# Son has been kicked out of University



## passenger (Aug 6, 2022)

My son H has just received a letter telling him is going to be removed 
from his computer science course,for failing to do the correct amount 
of course work. it's his first year at uni in London, he has been staying 
at the campus in Wembley and really loved it, he is now in bits and finding it hard 
to work out what to do.   So I come to urban cap in hand for some advice.


----------



## Edie (Aug 6, 2022)

He must have really struggled to submit much if any work. Do you have a sense of why that was? University offers mitigating circumstances and chance to re-take a year well before removing a student. So he must have passed up a number of last chances. Has he been struggling with the academic side or personally or both?

Anyway I’m sorry for your lad and for you, such a worry.

Trying to persuade my lad not to do CS but cyber security, and he’s strong at that but not good at maths. Hear CS has a lot of maths inc calculus in the first year. It’s a hard degree.

Best of luck to him, and to you supporting him through this next wobbly bit x


----------



## equationgirl (Aug 6, 2022)

passenger that sounds like  he's missed one or more mandatory assignments if it's coursework. Is there a submission system that he can check to prove he submitted everything required?

On Monday he needs to get in touch with his tutor, if they are not available he should ask for the head of year.

Was he sick or have an extended period of time off? Did he submit a sick line from his GP to cover it?


----------



## equationgirl (Aug 6, 2022)

Edie yes comp sci does have a strong maths component including calculus - if he struggles with that I think you're right about focusing on cyber security


----------



## passenger (Aug 6, 2022)

Edie said:


> He must have really struggled to submit much if any work. Do you have a sense of why that was? University offers mitigating circumstances and chance to re-take a year well before removing a student. So he must have passed up a number of last chances. Has he been struggling with the academic side or personally or both?
> 
> Anyway I’m sorry for your lad and for you, such a worry.
> 
> ...


----------



## Edie (Aug 6, 2022)

equationgirl said:


> Edie yes comp sci does have a strong maths component including calculus - if he struggles with that I think you're right about focusing on cyber security


That’s good to know. Don’t think he’d manage. He’s like me, crap at maths.

Think Clair De Lune lad is doing CS in London so may be able to shed light on both the maths and the hardness.


----------



## passenger (Aug 6, 2022)

Ok he told me he did well in exams and i have always been on his case
he even had  a little job, he told me he got behind a bit but made up for it
this sounds like its over then i just donr know where he goes now


----------



## two sheds (Aug 6, 2022)

Yes, contact tutor as equationgirl suggested. You'd hope it's not too late if they can see how much he wants to do it.

Not that it helps but I was told I'd failed my second year at uni (electronics), so I didn't bother revising for the exams. I was then told I'd actually passed my coursework but failed my exams  I retook the year which was actually good because I did start working.


----------



## passenger (Aug 6, 2022)

Sorry im panacicing a bit need to have a walk will be back soon sorry


----------



## passenger (Aug 6, 2022)

Cheers for the advice everyone, just a bit hard to take in but at least 
there is some hope, just need to know what to do Monday morning 
with some good advice and let Harry know all is not lost.


----------



## A380 (Aug 6, 2022)

So sorry to her this. Two friends are (separately) in  similar positions  with sons who have not been submitting work and not telling them. It is a worry although in both cases its working out.

Does he want to tell you the whole story, if so great, give hi time and space to do so. But he might not want to, in which case I'm sure you will provide the level of love and support he does need.


----------



## mango5 (Aug 6, 2022)

This sounds rotten. Echoing what others have said, if he wants to continue, contact tutor, department admin, student union and student services. Often even coursework can be submitted as a re-sit. He may be the victim of of some internal miscommunication (including databases not syncing well)

If he is thoroughly discouraged, consider a different course that plays to his strengths and interests.  All my best wishes to you and him.


----------



## passenger (Aug 6, 2022)

equationgirl said:


> passenger that sounds like  he's missed one or more mandatory assignments if it's coursework. Is there a submission system that he can check to prove he submitted everything required?
> 
> On Monday he needs to get in touch with his tutor, if they are not available he should ask for the head of year.
> 
> Was he sick or have an extended period of time off? Did he submit a sick line from his GP to cover it?


Advice taken, his not been off sick so we can rule that out, I hope they give 
another, chance this might be a wake call for him, this is his first yea\r 
we  need to wait and see just seems odd they have left it until now to 
say this.


----------



## Edie (Aug 6, 2022)

passenger said:


> Advice taken, his not been off sick so we can rule that out, I hope they give
> another, chance this might be a wake call for him, this is his first yea\r
> we  need to wait and see just seems odd they have left it until now to
> say this.


But do you know _why_ he hasn’t submitted the work? Is he struggling academically? Struggling socially or personally? Lazy and partying? Disorganised? Until you know why it’s hard to know what’s the best next steps.


----------



## Raheem (Aug 6, 2022)

It will be clearing soon, so maybe one option would be to try to get on a course somewhere else.

If you're going to be funding it, though, in your position I'd want to be confident that the same thing won't happen again.


