# Junior Apprentice



## Chairman Meow (May 12, 2010)

Anyone watching? It's car crash stuff, what a load of teenage nobheads.


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## Mogden (May 12, 2010)

Cheesy innit


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## brix (May 12, 2010)

Chairman Meow said:


> Anyone watching? It's car crash stuff, what a load of teenage nobheads.



"No one wants to buy from an ugly person."


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## Minnie_the_Minx (May 12, 2010)

Chairman Meow said:


> Anyone watching? It's car crash stuff, what a load of teenage nobheads.




scary teenage nobheads


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## Maurice Picarda (May 12, 2010)

They're even ghastlier than the twenty-somethings. I didn't think that was possible.


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## beesonthewhatnow (May 12, 2010)

I want to kill them all with fire.


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## ramjamclub (May 12, 2010)

I liked the remark one 16 year old lad made. "I've been selling on markets all my life"


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## Chairman Meow (May 12, 2010)

OMG did you see how much cheese that bloke got for a quid! *sobs*


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## Scarlette (May 12, 2010)

That blonde girl saying 'he's like one of my favourite chefs!'

You're 16. Your favourite chef should be Ronald McDonald!


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## Chairman Meow (May 12, 2010)

We howled at the tv when she said that.


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## Maurice Picarda (May 12, 2010)

For anyone missing Brown: the PM wanted that shabby pie and mash prick Sugar enobled and in government, because he thought his popular touch would rub off on Labour. 

However you feel about the coalition, well rid.


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## Part 2 (May 12, 2010)

What a weird program


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## Scarlette (May 12, 2010)

Aren't teenage boys funny looking. How on earth do teenage girls get by?!


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## aqua (May 12, 2010)

by fancying older boys


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## Maurice Picarda (May 12, 2010)

Possibly the soi-disant "CEOs of their own company" are particularly freakish? Wish that child's voice would break, though. He's hurting my ears.


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## Scarlette (May 12, 2010)

Maurice Picarda said:


> Possibly the soi-disant "CEOs of their own company" are particularly freakish? Wish that child's voice would break, though. He's hurting my ears.



He sounds like Margaret, which is good as I was missing her.


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## Scarlette (May 12, 2010)

Sugar looked like he was going to cry then. All this 'when they were sitting on sofas, you were here, never forget that'. Pfff. These teenagers on sofas are probably getting off with nice girls and having friends and not being twats.


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## moomoo (May 12, 2010)

They are dreadful!! I will never complain about my teenagers again...


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## Maurice Picarda (May 12, 2010)

None of them know how to use telephones. They think that you hold them at arm's length gingerly and shout very loudly. Actually, the grown-ups do that on the programme, too.


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## fogbat (May 12, 2010)

They are drowning all the nasty little shits in a canal at the end, right?


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## FridgeMagnet (May 12, 2010)

_The Apprentice_ was anti-capitalist satire, so I assume this is as well, yes?


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## DotCommunist (May 12, 2010)

I hope the prize is getting nonced by sugar *and* the entire Dragons den team. Including Deberoah Meaden


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## fogbat (May 12, 2010)

As I understand it, Siralan will take the winning candidate, and transfer his soul into their body, thus regaining his youth and his power.

As long as the rest of them are dropped into a mincing machine, I consider that an acceptable loss.


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## Chairman Meow (May 12, 2010)

Imagine having a child like that. You would have to kill them for the good of humanity I reckon.


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## fogbat (May 12, 2010)

You'd wish you'd raised the afterbirth, instead.


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## moomoo (May 12, 2010)

Chairman Meow said:


> Imagine having a child like that. You would have to kill them for the good of humanity I reckon.



Oh god yes!!!  Could you imagine living with a child like that????


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## FridgeMagnet (May 12, 2010)

Chairman Meow said:


> Imagine having a child like that. You would have to kill them for the good of humanity I reckon.



Honour killings get a bad rep, but you know, sometimes it's not all bad.


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## ebay sex moomin (May 13, 2010)

I can't take Lord Suralan seriously anymore, after watching that  a few times- I keep expecting him to say, "I've got a problem... with the hole in my bladdy arse!"

"I've been shitting frying pans, cocktails sticks, an' stuff like that... an' it's LOST me MONEY!"


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## ebay sex moomin (May 13, 2010)

ewww, I really don't like Karen Brady. Please come back Margaret, with your hair like a cloud

I feel a bit sorry for Rhys- seems like a really nice kid who is out of his depth.


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## Nanker Phelge (May 13, 2010)

That Rhys is alright - he'll be fine.

I know it's mean, but I enjoyed watching that Jordan come close to meltdown.....especially when he started to stare blankly at the floor and play with his fingers.....his little brain ticking over....and then the tears in his eyes.....ha ha....poor little sod!

He came on like such a cool cucumber to start with, yet collapsed once faced with applying common sense logistics of the task at hand.


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## isvicthere? (May 13, 2010)

The blonde body fascist was funny when she pointed out, with the air of one imparting deep philosophical truth, that cheese and wine go together.


