# Suffering colleagues behaviour...



## TopCat (Oct 25, 2013)

We don't choose the people we work with and sometimes they can drive us nuts.

Several of my colleagues use laughter as an adjective, verb and noun, e.g. they cackle away nonsensically for no apparent reason. I wish them all a hideous death for this awful oppressive behaviour. 

Any other examples of workplace behaviour that should warrant the firing squad?


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## xes (Oct 25, 2013)

bringing in egg mayo sarnies.


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## Citizen66 (Oct 25, 2013)

Wankers who stab people in the back to management if they're not getting their own way. Pricks who cross picket lines but then gladly take whatever was won in the dispute.


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## Geri (Oct 25, 2013)

Stealing my food from the fridge. Refusing to do things I asked. Stalking me and turning up at places she knew I was going.


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## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Oct 25, 2013)

The person I share an office with is very ANGRY. About lots of things - lots of hard done by sighs and ranty monologues about minor issues. She's alright apart from that but it gets quite wearing.


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## slightlytouched (Oct 25, 2013)

I know it's mean but working with a woman who is going deaf, and won't take my advise to get her hearing checked.  By the end of the day I hate her!


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## TopCat (Oct 25, 2013)

They won't stop laughing inanely. 

I want to cut out their tongues.


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## frogwoman (Oct 25, 2013)

racism


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## xes (Oct 25, 2013)

laugh with them, a really OTT put on laugh, every time they do it. When they look at you, just laugh even more manicly. They'll soon stop.


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## Citizen66 (Oct 25, 2013)

frogwoman said:


> racism



The annoying thing about racism is that they they expect you won't be bothered by it and agree with them. Then it's your fault for creating a bad atmosphere for telling them to get fucked.


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## Kizmet (Oct 25, 2013)

Moaning about your fellow workers?


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## TopCat (Oct 25, 2013)

xes said:


> laugh with them, a really OTT put on laugh, every time they do it. When they look at you, just laugh even more manicly. They'll soon stop.


If I start I will never stop.


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## Epico (Oct 25, 2013)

Moaning incessantly, sometimes about other people moaning incessantly.

(Yes, yes, I realise this is also moaning.)


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## xes (Oct 25, 2013)

TopCat said:


> If I start I will never stop.


if you can't beat'em, join'em.


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## EastEnder (Oct 25, 2013)

Refusing to salute me when I enter the office. attempting to engage me in conversation. asking me to do things. the list goes on...


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## Kizmet (Oct 25, 2013)

TopCat said:


> We don't choose the people we work with and sometimes they can drive us nuts.
> 
> Several of my colleagues use laughter as an adjective, verb and noun, e.g. they cackle away nonsensically for no apparent reason. I wish them all a hideous death for this awful oppressive behaviour.
> 
> Any other examples of workplace behaviour that should warrant the firing squad?



Feeling superior to your workmates.


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## el-ahrairah (Oct 25, 2013)

expecting me to be a reasonable human being


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## TopCat (Oct 25, 2013)

Asking me to contribute to other colleagues birthday gifts. If I liked them enough, I would buy a gift.


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## bmd (Oct 25, 2013)

Citizen66 said:


> The annoying thing about racism is that they they expect you won't be bothered by it and agree with them. Then it's your fault for creating a bad atmosphere for telling them to get fucked.



Yes but my best friend is black. I mean they're alright once you get to know them. Lighten up ffs, it's just a joke! THE PC BRIGADE IS HERE EVERYBODY!


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## EastEnder (Oct 25, 2013)

Kizmet said:


> Feeling superior to your workmates.


When you know you are, it's hard not to feel that way.


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## Citizen66 (Oct 25, 2013)

We got a round robin email urging us to chip in for a manager's leaving gift. 

I'm sorry but he spent most of his career crossing picket lines in order to draw a higher salary so they can get fucked if they think that warrants a bit of socialism towards his gold cuff links.


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## ffsear (Oct 25, 2013)

Men in their 40's who still can't aim their piss


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## girasol (Oct 25, 2013)

TopCat said:


> Any other examples of workplace behaviour that should warrant the firing squad?



Doing live small talk about inane crap instead of sitting quietly and talking about inane crap on the interwebs, QUIETLY!


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## Kizmet (Oct 25, 2013)

EastEnder said:


> When you know you are, it's hard not to feel that way.



Well, then the fastest way to equality is a bullet in our superiors.


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## Maggot (Oct 25, 2013)

TopCat said:


> We don't choose the people we work with and sometimes they can drive us nuts.
> 
> Several of my colleagues use laughter as an adjective, verb and noun, e.g. they cackle away nonsensically for no apparent reason. I wish them all a hideous death for this awful oppressive behaviour.
> 
> Any other examples of workplace behaviour that should warrant the firing squad?


What's wrong with laughing?   Laughing is a good thing.


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## TopCat (Oct 25, 2013)

Maggot said:


> What's wrong with laughing?   Laughing is a good thing.


If it was in response to something that has even the tinniest sliver of funny involved I would not object. When it manifests itself like "My email is very slow today, hahahahahahahahahah", "is it? Hahahahahahahaha, "mine isn't, hahahahahahaha", "I like your ring tone, hahahahahahaha", my son changed his ring tone, hahahahahahahah, "my foot aches, hahahahahah".


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## girasol (Oct 25, 2013)

The PA in our office and two IT guys speak constantly throughout the day in the very same way described by TopCat...  Whoever thought open office plans was a good idea is a fucking idiot, especially if other people need to actually concentrate and do some serious thinking.


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## colacubes (Oct 25, 2013)

God I think I do that laughing thing   I bet everyone hates me    Just as well I actually know Topcat otherwise I'd be fucking paranoid right now


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## TopCat (Oct 25, 2013)

colacubes said:


> God I think I do that laughing thing   I bet everyone hates me    Just as well I actually know Topcat otherwise I'd be fucking paranoid right now


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## Garek (Oct 25, 2013)

EastEnder said:


> attempting to engage me in conversation.



This is definitely one of the most rude and unacceptable behaviours in a workplace.


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## UnderAnOpenSky (Oct 25, 2013)

Talking to me about lizards, ghosts and other general consiraloon stuff. The main boss is the worst, we had people round the other day to get rid of an evil spirit


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## machine cat (Oct 25, 2013)

Global Stoner said:


> Talking to me about lizards, ghosts and other general consiraloon stuff. The main boss is the worst, we had people round the other day to get rid of an evil spirit


 what type of work do you do?


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## susie12 (Oct 25, 2013)

Who pays for the person dealing with the spirit?


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## machine cat (Oct 25, 2013)

Non of my current colleagues really annoy me, but in my last department there were two women who would moan about everything (even about people moaning). They also crossed the picket line I was on despite moaning about what was happening to their pensions for weeks before the strike.


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## trabuquera (Oct 25, 2013)

Calling lunchtime meetings. The dirty dirty bastards.


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## UnderAnOpenSky (Oct 25, 2013)

machine cat said:


> what type of work do you do?



Residential care... Apparently one of the young people thought they were ofsted, although that must be before the chanting started. 



susie12 said:


> Who pays for the person dealing with the spirit?



I really don't know what they put down in the accounts. I'm not actually supposed to know it happened.


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## xes (Oct 25, 2013)

you could have cashed in on that one "oh, spirits, yeah I can deal with that" then just walk round with a tub of salf and some bunched up smouldering herbs. Cost for you? About 2 quid. Charge them what the fuck you like.


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## EastEnder (Oct 25, 2013)

girasol said:


> The PA in our office and two IT guys speak constantly throughout the day in the very same way described by TopCat...  Whoever thought open office plans was a good idea is a fucking idiot, especially if other people need to actually concentrate and do some serious thinking.


This is what gets me - some of us actually need to concentrate! Behind me is a row of graphic designers who use Photoshop all day long - essentially, crayoning for grown ups. They never shut the fuck up.... Trying to debug code whilst continually being assaulted by the ceaseless verbal diarrhoea of a bunch of gibbering arty twats is a form of modern day hell. When I finally go postal, I'll have a special bullet reserved for every one of the cretins.


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## ViolentPanda (Oct 25, 2013)

TopCat said:


> They won't stop laughing inanely.
> 
> I want to cut out their tongues.



Cutting out their tongues won't prevent them from laughing, but slittling their throats might.


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## TopCat (Oct 25, 2013)

ViolentPanda said:


> Cutting out their tongues won't prevent them from laughing, but slittling their throats might.


I don't dare allow myself access to a sharp knife in this company. "hahahahahahahah".


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## ViolentPanda (Oct 25, 2013)

frogwoman said:


> racism



I never really had a problem with people chatting racist bollocks at work, as I was a bit militant on equality from an early age, and would have a go at racists in no uncertain terms.  When I was a union rep, it was about the second most prevalent issue after sexism/sexist behaviour, so it was important to rub management's nose in every incident in order to make them police themselves better.  Having bosses who referred (directly!) to non-whites as "darkies" and "coons" with seeming impunity always used to boil my piss.  If you're going to believe that there's a hierarchy to human existence, then it's more rational to believe that managers are demonstratedly lesser beings, than to believe that non-whites are lesser beings on the basis of their skin colour.


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## Ax^ (Oct 25, 2013)

Newbie being trianed for the night shift, asking why he not be place on it yet

"well you have to be fast and accurate on that shift"


"well if i was on a shift where i had to be i would be!"


*raises eyebrow*

so you've been a lazy cunt on purpose the last 6 months


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## Spanky Longhorn (Oct 25, 2013)

Bosses who ask for detailed researched reports with charts and stuff at 3pm for 10am the next morning when you have put off loads of boring stuff until the last minute


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## Enviro (Oct 25, 2013)

Having to look after my colleague like a kid (been here for a year now, so should know better).

e.g. having to tell them not to take all of an essential small bit of kit on site in case someone else might need one


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## UnderAnOpenSky (Oct 25, 2013)

Enviro said:


> Having to look after my colleague like a kid (been here for a year now, so should know better).



I've got one like that... Seeing as I work with kids it's like having another one with me.


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## pogo 10 (Oct 25, 2013)

Citizen66 said:


> The annoying thing about racism is that they they expect you won't be bothered by it and agree with them. Then it's your fault for creating a bad atmosphere for telling them to get fucked.


Spot on pal. Then youre the weirdo for not agreeing with them. Had this loads of times. Its horrible.


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## pogo 10 (Oct 25, 2013)

People who try to push your buttons. Constantly. Fuck off and leave me alone.


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## tar1984 (Oct 25, 2013)

Moaning about people on benefits.


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## farmerbarleymow (Oct 25, 2013)

In no particular order:


verbal diarrhoea 
people with grating loud voices 
people who moan all day long about absolutely anything 
people who have meetings around their desk, when you are sat right next to them and are clearly trying to concentrate 
people who think it is appropriate to remove one of your headphones because they want to ask you something (I react particularly badly to that!) 
people who wear shit loads of perfume so it is like CS gas 
people who put nail varnish on in the office 
people who book meetings over dinner (I refuse these invites) 
people who think it is reasonable to book two hour meetings starting at 4pm (ditto!) 
people who bitch and lie 
Jesus, I could go on all night.  People are bloody horrible when you have to work with the bastards.


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## neonwilderness (Oct 26, 2013)

People reading out boring stories from the newspaper/web expecting someone to take an interest
People who think they need to shout when on the phone
People being deliberately awkward (especially over trivial matters)
People not taking their turn to do things (make a drink, open/lock up, etc)
Certain people just being in the same room as me

Three of those relate mainly to one person (  ).  I work in a small office, I don't know if this is better or worse


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## free spirit (Oct 26, 2013)

idiots (or one in particular) who manage to read the address from the customer below the right customer on the spreadsheet and write this wrong address on the parcel full of important documents including an invoice for the completed work that's worth more than the monthly wage bill.

I'm guessing they'll still expect to be paid on time next Friday even if that customer hasn't paid their bill in time due to their incompetence....

tbf they are off to collect it from the post office depot tomorrow, so are at least trying to make amends.


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## keybored (Oct 26, 2013)

People who joke around, constantly. The workplace is no place for such horseplay


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## keybored (Oct 26, 2013)

Women who keep accidentally bumping into me and brushing my leg and arm, while wearing toning mist.


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## keybored (Oct 26, 2013)

Citizen66 said:


> The annoying thing about racism is that they they expect you won't be bothered by it and agree with them. Then it's your fault for creating a bad atmosphere for telling them to get fucked.



This made me think, back when I first worked on sites there was sometimes racist "banter", you could just challenge it by laughing and saying "You don't really think that though, do you?" and there'd be a discussion. Not now, no one does the old racism these days  or any topic really. Either everyone is wearing iPods, or they're too scared to take time out to chat in case they get laid off.