----------



## Puddy_Tat (Aug 6, 2022)

passenger said:


> just seems odd they have left it until now to say this.



i don't know enough about universities to offer much, but that.

from my (uninformed) angle, it seems quite extreme that the first step is turfing him out (unless he's done something really outrageous) - would have thought there would have been warnings and discussions first.

i do wonder if you've had the full story...


----------



## Fozzie Bear (Aug 6, 2022)

Sounds like you need a proper chat with him. 

If the expulsion was the first communication then you’ve grounds for appeal or to take it further. 

Have you seen the letter/email or just heard it from him?


----------



## bellaozzydog (Aug 6, 2022)

Puddy_Tat said:


> i don't know enough about universities to offer much, but that.
> 
> from my (uninformed) angle, it seems quite extreme that the first step is turfing him out (unless he's done something really outrageous) - would have thought there would have been warnings and discussions first.
> 
> i do wonder if you've had the full story...


This

I managed four years of fucking around and doing nowt at university while avoiding letting the parents know . They were very clear what the acceptable levels of work were and I just about made them to hang in till the end then leave with fook all 

It was only when I turned up at home skint with severely depleted serotonin levels that they realised


----------



## weltweit (Aug 6, 2022)

He needs to get in touch with the Uni / course people asap. 
He could resit the missing bits in the summer break if he has enough time, or he could resit the year.


----------



## muscovyduck (Aug 6, 2022)

mango5 said:


> This sounds rotten. Echoing what others have said, if he wants to continue, contact tutor, department admin, student union and student services. Often even coursework can be submitted as a re-sit. He may be the victim of of some internal miscommunication (including databases not syncing well)
> 
> If he is thoroughly discouraged, consider a different course that plays to his strengths and interests.  All my best wishes to you and him.


Yes, contact multiple departments. Could be an admin fuck up, tyrannical member of staff throwing their weight around, someone who's talked him off the course and is following up by sending this paperwork thinking they're doing him a favour. Or maybe he's not done something he was supposed to. But you won't know any of this unless you start kicking up a serious fuss. Without knowing more I'd lean towards the fault being with the uni because to be frank, they're vile places where people play weird games and shit like this happens all the time.

Also consider asking your kid to put in a subject access request under the GDPR to get your hands on the paper trail of what's gone on behind the scenes. Don't ask for specifics, ask for all their data.


----------



## Pickman's model (Aug 6, 2022)

passenger said:


> My son H has just received a letter telling him is going to be removed
> from his computer science course,for failing to do the correct amount
> of course work. it's his first year at uni in London, he has been staying
> at the campus in Wembley and really loved it, he is now in bits and finding it hard
> to work out what to do.   So I come to urban cap in hand for some advice.


Student union > academic appeal


----------



## Pickman's model (Aug 6, 2022)

passenger soz not read beyond your op but this is a very drastic step for them to take out of the blue so either it's a massive cock up on their part or there have been some intermediate steps before this. But my first stop would be student union for info


----------



## Miss-Shelf (Aug 6, 2022)

Lots of good advice already 

I work in a uni

Sometimes decisions are made at exam boards that students with less than  x credits will be withdrawn

sometimes that decision is reversed when the uni struggles to recruit in clearing 

All is not lost for your boy 

There should be a right of appeal   
Or 
An option to retake the year
Or
 the option to start again on another course and / or another uni 

He should atill have 3 years of student loan funding available 

Good luck


----------



## passenger (Aug 7, 2022)

Pickman's model said:


> Student union > academic appeal


This is the only way i am going at the moment ,my sons 21 a really wonderful
lovely lad ,he is  a bit yeah  yeah will do it in a minute type, but have been told 
by his friend's group that is very good at what he does, but can leave things 
to the last minute but on the other hand, I am a  bit un sure, this has just come out the 
blue I will ask him to email me the letter and go from there


----------



## Pickman's model (Aug 7, 2022)

passenger said:


> This is the only way i am going at the moment ,my sons 21 a really wonderful
> lovely lad ,he is  a bit yeah  yeah will do it in a minute type, but have been told
> by his friend's group that is very good at what he does, but can leave things
> to the last minute but on the other hand, I am a  bit un sure, this has just come out the
> blue I will ask him to email me the letter and go from there


Ask him to send you all the correspondence he's had from his department and other areas of the university, esp registry. One thing you learn doing casework is people want to present themselves in the best light and won't tell you things you really need to know to help get their problem sorted out. So to make sure you and the su can help your son you need to make sure the su have everything even if it weakens your son's case. There's nothing worse than being in a meeting and about to deliver the killer point than being told didn't he mention x, which undermines what you were about to say


----------



## ice-is-forming (Aug 7, 2022)

It absolutely _sounds_ like a systems and/or human error.

Or everyone is lying, 
your son to himself and you, 
his friends lying  to you,  
The uni lying to him
Your parenting intuition etc..

If something doesn't add up and he's being honest then it's gotta be some error by the uni surely.

If you're clear that he's telling the truth ( and it sounds like you are) then just prepare for Monday. But as pickmans just pointed out it's not uncommon when you're sitting with someone all prepared to advocate for them, for a piece of 'evidence' to be handed over the desk. And it's the first time you've seen it.  

