# Most Haunted Live: Disembodied 'Wheezy laugh' conclusive proof of ghosts!



## Groucho (Sep 12, 2004)

Most Haunted Live second night on Living TV. Stormy weather. Most Haunted tent studio leaks and has to be evacuated (spooky). Home viewers report a long white streak in the shower room spotted on the webcam. Derek Acora, medium, makes contact with Norwegian ghost who shouts Rhubarb Rhubarb! (I wondered if it was just Derek making psychic contact with me because that is exactly what I was thinking).

And then...  is heard a series of knocks     and then....a disembodied 'wheezy laugh'   

Quality TV!!!


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## Epona (Sep 12, 2004)

Oh dear  

ya daft sod!  When you having that 'most haunted' party anyway?


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## Groucho (Sep 12, 2004)

Epona said:
			
		

> Oh dear
> 
> ya daft sod!  When you having that 'most haunted' party anyway?



Halloweeeeen   

Wouldn't have gone well this weekend because there is a dark moon tonight and Uranus is sitting in Pisces.   Apparently.


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## Epona (Sep 12, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Halloweeeeen
> 
> Wouldn't have gone well this weekend because there is a dark moon tonight and Uranus is sitting in Pisces.   Apparently.


 Well it could be worse - I mean you wouldn't want pisces sitting in.....

er......

*gets coat*


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 12, 2004)

I saw the wheezy laugh bit. Then turned over to watch Sharpe


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## red rose (Sep 12, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> I saw the wheezy laugh bit. Then turned over to watch Sharpe



as did I.  Mmmmm sean bean


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## Groucho (Sep 12, 2004)

Yvette and Derek have now entered the morgue full of bats.  They are calling on 'Geoffrey' to show himself....

However, the show quickly passed on by Derek's communication with the ghost of a man who crashed his Mustang plane in the 1940s in a well recorded incident. Trouble is he survived and went to live to a ripe old age.


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## Groucho (Sep 13, 2004)

*The Glass ran around the table...*

The glass moved. There were fingers on the glass, but never mind the fingers, the glass moved.   Derek made contact with the ghostly Bingo and Bingo made Yvette's legs go cold. And the glass moved. The bottles rattled in the cellar.  They called upon a spirit to make a sound and a disembodied voice was heard and recorded saying 'No' !   

Someone saw a shadow.

The glass moved.   

Could there be any unbelievers left after tonight's MHL??


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## Groucho (Sep 13, 2004)

*"Did you feel that? Phwoar." - Yvette Fielding's legs touched by spirit*

Spirit footsteps were recorded.

The table began to spin and whiz around the wooden floor, dancing. It was the spirit McPherson pushing the table (on wheels) Derek tells us.  The table moved, there were four pairs of hands on the table but never mind that, _the table moved_. Conclusive proof agree the team and the studio audience of a spirit presence. Take that you meddlesome sceptics!


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## T & P (Sep 14, 2004)

I would probably do Yvette.

That's about the spookiest thing about that programme.


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## Miss Potter (Sep 14, 2004)

what about the one where the phantom chucked a spoon at Yvette?


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## Groucho (Sep 14, 2004)

Or the mysterious rolling barrrel  
Or the ghost who had Derek reciting despicable things of a sexual nature that he (the ghost) wanted to do to Yvette!


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## Epona (Sep 14, 2004)

Groucho, you really need to get away from the telly you know, you'll be telling us your house is haunted next  

 PS. Check out the pool thread in the community forum - as long as you don't mind losing again that is


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## Groucho (Sep 14, 2004)

Epona said:
			
		

> Groucho, you really need to get away from the telly you know, you'll be telling us your house is haunted next
> 
> PS. Check out the pool thread in the community forum - as long as you don't mind losing again that is   :



As a good Marxist I do not believe in ghosts.  This was reaffirmed for me during a seance where we contacted Karl Marx who snapped "Everything I said has proved to be correct, especially the bits about materialism and religion." He said all that via a moving glass.

As for my house - I think I have frightened my ghost away with excessive masturbation


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 15, 2004)

Last nights episode was fantastic with all the knocking and a real ghost filmed through the window.


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## Groucho (Sep 16, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Last nights episode was fantastic with all the knocking and a real ghost filmed through the window.



Yes, it was a real ghost. Not a reflection at all. And certainly not a person because the Most Haunted team verified after that no-one was outside at the time. I presume that to do this they interviewed everyone in a five mile radius...


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## Siouxsie (Sep 17, 2004)

That 'psychic artist'- more like piss artist,Brian whateverthefuckhisnameis, was really getting on my nerves, wtf was he doing waving his arms around all the time shouting Geoffrey  LOST!!   , the last couple of live ones he's just sat there quietly sketching away, this weekend he went beserk   . I was hoping Derek was going to smack him one......you could see everyone getting annoyed by him, spookily after they came back from the break Brian whateverthefuckisnameis had mysteriously disappeared   

I did enjoy this weeks normal one.


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 17, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Yes, it was a real ghost. Not a reflection at all. And certainly not a person because the Most Haunted team verified after that no-one was outside at the time. I presume that to do this they interviewed everyone in a five mile radius...



I was being sarcastic. I forgot its hard to tell on the net. 


  at self.


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## Miss Caphat (Sep 17, 2004)

Groucho, ohmygod I love you! 

  Most Haunted was my favorite show ever when I lived in the UK. I miss it so. Do you remember Derek Acorah was at that one place (was it the one with the evil innkeepers who boiled people alive and took their money?) and he channeled the spirit who kept saying "Jarmon...Jaaar-mon" 

   I don't know, it makes me laugh out loud even now when I think about it. 

  OOh and the one where they were in the old prison and they put the cross on the peice of paper and filmed it and it moved? 

   I'm so sad that I've missed this one you're talking about.


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 17, 2004)

Is there a Most Haunted fan club we can join or do we have to set our own up?    

Do you think that 'sam' watches derek having sex?


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## LJo (Sep 17, 2004)

Oh God, so I'm not the only one then. Good.

Did anyone see the one in the disused tube station where Derek got very excited as Sam had just revealed the existence of a strange race of beings known as the Subterraneans?

"They bend over! Like rats! They grunt! There's a small country of them down here! They have hair - hair - on - certain parts of their bodies!"

Sadly the Subterraneans failed to show up that night. I was very disappointed. Perhaps Sam was taking the piss.


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 17, 2004)

LJo said:
			
		

> Oh God, so I'm not the only one then. Good.
> 
> Did anyone see the one in the disused tube station where Derek got very excited as Sam had just revealed the existence of a strange race of beings known as the Subterraneans?
> 
> ...



Derek: If we hear scuttling it will be them trying to communicate.

Yvette in her most patronising voice: No it wont Derek. It will be just the rats.


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## Miss Caphat (Sep 18, 2004)

Yvette sucks. 

 she's such a crybaby.


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 18, 2004)

Miss Caphat said:
			
		

> Yvette sucks.
> 
> she's such a crybaby.



I like Carl the cameraman. The guy is an almost fearless ledgend.


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## Miss Potter (Sep 18, 2004)

isn't Yvette married to Carl? When's this episode on - is it tomorrow night?


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## Groucho (Sep 18, 2004)

Siouxsie said:
			
		

> That 'psychic artist'- more like piss artist,Brian whateverthefuckhisnameis, was really getting on my nerves, wtf was he doing waving his arms around all the time shouting Geoffrey  LOST!!   , the last couple of live ones he's just sat there quietly sketching away, this weekend he went beserk   . I was hoping Derek was going to smack him one......you could see everyone getting annoyed by him, spookily after they came back from the break Brian whateverthefuckisnameis had mysteriously disappeared
> 
> I did enjoy this weeks normal one.



I thought Brian was making his bid for fame and attempting 'to do a Derek.'  However, his acting was appalling. Remeniscent of the dance scene from The Office. Derek et al looking on embarrrassed _'when is the man going to stop??_'  

He probably went off for a well earned rest.


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## maya (Sep 18, 2004)

*...blah!*




			
				Groucho said:
			
		

> Most Haunted Live second night on Living TV. Stormy weather. Most Haunted tent studio leaks and has to be evacuated (spooky). Home viewers report a long white streak in the shower room spotted on the webcam. Derek Acora, medium, makes contact with Norwegian ghost who shouts Rhubarb Rhubarb! (I wondered if it was just Derek making psychic contact with me because that is exactly what I was thinking).



 total and utter bollocks.  ...i happen to speak norwegian,and i can assure you there's no such word as "rhubarb" in that language,what your (bogus) "ghostie" SHOULD have shouted,would be: ..." rabarbra, rabarbra!"   ..so there! fess up,who did it? the camera crew,of course.... blah....*mumble mumble* bloody hoaxes....


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## Groucho (Sep 18, 2004)

maya said:
			
		

> total and utter bollocks.  ...i happen to speak norwegian,and i can assure you there's no such word as "rhubarb" in that language,what your (bogus) "ghostie" SHOULD have shouted,would be: ..." rabarbra, rabarbra!"   ..so there! fess up,who did it? the camera crew,of course.... blah....*mumble mumble* bloody hoaxes....



I bet when you were a kid you were the sort who would tease your friends and make them cry by telling them the Easter Bunny doesn't exist.


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## maya (Sep 18, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> I bet when you were a kid you were the sort who would tease your friends and make them cry by telling them the Easter Bunny doesn't exist.



 no, i was very very naive.  ..and believed in fairytales....but now...now i'm bitter...my illusions shattered... i have to...have to...spread the word around...around,i say!...to show them what the world is REALLY like!...to drag off the curtain of LIES that hides the inner TRUTH of our very existence! ...look,listen and learn!...yes,the TRUTH must be told!


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## Groucho (Sep 18, 2004)

Yvette is married to Carl. (And _some people_ think Carl threw the spoon...)  

Highlights of the last MHL on tonight. 

Living TV have a MH forum and website but it looks crap. Perhaps someone should set up an unofficial MH fan club.


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 19, 2004)

Whilst anyone be watching the reapeat from the one on tuesday tonight. Was the best yet shipmates.

Why are there never any pirate ghosts?


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## 80sHair Revival (Sep 19, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Yvette and Derek have now entered the morgue full of bats.  They are calling on 'Geoffrey' to show himself....
> 
> However, the show quickly passed on by Derek's communication with the ghost of a man who crashed his Mustang plane in the 1940s in a well recorded incident. Trouble is he survived and went to live to a ripe old age.




It's not for nothing that my wife and I refer to Derek's ghostly companion as 'Sham'.


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## 80sHair Revival (Sep 19, 2004)

"Fucking something's just touched my fucking face" says Carl the cameraman in 2nites episode. Them orbs are scary too


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## Miss Potter (Sep 20, 2004)

It gave me the willies let me tell you


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 21, 2004)

New episode is on in just over an hour YAY!


