# Good beaches to camp on - North Cornwall



## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

Looking for a perfect spot to wild camp looking out on the Atlantic - ideally one where we can have a camp fire without attracting any notice - so nearby trees would be helpful. Anyone know of any hidden spots?


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## ziconess (Jul 14, 2005)

I used to do a lot of beach camping here.

Wrong side of the coast for you but i'd thought i'd mention it. Go to Downderry & turn left. It has the added advantage at high tide of being cut off from Downderry so if you time it right everyone buggers off & you get the beach to yourself.

Waking up for a morning dip when your right on the beach is one of the finer things in life


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> Looking for a perfect spot to wild camp looking out on the Atlantic ..... nearby trees would be helpful.



:*smirk*:,,, not been to Cornwall much then?


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

Yeah I have been a few times and although much of that coast is beach, cliff and scrub, occassionally there are small copses which follow streams down to the sea.


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> :*smirk*:,,, not been to Cornwall much then?



Examples of copses near sea on the Atlantic coast:

Coombe

Marsland Mouth

Tregragon

Port Quin

I presume you haven't been to Cornwall much either


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> Examples of copses near sea on the Atlantic coast:
> 
> Coombe
> 
> ...



Wel, if you know all that, why are you asking _us_?


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## fractionMan (Jul 14, 2005)

You can camp in the sand dunes at constantine bay.  I've done it a couple of times myself.  Just take a disposable barbie and your set.  They've even got toilets at the carpark (which fits roughly 8 cars, so arrive really early/late).

Constantine is loverly.  North cornwal, white sands, great sunsets etc. pics


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Wel, if you know all that, why are you asking _us_?



And even without looking I suggests those are facing the Irish Sea...not the Atlantic Ocean?  ...'''aving now looked I can't be arse...yeah stay up near Devon...it's well nice and treeeey... best bit of Co0rnwall imho...build a fire where you want...best to do it under a tree as close as you can too the trunk...the flames should do nicely...you can watch the leaves burst into flame...well trippy...or if you get bored...why not pull of the branches and have a fire of the beach with it...or takes a couple of sacks of charcoal some firelighters and few oily pallets...tops!...or why not go to Boscastle...there's loads of old scaffolding boards in the harbour...loads of places to go, loads of fires to have hidden in copses..... really!


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

fractionMan said:
			
		

> You can camp in the sand dunes at constantine bay.  I've done it a couple of times myself.  Just take a disposable barbie and your set.  They've even got toilets at the carpark (which fits roughly 8 cars, so arrive really early/late).
> 
> Constantine is loverly.  North cornwal, white sands, great sunsets etc. pics




he wants trees and copses and fires on a beach////...ffs can't you read!!!!!!


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> And even without looking I suggests those are facing the Irish Sea...not the Atlantic Ocean?  ...'''aving now looked I can't be arse...yeah stay up near Devon...it's well nice and treeeey... best bit of Co0rnwall imho...build a fire where you want...best to do it under a tree as close as you can too the trunk...the flames should do nicely...you can watch the leaves burst into flame...well trippy...or if you get bored...why not pull of the branches and have a fire of the beach with it...or takes a couple of sacks of charcoal some firelighters and few oily pallets...tops!...or why not go to Boscastle...there's loads of old scaffolding boards in the harbour...loads of places to go, loads of fires to have hidden in copses..... really!



Hmm.. I am not normally one to pick battles on bulletin boards, but in this instance I will make an exception.

There is nothing witty about Lawrence Logic style pedantry, so can you take your Cornish martyr chip on shoulder elsewhere as you are neither helpful nor amusing. Heaven forfend anyone should ask a simple question and get a simple answer when it comes to your own holy barony. Cnut.


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> Cnut.



furry muff...have a lovely holiday in Cornwall btw.  ,,, Porthtowan  is v user friendly...but then what the fuck do I know byatch!...


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

I don't know what you know - you are too busy being a smart arse to tell anyone.


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> - you are too busy being a smart arse to tell anyone.



clickee the linkee luuuuvee!


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

*Hopes someone comes along with some popcorn soon*


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> *Hopes someone comes along with some popcorn soon*



always hungry eh?


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> always hungry eh?


fnar fnar


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## Backatcha Bandit (Jul 14, 2005)

I think what squelch is getting at here is that there aren't a lot of woodlands left in Kernow as we chopped them all down to feed the mine pump engines (you know, those lovely icons of Cornishness) or prop up the mine roofs etc, so coming on and asking where there are some trees near a beach so you can carry on burning the fuckers might just be a red rag to someone who has spent a lot of time and effort in sustainably managing what little woodland we have left - like wot squelch has...