If you want to clarify with him can you hang out with your son and have a  chat on Sunday?


----------



## Elpenor (Aug 7, 2022)

My gut feeling is, as others have said, you’re missing some key information and hopefully you’ll get it asap and can work out what to do  

Might I suggest that your son may not have felt comfortable sharing the full story initially as he wanted to see how the “failed first year” part went down with you before going into the finer details.


----------



## muscovyduck (Aug 7, 2022)

He could be holding information back because he's ashamed because thinks he's in the wrong when he's not, and it'd help his case if you knew. For example, if he's disabled, once he's told them, it's on the uni to be proactive providing support and following up if he's not using it. Unis are very good at playing on these sorts of insecurities to stop students holding them accountable or seeking refunds/compensation


----------



## spring-peeper (Aug 7, 2022)

muscovyduck said:


> He could be holding information back because he's ashamed because thinks he's in the wrong when he's not, and it'd help his case if you knew. For example, if he's disabled, once he's told them, it's on the uni to be proactive providing support and following up if he's not using it. Unis are very good at playing on these sorts of insecurities to stop students holding them accountable or seeking refunds/compensation




....or it may be that he doesn't really want to go to uni.

We were discussing your son's predicament, and that was my daughter's take on it.
I remember the phone call from her, voice quivering, asking if I would upset if she quit uni and went back to her old job.

I was not disappointed, not all kids want to continue their schooling.  She didn't, but went anyway......
She is now the head of her department.


----------



## equationgirl (Aug 7, 2022)

passenger said:


> Advice taken, his not been off sick so we can rule that out, I hope they give
> another, chance this might be a wake call for him, this is his first yea\r
> we  need to wait and see just seems odd they have left it until now to
> say this.


i doubt they have, this type of letter is very much communicating the last step in the procesd, not the first, and hints at a large amount of coursework missing. so he needs to be completely honest with you about what he's missed and why he's missed it.

did he speak to his tutor at all throughout the year about missing work?
did he request any extensions to deadlines?
did he ask for extra help from course tutors if he got stuck?

he needs to be clear about what is expected goung forwards - it's not like school, he is responsible for his own learning.


----------



## equationgirl (Aug 7, 2022)

In my experience, many tutors will bend over backwards to help students with deadlines and coursework. There may be caps on marks but sometimes getting it in and done is more important than how high a mark it gets. But ONLY if they students lets them know they need help.

Ignoring emails and letters doesn't fix the problem, it just makes it grow bigger.


----------



## Pickman's model (Aug 7, 2022)

equationgirl said:


> In my experience, many tutors will bend over backwards to help students with deadlines and coursework. There may be caps on marks but sometimes getting it in and done is more important than how high a mark it gets. But ONLY if they students lets them know they need help.
> 
> Ignoring emails and letters doesn't fix the problem, it just makes it grow bigger.


Yeh it's paying little heed to these intermediate steps that may be the problem.


----------



## not henry (Aug 7, 2022)

Perhaps your son would share his login details for his academic site. (blackboard noodle or whatever). This would show you what assignments he had, turned in, passed failed whatever. Many students and parents share this information


----------



## mango5 (Aug 7, 2022)

Oh cripes SO MUCH GOOD ADVICE on this thread.
In the spirit of conversation, I would emphasise H has many resources. Whatever his part in the communication issues they are on his side, especially the student union and professional and academic staff. I wonder if the honesty aspects could be dealt with through other channels. 
Then you just get to be the loving parent. Few others can give H that.


----------



## equationgirl (Aug 7, 2022)

passenger the main thing right now is how he moves forward and positions himself stronger for next year, irrespective of whether that's a repeat of year 1 or a progression to year 2. 

But to do that he needs to be honest with himself about what he wants to do. 

Is uni for him? Is this course for him? How does he feel about repeating a year?

Please tell him not to worry about talking to his tutor,they will have dealt with this issue many times before. It's important that he takes responsibility for not dealing with the issue before, and also make it clear that he is prepared to work pretty hard to turn things around.


----------



## bellaozzydog (Aug 7, 2022)

An alternate angle 

I’m currently living with a year one Philosophy degree drop out. 

Talking to him, leaving was the best thing he could have done for himself, he is regrouping and I think he’s sorting himself out and is about two years ahead of the course reading list for if/when he heads back into the fray


----------



## mango5 (Aug 7, 2022)

It takes strength to bail out of university.


----------



## Epona (Aug 7, 2022)

If it's the case that he's not been getting the work done, it could be that this course isn't the right one for him - better to find out sooner rather than later so he can decide on a different direction, if that is the case.  I hope you get to the bottom of it so you can give the right sort of support for wherever this will lead him


----------



## equationgirl (Aug 7, 2022)

mango5 said:


> It takes strength to bail out of university.


Very true. There should be more emphasis at school about different post 16/18 education paths and what to do if things don't go the way you thought they would. There's too much emphasis on getting into uni but to my knowledge very little if anything about what to do if it isn't for you. There's no shame in a change of direction.


----------



## Puddy_Tat (Aug 7, 2022)

indeed

although what are the student loan implications if you don't complete the course?  

i don't fully understand the detail, but a friend's partner didn't finish a degree course, and i understand the financial implications were not good...