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## William of Walworth (Oct 26, 2013)

To condense the excellent post 49 a tad :

1. TALKING TOO MUCH (and too fucking loudly)   
2. About boring shit. I'm not in the *slightest* bit interested in your family family family family x 17 anecdotes you tossers!


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## William of Walworth (Oct 26, 2013)

Or shopping, Christmas, house stuff, children stuff, school stuff either .....


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## William of Walworth (Oct 26, 2013)

At least one person  who *LOUDLY BOASTS* about the fact that 'I'm not in the union'

That doesn't make you smarter than those of us who are. Braindead imbecile


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## William of Walworth (Oct 26, 2013)

tar1984 said:


> Moaning about people on benefits.


 

 x 27,000! (About the moaners, to clarify!)
Daily Mail's/Sun's/bloke down pub's/friend of friend's anecdote-recycling *ARSEHOLES!*


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## farmerbarleymow (Oct 26, 2013)

William of Walworth said:


> To condense the excellent post 49 a tad :
> 
> 1. TALKING TOO MUCH (and too fucking loudly)
> 2. About boring shit. I'm not in the *slightest* bit interested in your family family family family x 17 anecdotes you tossers!


 
Or to condense it to its essence:


People.


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## cypher79 (Oct 26, 2013)

People who ask "how are you?" *every single fucking morning.* 

Piss off you tedious twats, even if I was dying I would still say "fine thanks"...


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## UnderAnOpenSky (Oct 26, 2013)

cypher79 said:


> People who ask "how are you?" *every single fucking morning.*
> 
> Piss off you tedious twats, even if I was dying I would still say "fine thanks"...



That's all they expect. They're just being polite, they don't actually want you to tell them.


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## cypher79 (Oct 26, 2013)

Global Stoner said:


> That's all they expect. They're just being polite, they don't actually want you to tell them.



Then why ask ffs. A simple "morning" would suffice.


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## fredfelt (Oct 26, 2013)

General slackness, being late, off to the pub Friday afternoon and not returning to work, working in pyjamas, posting pictures of the cat to urban, being endlessly distracted.  I work alone so unfortunately I only have myself to blame for my questionable behaviour and bad attitude.


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## Voley (Oct 26, 2013)

Monkeygrinder's Organ said:


> The person I share an office with is very ANGRY. About lots of things - lots of hard done by sighs and ranty monologues about minor issues. She's alright apart from that but it gets quite wearing.


We've got one of those too. Does my fucking head in. The very sound of her voice makes me want to kill now.


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## EastEnder (Oct 26, 2013)

cypher79 said:


> Then why ask ffs. A simple "morning" would suffice.


You sound stressed. How are you?


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## Orang Utan (Oct 26, 2013)

cypher79 said:


> People who ask "how are you?" *every single fucking morning.*


I do that  to kids though. and I do actually want to know, GC. so there


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## Corax (Oct 26, 2013)

Pointless wittering.

Stating things for no reason, or asking mystifying questions.

*I make a cup of tea*
"You've made a cup of tea!"

*I state I'm off to a meeting and will be back later*
"Are you off to a meeting then?"

WTF.


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## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Oct 26, 2013)

NVP said:


> We've got one of those too. Does my fucking head in. The very sound of her voice makes me want to kill now.



For some reason I'm ok with the ranting and complaining, I can kind of tune them out. It's the overwrought sighs that really grate.


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## jjuice (Oct 26, 2013)

stealth trouble makers, people who make bullets for other people to fire. Gggrrrrrr.....


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## cypher79 (Oct 26, 2013)

EastEnder said:


> You sound stressed. How are you?



Need weed, don't have weed....


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## Frances Lengel (Oct 26, 2013)

I didn't like it when colleagues used to burp in the canteen while we were all eating. Burping is worse than trumping IMO. Unless I do it of course.


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## StoneRoad (Oct 26, 2013)

The sort of smart arse who drops a silent but deadly one and then blames it on someone else; actually this particular character either "never touched it!" or it was someone else when something is either lost or found to be broken.


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## panpete (Oct 26, 2013)

When I was working, the fact that I could not remove myself from bothersome colleagues caused me to have a big drink problem.
I just found it too intense, same way I could never live with someone who did things to bother me.
I'm talking about aggressive behaviour.
I always felt a weakling for this, as other people used to do it without freaking out, but I could not control my visible signs of fear, e.g. shaking, going white in the face etc, so this made me really vulnerable.
Even third parties commented on how i was picked on. My boss said she had been speaking to our seneior officer, and the SO said that while they were happy with my performance at work, they noticed that I was not accepted, and other staff brought to my attention that I was picked on.

The bottom line with difficult people, is, still stay away from them. You can not win with a difficult person and they will only destroy you as they are toxic.


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## panpete (Oct 26, 2013)

William of Walworth said:


> To condense the excellent post 49 a tad :
> 
> 1. TALKING TOO MUCH (and too fucking loudly)
> 2. About boring shit. I'm not in the *slightest* bit interested in your family family family family x 17 anecdotes you tossers!


The more boring a job, and the more the people have no interest in the job, the more verbal diarrhoea.
I used to get bouts of verbal diarrhoea, cos the sheer boredom made me edgy.
I wasn't as bad as some of the more 'popular' colleageus though.


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## panpete (Oct 26, 2013)

fredfelt said:


> General slackness, being late, off to the pub Friday afternoon and not returning to work, working in pyjamas, posting pictures of the cat to urban, being endlessly distracted.  I work alone so unfortunately I only have myself to blame for my questionable behaviour and bad attitude.


Working in pyjamas?

I used to go out in jamas cos when my depression was really bad, it was easier to get in and out of bed with out having to change what I was wearing beforehand, but work?


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## moomoo (Oct 26, 2013)

One of my colleagues says 'them ones'. She also witters on about what's o the telly and what she has for tea and the fact that she's a lesbian. All the sodding time!!!!

In my head I'm screaming 'shut up, shut up, shut up!!!!'.

I don't say anything though. I just smile and fantasise about stabbing her with my Stanley knife.


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## Spanky Longhorn (Oct 26, 2013)

panpete said:


> Working in pyjamas?
> 
> I used to go out in jamas cos when my depression was really bad, it was easier to get in and out of bed with out having to change what I was wearing beforehand, but work?



I always change what I'm wearing once I'm out of bed not before


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## panpete (Oct 26, 2013)

.


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## spanglechick (Oct 26, 2013)

Most of the day i'm just wth the pupils, who can be annoying but have the excuse of being kids, so i have pretty limitless iindulgence.  My closest colleague, however - the head of music - has the habit of saying the last word in people's sentences a fraction of a second after them.  All the time. In conversations, meetings...  Also, she always scabs strikes, despite being NUT.


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## fredfelt (Oct 26, 2013)

panpete said:


> Working in pyjamas?
> 
> I used to go out in jamas cos when my depression was really bad, it was easier to get in and out of bed with out having to change what I was wearing beforehand, but work?



I generally work from home so I don't inflict my casual, or perhaps I should say slack, dress on anyone else.


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## Frances Lengel (Oct 26, 2013)

moomoo said:


> One of my colleagues says 'them ones'. She also witters on about what's o the telly and what she has for tea and the fact that she's a lesbian. All the sodding time!!!!
> 
> In my head I'm screaming 'shut up, shut up, shut up!!!!'.
> 
> I don't say anything though. I just smile and fantasise about stabbing her with my Stanley knife.



Them instead of those? I do that. All the time.


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## moomoo (Oct 26, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> Them instead of those? I do that. All the time.



Please may I kill you?


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## EastEnder (Oct 26, 2013)

moomoo said:


> Please may I kill you?


Not may, you _must_.


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## Orang Utan (Oct 26, 2013)

moomoo said:


> Please may I kill you?


Loads of people do it. Pointless getting annoyed with people speaking normally


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## EastEnder (Oct 26, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> Loads of people do it. Pointless getting annoyed with people speaking normally


"Normally" is not the same as correctly.

Poor vocabulary is as bad as poor grammar, and must be dealt with most harshly. Summary euthanisation is the only appropriate course of action.


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## Orang Utan (Oct 26, 2013)

I don't see why it matters so


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## farmerbarleymow (Oct 26, 2013)

moomoo said:


> Please may I kill you?


 
And at least you asked nicely, so I think it would be only good manners for Frances Lengel to allow you.


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## EastEnder (Oct 26, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> I don't see why it matters so


And that, my friend, is why you must also be punished.

We could all communicate via grunts & whistles, but we don't, because we know better. Tolerance of linguistic transgressions is the slippery slope to devolving back to tree dwelling primates. It must be arrested, by compassionate re-education ideally, but failing that, brutal excision of the transgressors from civilised society.


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## farmerbarleymow (Oct 26, 2013)

spanglechick said:


> Most of the day i'm just wth the pupils, who can be annoying but have the excuse of being kids, so i have pretty limitless iindulgence.  My closest colleague, however - the head of music - has the habit of saying the last word in people's sentences a fraction of a second after them.  All the time. In conversations, meetings...  <snip>


 
I confess I do something similar - finish people's sentences, mainly out of impatience of those who just talk too damn slowly. I can't help thinking when talking to my annoying colleagues 'speed up for gods sake - if I really must talk to you, at least have the decency to make it brief and don't bloody stand their and carefully consider your every word.' 

I know what they are going to say anyway, as it is the same sort of drivel they always come out with, so it is easy to do.  

This inconsiderate slow speaking is one of the reasons I loathe meetings - you can guarantee there will be at least one in it who loves the sound of their own voice, and just drones on and on and on.  SHUT UP - no one is interested in your stupid area of work!  

Unfortunately, sitting in a room, listening to some boring git droning on with just the aircon for company is almost guaranteed to send me to sleep, which has happened slightly too often.


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## equationgirl (Oct 26, 2013)

Let me see....

1) People who take extra breaks despite only being entitled to one break per day.
2) People who bitch and moan about doing the job they were hired to do
3) People who are lazy
4) People who are a walking safety hazard and cause regular incidents from the mildly inconvenient to the almost corporate manslaughter
5) People who scoff the catered lunch leftovers before anyone else gets a look in
6) People who lie


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## jusali (Oct 29, 2013)

Lunchtime meetings 
NO!
People who work overtime without getting paid for it.
"You aint a fucking hero, you're just making other people look lazy for no reason".


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## farmerbarleymow (Oct 29, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> Let me see....
> 
> 1) People who take extra breaks despite only being entitled to one break per day.
> 2) People who bitch and moan about doing the job they were hired to do



I would reply but I'm just off for an extra unauthorised break because I hate this bloody job.


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## equationgirl (Oct 30, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> I would reply but I'm just off for an extra unauthorised break because I hate this bloody job.


Yes but do you take an extra hour on top of your authorised 30 minutes every day?


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## clicker (Oct 30, 2013)

I used to work with a woman, who I couldn't actually see head on due to her computer - but I could see her reflection in a window and she'd spend most of the day with her finger up her nose ...never offered her a crisp.


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## Corax (Oct 30, 2013)

One of my colleagues doesn't use apostrophes correctly.  I'm going to set him up on a date with the OP.


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## farmerbarleymow (Oct 30, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> Yes but do you take an extra hour on top of your authorised 30 minutes every day?


 
Twice that sometimes.  Can I come and work with you?


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## UnderAnOpenSky (Oct 30, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> Yes but do you take an extra hour on top of your authorised 30 minutes every day?



30mins a day is pretty tight! What do you do if you smoke?


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## farmerbarleymow (Oct 30, 2013)

Global Stoner said:


> 30mins a day is pretty tight! What do you do if you smoke?


 
I thought that - 30 minutes is the legal minimum dinner break for working over 6 hours (I think), so if there are no breaks on top it seems a bit strict.


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## equationgirl (Oct 30, 2013)

Global Stoner said:


> 30mins a day is pretty tight! What do you do if you smoke?


Oh they are allowed to go for cigarette breaks.


farmerbarleymow said:


> I thought that - 30 minutes is the legal minimum dinner break for working over 6 hours (I think), so if there are no breaks on top it seems a bit strict.


Traditional conservative company. But I get to do a half day on Friday so it generally doesn't bother me. Them taking extra coffee breaks away from their desks when everyone else doesn't is really annoying, especially when the ringleader makes a big deal about someone leaving 5 minutes early for the day.


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## Spanky Longhorn (Oct 30, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> I thought that - 30 minutes is the legal minimum dinner break for working over 6 hours (I think), so if there are no breaks on top it seems a bit strict.



20 minutes, unpaid.


