# Worst film you've ever seen?



## Dr Nookie (Oct 22, 2012)

I made the mistake of watching 'Dobermann' last night as part of my ongoing Vincent Cassel obsession, and have to say this is one of the most atrocious films I've ever seen. There is no plot, no dialogue, nothing that even comes close to character depth. There's not even lots of gratuitous Cassel or Bellucci action to redeem it. Nothing.

The most damning indictment I can give it, is to say it's like a bad Guy Ritchie film. 

Possibly the only film I've seen worse than this (only film I ever walked out of a cinema from because it was so arse-quakingly dull) was 'To Wong Foo - Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar'. 

Velvet Goldmine is up there too.

Your suggestions please?


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## seeformiles (Oct 22, 2012)

Dances with Wolves - I thought it was never going to end.

Lord of the Rings - I was losing the will to live - Frodo is such a shit character I found myself cheering on Gollum and wishing a violent death on Sam "Oh Mister Frodo" Gamgee. Gandalf could have sorted all that crap out at the beginning if he was that good a wizard anyway.

Sex and the City 2 - Forced to watch this on Mrs SFM's birthday...


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## Jeff Robinson (Oct 22, 2012)

seeformiles said:


> Lord of the Rings - I was losing the will to live - Frodo is such a shit character I found myself cheering on Gollum and wishing a violent death on Sam "Oh Mister Frodo" Gamgee. Gandalf could have sorted all that crap out at the beginning if he was that good a wizard anyway.


 
I am completely baffled as to why anybody likes those movies. I saw the first one and thought it was the dullest three hours of my life. I think it shows a real lack of imagination to regard this sort of stuff as cutting edge fantasy.


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## Reno (Oct 22, 2012)

Jeff Robinson said:


> I am completely baffled as to why anybody likes those movies. I saw the first one and thought it was the dullest three hours of my life. I think it shows a real lack of imagination to regard this sort of stuff as cutting edge fantasy.


 
In terms of story I doubt anybody would claim it's cutting edge as it is an adaptation of a literary classic.

I suppose it was considered "cutting edge" in terms of technology, which it was. Why does that in itself show a lack of imagination ?


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## 89 Til Infinity (Oct 22, 2012)

After being constantly told that Monty Python and the Holy Grail was "the greatest comedy evah" i decided to give in and watch it...maybe I built my expectations too high, maybe the film just hasnt stood the test of time...I think I laughed maybe once.

It was clever but hardly funny


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## Reno (Oct 22, 2012)

Dr Nookie said:


> Possibly the only film I've seen worse than this (only film I ever walked out of a cinema from because it was so arse-quakingly dull) was 'To Wong Foo - Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar'.


 
That one would be on my list too. Not just because it was dull, but because its attempts to be "feel good" and "heart warming" don't strike a single note that feels truthful or unforced. It also doesn't get a single thing right about drag queens and seems to think the stunt casting of putting macho guys in frocks is in itself hilarious enough to sustain the comedy.

In the last decade I walked out of a few films. The Japanese Manga style live action films _Avalon_ and _Casshern_ I found unendurable. The horror film _The Butterfly Effect_ had maybe one of the most clunky scripts ever and I hated the way it exploited child abuse for its silly plot. The recent Brit sci-fi flick _Franklyn_ was one where I lost the will to live, it was so poorly paced and so predictable.


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## seeformiles (Oct 22, 2012)

Reno said:


> I suppose it was considered "cutting edge" in terms of technology, which it was. Why does that show a lack of imagination ?


 
There's the rub - everyone was going on about the special effects when it came out (but were rather quieter when it came to discussing the lack of plot) - saying that, I was in Germany for a funeral that summer and nearly bought a Der Herr der Ringe sword with sound effects in Kaufhof......


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## RaverDrew (Oct 22, 2012)

Jeff Robinson said:


> I am completely baffled as to why anybody likes those movies. I saw the first one and thought it was the dullest three hours of my life. I think it shows a real lack of imagination to regard this sort of stuff as cutting edge fantasy.


 
this


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## RaverDrew (Oct 22, 2012)

Spinal Tap, most painfully unfunny film ever.


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## TruXta (Oct 22, 2012)

I guess with LOTR if you're not into fantasy it's a real slog-fest, especially the first and last. The middle one is probably the best, too many endings in the thord.


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## TitanSound (Oct 22, 2012)

Driller Killer


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## TruXta (Oct 22, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> Spinal Tap, most painfully unfunny film ever.


 
Shows you've a poor sense of humour then. Painful and very funny, especially if you've ever had dealings with musos up their own arses.


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## Reno (Oct 22, 2012)

TitanSound said:


> Driller Killer


 
Abel Ferrara is a director I don't get on with at all. I don't understand the appeal of his films and think that are all terribly paced. Every single one of his I've seen has bored me to tears.


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## seeformiles (Oct 22, 2012)

TitanSound said:


> Driller Killer


 
Only thing I can remember from that is the completely gratuitous lesbian shower scene...


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## TruXta (Oct 22, 2012)

Reno said:


> Abel Ferrara is a director I don't get on with at all. I don't understand the appeal of his films and think that are all terribly paced. Every single one of his I've seen has bored me to tears.


 
I loved King of New York and Bad Lieutenant. The Addiction was interesting, but flawed.


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## TitanSound (Oct 22, 2012)

Reno said:


> Abel Ferrara is a director I don't get on with at all. I don't understand the appeal of his films and think that are all terribly paced. Every single one of his I've seen has bored me to tears.


 
The only one I remotely like is Bad Lieutenant.


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## DaveCinzano (Oct 22, 2012)

For me it is _Unarmed But Dangerous_ AKA _Kung Fu Flid_. I thought it would be an enjoyable exploitation film, but it's just bad in all respects.

I can excuse hackneyed plots and cliched dialogue, staid staging, shoddy photography, inconsistent (or non-existent) characterisation, massive plot holes, slapdash editing, amateurish sound, unchallenged offensiveness, wooden acting, poorly-conceived and executed action sequences and a thousand more things - but please let there be a beating heart.

Here there's nothing. No rhythm, no pace, everything is just bad. Bad and unenjoyable (well, apart from a valiant attempt at SFXing a former member of Steps' exploding head). And a waste of Frank Harper.

I don't watch films expecting to be blown away every time. I don't go in for the 'so bad it's good' thing. I have modest hopes, and sometimes my expectations are exceeded (_Street Trash_, _Scarecrows_, _The Ecstasy Of Robert Carmichael_, _Tony_, _Kill List_, _City Of Life And Death_, _The Escapist_, _A Sense Of Freedom _amongst others).

On occasion, though, those expectations are themselves far in excess of what the filmmakers give me. Avoid _Unarmed But Dangerous_.


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## TitanSound (Oct 22, 2012)

seeformiles said:


> Only thing I can remember from that is the completely gratuitous lesbian shower scene...


 
I wonder why


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## seeformiles (Oct 22, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> Spinal Tap, most painfully unfunny film ever.


 
Great film - esp. if you were into Heavy Metal in the 80s. If not, then you might have problems. Also the format has been copied a lot since.


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## Ranbay (Oct 22, 2012)

John Carter


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## TruXta (Oct 22, 2012)

B0B2oo9 said:


> John Carter


 
I tried but I couldn't make it past the first 5 minutes. It just looked so cheap!


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## Badgers (Oct 22, 2012)

TruXta said:


> I guess with LOTR if you're not into fantasy it's a real slog-fest, especially the first and last. The middle one is probably the best, too many endings in the thord.


 
So if I liked fantasy then I would like watching a fantasy film?


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## seeformiles (Oct 22, 2012)

"The Crippled Masters" was a particularly bad kung fu film.


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## Ranbay (Oct 22, 2012)

TruXta said:


> I tried but I couldn't make it past the first 5 minutes. It just looked so cheap!


 
I turned it off 5 mins before the end.... wanted to for ages.


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## Yossarian (Oct 22, 2012)

"Forrest Gump" made me want to blow things up.


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## Reno (Oct 22, 2012)

TruXta said:


> I tried but I couldn't make it past the first 5 minutes. It just looked so cheap!


 
I heroically made it through 45 minutes and then gave up. Awful film.


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## The Octagon (Oct 22, 2012)

*obligatory Battlefield Earth mention*

Otherwise, The Notebook. Mawkish, hyper-sentimentalised crap with a rather creepy message. I think I harboured resentful feelings towards my then girlfriend for suggesting it. Even looking at Rachel McAdams for 2 hours didn't save matters.


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## Jeff Robinson (Oct 22, 2012)

Reno said:


> In terms of story I doubt anybody would claim it's cutting edge as it is an adaptation of a literary classic.
> 
> I suppose it was considered "cutting edge" in terms of technology, which it was. Why does that in itself show a lack of imagination ?


 
I can see why some people would be impressed with the technological aspects of it but I can't see how that carried 9 odd hours of extremely tedious characters, dialogue and music. tbf I don't think the best film director in the world could have breathed life into tolkien's cliched tropes and imagery for me. My problem with the film is the source material as much as anything else.


