# inexplicable movie cliches



## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

1. elderly female criminals must wear berets


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

Bomb shockwaves must always throw people forward in slow motion


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## Bernie Gunther (Nov 23, 2009)

All evil fuckers in action movies must be played by Alan Rickman.


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## editor (Nov 23, 2009)

The captain of the plane/ship/platoon is haunted by the deaths of an earlier mission he was in charge of.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

muzzle flashes


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## clicker (Nov 23, 2009)

Women being chased through a forest will trip.


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

A goodie can be forgiven all manner of horrendous violence so long as he is avenging the death of or attempting to rescue his family


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

Bernie Gunther said:


> All evil fuckers in action movies must be played by Alan Rickman.





editor said:


> The captain of the plane/ship/platoon is haunted by the deaths of an earlier mission he was in charge of.



neither of those are inexplicable


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

clicker said:


> Women being chased through a forest will trip.



that's just a cliche. you guys are useless.


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

Women being hugged from behind while cooking will allways smile and turn for a kiss rather than telling you to fuck off.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Women being hugged from behind while cooking will allways smile and turn for a kiss rather than telling you to fuck off.



you get it! why no one else?


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## clicker (Nov 23, 2009)

Quote:
Originally Posted by clicker  
Women being chased through a forest will trip. 




Orang Utan said:


> that's just a cliche. you guys are useless.



Women, who are gold medal winning decathletes, being chased through a forest will trip. 


Explic that one.


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

All computer usage is instantaneous. Never an hourglass to be seen, and certainly not a beachball because in filmland nobody uses a mac


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## editor (Nov 23, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> neither of those are inexplicable


What, like your muzzle flashes?


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## editor (Nov 23, 2009)

Anyway, if Herr Orang permits: vast white sparks coming out of overloading computers and massive onscreen progress bars.


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## Stigmata (Nov 23, 2009)

Nobody ever owns a dishwasher


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

editor said:


> What, like your muzzle flashes?



they are pretty inexplicable cos they don't happen in real life.
traumatised sergeant/captains/pilots are cliched but we know why.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

editor said:


> Anyway, if Herr Orang permits: vast white sparks coming out of overloading computers and massive onscreen progress bars.



that's more like it.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

star wars


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

Gunshot wounds to the limbs never hit any major arteries, they are swiftly bound and the hero continues


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## editor (Nov 23, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> they are pretty inexplicable cos they don't happen in real life.


Muzzle flashes do exist. 





> Muzzle blast is the term used to describe the release of hot, high pressure gases from the muzzle of a firearm when it is discharged. Muzzle flash is the term used to describe the visible light of the muzzle blast. The blast and flash are caused by the combustion products of the gunpowder, and any remaining unburned powder, mixing with the ambient air. The size and shape of the muzzle flash is dependent on the type of ammunition being used and the individual characteristics of firearm and any devices attached to the muzzle (such as a muzzle brake or flash suppressor).
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muzzle_flash


Useless!


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

When a hero awakes from being coshed over the bonce, he doesn't vomit, twitch or display any symptom of concussion whatsoever.


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## subversplat (Nov 23, 2009)

Nobody fancies the _obviously_ gorgeous girl until she takes off her specs and puts on some slap.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

editor said:


> Muzzle flashes do exist.
> 
> 
> 
> Useless!



i stand corrected - most scenes with muzzle flashes look well fake though


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## strung out (Nov 23, 2009)

a swift chop to the shoulder from behind renders baddies instantly unconscious for the duration of any fight


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> When a hero awakes from being coshed over the bonce, he doesn't vomit, twitch or display any symptom of concussion whatsoever.



being knocked out with a simple blow to the head has to be the ultimate inexplicable movie cliche. 
how do you know how hard to hit without killing someone? 
it's patently ridiculous.


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

All Russians are huge blokes with no sense of humour.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> i stand corrected - most scenes with muzzle flashes look well fake though



i guess this is because they are firing blanks and the flashes have to be added on later?


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## FridgeMagnet (Nov 23, 2009)

Most of these are explicable though. Apart from the beret thing which I can't remember having ever seen anyway.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

FridgeMagnet said:


> Most of these are explicable though. Apart from the beret thing which I can't remember having ever seen anyway.



the goonies
naked gun 33 1/3: the final insult
and a slew of corman crime capers and b movies


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

American baddies holding a cigarette in that bizarre thumb and two fingers grip, rather than nestling it between ring and index. WTF is that about?


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## FridgeMagnet (Nov 23, 2009)

It's "prison style". It makes it harder for somebody to take the fag off you.


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## FridgeMagnet (Nov 23, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> the goonies
> naked gun 33 1/3: the final insult
> and a slew of corman crime capers and b movies



I'll have to take your word for that as I can't remember any bad old women wearing berets from any of them, and The Goonies was rubbish anyway.


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## little_legs (Nov 23, 2009)

no one happens to have a mobile in 2009. think Lost.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

a mobile phone would have been useless in lost though


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## HobgoblinMan (Nov 23, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> All Russians are huge blokes with no sense of humour.



True to life that.


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## Shippou-Sensei (Nov 23, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> All computer usage is instantaneous. Never an hourglass to be seen, and certainly not a beachball because in filmland nobody uses a mac



unless  your Jeff Goldblum  in which you can use a mac to upload a virus to an alien ship


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## damnhippie (Nov 23, 2009)

Steven Segal:

a) is considered a role model of some sort
b) has a girlfriend
c) is on the side of good, not evil
d) 's ponytail


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

tis indeed inexplicable!


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## N_igma (Nov 23, 2009)

Yer ma.


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## purves grundy (Nov 23, 2009)

Robbers / killers are able to enter premises because security guards are busy doing a word puzzle with their back to the monitors.


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## damnhippie (Nov 23, 2009)

N_igma said:


> Yer ma.



there are explanations, it's just that no one wants to hear them.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 23, 2009)

That explosions in space are audible


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 23, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> 1. elderly female criminals must wear berets








Shelley Winters. Bloody Mama. Fedora


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

she's middle aged


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 23, 2009)

British college professors will always be wearing a sweater.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

that's both explicable and incorrect


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 23, 2009)

The girlfriends of vampires will never be fat.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

but strangely, there are plenty of fat goth chicks with skinny boyfriends. tis never reflected in the movies cos hollywood is shit.


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## quimcunx (Nov 23, 2009)

No matter how crime ridden the town, anyone can just open your front door and walk in. 


Or is that inexplicable sitcom clichés?


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 23, 2009)

The first people to bite the dust in horror movies, will be the black people.


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## Kizmet (Nov 23, 2009)

Why does nobody, in the movies, ever crack their teeth together when they're snogging. And how come nobody ever leans on their partners hair or bangs their head on the wall while they're shagging passionately?

And sheets are always magnetically attached to nipples...