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## farmerbarleymow (Oct 30, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> Oh they are allowed to go for cigarette breaks.
> 
> Traditional conservative company. But I get to do a half day on Friday so it generally doesn't bother me. Them taking extra coffee breaks away from their desks when everyone else doesn't is really annoying, especially when the ringleader makes a big deal about someone leaving 5 minutes early for the day.


 
Fair enough.  Well if the ringleader complains about people leaving 5 minutes early it is would be fair to point out this hypocrisy. I would.


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## farmerbarleymow (Oct 30, 2013)

Spanky Longhorn said:


> 20 minutes, unpaid.


 
Is that outside of the UK, as I thought it was 30 minutes here? Unpaid though.


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## equationgirl (Oct 30, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> Is that outside of the UK, as I thought it was 30 minutes here? Unpaid though.


No, spanky is right 20 minutes is the legal minimum break for 6 hours of work under UK law. Most places give more than that though, even if not by much.


----------



## equationgirl (Oct 30, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> Fair enough.  Well if the ringleader complains about people leaving 5 minutes early it is would be fair to point out this hypocrisy. I would.


It has been. For all the damn good it's done.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Oct 30, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> No, spanky is right 20 minutes is the legal minimum break for 6 hours of work under UK law. Most places give more than that though, even if not by much.


 
Ah right.  We get 30 where I work, although the rules are that you have to take a 30 minute break if you work full time, but technically are entitled to an hour.  While it is unpaid as you'd expect, the bastards use this notional hour to claim that we have a 42 hour working week and, oh how conveniently, calculate our hourly rate for overtime based on this 42 hour week.  Gits!

* not that we get overtime anymore sadly.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Oct 30, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> It has been. For all the damn good it's done.


 
Everyone should start taking those extra coffee breaks.  Either it will just be accepted, or it will piss off the managers so much they'll ban it across the board.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 30, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> Yes but do you take an extra hour on top of your authorised 30 minutes every day?


Why worry about other colleagues' breaks? I applaud egregious break taking. Whatever you can get away with is to aim for, surely?


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 30, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> Everyone should start taking those extra coffee breaks.  Either it will just be accepted, or it will piss off the managers so much they'll ban it across the board.


Indeed. Everyone needs to take the piss, not just the good few pioneers. Breakshirkers need to start pulling their weight!

Not that I get even a lunch break, let alone a break.


----------



## equationgirl (Oct 30, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> Why worry about other colleagues' breaks? I applaud egregious break taking. Whatever you can get away with is to aim for, surely?


Breaks yes. Blatant piss-taking when we don't have enough staff to cover, not so much.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 30, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> Breaks yes. Blatant piss-taking when we don't have enough staff to cover, not so much.


I guess I'd get pissed off I was alone at a counter and it was busy or something, but if it was just a crappy office job and their work had little to do with yours, I wouldn't get too fussed about it, I'd go joint them


----------



## boohoo (Oct 30, 2013)

Daily mail type comments.
Line managers who lean across me to re-write my email so that it read exactly the same as what I have written.
Slagging off other work colleagues all of the time.


----------



## equationgirl (Oct 30, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> I guess I'd get pissed off I was alone at a counter and it was busy or something, but if it was just a crappy office job and their work had little to do with yours, I wouldn't get too fussed about it, I'd go joint them


Yeah, thanks for describing my job as a crappy office job, I really appreciate that.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 30, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> Yeah, thanks for describing my job as a crappy office job, I really appreciate that.


I did not. I have no idea what you do.
I was thinking of my old job, when non-smokers and goody two shoes got the hump about others taking breaks, instead of taking the breaks themselves


----------



## equationgirl (Oct 30, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> I did not. I have no idea what you do.
> I was thinking of my old job, when non-smokers and goody two shoes got the hump about others taking breaks, instead of taking the breaks themselves


I don't have time to take an extra hour a day off just because someone else does it. Most of the time I like what I do, just not most of the people I work with.


----------



## UnderAnOpenSky (Oct 30, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> I did not. I have no idea what you do.
> I was thinking of my old job, when non-smokers and goody two shoes got the hump about others taking breaks, instead of taking the breaks themselves



It's a balance that's for sure. Think a good rule of thumb is if it upsets nobody but management, then go for it. If you fuck your colleagues over by making them do more, then your being a bit of a nob.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 30, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> I don't have time to take an extra hour a day off just because someone else does it. Most of the time I like what I do, just not most of the people I work with.


You're doing it wrong!
If everyone pulled together, so much less work would get done, that they'd have to employ someone else.
So collective skiving creates employment - everyone's a winner!


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 30, 2013)

Global Stoner said:


> It's a balance that's for sure. Think a good rule of thumb is if it upsets nobody but management, then go for it. If you fuck your colleagues over by making them do more, then your being a bit of a nob.


Yup, sounds about right.


----------



## EastEnder (Oct 30, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> You're doing it wrong!
> If everyone pulled together, so much less work would get done, that they'd have to employ someone else.
> So collective skiving creates employment - everyone's a winner!


What childish world do you live in?

Me & my immediate colleague are the only 2 developers who work on a particular client account. If I don't do it, he has to do it, and vice versa. The account is only worth so much - not enough to justify the expense of another dedicated developer. Occasionally they'll stump up for the odd freelancer when we're especially overloaded, but generally speaking not. If the company I work for tried to charge the client significantly more, the client would simply jump ship & find another agency. This is what's called "REALITY". If I piss around too much, trying to exploit the "system" for all it's worth, my colleague would have to pick up the slack, and if the net result was that the client got pissed off at the lack of progress, they'd ditch my agency in favour of another, and me & colleague would stand a good chance of losing our jobs. As a result, I do not act like a knob, I do go out for the occasional ciggie break, but I never do anything that would put my job, or even more importantly (imho) my colleague's job at risk.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 30, 2013)

I used to work in media, where no-one did much of anything and anything they did do didn't matter, so I would hesitate to apply any of this to, say, a hospital or flight control centre.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 30, 2013)

EastEnder said:


> What childish world do you live in?
> 
> Me & my immediate colleague are the only 2 developers who work on a particular client account. If I don't do it, he has to do it, and vice versa. The account is only worth so much - not enough to justify the expense of another dedicated developer. Occasionally they'll stump up for the odd freelancer when we're especially overloaded, but generally speaking not. If the company I work for tried to charge the client significantly more, the client would simply jump ship & find another agency. This is what's called "REALITY". If I piss around too much, trying to exploit the "system" for all it's worth, my colleague would have to pick up the slack, and if the net result was that the client got pissed off at the lack of progress, they'd ditch my agency in favour of another, and me & colleague would stand a good chance of losing our jobs. As a result, I do not act like a knob, I do go out for the occasional ciggie break, but I never do anything that would put my job, or even more importantly (imho) my colleague's job at risk.


I thought this thread was a silly thread, not a srs one


----------



## EastEnder (Oct 30, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> I thought this thread was a silly thread, not a srs one


Just saying like, i'd fuck the system with the best of them, but not when my actions might adversely affect me, or even more so, the people I work with.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 30, 2013)

EastEnder said:


> Just saying like, i'd fuck the system with the best of them, but not when my actions might adversely affect me, or even more so, the people I work with.


Doesn't quite have the same ring to it does it?
I'll stop now as I'm bored at my folks' house and have nothing else to do but mess about on here and I seem to have annoyed you and eqgirl without meaning to


----------



## trabuquera (Oct 31, 2013)

The very selfsame colleagues who keep calling the lunchtime meetings, now sending us emails complaining about the number of fruit flies and vermin which are attracted and the amount of RSI inflicted by people eating lunch at their desks.


----------



## unrepentant85 (Oct 31, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> people who think it is appropriate to remove one of your headphones because they want to ask you something (I react particularly badly to that!)


 
Someone did that to me about a year ago. I never thought it would be possible to get that angry with someone at work. Wanted to punch him in the throat.


----------



## unrepentant85 (Oct 31, 2013)

People turn turn the heating up full whack in the office and always moan about being cold but sit there all winter in a fucking blouse or tshirt.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Oct 31, 2013)

unrepentant85 said:


> Someone did that to me about a year ago. I never thought it would be possible to get that angry with someone at work. Wanted to punch him in the throat.


 
I know - it really presses the red mist button for some reason.  Maybe the headphones become part of you when you are wearing them so it feels very invasive?  I managed to avoid violence, but the really angry look I shot at the colleague who did left nothing to the imagination.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 1, 2013)

unrepentant85 said:


> People turn turn the heating up full whack in the office and always moan about being cold but sit there all winter in a fucking blouse or tshirt.


I used to sit next to an opening window, bit since we re-arranged the office I'm not next to the heater.  There's a constant battle of me turning it down and others turning it back up


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 1, 2013)

neonwilderness said:


> I used to sit next to an opening window, bit since we re-arranged the office I'm not next to the heater.  There's a constant battle of me turning it down and others turning it back up


I sit next to a window. Even in the winter the office can get really stuffy. If I get cold (and it usually is just me that feels it) I put my fleece on. It's only shut if we're all cold.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 1, 2013)

neonwilderness said:


> I used to sit next to an opening window, bit since we re-arranged the office I'm not next to the heater.  There's a constant battle of me turning it down and others turning it back up


 
A fair compromise - they get their precious heat, and you sit there all day wearing a bikini in protest.  Go on - dare you!


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 1, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> A fair compromise - they get their precious heat, and you sit there all day wearing a bikini in protest.  Go on - dare you!


I switched one of them off at the fuse a few weeks ago, they didn't realise for about a week


----------



## moomoo (Nov 1, 2013)

Part of my job involves putting extra bits in boxes and arranging them into a run. We used to have a long table to do this on but it was removed as part of the refurb and now we have to work on the floor which kills my back. Grrrr.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 1, 2013)

neonwilderness said:


> I switched one of them off at the fuse a few weeks ago, they didn't realise for about a week


 
'oh dear, it appears to be broken'


----------



## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Nov 2, 2013)

neonwilderness said:


> I switched one of them off at the fuse a few weeks ago, they didn't realise for about a week



I once spoke to a facilities manager who told me he'd got so fed up listening to people in a particular office moaning about the heat/lack of in turn he went and stuck an adjustable thermostat to the wall (entirely unconnected to the heating system). Kept them quiet for ages apparently.


----------



## Miss-Shelf (Nov 2, 2013)

Monkeygrinder's Organ said:


> I once spoke to a facilities manager who told me he'd got so fed up listening to people in a particular office moaning about the heat/lack of in turn he went and stuck an adjustable thermostat to the wall (entirely unconnected to the heating system). Kept them quiet for ages apparently.


that's the sort of thing Nanker Phelge would do


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 2, 2013)

moomoo said:


> Part of my job involves putting extra bits in boxes and arranging them into a run. We used to have a long table to do this on but it was removed as part of the refurb and now we have to work on the floor which kills my back. Grrrr.


 
If you are in the UK, you could mention this to them as that would give you some protection if you have to call in sick due to back problems.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 5, 2013)

They just won't stop laughing in an inane manner!!! Arrghhhhh!!!!


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 5, 2013)

TopCat said:


> They just won't stop laughing in an inane manner!!! Arrghhhhh!!!!


I advise killing them. It has to be done.


----------



## girasol (Nov 5, 2013)

Give them a synthetic cannabinoid spliff   That will shut 'em up.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 5, 2013)

girasol said:


> Give them a synthetic cannabinoid spliff   That will shut 'em up.


Yes the MAM 2200 would quieten the office somewhat. Tempting!!!


----------



## TopCat (Nov 5, 2013)

One colleague (like many others here) is born again and is singing along to praise music. I complained and have been lectured on letting the lord into all of my life. I am now on strike (aka fucking about on the net) for the rest of the day.


----------



## ddraig (Nov 5, 2013)

Monkeygrinder's Organ said:


> I once spoke to a facilities manager who told me he'd got so fed up listening to people in a particular office moaning about the heat/lack of in turn he went and stuck an adjustable thermostat to the wall (entirely unconnected to the heating system). Kept them quiet for ages apparently.


love it!  i would so do that if i had the authority and thermostat


----------



## TopCat (Nov 5, 2013)

ddraig said:


> love it!  i would so do that if i had the authority and thermostat


yes excellent.


----------



## mrsfran (Nov 5, 2013)

Whistling. Fucking WHISTLING. Who on god’s green earth thinks it’s ok to just fucking WHISTLE all day long in an office? There’s two of them in this office. I want to murder them.


----------



## mrsfran (Nov 5, 2013)

And, more seriously, being treated like a non-person because I work part-time. No permanent desk, get shifted about and made to go and work in a different building on my own because someone needs the desk and I'm not as important, not told anything, not invited to anything. Makes me feel like shit.