----------



## equationgirl (Aug 7, 2022)

Puddy_Tat said:


> indeed
> 
> although what are the student loan implications if you don't complete the course?
> 
> i don't fully understand the detail, but a friend's partner didn't finish a degree course, and i understand the financial implications were not good...


It's true there may be some, but I did mine under the old mortgage style student loans and I don't know anything about the way current student loans are structured to comment on that aspect.

That said, if he speaks to the student counselling service or students Union they should be able to answer questions.


----------



## passenger (Aug 10, 2022)

Just a quick update H is going to see the Uni tomorrow, to talk about 
why he stugeld with his course work, looking at the mental health and 
other reasons that have built up to this situation, so the ball is roling ...

sorry for the late reply your input/help has helped a lot and there is 
someone from urban talking to him about this.


----------



## Fozzie Bear (Aug 10, 2022)

Glad to hear there is progress, passenger - fingers crossed for you and him.


----------



## Thistlewaite (Aug 10, 2022)

I'm unaware of the universities ways of processing until they get to the expulsion stage. 

However, from one human to another, I hope you will be ok and that your son will get the help he needs. 

Best of luck 👍


----------



## mango5 (Aug 12, 2022)

mango5 said:


> It takes strength to bail out of university.


Specifically, it's not intended one of those 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' sentiments. It takes strength to consider the options and make the decision. There is no shame in seeking advice from folks with more understanding of the system.  It takes strength to accept and absorb new information, especially when it's painful or disappointing to hear.

To me it sounds like H already has these strengths. Stay, go, switch, pause, repeat, whatever... All are difficult but indecision and regret are harder to live with.


----------



## Funky_monks (Aug 12, 2022)

I don't know how other places work, but we'd have to have a student that was totally failing to engage if we sent them that letter, and it would be preceeded by a "nicer" letter asking them to engage and have a tutorial/come up with a study plan. 

Has son been attending?


----------



## Ted Striker (Aug 12, 2022)

A few observations from someone who was a real dickhead at uni and for whom this is familiar...This is a tale 20 years old, but some things may ring true...

1. You have to work hard..._incredibly hard..._to get kicked out of Uni, especially in your first year. Especially squared if its fee paying and you are in good financial standing (i.e. no missed payments). Especially cubed for the oft heard stoty of "im a bit tardy with commitment in my first year adjusting to adulting away from home for the first time". First year (IME, maths so ymmv) is aligning the various a-level syllabuses to ensure everyone is equally prepped (and understand further ed disciplines like academic writing and logistics) for the real learning in years 2 and 3.

2. Calls for all paperwork/comns mentioned here are a bit of a misnomer.. Between the various dept pigeonholes, campus accommodation postboxes, personal email, student email... I would have zero paper trail. They were just 4 things I had to dodge. To think of a student that was fully on top of comms, but just couldn't execute on the deliverables, is incredibly rare.

3. I retook y1 with the most committed outlook that I would return to being _the _most disciplined student evah...Turns out that lasted 3-4 weeks...I had the same distractions, same as-then-undiagnosed boredom with the subject matter, plus a bunch of new clasates I couldn't bond with, as if would highlight my moronic dropping of a year, and they just weren't my pals from last year (that were now a year ahead of me). I do t think I'll ever be able to be convinced that retaking y1 works in the end, I'd love to see the stats on it.

4. NGL  it really hindered my job interviews (and general self worth) for my whole 20's, until the wasted 2.5 year period dropped off the bottom of my cv. In fact it was a bit of a cloud over me internally until...

5.  20 years later I got a masters from Birkbeck. Lots of people do similar (struggle with uni first time round). I was shaking when I got the result. Sad to say the first people I called was M&D, to close a bleak chapter with a triumph


----------



## wtfftw (Aug 12, 2022)

I'm in quite a bit of uni debt and dropped out. You make decisions with the information you have at the time.


----------



## two sheds (Aug 12, 2022)

Repeating the year and only getting a third didn't really affect me at all, I got the jobs I wanted. 

I might have done even better but at my first interview in my second year Marconi (as I recall) they asked me what courses I was doing and I only got three out of seven


----------



## Ted Striker (Aug 12, 2022)

6. Ooof...Just remembered the course is Computer Science...Hardest game in the world (imo) at Uni. Was like a course in Footbdll, Fruit Machines, UK Garage or AudioGalaxy for me...I.E Most of the enrollees would do it _for fun. _The computer lab was their Student Union bar. They could do the assignments in their sleep.


----------



## Wookey (Aug 12, 2022)

bellaozzydog said:


> This
> 
> I managed four years of fucking around and doing nowt at university while avoiding letting the parents know . They were very clear what the acceptable levels of work were and I just about made them to hang in till the end then leave with fook all
> 
> It was only when I turned up at home skint with severely depleted serotonin levels that they realised



Exactly the same. I failed first year, and they let me through. Failed second year and they let me through. Failed my year away in France in a major style. And scraped over the line with a Desmond after four years - AFTER WHICH! Might I add, I was accepted onto a Teacher Training course to do my PGCE. I ask you. The fucking standards in this country are diabolical. They NEARLY let ME be a teacher. ffs angry emoticon.