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## Groucho (Sep 21, 2004)

My spirit guide, *Fat Baz*, tells me that tonights episode will see Yvette scream at a sudden noise (like a bonk), "sorry, I don't know what has come over me" "It wasn't me" Karl. "No, it was most certainly a ghostly bonk." Derek.

Derek will make contact with at least two spirits strangely without surnames.

Karl will go off on his own and _something _ will move spookily.  

Oh, and there will be an orb or two.


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 21, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> My spirit guide, *Fat Baz*, tells me that tonights episode will see Yvette scream at a sudden noise (like a bonk), "sorry, I don't know what has come over me" "It wasn't me" Karl. "No, it was most certainly a ghostly bonk." Derek.
> 
> Derek will make contact with at least two spirits strangely without surnames.
> 
> ...



Well we know if your spirit guide is a Sam or Sham soon enough.


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## Groucho (Sep 21, 2004)

*Psychic Derek Acora confused by paranormal bed...*

Norman the ghost is strangely attached to his earthly bed. It is not Norman (no surname) who has been levitating the bed but Lord Oxenbridge. 

Cairan's experiment with the mirror is supposed to invoke a manifestation of a horrific entity.  This very thing happens every time I look in the mirror, but for some reason for Cairan it doesn't work. 

Meanwhile...*Fat Baz * says the best is still to come...


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## Vintage Paw (Sep 21, 2004)

Random factoid about Sham and Durrick: They originally met in Durrick's first life when he was a small boy living in a rather violent village in Africa somewhere. Sham was corporeal then too, and his name was Masumai. Masumai saved Durrick (can't remember what his name was then) from some rather nasty rampaging tribal thing (the burning and raping and pillaging stuff that invariably goes on in such savage prehistoric times). Masumai had 'the gift'. Then they both died. Nice.

Years later, Durrick is reincarnated into, well, Durrick, and finds he has a spirit guide, named Sham, and instantly recognises him as his old matey Masumai. He is curious as to why Masumai has changed his name to Sham, and the only explaination he gives has something to do with racial profiling or something.


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## Groucho (Sep 21, 2004)

*That bloody table...*

...moved   

Table tipping team tempt timid spook to..er ..tip table.  Unfortunately the bottom of the table wasn't on camera   

Ghostly footsteps were recorded.

The energies from the bed 'crossed over' says poor Derek, so it made his utterences _appear _ as if he had confused two ghostly tales and merged them, when in fact it was just the psychic vibrations getting a crossed line. 

ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


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## Groucho (Sep 21, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> My spirit guide, *Fat Baz*, tells me that tonights episode will see Derek will make contact with at least two spirits whose messages will cross over and confuse everything.
> 
> A monitor will film _something _ move spookily and a table will tilt.



Ha! Move over Derek Acora. Psychic Groucho claims his prize!


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 21, 2004)

I thought Dereks walkabout was very accurate, much better than normal. But apart from that it was a yawn-fest.     

I'm using the embarrassed smiley to look like a yawn.


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## silentNate (Sep 22, 2004)

I've never watched said programme, I never will watch said programme. This threads as funny as fuck however


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## Groucho (Sep 22, 2004)

*Derek's vibrations in the bedroom embarrass woman.*




			
				i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> I thought Dereks walkabout was very accurate, much better than normal. But apart from that it was a yawn-fest.
> 
> I'm using the embarrassed smiley to look like a yawn.



Kind of accurate...

The woman who worked at the place looked sooo embarrassed in the bedroom when Derek articulated his psychic vibrations. 
Yvette: "_Does that make sense to you?" _ Woman   "_Well, yes, but, er_," (considers whether she should say it) "_you have confused two ghost stories and have kind of merged them together._"  
Derek "Oh, er, well that's the vibrations you see."


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## PacificOcean (Sep 22, 2004)

On the live Most Haunted when they were looking for Dick Turpin's ghost, Derek was "possesed" by Turpin's wife Mary.  Derek then started shouting "Mary loves Dick" over and over.  Even yvette couldn't keep a straight face.  It's one for TV's Naughiest Blunders I think!


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 22, 2004)

The rather half-hearted mexican wave around the table they were all doing to "prove" it wasnt them tipping the table was rather funny.


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## i_hate_beckham (Sep 28, 2004)

Any predictions for tonights episode?


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## Groucho (Oct 6, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Any predictions for tonights episode?



Bollocks! I missed it. 

My Spirit guide, Fat Baz, tells me we are in for a treat in the live Halloween edition though. Derek will become possessed by a friendly but amorous ghost who will declare a passionate desire for Yvette, and Karl will punch him (Derek, not the ghost) on the nose.

A candle will blow out.   

There will be an orb.

And the team will do a sceance.


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## Siouxsie (Oct 6, 2004)

This weeks one was a load of old bollocks. I'm convinced they only went over there to replenish their 'supplies'   ......Dirk played a blinder with the washing machines and the 'boom booming' of the bombers   , also I think they are wasting too much time on the table tiping/tilting...it's getting boring now, I want to see a ghost, not a wobbly table!.

Roll on halloween   .


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## harpo (Oct 8, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Most Haunted Live second night on Living TV. Stormy weather. Most Haunted tent studio leaks and has to be evacuated (spooky). Home viewers report a long white streak in the shower room spotted on the webcam. Derek Acora, medium, makes contact with Norwegian ghost who shouts Rhubarb Rhubarb! (I wondered if it was just Derek making psychic contact with me because that is exactly what I was thinking).
> 
> And then...  is heard a series of knocks     and then....a disembodied 'wheezy laugh'
> 
> Quality TV!!!




Groucho!  Harpo.  Did you ever join that club?


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## Epona (Oct 9, 2004)

harpo said:
			
		

> Groucho!  Harpo.  Did you ever join that club?


 This isn't the kind of 'Marxism' I signed up to U75 for!!!!!


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 9, 2004)

Siouxsie said:
			
		

> This weeks one was a load of old bollocks. I'm convinced they only went over there to replenish their 'supplies'   ......Dirk played a blinder with the washing machines and the 'boom booming' of the bombers   , also I think they are wasting too much time on the table tiping/tilting...it's getting boring now, I want to see a ghost, not a wobbly table!.
> 
> Roll on halloween   .



Table tipping is fucking crap was good one time and now its shit.

I forgot what happened this week as i was so drunk when i watched it. I'll have to check out the repeat tomorrow.


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## Groucho (Oct 10, 2004)

harpo said:
			
		

> Groucho!  Harpo.  Did you ever join that club?



Harpo! No, I didn't. I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have _me_ as a member.


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## Groucho (Oct 10, 2004)

Siouxsie said:
			
		

> Roll on halloween   .



I'm having a Halloween party but I've not told anyone that I expect them to watch MHL...or they won't turn up!


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 10, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> I'm having a Halloween party but I've not told anyone that I expect them to watch MHL...or they won't turn up!



I would. Its probably all i'm going to do on halloween anyway.


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 11, 2004)

Uri Geller is on tomorrows show dont forget.

Will we see TV history being made???


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## Siouxsie (Oct 11, 2004)

What like?.....Yvette being attacked by a flying, bent spoon!   .

Personally, I think mild mannered Richard will smack Uri in the mouth and claim he was possessed   .


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 11, 2004)

Siouxsie said:
			
		

> Personally, I think mild mannered Richard will smack Uri in the mouth and claim he was possessed   .



Thats worth the sky subscription fee alone.


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## Vintage Paw (Oct 11, 2004)

I've never bin a fan of MHL - tis too hammy for me (yeah, like the weekly show is 'professional'   )

I agree that this table tipping bollocks is, er, bollocks. This series has been sadly lacking. Bring back the barrels and Yvvies dirty little potty mouth I say...


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 12, 2004)

Vintage Paw said:
			
		

> Bring back the barrels and Yvvies dirty little potty mouth I say...



The barrel was fucking scary, if it wasnt set up i dont know how he held his nerve.


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## Vintage Paw (Oct 12, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> The barrel was fucking scary, if it wasnt set up i dont know how he held his nerve.



Tell me about it. You could hear something coming closer and closer, getting louder and louder, and he was wanting to run away but he stayed. He was the hero of that series imo. 

I can't wait for tonight's episode. Roll on Uri "I can bend spoons by pushing both ends together" Geller!


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 12, 2004)

Vintage Paw said:
			
		

> Tell me about it. You could hear something coming closer and closer, getting louder and louder, and he was wanting to run away but he stayed. He was the hero of that series imo.
> 
> I can't wait for tonight's episode. Roll on Uri "I can bend spoons by pushing both ends together" Geller!



I can see him derick either getting along really well or hating each other by the end. I'm hoping for the later.


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## Groucho (Oct 12, 2004)

*Roll out the barrel, we'll have a barrel of (ghostly wheezy) larfs*

Yeah, it was just sooo unexplainable like how did that barrell move on it's own - rolling down hill? Typical bloody ghost setting the barrell rolling while no-one was watching.

My psychic guide *Fat Baz* tells me that Uri Geller will make tonight's show _very special._ Derek and Uri will fight over who felt Mary first. 

Don't forget to watch the Most Haunted Extra after...

Fat Baz also tells me that after several sightings of a scarey ghost, at the end of tonight's episode, the 'ghost' will be unmasked and will be the caretaker all along trying to scare away visitors so he could search for lost treasure all by himself. He will mutter something about meddlesome kids.

I am now going to reconnect with Fat Baz to double check that he wasn't psychicly watching the wrong show....


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## Groucho (Oct 12, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> I can see him derick either getting along really well or hating each other by the end. I'm hoping for the later.



More or less guaranteed that Uri and Derek will _hate_ each other. Will they keep it hidden or will it explode in temper tantrums?  Personally I think Derek is the better actor. Did I say actor? Sorry, I meant psychic.


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## 80sHair Revival (Oct 12, 2004)

I'm hoping our Uri and Derick try and fuck each other up!


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## Groucho (Oct 12, 2004)

Fat Baz said:
			
		

> Oh they will.  How they will!


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## Vintage Paw (Oct 12, 2004)

Geller has orange hair - and is full of shit!

And Yvvie has a sweaty lip.

There are cellars - oo goody!


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## herman (Oct 12, 2004)

Yvette has also dyed her hair red.


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## Vintage Paw (Oct 12, 2004)

OMG - could Uri BE more full of crap????




			
				Uri said:
			
		

> I swear, you have to believe me, I felt the name Mary. Mary Mac. That's it. I said Mac earlier.


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## herman (Oct 12, 2004)

This one is the genuine article-

derek senses there has been a meedre.


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## Groucho (Oct 12, 2004)

*Mary has nautical connections*

Derek: I sense Mary
Uri: Yes, I felt Mary ten minutes earlier
Derek: Mary Mac..
Uri: Mac
Derek: Yes, thank you Sam, Mary MacFadyen!
Uri: I said Mac first!


