posting in a min..


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)

My entry last month was about 5000 and I had to reduce it.  This time it's about 2500 straight off.  So if nothing else I've made it more concise.  Which was my main aim


----------



## Balbi (Aug 25, 2009)

I've got something, but I can't bloody get it to do what I want. The idea behind it's good, but my expression within the constraints of the idea fucking suck


----------



## Balbi (Aug 25, 2009)

Well that and when I try and post it in blogger, blogger tells me it's html is not allowed.

I mean for fucks sake, we might as well resort to fucking messenger pigeons


----------



## Balbi (Aug 25, 2009)

Three angry posts in a motherfucking row


----------



## scifisam (Aug 25, 2009)

Balbi said:


> Well that and when I try and post it in blogger, blogger tells me it's html is not allowed.
> 
> I mean for fucks sake, we might as well resort to fucking messenger pigeons



It doesn't like Word.  What I ended up doing was c&ping it into a new mail on gmail, then clicking 'plain text' on gmail, which gets rid of all the html. Then copy that into blogger and add the paragraph breaks and other formatting using blogger's own buttons.


----------



## Balbi (Aug 25, 2009)

Mmmm. Dealt with. Not happy with the product, but posted regardless.


----------



## sojourner (Aug 25, 2009)

scifisam said:


> It doesn't like Word.  What I ended up doing was c&ping it into a new mail on gmail, then clicking 'plain text' on gmail, which gets rid of all the html. Then copy that into blogger and add the paragraph breaks and other formatting using blogger's own buttons.



It really doesn't like Word - I pissed about for ages trying to c+p - was easier to just type the motherfucker out into the blog itself in the end


----------



## Belushi (Aug 25, 2009)

Wow! some outstanding stories on this months thread! will put my effort up before midnight.


----------



## scifisam (Aug 25, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Wow! some outstanding stories on this months thread! will put my effort up before midnight.



Yeah, it's a good read.  I also like that some of them actually seem to be related to the challenge.


----------



## Belushi (Aug 25, 2009)

My offering is up now, another short 'un.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)

Will be whacking the poll up in 24 minutes time.  Anything submitted thereafter will be null and void.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)

Right, there are two entries called Half Light.  If either of the people whose stories are called that want to go in and give them a new title before midnight, please do so, otherwise I will retitle them Half Light One and Half Light Two.


----------



## Diamond (Aug 25, 2009)

Is the poll going to be public?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 25, 2009)

No, as the general consensus was that people didn't want a publick poll


----------



## Belushi (Aug 26, 2009)

Go Half Light One and Two


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 26, 2009)

Done 

Poll will be done forthwith


----------



## Belushi (Aug 26, 2009)

Cool!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 26, 2009)

I did it and then, like a fucktard, made it publick.  I've PMed Editor to ask him to change it to non publick


----------



## Diamond (Aug 26, 2009)

With the old one locked should we not get on putting up a new one sharpish.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 26, 2009)

Belushi's just waiting for Scifisam to get back to him and repost her entry and then he's going to set up a new one tonight


----------



## Belushi (Aug 26, 2009)

I'm really fucking sorry but Im not bale to do the poll unless someone can explain to me how to post links properly


----------



## mauvais (Aug 26, 2009)

Just quote the last one then copy & paste that without the quote tags.


----------



## Belushi (Aug 26, 2009)

Sorry, quote what?


----------



## mauvais (Aug 26, 2009)

The thread from this morning.


----------



## Belushi (Aug 26, 2009)

That was closed by the editor.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 26, 2009)

Belushi said:


> That was closed by the editor.



you can still c+P from it though


----------



## mauvais (Aug 26, 2009)

Night Shift

Homo Vampiris

Of Basements and Military Installations

Ketchup

Half Light Two

The Way Out Of The Woods

The Shining Path

Half A Pound Of Tupenny Light

Half Light (Or Authenticity Trashed)


----------



## Belushi (Aug 26, 2009)

Yeah, but the links are dead.


----------



## Belushi (Aug 26, 2009)

How did you do that Mauvais?


----------



## mauvais (Aug 26, 2009)

From the printable version.


----------



## 5t3IIa (Aug 26, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Yeah, but the links are dead.



Are not.

How do I vote?


----------



## Balbi (Aug 26, 2009)

mauvais is a wizard


----------



## Belushi (Aug 26, 2009)

Im really sorry but can you talk me thorugh it?

I entered this contest to boost my confidenvce not have me bursting itno tears all day


----------



## mauvais (Aug 26, 2009)

I'm afraid that voting cannot commence until all authors, voters and contest organisers are dead.


----------



## Belushi (Aug 26, 2009)

5t3IIa said:


> Are not.
> 
> How do I vote?



When I try and do it they are


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 26, 2009)

Check your PMs.  I've Pmed you how to do it


----------



## 5t3IIa (Aug 26, 2009)

Belushi said:


> When I try and do it they are



See they are listed together in a looooong page on the blog? Click the title to each one and they come up on a page of their own and can be linked to.

No voting now?


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 26, 2009)

5t3IIa said:


> See they are listed together in a looooong page on the blog? Click the title to each one and they come up on a page of their own and can be linked to.
> 
> No voting now?



anon poll is on the cards, belushi is on the task


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 26, 2009)

I'm quite frankly staggered that anyone can have been on here as long as that and not learned how to do those linkys


----------



## 5t3IIa (Aug 26, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> anon poll is on the cards, belushi is on the task



Dry your eyes Belushi!


----------



## mauvais (Aug 26, 2009)

See. This is what happens when you jab your spanner into the cogs of democracy. Interim governments and all that bollox.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 26, 2009)




----------



## 5t3IIa (Aug 26, 2009)

I really enjoyed the story I read on the way home. I am going to put my red pen through it later and post it to the person who wrote it


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Aug 26, 2009)

How will you post it to the person who wrote it without knowing which poster it was?


----------



## Diamond (Aug 26, 2009)

Enough of this nonsense. I'm doing the poll.


----------



## Belushi (Aug 26, 2009)

Poll is up

But I've just realised I posted it in General


----------



## Diamond (Aug 26, 2009)

Ah. Good that I saw that in time otherwise we could have had a duplication.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 2, 2009)

So, next month's contest title is 'Counting Chickens'.


----------



## Belushi (Sep 2, 2009)

I'm meant to be focusing on College work this month, but then this idea came to me on the train home tonight...


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 3, 2009)

SBL hasn't written one god damned thing yet!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 4, 2009)

Right, got a story encompassing the literal and figurative meanings of Counting Chickens


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 4, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Right, got a story encompassing the literal and figurative meanings of Counting Chickens



That was quick


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 4, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> That was quick



Idea.  Written about 30 words


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 5, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Idea.  Written about 30 words



Written the whole thing 

That said, it's 2am so what I've written is probably irredeemable dreck and even if it isn't I couldn't possibly enter it because it's all completely true and if anyone ever read it I'd probably die. 

A pity really, I thought it fit with the theme pretty well


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 5, 2009)

I've dug both your entries, dude


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 5, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I've dug both your entries, dude



Why thank you. I'll come up with a proper entry at some point, ideally during daylight hours and when sober


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 5, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Written the whole thing
> 
> That said, it's 2am so what I've written is probably irredeemable dreck and even if it isn't I couldn't possibly enter it because it's all completely true and if anyone ever read it I'd probably die.
> 
> A pity really, I thought it fit with the theme pretty well



I'm well tempted to just write something really saucy this month and see if that wins it the popular vote


----------



## Balbi (Sep 5, 2009)

I added lesbians and equalled win, so go for it


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 5, 2009)




----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 5, 2009)




----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 5, 2009)

It has to be straight-ahead sauce though doesn't it.  Otherwise people regard it as kind of weird


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 5, 2009)

I'm going to shoehorn Nazi's into this months piece. If poss.


----------



## Balbi (Sep 5, 2009)

Get your throbbing members and heaving busoms out for the laaaaaaaaaaaaads, etc


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 5, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I'm going to shoehorn Nazi's into this months piece. If poss.



Ninjas too.  They played a big part in Nolan resurrecting Batman so successfully


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 5, 2009)

I just recalled that himmelr was a chicken farmer.

Fucking nailed it


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 5, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I just recalled that himmelr was a chicken farmer.
> 
> Fucking nailed it





Actually, the story I have started has nazi-echoing themes...


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 5, 2009)

Although it will be hard to work sauce into that particular one.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 5, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Although it will be hard to work sauce into that particular one.



Chickens? Barbecue sauce surely?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 5, 2009)

Since I only got one vote last month that is, in a sense, liberating, as I feel compelled to write some total and utter cheese


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 12, 2009)

bump


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 14, 2009)

How are people's entries coming along?


----------



## Belushi (Sep 14, 2009)

I dont know if I'm going to be able to enter this month as I really need to focus on revision - saying that I have got about 500 words of an idea down so I may have soething by then!


----------



## sojourner (Sep 14, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Since I only got one vote last month that is, in a sense, liberating, as I feel compelled to write some total and utter cheese



Got one more than me   Fuck it, I can't help it if the readers didn't get all my sneaky references, facts, and ideas  

Guess I'll give this month's a go - have managed to put ooo 10 words down so far


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 14, 2009)

I've done 1000 words so far.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Sep 14, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> SBL hasn't written one god damned thing yet!



Give me a break! 
I will write something. Is this month's theme porn?


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Sep 14, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> How are people's entries coming along?



fnar fnar if it is porno month...


----------



## Belushi (Sep 14, 2009)

I've still got no idea who most of the other contributors are lol!


----------



## Belushi (Sep 14, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> Give me a break!
> I will write something. Is this month's theme porn?



The theme is Counting Chickens - is that filthy enough for you?


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Sep 14, 2009)

Nope. Not interested anymore


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 14, 2009)

You can write porn if you want.  Half the entries tend to only have tenuous links to the topic anyway


----------



## Diamond (Sep 14, 2009)

I reckon it's going to have to be a short one for me this month. Got quite a lot of stuff on.


----------



## Diamond (Sep 22, 2009)

When's the deadline for this month's entries?

We seem to be suffering from an early autumnal lag.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 22, 2009)

25th, same as every month


----------



## Belushi (Sep 25, 2009)

So has anyone written anything for this months contest?


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 25, 2009)

Have I shit as like.


Count me out for this month 

got distracted by linguistics books and a wo-man


----------



## Belushi (Sep 25, 2009)

Yeah, I've been really busy with revision etc so have only got mine half finished, it aint good enough to enter yet


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 25, 2009)

Oops 

I wrote two entries actually. But I binned them both. Too wanky.


----------



## Belushi (Sep 25, 2009)

If no one else enters I'm gunna post up the first draft of the story I was gunna write and declare myself victor


----------



## Diamond (Sep 25, 2009)

Sorry, been a bit busy last couple of weeks and didn't find the time. Am definitely on it for next month tho.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 25, 2009)

Belushi said:


> If no one else enters I'm gunna post up the first draft of the story I was gunna write and declare myself victor



Stalin featured largely in your childhood IIRC


----------



## Belushi (Sep 25, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Stalin featured largely in your childhood IIRC



One day Im going to write about - I've already thought of great chapters on how my old man ended up neckshotting most of my pets and one on how he systematically had us informing on each other.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Sep 25, 2009)

That's all I can say.
I will do it next month. Honest.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 25, 2009)

this month looks to be a damp squib then. Well, this is a busy time of year. I'll read n vote on anyone who found the time and inspiration anyway 


just checked- unless someone posts before 12 pm we have a grand total of zero for this months comp. Bad show. Does the theme roll on or do we have the last winnar pick a new one, since this one produced such an underwhelming response?

What say the PWC?


----------



## Belushi (Sep 25, 2009)

I'm doing a quick second draft of my effort. It's shit and needs a lot fo work but it will go up later on and if nothing else is posted against it Im going to put it up in a poll against the label off a tub of lard.


----------



## Belushi (Sep 25, 2009)

Okay, I've got one up.

I'm nowhere near happy with it, needs a lot of work which I havent had time for but hopefully you'll be able to get an idea of what Im trying to do and give me some feedback.


----------



## Belushi (Sep 25, 2009)

Cmon


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 25, 2009)

It's a two horse race as we gallop towards the final furlong. Can anyone make a late showing of speed to shame these fine fetlocked stallions..... I think not.


----------



## Belushi (Sep 25, 2009)

I'm hoping maybe for a surprise overseas entry - theres still a couple of hours to go.


----------



## Belushi (Sep 30, 2009)

Okay, theme for the October competition is The Moon Falls.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 30, 2009)

oh you fucking awesome individual. The almost-soliloquy from Dune Messiah. Phobos, Demeter, Isis.
Win


----------



## Belushi (Sep 30, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> oh you fucking awesome individual. The almost-soliloquy from Dune Messiah. Phobos, Demeter, Isis.
> Win



LOL, thought you'd like it 

Hmm, now I've got think of a bloody story that fits.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 1, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Okay, theme for the October competition is The Moon Falls.



Well I suppose that gives me an opportunity to try my hand at some low-budget sci fi nonsense, although I can't help but think that some _slightly_ less espteric topics might pull in a few more punters...


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 1, 2009)

the moon falls is hardly confined to sci fi, unless you have a stunted imagination. It can refer to a lot more when used as metaphor. You don't need the actual moon crashing down into an actual world. It could refer to all sorts of things, a woman leaving, an empire falling, a death of a loved one or the crash and burn of some career. Plenty of scope


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 2, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> the moon falls is hardly confined to sci fi, unless you have a stunted imagination. It can refer to a lot more when used as metaphor. You don't need the actual moon crashing down into an actual world. It could refer to all sorts of things, a woman leaving, an empire falling, a death of a loved one or the crash and burn of some career. Plenty of scope



Now you tell me. 

Oh well, my entry is in already. One sitting, no edits, like it or lump it


----------



## Belushi (Oct 2, 2009)

Nice one Frank! 

No one really takes anu notice of the theme


----------



## Belushi (Oct 2, 2009)

LOL, just read it, very enjoyable - reminds me of the short stories i used to read in ancient copies of Amazing when I was a kid


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 2, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Now you tell me.
> 
> Oh well, my entry is in already. One sitting, no edits, like it or lump it



woah. That's just not nice at all. 

A strong start this month. Vive la PWC!


----------



## Diamond (Oct 2, 2009)

Just read last month's entries. Sterling work from the two stalwarts.

Will start searching for ideas soon.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 2, 2009)

Spooks has just made me inspired enough to bang out 1500 words.

See what survives the morning edit


----------



## Belushi (Oct 2, 2009)

Nice one, its already shaping up to be a healthier response than Septembers competition!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 2, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> the moon falls is hardly confined to sci fi, unless you have a stunted imagination. It can refer to a lot more when used as metaphor. You don't need the actual moon crashing down into an actual world. It could refer to all sorts of things, a woman leaving, an empire falling, a death of a loved one or the crash and burn of some career. Plenty of scope



You see, I came up with such a good concept for Counting chickens precisely cos I thought wacky.

I think I'm going to take the moon falls in a very different direction and make it very social realist or something.


----------



## mauvais (Oct 2, 2009)

The fucking MOON? I don't write stories about the MOON!


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 2, 2009)

what about War on the Moon?


----------



## mauvais (Oct 2, 2009)

I won't FUCKIN' DO IT alright!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 2, 2009)

I might make it a farcical story about a pub football team in their attempt to beat rival pub The moon in a sunday morning game


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 2, 2009)

mauvais said:


> The fucking MOON? I don't write stories about the MOON!



Jolly good. Off you fuck then. And take your stupid chicken themes with you this time


----------



## mauvais (Oct 2, 2009)

Get fucked!

I've written a fucking story about the Moon.

http://thepeopleswritingcontest.blogspot.com/2009/10/end-of-era.html


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 4, 2009)

My word but it's a cheerful crop of entries so far


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 4, 2009)

yeah, I saw  

I'm writing a throwaway comical story about a pub football team though


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Oct 4, 2009)

I've written something utterly stupid, but weirdly it does seem to have a story arc...

I'm now trying to chip away at the first half, which is a bit insane, and make it flow better, as well as chipping away at the second half, which flows well, and make it more insane

what's the officially recognised procedure for submission by the way? can I submit a nonny mousely?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 4, 2009)

No, you need to PM Me your email address, I'll invite you (preferably use a gmail addy) and then you create an account and post it


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Oct 4, 2009)

cheers upsidedownwalrus. I'll edit the story a bit and then do this in the next few days.


----------



## Belushi (Oct 4, 2009)

Great to see some very good stories already up and new writers joining us!


----------



## Diamond (Oct 6, 2009)

I've just read the stories that are up for the October round. Excellent stuff all round.

I reckon the bar's been set unprecedentedly high already.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 6, 2009)

At this rate we're gonna need a whole tournament of polls to pick a winner 

e2a: well maybe not as there's only four entries but presumably most people will enter later in the month when they've had more time to ponder. I decided to eschew pondering this month and write down the first load of bollocks that popped into my head


----------



## Belushi (Oct 6, 2009)

I'm glad to see its picking up again!

Last exam tomorrow morning and then I can get down to writing this months dark insight into my damaged mind.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 6, 2009)

Yeah I just wrote something mega-trivial but hopefully it will be enough of a contrast to the others so far 

I have to say, mauvais has quite a wonderful way of phrasing some things.  The last line about the computer drawing spirals, beautiful.


----------



## Diamond (Oct 6, 2009)

Wot he said ^^^.


----------



## mauvais (Oct 6, 2009)

Heh, I had fun with that. I wonder if it stands up on its own if you don't know what the theme is.


----------



## Balbi (Oct 6, 2009)

I'm out for the foreseeable, can't seem to get into any sort of mood for it  Best of luck all.


----------



## Belushi (Oct 6, 2009)

Hope your back in the mood soon mate!

Finished exams today so now to start writing. I actually have two ideas cant decide which to opt for.


----------



## Clair De Lune (Oct 7, 2009)

I cannot sleep.
So I am making a slow start on a story.


----------



## frogwoman (Oct 7, 2009)

I'm going to start a story today.


----------



## frogwoman (Oct 7, 2009)

I've finished it, might take it down and make a few changes though. It's up though if anyone wants to have a read, very short!


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Oct 7, 2009)

I like that, froggie 

I'm just going in for the second draft. I don't like what I've written so far- it's a mess. a mix of *Edit. Don't want to give too much of the story away*

interestingly, everything I wrote was inspired by what dotcommunist said in post 547. 

couple of quick questions- can you use italics and bold and stuff on that site, to diferentiate different bits of text? and also, what's the etiquette on commenting- do you leave comments after the story, or post them in this thread?

cheers!


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 7, 2009)

wow, loads of entrants this month! excellent


----------



## May Kasahara (Oct 7, 2009)

Haven't had time to read whole thread but just wanted to say I'd like to get in on it all...at some point.

Will try and read whole thread at some point soon!


----------



## Belushi (Oct 7, 2009)

May Kasahara said:


> Haven't had time to read whole thread but just wanted to say I'd like to get in on it all...at some point.



Just pm upsidedownwalrus for details on how to post your story up and then you're in!

Great response this month already, loving all the stories put up so far, a real variety!


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 7, 2009)

Right I've PM'd Walrus to post mine (I'm fucking useless at blog accounts etc)

vive la PWC


----------



## Diamond (Oct 7, 2009)

Wow.

This is turning out to be a real early flood of stories. 

We have still got another eighteen days to go, right?


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 7, 2009)

aye, till the 25th.

I didn't want to get bogged down in a long plot so did a bit of off the wrist stuff (lol) and one edit.


----------



## Diamond (Oct 13, 2009)

I got started on my first draft today.

Like all short stories I attempt it seems to start strong and then diverge off into a number of different plots of varying degrees of meh.

Still, there's plenty of time.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

Can I add here that dotcommunist is singularly the most useless person at net/computer-related stuff I've ever encountered.

I've had to create two gmail accounts and two blogspot accounts for him so far and post his stories for him


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

Some people 
*slopes off*


----------



## Belushi (Oct 13, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Can I add here that dotcommunist is singularly the most useless person at net/computer-related stuff I've ever encountered.
> 
> I've had to create two gmail accounts and two blogspot accounts for him so far and post his stories for him



LOL, he had to ask *me* to post his story last time and you know what a mess I get in


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

I had thought you wrote two last time...


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

poetry is allowed isn't it?


----------



## Belushi (Oct 13, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> poetry is allowed isn't it?



Why dont you start an Urban Poetry contest you then wont ever enter?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

Sod it, why not...

I've asked for this to be stickified

I get the general impression that a hell of a lot of people aren't being drawn enough attention to this contest.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

I'm not sure about poetry cos I'm shit at it.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Can I add here that dotcommunist is singularly the most useless person at net/computer-related stuff I've ever encountered.
> 
> I've had to create two gmail accounts and two blogspot accounts for him so far and post his stories for him





Belushi said:


> LOL, he had to ask *me* to post his story last time and you know what a mess I get in



Stop bullying me, you internet Jedi's.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> poetry is allowed isn't it?



Nobody's tried any yet. Pretty sure it's just 'writing' in general we're after though.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> poetry is allowed isn't it?



Seperate contest imo.

Poetry just is not the same.

We could run a parralel contest and share themes though, that would be sweet


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Stop bullying me, you internet Jedi's.



Christ DC it's not rocket science. Even some of the girls have figured it out.


----------



## Belushi (Oct 13, 2009)

I've got no objections to poems being entered, as long as its vaguely related to the theme.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I'm not sure about poetry cos I'm shit at it.



SO?
You don't have to be good at everything you know 

Seriously, I think poetry should be included. It's a forgotten art and is underappreciated and I will sulk if you ban it


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

see, a poem is not a piece of prose fiction. They vary in the funamental fact that poems are supposed to contain a read-out-ability, a rhythm like rap as well as telling a story. I'll bow to the majority on this but I think poetry is a seperate art and should be dealt with as such.


----------



## Belushi (Oct 13, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> I will sulk if you ban it



You're gonna make us argue about this and then never actually enter a poem arent you?


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> see, a poem is not a piece of prose fiction. They vary in the funamental fact that poems are supposed to contain a read-out-ability, a rhythm like rap as well as telling a story. I'll bow to the majority on this but I think poetry is a seperate art and should be dealt with as such.



I reckon a separate poetry contest would be something of a plan.

There's no real way you can read a bit of poetry then a bit of prose and try and decide which one you like best. Unless one of them is really shit.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> I reckon a separate poetry contest would be something of a plan.
> 
> There's no real way you can read a bit of poetry then a bit of prose and try and decide which one you like best. Unless one of them is really shit.



Actually a seperate poetry competition is a really good idea. I'd love to see some verse from ye lot and it would encourage my own lazy poetical self.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

Yeah - it could even be submitted on the same blog, but there could be two different polls.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> see, a poem is not a piece of prose fiction. They vary in the funamental fact that poems are supposed to contain a read-out-ability, a rhythm like rap as well as telling a story. I'll bow to the majority on this but I think poetry is a seperate art and should be dealt with as such.



But this is not a fiction contest, this is not a prose contest this is an all encompassing writing contest.


----------



## Belushi (Oct 13, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> But this is not a fiction contest, this is not a prose contest this is an all encompassing writing contest.



Once you've contributed then you can have a say!


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

That's not fair.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

Then so mote it be!


The Glorious PWC is extending to Poetry! I say we stick to the same timetable as the fiction wing of the PWC. This months theme to be the same as 'The Moon Falls' but henceforth the winner of the the PWC Poetry wing sets the theme for the next months Poems as the winner of the fictions sets the theme for the next months fiction. Seperate polls!

What say you, the people?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

Fine by me.  I say just submit the poetry as one thing, one poll, with the other writing, and if there are too many entries, if millions of budding bards leap out, then there will be two separate polls


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

But it has always included poetry. If you look at the posts at the beginning you'll see that poetry was encouraged so you're not extending Dotty you are segregating


----------



## Belushi (Oct 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Then so mote it be!
> 
> 
> The Glorious PWC is extending to Poetry! I say we stick to the same timetable as the fiction wing of the PWC. This months theme to be the same as 'The Moon Falls' but henceforth the winner of the the PWC Poetry wing sets the theme for the next months Poems as the winner of the fictions sets the theme for the next months fiction. Seperate polls!
> ...



I'll go with that.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Yeah - it could even be submitted on the same blog, but there could be two different polls.



I can see that going wrong. Can you not have a different section of the same blog or something like that?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

We'll see how it goes.  Just submit yer poems on the blog and I'll make two polls if we get more than one poem or more than 12 entries.

Simple as 

Many posters are more inclined to submit poems on a regular basis than stories, so it could prove a winner


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> I can see that going wrong. Can you not have a different section of the same blog or something like that?



I think it's automatically done by month.  I'll check


----------



## Belushi (Oct 13, 2009)

And fridgey has made the thread a sticky! Huzzah!


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> But it has always included poetry. If you look at the posts at the beginning you'll see that poetry was encouraged so you're not extending Dotty you are segregating



But as nobody has posted any poetry yet it seems perfectly reasonable to start a separate strand at this point.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

Cheers fridgey!


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

Belushi said:


> And fridgey has made the thread a sticky! Huzzah!



I'll never find it now, I always scan past the stickies


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> But it has always included poetry. If you look at the posts at the beginning you'll see that poetry was encouraged so you're not extending Dotty you are segregating



Much like the owner of a bookshop, I mislike mixing poetry with fiction. Though I'm happy to share themes (In fact I'd love to see a poetical run and a fiction run on a single theme) how do we work it all! Anyone logistical enough to come up with a plan?


e2a


if your plans are not as good as mine then logic will come round and crap on your dinner


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

But a lot more people will than before imo


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

I don't mind doing a separate blog for the poems.  I can simply go through the list and invite everyone who has already been invited


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I don't mind doing a separate blog for the poems.  I can simply go through the list and invite everyone who has already been invited



Do I get to keep my hilarious pseudonym then?

e2a: Actually I can't see myself posting any poems tbh but then one never knows how one will feel at the bottom of the whisky bottle until one arrives


----------



## Belushi (Oct 13, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I don't mind doing a separate blog for the poems.  I can simply go through the list and invite everyone who has already been invited



That would be better imo


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

OK, I'll do one a bit later and invite everyone from the current list


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

I don't think so. If fewer people are entering poems then it's unlikely to detract from the prose isn't it?
And if more posters post prose then the poetry will remain in the same blog and same contest as the prose will it not?

I think the theme for both poetry and prose should be the same, to enable a wider range of interpretation as well as keeping it a more straightforward read.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

I think that's a bad idea. I won't follow two blogs and two competitions.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

poetry and prose are two related but essentially different arts though. It's like sculpture and painting. Both visual arts, using synonymous material but fundamentally different


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> poetry and prose are two related but essentially different arts though. It's like sculpture and painting. Both visual arts, using synonymous material but fundamentally different



But when you see paintings and sculptures on the same subject it adds another dimension to the theme as well as exposing people to methods and mediums they might not have sought out before. The same could be said about prose and poetry; by having a range of submissions you can explore the theme better. In my opinion.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> But when you see paintings and sculptures on the same subject it adds another dimension to the theme as well as exposing people to methods and mediums they might not have sought out before. The same could be said about prose and poetry; by having a range of submissions you can explore the theme better. In my opinion.



yes, but in the confines of the competition we have running it's hard to work it. We could run two separate polls for poetry and fiction on the same theme. But I do not think it's fair to pit poetry against fiction. They are not the same thing.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

At this rate we may well need to run more than one poll just for the fiction entries this month


----------



## Belushi (Oct 13, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> At this rate we may well need to run more than one poll just for the fiction entries this month



Some great entries this month, standard is really high.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

Remember folks, it's under Creative Commons. See anything used elswhere for profit or grades then it's time to contact the no-win no-fee cunts.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

Right, enough fannying. I'm doing the Urban poetry comp thread. Comrade Walrus can do the blog as he currently runs the fiction wing and it maketh sense forehim to run the poetry


----------



## mauvais (Oct 13, 2009)

Isn't this just a writing contest, so you can bung in poetry with everything else?


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

mauvais said:


> Isn't this just a writing contest, so you can bung in poetry with everything else?



Gnaaaahhhh!


Poetry is not the same as prose ffs!

Genuinely there are fundamental differences between the two.


----------



## mauvais (Oct 13, 2009)

Oh I missed like a whole page because I'm a betelephoned fuckwit. Meh. All writing to me. Look at ABCtales. Stories and shit poems.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

Nobody is saying that they are the same but I happen to believe they can be complementary...


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> Nobody is saying that they are the same but I happen to believe they can be complementary...



yeah, but there are a whole set of critical tools one applies to fiction that hold no validity and vice versa with fiction. Nice as a side run, why not? but not in with the fiction. Just because thy use language as a medium it does not mean they are the same. Certainly it is not fair to have poetry cheek-by-jowl with prose. The forms just are not comparable imho


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## mauvais (Oct 13, 2009)

Shouldn't have called it the PWC then, should you? Daftard.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

mauvais said:


> Shouldn't have called it the PWC then, should you? Daftard.



If he keeps issuing unilateral decrees he'll have to drop the "people's" bit that much is certain.

Union of Soviet Socialist Writing Contests peut-etre?


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

mauvais said:


> Shouldn't have called it the PWC then, should you? Daftard.



a) I did nae call the name


b) If you can't see why poems aren't comparable to fictions then you are a nonce


----------



## mauvais (Oct 13, 2009)

Prose Contests!


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> a) I did nae call the name
> 
> 
> b) If you can't see why poems aren't comparable to fictions then you are a nonce



I think DC's been at the retsina again


----------



## Belushi (Oct 13, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> If he keeps issuing unilateral decrees he'll have to drop the "people's" bit that much is certain.
> 
> Union of Soviet Socialist Writing Contests peut-etre?



Are we gearing up for our first split?

I bagsy the name Peoples Writing Contest (Marxist-Leninist)


----------



## SpookyFrank (Oct 13, 2009)

I do agree with DC though, pomes should be separate IMO.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> yeah, but there are a whole set of critical tools one applies to fiction that hold no validity and vice versa with fiction. Nice as a side run, why not? but not in with the fiction. Just because thy use language as a medium it does not mean they are the same. Certainly it is not fair to have poetry cheek-by-jowl with prose. The forms just are not comparable imho



A side run?


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## DotCommunist (Oct 13, 2009)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> A side run?



That's not to denigrate it! once the entries for this month have been judged we will have a Poem and a Prose comps


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 13, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Are we gearing up for our first split?
> 
> I bagsy the name Peoples Writing Contest (Marxist-Leninist)



I keep thinking that means the People's Walrus Committee whenever dottie writes PWC


----------



## scifisam (Oct 14, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> a) I did nae call the name
> 
> 
> b) If you can't see why poems aren't comparable to fictions then you are a nonce



Of course, the entry that won in August wasn't a short story at all, so it's never been purely a fictional prose competition. 

I don't mind either way about poems being included, FWIW.


----------



## mauvais (Oct 14, 2009)

How was it not a short story?


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## Diamond (Oct 17, 2009)

My entry seems to ripening into some sort of Mills and Boon spoof.


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## Belushi (Oct 18, 2009)

Crikey! only a week to go and still cant decide what idea to go with, need to get my skates on!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 18, 2009)

Diamond said:


> My entry seems to ripening into some sort of Mills and Boon spoof.





Actually my Counting Chickens thing was going to be like that to start with 

:hmm;


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 18, 2009)

Diamond said:


> My entry seems to ripening into some sort of Mills and Boon spoof.



surely you mean 'Tumescing into a Mills and Boon spaff, where his eyes bored into me like agates etc'


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 18, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> surely you mean 'Tumescing into a Mills and Boon spaff, where his eyes bored into me like agates etc'


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## DotCommunist (Oct 21, 2009)

4 more days for entries brethren and sistren. Then all goes to the poll of great justice.


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## Belushi (Oct 22, 2009)

As always I've left it until the last minute, got a rough 2500 words I've written over the past couple of days, hopefully I'll find the time over the next few days to get itinto to somekind of shape - its midnight sunday the deadline isnt it?


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 22, 2009)

aye midnight of the 25th as per


----------



## mauvais (Oct 23, 2009)

Remember to get on with this! I can barely recall writing mine.


----------



## Diamond (Oct 24, 2009)

(e2a: all sorted out now)

Just posted mine up.


----------



## Belushi (Oct 25, 2009)

I'm never gonna finish my story in time - I've got really into it and want to do it justice.

Shame as this will be the first contest I havnet entered  but the quality is really high this month and its been a pleasure reading each of the tales and its going to be very, very hard to choose a favourite.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 25, 2009)

good, a third Belushi victory would be galling.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 25, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> good, a third Belushi victory would be galling.


----------



## Belushi (Oct 25, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> good, a third Belushi victory would be galling.



I will return dc, and more powerful than you can ever imagine


----------



## mauvais (Oct 28, 2009)

The October voting poll is here.


----------



## Diamond (Oct 29, 2009)

How do we decide the next theme if the vote ends up being tied?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Oct 30, 2009)

End of an Era's taken a lead!


----------



## Diamond (Oct 31, 2009)

Congrats Moomin.

A deserved victor.

Next theme?


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Oct 31, 2009)

Thankyou Diamond- I am both surprised and flattered.

I really like the way yours was written by the way- like a hallucination; like it is somehow outside of time...

As a theme for this next month, how does 'In the Neighbourhood' sound?


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 31, 2009)

Ghostbusters!

I'm happy with that choice. Oh and well done on the victory.


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Oct 31, 2009)

thanks dottie. As I said earlier in the thread, I doubt I would have written anything if I hadn't been inspired by what you wrote in a previous post- indeed, the initial draft was interspersed with quotes from that post. 

ok then, this month's theme is 'In the Neighbourhood'

Good luck all - have fun!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 1, 2009)

Grooverama


----------



## Belushi (Nov 1, 2009)

Well done moomin, great story, I was really impressed with the quality of the stories in Octobers contest.

Great theme for this month, now to start to writing and regain my crown


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 1, 2009)

I'm definitely back to the kitchen sink for this month's one.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 1, 2009)

I mean, good writing doesn't mean avoiding the kitchen sink altogether, does it?  It just means not needing 800 characters who mostly don't do anything, which was a big flaw of my earlier stuff


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 1, 2009)

To get the pathos and texture for kitchens sink stuff would mean a lot more words for me. I do love a bang-bang sparse piece of short fiction.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 1, 2009)

My first month's entry was proper kitchen sink stuff and that got the most votes I've had yet.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Nov 9, 2009)

Nobody? Don't tell me I have to kick off the proceedings again?

Alright, give me a minute...


----------



## Belushi (Nov 9, 2009)

I'm still fighting with the story I started for last months contest. its turned into a ten thousand word monster...


----------



## SpookyFrank (Nov 9, 2009)

Belushi said:


> I'm still fighting with the story I started for last months contest. its turned into a ten thousand word monster...



I'm going to reverse engineer my aborted NaNoWriMo effort into a breezy little short story I think


----------



## Belushi (Nov 9, 2009)

Mine is set in a neighbourhood so I'll probably enter it


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 9, 2009)

Already scrapped off 250 words for being shit. Imma make a fresh start on monday. Had some issues in real life that have intruded on my ruminations and writing


----------



## Belushi (Nov 9, 2009)

Its gonna be the tale of a misunderstood genius with trenchfoot isnt it?


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 9, 2009)

Lol, no. I keep thinking abought 'the Nieghbourhood' as a euphemism for some sort of military experiment. But I think that's been done to death by other writers, the old 'glasshouse' thing. *ruminates*


----------



## Treehugger76 (Nov 11, 2009)

whats the rules?


----------



## SpookyFrank (Nov 11, 2009)

Treehugger76 said:


> whats the rules?



Off the top of me head...write something up to 3,000 words in longness and post it on the blog before the 25th of this very same month what it is that we're in just now. Subsequently there will be five days of pollular voting during which everyone but me will vote for themselves on account of their being a shower of injudicious scoundrels and not worthy of the boots they stand in. You might have to PM the mighty Mr. Walrus before he'll grant you access to the blog for the posting of things and so on, for the walrus is the gatekeeper.

Some folk post by pseudonyms but most of those have been rumbled long since, to the point where if posting by a fake name is not officially optional it certainly is in practice.


----------



## Treehugger76 (Nov 12, 2009)

are there themes?


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## DotCommunist (Nov 12, 2009)

This months theme is 'In the nieghbourhood'


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 12, 2009)

My story is up


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## SpookyFrank (Nov 12, 2009)

I'm in too, with yet another train wreck of a thing


----------



## Belushi (Nov 12, 2009)

Heh, too very funny entries so far


----------



## SpookyFrank (Nov 13, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Off the top of me head...write something up to 3,000 words in longness and post it on the blog before the 25th of this very same month what it is that we're in just now. Subsequently there will be five days of pollular voting during which everyone but me will vote for themselves on account of their being a shower of injudicious scoundrels and not worthy of the boots they stand in. You might have to PM the mighty Mr. Walrus before he'll grant you access to the blog for the posting of things and so on, for the walrus is the gatekeeper.
> 
> Some folk post by pseudonyms but most of those have been rumbled long since, to the point where if posting by a fake name is not officially optional it certainly is in practice.



Christ, how drunk was I when I posted this?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 13, 2009)

I thought it was quite funny


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## Belushi (Nov 13, 2009)

> the walrus is the gatekeeper



What a great image


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## SpookyFrank (Nov 13, 2009)

Belushi said:


> What a great image



OK, so I will admit to being quite proud of that line


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Nov 13, 2009)

I thought it was brilliant and almost un-lurked myself to say so. Mind you, I pretty much love everything you say on here. 

also love the first two entries this month. One is a Brautigan-esque surreal tale of unusual events and characters- very enjoyable- whereas the other is a much more _macabre_ affair, with a twist in the tale (tail?)


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 13, 2009)

I've got some self indulgence to post, only done 1000 words so far mind you


----------



## SpookyFrank (Nov 16, 2009)

Nine days to go, get the lead out you slackers


----------



## Rod Sleeves (Nov 17, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Nine days to go, get the lead out you slackers



OK, I'll do it.


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## DotCommunist (Nov 17, 2009)

I have 200 words of fail so far. Inspiration is sorely lacking this month


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## Treehugger76 (Nov 18, 2009)

I dont think i'll get an entry in this month but will try for next month. 
when/how do i find out the theme for next month?


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 18, 2009)

Treehugger76 said:


> I dont think i'll get an entry in this month but will try for next month.
> when/how do i find out the theme for next month?



25th is closing date, there is then a five day voting period on the poll that appears. The winner of said poll chooses the next months theme.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 18, 2009)

How do you join that blog, if one were interested?


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## DotCommunist (Nov 18, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> How do you join that blog, if one were interested?



PM Upsidedownwalrus, who will invite you. He is like the Stalin of the Peoples Writing Contest


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## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 18, 2009)

Yep, PM me your email addys, johnny and treehugger :


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## Belushi (Nov 19, 2009)

Only finished the first draft of the story I started for last months contest last week, turned into a six thousand word beast 

Nonetheless after a few days enforced rest with a cold I've managed to bang out a 1200 word tale tonight. I'll give it a polish over the weekend and put it up before the deadline, it's really quite upbeat by my standards


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 24, 2009)

Cuntsocks I've no inspiration at all this month. I did start something but binned it as a bad rip-off of the Conjoiners from Revelation Space with a dash of V plagiarising. Might not get an entry in this month


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## Belushi (Nov 24, 2009)

I'm just giving mine a polish and then it will either go up tonight or tomorrow.