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## ramjamclub (May 13, 2010)

*Give them a break*

They are only kids trying to act as grown ups, which is far more than some of those on this thread. 
remarks made: Honour killings,Kill, Burn, fascists, dropped into a mincing machine,kill them all with fire. 
some very twisted and sick minds at work here


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## Part 2 (May 13, 2010)

Only saw the last 15 minutes last night so just watched the rest.

I don't think I've seen anything this odd since Minipops. I know they're 16/17 but putting them in suits and making them act like adults only makes them seem younger. I come into contact with kids this age all the time but never met any remotely like them.


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## bi0boy (May 13, 2010)

The worst one lost, that Jordan De Courcy, you can tell from his name and by his voice that his "internet company" was established with a big dollop of mummy and daddy help.

One thing you can say about Sugar is that he's not keen on toffs.


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## Chairman Meow (May 13, 2010)

ramjamclub said:


> They are only kids trying to act as grown ups, which is far more than some of those on this thread.
> remarks made: Honour killings,Kill, Burn, fascists, dropped into a mincing machine,kill them all with fire.
> some very twisted and sick minds at work here



Oh get a sense of humour. FFS.


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## ramjamclub (May 13, 2010)

Chairman Meow said:


> Oh get a sense of humour. FFS.



A very sick one I suppose


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## moomoo (May 13, 2010)

Chairman Meow said:


> Oh get a sense of humour. FFS.



I wasn't joking though...


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## Chairman Meow (May 13, 2010)

Neither was I. 


moomoo said:


> I wasn't joking though...


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## FridgeMagnet (May 13, 2010)

I wouldn't actually advise anyone to *kill* a child who ended up on Junior Apprentice, that was exaggeration, but I would encourage a sound beating. Never mind Political Correctness.


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## Minnie_the_Minx (May 13, 2010)

FridgeMagnet said:


> I wouldn't actually advise anyone to *kill* a child who ended up on Junior Apprentice, that was exaggeration, but I would encourage a sound beating. Never mind Political Correctness.



They'd only take you to court


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## rollinder (May 14, 2010)

ramjamclub said:


> They are only kids trying to act as grown ups, which is far more than some of those on this thread.
> remarks made: Honour killings,Kill, Burn, fascists, dropped into a mincing machine,kill them all with fire.
> some very twisted and sick minds at work here



truths too uncomfortable for you?


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## Nanker Phelge (May 14, 2010)

ramjamclub said:


> some very twisted and sick minds at work here



You've only JUST worked that out!


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## Chester Copperpot (May 14, 2010)

Ha! Watched this last night and it's a good warm up for the main event.

Rhys FTW


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## Santino (May 14, 2010)

I couldn't even contemplate watching this.


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## belboid (May 14, 2010)

Neither could I.  Until it was on last night after I'd finsihed watching something good.  Thinking 'they must have picked one of each sex not to be a total twat.'  But, no, not really. Cow boy is probably the least vile, he's just distinctly innefectual. Retro girl may have some saving graces?  Oh jesus christ no. 

Small blessing - the most clearly vile, should be put down now, was thrown out immediately.


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## Santino (May 14, 2010)

How old are these moppets? Are there guidelines about the minimum age you can be set up for public humiliation on prime time telly?


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## belboid (May 14, 2010)

most are 17 I think (tho they all look 12), a couple are younger.


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## belboid (May 14, 2010)

"Jordan De Courcy, 16"  uggh, deserves it for the name alone.  Fortunately for him, he's Irish, so his prospective customes wont see wht a twat he is.


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## girasol (May 14, 2010)

Well, I thought Zoe was quite impressive, and she'll probably win this.

Not very often you see someone so confident, and although this won't win her friends, she'll get wherever she wants to go.  It's nice to see young people being so driven, shame it's in the name of money making 

They're all very intelligent too, so don't believe it when they say kids are dumbing down.


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## souljacker (May 14, 2010)

I was a bit reluctant to watch this as I felt bad about laughing at kids. But they are such a bunch of twats that I couldn't help but laugh.

I liked the little indian fella though. He just LOVES maths.


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## Minnie_the_Minx (May 14, 2010)

Santino said:


> How old are these moppets? Are there guidelines about the minimum age you can be set up for public humiliation on prime time telly?





souljacker said:


> I was a bit reluctant to watch this as I felt bad about laughing at kids. But they are such a bunch of twats that I couldn't help but laugh.




If they're old to have a business, they're old enough to be set up for public humiliation 

and quite frankly, that Jordan was a twat.  I don't care if he was only 16, he was turning down his nose at the rest of them before they'd even settled into the house boasting about how he would win as he's got the experience and some of them were only sheep shaggers (well I made that last bit up but you get my drift)


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## Nanker Phelge (May 14, 2010)

If I were in that as a young chap I think I would have wanted Jordan to stay in because that would have been one less boy in competition for copping with girls.


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## ShiftyBagLady (May 14, 2010)

I watched this and I didn't find it half as entertaining as the adult version. partly because I don't expect teenagers to have the same level of self awareness and maturity as adults; the adults are laughable because they act like children in big bodies whereas these kids act like children growing into their bodies. The one who got booted out was the only one I found intensely irritating.
I got an irrepressible urge to eat cheese while I watched it. So I did. nomnomnom


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## Nanker Phelge (May 14, 2010)

Nanker Jnr fell in love with the fashionista girl......