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## TruXta (Oct 22, 2012)

Badgers said:


> So if I liked fantasy then I would like watching a fantasy film?


 
Not necessarily, plenty awful fantasy movies out there.


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## DaveCinzano (Oct 22, 2012)

The Octagon said:


> *obligatory Battlefield Earth mention*


 
*Obligatory plug for @The Groke's review*


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## TruXta (Oct 22, 2012)

Jeff Robinson said:


> I can see why some people would be impressed with the technological aspects of it but I can't see how that carried 9 odd hours of extremely tedious characters, dialogue and music. tbf I don't think the best film director in the world could have breathed life into tolkien's cliched tropes and imagery for me. My problem with the film is the source material as much as anything else.


 
That's interesting. Looking back from the current it's easy to see Tolkien as cliched, but that's mainly due to him creating these tropes in the first place (not the themes and characters, most of those are nicked) and establishing them as fantasy canon.

FWIW I loved the movies, but then again I was a teenage Tolkien nerd.


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## seeformiles (Oct 22, 2012)

"Avatar" - I tried to watch it when it was on the telly earlier this year - switched it off after 30mins - that's bad esp when you consider that I lasted nearly an hour of "Moulin Rouge"..


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## DaveCinzano (Oct 22, 2012)

Oh, and the only film I just could not make through to the bitter end: Uwe Boll's _BloodRayne_.


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## TruXta (Oct 22, 2012)

seeformiles said:


> "Avatar" - I tried to watch it when it was on the telly earlier this year - switched it off after 30mins - that's bad esp when you consider that I lsted nearly an hour of "Moulin Rouge"..


 
Saw it on a plane half asleep. Terrible, absolutely woeful. Even the effects were boring as fuck.


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## Reno (Oct 22, 2012)

Jeff Robinson said:


> I can see why some people would be impressed with the technological aspects of it but I can't see how that carried 9 odd hours of extremely tedious characters, dialogue and music. tbf I don't think the best film director in the world could have breathed life into tolkien's cliched tropes and imagery for me. My problem with the film is the source material as much as anything else.


 
I agree with you to some extend. I can't stand Tolkien and I too find the characters flat and uninteresting, but the films worked for me as visually spectacular adventures. I'm not enough of a fan to mount a proper defence for them though. I remember chucking the first LOTR book in the corner after about a hundred pages when I was 16 (in the mid-70s when it was considered required reading)


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## TitanSound (Oct 22, 2012)

I enjoyed the LOTR films overall.

Especially seeing as I was laying in bed with a hot redhead watching the box set one hungover Saturday. It was an amusing experience having sexy time with Gollum's voice banging on it the background


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## TruXta (Oct 22, 2012)

I'm curious to see how the Hobbit will work out visually. I've been a bit meh about the promo stuff out so far.

As for worst film? Must be some romcom or other.


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## TheHoodedClaw (Oct 22, 2012)

*obligatory Boxing Helena mention*

A film which ends with "It was all a dream", a plot device that wouldn't have passed muster in a primary school English lesson.


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## Fedayn (Oct 22, 2012)

Gone in 60 seconds. Not sure why I even went to watch it. Woeful, actually asked for my money back after the film.....


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## RaverDrew (Oct 22, 2012)

The Island of Dr. Moreau was the last film I remember walking out of the cinema before it finished.


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## Stigmata (Oct 22, 2012)

I gave up on Moulin Rouge after about half an hour. Don't often do that. Dunno if it was the worst though.


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## corieltauvi (Oct 22, 2012)

seeformiles said:


> "Avatar" - I tried to watch it when it was on the telly earlier this year - switched it off after 30mins - that's bad esp when you consider that I lasted nearly an hour of "Moulin Rouge"..


I had a copy of Avatar with Russian subtitles for the blue things - it was so cliched that you didn't need them translating. Also, the last 10 minutes was missing which made no difference as the ending was going to be predictable and I didn't care if my prediction was right or not.


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## TruXta (Oct 22, 2012)

Star Wars Ep 1 ranks up there. What tosh.


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## marty21 (Oct 22, 2012)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102618/

The Owl - obscure made for TV pilot - Adrian Paul is in it - he played the Highlander in the tv series - directed by Alan Smithee 

caught it on night on telly - so bad I had to watch it to the end etc

lots of pointless flashbacks - he is out for revenge - his wife and child killed by wrong uns - includes a baddy who raps and has a henchman carry around a ghetto blaster so he can rap to it


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## Reno (Oct 22, 2012)

marty21 said:


> http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102618/
> 
> The Owl - *obscure made for TV pilot* - Adrian Paul is in it - he played the Highlander in the tv series - directed by Alan Smithee
> 
> ...


 
That's not a film.


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## Jon-of-arc (Oct 22, 2012)

The passion of the christ I walked out of, after most the movie.


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## billy_bob (Oct 22, 2012)

The one that occurs to me which I find teeth-grindingly irritating, but which doesn't have a single trace of grace-saving so-bad-its-good-ness, is Vera Drake.  There are at least two old threads on which I expound on why so I won't go on about it agai,n but even though I haven't seen it since it was released its actually making me feel wound up just thinking about it.


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## DexterTCN (Oct 22, 2012)

HIghlander II, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Alien III.

There's more, a lot more, but they come to mind firstly, in that order.  (I have an orderly mind)


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## Bakunin (Oct 22, 2012)

Want quality..?

Want realistic action..?

Want a plot that makes sense and no incredibly dodgy right wing personal agenda extremely thinly concealed beneath a barely-there veneer of supposedly being an honest, blokes-love-it, action/adventure romp..?

You'll want to watch something else, then.

Actually, _anything_ _else_ would do for starters.


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## SpookyFrank (Oct 22, 2012)

I don't have a problem with trashy action films or romcoms which turn out to be just as trashy and devoid of artistic merit as you'd expect. What bothers me is films that think they're really fucking clever but aren't, and which will often fool the sort of critics who feel obliged to write glowing reviews of anything that looks and feels like something clever and arty. 

I maintain therefore that the worst film ever made is The Thin Red Line. Beneath the veneer of smug artistry it's as empty as a cake shop after a visit from Eric Pickles. It's the worst kind of cynical hackery.


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## Voley (Oct 22, 2012)

My first thought was this




but then I remembered I sat through this once:





God alone knows why.


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## Bakunin (Oct 22, 2012)

NVP said:


>


 
Love the poster, though. You can Bryan Brown is clearly thinking:

'Oh FFS... From starring in 'Breaker Morant' to _this_...'


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## magneze (Oct 22, 2012)

Little Nicky
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0185431/

Fucking awful on every single level.


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## Voley (Oct 22, 2012)

Just noticed that Uncle Monty from Withnail & I is on that poster, too, although I don't remember him in the film. Probably not a bad thing. He crops up in some odd places. That 'Pie In The Sky' telly series on one hand and then 'Gandhi' on the other.


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## blairsh (Oct 22, 2012)

Contact. Supershitsauce on toast.


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## beesonthewhatnow (Oct 22, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> Spinal Tap, most painfully unfunny film ever.


Come work with me for a week, then you'll see why it's a work of genius


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## Favelado (Oct 22, 2012)

Boxing Helena of course.


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## Favelado (Oct 22, 2012)

Indecent Proposal was the only film I've walked out of the cinema on.


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## Voley (Oct 22, 2012)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> Come work with me for a week, then you'll see why it's a work of genius


Apparently, Tom Waits didn't laugh at it, it actually made him cry.


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## Pingu (Oct 22, 2012)

that one made to look like it was done with a hand held video camera and with some monster... i was rooting for the monster by abiut 15 mins in.


eta cloverfield


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## pinkmonkey (Oct 22, 2012)

seeformiles said:


> "Avatar" - I tried to watch it when it was on the telly earlier this year - switched it off after 30mins - that's bad esp when you consider that I lasted nearly an hour of "Moulin Rouge"..


I was facepalming after about 5 minutes, I thought 'fuck this' and went on Urban instead.    Cliche in blue.


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## Favelado (Oct 22, 2012)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> *obligatory Boxing Helena mention*
> 
> A film which ends with "It was all a dream", a plot device that wouldn't have passed muster in a primary school English lesson.


 
You've fucking ruined the ending for everyone now. What a bastard.


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## davesgcr (Oct 22, 2012)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre...

Though for sheer , utter , crap "The Yards" - there I was expecting a quality film about the wonderful NY subway and this comes on.


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## Favelado (Oct 22, 2012)

I've been trying to find a stream for Battlefield Earth for ages if anyone can help me get one..


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## harpo (Oct 22, 2012)

Green Street.  A film so shockingly wooden and amateurish and generally shite that I'm gobsmacked anyone distributed it.


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## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Oct 22, 2012)

The president's speech near the end is enough to put Independence Day in the running all on it's own IMO. The single cringiest thing I've ever sat through by miles.


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## idumea (Oct 22, 2012)

A science fiction film so terrible I can't remember what it was called. Something about hunting. Possibly prey. Genuinely incompetently shot. Continuity errors everywhere. Inaudible sound. Nonsensical plot. Endless scenes of the protagonist wandering around in the desert silently with an alien mask on. Graphics and costumes that would've been rejected out of hand for naffness from a subpar Star Trek fan film.

