# Lapland New Forest Theme Park - Organisers Guilty Of Misleading Advertising



## Badgers (Feb 18, 2011)

*Following this thread which is locked in the old 2008 Christmas Forum*









> Two brothers have been found guilty of misleading thousands of customers at a Lapland-themed park.
> 
> Victor Mears, 67, and Henry Mears, 60, operated Lapland New Forest at Matchams Park on the Hampshire-Dorset border in 2008 before it closed.
> 
> A jury at Bristol Crown Court found both men guilty on five counts of misleading advertising.



BBC Linky 



Much as everyone felt for the people who purchased tickets many of us laughed and laughed. However I am even more pleased at this news for the Mears Brothers.


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## killer b (Feb 18, 2011)

No shit.


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## kittyP (Feb 18, 2011)

I both felt and laughed heartily at the whole debacle


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## QueenOfGoths (Feb 18, 2011)

kittyP said:


> I both felt and laughed heartily at the whole debacle


 
Same here - I am glad they have been found guilty and feel awful for the poor people who paid to go there but the pics were most amusing!


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## Dillinger4 (Feb 18, 2011)

A winter wonderland.


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## machine cat (Feb 18, 2011)

That story made my Christmas


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## Badgers (Feb 18, 2011)

I have just asked to join the facebook group


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## QueenOfGoths (Feb 18, 2011)

Thos pic makes me laugh the most in its patheticness


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## pogofish (Feb 18, 2011)

Badgers said:


> *Following this thread which is locked in the old 2008 Christmas Forum*



However this thread was active only yesterday:

http://www.urban75.net/vbulletin/threads/272182-Christmas-theme-park-scam.



And the Mears lot deserve all they get!


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## Badgers (Feb 18, 2011)

pogofish said:


> However this thread was active only yesterday:
> 
> http://www.urban75.net/vbulletin/threads/272182-Christmas-theme-park-scam.
> 
> ...


 
Whoops... 

The omission of the words 'Lapland New Forest' foxed me. 

Pleased to have given you more opportunity though pogofish


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## Dillinger4 (Feb 18, 2011)

I think I would genuinely enjoy that place.


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## pogofish (Feb 18, 2011)

Badgers said:


> Pleased to have given you more opportunity though pogofish




I'd rather you didn't.


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## Badgers (Feb 18, 2011)

pogofish said:


> I'd rather you didn't.


 
I thought you had found your purpose?


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## machine cat (Feb 18, 2011)

QueenOfGoths said:


> Thos pic makes me laugh the most in its patheticness


 
The stories about fathers having fights with elves and kids catching santa having a sly fag were great


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## kained&able (Feb 18, 2011)

I was trying to find this place the other day but couldn't remember its name!

Now if only i could remember why.

dave


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## Dillinger4 (Feb 18, 2011)

drcarnage said:


> The stories about fathers having fights with elves and kids catching santa having a sly fag were great


 
Init.

Its what Christmas is all about.

I think all children should be taken somewhere like at Christmas as a lesson in reality.


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## QueenOfGoths (Feb 18, 2011)

drcarnage said:


> The stories about fathers having fights with elves and kids catching santa having a sly fag were great


 
It is just so fantastically amusing in its horridness!


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## Voley (Feb 18, 2011)

The real gem of that BBC page is at the bottom:



> Henry Mears added: "Whatever you do, you will find the public complain about something."


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## Dillinger4 (Feb 18, 2011)

NVP said:


> The real gem of that BBC page is at the bottom:


 
The icing on the cake.


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## rover07 (Feb 18, 2011)

Its no worse than most Santas grottos and Christmas markets tbh.

There was one on the end of Brighton pier a few years ago, a small plastic ice rink and the saddest looking reindeer in a pen.


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## Voley (Feb 18, 2011)

I think I might have paid £25 just to see how shit it was.


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## Stanley Edwards (Feb 18, 2011)

> and the elves were smoking





Fucking class!


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## spacemonkey (Feb 18, 2011)

Weird, I was thinking about this earlier. 

Words can't describe my joy at this story. I just wish I'd been there to witness it myself.


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## SaskiaJayne (Feb 18, 2011)

Just on't radio, disabled folk were stuck in mud in wheel chairs, Elves just stood around smoking, cunts.


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## Stanley Edwards (Feb 18, 2011)

spacemonkey said:


> ...I just wish I'd been there to witness it myself.



I seriously hope they try it again 

I still can't stop laughing at the "the elves were like smoking" remark in the BBC news video. Fucking brilliant. I want to go this year.


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## Badgers (Feb 18, 2011)

Keep laughing at my desk. 
Had to explain I was laughing about something from Christmas 2008.


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## kittyP (Feb 18, 2011)

There was a "Christmas market" in my home town this year (ugh) and all they had were normal shitty burger stalls and the 'win a toy' things from fun fairs but in wooden huts with a red trim  

It was soooo depressing but funny at the same time.


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## IMR (Feb 18, 2011)

Lapland New Forest captured the true essence of England. Make you  . . . _proud_ <sniff>


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## nicksonic (Feb 18, 2011)

'new forest villains'... TO ARMS!!!


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## miniGMgoit (Feb 19, 2011)

> Victor Mears admitted to the court he took a "bit of a gamble" in setting up Lapland New Forest without investing any money


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## Riklet (Feb 19, 2011)

Haha what total jokers.  Aceee, good memories (for me anyway).  I still remember that quality line from some article about the elves working there, who were more interested in sullenly smoking rollies out the back or something.....


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## longdog (Feb 19, 2011)

This photo still makes me laugh


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## spliff (Feb 19, 2011)

"The Men Who Stole Christmas" was shown on BBC South @7.30pm last night and is fairly interesting: (30mins)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00zb19g/The_Men_Who_Stole_Christmas_Lapland_New_Forest/


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## Voley (Feb 19, 2011)

Ta for that, spliff.