Come on DC


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 24, 2009)

Yeah mine's a bit ho hum thiis month


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 24, 2009)

I'll have a bash tomorrow. See if I can't squeeze out a 1000 words. Writing sci fi is doing my nut, cos I know my own influences and always clock who I'm ripping off when I proof read.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 24, 2009)

I've read disturbingly little scifi, but I've watched a lot of films influenced by the most prominent scifi writer (PKD).  That's good in a way as some of his ideas are filtering through to the two projects I'm workin on, but not to the extent that I worry I'm ripping him off.


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## Belushi (Nov 24, 2009)

Right, I'm up. All feedback gratefully received as always.


----------



## Belushi (Nov 25, 2009)

C'mon Writers! We need a late surge!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 25, 2009)

I will try and come up with an ending for my silliness and then post it.


----------



## Diamond (Nov 25, 2009)

When's the deadline?

I've got nowt atm.


----------



## Belushi (Nov 25, 2009)

Diamond said:


> When's the deadline?
> 
> I've got nowt atm.



Midnight tonight IIRC.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 25, 2009)

I reckon i'll just write some utter cobblers for a couple of hours tonight and then post it


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Nov 25, 2009)

I've written 1,500 words, but it might be too personal to post. I have very mixed feelings about it. It's pretty brutal in parts, and there's some painful scenes from my own and other's lives. I don't know how I feel about taking stuff that happened to me, or that people have told me and putting it into a short story for a competition. Joan Didion once said, 'a writer is always selling someone out'. It's bothering me somehow. I was writing the other night, and my mate phoned up while I was working on a short passage that made him look like a real heartless scumbag, which at times he is. I felt like a bit of a scumbag too at that point though... didn't tell him I was writing a story about him... mum's the word

oh bollox to it   

Right, if I go now and chop loads of it out, get it down to brutal bones it might be able to be submitted...


----------



## Belushi (Nov 25, 2009)

Shit moomin, dont worry about it. You wanna read some of the stuff I write 



> 'a writer is always selling someone out'.



Heh, aint that the truth.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 25, 2009)

One of my older novels included a character which was a slow, total demolition of someone I know.  Thing is, I made him out to be so totally negative as a person, and he ends up betraying all the good guys to the baddies, but he isn't actually that bad.  A mutual friend read the book and said it was so gratuitously blatantly based on this other guy too


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Nov 25, 2009)

That's fantastic! 

I thought about it, and I think my mate told me that story because he was strangely proud of what an evil cnut he'd been on that occasion. So it stays- it's actually the heart of the piece in a way. It's the section called 'The Gift'.

I've taken a hatchet to the rest of it, and am now doing some final tweaks. I hate writing, in a way- I have such trouble trying to articulate what I want to say without it sounding trite or just stupid, but I can feel that this story is developing into something pretty readable, so that's a bit of a buzz! It'll be up before midnite.

@Belushi- cheers for the encouragement


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 25, 2009)

I never even told the mate who read it who it was based on, he just started reading it, read the first page in which he was described, phoned me up and said 'is x so and so?'


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 25, 2009)

I got nothing. Even started a thing about a layered and socially codified city where the Engineer and Maintenance class revolt after years of being sent convict-apprentices and slowly poisoned by the pollution of the upper sections. Then realised I was basically writing 'A Revolt in Necromunda'.


I'll sit this one out I think and return next month when I can muster an original idea.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 25, 2009)

dp


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 25, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I got nothing. Even started a thing about a layered and socially codified city where the Engineer and Maintenance class revolt after years of being sent convict-apprentices and slowly poisoned by the pollution of the upper sections. Then realised I was basically writing 'A Revolt in Necromunda'.
> 
> 
> I'll sit this one out I think and return next month when I can muster an original idea.



Rascist!


----------



## Belushi (Nov 25, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I'll sit this one out I think and return next month when I can muster an original idea.



You need to get your mojo back


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 25, 2009)

I think he needs to stop panicking about being original


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 25, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I think he needs to stop panicking about being original



I can't spend my writing efforts doing pastiche forever, no matter how skilled and informed they ma or may not be.

Or, who knows? Perhaps a search for true original writing is a grail outside of my ken cos I read to much fiction always have.

Still, I look forward to perusing this month's crop of entries and casting my vote.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 25, 2009)

Did you read the epilogue I sent you


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 25, 2009)

I _might_ have. But constant reading and cider consumption mean I quite often read things when drunken and then forget all about them. Mail again and I'll go over it. I'm reasonably sober this night.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 25, 2009)

OK mate, I'll email it so far and the ending


----------



## London_Calling (Nov 25, 2009)

I keep meaning to do some reading here but it's sometimes a little daunting. Will try harder.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 25, 2009)

What about doing some writing?


----------



## London_Calling (Nov 25, 2009)

Maybe, maybe . . .


----------



## Belushi (Nov 25, 2009)

ebay sex moomin said:


> I thought about it, and I think my mate told me that story because he was strangely proud of what an evil cnut he'd been on that occasion. So it stays- it's actually the heart of the piece in a way. It's the section called 'The Gift'.
> 
> I've taken a hatchet to the rest of it, and am now doing some final tweaks. I hate writing, in a way- I have such trouble trying to articulate what I want to say without it sounding trite or just stupid, but I can feel that this story is developing into something pretty readable, so that's a bit of a buzz! It'll be up before midnite.



Really enjoyed it, glad you put it up


----------



## Belushi (Nov 25, 2009)

London_Calling said:


> I keep meaning to do some reading here but it's sometimes a little daunting. Will try harder.



Do! We need readers as much as we need writers!


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Nov 25, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Really enjoyed it, glad you put it up


Thankyou 

I now intend to get pizzitively poshed, lol!

Haven't read yours yet, so I can't return the compliment- although I did love your September entries, especially "Dave and Susan"


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 25, 2009)

ahem


----------



## Belushi (Nov 25, 2009)

ebay sex moomin said:


> I did love your September entries, especially "Dave and Susan"



That was actually another posters entry, unfortunately he's none too tech savvy and is unable to work out how to post on the blog


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 26, 2009)

He really oughtn't to be entitled to use the name Dot Communist, to be fair, the technically inept buffoon


----------



## SpookyFrank (Nov 26, 2009)

I has done a poll, and it is here. 

Good to see some late entries making up the numbers, another strong contest here I reckon


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 26, 2009)

Mine's actually unfinished


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 26, 2009)

I might finish it and edit it soon


----------



## SpookyFrank (Nov 26, 2009)

Now that you mention it I don't think I got round to editing mine either


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 26, 2009)

Since it's my own dictatorship  highly democratic people's writing contest, I reckon it's OK to go back and edit or add once you've posted but before some people have read.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 26, 2009)

double post


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 26, 2009)

mine's unedited as well


----------



## SpookyFrank (Nov 26, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Since it's my own dictatorship  highly democratic people's writing contest, I reckon it's OK to go back and edit or add once you've posted but before some people have read.



I usually tweak a couple of things after posting anyway, usually just typos though


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 26, 2009)

Editing during the 5 day voting period is a bit cheaterish. IMHO.

But then I never post unedited work so it might just be a peeve of mine. I think it is OK for spelling and grammar corrections but content adding or taking away of more than maybe a few lines seems a bit wrong to me. Still, one is responsible for one writerly conduct

*halo polish*


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Nov 26, 2009)

Belushi said:


> That was actually another posters entry, unfortunately he's none too tech savvy and is unable to work out how to post on the blog


aha! that was dotcomm's work? well, I liked it


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 28, 2009)

Annoyingly enough I just banged out a nice little short that fits the theme and has worked out a personal niggly subject obsession. Ah well.


Where is the voting poll?



If nobody has posted up the voting poll by tommorow when I finish the reading of this months entries I'll post the poll myself.


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Nov 28, 2009)

Unfortunately, the estimable Mr SpookyFrank has already created a poll which is now in full swing;


SpookyFrank said:


> here.


However, I think you should post up your entry anyway, along with a short note explaining that it's a late entry, and is therefore not eligible for voting. For me at least, the competition element is secondary to simply having the opportunity to read some great short stories by urbanites, (and getting a fresh subject to write about each month.)


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 28, 2009)

ebay sex moomin said:


> Unfortunately, the estimable Mr SpookyFrank has already created a poll which is now in full swing;
> 
> However, I think you should post up your entry anyway, along with a short note explaining that it's a late entry, and is therefore not eligible for voting. For me at least, the competition element is secondary to simply having the opportunity to read some great short stories by urbanites, (and getting a fresh subject to write about each month.)



OK I'll give it the requisite edit tommorow and post with the proviso


----------



## Belushi (Nov 28, 2009)

Do it mate! be interested in reading it anyway.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Nov 28, 2009)

ebay sex moomin said:


> For me at least, the competition element is secondary to simply having the opportunity to read some great short stories by urbanites, (and getting a fresh subject to write about each month.)



I quite agree. The contest blog is turning into a bloody good showcase of everyone's work IMO, the more stuff that's up there for posterity the better


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 28, 2009)

Yes, the standard is generally very high in my view


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 1, 2009)

Oh crumbs, at the death of the poll it seems we have a draw twixt Belushi and Moomin.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 1, 2009)

Hurrah!


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Dec 1, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Hurrah!




you iz celebratin for both of us!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 1, 2009)

Right, you drawing conspirators, is there any progress on a topic?


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 1, 2009)

'Three wise men'?

'The baby Jesus'


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Dec 1, 2009)

ok, I've PM'd Belushi back. his suggestion was that it be something seasonal- well, my first thought was that I hate Christmas stories... and then I realised that I can release some of my festive rage by making it a zombie slasher 

...and then I realised I'd mistaken the word 'seasonal' for the word 'festive'  (I'm a bit drained today. not really on the ball)

anyway, if Belushi agrees*, "Something seasonal" becomes the theme. It's not limited to Christmas- could be about winter, or any season you like

e2a-*and seeing as it's his suggestion, I expect he will. I think it's a brilliant idea for a theme


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 1, 2009)

OK, 'something seasonal'.  I like that.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 1, 2009)

Right, I'm going really personal this time: Chinese New year in china


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Dec 1, 2009)

looking forward to it already!


----------



## Belushi (Dec 1, 2009)

'Something Seasonal' it is!

I've already got 300 words of an idea down...


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 1, 2009)

I _am_ going to beat you lot this time


----------



## Belushi (Dec 1, 2009)

All I care about is the writing.

And grinding Dot Coms literary dreams into dust


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 1, 2009)

If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine


----------



## Belushi (Dec 1, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine



Thats a bit derivative tbh dotty


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 1, 2009)

Belushi said:


> And grinding Dot Coms literary dreams into dust



He does most of the heavy lifting for you on that one tbf.


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 1, 2009)

A prophet in his own country


----------



## scifisam (Dec 1, 2009)

I'm considering joining in and writing something about salt and pepper.


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 1, 2009)

someone should do a Roy of the Rovers parody


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 1, 2009)

scifisam said:


> I'm considering joining in and writing something about salt and pepper.



With jokes like that you're no threat to me, fill your boots


----------



## Belushi (Dec 1, 2009)

scifisam said:


> I'm considering joining in and writing something about salt and pepper.



No one ever really takes any notice of the theme so go for it


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 1, 2009)

After various different strains of fantastical nonsense I might actually venture back into the real world this month


----------



## Belushi (Dec 1, 2009)

I'm going to try and write something where the character doesnt have psychiatric problems


----------



## Belushi (Dec 2, 2009)

Mines going well, got about 1200 words down, hoping to finish it over the next few days before the Christmas party season gets going.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 8, 2009)

How are people getting on with this? I've got a rough 2000 word first draft down, the story is there but it needs a good rewrite.


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 8, 2009)

I'm going mad pretentious and doing four short bits. 500 words per season. Got autumn down cos it's been in my head for a while.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 8, 2009)

My entry is ready to roll but I think I'd better agonise over whether or not to post it up for a few more days first.

I might even make a drastic break with tradition and edit the bloody thing first


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 8, 2009)

We do have a potential issue here.

Voting runs from the 25th to the end of the month usually. During that period most if not all of us will be stuffing our faces, getting pissed with family and generally engaging in midwinter gluttony.

Voting and reading is likely to be at an all time low during the festivities. What is to be done? extend the deadline to Jan 5th?

Just allow it?

or shorten the deadline?

It strikes me that the festivities may disrupt the normal business of the glorious PWC


----------



## Belushi (Dec 8, 2009)

Think you have a point there Dotty, I dont mind if its shortened but then my second draft should be finished by the weekend so Im happy to go along with whatever suits the other contributors.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 9, 2009)

Extend the voting deadline I say. 3rd of January or thereabouts maybe.


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 9, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Extend the voting deadline I say. 3rd of January or thereabouts maybe.



I'm happy with that.

So mote it be?


----------



## Belushi (Dec 9, 2009)

I'd be cool with that, though it will shorten the next months comp, we need to see what the rest of the collective think.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 9, 2009)

Fine with me


----------



## ebay sex moomin (Dec 9, 2009)

yep, third of Jan is fine.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 14, 2009)

Mine could be described as a scifi Christmas Carol meets Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 14, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Mine could be described as a scifi Christmas Carol meets Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.



Sounds good, Im trying to make mine a bit different from my usual output.


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 16, 2009)

Meh, just bashed out something and posted it. Bollocks to christmas and all glory to the PWC


----------



## Belushi (Dec 17, 2009)

Nice one, I'm working on the second draft of my festive offering (you are going to fucking love it dc ) hopefully be posting it up at the weekend.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 21, 2009)

Mine's just gone up. Lot longer than my usual contributions - almost 4000 words. Had a lot of fun with this one - as always I cant wait to hear some opinions on it.


----------



## Diamond (Dec 21, 2009)

What's the deadline for this one?

Am looking forward to reading yours Belushi.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 21, 2009)

Diamond said:


> What's the deadline for this one?
> 
> Am looking forward to reading yours Belushi.



Id love to get your feedback. I think the Politburo agreed to extend the deadline until the 3rd of Jan because of Winterval.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 21, 2009)

Indeed so.


----------



## Diamond (Dec 21, 2009)

A wise decision, characteristic of the collective.


----------



## scifisam (Dec 22, 2009)

I've just realised that the story I wrote for the half light challenge (but didn't enter) would fit this theme pretty well too. Suppose that would be cheating though.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 22, 2009)

Only if you tell us


----------



## Belushi (Dec 22, 2009)

scifisam said:


> I've just realised that the story I wrote for the half light challenge (but didn't enter) would fit this theme pretty well too. Suppose that would be cheating though.



Do it! other contributors have entered old stories in the comp before, were pretty lax about the rules


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 22, 2009)

rah.

If Belushi doesn't take this months victory I'll eat my hat.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 22, 2009)

Well, I'm going to have to pull my finger out with this one.  I'm a bit sick of Belushi and Moomin winning everything


----------



## scifisam (Dec 22, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Do it! other contributors have entered old stories in the comp before, were pretty lax about the rules



OK, I'll stick it in. If I think of a new story before the 25th I'll put that in instead. Going to be a bit hard to find the time between now and then, though.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 22, 2009)

scifisam said:


> OK, I'll stick it in. If I think of a new story before the 25th I'll put that in instead. Going to be a bit hard to find the time between now and then, though.



The Politburo met in secret session last week and extended the deadline until the 3rd of January due to Winterval.

Looking forward to reading your work


----------



## Belushi (Dec 22, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Well, I'm going to have to pull my finger out with this one.  I'm a bit sick of Belushi and Moomin winning everything



Bring it on, I've set the bar high this month


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 22, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Bring it on, I've set the bar high this month



How come you don't write novels?

I'm quite confident about the novel stuff I'm working on but I can't get the short story thing down the way you do it.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 22, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> How come you don't write novels?
> 
> I'm quite confident about the novel stuff I'm working on but I can't get the short story thing down the way you do it.



I'd never written anything until I decided to give the PWC a go, inspired by a novel writing friend of ours.

I'm not sure I have enough to say for a novel!


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 22, 2009)

Do five 4000 word pieces in the....what can I call it.....Draculi Soviet universe and you have a book.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 22, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Do five 4000 word pieces in the....what can I call it.....Draculi Soviet universe and you have a book.



I do have an idea... but I've got more bloody exams in Feb and have to start revising


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 22, 2009)

Belushi said:


> Bring it on, I've set the bar high this month



Mine's another conceived-under-mdpv effort plotwise, I've run it by Claire La lune and she reckons it's good.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 22, 2009)

Belushi said:


> I'd never written anything until I decided to give the PWC a go, inspired by a novel writing friend of ours.
> 
> I'm not sure I have enough to say for a novel!



You've never written anything before this?  are you serious?

You're a natural writer, dude!  I've been writing my whole life...


----------



## Belushi (Dec 22, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> You've never written anything before this?  are you serious?
> 
> You're a natural writer, dude!  I've been writing my whole life...



Thank you mate, not a thing until the first PWC. I just wish I had more time to dedicate to it as I've become bloody addicted!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 22, 2009)

If true, that's bloody incredible...


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 22, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> If true, that's bloody incredible...



Man, you wouldn't believe the amount of people who go 'oh I don't noes nuffink about poetry' or 'I'm not good enough to be a writer' who are in actual fact better equipped than people who sell shite like Darren Brown. Not everyone has a novel in them, but far more people have a good and strong style that they doubt they can do anything with.

Belushi has shamed me this month. I spent half hour tossing out some cliches using archetypes I could get away without defining. His entry makes me look like what I have become: Lazy.

Next month I am making a far greater effort.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 22, 2009)

And right out of nowhere comes my entry, a typically cheerful thing.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 22, 2009)

Also I can't help but notice that Belushi's entry is a good 1,000 words north of the word limit


----------



## Belushi (Dec 22, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> And right out of nowhere comes my entry, a typically cheerful thing.



Like it, really intense, kept me guessing until the end.


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 22, 2009)

Did we not revise to 6000 or less in acknowledgment of the strenuous objections of the proletariat? 


If not, the comrade Belushi is due an appointment with the tribunal. In the meantime we can allow his work to stand in the spirit of Winterval.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 22, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Also I can't help but notice that Belushi's entry is a good 1,000 words north of the word limit



No one loves a grass SpookyFrank 

And since when did we obey the rules?


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 22, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Did we not revise to 6000 or less in acknowledgment of the strenuous objections of the proletariat?



If you could show me the documentation of this I would happily rescind my objection.


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 22, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> If you could show me the documentation of this I would happily rescind my objection.



I have looked, and the archivists responsible for this change have all been sent to the eastern front. Efforts are being made to find them, but in the meantime you shall have to take my word for it. Tovaritsch.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 22, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I have looked, and the archivists responsible for this change have all been sent to the eastern front. Efforts are being made to find them, but in the meantime you shall have to take my word for it. Tovaritsch.





One doesn't like to be dick about these things but if certain of the workers are working on the assuption that the limit is one thing while some shadowy and dare I say it downright Menshevist cabal has determined it to be quite another then we're not being very socialist in our distribution of words now are we?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 22, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Also I can't help but notice that Belushi's entry is a good 1,000 words north of the word limit



Yeah, but fuck it.  There aren't gonna be tons of entries.

And anyway, mine might need more than 3000 anyway :d


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 22, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Did we not revise to 6000 or less in acknowledgment of the strenuous objections of the proletariat?
> 
> 
> If not, the comrade Belushi is due an appointment with the tribunal. In the meantime we can allow his work to stand in the spirit of Winterval.



It was 3000, but Belushi's piece looks impressive so I'll let it stand.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 22, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> It was 3000, but Belushi's piece looks impressive so I'll let it stand.



Democratic Centralism at its finest.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Dec 22, 2009)

I was only really complaining because I'm tired and I can't be arsed to read a whole 4,000 words.


----------



## scifisam (Dec 22, 2009)

Belushi said:


> The Politburo met in secret session last week and extended the deadline until the 3rd of January due to Winterval.
> 
> Looking forward to reading your work



I thought that was for the voting, not the entries. 

One of the other entries - a winning one IIRC - was well over 3000 words, but I decided it didn't really matter so didn't mention. I prefer having a specific word limit myself. 

Speaking of which, there's a livejournal challenge called pic 4 1000. You are given a picture (they're all themed) and write a story of _exactly _ one thousand words inspired by the pic. You do have to be a livejournal member to join in, but then you will get a few people reading your work.


----------



## scifisam (Dec 23, 2009)

DP


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Dec 23, 2009)

scifisam said:


> I thought that was for the voting, not the entries.
> 
> One of the other entries - a winning one IIRC - was well over 3000 words, but I decided it didn't really matter so didn't mention. I prefer having a specific word limit myself.
> 
> Speaking of which, there's a livejournal challenge called pic 4 1000. You are given a picture (they're all themed) and write a story of _exactly _ one thousand words inspired by the pic. You do have to be a livejournal member to join in, but then you will get a few people reading your work.



That sounds good


----------



## Belushi (Dec 23, 2009)

> I thought that was for the voting, not the entries.



We need clarification! is 3rd Jan the submissions deadline or the last day of voting?!


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 23, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Extend the voting deadline I say. 3rd of January or thereabouts maybe.



this was agreed.

Closing for entries is the 25th, but voting is extended to an 8 day period rather than the normal 5 days. To account for winterval.


----------



## Belushi (Dec 23, 2009)

So say we all.


----------



## radio_atomica (Dec 25, 2009)

I had written something for it this time but now google docs won't load


----------



## radio_atomica (Dec 25, 2009)

oh i made it work but now how do i post it...do i need permission to post?  can someone tell me who to pm to sort it out?


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 25, 2009)

radio_atomica said:


> oh i made it work but now how do i post it...do i need permission to post?  can someone tell me who to pm to sort it out?



Upsidedownwalrus is the man to PM for a blog invite. You may not make this deadline as cormade walrus may be slumbering off a massive munch


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 25, 2009)

mine's up


----------



## Belushi (Dec 26, 2009)

radio_atomica said:


> oh i made it work but now how do i post it...do i need permission to post?  can someone tell me who to pm to sort it out?



I'll post it up for you if the others are agreeable - you did attempt to post it before the deadline after all!


----------



## Belushi (Dec 26, 2009)

frogwoman said:


> mine's up



Hahaha that is awesome!


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 26, 2009)

thanks. Some v gd entries this month imo!


----------



## Belushi (Dec 26, 2009)

I've put the poll up!

http://www.urban75.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=312489


----------



## scifisam (Jan 2, 2010)

This is the picture I've been given for the 1000-word story challenge, btw:







It's totally different to the ones I've had before, which were minimalist and initially made me sit there, blinking, wondering how on earth I could write a story about _towels_. This one has tons going on.


----------



## Belushi (Jan 3, 2010)

Okay, as it's a new year and a new decade the theme for the January competition will be 'A New Start'

Good luck everyone!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jan 4, 2010)

I told Belushi the plot for the thing I was doing for Something Seasonal, and as he says, it fits A New Start perfectly too, so, will submit it for that instead.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jan 12, 2010)

My story is up and I'm quite pleased with it, even if it doesn't win


----------



## Belushi (Jan 13, 2010)

Looking forward to reading it when I get in tonight. Unfortunately I really *must* start revising for my exams in February so wont be able to contribute this month


----------



## Belushi (Jan 13, 2010)

Wow three stories up now. Well done writers!


----------



## Clair De Lune (Jan 18, 2010)

I would like to dedicate my story to upsidedownwalrus. I would never have posted a story had it not been for him. I am deeply proud that our conversations were an inspiration for his last story. Rip mr, you will not be forgotten x


----------



## frogwoman (Jan 18, 2010)

RIP mate xxxxx


----------



## marty21 (Jan 18, 2010)

RIP Matthew, 


he pm'd me a while ago, had a go about me not being active on this thread, sorry mate, I should write more, and I will try.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jan 18, 2010)

Though I haven't been contributing, I have been following this thread. I really enjoyed his stories and I'm sorry i didn't tell him that.


----------



## Diamond (Jan 18, 2010)

Just a thought.

Maybe we could rename some aspect of the writing thread/monthly contest in his memory.


----------



## Balbi (Jan 18, 2010)

I don't know Diamond, I think just all finding the time to contribute would be helpful. I know i've been lax.

One issue, doesn't UDW have the power of adding and removing members from the blog - because if so, that means no new entrants to the contests doesn't it?



Plus, did anyone else get a preview of UDW's sci-fi headfuck thing - the reality tv gone really surreal?


----------



## DotCommunist (Jan 19, 2010)

Balbi said:


> I don't know Diamond, I think just all finding the time to contribute would be helpful. I know i've been lax.
> 
> One issue, doesn't UDW have the power of adding and removing members from the blog - because if so, that means no new entrants to the contests doesn't it?
> 
> ...



I believe Belushi also has the power to invite. Not 100% but I recall UDW informing someone to 'pm me or xxx for an invite'

I'm not going to enter this month. It just doesn't feel right, for me, but I'm sure he'd have said don't be a dick post anyway.

Be back next month.


----------



## existentialist (Jan 19, 2010)

marty21 said:


> RIP Matthew,
> 
> 
> he pm'd me a while ago, had a go about me not being active on this thread, sorry mate, I should write more, and I will try.


The mention of this thread on upsidedownwalrus's RIP thread has prompted me to come and take a look...


----------



## scifisam (Jan 19, 2010)

I'd rather put a hold on this month's contest, TBH. Leave the other stories up or take them down, but definitely no voting.


----------



## Bakunin (Jan 19, 2010)

scifisam said:


> I'd rather put a hold on this month's contest, TBH. Leave the other stories up or take them down, but definitely no voting.



I think that's probably a good idea, unless he would have preferred us to keep at it. I don't think a month's break would hurt though, as mark of respect.


----------



## scifisam (Jan 19, 2010)

Bakunin said:


> I think that's probably a good idea, unless he would have preferred us to keep at it. I don't think a month's break would hurt though, as mark of respect.



I reckon that, if one of the other major contributors had died, UDW wouldn't have wanted to keep the contest going that month.


----------



## Bakunin (Jan 19, 2010)

scifisam said:


> I reckon that, if one of the other major contributors had died, UDW wouldn't have wanted to keep the contest going that month.



Agreed.

I haven't contributed as much as I'd have liked for various reasons, which is a real shame as I do follow the thread and take a look at what's written. So yes, I think holding off for a month would be a good idea.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jan 19, 2010)

agreed.


----------



## Belushi (Jan 19, 2010)

Diamond said:


> Just a thought.
> 
> Maybe we could rename some aspect of the writing thread/monthly contest in his memory.



That would be nice, maybe we could rename it the Renegade Dogs writing contest or something?



> I believe Belushi also has the power to invite. Not 100% but I recall UDW informing someone to 'pm me or xxx for an invite'



Have I?! I will look into it tomorrow, though I have enough of a struggle posting my own contribution up each month 

I wasn't entering this month anyway, so I'll go along with whatever the other members of the collective decide is the most appropriate way to remember him. 

The one thing I'm sure of is that he would have wanted the contest to continue.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jan 19, 2010)

Belushi said:


> That would be nice, *maybe we could rename it the Renegade Dogs writing contest *or something?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You know, I think that would be lovely and a fitting tribute to a good writer and a solid bloke.


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Jan 27, 2010)

So. How are going to do this?
I'm happy for the thread/competition to be renamed and I really hope the it continues for some time to come.
I'm not sure who has logins for the blog and all of that but I'd like to get is set up so that we can write for February so does anyone know about that stuff?


----------



## SpookyFrank (Feb 1, 2010)

AFAIK only UDW had admin privileges for the blog, but everyone who's registered already will still be able to post stuff and edit their own posts. If that's true we have too options, either use the old blog and let ayone who hasn't posted before get a member of the blog to post for them; or start a new blog, possibly with a new name incorpoating a memorial to RD. 

I'd favour the latter tbh, and would be happy to set up the new blog myself if folk think it's a good idea. Like others who've posted, I'm sure RD would want us all to keep up the good work in some form or other


----------



## Belushi (Feb 1, 2010)

I'm afraid DotCommie and I are rather ahead of you on this 

http://www.urban75.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=315648


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 21, 2010)

Sorry for the bump, but i've written some new stuff and i'd kind of like some feedback on it


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 22, 2010)

erk, well post it on the blogspot* miss- might well rejuve some of us lazy mans into writing! Christ knows I've beenn a very lazy bod recently. Can't summon the mojo, the muse. And yes I know she doesn't visit if you don't write but the sides of my rut are greased and slippery! 

It would be good to revive the seemingly dead Renegade Dogs comp, call a theme for your piece and I'll write something on that theme.

Oh, wait, we had a chat about you writing recently- you dog! Slap that piece of justice down on the table rouge gyal.

*PM me or Belushi for an invite if you are not already able to post on the blog.


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 24, 2010)

OK this is set in a sort-of "anarchist" version of Sweden basically, its from the sequel to "damaged" which a lot of urbanites have read various versions of.  A guy who lives in the same apartment block the girl this passage is about has just been murdered, and his brother was fash and it is thought the murder is something to do with that. 



Waheedah Karlsson flings her school bag down on her bed. Her shoes squeak on the new floor as she runs to her room, slams the door. Her mother calls something out to her but she doesn’t hear, barely even notices as she pulls her school shoes off and lies on her bed to the sound of her headphones. She’s got two hours to chill, do some of her homework, before tonight. She unwraps her headscarf and places it neatly on the bedstead. 

She pulls off another sticker from her bed, one she forgot about a few months ago. She feels somewhat sad, but then she remembers – to put away childish things and behave like an adult. Don’t do childish things like hanging out with your mates and not do homework. Because you have to be disciplined. That’s what they always used to do. Before, she used to think, fuck homework, but not these days. She ran things. She and a few other girls in the class, they ran things in the classroom. It was the teachers asking them to be taught, not the other way round. Please tell me. Please tell me what it’s like to be an Asian girl whose mum is a cleaner. At first, when she’d not been to school for a year and she just came back – she’d thought, what is this, why these white fannies telling me what to do and asking my opinions on everything, when I don’t know. 

But then it had been a while ago, like an epiphany, when it had all made sense why she should go to school and why she should work hard. When she was having a bath one day and the water didn’t run onto the floor, when that old drunk bastard didn’t start screaming at her from downstairs just for having a bath. When her mum could afford a car, she could just pick one off the street and some guy from the top floor helped her learn to drive it without any stupid exams and so that meant they could go and visit family in Uppsala when before you needed those coins and stupid bits of paper to do that and her mum never had that. When she had carpet in her room, like a real soft carpet like the posh kids’ and not that stupid greeny-grey lino her mum brought because it was the cheapest and it kept breaking and the nails and that kept showing. It wasn’t not having much that she didn’t like, it wasn’t that, it was how people had looked at her and judged her, and even as a kid of 11 and 12 and even when those teachers were being nice, saying, tell me what it’s like, they were judging her. She knew she had less than other kids and didn’t like to show them in the house because it was shameful wasn’t it. But that time in the bath when she was washing her hair she sat and thought about how now, it weren’t like that. Not any more. 

And that’s why she has to keep herself educated. Because that’s what she’s learnt. Like it could all get snatched away, couldn’t it, especially if those old white cunts were still ruling the place, like they were when she’d had to sleep in the park with her mum because she couldn’t pay that man. That’s why it is good how it is now, there are no rules. There is no government. Nothing. Nobody to look after her and show her things but also nobody to snatch it all up again. 
Waheedah looks in the mirror as she kicks off her shoes. Still kiddies’ clothes, she thinks with a mixture of sadness and pride. She looks young in them, young for fifteen, and perhaps she ought to change her image a bit, because fifteen is almost an adult, isn’t it. 


She turns on the paper-thin television which covers most of her opposite wall. That’s another thing to feel grateful, feel lucky for, proud of – when would she have ever owned anything like that. It has something about that guy on the second apartment. Her stomach turns, as it has done every time she’s turned it on recently – it’s a piece of trash, it’s total shit. Waheedah flips to a game show in total disgust. They don’t realise how it could get snatched away from them, it was like they were babies with sweets looking around all the great things and they were still saying to themselves, wow, and assuming the best of people, even people like that second floor guy. If they looked into what really happened they’d get the real facts. They’d know the killers’ reasonings. And when Waheedah thinks about it properly, she gets chills down her spine because that’s how it used to be. With people not saying or not being allowed to say the other side of the story. 

After a while, the game show bores her. It’s just mindless drivel and she can’t be dealing with mindless drivel any more. She turns back to the news. There’s something about England on it. They’re killing people. Killing kids. She hates watching it with people, especially her mum, because she will say, “why don’t we do something to help, Waheedah? That’s why we’ve got to be kind to the people who come here because they’re not as lucky as us.” But everyone knows – except if you’re soft – that that’s not the truth. It’s all brown people being killed, isn’t it? So if they’re really refugees, how come they’re all white? 

She sighs and walks to the mirror by the window, straightens her hair a bit. She opens the window. Two men and a woman are having an argument in the street. You can hear every word of it. Her stomach tightens in anger and she backs away – no good letting them know ya there, making trouble for yourself. None of her goddamn business, they’d say, but she puts the blind back and listens. Hah, now they can’t see her, but she can hear them.


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## PETER.PHIL (Dec 31, 2010)

This was bloody stupid. It might be nice if your grammar wasn't horrible. But seriously, these lyrics are god-awful, repetitive and just stupid. It's not catchy at ALL. Make some actualy lyrics.


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## Steel Icarus (Jan 1, 2011)

PETER.PHIL said:


> This was bloody stupid. It might be nice if your grammar wasn't horrible. But seriously, these lyrics are god-awful, repetitive and just stupid. It's not catchy at ALL. Make some actualy lyrics.


 
So who the fuck are you, friend?


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## miss minnie (Jan 3, 2011)

Steel☼Icarus said:


> So who the fuck are you, friend?


Some bizarre spammer who does this random post thing all over forums and has a website that links to an online drugs website.


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## frogwoman (Feb 8, 2011)

This is from another story I'm doing, nothing to do with what I wrote about Waheedah etc. 


One of the most horrific cases he’d ever seen. 
You can say those lines. You can read them in a newspaper or watch them on whatever shitty sub-standard TV drama you go home and watch to get away from the pathetic reality of your life. You can read them in some book about troubled chief policemen drinking on the job with all the soap-opera bullshit about exes and wives and kiddies the author’s written down to make the book “interesting”. 
Didn’t change it. Didn’t change how it jumped out behind his eyes when he was trying to sleep or reading a newspaper or sitting in his garden, the modest little garden he’d just bought with his wife – they were going to grow vegetables and things – Christ, what a joke, imagine growing vegetables now. How could you grow vegetables after this. Knowing that this happened. How could you get up and go to the shops and go to work and on holiday and do normal things that normal people do. 
He’d been signed off sick for two weeks, two weeks which felt like a lifetime as every day blended into each other, with the same images pounding his brain, unable now to feel any more emotion, just a dull ache, like everything was grey and dull. Until once or twice a day he would think about the family, and then it would be like someone had punched him again. 
Get a grip, he told himself, as he wandered, shaking, to the phone, taking an age to put one foot after another although it was simply down the passage. His wife was at work, and not for the first time he felt shame, he hated himself, because Goddamn it, even in this politically-correct world, if a man could not provide for his family, then what was he? He should be able to protect her. 
Protect her ... and then the image came back into his head, but this time it wasn’t her, it was his wife and then his daughter. 
Daddy had a shock at work. Daddy needs to be left alone for now – and maybe it was right, maybe he did need to be left alone, because he couldn’t see or touch his daughter without crying. He was a failure of a man. A total fucking failure, couldn’t bear to look at his daughter and couldn’t be there to protect her. 
A month, that was what they said. A month of recovery and then back to normal again. At the time he hadn’t been in a position to argue, not that he knew what he’d be arguing against anyway. 
What was he without the Job? He couldn’t stay like this. Going back to work was a prospect that sickened him but he couldn’t sit around the house, becoming a ghost, a zombie. Benefits weren’t for people like him – he was too strong, and it was shameful. He rested his hand on the telephone, fingers barely grasping it. Of course, he would have to return to work sooner or later; it was inevitable. 
He saw once again her face – and knew at that moment what he had to do. Because the person who had done this was still out there, and he suddenly felt such intense rage and hatred, a rage that ate away at his stomach, made him clench the phone in both hands and grip it in front of him. He dialled the number and almost mechanically asked to speak to the superintendent about the decision that would get him out of here, of this. Of course, the superintendent said – once the psychiatric assessment had been carried out. Once they looked at you and examined you and pulled every aspect of your life apart. 
“I would like to return to the Sabeen al-Hirani case,” he said, pausing between each syllable. “I would like to come back to work at the earliest possible opportunity.” 
There’s a note of concern in the superintendent’s voice. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he says. “Not under the circumstances of your illness. The hospital recommended another six weeks.” 
Oh, it was “for his own good”, was it. He didn’t put it in those words, but he may well have done. Two months off work, with nothing to do but sit and think about it. It might well be a year. Five years. The anti-depressents numbed his thinking so one day went into the next but they didn’t stop him thinking about the utter futility of it all. 
“Another six weeks?” he repeated faintly. “I thought it was until the end of the month.” Perhaps it was the right decision. After all, he could not sleep without seeing her. Could not sleep at all. 
“And we’ll recommend you be reassigned to patrol duties,” his boss said. Perhaps that was right. Drunken chav scum pissing up their dole money on a Saturday night, except now he couldn’t bear, couldn’t bring himself to be angry at them. It was all so trivial. An old lady had her door smashed. So fucking what. 
“I don’t want patrol duties.” His voice was brittle. “I want to find out who did this.”


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## weltweit (Feb 19, 2011)

Hey frogwoman, just read the one about Waheedah Karlsson. I enjoyed it. 

But would she really have used the word "cunt" at that age?


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## frogwoman (Feb 20, 2011)

I've known people who did.


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## Bakunin (Feb 26, 2011)

In other news, 'The Little Green Room' (a previous entry of mine to the Urban writing contest) has just been published in the latest online issue of Firstwriter magazine (the full online mag may only be available to subscribers though).


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## oz_steve (Mar 4, 2011)

Hey y'all. I'm looking for some input on a writing project. 

It's a stage play called Amphetamine, and it is based on my experiences in Brixton in the 90s. I've just put the first act up on a blog. The second act is in progress and I'll be putting it up in installments.

I would truly appreciate any kind of feedback.


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## Bakunin (Mar 6, 2011)

Another article published, this time on the spy Mata Hari in the online magazine at www.crimemagazine.com.


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## SpookyFrank (Mar 9, 2011)

I've started another book but am currently unable to post any extracts from it as my laptop and I find ourselves itself on opposite sides of a rather bitter family dispute. In fact for all I know the laptop is already amongst the gods in the Better Place, an unsuspecting sacrifice to the elemental force that is an angry mother in law. If the book still exists its opening moves are partially culled from one of my u75 contest entries, albeit with some of the surrealism trimmed back a bit. 

The outline of the story has been rattling around my head for a while, lacking only a format in which to write it. I finally decided on twelve chapters with each of my four protagonists having three turns to tell a bit of the story. One character is writing his (incredibly pompous and self-satisfied) autobiography, the second we hear from via an adolescent diary, the third via posthumously published magazine interviews and the fourth in letters to her daughter. It's going to be a fucking nightmare to write. Especially without my laptop. 

The whole thing finally coalesced as a realistic project only once I took the difficult but important decision not to give my characters superpowers after all.


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## Bakunin (Mar 11, 2011)

I'm thinking of trying my hand at some especially twisted and depraved, yet vaguely homo-erotic Beavis & Butthead fanfic.