My very stoned boyfriend and I had been laughing hysterically at the X-box log-in screen earlier that day, but this was so awful we just sat in cheated, angry silence.


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## Favelado (Oct 22, 2012)

Monkeygrinder's Organ said:


> The president's speech near the end is enough to put Independence Day in the running all on it's own IMO. The single cringiest thing I've ever sat through by miles.


 
I haven't seen that but it must be given a run for its money by the Gorbachev character giving Rocky Balboa a standing ovation at the end of the fourth film.


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## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Oct 22, 2012)

Favelado said:


> I haven't seen that but it must be given a run for its money by the Gorbachev character giving Rocky Balboa a standing ovation at the end of the fourth film.


 
I haven't seen that one but tbf I can well believe it's up there.


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## discokermit (Oct 22, 2012)

sliding doors.


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## marty21 (Oct 22, 2012)

Reno said:


> That's not a film.


it's a tv film, so it's a film


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## oryx (Oct 22, 2012)

worst I have ever seen is a toss-up between:
- _Mary Poppins_ - I walked out of this aged about four
- An early Michael Winterbottom film called _Butterfly Kiss_ - I couldn't believe it when I discovered years later who the director was, as I like Winterbottom's other films. I even liked _9 Songs_!
- _The Return of the Jedi_.


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## marty21 (Oct 22, 2012)

Bakunin said:


> Want quality..?
> 
> Want realistic action..?
> 
> ...


I do have a weakness for John Wayne movies - even though I know some are awful - if this was on the telly, I would watch it


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## sleaterkinney (Oct 22, 2012)

From 2007 but still true, Absolon

http://www.urban75.net/forums/threa...lm-youve-ever-seen.139773/page-2#post-4605785


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## Reno (Oct 22, 2012)

marty21 said:


> it's a tv film, so it's a film


 
It's not even a tv film it's a tv 'pilot' !!!!


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## Favelado (Oct 22, 2012)

I remember seeing Gattaca at The Ritzy in Brixton and feeling like an entire decade had passed by the time I came out.


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## Spymaster (Oct 22, 2012)

marty21 said:


> I do have a weakness for John Wayne movies - even though I know some are awful - if this was on the telly, I would watch it


 
 I was going to say the opposite!

I can't remember any JW film that I didn't think was crap. He's got to be one of the worlds worst actors.


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## TruXta (Oct 22, 2012)

I like Gattaca.


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## jakethesnake (Oct 22, 2012)

The Blair Witch Project... fuck me, what a dull film.


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## marty21 (Oct 22, 2012)

Reno said:


> It's not even a tv film it's a tv 'pilot' !!!!


I now want you to watch this every day forever


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## Throbbing Angel (Oct 22, 2012)

The only films I have walked out of are Parenthood and that Sex Lives of the Potato men

I generally try to not see films I think are shite in the first place.....I think booze was involved prior to seeing both of the films above.


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## marty21 (Oct 22, 2012)

Throbbing Angel said:


> The only films I have walked out of are Parenthood and that Sex Lives of the Potato men
> 
> I generally try to not see films I think are shite in the first place.....I think booze was involved prior to seeing both of the films above.


I'd hope so - no one would go and see the Potato Men film sober surely - the Parenthood film - Steve Martin one?, I quite like that.


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## emanymton (Oct 22, 2012)

Wing commander, trust me it wins the thread


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## billy_bob (Oct 22, 2012)

Favelado said:


> You've fucking ruined the ending for everyone now. What a bastard.


 
No amount of spoilers could do as effective a job of spoiling Boxing Helena as the director had already done.


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## Throbbing Angel (Oct 22, 2012)

marty21 said:


> I'd hope so - no one would go and see the Potato Men film sober surely - the Parenthood film - Steve Martin one?, I quite like that.


Yeah...the Steve Martin film...it was a cinema that had a bar and intervals ( remember them kids) and we just stayed in the bar at half time.

The Potato Men was criminally dire....suffering fuck


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## DexterTCN (Oct 22, 2012)

Gattaca is great.   Well acted...fucking beautifully shot.

Wild, Wild West, MIB 2/3.   Terrible movies.


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## marty21 (Oct 22, 2012)

Spymaster said:


> I was going to say the opposite!
> 
> I can't remember any JW film that I didn't think was crap. He's got to be one of the worlds worst actors.


Stagecoach
Red River
Ford Apache
She Wore a Yellow Ribbon
The Searchers
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence
True Grit

not that many from about 170 - tbf


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## billy_bob (Oct 22, 2012)

DexterTCN said:


> Gattaca is great. Well acted...fucking beautifully shot.


 
Seconded.  It's my second favourite science fiction film - although I don't really think of it as that....


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## Barking_Mad (Oct 22, 2012)

Meet Joe Black 
Mars Attacks!


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## youngian (Oct 22, 2012)

B-movie Ed Wood and low budget horror type stuff is an easy target as is Kung Fu shit, Brit lads films and video game adaptations.

So the worst mainstream high budget feature I think I've encountered is Attack of the Clones, although I couldn't bring myself to see the other Star Wars rehashes. The first film, not made by Peter Greenaway, I have walked out of.

Utterly witless drivel from Goerge Lucas, a man who can no longer direct traffic. Back of a fag packet dialogue and the young evil galactic dictator Darth Vader was a whining little shit, who sounds like he is sulking after not being allowed out to a Justin Beiber concert.  Also an early performance from the charisma free Natalie Portman. And when Christopher Lee turns up as a villian called Count Douku I could take no more.


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## rubbershoes (Oct 22, 2012)

Pingu said:


> that one made to look like it was done with a hand held video camera and with some monster... i was rooting for the monster by abiut 15 mins in.
> 
> 
> eta cloverfield


 

you're off my xmas card list for that

it's a cracker, especially if you're a bit pissed


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## billy_bob (Oct 22, 2012)

youngian said:


> B-movie Ed Wood and low budget horror type stuff is an easy target as is Kung Fu shit, Brit lads films and video game adaptations.
> 
> So the worst mainstream high budget feature I think I've encountered is Attack of the Clones, although I couldn't bring myself to see the other Star Wars rehashes. The first film, not made by Peter Greenaway, I have walked out of.
> 
> Utterly witless drivel from Goerge Lucas, a man who can no longer direct traffic. Back of a fag packet dialogue and the young evil galactic dictator Darth Vader was a whining little shit, who sounds like he is sulking after not being allowed out to a Justin Beiber concert. Also an early performance from the charisma free Natalie Portman. And when Christopher Lee turns up as a villian called Count Douku I could take no more.


 
All the later Star Wars entries are like some kind of seepage from Lucas' directorial colostomy bag. They're such incompetently bad films they make you wonder if we were all subject to some Emperor's-New-Clothes style collective delusion about the original ones.


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## killer b (Oct 22, 2012)

it's SW9, just like it was last time.


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## The Octagon (Oct 22, 2012)

Favelado said:


> I've been trying to find a stream for Battlefield Earth for ages if anyone can help me get one..



"Leave it Fav, it's not worth it!" 

*drops kebab*


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## Kuso (Oct 22, 2012)

since the memory is still (unfortunately) fresh in my memory- Ill Manors


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## Orang Utan (Oct 22, 2012)

London:
http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0449061/
Ordered by mistake from Lovefilm.
I thought I was getting this: 
http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0110377/
So my disappointment may have exaggerated the shiteness 
Jessica Biel, Chris Evans and The Stath play rich cunts taking coke and arguing in an enormous toilet. 
That seems to be it. Other stuff may have happened but i gave up after half an hour 

Spawn was awful too. 

Troll 2 deserved all of its accolades too but it's one of those bad films that is fun to watch with friends and laugh at its awfulness


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## Sue (Oct 22, 2012)

Reno said:


> Abel Ferrara is a director I don't get on with at all. I don't understand the appeal of his films and think that are all terribly paced. Every single one of his I've seen has bored me to tears.


 
Bad Lieutenant was bloody awful. Was dragged along to see the remake and even with Nicholas Cage in it, was much better than the original...


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## Sue (Oct 22, 2012)

harpo said:


> Green Street. A film so shockingly wooden and amateurish and generally shite that I'm gobsmacked anyone distributed it.


 
My sister's seen Green Street 2. Apparently Green Street is Scorese-at-his-best like by comparison. (No, I've no idea what she was thinking either.)


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## imposs1904 (Oct 22, 2012)

Gentlemen Broncos was so bad it could only have been deliberate.


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## Sue (Oct 22, 2012)

The worst film I've ever seen is Patch Adams. Robin Williams curing sick kids with laughter while wearing a red clown nose and fighting the evil medical establishment who just don't *get* it.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 22, 2012)

Sue said:


> My sister's seen Green Street 2. Apparently Green Street is Scorese-at-his-best like by comparison. (No, I've no idea what she was thinking either.)




They're both great fun to watch. Esp the second as it's set in an English prison and is clearly filmed in California. The prison yard were they play 'soccer' is populated by tattooed Hispanics and bikers in orange boiler suits, bathing in that bright smog-infused LA sunshine.