"The broken remnants of a Christmas trampled into the mud" was my favourite quote from it.


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## Cloo (Feb 19, 2011)

I don't get why people were so keen to go to it in the first place... I googled it at the time and there were _loads_ of posts on family forums and the like, before the truth emerged, with people going 'Ooh, I fancy going to this Lapland place, it sounds really good', 'Yeah, me too, I've bought tickets' - without there being any evidence from the website that it was going to be anything but cheap shite. But then, I don't celebrate Xmas and don't have kids who are aware of it, so I presumably it sounded like it might be a nice treat, so I do understand why people were so upset.


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## Giles (Feb 19, 2011)

I think people were fools to spend such a lot of money on this in the first place. It is as if they genuinely believed that the organisers could create a snowy wonderland in the UK. People were saying "there was only fake snow sprayed onto the trees, not on the ground, the ground was all muddy". Eh? How could it be otherwise? It's not real snow, its not cold enough for actual snow, so the ground is either going to be tarmac, or if its bare earth and the weather is wet, its going to be muddy. I suppose they could have simply chucked bag fulls of those bits of polystyrene packing material all over the floor.

I've been to a couple of "Christmas markets" and the advertising makes out that you will somehow believe you are in some beautiful medieval town, and find enough to do and see that you can happily spend all day there, just breathing in the Christmassiness of it all, all day. In fact, its just the usual bunch of market stalls selling Xmas tat, some burger vans, and maybe a crap mulled-wine stall. At least I did not pay £30 to get in to the Christmas market though. It was free, and worth every penny.

And what's wrong with elves smoking anyway? Maybe its an elf-ish tradition? Who are we to judge what is and is not appropriate elf behaviour?

Giles..


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## IMR (Feb 19, 2011)

Giles said:


> I think people were fools to spend such a lot of money on this in the first place. It is as if they genuinely believed that the organisers could create a snowy wonderland in the UK. People were saying "there was only fake snow sprayed onto the trees, not on the ground, the ground was all muddy". Eh? How could it be otherwise? It's not real snow, its not cold enough for actual snow, so the ground is either going to be tarmac, or if its bare earth and the weather is wet, its going to be muddy. I suppose they could have simply chucked bag fulls of those bits of polystyrene packing material all over the floor.
> 
> I've been to a couple of "Christmas markets" and the advertising makes out that you will somehow believe you are in some beautiful medieval town, and find enough to do and see that you can happily spend all day there, just breathing in the Christmassiness of it all, all day. In fact, its just the usual bunch of market stalls selling Xmas tat, some burger vans, and maybe a crap mulled-wine stall. At least I did not pay £30 to get in to the Christmas market though. It was free, and worth every penny.
> 
> ...


 
I think Lapland New Forest's website (sadly no longer online) featured a lot of photographs claiming to be of the place itself, and obviously it turned out they weren't.

The BBC have a slideshow with a dozen pictures of the real thing - enjoy!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/08/uk_lapland_new_forest/html/1.stm

I bet if it re-opened exactly the way it was, loads of people would go along.


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## rover07 (Feb 19, 2011)

LOL Gandalf smoked in Lord of the Rings. The Dwarves and Hobbits too.

Did the Elves smoke, I dont remember?


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## claphamboy (Feb 19, 2011)

Giles said:


> I think people were fools to spend such a lot of money on this in the first place. It is as if they genuinely believed that the organisers could create a snowy wonderland in the UK.



Why not?

Lapland UK based at Bewl Water in Kent has been doing it for years and was a total sell out in 2010.




			
				Bewl Water said:
			
		

> Bewl Water is delighted to have Lapland UK return again for Christmas 2010.
> 
> This award winning recreation of Father Christmas' arctic homeland, provides families with a 4-5 hour magical experience that celebrates a child's belief in Father Christmas.



They seem to get good reviews on the Review Centre site:


> "It just a had a real feel about it for me; so imagine what it must feel like for a child - as Lapland UK says "MAGICAL"."
> 
> "We had such a wonderful visit to Laplanduk, the day was perfect, magical in every way. Very well organised and the staff fantastic, everyone kept in character and so friendly. "
> 
> ...



So, I think it's a bit harsh to have a go at those that paid for what they expected would be something like Lapland UK, how the hell would they know that these bastards were just riding off the back of Lapland UK and only interested in ripping off the public? 

As much as it was funny as fuck as a story , I hope these bastards are sent down for at least a few months for the fraud they planned at the cost of ruining kid's dreams.


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## Dillinger4 (Feb 19, 2011)

*wipes a patriotic tear from my eye*


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## Giles (Feb 19, 2011)

I felt especially sorry for the woman who organised a works outing to the place and persuaded 100 of her workmates and their families to part with £3000 plus the cost of hiring coaches! She won't have lived that down in a hurry!

Giles..


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## Dillinger4 (Feb 19, 2011)

Giles said:


> I felt especially sorry for the woman who organised a works outing to the place and persuaded 100 of her workmates and their families to part with £3000 plus the cost of hiring coaches! She won't have lived that down in a hurry!
> 
> Giles..


 
She is a visionary.


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## Stanley Edwards (Feb 19, 2011)

I still can't stop laughing to myself. I have this image of disabled Hampshire folk struggling to get their wheel chairs through the mud whilst elves just nonchantly smoke in ignorance around them with good Christian children looking on in horror 

Chris Morris couldn't have done this better. Absolute class


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## claphamboy (Feb 19, 2011)

spliff said:


> "The Men Who Stole Christmas" was shown on BBC South @7.30pm last night and is fairly interesting: (30mins)
> 
> http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00zb19g/The_Men_Who_Stole_Christmas_Lapland_New_Forest/



That's well worth watching.

Victor Mears has served time before for fraud, so on reflection forget a few months, he should be going down for a few years.