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## herman (Oct 12, 2004)

This is interesting the psycic artist draws a woman who is wearing flowing robes-

thus proving that robes have ghosts.


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## Vintage Paw (Oct 12, 2004)

Uri is rubbing some wood


panelling that is


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## Vintage Paw (Oct 12, 2004)

There be dead folks behind this ere door there be.

EMF readings coming in high.

Girl with throat slit. Crawling. Alive. Screaming (how with a slit throat I don't know - but I won't question the great man). 

Could it be the girl with the slit throat behind that wall???

How exciting.


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## Groucho (Oct 12, 2004)

Uri stuck his hand in to the hole in the wall and it was _cold_ [/I].  
Uri then invited Derek to stick his in too.

They called upon the ghost to show himself and he disturbed Pam with his orbs.

They are now unearthing the secret in the cellar....


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## Vintage Paw (Oct 12, 2004)

Just think of the dust - er, I mean 'orbs' they will see when dismanteling that wall.


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 12, 2004)

Any decent investigating team would have paid for the walls to be removed at a later date, it not like their budget can only extend to fearless Karl and a claw hammer.

"I've found a bone." 

"ITS HUMAN, it must be because its under-developed"

Yes derick it must be because you have a degree in biology and all other mammals are born fully grown.


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## Groucho (Oct 12, 2004)

Now Karl has impressed me with his fearlessness.  Seeing him with his legs sticking out of that hole; I'd have been scared in case the roof collapsed never mind dem bones.


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## Vintage Paw (Oct 12, 2004)

Idea for new tv show: ghost time team. Get that little shit Tony Robinson in there with Phil "can you tell by my accent I like sheep" Harding and Mick the Dig and Carenza and co to dig up these old places to find bones and shit and have Derick there with them connecting with the folks whose bones they are desecrating.


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 12, 2004)

Someone threw a stone, it couldnt possibly have been bits of brick and mortar coming from the partially unprofessionally demolished wall.


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## Groucho (Oct 12, 2004)

*Psychic Groucho does it again! Clues to Fat Baz identity.*




			
				Groucho said:
			
		

> My psychic guide *Fat Baz* tells me that Uri Geller will make tonight's show _very special._ Derek and Uri will fight over who felt Mary first.



Fat Baz does sometimes tune into the wrong psychic channel, but he is new to this game being only recently departed.  ('Tis a sad story. Pushed he was. What's that Baz? Pushed...over a hill...by his wife! What? The day after the wedding? How terrible! She was having an affair?....)


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## Vintage Paw (Oct 12, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Fat Baz does sometimes tune into the wrong psychic channel, but he is new to this game being only recently departed.  ('Tis a sad story. Pushed he was. What's that Baz? Pushed...over a hill...by his wife! What? The day after the wedding? How terrible! She was having an affair?....)



lmfao


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 12, 2004)

Was MH extra any good cos i couldnt be arsed to watch it.


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## Groucho (Oct 12, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Was MH extra any good cos i couldnt be arsed to watch it.



No.


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 12, 2004)

Thats ok then


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 13, 2004)

I think that Groucho should go along with his guide Fat Baz on some investigations. Its make for some great viewing.


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 19, 2004)

Bump in readyness for tonights episode.


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## 80sHair Revival (Oct 19, 2004)

More fantastic stuff in tonights episode.

Will Gaby Roslin get shitted up by the nasty poltergeists?


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 19, 2004)

Despite saying they that it was one of the more exciting investigations at the end, it really wasnt.


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## T & P (Oct 19, 2004)

Yeah what the hell was all of that about? A bloody orb! 

Be still my heart...


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 19, 2004)

T & P said:
			
		

> Yeah what the hell was all of that about? A bloody orb!
> 
> Be still my heart...



But it looked like a............... BEE!!!!!


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## LJo (Oct 20, 2004)

A GHOST bee.

There are an awful lot of them around at this time of year.

And ghost ants.


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 20, 2004)

God forbid they should ever find a ghost spider, they wont be able to contain themselves.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 22, 2004)

I was just sitting watching Eyes Wide Shut with my Hallowe'en lantern grinning at me like a happy thing when my front room door opened on it's own.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 23, 2004)

You've got a draught mate.


----------



## 80sHair Revival (Oct 24, 2004)

I reckon it was Sham. Or Fat Baz.


----------



## lloyd81 (Oct 25, 2004)

I have seen a ghost with my own eyes so I know that they exist anyway.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 25, 2004)

Tell us the story then lloyd81


----------



## Siouxsie (Oct 25, 2004)

Was it standing by a washing machine, Lloyd?.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 25, 2004)

Does Fat Baz have any predictions for tomorrows show?


----------



## Siouxsie (Oct 26, 2004)

Yes Fat Baz make it exciting, I need a reason to force myself to watch it.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 26, 2004)

I think Groucho must be dead. That or Fat Baz doesnt speak to him anymore.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 26, 2004)

*Fat Baz predicts witchcraft and something about Yvette's commando*

Sorry but all I have been getting from Fat Baz until just now was something about _Sorry Nat _ and a sort of a eary wailing noise.

However, he now tells me that tonight Derek et al will be fooled into thinking that they hear ghostly footsteps. Nothing of the sort, says FB, it will merely be a local witch rendering herself invisible.  The witch will whisper into Derek's ear, pretending to be Sam, and will say 'Yvette has on no knickers.' After which everytime Derek will attempt to make contact with a spirit the witch will whisper 'no knickers, I tell you.'  

Sam predicts that Derek will break into a sweat.


----------



## Vintage Paw (Oct 26, 2004)

conclusive proof of ghosts: kids talk to imaginary friends.

bloody hell!


----------



## Vintage Paw (Oct 26, 2004)

winifrid!!!


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 26, 2004)

I'm 5 minutes behind you lot due to a toilet break and having sky digital.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 26, 2004)

*That Witch's Familiar*

*Cats and other pets were quite often buried in the fabric of old buildings to ward off witchcraft.*

*Gravestones were often ripped out from graveyards during renovations of old buildings by cowboys because they provide a cheep source of flagstone.*

Derek senses five witches who want to play with him and Yvette but a bewitched freezer sends a chill up and down Yvette's spine.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 26, 2004)

*Er...here come the vigils. Derek has warned that the ghosts...*

are waiting for them to split into smaller groups (they obviously knew that was comimg 'cos they watch the show).    Derek thinks the spirits are powered by electricity.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 26, 2004)

*David (Full of) Bull at the Chuffin' Hotel.*

Psychic Groucho...




			
				Groucho said:
			
		

> .
> 
> Fat Baz tells me that tonight Derek et al will be fooled into thinking that they hear ghostly footsteps. Nothing of the sort, says FB, it will merely be a local witch rendering herself invisible.  The witch will whisper into Derek's ear, pretending to be Sam, and will say 'Yvette has on no knickers.' After which everytime Derek will attempt to make contact with a spirit the witch will whisper 'no knickers, I tell you.'
> 
> ...


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 26, 2004)

Wasnt to bad an episode.

Has anyone else noticed that they no longer reply or highlight all the orbs that they catch?


----------



## Siouxsie (Oct 28, 2004)

What kind of ghost hunter are you!,orbs are old hat, it's washing machines and freezers that are the in thing these days......do keep up   .

I think Fat Baz should offer his services to Dirk   .


----------



## Mrs Magpie (Oct 28, 2004)

Can't remember whether I've already posted this or not...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/excessbaggage/index_20040228.shtml


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 28, 2004)

No you hadnt Mrs M. Cheers.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 30, 2004)

*Fat Baz consultation - the full transcript*

What Fat Baz? You taste cider? Off cider? Like Strongbow? What?? Why do you think Blair is going to father another child? What Baz? Because he can't say no to Bush? I'm not with you, are you drunk? 
What Wall Street crash? What disaster?
Come on Baz help me out here. Tonight's show is live so we have a chance to come up with something we could not possibly have known.  Yvette will say "Did you hear that?" Come on Fat Baz, Yvette _always_ says "Did you hear that?" Some viewers will fax in some crappy pictures? Brian will wave his arms about?
What witches _again_? Hill Hill Hill. What the fuck are you talking about? Three hills? 
Witches..., do you have a name, Baz?  
*Take it off! Baz, take it off! urrggghhh around  my n ah neck urrggh take....it....off! Oh! Thank you Baz. It was horrible. Hanged they were. Oh the poor souls.* Ten witches. Do you have any names Baz? Dem what? Lesbian witches? Oh sorry I misunderstood. I thought you said 'dem dykes'. 
It's dark. Down. Down below. I'm getting dark and frightened like bound and burried alive but waiting, waiting and then oh dreadful! Brought out into the light, and then all hanged. They were _all hanged_ poor souls. Oh poor poor souls! Such a slow death. These didn't die quickly. They strangled slowly. 
Come on Baz, give me a name. *Old*..yes? *Mother*...yes? *Hen!* Oh fuck off Baz! *Chatterbox.* Old Mother Chatterbox? and Dyke? Mother Dyke? She died waiting trial and escaped the noose. A date Baz? 1612?
  A fox? What? Derek will talk to a fox?! Well I guess he is bonkers. What quack? What duck?? Oh Quake? What Earthquake? Fox Quake?! Oh for fox sake, I don't know what you are gabbling about. You should lay off the cider. Who ever heard of a drunk ghost! I'm sure there was no Earthquake in 1652.
 What like the porridge oats? Oh just shut the fuck up, you are talking gibberish. What vision? Derek will *what?* Not on live TV! How will Yvette react?


----------



## Groucho (Oct 30, 2004)

One Hour!!!!! 

Pumpkinhead!


----------



## Groucho (Oct 30, 2004)

If Fat Baz is wrong I will chuck myself into the THames. Such is my faith in my spiritual friend!

 

(I am not (even) slightly Pissed....at all. 

Grouchio (Life on line)


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 30, 2004)

i hope you can swim...


----------



## Groucho (Oct 30, 2004)

Pickman's model said:
			
		

> i hope you can swim...



I'll take you with me you wanker.


----------



## Epona (Oct 30, 2004)

Please fucking Christ help me....

This has to be the most scary night of my life!   

Stuck in Essex being forced to watch Living TV


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 30, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> I'll take you with me you wanker.


you _are_ pissed, aren't you?

i wonder if you'll have the mother of all hangovers tomorrow.

well, hope springs...


----------



## Groucho (Oct 30, 2004)

Pickman's model said:
			
		

> you _are_ pissed, aren't you?
> 
> i wonder if you'll have the mother of all hangovers tomorrow.
> 
> well, hope springs...



This is not a thread for you.

You had better hope we never meet.  Get out of my thread.


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 30, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> This is not a thread for you.
> 
> You had better hope we never meet.  Get out of my thread.


i have no intention of meeting fuckspuds like y'rself. 

does starting a thread give you proprietory rights over it? i suspect not.