----------



## Reno (Oct 22, 2012)

Sue said:


> The worst film I've ever seen is Patch Adams. Robin Williams curing sick kids with laughter while wearing a red clown nose and fighting the evil medical establishment who just don't *get* it.


 
I've only ever seen the trailer, but that certainly made it look like the worst film ever made.


----------



## nastybobby (Oct 22, 2012)

Morons from Outer Space

It's not even a film I can watch in a 'so bad it's good' kind of way either.

Prometheus is in the top 10, probably through sheer disappointment more than anything else.


----------



## Sue (Oct 22, 2012)

Reno said:


> I've only ever seen the trailer, but that certainly made it look like the worst film ever made.


 
Should add my then (lovely if with terrible taste in films) flatmate got it out on video. I'd never heard of it but after about five minutes was so transfixed by its utter terribleness, that I had to watch it to the bitter end.


----------



## Reno (Oct 22, 2012)

I just watched the not scary, not funny British "horror comedy" _Inbred_ which qualifies as the worst film I've seen this year.


----------



## 8115 (Oct 22, 2012)

Swordfish, or Contagion.

Both dire.  Just, dire.


----------



## 8115 (Oct 22, 2012)

The Shawshank redemption and Forrest Gump were pretty bad too.

Actually, the winner could be Forrest Gump.  Bleughghghghgh.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 22, 2012)

Reno said:


> I just watched the not scary, not funny British "horror comedy" _Inbred_ which qualifies as the worst film I've seen this year.


Shrooms is another one of those type


----------



## stuff_it (Oct 23, 2012)

Favelado said:


> I've been trying to find a stream for Battlefield Earth for ages if anyone can help me get one..


For sheer breadth of movies shite and otherwise: http://www.1channel.ch/


----------



## ska invita (Oct 23, 2012)

one of two films ive walked out on in the cinema

...theres worse films though


----------



## keybored (Oct 23, 2012)

The Great Ecstasy of Robert Carmichael. What a date-killer that was.


----------



## ska invita (Oct 23, 2012)

this IS the worst ive ever seen - this is a ten minute condensed version, which is cheating because to watch the whole thing is an act of endurance, just when you cant take it anymore it launches into a 10 minute final battle composed primarily of stock footage

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055562/
1,9/10 on imdb is too generous


----------



## Louloubelle (Oct 23, 2012)

The Manitou 1978
Utterly crap horror film in which a giant boil on a woman's back contains the evil spirit of a Native American supernatural entity.  Lots of awful clichéd depictions of native Americans and "little Plum" style dialogue.  Probably Tony Curtis's worst performance ever.  I've made it sound better than it is. 

also

One Eight Seven 
What a waste of Samuel L Jackson's talent this was.  According to this film if kids enjoy hip hop music and graffiti they are on a slippery slope leading to involvement in gangs and organised crime.  I found the film very offensive in its ridiculous portrayal of the causes of crime and I felt furious for days after watching it.


----------



## Reno (Oct 23, 2012)

Louloubelle said:


> The Manitou 1978
> Utterly crap horror film in which a giant boil on a woman's back contains the evil spirit of a Native American supernatural entity. Lots of awful clichéd depictions of native Americans and "little Plum" style dialogue. Probably Tony Curtis's worst performance ever. I've made it sound better than it is.
> .


 
That is shit, but in a fun way. It features a climax where a topless Susan Strasberg, who is floating through outer space in her hospital bed, battles the demonic Manitou by shooting laser beams from the palms of her hands.


----------



## not-bono-ever (Oct 23, 2012)

Harry Brown

I love Caine but this really made me feel like I had to have a shower - no redeeming qualities at all - I have no idea what happened in the end, I turned it off


----------



## Louloubelle (Oct 23, 2012)

Reno said:


> That is shit, but in a fun way. It features a climax where a topless Susan Strasberg, who is floating through outer space in her hospital bed, battles the demonic Manitou by shooting laser beams from the palms of her hands.


 
I bow to your superior knowledge as I can't remember it that well and the laser beam thing does sound quite cool  

Last time I saw it was decades ago and I remember at the end of the film I definitely had a WTF? moment and the announcer said something like "What on earth was that about? Descriptions of the plot on the back of a postage stamp please!" or something.


----------



## harpo (Oct 23, 2012)

Sue said:


> My sister's seen Green Street 2. Apparently Green Street is Scorese-at-his-best like by comparison. (No, I've no idea what she was thinking either.)


Blimey .  I can't even begin to imagine how that film could possibly be worse.


----------



## porp (Oct 23, 2012)

My walkouts:

1. Fight Club -  started OK, just got more and more silly. I missed the plot twist at the end-shame that.
2. Kids -  felt like it was being broadcast from Mars in terms of sound and picture quality (West Ealing cinema opposite Natwest -  you are not missed). Felt like I was being exploited - prob just me being precious. Re-viewed on TV later and thought was excellent.
3. Tinker Tailor Soldier Arse- poor lighting, drab filing cabinets and rayon suits against bad complexions. Some spy stuff too. Indifferent to the book, so why oh why did I find myself in the Renoir for this?


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 23, 2012)

Patrick Swayze wandering a post-apocalyptic desert where veveryone fights with swords in 'Steel Dawn. I think it was an also ran cash in on the popularity of Mad Max. Fuck me its bad. Amazing haircuts though


----------



## Dhimmi (Oct 23, 2012)

Most recently _Osombie_. Of course zombie movies aren't an especially bright genre, but they can be fun and there's some really low budget ones which are far greater than the sum of their parts (like _Zombie in a Penguin Suit_, _Fred_ or _Wasting Away_). They're also a bit of a camp fad, with lots of folks really interested in just about any zombie movie, so it takes a great lack of effort, talent and skill to make one which doesn't meet the meagre expectations of Cinema Zed. _Osombie_ manages it in spades and will soon have you, undead or not, wishing for death to America if it includes the folk behind this film.


----------



## seeformiles (Oct 23, 2012)

Monkeygrinder's Organ said:


> The president's speech near the end is enough to put Independence Day in the running all on it's own IMO. The single cringiest thing I've ever sat through by miles.


 
My Ma phoned me after she'd seen that and said that it was inspirational - I told her that if she ever thought like that again I'd disown her and put her in the workhouse in her decrepitude.


----------



## danny la rouge (Oct 23, 2012)

I've seen lots of terrible films.  Many of the worst have been "based on a true story of grit and determination", are shown on TV on weekdays in the afternoon, and may have starred Sally Fields.  Unusually I forget their names; it's a tragic hand cruel fate has dealt me, in order to trick me into watching them again!


----------



## Left (Oct 23, 2012)

Worst film I've ever paid to see - Thunderpants, with Rupert Grint, Stephen Fry, Keira Knightley, Simon Callow and others. Even at 12 I thought it was appalling.


----------



## mwgdrwg (Oct 23, 2012)

I lasted about 5 minutes before swithching off the new Clash of the Titans.

Highlander II and Terminator 3 are the worst sequels ever.


----------



## Gerry1time (Oct 23, 2012)

When I saw 'Dude, where's my car?', the only time anyone laughed was when someone in the cinema farted.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 23, 2012)

Left said:


> Worst film I've ever paid to see - Thunderpants, with Rupert Grint, Stephen Fry, Keira Knightley, Simon Callow and others. Even at 12 I thought it was appalling.


What you talking bout lefty?
It's brilliant. Proper family film.


----------



## Left (Oct 23, 2012)

Are you serious?

Just thought of another one - Funny Games.


----------



## youngian (Oct 23, 2012)

Sue said:


> Bad Lieutenant was bloody awful. Was dragged along to see the remake and even with Nicholas Cage in it, was much better than the original...


 
As Scorsese says when someone criticises his films; 'you just weren't looking at it in the right way' (same goes for the person who nominated Spinal Tap).

Keitel is terrific in it and clearly does not give a shit about anything but the seedy performance he is giving.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 23, 2012)

No. It's a good film. Audiences and critics agree with me. 
Funny Games is a great film too. 
What's your favourite film, left?


----------



## youngian (Oct 23, 2012)

danny la rouge said:


> I've seen lots of terrible films. Many of the worst have been "based on a true story of grit and determination", are shown on TV on weekdays in the afternoon, and may have starred Sally Fields. Unusually I forget their names; it's a tragic hand cruel fate has dealt me, in order to trick me into watching them again!


 
Sally Fields if they are really lucky. Usually they settle for a canned Charlie's Angel or Kojak's switchboard operator.


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Oct 23, 2012)

Dr Nookie said:


> Velvet Goldmine is up there too.


 
Oh yeah, that sucks. Also off the top of my head. . . . .
Human Traffic
What a Girl Wants
Inland Empire


----------



## Left (Oct 23, 2012)

Orang Utan said:


> No. It's a good film. Audiences and critics agree with me.
> Funny Games is a great film too.
> What's your favourite film, left?


 
Microcosmos


----------



## machine cat (Oct 23, 2012)

Monkeygrinder's Organ said:


> The president's speech near the end is enough to put Independence Day in the running all on it's own IMO. The single cringiest thing I've ever sat through by miles.