Is this wrong?


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## Zeppo (May 2, 2011)

I have just finished writing a book - Junk Man. 53,000 words. Five people have given me positive feedback. If anyone wants to read drop me a line. Synposis etc has gone to 8 agents wish me luck.


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## Bakunin (Jun 18, 2011)

Greetings, my little chickadees, for once again I have made it into Crime Magazine with a potted biography of the life and career of the once-notorious 'Lambeth Poisoner', Dr. Thomas Neill Cream, who liked administering strychnine to people for his own amusement.

'Tis here, for your edification, entertainment and information:

http://www.crimemagazine.com/lambeth-poisoner


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## ShiftyBagLady (Jun 18, 2011)

That's cool Bakunin, congrats


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## frogwoman (Jun 18, 2011)

Zeppo said:


> I have just finished writing a book - Junk Man. 53,000 words. Five people have given me positive feedback. If anyone wants to read drop me a line. Synposis etc has gone to 8 agents wish me luck.


 
I'll read it.


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## mauvais (Oct 30, 2011)

Please can this be electro-shocked back into life, or at least someone gift me with a theme to work with? Some ponce said hell is other people; well it isn't, it's the countryside, and I'm stuck there with only my murderous thoughts and a smartphone notepad for company.


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## Clair De Lune (Oct 30, 2011)

How about inadequacy? I reckon we could all write something on that


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## DotCommunist (Oct 30, 2011)

I'm tackling NanoWriMo this year. Should be a laff at least. So the writing from myself will be for that


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## METH LAB (Nov 3, 2011)

how does one get involved with poem of the day and all this stuff you got goin on in here?


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## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2011)

I've decided to write a murder mystery set in a post revolutionary britain. I've been wanting to write something like this for a while - makes a change from my usual really dark stuff ...

For three years now it was the fear that gripped him, that took hold of him whenever he went to sleep and rarely, if ever relaxed its grip. That was the worst part of it. The fear. It wasn’t like the old days, when there was constant worrying about bills to pay, whether you could heat your house or whether you could eat. Things had changed. The sky wasn’t going to fall in if you didn’t go to work or if you earned too much or too little or if you didn’t turn up to your appointments on time. The Workers’ Party had made sure of that. He had a generous pension, as fitted someone who’d done so many services for the class. Made so many sacrifices in the line of duty. A nice house in a good neighbourhood – although these days, it was hard to tell the difference. They were all good.
But all that time spent worrying would still have been time taken away from thinking about what happened on that day three years ago. He’d have had something else to think about, right, even if it was shit. The back of his mind would have filled up with more pressing, urgent matters. They had still kept his job open in the hope that he would come back to work. Three years on, after he had stormed out, a combination of lack of sleep and a burgeoning alcohol problem, saying, _I can’t do this any more, Comrade Kelly! It’s killing me! _
Comrade Glen Harper had always thought that the “Combined People’s Revolutionary Force for Law and Order”, as it had been rebranded by the current government, was a somewhat contradictory title, although he rarely expressed such contentious ideas, unless perhaps drunk on his birthday. It was one of the things about his former job that he had found wryly amusing, although he kept such views to himself; concentrated on doing his job, as he always had, until he had discovered that he was no longer able to put the fear aside after a particularly traumatic case.
His mobile phone buzzed on his desk. He still kept the same model he had had since well before the Workers’ Party had come to power, and was unwilling to apply for the _free upgrade for public services personnel _the council kept sending him reminders for in the post. Like it or not, the dread hand of the bourgeoisie had somehow made things _look _better.
“Hello?” he said.
“Comrade Harper,” came the gruff response, in less than dulcet Irish tones. “I wish to see you at 9am tomorrow morning in my office. We need you back at work.”


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## miss giggles (Dec 18, 2011)

I started a blog. I'd really appreciate your feedback. It's here

http://thepeopleyoudontsee.blogspot.com


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## Bakunin (Feb 16, 2012)

I've just secured my first job as a full-time freelance writer. 'Historic Lotus' magazine have accepted my pitch for an article on the first race to be won in a Lotus (a Lotus 8 driven by privateer John Coombs at the Davidstow Circuit in August 1954). Just waiting now for a word count and permission to use a photo of that very car that, conveniently for me, is up on the 'Historic Lotus' website. It's an unpaid job, but it's another credit for my CV and only my second commissioned job on motorsport.

Yay me, methinks.


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## frogwoman (Feb 19, 2012)

miss giggles said:


> I started a blog. I'd really appreciate your feedback. It's here
> 
> http://thepeopleyoudontsee.blogspot.com


 
I read some of this and thought it was very good.


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## Kate Hillier (Mar 7, 2012)

Have I missed this? good idea btw. Hi everybody!


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## Bakunin (Apr 1, 2012)

The article for Historic Lotus Magazine is in the Spring issue which should be up on the website pretty soon. I've also had another two pieces accepted for Crime Magazine on the Japanese mass murderer Sadamichi Hirasawa and John Lee, the famed 'man they couldn't hang.'

I'm currently working on a piece about Herbert Rowse Armstrong, the only solicitor in English legal history to be hanged for murder after he poisoned his wife with arsenic. Once that's out of the way, I'm considering starting work on a couple of crime articles of local interest and perhaps one on Manfred von Richthofen, history's most famous fighter pilot.

E/A: The Hirasawa article is now online at http://www.crimemagazine.com/mass-murder-teigin-bank


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## Bakunin (Apr 14, 2012)

Another article virtually completed for the next issue of Historic Lotus (about Herbert MacKay-Fraser, the first driver to die while driving for the factory team). The next one will be written on spec and sent to Flypast magazine about Arthur Taylor (the only Cornish pilot in the Royal Flying Corps to achieve 'ace' status in WWI. You need five confirmed kills to be considered an 'ace' and Taylor had seven confirmed before he himself was shot down and killed).

After that there'll be one I'll offer to 'Cornish Story' magazine about Patrick 'Harry' Glasson (one of the very few Cornishmen to have fought with the International Brigades and killed during the Brunete offensive in July 1937). Then there'll be one on some of the 1950's Ferrari drivers (five drivers known collectively as the 'Ferrari Primavera') for a writing contest and after that I'll probably start on another WWI flying article about the first major use of uncontested air power. I'm also considering self-publishing a book (probably on Amazon or somewhere) on Cornwall's secret military past from WWI to the present day, and fit that in around anything else that comes to mind.

So, work (and plenty of it) beckons. I'll probably be glad of a few days rest when I pootle across the Channel on my annual pilgrimage to the temple of speed you mortals know merely as Le Mans (I leave the UK on the 8th of June and come back on the 19th).

Nice to keep busy though.

E2A: Researching the article on Arthur Taylor has given me an idea for a piece on the aces in general and especially on exploding the myth that was built up around them. Nothing disrespectful or disparaging, but certainly something that might well ruffle feathers among those more inclined to accept the traditional perceived wisdom concerning early fighter aces. And I already have enough information available to start looking very closely at the whole idea of 'aces' in general.


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## frogwoman (Apr 30, 2012)

i just wrote this: 


Yet again that initial disgust he had felt – _it's just not right, is it?_ Knocked him for six. At least three – no, four people were dead. The latest death was his responsibility, and his alone. Crying seemed inappropriate, vulgar even, given the circumstances in which Matty had died. Nonetheless, thinking of his friend made his eyes sting.

So many lives ruined, so many lives, and he couldn't bring himself to hate these people and what they'd done.

“By any means necessary, remember,” Murphy said, bringing his face very close to Harper's. “The revolution must be defended by _any_ means necessary, comrade. I'm sure you understand that.”

“The world could never find out what happened,” Murphy said. “It would have been the end of our Party. None of this would have been possible.” He gestured around the room. “Our actions made this possible.”

“By murdering people?” Harper said. “Murdering people and covering up a massacre?”

“Nobody could ever find out,” Murphy said. “And nobody will ever find out. The memory of what happened that day is gone from the face of the earth. Imagine if it had got out, right after the war. Do you think that our class would have accepted living under the rule of people who had committed such terrible crimes? We couldn't let it happen. Because if it had got out things would be much worse. We would have had to _do things_ to destroy the memory.”

He sucked in a breath. “We have freedom. The Defeated can whine on about the restoration of capitalism if they so choose. They can go into the Bourgeois Museum and sit on furniture they once owned and talk openly about what they'd like back. Or if you think we're not tough enough on them, you can say that too. You think that that would be possible if the entire population thought that we were a bunch of murderers? We'd have no _legitimacy_.”

For a moment Murphy looked terrified, and honestly, Harper pitied him.

“Everything we have, we have because comrades were wise enough to keep things quiet,” Murphy said. “There are no shortage of people who will use what happened there to destroy us. And we can't afford to lose what we have. Sometimes you have to choose the lesser of two evils, Glen.”

On some level Murphy's views made sense. Harper had never thought he would have this much sympathy for a Workers' Security man who had killed one of his best friends, murdered a schoolteacher and sent thugs to beat up an innocent woman. And was about to kill him.



Warner, though. The biggest betrayal; he could understand Murphy and his old soldiers, perhaps even, on some level, sympathise with him. But Warner? His stomach lurched when he thought of the man. He had trusted him; cared about him; all this time, he'd been serving two masters. He had sold out his comrades. It hurt, what Warner had done. It hurt.


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## biggus dickus (May 1, 2012)

I'm writing my first book and just wanted to say it is fucking tough to write a book. I've written about 50'000 words and it's starting to come together and now the plan I made is ridiculous, and plus nothing has even happened and I don't think I'd read this far in a book with a bunch of unsympathetic people doing nothing but the characters are starting to grow on me and I like dipping into their world. I've met a couple of people over my life who were writing but couldn't finish their books and I'm beginning to appreciate it now I think because it fucking drains you making these people and making them do stuff, specially when you decide that they are pricks lol


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## Bakunin (May 10, 2012)

I now have one editor wanting a piece on my forthcoming trip to Le Mans (on spec), I've queried half a dozen others about Le Mans-related articles and I'm waiting to hear back from another true crime website (www.mafiatoday.com) about writing for them regularly.

I've also reworked and submitted three of my old short stories to various magazines and I'm waiting to hear back from them. Not holding out massive hopes on these, but as they've been sat on my computer and I'll be replacing this one on Tuesday I might as well put them out and see if anyone's interested.


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## frogwoman (Jun 18, 2012)

I've written a poem. You can't see it though.


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## PlaidDragon (Jun 26, 2012)

Just knocked out the first chapter of a book I've been thinking about for a while. Not very sure about it, but if anyone wouldn't mind critiquing it drop us a PM.


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## toggle (Jul 10, 2012)

Bakunin posting (awaiting a new wireless adaptor for my desktop at the moment).

Another piece done and up on www.crimemagazine.com, this time a biography of notorious Wild West gunslinger John Wesley Hardin:

http://www.crimemagazine.com/john-wesley-hardin-–-gunslinger

Nice chap, Mr Hardin. He once had a room-mate who snored loudly which irked Hardin a little. So much that Hardin got out of bed, picked up a six-shooter and and head-jobbed the poor devil in his sleep.


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## Bakunin (Jul 27, 2012)

Another couple of pieces commissioned for Crime Magazine, one on Billy the Kid and another on the Shankill Butchers. I've also picked up a juicy commission for an article on mercenaries and their place in military history that I'm working on at the moment. I've also had an idea for an article on the first Private Military Company (in the sense that we know them today) as a result of the research that I'm doing on the mercenary article.


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## METH LAB (Aug 1, 2012)

can i put my novalisation of spun up on here? i say novalisation its true to the film but also completaly differant in the way that the film completaly missed the amount of other shit you gotta take to manage the habit, and i tried to set it in UK.

its really fuckin long the first chapter and i stopped bothering about a page into chaptor 2 coz i just got bored.


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## Bakunin (Aug 2, 2012)

Currently dickering with a different true crime publication about a possible article on legendary Texas Ranger Frank Hamer. Hamer was instrumental in the ambush of Bonnie and Clyde, was wounded 17 times in gunfights, left for dead four times and had 53 notches on his gun. He was also far more than merely a fast draw artist and had his own very individual (and very far-sighted) means of hunting fugitives by sparing no effort to learn as much as he could about who they were even down to which brand of cigarettes they smoked. That enabled him, to an extent, to predict and/or second guess their actions and deal with them on a rather more intelligent level than simply going after them guns blazing. Not that having 53 notches on his gun suggests he was exactly afraid of a fight where and when fights were necessary.


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## METH LAB (Aug 14, 2012)

i cant put what i wanted to put it uses up the amount of words

so i gotta chop one chapter into 3 odd posts, more like 5 actually... andits gonna take about a week to edit the typo's lol


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## Disjecta Membra (Aug 15, 2012)

Bit of feedback would be good, this isn't new. Written when i was badly alcoholic, obviously it's self-indulgent, sorry for myself bollocks(not written for others) but I'm determined to get over my fear of writing/being read. But it won't stay on here for long.

Masochistic from the start,
so full of hate unable to think straight
“he who has nothing” “nobody”  (“Samples”)
A forced destiny, the bachelors curse.

I feel trapped, lost in a body, the remnant of a recluse's hobby
I'm a fucking parody 
a hopeless entity 
prognosis
therapy, heresy
first courage, laid to waste, lazily lost luxury
what was i thinking ?
blinkered and swaying
i shouldn't of been drinking
but I've an obsession it's a primordial urge
expressed through this purged prime audio surge,  
now another splurged an unrehearsed verse, from the depressed nerd.

Followed a white star and was struck by white lightning
Now somebody tampered with my hermetically sealed conscience
and out flooded regret and madness, 
need to set priorities, stay away from the authorities
Deny hesitance n banish alcohol from my presence
be philosophical and know to separate the alco from the holism
symptom after symptom  
in a stupor, self loathing, manifesting stupidity
Brainstorming, spewing Vasopressin fuelling my cynicism dribbling distorted wisdom
Exasperated desperation, the fallacy of wisdom
ancient hung up's have become hangovers
moebius moebius loneliness loneliness
it's not a peaceful process 
i'm pre the quantum threshold, impatiently waiting
The floundering scallywag wants to be recognised
hoping for retribution and an inna revolution.
this is a heed this warning forboder, Conclusion 

A Dejected member of society, a disrespected loner searching for sobriety
Fuck social anxiety, a bottle in front of me or a frontal lobotomy
Whats the difference? hence the monotony
pain and indecision engraved on my soul
natural unconscious metaphors abound around us, just a slip of the tongue 
shows soles get trampled on repeatedly
Crying myself awake, silence myself asleep
More of the same cyclical auroboros 
Sleep dream, wake weep, sleep dream, wake weep, repeatedly trying to find my soul in
Sociologies mirror, It’s me looking back at me, from the amoeba to me bah

imma hectic reckless sceptic 
Disconnected masochistic, socialist broke manic depressive
an ensemble of sombre emotive motions 
i'm hesitant, my incessant reluctance to rectify lost sentiments 
Centres me, Casually distorting the ordinary 
creating a cacophony of pain and misery
Personally personality perception perplexes me
the puzzle of life’s premise, the lost mystery 
Socially Detrimental ill mannered malnourishment 
Concluding the illusion of happiness eluding me and my confusion, subduing my movement.


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## METH LAB (Aug 15, 2012)

LEAVE THAT UP!!

Epic m8


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## Disjecta Membra (Aug 15, 2012)

METH LAB said:


> LEAVE THAT UP!!
> 
> Epic m8


 
thx man, appreciated.


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## miss giggles (Aug 27, 2012)

It was brill DM.
I've jigged by blog around a bit, you might like it, it's here

http://www.diaryofa-nervous-breakdown.blogspot.com


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## Bakunin (Oct 14, 2012)

Just entered an online writing competition that seemed worth having a crack at with an old piece I did a few years ago for a different competition but never actually entered. Seeing as it was already sat on my computer I figured I might as well make use of it:

http://www.ebookmall.com/author/robert-walsh


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## Bakunin (Oct 22, 2012)

Picked up another paid job for a militaria magazine on the history of the Fairbairn-Sykes Commando dagger and it's interest to modern collectors. Currently working on another proposal to a history mag on the ill-fated 'Exercise Tiger' prior to the D Day landings.

Also found a couple of interesting writing competitions that I think might well be worth going for as well.


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## teahead (Oct 26, 2012)




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## maya (Nov 10, 2012)

I'm moving house*(well, micro-flat bedsitland style) and in the chaos I accidentally threw out the wrong bag with the trash, now I've lost two notebooks and a folder which contained over ten years of writing from my childhood and teenage years! 

After the obligatory mourning period it actually inspired me to start writing again, but the first shock was awful, like losing a part of me...

The strange thing is that I still remember in great detail a lot of the short stories and poems and keep recalling huge chunks of text (  )that I feel tempted to write down again- But the past is the past, I suppose... and it'll be wrong trying to recreate it now that my headspace is that of a grown-up (um, occasionally at least), it'll just end in tears... Sometimes I read out loud to myself the lines from a story or poem though... Glad that it's not all gone, my memory will keep those few fragments alive for a while (I hope)

Not very relevant for the thread, I know... I just had to share my sorrow (it's difficult to express how difficult it was to accept that those texts were lost forever- yes, it's probably egoism and not all of it was any good, but it meant a lot to me to still have it, if only to remember parts of my personal history)

OK- on with the thread, nothing more to see here, let's move on now...
*cries*


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## SpookyFrank (Nov 25, 2012)

When I found a notebook full of my teenage writings a couple of years back I burnt it. 

Not only was the actual writing a load of atrocious crap, it recalled a very unpleasant time in my life which I'm better off not thinking about at all.


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## frogwoman (Jan 19, 2013)

Got about 10-15k left to write on my murder mystery book set in a time where the UK is under workers' rule.


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## Silverghost (Mar 17, 2013)

Disjecta Membra said:


> Bit of feedback would be good, this isn't new. Written when i was badly alcoholic, obviously it's self-indulgent, sorry for myself bollocks(not written for others) but I'm determined to get over my fear of writing/being read. But it won't stay on here for long.
> 
> Masochistic from the start,
> so full of hate unable to think straight
> ...



I loved this line heaps, luv --> "Sleep dream, wake weep, sleep dream, wake weep, repeatedly trying to find my soul in"


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## xslavearcx (Apr 22, 2013)

frogwoman said:


> Got about 10-15k left to write on my murder mystery book set in a time where the UK is under workers' rule.


 
haha thats amazing


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## DotCommunist (Aug 18, 2013)

I took his claw today
Where it was caught, on mother’s cagoule
Bit me bewildered, gnawed me in pain

Shrill whine like a car alarm
Like a babies cry
Like a noise you cannot ignore

He was so sorry today
When the pain had gone
And he knew what he’d done

The abject the apology
The ‘I didn’t mean it dad’

Hurts more than his bites


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## Buddy Bradley (Nov 23, 2013)

Has this thread just become somewhere to share stuff we've written then? I had a bash at semi music journalism last week, mostly because I was running low on inspiration to hit my 300 words/day daily writing target. I was quite pleased with how it turned out: https://medium.com/world-of-music/15e754cb5058


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## Bakunin (Nov 23, 2013)

Got a new blog running, partly as a personal thing but also as an informal type of shop window:

http://robertwalshwriter.wordpress.com


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## Citizen66 (Nov 23, 2013)

Bakunin said:


> Got a new blog running, partly as a personal thing but also as an informal type of shop window:
> 
> http://robertwalshwriter.wordpress.com



Just read the Crippen article. Nice writing.

Misuse of the apostrophe in the racing driver article. 

Actually it might not be.  still possesive s.


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## ShiftyBagLady (Nov 23, 2013)

Oh, I'm writing again! Hurrah.
I have the skeleton of a poem written and it reminded how satisfying that feels


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## slightlytouched (Dec 24, 2013)

Is one allowed to say 'roll' model rather than 'role' model ?
  I can't figure out if it's a typo within the first 10 pages of a book, or they are just being snarky showing off using unusual wording (which they have done elsewhere).  It's bugging me enough to ask!


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## DotCommunist (Dec 24, 2013)

slightlytouched said:


> Is one allowed to say 'roll' model rather than 'role' model ?
> I can't figure out if it's a typo within the first 10 pages of a book, or they are just being snarky showing off using unusual wording (which they have done elsewhere).  It's bugging me enough to ask!



its a typo. Role and roll have completely different meanings and the phrase 'roll model' isn't in use anywhere


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## slightlytouched (Dec 24, 2013)

maya said:


> I'm moving house*(well, micro-flat bedsitland style) and in the chaos I accidentally threw out the wrong bag with the trash, now I've lost two notebooks and a folder which contained over ten years of writing from my childhood and teenage years!
> 
> After the obligatory mourning period it actually inspired me to start writing again, but the first shock was awful, like losing a part of me...
> 
> ...


Oh I feel that pain.  I have 'lost' some artworks that I was actually proud of.  I can't believe I knowingly threw them away, and it irks me that I don't know how/when they left me!


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## slightlytouched (Dec 24, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> its a typo. Role and roll have completely different meanings and the phrase 'roll model' isn't in use anywhere


Cheers. It sets the tone of my reading the book, with a suspicious eye!  Damn....I had hoped it was some new fangled saying.  Now I'm irked at the proof reader!


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## DotCommunist (Jan 6, 2014)

Woodlouse on my bogroll

Three ply, soft bum-caresser

Tucked in a roll


Woodlouse on my bogroll


Wavy little bits and nasty armour

Blue/black greyscale sheen

Colonized my shitrag


mid-crap and reaching

I recoil


There’s a woodlouse on my bogroll


Blow on it

No shifting, wind irrelevant to it


Spine of book, nudge.

It won’t move.


Locked door

Rapidly drying rear


Might have to touch it


The woodlouse on my bogroll


Decorum wars with disgust

I pincer finger it gently to lift



The small life kicking’s in my tips

Window, bath or floor?

What if it touches my feet?



Floor.

Scurry well my friend.

You nearly ended up in my wipage


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## Badger Kitten (Jan 7, 2014)

teardrop on the fire/wood louse on my bog roll
Works
Love it.


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## DotCommunist (Jan 7, 2014)

Badger Kitten said:


> teardrop on the fire/wood louse on my bog roll
> Works
> Love it.




cheers. Proper poets adress grand questions. I'm all about the picayune lol


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## Edie (Jan 17, 2014)

chickened out


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## Belushi (Jan 17, 2014)

That's beautiful Edie.


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## weltweit (Jan 18, 2014)

I did a bit of writing last year. I only get the urge to write when I am feeling a little up and creative. I started just writing about some of my experiences, Found it quite therapeutic refining sentences and paragraphs and the like. But I am also reading and some of the books I have read do sort of highlight that I could never really be a writer as I just don't have the command of English that proper writers have! Shame..


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## Edie (Jan 18, 2014)

Belushi said:


> That's beautiful Edie.


Ta. Maybe I'll stop being a chicken and put it up again 

I've been helping care for the elderly on an inpatient ward. Bays full of old women, almost all with dementia. Some quiet and still, some asleep, one lady rubbing her teeth with a tissue all day. Some talking to themselves, or calling out. It feels like a world of lost souls. The doctors and nurses are busy. All I can hear is a gentle voice calling repeatedly; can you help me, please help me, please can you help me. So I go to her.

She asks to hold my hand. She says I can bring the baby now, please, bring the baby now? She’s the oldest person I’ve ever met. She is so thin her joints are the widest part of her limbs. Her chest is flat, her skin hangs in soft folds over her frame. Her face is so wrinkled it's almost incredible, but open, her eyes clear. Nearing the end of her life, her past is what is present. Her memories and experiences, the people she has loved, the baby she calls for is the son she once held. These are the things she now speaks about.

I feed her her lunch, she smiles at me, I feed her tiny mouthfuls of pap and I stroke her hair off her forehead. I'd fight tigers to protect her, her vulnerability makes me feel fierce, alive. She says she is _so_ tired. The winter sun comes across the mosque, through the terraces, on to the ward. And I think, this is one reality of life and death that I hadn’t prepared for. Not the crash call and running people. Just the quiet sunlight on an old woman living in her past.


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## Edie (Jan 18, 2014)

weltweit a command of the english language isn't exactly my strong point either


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## killer b (Jan 18, 2014)

Edie said:


> weltweit a command of the english language isn't exactly my strong point either


yes it is, you daft bugger.


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## Voley (Jan 18, 2014)

Edie said:


> weltweit a command of the english language isn't exactly my strong point either


Doesn't matter whether you have it or not. (You have fwiw). It's the feeling that's important. Jimi Hendrix couldn't read music. Didn't make the slightest bit of difference. I know I've already told you that I think that's a beautiful bit of writing but I don't mind doing so again. Hit me right here >< it did.


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## Edie (Jan 18, 2014)

killer b said:


> yes it is, you daft bugger.


I meant wrt spelling and grammar 

And thanks NVP


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## Voley (Jan 18, 2014)

You do realise that when you're getting your Booker Prize I'm going to take full credit for inspiring it with my pissed rant about a phonecall I had at work yesterday.


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## killer b (Jan 18, 2014)

Edie said:


> I meant wrt spelling and grammar


them things don't matter no more.


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## Voley (Jan 18, 2014)

"Ah, yes, _Edie_, of course, I knew her in her earlier more 'reflective' period - some would argue her _best _period. And, well, I wouldn't like to say that I actually wrote all her best work but I was certainly a major influence. Now I'm a modest sort but where's the fucking cheque?'


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## Voley (Jan 18, 2014)

Edie said:


> I meant wrt spelling and grammar


Right. I can spell. My grammar's a bit shit but I can google it. You need an editor. I can do that. 30% including all film rights and I'm yer man.


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## weltweit (Jan 18, 2014)

Edie said:


> weltweit a command of the english language isn't exactly my strong point either


Perhaps there is hope for me then!!

But but .. I don't even know what a split infinity is !! except that some people now seem to think it is ok to split an infinitive... I wouldn't know


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## Edie (Jan 18, 2014)

weltweit said:


> Perhaps there is hope for me then!!
> 
> But but .. I don't even know what a split infinity is !! except that some people now seem to think it is ok to split an infinitive... I wouldn't know


Why don't you put some of your writing up here?


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## weltweit (Jan 18, 2014)

Edie said:


> Why don't you put some of your writing up here?


Might think about it. Not on the right computer atm.
I am sure my writing is pretty average but it might be interesting to see if it is at least readable.


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## weltweit (Jan 18, 2014)

Edie said:


> Why don't you put some of your writing up here?


Ok, here is something. Probably lots of room for improvement, let me know what you think.

( text removed to protect the innocent )


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## Edie (Jan 19, 2014)

Hahaha that's brilliant weltweit  Genuinely made me laugh out loud


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## weltweit (Jan 19, 2014)

Edie said:


> Hahaha that's brilliant weltweit  Genuinely made me laugh out loud


Glad you liked it


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## Edie (Jan 19, 2014)

weltweit said:


> Glad you liked it


This bit in particular made me laugh 



> There was nothing for it, I was not going to be bitten in the groin, I had to do something, my trousers had to come down!


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## weltweit (Jan 19, 2014)

Edie said:


> This bit in particular made me laugh


I am not sure that was intended  in the midst of my terror I made you laugh


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## Edie (Jan 19, 2014)

It was intended to be funny though wasn't it? Cos I also cracked up at the image of you and your buddy both fearfully straining to see the potentially lethal critter down your duds in the gloom!


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## weltweit (Jan 19, 2014)

Edie said:


> It was intended to be funny though wasn't it? Cos I also cracked up at the image of you and your buddy both fearfully straining to see the potentially lethal critter down your duds in the gloom!


Yes it is intended to be funny - at the end especially - I didn't expect that middle bit you mentioned to be funny really but hey it is no matter .. true story though!


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## DotCommunist (Feb 1, 2014)

its dusk at the Twilight of the gods. Barthing is amusing his customers with the latest tail trick. With one claw he throws a lime into the air and quarters it with his tail before it hits the bartop.

'Weak tricks Barthing! Weak!' cries an inebriated voice as it staggers through the doors and slumps on a stool

'Be proud of your skills he said' responds Barthing looking at the soaked fey n grey haired Angel in front of him 'I won't one up you he says'

Sighing the smiter of civilisations ran a hand over his face

'Rude of me yeah. Got any coffee B? Luak?'

'Your wish is my command'

In seconds the crowd had vanished. Only Hermes remained in the corner, cheating himself at solitare and getting angry 

'Boss thats good stuff. Boss and his whole host including me its good'

'You'll have it on the tab I expect'

'as Usual. What the fuck do you want money for anyway'

Barthing laid down his towel, poured a light cordial made from minor venality and leant in with a conspiratorial demeanour

'Gonna bribe Mammon to let me into Hell'

'Well thats not going to work is it? are you the human CEO of a major corporation? I don't think so'

Barthing bristled

'My money is as good as anyone elses'

Death sighed.

'Barthing, he's not the gatekeeper. He has lines of access yes but you would need the wealth of a thousand kings to get him to help you. You would be a prince among fools in your homeland but Mammon is not going to help you. I stabbed him once you know. The fat bastard just laughed as _other peoples blood _flowed from him'

Barthing sipped at his cordial.
'You say that, but you are not my people, he'll listen to me. Anyway I have another 1000 years to go before I have enough money.'

Death shook his head then remembered to tie back his hair as it spilled from the plain black ribbon

'Whatever keeps you warm at night barthing. This coffee is excellent, can we make it Irish?'

'Bobby Sands Irish or Ian Paisely Irish?'

'I trust your judgment here you scaly enabler'

'sands it is. Sliante!' and with that he poured another shot of tortured spirit into Deaths glass.

'You are a gentleman barthing. Sort of. I had to talk with Pestilence earlier'

'Oh yes?'

'Yeah. Last time I saw him he was skulking around the 18th century english fens giving anopheles mosquitos a nudge. The malarial bastard' 

'How is he keeping then?'

'Oh same as ever. Stinks of shit, surrounded by flies, every word from his lips would make a human dissolve into a puddle of pus'

Death paused and looked into his small cup of grievously adulterated cofffee

'But he said a thing' frowning 'He said that theres a storm coming and the Boss won't know about it. Not shaitan, Pestilence never liked him. Something else'


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Feb 1, 2014)

.


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## weltweit (Feb 1, 2014)

[removed at poster's request - LL]


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## mansonroad (Mar 31, 2014)

A poem I wrote a few months back, basically a reflection on the aggressive gentri/yuppification happening across the UK and particularly in London. It's called Heygate Requiem, written from the perspective of the gentrifiers. 

Broad and panelled towers can sever us from noticing. 
We can live inside a sense of self,
And chew and shit and kiss as
Plumage in a wasteland.

Taxi screech and retching will be shadowed to submission.
Children in the market will stutter
As we pass under.
They'll soon be out the picture.


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## frogwoman (May 26, 2014)

OK so years ago I wrote a book which Belushi and upside down walrus (RIP) read, it was about fascists coming to power in the UK, I tried to write the sequel but gave up because it became really violent and depressing and I was a bit disturbed by the things that I was writing, I had some creativity the last few days though and have decided to write the sequel from scratch. Shall I paste what I have done here?


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## DotCommunist (May 26, 2014)

is harper still languishing in the realms of unfinished narrative?


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## frogwoman (May 26, 2014)

So on a whim I go into the tiny wooden church on Eminescu Strada. It's in the middle of a field; it looks and feels like it was made for a children's art project. The ceilings are too low; the stairs creak and it definitely wouldn't pass a H and S inspection. I stare at the pictures on the walls; I never saw art like this before. Those people were obviously Jesus and Mary.
There is a woman lighting candles in a headscarf. I realise suddenly that I know her; the dark hair, the trousers.
I walk over to her. she is deep in concentration; she says something to her candles.

'Svetlana,' I say.
She turns round. She looks nervous; like she's not pleased to see me. she tenses up. I haven't seen her in over six months.
'Talisha,' she whispers. 'This is the church.'
'Yeah, so?' I say. 'Who's going to stop me talking in here, God?'
'I say my prayer in here,' she says. 'Then we talk'.
I wonder how Mark competes with God Himself. I had forgotten how fiercely religious Svetlana was. I wait for her for a few minutes, then I step back outside. There's an outside toilet here; chickens, stray dogs. I move towards one; try to kick it, thrn feel a sense of shame as it hangs back.

She steps out of the church ten minutes later. I ask her if she wants a coffee. Nothing here really costs more than a few quid. She looks around, then agrees as we walk past a guy trying to get tourists to take photos of him with a stuffed tiger.
'Hey, is Kosovo still the holy land?' I say.
'Yeah,' Svetlana says. 'but here, Moldova, to me here also is holy like Kosovo. It is good to us. Good to my family and to me.'
'Moldova looks like a shithole,' I say. 'From what I have seen of it.' And smelt; its hard to miss the all pervasive stench of the Chisinau drainage system. the traffic jams, the minibuses held together with bits of string, the power cuts. I hadn't had any idea places like this existed. not really.
'Like Belgrade of my childhood,' Svetlana says. I decide not to push it further.
'Where's Mark?' I say.
She shrugs. 'Working,' she says. 'Always work. In refugee centre.'
'And what do you do here?'
'I teach in that centre Russian language. I have day off today.' She opens the gate and steps into Eminescu Strada. The paving stones are ripped up. There is rubbish by the fence. she doesn't look pleased to see me.
'Do you want to have a coffee?' I say.
'Sorry, no, I will go to the park,' she says. 'I should be alone.' we walk past a trolleybus stop, a group of people on the pavement dressed incongruously well trying to push their way on. it's hot here; it must be at least 30 degrees. The girls are dressed in short skirts and low cut tops; the old women are dressed in shawls and scarves. Quite a contrast.


'Is there something wrong?' I say.
'It's a sad day for me today,' she says. 'it's the day my mum and sister died. So, I need to be alone and talk to my God. I speak with my brother and father later.'
'I'm sorry,' I say.
There's a different look in her eyes; more confident, not broken, not afraid like before. Something else though. I walk alongside her; she says nothing.
'How come you're here?' I say.
'Sweden is at war,' she says. 'They come to Sweden now. They think we people from England are spies, some were and all Swedish are afraid. The fascists come to Sweden now. Both sides. we cannot stay.'
'You wouldn't go back?'
'I cannot,' she says. 'He will know if I go back home as he expects me there, he knew I looked to go back. He came to Sweden to help all fascists and spies in Sweden. I cannot put my family in danger.' We walk past a pizza restaurant. It looks awful.
'I saw him,' she says. 'He not see me. I saw him there.' She looks around. She's right; nobody would ever look for her there.
'France, Spain, Norway, all are taken,' she says. 'in Sweden, war. Italy, war.' she shakes her head. 'Moldova, nobody would ever come in Moldova.'
I laugh. 'Say that again.'
'Talisha,' she says. 'I ask you one thing please. Perhaps you listen what I say.'
'Yeah?'
'Talisha, I know you respect what I am saying you,' she says. 'So please.'
The air around me turns chilly suddenly; The atmosphere changes. She takes a step away from me. Her face is tense. nonetheless she looks straight at me and when she has finished I feel like the world is about to end.
'I want you stay away from my sister in law,' she says. 'She is not yours no more.'

I have to pinch myself to know that I am not in some terrible dream. I feel dizzy; as if the world is moving around me. A guy whizzes past on a motorbike; my head is splitting. Suddenly I can't breathe.
'Why not?' I manage.


'You tortured people, I see it in your eyes,' she says. 'you hurt people when you didn't need.'
I am stunned. suddenly I feel cold. an emotion that I have not felt in a very long time comes back to me.
'Lou is going to come back to me,' I said. 'She needs time. She lost her memory. They gave her something. When she remembers who I am, she'll come back...'
'She remembers us now, Talisha,' she says. 'It is you now. It is you that don't remember what you are.'
'No,' I say. 'No. she's going to come back to me. When she remembers properly.' 
Svetlana shakes her head. 'She won't,' she says firmly. 'She has met someone else. I am sorry. We didn't know how to tell you.' 

'Lou asked me if I wanted to kill Pavac,' Svetlana said. 'I said that I didn't because I am Christian. I didn't tell you all reasons why. you want me, I'll tell you'.
'Tell me,' I say.
'I think my - my aunt's husband did some things in Croatia,' she says. 'He said he was innocent. But the way he talks. How he speaks about this people. I don't know, sometimes I feel ashamed.'
'Right', I said.
'I didn't want to kill,' she says. 'I didn't want to be like such guy. And when I look at you you are changing. it scares me, I tell so you... You understand me. You make me think of him and... And Pavac. it's too easy for you.'
'I saved your life,' I yell at her. 'you should be fucking grateful because without us you wouldn't fucking be here! You are safe over here. It's fine for you to tell us how to behave! You all depend on us! don't you dare say I'm like Pavac, don't you dare, when I am trying to do the right thing!'
I think of the scab in the bathroom. I think of what we did, me and Jack, our terrible pact. To try and get Lou back and for what?
'I never said that you are like Pavac,' Svetlana says. 'But you are changing, Talisha. You are changing too much. You cause pain too easily. You frighten me.'
Betty, crying after I had hit her for questioning me, for having a rich mum, for not being Lou. Pavac's dog Franjo, who I had kicked a few too many times and still seemed to love me. All the murders I had done. Jesus, Talisha. the old man in the bank.

_What the fuck is wrong with you? _


I stepped away from her; I almost tripped on a crack in the pavement. 'Don't come near me again,' I gasped. I didn't see her walk away. I bent double with nausea.I sit down in the middle of this dusty road and start crying. I don't know how long I am there for; time seems to stop. I wish I could call someone. There's nobody I can call. an old woman in a flowery skirt with a big stick in her hand yells something to me in Russian which I can't understand. I can't stop crying.


----------



## frogwoman (May 26, 2014)

DotCommunist said:


> is harper still languishing in the realms of unfinished narrative?



Yeah but I'll finish him mate, you'll be the first to know!


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## frogwoman (May 27, 2014)

'Lou's got someone else,' I sob. 'She told me that. She told me.' 
Jack puts down his rifle and looks at me for a long time. The flat is just as dingy as it was when I left it; it's probably not my imagination that I can hear crackles coming from the TV, which Jack always keeps on. The window is open because the heating is on and the government haven't decided to turn it off despite it being the middle of fucking summer. 

'She said that I was getting like Ante Pavac,' I say. 'And that I should stay away from Lou.' 
Jack looks at me. He says something that I don't catch. 
'What, Jack?' I say. 'What did you say?' 
'What did the Pavac creature do to this woman again?' He says. He looks at his rifle again. His face is set. 
'He was a soldier in the Croatian army. He raped her,' I say. 'He made her watch when they killed her mum and sister. Her housemate became an exemptive when she was living with her. He used the housemate to spy on her with the camera they put inside her.' I remembered when I had met her that time, hysterical, wanting to know whether there was an exorcist who could help Kara. 
Again Jack said something inaudible. his expression hardly changes but I see him clutch his gun tighter.  
'Speak to me, Goddamnit,' I yell at him. 'Speak to me!' I start crying again. 'She's crazy, isn't she? She's crazy. She had an eating disorder! He sent her crazy, didn't he?'  

