# Wealthy Bristol residents install 'anti-bird spikes' to stop droppings hitting their cars



## editor (Dec 19, 2017)

Fuck the rich!



> Wealthy residents have attached ‘anti-bird spikes’ to trees in a bid to protect their expensive cars from droppings, outraging environmentalists.
> 
> The spikes – which are generally used to stop birds resting and building nests on ledges and nooks on buildings – were nailed to two trees in an exclusive part of Bristol.
> 
> The trees, located in the front gardens of privately owned flats in the Clifton area of the city, have been described by a local Green Party councillor as “literally uninhabitable to birds.”


Wealthy Bristol residents cause outrage by installing 'anti-bird spikes' to stop droppings hitting expensive cars


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## DotCommunist (Dec 19, 2017)

somewhere handy to pin their corpses for public display after the great day


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## Gromit (Dec 19, 2017)

I'm guessing by the level of outrage that these the only two trees in the whole of Bristol that birds can sit on. 

Perhaps people could build a third and maybe even a fourth tree in the Bristol area. 
Shouldn't be too expensive as they are made out of wood. Unless it's oak. That shit is expensive.


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## ruffneck23 (Dec 19, 2017)

Ah but the birds were there first....


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## fizzerbird (Dec 19, 2017)

Are they allowed to do that??


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## ruffneck23 (Dec 19, 2017)

It seems if you have enough.money you can do anything


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## Pickman's model (Dec 19, 2017)

DotCommunist said:


> somewhere handy to pin their corpses for public display after the great day


Or to remove and use as stingers outside gated communities and the like


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## Zapp Brannigan (Dec 19, 2017)

If these cunts can put spikes like that wherever they like, then so can we.

Start with their bath mats and mattresses.


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## Pickman's model (Dec 19, 2017)

Zapp Brannigan said:


> If these cunts can put spikes like that wherever they like, then so can we.
> 
> Start with their bath mats and mattresses.


And toilet seats


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## weltweit (Dec 19, 2017)

I don't know what trees they are but outside my son's place there are trees with berries on at the moment and the amount of berries and shit that comes down from the feasting birds is something to behold. Typically all the locals park elsewhere leaving those spots to people who don't yet know!!


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## Poot (Dec 19, 2017)

It would be a terrible shame if the tree were to grow a little but deform itself because of the cable ties, and the entire branch were to fall onto a Jag that was parked underneath. Terrible, terrible shame.


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## editor (Dec 19, 2017)

Poot said:


> It would be a terrible shame if the tree were to grow a little but deform itself because of the cable ties, and the entire branch were to fall onto a Jag that was parked underneath. Terrible, terrible shame.


Or if a cheeky magpie managed to pick up a saw in the middle of the night and somehow manage to lop off a chunky branch.


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## Ground Elder (Dec 19, 2017)

Or, if someone were to scatter bird seed over the BMW roofs


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## farmerbarleymow (Dec 19, 2017)

Most gormless comment quoted by the Guardian:



> The spikes are solely to protect the cars [parked under the trees]. There is a big problem with bird droppings around here. They can really make a mess of cars, *and for some reason the birds do seem to congregate around this area*.



Perhaps that's because there are trees in the area and birds tend to like sitting in them.


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## dessiato (Dec 19, 2017)

Whilst I'd be very upset if birds shat on my roof, a cloth roof is difficult to clean, I'd solve the problem by not parking under a tree. Given how much would cost, and how much trouble it would be to install spikes, parking elsewhere must be a much better option.

These people are just cocks.


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## farmerbarleymow (Dec 19, 2017)

dessiato said:


> These people are just cooks.



I take it you meant 'cunts'.


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## Geri (Dec 19, 2017)

fizzerbird said:


> Are they allowed to do that??


 
I wondered that, but I guess if you have trees in your garden you can do whatever you like with them. 

It does seem though that only an evil person could have come up with the idea.


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## IC3D (Dec 19, 2017)

I'm sure they're arseholes but bird shit really is bad for paintwork. If they chopped the trees down it wouldn't have even come to anyone's attention so on balance I can't get enraged about this. However (((Birds)))


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## peterkro (Dec 19, 2017)

How stupid are these people birds don't weigh 75 kilos so they'll just use the little branches to roost on.
Keas apparently are now endangered in NZ (when I was a kid there were hundreds of thousands of them) importing some to that area of Bristol might be a good idea (they are mountain parrots so the cold won't bother them) they'll destroy the cars then start on the houses.