....she'd eat him for breakfast, dinner and tea!


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## Scarlette (May 19, 2010)

A cardboard chest of drawers for festivals? Hmmm. So many problems.

and 'I go camping twice a year...I meant I used to go camping twice a year LAST year!' Ha ha.


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## beesonthewhatnow (May 19, 2010)

I still want to kill them all with fire.


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## paulhackett (May 19, 2010)

This programme is a non-stop


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## brix (May 19, 2010)

Arjun's alright I think.  I might spare him.


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## Scarlette (May 19, 2010)

The drawers are collapsing with nothing in them.


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## Scarlette (May 19, 2010)

Tim is going to make it with that girl.


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## Chairman Meow (May 19, 2010)

Who the fuck is going to take a massive cardboard cupboard camping? 

And the sledge is too small!


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## Hoss (May 19, 2010)

Chairman Meow said:


> cardboard


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## brix (May 19, 2010)

"I invested my life savings" 

From a 16 year old...


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## Scarlette (May 19, 2010)

I think he likes Adam. It's gonna be Heber.


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## brix (May 19, 2010)

That's completely unfair!


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## brix (May 19, 2010)

That Scottish one is tiny!


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## Hoss (May 19, 2010)

Nature freaks


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## Part 2 (May 19, 2010)

Thought Adam would've gone for bottling it by not taking cardboard girl into the boardroom, luckily Heber was really shit.

Zoe is an obvious winner so far but there's a bit of cockiness that I see getting more apparent the further she gets. The others seem quite intimidated by her.


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## q_w_e_r_t_y (May 19, 2010)

Chip Barm said:


> Thought Adam would've gone for bottling it by not taking cardboard girl into the boardroom



I might be wrong, but I got the impression that he only didnt take her in as he had forgotten her name...


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## brix (May 19, 2010)

q_w_e_r_t_y said:


> I might be wrong, but I got the impression that he only didnt take her in as he had forgotten her name...



Ah, yes, that would explain it.


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## Part 2 (May 19, 2010)

q_w_e_r_t_y said:


> I might be wrong, but I got the impression that he only didnt take her in as he had forgotten her name...



Nah, he felt loyal to her, she was on his team while the other two were stirring it and she stuck up for him a bit, he couldn't bring himself to take her in.


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## ramjamclub (May 19, 2010)

Adam is a chip off the (sugar) block, so that saved him. He was a bit of a headless chicken. His comments on camping had me roaring.
It's good entertainment though.


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## Sesquipedalian (May 19, 2010)

ramjamclub said:


> *Adam is a chip off the (sugar) block*, so that saved him. He was a bit of a headless chicken. His comments on camping had me roaring.
> *It's good entertainment though.*



Watched it for the first time tonight.
Enjoy the original series,
And this was reasonably entertaining.

He,Adam,is more of a splinter than a chip,
And he will be out next week.


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## 100% masahiko (May 20, 2010)

There's not much difference between the Junior and regular Apprentice.
That what I find most


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## kabbes (May 20, 2010)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> I watched this and I didn't find it half as entertaining as the adult version. partly because I don't expect teenagers to have the same level of self awareness and maturity as adults; the adults are laughable because they act like children in big bodies whereas these kids act like children growing into their bodies. The one who got booted out was the only one I found intensely irritating.
> I got an irrepressible urge to eat cheese while I watched it. So I did. nomnomnom



Yes, this is what I thought.

Like Santino, I wasn't going to watch it.  But I did anyway, because I was bored at 10pm and it was on iPlayer already.

The whole thing doesn't make any kind of sense from the design principles of the original show.  To think that 16 and 17 year-olds would have the people management, time management and project managament skills necessary to do a good job is an insult to the years that people spend acquiring those skills after starting work.  

Furthermore, 16 and 17 year-olds are self-evidently not going to have the general life skills necessary to do the generalist tasks of The Apprentice.  How do they know anything about the value of cheese, for Smith's sake?  Or the way in which consumers tend to buy things or the layout of London or any one of a hundred other little pieces of assumed knowledge that would be second-nature to a lot of adults but impossible for a kid.  And that's an easy one -- wait until they have to get into doing the proper tasks!

Then we come to the fact that they are inevitably a bunch of cocks.  Well, the adults in the proper version should know better.  That's what comes from maturing.  But the fact that kids are immature should be no surprise.  They've never even had to run their own household, ffs, let alone rub along in professional environments with a boss that couldn't give a shit about them and colleagues that they think are crap.

All in all, the whole thing is a novelty that makes no sense and so was very uncomfortable viewing.  I didn't know whether to laugh at how shit they were or be bemused at the obviousness of how shit they were inevitably going to be.  I didn't know whether to despise them for being a bunch of little pricks or find it endearing how much they were little pricks because so was I at that age.

All in all: yuck.


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## kabbes (May 20, 2010)

And I really want to know who thought it was a good idea to give a 12 year-old enough money to start up his own business.  Or thought it was a good idea for a 12 year-old to absorb the message that generating money is his priority at that time in his life.  That's just all kinds of fucked up.


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## Nanker Phelge (May 20, 2010)

That Zoe wants to learn to control her face.....keep a little of her obvious disgust at everything thing and everyone to herself.