'Perhaps when she tells you something like that, it's time to listen to her,' he says quietly. 
'You enjoyed what we did to the prisoners,' Jack said. 'I saw it in you. You were so full of anger and hate. And you enjoy power.' 
I open my mouth to challenge him. I can't. Because he is right. 
'Remember what we are fighting for,' Jack said. 'We're not animals. We don't hate. We are fighting for freedom. Don't let them take that away from us.' 
'I saved her life,' I say. 'Principles don't come into it, Baljinder had those, see how far they took her.'
'What kind of world do you want,' Jack said. 'Their world, where the way someone looks or where they've come from makes them worthy of death. Where people like Pavac and Charlotte Gould and Rob Sinclair are allowed to decide who lives or dies. Or ours? You killed people who had done nothing wrong.' 
'So did you,' I said. 

'I did what was necessary,' Jack said. 'I never forgot what I was there to do. The people I killed were exemptives.' 
'Not all of them,' I say. 'You were in the IDF. were all those Palestinians exemptives too? Exemptives didn't fucking exist then!' 
'Shut up, I never killed anyone in the IDF,' Jack yelled. 'I never killed anyone! Never! I did what I had to do. I was a kid!' 
'I'm a kid,' I yelled. 'I never had a chance to grow up!' 
'I'm sorry,' Jack said. 'Hey, sit down.' 

'It can't be true what she says about Lou,' I say. 'I can't believe its true. She'll come back.' The words sound as artificial as they are. Something I have to say. 'She's only saying it because she's worried and she thinks that I - for some reason...' 
'Look at me,' Jack says. his face has returned to that stiff expression he had before. 
'It can't be true,' I say. 'She loves me. Ten years, Jack. she wouldn't - I don't believe it.' 
Jack shakes his head. 'I'm sorry, Tal.'


----------



## DotCommunist (May 27, 2014)

landscape m8s! where and how are they and what does it look like.


good so far, interesting but I don't know where they are- the street looks, the crumbling infra etc. dare I mention psychogeography? how does the pocked bullet holes in buildings affect the normal citizen? long ting tho ennit.

adds texture dunnit?


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## DotCommunist (May 27, 2014)

personally I have been working on an idea about a post apocalypse society 400 years down the line.

here:


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## DotCommunist (May 27, 2014)

Bone white and three paces long, carved.


These were the descriptions given in Shellaghs ‘On The Third Continent’


He was talking of the rifles. Strangely fluted, odd pipe tones would sound as a breeze blew over barrels.  Shellagh of course was writing from three centuries ago, but the man before him was carrying just such a weapon. Albino mutes who conversed by an alien handslang, his 40 men sat or squatted in the road behind him playing games with dice. Nobody was more than a stride from immaculate scrimshawed rifle.

Over half of them had filed canines, most wore intricate whorls of tattoo over that ghost white skin.  Wide brimmed hats and loose robes of flowing green and black kept the sun from their flesh.


There are no accidents. Jarl Senec of the third illitan company was flexible enough to allow this concept. He’d spent 1 long summer in the company of a eunuch (who had tried his luck nonetheless) who taught him the rudiments of thinking beyond the military doctrines learned at the Collegium. The military strategies of the people who refuse to be defeated even when they cannot survive a pitched battle. Lethal harassment. Control of populace.


And these. Self reliant sharpshooters from a cult older than the worship of Sol. Cursed and blessed freaks. 2000 miles out of place, oathbreakers for these things supposedly served only the Empress of the Southern Reaches.


The ranks didn’t like them. Many thrown gestures of abuse or even signs against evil when they thought the Jarl couldn’t see. But they needn’t march with the men. They range.


Jarls grasp of handslang was poor but the troop’s leader (captain?) had som ilitan so a contract was hammered out. For food, water and victors share they would aid him for six moons. Long enough to break the Randari supply lines.


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## frogwoman (May 27, 2014)

DotCommunist yeah sorry, they're in Moldova lol, Jack and talisha have gone there for a weapons deal to go back to fight the fash in the uk while Svetlana and Mark have gone there to escape from the fash (again!) and start a new life, albeit in fairly grim surroundings. I should probably describe the street and the flat a bit more!


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## frogwoman (May 27, 2014)

And this is from the point of view of Louise's new gf:

'Nah, mate, she scares me,' Louise whispers. 'Things come back, you know? Bit by bit. She scares me, proper scares me. We had summink. Summink special but I can't remember, can't remember the feelings. I know I need to fight but not with 'er.' she squeezes my hand.
'She don't understand its over now,' she says. 'She thinks I'm the same person and we can just go back to 'ow things was but I cant and she can't accept that.'
'How much do you remember?' I say.
'Its coming back. Bit by bit like. My brother, I remember him. Can't remember 'is name like but I know I 'ave 'im. I know we was anti fash. Our whole family was.' she looks around.
'I been piecing it together,' she says. 'I didn't speak like them others. I ain't familiar with that classics, that literature like they was trying to get us reading in there. All that elocution shit and it was such a lot of crap. And I get visions of me house, what it was like. Me dog. I reckon I'm council estate, you know? I done walked down that road and I couldn't remember nothing but I thought I'd been there before.'
'Maybe,' I say. She's a beautiful girl. Not for the first time I feel lucky. Relieved that there isn't anything wrong after all, not really.
'I can understand why you fell in love with her,' I say. 'she's very charismatic, very outspoken. Very sexy.'
'She ain't sexy to me,' Louise says. 'Sorry mate. She scares the shit out of me. I know what she's capable of now. For the good cause and that. But still.' she drinks the water Baljinder gave her.
'What? you mean when she shot that guy?'
'Nah,' Louise says. 'We all done that. Tally done worse stuff. Like torture. when I started to remember I thought great I 'ave a girl, I can go back to her, I got someone who loves me. But nah, I ain't. She told me the stuff she done, when I were in hospital. I was on drugs, I didn't remember me own name. And she done told me how she tortured this guy so he'd tell her where to find me.' She shook her head; I saw there were tears in her eyes. 'Its wrong, innit, you don't, its wrong. He weren't even fash. they kept him for three days.'
'That must have been awful,' I say.
'Yeah,' she says. 'I didn't know what to say to her. I can't be with someone who does that.' She shakes her head; I stroke her hair. 'Listen to me, it feels like there are three people in this relationship, dont it? I'm so sorry, Betty.'
'She was a big part of your life,' I say. 'A big part of mine, too, for a bit. Its going to hurt. Understandably.'
'We need to finish the war,' Lou says. 'But not with her. I don't know how I felt before but I don't love her; I'm scared of what she could do.'
'Tell me about your brother,' I say.

Lou laughs; I love to hear it.
'I can't remember him,' she says. 'He's in fucking Moldova now with his girlfriend, well they're married he said. I don't even know where Moldova is, or what it is! he's the first person I talked to what spoke like I do. Can't tell you how relieved I was; that I weren't just a freak. I don't even remember what he looks like.'
She looks agitated; I feel so awful for her at that mmoment. Imagine not knowing what your brother looked like!
'He really loves her,' she says. 'So lucky. Way 'e talks about her. Wish I had that. I can't trust anyone; I don't even know 100% if he really is my brother.' She looks into my eyes. 'I wish I had my mum but he said she's dead.' 
'You can trust me,' I say. 
'No,' she says. 'No. I can't.'


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## frogwoman (May 29, 2014)

Dp


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## frogwoman (May 29, 2014)

'Know what she said about you to me?' Louise says.
I shudder to think; I still feel ashamed at her rejection of me, at her hand hard across my face.
'What?'
'She said she thought you was exemptive.' The last word is spoken in a whisper. I don't fully understand what exemptives are but Lou like everyone else here seems to be terrified of them; scared even to say the word.
'What's that? Really, Lou? Everyone talks about it but I don't fully understand what it is.'
'You mean you don't know what it is?'
'No,' I say. 'I can't be the only one, people seem too scared to explain it to me.'
'Its when they pay you to be their spy,' Lou says. 'They do an operation on you. They put a camera inside an' this little chip that's got x-ray vision. All that shite. And the chip let's them control you, so you go where they want you to go and you ain't got no control over nothin'. And people does it because they get paid an' don't have to be under the laws. They explained it to us like it were a good thing, like stopping the country from bein' bombed.' She shudders. 'Know Baljinder?'
'Yeah?'
'She told me if we find out someone is, then they got to kill it. Baljinder said that.'
I shudder.
'I've never heard that woman say anything like that,' I say. 'She never talks about killing anyone.'
'That's 'ow you know it's so bad,' Lou says. 'They're all proper proper scared of them. Everything they see an' hear just goes straight to the fash. Their body ain't their own any more, they're like...' she swallows. 'They're like walking dead.'



'Have you got food?'
'No food,' Talisha says. 'Sorry, guys. Got nothing.'
'I haven't eaten in three days!' Sawicki, the old Polish man. 'Come on, you've got to have something.'
'Got nothing, I'm sorry,' Talisha says.
'My child needs food! Come on, this is ridiculous! I saw you eat today!'
'You're just giving it to your mates, aren't you! Do you know how far I walked to get here! We've got to have something!'
'There's nothing!' She screams. 'Nothing! I didn't have time! We needed weapons!'
'Weapons, oy, what use are weapons when we're starving to death here, give us something to eat already!'
'This is fucking stupid, my kids ain't eaten since we got here and I see you pigging out on crisps you bitch! give me something to eat!'
The man ccomes up close to her. 'You must have something! I see you giving it to your mates, what about us?'
'Yeah! Give us something, some water, something! Please!'
There must be 20 people here, angry, shouting at her. The man who called her a bitch gets up in her face; I wish I could say or do something.
'My father is dying,' an Indian woman yyells. 'Give us something to eat, please! What's wrong with you?'
'There's no food,' Talisha says. 'Nothing. You understand? Nothing.'
'You lying, tell us where it is, tell us where it is, well go get it,' the man yells. 'Cant go on like this! Its fucking ridiculous!' He grabs her. She pulls out her gun; I don't even see what's happened but then he's on the ground, still. A pool of something dark coalesces by his head, and then another person is down, the Indian girl. a gasp of shock goes through the crowd. Talisha stands holding her gun as if she can't believe what has happened; one of the other fighters, a Jew who I have never spoken to, stands impassively, his expression impenetrable.
The people at the front recoil; she points the gun at them. A child starts to cry.

'This is what happens if you disobey my orders,' Talisha says. 'They're not back yet. You wait your turn. Well get food. You wait your turn instead of disobeying me.' The people stare at her; I see Louise looking at the ground.
'You wait your turn. Do you FUCKING understand?' Talisha yells. a chill goes down my spine. I try not to meet anyone's eye. The fear here is palpable.
'Answer me, do you FUCKING understand?'


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## frogwoman (May 29, 2014)

Lou 

I go bed; I'm sstarving. I turn me face to me pillow so nobody can see. Don't say nothing to anyone. I can't believe it like, them shots and hearing them fall down. I had to go out back to throw up. That's right, innit. They were right, that's what them terrorists do to people. She's a terrorist, that's what she is. The thought makes me start crying again. I can't stop. I don't want to be here. She's mental. I can't go back; they were going to kill me, that's why I am here. And I keep seeing a vision, my house and like someone's body and I wake up in the night thinking its them, its them. I see what they done to Sunita. 

I pull the blabket around me. I wish I was like normal people; wish I could remember more stuff. I don't want to be here. 

I hear footsteps; I pretend to be asleep because it's her. I hear her walk to my bed. I ignore her; try and bed down, get some rest. 
'Hey,' she whispers. 'Hey.' 
Her hands on my body. She leans forward and kisses me; I know ashe's been drinking. She's got a gun; makes me feel sick it does. My tummy feels like I'm on a boat, on a plane. My muscles gone into spasm.She kisses me again. 
'No,' I say. 'No, Tal, I don't want to.' all I can think about is them people lying on the ground, the smell because we had to bury it. The blood on me hand like. The stuff coming out of their skull. It makes me seize up again. 
She kisses me; strokes my hair. I just want her to go. 'OK,' she whispers. 'I'll be with you. I'll lie next to you.' I feel her tits against my back, she's took her shirt off. It makes me skin crawl; she runs her fingers in me hair, her fingers that been on the gun, shot them people for wanting food. 
'I wanna be alone,' I say. 'I ain't slept. I need to be alone.' 
'Again?' Talisha says. 'Do you not remember me? why don't you remember me?' 
'Let me be alone,' I say. 'Please, I'm not ready.' 


I turn over, try shut my eyes and go bed but she's still there, she's sitting by my bed beside me. I bite my lip so she don't hear me crying. She makes me cold like. She won't leave me alone. I don't even remember, she says we was together for ten years; that's not true, is it? Can't be. I don't even know my name past what she says it is, she and the others. the blanket smells but I bury my face in it so's I can't hear nothing, see nothing. 

She falls asleep next to me. I want to go other side of the room but I am too scared; she's got a gun don't she?
'Hey, you awake?' Someone says. I ignore them. a mans voice. 
'You awake?' Oh, fuck off. Let me sleep. 
'Louise?' 
'Yeah, what?' I says. 'What you want? Let me go bed.' 
'I wanted to give you something,' he says. Holds out his hand. 
'What's that?' I says. 
'It might help you get back your memory,' he says. My heads swimming like. I think that's what he's on about anyway. 
'What's that?' Like a little pill in his hand. 'That's not drugs, is it?' That lesson about drug dealers all being black with Semitic features comes back in my head. Drugs are the ruin of the Aryan race, they says. Even though I am starting to know all that's bollocks I sit up, start breathing hard. What if its true, if they're trying to ruin me and that's why I were brought here? 
'Not really,' he says. 'Try it.' He gives me the little white pill. 'It'll help you.' 
'Did Baljinder give it you?' I says. Baljinder might be an inferior race but at least she's a real doctor and what she's doing is helping. he nods. 'Just take it.' 
I put it in my mouth. 

I'm in this garden. My feet are furry. Everything's furry. I can't stand up; I've got new muscles I never used in me life and me heads a different shape. I'm in this garden. My nose is proper sensitive suddenly; I can't see that well like but I can smell everything. the gardens got a fence around it. 
'Lou? Didn't expect you here! You enjoying it?' 
There ain't no people here. I look round to see where the noise is from. there's nothing here. the bushes are moving; I look around for a gun, there ain't one. I sit down. 
'Lou?' 
There's something come out the bushes, an animal, but its massive, looks like a big spaniel. Its wagging its tail, comes towards me, wagging its tail. 
'Hello?' I says. 'Anyone 'ere?' 
The spaniel opens its mouth but it don't bark. 
'Is this your first time?' 
'What?' I says. 'that. Where's it come from?' there's hairs round my nose and its proper uncomfortable. everything, colours, smells, brighter and more intense. I can't stand up and everything, the sensation in my legs, I feel everything that much more. It don't hurt; its a really weird feeling. 
'Definitely your first time, " the voice ssays again. Its a mans voice; it starts laughing. 
'What?' I says. Its coming from the spaniel but it can't be, can it? That's impossible. Fuck me where did all this hair come from?  
'Enjoying the dog simulation, Lou?' 
'What the fuck? Dog simulation?' 
'Yeah,' the spaniel says. 'Cool innit?' 
'What the fuck,' I says. 'What the fuck, a fuckin' dog simulation? How do I go back to being a person? What the fuck? Where am I?' 
'Its a tool to recover lost memories,' the dog says, and fuck its wagging its tail at me. 'Its quite cool, the idea is you explore and then you find them the more you dig around and explore.' 
'What - how would this help me find my memory?' I yell. 'Where's me? how do I get back?' 
'You'll figure it out. The idea is that traumatic memories are more easily accessed if you don't remember them happening with you, but they'll be stored away somewhere in your brain, and in the form of a dog you'll be able to observe stuff you wouldn't before like, you'll be able to see them but they won't be happening to you. Do you remember me?' 
'No,' I says. 'What, no, this is mental. This is proper mental, how'd I get back?' 
'You want to get back, you pick up that blue ball in the middle of this garden,' the spaniel says. 'With your teeth.' he laughs. 'You sure you don't remember me?' 
'Yeah,' I says. 
'Its your brother, Lou,' he says. 'Jeez.' 
'Oh my God,' I says. 'I don't know who you are. I don't know what you look like. Where are you? I thought you was in Norway?' 
'Sweden,' he says. 'No, we're not there any more.' 
'Is this secure?' I says. 'Can people hear me?' 
'Yeah, nobody can hear you and youll forget this conversation when you leave, unless you want to save it,' he says. 'It'll look like you're asleep to everyone else.'
'Where's my real body?' 
'Asleep.' the other dog gives me a look. 
'Is there anything you want to tell me? Its been too long. How's Tally?' 
'Oh, God,' I says. 'Oh, God.' 
'What is it, sis?' the spaniel turns round, looks at the fence.  
'Is it really you? You're not just lying? I been trying to remember and some stuff's coming back, but don't remember having a brother? I just know cos she said so!'  
'Its really me. its Mark. What's going on, mate?' 
'Mark. I'm really really fucking scared.'


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## frogwoman (May 29, 2014)

That's what I have done tonight, not in chronological order though, at least the second bits aren't


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## frogwoman (May 29, 2014)

Greebo


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## Greebo (May 29, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> Greebo


What?

From what I've skimmed, it's readable enough.  

Sorry, right now I'm snowed under and I'm hardly the right person to give an opinion on your writing anyway.  I'll read it properly later, but right now (and probably until mid July at this rate) I have neither the time nor the energy.


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## frogwoman (May 29, 2014)

Greebo said:


> What?
> 
> From what I've skimmed, it's readable enough.
> 
> Sorry, right now I'm snowed under and I'm hardly the right person to give an opinion on your writing anyway.  I'll read it properly later, but right now (and probably until mid July at this rate) I have neither the time nor the energy.



No worries. Ive been having a look at the original (which this stuff is a sequel to and which a few people read a few years ago) , in general very good but I think I need to make it clearer what's going on when, i need to sort out the chronology and make it a bit longer as at the time I spent too much time listening to people on writing websites who said that it was too long and needed action rather than character development  i wanted to see if I could publish it on Kindle but dont think it is good enough  

Ive written loads of stuff, it would be good if someone could go through that and the harper story and give it a proper edit


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## NoXion (Jun 8, 2014)

This is piece is inspired by a dream I had last night, so apologies for the vagueness of the prose and any crapness. If I ever get around to it I'm thinking of perhaps expanding it and adding detail to it to make a fully-rounded story. It was one of those vivid dreams that sticks with you for a while after waking, so I decided to make something of it. The creative process has felt fresh and inspiring, so I'm hoping for more of these kind of dreams.

---

A human woman betrays information to an anti-human mechosystem concerning a resistance movement. As soon as she acquires the information, she is snatched away to a city once inhabited by humans but now controlled by the mechosystem. Upon arrival she attempts to claim her reward for cooperation, safe passage off-world for her and lover. But the robotic emissary of the mechosystem informs her that the terms of the deal have changed. To psychologically soften her up for a newly developed process of cyborgisation, her body is broken and bent and twisted before having the brain and spinal column ripped out and sent on its way by a drone. The semi-autonomous drone is then stealthily followed by a far more advanced espionage unit, sent to this planet by the advance scouts of a pro-human AI power heading towards this star system. The drone experiences the closest thing it can to a vague feeling that it being watched as it leaves the former human city. The feeling passes as the drone drops off its grisly cargo at a processing centre, where the information contained therein is forcibly extracted while the brain and spinal column is indoctrinated/reprogrammed before being surgically grafted into a combat unit. "Rewarded as a traitor deserves!" screeches the engines of orthodoxy into her mind's ear.

The information turns out to be the location of a meeting-place for human resistance fighters, and the anti-human kill squadrons (including the cyborg combat unit that was formerly the human woman) converge on the location in massive force. But it turns out that the information was fed to the anti- human AIs, spread about the resistance ranks so as to smoke out any informants, as well as to draw in anti-human AI forces into a trap. The trap being the first field test for a new anti-AI weapon which the resistance hope will turn the tide of the war, as most of the planet has come under the dominion of the anti-human AIs. 

The kill squadrons reach what they think is the meeting-place, and immediately begin tearing into the resistance fighters that they find there. Casualties mount horrifically fast, but before a rout can begin, the anti-AI weapon is deployed and the fortunes of the battle instantly begin to reverse. In the chaos, the former human woman dimly recognises some of her former compatriots through all the layers of indoctrination and neurological reprogramming. She calls out to them in her old voice, which in their twisted sense of charity the anti-human AIs have seen fit to have her keep, which draws out a squad of human resistance, among them her former lover. Fleshly familiarity and cybernetic hatred battle for domination in her now-synthetic mind, but the hatred wins out as the squad see not their comrade but an armour plated robotic killing machine, and open fire. Bullets rattling off her metallic hide, the cyber-janissary charges the squad, scattering all but two of their number, the steadfast squad leader and her former lover, who has become transfixed by working out what has happened to his paramour. The squad leader is disembowled by her steely claws, and as she raises them again to strike once more her former lover calls out to her, causing her to pause mid-action as once again conflicting emotions struggle for dominance. This proves to be fatal as the scattered squad has regrouped and deployed an anti-armour weapon, destroying the cyber-janissary.

The new anti-AI weapon has proven to be successful, but at a terrible cost; close to a hundred human resistance fighters have been lost, and one in particular seems to have become psychologically broken despite no physical injury. The pro-human AI espionage unit has been hovering above the battlefield the whole time, taking in everything including the drama of the two lovers. It observes the human resistance clean-up and withdraw from the field, before angling up towards the blue sky and shooting off into space, compiling a report as it does so.


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## frogwoman (Jun 14, 2014)

MellySingsDoom 

'Gawd, Les, me back's killing me, I'll be glad when this shift is over,' Andy said. It was 4am. There were two hours of of shunting heavy pallets around left. The completed boxes were neatly stacked in one corner of the warehouse. Andy was drinking coffee to keep him awake at this unholy hour; it was their fifteen-minute break before they had to go back to work. 

'Reckon I might go back to day shifts,' Andy said. 'Don't know how you do it, mate. These nights are killing me. How do you manage it? You've been doing nights ever since I started.' 

'Oh, I couldn't possibly do days,' Les said. 'It'd kill me to get up during the day. I'm basically nocturnal.' 

'Really, mate? It must make it difficult. Everything's on during the day. I never see you in the pub, mate, not even on weekends. Why's that?' 

'Oh, I don't really drink,' Les said. 'Not beer, anyway.' 

Andy looked at his workmate, puzzled. 'I never see you drink anything. I don't think I've even seen you drink water.' 

'Oh, I drink something a lot better than just beer and water, mate,' Les said. 

Andy reached into his pocket. 'Fancy a Twiglet, mate?' he said, pulling out the packet. 

'Oh, mate, no thanks,' Les said. 'Couldn't possibly.' 

'I never see you eating, neither,' Andy said. 

'Oh, I don't get hungry.' 

He was an odd one, all right, Andy thought.  He got up, went to the cloakroom and took a few sips of the bottle of cider he kept in his bag. At some point he'd cut down, his missus wasn't happy with him for it. But this job was so dull, he needed something to take the edge off. There were only so many times you could put different bottles of blood into different storage units and shunt around medical equipment before it lost its appeal and he had been doing this job five years. 

He took another few gulps then went back onto the warehouse floor. It was nearly the end of the shift and he was knackered. Perhaps he could have a little rest here by these rolls of bubble wrap. It wasn't long before his eyelids were drooping from cider and fatigue. 

He sat up with a start. How long had he been lying here? He put his hand to his throat; it was covered in blood. Yet the wound didn't seem to hurt.It would soon enough. He could have been a gonner if it had been any deeper. 

Les was watching him with an expression of concern. 

'You all right, mate?'

'Shit! I've got to stop drinking. That's it. I've got a problem and I'm going down the AA tomorrow morning. I'm so sorry you had to see that, Les.'

'These things happen, mate,' Les said. 'I doubt you'll be drinking again after this, I think you've more than learned your lesson.' 

'Oh, I hope so, but I say that every time.' 

'I think this is the last time,' Les said. 'Much better things than alcohol mate, now you'll see.'

'My missus wants to take me out to lunch, to that Italian place. They do a really nice garlic pizza bread. I can't go looking like this!' 

'Oh, don't you worry about that mate,' Les said. 'You won't be having any more of that garlic pizza bread.' 

He grins. 'Instead you'll have the chance to experience history, an' make history. You'll have immortality. Isn't that what you always wanted, mate? You'll discover pleasures you never dreamed possible.' 

Andy was starting to get thirsty. 

'Well, I dunno but tell you what I could do with, is a nice drink of water,' he said. 

'Water?' Les laughed. He reached into his high viz jacket and pulled out a bottle of red liquid. 

'Nah, what you need is this, fella. Sort you right out.'


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## MellySingsDoom (Jun 15, 2014)

frogwoman I think this is an impressive short story here - you set the scene nicely, and we see what Les is all about towards at the end (although there are hints along the way, of course!). I also like the story showing how Andy managed to get himself into a state where Les could take advantage of him. The garlic pizza bread wanting from Andy (and Les' reaction) is a nice (and humourous!) touch too - keeping in with the canon of the fiction genre your story covers.

I think it would definitely be worth expanding this story further, to get a bit more of a back-story on Les, and also see what happens now that Les and Andy are together in their immortality - and what their fellow work-mates make of them both.  I could also imagine Andy having to explain his new nocturnal ways to his missus ("no more garlic bread pizza for us!"), and also feeling a bit conflicted about his new life.

Great work all round here - more of this sort of thing!


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## frogwoman (Jun 15, 2014)

Oh definitely


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## frogwoman (Aug 5, 2014)

here's something I'm going to work on after I've finished updating Damaged:

*Emergency Session of the United Nations, 14th May 2048
Donald Fenwick, English Ambassador to the UN*
Ladies and Gentlemen of the United Nations,
Today marks one hundred years since Israel declared its independence from the British Mandate of Palestine. That 100 years has been the cause of endless war in the Middle East, as well as discrimination and dispossession of the Palestinians who have been denied their rights and put under siege, bombed, harassed and expelled.
Israel was meant to be a country where the Jewish people could escape persecution but instead, the state of Israel has persecuted the Palestinians mercilessly. Most of us in this room can agree that the state of Israel has no right to exist in its current form.
At the same time the Palestinians are hardly an innocent party with their militants shooting increasingly advanced rockets to Israel and using terrorism and suicide bombers as a weapon. It is clear that were the state of Israel to be given over to the Palestinians, there would be no guarantee of the peace and security the United Nations stands for.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the earth is overpopulated with over 10 billion people. The effects of global warming are being felt everywhere with tropical diseases and hurricane force winds now a yearly occurrence not only in England but also our northern neighbours.
Scientists have been warning for decades of the necessity of colonizing other planets, if the human race is to survive. Our technological expertise gives us the possibility of travelling into previously unimaginable distances and areas of the galaxy. 
My Government's proposal, Ladies and Gentlemen, is quite simply that we send all Jews in the world and all Palestinians in the world far away from our solar system, using our latest technology. The Jews will be on one spacecraft, while the Palestinians will be on another. In the case that an individual is both Jewish and Palestinian which spaceship they enter will be decided on a random basis by computer.
If we do this, we finally come closer than we have ever been to peace on earth and the beginning of the end of the population crisis. We will be ridding the earth of over 30 million people. And we will now have a chance to witness the settlement of two more planets, something the human race's finest minds have only ever dreamed about.
Our proposal may sound radical but in our view it combines humanitarian and environmental concern with scientific inquiry. And if this operation is a success many more can follow, we can finally begin the colonisation of the galaxy, which is humanity's only hope!
The question is not whether is it right to send the Jews and Palestinians away from our planet but would our children ever forgive us for not sending them away and instead, condemning our world to another hundred years of pointless war? And for that matter, would theirs?
What do you say?
_Motion carried - 135 in favour to 72 against, 10 abstentions_


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## stereoisomer (Sep 17, 2014)

I have a blog now- some people on Urban recommended that I start one, and it's something I've been thinking about for a long time. I've had this google doc with the title 'blog ideas' knocking around for ages, whenever I think of an idea for a post I stick it on there. I must have about 20 now. I've written 7 so far. Here it is!
http://st3reo1som3r.wordpress.com/

There are two semi-autuobiographical stories, and one science fiction story. The rest are non-fiction posts about random variety of stuff.


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## frogwoman (Sep 17, 2014)

yep I've got a wattpad account and I've been quite busy with various writing projects including re-writing damaged and my new jews in space story
http://www.wattpad.com/user/hrb264 if you want to check it out
will defo check out your stuff stereoisomer


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## DotCommunist (Sep 17, 2014)

You on nanwrimo this year? hard to find the time for that many words per day but imma soldier it anyway


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## frogwoman (Sep 18, 2014)

DotCommunist said:


> You on nanwrimo this year? hard to find the time for that many words per day but imma soldier it anyway



yeah depending on where I am with 2448 I'm either gonna finish that/get it up to 50k or do a nanowrimo thing.

2448 was my nanowrimo novel years ago but I never finished it.

doing the serialisation thing with one chapter a week because I've noticed I get more reads on it that way.


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## stereoisomer (Sep 20, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> yep I've got a wattpad account and I've been quite busy with various writing projects including re-writing damaged and my new jews in space story
> http://www.wattpad.com/user/hrb264 if you want to check it out
> will defo check out your stuff stereoisomer


I've just had a look at your '20 facts about myself' bit - the 'introduction' post on my blog has 10 interesting facts about me- want to add more now lol
I noticed a spike in visitors the day I posted the link to my blog on Urban. Let's see if I can get another one! My latest story is a sort of utopian scifi about GMOs- could be set in a nicer version of the _Oryx and Crake _universe. Got a few likes but no comments  I was hoping for comments- even if they say 'this is awful- you need to increase your medication'
http://wp.me/p4WYXj-P


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## frogwoman (Sep 20, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> I've just had a look at your '20 facts about myself' bit - the 'introduction' post on my blog has 10 interesting facts about me- want to add more now lol
> I noticed a spike in visitors the day I posted the link to my blog on Urban. Let's see if I can get another one! My latest story is a sort of utopian scifi about GMOs- could be set in a nicer version of the _Oryx and Crake _universe. Got a few likes but no comments  I was hoping for comments- even if they say 'this is awful- you need to increase your medication'
> http://wp.me/p4WYXj-P


That was brilliant. I liked the way you captured the child's voice so perfectly.


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## stereoisomer (Sep 23, 2014)

New short story. This one is inspired by a conversation I had at work.. we were talking about under what circumstances would it be morally acceptable to put a chip in someone's brain that modifies their behaviour? I said if that person wants it. The character 'Dave' is partly inspired by someone I may have posted on these forums about  but is also very much not him. 
http://st3reo1som3r.wordpress.com/2014/09/23/the-chip/ ‎


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## frogwoman (Sep 29, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> New short story. This one is inspired by a conversation I had at work.. we were talking about under what circumstances would it be morally acceptable to put a chip in someone's brain that modifies their behaviour? I said if that person wants it. The character 'Dave' is partly inspired by someone I may have posted on these forums about  but is also very much not him.
> http://st3reo1som3r.wordpress.com/2014/09/23/the-chip/ ‎



I liked that one a lot.


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## frogwoman (Sep 29, 2014)

Liked your update too stereoisomer


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## fucthest8 (Sep 29, 2014)

stereoisomer, they are both really good, but especially Jeff; Dany is really believable


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## stereoisomer (Sep 29, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> Liked your update too stereoisomer


Thanks! I'm halfway through writing part III, which will be the last one featuring Dave I think.


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## stereoisomer (Oct 2, 2014)

Here's another one what I done wrote.. it's quite dark. Not totally happy with it, think it might need some more stuff in the middle.
http://wp.me/p4WYXj-1F

Also wrote this but haven't published it publically on the blog yet... I'm a bit worried about it because it's so dark. I've been having facebook message debates with this guy from school mainly about rape (he's very concerned about the danger of being falsely accused of it, which I think is massively unlikely to happen but I can't prove that!).. That got me thinking about what kind of person would make a false allegation like that... and this story came out. 
https://docs.google.com/a/bristol.a...cNxcs4_jFbLonqRuIj9Fax1vFgCM/edit?usp=sharing

frogwoman what do you think.. are my friends going to think I'm a weird for writing this?


----------



## frogwoman (Oct 2, 2014)

stereoisomer I thought it was great and no need to worry as its fictional. I don't think you are weird at all.


----------



## stereoisomer (Oct 2, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> stereoisomer I thought it was great and no need to worry as its fictional. I don't think you are weird at all.


It is obviously fictional isn't it. I showed it to a couple of my friends and one of them said 'ooh you've got to be careful what you say about rape'.. but she couldn't really explain what she meant. People aren't going to think that Jessica's views are my views are they?

eta: I made it public on my blog but I haven't shared it on facebook because I'm still nervous.

eta again: I'm glad I put in the note about it being totally fictional because I showed it to another facebook friend and he assumed that it was semi-autobiographical and that 'Betty' was me!


----------



## frogwoman (Oct 5, 2014)

Here's a bit from my forthcoming chapter of 2448, my Jewish/Palestinian space story: 

'Shmuley's mother is very overprotective,' Shlomo says to Ghada. 

'Shut up, Peretz. Everyone's mother is overprotective on Shtetlon. What about the time yours walked into the factory and gave old Feinschmeyer an earful because you used up your holiday?' 

'Shmuley! You promised you wouldn't mention that!' 

'Come on, Shlomo. Give it over.' 

He hands me my phone. Baruch Hashem, the schlemiel didn't get a chance to go through my mother's texts and read them out. I have thirty missed calls, all from her. As I feel my phone in my hands it starts to vibrate again. 
'Hello?' 
'Shmuley!' my mother yells. 'Where are you? Are you coming home for Shabbat? Why don't you call? Why don't you let me know where you are? I'm only your mother! It's not as if I would worry about you!' 
'No, Mother,' I say. 'It's kind of complicated. You see...' 
There are bleeps and strange sounds in the background. 
'What, Shmuley? Chaya Schmidt is coming over for Shabbat. She's a nice girl, Shmuley. From a good family, Shmuley. A rabbi's daughter! I think you two would get on well, it's about time you thought about marriage, Shmuley. All my friends say, oh, your son, such a nice boy, why's he working in the factory, why doesn't he find himself a wife already? So handsome, that's what they say!' 
The phone is on speaker. Mendel and Shlomo are trying not to laugh. 
'I can't come for Shabbat,' I say. 'I'm in space.' 
'Space? What's in space that you can't at least give your mother a call? I've been making myself sick from worry. Oy vey. You won't believe how much time I have been cooking, Shmuley. I've been slaving away in the kitchen and now you tell me you're not coming.' 
'Look I'm sorry,' I say. 'I'm kind of on a spacecraft.' 
'Freidy Sugarman told me she saw you drunk last night. You don't come home, you don't call...' 
'I've been abducted by aliens!' I yell. Mendel and Shlomo think this is hilarious. How I hate them. 'I would come for Shabbat, but these aliens abducted me and took me up in their spaceship...' 
'Oh, that's fine. That's just fine, Shmuley. Don't worry about me. If you want to be in space, that's fine. Don't let me stop you having fun without me.' In the background I hear the sound of sobbing.


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## stereoisomer (Oct 9, 2014)

I've updated my mediaeval/time travel story, added a bit more and changed the date to make it a bit more historically accurate. http://wp.me/p4WYXj-1F
frogwoman that excerpt is hilarious, the whole 'Jewish mother' thing is OTT but that's the point isn't it?


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## frogwoman (Oct 10, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> I've updated my mediaeval/time travel story, added a bit more and changed the date to make it a bit more historically accurate. http://wp.me/p4WYXj-1F
> frogwoman that excerpt is hilarious, the whole 'Jewish mother' thing is OTT but that's the point isn't it?



yeah that's the point, I'm trying to play on all these Jewish stereotypes


----------



## frogwoman (Oct 10, 2014)

http://www.wattpad.com/hrb264  

if you fancy checking out my writing stuffz


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## stereoisomer (Oct 10, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> http://www.wattpad.com/hrb264
> 
> if you fancy checking out my writing stuffz


I am... a machine malfunctioned last night meaning I have absolutely no lab work to do today, so I'm reading 'Damaged'  It's really good so far, I'm gripped!


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## frogwoman (Oct 10, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> I am... a machine malfunctioned last night meaning I have absolutely no lab work to do today, so I'm reading 'Damaged'  It's really good so far, I'm gripped!



ah cheers!  I'd be really interested in your feedback


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## stereoisomer (Oct 10, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> ah cheers!  I'd be really interested in your feedback


Well so far, it's kind of spookily similar to the sort of thing I used to spend a lot of time thinking about when I was younger- I used to have this complex fantasy world where I was a guerilla fighting against fascists in a dystopian future Britain! I never wrote any of it down though. It's really fun to read! I don't spend so much time thinking about this stuff any more - perhaps it feels less likely than it used to. What's your feeling on the likelihood of this scenario coming to pass?


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## frogwoman (Oct 10, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> Well so far, it's kind of spookily similar to the sort of thing I used to spend a lot of time thinking about when I was younger- I used to have this complex fantasy world where I was a guerilla fighting against fascists in a dystopian future Britain! I never wrote any of it down though. It's really fun to read! I don't spend so much time thinking about this stuff any more - perhaps it feels less likely than it used to. What's your feeling on the likelihood of this scenario coming to pass?



I wrote it about 6 years ago and I've edited it a lot. the version on the site is the much more polished 3rd or so draft 

I've got no idea how likely it is tbh. Hopefully not very


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## SpookyFrank (Oct 10, 2014)

For a limited time only, here's an extract from the novel I'm working on. Fifty years after a virus wiped out almost all of mankind, two young people leave the makeshift compound in Cornwall where they've spent their entire lives with their only families and a handful of others. Doing the talking is Gretchen, one of my two narrators; the other being her Grandmother who lived through the fall of mankind and who Gretchen has left behind, possibly forever. Here Gretchen approaches Plymouth, the first city she has ever seen:



> This town is not such a surprising thing. Perhaps it is around the same size as the town we looked down on at home. It is much the same as the villages, the buildings are still standing closed and undisturbed.
> 
> The town begins high up on the west bank of a wide river, or a narrow sea, and stretches down to the water's edge. There are two high bridges, both still intact, running parallel across to the east bank. Beyond the bridges the edges of the city of Plymouth can just be seen crowning the hilltops. We have seen all of this on the maps, but it is easy to forget about hills. I would have expected to be able to see right into the heart of the city but the hills hide it.
> 
> ...


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## SpookyFrank (Oct 10, 2014)

...



> The old ones at home would sometimes talk about when the world had died. I never understood this, because all around me there was life. Sometimes the hardest thing was to keep life out, to keep foxes from the chickens and slugs from the vegetables and weeds from the brickwork. This was no dead world. And yet now we could see just how strong people had once been, how they had been able to shape the land and even the sea as they chose. We knew stories, we had seen pictures in books of the things humans had built. But looking across at that scene, a whole landscape crafted like a lump of wood carved with a chisel, I started to realise how people must have felt before.
> 
> I could feel the powerful, delusional notion that we were the masters of everything around us. The people who lived then must have been unable to think any differently. They were born into a world of extraordinary things, so much bigger and stronger than anything a pair of human hands could ever make. They must have known that humans had made all these things, and yet to look at them is to look at the work of a god. From what I've seen in the books and the stories I think that mankind's main problem had always been their love and hatred for the invisible gods who ruled their lives. If I had lived in the old world, I would have thought that we were the only gods. In this world I am not fooled. Gods would not be so easily destroyed.


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## SpookyFrank (Oct 10, 2014)

...