...so you're probably better off stopping off in Devon somewhere and filling your boot with firewood there.


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> fnar fnar



sat on yer tiara again?


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## Backatcha Bandit (Jul 14, 2005)

...or I can sell you some old tyres.


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> sat on yer tiara again?


You know me - if it's still, sit on it


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Backatcha Bandit said:
			
		

> I think what squelch is getting at here is that there aren't a lot of woodlands left in Kernow as we chopped them all down to feed the mine pump engines (you know, those lovely icons of Cornishness) or prop up the mine roofs etc, so coming on and asking where there are some trees near a beach so you can carry on burning the fuckers might just be a red rag to someone who has spent a lot of time and effort in sustainably managing what little woodland we have left - like wot squelch has...
> 
> ...so you're probably better off stopping off in Devon somewhere and filling your boot with firewood there.



Very eloquently and succinctly put  If I didn't know better I'd say you're quite an intelligent young chap.


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## Backatcha Bandit (Jul 14, 2005)

No foolin' you, is there? 





If you put your ear up to the screen, you can hear it softly moaning _"Feeeeed meeee...." _


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Very eloquently and succinctly put  If I didn't know better I'd say you're quite an intelligent young chap.



what he and she(_...with the piece of tin in 'er cleft_) says!  


Ironically I've also spent hundreds of back breaking hours planting Marin grass to preserve and extend dunes..only to then watch fkkkn surfers and Army_type twats pulling the stuff out to throw at each other...what jakes!  

Support your Cornish woodsman/shops...find some log nets(look for oak/ash/hazel/hardwood as opposed to softwoods.... at a local garage/shop...build a sensible fireplace in a sensible location on a beach,,,prolly best above the high tide mark and AWAY from ANY vegetation at all...for the obvious reason!!!!,,,have your fire and camp by it...only clearly defined Private beaches can really really really put a stop to you...make sure the fire is out and throw heavier lump of char left above high tide line for others to find for bbq use?<<<<fkk bringing charcoal to a beach...go find shed loads of driftwood...good exercise for all...burn ...leave to emberficate and cook on when only white ash is covering entirity...and don't call me the Cornish Mears!


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## Backatcha Bandit (Jul 14, 2005)

Squelch, earlier today...



Entries for the 'caption competition' on a postcard to the usual address...


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

Oh I can dooooooooooooo sooooo mcuh better...let the byatch see the cnut!  








God I love those booooties!


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

My apologies for the tantrum. I am usually moderately reasonable.



> so coming on and asking where there are some trees near a beach so you can carry on burning the fuckers might just be a red rag to someone who has spent a lot of time and effort in sustainably managing what little woodland we have left - like wot squelch has...



Well I'm not going to start hewing down live trees to burn am I? Pitiful smokey old fire I would get if I was stupid enough to try. Credit me, if not with environmental sensitivity, then basic firemaking skill. I'm going to look for old dead wood. And not old rotting trunks either (not because they are an important part of woodland ecology but because they don't burn well when all soggy). Even a small copse of 6 or 7 trees can usually easily provide enough dead wood for a few fires quite sustainably. And even when I do get my little fire going for cosiness sake, I am not going to site it in the middle of dry grass with my tent 6 inches away. I know plenty how to get the right wood, how to light a fire and how to tidy up after. And in that regard a beach is pretty ideal as there is unlikely to be anything nearby to accidentally catch light - and there is an abundance of firefighting material at hand (sand and water).

Flippin' urban. Never safe from a self-rightous lecture.


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

So you know how to make a fire safely and ethically, you already know half a dozen beaches with copses in the area you want to visit - pretty pointless thread then


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## marty21 (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> Examples of copses near sea on the Atlantic coast:
> 
> Coombe
> 
> ...





coombe is lovely btw, spent a week there in May, stayed at a landmark trust cottage in the valley , they own a little hamlet of about 6 cottages, short walk to duck pool bay...beautiful area....


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

*Oh Penryn give me strength!!!!*




			
				Idaho said:
			
		

> Flippin' urban. Never safe from a self-rightous lecture.



Nah oh wise_one...Cornish beaches are never safe from stupid fkkkrs trying to exactly as you lecture us you don't...noted...always provided shit advice to Urban Enquiries....yeah I know just the place you want....lully spot!