----------



## two sheds (Aug 12, 2022)

It was pinball, table football, and discovering spliff and music that did for me 

really enjoyed what I remember of the year though


----------



## Edie (Aug 12, 2022)

Ted Striker said:


> A few observations from someone who was a real dickhead at uni and for whom this is familiar...This is a tale 20 years old, but some things may ring true...
> 
> 1. You have to work hard..._incredibly hard..._to get kicked out of Uni, especially in your first year. Especially squared if its fee paying and you are in good financial standing (i.e. no missed payments). Especially cubed for the oft heard stoty of "im a bit tardy with commitment in my first year adjusting to adulting away from home for the first time". First year (IME, maths so ymmv) is aligning the various a-level syllabuses to ensure everyone is equally prepped (and understand further ed disciplines like academic writing and logistics) for the real learning in years 2 and 3.
> 
> ...


Excellent posts and so true


----------



## Wookey (Aug 12, 2022)

In answer to the boy's woes, I would say he isn't happy for some reason, and that might be difficult to truly ascertain, maybe he doesn't know himself the reason. The advance stage it's got to would hint that he hasn't kept you entirely up to date with developments as they've gone on (frankly, neither did I at that age). So I would offer your help, but say it comes on the condition (the one and only condition) that you need to know what the problem is properly, before you can help properly. Start there. xx


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 13, 2022)

My grandfather would say in this situation: "you have hit bottom, but it is an elastic bottom from which you shall rebound to greater heights".


----------



## existentialist (Aug 13, 2022)

Nobody appears to have mentioned Covid yet, and I think a LOT of people do not appreciate the broad-spectrum headfuck that it, and all the consequences it has brought, can create, especially in the minds of those in the school/university age bracket. It might be worth giving some consideration to that, and - if appropriate - citing it as part of your response.


----------



## mango5 (Aug 13, 2022)

It's a composite of ALL THE THINGS for everyone. We could all do with an elastic bottom.


----------



## girasol (Aug 14, 2022)

I did a Computer Science degree and I often used to stay up until all hours doing work, because there was A LOT of work.  It's not a course you can just cruise, I'm afraid.  It needs a lot of extra hours work, on a very regular basis - unless he's a computer whizz who already knows all the principles of programming and all the programming techniques/languages and can just code stuff in 5 minutes...  Even, then, the one guy I knew in our course who was like that, even he had to put the hours in!

I'm glad I was a "mature" student (23) at the time, there were so many distractions, which, I was more disciplined by then to ignore.


----------



## Riklet (Aug 14, 2022)

I suspect your son has not been honest with you about how far behind he is.

Even with a challenging degree like Computer Science, to get kicked out of first year you have to reallllly fuck up. Do no work. Reply to no emails. Make no attempt to contact the department. Have appalling attendence.. maybe not even go for weeks or miss multiple assignments and then fail to catch up. And he has no one fighting his case or arguing for him so he probably never went to go see his tutor etc.

He is an adult now and has to take some responsobility. This might even be good for him, as clearly the course wasnt working for him. But tbh I would be a bit worried about what exactly he has been doing instead of uni.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 16, 2022)

I have to agree with Riklet - the one similar case I saw, where not only did the kid get the boot, but the department refused to take him back and said that any attempt to make them take him back would be "contested vigorously" was a case of no work at all at all.


----------



## Clair De Lune (Aug 16, 2022)

Ask him if he ignored/didn't reply to any earlier communications from uni. If so it would be good to explore why and then correct that if they let him resit/submit work late. Its not unusual for a young person who has just become independent to use the head in sand approach and not want to let anyone know they're struggling due to shame, it can be a valuable lesson. All the very best to him. If he still loves what he's doing I'm sure he can appeal this but if he feels it's too much for him then there's no harm at looking for alternative courses.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Aug 16, 2022)

Best of luck for your son passenger

I have quite fond memories of being at Uni and living around Wembley in the early 2000s - I almost feel guilty to admit I found it so easy I was working two jobs, dealing with a difficult girlfriend, and dossing about on urban75 by the third year


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Aug 16, 2022)

bellaozzydog said:


> They were very clear what the acceptable levels of work were and I just about made them to hang in till the end then leave with fook all




That’s the ticket


----------



## passenger (Aug 18, 2022)

It is all up in the air,  hopefully, we get given a second  chance I have
not spoken to Harry in 2 days, just dreading this, was told there would
be an answer in 5 working days, from Monday It's started dawning on me now
whatever  the outcome I will be as good a dad as I can


----------



## Superdupastupor (Aug 18, 2022)

Double drop out here (in Scotland thank fuk- no fees for getting an education)

First time I was isolated, sharing a grande high vaulted volumoso room with some guy, we didn't speak.

I never wanted to go to uni- even though I self-taught myself to gain a qualification in order to get myself into a very selective course, but I ended up with modules in elec.eng, German literature, Spanish language, and some odd physics course. Not what I was aiming for and I didn't want to be there in the first place!