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## army_of_one (Nov 23, 2009)

Jumping through a plate-glass window will cause you no harm other than a few minor scratches.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 23, 2009)

Any man with a ponytail, is either very bad, or very good.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 23, 2009)

eg.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 23, 2009)

And then you have the slick gangster's bodyguards in the same films, a bit fatter but kind of psychotic, in an immaculate suit and ponytailed


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## Buddy Bradley (Nov 23, 2009)

All buildings will have air-conditioning systems ideally suited to crawling through. And related - all elevators have an incredibly unsafe hatch in the ceiling permitting access to the elevator shaft by anyone who feels like it.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 23, 2009)

Buddy Bradley said:


> All buildings will have air-conditioning systems ideally suited to crawling through. And related - all elevators have an incredibly unsafe hatch in the ceiling permitting access to the elevator shaft by anyone who feels like it.



And all robots/aliens etc will know exactly how to jump on top of the lift and slice through the roof, trying to grab the goodies as they leg it


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## marty21 (Nov 23, 2009)

parking is generally never a problem in movie world, and they never buy parking tickets, or pay the congestion charge


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## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 23, 2009)

That baddies will always get up for one last attempt, just when they think they're dead.


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## Santino (Nov 23, 2009)

That no one will both read and understand the OP.


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## Nanker Phelge (Nov 23, 2009)

marty21 said:


> parking is generally never a problem in movie world, and they never buy parking tickets, or pay the congestion charge



...and no one ever locks a car door.


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## Nanker Phelge (Nov 23, 2009)

Teenagers being stalked by serial killers split up to 'look around'.

Look around for what? Re-group and fuck off!


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## Nanker Phelge (Nov 23, 2009)

Sad lonely losers who never get the girl always have a funny best friend who sleeps around a lot.


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## T & P (Nov 23, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> The first people to bite the dust in horror movies, will be the black people.


 Not always


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## T & P (Nov 23, 2009)

Oh, and when the main lead is fighting a gang of baddies who are trying to kill him, the baddies will patiently wait their turn to attack instead of ganging up on him.


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## The Octagon (Nov 23, 2009)

T & P said:


> Not always



Although they do in Scream 2 (although I think that was a deliberate nod to the convention).


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## The Octagon (Nov 23, 2009)

Breaking a man's neck is portrayed as something you could accidentally do to a mate whilst larking about, rather than focusing on the tremendous upper body strength / technique required to do it quickly like Arnie.


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## Nanker Phelge (Nov 23, 2009)

A black man amongst a group of white people is either very funny or very angry, unless you are Samuel L Jackson or Chris Rock, when you are both at the same time.


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## AnnO'Neemus (Nov 23, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Women being hugged from behind while cooking will allways smile and turn for a kiss rather than telling you to fuck off.





Orang Utan said:


> you get it! why no one else?


But that's not inexplicable.  

It's lovely if someone randomly and unexpectedly hugs you from behind, so why would you want to tell them to fuck off?


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

Santino said:


> That no one will both read and understand the OP.



except me


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

AnnO'Neemus said:


> But that's not inexplicable.
> 
> It's lovely if someone randomly and unexpectedly hugs you from behind, so why would you want to tell them to fuck off?



because you are cooking. Maybe I just know a lot of stressy cooks


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## AnnO'Neemus (Nov 23, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> [muzzle flashes] are pretty inexplicable cos they don't happen in real life.


I disagree.

When I witnessed a shooting outside my flat, when it was around midnight so very dark, I noticed two things:

Heard a bang.
Saw an orange muzzle flash.

So there.


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## likesfish (Nov 23, 2009)

you get muzzle flashes at night or low light.
 but not daylight unless you fireing something paitently silly like a desert eagle or a cut down g3.

hero/heroine have spent the last 40 minutes fighting or running for there lives reach a place of safety and decide to indulge in athletic sex


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## Ted Striker (Nov 23, 2009)

Cars appear to have a chassis made out of pure dynamite

Baddies always hold on to the one piece of evidence (lock it away, natch) that will incriminate them


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## DeepStoat (Nov 23, 2009)

The guy always gets the girl.


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## DeepStoat (Nov 23, 2009)

A mysterious lack of bowel movements.


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## Nanker Phelge (Nov 23, 2009)

New Yorks Streets become less congested when a car chase is taking place.


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## Epico (Nov 23, 2009)

If you want to distroy a computer system, and the data it contains... smash up the monitor. That'll work.


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## likesfish (Nov 23, 2009)

any sort of grenade  or rocket launcher produces a massive fireball.
 reloading is entirley optional as is aiming.

the kingdom has one of the charcters run around with a flatop m16 (its got a flatop so you can add sights to it) either the armourer was having a joke or the director was an idiot


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## The Octagon (Nov 23, 2009)

DeepStoat said:


> The guy always gets the girl.



I was quite confused by the last Bond film (Quantum of Solace), because it didn't look like he slept with the main Bond girl, what's that about?


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## Ted Striker (Nov 23, 2009)

Computers beep. On everything.


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## Upchuck (Nov 23, 2009)

Cars can go over jumps, gaps in the road and land in a shower of sparks without fucking up the axles or getting a flat.


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

The Octagon said:


> I was quite confused by the last Bond film (Quantum of Solace), because it didn't look like he slept with the main Bond girl, what's that about?



New bond is a realistic low energy kinetic problem solver- the true state asset, emotionally retarded and fucking lethal


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## T & P (Nov 23, 2009)

No one _ever_ says goodbye in any form when ending a telephone conversation. Bloody rude if you ask me.


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

If the pilot on a plane dies, there's always one passenger who flew in 'Nam


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## Nanker Phelge (Nov 23, 2009)

T & P said:


> No one _ever_ says goodbye in any form when ending a telephone conversation. Bloody rude if you ask me.



All US phone numbers have the local code 555 no matter where they are.


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## marty21 (Nov 23, 2009)

Nanker Phelge said:


> ...and no one ever locks a car door.



which makes it easy for car thieves


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## Nanker Phelge (Nov 23, 2009)

marty21 said:


> which makes it easy for car thieves



But, car thieves in films only ever break in to locked cars.

So who's going around locking all the car doors when the actors have failed to do so?


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## The Octagon (Nov 23, 2009)

Upchuck said:


> Cars can go over jumps, gaps in the road and land in a shower of sparks without fucking up the axles or getting a flat.



Apart from in Road Trip


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

marty21 said:


> which makes it easy for car thieves



inexplicably, the old slim-jim still works despite locks having been electric in the main for nearly a decade now


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## g force (Nov 23, 2009)

'Ugly' girls can be made acceptable by combing their hair and removing glasses.


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

the old cheesy 'biker removes helmet and OMFG it's a woman!'


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## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2009)

DeepStoat said:


> A mysterious lack of bowel movements.



Films with bowel movement moments include:
_
Trainspotting
Shrek
Savior
The Island
Southland Tales
Heaven's Gate
Shooting Fish
Shoot 'Em Up
Sorcerer
The Quick And The Dead
Unforgiven
The Cook The Thief His Wife & Her Lover
Death At A Funeral
Catch 22
Tapeheads
Bongwater
Meet The Fockers
Goldeneye
Jersey Girl
Men At Work
Johnny Be Good
_


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> Films with bowel movement moments include:
> _
> Trainspotting
> Shrek
> ...



pulp fiction


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

you missed dumb and dumber!


