# Stupid questions about the North



## cyberfairy (Nov 17, 2006)

Everyone who I have told about moving up North soon, says, 'brr, going to be chilly up there and rains a lot'. I am moving to lancaster, not the outer hebrides, a distance of around 300-400 miles. Will that really make so much of a difference? tis hardly palm trees and bikinis right now down south...
Oh, and am I going to have my accent mimicked all the time?


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## marty21 (Nov 17, 2006)

will you be near ilkly moor?

will you live in a cottage like the one in wuthering heights?

will you work down t'pit?

will there be trouble at the mine?

will you fall down a mine shaft?


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## Donna Ferentes (Nov 17, 2006)

Will beer be a pound a pint?

Will you see the latest films several weeks after they get them in London?


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## cyberfairy (Nov 17, 2006)

I spend a week a month up that way on average. Am aware that whippets don't stalk the streets wearing flat caps and drinking Tetleys. Would have moved there far earlier if that was the case. 
Just wondered if there was any significant merit in the stereotype of the north being a lot colder if it was only a matter of a few degrees 
I did not meant to sound patronising




Can one get olives there?


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## Donna Ferentes (Nov 17, 2006)

Well, there's lots of people _called_ Olive.


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## cyberfairy (Nov 17, 2006)

Donna Ferentes said:
			
		

> Well, there's lots of people _called_ Olive.


Mentioned this before but finally realised how posh Bath was when heard two three years old's at my nursery, debating the relative merits between black and green olives Toaday at lunchclub was a debate as to best flavoured hummous and what is yummy with smoked salmon in a sandwich


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## Donna Ferentes (Nov 17, 2006)

Reminds me of a conversation I sat next to in a university library restroom once.

"Have you read _Barchester Towers_?"

"Oh yes, many times."


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## cyberfairy (Nov 17, 2006)

Donna Ferentes said:
			
		

> Reminds me of a conversation I sat next to in a university library restroom once.
> 
> "Have you read _Barchester Towers_?"
> 
> "Oh yes, many times."


 I was showing a friend around Bath and pointed out Pultney (sp?) Bridge as the only bridge in Europe to have shops still on it. A headscarfed woman whipped around to admonish me loudly that 'Actually one will find that Venice also has such a thing'


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## Donna Ferentes (Nov 17, 2006)

Did you say, "yes missus but Venice is basically one fucking huge bridge anyway"?


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## cyberfairy (Nov 17, 2006)

Donna Ferentes said:
			
		

> Did you say, "yes missus but Venice is basically one fucking huge bridge anyway"?


No-said 'I don't know nuffink bout there cos always go to Blackpool on me hols, innit?'


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## cyberfairy (Nov 17, 2006)

Donna Ferentes said:
			
		

> Did you say, "yes missus but Venice is basically one fucking huge bridge anyway"?


double post


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## janeb (Nov 17, 2006)

North West = not that cold but prob a degree or so colder than the South but wet

North East = colder (and feels much colder 'cos of the East wind), drier

in my experience anyway


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## skunkboy69 (Nov 17, 2006)

Good luck for your move up here.It is a bit colder but you'll acclimatise.In fact........it's bloody freezin LOL


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## moose (Nov 19, 2006)

It depends exactly where you live. I moved from Manchester to 20 miles away, and it's usually several degress colder here. We get lots of snow here, but none where we used to live. 

You'll soon learn to combat the cold with butter pies and pints of mild. Your accent will be mimicked, but like anywhere else, learning a few phrases will endear you to the locals. Here are a few to start you off:

Tha cunt sto a pig ina ginnel - I say, you're rather bowlegged!
Put th'wood in'th'ole wi sneck on - kindly close the door and secure it
As't purrup mi snap? - have you made me a packed lunch? 
Eee, thas reet gradely! - Gosh, that's rather good!
Ize fur jiggered fro' skennin t'internet - I'm spending too much time on Urban75


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## aqua (Nov 19, 2006)

I want to move back north  *sighs*

*listens to people calling buses "buzzz" and thinks they're all a bit weird*


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## Errol's son (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> I was showing a friend around Bath and pointed out Pultney (sp?) Bridge as the only bridge in Europe to have shops still on it. A headscarfed woman whipped around to admonish me loudly that 'Actually one will find that Venice also has such a thing'



I thought it was Ponte Vecchio which crosses the Arno in Florence that was the famous bridge with shops on it...