Still £250k in takings remain unaccounted for.


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## spliff (Feb 19, 2011)

Like any comedy it's all down to timing innit! The Mears bruvs were ahead of their time.

Two years later and they could have had _real_ snow and a bucketful of paid up no-shows due to the adverse weather conditions. 
Queues would have been shorter. Santa could have longer fag breaks. The muddy field could easily have become the ice rink.

_side note: interesting that Victor Mears was a defence witness in 1986 when Kenneth Noye got 14 years for handling the stolen Brinks-Mat gold._


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## claphamboy (Feb 19, 2011)

spliff said:


> _side note: interesting that Victor Mears was a defence witness in 1986 when Kenneth Noye got 14 years for handling the stolen Brinks-Mat gold._



Aye, I wonder how much he was paid for doing that.


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## Badgers (Feb 19, 2011)

Watching the programme on the iPlayer.
Cringeworthy stuff, the documentry really lays it on think with the Christmas soundtrack and childrens shattered dreams. One of the elves saying they had to cover for the Mears boys while they had ran off to a pub!


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## claphamboy (Feb 19, 2011)

Badgers said:


> Watching the programme on the iPlayer.
> Cringeworthy stuff, the documentry really lays it on think with the Christmas soundtrack and childrens shattered dreams. One of the elves saying they had to cover for the Mears boys while they had ran off to a pub!


 

I liked the bit about the elves having to close the Gingerbread House early, because they had run out of ingredients, being reduced to tears as angry parents tried to kick down the doors. 

Felt sorry for the female elf that was grabbed by the neck and slapped across the face.


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## Badgers (Feb 19, 2011)

claphamboy said:


> I liked the bit about the elves having to close the Gingerbread House early, because they had run out of ingredients, being reduced to tears as angry parents tried to kick down the doors.
> 
> Felt sorry for the female elf that was grabbed by the neck and slapped across the face.


 
Angry mob justice eh? Tempers must have been a bit frayed and although the epic elf fail is a source of great amusement to me it was a bit harsh. The woman shouting something like 'Santa is dead' to one of the elves was classic.


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## claphamboy (Feb 19, 2011)

Badgers said:


> Angry mob justice eh? Tempers must have been a bit frayed and although the epic elf fail is a source of great amusement to me it was a bit harsh.



Agreed, hence I found it funny about the elves in the Gingerbread House, because no actual physical violence took place, whereas for that poor woman.


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## Dillinger4 (Feb 19, 2011)

In a lot of ways, I would have loved to have worked there as well.

I mean, apart from getting beaten up etc. I bet it would have been a gloriously shit place to work.


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## Badgers (Feb 19, 2011)

Dillinger4 said:


> In a lot of ways, I would have loved to have worked there as well.
> 
> I mean, apart from getting beaten up etc. I bet it would have been a gloriously shit place to work.


 
Been thinking the same. 

Getting temp pay and temp money to work in a shit place like that. It would be one of things that would be so awful you would have to laugh about it. Dealing with angry punters when all you can say is 'I just work here' and stuff. The costumes would have probably put me off though


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## Badgers (Feb 19, 2011)

claphamboy said:


> Agreed, hence I found it funny about the elves in the Gingerbread House, because no actual physical violence took place, whereas for that poor woman.



On the plus side her family must laugh like drains at Christmas time  
What was (did it show that?) name? I hope it began with L so she is known as 'Lapland Lucy' or something


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## claphamboy (Feb 19, 2011)

Badgers said:


> On the plus side her family must laugh like drains at Christmas time
> What was (did it show that?) name? I hope it began with L so she is known as 'Lapland Lucy' or something


 


I also felt sorry for the husband & wife team behind Lapland UK in Kent that almost went bust because of the publicity surrounding Lapland New Forest, just imagine spending a couple of years developing an idea that is not only popular but loved by visitors only to see these bastards *try* ‘to copy it’ and fuck you over.


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## Voley (Feb 19, 2011)

claphamboy said:


> I also felt sorry for the husband & wife team behind Lapland UK in Kent that almost went bust because of the publicity surrounding Lapland New Forest, just imagine spending a couple of years developing an idea that is not only popular but loved by visitors only to see these bastards *try* ‘to copy it’ and fuck you over.


 
I didn't feel sorry for them. Their idea's shit too.


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## TopCat (Feb 19, 2011)

This raises some very interesting questions on what amount of bullshit and unfulfilled expectations equals getting a visit from plod. What was so different about this situation compared to so many others? Was it the Christmas angle? The smoking elves?


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## TopCat (Feb 19, 2011)

SaskiaJayne said:


> Just on't radio, disabled folk were stuck in mud in wheel chairs, Elves just stood around smoking, cunts.


 
What would you have the elves do?


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## Captain Hurrah (Feb 19, 2011)

QueenOfGoths said:


> Thos pic makes me laugh the most in its patheticness



hehehe.


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## Badgers (Feb 19, 2011)

claphamboy said:


> I also felt sorry for the husband & wife team behind Lapland UK in Kent that almost went bust because of the publicity surrounding Lapland New Forest, just imagine spending a couple of years developing an idea that is not only popular but loved by visitors only to see these bastards *try* ‘to copy it’ and fuck you over.


 
I work as an event organiser. 
Not fun elf related family stuff sadly, more corporate. 

Our event was set up in 2002 (do between 2 and 5 a year) and every year since another event has started up. Essentially just copying our website and business model. Normally charging less but promising more. None so far have lasted more than an year but everytime it causes us major headaches. One bastard took a load of peoples money, never did an event, folded his company and then had the nerve to try and sell us his customers information.


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## claphamboy (Feb 19, 2011)

NVP said:


> I didn't feel sorry for them. Their idea's shit too.



Not according to their happy customers. 