> Silas sat next to me on a low wall near the road, watching the river and the docks. Silas doesn't show much emotion, not like he did when he was younger. As we sat there though, he seemed happy. I think he was happy to simply allow himself to be dumbfounded by the scene. He liked to think about things, to deduce the function and the meaning and the inner workings of them. For now he was just putting everything he saw away somewhere so he could worry about it later.
> 
> He smoked, the green stuff I never liked, and smiled to himself. I wanted to see if Silas shared some of my sense of awe, I wanted to know if he was having to rethink the world and humans and everything else all at once. I asked him how he thought anyone could have built those huge sea walls that enclosed the harbours.
> 
> 'One brick at a time,' was all he said.


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## frogwoman (Oct 14, 2014)

Looking forward to reading more. Why not join wattpad if you can be arsed with all the hoards of One Direction obsessed teenagers. SpookyFrank


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## frogwoman (Oct 14, 2014)

By the way, has anyone here ever tried to get anything published? Did it work? I finished Damaged many years ago but it's only this year that I've managed to get it into anything approaching a publishable state in my opinion and it's almost completely rewritten.

I've got several other stories that people have told me should be published as well, such as 2448 and another one that isn't online any more.

I don't have any idea how to go about it tbh but I know I should stop being such a wimp and go for it.


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## Bakunin (Oct 14, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> By the way, has anyone here ever tried to get anything published? Did it work? I finished Damaged many years ago but it's only this year that I've managed to get it into anything approaching a publishable state in my opinion and it's almost completely rewritten.
> 
> I've got several other stories that people have told me should be published as well, such as 2448 and another one that isn't online any more.
> 
> I don't have any idea how to go about it tbh but I know I should stop being such a wimp and go for it.



The Writer's and Artist's Yearbook is your friend.

https://www.writersandartists.co.uk/


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## frogwoman (Oct 14, 2014)

Bakunin said:


> The Writer's and Artist's Yearbook is your friend.
> 
> https://www.writersandartists.co.uk/



their editorial services look good buy they're charging a shit load of money for it


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## Bakunin (Oct 14, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> their editorial services look good buy they're charging a shit load of money for it



Take a look at this as well:

http://www.firstwriter.com/


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## stereoisomer (Oct 18, 2014)

Another installment of Jessica's story http://wp.me/p4WYXj-26

I think I might possibly be able to weave Dave's and Dany's stories together with Jessica's into some kind of larger thing, they're all set in the same universe I think. Maybe add some more characters. Hmmm.
frogwoman now would be a good time to try to get 'Damaged' published, it seems really topical! I like how you've updated it to include references to UKIP and ISIS


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## frogwoman (Oct 18, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> Another installment of Jessica's story http://wp.me/p4WYXj-26
> 
> I think I might possibly be able to weave Dave's and Dany's stories together with Jessica's into some kind of larger thing, they're all set in the same universe I think. Maybe add some more characters. Hmmm.
> frogwoman now would be a good time to try to get 'Damaged' published, it seems really topical! I like how you've updated it to include references to UKIP and ISIS



Cheers.

Did you finish it?

 I am doing some quite intensive editing of the beginning, nothing content wise but changing/combining chapters, deleting extraneous paras etc.
The only thing that worries me is that while some people read it to the end a lot of people seem put off by how I have done the accents, although I have read lots of books by Irvine Welsh etc where this is done, but its starting to make me think I'm not that good!

The other thing is that a few people said it was really slow in the beginning. What did you think?


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## DotCommunist (Oct 18, 2014)

are the complaints because of it being written in the vernacular, or that you have got the accent wrong? The former is someone elses problem. Not everyone likes vernacular voice *shrug*. But if people think you've captured it wrong...


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## stereoisomer (Oct 18, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> Cheers.
> 
> Did you finish it?
> 
> ...


I didn't find it slow at the beginning at all.. I do find it a bit odd that it's only Lau that has an accent though.


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## frogwoman (Oct 18, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> I didn't find it slow at the beginning at all.. I do find it a bit odd that it's only Lau that has an accent though.



Svetlana has one...i tried to distinguish the characters voices in other ways


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## frogwoman (Oct 18, 2014)

DotCommunist said:


> are the complaints because of it being written in the vernacular, or that you have got the accent wrong? The former is someone elses problem. Not everyone likes vernacular voice *shrug*. But if people think you've captured it wrong...



No, nothing to do with getting the accent wrong. Nobody has mentioned that as an issue!


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## DotCommunist (Oct 18, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> No, nothing to do with getting the accent wrong. Nobody has mentioned that as an issue!




ah right, then its a preference thing rather than an actual problem m8  not everyone likes or gets vernacular straight off- I struggled with Irvine Welsh till I listened to enough scots accents on tv and film and it clicked lol


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## stereoisomer (Oct 18, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> Svetlana has one...i tried to distinguish the characters voices in other ways


Oh yes of course. I mean I thought it was odd that none of the other characters from Wattleton seemed to have an accent, why doesn't Talisha have one?


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## frogwoman (Oct 18, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> Oh yes of course. I mean I thought it was odd that none of the other characters from Wattleton seemed to have an accent, why doesn't Talisha have one?



She grew up going to a posh school. You're right though I could make Sunita have an accent  

Have you finished it m8?


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## stereoisomer (Oct 18, 2014)

No, haven't had time! will finish it next week hopefully...


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## stereoisomer (Oct 18, 2014)

Also Mark doesn't seem to have the same accent as Lou, which I thought was a bit odd too. Am enjoying it a lot though!


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## frogwoman (Oct 18, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> Also Mark doesn't seem to have the same accent as Lou, which I thought was a bit odd too. Am enjoying it a lot though!



No he doesn't, I intended his accent to be less strong but I don't think i made it consistent throughout the book, that's something I will have to look at in my edits. Thank you for picking it up.


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## DotCommunist (Oct 18, 2014)

this is just what I've managed today and I know it needs proofing for spelling, grammar and tense etc but I'm waaay  behind on what my daily wordcount should be lol

there is more to it, but this is todays brainfart.



> On a small outpost of the 3rd expansionist front sits a freewheeling rock. It has no spin. It has a stable orbit around a gas giant, bathed in hard radiation and inimical to biological life. The third wave expansion hadn’t stopped to give it a name, c2.133 is its only descriptor.
> 
> 
> Shidren’s ship AI was not bored, not in a way a human mind understands bored. While several orders of magnitude more capable than a baseline human brain it was not at the weakly godlike level that tends to scare the shit out of mere mortals. Those things consider sleep a little death. Shildrens AI was an off the shelf job from the Gantric wars. Aggressive, belligerent and motivated by a desire for action. It’s boredom was an existential thing- it felt it was not fulfilling its purpose. So it slept inasmuch as we can call a general function shutdown sleep. But it was itchy, crabby. The small part of awareness left running was depressed. Three standard years clamped to the side of an unknown and unloved rock like a tick on its back. In its own way it missed Shildren. He was for a human quite intelligent and at the very least provided some form of entertainment via the situations he got himself into.
> ...


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## stereoisomer (Oct 20, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> No he doesn't, I intended his accent to be less strong but I don't think i made it consistent throughout the book, that's something I will have to look at in my edits. Thank you for picking it up.


How comes he has a less strong accent when she's the one who went to university? That's what didn't make sense to me.
It sort of comes over like he's the posh one.


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## frogwoman (Oct 20, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> How comes he has a less strong accent when she's the one who went to university? That's what didn't make sense to me.
> It sort of comes over like he's the posh one.




I should maybe make it more clear but he's done a lot of anarchist writing and done talks and stuff. Also, the reason she has kept her accent is partly a rebellion against those posh twats at university!

 you're right though!


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## stereoisomer (Oct 20, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> I should maybe make it more clear but he's done a lot of anarchist writing and done talks and stuff.
> 
> you're right though!


Yes perhaps you should add a bit explaining that!


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## frogwoman (Oct 20, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> Yes perhaps you should add a bit explaining that!



I do sort of hint at it later on but yeah maybe I need to in the beginning!


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## frogwoman (Oct 20, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> Yes perhaps you should add a bit explaining that!



Also, he was interviewed in the magazine, so he's fairly involved in all that stuff. But yeah maybe I should explicitly point out he's done talks and that sort of thing  this is actually the sort of stuff it's really useful to know  I hope it doesn't make it completely implausible!


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## stereoisomer (Oct 20, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> Also, he was interviewed in the magazine, so he's fairly involved in all that stuff. But yeah maybe I should explicitly point out he's done talks and that sort of thing  this is actually the sort of stuff it's really useful to know  I hope it doesn't make it completely implausible!


No it doesn't, but I'm not sure why doing talks would change his accent so much while Lou's been to uni and her accent hasn't changed at all?


----------



## frogwoman (Oct 20, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> No it doesn't, but I'm not sure why doing talks would change his accent so much while Lou's been to uni and her accent hasn't changed at all?



Lou also deliberately kept her accent like that, as a reaction to the people she met in uni. Also, she was living at home while going to uni whereas Mark has moved up and down a bit. I should maybe add a sentence or two to this effect in the first chapter 

thanks for pointing this out I feel quite silly


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## stereoisomer (Oct 24, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> Lou also deliberately kept her accent like that, as a reaction to the people she met in uni. Also, she was living at home while going to uni whereas Mark has moved up and down a bit. I should maybe add a sentence or two to this effect in the first chapter
> 
> thanks for pointing this out I feel quite silly


I've got a bit of time, reading part 30 now...

I think this would make an awesome film. Talisha is so badass.


----------



## frogwoman (Oct 24, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> I've got a bit of time, reading part 30 now...
> 
> I think this would make an awesome film. Talisha is so badass.



Cheers  When I was writing it, I imagined it as a film 

she is isn't she, Nazi killer


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## stereoisomer (Oct 24, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> Cheers  When I was writing it, I imagined it as a film
> 
> she is isn't she, Nazi killer


Fuck yeah!


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## frogwoman (Oct 24, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> Fuck yeah!



socking it to those fucking cunts. I loved writing that chapter.


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## stereoisomer (Oct 24, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> socking it to those fucking cunts. I loved writing that chapter.


I'm writing _Jessica III _at the moment, in which Jessica and Betty team up to take revenge on Seth, it's going to be awesome. Not sure how violent I'm going to make it. I'm thinking, quite violent. Jessica has changed but she's also still the same person, if you know what I mean? She's still got that 'fuck you' attitude.


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## frogwoman (Oct 24, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> I'm writing _Jessica III _at the moment, in which Jessica and Betty team up to take revenge on Seth, it's going to be awesome. Not sure how violent I'm going to make it. I'm thinking, quite violent. Jessica has changed but she's also still the same person, if you know what I mean? She's still got that 'fuck you' attitude.


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## stereoisomer (Oct 24, 2014)

Just finished Jessica III

https://st3reo1som3r.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=148&action=edit&message=6&postpost=v2

Morally ambiguous extreme violence anyone? Do you agree with what Jessica and Betty did?


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## frogwoman (Oct 24, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> Just finished Jessica III
> 
> https://st3reo1som3r.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=148&action=edit&message=6&postpost=v2
> 
> Morally ambiguous extreme violence anyone? Do you agree with what Jessica and Betty did?



It won't let me follow that link.


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## frogwoman (Oct 24, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> Just finished Jessica III
> 
> https://st3reo1som3r.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=148&action=edit&message=6&postpost=v2
> 
> Morally ambiguous extreme violence anyone? Do you agree with what Jessica and Betty did?




See my reply. 

I don't agree with the sexual stuff no and I can forsee Betty awakening an evil side of herself.


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## stereoisomer (Oct 25, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> See my reply.
> 
> I don't agree with the sexual stuff no and I can forsee Betty awakening an evil side of herself.


That's an interesting idea! I'll have to write one from Betty's point of view I think.

btw I love how you're talking about my characters as if they're real people!

RE your comment- it's not my intention to write it that Norbogaine ever wears off. It's an imaginary drug that I've invented so I guess I can give it whatever properties I want!


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## stereoisomer (Oct 25, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> See my reply.
> 
> I don't agree with the sexual stuff no and I can forsee Betty awakening an evil side of herself.


I can see Betty and Jessica becoming more like Talisha....


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## frogwoman (Oct 25, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> I can see Betty and Jessica becoming more like Talisha....



Talisha is not really evil. She's quite screwed up in many ways but I don't think she is that evil. She was wrongly thought to be evil but she is slightly attracted to violence (is with the bull fighting thing) and is very blunt and only cares about a select few people, but a lot of the reasons for this is because of her upbringing and because other people never really have her a chance. 

Yeah your characters are very convincing. I really like them.


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## stereoisomer (Oct 26, 2014)

frogwoman said:


> Talisha is not really evil. She's quite screwed up in many ways but I don't think she is that evil. She was wrongly thought to be evil but she is slightly attracted to violence (is with the bull fighting thing) and is very blunt and only cares about a select few people, but a lot of the reasons for this is because of her upbringing and because other people never really have her a chance.
> 
> Yeah your characters are very convincing. I really like them.



I thought you were writing Talisha as a sort of semi-sociopath, she doesn't give a shit that much about right and wrong but when something is really wrong she will do something about it. And also being very fine with violence.


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## frogwoman (Oct 26, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> I thought you were writing Talisha as a sort of semi-sociopath, she doesn't give a shit that much about right and wrong but when something is really wrong she will do something about it. And also being very fine with violence.



Yeah. Pretty much. She is. But a lot of it is because of extreme shit that happened to her. The shit people did to her.


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## stereoisomer (Nov 17, 2014)

new installment in the Jessica/Betty storyline 
http://wp.me/p4WYXj-2D


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## frogwoman (Nov 29, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> new installment in the Jessica/Betty storyline
> http://wp.me/p4WYXj-2D



cool, just seen this now, will read


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## scifisam (Dec 12, 2014)

stereoisomer said:


> new installment in the Jessica/Betty storyline
> http://wp.me/p4WYXj-2D



I can't see a link to the first part of your story - put it up and I'll take a look. You too, Froggy. 

Hour of Writes is a new writing competition that seems to be pretty well organised. You do have to pay to enter, but I think it's something like £3 for three entries, and the first prize is £100. I found it worth entering just to get some really ego-boosting and useful feedback on my work. 

Also, here's a creepy poem I wrote (not for this competition, but at the same time as it). Anyone like it? It's intended to be read aloud, really.

***
I am the darkness that waits at the door
For when you unwittingly place in my claw
The key of a tear or a sigh or a shout
With which I can enter, and shut the light out
And then I can creep up behind you unseen
And put my arms lovingly round you
And squeeze

Once you are still I climb up to my place
Anchor myself on your neck and your face
When I am hungry my teeth pierce your spine
And I feed till you're weak and you're hopelessly mine
I laugh and you shiver but you'll never know
That now I'm the darkness that rides on your back

And will never let go


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## Buddy Bradley (Dec 12, 2014)

scifisam said:


> Also, here's a creepy poem I wrote (not for this competition, but at the same time as it). Anyone like it? It's intended to be read aloud, really.


Iambic pentameter (almost)!


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## scifisam (Dec 12, 2014)

Yeah, I like iambic pentameter.

I've jut written a story for this week's challenge. You only get an hour for the actual writing part (I was thinking it up in bed last night) so it's going to need some serious editing to make it actually good, but it's OK. Post-apocalyptic depressive stuff, naturally.


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## frogwoman (Dec 13, 2014)

Www.wattpad.com/hrb264


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Dec 31, 2014)

edit: answered my own question via google


----------



## maya (Jan 23, 2015)

challenge:


Mogden said:


> Write a song or poem about your woes in a Bjork style.


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## DotCommunist (Jan 24, 2015)

I......I am NOT scandawgian
BUT! and know this

I speak softly when I sleep


AND SHOUT WHEN I'M AWAKE!


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## maya (Jan 25, 2015)

^ That's not bad...  ! (I'd love to see someone write about extremely mundane everyday things too, like waiting in a queue or walking the dog or boiling potatoes and doing the dishes or something, only from a strange bjorkish perspective and with her mannerisms...)


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## scifisam (Aug 18, 2015)

I'm going shopping
I'm the shopper
I can find the BAAAAAAARGAINS
I can find them before you
You huuuuuuman 
Slow hUUUUUuuuUUUman
I daaaaaare you
To take me on
At the discount counter of life
And Liiiiiiiiidl
I will be the winner
(Shhh
The sausages are calling)


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## scifisam (Aug 18, 2015)

BTW, I won that writing competition recently. I think this is a link to the story (it's in the writing about art challenge) but I'm not sure it's working: https://hourofwrites.com/user/entries/id/222


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## ShiftyBagLady (Aug 25, 2015)

scifisam said:


> BTW, I won that writing competition recently. I think this is a link to the story (it's in the writing about art challenge) but I'm not sure it's working: https://hourofwrites.com/user/entries/id/222


Well done! I read it and I really enjoyed your piece


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## scifisam (Aug 25, 2015)

Thank you!


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## frogwoman (Oct 2, 2015)

From the sequel to my book, a lot of the stuff i put up about two years ago was originally intended for it but ive had to change the story a lot.



It's two am when we arrive. When was the last time I saw sunlight? I don't remember. My world is lit up by street lamps and striplights. My fingers curl round Lou's. She's thin, bony. She has trouble walking. She touches my back and smiles at me weakly.
'Tell me bout these lads, then,' Lou says.
'I knew them from boxing,' Hassan says. 'Good lads. Salman. Not AFDB. Some other group. I forget the name of it now, like.'

We walk up to the door. Wait. There's no sign of anyone. I feel inside my pocket. Three hundred pounds in cash. We've driven fifty miles to come here. They were cooperative, friendly. We can vouch for them, more to the point.
They take a few minutes to come to the door. I pull my hood over my face. I scan the street with my eyes; lights, sounds. The camera above our heads is broken. The wall behind us is full of graffiti; antifa, anarchy, and the tags of bored teenagers. I clutch my gun in my hands.
The door opens. A man opens the door dressed in camo. He grins at Hassan. 'All right, buddy?'
'Yeah, bred.' We walk inside; the man swiftly closes the door behind us. I don't remove my face mask. Lou keeps hers on. My hot breath fills the fabric. She grips me with a gloved hand. I could weep I'm so grateful to have her back with me again.
The first thing I notice is the fact that the building is so clean inside, despite being boarded up and covered with graffiti. The scent of air freshener that's slightly too strong to be pleasant. The shiny floor. The second thing is that it's so big inside. High ceilings. Not like the squalid rooms we've been sharing with the rats and the inch of water on the floor. Where the only heat comes from a single radiator. The one we chained Katrina to.
He takes us into the back of the warehouse. I have rarely seen so many guns. Anti tank missiles. Rocket launchers. Grenades.
'Where did you get this stash?' I joke with the fighter guarding them. A young man of about twenty, thin and wiry but handsome, the torch light illuminating his face. A few months ago in my grief stricken promiscuous phase I would have considered fucking him. I wish I didn't notice. 'Out where we're from, guns and ammo don't grow on trees.'
He grins. 'We have ways,' he says. 'Never mind about that.'
He gets up. 'What do you want? We have medical supplies, too. We have anything you want.'
It's a vast, well stocked space.
'Did you rob the NDF base?' Hassan says. 'Tell me how you did it, mate. We want some of that.'
'We were given it,' the guy grins. 'It's easy when you have the right connections.'
'Put us in touch.' I feel uneasy but don't know why. There's no way, I tell myself. They're not exemptives. Things go wrong with exemptives all the time. They throw up. Die. Go crazy when the cameras in their head malfunction. There's no way the BPF would trust exemptives with such a huge stash of weapons, even the ones with the newest chips in their heads. 'You know where to find me.'
The next thing I notice is the walls are bare. No page 3 or titty mags from macho men like Danny. No political slogans. No tags. No 'hasta la victoria siempre'. No banners to show what group these people are in. They are white and pristine. As clean as the floor. There's a faint whiff of cooking. Air freshener. Otherwise nothing.
I turn my head and look around the room. Scan it for bugs. Nothing.
I can hear no noise from outside. No cars going by. No sirens. No cats, no dogs.
The walls are soundproof.
My eyes turn to the corner of the room and I see it. There is no moisture in my mouth. It's dry. I nod and listen to what the two men are saying, turn away, pretend I've not seen. Stand with my hands on my hips. Pretend it doesn't exist and I never saw it. But I'm not really listening.
His words go in one ear and out the other. I barely register. I hope he doesn't know, I try to convince myself it's not what I can see. I look for some mark in the corner that would make it different. Something to make it OK for me to have come here. For me to have brought my girlfriend here. I see myself kneeling down before that symbol, thrust in front of a camera. What a prize that would be.

'You let me know what you've chosen?' I nod. 'I'll let you alone to make a decision.'
I watch him leave, disappear down the other end. I walk past the shelves stacked with guns and grenades, shaking with every step and the effort of forcing myself to act like a woman not out of my mind. To not look. I discuss what we're going to buy with Hassan. A stash better than anything we've ever been able to have. £500 in total. The proceeds of the bank robbery. I'd be happy to leave empty handed, to leave with nothing if it meant never seeing these people again.

I pull my scarf tight over my face. The gun salesman comes back. 'You made a decision yet?' He seems happy. There are only three of us. I counted five of them on the way in. Not enough. I clear my throat. 'Yeah, I've made my decision.'
I take out five wads of £100. 'That,' I say, pointing to the large assault rifle nearest me. 'That. That.'
And then I pay him and wish we weren't such fucking low down forms of life. I tell myself we need these weapons. I tell myself I have to keep my eye on the prize. Getting rid of the BPF. Fighting fascism. Protecting our people. Protecting the kids we're hiding. Helping the refugees get out. That's all that matters. That's all that's ever going to matter.
Hassan shakes his hand. 'Later, mate.'
We walk out. Two other men walk us to the door. There's nothing. No evidence of what happens here. At least I don't have to shake Salman's hand. We nod at them and thank them and then walk to the car as quickly as we can.


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## frogwoman (Oct 2, 2015)

DotCommunist what you reckon mate?


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## DotCommunist (Oct 2, 2015)

nice- one thing, recon protagonist should know what they are looking for when they see it. Catches their eye, perhaps from a magazine or in the hands of some fighter she'd met ?? recognizes it on the shelf and names it like, with a nod 'the steyr' or whatever. Does that make sense?


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## frogwoman (Oct 2, 2015)

Good one, i'll change it, i know nothing about weapons lol. Is it obvious who the guys their buying the weapons off are?


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## frogwoman (Oct 2, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> nice- one thing, recon protagonist should know what they are looking for when they see it. Catches their eye, perhaps from a magazine or in the hands of some fighter she'd met ?? recognizes it on the shelf and names it like, with a nod 'the steyr' or whatever. Does that make sense?



Cheers - lol i dont seem to be able to keep up the same momentum here as i did for the last book i keep writing random scenes and not knowing where it should fit together.


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## DotCommunist (Oct 2, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Good one, i'll change it, i know nothing about weapons lol. Is it obvious who the guys their buying the weapons off are?


I have some idea yes lol only guesses mind.


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## frogwoman (Oct 2, 2015)

'I'm sorry, mate,' Hassan says as he slides into the car behind us. 'I didn't know, man! We knew each other for time. I trusted that lad. I trusted him with my life. What happened?'
I start the engine, turn carefully out of the parking lot. One of them comes outside to watch us leave.
'Why the fuck didn't you tell me who these guys were? We could have all been killed!'
'I didn't know, man,' Hassan moans. 'I hadn't seen him in years. I thought I knew him! I thought I trusted him!'
'You can never trust anyone,' I say. 'Don't you know that by now?'
'How could he,' Hassan says. 'How could he have - '
'How could he have joined ISIS?' I press my foot on the accelerator. The wheels slam into a speed bump. 'I don't know. He's your friend. You tell me.'
'As I said to you, I didn't know,' Hassan says. Infuriating me. 'What are we supposed to do? Only use guns that are dropped from the fucking sky? It's war. We've got to deal with people we wouldn't - that we don't like.' His eyes shine in the back mirror. 'By any means necessary.'
'I don't think so,' I say. 'We have to keep our distance. Thanks to us they're now £500 richer. We're not on the same side and it's time we remembered that.'
'We're fighting the same enemy,' Hassan says.
'What do you think will happen when the fash are gone?' I say. 'They'll turn on us.'
My heart is pounding. I see a light in the distance. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. I turn the corner and look for cars behind me. 'You know, it's easy, Tal,' I hear Hassan saying.
'To do what?' I say. I touch Lou's arm in the seat next to me. She doesn't speak. She's hardly said a word since I confessed my infidelity. She smiles at me weakly. She looks away. It's as if she has been crushed. She can't bear to look at me any longer. She told me I was the reason she allowed herself to keep going. I'm a cowardly, wicked disappointment.
'Easy to forget what they did. With the dirty bomb. It was such long ago, wasn't it? We was at school. Maybe they've changed? He's a good bloke. Maybe he reckons it's right?'
'For you, maybe.' In spite of myself tears come to my eyes. I blink them away. 'I never forgot. I was there that day. People like that don't change.'

An hour later we are back. I stop the car. I take one of the boxes, move to open the door.
'We need to talk about this, Tal,' Hassan says.
'There's nothing to talk about.' I see the rows upon rows of M16s and AK47s. Something we can only dream of. It's tempting. So tempting to get their help. To use their knowledge, their skills. I think of their fighter jets flying over Iraq and Syria, laying waste to everything in sight. Their tanks. We could do with a few of those. We could do with a few more soldiers who know what they're doing. A year later and the only experience so many of our fighters have of war is going on the odd protest and being picked up by police for wearing ACAB t shirts.

And then _that day_ comes back to me with stinging clarity. I had just come out of jail. I was with my mother, attempting to both stop her fighting with people in the street and buy myself a set of new clothes. I was going to meet Lou later. We were going to a gig. I was going to meet her in town as soon as I'd got Kiera - my mother - safely home. She had chosen herself a black dress she couldn't afford and spent the last half an hour screaming abuse at me for ruining her life.
'I ruined _your_ life?' I said to her. 'There's so many things I could say to you.'
I laughed and turned on my heel to walk out of the shopping mall. As I left two men with backpacks walked through the automatic doors. l almost didn't notice them. One of them had a beard. But who didn't in those days? Everyone loved beards, even the women. I gave them a quick glance and continued on my way, laden down with my mother's purchases of wine, prescription drugs and clothes she would wear once and throw away.
Fifteen minutes later, one of the two men would let off the dirty bomb, destroy our shopping mall, kill over a thousand people and shear between 20 and 30 years off my life expectancy. People started throwing up in the street. Choking. The sky filled with black smoke. The fire could be seen from twenty miles away. Sedgewick's government wouldn't evacuate. They said there was no need and no money. Chernobyl hadn't turned out that bad, had it? Things were growing there. There was nowhere for us to go.
I'll never forgive them for what came next. Duncan Stone's party had been preparing for this moment all their lives. Watching. Waiting. The long awaited war against Muslims had begun. It was downhill from here. As people puked their own guts out on street corners and ISIS blew up buses, trains, a school. They didn't care. They never did.

I almost understand why some people went Nazi. Not all. But some. If it wasn't for _an accident of birth_ perhaps I'd be one of them. Perhaps I will have to one day anyway if ISIS get any further and the BPF get so desperate they ask for our help. I push the thought away. No. Never.

'Tal?'
Lou's fingers brush against the back of my neck. 'Gotta tell you summin'.'
She takes a deep breath. Hassan stands outside smoking a cigarette, looking over his shoulder. Watching him is a relief, a riposte to Tyrell's paranoia about _the Muslims_. Hassan's schoolfriend may have opened his eyes. But he hasn't. He's still the man I've known for nigh on six years. As opposed to Tyrell, a violent, unpredictable thug who I've barely known six months yet still willingly climbed into bed with because I was cold and lonely.
'Go on.' My voice sounds stiff. I brace myself for the inevitable. I need space. I'm sorry, babe. I can't be with you no more after what you done. I waited. I kept meself for you.
My eyes fill with tears.
'I fucked one of the guards, Tal. So they'd move me in a cell on me own. So I didn't have to do that diggin' every day. I had to. I'm so sorry.'


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## frogwoman (Oct 2, 2015)

DotCommunist 

What you reckon? Theres loads of context from other scenes ive not posted (and in some cases are just in my head)


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## frogwoman (Oct 3, 2015)

Let me know what you think, this is gonna be my nanowrimo novel and for once im gonna have a decent stab at finishing it


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## DotCommunist (Oct 3, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Let me know what you think, this is gonna be my nanowrimo novel and for once im gonna have a decent stab at finishing it


I will do sistren, I've not clocked the second bit yet as my brain is frazzled from spending 8 hours playing a computer game last night while smoking green. Still a bit foggy lol. I'm not doing nano this year I've been neglecting the sci fi books a bit so need to do some catching up with reading. 




frogwoman said:


> im gonna have a decent stab at finishing it


the quest! we've both some way to go to catch up with 'five times' marty21


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## frogwoman (Oct 3, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> I will do sistren, I've not clocked the second bit yet as my brain is frazzled from spending 8 hours playing a computer game last night while smoking green. Still a bit foggy lol. I'm not doing nano this year I've been neglecting the sci fi books a bit so need to do some catching up with reading.
> 
> 
> 
> the quest! we've both some way to go to catch up with 'five times' marty21



No worries, when you got time.


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## ShiftyBagLady (Oct 28, 2015)

If anybody's interested then I've got a blog up, not much in it at the moment but feel free to follow me and all that
parataxis.wordpress.com


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## frogwoman (Oct 29, 2015)

I've got some of my stuff up here 

rach (hrb264) - Wattpad 

nervous about posting all of my latest book up though as i am worried people might think i'm a terrorist


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## Pickman's model (Oct 29, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> I've got some of my stuff up here
> 
> rach (hrb264) - Wattpad
> 
> nervous about posting all of my latest book up though as i am worried people might think i'm a terrorist


i don't think you need to worry on that front


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## Greebo (Nov 12, 2015)

If there's one thing the current round of bad nights and waiting about has done, it's given me the time to get back to an unfinished story.  

I'm not that happy with the voice at the moment, and it's got one large chunk which needs adding in, but it's mostly working.


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## Iszie (Nov 15, 2015)

scifisam said:


> I can't see a link to the first part of your story - put it up and I'll take a look. You too, Froggy.
> 
> Hour of Writes is a new writing competition that seems to be pretty well organised. You do have to pay to enter, but I think it's something like £3 for three entries, and the first prize is £100. I found it worth entering just to get some really ego-boosting and useful feedback on my work.
> 
> ...



For whatever reason when I read this, the song from 'Verlaines' called 'Heavy 33' came up in me mind, although the entire message/underlying meaning between the song and your poem has no hard connection since your poem seems to be about the longing to possess a person in wuv and 'Heavy 33' is about the agony of trying to reach out to a person who is seemingly going downhill-can't-be-helped-sort-o'-thing:-

Listen here: <

"I can force you to smile
But it don't reach your eyes
Like the moon in the day, silently fades
That which formerly shined is obliterated

I'm striving to coax or wrench you, I can't even reach you
You're starving for something, I've got nothing to feed you
And renegade good intentions turn to scorn
All the clouds keep hoarding
All their airborne oceans won't fall

There's a creature of prey
In the darkness, it waits
And it's fixing its eyes
Smouldering eyes, with a purpose of mind
On the line that it traces

I'm striving to coax or wrench you, I can't even reach you
You're starving for something, I've got nothing to feed you
And renegade good intentions turn to scorn
All the clouds keep hoarding
All their airborne oceans won't fall

I'm striving to coax or wrench you, I can't even reach you
You're starving for something, I've got nothing to feed you
And renegade good intentions turn to scorn
All the clouds keep hoarding
All their airborne oceans won't fall"


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## scifisam (Nov 15, 2015)

I can see some similarities there, definitely. My poem was meant to be more metaphorical - the thing speaking is depression, not a human. Multiple interpretations are good though


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## frogwoman (Nov 19, 2015)

This is from my nanowrimo novel, bits of it are posted further up, mostly rewritten or deleted now though

I wrote this today 

Katrina
I hear them going out. I don't know what the time is. It could be the middle of the night or the middle of the day. The windows here are boarded up and it's below ground. They only go out at night because the Party are looking for them. It's after midnight for sure because the shops are open until gone 11 these days, Dad said it was to promote the economy. I hear them saying something about 'Dash' and I don't know what that is.
Lou Jeffreys opens the door. I've never spoken to her before but I've heard the other guards talking about her. She's Talisha's ex girlfriend but Talisha slept with one of the others. I don't understand how a girl can have a girlfriend. It's a disease, they said in the Party.
'Awright, Katrina,' Lou says. 'I'll be stayin' wiv ya this evenin'. You knows the rules. No speaking till you're spoke to. You knows all that, right?'
'I know, ma'am,' I say. Her pistol bulges out of her pocket. I try not to look at it.
'Tal says you likes them Sudoku puzzles. I brought you one..' She chucks the bit of paper at me. It's too dark to read. I put it by my blanket. Maybe they'll turn the light on and I can do it later. 
'Thank you, ma'am,' I say.
'Wanna fag mate?' Lou says. 'I got some. Shouldn't, it were a bad habit from the jail.'
'Yeah, all right.' It's been a long time since I smoked. I haven't since my dad caught me smoking out of my window. If you work for the Party smoking is banned because the white race have to keep ourselves pure and pristine with no drugs or unhealthy food to contaminate us. They used to say our bodies were like the bodies of the nation. I feel guilty taking a cigarette although Ante used to when I was in the NDF and I know he used to have coke.
Lou lights it for me and hides the lighter in her pocket. It's been a really long time since I smoked and I almost start coughing.
'Thanks,' I say. Lou shrugs. She looks really tired. She puts her scarf back around her face so it's covering her nose. She stretches her legs out on the chair. It's just a plastic one like we had at school.
'Me mate died,' she says suddenly. 'Danny.'
I don't know what to say. I sit there looking at her. It was the Party wasn't it? The one who went missing a few nights ago. If I say I'm sorry then she won't believe me, will she?'
'You can say summink.' She stares at me. 'They treats you well 'ere, innit?'
'Yes, ma'am.'
She lifts her shirt up. 'This is where they tortured me. They burned me an' that. They beat me. Tryin' a get me to talk. I'm in pain constantly all the time cos what they done to me. Do you reckon I'm a terrorist? Do you reckon we's just mindlessly battlin' for no reason?'
She plays with her hands. Her expression is the same but her voice is strained. Something sinks inside me. I want to hug her and tell her I'm sorry. Surely my dad wouldn't agree with this?
'Tell me 'ow it's OK to kill families wi' kids,' she says. 'Tell me 'ow it's OK to lock people up for who they's in love with? 'Ow it's OK to shoot workers on strike? I don't understand?'
'It's not OK,' I say. "I'm - I'm sorry all those things happened. I don't agree with them. I don't agree with the Party any more. I'm really sorry. An' - an' I'm sorry bout Danny.'


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## NoXion (Feb 7, 2016)

I managed to complete this today. Well to be honest I don't think I've finished it properly, but all the blanks are filled in, so to speak. It's a piece of world-building I've been working on for about a year and a half, tinkering with it now and then when I get an idea of how to make it fit together better. Yeah, I am so goddamn slow.

Timeline of Terran History (v1.0)

It's all sorts of crap, but I largely do this sort of thing for my own amusement.


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## frogwoman (Feb 7, 2016)

I'd really like to read more, the first century bit was really fucking good 


NoXion said:


> I managed to complete this today. Well to be honest I don't think I've finished it properly, but all the blanks are filled in, so to speak. It's a piece of world-building I've been working on for about a year and a half, tinkering with it now and then when I get an idea of how to make it fit together better. Yeah, I am so goddamn slow.
> 
> Timeline of Terran History (v1.0)
> 
> It's all sorts of crap, but I largely do this sort of thing for my own amusement.


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## NoXion (Feb 7, 2016)

frogwoman said:


> I'd really like to read more, the first century bit was really fucking good



Good to hear that, because the 21st century is a period I'm planning to expand upon.


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## frogwoman (Feb 7, 2016)

I've had to rewrite a bit of my story. This is what ive done this evening: 


'And?' Tyrell says. 'Did you find anything?' 
I shake my head. I never seriously thought there would be a bug in Katrina's room. She's too stupid and less interested in espionage than in drinking herself to death. I feel almost ashamed. Almost. 
'Look there if you want,' I say. 'There's nothing.' 

I've crawled the length of the tunnel they would have taken to Marbury several times, on my hands and knees. There's no sign that the exit was tampered with. 
'Did you tell anyone where you were going?' I can't remember how many times I've asked him that. 

'I told you! I didn't know, they didn't tell me.' 
'Go over what happened again.' 

'For God's sake, Tal. I've already said, haven't I. I got in a fight with them. It was over your ex actually. Danny started on at me when I was in the woods. Told me to stop being racist. An old, fat white man telling a black man not to be racist in an anti-fascist militia! Fucking spare me.' 

Everything's about him. Everything always is. I grit my teeth and let him carry on. Avi sits between me and him. He came back after having his cast removed from where he was shot a few months ago. I'm glad of the third man's presence. A memory surfaces of me on top of Tyrell, wearing nothing but a t shirt. I hate him. I hate myself. 

'You can't get into fights with people when you're on a job. You're a fucking liability.' 
'Well, Danny started it,' Tyrell snaps. 'Are you taking his side?' 
'He's the one who hasn't come back,' I say. Avi looks at me, rolls his eyes. He writes something down on a bit of paper. 

'What did you do then?' I say. 

'Danny called me a cunt. They walked ahead,' Tyrell says. 'Just walked ahead and left me. I was in the forest. I was somewhere I'd never been before. I couldn't see anyone. So I tried to follow them. But I couldn't see where anything was.' 

'And then what?' My mouth feels dry. A spider runs across the table. I reach for a glass of water; purified using power from the generator because you can't drink anything from the tap here. The BPF will detect it, and it's contaminated anyway. 
'Well that tunnel came out into the forest,' Tyrell says. 'I'd walked a couple hundred yards. And someone was there. Someone started shooting at us. There were loads of them. I didn't see who it was. It's like they were waiting. They surrounded us. It musta been NDF but they were ... different. The guns they were using. It was so quiet. There was nobody else around.' 

'And you're positive they were waiting there?'

'Of course I'm positive!' Tyrell snarls. 'You think I'd lie about this? I know what you think of me but - but you think I fucking shot them or something? What's that say about you? That you think that? Eh? What's that say about you?' 
He raises his fist, ready to bang it on the table. But he looks so distressed and frightened. 

'I don't think you shot them,' I say. 'But someone knew you were coming, didn't they?' 
'I know I've got problems,' Tyrell says. 'But I'm not like that. I swear in Jesus's name I'd never do that. I'm not a grass. Don't accuse me of stuff I ain't done. OK?' 
'Christ almighty,' Avi says. 'Tal's not accusing you of anything, Tyrell.' 
'I'm sorry,' Tyrell says. 'I don't know how to keep my rage in check. Everyone says I'm being a cunt. Usually when accusing me of sexism! I'm supposed to be all nice and not an arsehole but it's fine for you and al-Baghdadi over there to lecture me day an' night -' 
'Come on, Tyrell,' Avi says. 'I know you're upset. But don't speak that way about a comrade. It's not acceptable.' 
Tyrell looks at us. And then he shakes his head. 'I'm sorry. I know I need to work on things. I just - can't. I'm so angry all the time.'


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## Cheesypoof (Feb 7, 2016)

im a terrible writer, but i 'enjoy' it and talented writers i have met throughout my life say that when i write about my own experiences, i am quite good.