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## chio (Nov 19, 2006)

aqua said:
			
		

> *listens to people calling buses "buzzz" and thinks they're all a bit weird*



They do that here and I'm in the north...


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

moose said:
			
		

> It depends exactly where you live. I moved from Manchester to 20 miles away, and it's usually several degress colder here. We get lots of snow here, but none where we used to live.
> 
> You'll soon learn to combat the cold with butter pies and pints of mild. Your accent will be mimicked, but like anywhere else, learning a few phrases will endear you to the locals. Here are a few to start you off:
> 
> ...


*writes on hand*

I had the bestest butter pie in the world in fleetwood last week-it had swede in it so was healthy

Maybe there are phrasebooks available outside Watford Gap? Or The Reeet Rough Guide t' Oop Noorth'


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

Errol's son said:
			
		

> I thought it was Ponte Vecchio which crosses the Arno in Florence that was the famous bridge with shops on it...


I'm not sure Maybe I've got it mixed up...


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## Errol's son (Nov 19, 2006)

Venice has the Rialto bridge http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rialto_Bridge whilst Florence has the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ponte_Vecchio. 

Ponte Vecchio is older and had a song written about it, I think, so that is why I think it is more famous.


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## Maggot (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> Everyone who I have told about moving up North soon, says, 'brr, going to be chilly up there and rains a lot'.




It does rain a lot, you'll need a Fleetwood Mac.


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## chio (Nov 19, 2006)

Maggot said:
			
		

> It does rain a lot, you'll need a Fleetwood Mac.



I don't come on the northern forum to read jokes like this  

...think you should get yours


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## Hi-ASL (Nov 19, 2006)

marty21 said:
			
		

> will there be trouble at the mine?


A dunno, lad. Too bizzy sortin' ewt orl t' trouble at t' mill.



			
				moose said:
			
		

> As't purrup mi snap?


Chuckle. "As't purrup mi meyt [meat]?" is an acceptable alternative.



			
				cyberfairy said:
			
		

> Just wondered if there was any significant merit in the stereotype of the north being a lot colder if it was only a matter of a few degrees


Dipends how nesh thi are, lass.



			
				cyberfairy said:
			
		

> Can one get olives there?


Can tha fook, lass! What dost tha think it is - Fortnum an' fookin' Masons!? Tha'll haf mek do wi'out yon jellied eels an' all - tha _soft_, suthun bastud!!!


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

chio said:
			
		

> I don't come on the northern forum to read jokes like this
> 
> ...think you should get yours


If tis a lot colder I might feel a bit chorley


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## Hi-ASL (Nov 19, 2006)

Hast got tha wellies by the way?

Tuck t' sheeps back legs in um, so thi can't mek off.


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi-ASL said:
			
		

> A dunno, lad. Too bizzy sortin' ewt orl t' trouble at t' mill.
> 
> Chuckle. "As't purrup mi meyt [meat]?" is an acceptable alternative.
> 
> ...


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## tangerinedream (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> Can one get olives there?



No, but you can get Wigan kebabs...





















Three pies on a stick!!!   

sorry.


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

tangerinedream said:
			
		

> No, but you can get Wigan kebabs...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


ooh, how delightful-regional and ethnic at the same time *runs to Waitrose to purchase said delicacy.


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## tangerinedream (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> ooh, how delightful-regional and ethnic at the same time *runs to Waitrose to purchase said delicacy.



Yes, the sticks I believe are made in Gidlow and the pies in Pemberton. Very regional.


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

tangerinedream said:
			
		

> Yes, the sticks I believe are made in Gidlow and the pies in Pemberton. Very regional.


And one presumes the sticks are from a substainable source?


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## Hi-ASL (Nov 19, 2006)

What's a balanced meal in Wigan?





A pie in each hand.


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## tangerinedream (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> And one presumes the sticks are from a substainable source?



I believe they are taken from the wood from window frames of derelict building of which there are of course many. 

*sigh* 

Why am i doing this? 