And note this...why on earth would you think people in Cornwall would want to recommend a place,,,a nice secluded one,,,a peaceful one...to a complete ffkn stranger just coz they say they are going to be good'ens?

Quite often the Meeeedja publish list of very nice spots as recommended...they should do follow up stories to the twattage the spots get...  



Blllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh!  


Oh and



> Even a small copse of 6 or 7 trees can usually easily provide enough dead wood for a few fires quite sustainably.


 ...bollocks!  

and



> And in that regard a beach is pretty ideal as there is unlikely to be anything nearby to accidentally catch light - and there is an abundance of firefighting material at hand (sand and water).



more bollocks...  

but you know it all...so back to the fkU2s!!


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

I take it the placement at the Cornish Tourist Board didn't go too well then Squelch?


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> I take it the placement at the Cornish Tourist Board didn't go too well then Squelch?




_*goes and puts stingers on mainroutes over The Tamar_


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## J77 (Jul 14, 2005)

fractionMan said:
			
		

> Constantine is loverly.  North cornwal, white sands, great sunsets etc. pics


Good surf too 

Has the fire-starter been asked why they can't supply their own wood?


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> Nah oh wise_one...Cornish beaches are never safe from stupid fkkkrs trying to exactly as you lecture us you don't...noted...always provided shit advice to Urban Enquiries....yeah I know just the place you want....lully spot!
> 
> And note this...why on earth would you think people in Cornwall would want to recommend a place,,,a nice secluded one,,,a peaceful one...to a complete ffkn stranger just coz they say they are going to be good'ens?
> 
> ...




Beautiful example of pointless localism - acting like you own the place, when all you do is live nearish. I really don't want any suggestions from the likes of you, and indeed I hope my continuing trips to Cornwall on holiday piss you off.

Yeah small copses of trees can't supply firewood sustainably - you are right - mankind from the dawn of fucking time is wrong. Pillock.

How come the sort of Cornish localists are only present in the internet, and yet when you go to Cornwall you never actually come across them? It's a mercy really - but does make suspicious that they all probably live in Tooting.


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> How come the sort of Cornish localists are only present in the internet, and yet when you go to Cornwall you never actually come across them?



You've been fucking lucky if you haven't come accross any 
Most visitors experience of locals is based on the hotel owners etc and they all come from Manchester anyway.


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

I take it you've got a Davey lamp down in that hole? 

Gunard actuarsey!...not pollock...


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## Ground Elder (Jul 14, 2005)

> How come the sort of Cornish localists are only present in the internet, and yet when you go to Cornwall you never actually come across them?


it's because they are on the internet all the time - you answered your own question there


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> I take it you've got a Davey lamp down in that hole?
> 
> Gunard actuarsey!...not pollock...



Who are you talking to now? Has your carer taken a tea break?


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

Don't worry - keep it up and darkies like me won't infringe too much on your little paradise. Probably best that way - we might scare your granny, or slash the tyres of your post bus.


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> Don't worry - keep it up and darkies like me won't infringe too much on your little paradise. Probably best that way - we might scare your granny, or slash the tyres of your post bus.


  
Now now, that's just silly.


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Who are you talking to now?



The geekin' non_coppice knowledgeable Janner!  


moi?...a frikkn Cornish localist...wtf?...I take the piss out the twats and they _try_ to kill me!...reread the bit that bakatcha led you too IDAHO!!!...I take great umbrage to being force fed shit I know tobe wrong...be as righteous as you wish....as I said before...bllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeurgh!


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## marty21 (Jul 14, 2005)

i found some very friendly locals at morwenstowe tea rooms, and a damn fine cream tea too


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Now now, that's just silly.



....and gross and fucking stupid.


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> ...bllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeurgh!


There there,that's better, get it all up


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Now now, that's just silly.



So what is the justification for not wanting 'non locals' to come and responsibly enjoy Cornwall? What is it you have against us?


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> So what is the justification for not wanting 'non locals' to come and responsibly enjoy Cornwall? What is it you have against us?


Oi! Don't lump me in with all this shite   
I think squelch has a point, backatcha put it very nicely. It's nothing personal but we do get people thinking they know more about our county than we do (not saying that's what you've done in this instance)
I'm quite open in my hatred for tourists but then I live in St Ives


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> The geekin' non_coppice knowledgeable Janner!
> 
> 
> moi?...a frikkn Cornish localist...wtf?...I take the piss out the twats and they _try_ to kill me!...reread the bit that bakatcha led you too IDAHO!!!...I take great umbrage to being force fed shit I know tobe wrong...be as righteous as you wish....as I said before...bllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeurgh!