----------



## Garek (Nov 5, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> 'oh dear, it appears to be broken'



An ex-colleague's personal fan during summer was old and knackered and made a horrible whining noise. When she was out I switched it off and covered the thing in WD40 as it was driving me nuts. Might of got carried away as some it got into the base with all the switches. Of course the one thing I didn't realise was quite how conductive WD40 was. It made one hell of a bang and gave a off a very bright flash next time she switched it on. 

On the plus side the whining noise stopped.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 5, 2013)

There has been talk of Christmas decorations in the office today, apparently the office manger has bought a fabric one to stick on the wall 

It sounds shit and I will take great delight in taking the piss when they put it up


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 5, 2013)

Garek said:


> An ex-colleague's personal fan during summer was old and knackered and made a horrible whining noise. When she was out I switched it off and covered the thing in WD40 as it was driving me nuts. Might of got carried away as some it got into the base with all the switches. Of course the one thing I didn't realise was quite how conductive WD40 was. It made one hell of a bang and gave a off a very bright flash next time she switched it on.
> 
> On the plus side the whining noise stopped.


Result! 

I always struggle to understand the word 'enough' with WD40, as I reckon the more you put on the better it will be.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 5, 2013)

Garek said:


> An ex-colleague's personal fan during summer was old and knackered and made a horrible whining noise. When she was out I switched it off and covered the thing in WD40 as it was driving me nuts. Might of got carried away as some it got into the base with all the switches. Of course the one thing I didn't realise was quite how conductive WD40 was. It made one hell of a bang and gave a off a very bright flash next time she switched it on.
> 
> On the plus side the whining noise stopped.


i tried that once, but her whining was worse than the fan's.


----------



## pogo 10 (Nov 5, 2013)

mrsfran said:


> Whistling. Fucking WHISTLING. Who on god’s green earth thinks it’s ok to just fucking WHISTLE all day long in an office? There’s two of them in this office. I want to murder them.


Guilty


----------



## mrsfran (Nov 5, 2013)

pogo 10 said:


> Guilty


Your colleagues all hate you.


----------



## pogo 10 (Nov 5, 2013)

mrsfran said:


> Your colleagues all hate you.[noticed a couple of them looking at me while i whistle. Dont know whether thats admiration for my whistling skills[which i doubt] or pure annoyance.


----------



## pogo 10 (Nov 5, 2013)

mrsfran said:


> Your colleagues all hate you.


One waitress said that tunes in my head now. Ha ha ha.


----------



## Mapped (Nov 5, 2013)

I'm feeling like a guilty colleague right now; I'm going to have to inflict one of the dullest 3 hour meetings on the planet onto another colleague tomorrow. I won't be thanked for it, but I'll be doing something a lot more interesting instead.


----------



## Littlelostlamb (Nov 5, 2013)

cypher79 said:


> People who ask "how are you?" *every single fucking morning.*
> 
> Piss off you tedious twats, even if I was dying I would still say "fine thanks"...


 
Along a similar vein, but I have this one guy who asks, 'what are you doing tonight', all the bloody time. I have explained that I have a young child and don't get out or have the energy to get out on a work night. He still kept asking. I recently told him that it may be easier for me to inform him on the odd occasion that I do go out. He's still asked once or twice since. He's actually a really nice guy but this pisses me off. NO, I DONT HAVE A PARTICUARLY HEALTHY WORK/HOME LIFE BALANCE (at least not in the way that you seem to envisage that it should be).


----------



## Littlelostlamb (Nov 5, 2013)

Corax said:


> Pointless wittering.
> 
> Stating things for no reason, or asking mystifying questions.
> 
> ...


 
In relation to the first one, is this a hint for a cup of tea? I know I have done this to colleagues, thinking, where's mine? !


----------



## Corax (Nov 5, 2013)

Littlelostlamb said:


> In relation to the first one, is this a hint for a cup of tea? I know I have done this to colleagues, thinking, where's mine? !


I thought it may be read like that by some!  Nope, we don't do tea rounds at all where I work - we all make our own.  I much prefer it like that tbh - avoids a lot of potential sniping as people 'keep score', and you don't feel obliged to go make a dozen brews when you're headdown in something with a deadline approaching.


----------



## Littlelostlamb (Nov 5, 2013)

TopCat said:


> They just won't stop laughing in an inane manner!!! Arrghhhhh!!!!


 
We have a thing we do at our work. It's called hysterical laughter. But it is satirical. We break into hysterical laughter at stuff that we know is not funny at all, in mockery of the type of people who work in your office. We enjoy ourselves, but I suspect we might annoy you!!


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 5, 2013)

I've been hotdesking (hate that term, but it will suffice for now) for the last couple of days, and have been sitting in an area where people have almost continual loud and irritating conversations between themselves.  Shut up!  They probably think I'm just quietly reading some detailed technical documents, but little do they know I'm actually drawing up a list of the order in which they will be killed.  Painfully.


----------



## mrsfran (Nov 5, 2013)

If your colleagues are looking at you while you're whistling, they're silently plotting your murder in their heads.


----------



## mrsfran (Nov 5, 2013)

Littlelostlamb said:


> Along a similar vein, but I have this one guy who asks, 'what are you doing tonight', all the bloody time. I have explained that I have a young child and don't get out or have the energy to get out on a work night. He still kept asking. I recently told him that it may be easier for me to inform him on the odd occasion that I do go out. He's still asked once or twice since. He's actually a really nice guy but this pisses me off. NO, I DONT HAVE A PARTICUARLY HEALTHY WORK/HOME LIFE BALANCE (at least not in the way that you seem to envisage that it should be).


 I get this too. All my colleagues are 20-something singletons. I'm not sure how many more times I can smilingly say "oh, not much, the little one puts paid to that" before I crack and start weeping about how I may never get to have fun again.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 5, 2013)

mrsfran said:


> I get this too. All my colleagues are 20-something singletons. I'm not sure how many more times I can smilingly say "oh, not much, the little one puts paid to that" before I crack and start weeping about how I may never get to have fun again.


 
It would be a good tactic to have a breakdown in front of them. While you might be thought of as the 'crazy lady' from then on, but they would feel really guilty for upsetting you and buy you chocolate and cake to assuage their guilt.  And they certainly wouldn't ask again, as there is nowt worse than someone crying in the office.  

Remember - free chocolate and cake.  What isn't there to like about that?


----------



## Frances Lengel (Nov 5, 2013)

pogo 10 said:


> Guilty



A whistling woman and a crowing hen
Are neither fit for God nor men


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 5, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> A whistling woman and a crowing hen
> Are neither fit for God nor men


 
Is that a Blue Peter saying?  i.e. 'here's one I made [up] earlier'?


----------



## Frances Lengel (Nov 5, 2013)

An old saying one variation of which dates back to 1721. Apparently.



> A crooning cow, a crowing Hen and a whistling Maid boded never luck to a House. The two first are reckoned ominous, but the Reflection is on the third.
> [1721 J. Kelly _Scottish Proverbs_ 33]




http://www.answers.com/topic/a-whistling-woman-and-a-crowing-hen-are-neither-fit-for-god-nor-men


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 5, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> An old saying one variation of which dates back to 1721. Apparently.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
Clearly bonkers!


----------



## Frances Lengel (Nov 5, 2013)

Yeah, I'd better make clear I wasn't endorsing it.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 5, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> Yeah, I'd better make clear I wasn't endorsing it.


 
I'm on a quest to find a crowing woman and a whistling hen - just to see what happens.


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 5, 2013)

The latest bugbear is a woman who insists who scheduling 3 hour meetings because she equates meetings with work. I keep having to decline them because I'm too busy and for her latest one she's picked the most inconvenient date for me over the coming weeks. It's got to the stage where everybody is starting to decline them because we all have a lot to do, whereas she has one thing and she keeps farming it out to other people.

The last time I declined a meeting she copied my boss in on her reply. Unfortunately for her he backed me up.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 5, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> The latest bugbear is a woman who insists who scheduling 3 hour meetings because she equates meetings with work. I keep having to decline them because I'm too busy and for her latest one she's picked the most inconvenient date for me over the coming weeks. It's got to the stage where everybody is starting to decline them because we all have a lot to do, whereas she has one thing and she keeps farming it out to other people.
> 
> The last time I declined a meeting she copied my boss in on her reply. Unfortunately for her he backed me up.


 
I tend to take the approach that if someone just invites you to a meeting with any clear aims or objectives (i.e. explaining why you should give up your time to attend), it is reasonable to first query why you have been asked, and if they can't satisfactorily explain it, refuse the invite.  I've refused loads of invites on these grounds, as you only get invited because you are on their list of people who vaguely fall within the area of interest, when in fact the meeting is outside your remit - and importantly, going to be crushingly dull. 

Or delegate it to a member of staff as 'a development opportunity' if you are feeling cruel!


----------



## nadia (Nov 5, 2013)

Today I had to decline two offers of looking at my colleague's holiday photos.


----------



## dervish (Nov 6, 2013)

Having to escalate work to the SDM who's level of technical expertise stops at "gpupdate /force" which for some reason he continues to insist that you need to have admin privileges to do despite me demonstrating it makes no difference 

He told a colleague that he was coming to rescue me the other day, I then had to watch him do all the things I had already logged and told him I had tried, very, very slowly before coming to the same conclusion I had come to a week ago when I first reported it. 

We had a problem with internet explorer not opening one page the other day. The error message was "Internet Explorer cannot open the webpage". I had demonstrated that it was only this page and it worked on others computers, he asked me for a screenshot.  Yeah, that's going to shed a lot of light on the situation. After pissing about on it for three hours this morning he's now decided that the computer needs a rebuild, taking it away for 24 hours leaving the user with no laptop.

He also calls me "Buddy" all the time, I want to kill him in the face.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 6, 2013)

Someone calling me Buddy would end up dead within a day.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 8, 2013)

I just returned from a short break to find a colleague had printed by mistake 700 pages of a spreadsheet because she had not set the print area and did not have the wit to cancel the job or pull the plug.


----------



## Mation (Nov 8, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> In no particular order:
> 
> 
> verbal diarrhoea
> ...


That is a correct list. Number 5   has never happened to me, thank fuck. I think I might do some serious harm to anyone who did that to me.


----------



## Mation (Nov 8, 2013)

TopCat said:


> I just returned from a short break to find a colleague had printed by mistake 700 pages of a spreadsheet because she had not set the print area and did not have the wit to cancel the job or pull the plug.


Seven. Hundred???? 

((((((babe))))))


----------



## TopCat (Nov 8, 2013)

Mation said:


> Seven. Hundred????
> 
> ((((((babe))))))



She had sat there just laughing inanely. We have no toner now. I have had to send a member of staff out with a memory stick of documents and job sheets that need to be printed into Mitcham to blag printing off a friendly company.


----------



## Sapphireblue (Nov 8, 2013)

TopCat said:


> I just returned from a short break to find a colleague had printed by mistake 700 pages of a spreadsheet because she had not set the print area and did not have the wit to cancel the job or pull the plug.



that did make me actually  and 

i remember once accidentally printing a 50+ page document at my old job where the cancel option for printing in progress never had any bloody effect. i went and manually switched the printer off quick-sharp and then was able to cancel it on restart.


----------



## el-ahrairah (Nov 8, 2013)

mrsfran said:


> Whistling. Fucking WHISTLING. Who on god’s green earth thinks it’s ok to just fucking WHISTLE all day long in an office? There’s two of them in this office. I want to murder them.


 
i agree with this.  see also, humming, singing, and going doo dee daa daa all fucking afternoon.


----------



## cesare (Nov 8, 2013)

700 pages


----------



## Mation (Nov 8, 2013)

TopCat said:


> She had sat there just laughing inanely. We have no toner now. I have had to send a member of staff out with a memory stick of documents and job sheets that need to be printed into Mitcham to blag printing off a friendly company.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 8, 2013)

cesare said:


> 700 pages


"I thought at first it was someone else's print job".


----------



## cesare (Nov 8, 2013)

TopCat said:


> "I thought at first it was someone else's print job".



I wonder how long it took for her to realise it wasn't.


----------



## Sapphireblue (Nov 8, 2013)

cesare said:


> I wonder how long it took for her to realise it wasn't.



not as long as it took to actually print i'd imagine *needs bigger facepalm smilie*


----------



## TopCat (Nov 8, 2013)

cesare said:


> I wonder how long it took for her to realise it wasn't.


I think about 20 mins.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 8, 2013)

This colleague drives me nuts. I recently complained to her boss that her work was inaccurate, incomplete, and poorly executed. His response was I should support her by checking her work... Given the nature of what we do, the only way I can check it is to do the tasks myself from beginning to end e.g.duplicate her work in it's entirety. 

Fucked up workplace.