Did anyone else here hear Lucy over Lancashire by Paul Rooney on 'on the wire' last night. It was probably the best song ever in the history of the whole world. Positted the theory that the Devil has a hold over Lancashire and the only way to keep him at bay is through the power of Dub


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## TylerD (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> Just wondered if there was any significant merit in the stereotype of the north being a lot colder if it was only a matter of a few degrees


Well, I grew up in the North West and lived in London for a decade, so didn't particularly believe there was _that _much difference.

But I've since moved up to Yorkshire, and a particularly flat part of Yorkshire (yes, such areas exist!) at that. I can tell you that the winds blowing over from the North Sea are bloody freezing. This is reinforced in a semi-rural location because you're not getting heat from neighbouring properties (the well-known "heat island" effect that adds a few more degrees to London temperatures).

If you're moving to a decent sized city like Leeds or Sheffield, it won't be so bad, but you'll defo notice the temperature drop if you move to somewhere more remote.


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

tangerinedream said:
			
		

> I believe they are taken from the wood from window frames of derelict building of which there are of course many.
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> ...


Dubversion controls the devil and the safety of Lancashire lies within his hands?


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

TylerD said:
			
		

> Well, I grew up in the North West and lived in London for a decade, so didn't particularly believe there was _that _much difference.
> 
> But I've since moved up to Yorkshire, and a particularly flat part of Yorkshire (yes, such areas exist!) at that. I can tell you that the winds blowing over from the North Sea are bloody freezing. This is reinforced in a semi-rural location because you're not getting heat from neighbouring properties (the well-known "heat island" effect that adds a few more degrees to London temperatures).
> 
> If you're moving to a decent sized city like Leeds or Sheffield, it won't be so bad, but you'll defo notice the temperature drop if you move to somewhere more remote.


Have expreienced the Fleetwood wind and tis most unpleasant. Going to be going to Lancaster so hopefully be a bit more sheltered


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## tangerinedream (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> Dubversion controls the devil and the safety of Lancashire lies within his hands?



not dubversion you sad, lonely internet freak... unless this is him....


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## chio (Nov 19, 2006)

tangerinedream said:
			
		

> Did anyone else here hear Lucy over Lancashire by Paul Rooney on 'on the wire' last night. It was probably the best song ever in the history of the whole world. Positted the theory that the Devil has a hold over Lancashire and the only way to keep him at bay is through the power of Dub



How do you hear that? There's "the Northern Wire" on ALL FM in Manchester, but that's Thursdays...

(I've only been to Lancaster a few times, but the wind surely whistles across Morecambe Bay and straight into the town...)


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## tangerinedream (Nov 19, 2006)

chio said:
			
		

> How do you hear that? There's "the Northern Wire" on ALL FM in Manchester, but that's Thursdays...
> 
> (I've only been to Lancaster a few times, but the wind surely whistles across Morecambe Bay and straight into the town...)



a link for Britain's greatest piece of public service broadcasting, on it's own this programme makes it worth living in Lancashire. 

http://otwradio.blogspot.com/

check yr pms if it was the song you were after.


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## moose (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> *runs to Waitrose to purchase said delicacy.


You won't be needing Waitrose where you're going. You've got Booths fairly near.


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## tangerinedream (Nov 19, 2006)

moose said:
			
		

> You won't be needing Waitrose where you're going. You've got Booths fairly near.



Jesus man, I wouldn't mind a holiday in the next ten years, Booths is the most expensive place on earth... 

I can see fairy in there now...


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

tangerinedream said:
			
		

> Jesus man, I wouldn't mind a holiday in the next ten years, Booths is the most expensive place on earth...
> 
> I can see fairy in there now...


  Might need to get a job first as some people are so stingy with their wages that I will only be able to get the inferior white truffles instead of black until I start earning money myself


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## chio (Nov 19, 2006)

tangerinedream said:
			
		

> Jesus man, I wouldn't mind a holiday in the next ten years, Booths is the most expensive place on earth...
> 
> I can see fairy in there now...



I love going in their one in Knutsford when I'm over that way  but I always come out with an empty bank account...


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## MsShirlLaverne (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> Might need to get a job first as some people are so stingy with their wages that I will only be able to get the inferior white truffles instead of black until I start earning money myself



I'll take you on a sightseeing tour of Clitheroe if you like. Booths and an extremely posh wine merchants. Followed by lunch at the Inn at Whitewell where we'd have to wear dainty pearl earings to get a table.