----------



## Epona (Oct 30, 2004)

Pickmans - please just leave the thread alone mate - whatever argument you have with Groucho please take it elsewhere - Groucho's my best mate and we're having a 'most haunted' party and that's what this thread is about, it's not for you two to carry on your arguments from other threads so please keep it to P+P...  much appreciated!


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 30, 2004)

Epona said:
			
		

> Pickmans - please just leave the thread alone mate - whatever argument you have with Groucho please take it elsewhere - Groucho's my best mate and we're having a 'most haunted' party and that's what this thread is about, it's not for you two to carry on your arguments from other threads so please keep it to P+P...  much appreciated!


i haven't brought an argument here - but of course i'll leave it, epona. 

have a good hallowe'en!


----------



## Groucho (Oct 30, 2004)

Pickman's model said:
			
		

> i have no intention of meeting fuckspuds like y'rself.
> 
> does starting a thread give you proprietory rights over it? i suspect not.



We'll meet Pick. We'll meet.


Fuckspud.  x


----------



## Groucho (Oct 30, 2004)

Alice, Alice? Who the fuck is Alice? Come on Baz, you said nowt about any Alice! And what about that fuckin Alien crap that Derek came out with? 

FB: Yeah, but what I said was *true*.

Who - or what - pulled at Yvette's clothes?


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

I missed it last night but hopefully tonight will be extra special as its halloween.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

I missed some of it too while my mates attempted to set fire to my trainers.

But what I did see weren't up to much. Derek decided he'd made psychic contact with the ghost of an alien.... Fat Baz maintains he neglected to mention the alien stuff just because it was a "load of bollocks".


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

What does Fat Baz think will happen tonight now that he is sober?


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

Fat Baz is standing by his former prediction of witches, hangings, and Derek doing  [_something unmentionable_] and all the other seemingly nonsense he splurted about foxes and earthquakes and old mother hen in the small hours of yesterday morning. Baz was predicting for the whole three nights.  He is too busy levitating my pumpkin head lanterns at the mo to make any further predictions.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

I dunno whether to watch this and see if anything happens or Bravo where they have lots of programs like ghosts caught on film and stuff.


----------



## Epona (Oct 31, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> I missed some of it too while my mates attempted to set fire to my trainers.



It's not a good idea when lighting rockets to burn through the stick.  It's also not a good idea when said lit rocket lands under your feet to just stand there doing a little dance.  Me shouting "MOVE, MOVE" was no strange co-incidence  

EDIT to add: pity Fat Baz didn't see that coming, he could have told you not to stand right there !!!


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

Sh*t. Fat Baz was right about the witches and the names!!!

Meanwhile tonight Yvette is sh*tting herself!  David Wells contacted a spirit last night who he describes as extremely malevolent and who said it was waiting for Derek & Yvette!!  Yesterday it said "wait until tomorrow!" Ha ha ha ha   

Derek has said he feels a spychic sense of trepedation.  Dogs are strangely howling.

The poll tonight is were the 'Pendle witches' innocent victims or real malevolent witches. They did not plead innocent before being hanged. Fat Baz predicts the audience will vote that they were real witches and that Derek will also say they were real witches. But Fat Baz says only one was a real witch...and that she got away...


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

*Another spookily accurate prediction from Fat Baz re last night's show...*

"Some viewers will fax in some crappy pictures?"


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

Epona said:
			
		

> EDIT to add: pity Fat Baz didn't see that coming, he could have told you not to stand right there !!!



I think Fat Baz did see it coming and is why he was no-where to be seen at the time...


----------



## 80sHair Revival (Oct 31, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Derek decided he'd made psychic contact with the ghost of an alien....




WTF? An alien? 

We missed it. What was the context?


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

*Fiddle-sticks, puppy cocks and er furballs*

Elizabeth wants to scalp Derek and break Yvette's fingers off.

Meanwhile a cold air has descended and a door has been ripped out of one of the crews hands. Elizabeth Demdyke (see Fat Baz prediction) has contacted Derek....she says 'fiddle, fiddle.'
Yvette asks 'how did you die?'  Derek's face has taken on the appearance of a Hallowe'en mask and has gone green.
Derek is possessed and is now fitting.

Baz! Take it off. Ah! Frrrbbblll! I was just possessed by a familiar who once belonged to a witch called Elizabeth Dripping...


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

80sHair Revival said:
			
		

> WTF? An alien?
> 
> We missed it. What was the context?



Conext was a location where there had been UFO sightings...


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

I've only just turned it on cos Ghostbusters II was on the Disney channel.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

nuff said


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

Its a bit shit, i can stare at an upside-down glass myself without having to watch this and put a better channel on.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

Actually I think tonight's is the best MHL yet. And I remind you that Fat Baz predicted - interpreted by me as follows:

_Dem what? Lesbian witches? Oh sorry I misunderstood. I thought you said 'dem dykes'. _ 

And Derek has just been possessed by an Elizabeth Demdyke  - a witch who was apparently hanged. Three hills was also correct.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

Either Fat Baz is real or Groucho researches stuff about the locations himself. I believe its the first one.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Either Fat Baz is real or Groucho researches stuff about the locations himself. I believe its the first one.



As they say re Derek every show: There is no way I could have known this. There must be a lot of history in the area. Also a large number of witches were hanged and Baz got the right one. Conclusive proof that Fat Baz is, as you say, real. (On this thread at least!)


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

Ann Shepherd, the witch, has been spitting at Derek. Now he's saying "Take it off Sam, take it off my neck!"  Date 1612!!! 
There are seven witches Derek says.....so three missing then, as Baz saw 10!

Derek is now holding a silver cross out to the air...!


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

If i was one of the ghosts i would be very pissed off at how much of my air time is used for fucking adverts!!!!


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> If i was one of the ghosts i would be very pissed off at how much of my air time is used for fucking adverts!!!!



Yeah, for fuckin' Strongbow! yuk!


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

So Groucho what does Fat Baz say is in the box?


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

*Fuckin' nutters!*

Looks like Fat Baz is gonna be right re the audience vote too.
Fat Baz has said 'Beware the stuffed animal"  I have no idea what he means, or who he is referring to. Could be _you_.   
Meanwhile the MHL team are off to a farm owned by the Nutter family!!  

Baz has just said something about a scarecrow, a dog and someone called Dorothy..


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

Still hasnt said whats in the box though.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

Fat Baz says In the box there is no sour milk


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

I dont have a spirit guide and i could of said its not sour milk in the box.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

There's just no convinceng sceptics like you!!!


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

I dunno, the dem dykes thing has me pretty creeped out.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

*Fat Baz accurate predictions so far...*




			
				Groucho said:
			
		

> What Fat Baz? You taste cider? Off cider? Like Strongbow?
> Tonight's show sponsored by Strongbow!
> 
> Some viewers will fax in some crappy pictures?
> ...


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> *Take it off! Baz, take it off! urrggghhh around  my n ah neck urrggh take....it....off! Oh! Thank you Baz. It was horrible. Hanged they were. Oh the poor souls.*
> Derek was possessed and, just like me, said Take it off, take it off urrgh my neck etc. He said he was getting the sensation of being hanged.



To be fair Derek does the take it off me sam thing EVERY week.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> To be fair Derek does the take it off me sam thing EVERY week.



But is it his neck and is he _hanged_ every week huh?

Meanwhile Fat Baz was right about the content of the box. Not only was it not sour milk but it is a stone witches head. Now witches are known for turning milk sour. It was not sour milk but it was an effergy of that witch would turn milk sour.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> But is it his neck and is he _hanged_ every week huh?



In a word................. YES.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

*Where is the missing witch?*

According to the moving glass there are now nine witches.  So that is only one missing!  There was a mini orb around the glass - did anyone else see that!?


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

Nope.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

Screams...then the camera went dead


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

Yvette "The glass is moving on its own with my finger on it" !!


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

The glass is moving on its own.................. with my finger on it.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> The glass is moving on its own.................. with my finger on it.



You as well as Yvette?


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Oct 31, 2004)

And the glass broke at the end ooh creepy.


----------



## Groucho (Oct 31, 2004)

The glass is smashed, Yvette cries. The program *ends*. Continues tomorrow night.

Fat Baz was right re the audience vote too.  

Has anyone's milk gone sour?  Anyone had trouble with a stuffed animal, huh?


Tonight's MHL =


----------



## silentNate (Nov 1, 2004)

_>sigh<_
Sounds better than last nights


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

i think they just lobbed the glass off on purpose as a cliffhanger otherwise so you definately tune it tomorrow.


----------



## xes (Nov 1, 2004)

Now that was entertainment!!

I had but renching pains throughout that show,which were in NO WAY CONNECTED with the 2 day old chinese meal i just polished off 


Same time tomorow folks.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Oh yeah and we need new predictions.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

*Fat Baz is snoring...*

Well there's still the fox, the earthquake and the porridge...and the missing tenth witch!

Plus some urbanite has milk wots gone sour...and someone needs to beware of a stuffed animal. 

That's quite a lot still to be confirmed ...


----------



## Epona (Nov 1, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Plus some urbanite has milk wots gone sour...



That would be us - I got home yesterday and took the milk out of the fridge - tipped it up and nothing moved, just a solid lump in the bottom of the bottle


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

Epona said:
			
		

> That would be us - I got home yesterday and took the milk out of the fridge - tipped it up and nothing moved, just a solid lump in the bottom of the bottle



Witchcraft!!


----------



## xes (Nov 1, 2004)

Predictions for tonite.

There will be glass movement on a table,with nothing but fingers on the glass. A  table might wobble,while a glass is moving about on it. (uncanny) Someone will feel a breath behind them. The house they will be in will have 6 ghosts in. One of the ghosts will try and "posses" derek. Derek will fall in love with Izzy and try to mount her in his possesed state,and then they will have group sex. 

Lightblubs accross the nation will flicker,and nobends with naff all better to do will call in and lie about strange shit thats happening. (thats an urban competition if ever I've heard one!!!  )

Plan b,we will all try and get a mention of spooky activity via email to the show.  

We will need code words.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

You can e-mail or text the show; a lot of people send jokey stuff to them, so you may need to be a little _subtle_.

Or you could fax a psychic automatic picture representation of Fat Baz.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

I'm up for this trying to get our e-mails read out or on the bottom of the screen.

The one who gets the most wins the right to have the tagline MHL winner 2004.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

Fat Baz says tonight Derek will contact the ghost of a fox, or at least that is what I thought he said. That and summit about Quacker porridge oats?

And that a tatooed witch carrying a balloon will be seen in Crags Wood  at 22:10 here:

http://mosthaunted.interoute.com/webcam_day03_04.html

And MHL can be e-mailed from here:

http://mosthaunted.interoute.com/contactus.html#


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> And that a tatooed witch carrying a balloon will be seen in Crags Wood  at 22:10 here



This what your going to email in?