So let me get this straight; you are saying that it's always bad to let people know about secluded nice places. It's also bad to camp on the beach, and it's bad to remove some dead wood from a copse of trees in order to make a small fire - which you should never build on a beach. Yeah? Or is it only bad if you aren't from 'round here'?


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Oi! Don't lump me in with all this shite
> I think squelch has a point, backatcha put it very nicely. It's nothing personal but we do get people thinking they know more about our county than we do (not saying that's what you've done in this instance)



"County" eh? That's a giveaway 

Knowing about how to build a fire responsibly is nothing to do with knowing Cornwall better than a local


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## Ground Elder (Jul 14, 2005)

> "County" eh? That's a giveaway


or a typo


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> "County" eh? That's a giveaway



....is it coz I eats paaaaaaaaaaaasties?


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> "County" eh? That's a giveaway




 

Idaho - are you deliberately looking for a fight? Can you read the bit in my posts where it says I don't think this is what you've done in this instance. Thank you 

And BTW - Cornwall is a county - what's the problem? Should I say Duchy?


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Ground Elder said:
			
		

> or a typo


Well quite. Of course I meant country


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

*I'm not a rascist buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut......*




			
				Idaho said:
			
		

> So let me get this straight; you are saying that it's always bad to let people know about secluded nice places. It's also bad to camp on the beach, and it's bad to remove some dead wood from a copse of trees in order to make a small fire - which you should never build on a beach. Yeah? Or is it only bad if you aren't from 'round here'?



er...on the first point...a bit...mostly actually...coz even those that do say they'll take care...erm don't...but you seem like a responsible, caring intewlligernt person so...enjoy yourself.

as for the wood issue...wood that has fallen in Cornwall is 9 times out of 10 a waste of time burning due to the inherrent moisture content gathered and given through bacterial action...okay you get a fire...but properly seasoned...as supplied by a local woodmerchant is much more suitable.


mmmm. I did say it was fine to build fires on beaches...jus be very careful of embers blowing away especially...and ensure the fire is completely out before you sleep or leave...

non of it is 'bad' ...jus the way it is.

SO how many years have you lived in Cornwall and worked in their woodland Idaho?...there's only one black Cornish woodsman I know...but unfortunately ( as you righly indicated...though wrongly assumed..it's not the Cornish...it's the Incomers_new_settlers that come here "to get away from the niggers..."<<<Dartford/Brummi accent) he was given so much shit he moved to Brixton and is now earnin' as a tree_surgeon up there...5 times the wage for less hours...are you he?


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Should I say Duchy?




go on then pass it'over!!!!   *boooooooooooooooom_tsh!  


yer left handside maid,,,the lefthand side!


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## Backatcha Bandit (Jul 14, 2005)

Fuck this.  I'm going back to http://www.locals-only.co.uk/ !


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

Backatcha Bandit said:
			
		

> Fuck this.  I'm going back to http://www.locals-only.co.uk/ !



faf!...I really like Kristin's photography...bstrd!...soooo young!  ,,,but such a gurly name!!!!


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

No I am not a black woodsman. I'm not even black - I was doing a little bit of U75 pc thuggery  Just roughing you up to see if you still clung on to, what could be shown to be fairly dodgy views.

Wood no good for a fire? I wasn't planning:






just:


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## Backatcha Bandit (Jul 14, 2005)

Have you checked out the forums?  Idaho should ask _them_ about good places to camp...




			
				Diamoned said:
			
		

> what we should really do is all get pissed near da A30 smash all the bottles up so no out siders can get past wile we make a fort and import firearms from koria (like AK47's)cuz if a afgan can kill some with one we can as well we will get the money to do this by takeing over tha bank of england and makeing it the bank of cornwall and useing all da stuped emmits cash WHOS WID ME.  :twisted:
> 
> To join me send your name and below state you've been liveing in cornwall for more than five years
> remember if we find out your lieing we will kill you with a ill keeped hamster on drugs. send all names to da_ill@hotmail.co.uk


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> Wood no good for a fire? I wasn't planning:
> just:


But we haven't got any mountains in Cornwall  
And my views aren't dodgy. I hate tourists is all


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Backatcha Bandit said:
			
		

> Have you checked out the [



Did you see the post from the bloke asking where he could score in St Ives? Maybe we should give him a fake address


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## Backatcha Bandit (Jul 14, 2005)

or point him to the 'Barn' club.