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

MsShirlLaverne said:
			
		

> I'll take you on a sightseeing tour of Clitheroe if you like. Booths and an extremely posh wine merchants. Followed by lunch at the Inn at Whitewell where we'd have to wear dainty pearl earings to get a table.


 T'dream won't mind if I borrow his card-we are nearly married Right now he will be in Asda buying economy bread and mild white cheddar. I am reclined on the couch eating feta with olives in it-Not sure how long we are going to last together


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## chio (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> T'dream won't mind if I borrow his card-we are nearly married Right now he will be in Asda buying economy bread and mild white cheddar. I am reclined on the couch eating feta with olives in it-Not sure how long we are going to last together



You'll get on well as a northerner


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## tangerinedream (Nov 19, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> T'dream won't mind if I borrow his card-we are nearly married Right now he will be in Asda buying economy bread and mild white cheddar. I am reclined on the couch eating feta with olives in it-Not sure how long we are going to last together



When you've finishing lunching, you can get a job at the cement work there .


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

tangerinedream said:
			
		

> When you've finishing lunching, you can get a job at the cement work there .


That would play havoc with my nails Only just had them manicured!


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## cyberfairy (Nov 19, 2006)

chio said:
			
		

> You'll get on well as a northerner


I had a cuppa tea earlier-I'll be reet as you lot say


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## mauvais (Nov 19, 2006)

moose said:
			
		

> You won't be needing Waitrose where you're going. You've got Booths fairly near.


Heh, I used to work for them. Strange place.


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## tangerinedream (Nov 22, 2006)

mauvais said:
			
		

> Heh, I used to work for them. Strange place.



innit, I went to get some barmcakes for my packed lunch the other day from booths and they were £1.30 for 4!!! All they seemed to sell was 1256 kinds of fruit peel and some flour.


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## cyberfairy (Nov 22, 2006)

tangerinedream said:
			
		

> innit, I went to get some barmcakes for my packed lunch the other day from booths and they were £1.30 for 4!!! All they seemed to sell was 1256 kinds of fruit peel and some flour.


Do I have to swear alleigence to calling a bap a 'barm cake'   before i traverse north?


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## JohnC (Nov 22, 2006)

I just thought I'd mention that we've recently discovered central heating here in Lancaster. Quaint idea but it might catch on. Oh, and some of the houses have toilets *indoors*. How gross is that???

I had cancer a few years ago and was in hospital for a few weeks. When I came out, I called someone I'd had an appointment with to explain and was actually called a fookin Soothen poof. Not everyone's like that though.


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## Roadkill (Nov 23, 2006)

TylerD said:
			
		

> But I've since moved up to Yorkshire, and a particularly flat part of Yorkshire (yes, such areas exist!) at that. I can tell you that the winds blowing over from the North Sea are bloody freezing. This is reinforced in a semi-rural location because you're not getting heat from neighbouring properties (the well-known "heat island" effect that adds a few more degrees to London temperatures).



Holderness, perchance?  I grew up there, and it can be bloody cold with the wind off the sea.  Even in Hull you notice it, 15 miles inland.

As a Yorkshireman stranded in London, the warmth is one of the things I dislike.  In this summer's heatwave I was looking enviously at the temperature around Hull compared to London, and I doubt it gets properly cold in winter here either.


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## aqua (Nov 23, 2006)

Hull does real weather - compared to brum

when its cold there its a real cold, here its half hearted  it doesn't snow here, you have to go out of the city for 20miles to get snow and in the summer its just a hazy smoggy nastiness

*packs bags and moves*


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## Roadkill (Nov 23, 2006)

aqua said:
			
		

> *packs bags and moves*



*Joins aqua back in 'ull*


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## chio (Nov 23, 2006)

could the 'ull urbanites be making a last minute comeback


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## Roadkill (Nov 23, 2006)

Chance would be a fine thing...

That said, we had the old Hull crew together the other weekend, when aqua and I were both back, and we did a fair job of drinking ourselves insensible in finest Hull Urbanites style...


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## maggot974 (Nov 25, 2006)

best way of travelling 'oop north':

yorkshire airlines


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## Mrs Magpie (Nov 26, 2006)

Don't mistake mushy peas for guacamole


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## cyberfairy (Nov 26, 2006)

maggot974 said:
			
		

> best way of travelling 'oop north':
> 
> yorkshire airlines


  Fantastic- oh and wasn't it Prescott who mistook mushy peas for guacamole?