----------



## herman (Nov 1, 2004)

I don't know if this is significant, but when I try to view the online webcams it tells me I need a plug in.  What can this mean?


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

Derek has predicted that more spirits will join the witches tonight in a continued attack. Fat Baz believes the tenth witch will make an appearance tonight so there is agreement. A team member will have their legs attacked. 

*He also remains concerned for an urbanite with a stuffed animal and asks that you pm me.*

Meanwhile a light bulb in my kitchen has just blown and the candles in my pumpkin lanterns have just extinguished.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

*Come on you Witch Bitch if you think you're hard enough...*

Fuckin hell! Yvette was calling the witch a 'bitch' and a 'cow'.   
 The table appears to have levitated (although the camera angle means that I cannot rule out a member of the team doing something clever with their feet.) Most impressive _event_ yet though.


----------



## herman (Nov 1, 2004)

Can they top yesterdays episode-

Yvette: If you want us to leave give us a sign....
[glass spins wildly]
Yvette: If you want us to leave give us another sign, levitate the table.
[leg gets kicked off table in a clumsy attempt to levitate said table using the power of Dereks foot]
Yvette: If you want us to leave attack one of us.

Something tells me that Yvette just doesn't take the hint.  Nothing short of being ported to another dimension will convince Yvette that the witches do not want them there.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

I've only just turned it on due to dead ringers being on the otherside.

I have a teddy bear with great sentimental value could this be what Fat Baz is on about?


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> I've only just turned it on due to dead ringers being on the otherside.
> 
> I have a teddy bear with great sentimental value could this be what Fat Baz is on about?



No, it's a stuffed animal or creature of some kind. 

Not getting much sense out of him now though, going on about a well and girl guides!


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> No, it's a stuffed animal or creature of some kind.
> 
> Not getting much sense out of him now though, going on about a well and girl guides!



Phew i'm safe from Fat Baz's prophecy of doom.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

Peg O Nell was drowned says FB. It was suicide and her body was never found.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

He is only saying that because the TV said she haunts the river.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> He is only saying that because the TV said she haunts the river.



She haunts a well and terrifies the girl guides.


----------



## herman (Nov 1, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> No, it's a stuffed animal or creature of some kind.
> 
> Not getting much sense out of him now though, going on about a well and girl guides!



hmmm, herman is an anagram of "ram hen"  which could be interpreted as stuffing an animal, not that I'd know anything about that sort of thing.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> She haunts a well and terrifies the girl guides.




We will see.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

herman said:
			
		

> hmmm, herman is an anagram of "ram hen"  which could be interpreted as stuffing an animal, not that I'd know anything about that sort of thing.



Funniest post on the thread.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

DEREK IS DEAD!!!!!


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

Derek:  Demon Dogs!  

A spooky knocking...

Fat Baz confirms that Mistress Starkie did NOT kill the girl. The girl ran scared from Mistress and leapt into the well. It was suicide. Despair because of mistreatment. The spirit remains today disturbed over a missing head.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

No, he is alive. Bugger.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Derek:  Demon Dogs!
> 
> A spooky knocking...
> 
> Fat Baz confirms that Mistress Starkie did NOT kill the girl. The girl ran scared from Mistress and leapt into the well. It was suicide. Despair because of mistreatment. The spirit remains today disturbed over a missing head.



Whose head?


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

David Wells has collapsed. A number of viewers had seen a white figure in the room with him.

Fat Baz is hiding behind the sofa.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Aside from the mediums pretending to go mental there is piss all other stuff happening.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

David wells smashed the mirror on his forehead mad fucker!   Who the hell are you? He called out to the empty room. Then smash! Scream! 
Lucky he had put the scrying mirror down and covered it with a cloth before smashing it into his head innit.


----------



## herman (Nov 1, 2004)

Looking in the mirror and going "Arghh! Who are you?"

Thats midlife crisis,


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

FUCKIN LOOK AT THE CRAGGS WOOD WEBCAM!!!!!!!


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> FUCKIN LOOK AT THE CRAGGS WOOD WEBCAM!!!!!!!



I dont have broadband so i cant.

WHATS GOING ON????


----------



## herman (Nov 1, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> I dont have broadband so i cant.
> 
> WHATS GOING ON????



I cant repeat what I saw in Craggs wood, I believe I have stared into the eyes of evil itself. How depraved, how soul destroying, I feel like I have nothing left -my purpose has been ripped from me or it could have been a moth


----------



## xes (Nov 1, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> FUCKIN LOOK AT THE CRAGGS WOOD WEBCAM!!!!!!!


Those flashes are cars going by,right?

Like streaks of light!!

edit,its some cunt with a torch


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

xes said:
			
		

> Those flashes are cars going by,right?
> 
> Like streaks of light!!
> 
> edit,its some cunt with a torch



No not those lights in the distance...could be cars...could be someone with a torch.
 More like what Herman said.  I swear it was like a moth on fire......almost as though someone off camera had lit a bit of paper and chucked it across the pathway. It was fuckin scarey but it's trajectory was obscured by that bloody ghost.


----------



## xes (Nov 1, 2004)

heres what I just emailed in.

A minute ago,when someone was walking about with a torch,there was a man in the path,next to the tree. he had a flower in what looked like his lapel. he took out the flower and threw it on the floor.

Its from peter in harpenden.

Code word for the night is Flower. if you mail something in,make it flower related.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Bugger i emailed them before your edit saying:

Lots of orbs appearing on the Craggs Wood webcam seeming to form different shapes.

John, Orleton.


I'll have to e-mail them again now with flower related lies.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

I could smell flowers in my house during the sceance but it went as soon as they finished.

Michael, Hereford.


----------



## herman (Nov 1, 2004)

sent in just now_

When viewing the Craggs wood camera I got the feeling of a woman picking flowers and the air became rich with the smell of roses, but I knew she meant me no harm.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

Odd that when they randomly select completely at random someone from the studio audience to go out on the ghost hunt they always manage to randomly select a young blonde woman. If I ever get tickets for the show I'm wearing a blonde wig I tell ya.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> randomly select a young blonde woman.



Its the only reason i watch this tripe.


----------



## herman (Nov 1, 2004)

The master was in Europe buying antiques.


----------



## xes (Nov 1, 2004)

Message 2
I mailed in a little bit ago,I saw a man with a flower in his Lapel. When I went out to the kitchen,there was a plastic flower from the vase on the floor!!! And i could smell Roses.

Some of those messages so far that they've shown,are proper fucking funny "the living room doors blew open with such force that they moved the arm chair"


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

So far none of us has got what we "saw" on TV


----------



## herman (Nov 1, 2004)

could smell flowers in my house during the sceance but it went as soon as they finished.

Michael, Hereford.


about 5 mins ago


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

herman said:
			
		

> could smell flowers in my house during the sceance but it went as soon as they finished.
> 
> Michael, Hereford.
> 
> ...



Really?    

I've got sky plus so i'll rewind


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

I've got one on!!!!!

Ya boo sucks to you.


----------



## herman (Nov 1, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Really?
> 
> I've got sky plus so i'll rewind



Just before he said all that stuff about ned is off his horse- horse being code for rocker in this case.


----------



## xes (Nov 1, 2004)

message 3

(eddited)

The tv was making a buzzing when Derek touched the headless statue,but stopped when he took his hands off!!


Message 4

What looked like the figure of a horse kept appearing behind Eyvette by the well.

Both from Peter in Harpenden


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

Fat Baz confirms that Mistress Starkie did NOT kill the girl. The girl ran scared from Mistress and leapt into the well. It was suicide. Despair because of mistreatment. The spirit remains today disturbed over a missing head.

Just a reminder that Baz appears to have been confirmed by Derek re the haunting the well. AND the _missing head _ (of the statue of the girl) has been discussed. The 'historians' also confirmed that her body was never found - also revealed by FB.

The only outstanding bit of that story from FB is that her ghost apparently scares the living daylights out of girl guides.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Even if one of them does get on i'm winning for mentioning flowers in mine.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

Have you e-mailed a lie to the show yet Groucho or Herman?


----------



## herman (Nov 1, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Have you e-mailed a lie to the show yet Groucho or Herman?



Yes

When viewing the Craggs wood camera I got the feeling of a woman picking flowers and the air became rich with the smell of roses, but I knew she meant me no harm.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

Baz from Essex has e-mailed a couple including flowers.

Meanwhile Derek has psychicly felt a large ghost dog.  Maybe that is Fat Baz's fox? Huh?  And the tenth witch has arrived....


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

herman said:
			
		

> Yes
> 
> When viewing the Craggs wood camera I got the feeling of a woman picking flowers and the air became rich with the smell of roses, but I knew she meant me no harm.



I should have just read up the thread.   (at self)


----------



## xes (Nov 1, 2004)

oooh get her boys *pouts*





I thought that too many flower incidents from one address would be a little too much. Innit.

damm you and your quick posting!!


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

xes said:
			
		

> oooh get her boys *pouts*
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Why do you think i changed my name for the second one?


----------



## xes (Nov 1, 2004)

bollocks 


Anyway,its official. Tonites episode was shite.

We've got work to do before the next one. We really need to get our message out there man. Sightings involving a Large Framed man named Barry,prehaps. 

And now,I've got to move a double bed from one house to another!! At 12 a bloody clock at night


----------



## Groucho (Nov 1, 2004)

Last night's was fuckin' excellent. Tonights was a let down.

All in all though, Fat Baz was remarkably accurate.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 1, 2004)

I WIN THE COMPETITION!!!!


----------



## xes (Nov 2, 2004)

I missed it,and I am sooo not staying up till 1am to find out what was read out.

Congratulations. You may now go through the changing of the tagline ceramony. *trumpets*


(and that should read MHL H2004 (for Halloween)


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 2, 2004)

I like this tagline more.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 3, 2004)

Anyone watch tonights episode?


----------



## 80sHair Revival (Nov 3, 2004)

What crap. 

"Every room in the building haunted" said someone. What shite.

Nice sounds in the loft but they need to lose the table tipping and scrying bollocks.

It makes them look silly.


----------



## T & P (Nov 3, 2004)

Yvette was obviously on acid.

"I've got no head. I can't see my head anymore".

What fucking bullshit.

And you would have thought that if the team where indeed experiencing such extraordinary phenomena as a table being moved by an 'entity', they could get the camera to film from further back so the whole of the table is seen moving, not just the legs...

Dear oh dear...


----------



## Groucho (Nov 3, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Anyone watch tonights episode?



Yes, Yvette looked in the mirror and saw a scary woman's face.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 3, 2004)

Why they didnt pursue the rooms where they got knocks in responce is beyond me.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 8, 2004)

Any predictions from Fat Baz for the episode tomorrow?