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## fractionMan (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> he wants trees and copses and fires on a beach////...ffs can't you read!!!!!!


Well, you can keep your handbag to yourself, even if it's a jesty one.

The place I suggested is secluded, which I believe is what the OP wanted.  You can can pick one of the many sandy dips in the dunes.  Many of the dips overlook the sea, are sandy, flat bottomed and surrounded at the back and sides by dune grass.  To top it off, they are much higher up than the beach itself and often cut off from it by a swathe of grass.  It's a perfect spot for camping.


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

fractionMan said:
			
		

> Well, you can keep your handbag to yourself, even if it's a jesty one.
> 
> The place I suggested is secluded, which I believe is what the OP wanted.  You can can pick one of the many sandy dips in the dunes.  Many of the dips overlook the sea, are sandy, flat bottomed and surrounded at the back and sides by dune grass.  To top it off, they are much higher up than the beach itself and often cut off from it by a swathe of grass.  It's a perfect spot for camping.


You sometimes find that beaches which fit your description are prime spots for cottaging


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> Just roughing you up to see if you still clung on to, what could be shown to be fairly dodgy views.



I've been pondering on this remark and feel compelled to ask if you're suggesting that the people on this thread are racist? If you are, I think you need to apologise.


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

xenophobia and racism are two sides of the same coin.


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> xenophobia and racism are two sides of the same coin.


I don't think so. 

Are you saying we're racist then? Because if you're comparing people being pissed off at an influx of people who think they have carte blanche to do whatever they like in your town and who end up costing us more than they bring in, to having issues with someone purely based on their race then I really think you need to apologise.


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

> an influx of people who think they have carte blanche to do whatever they like in your town



So how many are there in this 'influx'? And what percentage think they have 'carte blanche' in 'your' town?


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> So how many are there in this 'influx'? And what percentage think they have 'carte blanche' in 'your' town?


Could you answer the question I asked you please?


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## butchersapron (Jul 14, 2005)

Fuck me, i see why you idiots need to try and troll bristol based threads now. You fucking pricks.

Nasty, spiteful, insular fucking drones.


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

butchersapron said:
			
		

> Fuck me, i see why you idiots need to try and troll bristol based threads now. You fucking pricks.
> 
> Nasty, spiteful, insular fucking drones.


*waves at butchers* 
Such a well spoken boy 

Anyway - I think it's only me that hates tourists. Backatty and squelch haven't said anything like that.


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

butchersapron said:
			
		

> ouch!




:mwaaaah:...is it coz weeeez localists?   

come, come it's banter...of sorts?...but Idaho you couldn't be any further from the truth if you put it any other way...you've been misinformed through ,,,,obviously,,,my words;and if that is so then I apologize for misguiding you. And now you on Us an apology? 



...that was abit unnecessary wasn't it bA?


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## butchersapron (Jul 14, 2005)

Not really. Just a bit fed up of the clown triumvirate.


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Anyway - I think it's only me that hates tourists. Backatty and squelch haven't said anything like that.




*points at the madz One_..she's right she's right!_  




> Not really. Just a bit fed up of the clown triumvirate.



I know!...it's hardly original..is it?...friends and thaaaaaat!  




it's time for another dose<for me> isn't it?


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> *points at the madz One_..she's right she's right!_
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I've never hidden my loathing for tourists. It 'flourished' when I moved near St Ives. Some of them are alright - the ones who realise that people live and work here all year round and that we aren't some kind of amusement park put here so they can stroll up the middle of the road all day long with their sunburn and their squaily kids, clogging up A&E with their sunstroke and sore feet from stepping on a fucking weaver fish or having to call out the air ambulance because they've let their kids in a  fucking dinghy in an offshore wind against the advice of the lifeguards or getting caught in a rip tide despite the warning flags , cos they know better, been coming here for 20 years and 'if I want to feed a seagull I'll feed a seagull' regardles of the fact that the seagull is then going to twat some kid on the head as it attempts to get it's ice cream or chips.
Fucking tourists - they can fuck off


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> I've never hidden my loathing for tourists.



This is why you don't answer my phone calls isn't it?    



*holds hand to brow...._mopping!_


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> This is why you don't answer my phone calls isn't it?
> 
> 
> 
> *holds hand to brow...._mopping!_



It's not just your calls I don't answer. You know the main reason I hate tourists? Cos they're people and I fucking hate people


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## boskysquelch (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> I fucking hate people



does that make yooz a humanist?