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## kabbes (May 20, 2010)

The standout moment was definitely that silly little girl who went off to cry because she wasn't being allowed to butt into an ongoing negotiation.  "Why couldn't I play tooooo?" she sobbed.


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## fogbat (May 20, 2010)

It's almost like The Apprentice was some sort of entertainment programme, rather than the srs bsnss that it so clearly was


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## kabbes (May 20, 2010)

fogbat said:


> It's almost like The Apprentice was some sort of entertainment programme, rather than the srs bsnss that it so clearly was


Ahh.


Ahhhhhhh


Ah, therein lies the problem.  Because whilst it's funny to demonise and humiliate adults in the name of entertainment, it seems to be less so when you're doing it to children.


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## fogbat (May 20, 2010)

They're not children. They're demons in tiny human form.


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## Nanker Phelge (May 20, 2010)

kabbes said:


> Ah, therein lies the problem.  Because whilst it's funny to demonise and humiliate adults in the name of entertainment, it seems to be less so when you're doing it to children.



I think Sugar Daddy is being very generous with them, offering advice and ridicule in equal measures.

They're still quite brave kids, and hardy with it, and they're getting what they came for.


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## kabbes (May 20, 2010)

They're not old enough to be able to legally drink the alcohol that they'll need to cope with the humiliation.


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## jusali (May 20, 2010)

It leaves me a bit cold to be honest. There's so many things that are wrong it makes my skin crawl. Exploitation at it's worst.......


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## Part 2 (May 20, 2010)

I've likened it to minipops on a few occasions. I find it very odd.


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## Tooter (May 20, 2010)

Pouty Jordan is a backstabbing little slimeball....glad he's gone  So funny watching the temper tantrums though!


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## ebay sex moomin (May 20, 2010)

Chip Barm said:


> I've likened it to minipops on a few occasions. I find it very odd.


That's an interesting comment. I'ma have a think about that. 

I do also find it a bit odd. Some of the contestants look way too 'green', and some (in my opinion) act way too old. I find I have to watch it in a completely different way to the adult version- watching that, I'm thinking "I can't wait to see that two-faced, passive-aggressive, lying cheating bastard get their comeuppance", whereas with this I'm thinking, "oh, I hope the little tykes do well!" I wouldn't like to sneer at them, even the one I don't especially like. I'd feel like a cnut.

It was nice to see a softer side to Nick coming out. At one point he made some really positive comments about what Rhys and Arjen (sp?) were doing- seemed almost fatherly to me. I liked that. Nick's great!


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## belboid (May 20, 2010)

q_w_e_r_t_y said:


> I might be wrong, but I got the impression that he only didnt take her in as he had forgotten her name...



I'm with you, she was the one who not only came up with the idea of using cardboard, but then said it was the best idea of the project!  Bleeding idiot.  No reason to take Zoe in at all, unless it was as a way to get the other lass fired fer sure.  Which would have been a stupid tactic, were it not for the fact it worked.


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## ramjamclub (May 20, 2010)

Next task should be, Design a really cool school uniform.
Something along the lines of the new Olympic mascots.


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## Scaggs (May 21, 2010)

belboid said:


> I'm with you, she was the one who not only came up with the idea of using cardboard, but then said it was the best idea of the project!  Bleeding idiot.  No reason to take Zoe in at all, unless it was as a way to get the other lass fired fer sure.  Which would have been a stupid tactic, were it not for the fact it worked.



It's always a good tactic on that programme. If you know you failed badly, take in an Asian or black member of the team and you'll be safe.


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## punchdrunkme (May 21, 2010)

FridgeMagnet said:


> _The Apprentice_ was anti-capitalist satire, so I assume this is as well, yes?



 

Even more so, its all kinds of ridiculous.


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## bi0boy (May 21, 2010)

Scaggs said:


> It's always a good tactic on that programme. If you know you failed badly, take in an Asian or black member of the team and you'll be safe.



A black person won once IIRC.

Best thing is to take in someone who claims they are academically endowed.


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## punchdrunkme (May 21, 2010)

kabbes said:


> And I really want to know who thought it was a good idea to give a 12 year-old enough money to start up his own business.  Or thought it was a good idea for a 12 year-old to absorb the message that generating money is his priority at that time in his life.  That's just all kinds of fucked up.



Yeah I thought that as well. Has succeeded turned that kid into a proper gobshite anyway.


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## Santino (May 21, 2010)

Is it correct that Lord Sugar invented sugar?


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## Maurice Picarda (May 21, 2010)

Santino said:


> Is it correct that Lord Sugar invented sugar?


 
Yes. Also the music centre. And the East End.


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## Nanker Phelge (May 21, 2010)

Maurice Picarda said:


> Yes. Also the music centre. And the East End.



And Pointing.


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## Santino (May 21, 2010)

Nanker Phelge said:


> And Pointing.



I wish I'd thought of that. So simple, like the catflap, but it only seems obvious after the fact, doesn't it?


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## kabbes (May 21, 2010)

Did he also invent stilted conversation and rhetoric that employs unnatural pauses and clumsy syntax?


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## AverageJoe (May 21, 2010)

I liked Arjun and Rhys.