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## Hocus Eye. (Nov 23, 2009)

g force said:


> 'Ugly' girls can be made acceptable by combing their hair and removing glasses.


And while they wear those glasses you notice when the light catches them that they are plain glass so you get ready for the removal of the glasses scene.


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## Pingu (Nov 23, 2009)

likesfish said:


> any sort of grenade or rocket launcher produces a massive fireball.
> reloading is entirley optional as is aiming.
> 
> the kingdom has one of the charcters run around with a flatop m16 (its got a flatop so you can add sights to it) either the armourer was having a joke or the director was an idiot


 

cant remember which thing it was in now but in something not long ago they had the sights on the sa80 the wrong way round


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## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2009)

I have observed an approximate 4:2:1 ratio between instances of vomit, urine and fæces in film, with around one-in-eight films featuring urine. This is, of course, entirely unscientific, and is skewed by more modern films, especially those of the past ten years. But bodily functions are by no means uncommon in film these days, certainly not in the way that toilet habits were formally taboo in the past.


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## Dirty Martini (Nov 23, 2009)

T & P said:


> No one _ever_ says goodbye in any form when ending a telephone conversation. Bloody rude if you ask me.



Yeh. And no one's ever engaged.


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## likesfish (Nov 23, 2009)

met a movie armourer once trying to keep actors there friends and hangers on from not killing themselves or others with blank firing guns
  was the hardest part of the job.


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## scifisam (Nov 23, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> I have observed an approximate 4:2:1 ratio between instances of vomit, urine and fæces in film, with around one-in-eight films featuring urine. This is, of course, entirely unscientific, and is skewed by more modern films, especially those of the past ten years. But bodily functions are by no means uncommon in film these days, certainly not in the way that toilet habits were formally taboo in the past.



They're only there for comedy value or to further the plot, though. You still get people who were stuck in a crate overnight emerging without the desperate need to piss - cf. Eagle Eye.


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## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2009)

scifisam said:


> They're only there for comedy value or to further the plot, though.



That's not been my observation from the past few years - lots of films where going to the toilet is entirely incidental to plot, and not undertaken for comedy reasons.


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## Ted Striker (Nov 23, 2009)

T & P said:


> No one _ever_ says goodbye in any form when ending a telephone conversation. Bloody rude if you ask me.



And no American mobiles have caller ID.


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## scifisam (Nov 23, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> That's not been my observation from the past few years - lots of films where going to the toilet is entirely incidental to plot, and not undertaken for comedy reasons.



Really? Thing is, the reason films generally don't show people going to the loo is because it's _really dull_. Missing out loo scenes is only annoying when it twangs the suspenders of disbelief, like in Eagle Eye. Otherwise it's completely understandable that people can appear to live their entire lives without the need to shit.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 23, 2009)

I dunno.  One reason i like Batman Begins is that as well as it being a mint film, it shows little bits about the minutae of people's lives, like Commissioner Gordon putting his rubbish out


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## scifisam (Nov 23, 2009)

One that I do find inexplicable is just how badly pregnancy and childbirth is portrayed in the movies. There is the occasional film which is realistic in this way, but they're a rarity among the films where a pregnant woman:

Is always sick

Is always enormous from about week 6 

Always has cravings and forces any available blokes to go and get the weird food

Is completely incapable of doing anything at all, can't bend over from about 6 months on.

And then the labour is a panicked rush to the hospital followed by twenty minutes of lamarz breathing, everyone wearing gowns and masks until a 3-month-old baby is born, to be briefly held by the parents before being put in some sort of glass cage where visitors can gaze in at the baby zoo. 

The baby will then wee into the air (even girl babies) and puke after every meal. 

It's like there aren't any parents at all working in films.


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

good one. Inexplicably, epidurals and c-sections do not exist in filmland


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## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 23, 2009)

3 month old?  A lot of them look more like a year old, they are fucking enormous


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

i guess if films were to reflect exactly what happens in real life all of the time, they wouldn't be worth watching mostly. we need dramatic pregnancies, births and toilet situations.


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## DeepStoat (Nov 23, 2009)

Explicit gruesome violence is just fine and dandy but we simply must not see a clitoris.

Heaven forbid.


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## scifisam (Nov 23, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> 3 month old?  A lot of them look more like a year old, they are fucking enormous



True. I assume it would be a bit difficult for the film-makers to get a genuine days-old baby to film (difficult to organise), but they don't make any effort to be realistic at all. 

Do you remember that time-lapse sequence in Notting Hill, where Hugh Grant walks around the (oddly white-faced) market and things like the weather change to show the passing of time? In early Autumn he passes a woman who appears to be an octomom who's a week overdue, and in late Spring/Summer she's there with a teeny tiny baby.


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## stupid dogbot (Nov 23, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> i guess if films were to reflect exactly what happens in real life all of the time, they wouldn't be worth watching mostly.



The real-life parking conundrum.

Or, why Mel Gibson policemen can always park right in front of City Hall.


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## scifisam (Nov 23, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> i guess if films were to reflect exactly what happens in real life all of the time, they wouldn't be worth watching mostly. we need dramatic pregnancies, births and toilet situations.



But the movie pregnancies aren't even that dramatic. The dash to the hospital is, but the rest is actually much duller than real pregnancy and labour. 

The woman in labour will also crush the fingerbones of any man who is foolish enough to support her by holding her hand. Said man will not protest. He or another man nearby might also get injured by fainting.


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## AnnO'Neemus (Nov 23, 2009)

Epico said:


> If you want to distroy a computer system, and the data it contains... smash up the monitor. That'll work.


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## AnnO'Neemus (Nov 23, 2009)

Dirty Martini said:


> Yeh. And no one's ever engaged.


I can't remember the exact problem, but in Transformers, which was partly filmed in Qatar, there's a scene where some military types are in some village and one of them is trying to call in some air support and he can't get through...  I can't remember if the line is engaged or if he's run out of calling credit.

It was very funny though.  Especially if you happened to be watching the film in a cinema in Doha, among an audience of people used to the Qatari telecoms company QTel fucking things up.  Everyone burst out laughing at that scene.    You had to be there.


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## T & P (Nov 23, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> That's not been my observation from the past few years - lots of films where going to the toilet is entirely incidental to plot, and not undertaken for comedy reasons.


 IIRC Eyes Wide Shut has one such scene, with Nicole having a pee as she talks to Tom about something or other.


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## 8den (Nov 23, 2009)

If the characters need to go to New Orleans it will just happen to be during Mardi Gras.

If somone switches on the radio or telly it will be just as the important news story/weather report comes on. 

If two strangers arrange a date, one will say "pick you up at 8?" There will be no swapping of addresses, phone numbers, discussion of where you are going. 

All Hotel rooms in Paris look out over the Effiel tower.


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## T & P (Nov 23, 2009)

Everyone says grace before dinner.


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## 8den (Nov 23, 2009)

T & P said:


> Everyone says grace before dinner.



We've really got to get you to stop going to the that christian video store. 