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> does that make yooz a humanist?



Yes I think it does


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## Idaho (Jul 14, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Could you answer the question I asked you please?



What was the question again?

I said that racism and xenophobia were two sides of the same coin. Are you a xenophobe?


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## madzone (Jul 14, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> What was the question again?



Are you saying that people on this thread are racist?


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## WasGeri (Jul 14, 2005)

I'll never forget the time my ex-boyfriend's mum came up to visit us for the day (from Truro).

We were driving through Easton, which is a multi-racial area of Bristol, and she suddenly shouted "Ooh - look at that darkie!" and pointed to this man driving a van the opposite direction. I swear I was completely gobsmacked! 

He pulled her up on it, but I honestly would not say she was racist - I really think it's possible she may not have seen a black person before, or rarely. I think she's hardly ever been out of Cornwall.


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

Geri said:
			
		

> I'll never forget the time my ex-boyfriend's mum came up to visit us for the day (from Truro).
> 
> We were driving through Easton, which is a multi-racial area of Bristol, and she suddenly shouted "Ooh - look at that darkie!" and pointed to this man driving a van the opposite direction. I swear I was completely gobsmacked!
> 
> He pulled her up on it, but I honestly would not say she was racist - I really think it's possible she may not have seen a black person before, or rarely. I think she's hardly ever been out of Cornwall.




I've heard that story before Geri. None of us on this thread are as stupid as your ex mil though


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## Idaho (Jul 15, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Are you saying that people on this thread are racist?



I have made the same statement twice now. I don't think I have anything more to add, and your cross examination skills aren't sufficient to force some terrible _faux pas_ which will condemn me to the urban stocks.


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## fat hamster (Jul 15, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> your cross examination skills aren't sufficient to force some terrible _faux pas_


LOL!


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## boskysquelch (Jul 15, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> I don't think I have anything more to add,



_*twists sharp serated edge pointy thing into gaping wound and rubs in some salt._

How about the apology you owe me?


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## ziconess (Jul 15, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> 'if I want to feed a seagull I'll feed a seagull' regardles of the fact that the seagull is then going to twat some kid on the head as it attempts to get it's ice cream or chips.




I once had a huge row with a brummie tourist on one of Falmouth's beaches, she'd bought a huge punnett of strawberries and was sat on the beach feeding all the 'poor little seagulls', I think it was the fact that she didn't eat one strawberry herself that really fucked me off, she'd bought them specifically to feed to the gulls.

She saw herself as some sort of Dr Doolittle charachter saving those 'poor lonely seagulls' from their terrible torment (whatever that was). I saw her as an ignorant brummie twat who obviously didn't give a fuck for the people of Falmouth & their wishes regarding the flying scavengers & their aggressive behaviour. 

Despite repeated explanations as why it was a shite idea to feed the gulls she just couldn't grasp the concept, some people are just too stupid I suppose.


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## J77 (Jul 15, 2005)

Geri said:
			
		

> We were driving through Easton, which is a multi-racial area of Bristol, and she suddenly shouted "Ooh - look at that darkie!" and pointed to this man driving a van the opposite direction. I swear I was completely gobsmacked!


My gf took her kids on a trip yesterday - they pulled up next to a bus full of girls wearing head-dresses - gf's kids were all pointing and stuff - one of the head-scarf wearing school teachers had a right go - it may seem like racism but kids in south bristol just don't see that kind of thing and were just interested - I may start a thread on this...

btw: Geri - your tagline - were you really banned? The first banned bristolite ?!?


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## fat hamster (Jul 15, 2005)

J77 said:
			
		

> btw: Geri - your tagline - were you really banned? The first banned bristolite ?!?


Yes.


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> I have made the same statement twice now. I don't think I have anything more to add, and your cross examination skills aren't sufficient to force some terrible _faux pas_ which will condemn me to the urban stocks.


Soooo paranoid 

Are you from Bristol?


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

fat hamster said:
			
		

> LOL!


Fat Hamster. I don't know what your problem is with me recently but can you please fuck off? You're making yourself look like a neurotic stalker


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> _*twists sharp serated edge pointy thing into gaping wound and rubs in some salt._
> 
> How about the apology you owe me?