----------



## 80sHair Revival (Nov 9, 2004)

I don't know about Fat Baz, but I predict Sham will deliver Derrick some fantastic revelations. Yvette will swear. Tables will be tipped. Some will shit themselves.

Haven't you noticed they're not as bothered about orbs anymore? It's like they're soooo 2003.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 9, 2004)

80sHair Revival said:
			
		

> Haven't you noticed they're not as bothered about orbs anymore? It's like they're soooo 2003.



Yeah they never replay orbs anymore but a tipping table oh fuck me i could watch that replayed for hours.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 9, 2004)

Even the ghosts are fed up with table tipping one told them today throung the guest medium to "fuck off and take their parlour tricks with them"


----------



## Groucho (Nov 15, 2004)

Fat Baz has been incommunicado recently, and when he has contacted, he has spouted nonsense. I think, though it hardly makes sense, that he has been drunk. But in a rare moment of lucidity I managed to ask him about tomorrows episode of MH. Once he finished singing Buffalo Girls, that is.

Baz, Baz, are you there? Baz, stop singing please, can you tell me what is going to happen tomorow? No, you fool, we are not interested in Blair's affairs on this thread. What is going to happen on our favourite program? Cowboy? Who Derek? Will they contact a ghost? Banging? Who? A door? Big deal. Anything good? Charley, a ghost called Charley. What? A ghost not called Charley. Oh thanks Baz! So am I to tell the folks that Fat Baz predicts Derek will contact a ghost not called Charley; that'll impress 'em! Oh Charley's Aunt. You are taking the piss now. His name is Carl. Not Charley's aunt. He wants to take his dress off. You've been drinking again, Baz?  Tell me something I can make sense of. Don't mention what? The Scottish Play. Oh you mean Mac...sorry Baz, didn't realise you were supersticious. Harry. Harry Normal? Norman. Harrold Norman. When 19 something. 19 forty. 1947. 
Does he?! Derek has stolen a pair of Yvette's what? From her dressing room? He sniffs what? Get along with you pervy ghost! That won't be on the show!

So, there you go. You know just what to look forward to.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 15, 2004)

How many are left in this series?


----------



## Groucho (Nov 15, 2004)

Dunno. Is the December MHL really _the last ever?_  

Carl hasn't punched Derek yet as predicted by FB. ...


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 16, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Dunno. Is the December MHL really _the last ever?_
> 
> Carl hasn't punched Derek yet as predicted by FB. ...



I hope so because then i will be the only urbanite to get my lie on the ticker.

I tought it was mild mannered Richard who was going to punch Derek.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 16, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> I hope so because then i will be the only urbanite to get my lie on the ticker.
> 
> I tought it was mild mannered Richard who was going to punch Derek.



No, it was Carl. He's Yvette's wife and won't take kindly to Derek going at Yvette whilst possessed by a randy ghost.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 16, 2004)

There's a bit of a theme tonight. Derek has sensed a ghost of a boy, Tom, who likes to pinch women's bottoms and a wicked ghost who hangs round the wardrobe and makes lewd noises at unsuspecting women.

The team are to send a team of women into the wardrobe area to see if they can provoke the lewed spirit. With a wicked grin (at Yvette) Derek informs that he believes something will happen tonight...


----------



## T & P (Nov 16, 2004)

I don't know what was more annoying tonight: the "possession" by Tom the child ghost or Yvette's conversation with him and her guiding him towards 'the light'. Yvette saves another soul!

The bit when the generator comes on as they're asking for a signal was well funny though


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 30, 2004)

Bump in prep for tonight.

Any precdictions?


----------



## IntoStella (Nov 30, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Home viewers report a long white streak in the shower room


Honestly. Blokes who don't clear up after themselves after they've knocked one out in the shower.    


> and then....a disembodied 'wheezy laugh'


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 30, 2004)

IntoStella said:
			
		

> Honestly. Blokes who don't clear up after themselves after they've knocked one out in the shower.



My brothers mate found out the hard way (no pun intended) that he passes out if he wanks standing up whilst in the shower.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 30, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Bump in prep for tonight.
> 
> Any precdictions?



Fat Baz predicts that Zoe will get pregnant by Den (not Dennis) !!    

oops! Wrong prog.

Fat Baz says tonight the team will not hear the sound of a ghostly harp playing. Baz also say "She hangs out in ghostly apparel where to be found are ye sculptures. There are figures that do float through corridors, but the team won't see those either. " Obviously I told him to start talking normally but he went into a sulk. He did say "she died in the 19th C" Derek will say that 'a lady lost her life here'. Derek will mention the name Llewelyn and will talk of caves. Baz says that if the computers have gone fawlty it is not paranormal. Derek will start marching like a soldier. Yvette wuill try not to giggle. It will all happen in the cellar! David will be a right idiot. Baz kept saying 'boyo'. There will be two orbs in the Victorian toyroom and the ghost of a litle boy will be sense by Derek but will not be spoken of.

So nowt in the way of predictions really.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 30, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Fat Baz predicts that Zoe will get pregnant by Den (not Dennis) !!
> 
> oops! Wrong prog.
> 
> ...



Well we know how right he is in 10 minutes.


----------



## Groucho (Nov 30, 2004)

What the hell _was _ that?!


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Nov 30, 2004)

Not what Fat Baz predicted thats for sure.


----------



## Siouxsie (Dec 1, 2004)

It was the first time I've been truly impressed with the table tilting stuff....it shit me up   

And that was weird with Carl and Yvettes grand parents, it's about time something half decent happened....I'm even looking forward to the live one from Blackpool now!

I bet Dirk was really pissed off that he wasn't part of it   .


----------



## Groucho (Dec 1, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Not what Fat Baz predicted thats for sure.



Well neither I nor Fat Baz get to see the prog in advance. All I can surmise is that the bits Fat Baz psychically keyed into were edited out.

As they say re Derek, if Fat Baz was 100% accurate all the time people would suspect fowl play. The fact that he is completely erroneous 100% of the time proves he is genuine!

The table was very impressive. It is a shame the camera did not show the whole thing (couldn't see underneath) but the way it moved did not seem to be as if pulled by Carl's feet (it is Carl I suspect of cheating the most).


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 7, 2004)

Bump for tonights episode


----------



## rachel07 (Dec 10, 2004)

*i like it when things move about on thier own*

 I like it when things move about on thier own. I think it was Chillingham Castle when after Karl, Richard, and I can't remember the name of the other chap were doing a seance and as they were getting up to leave the table moved on it's own and put the wind up them.

And the time in the brewery when the beer barrel moved into the room where I can't remember the chap's name was on his own. That one put the wind up me, because it sounded like it had been lifted then rolled. Then they were told it takes more than one person to move the object.

I still like seeing the orbs, although they are a bit of old hat.

What I would most like to see is a full apparition caught on camera followed by poltergiest activity.


----------



## Groucho (Dec 10, 2004)

rachel07 said:
			
		

> What I would most like to see is a full apparition caught on camera followed by poltergiest activity.



Fat Baz posting

Then I'm aftraid you will be immensely disappointed by the forthcoming Most Haunted Live.  They will film a full apparition _preceded _ by poltageist activity (which admitedly will include a lighted candle foating along a corridor). Sorry.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 12, 2004)

Has anything good happened as i've missed this latest one so far.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 12, 2004)

Another sodding quija board, this disproved this working much earlier on when after they looked away from the table and did it the table spelled out a load of incoherent nonsense.


----------



## xes (Dec 12, 2004)

Just realised that this was on. 

Ok,I will now be trying to get the Letter "U" and the numbers 7 and 5 in no paticular order;which come into my mind when I look into camera blah,not checked out the site yet,but that's my next trick.


Watch this space


----------



## xes (Dec 12, 2004)

I've chose to refer to webcam4. And have said that the letter U and numbers 7 and 5 seem important when I look at that cam. I was gonna use the name Fat Baz,but I don't want to anger the spirits


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 12, 2004)

xes said:
			
		

> I've chose to refer to webcam4. And have said that the letter U and numbers 7 and 5 seem important when I look at that cam. I was gonna use the name Fat Baz,but I don't want to anger the spirits



Under what name?


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 12, 2004)

If anyone gets U75 on the program wins the last ever MH live contest.


----------



## xes (Dec 12, 2004)

Under the name Peter from harpenden.

i was gonna use Baz from Spammington,but they ain't "that" thick,surley 

But....LOLOMGWAC* @ Derek trying to communicate with the shrunken head 


what a cunt*


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 12, 2004)

"John from Orleton, i keep getting the letter U and the number 75 in my head"


----------



## Groucho (Dec 12, 2004)

Fat Baz says Derek will later talk of a huge erection in the late 19th C.

Gerald will possess Derek. Derek is upset because Yvette pushed him off earlier and so is susceptible to _demonic _ possession, but this may become worse after he again makes a pass in the dark of the Ghost train. The shrunken head, says Baz, has spoken.

In the box there is not a live cat.


----------



## Groucho (Dec 12, 2004)

xes said:
			
		

> I've chose to refer to webcam4. And have said that the letter U and numbers 7 and 5 seem important when I look at that cam. I was gonna use the name Fat Baz,but I don't want to anger the spirits



Fat Baz will get a mate to possess your pc if you use his name in vain!


----------



## xes (Dec 12, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Fat Baz will get a mate to possess your pc if you use his name in vain!


No joke,but when I read that,the colour went all fucked and i had to degausse my monitor!!!

!!

*backs slowly away from Groucho*


----------



## Groucho (Dec 12, 2004)

*More from Fat Baz*

Derek will be 'attacked' by a spirit he has met before.

In a later evening the ghost of a Civil Servant will pass wind in the Winter Gardens.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 12, 2004)

Anyone got their message on TV yet?


----------



## xes (Dec 12, 2004)

I dunno,I've been barred from watching "such utter bollocks"   (my other half may have a point,but also may be asleep again so i'll go watch again in a bit)


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 12, 2004)

xes said:
			
		

> I dunno,I've been barred from watching "such utter bollocks"   (my other half may have a point,but also may be asleep again so i'll go watch again in a bit)



watch it on living +1


----------



## Groucho (Dec 13, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> In the box there is not a live cat.



Psychic Groucho - thanks to spirit guide Fat Baz - is 100% accurate yet again!

Not only was the object in the box NOT a live cat as predicted, it was in fact a _dead bird_. Of course a live cat chases and kills birds. 

Fat Baz rocks the psychic world...sceptics hide beneath your duvets!


----------



## Groucho (Dec 13, 2004)

"I'm earning! I'm earning!"  cries Derek in a sudden outpouring of hitherto suppressed emotion.

Meanwhile the majority of MHL viewers are adamant that the great erection of 1894, otherwise known as the Blackpool Tower, is in fact a paranormal beacon.

I wonder if we should poll the MHL viewers to see if they believe the moon landings never happened (friends for Ern) and whether they believe the folk on the TV can really see them....come on ...do YOU cover your privates everytime Yvette Fielding wanders into the screen? Hmm?