----------



## cesare (Nov 8, 2013)

TopCat said:


> I think about 20 mins.



About 200 pages then


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 8, 2013)

TopCat said:


> "I thought at first it was someone else's print job".


So how many colleagues gave her a slap?


----------



## TopCat (Nov 8, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> So how many colleagues gave her a slap?


Their is no accountability here, except for me.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 8, 2013)

TopCat said:


> Their is no accountability here, except for me.


Just trip her up on Monday to get your revenge.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 8, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> Just trip her up on Monday to get your revenge.


She is currently a wheelchair user.


----------



## artyfarty (Nov 8, 2013)

I have been invited to a "brown bag" meeting.
I had to Google it.
What is the bloody point of using phrases like this if no one whose been invited knows what it is. Why not say bring your lunch and we'll talk about XYZ project.
And that was the polite definition!!


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 8, 2013)

TopCat said:


> She is currently a wheelchair user.


 
You've tripped her up already and broke both her hips? I'm impressed by the speed of your vengeance!


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 8, 2013)

artyfarty said:


> I have been invited to a "brown bag" meeting.
> I had to Google it.
> What is the bloody point of using phrases like this if no one whose been invited knows what it is. Why not say bring your lunch and we'll talk about XYZ project.
> And that was the polite definition!!


 
A brown bag meeting to me would automatically make me think I've been invited to drink cheap booze in the local park out of a bag. 

Alternatively, wrap yourself up, head to toe, in brown packing paper and turn up.


----------



## StoneRoad (Nov 8, 2013)

stupid idiots who don't check to see if doing what they want to do will adversely affect someone else.......
..........meaning they've effectively ruined my work and I'll have to do most of it again - against a tight deadline. Quietly fuming atm and once I've dealt with the situation I shall spend some time devising a suitable revenge.


----------



## smmudge (Nov 9, 2013)

i am sitting near a woman today who thank fuck does not usually work saturdays. she vocalises her entire internal monologue. she doesn't expect anyone to listen or respond, she just talks to herself about every single detail of the work she's doing. people politely ignore her but fuck me she's annoying


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 9, 2013)

smmudge said:


> i am sitting near a woman today who thank fuck does not usually work saturdays. she vocalises her entire internal monologue. she doesn't expect anyone to listen or respond, she just talks to herself about every single detail of the work she's doing. people politely ignore her but fuck me she's annoying


 
Just join in and vocalise your own internal monologue, and get your other colleagues to do the same.  Then a run a book on how long before the annoying woman complains about the noise.


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 9, 2013)

TopCat said:


> I just returned from a short break to find a colleague had printed by mistake 700 pages of a spreadsheet because she had not set the print area and did not have the wit to cancel the job or pull the plug.


I think I would have slapped them. Turning the printer off would have cancelled it very quickly if she didn't know what else to do.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 9, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> I think I would have slapped them. Turning the printer off would have cancelled it very quickly if she didn't know what else to do.


 
I know - we've all probably hit 'print' without setting the print area, but turning the printer off does the trick.  It does bug me when people e-mail spreadsheets round with setting the print area.  Just how hard is it to do this before you save the file?


----------



## AnnaKarpik (Nov 9, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> I think I would have slapped them. Turning the printer off would have cancelled it very quickly if she didn't know what else to do.


Opening all the paper drawers is what I advise - chances are anyone can work out where they are and how to open them. 

On another forum, there is someone with a tagline running something like, "nothing is fool-proof; nature will always evolve a better fool".


----------



## smmudge (Nov 9, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> Just join in and vocalise your own internal monologue, and get your other colleagues to do the same.  Then a run a book on how long before the annoying woman complains about the noise.



When people around her talk, she just talks louder! It's awful sometimes though, because she talks so much that when she actually is trying to talk to someone they often don't notice and just blank her completely!


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 9, 2013)

AnnaKarpik said:


> Opening all the paper drawers is what I advise - chances are anyone can work out where they are and how to open them.
> 
> On another forum, there is someone with a tagline running something like, "nothing is fool-proof; nature will always evolve a better fool".


Ha. You should meet my colleagues - I can count on one hand which of them has ever refilled the paper drawer. Chances are the printer's been sat there for half and hour or more waiting for paper.


----------



## AnnaKarpik (Nov 9, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> I know - we've all probably hit 'print' without setting the print area, but turning the printer off does the trick.  It does bug me when people e-mail spreadsheets round with setting the print area.  Just how hard is it to do this before you save the file?


I started work (public sector) and discovered that my boss printed hundreds of pages of spreadsheets every month.
Now you could say, why didn't she set the print area? Answer - she had no idea how to, she couldn't have produced a working spreadsheet if you paid her*.
The spreadsheets were produced by the accounting dept, who I think we can all agree, should at least know how to produce spreadsheets, litter them with complicated formulae and set print areas.
It took about two hours to check every spreadsheet, set the print areas and correct the formulae (mostly not applied to the correct/entire range).

*One could argue my boss was paid to understand spreadsheets - whole nother thread.


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 9, 2013)

My workplace's obsession is bunging a load of data (often incomplete) in a spreadsheet and calling it a database...

Or bunging a formula in a spreadsheet and using it to do a complex design calculation instead of the specially written, validated and verified in-house software tool.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 9, 2013)

AnnaKarpik said:


> Opening all the paper drawers is what I advise - chances are anyone can work out where they are and how to open them.
> 
> On another forum, there is someone with a tagline running something like, "nothing is fool-proof; nature will always evolve a better fool".


 
This raises yet another issue that really infuriates me about colleagues.  Why do people think it reasonable to just walk off when they get a printer jam for their document, leaving others to sort it out? 

I get my revenge by raising a security breach when they've left a print job half finished, so the person who clears the jam can access the restricted information.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 9, 2013)

smmudge said:


> When people around her talk, she just talks louder! It's awful sometimes though, because she talks so much that when she actually is trying to talk to someone they often don't notice and just blank her completely!


 
Just say, for the full working day at your desk, 'blah blah blah' and hopefully she will get the message!


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 9, 2013)

AnnaKarpik said:


> I started work (public sector) and discovered that my boss printed hundreds of pages of spreadsheets every month.
> Now you could say, why didn't she set the print area? Answer - she had no idea how to, she couldn't have produced a working spreadsheet if you paid her*.
> The spreadsheets were produced by the accounting dept, who I think we can all agree, should at least know how to produce spreadsheets, litter them with complicated formulae and set print areas.
> It took about two hours to check every spreadsheet, set the print areas and correct the formulae (mostly not applied to the correct/entire range).
> ...


 
I know exactly this problem.  I'm known at work as being fairly good at Excel, so often get asked to help colleagues out.  I despair at the amount of times I see formulae that are wrong - and on spreadsheets that are actually really important.  People should have a proficiency test before being allowed to use Excel!


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 9, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> This raises yet another issue that really infuriates me about colleagues.  Why do people think it reasonable to just walk off when they get a printer jam for their document, leaving others to sort it out?
> 
> I get my revenge by raising a security breach when they've left a print job half finished, so the person who clears the jam can access the restricted information.


I am forever putting confidential information in the secure disposal. If I were minded, I could probably have a nice little sideline in identity recycling given the amount of personal data left lying around on top of the printers or in the scanned documents folder.

I also hate it when people just take EVERYTHING off the printer assuming it's only their jobs that have printed and _then they bin the ones that aren't theirs ._

Funnily enough i have better things to do than repeatedly print my letters just because some lazy arse can't be bothered to spend 10 seconds checking.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 10, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> I am forever putting confidential information in the secure disposal. If I were minded, I could probably have a nice little sideline in identity recycling given the amount of personal data left lying around on top of the printers or in the scanned documents folder.
> 
> I also hate it when people just take EVERYTHING off the printer assuming it's only their jobs that have printed and _then they bin the ones that aren't theirs ._
> 
> Funnily enough i have better things to do than repeatedly print my letters just because some lazy arse can't be bothered to spend 10 seconds checking.


 
Thankfully that is not an issue where I work as we have secure printing so you have to enter your code to release your print job (though this doesn't stop the idiots walking away when their print job jams the printer). 

But how idiotic does someone have to be to throw away someone else's print job when clearly it has just been printed.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 10, 2013)

xes said:


> laugh with them, a really OTT put on laugh, every time they do it. When they look at you, just laugh even more manicly. They'll soon stop.


 
And if you can't fake it effectively, get a tank of nitrous and hide it behind your door.


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 10, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> Thankfully that is not an issue where I work as we have secure printing so you have to enter your code to release your print job (though this doesn't stop the idiots walking away when their print job jams the printer).
> 
> But how idiotic does someone have to be to throw away someone else's print job when clearly it has just been printed.


They seem to assume that they are the only person to send a job to the printer at that precise moment. Given there are over 100 people on our floor and one large communal photocopier-printer, they are pretty idiotic.

My other annoyance is getting to the printer and discovering someone reading the letter I have just printed out.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 11, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> My other annoyance is getting to the printer and discovering someone reading the letter I have just printed out.


There are a couple of people in my office who are guilty of this. It's usually followed by them trying to be clever by pointing out a mistake, but most of the time they have just got the wrong end of the stick


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 11, 2013)

Inane TV chatter 

Colleague: Did you watch *random shit program*?
Me: No, I don't watch that
Colleague: Well what happened was...

or 

Colleague: Did you want *something I have seen*
Me: Yes
Colleague: Well what happened was...
Me: I know, I watched it

Ad infinitum


----------



## Sapphireblue (Nov 11, 2013)

nice woman opposite brought in home made cup cakes for herself and someone else she is friendly with. none for me who is actually in her team


----------



## William of Walworth (Nov 11, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> This raises yet another issue that really infuriates me about colleagues.  Why do people think it reasonable to just walk off when they get a printer jam for their document, leaving others to sort it out?


 
That's me in our team, those 'others'.

I am the sole printer sorter outer, the only one who can fix the fucking thing properly anyway. Tedious!


----------



## William of Walworth (Nov 11, 2013)

On another workplace annoyance note, there's far too much Xmas related chat already. Madly enthusiastic Xmas chat too. All about how they've 'almost finished' their Xmas shopping.

This type of thing can only increase relentlessly between now and December 24th. Correction, it'll only gradually decline after about half way through January too 

Xmas (ie October to January!) is rubbish. Lengthy time off the only redeeming feature, especially in a workplace! And it's still several weeks until we get that ...


----------



## William of Walworth (Nov 11, 2013)

neonwilderness said:


> Inane TV chatter
> 
> Colleague: Did you watch *random shit program*?
> Me: No, I don't watch that
> ...


 
Ad infinitum is right!  

As I never actually say : No we don't watch Strictly/XFactor/Britain's Got Talent etc etc etc .... mostly because we've got better things to do than kill our braincells .... (or better ways of achieving same ...   )


----------



## cesare (Nov 11, 2013)

Sapphireblue said:


> nice woman opposite brought in home made cup cakes for herself and someone else she is friendly with. none for me who is actually in her team


That's mean/thoughtless


----------



## Sapphireblue (Nov 11, 2013)

cesare said:


> That's mean/thoughtless



yes, she's a bit dull but i thought her saving grace was her niceness. 

i imagine she didn't make enough to bring in some for everybody and thought no-one would notice she brought one in for this other woman, but she was loudly discussing the lovely cake in front of me so oops - outed!


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 11, 2013)

William of Walworth said:


> As I never actually say : No we don't watch Strictly/XFactor/Britain's Got Talent etc etc etc .... mostly because we've got better things to do than kill our braincells .... (or better ways of achieving same ...   )




Another guy will ask if you've seen a film then, regardless if your answer, will explain the entire plot to you in extreme detail.  It's best to avoid eye contact when he starts otherwise you're stuck with him


----------



## cesare (Nov 11, 2013)

Sapphireblue said:


> yes, she's a bit dull but i thought her saving grace was her niceness.
> 
> i imagine she didn't make enough to bring in some for everybody and thought no-one would notice she brought one in for this other woman, but she was loudly discussing the lovely cake in front of me so oops - outed!



Drawing attention to it


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 11, 2013)

William of Walworth said:


> That's me in our team, those 'others'.
> 
> I am the sole printer sorter outer, the only one who can fix the fucking thing properly anyway. Tedious!


I am too.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 11, 2013)

FFS. The fuckwits are now discussing their collective religious faith.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 11, 2013)

Cunts are talking about the holy fucking spirit now.


----------



## ddraig (Nov 11, 2013)

tell em to save it for sunday


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 11, 2013)

TopCat said:


> Cunts are talking about the holy fucking spirit now.




Jacky D?