TopCat said:


> This raises some very interesting questions on what amount of bullshit and unfulfilled expectations equals getting a visit from plod. What was so different about this situation compared to so many others? Was it the Christmas angle? The smoking elves?


 
The scale of the con?

£1.2m taken on the website within just a few weeks.


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## Badgers (Feb 19, 2011)

Not surprised the old bill turned up. Money aside there was a lot of potential for kicking off.


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## Giles (Feb 19, 2011)

Badgers said:


> Not surprised the old bill turned up. Money aside there was a lot of potential for kicking off.


 
If they'd stayed out of it, things could have got well out of hand. Santa and several elves lynched and hanging from the slightly snow-covered trees.

"There we are kids, THAT's what Christmas SHOULD be about!".

I can't help thinking that I'd rather save up three or so years of the money spent on ANY "Lapland UK" Christmas visitor experience, and then actually go to Lapland.

Giles..


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## Badgers (Feb 19, 2011)

You seen the cost of a Lapland trip? 
Three missed trips to UK theme parks ain't gonna cut it, even outside the Christmas season!


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## spliff (Feb 19, 2011)

I just ♥ this rant from mumsnet 




			
				Maggie Tue 02-Dec-08 17:37 said:
			
		

> Don't you people understand?!! I cannot believe so many of you are moaning saying "how can this rip off be allowed" - this is BRITAIN! I can't believe you are all so THICK and so TRUSTING of a country which cannot/will not look after it's people but rather bends over to let Europe have it's wicked way with it!!! All thanks to Labout - face it, you have been conned and you cannot run to anyone for help coz NOBODY cares except us taxpaying hardworking people. Our leaders have no backbone for fear of the PC brigade... and we are left with lapland cons and the like whereby we have no leg to stand on. We have no laws to protect people in situations like this - we are a disgrace due to Labour's horrid rule since '97 and the laughing stock - do NOT look to the "authorities" (excuse me for laughing) to protect us hardworking people, the kids hearts WILL break, Christmas as ever will become a playground for greedy conmen selling us piles of rubbish - it's the same every year - factories in China (sweatshops) plugging out tons of useless plastic rubbish we wrap up for Xmas day... this Lapland rubbish is the same! Why bother going? Xmas is about Jesus anyway (oh no!! Did I actually say the "J" word... quick, censor me!!!) but we don't want to know about that, especially in modern UK in case we offend terrorists etc.. so we stick to the Father Xmas nonsense, lapland, huskeys, God knows what else... then you get conned and you cant understand "how" it's allowed to happen? Do you have faith in your local council? Govt? Mr Brown? That awful party called Labour? The UK has no laws to stop this thing happening... sorry.. live with your mistakes, next time you wont be so quick to rush off and pay for the kids to learn "magical tosh" - maybe take them to church once in a while or something (oops I said it again). If you are bringing kids into this world, you need to smarten up, for their sakes. Either that or go round to the guy's house who started it and beat him up with a pitchfork/set fire to his dog or something.



NUTTER _(sounds like an urbanite)_


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## Voley (Feb 19, 2011)

Superb. Particularly liked the bit about offending terrorists.


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## Badgers (Feb 19, 2011)

Rant is fullyfuckingfull on there!
Never mess with an angry mother


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## Giles (Feb 19, 2011)

Badgers said:


> You seen the cost of a Lapland trip?
> Three missed trips to UK theme parks ain't gonna cut it, even outside the Christmas season!


 
Well, whatever it costs, maybe go on a cheap ski holiday to Bulgaria, at least it will be snowy. 

My general opinion of anywhere that claims to be an "authentic xxx experience" when it blatantly isn't, is not very high.

People seem to expect some Christmas-related transcendental experience from a day out that at best, is going to involve fake snow sprayed on things, some animals, local students and sixth-formers dressed up in silly elf outfits, flashing lights, maybe an ice rink, and some overpriced tat-shopping opportunities.

Giles..


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## laptop (Feb 19, 2011)

Mad Mum said:
			
		

> will not look after it's people but rather bends over to let Europe have it's wicked way with it!!! ... and we are left with lapland cons and the like whereby we have no leg to stand on. We have no laws to protect people in situations like this



But we have, er, European laws 

'spose they're evil and mustn't be used


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## Gingerman (Feb 19, 2011)

You have to admire the Mears shamelessness in a perverse sort of way,the sheer unadulterated brazen gall of them


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## Voley (Mar 18, 2011)

They've both been sent down for it.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-12783389



> Judge Mark Horton said they showed not one "scintilla of remorse" throughout the trial



I'm still finding this funny.


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## laptop (Mar 18, 2011)

> "    What you actually provided was something that looked like an averagely-managed summer car boot sale”
> 
> Judge Mark Horton


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## ExtraRefined (Mar 18, 2011)

A year in prison for a scam that's probably still netted them a few hundred grand each?


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## pogofish (Mar 18, 2011)

ExtraRefined said:


> A year in prison for a scam that's probably still netted them a few hundred grand each?


 
IIRC their bank froze the accounts pretty quickly so most of the money didn't get into their hands.


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## rover07 (Mar 18, 2011)

13 months in prison is a bit harsh.

Its not as if they've hurt anyone. Ok some people have lost money on a non-existent 'Winter wonderland/fairy grotto' but then santa and the elves dont exist!!!!

There is no winter wonderland?


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## rover07 (Mar 18, 2011)

If the Olympics turn out to be overpriced shit, will the organisers be locked up?


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## claphamboy (Mar 18, 2011)

rover07 said:


> 13 months in prison is a bit harsh.
> 
> Its not as if they've hurt anyone. Ok some people have lost money on a non-existent 'Winter wonderland/fairy grotto' but then santa and the elves dont exist!!!!
> 
> There is no winter wonderland?