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 13, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> "I'm earning! I'm earning!"  cries Derek in a sudden outpouring of hitherto suppressed emotion.



I heard i'm earnie i'm earnie.


----------



## Groucho (Dec 13, 2004)

Baz. Come on now Baz give us summit amazing.
No fuck off.
Baz?! what's gonna happen tonight?
Fuck knows!
Baz, help me here please.
Well..
Yeh?
Nowt.
What?
Nowt.
What all night?
Yup. Just a load o' bollocks.
Oh come on Baz give us something.
No.
Why not?
It's just a crappy made up TV prog.
Yeh, right, like you're on your high horse all of a sudden!
Fuck off!
So?
So what?
Tonight Baz on MHL?!
Just pointless drivell.
Oh. Shit. So what about the rest of my life then?
The same, my friend. 
But it all comes right in the end.
No.
Not ever?
Nope. Soz, but it's all downhill from here, mate.
Oh....oh.


----------



## xes (Dec 14, 2004)

Has fat baz been drinking then? Seems a bit tetchy tonite. 

Has he..... 













been at ........







The spirits?





I'm so,so very sorry .


----------



## silentNate (Dec 14, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Tonight Baz on MHL?!
> Just pointless drivell.
> Oh. Shit. So what about the rest of my life then?
> The same, my friend.
> ...


Groucho- Baz is *wrong*- MHL is 'pointless drivel' but life is exciting and wonderful.


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 14, 2004)

silentNate said:
			
		

> MHL is 'pointless drivel'



*HERETIC*


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 14, 2004)

Why did derick feel the need to gurn like a pilled up nutter when he was overcome by William Stocker???


----------



## Kidda (Dec 15, 2004)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Why did derick feel the need to gurn like a pilled up nutter when he was overcome by William Stocker???



because he got the name wrong

the daft cunt

the lightbulb thing at the end was interesting 

did anyone else see that bloke in a puffa jacket when they turned the camera around, who quickly hid off to the right?


----------



## Groucho (Dec 19, 2004)

*Summoning the dead*

Derek Acorah is guest on a 2 hour live xmas special on Living TV hosted by Cilla Black


----------



## Thora_v1 (Dec 19, 2004)

Apparently Most Haunted have been filming in a pub I used to work at in Wiltshire.  When I worked there the landlord used to do ghost tours around it.  He'd take groups of tourists down to the "haunted" cellar, and after 30 seconds I would bang on a trap-door thing behind the bar to mimic a ghostly presence.  So its all a fraud.


----------



## Groucho (Dec 19, 2004)

Thora said:
			
		

> Apparently Most Haunted have been filming in a pub I used to work at in Wiltshire.  When I worked there the landlord used to do ghost tours around it.  He'd take groups of tourists down to the "haunted" cellar, and after 30 seconds I would bang on a trap-door thing behind the bar to mimic a ghostly presence.  So its all a fraud.



 

A pox on you!!  We are true believers in this thread.

Just because you were a fraudulant ghost does not mean they all are. Even this thread is haunted.


----------



## Thora_v1 (Dec 19, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> A pox on you!!  We are true believers in this thread.
> 
> Just because you were a fraudulant ghost does not mean they all are. Even this thread is haunted.


You're right, I take it all back.  I'm sure there aren't barmaids in "haunted" pubs across the country pretending to be ghosts so their bosses can milk a few quid from the gullible.


----------



## Groucho (Dec 19, 2004)

Thora said:
			
		

> You're right, I take it all back.  I'm sure there aren't barmaids in "haunted" pubs across the country pretending to be ghosts so their bosses can milk a few quid from the gullible.



So when things move of their own accord in my house and I hear spooky footsteps it means I have a barmaid?    

Pint of Ayingerbrau please, love. And a packet of crisps please?


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Dec 20, 2004)

Groucho said:
			
		

> So when things move of their own accord in my house and I hear spooky footsteps it means I have a barmaid?
> 
> Pint of Ayingerbrau please, love. And a packet of crisps please?



You said yourself that the ghost was carrying a tray of kind when you saw it so it could be a barmaid.


----------



## Groucho (Jan 4, 2005)

*.. Seance. ..*

Since we read that there is once again
 a spectre haunting Europe 
we decided that we should hold a seance.  

We did not quite find the spectre we wanted -
but we did obtain some interesting results. 
This message from a young British deserter 
shot during World War One 
shortly before the wars’ end was one:

*“The war marked my first intimate encounter with mud.  
Memories of the first year and a half I fought are muddy also.  
Never possible to get a clear site of the enemy - 
there was always mud in our eyes as much as in our boots. 
The loss of a friend and comrade, 
the suddenness of a life extinguished, 
a dismembered hand; 
these remain bolted to my brain like a blinding light 
amidst my clouded memory from this time. 

In 1918 clarity washed away the mud from our eyes. 
Clarity came in the form of a spreading crimson lightness 
which drifted slowly over from the Russian front. 
Suddenly the enemy stood clearly before us.
Their uniforms not too dissimilar to our own.
They were not across no-mans land 
as we had been led to believe. 

Lies. Our world sold for lies.
Our lives sold for mud and money.

The real enemy were amongst us; 
across no-mans land a mirror image of our own ranks: 
Frightened conscript soldiers, 
poorly fed and ill-equipped 
led by incompetent officers from an enemy class.”*
Thus the communication ended.
We turned our attention to modern entertainment.
On the TV we watched young soldiers embarking 
on a journey oversees.
Their faces grimly determined,
perhaps as our ghost’s had been in life
as he had waved fairwell to his own loved ones.
We watched the young soldiers grimly aware
that they would not all return.
The battles  they would fight would determine 
the outcome of international business deals
of the rich.


----------



## Groucho (Jan 4, 2005)

*Baz predicts conclusive proof of ghosts!*

Fat Baz predicts that tonight Karl will pick up on spooky shit. Sorry but Fat Baz insisted I say 'spooky _shit'_, rather than stuff or whatever.

Apparently Yvette will call out "Ooh Derek is acting all funny."

Baz predicts executions on the stairs. Sentencing and execution and prison all in one building.

What Baz? Choking? What? will Derek pick up on choking? Huh? The team will record the sound of a ghost? What really?  

Should be a goodly episode...


----------



## Groucho (Jan 29, 2005)

*Scaredy cat*

Tonight's MH recorded a ghostly mieow!


----------



## i_hate_beckham (Jan 30, 2005)

Groucho said:
			
		

> Tonight's MH recorded a ghostly mieow!


 When? i missed the first 1/2 hour so i can still catch it on +1 at the right time.


----------



## Groucho (Mar 13, 2005)

*Tonight's moon is a waxing crescent - 28.1% of Full*

Paranormal ghost tours have cleverly set up a website that uses the words Most Haunted live and Dead Famous (places) in order to pop up on searches for the above tv programs. Now I don't know about some crappy tour company for the gullible but I fancy putting a ghost tour of my own..I should think it would be possible to put on such a tour and to invite my spirit guide, Fat Baz, to communicate with the dead. I won't charge except for overheads and can guarantee a ghostly manifestation, but not absolutely.

Last night's MHL was not overly exciting and tonight's will be interupted, of necessity, by Casanova on BBC3. But candles are in place, the coffee is boiling, the chocolate unwrapped and the Tarot cards shuffled (smashing glass proving to be too dangerous for naked feet). The MHL team are too cowardly to use ouija boards or Tarot cards for fear of upsetting the God squad. Apparently Victorian parlour tricks with glasses are not as provocative to the fundamentalist Christian community as Tarot cards.


----------



## xes (Mar 13, 2005)

This is rather amusing.

Derek got possesed and started calling iffy (cos,well she is) a bitch.

I do love this.


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## i_hate_beckham (Mar 13, 2005)

David Wells tryed to punch Carl!!!


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## Groucho (Mar 13, 2005)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> David Wells tryed to punch Carl!!!



Didn't look much like a punch to me. It was more 'make like a scooby-doo monster'.   

Derek really lost it with Yvette tonight. I think that had been building up for some time and he could contain it no more. Expect he had to go off to change after.   

It was Karl moved those coins last night too. So Fat Baz says.


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## i_hate_beckham (Mar 13, 2005)

What will happen tomorrow oh great Groucho?


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## Firky (Mar 13, 2005)

load of fucking shit, had to endure it lastnight. Flat mates are addicted to it, and think tis real   

me n my mate, went up stairs n got wrecked.


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## Groucho (Mar 14, 2005)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> What will happen tomorrow oh great Groucho?



I can't tell you what Fat Baz told me because it is all too horrible.

An old woman on a bridge but incest and infanticide featured. There was something about a ghostly chicken, murder and a Knight (I think) but I have forgotten all but the horrible bits and FB has now f'd off refusing to verify his earlier ramblings.

Still, I can do distant Tarot readings instead??


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## i_hate_beckham (Mar 14, 2005)

Man turns off TV with remote control. How scary.


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## i_hate_beckham (Apr 12, 2005)

Why is no one intrested in the new series?


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## 80sHair Revival (Apr 12, 2005)

CSI's on at the same time.


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## i_hate_beckham (Apr 12, 2005)

CSI is shite in comparison!!!!!


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## 80sHair Revival (Apr 13, 2005)

Be that as it may, the acting in CSI is more believable.


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## Siouxsie (Apr 14, 2005)

Dirk was ultra dire this week, they need to fuck him off and use David more, at least if he gets bored he can smash a mirror over his head   .

I've heard on another forum that there are a couple of the 'behind the scenes' workers on MH that think Dirk is a tosser and have been dropping hints about the places and peoples names within hear shot of him, a while back Dirk come up with someone called Creed Kafe, an anagram of Derek fake and this weeks he came up with Rik Eadles, it comes out as Derek lis (lies ?), also he said the painting wasn't finished and the hands were missing......true, but not the one he was looking at!, he obviously knew before hand that there was one somewhere in the building, sham must have lost his psychic bearings   

I liked the bit with the door, draught or not, it was impressive.


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## i_hate_beckham (Apr 15, 2005)

Siouxsie said:
			
		

> I've heard on another forum that there are a couple of the 'behind the scenes' workers on MH that think Dirk is a tosser and have been dropping hints about the places and peoples names within hear shot of him, a while back Dirk come up with someone called Creed Kafe, an anagram of Derek fake and this weeks he came up with Rik Eadles, it comes out as Derek lis (lies ?)



I dont care whether thats true or not i'm going to tell everyone who watches the show about this.


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## Groucho (Jun 4, 2005)

Summer Solstice Special - Most Haunted Live.  Coming sooon....


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## Groucho (Jun 5, 2005)

Most Haunted Tonight from Isle of Wight. 

Fat Baz has whittered on about a giant snake. Not sure if he was referring to Derek and his infatuation with Yvette (according to Baz anyway) or something altogether more supernatural.....