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## DownwardDog (Feb 8, 2016)

I got an offer from a US publisher for my two SF novels. It's artfully pitched at just the right level to evoke apathy rather offence. You wouldn't do this for the money because there fucking isn't any.


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## frogwoman (Feb 8, 2016)

Heres the end of that rewritten chapter 


'Your stupidity might have cost two men their lives.' My tone is cold. Icy. 'Whose fault is that going to be? A conspiracy by Muslims to raise the price of oil?' 
'You?' Tyrell says, more quietly this time, as if he doesn't really mean it. 'Lecturing me about stupidity?' 

His words still have the power to hurt me. I try and fail to let them wash over me. I think of Lou. I'm glad she's on guard duty, that she didn't have to hear this. I love her so much and I was so stupid. So stupid. I don't know what to do to make it right. I don't know how I could have hurt her so badly. 

And fear creeps up my back. Nausea rises inside me. Because Tyrell is telling the truth. Whatever else he is, he's not a liar. He didn't harm Danny and Hassan. He certainly didn't shoot them. But someone knows what's happened. 

There's a sound behind us. It's a couple of new recruits coming back from a food raid and guard duty at the weapons store. I turn around and see Liam with his arm round Nta's tiny waist. She must have told him. For a second they look like any other teenage couple. Afshah, a thin girl wearing a bright pink hijab, grins shyly as she carries a bag of looted goods to the table. She's sixteen. I never had a future, not really. But the same cannot be said for these children, whose lives were stolen from them. A pair of men from Marbury Defence Brigade who helped in the prison breakout follow, their faces pinched and anxious. Patricia, the former dinner lady who produces most of our videos, follows behind them. I get up to search the women, half asleep, while Avi goes to the men. 
'Are you OK?' I ask the girls as I look through their trouser pockets. It's freezing so I try not to take too long. 
'It was OK,' Afshah says. 'I want to do some fighting soon. We thought the fash had seen us. I want to -' 
Nta's eyes are wide.  

'My mum got sent away,' she says as she puts her civvy clothes on. 'They found her. Not Dillingdon. Somewhere else.'

She looks at me before bursting into tears. 'I don't even know where. I wasn't there, I wish I'd brought my gun and -' 

'Come here,' I say, opening my arms. She collapses into them, sobbing.

'Thanks, Tal,' she gasps. It's been a long time since I hugged anyone. 'I don't know where. I don't even know. I only saw her three - three months ago.' 

'We are going to win this war, mate,' I say as I stroke the girl's hair. I think guiltily of the tubs of fertiliser in the weapons store two miles away waiting for me to do something with them. The targets we haven't even begun looking at. Tomorrow. It has to be. She lets go of me; the nausea returns. When was the last time we checked? Does this person have access to the weapons store? Could they find out where it is? 

'Would you girls be able to come somewhere tomorrow night to help me with something?'

Both the young women nod. I was going to do this with Danny. Or Lou. Sometimes I ask myself whether this is the equality we are fighting for. Now teenage girls can die in asymmetric warfare as surely as adult men. 'Yeah. Sure. Tomorrow?' 

'Oi, Tal. You done in there?' a male voice says, the Marbury DB soldier. I think his name's Steve. 

'Am now.' I step out of the changing room. Afshah and Nta follow me. 

'Well, we need to talk. Three of our lads vanished tonight, on the way to meet yours. There ain't no nice way to put it. We got spies on our hands. Spies, plural.'


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## May Kasahara (Feb 19, 2016)

Just found out I won this quarter's Mash story competition!


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## scifisam (Feb 19, 2016)

May Kasahara said:


> Just found out I won this quarter's Mash story competition!



Well done! What is it?


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## Zabo (Mar 6, 2016)

*A Telephone Conversation - Wally Wally And Wally - Estate Agents*

_Strong Northern Accent - well one!_

‘Good Morning! Wally, Wally and Wally, Estate Agents. How may I help you?’

‘Good Morning! To whom do I have the great pleasure of addressing?’

‘Ms. Wally speaking.’

‘Good Morning Ms. Wally. Are you the first, second or third Wally of Wally, Wally and Wally?’

‘I am the third Wally of Wally, Wally and Wally, Sir.’

‘Excellent! Do you sell houses?’

‘Yes Sir, we are accredited Estate Agents and have been for three hundred and fifty seven years.’

‘Marvellous! Do you sell houses with doors and windows?’

‘Yes Sir. All our properties have doors and windows.’

‘Tremendous! Do your houses have hot and cold running water?’

‘Yes Sir. We take pride in our homes having all modern conveniences which include hot and cold water.’

‘Awesome! Do they have brass taps?’

‘They have a wide range of fittings Sir, from brass to chrome to mixer or individual taps.’

‘Brilliant! What about a lavatory. Do your houses have a lavatory?’

‘Yes Sir. Toilets are standard fittings.’

‘Great! Are they inside the house or outside?’

‘All our houses are fitted with internal toilets Sir.’

‘Excellent! What about a roof. Do your houses have a roof?’

‘Absolutely Sir. All our properties have a roof.’

‘Wonderful! Are they flat, sloping, angled, slate or thatched?’

‘Well Sir, it depends on the style and type of construction. We have all types to suit all tastes.’

‘Impressive! What about feeding troughs for horses and pigs?’

‘A most unusual question Sir. I believe we could accommodate any unusual request.’

‘Wow! Now what about lighting? Do your houses still use candle light or gas lighting?’

‘Certainly not Sir! All our properties come with electric lighting. Candles are mainly for decorative effect. Some of our clients however use scented candles in their bathroom.’

‘Amazing! Is it because they smell real bad being the reason they use scented candles?’

‘Oh no Sir! They use them to create a nice ambience.’

‘Splendid! What is an ambience?’

‘Atmosphere Sir, atmosphere. People like to dim the lighting and light up scented candles so they can relax in a bubble bath after a hard day’s work.’

‘Excellent! I don’t think I need an ambience or to smell nice. My dog would attack me if I changed my scent. He knows my smell and it would confuse him if I changed my smell to a womanly like smell. I wouldn't want a bubble bath either, it would make a mess of the floor and my dog hates bubbles. He jumps up and tries to pop them with what few teeth he has. It doesn’t do his arthritic hips any good either.’

‘Yes Sir.’

‘Now what about stairs. Do your houses have stairs?’

‘Well Sir, it depends on the property. Bungalows are stair free as are our ground floor flats and penthouses. All our town houses and country homes can have any number of staircases.’

‘Excellent! Very useful information. Now tell me Ms. Wally, are the staircases made from wood, stone or steel?’

‘That depends on the design Sir. Some are stone, some are wood and in a few rare instances steel.’

‘Awesome! Would I have a choice? I wouldn't want those steel mesh ones with holes in them. It's very likely he’d get his paws stuck in them. Last thing I would want would be him howling away on the bloody stairs while I'm trying to get to sleep.’

‘Depending on the type of property you certainly would have a choice Sir.’

‘Lovely! Now about the wooden staircases. What type of wood are they made from?’

‘Once again Sir, it depends on the construction and age of the property. At present we have houses with oak, teak, pine, mahogany, sapele, ebony and ash staircases.’

‘Incredible! Such a wide choice. I think it would be easier with a bungalow. Much less to worry about.’

‘Whatever your needs Sir, Wally, Wally and Wally will be happy to accommodate you.’

‘Good stuff! Do all of your properties have a garden?’

‘It varies from property to property Sir. We have on offer properties with a small window box to properties with ten acres of land.’

‘Blimey! What about lawn mowers?’

‘Sorry Sir, I don’t understand?’

‘Do your ten acre properties come with a lawn mower?’

‘That depends Sir. Some previous owners leave behind a lawn mower and others do not.’

‘Super! Tell me, is the grass on the ten acre properties long or short?’

‘I don’t think I can answer that question unless you tell me which specific property you are interested in.’

‘By heck! I imagine the properties with short grass would not need mowing for a few years?’

‘I am sure you are correct Sir and I shall bow to your superior knowledge on grass length and the need for mowing or not.’

‘Excellent! If the grass needed mowing could you manage this for me? Ten acres of mowing would wear me out good and proper. Not only that, if my dog slipped his leash, which he often does, I’d not catch him in a month of Sunday's! By heck, ten acres is a lot of land!’

‘I think the mowing is a possibility Sir. Obviously not me personally as I have nothing to do with mowing – the very thought! I would need to speak to Mr. Wally to find out exactly what mowing arrangements could be made.’

‘Good! Which Wally would that be? The first Wally or the second?’

‘Mr. Wally is the first Wally in Wally, Wally and Wally Sir.’

‘Well I never! Now tell me about trees. Do your properties contain trees?’

‘It depends on the property Sir. Some houses have many trees and others have no trees at all?’

‘Remarkable! What sort of properties do not have trees?’

‘Well Sir, penthouses do not have trees and a few town houses with block paving have no trees. May I enquire Sir, do you like trees?’

‘Trees? I bloody well hate them! They make a hell of a noise when it's windy but my dog loves them.

He has to have a pee somewhere. He prefers oak trees because they are usually quite big and it's easier for him to cock his leg up against a big tree now he’s getting on in years.’

‘Yes Sir.’

cont'd...


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## Zabo (Mar 6, 2016)

cont'd...

‘I’d best forget purchasing a town house or a penthouse. He would not like a tree less property. He bites people if he can’t have a pee when nature gives him a call.’

‘Yes Sir.’

‘What about coal cellars. Do all of your properties have a coal cellar?’

‘I’m afraid not Sir. Most properties today have central heating although some have a functional, decorative log fire.’

‘Awesome! Such a shame not to have a coal fire. You can’t beat a coal fire Ms. Wally. Gets rid of all household smells does burning coal and you can make good toast on a coal fire. I suppose if I bought a property with trees and a log fire I could cut down the trees to burn on the fire?’

‘I am sure that would be a possible Sir. What would your dog do for a wee stop when they are all cut down?’

‘You are a very bright young lady Ms.Wally. I’d completely forgotten about the dog. That reminds me, coal fires are very good for burning dog hair for when he malts. When I say malt, I mean malt. Handfuls of the stuff!’

‘We try our best Sir. You may need to get permission to cut down some trees as some species are protected and you would be prosecuted if you removed them.’

‘Well I never! Now how would I find out which trees are protected and which are not?’

‘You would need to speak to Mrs. Wally to get that information Sir. She is our expert surveyor and is qualified in all matters arboreal.’ 

‘Magnificent!! I assume Mrs. Wally is the other Wally?

‘Correct Sir. Mrs. Wally is the second Wally of Wally, Wally and Wally - Estate Agents for three hundred and fifty seven years. I am the third Wally and Mr. Wally is the first Wally of Wally, Wally and Wally.’

Excellent! I am impressed with Wally, Wally and Wally.’

‘Thank You Sir. Do you have any other questions with which I can assist you?’

‘Indeed! Tell me about mice, bats and owls!’

‘What would you like to know Sir?’

‘Are all your properties free from mice, bats and owls?’

‘I think I can assure you that they are free from such creatures but I can not give you a one hundred percent guarantee. It depends on the location of the property. If it is situated near woodland or farmland then it is likely there may be occasional incursions by said creatures.’

‘Damn! I’d best stay away from such properties. I do not want my dog being kept awake all night chasing mice, bats and owls never mind the damage they may do to my property. He gets very grumpy if he has to stay awake all night chasing creatures. Besides I don’t want mauled and dead animals on my land.’

‘Yes Sir. I take it you are very fond of your dog?’

‘Indeed! If it wasn't for him, choosing a new home would be easy-peasy.’

‘Yes Sir. Do you have any more questions?’

‘Now let me think?’

‘Please, take your time Sir.’

‘Excellent! I shall Ms. Wally.’

cont'd


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## Zabo (Mar 6, 2016)

‘Cats. What about cats? Do each of your properties include a cat?’

‘That is a most unusual question Sir. To be absolutely truthful I do not believe they do. Please would you tell me why you ask such a question?’

‘It’s common knowledge that bloody cats maraud all over the place. They are the terrorists of the domestic animal kingdom. They are no respecter of boundaries. Not only that, when people move from house to house they often leave a cat behind. They are good at fending for themselves. You daren’t leave any food lying about. They’d snaffle it all up before you could say Tom and Jerry! Evil little buggers, that’s what they are. Evil dressed in a fur coat.’’

‘Your insights are interesting Sir.’

‘Indeed! I must have a house that is cat free. The dog would never get a minutes peace. Chasing mice, owls, bats and cats. His life would be a living hell. Now that would not do would at his age now would it?’

‘No Sir, it would not especially given his arthritic hips. Now, if you don’t mind Sir, I have been writing a list of all your needs. Would it be useful at this point if I gave you a summary of where we are at this moment?’

‘Excellent! Go ahead young lady.’

‘So far Sir, you have indicated the following:

You do not want a penthouse. You would like a few trees with a garden, preferably an oak tree for your dog’s urinary needs and with short grass. You would like a house or rather a bungalow that has windows, doors a roof, a toilet and a bathroom that is not scented. You would like a log fire if possible. You would prefer a property that has no mice, owls, bats or cats. Is this correct Sir?’

‘Excellent! My God! You are damn good Ms. Wally!’

‘Is there anything else Sir?’

‘Yes. Daffodils.’

‘I beg your pardon Sir? Daffodils?’

‘Yes, bloody daffodils! I hate them! It was that idiot tory poet Wordsworth who made them popular in that stupid poem of his. Waving about in the breeze and a host of gold and all that soppy nonsense.’

‘I’m sorry to hear you don’t like daffodils or Wordsworth, Sir. His poem is famous throughout the world and lots of people like daffodils.’

‘I know. Lots of people also like television soaps but that doesn’t mean they are good. My dog growls whenever that Grim-Enders rubbish comes on the television. For some strange reason he likes Coronation Street. It must be because they are Londoners. He doesn't like people from down south. Now about these daffodils. Every council across the land plants them here there and everywhere. They are a bloody nuisance. Once they have been rained on and had mud splashed on them by passing cars they look a right mess. Golden sentinels my foot! When they are dirty they look like little flower terrorists in khaki combat clothes.’

‘Yes, I see, Sir.’

‘My dog used to eat them until I gave him a boot up the bum. Last thing I wanted was yellow vomit all over the kitchen floor. Imagine, bloody Wordsworth’s daffodil remains all over my kitchen floor!’

‘Yes, Sir. We’d best make sure we don’t find you a property with daffodils.’

‘Tremendous! You are good at your job Ms.Wally.’

‘We try to please Sir.’

‘Now about donkey stones?’

‘I’m sorry Sir, I’m not sure what you mean?’

‘Ah well, it’s probably because you are too young Ms. Wally. Donkey stone wash is what people put on their doorstep in years gone by. Put some water on the step and give it a good rubbing with a donkey stone and it looks as good as new. It was common practice. House proud people stood out a mile by the condition of their front doorstep.’

‘I could ask Mr. Wally if he could look into the matter Sir. I am sure he could arrange for you to have a door step which would make use of a donkey stone.’

‘Brilliant! You certainly know how to look after your customers Ms. Wally.’

‘We try Sir. Do you have any further questions Sir?’

‘Yes. Floorboards. Do all of your houses have floorboards?’

‘Again Sir, it depends on the construction. Some do and others may have composite flooring. Many of our heritage properties have stone floors. Do you prefer wooden floorboards Sir?’

‘Amazing! I certainly do prefer wooden floorboards. I like the creaking noise they make. You can hear if any burglars are in the house. They are also a lot warmer, especially if you come home drunk and fall asleep on the floor. The dog doesn’t like sleeping on cold floors. With him getting on a bit, any cold goes through his bones. Not good for his health Ms. Wally.’

‘I’m sure we could ensure you get creaking, wooden floors Sir.’

‘Terrific! You’d best make sure they are smooth. I don’t want floors which have nails and splinters sticking out of them here and there. The idiot dog would find them when rushing around chasing mice and any stray cats. The last thing I want is vet bills for removing nails and splinters from his paws. Robbing sods are vets.’

‘I am sure Mrs. Wally would make sure there were no nails or splinters in your wooden floor.’

‘Good! You certainly know your job young lady.’

‘Our clients’ needs are always our first priority at Wally, Wally and Wally Sir.’

‘Impressive! Now tell me young lady what do you know about these Jack Oozy things?’

‘Jack Oozy?’ I’m sorry Sir, I am not familiar with the term?’

‘It’s a sort of bath with water jets. The vet told me about them.’

‘Ah…yes! You mean a Jacuzzi, Sir?’

‘That’s the one. You are a grand lass Ms. Wally. Sixty years married to my late Ethel and she never understood a word I spoke. Not one! Ten minutes talking to you and you have me to a tee! Can you get me a house with a Jack Oozy? I need it for him. The vet man said it will help with his arthritis.’

‘I shall have a word with Mr. Wally Sir. I am sure he would be able to obtain some competitive quotes for you. Would you like the jacuzzi as part of the bathroom suite?’

‘Now you are being a silly Ms. Wally. I'm not having him splashing about in my bathroom. Can you get it fitted outside, near to a tree if possible.’

‘Near to a tree Sir?’

‘Yes, near to a tree. Whenever he hears rushing water he has to dash off for a pee. Last thing I want is him peeing in my bathroom. You know, Ms. Wally, you can’t take him anywhere. Whenever I go to the town I have to give the fountains in the square a wide berth. He’s a bloody nuisance! If I tie him up outside the supermarket he starts to howl like a banshee. More than once he has bitten a few old age pensioners. He can’t stand old people. Mind you, having said that It’s their own stupid fault. Just because he looks friendly means nothing. Give him half a chance and he’ll sink his teeth into your leg with what few teeth he has left. He once mauled to death a guide dog for the blind outside of the corner shop. It took the poor chap three days to find his way home without his guide dog.’

‘Yes Sir, I appreciate the situation. Is there anything else with which I can assist you?’

‘You have been great Ms. Wally. You’ve answered all my questions. I’ve probably forgot some so I’ll go away with what I’ve got and give it some thought. More than likely I’ll give you another call when I can think of more questions.’

‘Please feel free to call Wally, Wally and Wally any time you choose Sir. We are here to oblige and if there is anything you want including anything special or unusual we will do our utmost to assist you. May I ask how much you are considering on spending on a property?’

‘But of course. I was thinking in the region of two hundred to two hundred and fifty pounds plus a few pounds extra for the Jack Oozy.’

‘Sorry Sir, did I hear you correctly? Did you say between two hundred and two hundred and fifty pounds?’

‘Excellent! Indeed you did. You’ve obviously got good hearing Ms. Wally, unlike my late Ethel who holds the world record for saying: ‘What did you say?’or ‘You what?’

cont'd...


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## Zabo (Mar 6, 2016)

cont'd...

‘I’m sorry to inform you Sir but Wally, Wally and Wally are premier estate agents. Our property prices start at a base level of two hundred and fifty thousand pounds and go up to one hundred million. I think we would find it very difficult to find you a property for two hundred and fifty pounds plus the additional cost of a jacuzzi.’

‘Well I’ll be beggared! You call yourself a premier estate agent but you can’t find an old man and his arthritic dog a nice humble home with a Jack Oozy for two hundred and fifty pounds? Shameful! That’s what it is, bloody shameful! What is this world coming to when you can’t find a decent home for hard earned cash?’

‘If you would like to call tomorrow Sir I will have a chat with Wally and Wally and see if we can find something to meet your humble needs.’

‘Now you are talking lass. I knew I’d got the best. You are the tops! When I found your number and advert in the phone book I said to myself: ‘This lot will do. Lots of nice staff photographs with all of them smiling – unlike them miserable sods at the corner shop who look like they are chewing a mouthful of wasps.’ 

‘Your advert, Ms. Wally, said, and I quote: 

‘No matter how small or large, from a designer shed to a mansion, Wally, Wally and Wally are the leading estate agents in the United Kingdom. Come foul or fair weather Wally, Wally and Wally will go the extra mile to meet each and every need of our clients. For Wally, Wally and Wally, failure to serve is a living hell!’

‘Now that is some boast young lady and I am sure when I call you tomorrow you will live up to it by finding me and him a nice humble abode.’

‘We shall try Sir, we shall try.’

‘Excellent!

‘Thank you for calling Wally, Wally and Wally Sir. May you and your dog have an enjoyable day.’

‘Good Bye Ms. Wally.’

‘Oh...hold on one second Ms. Wally! I almost forgot!, Rabbits. We need to talk about rabbits and whether or not me and him can hunt them down on any property we buy? Nothing like a pot of steaming hot rabbit stew for keeping out the cold.’

‘Can we discuss this when you next call Sir?

‘But of course, Ms. Wally. Of course.’

‘Cheerio!’

To be continued…

Next, in the unfolding saga of Wally, Wally and Wally. Ms. Wally arranges a property viewing for him and his dog. He gives her tips on making a good rabbit stew. His dog’s urinary problems are becoming more of a problem. He comes up with an idea to save money by building his own Jack Oozy. He realises he has forgotten fifty important questions. The Wally family make an urgent appointment at the doctors for stress treatment. Local solicitors and surveyors are sent a warning email. The local cats, owls, foxes, bats and mice go into hiding.


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## frogwoman (Mar 6, 2016)

I really liked this.


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## Zabo (Mar 6, 2016)

frogwoman said:


> I really liked this.



Thank you. Very kind of you to say.


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## Zabo (Mar 6, 2016)

*The Absurd World Of Mr. Zoffok*

*Insomnia*
Mr Zoffok could not sleep because his long hair tickled his ears keeping him awake. 'I'll stop this tickling right now, he exclaimed, otherwise I'll not sleep! I'll be very tired and I'll be late for work.' Jumping out of bed he went to the kitchen. Taking a sharp knife from the drawer he cut off both ears. When his alarm clock rang in the morning to wake him for work he didn't hear a sound and with a smile on his face slept throughout the day and into the next night.


*Neighbours*
Mr. Zoffok's friendly neighbour called a cheery and loud 'Hello!' as he passed by her window. Mr. Zoffok did not reply causing her to feel hurt at being ignored. Had the old gossip noticed he had cut off his ears, she could have run out from her house and shook his hand - but she didn't.

*
An Invitation*
Mr. Zoffok received an invitation to the grand opening of the Zoffinski State Parliament. He was informed that formal dress and a top hat was essential. Having cut off both ears Mr. Zoffok could not find a top hat that did not fall over his face. Realising he would not have been able to see the King or Queen or any politician he stayed at home and ate a cucumber.

*The Economy*
While reading his favourite financial newspaper in his favourite café, Mr. Zoffok noticed his fellow patrons had their shoelaces threaded differently. Mr. Zoffok blamed the country's ills on the manner in which people threaded their shoelaces. Some people used the criss-cross diagonal method and others used the left to right method. Had they all wore slippers, he concluded, the economy would be booming. Mr. Zoffok threw his newspaper into the waste bin, left the café and went to the shops  to buy himself an extra pair of slippers.


_R.I.P. Daniil Kharms_


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## Zabo (Mar 13, 2016)

*A Visit To Furkle, Furkle and Furkle – The North West's Most Exclusive Car Dealer  - It's Him Again!*

'Good Morning Sir! What a delightful day! What a nice dog! One couldn't wish for a nicer day, could one? Blue skies, pillow case clouds. It makes one think that life really is worth living and especially for ourselves, Furkle, Furkle and Furkle, the North West's Premier Car Dealer. The sun always brings the best out in people and of course the best people come out in the sun!

Now before you say a word, may I offer you a drink?'

'Err...well..err...'

'We have a wide range of coffees to choose from. We have air dried Brazilian coffee. Columbian freeze dried coffee from the forests of Columbia - obviously. We also have a very strong, drop filtered coffee all the way from Turkey. Many of our customers enjoy a cup of Zorro coffee from Italy. Hand ground by elderly widows dressed in black. If Sir would like something a little more milkier, and dare I say urban, we can offer you a delightful cappuccino made from fresh milk. If that is not to your taste we can provide you with a freshly ground drink from our own designer _cafetière_ - the French go wild for a coffee _cafetière_. Oo-La-La! So very _paysan, _so very French.'

'I do like your dog. He has such a friendly face.'

'He may have a friendly face but don't you go stroking him. He's only got two teeth and they are very sharp. He likes to bite people to keep them sharp. He's very fond of old people – less fat, more bone.'

'As I was saying...I can also offer you a blended coffee, if you wish. It is our very own creation and has an exquisite, unforgettable aroma. Mmm...delicious! I think I shall have one myself when I have tended to your good self. My wife adores it! She helped our CEO Mr. Furkle senior create the blend while they were holidaying together in Vietnam.

If you prefer something other than coffee Sir, can I offer you a glass of chilled water from our atmosphericorator water cooler? It is the finest in the world. You can have a choice of Buxton spring water or maybe a glass of clear water with added ions which are excellent for your health - especially if you would like a little bubble to start the day. My wife loves a little bubble before getting out of bed in the mornings! Alternatively I can offer you a sparkling drink of _L'eau Spéciale,_ sourced from the virgin streams of _Mont Blanc._ Very, very expensive and, of which, it is filled in a delightful hand blown bottle by French artisans. Needless to say, it is free to our exclusive clients. If that is not to your liking, we have a range of flavoured waters including, apple, elderberry, peach, lime, lemon, aubergine, cucumber and even _Bleu d'Auvergne _flavour - a big hit with our overseas clients. Perfect with a nibble of cheese and lightly salted biscuits.

Apart from these exciting liquid refreshments I have mentioned, we also have the usual range of soft drinks including Vimto, Pepsi, Dandelion and Burdock, Cream Soda, Ginger Beer and Barley water. We stock these for clients who bring their children with them. Never let it be said Sir that we, Furkle, Furkle and Furkle can't match each person's individual tastes buds as well as quenching their thirst. From a sip of chilled water to the most exclusive car on the road, we are here to fulfil each and every need or dream of our clients.'

'Err..what's that noise?

'Sorry Sir,? By noise, do you mean the ambient music?

Most of our clients enjoy a little discrete music while they are waiting in reception for their vehicle to be serviced or while browsing through our brochures. I take it you are not a Janis Joplin fan Sir? Maybe a little Bach or Paganini is more to you taste? A little Piaf maybe? I can arrange to have something more soothing if that is what you wish.'

'Why is this Janis woman asking God to buy her a car? He's got no money and from what I know he doesn't know a thing about cars least of all I don't think he can drive? Crucifixes, a few miracles along with pestilence, floods and pillars of salt is his schtick. '

'Aha! Now I see Sir. You are referring to Ms. Joplin's lyrics:

_Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
So Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

La,la,la,la..._

A very catchy tune Sir and of course it blends perfectly with our latest range of S Class vehicles. Hmm...? You must be the first client who has ever made comment about this well known and much loved song. I confess, I am somewhat taken aback.

'There' always one.'

'Oh indeed!

Well Sir, now you have declined my generous offer of a drink from our wide range of refreshments, may I take you around our showroom to show you the new models and possibly arrange for a test drive? If you wish, you can bring your dog with you. If not, we will be pleased to permit him to remain seated on our lounge chair. I take it he would not run away if left alone?'

'There will be no need. I have not come in here for an executive car. Nor have I come in here for a drink from your wide range of exquisite, effervescent, scintillating liquids.'

'Oh..I see Sir! And what may I ask is the reason you have visited the North West's most exclusive motor vehicle showroom?'

'I thought that would be obvious. Look at him, can't you see he's panting away. It's very hot out there and while passing your showroom I thought I would come in to see if you can provide him with a bowl of water. None of your fancy stuff mind. Just a bowl of water from the toilet or tap would be great.'

'Well Sir...! I am flabbergasted! I wish you had said this before I had named the complete range of drinks we have on offer. I'm jolly glad I didn't get to mention our accompanying range of luxury diet conscious, filled panini!'

'I would but you wouldn't let me get a bloody word in edgeways! Not only that you didn't mention tea.'

'I do apologise Sir. We are obliged to make our clients feel welcome as soon as they put a foot in our showroom. It has been a key policy of Furkle, Furkle and Furkle for as long as I can remember. I also apologise for not mentioning tea. We leave cups of tea and those hideous coffee machines to the lower end car dealers.'

'Well then, are you going to get him a bowl of water or not? While I'm at it I'd like to know about the large oak tree outside?'

The tree Sir? The tree? Oh...you mean our ornamental, fibre glass oak tree? That tree, along with the others, is there to provide an atmosphere for our clients intending on purchasing a 4x4 off road vehicle or SUV as the Americans fondly describe them. We park our demonstration models next to the trees to create a raw and rugged ambience. It enables out clients to think they are driving across the wilds of Dartmoor or the windswept moorland of North Yorkshire'

'Ambience? Raw and rugged ambience in the centre of Manchester!? That's the second time today I have heard that bloody ambience word! Wally, Wally and Wally are very fond of that word too.'

'Err... Wally, Wally and Wally? Who may they be Sir?'

'Never mind. Now about that bowl of water. He's going to die of heat stroke if you don't fetch him a bowl. And when he's finished with it I hope you don't mind if he has a pee against your raw, rugged ambience, fibre glass oak tree. He always needs a pee when he's finished drinking copious amounts of water. It's his age, in one end out the other.'

'Sir, if you would like to go around to the back of the showroom, you will find the service bay. I am sure one of the mechanics will be able to provide your dog with a bowl of water. You will also find an exit in the same area in which you and your dog may go on your way and continue with your stroll. Thank You for visiting Furkle, Furkle and Furkle. We look forward to seeing you in the not too distant future. Please, do take a brochure.'

'Right, c'mon you, off you get! Stop bloody scratching yourself and let's get you a drink of water - without bubbles. Look at all the bloody hairs and fleas you have left on this man's posh sofa!'

'Thank you.'

'Cheerio! Or should I say, _Au Revoir, Sir_!'

'_Arrividerci, Chum! Arri-bloody-vi-derci!'_


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## NoXion (Mar 18, 2016)

NoXion said:


> I managed to complete this today. Well to be honest I don't think I've finished it properly, but all the blanks are filled in, so to speak. It's a piece of world-building I've been working on for about a year and a half, tinkering with it now and then when I get an idea of how to make it fit together better. Yeah, I am so goddamn slow.
> 
> Timeline of Terran History (v1.0)
> 
> It's all sorts of crap, but I largely do this sort of thing for my own amusement.



Version 1.1 is now up!

*Changelog:*

Began elaboration of technological developments during the years of the 21st century.

Expanded upon events and developments within the 4th, 5th and 6th Millennia.

Added more details about Fargate technology in the 2nd Decmillennium.

Added a bit more information about the Cosmic Gates in the 4th Decamillennium.

Various small formatting and editing changes made.


*To do for the next version:*

Finish/continue elaboration of the 21st century. Also try to include more political and cultural developments.

Add a decade-by-decade breakdown of events and developments within the 22nd century.

Add more paragraphs to the other Decamillennia thus far unedited since the first version.

Make the Age of Chaos fit in better with the rest of the timeline. This may entail some significant revision.


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## Buddy Bradley (Mar 30, 2016)

I just published my first piece of actual fiction online, after deciding to focus on writing three years ago. So far I've written one-and-two-half novels, and started branching out into short stories this year to meet my self-imposed 1000 words per day target. This is the first one I've been happy with enough to consider sharing in public:

Public Service Announcement — Panel & Frame


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## scifisam (May 31, 2016)

Can someone read a story of mine please and see if they agree with some criticism? It's very short, so not a lot of effort. It's here with the feedback: scifisam / Hour of Writes. 

I'm just really confused and upset by the comments; one of them couldn't even tell whether the mother in the story was Rebecca or Jane. There are lines like "Rebecca accepted the makeshift tether and joined her daughter on the gargoyle" which I would have thought made it bloody obvious who the mother was. Doesn't it? 

I agree that I could have reduced the number of characters, and that's actually useful feedback, but what prophecies have I left unanswered? The dysentery one? That happens three years later and the word limit for this is 2,000 words - I had to cut some stuff out. Is there something else?

Being told that the story felt rushed is galling in a competition where you're supposed to write the entire story in an hour. 

Honestly, I'm upset enough to delete all my fucking fiction. I actually thought this was an OK little story, but now I'm doubting myself. The guidelines for the feedback are that you should be positive so this amount of negativity is basically saying it's really shit.


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## scifisam (Jun 1, 2016)

Never mind, I've deactivated my profile and promised myself I won't write again.


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## bluescreen (Jun 7, 2016)

scifisam said:


> Never mind, I've deactivated my profile and promised myself I won't write again.


After you won last week's competition?


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## scifisam (Jun 7, 2016)

bluescreen said:


> After you won last week's competition?


I didn't - I won once, months ago.


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## bluescreen (Jun 7, 2016)

scifisam said:


> I didn't - I won once, months ago.


Oh, OK - I misread it then. I was just going by their home page, which listed you as last week's winner with the story you referred to in your May 31 post, with Rebecca and Sophie.


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## DotCommunist (Jun 15, 2016)

was off my tits when writing this. Think I can rescue a few lines though. Ever the cry of the poet 'gis a minute to sober up and you'll love this shit mates'


> Commander! We approach the zone'
> He quivers in his seat as he plays his paws over the command screens
> 'This is the lidless zone'
> 
> ...


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## Mogden (Jun 23, 2016)

I feel a bit odd posting about this. I'm writing something but no idea how to describe it. It's my autobiography but that seems an odd description since calling it that implies some sort of interest on the part of other people in the result. It's not memoirs, it's just there. Accounts of events in my life *shrugs* I just feel the need to exercise my writing muscles.


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## Mogden (Jun 23, 2016)

Okay I've actually decided I'd quite like some feedback on this prose. Showing it to my beau only yields praise but I can't discern if it's love or ability that feeds his positivity.


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## Mogden (Jun 26, 2016)

My beau offered more feedback and said it's raw.

My mate said definitely when I said he'd said that and my mate also said "I'd deffo want to read more if I picked that up as a book" which has made me glow a bit.


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## frogwoman (Aug 10, 2016)

I've almost finished my sequel, let me know if anyone is interested in reading it.


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## frogwoman (Aug 10, 2016)

'Mate,' I sobs. 'Oh, mate, I'm bare sorry. It's my fault.'

I've took me coat off and me fleece, I'm pressing em down on her neck. I'm knelt down, got me lips pressed on hers. Breathing for her. She's warm but she ain't moving. There's blood on her mouth. She's bleeding everywhere, on me hands, me skin. It's all crusted up.

Don't die, Katrina.

She opens her eyes. Looks right at me. Starts coughing, tryna breathe, tryna say summink. Then she just don't, she makes this gurgling, her eyes don't move no more, like summink gone out. Presses down on her chest. Keep her breathing. But she can't. Her heart's stopped. I tries, tries get it pumping again, I dunno how long. But it's stopped. Her eyes is fixed, not moving, not seeing.

She's gone.

It were me. I fucking killed her. I chucked that grenade.

'You can 'ave some peace now. Sleep tight, lass,' I says. Kisses her on the cheek, puts me coat round her. Kadeem goes, sits down with her. Her blood's dripped all over. Can't bear to watch, to look at em. He gonna be broken hearted. I wanna be sick at what Basma done. What I done. Basma's laying on the pavement. She ain't moving. _Good_. Rot in hell.

'She dead, is it, Omar?' That's a prisoner we let out, Pakistani lad, one what could fight. Twenty eight, desperate to fight. His wife ain't let him. Then ISIS come locked em both up.

'Yeah. Looks like.' That were what I said to Tal that day when we gone Ante Kovacs's house, thought I blew him up. Tal ain't thought so; she wanted to check and I ain't let her. Then the fash got me.

'Looks like?' I says. Summink's ripped me heart out. Me stomach. Katrina bare reminded me of Sunny. That innocence. That sweetness in the midst of all that. And I got the guilt of killing her on me. I chucked the grenade. It hurt her, made her weak. Friendly fire innit. Gonna leave a hole. A fuck off gaping hole. The rage, the hurt's bubbling up inside me. It ain't fair. It ain't. Katrina ain't had a chance. She ain't deserved none of it. She ain't deserved to meet me.

I shoulda come alone.

'It looks like Basma's dead, yeah. She's still warm, though.' Bends down. Dun wanna touch. She don't look dead. We shot her couple times, she fell. I can't see where she's hit beneath her clothes. Don't wanna look. Her tablet's laying on the ground a metre away. I picks it up bare careful, bare careful. It could go off, innit. Could be a bomb. _But it ain't, Lou, cos she let you fucking use it, you stupid, stupid cow. _Try ignore that voice. I puts it in me pocket, walks over to Kadeem.

Basma _gotta_ be dead. Ain't she?

'Comrade,' I says. 'Come on. We gotta go. I'll 'elp you carry 'er.'

Kadeem gets up. Tears running down his face. He don't say a word; I helps him lift her. She's light as we carries her. Me breathing's ragged. Looking over me shoulder. Think bout Baljinder. They got on. Katrina told me she helped her and that. Baljinder were like a grandma to us all. I wanna see her again. I want her reassuring me, listening. She ain't never had a bad word, she were always kind. Nta were sat there banging on once bout Katrina were a Nazi and Bal come and told her she were wrong, not bad, always gentle. And that psycho killed em both cos they talked.

'I was in love,' Kadeem says when we's by the gate. Poor, poor Katrina. I pushes the gate open. Nta's stood up, steps out from by that lil shrub.

'Oh gosh,' she goes. Poor lass. Just a kid.

'Fuckin' ISIS.' I gotta stop meself yelling it, kicking summink, punching summink. They runs this city. They rules it, they'd have us. We walks to the lil bit of long grass at the end with Katrina. Omar said there was once flowerbeds they done in the shape of smiley faces and that in this park but ISIS dug em up. Said it were idol worship. Dug up the cemetery and all. Worshipping graves they says. They worships fucking death innit.

The other blokes all gets up, shambling to us like fucking walking dead. They looks like it too, though they's cleaned up a bit. Is that how they's treating my Tal? We lowers Katrina down, lays her in the grass. Ain't got time to bury her. They'll come. They be back. Kadeem sits down. Hugs her again, holds her close. He don't wanna leave.

'Goodbye, love. Sweet, sweet girl. I'll miss you.'


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## frogwoman (Aug 11, 2016)

This is part of the lastest thing i wrote:


When I wake up my feet sting from the wire I have been sitting on. As I open my eyes, disorientated and in constant pain, I realise the cage is suspended over the swimming pool. My clothes are soaked through. I look down at the steam rising from below, hopelessness building up inside me. I have given up any hope of a quick death, ISIS don't do quick and painless. The cage wobbles as I sit up. As I look through the bars I realise with mounting horror that it is closer to the ceiling than the pool.

'Wow, this is impressive. How much did it cost IS to build this contraption?' I hear Sohail laughing. I screw my eyes  shut, put one of my legs over the other almost instinctively, shivering despite the heat. At least he's down there and I'm up here. He can't hurt me up here.

'Couple hundred thousand, I think, akhi. It's a good one, isn't it?' Their words make me nauseous. I close my eyes tighter and try to retreat somewhere inside my mind. Anywhere. I can't think about Lou without giving in to the tears. The memories are filled with such pain.

'Nice. D'you know how hot the water is, brother?' If Sohail is upset over Basma's hospitalisation the thought of killing me like this has perked him up.

'85°. We can make it hotter for the film, I'll show you the controls.' To think these degenerates rule a territory of several million people. The things they say to each other, the way they discuss their savagery as if it was nothing, are as much a form of torture as any physical pain. Maybe worse. I don't know. I have to keep it together but I don't know what I'm keeping it together for.