Yeah, let's just let anyone with a record of fraud just carry on committing fraud without fear of punishment, great plan.



rover07 said:


> If the Olympics turn out to be overpriced shit, will the organisers be locked up?



Oh,you have a point there!


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## pogofish (Mar 19, 2011)

rover07 said:


> If the Olympics turn out to be overpriced shit, will the organisers be locked up?


 
We can only hope so!  

But if you go over to MSE and look at the beginning of long running thread on this, you will see posts from the Mears or their stooges defending the thing and portraying as a great deal more than it actually was and continuing to argue this in the face of all evidence and opposition - Fairly clear evidence of a very deliberate professional fraud?


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## Badgers (Mar 22, 2011)

Is there a comparable case to this one?
Don't know much about sentencing but I did expect them to get some time. 

It has been an interesting and amusing few years and I look forward to seeing the film come out


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## claphamboy (Mar 22, 2011)

Badgers said:


> It has been an interesting and amusing few years and I look forward to seeing the film come out


 
 It would make a good Ealing comedy for sure, Passport to Lapland New Forest.


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## Badgers (Mar 22, 2011)

claphamboy said:


> It would make a good Ealing comedy for sure, Passport to Lapland New Forest.


 
 

Victor Mears played by Jim Davidson
Henry Mears played by Frankie Boyle
Elf 1 played by Kerry Katona 
Elf 2 played by Katie Price
Judge Mark Horton played by Mark Thomas 
Roman Polanski to direct


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## claphamboy (Mar 22, 2011)

Good list can I add the guy that plays Phil Mitchell in Eastenders to play the dad that thumps Santa? 

Now we only need someone with a smug and highly punch-able face to play Santa, I know - Michael McIntyre.


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## Badgers (Mar 22, 2011)

claphamboy said:


> Good list can I add the guy that plays Phil Mitchell in Eastenders to play the dad that thumps Santa?
> 
> Now we only need someone with a smug and highly punch-able face to play Santa, I know - Michael McIntyre.



Fancy putting a script together? 
Although with that cast the whole thing could probably be ad-libbed easily enough! 

John Galliano to be costume designer
Mel Gibson as executive producer


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## Giles (Mar 22, 2011)

It just made me giggle when the stories started appearing on MSE and other web forums about how rubbish it all was. 

I don't really think it was a deliberate fraud, otherwise they could have saved themselves any money in setting the place up at all, and just taken people's money in advance and then done a runner the day before it opened.

They probably started with a vague idea of producing something worth the money, and then a combination of laziness, stupidity and greed meant that as the opening day got close, they were in no position to provide what they had promised, so they ended up with a shoddy mess.

Giles..


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## laptop (Mar 22, 2011)

Plus, they got punished for running a really, er, _exotic_ defence. The "King of the Gypies" ripped them off? And there was someone wanted in connection with Kenneth Noye / the Brinks Mat robbery in there somewhere...


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## pogofish (Jul 17, 2011)

rover07 said:


> 13 months in prison is a bit harsh.



Seems they are both out already:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-14121941

Although one of them has been convicted of contempt aftert threats to a barrister, so hopefully he will be back inside?


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## claphamboy (Jul 17, 2011)

Jailed for 13 months in March and out already, WTF?


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## pogofish (Jul 17, 2011)

Worse still, it appears they were actually released last month - So, that is a whole three months inside!

And his sentence for contempt - 28 days suspended for twelve months and 750 quid costs.  Yebloodygods!  

(Wonders if one or other of them might have been "being helpful" about some of their reputed associates whilst inside?)


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## Captain Hurrah (Jul 18, 2011)

Just wanted to laugh at this again.


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## Giles (Jul 18, 2011)

Fake Lapland, and fake prison sentences. Fake justice.

Giles..


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## Badgers (Jul 18, 2011)

pogofish said:


> Worse still, it appears they were actually released last month - So, that is a whole three months inside!
> 
> And his sentence for contempt - 28 days suspended for twelve months and 750 quid costs.  Yebloodygods!
> 
> (Wonders if one or other of them might have been "being helpful" about some of their reputed associates whilst inside?)



That is surprising ^


----------



## likesfish (Jul 18, 2011)

all the cash has vanished and or been used up by the liquidators


----------



## pogofish (Jul 18, 2011)

I thought the liquidators announced there was a good chance of returning a fiar bit of money?  Remember that RBS froze most of it in the payment acct at the time so the Mears bros never got their hands on it.

Although I can imagine the liquidators have paid themselves very well out of it?


----------



## T & P (Jul 18, 2011)

pogofish said:


> Worse still, it appears they were actually released last month - So, that is a whole three months inside!
> 
> And his sentence for contempt - 28 days suspended for twelve months and 750 quid costs.  Yebloodygods!


 The Daily Mail was right all along...


----------



## likesfish (Jul 18, 2011)

http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/911...from_brothers_over_Lapland_New_Forest_fiasco/
 200 grand missing with no likelyhood of recovery biggist loser a credit card company event he luididators did'nt make a lot of cash


----------



## pogofish (Jul 18, 2011)

Fucking Hell!


----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 26, 2011)

Conviction quashed because a juror was 'texting during the trial' 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-15466689


----------



## Badgers (Oct 26, 2011)




----------



## longdog (Oct 26, 2011)

Oh well. They would've been released soon anyway so justice has been done one way or the other.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 26, 2011)

Though no criminal convection can now be used against them as they've effectively now been cleared and can presumably now make plans for...

Lapland New Forest 2 !


----------



## gabi (Oct 26, 2011)

I'd be in for that. Still bummed out I missed out on the first one.


----------



## gabi (Oct 26, 2011)

Id forgotten how wonderful it was


----------



## claphamboy (Oct 26, 2011)

oh, FFS! 

Will they now get to claim compo for the time they have served?


----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 26, 2011)

This one gets me every time...