It was refreshing to see them actually asking questions and bouncing mentally off each other. Doing research into their target market etc. They werent afraid to be dismissive of what they thought wouldnt work and understood the importance of it being multi-use.

Was just a shame that what they had discovered couldnt be translated into what they were trying to explain over the phone - personally if they had put that on 2 weels and made it bigger like a sack truck with a solid back and fold out legs it would have been a total winner.

Push your gubbins to camp site, take off wheels, fold out legs and turn upside done - metal table. 

(Oddly thats what i suggested to Mrs Joe when the brief was given)


Sack truck - http://www.bregproducts.co.uk/product_info.php?cPath=22&products_id=31


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## AverageJoe (May 21, 2010)

kabbes said:


> Did he also invent stilted conversation and rhetoric that employs unnatural pauses and clumsy syntax?



He invented a lot of things - in fact he give a list of them in this I think...


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## Maurice Picarda (May 21, 2010)

kabbes said:


> stilted conversation and rhetoric that employs unnatural pauses


 
Jeremy Clarkson was first to the patent office with.     _That_ one, sadly.


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## g force (May 21, 2010)

Not watched this at all...have they done the "art" episode yet? Wonder if it got canned?!? My mate was in it offering advice and it all went horribly wrong


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## AverageJoe (May 21, 2010)

Anyone fancy entering next years?

http://apprentice.fremantlemedia.com/

I'd quite like to do as I thik it would be fun, but I dont think I could take the inevitable rinsing and public hatred that these guys generate on the whole.

I mate go and take my 'Swiss Army Phone' idea to Dragons Den instead


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## g force (May 21, 2010)

God no....though maybe like everyone else i could claim to be a "top salesman" on a "large salary"...which is always bullshit on the Apprentice - I use to work with one of these "successes" who had been fired for being shite before she went on.


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## kabbes (May 21, 2010)

I went to university (albeit a few years ahead) with the winner from a few years back.


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## Santino (May 21, 2010)

kabbes said:


> I went to university (albeit a few years ahead) with the winner from a few years back.



I worked at the university where a different winner studied.


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## kabbes (May 21, 2010)

I called a different winner a "cunt" by shouting at my telly a lot.


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## Santino (May 21, 2010)

I did that too.

Well, I called a lot of them cunts, the chances that the winner wasn't amongst them is very low indeed.


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## Gromit (May 21, 2010)

I've only seen the first episode so far via iPlayer.

Was very pleased that shiny silver staypressed suited child got booted first.


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## Nanker Phelge (May 21, 2010)

Santino said:


> I wish I'd thought of that. So simple, like the catflap, but it only seems obvious after the fact, doesn't it?



I know. I'd been pointing for years and never realised it had any purpose.

I bet he felt relieved the day he invented having a shit.


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## punchdrunkme (May 22, 2010)

Anyone else noticed that adam lads plasters? Cartoon monkeys on them! Bless him.


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## DotCommunist (May 24, 2010)

I'd tap zoe


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## kabbes (May 25, 2010)

Dotty, you're speaking your noncing out loud again.


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## danny la rouge (May 26, 2010)

£3 for a cupcake?  Are Londoners that fucking gullible? For one cupcake?  I'm not sure I'd pay £3 for a whole Victoria sponge!

I'm in the wrong job.


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## Scarlette (May 26, 2010)

Zoe is going to win, I'm sure, and I am developing a grudging respect for her.

I don't think it's Londoners, I think it's people who shop for groceries in Selfridges.


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## ramjamclub (May 26, 2010)

the girls seem to be leading the show


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## danny la rouge (May 26, 2010)

Scarlette said:


> Zoe is going to win, I'm sure, and I am developing a grudging respect for her.
> 
> I don't think it's Londoners, I think it's people who shop for groceries in Selfridges.


OK, _some_ Londoners.  West End of London here I come.  I can ice cakes.


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## Scarlette (May 26, 2010)

Oh, saying that, Zoe seems to be losing it a bit.


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## Maurice Picarda (May 26, 2010)

Just put it on - why was someone chucked out 2/3 of the way in?


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## Scarlette (May 26, 2010)

Maurice Picarda said:


> Just put it on - why was someone chucked out 2/3 of the way in?



He was ill. It's only the strongest survive, innit.

I am rapidly switching alliegance to that brown haired skinny girl wth eyebrows.

I think, judging from editing earlier, when he was slagging off Rhys, that beardy boy is to go.


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## Hoss (May 26, 2010)

Maurice Picarda said:


> Just put it on - why was someone chucked out 2/3 of the way in?




He felt a bit sick. Too Many cupcakes.


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## Chairman Meow (May 26, 2010)

Hoss said:


> He felt a bit sick. Too Many cupcakes.



So is he out for good?


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## Hoss (May 26, 2010)

Chairman Meow said:


> So is he out for good?




Got the impression he'll be back.

He was told to 'Go home to mum and dad, get into bed, stay in touch.'


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## Maurice Picarda (May 26, 2010)

Do you mean to say I missed a reaction shot of Nick Hewer, his lips pursed like Dot Cotton's as some young entrepreneur vomited over the studio?


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## mrs quoad (May 26, 2010)

F***ing hell, I've just turned this on for the first time, as me and the missus saw Disparate Hosewives last week.