----------



## Sapphireblue (Nov 11, 2013)

TopCat said:


> Cunts are talking about the holy fucking spirit now.



hmm, doesn't really seem acceptable 'work-place' topic? no religion or politics is law in polite conversation no?


----------



## TopCat (Nov 11, 2013)

I barely tolerate the religious at the best of times. Listening to people talk such utter bullshit is depressing.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 11, 2013)

One of them speaks in tongues apparently. This happens when the Holy Spirit enters her. 

I dread being asked about my own "faith".


----------



## TopCat (Nov 11, 2013)

"Having a relationship with God is the most fulfilling relationship that I have ever had". I had to ask the person who uttered this, "are you single"? Yes indeed she is. Surprise surprise.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 11, 2013)

TopCat said:


> "Having a relationship with God is the most fulfilling relationship that I have ever had". I had to ask the person who uttered this, "are you single"? Yes indeed she is. Surprise surprise.


Miaow!


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 11, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> I am too.


Me too. And general all round Excel assistant. And IT generally. If I'm in an arsey mood I just put headphones in and ignore them.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 11, 2013)

neonwilderness said:


> Inane TV chatter
> 
> Colleague: Did you watch *random shit program*?
> Me: No, I don't watch that
> ...


I had to listen to two colleagues wittering on about Strictly this morning. If they ask me about a programme their reaction when I say I haven't got a telly always amuses me. It seems to confuse them so they don't know what else to say. A bit like how a taxi driver shuts up when I say I don't like football.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2013)

TopCat said:


> "Having a relationship with God is the most fulfilling relationship that I have ever had". I had to ask the person who uttered this, "are you single"? Yes indeed she is. Surprise surprise.



ask her out


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 11, 2013)

frogwoman said:


> ask her out


For a threesome.


----------



## Puddy_Tat (Nov 11, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> My other annoyance is getting to the printer and discovering someone reading the letter I have just printed out.



There is fun to be had in creating decoy restructuring plans / letters about a workplace move / new organisation chart (use whichever is likely to set more hares running) and either leaving them in the photocopier or sending them to a shared printer...


----------



## tar1984 (Nov 11, 2013)

Sapphireblue said:


> no religion or politics is law in polite conversation no?



I've gotten into a few political arguments at work.  I have always been blaming everyone for being ignorant, but perhaps I should take responsibility for not observing this rule.  Avoiding these topics is going to make it less stressful.  Also in the pub and on facebook.  

Not sure I'd know what else to talk about though


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 11, 2013)

TopCat said:


> One of them speaks in tongues apparently. This happens when the Holy Spirit enters her.
> 
> I dread being asked about my own "faith".


Easy way to shut them up - just tell them you're a devil worshipper.


----------



## Sapphireblue (Nov 11, 2013)

tar1984 said:


> I've gotten into a few political arguments at work.  I have always been blaming everyone for being ignorant, but perhaps I should take responsibility for not observing this rule.  Avoiding these topics is going to make it less stressful.  Also in the pub and on facebook.
> 
> Not sure I'd know what else to talk about though


 
to be fair i've had a political argument at work recently as well. i didn't bring it up though!


----------



## tar1984 (Nov 11, 2013)

Sapphireblue said:


> to be fair i've had a political argument at work recently as well. i didn't bring it up though!



I think mines usually start from other peoples comments which I object to


----------



## Sapphireblue (Nov 11, 2013)

tar1984 said:


> I think mines usually start from other peoples comments which I object to



snap!


----------



## tar1984 (Nov 11, 2013)

Do they view you as a 'bleeding heart hippy' as well?


----------



## Sapphireblue (Nov 11, 2013)

almost certainly. i objected to some horrendous Daily Mail stereotypes of people on benefits


----------



## tar1984 (Nov 11, 2013)

Me too! *high five* 

That and the subject of whether there should be translation services for refugees 

Keep on fighting the good fight


----------



## emanymton (Nov 11, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> For a threesome.


Are you volunteering to be the third person?


----------



## avu9lives (Nov 11, 2013)

Twats who go on about how they think they might be ASPERGERS ARSEBURGERS Autistic suck my dick. . Fuck him im sick too the back teeth of him . What is it with the new WORD to explain your'e Difffffferent. NO your fecking not!!! Your NORMAL like the rest of us.... FUCK off BRIAN!! Sometimes i wish i was deaf!

Pipe*


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 11, 2013)

emanymton said:


> Are you volunteering to be the third person?


God no!


----------



## William of Walworth (Nov 12, 2013)

Sapphireblue said:


> almost certainly. i objected to some horrendous Daily Mail stereotypes of people on benefits


 

If I spoke out against that stuff where I worked** I'd seriously doubt I'd be able to get through the day at all without multiple deranged/unhinged outbursts (on my part!).

Over  time though, thankfully for my own survival, I've managed to block out/blank out most of the rubbish -- only way to survive 

**(especially on my previous team -- not nearly as bad these days thank fuck ... )


----------



## ddraig (Nov 13, 2013)

boohoo
that's what is important after all, your survival, not the lessening of prejudice and  challenging hate in the workplace making a better environment for all and making it clear to those pedalling such crap that it is not acceptable at work.
because ignoring things works so well... as long as you're not the target...

you've been there a while now, when will it ever be ok to challenge or just politely but firmly ask people not to talk like that at work when you are around? and if they carry on, destroy their crap with logical reasoned argument, you know the facts, they are getting away unchallenged because most people just want an easy life. at the end of the day they are in the wrong.

i was a temp in an office with a banter culture that crossed the line, especially with some of the senior staff that had been there longer and tried to ignore it for a few weeks but felt physically sick at some of the stuff bandied about. agonised over it for a while but at the end of the day i don't think it is right that others should be subjected to prejudice from a few loudmouths at work.
so one day, shaking like mad, after another hilarious tale laden with prejudice i stood up and asked why they said that and did they realise we all had a duty, and a statutory one at that, to treat everyone the same.
there was silence and then a lot of shouting with a fair bit of aggression and denial from the person who said it, it was noticed by the boss who'd known them for years, they got called in still kicking off and had to get told it wasn't on as that is the reality.
they were shocked and sneered at me for the rest of the week as their shitty ego was bruised, but they had to take it, they knew or certainly did after that that it is not on in work and to keep their shite to themselves.
it was better after that with dickheads not being allowed a free reign and others who had suffered it not having to be inflicted with such shit at work so openly and so often.

try it


----------



## Sapphireblue (Nov 13, 2013)

William of Walworth said:


> If I spoke out against that stuff where I worked** I'd seriously doubt I'd be able to get through the day at all without multiple deranged/unhinged outbursts (on my part!).
> 
> Over  time though, thankfully for my own survival, I've managed to block out/blank out most of the rubbish -- only way to survive
> 
> **(especially on my previous team -- not nearly as bad these days thank fuck ... )



indeed. have decided to ignore it if i hear it again as it's not worth the stress it causes me.

luckily, the worst offender was a contractor and he has left now.

eta: the out-of-order comments were fairly low on the hate scale (and not aimed at anyone in the same workplace) just offensive as far as i (and hopefully a lot of people) was concerned.

i would like to think that if people were clearly out of order i would speak up regardless of the ensuing nightmare conversation but luckily i've never had to make that decision.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 13, 2013)

People standing round my desk having a conversation about complete shit that I have no interest in.  It is happening right now 

I might have to go down to the warehouse for 10 minutes for a bit of peace and quiet


----------



## William of Walworth (Nov 13, 2013)

ddraig. And others liking his post.

I'd do a fair bit better with that advice if you weren't delivering it so harshly/personally. It's not my personal fault that other people come out with bigotted shite.

Look, fair props to you and genuinely, for challenging stuff where you work(ed) when you did, and it's not like what you say doesn't make a lot of sense _generally. _

But in the above post it mainly looks like you wanted to have a pop at me for giving up, and wanted to blame me for letting shit continue, rather than give broader advice from constructive example.

As I said in the earlier post, there's less of the anti claimant (especially) and anti foreigner stuff now, in my current team , than there used to be in the old team I was in up to last year. So yes it's easier to blank it out now there's significantly less of it, than it was a whole back. And what would losing my rag have achieved last year or before?

It's not all about me and my failings. I was massively outnumbered anyway at the time when I really should have spoken out. If I was to have spoken out, the risk is that the office atmosphere -- for everyone -- would have become a lot worse. So any intervention on my part could have been pretty counterproductive. If my speaking out was to have make things worse in my office, and the risk was definitely there, you'd probably just have blamed me for that.

Now, I just want to get by.  Remember what Citizen66 said a while back on this very point. The real responsibility lies with outspoken bigots -- if there's enough of them  it can be quite intimidating -- and not just for me -- to challenge them. Especially when those not in agreement with them feel like outsiders,  in a minority.


----------



## William of Walworth (Nov 15, 2013)

Sorry to ddraig and others for getting cross -- workplace Mailism, chiefly about benefits, is (or mostly was) a *major* 'suffering of colleagues' behaviour'!

Actually though, I think my best solution for a calm n' peaceful workplace all round, reducing moans on my part by at least 90% or so, would be ...

*PERMANENT OFFICE SILENCE!* 

Or at least, all exchanges to be solely and strictly workbased, and all conducted in respectful,  whispered undertones ...


----------



## dervish (Nov 15, 2013)

I had the fun of listening to someone in my office loudly lose it with Nationwide because they screwed up something with his mortgage. I found out that:

1/ He has a bit of a temper, even if he is talking quietly
2/ He doesn't seem to know that there are 5 open, unused meeting rooms in spitting distance, two of those specifically for making calls
3/ He has a £500,000 house and £250,000 mortgage
4/ Lindsay who should have called him back is useless
5/ He's about to lose it
6/ It's a critical situation, he has said this many times now
7/ He has given a number that didn't work (his fault) plus another number that does
8/ He's very cross
9/ If someone doesn't ring him back in 2 minutes he is going to really lose it

I'm quite glad I'm not him


Or Lyndsay


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 15, 2013)

William of Walworth said:


> <snip>
> 
> Actually though, I think my best solution for a calm n' peaceful workplace all round, reducing moans on my part by at least 90% or so, would be ...
> 
> ...



I think that would a perfectly reasonable staff suggestion, for every employer to implement as a mandatory policy. 

Although I was a bit noisy yesterday, as we were gossiping about accents, pension schemes, HMRC, tax evasion, smuggling, sneaking booze into events and Midnight Express.  So I apologise to all my colleagues who were trying to work, although it was 4.30 so people were giving up for the day anyway.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 15, 2013)

dervish said:


> I had the fun of listening to someone in my office loudly lose it with Nationwide because they screwed up something with his mortgage. I found out that:
> 
> 1/ He has a bit of a temper, even if he is talking quietly
> 2/ He doesn't seem to know that there are 5 open, unused meeting rooms in spitting distance, two of those specifically for making calls
> ...



Reminds me a train journey out of Euston one day.  Packed rush hour train, full of commuters.  This woman was making several loud irritating phone calls, and one was to her bank.  Amazingly she was talking to them to ask for an extension to her overdraft facility, and was openly discussing her financial affairs.  The penny dropped about five minutes in when she must have realised several people around her were listening intently, and she sloped off to the vestibule area to complete the call.  As soon as she left, we were all talking about how bloody stupid she'd been, as we'd all picked up enough about her to commit fraud.  

She was lucky none of us were crims.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 15, 2013)

I have been away from my desk for a few days this week and return to find that someone has been using my desk and stuff and heinously, has wiped a bogey onto the surface.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 15, 2013)

TopCat said:


> I have been away from my desk for a few days this week and return to find that someone has been using my desk and stuff and heinously, has wiped a bogey onto the surface.



Find out who it is and shit on their desk in revenge.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 15, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> Find out who it is and shit on their desk in revenge.


no, shit IN their desk. in their drawer.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 15, 2013)

TopCat said:


> I have been away from my desk for a few days this week and return to find that someone has been using my desk and stuff and heinously, has wiped a bogey onto the surface.


http://www.prank-ideas-central.com/office-revenge-pranks.html


----------



## dervish (Nov 15, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> http://www.prank-ideas-central.com/office-revenge-pranks.html



Most of those were shit, I liked number 2 though.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 15, 2013)

dervish said:


> Most of those were shit, I liked number 2 though.


yeh 2's a good un


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 15, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> Reminds me a train journey out of Euston one day.  Packed rush hour train, full of commuters.  This woman was making several loud irritating phone calls, and one was to her bank.  Amazingly she was talking to them to ask for an extension to her overdraft facility, and was openly discussing her financial affairs.  The penny dropped about five minutes in when she must have realised several people around her were listening intently, and she sloped off to the vestibule area to complete the call.  As soon as she left, we were all talking about how bloody stupid she'd been, as we'd all picked up enough about her to commit fraud.
> 
> She was lucky none of us were crims.