----------



## Badgers (Oct 26, 2011)

skyscraper101 said:


> Though no criminal convection can now be used against them as they've effectively now been cleared and can presumably now make plans for...
> 
> Lapland New Forest 2 !



They will be working on the Olympics now


----------



## rover07 (Oct 26, 2011)

The Mears family own quite a few businesses in Brighton. Including maintenance contract work for the Council.


----------



## likesfish (Oct 26, 2011)

though these two chancers are not part of the proper buisnesses I hope


----------



## Voley (Oct 26, 2011)

gabi said:


> I'd be in for that. Still bummed out I missed out on the first one.


Same here. If they deliberately sold it as even shitter than the last, I'd go. I'd definitely want to see elf blood for twenty quid, mind.


----------



## rover07 (Oct 26, 2011)

LOL Bad Santa Land!


----------



## Pinette (Oct 26, 2011)

Sometimes I wonder whether there is a God! (joke).  Those two slimy crawly ugly bastards are sitting on loads of money paid out by completely innocent people. The slimy crawly ignorant shites have served a little time in prison - good! But is there going to be any compo for all the little people who forked out £30 a throw for their disgraceful con?  I wouldn't be at all surprised if all of this juror malpractice was a set-up too.


----------



## Badgers (Oct 26, 2011)

Pinette said:


> Sometimes I wonder whether there is a God! (joke).  Those two slimy crawly ugly bastards are sitting on loads of money paid out by completely innocent people. The slimy crawly ignorant shites have served a little time in prison - good! But is there going to be any compo for all the little people who forked out £30 a throw for their disgraceful con?  I wouldn't be at all surprised if all of this juror malpractice was a set-up too.



You make them sound like politicians?


----------



## Geri (Oct 26, 2011)

rover07 said:


> The Mears family own quite a few businesses in Brighton. Including maintenance contract work for the Council.



Isn't that Mears Group PLC?


----------



## rover07 (Oct 26, 2011)

Geri said:


> Isn't that Mears Group PLC?



Possibly, I base my information on gossip and pub talk.


----------



## Pinette (Oct 26, 2011)

Badgers said:


> You make them sound like politicians?


Then my job is done!


----------



## Giles (Oct 26, 2011)

gabi said:


> I'd be in for that. Still bummed out I missed out on the first one.



If they did it again, I would go, just for the kitsch experience. And a chance to observe an elf who is taking a cheeky fag break, and perhaps round the day off by punching Santa if the presents were too rubbish.

Giles..


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Oct 26, 2011)

claphamboy said:


> oh, FFS!
> 
> Will they now get to claim compo for the time they have served?



Hope so, fifty quid will see them with enough capital to open another dreamland; out just in time for Xmas too


----------



## Pinette (Oct 26, 2011)

Giles said:


> If they did it again, I would go, just for the kitsch experience. And a chance to observe an elf who is taking a cheeky fag break, and perhaps round the day off by punching Santa if the presents were too rubbish.
> 
> Giles..


Perhaps you have lots of money to waste, laughing at other people who don't.  I am not being very pleasant but if you had visited that Lapland Experience jamboree you would not have been a happy Giles.  However if all of you Gileses came on a special trip to a special ironic lapland experience jamboree costing £30 a head, and if you wet yourselves with laughter at the sight of a couple of cuddly bears masquerading as reindeers and a bit of polystyrene masquerading as snow and the elves and snowmen and so forth behaving like  -  hey - .......Am I the only one who can feel that there is a bit of money to be made here?  Listen. I'm serious.


----------



## Edie (Oct 27, 2011)

Oh god, this is one of my favourite EVER urban threads. Breaks me everytime those photos  

Shame the fuckers got let off mind, but fuck me that 'nativity scene', and the polar bear, and the elf and the 'Christmas market'


----------



## gabi (Oct 27, 2011)

I totally agree. Can't even be arsed reading what all this beef/compensation nonsense is about. Just at look at the fucking pictures!

Quality.


----------



## Giles (Oct 27, 2011)

The nativity scene is the best bit of all. Better than the stuffed polar bears, the B & Q garden sheds, the crap Santa and the mangy huskies. I loved it when on various web forums the truth about the place began to emerge. I did feel for the woman who had booked a coach and organised for 25 of her work colleagues to go there for their Christmas treat. For that money they could have gone to a nice pub, had a meal and got pissed instead.

Giles..


----------



## Badgers (Dec 6, 2011)

Seasonal bump


----------



## ExtraRefined (Dec 6, 2011)

Badgers said:


> Seasonal bump



On a related note

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/c...-Grotto-staff-over-invalid-Groupon-offer.html


----------



## pogofish (Dec 6, 2011)

I see the original "Lapland" UK is getting a hammering from consumers this year - Looks like price/popularity have shot through the roof and the craks are beginning to show.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 6, 2011)

ExtraRefined said:


> On a related note
> 
> http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/c...-Grotto-staff-over-invalid-Groupon-offer.html





> The grumpy grotto group shouted at a woman dressed as a Christmas Tree



 but


----------



## Badgers (Aug 12, 2012)

Sorry for the pointless bump but this is still making laugh so much. Lest we forget.


----------



## xes (Aug 12, 2012)

I wonder if the olympics closing ceremony could be done under the same legal shnizzle....


----------



## longdog (Aug 12, 2012)

Badgers said:


> Sorry for the pointless bump but this is still making laugh so much. Lest we forget.


 

We will never forget. When I'm sitting in god's waiting room and the local infants school bring their annual tin of alphabetti-spaghetti for harvest festival they will gather around the by now 158 year old longdog and clamour for his recollections of the 21st century.

"Tell us about the time you won your fifth Victoria Cross during the Third World War!" They'll cry.

"Fuck off!" I'll say "has anybody seen my fag lighter?"

"Tell us about the time you saved the environment by inventing a machine that turned atmospheric CO2 in to Polo Mints" They'll beg.