And me


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

ziconess said:
			
		

> I once had a huge row with a brummie tourist on one of Falmouth's beaches, she'd bought a huge punnett of strawberries and was sat on the beach feeding all the 'poor little seagulls', I think it was the fact that she didn't eat one strawberry herself that really fucked me off, she'd bought them specifically to feed to the gulls.
> 
> She saw herself as some sort of Dr Doolittle charachter saving those 'poor lonely seagulls' from their terrible torment (whatever that was). I saw her as an ignorant brummie twat who obviously didn't give a fuck for the people of Falmouth & their wishes regarding the flying scavengers & their aggressive behaviour.
> 
> Despite repeated explanations as why it was a shite idea to feed the gulls she just couldn't grasp the concept, some people are just too stupid I suppose.




X 10  People do what they want, fuck the residents. I have to say that living in Cornwall has made me a better visitor to other places. I always try to bear in mind that people live all year round in the places I visit - I certainly don't feel like I should be able to do what I want just because I'm on holiday.

Well done for standing up to the silly cow anyway


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## J77 (Jul 15, 2005)

fat hamster said:
			
		

> Yes.
> 
> Understandably, IMO, me being Aspergers too 'n'all.


Oh 

Anyway time for my multi-culturism of Bristol thread.

Await it with anticipation.


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## tobyjug (Jul 15, 2005)

ziconess said:
			
		

> Despite repeated explanations as why it was a shite idea to feed the gulls she just couldn't grasp the concept, some people are just too stupid I suppose.



There are byelaws with on the spot fines for feeding seagulls in some places in Cornwall and Devon.


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

tobyjug said:
			
		

> There are byelaws with on the spot fines for feeding seagulls in some places in Cornwall and Devon.


My particular idea for a deterrent was turned down by PDC. I suggested that anyone caught feeding seagulls should be covered in cat food and tied to St Ives seafront railings. Then they'd see how 'sweet' the the seagulls are


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## Idaho (Jul 15, 2005)

squelch said:
			
		

> How about the apology you owe me?



I feel really sorry for you


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## boskysquelch (Jul 15, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> I feel really sorry for you



You wouldn't if you knew what I know but you don't!


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## tobyjug (Jul 15, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> My particular idea for a deterrent was turned down by PDC. I suggested that anyone caught feeding seagulls should be covered in cat food and tied to St Ives seafront railings. Then they'd see how 'sweet' the the seagulls are



I would buy a ticket to watch that.


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## Idaho (Jul 15, 2005)

Feeding seagulls is not a problem only in twee Cornwall. It's a problem in all coastal towns. Likewise feeding pigeons.

Batty old ladies seem to be the worst culprits.


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> Feeding seagulls is not a problem only in *twee* Cornwall.



Who said it was?
And if Cornwall's so distasteful why do you want to come here? I'm sure you could find somewhere much more suited to your cosmopolitan tastes. Like Swindon.


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## Ground Elder (Jul 15, 2005)

Bastard sea gull stole my sandwich yesterday, (funnily enough I was having a fire on the beach at the time), but I still love them


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## fat hamster (Jul 15, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Fat Hamster. I don't know what your problem is with me recently but can you please fuck off? You're making yourself look like a neurotic stalker


I've told you lots of times what my problem with you is.  And no, I don't want to discuss it by PM - I have no problem with you beyond certain specific behaviours which I've asked many times you to stop.  It's a shame you don't seem to be able to read and understand what I've already said. 

I tell you what: you stop telling other posters to shut up, and I'll keep out of your way.  Deal?


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

fat hamster said:
			
		

> I've told you lots of times what my problem with you is.  And no, I don't want to discuss it by PM - I have no problem with you beyond certain specific behaviours which I've asked many times you to stop.  It's a shame you don't seem to be able to read and understand what I've already said.
> 
> I tell you what: you stop telling other posters to shut up, and I'll keep out of your way.  Deal?


When have you told me what your problem is? Apart from saying 'Fuck off thick troll' I've no idea what you're on about. I sent you one PM last week asking what was wrong so don't seek to big yourself up here by insinuating that I've been PM'ing you (plural). Certain specific behaviours which you've asked me to stop?? a) I haven't got a fucking clue what you mean b) Who the fuck do you think you are? 
Why don't you fuck off and do some NLP on yourself and deal with some of your fucking huge issues and stop telling other posters what to do?
Or you can carry on following me round the boards making snide digs - your choice but you look even more of a twat than normal.


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

Ground Elder said:
			
		

> Bastard sea gull stole my sandwich yesterday, (funnily enough I was having a fire on the beach at the time), but I still love them


You're mad and you in't from reund ere


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## Idaho (Jul 15, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Who said it was?
> And if Cornwall's so distasteful why do you want to come here? I'm sure you could find somewhere much more suited to your cosmopolitan tastes. Like Swindon.