Jesus tossing wept, what wholesomely nasty, vicious, deviant, venal, corrupt, shitstirring little nasty bastards. Nasty nasty little horrible toerags.


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## Scarlette (May 26, 2010)

Hoss said:


> Got the impression he'll be back.
> 
> He was told to 'Go home to mum and dad, get into bed, stay in touch.'



I got the impression he _won't_ be back. I think he meant you know, keep in touch in th future, you're a good fellow, sort of thing.


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## Hoss (May 26, 2010)

Maurice Picarda said:


> Do you mean to say I missed a reaction shot of Nick Hewer, his lips pursed like Dot Cotton's as some young entrepreneur vomited over the studio?




Sadly, no. But that would be TV gold.


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## Hoss (May 26, 2010)

These kids are horrible. The beardy one's facial reactions are sly as fuck.

He's a shirker if I ever saw one.


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## Scarlette (May 26, 2010)

Hoss said:


> These kids are horrible. The beardy one's facial reactions are sly as fuck.
> 
> He's a shirker if I ever saw one.



Absolutely. Just cos he gets the girls, he thinks he's better than the little ones.

Though that girl has academic qualifications, but doesn't step forward. Sugar doesn't like that.


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## mrs quoad (May 26, 2010)

Hoss said:


> These kids are horrible. The beardy one's facial reactions are sly as fuck.
> 
> He's a shirker if I ever saw one.



I would like to put them in a pit.

A soundproofed pit.

Snide little backbiting backstabbing vicious horrible urchins. Who I horribly suspect will turn into snide adult backbiting backstabbing vicious horrible moneygrubbing adults.

The worst flavour of human scum.


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## Hoss (May 26, 2010)

Scarlette said:


> Absolutely. Just cos he gets the girls, he thinks he's better than the little ones.
> 
> Though that girl has academic qualifications, but doesn't step forward. Sugar doesn't like that.




Sugar has just compared him to a hamster on a wheel


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## paulhackett (May 26, 2010)

Would you buy cupcakes from Rhys Rosser?


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## mrs quoad (May 26, 2010)

The brown-nosing, by fuck the brown-nosing.

The only point in watching the denouement is to see which vile and loathsome cockroach gets trampled upon.

Yuck.

I feel like I need to wash.

Repeatedly.

Obsessively.

Unceasingly.


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## Scarlette (May 26, 2010)

Oh, I didn't expect that.


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## Chairman Meow (May 26, 2010)

mrs quoad said:


> Disparate Hosewives


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## mrs quoad (May 26, 2010)

Scarlette said:


> Oh, I didn't expect that.



Fuck him, the horrible little bastard. 

In twenty years time, he'll be fucking you up the arse from some back desk in some filthy organisation, rubbing his horrible grotty thighs whilst cackling like Baron Greenback at the pain and misery of other less-competitive human beings.

And wiping his arse with £500 notes.


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## Hoss (May 26, 2010)

mrs quoad said:


> The brown-nosing, by fuck the brown-nosing.
> 
> The only point in watching the denouement is to see which vile and loathsome cockroach gets trampled upon.
> 
> ...



But they're kids, Quoad, kids!

That fucking beardy twat. He's being set up for a fall, I hope.


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## mrs quoad (May 26, 2010)

Hoss said:


> But they're kids, Quoad, kids!



Bogfat cares to differ:



fogbat said:


> They're not children. They're demons in tiny human form.



I agree.

Also, their childhood / daemonhood would not have troubled the 18th Century French, if they were regicides 



> On 1 March 1757 Damiens the regicide was condemned "to make the amende honorable before the main door of the Church of Paris", where he was to be "taken and conveyed in a cart, wearing nothing but a shirt, holding a torch of burning wax weighing two pounds"; then, "in the said cart, to the Place de Grève, where, on a scaffold that will be erected there, the flesh will be torn from his breasts, arms, thighs and claves with red-hot pincers, his right hand, holding the knife with which he committed the said parricide, burnt with sulphur, and, on those places where the flesh will be torn away, poured molten lead, boiling oil, burning resin, wax and sulphur melted together and then his body drawn and quartered by four horses and his limbs and body consumed by fire, reduced to ashes and his ashes thrown to the winds" (Pièces originales..., 372-4).
> 
> "Finally, he was quartered," recounts the Gazette d'Amsterdam of 1 April 1757. "This last operation was very long, because the horses used were not accustomed to drawing; consequently, instead of four, six were needed; and when that did not suffice, they were forced, in order to cut off the wretch's thighs, to sever the sinews and hack at the joints...
> 
> ...


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## Hoss (May 26, 2010)

You thought about pitching that to a production company?


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## ramjamclub (May 26, 2010)

mrs quoad said:


> F***ing hell, I've just turned this on for the first time, as me and the missus saw Disparate Hosewives last week.
> 
> Jesus tossing wept, what wholesomely nasty, vicious, deviant, venal, corrupt, shitstirring little nasty bastards. Nasty nasty little horrible toerags.



take it easy, they are the future bosses


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## mrs quoad (May 26, 2010)

Hoss said:


> You thought about pitching that to a production company?