"Go away you little brats" I'll say "Where the fuck is that bottle of gin? Or did I finish it?"

"Tell us about the time you devised a vaccine which cured cancer, reversed autism, increased intelligence by a factor of five and gave politicians eternal life and excruciatingly painful and untreatable piles!"

"Are you shower of bastards still here?" I'll grumble "Piss off or I'll shove my walking stick up your nose!"

"Then please Uncle Doggy, please tell us about Lapland New Forest!" They'll plead, their eyes becoming moist with disappointed tears.

"Are you all sitting comfortably?"


----------



## free spirit (Aug 12, 2012)

Badgers said:


> Sorry for the pointless bump but this is still making laugh so much. Lest we forget.


was it the olympic closing ceremony that reminded you of this thread?


----------



## Badgers (Aug 13, 2012)

free spirit said:
			
		

> was it the olympic closing ceremony that reminded you of this thread?



Well.....


----------



## skyscraper101 (Aug 13, 2012)

I will never, ever, tire of this thread being bumped.


----------



## Badgers (Nov 7, 2012)

skyscraper101 said:


> I will never, ever, tire of this thread being bumped.


 
Me too


----------



## plurker (Nov 7, 2012)

Me _neither_


----------



## Firky (Nov 7, 2012)

I wonder how much that lad was paid to play angry birds in court


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Nov 7, 2012)

Still brilliant Britain at its best. Makes me wonder why I left.


----------



## Badgers (Nov 9, 2012)




----------



## Badgers (Sep 30, 2013)

Anyone seen any adverts for a 2013 Christmas theme park yet?


----------



## Badgers (Sep 30, 2013)

Bahnhof Strasse


----------



## Mation (Sep 30, 2013)

Oh god - I'm so busy at work doing Important and Serious Things, but popped in for a two-minute break, made the mistake of looking at this thread again and now I can't stop giggling. I'm crying. It's giving me away.


----------



## colacubes (Sep 30, 2013)

The festive season is  upon us


----------



## TopCat (Sep 30, 2013)

How crap does a Christmas event have to be before the police can be called? I am thinking this year of any Pantomime that has that cunt Jim Davidson involved, any shop that gets decorations up in November, shops that force their staff to listen to looped Christmas songs for over a month. Kill them all.


----------



## Badgers (Sep 30, 2013)

> The "bustling" Christmas market consisted of about four stalls, one woman told the BBC, and she had to pay further money to gain entry to it.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Sep 30, 2013)

Badgers said:


> Anyone seen any adverts for a 2013 Christmas theme park yet?


 
Pimlico plumbers were putting out their decorations this morning. tbf their offering on a roof near Waterloo is far superior to Lapland new Forest's. But really, it's still SEPTEMBER


----------



## pogofish (Sep 30, 2013)

Badgers said:


> Anyone seen any adverts for a 2013 Christmas theme park yet?



How could you miss them:

https://www.gulliversfun.co.uk/warrington/events/christmas-at-gullivers-30-nov-to-31-dec-2013.htm
http://www.altontowers.com/short-breaks/christmas-breaks/
https://paultonspark.co.uk/christma...php/upcoming-events/the-christmas-experience/

And of course the much imitated Lapland UK has shifted to a new home:

http://www.laplanduk.co.uk/


----------



## pogofish (Sep 30, 2013)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Pimlico plumbers were putting out their decorations this morning. tbf their offering on a roof near Waterloo is far superior to Lapland new Forest's. But really, it's still SEPTEMBER



Even my local butcher is getting the decorations-up - I went for a pound of mince and a Dingwall Pudding today to be greeted by flying Santas and golden beasties!


----------



## spliff (Sep 30, 2013)

I was in Gloucester earlier in the month and saw xmas chocolates on display, I made a beeline for them assuming them to be cheapo out of date stock. But hey! I'm an idiot. 

http://www.gloucestercitizen.co.uk/...b-Gloucester/story-19817422-detail/story.html


----------



## Badgers (Sep 30, 2013)




----------



## tufty79 (Sep 30, 2013)

one thread, infinite joy <3


----------



## Badgers (Sep 30, 2013)

I just wished I could have been there


----------



## rubbershoes (Sep 30, 2013)

Badgers said:


> Anyone seen any adverts for a 2013 Christmas theme park yet?




I saw Father Christmas in a parade on Saturday.  I'm surprised his robes are back from the dry cleaners after last year's messiness


----------



## Voley (Sep 30, 2013)

Badgers said:


>



"Usually used for banger racing".


----------



## el-ahrairah (Sep 30, 2013)

Badgers said:


> I just wished I could have been there


 
maybe we should open "The Lapland New Forest Experience - an authentically crap tribute to the world's crappest festive theme park".

"Our Santa is a drunk, our elves have cancer, and the huskies have been run over in the car park.  Bring your own snow."


----------



## longdog (Sep 30, 2013)

el-ahrairah said:


> maybe we should open "The Lapland New Forest Experience - an authentically crap tribute to the world's crappest festive theme park".
> 
> "Our Santa is a drunk, our elves have cancer, and the huskies have been run over in the car park.  Bring your own snow."



Couldn't we have a New Forest Experience in Lapland?


----------



## free spirit (Sep 30, 2013)

pogofish said:


> Even my local butcher is getting the decorations-up - I went for a pound of mince and a Dingwall Pudding today to be greeted by flying Santas and golden beasties!


I trust you made clear the fact that he'd be losing your custom if he didn't remove the offending items forthwith?


----------



## Badgers (Sep 30, 2013)

el-ahrairah said:
			
		

> maybe we should open "The Lapland New Forest Experience - an authentically crap tribute to the world's crappest festive theme park".
> 
> "Our Santa is a drunk, our elves have cancer, and the huskies have been run over in the car park.  Bring your own snow."