I have wondered about why it is that you seem to attract so much hostility Madzone - and I have now realised why. You actually go out looking for it.

I happen to like twee.


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> I have wondered about why it is that you seem to attract so much hostility Madzone - and I have now realised why. You actually go out looking for it.
> 
> I happen to like twee.



Aww thanks doc - can I tell you about my childhood now?   
I don't look for hostility  and I certainly don't attract it- what a prattish thing to say. I do enjoy a good barney every now and then but nothing major.
Have a nice camping trip won't you?


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## Idaho (Jul 15, 2005)

Ground Elder said:
			
		

> Bastard sea gull stole my sandwich yesterday, (funnily enough I was having a fire on the beach at the time), but I still love them



A what! HOW DARE YOU! Kill the heretic!


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> A what! HOW DARE YOU! Kill the heretic!


S'ok - he's local


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## Idaho (Jul 15, 2005)

Yeah but how local? He's only allowed to have fires on the beach if he was both conceived and born on that beach to full blood Cornish parents high on clotted cream fudge and draped in the flag of St Piran.


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> Yeah but how local? He's only allowed to have fires on the beach if he was both conceived and born on that beach to full blood Cornish parents high on clotted cream fudge and draped in the flag of St Piran.


Fudge is a devon thang


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## Idaho (Jul 15, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Fudge is a devon thang



So are pasties - but we are generous enough to let that one ride


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

Idaho said:
			
		

> So are pasties - but we are generous enough to let that one ride


Link?

Cos I think they're an Irish thing. I'd be fucking glad if they couldn't be attributed to Cornwall, they're the culinary work of satan


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## Backatcha Bandit (Jul 15, 2005)

Ground Elder said:
			
		

> Bastard sea gull stole my sandwich yesterday, (funnily enough I was having a fire on the beach at the time), but I still love them



That must have been one of the specially trained (at your expense) 'PDC Beach Fire Warden' shite-hawks.  They had to get them in because we ran out of Australians.  

-

Vaugely amusing 'tourist' tale...

Last year I had to nip up to 'druth to pick up a (-nother   ) monster truck for a customer.  On the way back I pulled into a layby to make a phonecall, just as I finished, the occupants of the car in front of me (also parked in the layby) rolled down their window and chucked the spent wrappings of the Maccy-D's 'Happy Meal' they had just scoffed onto the verge, then pulled away.

Sighing, I wandered over to pick it up - making a quick mental note of the car's reg.  There was no bin in the layby, so I dumped it in the passenger footwell and carried on my way.

A little further down the line I came across the car again, so I hung back a few cars behind and followed them - all the way to (surprise!) that huge caravan park up in the Towans behind Hayle.

I tapped on the driver's window, which he opened, and said in my politest voice "excuse me, Sir, I believe you may have dropped something..." - handing him the pile of litter, which fell into his lap.

He looked a bit taken aback, turned bright red - but then turned to his two kids on the back seat and snarled at them "Did you chuck this out of the window?!?" - at which point, the lady (presumably his wife) in the passenger seat shrieked "FOR FUCK'S SAKE DAVE!  YOU *TOLD* THEM TO DO IT!"...

'Dave' them went a peculiar purple colour that I've never seen before - at which point I thought it best to leave them to enjoy the rest of their holiday.


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## madzone (Jul 15, 2005)

Backatcha Bandit said:
			
		

> Vaugely amusing 'tourist' tale...
> 
> Last year I had to nip up to 'druth to pick up a (-nother   ) monster truck for a customer.  On the way back I pulled into a layby to make a phonecall, just as I finished, the occupants of the car in front of me (also parked in the layby) rolled down their window and chucked the spent wrappings of the Maccy-D's 'Happy Meal' they had just scoffed onto the verge, then pulled away.
> 
> ...


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## max666 (Jun 18, 2014)

Hi madzone, love the witty cornish sense of humour. I have been going to cornwall now for a number of years, fed loads of seagulls, set fire to the odd copse and raped the occasional cornish virgin (by far the most difficult of the three). Anyway, just to let you know I will be doing my usuall tour this july, st ives, bude, falmouth. So if you see a large, white (very white) yorkshireman (accent is the giveaway) stood at the bar in your local just tap me on the shoulder and introduce yourself, I would love your opinion on tourists face to face. Oh yes before I go, gimmee six.


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