 
I went to see Independence Day at the cinema with my best mate when it came out. After that speech the majority of the audience (including ourselves) stood up and sarcastically began whooping, high fiving and chanting 'USA!' for about a minute before sitting back down and watching the rest of the film in silence.


----------



## marty21 (Oct 23, 2012)

Gerry1time said:


> When I saw 'Dude, where's my car?', the only time anyone laughed was when someone in the cinema farted.


 I liked that  I remember going to see Ace Ventura: Pet Detective - quite packed, but only 2 people seemed to be laughing - me and another bloke - couldn't see him - we could have been mates


----------



## marty21 (Oct 23, 2012)

youngian said:


> Sally Fields if they are really lucky. Usually they settle for a canned Charlie's Angel or Kojak's switchboard operator.


 or the Bionic woman!


----------



## RegularPoster (Oct 23, 2012)

.


----------



## susie12 (Oct 23, 2012)

Forrest Gump.  Loathsome, yucky schlockfest.


----------



## Meltingpot (Oct 23, 2012)

Favelado said:


> Indecent Proposal was the only film I've walked out of the cinema on.


 
I thought that was good, but you had to watch the end (and the charity auction in particular with Billy Connolly) to get the point of it. I don't want to spoil it for people who haven't seen it.


----------



## Meltingpot (Oct 23, 2012)

There was an awful film I saw a while back about an artist (played by Humphrey Bogart) who paints his wives whilst he's poisoning them. Watching it felt like a mild nightmare.

Back in those days actors were told by their studios which films they had to act in, so Bogart may not have liked it any more than I did.


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Oct 23, 2012)

Braveheart sucks!


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 23, 2012)

A lot of the films mentioned aren't that bad.
People are just responding to the shitty messages they convey.
Independence Day, Shawshank, Forrest Gump etc may be overly dogmatic or schmaltzy but they're not ineptly made or even acted. There are far worse films out there.


----------



## Party04 (Oct 23, 2012)

Maybe not the worst film but for all the terrible things in it, _City Rats_ is up there with Danny Dyer starring. Every taboo is in the film - suicide, drug abuse, prostitution, an autistic lad who gets taken advantage of sexually. It really is grim.


----------



## Captain Hurrah (Oct 23, 2012)

I've got a soft spot for Saturn 3.


----------



## 89 Til Infinity (Oct 23, 2012)

Orang Utan said:


> A lot of the films mentioned aren't that bad.
> People are just responding to the shitty messages they convey.
> Independence Day, Shawshank, Forrest Gump etc may be overly dogmatic or schmaltzy but they're not ineptly made or even acted. There are far worse films out there.


 
Surely the messages conveyed in a movie play a large part in why someone would consider a movie shit. I don't see why acting ability or production value should be the biggest factors?

I can tolerate a bit of rusty acting if the rest of the package seems good


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 23, 2012)

89 Til Infinity said:


> Surely the messages conveyed in a movie play a large part in why someone would consider a movie shit. I don't see why acting ability or production value should be the biggest factors?


but surely the worst films fail in all areas not just a few?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Oct 23, 2012)

This thread does seem mostly to be crammed with nominations of films that cover subject matter that the nominator cares little for, or in a way that they dislike; yet for the most part the films - for their sins - function fine, even if they are not 'great'.

What about those movies that truly are awful, in terms of construction? In execution? In not achieving the goals of the filmmaker?

Otherwise this thread is just 'Best film you've ever seen?' by another name, with suggestions followed by polar opposite opinions.


----------



## youngian (Oct 23, 2012)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> Oh yeah, that sucks. Also off the top of my head. . . . .
> Human Traffic
> What a Girl Wants
> Inland Empire


 
Looked up What a girl Wants and even from the DVD it look likes it really stinks. I can imagine them bullshitting investors to assure them it will hit the right demographic- yeh we've got a US teen star and the Yanks are gonna love Colin Firth's accent.

Human Traffic is frenetic and enjoyable piece of fun and certainly struck a chord.

I'm afraid you are totally wrong about Inland Empire and is in fact the greatest film I've ever seen in a cinema all to myself.


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Oct 23, 2012)

youngian said:


> Looked up What a girl Wants and even from the DVD it look likes it really stinks. I can imagine them bullshitting investors to assure them it will hit the right demographic- yeh we've got a US teen star and the Yanks are gonna love Colin Firth's accent.
> 
> Human Traffic is frenetic and enjoyable piece of fun and certainly struck a chord.
> 
> I'm afraid you are totally wrong about Inland Empire and is in fact the greatest film I've ever seen in a cinema all to myself.


 
I watched what a girl wants as it was being blasted at me on a plane to Hawaii and I had little choice. Horrific in every way. Right off the bat they get a taxi from the airport which drives over tower bridge to pull up at a castle in the middle of the countryside in the middle of london. Arrrrrhhh.
The plucky American shows us stiff brits how to live, and finds out she is practially a princess ARRRRHHH>

Human Traffic was not made for me. I hated all the characters and their motivations. I loathed it.

I was hoping to enjoy inland empire and did like it to a degree to start with, but it just degenerated into about three hours of bullshit. I genuinely believe there is a good film in there because there seemed to be enough footage shot (hey what the hell it's DV right? The cheap film and filming technique may well have been what led to the undisciplined feel of the film) but it certainly wasn't in the edit I watched.


----------



## Stigmata (Oct 23, 2012)

Braveheart was awful


----------



## Louloubelle (Oct 23, 2012)

Taken

What a deeply offensive film.  Using a serious subject like sex trafficking as a foundation for a shitty racist shoot-em-up action hero film really pissed me off.  Also the depiction of girls being tied to beds and forcibly injected with heroin was just ridiculous.  The realities of sex trafficking and drug addiction are horrific and deserve to be represented with some serious thought and consideration and respect for the complex realities of the situation.  

The whole film was a kind of misery porn with guns and fighting, just dire.


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 23, 2012)

i thought it was ace - the french trolling the US for their jingoism


----------



## Louloubelle (Oct 23, 2012)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> Human Traffic was not made for me. I hated all the characters and their motivations. I loathed it.


 
yes. indeed


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 23, 2012)

DaveCinzano said:


> This thread does seem mostly to be crammed with nominations of films that cover subject matter that the nominator cares little for, or in a way that they dislike; yet for the most part the films - for their sins - function fine, even if they are not 'great'.
> 
> What about those movies that truly are awful, in terms of construction? In execution? In not achieving the goals of the filmmaker?
> 
> Otherwise this thread is just 'Best film you've ever seen?' by another name, with suggestions followed by polar opposite opinions.


 


Steel Dawn is genuinely bad. Its crap production values, woeful dialogue, boring plot and wooden acting. And I usually like sci fi b movies.


----------



## TitanSound (Oct 23, 2012)

Louloubelle said:


> Also the depiction of girls being tied to beds and forcibly injected with heroin was just ridiculous.


 
I thought that at the time: Does this really happen?

Anyone know?


----------



## Captain Hurrah (Oct 23, 2012)

DotCommunist said:


> Steel Dawn is genuinely bad. Its crap production values, woeful dialogue, boring plot and wooden acting. And I usually like sci fi b movies.


 
I vaguely remember watching Steel Dawn only once, back in 1990/91, but didn't manage to sit through the whole thing.  There is some old stereotypical Asian guy in it (wise old martial arts/sword master, or some crap).  I remember the hair and headbands as well.


----------



## youngian (Oct 23, 2012)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> I watched what a girl wants as it was being blasted at me on a plane to Hawaii and I had little choice. Horrific in every way. Right off the bat they get a taxi from the airport which drives over tower bridge to pull up at a castle in the middle of the countryside in the middle of london. Arrrrrhhh.


 
Is there some connection between people who fly and watch shite films? I'd forgotten some of the worst films I've seen are on planes; Robin Willians as a sad robot, Eddie Murphy in prosthetics, anything with Steve Martin.


----------



## gosub (Oct 23, 2012)

Melancolia felt like a two hour perfume advert


----------



## Orang Utan (Oct 23, 2012)

It's hard to concentrate on films on a plane so you watch undemanding popcorn shite


----------



## marty21 (Oct 23, 2012)

Perfume

hated it, almost walked out it was so dire (IMO) yet others raved about it

not a film, but I went to see Jerusalem at the theatre a year or so ago - thought it was dull in the extreme and not funny - so escaped to the pub at the interval - it has since gone on to win ALL THE PRIZES


----------



## Captain Hurrah (Oct 23, 2012)

gosub said:


> Melancolia felt like a two hour perfume advert


 
I watched that on a plane when flying back from Japan last year. I also watched that Indian sci-fi action musical pile of shit, Ra.One. Or more accurately I couldn't watch it all. Now that is _bad_.


----------



## FridgeMagnet (Oct 23, 2012)

Orang Utan said:


> It's hard to concentrate on films on a plane so you watch undemanding popcorn shite


I'd watch good films on planes if they showed any.