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## Maggot (Nov 26, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> oh and wasn't it Prescott who mistook mushy peas for guacamole?


 No it was Mandelson, Prescott is from Hull IIRC and wouldn't make that sort of mistake.


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## Mrs Magpie (Nov 26, 2006)

It was a actually a scurrilous story started and spread by  Kinnock


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## chio (Nov 26, 2006)

maggot974 said:
			
		

> best way of travelling 'oop north':
> 
> yorkshire airlines





it's funny because it's true

sort of


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## Maidmarian (Nov 26, 2006)

Maggot said:
			
		

> No it was Mandelson, Prescott is from Hull IIRC and wouldn't make that sort of mistake.



No , Prescott is from North Wales , but he represents Hull.


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## Lisarocket (Dec 1, 2006)

Roadkill said:
			
		

> As a Yorkshireman stranded in London, the warmth is one of the things I dislike.  In this summer's heatwave I was looking enviously at the temperature around Hull compared to London, and I doubt it gets properly cold in winter here either.



As a Yorkshire lass in London, i prefer the warmer temperatures. It's bloody freezing when i go back home to visit the folks in Scarborough. They call me a soft southerner nowadays and say that i speak like a cockney  

I took a Kibbutz lad from Israel to stay in Scarborough for 8 months. He thought it was hilarious that people on holiday insisted they were still going to enjoy the beach in sub zero temperatures with jumpers on  Just before he left someone in a pub asked him what part of Yorkshire he was from. He was aparently speaking hebrew with a yorkshire twang for years after


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## northernhord (Dec 10, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> Everyone who I have told about moving up North soon, says, 'brr, going to be chilly up there and rains a lot'. I am moving to lancaster, not the outer hebrides, a distance of around 300-400 miles. Will that really make so much of a difference? tis hardly palm trees and bikinis right now down south...
> Oh, and am I going to have my accent mimicked all the time?



Lancaster is OK,  quite an expensive, like a Northern version of Baaaath  
Yoo wont get your accent mimicked in Lancaster there are many Southern folk living there.
It is a little colder up here than down there, I lived in Bristol for 4 years and the weather was noticebly different when i went up to Bolton to visit my family.
It is very lovely where you are moving, and I reckon you wll be Ok, besta luck cyber


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## cyberfairy (Dec 10, 2006)

northernhoard said:
			
		

> Lancaster is OK,  quite an expensive, like a Northern version of Baaaath
> Yoo wont get your accent mimicked in Lancaster there are many Southern folk living there.
> It is a little colder up here than down there, I lived in Bristol for 4 years and the weather was noticebly different when i went up to Bolton to visit my family.
> It is very lovely where you are moving, and I reckon you wll be Ok, besta luck cyber


Cheers Just been wandering round house aghast at how much crap I have to move or get rid of 
Looking so forward to moving but gonna put nasty details like how to move a house's worth of stuff and cat across country when don't drive or have vehicle and how to find house and job  out of my mind till after christmas


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## northernhord (Dec 10, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> Cheers Just been wandering round house aghast at how much crap I have to move or get rid of
> Looking so forward to moving but gonna put nasty details like how to move a house's worth of stuff and cat across country when don't drive or have vehicle and how to find house and job  out of my mind till after christmas



You should be able to find work easy enough, there is a lot of it about up North at the Mo, and Ganja is cheaper up here


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## tangerinedream (Dec 10, 2006)

cyberfairy said:
			
		

> Cheers Just been wandering round house aghast at how much crap I have to move or get rid of
> Looking so forward to moving but gonna put nasty details like how to move a house's worth of stuff and cat across country when don't drive or have vehicle and how to find house and job  out of my mind till after christmas



make the cat tow the stuff on a gypsy style caravan


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## tangerinedream (Jan 14, 2007)

Maggot said:
			
		

> No it was Mandelson, Prescott is from Hull IIRC and wouldn't make that sort of mistake.



Mandelson organised for TOny Blair to be interviewed by Alan Partridge in a circa 96, 'grab anyone famous' attempt at popularity - When Steve Coogan turned up to do the gig, Mandelson asked 'Where's Alan Partridge?' and Armando Ianucci had to explain to him that Partridge was a joke!


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