I watched the cook the thief his wife, and her lover, and no one says grace in that.


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## likesfish (Nov 23, 2009)

AnnO'Neemus said:


> I can't remember the exact problem, but in Transformers, which was partly filmed in Qatar, there's a scene where some military types are in some village and one of them is trying to call in some air support and he can't get through...  I can't remember if the line is engaged or if he's run out of calling credit.
> 
> It was very funny though.  Especially if you happened to be watching the film in a cinema in Doha, among an audience of people used to the Qatari telecoms company QTel fucking things up.  Everyone burst out laughing at that scene.    You had to be there.



that meme started in heartbreak ridge marine phones home to get air support as comms were shite Pentagon got very huffy about that scene till it turend out to have really happened
new army radio system
B etter
O ff
w ith
m ap
a  nd
n oika


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Nov 23, 2009)

Punches that sound like deep snare drums.


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Nov 23, 2009)

Nobody says goodbye or hello on the phone.


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Nov 23, 2009)

being able to 'enhance' an image way beyond what was physically captured on film or camera.


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## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2009)

Ted Striker said:


> *Cars appear to have a chassis made out of pure dynamite
> *
> Baddies always hold on to the one piece of evidence (lock it away, natch) that will incriminate them



Johhny Cabs are the ultimate expression of tis odd cliche


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## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 23, 2009)

Ah man, I loved that scene in Transformers 2



"He's furious.  He wants to know why I can't get in touch with my men but he can call me from some random Egyptian desert"

That film had some well funny lines actually.  That and "Anyone else want to have a mental breakdown?"


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## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 23, 2009)

T & P said:


> Everyone says grace before dinner.



I like the bit in The Ice Storm where they're having the Thanksgiving dinner and she says "Yeah, let's thank our ancestors for coming over here, massacring the native americans and stealing their land."


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## Orang Utan (Nov 23, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Ah man, I loved that scene in Transformers 2
> 
> 
> 
> ...


is it worth bothering with, that film? i enjoyed the first, as i enjoy all bay movies, but i didn't have a clue what was going on


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## 8den (Nov 23, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Ah man, I loved that scene in Transformers 2



You are dead to me.


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## Ted Striker (Nov 23, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> being able to 'enhance' an image way beyond what was physically captured on film or camera.



Good one!

Even better if/when they explain it by using a brand new (deep!) mathematical algorithm that analyses the color of the cells around it and miraculously transforms one pixel into 144


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## upsidedownwalrus (Nov 23, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> is it worth bothering with, that film? i enjoyed the first, as i enjoy all bay movies, but i didn't have a clue what was going on



If you enjoyed the first you'll probably enjoy the second.  It's a decent slab of mindlessless.  The first was better, though, and the good Transformers are basically reduced to comedy sidekick levels.


----------



## Apathy (Nov 23, 2009)

its impossible to get shot whilst your climbing a fire escape or ladders! Bullets will simply ricochet off this impenetrable structure


----------



## T & P (Nov 24, 2009)

Every single US police station is in a permanent state of disarray with arrested criminals trying to struggle free and make a run for it, and overworked cops furiously typing at their typewriters/computers surrounded by piles of paperwork.


----------



## Cloo (Apr 20, 2015)

Found this thread when wanting to post about the cliche that pisses me off.

You've got an ancient prophecy and someone's gonna fulfil and no matter if you're a 'lost tribe' or a distant alient world, the fulfiller of the prophecy is... a white American guy!


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 20, 2015)

T & P said:


> Every single US police station is in a permanent state of disarray with arrested criminals trying to struggle free and make a run for it, and overworked cops furiously typing at their typewriters/computers surrounded by piles of paperwork.


Don't forget the endless benches of enormous transvestites and gum-chewing hookers in handcuffs, wise-cracking and cackling away at the expense of the stressed-out fuzz.


----------



## Opera Buffa (Apr 20, 2015)

As the action hero, you will not suffer any apparent pain from being shot, stabbed, blasted with shrapnel and so on. But you _will _later flinch violently in a motel bedroom, where your sexy female love interest is gently dabbing at your wounds with alcohol-soaked cotton wool.


----------



## Santino (Apr 20, 2015)

Many of these so-called clichés are not clichés at all - they happen in one memorable film, or they are a mishmash of tropes from a small number of films.


----------



## Opera Buffa (Apr 20, 2015)

When hugging someone you are secretly betraying, you will look over their shoulder and make the dedicated _You Are Unaware That I Am Secretly Betraying You _guilty face_._


----------



## youngian (Apr 20, 2015)

Heroes who have to cut short a shave by wiping the foam off their face are never left with partial stubble.


----------



## trabuquera (Apr 20, 2015)

- during barefoot chases the hero(ine) never ever steps on anything sharp or bangs his/her little toe
- people being rousted out of bed / other naked situations and rushed out to flee / to go to prison / to be kidnapped are always magically at least partly clothed by the time they're at the bottom of the stairs


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 20, 2015)

I like a good prison film and only one thing improves a good one- the perp walk .Where the prisoner is led past his new nieghbours catcalling and hooting from their cells. Bonus points for bogrolls being cast at trhe prisoner


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 20, 2015)

In the middle of a dramatic revolutionary upheaval, a group of people sit down and have a long-winded debate about exactly how a socialist society should be run.


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Apr 20, 2015)

Databases can be searched by simply typing "Cross reference unsolved murders with newspaper reports of chicken nugget shortages in the capital city area".


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 20, 2015)

Zapp Brannigan said:


> Databases can be searched by simply typing "Cross reference unsolved murders with newspaper reports of chicken nugget shortages in the capital city area".



atrocious hacking scenes are a corralry to this (progress bar indicates haxxor !1)


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 20, 2015)

Irish people live in thatched cottages, wear leprechaun suits and say "top o' de mornin' to ya".


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 20, 2015)

trabuquera said:


> - during barefoot chases the hero(ine) never ever steps on anything sharp or bangs his/her little toe



Try telling that to John McClane


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 20, 2015)

Italian-Americans are all in the mafia, and wave their hands about in an excitable manner.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 20, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> atrocious hacking scenes are a corralry to this (progress bar indicates haxxor !1)



See also: crappyfontsusedoncomputersinmovies.tumblr.com

PS Kudos on ‘corralry’


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 20, 2015)

fucking spellchecker


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Apr 20, 2015)

Uploads of secret files to floppy/memory stick/SD card (delete as era-appropriate) will finish precisely 0.4 seconds before the baddie (or appointed henchman) walks through the door.  See also:  Bombs diffused at 00:01 on unnecessarily large digital countdown.


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 20, 2015)

All terrorist bombs will be fitted with a handy LED countdown timer and the hero will cut the wire with 2 seconds to spare.


----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Apr 20, 2015)

everyone in Europe is White except the comedy Japanese/Indian tourist.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 20, 2015)

About two-thirds of the way through the movie, the black sidekick will be fatally wounded and say "go on without me". 