The bubbles disguise the sound of them walking out of the room. I only notice they have gone when look around and can't see them any more. My neck is aching and condensation is dripping down my back. I try to lean on one side slightly, close my eyes, my throat stinging.

*

'Tal?' 

I sit up, startled. What was that? Was I asleep? I lift my head and try to work out the source of the noise, confused and disorientated. It must be coming from the speakers. It's probably Basma's awful friend Imogen Smith, 'Umm Reyaad'. Another former neo-Nazi, who converted while in prison for stabbing an Afghan refugee at an anti-immigrant demo. The people with the worst pasts, eh. A lot of those in ISIS. I screw my eyes shut again, lean back against the bars as the cage wobbles.

'Oh my goodness. Tal. Can you hear me?' It's a woman's voice. It sounds familiar. Young. For a moment I wonder - I grit my teeth. No, I won't play their sick mind games. 

'Tal? Can you say something? Can you speak to us? Please!' I sit up at the obvious anxiety in the girl's voice. Now I start paying attention. My ears are blocked, crusted. I don't think I can hear her properly. I'm getting ill. Not that I want to hear her, speak to her, anything. That girl is sitting with a device which lets her give prisoners electric shocks, probably being egged on by one of 'the sisters'. 

'Tal. It's Nta! I - I escaped, they let me out. We're coming to get you, too.' I sit rigid, not knowing whether to believe it or not. Is it true? Is she being told to say that so Daesh can give me false hope and torment me even further? Anger rises inside me. That's if it even is her. Those sick, sick fucks. It does sound like her. Maybe it is...

'I know you're being told to say this. I'm so sorry.' I swallow, my voice cracking. 

'No. No, it's not like that, Tal. I'm OK.' Nta's voice is gentle and oddly soothing. 'I'm free.' 

I try to sit up against the bars of the cage. It's slippery because of the condensation. My throat is stinging. I'm getting a cold or flu or something. I'm in so much pain. I don't want to ask her where she is; I don't know who else is listening. 'Oh, goodness, this is horrible,' I hear her say to someone in the background. I hear a man's voice, a heavy Pakistani accent. And then it hits me. 

The rebels let her out. 

'You hang in there, mate. The revolution is coming! No pasaran,' Nta says. Someone loads a gun in the background. A smile spreads over my face for what feels like the first time in a very long time. 

'Hasta la victoria, comrade.'


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## frogwoman (Sep 4, 2016)

Got one more chapter to go on my story   debating whether to include a sex scene or if that would be cringe lol


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## frogwoman (Sep 9, 2016)

I've almost finished the last chapter of my book! just got to edit a few things before I post it to the site )


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## mojo pixy (Oct 26, 2016)

scifisam said:


> Can someone read a story of mine please and see if they agree with some criticism?





scifisam said:


> Never mind, I've deactivated my profile and promised myself I won't write again.



I wanted to read it, from what you said later criticism was harsh and I sympathise. Reading your experience terrified me, and I have to say keep writing. Whatever people think about it, it worth doing because it's an urge. Let it out. 
Edit, re-write, turn it into something else, do cut-ups with it. Just don't stop.


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## mojo pixy (Oct 26, 2016)

frogwoman said:


> I've almost finished the last chapter of my book! just got to edit a few things before I post it to the site )



It's intense, and writing it must be. I'm still reading over the thread but I'm seeing this page first, I'll look for more earlier because that's great.
You must be doing shedloads of research?

Edit: Noticed you've got a page at Wattpad. I'm not a member, and it's late so I'll sign up later. I'd like to read Damaged.


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## mojo pixy (Oct 26, 2016)

NoXion said:


> Version 1.1 is now up!



That's off the wall, and I loved the fact we're in the ''Modern Era'' now. I've _just _just finished a set of three books set ~100,000 years in the future, but on Earth at least it wasn't too busy during all that time.
Is the timeline part of a story setting, or is it the story?


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## frogwoman (Oct 27, 2016)

mojo pixy said:


> It's intense, and writing it must be. I'm still reading over the thread but I'm seeing this page first, I'll look for more earlier because that's great.
> You must be doing shedloads of research?
> 
> Edit: Noticed you've got a page at Wattpad. I'm not a member, and it's late so I'll sign up later. I'd like to read Damaged.



Please do, id love your feedback on both


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## stuff_it (Nov 14, 2016)

I wrote a very short story tonight:

Alice rested her head on the cool inside surface of the window, half looking up the road towards town, and half idly watching as her breath misted and re-misted the inside of the glass in little puffs. 

Pointless topping up the meter when the taxi to take her to the station would already be off the charging grid, meandering its way through the pot-holed, rain-slicked city streets towards her building.

A visa, an actual honest to goodness government off-world visa, glistened on the replacement ID card that had almost been lost in the pile of junk mail and unpaid bills that made up the greater part of what came through the letter box these days. It was a long time coming, this shiny new lease on life. 

Earth’s time was over, really, but the few remaining earth-based governments hoarded their citizens like misers. Strict quotas limited who could leave surface of the planet, even temporarily, struggled to maintain population levels high enough for each country or federation to maintain its sovereignstatus. The outcome of a series of ill-thought-out treaties ratified back when the space elevator was new, back when everyone truly believed that it was indestructible. 

The failing economies of Earth made even a shared berth on a low-orbit biomass farm in a decaying orbit look hugely attractive, and the compulsory longevity treatments issued by many Earth-based governments meant the vast majority of Earth-dwellers were fit enough to work. Alice had met her child-bearing quotas, put in her hours asset-stripping paper-based libraries for missed titbits of human ingenuity. 
She was not going to a farm. 

Alice had scored the proverbial ‘golden ticket’. Just over a month ago a message had pinged her inbox out of the blue from someone purporting to be a blood relative, offering sponsorship for one of the most exclusive landmasses in the Solar System. The only place where you could stand out under an open sky and safely breathe the air. The message came from a man rather laughably claiming to be her father; Alice was going to Mars.

A ping on her phone told her that the cab was waiting outside, in the dark. She hooked her breathing apparatus over her head, logged out of the room for the last time, and headed down the stairs with a spring in her step that matched her physical age of 34, hardly feeling the rest of her 120 years at all.

Her father…. Alice laughed to herself. She didn’t even know if her mother knew who her father was, for sure. Not a usual ‘claimer’ tactic either. Usually sponsors would claim to be at most a cousin, if they were applying to bring an Earth-dweller up out of their gravity well. It led to fewer issues when they inevitably wanted you to breed for your visa.


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## NoXion (Feb 12, 2017)

Version 1.3 of my Nova Mundi timeline of Terran history is now up! It's been far too long.

I can't remember all the changes I've made in the intervening months, but all the ones I've seen fit to put into this public release happen from the 23rd century onwards.


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## zeldarhiando (Mar 22, 2017)

NoXion said:


> Version 1.3 of my Nova Mundi timeline of Terran history is now up! It's been far too long.
> 
> I can't remember all the changes I've made in the intervening months, but all the ones I've seen fit to put into this public release happen from the 23rd century onwards.



That's so cool! Love a bit of futurism.


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## frogwoman (Jun 19, 2017)

here's a bit from my new story about creepy satanic cults and unexplained murders etc

------

Beit Tefillah New Synagogue is an imposing building. It doesn't look that new with the red bricks. As I enter so many thoughts flow through my mind. My relationship is falling apart. I feel scared, yes. Guilty for not making an effort with Gracie, for only calling my mum twice in the last few weeks.

There's something different about the people here. It's not the clothes that they're wearing - the shul my grandma went to was orthodox - after a fashion. I'm used to women with long skirts and hats and men with suits. I'm used to it. I'm used to people being shy. Being reserved. I smile at an old man and he steps aside to let me through.

'Shabbat Shalom,' I say and he smiles at me, doesn't speak. There is a hunted expression in his eyes, his posture is stiff. As he steps in after me I can see how frightened he is. 

These people are terrified.

Maybe they can help me understand. 

It's a traditional synagogue with men on one side, women on the other. The service entirely in Hebrew. Uncomfortable seats. In an odd way those traditions are comforting. An old lady hands me a green prayer book and sits down slowly next to me. 'Are you new, dear?' she whispers. At least she seems more at ease than the people I saw on my way in. 'Good Shabbos.'

'Yeah.' She shows me the page number and I flip the paper over until I find it. 'Yeah, I'm new.'

A man wrapped in a blue and white tallit steps up to the bimah. He has a long white beard, and looks at least 70. Samuel Gold. It must be.

'Today marks 905 years since the pogrom in Scoylesford,' he says. 'It also marks ten years since Lorna Jacobs's disappearance. Please join in the Kaddish should you wish to at the end of the service.'  

Lorna Jacobs. Was she part of the Jacobs family, the one the guy from the church mentioned? I've been trying not to think of the conversation, trying to expunge it from my mind ever since reading that website. It must be written by a crank, I tell myself. But that amused, slightly contemptuous tone. I wasn't imagining that. Was I?

Lorna Jacobs disappeared - disappeared five years ago today. As I remember that conversation in the church sweat trickles down my back. Just someone who doesn't like Jews, which is nothing new. Someone with a sick sense of humour. Not a threat, I tell myself. Stop thinking this over. Stop trying to make things worse than they are.

Stop being _crazy_.

'Are you OK?' the old lady next to me whispers. 'Do you want a glass of water?'

Shaking my head, I turn over the page of the prayer book and gaze at it but the words all seem to blur into each other. I shut my eyes and put the siddur on my lap, trying to stop myself shaking.

'I'm here because...' I manage. 'I need to speak to the rabbi.'


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## frogwoman (Jun 20, 2017)

'Of course,' the old lady says. 'Do you want to go out?' 

I nod. I'm feeling dizzy. My hair is a total mess, I've not washed it properly. None of the women here are wearing trousers. They are all smartly dressed in long skirts. None of them look at me as the old lady leads me out, apart from one near the door who gives me a sideways glance. I find myself thinking I don't know what Samuel Gold's opinion of gay people is. Like, am I even welcome here? Should I even be here? I don't even believe ... 

The old lady leads me into a passageway out of the main prayer hall. She opens a heavy wooden door with a gold plaque on it. I don't even look at what it says. There are chairs in the room and the shelves are full of books. She asks if I want a cup of tea; I shake my head. The room is cooler than the main synagogue. It's so hot. Maybe that's why I'm so worried; I haven't slept in days. 

'He will come and speak to you after the service is over,' the old lady says.

She leaves the door slightly open. It reassures me; but then I catch sight of myself in one of the windows. I look awful. I haven't slept. I get up slowly and walk over to the bookshelf. 

A book catches my eye. The title is,' Finding Faith in Darkness.' I look at the back. 

'Isaac Heshel was merely 14 years old when his family were killed by the SS,'  the back cover states. 'This book has become a classic work on how to maintain Jewish faith in G-D in the midst of evil.' 

The midst of evil. Is that where I am now? I flick through a few pages. Feeling dizzy I put it back on the shelf. I'm mad. I'm losing it. I'm due to get married in a few weeks. I have to stop. She doesn't know I'm here.  

It's not real, I tell myself. None of it's real. I put my head in my hands. Drink the water on the table. I turn my phone on quickly and feel guilty for it as I send a text to my girlfriend telling her where I am. I've never really worried about things like that. Checking my phone on Shabbat. All the things you're not supposed to do. 

'OK, babe,' is the reply. 'Is everything all right?' 

I don't reply. I am supposed to be the strong one...


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## frogwoman (Jun 20, 2017)

bimble mojo pixy


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## Gruto (Jun 23, 2017)

Please can this be electro-shocked back into life, or at least someone gift me with a theme to work with? Some ponce said hell is other people; well it isn't, it's the countryside, and I'm stuck there with only my murderous thoughts and a smartphone notepad for company.


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## frogwoman (Jun 26, 2017)

Gruto said:


> Please can this be electro-shocked back into life, or at least someone gift me with a theme to work with? Some ponce said hell is other people; well it isn't, it's the countryside, and I'm stuck there with only my murderous thoughts and a smartphone notepad for company.



sure, what sort of thing are you thinking?


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## frogwoman (Jun 26, 2017)

mojo pixy this is the end of the last scene I posted, which quite an important scene that comes a lot later on in the book (and I haven't worked out how to get to yet)

I can't face it now. I put my phone face down on the seat next to me, feeling dizzy. She'll know I've read it. My head sinks into my hands and I stare at the mosaic of the Magen David on the floor.

'Excuse me?' I look up and see a man standing in front of me. 'Can I help you?'

'Sure,' I say. 'I - are you the rabbi?'

'I am.' He holds out his hand. 'Rabbi Samuel Gold. And you are - are you new to the area?'

Oh G-d, he's so _normal_. Thank fuck.

'Yeah - I'm new. My name's - my name's Deborah.'

'It's nice to meet you, Deborah. Shabbat Shalom. Did you enjoy our services?'

I gulp. I can't hold it back any longer. He seems such a nice old man. So normal. Compared to everything else that has happened. 'Yeah. It was lovely. I - look, I need help. I need to speak to someone who can help me.'

He pulls up a chair but doesn't sit down on it. He looks at the book in my hand. What if they section me? Who would believe a story like mine? Maybe I imagined it all. It's the sort of thing that happens in horror movies. My girlfriend doesn't believe me. We're barely talking. And as for work - well, if I told them, they'd just laugh...

'Well, I'm not sure I'll be of any use. But I can try. I'm always happy to help a fellow Jew.'

'So - I'm from London. And my girl - my partner, we moved in around here a few weeks ago. And - well, everyone's really weird. Everyone's really really weird. And at first I thought, well, it must be country folk and their different ways. But the entire town is weird - like, people keep staring at us, and I found ... I found...'

I gulp. 'Someone's sending us weird letters, talking about death, and all sort of, well, threats. And the people - everyone there, they're all so weird. We walk past and people stare at us like we're aliens or something. And nobody believes me. And - it's the things they say to me, as well.'

'What do they say?'

'They make jokes about things that happened in the village, hundreds of years ago. They talk about this guy who used to live there and they look at me and whisper and I don't understand what they mean. And then yesterday, I was walking in the churchyard. And I saw ... I saw a tombstone. A blank tombstone with nothing written on it. And I'd never seen it before. And I asked someone else walking there what it was about. And they just smiled and laughed.'

'OK,' Samuel Gold says. I can't tell if he believes my story or not. That's the problem, you can't see inside people's heads. And when I tell the story, it doesn't seem so bad. Like it could be explained. 

'Can I ask,' the rabbi says, his voice gentle. 'What day of the year did you move in?'

'The fifth of June. I've been there two months, but I can't see why that's...'

'You moved to Scoylesford, didn't you?' His voice is calm. I nod.

'You said you have a female partner. Forgive me for asking you this, but have you ever made love to a man, Deborah?' I'd slap a bloke for asking me this usually, especially an older man like him. What's happened to me? 

'No. No I haven't.'

'You can't go back, Deborah. Because they're going to kill you.'


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## mojo pixy (Jun 27, 2017)

That last line seems to come suddenly. Is it there on purpose?


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## frogwoman (Jun 27, 2017)

mojo pixy said:


> That last line seems to come suddenly. Is it there on purpose?



gonna have to edit it a bit which wattpad is not being cooperative with, this is a scene that comes much later in the book so I might not end up using it at all lol


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## mojo pixy (Jun 27, 2017)

I like it as a line, personally. I just thought it needed context, but it sounds like there will be later so that's fine.


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## frogwoman (Jun 27, 2017)

mojo pixy said:


> I like it as a line, personally. I just thought it needed context, but it sounds like there will be later so that's fine.



oh there is going to be ...


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## frogwoman (Jun 27, 2017)

mojo pixy said:


> I like it as a line, personally. I just thought it needed context, but it sounds like there will be later so that's fine.



i'm really enjoying writing this one. I usually find it really hard to finish anything.


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## NoXion (Jul 11, 2017)

This is the kind of shit I come out with when I am tired:

---

The Tiolonni have this compulsive urge to play "mind games", driving many Pan-Stellar Alliance diplomatic staff to no end of distraction. They may or may not let you know that such a game is going on, whether on their part or that of another Tiolonni. If they do tell you, they will only give you seemingly random parts of the rules of the great game being played, passed along as part of casual conversation. Rules typically range from the baroque to the arcane. Among Tiolonni these mental games provide the playing field for a subtly shifting social hierarchy. The stakes are usually low, but high-stakes games have been recorded to have broken out in Tiolonni history. Humans would call them wars. For these folk all this comes as naturally as small talk does to most humans. Cheating, especially in the mind games, is a grave offence. In less enlightened times any Tiolonni caught cheating were tortured to death and their names subsequently reviled in the eyes of the general public. These days the Tiolonni treat it as a particularly dangerous mental illness.

So when the children of Terra bumped into the fledgeling Tiolonni interstellar empire that had yet to encounter any sapient non-Tiolonni, culture shock was inevitable. To them, we were as a chaotic seething morass of contradiction and hypocrisy. We played games, but as _distractions_. Conversely, many Terrans cannot help but feel that their Tiolonni hosts are trying to psych them out or worse, actually wear down their sanity.

To say it took a couple of centuries to establish a mutually beneficial diplomatic protocol, would be to gloss over much in the way of steps taken forward and backward.


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## frogwoman (Jul 11, 2017)

NoXion said:


> This is the kind of shit I come out with when I am tired:
> 
> ---
> 
> ...



i'd read that.


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## frogwoman (Jul 11, 2017)

im always impressed how intellectual some people's stuff is, i don't have a particularly good vocab


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## NoXion (Jul 11, 2017)

frogwoman said:


> i'd read that.



The real challenge would be actually writing dialogue for a Tiolonni character.

Spoiler: I'm crap at characters.


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## scifisam (Jul 12, 2017)

The Costa short story award comp is open now: Short Story Award Submissions - Costa Coffee


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## frogwoman (Jul 13, 2017)

We get back around 10pm. As I unlock the door and walk in, something knocks against my foot, something hard, and then I feel something papery under my shoe. For a second I think something's fallen off the wall, or a cat's got in and knocked everything over in here. That would be the last thing I need, oh _fuck_. Someone is trying to ring me. My sister probably, with some drama. I'll send her a text later. Families...I love them all to bits but they drive me nuts.

What did that poor guy mean when he said he had let that family down?

I fumble for the light switch. I don't see what I tripped on at first. And then I see it partly unravelled in the hallway. It's one of those old rolls of film, really old ones. Before they even had video tapes. I saw one of them in a museum once. My breath catches in my throat.

'Whoa, what's this,' Grace says. 'Why would someone send us this?'

'Probably a kid playing a prank,' I shrug. I pick the film roll up in my hand, try and wind it back so it's neater. There's a number written on the central wheel, or whatever that thing is, but it's so faint I can't read it. As I'm winding it back a piece of paper falls out. I bend down to pick it up. My breath catches in my throat; I'm shaking and don't know why. There's a note on it, in red, spidery handwriting.

￼ _welcome to your new home  _
_Enjoy the movie and have fun! _


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## NoXion (Dec 17, 2017)

A favourite pastime of nearbaseline philosophers is to pontificate on the differences between the gods of old that we imagined, and The Powers That Be that we ended up building.

In contrast to the capricious entities of the human mind that frequently played sick games with the lives of mortals, the Powers largely show an overwhelming indifference to the fates of individuals. We're just _not that interesting_ to the kind of consciousness that considers the Far Beyond to be its home turf, if not merely the stepping stone to some even greater mode of existence located beyond the furthest toposophic landscapes.

Which is not to say that the Powers never act; indeed they would never have gained such a moniker were they totally inactive as far as modosophonts are concerned. But the Powers are very much concerned with the Big Picture, and this can mean not intervening when certain segments of Terran civilisation decides to pursue the grandest of follies, and at other times it can mean that the full force of the Powers is brought to bear against the obstacles to their goals, be they individuals or entire civilisations. 

Inscrutability is a characteristic that the Powers share with the gods of old. Don't ever try to make complete sense of a Power's actions; it's as futile as an amoeba trying to grasp the mind of a human.

Perhaps the most notable difference is with regards to worship. The gods of old demanded it, whereas the Powers discourage it, up to and including insulting would-be supplicants to their faces. The idea that a "deity" might despise the entire idea of being a focus of of veneration has provoked more than one crisis of faith in beings that have spent their entire lives building up systems of belief.


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## SpookyFrank (Jan 30, 2018)

Here's a creation myth to serve as prologue to my sci-fi epic that I haven't got entirely figured out yet. The idea is it's a deliberately constructed myth created by human colonists for the benefit of those born on the new world, and to create a basis for a religion that turns hard determinism into something benevolent in the hopes that this will foster the development of a happy and ethical new race of people. It's a bit clumsy because I wrote it in my head while I was on the bus, but I think the idea is in there somewhere...



Spoiler: The Void



There was a Void. There was a Seed. There was a Star.

Within the Seed was all that lives and dies, but only the Star could awaken it. Between and beyond and above and below the Seed was forever void. Between and beyond and above and below the void was the Ether, and in the Ether slept the Gods.

The Seed needed a Star, and the Star needed a Seed. Only the Gods could bring the Seed home through the Void. But the Gods still slept. And so the Seed fell through the Void, and would fall forever.

Within the seed lay thirteen Mothers and seven Fathers. Everything else that lives was waiting beside them in the dark but it was without form.

After time without time the first Father awoke. He looked for a star and found none. He looked to the Fathers and saw that they slept. He looked to the Mothers and saw that they slept. He watched and waited for a star, for he could not return to his sleep. The lonely Father grew old as he waited and watched. He grew weak in his sorrow and he grew cowardly in his fear. He knew that to wake the Mothers and Fathers was forbidden. He knew that if they woke they would die before they reached a Star, as he himself soon must. He knew that without the Fathers and the Mothers all else that lives would remain in the Void and without form for all time. But in his weakness he could not bear to die there alone. And so the lonely Father woke the first of the Mothers. And so the war began.

The lonely Father and the first Mother fought. The Mother was wounded and weakened and knew that she would soon die. The lonely Father fled from her in his grief, but there was only the Seed and the Void and he could not hide from what he had done. The first Mother screamed and the lonely Father wept, but the lonely Father was deceived. His eyes were closed in weeping, and his ears were filled with screams. He didn't hear the first Mother as she awakened the next three Mothers.

The first thing the awoken Mothers saw was their sister, wounded and dying. The first sound they heard was her words, and her words were the story of the lonely Father's cruelty. The Mothers held their fallen sister and they told the lonely Father to cast himself out into the Void, to become nothing, to give up his hope for a new Star.

The lonely Father demanded justice. He demanded that three more Fathers should be awoken to hear his case, and agreed that he would go out into the Void if all those who heard the tale said that it must be so.

So three Mothers and three Fathers heard the tale of the dying Mother, and the tale of the lonely Father, and they all saw with their own eyes the tale told by the Mother's mortal wounds. The Mothers called the lonely Father liar and killer and swore that he must be cast out, but the Fathers would not have him cast out. His virtues, said the fathers, outweighed his cruelty and his weakness and his folly.

The Mothers saw no virtue in the lonely Father, nor in those who would spare his life. The lonely Father had laid hands on the first Mother and put all the life of the Seed in peril. The Mothers woke more Mothers, and the Fathers woke more Fathers, and they fought with words and then with hands and then with the Seed itself and with the foundations of life. The Fathers were strong, but there was one who would not fight for the lonely Father or against his sisters. All the Mothers fought, for they had no choice. And the Mothers were many, the Fathers few.

The first Mother died with the sounds of battle ringing around her, and with the hand of the brave Father who would not fight held in her own. We name her Aisha. Another Mother fell, wounded, and she soon died with no hand to hold. We name her Anya. These names are remembered.

The brave Father saw Anya laying silent and still and he rose to his feet in rage. Gathering around him all the power of the Seed, he went to the other six Fathers and cried out to them that he would end the war. The Fathers believed he would cast out the Mothers and stood aside to let him. Instead he cast himself out and each of the other six Fathers with him. He lived long enough to speak a single soundless word into the Void. The word is not known but it is remembered. The name of the brave Father is remembered. We name the brave Father Hector.

The Mothers took their fallen sisters Aisha and Anya and gave them to the Void. Still the Gods slept, and could not see, and could not help. The seed fell on into the Void and eleven Mothers returned to sleep burdened by sorrow.

Through endless space and time the Seed fell and the Mothers slept. When they awoke they were falling towards a Stone warmed by the light of a Star. The Stone they named Stone and the Star they named Star. When they came to Stone and saw it they chose the Mountain and the Forest and the Fields and the Lake as the home of the new life they carried with them. And the seed opened in that place.

As the Mothers watched new life rising they saw that it must be protected. They sang the first song and the first song woke the first God. The Mothers asked the God to protect the moment of the Seed coming to Star and of the new life rising on Stone. But the God did not care for Stars or Seeds or Stones or Mothers. The God cared only for the song, but he knew that without the Mothers coming to Stone with all their sorrows and joys the song could not be sung. So the God reached back through time and space and fixed in the firmament forever all those things that would bring the song to him. And so the God made a Void. And the God made a Seed. And the God made a Star.


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## frogwoman (Jun 5, 2018)

The first chapter of the final book of my horror trilogy, from what's going to be the villains pov. I decided to do something different this time with the prologue...

mojo pixy

Liza2002: hey sexy 

Me: Hey you. Long time no speak. I was just thinking about you the other day x

Liza2002: how r u not spoken to u in ages

Me: I'm good, I broke up with that girl I was seeing lol

Liza2002: lol really??

Liza2002: what happened babe

Me: we had an argument

Liza2002: so does that mean you are single now 

Me: you dirty dog lol you are terrible

Liza2002: well are you 

Me: yea I am haha

Liza2002: I miss you x

Me: haha. Where have you been all my life?

Liza2002: I could ask you the same question

Me: Well, I'm not sure I should tell you the answer.

Liza2002: ha why not x

Me: I have to be so careful what I say. But look at my photos. Im sure you can work it out. 

Liza2002: ok

Liza2002: OMG

Liza2002: why am I not surprised @ you Hayley

Liza2002: I hope u are staying safe

Liza2002: out there

Liza2002: x

Me: I am dw about me.

Liza2002: you always were a bit of a rebel

Liza2002: always went further than everyone else

Me: 

Liza2002: I have a new job

Liza2002: But not sure I should tell you what it is

Liza2002: I get the feeling if I tell u

Liza2002: you will be angry with me

Me: try me

Liza2002: lol

Liza2002: nah

Me: why would I be angry with you liza

Me: unless you are working for idk

Me: Goldman Sachs or something

Me: or mossad haha

Me: lol

Liza2002: nah hahahahahaha x

Liza2002: lol but you won't like it

Liza2002: r u there

Me: yeah I am here

Liza2002: maybe its easier if I don't tell u

Liza2002: lol your not gonna like it

Me: no go on tell me I am interested now. Im always interested in u x

Liza2002: lol Hayley seriously

Me: ???

Liza2002: ok

Liza2002: if I tell u you might not speak to me again

Liza2002: and I don't want that x

Me: no lol it'd have 2 be bad for me not to do that

Me: you are working for a battery chicken farm lol

Liza2002: are you alone

Liza2002: ????

Me: yes

Liza2002: ok

Liza2002: does anyone read ur messages

Me: don't think so lol why the secrecy babe x

Liza2002: 


Liza2002: it will explain what is happening

Liza2002: its best I don't say on here just watch and u may understand

Liza2002: watch it

Me: OK babe

Me: I will x


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## NoXion (Feb 13, 2019)

Thought this might have been a bit heavy for the bandwidthz thread:

A FUTILE PRAYER TO AZATHOTH

O grand and indifferent cosmos
In thine blind idiot flailings frustrate
The designs of the malign and perverse
Though you do not hear me, and cannot comprehend
I still beseech thee, O cosmos
On the off chance maybe you might fuck up the shit of someone I don't like


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## ferdinand (Oct 2, 2019)

FESTIVE NOSTALGIA
Your mobile phone,those shopping malls
Long nights spent legless with your pals
Pub festive meals with turkey slabs
Replacing Friday night kebabs.

A world apart from Christmas past
When only wind-up clocks ran fast
Santa time was very special
Treats were modest not commercial.

Raisins spread and then de-seeded
Plea to sample not conceded
Spicy warmth of Christmas Cake Mix
Bowl cleaned out by laughing kid-licks.

Christmas Day dawned full of promise
Your cousin Kate plants bad-breath kiss
Dad and uncle overeating
Shortly all the lot are sleeping.

Today sophistication rules
With laptop, smartphone, not for fools
Every year amongst the gabble
Phones lose out to dear old Scrabble.


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## frogwoman (Jun 1, 2020)

I'm writing a 'fan fiction' about Dominic Cummings at the moment. Feels very cathartic, I'm also hardly editing it at all


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## frogwoman (Jun 1, 2020)

The story is about forbidden love in Durham


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## frogwoman (Jun 1, 2020)

This is one of the last things I wrote lol



> Sitting at my computer, I opened Boris's emails and noticed that there were 200 all on the same subject, and more were arriving every few minutes. Usually I just deleted them, they just said things like 'important' and 'urgent' and I just turned off. When I was an adviser to Michael Gove's education department, I learned that if it is said to be urgent it probably isnt, a very important rule of politics.
> 
> I had a text and for a surprise, it was from the man himself.
> 
> ...


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## frogwoman (Jun 1, 2020)

fishfinger


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## Kaka Tim (Jul 8, 2020)

dont know if this goes here - but i wrote a short  monologue for this online project and an actor performed on webcam - went ok (despite no  opportunity to rehearse/direct etc) . Enjoy anyway - (or not)


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## mojo pixy (Dec 13, 2020)

Most of what I've written outside of songs has been third-person. Inspired by frogwoman I began something in first person. I'm not sure how long it's going to be but I like the beginning.

*Top 100*

_Tonight, ladies and gentlemen – and our audience at home – is indeed the final, the very last top one hundred of twenty-seventy-two!_ Raucous cheers, gaudy brassy theme music is blaring all over it too, that fucking tune _Bap Ba Baaa Ba, Bap-Ba-Ba-Baaa, Bap!_ They love it, those idiots. They actually go and watch these shows when they're--

_Yes, tonight! The big reveal! After nearly a year's speculation – who will it be? _Fucking fanfare again, and that idiot with his stupid cheesy grin pointing at pictures.

Fuck it, there I am. Piss and shit, I'm in the final. The final Top One Hundred. I've already heard it unofficially but now – well there it is. I'm fucking _in_. And now they're going to take everything from me--

_--everything except the clothes they stand up in, yes indeed! And tonight is the night it all happens on--_ Fuck that bloody fanfare again and again! _--To-o-o-o-op One Hundred!_

I can't stand it any more, I wave my hand and the screen goes dark and silent.

Dark and silent is no good, suddenly_ I'm in_ fills my mind. _I'm in, in the top hundred!_ How? How did that happen when I fucking worked so hard to make sure it wouldn't? We had a plan – a fucking good plan! _How the fuck did this happen?_

I make some cry of rage – System asks, ''Lex, would you like me to call an emergency service?''

I laugh, proper laugh, but I say ''No thankyou, System--''

Fuck, am I going to lose System? I gasp, and System asks ''Are you certain, Lex? Your vital signs are--''

I shake my head, ''No, _no!_'' System powers down. Then I say, ''System – yeah, no, I mean, call Nembo, you know. Call now.''

''Of course, Lex.'' then System goes silent as it calls the number. Again that empty space and my mind kicks in, I'm in the top hundred. _Clothes they stand up in_, fuck I have to change. Put on something expensive. I get up, cross the room heading for the stairs. Up, up, bedroom, closet – best suit, all the trimmings. _Clothes they stand up in_, right – this lot should get me somewhere to live for a while at least – maybe even get me in somewhere--

Fuck, work. What did they say about that? Don't remember. Have to get a fucking _job_, shit!

''No answer from Nembo, Lex – should I keep trying?'' It's System, I'm already on the upstairs landing heading back down again, the voice makes me jump and I nearly fall down the stairs. I catch myself, curse myself and then jog down quick, best shoes clacking on the marble. I'll miss that sound. It'll be back one day.

''Try one more time, then call Bara – and keep trying Nembo regularly till the fucker answers!'' I laugh, but there's not a lot I can do if he won't speak to me in the next – how long? Way less than an hour, usually – sometimes only a few minutes. I shake my head, That bastard let me down, he's nowhere near top hundred – and I bet he takes a big wedge in fees for the transfers too--

A voice, young and female. ''Hello? Lex, that you? Shit, you're--''

''I fucking _know!_'' I interrupt, a bit too harsh really but this call could end any moment ''That's why I'm calling, now listen – I want you to remember this or write it down, ready?''

''Hold on--'' clicking noises.

''Fuck, Bara – just remember then, there's not time! Listen--''

''OK, got a pen, go on--''

Fucking Bara, _fine_. ''Fine – write this--'' I tell her the number, the name, the password. I listen to her  do the transaction and she's just about finished when the line does dead, the lights flicker and fade, and I feel System powering down.

Fuck it – at least that lot is safe. It's fuck all, but it's something. When the time comes I can--

A movement alarm, sounds like a vehicle. I run to the window, pull the net to one side then let it fall back, peering through the fabric instead. It's a bit of a blur, but I can see enough to know what;'s happening. It's time. A van stopping outside, a big, dark blue monster of a fucking van. Sliding door on the side, roars open and figures jump out. Lights flicker on all around out there. Voices call.

They're here. Fuck, this is real, it's really happening.

_Knock knock._

The door. They're at the fucking door _now!_

I have to fight them – someone has to,_ why not me!_ This isn't fair – I did everything, _everything!_ They can't do it – someone has to stop it this time, every year people shout_ it has to stop_. This year it will, it'll be stopped! I take a deep breath. _Me?_ Can I be the one?

_Knock knock knock._

Fuck. Last year it seemed so bloody easy. _No problem,_ I thought, _I'll manage_. _I've got a fucking team of accountants and number crunchers_ – shit, I even took on more of the parasitical fuckers – that alone should've taken enough from me to put me out of the way. Then there were the tutorials and the walkthroughs, that life coach drivel from Odo Senkai I paid thousands for, I followed it all--

_Knock knock knock knock_. Louder this time.

_Knock knock knock knock _again straight away after but it's like my brain freezes._ Fight them? Run?_ I've seen how that ends – everyone's seen how that ends. I'm not ending like that – and live fucking streamed, too. Fuck that. See what happens next, at least.

So I walk to the door like I've got fuck all else to do – and there's no _good_ reason not to, nothing _good_ can happen if I don't. They smash it down, is what happens next – and then I just look like a snowflake. Fuck, that's really all I've got left then, _my own fucking pride_. Well, fuck this – let's do it then.

I reach out and pull open the front door, for the last time probably. Outside it's bright, four lights are flooding the whole terrace, and I can hear the drones moving about in the air. Shadows fleet across the light here and there, but what really hits home is the four shiny-armoured security guards, dripping with expandable weapons and hidden by dark visors. And the smile on the face of the _shit fucker _with the microphone. I hate that she's holding it, because I know it doesn't work, it's just a fucking prop. The sound drones are picking everything up better, and in wide-spectrum in four-jay. Fucking stupid microphone.

I peer into her eyes and yes, she's even got that VR glint in one. So now I'm on the show? And she still doesn't need the redundant antique mic as she steps up to me in the doorway of my beautiful home and pretends to speak into the absurd silver stick. ''Lex oh Lex, this year's number five! You know why we're here?''

I stare. She stares back and it's a harder stare than mine. She spits, ''_Comrade_, we are _streaming_, live. You _know_ why we are _here_, _yes?_''

I nod. It's all I can manage. I feel like my heart is about to drop out through my fundament, if I try to speak out loud it probably will. _Fight? _Stupid to think I'd be the one to.

She says, "_Then come, now!"_ and she reaches for my hand, flexing her fingers to grab. The silver-clad security stand aside and her hand fills my vision like something from a nightmare. _I can't run. I can't fight. I have to take the hand_.

I take it, and I'm lost. I take that hand and I'm agreeing to everything that happens next. I take that hand and it's all gone, everything's gone, everything I worked for, everything I _made_.

But I can't help myself. I don't want to die on a live stream. For the first time for as long as I remember, I'm not in charge. I'm having to do what they say – or die, right now.

The moment stretches out. I almost feel as if I could almost run, super speed they'd never catch me. I'd be halfway down the--

I must have raised my hand without meaning to, because she's grabbed it, and she's holding my fingers in a way I know I can't break out of without losing them.

_No fight. No die. _Not today – still, the life I know is over.


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## mojo pixy (Jan 12, 2021)

Here's another bit 

* * *

''Look, Lex – if you're not careful it'll be _you_ next time.'' She's talking to me like I don't even fucking _know_, I hate it when people do that.

_They're not taking a fucking thing from me,_ I think, and I say so with a fine old sneer. ''Nah, not from _me_, there won't be a fucking _thing_ left in my name by this time next year.'' Reconfiguring and re-routing income streams, creating the ID's who own the most expensive stuff, it's like second nature to us now. It's getting harder, but you know. We have resources, contacts.

Nembo's already explaining it to her, how he's on it, how he's _been_ on it, what we're doing about it, always keeping the limit of wealth at bay. I can't be bothered to tell her how I fucking saw it twelve years ago when this whole fucked up _Top Hundred_ shit started in the first place. I knew I'd have to get called up at some point – been getting richer very year since that first stake in _Omni_. Not called _Omni_ back then, but that first blag – when we made it work – it hasn't stopped growing since, just up and up and up.

It's not even about _Omni_ though – it's really about _me_. _Me_ as the owner of it all. That's why there's all the rest – the community fronts and the liquid turnover fucking squeaky clean money laundries – shops, bars, cafes. There's the land trusts, the social enterprises and collective growers and housing associations to make it all look polite. But still, even with all the changes since Omni began, families live and generations work all in or on my fucking property.

Vacant places too, plenty of them. Keeps values up. Got to be careful these days with the ownership and vacancy laws – but we've got so many links in with community groups and social enterprises that we get all kinds of overlooked at audit time. Just stick a charity number on something – better still, a local council Greenstamp – and the dull fuckers at the tax office just move right on by.

Then there's the debt management, and they ignore _that_ because we buy debt from state-funded enterprises! Fucking ridiculous – housing co-ops, community banks, councils, social service providers – we keep them afloat by buying their fucking debts off them, and we get state-backed payment guarantees, subsidized up the fucking backside!

Ah the fucking subisdies, _yes_ – there's the infrastructure investments too – travel and transport syndicates working roadways, railways, airspace, oceans. Subsidies _make_ it – them and the fucking deniability of everything. Crew not working, striking, sick? Let the schedule slide. Missed a shipping berth? Scuttle the ship. We save on wages and fees, we get insurance payouts – _dwarfs_ the fucking compensation we give out. It's not even a fucking secret, it's there in every fucking news stream.

But what are the chavs going to do? Quit? Protest? We own half the fucking jobs they do and we keep the money in their pockets. I love it when they quit, like, _See y' again when you need another fucking job! _I love it when they protest, it makes them look like the ungrateful shits they are. The only concern is when they sue – but so far nobody's gone beyond a settlement, not with _Omni_. Our lawyers are the fucking best.

Anyway, what we lose there – and some of the settlements have been big – we get back and then some because of all the extra attention we get. In the news, every fucking channel! People _gossip_ about us, _joke_ about us – we get mentioned on panel shows and in fucking _comedy routines_ – in all honesty that kind of social capital can't even be got legally. I fucking swear, every court case is a goldmine in the end because it's all fucking tax deductable too. _The best things in life are tax deductable _.. who said that? Was it me? Well fuck it, I'm a fucking guru now.