I am always amazed at what people discuss in train carriages on the phone.

I am always more amazed at lawyers who spread confidential paperwork over the table. I learnt a lot about someone's property portfolio the last time this happened.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 15, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> I am always amazed at what people discuss in train carriages on the phone.
> 
> I am always more amazed at lawyers who spread confidential paperwork over the table. I learnt a lot about someone's property portfolio the last time this happened.



You should loudly read out what you've learned, and point to the person responsible so the whole carriage can take a dim view and never do business with such an irresponsible idiot.

Or contact the people named in the papers to let them know what you've seen.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 15, 2013)

I found the colleague who smeared snot on my desk. I intend to remove half her PC RAM and put it in my PC.


----------



## felixthecat (Nov 15, 2013)

We have a Dementor at work.
It's very, very trying.


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 15, 2013)

TopCat said:


> I found the colleague who smeared snot on my desk. I intend to remove half her PC RAM and put it in my PC.


A just punishment.


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 15, 2013)

felixthecat said:


> We have a Dementor at work.
> It's very, very trying.


They are very demanding people to work beside.


----------



## felixthecat (Nov 15, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> They are very demanding people to work beside.


 
You can feel the life being sucked out of the room when they walk in. How can someone have negative 'energy' like that?


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 15, 2013)

felixthecat said:


> You can feel the life being sucked out of the room when they walk in. How can someone have negative 'energy' like that?


Because they are so negative themselves. Someone in the past 'did wrong' by them and ever since they have thrived off the negativity.


----------



## ddraig (Nov 15, 2013)

my last boss was like that and he thought he was the opposite
also calling people mate and shortening their names aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh


----------



## Sapphireblue (Nov 18, 2013)

farmerbarleymow said:


> You should loudly read out what you've learned, and point to the person responsible so the whole carriage can take a dim view and never do business with such an irresponsible idiot.
> 
> Or contact the people named in the papers to let them know what you've seen.



one of my ex-colleagues was always getting emails containing people's cvs 'on spec' from an agency, despite there being no vacancy and him not being the right person to contact, just because he had once had cvs forwarded to him legitimately.

he kept shouting at the agency but they kept coming. he eventually threatened to contact the applicants and let them know that their agency was sending out the cvs *including contact details, in some cases addresses, *to random people. not sure if he ever did, but i hope so.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 18, 2013)

Someone has plugged in a fan heater


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 18, 2013)

I'm afraid I must put myself up to be chastised. 

I had to ask some geeky techy people a couple of quick questions for a paper I had to finalise which should have taken a couple of minutes tops. They didn't seem to grasp that I was asking for high level info rather than the nitty gritty process level stuff that they are responsible for (and I don't give a fuck about anyway) they turned it into a 20 minute meeting at their desks. I tried valiantly to keep them on track but they kept going on about things that must irritate them about process. I was talking quietly and calmly but one of them had a loud voice and I caught someone on the next bank of desks flash a dirty look at us. It wasn't my fault - honest!


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 18, 2013)

Two young women are sat behind me on the train and are talking non stop - they just won't shut up - and I can hear them even with headphones in. They are repeatedly using 'like' - talk fucking properly.  

But I insist that everyone is silent on any train I'm on - they can dribble their stupid verbal diarrhoea when they get off.


----------



## Puddy_Tat (Nov 18, 2013)

TopCat said:


> I found the colleague who smeared snot on my desk. I intend to remove half her PC RAM and put it in my PC.



and connect her mouse to another computer

and set her PC to default to black text on black background

shitting in her desk seems a bit too direct.  can you think of something that will become apparent without being easily findable?  a few frozen prawns sewn in to her chair perhaps?


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Nov 18, 2013)

Puddy_Tat said:


> and connect her mouse to another computer
> 
> and set her PC to default to black text on black background
> 
> shitting in her desk seems a bit too direct.  can you think of something that will become apparent without being easily findable?  a few frozen prawns sewn in to her chair perhaps?


Do what happened where I used to work many years back. A stupid witch of a line manager on the next team was picking on a couple of the lads on there. So one of them stayed late and through a loose edge on the fabric on her chair seat put in several drawing pins, point up of course. 

It was very funny when she came in the next day and sat down! 

She never found out who did it.


----------



## Poot (Mar 19, 2014)

My manager's manager's manager (he's pretty high up) discovered today that I speak Spanish. He gave me a sentence to translate into Spanish (it mentioned a sexy bum, being charming, and being his inspiration). I translated it. He emailed it to the young Spanish lady at head office 

I have basically aided and abetted some of the most inappropriate behavior I have seen at work - I had no idea he was going to do that. 

He is well known for being a letch already but she clearly didn't find it funny


----------



## ddraig (Mar 19, 2014)

hope she does him over


----------



## el-ahrairah (Mar 19, 2014)

industrial tribunal.

some colleagues to my right have been spending the day having loud boring and factually inaccurate conversations about immigration, that missing plane, and ukraine.  i'm about ready to kill.  instead i will probably drink myself into a stupor and cry myself to sleep.


----------



## Teaboy (Mar 19, 2014)

Poot said:


> My manager's manager's manager (he's pretty high up) discovered today that I speak Spanish. He gave me a sentence to translate into Spanish (it mentioned a sexy bum, being charming, and being his inspiration). I translated it. He emailed it to the young Spanish lady at head office
> 
> I have basically aided and abetted some of the most inappropriate behavior I have seen at work - I had no idea he was going to do that.
> 
> He is well known for being a letch already but she clearly didn't find it funny



Keep hold of that email, it'll come in handy should you ever wish to leave and claim sexual discrimination.  A senior manager at my girlfriend's place of work recently told a female employee that when meeting clients she should really wear more make-up and the odd lower cut top.  This senior manager is a woman.  Honestly what hope have we got?


----------



## Poot (Mar 19, 2014)

Teaboy said:


> Keep hold of that email, it'll come in handy should you ever wish to leave and claim sexual discrimination.  A senior manager at my girlfriend's place of work recently told a female employee that when meeting clients she should really wear more make-up and the odd lower cut top.  This senior manager is a woman.  Honestly what hope have we got?


I facepalm lots at work. I would like to tell you that this was an isolated incident, but it's not. The email was never sent to me - he only told me after I had translated it who it was going to.

Before now, a man that I work with actually shook the kettle at me when he wanted a cuppa


----------



## ddraig (Mar 19, 2014)




----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Mar 19, 2014)

Poot said:


> Before now, a man that I work with actually shook the kettle at me when he wanted a cuppa



I hope that if you actually deigned to make him a drink you gave him slightly more than he bargained for.


----------



## ddraig (Mar 19, 2014)

strategic trip just as you near him with the only place the boiling water can go is towards the groin area


----------



## Poot (Mar 19, 2014)

Spanky Longhorn said:


> I hope that if you actually deigned to make him a drink you gave him slightly more than he bargained for.


Oh yes, believe me I was _itching_ to get to the kitchen so he couldn't see what I was doing to his cup


----------



## ddraig (Mar 19, 2014)

that too! but risk of getting caught out


----------



## equationgirl (Mar 19, 2014)

Poot said:


> I facepalm lots at work. I would like to tell you that this was an isolated incident, but it's not. The email was never sent to me - he only told me after I had translated it who it was going to.
> 
> Before now, a man that I work with actually shook the kettle at me when he wanted a cuppa


How are these people still alive Poot? ffs!

First up against the wall come the revolution, the pair of them.


----------



## frogwoman (Mar 21, 2014)

aww i actually get on with my colleagues in my office most of the time. one guy I think is a bit of a conspiraloon (not in a bad/racist way though, in the way of being obsessed with UFOs and CCTV cameras and things like that, hes never mentioned david icke or rothchilds or anything) but he's got a very very funny sense of humour  and in general we get on pretty well

It's quite unfortunate if there's not at least one person at work you like, given that we spend so much time there.


----------



## Yelkcub (Mar 21, 2014)

TopCat said:


> If it was in response to something that has even the tinniest sliver of funny involved I would not object. When it manifests itself like "My email is very slow today, hahahahahahahahahah", "is it? Hahahahahahahaha, "mine isn't, hahahahahahaha", "I like your ring tone, hahahahahahaha", my son changed his ring tone, hahahahahahahah, "my foot aches, hahahahahah".


 
http://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/work-place-hilarity.220956/


----------



## TopCat (Mar 21, 2014)

I have made everyone put their phones on vibrate only. The jocular ring tones just got too much. Now they all go "is that me"? when their friend rings up to tell them what they are considering to have for lunch.


----------



## TopCat (Mar 21, 2014)

EastEnder said:


> Attempting to engage me in conversation.



This could be quite funny. An office sport if you like. 

"EastEnder, do you like the colour of this top?"
"EastEnder, do you think I look slimmer in these jeans compared to a skirt?"
"EastEnder, do you think I should have anchovies on my pizza at lunchtime?"
"EastEnder, do you like my comedy tie?"
"EastEnder, do you like your comedy tie birthday gift from us all?"
"EastEnder, why have you gone so red in the face?"


----------



## likesfish (Mar 21, 2014)

Its friday that means I have to clean while the teachers staff band er practice
  Those that cant do teach would be cruel but its pub singer level.
   Go to fucking rehab or new zealand which ever is further away and take valarie with you


----------



## NoXion (Mar 21, 2014)

Only thing that immediately comes to mind is my manager's annoying habit of hovering over my shoulder or sitting next to me at the desk when I _know_ what it is I'm supposed to be doing.


----------



## Poot (Mar 21, 2014)

I feel like I've been a bit of a bitch! I actually am very fond of most of my colleagues - even the letchy one (although the one who shook the kettle at me can fuck off). I may have misrepresented them. On the whole they are quite sweet, with moments of WTF??!   Mostly harmless old Tories who don't know any better, as I have stated before, it's a lot like a parish council meeting on the Vicar of Dibley. I feel strangely loyal towards them.


----------



## equationgirl (Mar 21, 2014)

Poot said:


> I feel like I've been a bit of a bitch! I actually am very fond of most of my colleagues - even the letchy one (although the one who shook the kettle at me can fuck off). I may have misrepresented them. On the whole they are quite sweet, with moments of WTF??!   Mostly harmless old Tories who don't know any better, as I have stated before, it's a lot like a parish council meeting on the Vicar of Dibley. I feel strangely loyal towards them.


When you describe them like that it's quite sweet, but it's the kettle shaking that got me.

Next time he does please promise me you'll say 'Oooh thanks, I'm gasping for a cup -milk and two sugars' and then pick up the phone so he can't get a word in.


----------



## Poot (Mar 21, 2014)

equationgirl said:


> When you describe them like that it's quite sweet, but it's the kettle shaking that got me.
> 
> Next time he does please promise me you'll say 'Oooh thanks, I'm gasping for a cup -milk and two sugars' and then pick up the phone so he can't get a word in.


Actually he retired not long ago, so sadly I no longer have the opportunity to spit in his coffee. Also I should point out that I am a secretary, which rightly or wrongly makes me the tea-maker.


----------



## equationgirl (Mar 21, 2014)

Poot said:


> *Actually he retired not long ago*, so sadly I no longer have the opportunity to spit in his coffee. Also I should point out that I am a secretary, which rightly or wrongly makes me the tea-maker.


----------



## el-ahrairah (Mar 24, 2014)

one of the directors is showing a slideshow of his holiday snaps in the boardroom.  everyone else is in there making ooh and aah noises photos of fjords.

*bangs head on desk*


----------



## Phlegm (Apr 15, 2014)

slightlytouched said:


> I know it's mean but working with a woman who is going deaf, and won't take my advise to get her hearing checked.  By the end of the day I hate her!


Take a street cone into work with you.  Hold it next to her ear and SHOUT.


----------



## Phlegm (Apr 15, 2014)

girasol said:


> The PA in our office and two IT guys speak constantly throughout the day in the very same way described by TopCat...  Whoever thought open office plans was a good idea is a fucking idiot, especially if other people need to actually concentrate and do some serious thinking.


You should try hot-desking


----------



## Phlegm (Apr 15, 2014)

farmerbarleymow said:


> In no particular order:
> 
> 
> verbal diarrhoea
> ...


That's why from the age of 18 I wished my life away till retirement.


----------



## girasol (Apr 15, 2014)

Phlegm said:


> You should try hot-desking



A bit difficult when you have a massive screen   The PA has now left for greener pastures, and I will sort of miss her.


----------



## little_legs (Dec 9, 2015)

Right now they are talking about the guy who chucked the Christmas decorations away 'why did he do that?', 'he is like donald trump', 'some people are so stupid', 'do you know if there is a pound shop in the area?'