(see Snowpiercer for a recent example)


----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Apr 20, 2015)

Irish Americans are always drunk, coppers, terrorists or all three.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 20, 2015)

Spanky Longhorn said:


> Irish Americans are always drunk, coppers, terrorists or all three.



My French colleague has twiced asked me, in a diffident, careful-not-to-offend manner, what Irish people think of Irish-Americans. Because as a Harrison Ford fan, she'd watched the _Devil's Own, _in which the bold Brad Pitt himself stars as a desperate OTR provie.


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 20, 2015)

oh yeah, a more recent one this and its crept into tv shows: if anyones trafficking women they will be eastern european gangsters


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 20, 2015)

Any woman who discovers a dead body will immediately scream hysterically.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 20, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> Any woman who discovers a dead body will immediately scream hysterically.



That's true, though, isn't it?


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 20, 2015)

bit of an audio cliche but I love it when yousee the heroes/gang arming for gunplay and theres this cacophony of comfortable clicks and kerchunks as they lock n load


----------



## kabbes (Apr 20, 2015)

Run out of bullets?  Best to just throw that gun away, really.


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 20, 2015)

kabbes said:


> Run out of bullets?  Best to just throw that gun away, really.


The one with your fingerprints on thats forensically tied to evey body in the building


----------



## kabbes (Apr 20, 2015)

That's the one.  And then when you run and reach a staircase, always run up it instead of down.


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 20, 2015)

When someone telephones you and says "turn on your tv", your tv will automatically be tuned to the exact news channel that is broadcasting the relevant piece right from the beginning.


----------



## kabbes (Apr 20, 2015)

And when they telephone you and tell you that an important mcguffin will take five minutes, you can guarantee that it will indeed take 300 seconds -- not a second more and not a second less.


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 20, 2015)

mind you, in what TV tropes call 'Truth in television' when 9/11 happened i had nets and 4 channels, no cable.

I got the 'turn on your TV' call and all 4 channels were shitting it live news crises broadcasts. Odd day that.


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 20, 2015)

Lifts in buildings all have convenient trapdoors in the ceilings to facilitate escapes into the lift shaft. When such an escape is undertaken the lift shaft will be spotlessly clean and well lit.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 20, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> Lifts in buildings all have convenient trapdoors in the ceilings to facilitate escapes into the lift shaft. When such an escape is undertaken the lift shaft will be spotlessly clean and well lit.


John McClane will concede you this one, anyhow


----------



## Chick Webb (Apr 20, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Gunshot wounds to the limbs never hit any major arteries, they are swiftly bound and the hero continues


Everyone in films is strong enough to pull their own bodyweight up onto a wall or out of the pit they've nearly fallen into etc.


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 20, 2015)

Chick Webb said:


> Everyone in films is strong enough to pull their own bodyweight up onto a wall or out of the pit they've nearly fallen into etc.


tbf most able bodied people could do it, esp if they had a strong incentive eg wolves snapping at their heels, baddies with guns, etc


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Apr 20, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> When someone telephones you and says "turn on your tv", your tv will automatically be tuned to the exact news channel that is broadcasting the relevant piece right from the beginning.



And ne'er a "No signal is being received. Please ensure digital TV is available in your area" in sight.


----------



## Chick Webb (Apr 20, 2015)

Opera Buffa said:


> When hugging someone you are secretly betraying, you will look over their shoulder and make the dedicated _You Are Unaware That I Am Secretly Betraying You _guilty face_._


I always look out for people doing that in soap operas.  Showing someone hugging with their eyes open means imminent betrayal.  Soap opea directors seem to know it's a cliche now though, and they don't show it as much as they used to.


----------



## Chick Webb (Apr 20, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> tbf most able bodied people could do it, esp if they had a strong incentive eg wolves snapping at their heels, baddies with guns, etc


I'm able bodied and I seriously doubt I could drag myself up onto a high wall without the help of someone giving me a boost.  In fact, I know I couldn't.  I wouldn't be able to drag my body weight up by a rope either (although maybe if there were snapping wolves).


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 20, 2015)

it's easy!


----------



## Chick Webb (Apr 20, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> it's easy!


----------



## Belushi (Apr 20, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> it's easy!



When was the last time you tried this?


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 20, 2015)

Belushi said:


> When was the last time you tried this?


a couple of years ago when i locked myself out


----------



## kittyP (Apr 20, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> it's easy!



I too am able bodied and there is no way I could do it. Even with the wolves.


----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Apr 20, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> When someone telephones you and says "turn on your tv", your tv will automatically be tuned to the exact news channel that is broadcasting the relevant piece right from the beginning.


I would love to write a scene in a film where the character struggles with a Virgin remote control and TV guide menu thing


----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Apr 20, 2015)

Belushi said:


> When was the last time you tried this?


I didn't think I could any more but did it a couple of months ago when I locked myself out and had to climb the neigbours wall.


----------



## kabbes (Apr 20, 2015)

My arms are super-weedy though


----------



## likesfish (Apr 20, 2015)

The army can grab guns and bullets from the armory and rush out.
Reality hours of pointless fucking about and waiting until people think about suicide but they cant but because they haven't got any
Rounds yet


----------



## The Boy (Apr 20, 2015)

kittyP said:


> I too am able bodied and there is no way I could do it. Even with the wolves.



You're not meant to carry the wolves, silly.


----------



## kittyP (Apr 20, 2015)

The Boy said:


> You're not meant to carry the wolves, silly.


----------



## kabbes (Apr 20, 2015)

Watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade at the moment and this is a film that masterfully plays with all the cliches.  They can be wonderful if used (and occasionally subverted) in the right way.


----------



## Santino (Apr 20, 2015)

kabbes said:


> Watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade at the moment and this is a film that masterfully plays with all the cliches.  They can be wonderful if used (and occasionally subverted) in the right way.


I like the way that there's no need to explain why that castle had loads of secret doors and passageways. It's a castle, that what castles have.


----------



## Santino (Apr 20, 2015)

That Nazi truck decked out to look like a convenient shop front was a lucky break, wasn't it?


----------



## kabbes (Apr 20, 2015)

Santino said:


> I like the way that there's no need to explain why that castle had loads of secret doors and passageways. It's a castle, that what castles have.


Exactly.  It's every comic book you every read as a kid and forgot you had read.


----------



## kabbes (Apr 20, 2015)

Did you notice that in the scene in the airport, the camera focussed on two men hiding behind newspapers that you assumed _must_ be Indy and his dad... and then the pair of them actually come round the corner?

How did Spielberg and Lucas get from this (which still isn't as good as the first one) to the cack that was Crystal Skull?  What happened to their genius?


----------



## kabbes (Apr 20, 2015)

That was an actual burning wheel that rolled past a few seconds after the car blew up.


----------



## Cid (Apr 20, 2015)

clicker said:


> Women being chased through a forest will trip.



And then, clicker of 6 years ago, will stay in an up-tripped position for far longer than the average 'bollocks I've just tripped over a pavement' person. They will not stumble, reach out and right themselves, they will fall and yet totally fail to stand up.