----------



## gosub (Oct 23, 2012)

gosub said:


> Melancolia felt like a two hour perfume advert


 

ops it was Tree of Life that reminded me of a perfume advert


----------



## Favelado (Oct 23, 2012)

Nanker Phelge said:


> Braveheart sucks!


 
So great to hear you say that.  I cheered on the English.


----------



## The Boy (Oct 23, 2012)

Soulman.  Rich white kid gets cut off by his rich dad, so takes an overdose of tanning pills to pass himself off as a black guy so he can get a college scholarship.


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 23, 2012)

three men and a baby. i had to leave the cinema.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Oct 23, 2012)

Ghost Park - A Korean "horror" set in an abandoned amusement park.


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 23, 2012)

Favelado said:


> So great to hear you say that. I cheered on the English.


specially when yer man stole braveheart's wife for the first night shagging, i suppose


----------



## Favelado (Oct 23, 2012)

The Boy said:


> Soulman. Rich white kid gets cut off by his rich dad, so takes an overdose of tanning pills to pass himself off as a black guy so he can get a college scholarship.


 
Nothing wrong with the trailer at all!


----------



## Favelado (Oct 23, 2012)

Pickman's model said:


> specially when yer man stole braveheart's wife for the first night shagging, i suppose


 
God, it was years ago. I don't remember it in that much detail. As long as it wasn't a rape then yes.


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 23, 2012)

Favelado said:


> God, it was years ago. I don't remember it in that much detail. As long as it wasn't a rape then yes.


it was a rape, though not depicted on screen iirc


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 23, 2012)

I liked the bit where Gibson turns up in the blokes bedroom,onna horse and crushes his head with a ball and chain before riding out of the window


----------



## Captain Hurrah (Oct 23, 2012)

The Boy said:


> Soulman. Rich white kid gets cut off by his rich dad, so takes an overdose of tanning pills to pass himself off as a black guy so he can get a college scholarship.


 
Jesus Christ.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Oct 23, 2012)

Captain Hurrah said:


> Jesus Christ.


No, that was the name of his alter ego in _Soul Man 2: Lost In East LA_.


----------



## AverageJoe (Oct 23, 2012)

Escape from LA was awful.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/escape_from_la/

Jack Says was even worse.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/escape_from_la/


----------



## mattie (Oct 23, 2012)

Resident Evil.

Not sure which of the series I saw - yes, there's more than one - but very little happened that wasn't annoying.


----------



## Captain Hurrah (Oct 23, 2012)

The Boy said:


> Soulman. Rich white kid gets cut off by his rich dad, so takes an overdose of tanning pills to pass himself off as a black guy so he can get a college scholarship.


 
Ah, only just noticed the rich kid is played by C. Thomas Howell, out of The Hitcher.  Which wasn't too bad.


----------



## Idris2002 (Oct 23, 2012)

"The Time is 1948. The place is. . . Cabo Blanca".



this trailer makes it seem better than it is, by the way.


----------



## Captain Hurrah (Oct 23, 2012)

Beating someone with a drawer.


----------



## Idris2002 (Oct 23, 2012)

Captain Hurrah said:


> Beating someone with a drawer.


 
Looked more like a tin wastepaper basket from where I'm sitting. But you are right to sneer. This is one of the films where you can tell by looking at the actors that they genuinely didn't give a shit. I don't think Dominique S. did any more movies after this one.


----------



## Captain Hurrah (Oct 23, 2012)

It was after the metal box thingy.


----------



## Meltingpot (Oct 23, 2012)

DaveCinzano said:


> This thread does seem mostly to be crammed with nominations of films that cover subject matter that the nominator cares little for, or in a way that they dislike; yet for the most part the films - for their sins - function fine, even if they are not 'great'.
> 
> *What about those movies that truly are awful, in terms of construction? In execution? In not achieving the goals of the filmmaker?*
> 
> Otherwise this thread is just 'Best film you've ever seen?' by another name, with suggestions followed by polar opposite opinions.


 
In that case, I'd choose "Bonfire of the Vanities." I loved the book and was looking forward to the film adaptation, but Tom Hanks played the lead character with none of the nuance and subtlety that you got in the book. He behaved right from the start as though the roof had just fallen in, so the film lacked the dramatic tension of the book.

Morgan Freeman was also (probably) too nice to play the judge, who was terrifying in the book.

In a similar vein, I've heard bad things said about Walter Mitty (which I haven't seen), where Danny Kaye is said to have played the lead role with all the subtlety of an all-in wrestler.


----------



## wemakeyousoundb (Oct 23, 2012)

the blair witch project
my mate had to wake me up 3 times as I was snoring so loudly


----------



## cypher79 (Oct 23, 2012)

Cabin in the Woods.

Ok, its probably not _the_ worst film I've ever seen. But it was the most recent film I've watched, and it was really, really shit.


----------



## killer b (Oct 23, 2012)

oh god, i took the kids to see the recent smurfs movie. fuck me. even they were bored.


----------



## ska invita (Oct 23, 2012)

Favelado said:


> Nothing wrong with the trailer at all!



this was the 2nd VHS we had in our house! seen this film a Lot


----------



## ska invita (Oct 23, 2012)

Gerry1time said:


> When I saw 'Dude, where's my car?', the only time anyone laughed was when someone in the cinema farted.




peckhamplex all laughed at the end of prometheus


----------



## FridgeMagnet (Oct 23, 2012)

ska invita said:


> peckhamplex all laughed at the end of prometheus


I pfffted a lot during Prometheus. Particularly during the bit where they were running from the giant wheel and I was thinking "but you could just run _sideways_".


----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Oct 23, 2012)

The Boy said:


> Soulman. Rich white kid gets cut off by his rich dad, so takes an overdose of tanning pills to pass himself off as a black guy so he can get a college scholarship.


 
A brilliant film, a searing indictment of US class and racial politics and hypocrisy


----------



## Louloubelle (Oct 23, 2012)

TitanSound said:


> I thought that at the time: Does this really happen?
> 
> Anyone know?


 
It only happens in crap films and TV series.  I vaguely recall watching some TV show when I was a kid where the bad guy got his comeuppance when he was tied up and injected with top quality heroin as this would mean he would be immediately addicted and thus his life would be ruined.  Or something. 

The fact is that some pimps do get girls addicted to drugs in order to control them and pimp them out.  Usually they present themselves as friends bearing gifts and the situation become more exploitative as time goes on until the situation ends up with the girl (or boy) selling sex in exchange for drugs.  The reason why pimps don't force victims to inject drugs is because there is no need for them to do it.  The nature of addiction is such that force is uneccessary.


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 23, 2012)

AverageJoe said:


> Escape from LA was awful.
> 
> http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/escape_from_la/
> 
> ...


 

Escape from LA wasn't THAT bad. It was messy and unfocused but still watchable. I mean, Escape From New York wasn't brilliant either, it didn't make much sense. Theres many worse.

Christopher Lambert stars in Fortress, another throway sci fi B-Movie that when I saw a TV edit a year ago had completely excised the final bit of peril where for no reason  the vehicle they escaped in becomes possesed and tries to run down the Lambert and his mrs with her newborn.


----------



## Sue (Oct 23, 2012)

Louloubelle said:


> The Manitou 1978
> Utterly crap horror film in which a giant boil on a woman's back contains the evil spirit of a Native American supernatural entity. Lots of awful clichéd depictions of native Americans and "little Plum" style dialogue. Probably Tony Curtis's worst performance ever. I've made it sound better than it is.


 
That's it sounding better than it is..?  Going to have to try and get hold of this now!


----------



## blairsh (Oct 23, 2012)

DotCommunist said:


> Christopher Lambert stars in Fortress, another throway sci fi B-Movie that when I saw a TV edit a year ago had completely excised the final bit of peril where for no reason the vehicle they escaped in becomes possesed and tries to run down the Lambert and his mrs with her newborn.


I watched it on lovefilm the other day and that bit was edited out! I hadn't seen it since it came out on video and i watched it as a kid and was gutted as i was looking forward to that bit


----------



## FridgeMagnet (Oct 23, 2012)

Louloubelle said:


> It only happens in crap films and TV series.  I vaguely recall watching some TV show when I was a kid where the bad guy got his comeuppance when he was tied up and injected with top quality heroin as this would mean he would be immediately addicted and thus his life would be ruined.  Or something.
> 
> The fact is that some pimps do get girls addicted to drugs in order to control them and pimp them out.  Usually they present themselves as friends bearing gifts and the situation become more exploitative as time goes on until the situation ends up with the girl (or boy) selling sex in exchange for drugs.  The reason why pimps don't force victims to inject drugs is because there is no need for them to do it.  The nature of addiction is such that force is uneccessary.


The idea that you can "shoot up" some entirely unwilling person with "drugs" and turn them into a hopeless craving addict is one of the things that really irritates me in films too. Pretending it's all just about a simple chemical effect is both rubbish and also has a nasty political subtext - that prohibition is intrinsically the best thing to do since, hey, it's all about the chemical itself.