But there was a fucking harrowing family crisis going on so getting out of town seemed ok. I couldn't deal with it emotionally: there was a death of a granma and I didn't know if my brother was going l to die for about a year. My parents just wouldn't talk to me about what was going on or but for talk sake.

I decided after about 4 weeks that I was dropping out, but being away was away. I did the bare minimum to not rock the boat.

And I was 18, and a very early adopter of mephedrone. Probably half a key. I couldn't sleep on my left flank for many years afterwards as it was uncomfortable in the cardiovascular area.

And shame was the biggest driver of all.

The second time was more to my liking passing a year. Educating the educators in some instances. Not in a dickish way but I read probably 25 publications a month in and around the area of study, no socialising obvs.

But I was a precocious alcoholic. Had a depressive episode// the one's that prick up the ears of GPs. Who tbf we're excellent. I think with hindsight I was on and off depressed since early teens. There's not wrong wit me it's the world that's fucked- a principle that I have had to come to an accomodation with.

Shame and self-mu##. Alk cold-turkies

And now I teach. It's my vocation. Something I care deeply about.

passenger , I wrote this for me. Good luck, you care that's what counts.


----------



## pinkmonkey (Aug 18, 2022)

Ted Striker said:


> 6. Ooof...Just remembered the course is Computer Science...Hardest game in the world (imo) at Uni. Was like a course in Footbdll, Fruit Machines, UK Garage or AudioGalaxy for me...I.E Most of the enrollees would do it _for fun. _The computer lab was their Student Union bar. They could do the assignments in their sleep.


This made me LOL, my bro did conputer science at UMIST, he seemed to be there around 6 years wtf. He failed his first year, that’s all he ever told anyone. My dad had to bail him out constantly, I remember going to stay with him in his Young Ones student house. No work ever got done. We suspect he never graduated, because no one went to any graduation. BUT  He always was a jammy sod and of course he landed the right way up. He now earns a shit ton and has about 200 people working for him. He helped create iplayer, worked for the BBC, Sky and is currently working for some American entertainment conglomerate. As you said earlier, uni in your 20’s doesn’t work for all of us. He’s always been better at teaching himself outside of an academic setting. I’m the same, I taught myself a lot of software since the start of the pandemic, but as an employee, I flunked every software course they sent me on, I absorb no information in that setting.


----------



## Buddy Bradley (Aug 19, 2022)

spring-peeper said:


> ....or it may be that he doesn't really want to go to uni.
> 
> We were discussing your son's predicament, and that was my daughter's take on it.
> I remember the phone call from her, voice quivering, asking if I would upset if she quit uni and went back to her old job.
> ...


That was me too. Loved uni life but wasn't feeling the course, so I didn't bother at all with exams, then went to America working on summer camps - there were 3000 miles between us when I had to tell my parents I wasn't going back, made the conversation a bit easier


----------



## passenger (Sep 5, 2022)

Just a quick update we are still waiting for the uni to let us know if Harry can carry on
 or not, we called them today,the person we spoke to said it was 50 / 50 split either way
 so you can imagine the stress is building up, if does not work out Harry`s looking at
something called clearance, not sure what this means? tbh just hope they give him a 
second chance.


----------



## Raheem (Sep 5, 2022)

Clearing is the process of applying for course places that have not been filled. That could be at any institution, but probably not at the same one if they won't allow him to continue.


----------



## l'Otters (Sep 5, 2022)

Do you mean clearing rather than clearance?


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2022)

passenger said:


> Just a quick update we are still waiting for the uni to let us know if Harry can carry on
> or not, we called them today,the person we spoke to said it was 50 / 50 split either way
> so you can imagine the stress is building up, if does not work out Harry`s looking at
> something called clearance, not sure what this means? tbh just hope they give him a
> second chance.


I was wondering what had happened with this one. When they say "it was 50/50 split either way" did they mean that he had a 50/50 chance of getting back in, or that the relevant decision makers were split on whether or not to let him back in?

Well, either way, I hope it works out for him. Just one thing I meant to say at an earlier point in this thread: if the worst happens, and he has to move back in with you, don't under any circumstances let him hole up in his bedroom playing video games.


----------



## passenger (Sep 7, 2022)

Well really good news the uni has given him a second chance 
that was really stressful for all of us,I really was worried about what might of 
happened if not, Harry's mum is back from her holiday Saturday, so we can advance
more quickly, sorting the rest out  thank god for mums...... thanks for all the
advice /help one happy dad.


----------



## two sheds (Sep 7, 2022)

When I failed my second year it was actually good for me - I decided I was going to actually study the stuff I was supposed to.


----------



## Agent Sparrow (Sep 7, 2022)

passenger said:


> Well really good news the uni has given him a second chance
> that was really stressful for all of us,I really was worried about what might of
> happened if not, Harry's mum is back from her holiday Saturday, so we can advance
> more quickly, sorting the rest out  thank god for mums...... thanks for all the
> advice /help one happy dad.


That’s really good news 

Sorry I’m coming to this quite late, but was the original problem and its cause identified, with a plan put in place so it doesn’t happen again?