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 9, 2015)

little_legs said:


> 'he is like donald trump'


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 9, 2015)

Poot said:


> My manager's manager's manager (he's pretty high up) discovered today that I speak Spanish. He gave me a sentence to translate into Spanish (it mentioned a sexy bum, being charming, and being his inspiration). I translated it. He emailed it to the young Spanish lady at head office
> 
> I have basically aided and abetted some of the most inappropriate behavior I have seen at work - I had no idea he was going to do that.
> 
> He is well known for being a letch already but she clearly didn't find it funny


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 9, 2015)

Poot said:


> My manager's manager's manager (he's pretty high up) discovered today that I speak Spanish. He gave me a sentence to translate into Spanish (it mentioned a sexy bum, being charming, and being his inspiration). I translated it. He emailed it to the young Spanish lady at head office


I can't find the dry heave smiley


----------



## TopCat (Dec 9, 2015)

My colleagues at my present job are lovely. Have Christmas dinner today and am actually looking forward to it.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 9, 2015)

Poot said:


> My manager's manager's manager (he's pretty high up) discovered today that I speak Spanish. He gave me a sentence to translate into Spanish (it mentioned a sexy bum, being charming, and being his inspiration). I translated it. He emailed it to the young Spanish lady at head office
> 
> I have basically aided and abetted some of the most inappropriate behavior I have seen at work - I had no idea he was going to do that.
> 
> He is well known for being a letch already but she clearly didn't find it funny


next time you should translate 'i'm a dirty auld letch and everyone finds me disgusting' instead of what he asks for.


----------



## heinous seamus (Dec 9, 2015)

I came into work this morning to find someone has tidied my desk. Not sure if I should be fuming or quite pleased


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 9, 2015)

farmerbarleymow said:


> Do what happened where I used to work many years back. A stupid witch of a line manager on the next team was picking on a couple of the lads on there. So one of them stayed late and through a loose edge on the fabric on her chair seat put in several drawing pins, point up of course.
> 
> It was very funny when she came in the next day and sat down!
> 
> She never found out who did it.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 9, 2015)

heinous seamus said:


> I came into work this morning to find someone has tidied my desk. Not sure if I should be fuming or quite pleased


fuming.

next.

that's happened to me before but i put a stop to it by saying 'has anyone seen this important bit of paper which was right here last night?'


----------



## BoatieBird (Dec 9, 2015)

heinous seamus said:


> I came into work this morning to find someone has tidied my desk. Not sure if I should be fuming or quite pleased



I would be fucking furious is someone as much as moved stuff around a bit on my desk, never mind a full scale tidy


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 9, 2015)

One of my colleagues begins every shift by putting on surgical gloves and wiping down every surface - and I mean _every surface_ - with medical grade alcohol wipes... Desktops, keyboards, telephones, everything


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 9, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> One of my colleagues begins every shift by putting on surgical gloves and wiping down every surface - and I mean _every surface_ - with medical grade alcohol wipes... Desktops, keyboards, telephones, everything



A well known symptom of post hot desk trauma syndrome


----------



## StoneRoad (Dec 9, 2015)

Someone in the workshop has just lost their temper and started yelling & throwing stuff about, some of which is liable to break.
Boss went out and instructed the person to go outside and calm down a bit (btw it is very windy and raining dats & cogs) - followed them out for "a chat" ; stuff in here is mostly our personal property and on hire to the firm.
If the machining is that frustrating, ask for more help or go and smash up a pallet or two for firewood (or both)


----------



## BigMoaner (Dec 9, 2015)

neonwilderness said:


> Someone has plugged in a fan heater


that's annoyed me just reading it.


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 9, 2015)

Last week one of them went into the " good toilet " aka the disabled one. And didn't lock the fucking door . And then I comes along with my paper thinking I'd get a few minutes me time..and there he is with his bags round his ankles and his phone out ...aaaarrggh. You're not at home you cunt ...lock the fucking door. Fucks sake .

Mind bleach


----------



## StoneRoad (Dec 9, 2015)

As for "tidying" up my desk / work area - no-one does that twice !
I share office space with my boss, who does his desk by dumping his stuff on mine, I wait two or three days then move it back ... rinse and repeat until he deals with it properly, as in making the proper decisions or hand it over with instructions to work on it. (not binning it - has a rep for chucking stuff he shouldn't btw)


----------



## little_legs (Dec 9, 2015)

StoneRoad said:


> Someone in the workshop has just lost their temper and started yelling & throwing stuff about, some of which is liable to break.
> Boss went out and instructed the person to go outside and calm down a bit (btw it is very windy and raining dats & cogs) - followed them out for "a chat" ; stuff in here is mostly our personal property and on hire to the firm.



I love this


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 9, 2015)

Some bloke at work , honestly and seriously reckoned this other bloke is an ex Navy Seal. Obviously an ex Navy Seal who got so disillusioned with killing he gave it all up and decided to stack boxes onto pallets for less than a tenner an hour . 

Just an example of what I have to listen to all day .


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 9, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Some bloke at work , honestly and seriously reckoned this other bloke is an ex Navy Seal. Obviously an ex Navy Seal who got so disillusioned with killing he gave it all up and decided to stack boxes onto pallets for less than a tenner an hour .
> 
> Just an example of what I have to listen to all day .


I'm sure _he doesn't like to talk about it
_
<Stares off into middle distance>


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 9, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> I'm sure _he doesn't like to talk about it
> _
> <Stares off into middle distance>



No , even better than that. Navy Seals aren't allowed to talk about it. Can't confirm or deny .

I've deconstructed his theory down to, maybe he was just in a boat once ...and it ran over a seal .


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 9, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> No , even better than that. Navy Seals aren't allowed to talk about it. Can't confirm or deny .
> 
> I've deconstructed his theory down to, maybe he was just in a boat once ...and it ran over a seal .


ask him when the seals were founded and who roy boehm was. (1/1/1962 & Roy Boehm - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 9, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> No , even better than that. Navy Seals aren't allowed to talk about it. Can't confirm or deny .
> 
> I've deconstructed his theory down to, maybe he was just in a boat once ...and it ran over a seal .


and tbh lots of former special forces have revealed they were in special forces e.g. author dick crouch


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 9, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> ask him when the seals were founded and who roy boehm was. (1/1/1962 & Roy Boehm - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)



Just to make it clear...it's not some punter blowing his trumpet . It's one bloke..who's on medication he doesn't take any more..with a " theory " about this other bloke who works round the corner from him . Who to the best of my knowledge seems reasonably normal . Although Christ only knows. The one who came up with the theory seemed normal at the beginning. Normal has turned into a relative concept in that place.

And there's this other one. Somehow convinced himself I'm a golfing aficionado ..as in that i play golf ..regularly...almost 3 years that's being going on now .

Golf ffs .

It's something I've never even remotely expressed an interest in, or watched..or gave the slightest flying fuck for . How on gods earth did this guy get that into his head ?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 9, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> And there's this other one. Somehow convinced himself I'm a golfing aficionado ..as in that i play golf ..regularly...almost 3 years that's being going on now .
> 
> Golf ffs .
> 
> It's something I've never even remotely expressed an interest in, or watched..or gave the slightest flying fuck for . How on gods earth did this guy get that into his head ?



Because you look like this?


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 9, 2015)

Just out for a stroll


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 9, 2015)

BigMoaner said:


> that's annoyed me just reading it.


Thankfully I don't work there any more


----------



## BigMoaner (Dec 9, 2015)

heinous seamus said:


> I came into work this morning to find someone has tidied my desk. Not sure if I should be fuming or quite pleased



tidy their desk when they are at lunch, the busy cunts.


----------



## Winot (Dec 9, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> I can't find the dry heave smiley



Careful - the sexytime translation was back in March 2014. They could be married with a kid now.


----------



## Poot (Dec 9, 2015)

Winot said:


> Careful - the sexytime translation was back in March 2014. They could be married with a kid now.


He retired this year actually. He's well into his 60s. And since I'm over the age of consent, I doubt I'd have got a look in. *Barf*


----------



## Schmetterling (Dec 9, 2015)

little_legs said:


> Right now they are talking about the guy who chucked the Christmas decorations away 'why did he do that?', *'he is like donald trump'*, 'some people are so stupid', 'do you know if there is a pound shop in the area?'



BIB Worse than Hitler?


----------



## Throbbing Angel (Dec 9, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Some bloke at work , honestly and seriously reckoned this other bloke is an ex Navy Seal. Obviously an ex Navy Seal who got so disillusioned with killing he gave it all up and decided to stack boxes onto pallets for less than a tenner an hour .
> 
> Just an example of what I have to listen to all day .


----------



## equationgirl (Dec 12, 2015)

And like mrsfran, people who whistle all the time. Tunelessly and monotonously, and even if asked to refrain, they seem to 'forget' and start up again a few minutes later claiming they can't helpi it. The annoying twats.


----------



## Miss Caphat (Dec 12, 2015)

people who schedule meetings, or worse, show up and demand my time within normal lunch-eating hours. 
for example, yesterday I told a woman she should come in so that I could help her with something. she came in at 12:15, and talked and talked and took up my time until 3:30 with more and more stuff she needed help with. 
Also, my office regularly schedules 11 am meetings that go on for hours, and they don't offer any food. 

what's up with all the people who don't eat lunch and seem somehow proud of it? no, you're not so important that you "don't have time to eat", you just don't manage your time well or plan in advance and you make others suffer because of it


----------



## StoneRoad (Dec 12, 2015)

My digestive system needs "little and often" so I usually manage to have snacks about. After a colleague nearly passed out from low blood sugar in an interminably long and boring meeting ... I was too far away to do much other than keep saying we need to break now, and eventually organise coffee/biscuits - I would have handed over some edibles if I had been sat alongside ... we managed to get upper management to make better plans and supply food etc


----------



## Miss Caphat (Dec 12, 2015)

StoneRoad said:


> My digestive system needs "little and often" so I usually manage to have snacks about. After a colleague nearly passed out from low blood sugar in an interminably long and boring meeting ... I was too far away to do much other than keep saying we need to break now, and eventually organise coffee/biscuits - I would have handed over some edibles if I had been sat alongside ... we managed to get upper management to make better plans and supply food etc



that's good. it seems silly not to. I often wonder about the people who eat nothing during the day. Their meals at night must be enormous, as none of them seem to be wasting away or anything (I say that as a not exactly wasting away person myself).
Anyway, I just think it's disrespectful to others. Just because you're comfortable not eating for hours and hours doesn't mean others aren't suffering.

Sometimes you can't do the snack thing either because you have to speak/ lead the meeting, or some other practical consideration.


----------



## panpete (Dec 12, 2015)

I found that I attracted anger at work, which is odd, because I am really timid and over nice if anything.
I used to attract anyone who was in a bad mood, whether that was over tiredness, stress from outside of work, hunger, pms, or whatever, I seemed to attract it like flies to poo and it made me feel 'dirty'
I used to come home from work, and I used to feel as if I had bad feeling hanging around my body, if that makes sense, very unpleasant, like I was a rag for people to wipe their shit on.
It used to affect my work badly, as I could not concentrate on the job, as my mind would always be hypervigilant to others - yuk.


----------



## extra dry (Dec 17, 2015)

We have a Christmas activity for the students coming up this weekend. 

In the interest of keeping everything as simple and straight forward as humanly possible I made 'fool proof' templates with crystal clear instructions (basically colour in then cut out and glue together). 
  Still teachers asking me "What is this then"? "How do I do this then"?   You have a degree, you are an adult, the instructions are right in front of you...  Can't wait for this weekend to be over.  
  Also inanely laughing colleague who does f***all all day


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 17, 2015)

extra dry said:


> We have a Christmas activity for the students coming up this weekend.
> 
> In the interest of keeping everything as simple and straight forward as humanly possible I made 'fool proof' templates with crystal clear instructions (basically colour in then cut out and glue together).
> Still teachers asking me "What is this then"? "How do I do this then"?   You have a degree, you are an adult, the instructions are right in front of you...  Can't wait for this weekend to be over.
> Also inanely laughing colleague who does f***all all day


People don't bother to read things. It's far easier just to ask. I agree that this is intensely annoying!


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## DaveCinzano (Dec 17, 2015)

extra dry said:


> We have a Christmas activity for the students coming up this weekend.
> 
> In the interest of keeping everything as simple and straight forward as humanly possible I made 'fool proof' templates with crystal clear instructions (basically colour in then cut out and glue together).
> Still teachers asking me "What is this then"? "How do I do this then"?   You have a degree, you are an adult, the instructions are right in front of you...  Can't wait for this weekend to be over.
> Also inanely laughing colleague who does f***all all day


tl;dr


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