----------



## Cid (Apr 20, 2015)

kabbes said:


> That's the one.  And then when you run and reach a staircase, always run up it instead of down.



Good point. Why the fuck would you do that? Best case scenario is the roof. Come to think of it the roof door is always unlocked, which is never the case in reality.


----------



## Cid (Apr 20, 2015)

Doors - inevitably parted from their hinges with a confident leap and a strong shoulder.


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 20, 2015)

I got picked up and used (feet first) as a battering ram for a locked firedoor once. Not my finest hour, but, locked doors are hard to bust open.


----------



## Opera Buffa (Apr 20, 2015)

Mutual, expository cries of satisfaction when commencing drinking whisky.


----------



## T & P (Apr 21, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> All terrorist bombs will be fitted with a handy LED countdown timer and the hero will cut the wire with 2 seconds to spare.


The countdown timer also beeps every second for added drama.


----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Apr 21, 2015)

Opera Buffa said:


> Mutual, expository cries of satisfaction when commencing drinking whisky.


Marjorie has gone to Utoxeter!


----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Apr 21, 2015)

Cid said:


> And then, clicker of 6 years ago, will stay in an up-tripped position for far longer than the average 'bollocks I've just tripped over a pavement' person. They will not stumble, reach out and right themselves, they will fall and yet totally fail to stand up.


because their tiny lady feet get stuck in tree roots and potholes


----------



## Mumbles274 (Apr 21, 2015)

Bullets that ricochet always hit someone in the stomach, but no one notices straight away


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

T & P said:


> The countdown timer also beeps every second for added drama.



The countdown timer will also stop (still displaying 1 or 2 seconds) when the wire (which fortunately will be colour-coded) to the explosives is cut.


----------



## prunus (Apr 21, 2015)

I want one of those special computer monitors that projects an inverted image of its contents onto the user's face. Especially if it can do that thing of lots of numbers rushing all over the screen to show that it's thinking REALLY hard.


----------



## hot air baboon (Apr 21, 2015)

...if you look through film-world binoculars you see 2 adjacent circles with lots 'n lots of black around the edge......as any fule kno' they visually merge into a single field of vision....


----------



## The Octagon (Apr 21, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> The countdown timer will also stop (still displaying 1 or 2 seconds) when the wire (which fortunately will be colour-coded) to the explosives is cut.



Why don't they just cut all the wires?

*waits for slew of bomb experts to point out obvious*


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

The Octagon said:


> Why don't they just cut all the wires?



Because one is booby-trapped of course!


----------



## The Octagon (Apr 21, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> Because one is booby-trapped of course!



But you're cutting it, so it will have no power to booby anyone


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

The Octagon said:


> But you're cutting it, so it will have no power to booby anyone



It's the drop in power that detonates the bomb. There's a circuit on one of those motherboards that makes this happen by electronicity.


----------



## belboid (Apr 21, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> It's the drop in power that detonates the bomb. There's a circuit on one of those motherboards that makes this happen by electronicity.


and when, after telling everyone they are going to cut the blue wire, they actually cut the red one at the very last second, they dont bother to tell the other bomb defusers what they're doing until it's worked.


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

When in a car chase in America, don't worry if you have to drive along crowded pavements to avoid the baddies. You'll cause shitloads of damage to shop-stalls, restaurant tables, food markets etc, but all the people will manage to dive out of the way before you hit them.


----------



## Artaxerxes (Apr 21, 2015)

Criminals are always master planners one step ahead of the police.

Especially if they are heads of terrorist cells or serial killers. Oh and they always know the head of forensics and taunt him by leaving clues.


----------



## hot air baboon (Apr 21, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> Lifts in buildings all have convenient trapdoors in the ceilings to facilitate escapes into the lift shaft. When such an escape is undertaken the lift shaft will be spotlessly clean and well lit.



.......yes but this cliche is powerful to encompass _*all*_ building infrastructure.....air conditioning ducts are always wide enough to crawl through, factory fresh and clean and terminate in light-weight grills that can be dislodged with a handy push or a gentle nudge with the heel if extra heavy duty...


----------



## hot air baboon (Apr 21, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> When in a car chase in America, don't worry if you have to drive along crowded pavements to avoid the baddies. You'll cause shitloads of damage to shop-stalls, restaurant tables, food markets etc, but all the people will manage to dive out of the way before you hit them.



.....don't forget the large pyramid structure of empty cardboard boxes......the film-world Highway Code _stipulates_ that any off-piste driving activity will always involve contact with the large pyramid of empty cardboard boxes....


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

If someone is being chased by baddies and they jump into a car to make a getaway, the car will not start first time but cough and splutter a bit, regardless of its age.

Also, when shooting from behind at a fleeing car your bullets will manage to obliterate the rear window but never hit the driver.


----------



## belboid (Apr 21, 2015)

Artaxerxes said:


> Criminals are always master planners one step ahead of the police.
> 
> Especially if they are heads of terrorist cells or serial killers. Oh and they always know the head of forensics and taunt him by leaving clues.


that's because they trained together, until some relationship/test/prank goes awry


----------



## Mumbles274 (Apr 21, 2015)

The final chase/stand off between protagonists always ends in some abandoned/ half finished building/factory


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

Bars in America only serve whisky in shot glasses and it must be downed in one.


----------



## 5t3IIa (Apr 21, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> John McClane will concede you this one, anyhow



My lift looks like the one in Titanic and has no flap. No TV dinner impressions for me when the German's attack 

I like the foley sound of running footsteps in 70's movies but I don't know if that's within the rules of this thread


----------



## 5t3IIa (Apr 21, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> Bars in America only serve whisky in shot glasses and it must be downed in one.


Square napkins and a little red stick.


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

in american bars, women are only there for to pick up a bloke


----------



## Mumbles274 (Apr 21, 2015)

Any train journey will result in a fight on top of the train


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

No matter how much carnage is visited upon a warship, someone will have found time to save the ships cat before the vessel goes under.


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 21, 2015)

hot air baboon said:


> .....don't forget the large pyramid structure of empty cardboard boxes......the film-world Highway Code _stipulates_ that any off-piste driving activity will always involve contact with the large pyramid of empty cardboard boxes....


Don't forget the watermelon stall and two men in overall carrying a sheet of plate glass.


----------



## 5t3IIa (Apr 21, 2015)

If it's below 42nd St  the men will be pushing a rail of clothes past a steaming manhole.


----------



## Lord Camomile (Apr 21, 2015)

belboid said:


> and when, after telling everyone they are going to cut the blue wire, they actually cut the red one at the very last second, they dont bother to tell the other bomb defusers what they're doing until it's worked.


The flip side of that is a little concerning actually: bomb expert says "cut wire X", at the last minute the amateur cuts wire Y, causing the bomb to go off. No-one but dead people know wire Y was cut rather than wire X, leading at best to mass confusion, at worst to bomb expert losing confidence in their abilities, professional and emotional breakdown, becomes bomb serial killer constructing bombs that don't make sense so that everyone else suffers the same fate they did.


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

Any soldier who lingers over a photo of his wife or girlfriend will be killed.