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## Louloubelle (Oct 23, 2012)

FridgeMagnet said:


> The idea that you can "shoot up" some entirely unwilling person with "drugs" and turn them into a hopeless craving addict is one of the things that really irritates me in films too. Pretending it's all just about a simple chemical effect is both rubbish and also has a nasty political subtext - that prohibition is intrinsically the best thing to do since, hey, it's all about the chemical itself.


 
absolutely

The drugs education I got at school included claims that if you took heroin once you would be addicted.  

This particular discourse can also lead to addiction as people experiment with say heroin, do not become immediately addicted and believe that they can maintain recreational use.  Several people I used to go to school with got addicted to heroin in this way.


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## DotCommunist (Oct 23, 2012)

Yes but in its way Taken is no different from many an action film. The point being to establish that the enemy of the Hero is less than human, scum, pure evil. Thus allowing the Hero to destroy them without compunction and in any manner he sees fit. It is simply relying on tropes of 'heroin makes a slave of anyone' and then 'torture is fine if the objective is pure' 

Its no less offensive than Jack Bauer tbf.

It could be argued that the film where the Hero is allowed free reign against his enemies and suffers no pangs of conscience is part of the normalisation of extreme violence I suppose. And even that the values expressed within any action film mirror the why and can of plausible reasons for one person to engage in an epic slaughter as according to current mores.

but with Taken, the international slavers ring (white slavery, notice. The worstist kind) is while crass and facepalmish, merely a modern take on the man who must save his kin. 

I didn't find it that bad untill the auction scene at which point I thought 'stop taking the piss out of me the viewer'

These films aren't made to be anything other than vehicles for righteous slaughter. Even when they do unconsciously express the kernels of current fears.


/balls


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## FridgeMagnet (Oct 23, 2012)

DotCommunist said:


> Its no less offensive than Jack Bauer tbf.


which is hugely offensive


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## AverageJoe (Oct 23, 2012)

DotCommunist said:


> , Escape From New York wasn't brilliant either.
> 
> .


How very dare you. Heretic :-(


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## toblerone3 (Oct 23, 2012)

.


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## Kaka Tim (Oct 24, 2012)

Shakespere in Love.


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## Captain Hurrah (Oct 24, 2012)

DotCommunist said:


> I mean, Escape From New York wasn't brilliant either, it didn't make much sense.


 
It's not brilliant, but it is good.  LA is just utter turd.


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## Mephitic (Oct 24, 2012)

The 2003 remake of 'the Italian job'


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## nino_savatte (Oct 24, 2012)

_Twins_ with Arnie Schwarzenegger and Danny De Vito


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## fogbat (Oct 24, 2012)

Ghost Rider.


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## Captain Hurrah (Oct 24, 2012)

Jaws 3.


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## Pingu (Oct 24, 2012)

ooooh along with cloverfield i have to say "the road" is up there as a film i wuld rather not see ever again


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## Spymaster (Oct 24, 2012)

nino_savatte said:


> _Twins_ with Arnie Schwarzenegger and Danny De Vito


 
That's a great film!


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## Santino (Oct 24, 2012)

Spymaster said:


> That's a great film!


The whole production was so lazy. They couldn't even find actors who looked similar to play the twins.


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## DotCommunist (Oct 24, 2012)

Its certainly better than the other danny/arnie vehicle 'Junior' I mean that was shit.

still rate Kindergarten Cop higher than Twins tho


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## Pingu (Oct 24, 2012)

FridgeMagnet said:


> I pfffted a lot during Prometheus. Particularly during the bit where they were running from the giant wheel and I was thinking "but you could just run _sideways_".


 

i did that too. I may have called them muppets


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## SpookyFrank (Oct 24, 2012)

Pingu said:


> ooooh along with cloverfield i have to say "the road" is up there as a film i wuld rather not see ever again


 
I thought The Road was excellent. I definitely don't want to see it again though.


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## nino_savatte (Oct 24, 2012)

Spymaster said:


> That's a great film!


I walked out in the middle.

I just remembered, it wasn't _Twins_, it was _Junior_. Fucking terrible film.


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## Spymaster (Oct 24, 2012)

DotCommunist said:


> Its certainly better than the other danny/arnie vehicle 'Junior' I mean that was shit.
> 
> still rate Kindergarten Cop higher than Twins tho


 
I like most of the Arnie funnies. 

The naturally comedy accent helps.


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## butchersapron (Oct 24, 2012)

The Getaway. God i hate that film. Could've been great with even half decent casting.


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## Pingu (Oct 24, 2012)

SpookyFrank said:


> I thought The Road was excellent. I definitely don't want to see it again though.


 

you may have to bear in mind that i considered the original transformers film heavy on plot...


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## SpookyFrank (Oct 24, 2012)

FridgeMagnet said:


> I pfffted a lot during Prometheus. Particularly during the bit where they were running from the giant wheel and I was thinking "but you could just run _sideways_".


 
One of many, many things that pissed me off about that film. Considering it spent about ten years in development you'd think somebody would've found time to write a script that a) made sense and b) contained at least four plausible lines of dialogue. 

I read on Wikipedia that Noomi Rapace had special dialect training for her English accent in the film. More money pissed down the drain there then.


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## Sue (Oct 24, 2012)

Mephitic said:


> The 2003 remake of 'the Italian job'


 
If we're doing *remakes*, I raise you The Wickerman with Mr Nicholas Cage.


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## RaverDrew (Oct 24, 2012)

I sincerely hope nobody has mentioned Freddy got Fingered on this thread yet ? It's a much maligned masterpiece 

No Country for Old Men however is the most overrated biggest load of shite ever


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## Zapp Brannigan (Oct 24, 2012)

8 pages of shit films and no-one's mentioned The Cable Guy yet?   Wanted to stop watching after 20 mins or so, mate I was watching it with said "hang on a bit it gets really good".  

We aren't friends any more.


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## RaverDrew (Oct 24, 2012)

Wash your mouth out, The Cable Guy is darkly brilliant.


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## Firky (Oct 25, 2012)

Black Snake Moan was the last utterly shite film I saw.


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## SpookyFrank (Oct 25, 2012)

Sue said:


> If we're doing *remakes*, I raise you The Wickerman with Mr Nicholas Cage.


 
That doesn't even count as a movie.


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## danny la rouge (Oct 25, 2012)

Mephitic said:


> The 2003 remake of 'the Italian job'


While not the worst movie I've seen, I've always thought the original was shit.


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## Disjecta Membra (Oct 25, 2012)

24 hours in london, worst film i can think of.


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## mwgdrwg (Oct 25, 2012)

I love Cable Guy too, it's great!


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## silverfish (Oct 25, 2012)

I've genuinely never been able to watch a Jim Carrey film


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## phildwyer (Oct 29, 2012)

Zapp Brannigan said:


> 8 pages of shit films and no-one's mentioned The Cable Guy yet? Wanted to stop watching after 20 mins or so, mate I was watching it with said "hang on a bit it gets really good".
> 
> We aren't friends any more.


 
I doubt that you have any friends, to tell you the truth.


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## Fez909 (Oct 29, 2012)

silverfish said:


> I've genuinely never been able to watch a Jim Carrey film


 
_Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_ and _The Truman Show_ are both atypical Carey films that you may like.  I really enjoyed them both.


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## Fez909 (Oct 29, 2012)

Worst film I've seen recently is _Insidious_.  It started off reasonably OK which is what's saving it from being my nomination for All Time Worst Film.  But my God did it take a turn.  I knew it wasn't going to win any awards for acting or storyline, but fuck me...the most derivative shite I've experienced for a LONG time.


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## Kaka Tim (Oct 29, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> No Country for Old Men however is the most overrated biggest load of shite ever


 
Word. wanna-be arthouse bollocks.


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## Frances Lengel (Oct 29, 2012)

Having been unable ever to get on with either Cormac McCarthy or the Coen brothers I'd have to say good shout for No Country For Old Men.

The Matrix was a pile of wank as well.

Anything set in space - Everything's shit in space. Except Flash Gordon.

The worst film I can think of at the minute though is Shopping, starring Jude Law - Desperate stuff.


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## Reno (Oct 29, 2012)

Frances Lengel said:


> Having been unable ever to get on with either Cormac McCarthy or the Coen brothers I'd have to say good shout for No Country For Old Men.
> 
> The Matrix was a pile of wank as well.
> 
> Anything set in space - Everything's shit in space.


 
How provocative !


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## quimcunx (Oct 29, 2012)

Brick.


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## DotCommunist (Oct 30, 2012)

quimcunx said:


> Brick.


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## DexterTCN (Oct 30, 2012)

Frances Lengel said:


> Having been unable ever to get on with either Cormac McCarthy or the Coen brothers I'd have to say good shout for No Country For Old Men.
> 
> The Matrix was a pile of wank as well.
> 
> ...


Muppet.


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## RaverDrew (Oct 30, 2012)

Reno said:


> How provocative !





DexterTCN said:


> Muppet.



Why ? 

I'm a big big fan of The Coen Bro's but No Country for Old Men is unwatchable nonsense.

The Matrix trilogy really is a pile of wank too, stylish action movies dressed up with a load of pretentious crap to fool the audience into thinking they're somehow "deep"

Space films are 9 times out of 10 cliched turds with weak narrative, but because they appeal to geeks and nerds somehow that makes them better than the usual shite ?