''Anyway – it's all coming down quick _now_,'' I finally break in over Nembo. He nods, acquiesces immediately. I love that, nobody fucking tells me to shut up, back off, anything. I go on, ''_Everything_, mind – no half measures. No building down this time, no more hiding behind fronts. Every connection gone, revoke all the old aliases and phase in the new ones, backdate the offshoring, liquidate and reinvest _everything_.''

''We can't just buy up our own this time though,'' He answers. He looks and sounds sharp today, and he goes on, ''We'll need to buy from _outside_ the net now. Friendlies only, of course. but we have to. We have to cast some off too, and for real, it's the only way to cut enough, quick enough.'' Everyone's nodding at this, so it must be a good idea. Fuckers nod whatever I say – when Nembo talks they only agree if he's talking sense. 

I'm thinking I want to do whatever it takes, even lose a lot – when the alternative is lose _everything_. I say this and Nembo nods. They all fucking nod, even the new girl – _see?_ Whatever I fucking say. But what fucking _bothers_ me isn't giving up ownerships – what I really hate is breaking _Omni_ up in the process, it's a fucking travesty. _Omni_ isn't just a business net, it's a fucking work of art, it's the tenth fucking wonder of the world – and so far we've managed to hold it together. We've built it all down, year by year – we've had to – but the ownerships and relationships have basically stayed intact and the net's kept its shape if not its size. But building down isn't an option any more, we have to lose some of the net.

_Fuck_. And every year I've been hiding my parts of it a little deeper, and and I _fucking_ _hate_ the trouble that comes with all that. I hate the fucking worry and insecurity, the negative fucking energy through my world _every fucking year _as we fix up for the next. The shit I've been through, ducking and diving and wrangling everything smaller, again and again, for what? Now we have to fucking cut it all up anyway?

Fuck this top hundred business. It's the same as taxes have been for fucking _ever_, it's a fucking _scam_ that just lets the chavs take what leaders, strivers like _me_ make. Fuck, I wasn't born into money – what I've got,_ I made_. I worked for it, I earned it. Why are they allowed to take it all away? Stupid, lazy pigs. Fucking useless eaters.

They don't even understand what someone like me does for them. What I run, my net – what it all actually does. Without me, without my people, this country'd be a fucking mess. Well, a bigger fucking mess than it is now with these thieving commie scumbags in charge.

I'm too angry to talk so Nembo goes on for a while longer, then a few of the others. Plans slowly come together for the sorry fucking pathetic dismantling of _Omni_ and my drop to not even the top thousand, if the figures are right.

Well, they'd fucking better be, because if this is all for nothing then I might just fucking kill somebody over it.


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## mojo pixy (May 6, 2021)

(While that grows and ferments, something else .. basically a true story)



"I fuckin' hate it," he says, "When they ask me _How are ya, J?_" J's voice was slurred from his two severe strokes, and as he sits he leans to his left, towards his weaker side. His left arm lies slack on his lap, but with his right he's holding my hand like something precious as he goes on bitterly, "How d'ya fuckin' think I am? I'm fucked, is how I am." He pauses, and a tear seeps from his right eye; but not from his left; he wipes his face and sniffs, then repeats, softly and with a shake of his head, "_Fucked_."

J's a good looking bloke, tall and in his day he was big. It's just over two years since his second stroke; not as bad as the first, a few weeks before, but it certainly broke whatever the first hadn't touched. He used to drink, ride a bike, play football. He liked a fight; he regrets it now, but "That's how I was," he shrugs with his right shoulder only, "My dad was a cunt, my mam was a cunt, everyone I fuckin' grew up with was a cunt. Except Ron."

"Ron?" I shake my head. "Who was Ron?" Jay here is more or less a stranger to me, I'm at work in the unit where he lives, I've come from an agency. This place is always understaffed, and it shows. J has the smallest, shittiest room in the place, ground floor, overlooking a bit of car park and we're sitting there after I've helped him shower and dress.

He nods, and for a moment his blue eyes gleam with some happy thought, though only half his mouth can turn up in a smile. "Ron," he explained, "Taught me how to fish. And how to drink. Bastard." He chuckles, wheezes, then coughs with a grimace and says no more. An awkward silence grows; the work with Jay is done, and normally at this point the staff would leave him to his radio or TV - all he has of his own in this room, apart from two drawers of clothes and his Manchester United football shirt.

I'm overcome with sudden grief; I see J's day stretching out, all his days stretching out full of pain and boredom. The company that owns the unit he lives in is large; one of those property companies that makes money from its portfolio by 'providing care to vulnerable adults' in its properties because the sums of money it earns from care contracts is vast. The company pays for the minimum staff legally allowed, which means anyone without specific, funded one-to-one hours gets basic care and nothing more. J spends his days wheeling himself around, sitting in one chair or another just watching life go by, or lying in bed with his radio on. He still watches football sometimes, but since his strokes he doesn't enjoy football as much as when he used to play. He can get in and out of a chair by himself, but when he does this he finds nobody ever spends any time with him. He pretends to need more help than he really needs, so he gets a little bit of company during the days.

But slowly, he really does need more help. "They fuckin' hate me here," he growls, "They call me a useless cunt."

"J, I've never heard anyone call you a useless cunt." I frown and shake my head; actually I have heard him referred to inside the unit office as a miserable cunt, but I decide against adding that.

In any case he sighs and insists, "They fuckin' hate me, that's why they ignore me. I piss myself and they hate it." He pauses again and then adds more quietly, "I fuckin' hate it."

I'm just listening to him, watching the sadness and loss and loneliness wrack his eyes; their blue deepens as they become redder and redder, and he finally asks, "D'you believe in God?"

I shrug. "Not really, J. Not when I look at the state of the world, I find it hard."

He nods, as if agreeing, but then replies, "I do." Then after a pause, adds, "I've got to, haven't I? Look at the fuckin' state of me. The only hope I've got is God, now."

* * *

"Yeah he's as religious as a brick," the senior chuckles when I tell her. "Don't worry about him - he's made his choices and now he's living with them."

I frown, sad as I reply, "But he's devastated - he says _fucked _- he just feels his life is over."

She laughs, "Oh, the life where he used to start fights and beat people up - that life? Yeah well, that's terrible."

I take a long breath, and let it go. Actually I'm lost for words and for a while I gaze at her. I think I'm looking for some sign that this is the dark humour of the unit office; where staff often debrief and decompress in safety among frequently challenging circumstances. But nothing comes back, this is evidently how she really feels. Finally, keeping it professional, I ask, "Does he have any physio at any time? I think he might feel a lot better if he got some physical exercise, I mean he's obviously a physical man, and you say he used to fight, I can see how being stuck like he is would be - well, incredibly difficult for him. He seems very depressed, honestly."

She stares at me for a moment without answering, then eventually replies in a tone that tells me this conversation has already gone on too long. "He opted out of physio when he came here."

Again, I expect more, but there is no more. Belatedly I nod. "Alright, fair enough. Is that in his care plan?"

She raises a brow, and suspicion sharpens her voice. "It may be, it was a couple of years ago now." And she turns back to her own paperwork. "When are you doing obs on Andrew?"

I take another deep breath, gently, and take my notebook from my pocket to check. "In half an hour - I'm just doing J's notes."

The senior makes a noncommittal _Mmhmm_, then after a short pause as I write a bit more about the personal care and conversation with J, I add, "Does he ever go fishing? You can hire boats for a few hours down at the harbour - does he ever do that, does anyone do it with him?"

She turns, and there's definite annoyance in her eyes now, as she snaps, "He used to have one-to-one time with a support worker but he didn't engage with that so he lost it. If you want to come and volunteer, and try and get him out, feel free." Then she gives me a tight-lipped smile, and returns to her work.

I return to my notes and soon they're finished. I leave the office quietly, and I don't say any more about J for the rest of the day.

* * *

The next day I get a phone call from my manager. The unit are reporting inappropriate conversations with service users and staff, and they don't want me back any more.


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## Micky0236 (May 10, 2021)

Any book recommendation ?


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## mojo pixy (Jul 4, 2021)

I'd like Edie to post some writing here .. please?


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## savoloysam (Aug 21, 2021)

Deleted.


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## frogwoman (Sep 4, 2021)

The latest chapter from part 3 of my dystopian story I've been writing for years lol. the only thing I'm happy enough so far to think it will definitely go in the book 
mojo pixy DotCommunist 

_‘Za zdorovye_,’ I say, placing our cocktails down on the table. It’s still warm enough to sit on the balcony of the 8th-floor bar in Moscow. ‘Happy anniversary my love.’

‘Yeah, ‘appy anniversary, Tal,’ Lou says. ‘Ow many years is it now? 16 or summink?’

‘Something like that.’ I sit down. ‘How was the first day at the new job?’

‘It were all right,’ Lou says. ‘Pretty good, like. The kids are great. Like 8 to 9 year old so like second year of school. They knows how to read an' that in Russian better than what I was in English back then. Today were just like gettin’ to know the class, doin’ introductions an’ that.’

She grins., takes out a cigarette from the packet. Everyone smokes here and they cost almost nothing, a few hundred roubles. These days we’re maybe getting through a pack every two weeks between us. Not great, but an improvement on the punishment our lungs were taking when we arrived on the tarmac at Domodedovo airport, exhausted, traumatised and dirty. I’ll stop at some point, I ’m not exactly planning on dying any time soon.

‘Proud of you too, sweet. ‘Ow was your day?’

‘Work was fine, you know, the usual. They want to send me on an upholstery course. So many babushkas coming in with chairs that need fixing and sofas. I can do it but itd be good to be a pro.’

‘You'll smash it, babe,’ Lou says, taking a sip from her cocktail. ‘If you become like a trained...like a trained upholsterer I’ll tell everyone in our flats and at the old college to come get theirs done cos I dunno if you seen the state of some of beds an' settees and that.’

‘Well, forget the neighbours, everything in Mark’s apartment needs replaced. That place is a house of horrors.’

‘You knows when like, Svetlana's uncle died like. They inherited that stuffed bear an’ all them military helmets an' that from that lil farm. An’ Trace won’t visit cos she says it gives ‘er the creeps. Surely Svetlana’s gonna get rid of it? She got to. It’s like two years since he died. Maybe she likes seein' that. I wouldn’t. Maybe _Mark_ likes it.’

‘That map of Kosovo she’s got on the fridge. Mate, it’s not coming back.’

‘Tell me bout it, fuckin’ seriously. She’s so nice though, you don’t wanna say nothin' cos you’ll just upset ‘er for no reason, an’ I get it like, it’s cos of ‘er family history.’

‘Oh, I would,’ I say, remembering the ‘discussion' I had about Balkan politics when Lou and I visited Belgrade three years ago. Having fled the horrors of Franjo Tudjman's regime as a child, Lou's sister in law can be something of a Serb nationalist, although she would deny this. We tease her she’s one of the kinder, gentler variety who arent into idolising war criminals from the 90s. Her and Mark have two little girls, Darica and Sharon. Their second kid's named after Lou's mum.

‘She's not that bad. But yeah, tread carefully I guess.’

‘How's Trace?’

‘She's all right, yeah. Fed up with livin' in Serbia. Still misses the UK like. It’s cos she got housed in some lil town far away from anythin' an' they ain’t been able to move, but honestly? She don’t always help herself. Three of her kids are supportin' her cos she ain’t workin', dont know the language after like, twelve years. Cos they got there with Mark an' Svetlana just after Mum’s suicide.’ Lou swallows. ‘Like, I worry bout ‘er, Tal. She don’t cook, she dont eat properly. She just eats like burekas and pizzas an' ice cream.'

‘Speaking of which, where’s our food?’ Lou shrugs. ‘Yeah. That’s bad.’

‘She still ain’t been vaccinated,’ Lou lowers her voice. ‘An' I were like, sorry sis but if you won’t do that it ain’t no surprise you can’t travel nowhere.’

‘Against Nipah?’ I say. The Nipah Virus outbreak last year was pretty well contained, and wasn’t much of a pandemic, not like the one in 2020, most countries never had a case. But with a 25% infection fatality rate I wasn’t taking any chances, got the vaccine as soon as it was available. Dug out a stash of FFP3 face masks. There were 400 cases in Moscow and out of those, 100 people died before it was contained. We never went into full lockdown and we never had a case where I live but a few blocks of flats in the city were literally sealed shut for months.

‘Nah, not just against Nipah. Against _Covid_. Against anythin'. She don’t believe in it. She told me she _never_ had it, even when Mum were still alive.’ Lou shakes her head. ‘I love me sister but it’s such a bloody nightmare gettin' er to do anythin'.’

‘Well, then,’ I shrug. ‘Guess she won’t be coming here.’

The waiter comes over and finally brings us the pizzas. This bar has the best pizza I’ve had in Russia by a long way. I took Lou to a cheap hotel in Moscow for the weekend; options are limited in Orekhyevo-Zuevo. ‘_Pazhalusta, devushki_,’ he says.

‘_Spasibo_,’ I say, hoping my accent won’t give me away as someone to be treated with suspicion or pitied. It invariably does though.

‘You from England?’ he says in heavily accented English.

‘_Po-russky, po-russky_,’ I say, not wanting to draw attention to myself. ‘_Da_.’

‘How long have you lived in Russia?’ he says in Russian. ‘You were refugee in this country? You’re working here?’

‘Eight years,’ I say, my voice guarded. ‘Yeah, I was, but this is my home now. I’m working.’

‘I was in England once before their new government took it over and the war started,’ the waiter says. ‘I went to London. It’s very sad. I didn’t expect such a thing to happen there. But hey, you like it here? You like Russia?’

‘I love it,’ I nod.

‘Oh, I’m glad. Well. Enjoy your food, ladies,’ he says cheerfully. Once his back is turned I slide my fingers into Lou’s hand across the table. She gives me a blissful look and we start eating. Fuck this pizza is good. I’m on 66,000 roubles per month, Lou's on 59,000, we can afford this sort of thing semi regularly now. We might manage to go to Lake Baikal next year if I get this qualification and my salary goes up accordingly.

‘Thanks for takin' me out, babe,’ Lou says. ‘I needed this, like.’

‘No worries,’ I say. ‘Do you want a drink somewhere else before we get back to the hotel? Theres a place opened up at Kievskaya that isnt so bad.’

‘Why not. We ain’t done this in how long. I don’t wanna get trashed tho like. Ain't we meetin' like, Kadeem an' that tomorrow?’

‘I don’t think he will care,’ I shrug. Kadeem ended up in Russia just after we did. He’s now teaching in one of the mosques, training to be an imam like his dad, and working part time as a security guard for a supermarket. Life hasn’t been easy for him. As a Muslim refugee he was treated with suspicion when he got here, he was followed by the FSB, monitored endlessly, treated as a flight risk. It doesn’t matter that he saved my life when I was kidnapped by Daesh eight years ago. The fact he had seen combat in any capacity made it worse, no matter who it was against.

‘Be good to see ‘im,’ Lou says, as a Russian rap song from the mid 2000s comes over the speakers. ‘Lookin' forward to ‘im doin' ‘is chicken biryani for us. That’s what he said he were gonna make.’

‘Sick,’ I say as we pay up and leave the bar. Kadeem is a great cook. We pick up our coats, call the lift and wait to walk out into the street. General Moroz, the Russian winter, is coming. But he’s not here yet.

‘I’m so, so proud of you,’ I say to Lou as we walk down the escalator to the metro.

‘Couldna done it without you,’ she says. ‘We got this.’


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## frogwoman (Sep 4, 2021)

Our heroes are former fighters in an antifa militia, the uk having been taken over by a fascist party, and I'm setting up their 'normal' life which is about to go completely wrong, having fled to Russia during the civil war lol. I'm not expecting it to be published but mostly writing it for myself and people who read the first 2.


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## frogwoman (Sep 5, 2021)

.


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## frogwoman (Sep 5, 2021)

Thought I better introduce the new villain 

'_Da_?' I says.

'Oh, good afternoon. Is that Lou?' Kinda like, thrown by her asking me that in English. Sounds like she's from back home, from the southeast. Like, if they knows, they knows, so why ask me? I just goes, 'Um, might be?'

'Lou, I hope you don't mind me contacting you. My name's Hayley Squires. I'm a journalist from Gonzar, an independent news site. We're working on a story about the English civil war. I wondered if you would be able to give me a few minutes of your time?'

'No,' I says. My blood run cold. I puts her on speaker so Tal and everyone can hear. I puts me forkful back on the plate. 'Nah, sorry. I'm busy. 'Ow did you get this number?'

She don't reply. 'Tell me, 'ow'd you get this number?'


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## frogwoman (Sep 20, 2021)

This is a scene with one of the main villains from Book 1 and a woman who is a Jewish spy acting as a Nazi. He's not happy with the Nazi leadership...


Ante is lying in a luxurious looking double bed. He's sitting up but looks tired and ill. His hair is longer and untidier than I remember it, and he's without his dark glasses. _It's more than he gave his victims, _I remind myself, imagining 10 year old Svetlana Markovic running for her life as her village burned behind her.

'Hey, Ante,' I say. 'How are things?'

'You know, you're the first one who came. The first one.' Ante coughs and grasps at a glass of water on the table. He really doesn't look well.

'Yeah, I should have been in touch sooner,' I say, pulling up a chair by his bed. I have a text from someone; the reporter. Task 2 can rest for now; the thought makes me queasy and every day I have to think about it, the horror becomes worse.

Ante shakes his head. 'You know, these BPF so-called leaders are like Jews with their double agenda. They treat you the best, they wine and dine you, they say here is a place where the white man will be king. But they lie. If you're not born in England, after one or two years, they don't want to know about you. It don't matter what you believe and what kind of sacrifice you made for the Aryan race. They are like Jews, they use you for a while and...cast you out.'

I nod, as Ante laughs, 'You think Duncan Stone is a Jew? Look, this fucking nose he has.'

We might be being recorded. A disaffected foreign Party member is going to be a target for hostile intelligence activity, no matter how 'Aryan' he is, how passionately he believes in the 14 words. Someone's going to be watching him. I make a non committal noise. 'Oh. Come on. You can laugh, Penelope. They don't care about order and purity. Let homosexuals walk through the street together if they are both white? Betray your comrades, it don't matter.'

Ante's sister is watching from the doorway. She looks exhausted. I fiddle with my top, turn on my mic. Its hard to know how to deal with his rage and hatred. But his anger will be useful. He saw the higher ranks of the BPF from the inside. He's privy to state secrets. If he was inclined, _he could tell me some shit_.

'I think your sister's worried about you. She wants you to go back home with her.'

'I'll be sent to jail,' Ante snaps, coughing again, and anger flashes in his eyes. 'I'm not putting myself in the hands of traitors. They have extradition agreement with the Serbs, they are after money, don't care about those who served their homeland. You understand this? I don't recognize that court. I won't surrender.'

He sighs. 'Shut the door please. I don't want Lucija hearing this.'

I get up and close his huge gold-plated door. I almost hit my head on the glass chandelier which hangs from the ceiling, with its crystal angels and birds. Ante coughs; in the light I notice his skin has taken on a yellowish colour. He's clearly very ill. Much more so than he let on.

'I'm dying, Penelope. You want to know why?' He reaches for a glass of water. Of course I know; it has to do with the 'accusations' I spent the morning writing about from the WHO.

Under the BPF's Healthy People, Healthy Britain scheme, you cannot go to any hospital more than 5 times in one year, or visit the GP more than 10 times in a year, without passing a genetic assessment. I haven't been to a doctor, a dentist or even a pharmacist since they seized power. It simply isn't worth the risk.

'I failed their test. I don't have right genetics for these cancer treatments, I had already 5 visits to hospital, I can't have any more till next year. They say I have some kind of recessive gene for causing cancer, so they leave it. Imagine this. After I gave my blood and sweat to this movement, to help them create an all white country. An all Aryan country! And now I'm weak. I'm a burden. That's what they have said about me in their letter.' He grabs the side of the duvet hard as he speaks. A vein in the side of his cheek throbs.

'After what I gave them. After everything I did,' Ante spits.

'I'm sorry, mate.' I take a deep breath. It's hard not to be horrified, not believe it's unfair. He's a Nazi, and this is the brutal system he fought for all his life, his utopia being thrown right back in his face. Maybe it's all the more shocking _because_ he's a committed Nazi.

I'm complicit in this. I must never kid myself otherwise. I can never forget.

'We have to be careful what we say, but yep, I think the Party has lost its way.' I lean forward.

'I don't think all the higher ups have the interests of the white race at heart, let's be blunt about it. Some of that clique around the Leader are just interested in power, driving fast cars and getting rich. They know long time members like you value race and nation above all and it threatens them.' My heart is pounding. Voicing criticism of the BPF beyond the odd joke is something I rapidly became too scared to do even with my own family a few weeks in. Even when I was forced out of my home, even when we started getting bricks through the window.

'Yes. Oh, I can tell many, many things about our 'Glorious Leader', all his ministers, these advisers, they don't want - how you say, some average plebs to know,' Ante says. He perks up, the thought seeming to give him a new lease of life. My heart pounds so hard I almost can't hear him.

'Oh, yeah? Tell me. I'm interested.'


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## frogwoman (Sep 20, 2021)

mojo pixy DotCommunist


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## Cloo (Sep 29, 2021)

I figured there must be a writing thread somehow. I've picked up my novel I've been on and off for 6 years or so and I'm actually at 35k words now. I did an online writing challenge thing earlier this year and it did get me to a realisation when I was stuck on feeling like I'd reached the conclusion of the story at nothing like novel length. I realised that what I'd written (about 25k words at that point) was just the introduction of the characters and scenario - there was a whole other set of adventures I hadn't thought of yet to come between where I'd got to the protagonists being able to actually solve the situation.

It's a tale of faeries, changelings, a weird teenage girl and her mates, an abandoned psychiatric hospital, and here's some of their first visit.



> After a few minutes of giggling and shrieking, they were on the other side. The sun was low above the shredded roof of Burrowhill at the crest of the slope they stood on, casting a dismal light upon what looked like some doomed kingdom. The scrubby grass reached up to their knees for the most part, but some paths appeared to have been trodden through it by other intrepid invaders. Cidonie worried for a moment who might be there and whether they would be kindly disposed to other people on what they might consider their patch,
> 
> Two vast wings of the building stretched from the once-grand entrance, its cupola fallen in itself, leaving rib-like support structures exposed. The three-storey columns either side of the boarded up door, which held up a great, triangular Greek portico,  were splashed with graffiti to a surprising height, and any windows where glass remained were smashed. Tangly, brownish creepers of some kind climbed the entranceway stairs and wound up the columns and to the lintels of the tall windows, blocked with ugly grey breezeblocks. Ineffectual signs about ‘DANGEROUS STRUCTURE’ and ‘DO NOT ENTER’ were scattered about the ground and walls.
> 
> ...


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## frogwoman (Oct 18, 2021)

My Jewish spy character may have got a camp guard killed by the other Nazis lol 


'Well, Matthias claims it couldn't have been him, he claims someone must have taken his key and then replaced it as he couldn't find it at the weekend. And he says he was working from home so he didn't notice it was missing. Some defence,' my boss Graham Carter scoffs. Any guilt I feel at throwing Matthias under the bus is tempered by thoughts of his sickening crimes. 

I've killed him, haven't I. 

'Quite frankly if you don't notice something as important as that is missing, you've got no business in the Party,' I say. 'I'd question your mental capacity.' 

'Well, quite,' Graham says. 'I wonder what the genetics tests will turn up. You know his sister converted to Judaism and moved to New York?' 

'I did not.' Graham sounds scandalised. Every single BPF official has something in their past or some 'weakness' that the Party could throw back in their face the second they step out of line, especially those in Matthias' line of work. Men and women who believe they have no future without the Party. 

I need to learn what his is. 

'Yeah, well Matthias kept that quiet, didn't he? And you know he's originally Danish, which makes him sound from a racial point of view. But the Danish government won't send us his parents' medical records.' 

'Do you think he could seriously be a spy as opposed to just careless?' I ask him. 

'Well, I've got no solid evidence, and it's not my department, but, he must be,' Graham says. 'The question is, whether there's more, how far the rot goes in the Party.'  

Oh, there are definitely more. '_Agent 14_.'


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## frogwoman (Nov 16, 2021)

About 40k into mine now


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## frogwoman (Nov 17, 2021)

The scene I posted above a few weeks ago I deleted and rewrote. Our hero fitted up a Nazi camp guard for being a spy but he was up to no good anyway. This part of the story is gonna be like a westminister Tory sleaze scandal but with Nazis lol, playing on the Nazis dislike of each other to bring them down  It's meant to be confusing because she spends all her time saying Nazi shit but she's Jewish so she fucking hates all of them 

--

'Well, that Matthias Hansen character was not our man after all,' my boss Gordon Carter says, sipping a cup of coffee in the kitchen of the office. 'That takes the wind out of Puzikova's hate campaign somewhat, doesn't it.'

'It certainly takes off some of the pressure from that direction,' I say. As much as I distrust the Russian president I'd rather not refer to her with 'it' pronouns, or any pronouns at all. Someone of my status casually using  'she/her' for Natalya Puzikova more than a few times would not look great.

'A good thing we caught him, though. Otherwise he'd have carried on stealing from the Party with his little clique. Enriching themselves with valuables which turned up at the facility rather than reporting them by Party channels and thinking of their race.'

'Yes, there's corruption in our ranks,' I say, leaning against the kitchen cupboard. Myself and Carter are on the same page for once, although maybe he's jealous, because he never got any of his hands on anything. Working in those places gives you the opportunity to sell the possessions of the poor souls who end up there and keep the spoils yourself, rather than informing the Party so the Leader and his cronies can have what rightfully belonged to their victims. Why else do people end up working there?

Matthias won't be walking free, though, baruch Hashem. He's not a spy, just looking at 10 to 15 years inside for fraud, theft of Party property and over £500,000 that hasn't been recovered. I've got to take positivity where I can get it and this news lifts my spirits, makes me feel better. At least I'm mostly out of danger from that source. I think back to that Lou Jeffreys testimony from ten years ago about his previous workplace, the Bright Dawn Rehabilitation Centre. If a quarter of it is true, something very, very bad should happen to him.

'I'd say so, Penelope. Some of these so called Party colleagues, you'd hardly know they were the same race as you and me, would you? It's like, we're still infected with an unclean spirit.' Oh, tell me more about this 'unclean spirit'. Between you, and people like Ante and Liza who are convinced Matthias is innocent...

_'What unites the Party is hatred, Agent. It's a fatal weakness. Because deep down, they hate each other too.'_

'Definitely. I wonder what the genetics tests are going to show up for this little coterie. It almost doesn't matter. Bringing disgrace to the Party's name.' My coffee has cooled down enough to drink.

'Well, the Danish government won't release Hansen's medical records, and we're missing a family tree on his father's side. Which is convenient. Isn't it? The difference between 10 years inside, and...you know.' Carter rolls his eyes. Gotcha. Nice to have it on record from someone who's never visited those places. _Pretty strong evidence for a future trial, wouldn't you say? _

'Yeah, you wonder who keeps putting these people in these jobs, don't you?' I say, sipping my coffee.

'Oh yeah. I have my ideas. Do you want a drink this evening, Penelope? I've got a few hours before I meet the Minister.'

'I'd love to,' I say. This could be a gold mine.


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## frogwoman (Nov 17, 2021)

BoxRoom the latest thing I wrote in case you're interested!


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## BoxRoom (Nov 17, 2021)

frogwoman said:


> BoxRoom the latest thing I wrote in case you're interested!


Great stuff, ta!


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## frogwoman (Nov 27, 2021)

This is part of my latest scene - I seem to have written myself into a situation where the Russian army recruit our heroes into fighting an upcoming war against Nazi England  mojo pixy

'_Privet_, Louise,' the younger one goes. 'My name is Lieutenant Jonathan Belimvire, this is my commanding officer Major Konstantin Tatmedov. As you can see, we are in the Russian army. You speak Russian?'

'_Da, konechno_.'

'Good, so let's speak Russian, then,' Jonathan says. 'I heard you lost your job. I'm very sorry.'

'Yeah, but it's bullshit - I'm gonna fight it.' How did he know? Nosy bugger musta been listening.

'Louise, myself and Jonathan have read your file. 9 years ago, you took part in a raid against ISIS in the course of the English civil war. You rescued several prisoners including your partner Talisha Morton and your comrade Nthabiseng Mabaklekle. You showed unbelievable bravery.' Konstantin's moustache is going up and down as he's chatting away. He ain't wearing a mask. Sweat creeps down me back. Leaning back against the bed post like.

'Yeah, before it all went tits up for us.' The soldiers nod. Konstantin's proper staring at me.

'How would you feel if I said, we have another job for you?' Shaking me head. I can't fight. I ain't gonna pass a medical. Cut off's 33 and that's me couple months time. Russia only just let women join front lines and no fucking way I'm doing that again, I ain't fast enough, I'd not keep up ... and what bout Tal? She's knocking on 35. I ain't leaving her, going back, having her watch RTK1 alone in agony. I ain't doing that. Summink life or death, we gotta do it together.

'You can't be on front line duties, you're not out of hospital. Well, not yet anyway,' Jonathan goes. That's reassuring innit!

'Louise, I know you and your partner were both captured by different enemy forces. You suffered unimaginably. I know you lost those closest to you. I know you would have fought to the end if there was any hope of victory,' Konstantin says. I'm tearing up now.

_'I left people behind, Tal, I let em die,' I says, sobbing. Can't get up off of the floor. I dropped a plate. Can't stop crying. I ain't well. I gotta get help. I don't speak Russian. I'm useless, I can't do nothing, can't even read a sign on a street or pay for summink in a shop. I wanna go home. I wanna go bed and not wake up. 

'Oh, my love. We didn't have a choice,' she says. _

'Nobody knows when, but everyone in the Russian army knows war is coming,' Konstantin says.

We gotta stop em hurting and killing people. Enough's enough. It gotta end now.

'Go on, then,' I says. 'What you got. What can we do?'


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## frogwoman (Dec 2, 2021)

Lol FINALLY  a scene with dead Nazis  

The first real sign I get that something is badly wrong is that I can't use my key to get out of my apartment in the morning. It has stopped working. It's happened to Liza several times and once to my other housemate Ella who's gone home for a while. I'm usually the one who phones the engineer for a replacement. I haven't seen Liza for a day or two; it makes me worried.

My secret phone goes off when I walk back into my room. I read the message and feel light headed and dizzy. Lev's text says, 'Terrible news. @chai613 is dead. They know, P. Get out NOW.'

My regular phone has lost its signal, but I have an earlier message from Carter asking me what happened in my performance last night, saying I was awful. There's one from Liza too. She's sent me a photo. I stare at it for a minute, my hands shaking, nausea rising in my throat. I can't stop the tears. I hold onto the chair rail to keep myself steady. I'm going to be sick.

'Don't hurt my baby, LOL!' Liza's written as a caption.

Unable to stop myself, I hurl the phone at the mirror in the hallway, screaming with pain and horror. The glass shatters into pieces on the ground. Sobbing, I walk over and scrape it into a pile with my bare hands until I'm bleeding. I'm sorry, Mum. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I push my way into Liza's room. She's left the door unlocked again. Then I drop the pile of broken glass onto her bed. I pick up the biggest shard and start cutting into her pillows and duvet until feathers start flying everywhere. I empty the pillows out onto the bed. I'm so sorry. Liza you're horrible. You're sick.

Doesn't she ever open a window in here? It's so stuffy. I take a screwdriver from the table and remove Liza's hard drive from her laptop, put it in my back pocket. Then I open the window and throw the laptop outside. It smashes on the pavement two floors down. She's got loads of black lipstick and nail polish and I take the lids off and throw them outside too. I walk to Liza's cupboard and start grabbing everything out of it, jeans, dresses and goth outfits. I throw them on the floor, unable to stop crying.

All I can think about is my mum on that table, being shoved on that floor like *SHE* was nothing.

I need the toilet, well, you know what? I'll go here. I pull my pants down and squat over Liza's clothes, feel the hot liquid run down my legs, unable to stop myself. How does it feel to have your clothes pissed on by a Jew, bitch? Hanukkah starts in a few days, here's your Hanukkah miracle! I wipe myself on one of her t-shirts from one of Liza's favourite bands, 'Final Solution.' A feather falls onto my foot. I need to get out, I need to run, I can't stay here, what am I even doing?

'Final solution? See how well that worked out for you last time,' I sob. I walk back into my room and wash my hands, clean myself up, change my clothes to a nondescript hoodie, a black puffer jacket and some old trainers, putting the dirty ones into a suitcase that I've already packed. Then I clear out the safe and put the contents in my shoulder bag along with everything important plus another change of clothes, leaving the gun until last. They'll be here soon. I tuck it into the inside of my jacket pocket, knowing I'll need it. I open my bedroom window upwards and lodge the suitcase between the panes. It faces onto a grassy patch with trees, near a footpath. If I aim to hit the nearest tree when I jump perhaps it can cushion my fall.

'I can't believe I lived with a Jew for two years!' Liza whines somewhere downstairs.

The sound of her voice gets closer. I can't tell how many there are. Three? Four? 'I shared a bathroom with it. It ate my food! Thank God you believe me! And the lift is broken, this is so annoying.'

'Don't worry, we believe you,' a man says. 'Wow. It kept that quiet. Didn't it.'

I can hear their boots on the staircase, getting louder.I give the suitcase a shove and it falls out of the window. It smacks the tree before hitting the ground. The zip has caught on one of the branches and clothes spill out. If my key has stopped working, my car won't work either, will it? It belongs to the Party. The door opens. They're inside. I can't move, I'm frozen to the spot. I force my legs through the gap in the window and start sliding myself outside. It's a narrow space. My hands are shaking so much, I'm going to slip.

'Knowledge of the Jew, that's what separates the true National Socialist from someone who once saw a headline in a paper and thought, there might be a few too many immigrants,' I hear one of them saying. Come on, Penina, get all the way outside, make yourself jump. I pull my head through so I'm sitting on the ledge. I grab onto the drainpipe and pull myself up, so I'm standing up, facing towards the tree. Penina, don't be so frightened. Try and have faith in G-d. Try and believe that He will protect you.

'Oh no! Look what it's done to my room! It's pissed all over my dresses!' Liza shrieks.

'Where is it?'

'In here.'

Go. I launch myself through the air, try to dive towards the huge tree. My jacket snags on the branch and I feel the fabric rip. The wood hits me in the face. I feel my nose start bleeding. I try to grip the side of the trunk to fall down slower but I can't. I have to run now. I have to leave everything in the suitcase. Only clothes and makeup. I'll be OK. I sprint as fast as I can down the pathway towards the woods, away from town. It's cold.

Just keep running, keep running and don't stop.

'Where are you,' I write but Lev doesn't reply. As I run down through the woodland an old couple turn to look at me. I freeze and shrink back behind a tree until they're gone. I feel for the gun in my jacket. You're breathing too loud, Penina. Hold your breath. I press myself against the tree trunk, tears in my eyes, until I can't hear anyone else.

'Dump this phone now, P. They'll break the GPS encryption and be able to track you if they haven't already. Try and get to the taxi rank in the centre of town. Go to the pink taxi by bus stop L5. Ask for the motorway services at junction 15 on the M4. If you can't by 12pm, go straight there and wait by the bins.'

'Message received.' I don't wait to be told. I have a contact number, sewn into the inside of my jacket. I take the SIM card out and bury it under a pile of leaves. I throw the phone into the woods as far as it will go. Nobody knows if I'm dead or alive. The BPF could have captured me. Does anyone still care? I walk as far away from the main path as I can. The leaves crunch against my shoes. Penelope Fenton wouldn't be seen dead wearing these messy clothes. She wouldn't be seen dead walking here. I miss Lev. I'll probably never get to meet him. Am I going to be the last Jew in the country?

As I approach the edge of the woodland there are helicopters and dogs barking. I duck behind a hedge and wait. I pull out my little hand mirror from my bag and try to brush the leaves from my hair.

A mad thought comes to me. Ante doesn't know. He has his own reasons for hating the Party. Maybe I could ask him to let me hide there. I dismiss the thought as soon as it comes. My original revulsion smacks me in the face. He's a paedophile. I know what he did to Svetlana Markovic and the others. I've seen what's on his computer; he's lucky the worst that happened to him was being blamed for the botched raid, lucky some Party higher ups have equally depraved appetites. I blackmailed him over the pictures I found; he never knew it was me. I helped get him fired for something else, although we 'get on' and he doesn't suspect. After the cancer diagnosis I even felt guilty.

And if there's anything he hates more than Serb and Roma people it's Jews.

He still has connections high up in the Party he claims hate him. Now his cancer decision has been overturned he might be feeling better disposed towards them.

I can't risk it.

Slowly I walk towards the path out of the woods. I pull my scarf tightly around my neck. The shard of broken glass is still in my back pocket. The taxi rank is this way. What if someone recognizes me?

'Do you reckon that's it, there?' someone is saying behind me. I pretend I haven't heard and walk more quickly towards the gate.

'Stop right there,' a man's voice says. 'National Defence Forces. Turn around.'

I reach into my inside pocket. No way am I letting them take me alive. There's no way I'll get out alive. I feel for the gun metal and pull it out by the handle, load it then turn around. I've never had to do this before. I've watched videos of it but it's not the same.

'Shit. It's got a gun.'

I point the revolver at the NDF member closest to me and squeeze the trigger down hard. The recoil almost knocks me off my feet and I skid back onto the leaves, almost collapse onto the ground and a tree root but manage to stay upright. He's lying on the path, covered in mud but not injured. As he begins to get up I fire again at his head. He falls back and stops moving. The other two start firing back. I only have four more rounds. As one of the other NDF paramilitary members raises his gun I run backwards and press the trigger a third time. A bullet whizzes past me as I start running again. It hits a tree. My feet pound the soil. I've got a stitch. It cuts into me like a knife. I fire once more and the shooting stops. There’s a thud behind me. My arms ache as I run.

I run further down I don’t know many hundreds of metres through the woodland into an area thick with trees. I can hear dogs and helicopters, someone shouting. I can't stay here. There's a field at the end of the fence where horses are grazing. The grass is long by the edge. I slide under the fence and push myself into the long grass, my clothes becoming wet and cold. My fingers are becoming numb. I press them into my jacket and try to stay still.

'Sometimes I feel sad, love, don't you,' an old man says a few metres away. 'All those shops we used to go to. All those Indian restaurants. All that food we used to get from around the world. All those people are gone. Don't you wonder what happened to them?'

'I think we all know what happened, Geoffrey,' a woman replies. 'Stop talking about it. People might hear us. We've got to think of Claudia's job. We've got to think about the baby.'

'Things can't go on like this forever, Susan,' the old man says, his voice getting quieter.

'Be quiet, love, think of the grandkids! Don't you ever think about someone apart from yourself?' I hold my breath and wait for them to pass. A slug crawls inches from my face. The temperature is dropping. I get to my knees and start crawling through the grass towards the other end of the field. I can hear the motorway. A helicopter is overhead and I freeze. Junction 15 must be 9 or 10 miles away at least. It's 11.29, there will be police all over town looking for me. I won't be getting in any taxi. The bins? What bins?

I have to go there directly, it's my only chance.


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## frogwoman (Dec 10, 2021)

Lol just wrote a scene that's really gonna piss people off


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## frogwoman (Dec 14, 2021)

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