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## Libertad (Dec 20, 2017)

Those cable ties won't last a year. (((Gravity)))


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## Pickman's model (Dec 20, 2017)

Libertad said:


> Those cable ties won't last a month. (((Vandals)))


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## Voley (Dec 20, 2017)




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## farmerbarleymow (Dec 20, 2017)

peterkro said:


> How stupid are these people birds don't weigh 75 kilos so they'll just use the little branches to roost on.
> Keas apparently are now endangered in NZ (when I was a kid there were hundreds of thousands of them) importing some to that area of Bristol might be a good idea (they are mountain parrots so the cold won't bother them) they'll destroy the cars then start on the houses.



That's an excellent idea.  Clever parrots on the rampage.


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## 1927 (Dec 23, 2017)

Geri said:


> I wondered that, but I guess if you have trees in your garden you can do whatever you like with them.





IC3D said:


> If they chopped the trees down it wouldn't have even come to anyone's attention so on balance I can't get enraged about this. However (((Birds)))



Has no one on this thread heard of environmental protection laws? Just cos trees are in your garden doesn't mean you can do whatever you like, do anything to a tree with a TPO on it and you'll find yourself in court and facing a hefty fine.


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## wiskey (Dec 23, 2017)

peterkro said:


> How stupid are these people birds don't weigh 75 kilos so they'll just use the little branches to roost on.
> Keas apparently are now endangered in NZ (when I was a kid there were hundreds of thousands of them) importing some to that area of Bristol might be a good idea (they are mountain parrots so the cold won't bother them) they'll destroy the cars then start on the houses.


There are kea's a stones throw away in Bristol zoo. 

52k people want the council to act although they say it's not their property.


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## Geri (Dec 24, 2017)

1927 said:


> Has no one on this thread heard of environmental protection laws? Just cos trees are in your garden doesn't mean you can do whatever you like, do anything to a tree with a TPO on it and you'll find yourself in court and facing a hefty fine.


 
Actually that isn't true. A TPO doesn't stop you from doing "anything" to a tree, it just protects it from _certain_ things.


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## 1927 (Dec 24, 2017)

Geri said:


> Actually that isn't true. A TPO doesn't stop you from doing "anything" to a tree, it just protects it from _certain_ things.


It pretty much does, unless for safety, or other legal reasons! The posts quoted were suggesting that you COULD do anything if they were on your own land and that cutting the tress down altogether would have been easier for the residents! I was merely pointing out that this isn't the case!


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## DaveCinzano (Dec 24, 2017)

farmerbarleymow said:


> Most gormless comment quoted by the Guardian:
> 
> 
> 
> Perhaps that's because there are trees in the area and birds tend to like sitting in them.



Wouldn't be surprised if the shitting birds were immigrants too


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## farmerbarleymow (Dec 24, 2017)




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## eskdave (Dec 30, 2017)

YOYOY-do ''rich people'' live under trees in Bristol?


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## butchersapron (Jan 29, 2018)

Latest Bristol tree drama. These selfish gits are really going to regret doing this:

Residents cut down a wood on Bristol railway line without permission to improve their views

So we have, putting the integrity of the embankment at risk, putting train drivers and passengers at risk, destroying badgers and bats habitat (this can be very serious i believe), ruining their neighbours views and opening them up to increased noise from the trains...


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## cybershot (Jan 29, 2018)

butchersapron said:


> Latest Bristol tree drama. These selfish gits are really going to regret doing this:
> 
> Residents cut down a wood on Bristol railway line without permission to improve their views
> 
> So we have, putting the integrity of the embankment at risk, putting train drivers and passengers at risk, destroying badgers and bats habitat (this can be very serious i believe), ruining their neighbours views and opening them up to increased noise from the trains...


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## strung out (Jan 29, 2018)

butchersapron said:


> Latest Bristol tree drama. These selfish gits are really going to regret doing this:
> 
> Residents cut down a wood on Bristol railway line without permission to improve their views
> 
> So we have, putting the integrity of the embankment at risk, putting train drivers and passengers at risk, destroying badgers and bats habitat (this can be very serious i believe), ruining their neighbours views and opening them up to increased noise from the trains...