I think it's already been adapted, with added 'Bushtucker Challenge.'



ramjamclub said:


> take it easy, they are the future bosses


Ex_act_ly. Stamp them early.

Preventative measures.


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## Hoss (May 26, 2010)

Imagine the parents. 

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.


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## zoooo (May 26, 2010)

Holy shit @ the quartering. Wowwwwww.

Still alive after all that.


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## ebay sex moomin (May 27, 2010)

.


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## Sesquipedalian (May 27, 2010)

Missed it.
I had other things to do.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00sjbp5/Junior_Apprentice_Episode_3/


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## Part 2 (May 27, 2010)

Arjun is still my favourite, then Kirsty. 

Small people ftw


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## kabbes (May 28, 2010)

It saddens me to hear children using corporate bullshit-speak.  How have they absorbed that language at their age?

It amuses me that their general ideas and sense are better than the adult version, however.  None of the usual idiots ever think to work out things like how many cakes they would have to make and sell per minute.


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## Badgers (May 28, 2010)

Wish I watched shit like this. Then I could moan about how shit it was and stuff.


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## kabbes (May 28, 2010)

It's not shit.  It's a very well put together entertainment programme.

The _contestants_, on the other hand, are frequently shit, in all senses of the word.


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## punchdrunkme (May 28, 2010)

All that nonsense and they are still behaving a lot better than the proper adult one! 

I don't know why i watch this shite.


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## ebay sex moomin (May 28, 2010)

punchdrunkme said:


> All that nonsense and they are still behaving a lot better than the proper adult one!


True!

I'm gonna miss Rhys. Great guy. I really liked the send-off Lord Suralan gave him, calling him 'a special man' and 'a charming fellow'. I agree that he was there maybe a bit too early, but I hope he does well and I reckon he will


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## punchdrunkme (May 28, 2010)

ebay sex moomin said:


> True!
> 
> I'm gonna miss Rhys. Great guy. I really liked the send-off Lord Suralan gave him, calling him 'a special man' and 'a charming fellow'. I agree that he was there maybe a bit too early, but I hope he does well and I reckon he will



Yeah, he was ace! proper nice little lad, the cleverest out of the lot of them too. but just not a gobshite so noone realised.


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## bi0boy (May 28, 2010)

I can't believe they got rid of the two I was hoping might win (Adam aint coming back )

Now I can just sit back and laugh at them all, just like the normal apprentice.


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## bi0boy (May 28, 2010)

Isn't Karen shit btw? She didn't say fuck all this time.


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## punchdrunkme (May 28, 2010)

bi0boy said:


> Isn't Karen shit btw? She didn't say fuck all this time.



Yeah, that old lady was well better.


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## ebay sex moomin (May 28, 2010)

"that old lady", lol! _Margaret Mountford_ to you!

Karren Brady is gonna slightly marr my Apprentice viewing from now on. She's got a face like a slapped arse.

Have you heard  by the way? It's rather lovely


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## bi0boy (Jun 2, 2010)

g force said:


> Not watched this at all...have they done the "art" episode yet? Wonder if it got canned?!? My mate was in it offering advice and it all went horribly wrong



This was tonight, seemed to work out.


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## Part 2 (Jun 2, 2010)

Zoe better not win


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## May Kasahara (Jun 3, 2010)

Throughout this series I've said to Mr K that I like how it's much harder and more objectionable to hate the contestants, as they're still really just children. But I hate Zoe.


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## souljacker (Jun 9, 2010)

How come this weeks winners didn't get a jolly?? They made £40k and they didn't even get a cuppa at the cafe.


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## girasol (Jun 9, 2010)

souljacker said:


> How come this weeks winners didn't get a jolly?? They made £40k and they didn't even get a cuppa at the cafe.



they got to play table football, every teenager's dream  

I said Zoe would probably win, and she's in the final , but somehow I don't think she will go all the way...


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## Nanker Phelge (Jun 9, 2010)

I'm glad Arjun made it to the final. Zoe should have gone simply for her lack of commitment to the task and poor attitude, and for pulling some of the bitchiest faces ever shown on TV.


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## girasol (Jun 10, 2010)

If you don't have an attitude and pull bitchy faces at that age, when will you ever be able to do that again?

She'll be all compliant and attitude free in a few years   And she'll be able to hide her thoughts too.


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## Nanker Phelge (Jun 10, 2010)

Iemanja said:


> If you don't have an attitude and pull bitchy faces at that age, when will you ever be able to do that again?



Fair point. Well made.


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## Melinda (Jun 10, 2010)

Nanker Phelge said:


> I'm glad Arjun made it to the final. Zoe should have gone simply for her lack of commitment to the task and poor attitude, *and for pulling some of the bitchiest faces ever shown on TV.*






Iemanja said:


> She'll be all compliant and attitude free in a few years   And she'll be able to hide her thoughts too.


 

Life is full of ouch. But considering rude, manipulative and controlling people still manage to earn a living, maybe she wont have to change too much.


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## ivebeenhigh (Jun 10, 2010)

My store was on there last night.  Its astounding the lies that were told...


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## Melinda (Jun 10, 2010)

East End pet shop ? 

Were they your baps we were oggling?