Shopping ? Have you ever seen it ? Please, go on, defend that one, I could do with a laugh


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## DotCommunist (Oct 30, 2012)

I believe by 'space films' you mean 'science fiction' and yes it suffers the curse of genre fiction- any cunt thinks that they can do it. And geeks such as I buy it in the hope of some new thing done well. Or at least laers and aliens. Still not sure how they will ever film a Banks Culture novel. Someone will have a go, surely, but HOW 

ah but when it is done well, thats yer 1 out of the ten.

worth recalling that the best sci fi and fantasy offerings are often b movies. Some of the utter turds I've seen jon hurt in, ffs.


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## biggus dickus (Oct 30, 2012)

Romeo and Juliet by Baz Lurhmann and Van Helsing from about 5 years ago both made me ill because of how ugly they were but the worst I can think of right now is Ong Bak 3 (or 4 I can't remember)

Ong Bak was an amazing martial arts/action film and the second one was ok but in the 3rd one for some reason it's in the past and it's 2 hours of a woman trying to get him to become a warrior again by singing and him sitting on mountains around Thailand. There is no action in it at all

I bought that in a bundle with a film that was meant to be the 'Indian Memento' and it begins quite promisingly with a big scary guy with his memory tattooed on his body and police hunting him and then it inexplicably changes into those awful song and dance routines

People saying Forrest Gump and Star Wars are the worst films you've ever seen should watch some Indian films


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## stuff_it (Oct 30, 2012)

biggus dickus said:


> Romeo and Juliet by Baz Lurhmann and Van Helsing from about 5 years ago both made me ill because of how ugly they were but the worst I can think of right now is Ong Bak 3 (or 4 I can't remember)
> 
> Ong Bak was an amazing martial arts/action film and the second one was ok but in the 3rd one for some reason it's in the past and it's 2 hours of a woman trying to get him to become a warrior again by singing and him sitting on mountains around Thailand. There is no action in it at all
> 
> ...


What was the Indian Memento? I quite want to see it now! 

TBH I can think of several films that could only have been improved by outbreaks of Bollywood dancing, including anything with Bruce Willis.


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## Miss Caphat (Oct 30, 2012)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> I watched what a girl wants as it was being blasted at me on a plane to Hawaii and I had little choice. Horrific in every way. Right off the bat they get a taxi from the airport which drives over tower bridge to pull up at a castle in the middle of the countryside in the middle of london. Arrrrrhhh.
> The plucky American shows us stiff brits how to live, and finds out she is practially a princess ARRRRHHH>
> 
> Human Traffic was not made for me. I hated all the characters and their motivations. I loathed it.
> ...


 
dude, What a Girl Wants is for little girls  you're not supposed to like it.


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## Miss Caphat (Oct 30, 2012)

gosub said:


> Melancolia felt like a two hour perfume advert


 
now that ^ is a truly bad movie. have tried to watch it a few times but it's just so...odd, and not in a good way.


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## Reno (Oct 30, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> Why ?
> 
> I'm a big big fan of The Coen Bro's but No Country for Old Men is unwatchable nonsense.
> 
> ...


 
If you really think that a couple of films which are considered modern classics and all 'space films" are the worst films you've ever seen then you can't have seen that many films (I've never seen Shopping, that's why I didn't quote you there!). Unless, god forbid, you are just being contrarian.

For me a film that is among "the worst" would have to either be really inept on some level or be wildly offensive. There is a difference between films "I don't like", which are "wildly overrated" and that are "the worst". I could have mentioned plenty of highly regarded films I personally hate to get attention (Leon, The Shawnshank Redemption, American Beauty) but I didn't because I can see a difference between films which I regard as overrated and that don't gel with me personally and those that are "the worst" films I've seen.

It's fine to hate No Country for Old Men and The Matrix (most people agree the sequels are pants which you've suddenly decided to conflate the original with) but you also have to realise why a film is highly regarded.

As for "all space films" it's just plain lazy to claim an entire sub-genre where you probably haven't seen many of the films, as you profess to hate them.


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## Saffy (Oct 30, 2012)

I've tried to watch Van Helsing about 3 times. I should, in theory love it as it's about vampires and shit but I just can't make it all the way through. It's as though it's about 7 hours long when I tried to watch it.


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Oct 30, 2012)

Miss Caphat said:


> dude, What a Girl Wants is for little girls  you're not supposed to like it.


Doesn't mean I didn't watch it and find if shit, even on those terms. 
AS I have a young daughter I see many a movie intended for little girls,  it does not automatically make them all bad . Many are well crafted,  decent entertainment.


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## silverfish (Oct 30, 2012)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> Doesn't mean I didn't watch it and find if shit, even on those terms.
> AS I have a young daughter I see many a movie intended for little girls, it does not automatically make them all bad . *Many are well crafted, decent entertainment*.


 
name one!!


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## Reno (Oct 30, 2012)

silverfish said:


> name one!!


 
Alfonso (Y Tu Mama Tambien, Children of Men) Cuaron's_ A Little Princess _is a beautifully made film.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113670/

There is a lot of misogyny in the way trashy entertainment aimed at boys is generally considered cool while anything aimed as girls is automatically dismissed as naff.


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## cypher79 (Oct 30, 2012)

I watched Cockneys vs Zombies yesterday and thought it was shite.


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## Miss Caphat (Oct 30, 2012)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> Doesn't mean I didn't watch it and find if shit, even on those terms.
> AS I have a young daughter I see many a movie intended for little girls, it does not automatically make them all bad . Many are well crafted, decent entertainment.


 
true. but we all need a little bit of fluffy, cheesy trash now and then. 


I remember trying to get into Hulk on a plane. That was pretty awful.


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## TruXta (Oct 30, 2012)

The first one was awful. The one with Ed Norton was OK.


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## biggus dickus (Oct 30, 2012)

stuff_it said:


> What was the Indian Memento? I quite want to see it now!
> 
> TBH I can think of several films that could only have been improved by outbreaks of Bollywood dancing, including anything with Bruce Willis.





stuff_it said:


> What was the Indian Memento? I quite want to see it now!
> 
> TBH I can think of several films that could only have been improved by outbreaks of Bollywood dancing, including anything with Bruce Willis.


 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1166100/


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## DexterTCN (Oct 30, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> Why ?


I meant Muppets....in space.


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## Frances Lengel (Oct 30, 2012)

Reno said:


> If you really think that a couple of films which are considered modern classics and all 'space films" are the worst films you've ever seen then you can't have seen that many films (I've never seen Shopping, that's why I didn't quote you there!). Unless, god forbid, you are just being contrarian.
> 
> For me a film that is among "the worst" would have to either be really inept on some level or be wildly offensive. There is a difference between films "I don't like", which are "wildly overrated" and that are "the worst". I could have mentioned plenty of highly regarded films I personally hate to get attention (Leon, The Shawnshank Redemption, American Beauty) but I didn't because I can see a difference between films which I regard as overrated and that don't gel with me personally and those that are "the worst" films I've seen.
> 
> ...


 
In fairness what I said was that I personally find almost everything set in space to be interminable - AFAIC Sun Ra was dead wrong, space most definitely _isn't_ the place. I also stated that I found the Matrix & No Country to be tedious wankfests as well - All my subjective opinion....*But* the very worst film I could think of was none of the above, but rather the absolutely risible Shopping which, in your hurry to defend the indefensible (again only my opinion), you seem to have ignored.


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## RaverDrew (Oct 30, 2012)

I thought that even the first Matrix film was awful, the only saving grace being the soundtrack.


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## Reno (Oct 30, 2012)

Frances Lengel said:


> In fairness what I said was that I personally find almost everything set in space to be interminable - AFAIC Sun Ra was dead wrong, space most definitely _isn't_ the place. I also stated that I found the Matrix & No Country to be tedious wankfests as well - All my subjective opinion....*But* the very worst film I could think of was none of the above, but rather the absolutely risible Shopping which, in your hurry to defend the indefensible (again only my opinion), you seem to have ignored.


 
I've already said, I haven't fucking seen Shopping and therefore I haven fucking taken issue with that one !


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## Frances Lengel (Oct 30, 2012)

Reno said:


> I've already said, I haven't fucking seen Shopping and therefore I haven fucking taken issue with that one !


 
Well then, stop chatting on like you know what you're talking about.


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## Reno (Oct 30, 2012)

Frances Lengel said:


> Well then, stop chatting on like you know what you're talking about.


 
I was talking about No Country for Old Men, The Matrix and "space films" which I have seen. How do I not know what I'm talking about in these three instances ? I wasn't talking about Shopping and made that clear. You mentioned three films and one entire sub-genre and I took issue with three of your examples. How is that so difficult to grasp ?


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## stuff_it (Oct 30, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> I thought that even the first Matrix film was awful, the only saving grace being the soundtrack.


Dunno, when I heard RATM at the end credits I thought 'flippin hell I used to listen to this at school in my break, isn't it labouring the point a bit now'.


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## Nanker Phelge (Oct 30, 2012)

I attempted the new version of Wolfman.

Shoulda been called Whiffman! It stunk!


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