----------



## Mumbles274 (Apr 21, 2015)

Lord Camomile said:


> The flip side of that is a little concerning actually: bomb expert says "cut wire X", at the last minute the amateur cuts wire Y, causing the bomb to go off. No-one but dead people know wire Y was cut rather than wire X, leading at best to mass confusion, at worst to bomb expert losing confidence in their abilities, professional and emotional breakdown, becomes bomb serial killer constructing bombs that don't make sense so that everyone else suffers the same fate they did.


That's a film plot I wanna see made


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

all american soldiers listen to MOR rock, while on missions


----------



## belboid (Apr 21, 2015)

Lord Camomile said:


> The flip side of that is a little concerning actually: bomb expert says "cut wire X", at the last minute the amateur cuts wire Y, causing the bomb to go off. No-one but dead people know wire Y was cut rather than wire X, leading at best to mass confusion, at worst to bomb expert losing confidence in their abilities, professional and emotional breakdown, becomes bomb serial killer constructing bombs that don't make sense so that everyone else suffers the same fate they did.


isn't that the plot of _Juggernaut_?


----------



## Lord Camomile (Apr 21, 2015)

I do not know...


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

When outnumbering the hero 10 to 1 in a punch-up, the baddies will only attack him one at a time.


----------



## Mumbles274 (Apr 21, 2015)

Swords make a metallic swishing noise when waved through the air/removed from scabbards


----------



## hot air baboon (Apr 21, 2015)

Mumbles274 said:


> Any train journey will result in a fight on top of the train



...but not in the Railway Children though....

( ...maybe the exception that actually _proves_ the rule...)


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

belboid said:


> isn't that the plot of _Juggernaut_?



Almost. In Juggernaut the bad guy tells Richard Harris over the radio to cut the wire that'll blow them up. Harris is too smart for that, goes for the other one (without telling the others) and saves the day. Edge of the seat stuff.


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

Mumbles274 said:


> Swords make a metallic swishing noise when waved through the air/removed from scabbards


A rapier should though, or an epee. It is ridiculous with a broadsword agreed


----------



## hot air baboon (Apr 21, 2015)

post #231

..spoiler code..!!


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

Spymaster said:


> When outnumbering the hero 10 to 1 in a punch-up, the baddies will only attack him one at a time.


Unless you are neo, then a hundred will rush you at once


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

nobody in films ever uses cabs you have to book. Its just arm out and up comes a black hansom/yella ny cab


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

and they never get asked for money upfront because they look disreputable (its fucking insulting when that happens)


----------



## hot air baboon (Apr 21, 2015)

...while waiting at traffic lights a hot blonde in a convertible will invariably pull up alongside...( film-world Highway Code rule  53.c )


----------



## belboid (Apr 21, 2015)

hot air baboon said:


> post #231
> 
> ..spoiler code..!!


believe me, he's done you a favour


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

When two geezers are pointing guns at each other in a stand-off, the bad guy will get shot by someone off-screen.


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

theres loads of quality horror ones, but we've all seen Scary Movie 1, 2 & 3


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 21, 2015)

Soldiers, particularly Germans, are not trained in throwing hand grenades. They invariably lob them too soon allowing the intended recipient time to chuck it back.


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

some sci fi ones:

the conflict is over some rare resource- so hackneyed a device the resource is called 'unnobtanium' in writing about the subject.

aliens are either:

Godlike benevolents. Tech so advanced it may as well be magic

A warrior race (don't ask where the support population network for that comes from. THEY ARE JUST ALL WARRIORS OK?)

A hive mind. May or may not be insectile.


----------



## QOTH (Apr 21, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> All computer usage is instantaneous. Never an hourglass to be seen, and certainly not a beachball because in filmland nobody uses a mac



That's strange - in nearly every film I've seen with 'puters in, everyone uses a mac, even for stuff you probably wouldn't use a mac for, like writing a virus to infiltrate an alien spacecraft... 







Also - any advanced computer use will require a green screen with tumbling binary code.  Probably because that's more exciting than a grey dialog box that says 'Hack into Pentagon? OK /Cancel'


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Apr 21, 2015)

Our mortally wounded hero will remain awake, conscious and speaking coherently right up until the exact second of death, at which time one last breath is exhaled and eyes close.

"Tell my wife... I .... love..... her............." <gone>


----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Apr 21, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> A warrior race (don't ask where the support population network for that comes from. THEY ARE JUST ALL WARRIORS OK?)
> 
> .



Generally there are entire worlds of support people, it's just that we only see their warriors who are the dominant caste and therefore fill political and diplomatic roles as well. 

Everyone knows that.


----------



## trabuquera (Apr 21, 2015)

when seriously wounded, characters may cough, wince, splutter, choke and go "ow!" very briefly, but they'll never just keep on screaming or howling aloud for more than a few seconds, before they either die, get finished off, or fall bravely silent.


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

just once I want to see a klingon cleaner. Or a klingon bellboy


----------



## skyscraper101 (Apr 21, 2015)

Whatever the computer.. it will always make reassuring bleeps and computery sounds just like we don't hear in the real world.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Apr 21, 2015)

When someone calls to say "switch on the TV news", they always switch onto the channel instantly and just so happen to catch the exact bit of news the person on the phone was calling about. No waiting for the Tv to warm up, and find the station, and waiting for the news item to appear.


----------



## Mumbles274 (Apr 21, 2015)

No one ever needs to put petrol in a car unless the stop at the 'gas station' will result in the cops/bad guys finding them after someone makes a phone call they shouldn't


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

This ones so old its biblical: any traitor on the goodies side can only be redeemed through death or severe life-threatening injury


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

skyscraper101 said:


> When someone calls to say "switch on the TV news", they always switch onto the channel instantly and just so happen to catch the exact bit of news the person on the phone was calling about. No waiting for the Tv to warm up, and find the station, and waiting for the news item to appear.



last page


----------



## skyscraper101 (Apr 21, 2015)

fuck.. soz


----------



## skyscraper101 (Apr 21, 2015)

With a few noted exceptions, the big boss/main baddie, despite being noticeably less physically able and in need of a team of henchmen to see to his protection and that of his evil empire, always manages to incite the most challenging fight and/or physical injury on the hero before being got.


----------



## kabbes (Apr 21, 2015)

skyscraper101 said:


> With a few noted exceptions, the big boss/main baddie, despite being noticeably less physically able and in need of a team of henchmen to see to his protection and that of his evil empire, always manages to incite the most challenging fight and/or physical injury on the hero before being got.


But aren't those exceptions _wonderful_?

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father.  Prepare to die."
*beat*
:flees:


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## Mumbles274 (Apr 21, 2015)

In a zombie outbreak, no one has heard of zombies


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## skyscraper101 (Apr 21, 2015)

Dogs always bark their answer at a key moment in the plot to everyone's delight. And never just yap away over the conversation because they're stupid dogs like in the actual real lifes.


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## Mumbles274 (Apr 21, 2015)

The cop hero always has a failed/failing marriage


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## Opera Buffa (Apr 21, 2015)

And is an active or recovering alcoholic.