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## ramjamclub (Jun 10, 2010)

Sir Alan has got Zoe marked down in his book as selfish girl. She does seem to have her personality hard-wired at only 16. 
Arjun is a winner in my book.


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## ivebeenhigh (Jun 10, 2010)

Melinda said:


> East End pet shop ?
> 
> Were they your baps we were oggling?


west end dept store.  not D & J


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## Melinda (Jun 10, 2010)

I know!   I was being funny


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## ooo (Jun 10, 2010)

Nanker Phelge said:


> I'm glad Arjun made it to the final. Zoe should have gone simply for her lack of commitment to the task and poor attitude, and for pulling some of the bitchiest faces ever shown on TV.



I'm beginning to like Zoe.
She has the most honest expressions, aren't hiding anything.


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## ivebeenhigh (Jun 10, 2010)

i have yet to see those bikes here.  we dont even have a bike department.


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## ooo (Jun 10, 2010)

souljacker said:


> How come this weeks winners didn't get a jolly?? They made £40k and they didn't even get a cuppa at the cafe.



I wonder that too!
£40k is massive.  Well done.


And I'd like to see Arjun win.


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## ivebeenhigh (Jun 10, 2010)

ooo said:


> I wonder that too!
> £40k is massive.  Well done.
> 
> 
> And I'd like to see Arjun win.



it would be if the order was ever placed


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## Nanker Phelge (Jun 10, 2010)

ooo said:


> She has the most honest expressions, aren't hiding anything.



In real life this can get you in a lot of trouble.

All the eye rolling and pursed lips and shrugging shoulders will have people hating or hitting her.


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## isvicthere? (Jun 10, 2010)

I'm plumping for Kirsty.


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## Minnie_the_Minx (Jun 10, 2010)

Nanker Phelge said:


> In real life this can get you in a lot of trouble.
> 
> All the eye rolling and pursed lips and shrugging shoulders will have people hating or hitting her.




I'd quite happily slap her but I don't like violence


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## Nanker Phelge (Jun 10, 2010)

Minnie_the_Minx said:


> I'd quite happily slap her but I don't like violence



Hippy


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## littlebabyjesus (Jun 10, 2010)

I saw a little of this last night. Why are children being treated like adults? Most odd.

They should be out drinking cider and groping one another uncertainly.


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## Nanker Phelge (Jun 10, 2010)

'Jackson Pollock, Ok, P O L L O C K....'


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## paulhackett (Jun 10, 2010)

littlebabyjesus said:


> I saw a little of this last night. Why are children being treated like adults? Most odd.



It's a bit Bugsy Malone.. with Zoe dressed as Tallulah


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## Nanker Phelge (Jun 10, 2010)

The best person won.


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## Ich bin ein Mod (Jun 10, 2010)

Definitely. Can't believe Tim even got to the final!


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## Part 2 (Jun 10, 2010)

I thought both were pretty even by the end. In the last task developing the brand beyond the bottle of water idea was beyond anything any of the adults have ever come up with.

I said a few weeks ago Arjun was the only one not being snide. 

I thought Tim was brilliant with adults, really confident. I probably would've given him the win tbh just for being the one who made most progress.

Not sure about the legality of an 11 year old working 16 hour days though


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## ramjamclub (Jun 10, 2010)

nice to see arjun win, I picked him to win


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## Wookey (Jun 11, 2010)

Best candidate won, he was quite scarily self-assured and eloquent.


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## kabbes (Jun 11, 2010)

Did I miss an episode or something?  When did the girl with the long brown hair get kicked out?  I switched it on about 10 minutes in last night and suddenly there are only four of them.  And I don't know what you lot are talking about up there.  What £40k?

Arjen was the best candidate.  But in general, it amused me how much better this bunch of kids were than the usual idiot adults.  Even given their total lack of life experience (which, for once, is totally justified!), they managed to be sensible, directed and create excellent results.  Just goes to show how shite the usual mob really are.


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## Nanker Phelge (Jun 11, 2010)

kabbes said:


> Did I miss an episode or something?



Yes, it was on over two nights this week.

Sounds like you missed Wednesdays.

Little Arjun.....I'd like him around to do my maths, fix my computer and give life to my ideas...

Like a little intellectual butler.


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## kabbes (Jun 11, 2010)

Cunts 

I tried to watch Wednesday's on iPlayer last night but it wasn't available.  Then I saw that it was on normal telly, so just assumed it was a repeat.

Why do they fuck with these things?


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## littlebabyjesus (Jun 11, 2010)

kabbes said:


> .
> 
> Why do they fuck with these things?


There might be some really important event about to start somewhere that they'll be covering. Dunno.


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## Nanker Phelge (Jun 11, 2010)

kabbes said:


> Why do they fuck with these things?



Just to wind you up.


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## kabbes (Jun 11, 2010)

littlebabyjesus said:


> There might be some really important event about to start somewhere that they'll be covering. Dunno.



Then start the fucker on telly a week earlier!


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## kabbes (Jun 11, 2010)

Nanker Phelge said:


> Just to wind you up.


I'm beginning to suspect that this applies to more and more things in this world.


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## Nanker Phelge (Jun 11, 2010)

kabbes said:


> I'm beginning to suspect that this applies to more and more things in this world.



That Lord Sugar's against you.


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