----------



## two sheds (Sep 7, 2022)

^^ what I was trying to say


----------



## passenger (Sep 8, 2022)

Agent Sparrow said:


> That’s really good news
> 
> Sorry I’m coming to this quite late, but was the original problem and its cause identified, with a plan put in place so it doesn’t happen again?


Yes I think the lesson has been learned, he goes in again this time 
learning from the mistakes,it can not happen again and I 
will do my very best to help him, as I always do.


----------



## Agent Sparrow (Sep 8, 2022)

I very much hope that’s the case passenger 

However, if it turns out that there’s an underlying issue or learning need there, particularly if he had any similar if lesser struggles at school, I hope the uni is able to pick them up quickly and offer appropriate support. I say this as someone who went through uni twice with an undiagnosed specific learning need.


----------



## passenger (Sep 8, 2022)

Thank you Agent Sparrow  I know where you're coming from.  
As mentioned before his friends at uni tell me he is a good student but 
tends to leave things until the last minute, and he tends  to look 
at life with rose-tinted glasses. H has never been out in the big world,he 
keeps himself to himself, but uni has helped a lot.


----------



## Space Girl (Sep 22, 2022)

My son is ina similar situation where he has failed two modules and we are presently on our second appeal otherwise he has to go back part time to redo those (with no funding for the course or accommodation costs etc) 

The lesson we have learnt and one you need to keep on top of is that they have to pass there assessments, they get to resubmit them once if they fail first time round - if they don’t get the 120 points at the end of the year, they won’t progress to the next year - you can’t move to another uni either without having the right amount of points to progress to the next year 

Funding wise you get the three years plus 1 just in case a year has to be resat

We have found my sons uni crap but the student union have been great so they can also help you if you need help in the future 

He is also doing computer science specialising in cyber security and is crap at math but can do computer maths..

I am now going to be checking all of my sons assessments to make sure he stays on track 

Hope it all works out for your so.


----------



## passenger (Sep 22, 2022)

Please keep me informed Space Girl  I need to learn more about 
this assessments thing, so I can gauge his progress without being 
too intrusive, I need to put my foot down a bit  I never thought the
golden land of university would be so challenging.


----------



## Space Girl (Sep 22, 2022)

passenger said:


> Please keep me informed Space Girl  I need to learn more about
> this assessments thing, so I can gauge his progress without being
> too intrusive, I need to put my foot down a bit  I never thought the
> golden land of university would be so challenging.


Yes defo will as it is a mystery and the unis don’t tell you anything- you can track their progress through the year so you do need to have reviews with your son every month and don’t listen to him when he says he doesn’t have the info as they have a dashboard that shows their progression


----------



## equationgirl (Sep 23, 2022)

passenger said:


> Please keep me informed Space Girl  I need to learn more about
> this assessments thing, so I can gauge his progress without being
> too intrusive, I need to put my foot down a bit  I never thought the
> golden land of university would be so challenging.


As he's over the age of 18 he needs to give his express consent to allow the uni to share anything with you about his progress (or lack thereof). They're not going to ring you if they think there's an issue without him saying that's ok.


----------



## Space Girl (Sep 23, 2022)

So an update 
Student union couldn’t find the time to help with the appeal …
Went to registration and found out that as the two modules he has to re-do are 30 points and under, they do not charge for him to do these part time (great news) as they are only worth 30 points combines  - not sure if this is the case for every uni 
He will be doing part time one day a week for two semesters 
He is in halls so we need to find out if he can pay just for two semesters or if he has to pay for the whole year and if they will be cool with that given he won’t be studying in the last semester
He is not going to appeal as he is stressing out and just wants to get it sorted
We will be pausing his student finance as we don’t want to use it for this part time year as we need it for the remaining two full time years he will need to do in 2023
I will have to pay his rent and food etc but at least I don’t have to pay for the uni study fees 
He will also get a job as he is only studying one day a week

It’s been hard to work out what is what as no one  explains the points, how many they have to get etc and the implications and costs etc if they fail

I would say as a big lesson learnt - if they fail their assessment and the feedback isn’t clear, insist on clear instructions as to what they failed on and why and what they need to do to improve  as this is vital when it comes to resubmitting the work
Also if there are issues that could impact their studies make sure the uni knows as if you don’t tell them, they won’t permit is as a reason for failing


----------



## Edie (Sep 23, 2022)

Space Girl said:


> So an update
> Student union couldn’t find the time to help with the appeal …
> Went to registration and found out that as the two modules he has to re-do are 30 points and under, they do not charge for him to do these part time (great news) as they are only worth 30 points combines  - not sure if this is the case for every uni
> He will be doing part time one day a week for two semesters
> ...


My youngest is wanting to do either CS or cyber security and is also crap at maths  Can I ask if it was the maths your lad struggled with? And if you’re able to tell me (PM if you want!) which Uni and course I’d be mega grateful.

My fear is him doing CS (rather than cyber security) and failing the maths.


----------



## mango5 (Sep 23, 2022)

Plenty of us on here can give views from the inside, so to speak. I have students in this situation every year. As you rightly point out, every university is different. I'm interested in student experiences or more accurately your summaries and quandaries. Thank you.