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## harpo (Jun 5, 2005)

I lived in a crypt for 6 years and, I'm not sure, but there was something....


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## Groucho (Jun 5, 2005)

harpo said:
			
		

> I lived in a crypt for 6 years and, I'm not sure, but there was something....



A creepy vicar?


Fat Baz has now told me that there is a crying ghostly baby in tonight's MH and murder and ghostly monks....


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## harpo (Jun 5, 2005)

Groucho said:
			
		

> A creepy vicar?
> 
> 
> Fat Baz has now told me that there is a crying ghostly baby in tonight's MH and murder and ghostly monks....



Oh for cable!

No it was the pernicious interference of samuel pepys


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## Groucho (Jun 5, 2005)

harpo said:
			
		

> Oh for cable!
> 
> No it was the pernicious interference of samuel pepys



Might have a Most Haunted Live Summer Soltice party round mine...last one went with a bang.

Meanwhile tonight 'Alison' has been banging in the darkened hallway...


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## i_hate_beckham (Jun 5, 2005)

Groucho said:
			
		

> A creepy vicar?
> 
> 
> Fat Baz has now told me that there is a crying ghostly baby in tonight's MH and murder and ghostly monks....


 Fat Baz didnt tell you that, you watched it on tuesday.


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## Groucho (Jun 7, 2005)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> Fat Baz didnt tell you that, you watched it on tuesday.



No.  But Fat Baz did.


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## Groucho (Jun 20, 2005)

*Cripes!*

Yvette Fielding on her own in a Drury Lane theatre convinced that something is in there with her    has just jumped and screamed "What the hell is that?! Aaah, what the _hell_ is that?"

Er...it was her shadow!!!

Scared of her own shadow.    

Then, obviously annoyed, she started to provoke the 'ghost' and called 'him' a 'little shit' - "come out you little shit!" Then, late, still freaked out by nothing she junps at a creaking floor (herself again) "Oh my God, I'm sorry I called you a little shit."



However....there HAS been creepy breathing and a sudden horrific noise!   Caught on tape. To coin a phrase "What the fuck was that?!!!"


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## Echo Beach (Jun 20, 2005)

It's back on?? Cool


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## Groucho (Jun 20, 2005)

Echo Beach said:
			
		

> It's back on?? Cool



Summer Solstice special.  In a haunted theatre.  

I actually do think there was someone in the theatre with Yvette...this could be good if a theatre luvvie has hidden themselves (knowing the secret passages that all theatyres must have)  .... and then being a ghost.


Now - the table has _moved_. Fuckin table tipping bollox.  It is James apparently. (Says Derek)

(Can't communicate with FB - he's too knackered afterjknocking glasses off cpunters at an East End pub)


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## Groucho (Oct 28, 2005)

*Ghost hunters stalking about London*

Fake? Fake you say?    

There's gonna be a dog, a slimey thing and some dead monks.   

Fake?   

People will be saying that Fat Baz is not real next...

Fake!


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## Groucho (Oct 28, 2005)

Groucho said:
			
		

> There's gonna be a dog



Psychic Groucho strike one!

Thanks Baz...


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## Groucho (Oct 28, 2005)

What Baz _the craze_? Not tonight you say, but on MHL. Oh, the Krays, eh, Baz? The Krays?   Nah, mate the're doing the Ripper aren't they. Come on, Baz, give us some decent predictions.


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## Groucho (Oct 28, 2005)

Actually, who is Rachel actually? And why did the MHL team have to actually 'take her out'?


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 30, 2005)

Judging on what Fat Baz has said and he much better than sham i wish i had watched this.


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## Stobart Stopper (Oct 30, 2005)

Derek Acora is probably one of England's finest actors. His performance last night in the pub is Oscar winning material. The show is so funny, mainly becasue you can always predict what is going to happen next.
However..........
One day this meddling with the paranormal is going to trun around and smack them in the face IMO.
My cousin lived in an estate in Chingford in the 70's and some women did the Ouija board in one of the flats and from then things started happening, faces were seen at windows 4 floors up, and other stuff happened that had no explanation.


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## Stobart Stopper (Oct 30, 2005)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> I'm up for this trying to get our e-mails read out or on the bottom of the screen.
> 
> The one who gets the most wins the right to have the tagline MHL winner 2004.


I sent one in that read:
On webcam 4 I sense a man whose name is Ernest O'Lynch.
They didn't put it on, so I wil try again tonight!


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## Groucho (Oct 30, 2005)

Gentle rockin..rock, rock, rock

Yvette "C'mon harder, harder, I know you can do it! Harder. That's it. Wow!"

Wonder what a blind viewer woul make of it all.


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## i_hate_beckham (Oct 30, 2005)

Yvette: "Come on children, play with us some more" 
          "Please keep going children, keep going"

Kinky child ghost molesting weirdo.


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## jiggajagga (Oct 30, 2005)

Did anyone see last night when Derek said he kept seeing a 'Nigerian' black man who was a sailor.
Then someone asked why sailors would be in the area they were told that prositutes used the area a lot.
" Prostitutes are used to dealing with seamen" He said  

What a pisser!!


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## Groucho (May 7, 2006)

Tis not the same without Derek


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## cyberfairy (May 7, 2006)

Who is it instead? Pleae not ant and dec?


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## Groucho (May 7, 2006)

David Wells. I think Ant and Dec wouldmake more convincing mediums than he does.


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## cyberfairy (May 7, 2006)

I think it should be Marilyn Manson


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## i_hate_beckham (May 7, 2006)

I gave up on Most Haunted. They seemed to stop the last series halfway through.


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## i_hate_beckham (May 7, 2006)

This is AWESOME!!!!

http://badpsychics.com/thefraudfiles/modules/news/article.php?storyid=24/


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## Miss Potter (May 9, 2006)

i_hate_beckham said:
			
		

> I gave up on Most Haunted. They seemed to stop the last series halfway through.


me too, I used to love it but I don't like the new guy (David Wells?). I loved Derek Acorah, he was such a ham. Plus with all the stuff about how they make it all up...it just didn't seem as exciting


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## Groucho (Oct 31, 2006)

*Obituary*

Last night's I watched. They visited sights in Edinburgh I have been to. Very much gave me the impression of a show dead on its feet. Firstly there's no Derek Acorah. Interestingly Yvette Fielding has gone on record (today's Metro) to denounce Derek as a fake. At the time his fakery was exposed (as predicted by Fat Baz) the MHL team vigourously defended him. Yvette also mentions the fact that when Derek was pretending to be possessed he would assault members of the team. She clearly came to seriously dislike Acorah. No surprise to me as it was clear he had a big Yvette related issue. (Indeed Fat Baz said as much in his inimitable way). But Yvette now says that when he was 'possessed' he always took on the same voice..er..she didn't notice that the the time?! 

Trouble is David Wells is shite by comparison but has reached the lofty status as TV star elevated from his previous job as Horoscope writer for the Metro!

The show is seriously floundering. So last night they undertook to make the show a show stopper. The ghost/demon attacked them and cut them making them bleed. Yvette and her hubby had a row. She seemed genuinly upset saying 'it's all gone too far.' I think she was upset with the cutting - real blood etc. Cutting yourself up - even minor wounds that bleed but that don't constitute a serious injury - does seem a bit far to go in search of ratings. Although wrestlers did it all the time. The showmanship provided by Acorah and the studio team has gone. They are left with poor replacement actors and 'experts' and desperation. It is pathetic really. Scary even.  


One of my favourite shows has gone down the toilet.


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## alexG (Nov 1, 2006)

And now it's hit the US the yanks are loving it:

Check out the spoof on last week's Saturday Night Live with Hugh Laurie playing Derek!


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## i_hate_beckham (Feb 20, 2008)

New Series started tonight, anyone watch it? I have it Sky+ed so will watch it later.


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## PacificOcean (Feb 20, 2008)

alexG said:


> And now it's hit the US the yanks are loving it:
> 
> Check out the spoof on last week's Saturday Night Live with Hugh Laurie playing Derek!



"This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by NBC Universal "


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## poster342002 (Feb 20, 2008)

Groucho said:


> As a good Marxist I do not believe in ghosts.



Nah - it's 'djinns' instead, these days?


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## ch750536 (Feb 20, 2008)

14 months in the making.

'Errr, I can sense a thread, I think it may have died here under as bus about 2 years ago, says his name is Pamela, Arthur, Gerky or a name beginning with letters.'


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## Groucho (Feb 20, 2008)

i_hate_beckham said:


> New Series started tonight, anyone watch it? I have it Sky+ed so will watch it later.



Was out.


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## TrippyLondoner (Feb 20, 2008)

I intended to watch it but it bores me so easily these days. I only like watching them wondering around in the dark getting freaked out and get bored cause of the build up.


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## i_hate_beckham (Feb 22, 2008)

The build up this week was shite, the new medium is a big black woman with weird hair from the states called Johnnie. She picked up fuck all and gave no names of people like Derek used to even if he was wrong or lying it still made good TV. She did redeem herself slightly by saying some ghosts had been "professional scallywags" and using the word "skullduggery" a lot.


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## la ressistance (Feb 22, 2008)

guess what. they fake it alllllllllllll.


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## i_hate_beckham (Feb 23, 2008)

la ressistance said:


> guess what. they fake it alllllllllllll.


No they don't shhh.


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## i_hate_beckham (Mar 1, 2008)

Stuart caught a voice on tape saving the 2 hour episode from being complete toss.


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## purves grundy (Apr 20, 2012)

What about Ghost Adventures, anyone watching that? I've been working my way through a few episodes on youtube. These are stateside ghosts, more attitude, and the presenters are perfectly transatlantic too - a steroid-addled Jackass type fronts it and likes to provoke ghosts, and he has a sidekick a big lad with one of those nu-metal manicured little beards. They go mad for 'objective data' so use various instruments to measure spurious variables, and even have a spirit box into which ghosts can speak.

Anyway, top viewing, and whatever happened to i_h_b?


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## T & P (Feb 18, 2019)

2019 update. My other half used to watch this programme many years ago, and I often tagged along for its unintentional comedy value. She eventually went off it, and hadn’t watched any of it for the best part of a decade, but yesterday we decided to check out a couple of eps from the new series.

It’s got even sillier but alas it’s not as funny or entertaining. No psychic in the team anymore getting possessed by the resident ghosts, like good old Derek Acorah regularly was.

The ghosts themselves have become much more compliant and friendly, not to mention rather dull. All they seemed to do in the two episodes I saw was to drop old penny coins on the floor for our intrepid team of investigators to find. In one instance they dropped eight or nine coins in total in one session in the basement, with Yvette Fielding thanking the ghost after every drop and asking if they could drop another coin. If only they had been £2 coins, the team could at least gathered enough for a round at the local pub afterwards...


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