But these are both true, aren't they?


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## Opera Buffa (Apr 21, 2015)

/OU


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## peterkro (Apr 21, 2015)

Two cops outside door smartly standing to the side in case "perp" shoots them through the door,they then go in with guns drawn and proceed to clear house.Any criminal with half a brain would stand behind the open door then shoot them as they charged in.


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## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

innapropriately sexy black outfits at funerals- I don't mean ott, but just veering on the edge of 'really, in a church?'

maybe thats true in america though


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## The Octagon (Apr 21, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> innapropriately sexy black outfits at funerals- I don't mean ott, but just veering on the edge of 'really, in a church?'
> 
> maybe thats true in america though



In a similar vein, at any posh event there is always a sweeping (sometimes twin) staircase for the object of the protagonist's affections to descend slowly.


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## skyscraper101 (Apr 21, 2015)

CCTV camera evidence, no matter how crap quality it usually is in real life, always has the ability to be zoomed in to remarkable detail in the movies.

I think the worst example of this was in National Treasure Book of Secrets where Nicholas Cage runs a red light in London to purposefully get caught on a traffic camera so he can get photographed holding up a wooden artifact which he then needed to toss into the river to stop his pursuers getting it (or something). He was confident enough that they could then hack into the traffic cam database to get that photo of him holding his piece of wood inside the car with a secret code etched into it, and, be able to zoom in on that one photo, and reveal the code... which of course is exactly what happened.

yeahhh sure.


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## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

The Octagon said:


> In a similar vein, at any posh event there is always a sweeping (sometimes twin) staircase for the object of the protagonist's affections to descend slowly.




that is what them staircases at posh places are built for though- at a ball the ladies make an Entrance while evryone does that posh murmering thing and drinks frome flutes


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## skyscraper101 (Apr 21, 2015)

In a one on one fight situation, where the baddie has the advantage of a superior weapon (usually a gun) over the hero - the baddie is always persuaded to ditch his obvious advantage and fight mano-o-mano. Just like you would.


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## DotCommunist (Apr 21, 2015)

skyscraper101 said:


> In a one on one fight situation, where the baddie has the advantage of a superior weapon (usually a gun) over the hero - the baddie is always persuaded to ditch his obvious advantage and fight mano-o-mano. Just like you would.


good flip-reverse on that in Fish called wanda. Cleese is persuaded to drop the weapon and goes 'I used to box for Eton'

tha merican scoops it up and goes 'yeah and I used to kill for the CIA'


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## skyscraper101 (Apr 21, 2015)

If anyone ever watches something filmed from a camcorder, you always see the flashing 'record' button and some frame markers which probably haven't existed for years on the viewfinder, and certainly never in the playback output to my knowledge.


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## starfish (Apr 21, 2015)

Almost every American car will explode in mid air if driven off a cliff.


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## The Octagon (Apr 21, 2015)

When running from a homicidal killer (with possibly supernatural strength and durability), any would-be victim will run into a room, barricade / lock the door and _then lean against it to regain their breath_, thus enabling an easy stab fatality for  Jason / Michael / Cannibal Zombie / Movie-mad film student.


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## belboid (Apr 21, 2015)

starfish said:


> Almost every American car will explode in mid air if driven off a cliff.


that's an environmental device, to stop the petrol spilling everywhere


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## Mrs Miggins (Apr 21, 2015)

I have noticed recently that nobody ever seems to lock their car after getting out.....


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## belboid (Apr 21, 2015)

Mrs Miggins said:


> I have noticed recently that nobody ever seems to lock their car after getting out.....


how would they be able to just jump straight into them and drive off in miliseconds if they were locked?


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## Mrs Miggins (Apr 21, 2015)

belboid said:


> how would they be able to just jump straight into them and drive off in miliseconds if they were locked?


It's just not very safety concious is it?


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## xenon (Apr 21, 2015)

Drivers can always find a parking space exactly where they want to stop.

Probably been said but it's always easy to hear important conversations in nightclubs or loud bars. No one says, What?! hold on a fucking minute I can't hear you, let's go outside!

American landline phone's all have the same ringtone.


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## youngian (Apr 21, 2015)

kabbes said:


> a film that masterfully plays with all the cliches.


 If I ever work in film marketing, I might have to steal that.


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## T & P (Apr 21, 2015)

skyscraper101 said:


> CCTV camera evidence, no matter how crap quality it usually is in real life, always has the ability to be zoomed in to remarkable detail in the movies.


 Not only zoom, but change angles and show the incident from multiple points, just as if it wasn't CCTV footage at all, but a movie being filmed.


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## Miss Caphat (Apr 21, 2015)

I think I may have made the same post on the thread years ago, but one that's always irked me is 

emotionally disturbed or upset people always sit in a dark room alone by a lamp and slowly turn it off and on, off and on and stare off into space


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## DaveCinzano (Apr 22, 2015)

Miss Caphat said:


> I think I may have made the same post on the thread years ago, but one that's always irked me is
> 
> emotionally disturbed or upset people always sit in a dark room alone by a lamp and slowly turn it off and on, off and on and stare off into space


Cf the 'headclutcher' stock photograph:

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/12/visual-cliche-mental-health-slip-through


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## Santino (Apr 22, 2015)

skyscraper101 said:


> CCTV camera evidence, no matter how crap quality it usually is in real life, always has the ability to be zoomed in to remarkable detail in the movies.
> 
> I think the worst example of this was in National Treasure Book of Secrets where Nicholas Cage runs a red light in London to purposefully get caught on a traffic camera so he can get photographed holding up a wooden artifact which he then needed to toss into the river to stop his pursuers getting it (or something). He was confident enough that they could then hack into the traffic cam database to get that photo of him holding his piece of wood inside the car with a secret code etched into it, and, be able to zoom in on that one photo, and reveal the code... which of course is exactly what happened.
> 
> yeahhh sure.


That car chase appears to have been sponsored by Fuller's London Pride.


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## Santino (Apr 22, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> This ones so old its biblical: any traitor on the goodies side can only be redeemed through death or severe life-threatening injury


Lando


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## The Octagon (Apr 22, 2015)

Santino said:


> Lando


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## Mumbles274 (Apr 22, 2015)

People doing cocaine never have to go for a poo, just before or after doing a line


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## Orang Utan (Apr 22, 2015)

Mumbles274 said:


> People doing cocaine never have to go for a poo, just before or after doing a line


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## camouflage (Apr 22, 2015)

Used to be in horror-movies circa 1970's to 1990s that involved demons or spirits, there'd be at least one trip to the library to look at creepy old books featuring high detail ink-drawings of demons and torture.

this sort of thing...







Now they just use google.


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## DotCommunist (Apr 22, 2015)

camouflage said:


> Used to be in horror-movies circa 1970's to 1990s that involved demons or spirits, there'd be at least one trip to the library to look at creepy old books featuring high detail ink-drawings of demons and torture.
> 
> Now they just use google.


Gile's library of demonaical (or should that be diabolical?) texts which so impressed in the 90s are now just so much book-as-object fetishism


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