The ringleader of the residents is called Jonty Cutting


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## existentialist (Jan 29, 2018)

butchersapron said:


> Latest Bristol tree drama. These selfish gits are really going to regret doing this:
> 
> Residents cut down a wood on Bristol railway line without permission to improve their views
> 
> So we have, putting the integrity of the embankment at risk, putting train drivers and passengers at risk, destroying badgers and bats habitat (this can be very serious i believe), ruining their neighbours views and opening them up to increased noise from the trains...


It will be interesting to see their reaction when they get presented with the cleanup bill from NR. Who, I hope, will charge them not just for clearing the site - getting rid of the logs, removing the stumps, etc - but for the replanting that will need to happen as well. There's a figure in that article of £25-30k. I hope it's more than that.


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## existentialist (Jan 29, 2018)

strung out said:


> The ringleader of the residents is called Jonty Cutting


Or, to his mates, Cunty Jotting.


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## Pickman's model (Jan 29, 2018)

strung out said:


> The ringleader of the residents is called Jonty Cutting


should be another n in there


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## Pickman's model (Jan 29, 2018)

existentialist said:


> It will be interesting to see their reaction when they get presented with the cleanup bill from NR. Who, I hope, will charge them not just for clearing the site - getting rid of the logs, removing the stumps, etc - but for the replanting that will need to happen as well. There's a figure in that article of £25-30k. I hope it's more than that.


not to mention trespass on the railway is an offence, criminal damage is an offence, conspiracy to commit criminal damage...


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## existentialist (Jan 29, 2018)

Pickman's model said:


> not to mention trespass on the railway is an offence, criminal damage is an offence...


And presumably conspiracy to commit criminal damage is an offence...

ETA: Ah. Very much so, under the Serious Crime Act 2007. Inchoate offences | The Crown Prosecution Service


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## Pickman's model (Jan 29, 2018)

existentialist said:


> And presumably conspiracy to commit criminal damage is an offence...


yes, yes it is


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## cybershot (Jan 29, 2018)

I hope they all have to put their houses up for sale to afford the bills/fines.


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## existentialist (Jan 29, 2018)

cybershot said:


> I hope they all have to put their houses up for sale to afford the bills/fines.


Damn scofflaws


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## xenon (Jan 29, 2018)

Absolute wankers.


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## 8ball (Jan 29, 2018)

So did a lot of people on here think the residents came into that kind of money by being nice people?


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## butchersapron (Jan 29, 2018)

8ball said:


> So did a lot of people on here think the residents came into that kind of money by being nice people?


People from Clifton and Montpelier are noted for being particularly nice locally.  The Cities favs you might call them.


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## 8ball (Jan 29, 2018)

butchersapron said:


> People from Clifton and Montpelier are noted for being particularly nice locally.  The Cities favs you might call them.



Unsure if sarcasm...


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## Pickman's model (Jan 29, 2018)

cybershot said:


> I hope they all have to put their houses up for sale to afford the bills/fines.


i hope they're unable to sell their houses due to subsidence caused by their chopping the trees down


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## cupid_stunt (Jan 29, 2018)

It will not only be the residents in trouble, but the tree surgeons too.


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## existentialist (Jan 29, 2018)

cupid_stunt said:


> It will not only be the residents in trouble, but the tree surgeons too.


We can only hope...

You'd think a tree surgeon, of all people, would be reasonably au fait with the question of liability and trespass...not to mention leaving the site in safe condition. Safe, in this case, being by the standards of the landowner, viz. National Rail, who are likely to be a bit more anal about it than "Ahhhhh, it'll be _fine_..."


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## editor (Feb 1, 2018)

I like: Campaigners throw 'pool party' at salon which installed anti-homeless sprinklers


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## Poot (Feb 1, 2018)

editor said:


> I like: Campaigners throw 'pool party' at salon which installed anti-homeless sprinklers


There's something so utterly mean-spirited about those sprinklers. If they were really desperate to keep folk out of there, they could have quietly put in a fence and gate for a similar sum and no one would have been any the wiser. And they wouldn't have wasted water OR pissed everyone off. And it's also going to freeze and old people will fall over. It's like they WANT publicity


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