----------



## equationgirl (Sep 23, 2022)

Edie said:


> My youngest is wanting to do either CS or cyber security and is also crap at maths  Can I ask if it was the maths your lad struggled with? And if you’re able to tell me (PM if you want!) which Uni and course I’d be mega grateful.
> 
> My fear is him doing CS (rather than cyber security) and failing the maths.


Even if he struggles, there is a lot of help available, extra sessions if staff can do it, tutorials, hell even a few hours of private tutoring near exam time. Your lad is bright, but it's his call what he does. I personally think he'd get more out of a cyber security course than a comp sci one.


----------



## equationgirl (Sep 23, 2022)

Also remember this is the chance for students to learn independence and find their own voice. They need to be asking questions about why they're getting the marks they're getting. How/where can they improve? What feedback can they look at?


----------



## Space Girl (Sep 23, 2022)

Edie said:


> My youngest is wanting to do either CS or cyber security and is also crap at maths  Can I ask if it was the maths your lad struggled with? And if you’re able to tell me (PM if you want!) which Uni and course I’d be mega grateful.
> 
> My fear is him doing CS (rather than cyber security) and failing the maths.


He failed at maths all through school and I had a tutor for him - he failed his gcse and then went to collage to do computer studies and also do his maths and English - Covid came along and they literally passed him even though he didn’t take the exam - I don’t think he would ever have passed tbh - he was however fine with computer maths particularly binary stuff because it’s all about patterns, nothing really to do with maths 
He didn’t have enough ucas points to start his degree so went and did a foundation course at uni that preps them for their degree, it had nothing to do with cs, it was all different subjects, which he struggled with too but it did set him up on how to do assessments etc
He then went to go into his degree where his first year is cs and then the rest is where they can specialise and he is focusing on cyber security 
, but he has to go and resit the two modules fo no Cybersecurity security for his yet
He is in Winchester uni 

He also does bug bounties which you might want to look into for your son just to see if he is any good - websites like hacker one are good places to use


----------



## Edie (Sep 23, 2022)

Space Girl said:


> He failed at maths all through school and I had a tutor for him - he failed his gcse and then went to collage to do computer studies and also do his maths and English - Covid came along and they literally passed him even though he didn’t take the exam - I don’t think he would ever have passed tbh - he was however fine with computer maths particularly binary stuff because it’s all about patterns, nothing really to do with maths
> He didn’t have enough ucas points to start his degree so went and did a foundation course at uni that preps them for their degree, it had nothing to do with cs, it was all different subjects, which he struggled with too but it did set him up on how to do assessments etc
> He then went to go into his degree where his first year is cs and then the rest is where they can specialise and he is focusing on cyber security
> , but he has to go and resit the two modules fo no Cybersecurity security for his yet
> ...


Ta. No idea what bug bounties are. My lad seems to capture flags. No idea what that is either  #old


----------



## Space Girl (Sep 23, 2022)

Edie said:


> Ta. No idea what bug bounties are. My lad seems to capture flags. No idea what that is either  #old


If he is doing the flag captures then he should move onto bug bounties 
It’s where they check websites for bugs or vulnerabilities for companies - if they find big ones they can get paid 
My son got £350 from marks Spencer’s recently but all via hacker one which is a website that deals with bug bounties - that’s basically all I know as too old to be interested


----------



## Edie (Sep 23, 2022)

Space Girl said:


> If he is doing the flag captures then he should move onto bug bounties
> It’s where they check websites for bugs or vulnerabilities for companies - if they find big ones they can get paid
> My son got £350 from marks Spencer’s recently but all via hacker one which is a website that deals with bug bounties - that’s basically all I know as too old to be interested


Oh god if they could read this they’d be dying. Something about black boxes?  I’ll let him know about bug bounties but somehow expect he’ll be on it already. Well done to your lad!


----------



## scifisam (Sep 23, 2022)

Edie said:


> My youngest is wanting to do either CS or cyber security and is also crap at maths  Can I ask if it was the maths your lad struggled with? And if you’re able to tell me (PM if you want!) which Uni and course I’d be mega grateful.
> 
> My fear is him doing CS (rather than cyber security) and failing the maths.



Glad you saw this, Edie - was going to tag you after I saw the posts lining up!

My J has gone back to uni now. She failed her second year due to complicated reasons inc the covid lockdown. She's gone back part-time to a different uni now, and it seems that part-time student loans for extra years are easier to access than full time. Thought I'd mention it in case it helps anyone else is in the same position.


----------



## Edie (Sep 23, 2022)

scifisam said:


> Glad you saw this, Edie - was going to tag you after I saw the posts lining up!
> 
> My J has gone back to uni now. She failed her second year due to complicated reasons inc the covid lockdown. She's gone back part-time to a different uni now, and it seems that part-time student loans for extra years are easier to access than full time. Thought I'd mention it in case it helps anyone else is in the same position.


Is she doing CS? Or you just thought the discussion might be helpful?


----------



## scifisam (Sep 23, 2022)

Edie said:


> Is she doing CS? Or you just thought the discussion might be helpful?



I meant that I saw Spacegirl's posts so was about to tag you in this thread because you were asking about that topic elsewhere


----------