I thought about this but what town would allow Crapland?


----------



## trashpony (Sep 30, 2013)

pogofish said:


> H
> 
> http://www.laplanduk.co.uk/



I just had a look at that. It's *£80* a ticket


----------



## longdog (Sep 30, 2013)

Badgers said:


> I thought about this but what town would allow Crapland?



Guildford?


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 30, 2013)

longdog said:


> Guildford?



Or Chatham, to be fair.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 30, 2013)

ViolentPanda said:


> Or Chatham, to be fair.


it could only improve chatham


----------



## Badgers (Sep 30, 2013)

Kiddiminster?


----------



## machine cat (Sep 30, 2013)

Will we still remember LLNF in the years to come? I think so.


----------



## trashpony (Sep 30, 2013)

ViolentPanda said:


> Or Chatham, to be fair.


A large concrete block dropped from a great height would improve Chatham


----------



## Badgers (Sep 30, 2013)

machine cat said:
			
		

> Will we still remember LLNF in the years to come? I think so.



We shall never forget.


----------



## Greebo (Sep 30, 2013)

Badgers said:


> We shall never forget.


It will become the standard measure of crapness and disappointment.


----------



## longdog (Sep 30, 2013)

trashpony said:


> A large concrete block dropped from a great height would improve Chatham



They did that decades ago. It's called The Pentagon.

Ah... The Pentagon... Shit shops, shit pub, shit bus station covered in piss and shit, Wimpey on the top floor next to the bus station that stinks of piss and shit and of course the totally unforgettable (if only for the name) and totally shit V.D Bar nestling romantically in the car-park amongst the piss and shit.

On the plus side dropping stuff into traffic from the bridge over The Brook.

Happy days


----------



## spacemonkey (Sep 30, 2013)

Greebo said:


> It will become the standard measure of crapness and disappointment.



Like an SI unit.

16.5megaLLNF's.


----------



## longdog (Sep 30, 2013)

spacemonkey said:


> Like an SI unit.
> 
> 16.5megaLLNF's.



Surely that would be an unrealistic level of disappointment for any experience. Might I suggest a more natural unit in the manner of the Celsius system of 0 degrees = freezing and 100 degrees = boiling?

1LLNF = Dropping your last malteaser in dog shit.

100LLNF = That sinking feeling you get half way through your fish and chips when you remember it never actually tastes as good as you thought it would.


----------



## spacemonkey (Sep 30, 2013)

longdog said:


> Surely that would be an unrealistic level of disappointment for any experience. Might I suggest a more natural unit in the manner of the Celsius system of 0 degrees = freezing and 100 degrees = boiling?
> 
> 1LLNF = Dropping your last malteaser in dog shit.
> 
> 100LLNF = That sinking feeling you get half way through your fish and chips when you remember it never actually tastes as good as you thought it would.



That's got legs. Is it linear, or like the richter scale though?


----------



## longdog (Sep 30, 2013)

A


spacemonkey said:


> That's got legs. Is it linear, or like the richter scale though?



Ah.... Good point.

A logarithmic scale would be nice. For every 3 extra LLNF the disappointment increases by an order of magnitude 

Would there be a negative scale though?

Would there be an absolute zero LLNF which below which the level of disappointment ceases to be disappointing? What level of disappointment would -273.15 LLNF denote?


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Sep 30, 2013)

Surely absolute zero of disappointment, -273.15 LLNF, would be complete contentment.  Therefore a really good shit while watching your team score an injury time winner on an iPad.  Throne football FTW.


----------



## longdog (Sep 30, 2013)

Zapp Brannigan said:


> Surely absolute zero of disappointment, -273.15 LLNF, would be complete contentment.  Therefore a really good shit while watching your team score an injury time winner on an iPad.  Throne football FTW.



I would find any mention of football whilst having a really good shit would in itself increase the LLNF levels.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Oct 1, 2013)

trashpony said:


> A large concrete block dropped from a great height would improve Chatham



Come, friendly block, and fall on Chatham,
No longer a home to dockyard action,
Mythical home to a social faction,
Swarm over, Death!


With profuse apologies to Sir John Betjeman!


----------



## longdog (Oct 1, 2013)

ViolentPanda said:


> Come, friendly block, and fall on Chatham,
> No longer a home to dockyard action,
> Mythical home to a social faction,
> Swarm over, Death!
> ...



<timeslip 1978> But Chatham has Serena Super Save (cheap electronic tat to the masses) and Man And Boy model shop on the high street </timeslip 1978>

Many the happy saturday afternoon spent buying a McDonald's burger to take away before sneaking upstairs to eat it very slowly. The burger was 2p more expensive to eat in


----------



## doddles (Dec 5, 2013)

trashpony said:


> I just had a look at that. It's *£80* a ticket


And you still have to pay for your lunch, and even for a photo with Santa (no private Santa photos allowed).

Seriously, who would pay that much to take their kids to such a thing??


----------



## hipipol (Dec 5, 2013)

doddles said:


> And you still have to pay for your lunch, and even for a photo with Santa (no private Santa photos allowed).
> 
> Seriously, who would pay that much to take their kids to such a thing??


 I would consider such a thing if only the Club Elf was the opportunity to Club some Elves
Worth the wedge then


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 15, 2013)

There's a new one!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-25390071


----------



## oryx (Dec 15, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> There's a new one!
> 
> http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-25390071



'Santa's Grotto was said to be staffed by young, thin men.....'


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 15, 2013)

Greebo said:


> It will become the standard measure of crapness and disappointment.



It was the ultimate Christmas Con. Amen.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Dec 15, 2013)

Yeah baby!



> an ice rink was described as "a few plastic sheets".


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 15, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> There's a new one!
> 
> http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-25390071


We should get in on the act. Next year, for £200, you will receive 24/7 access to the Club75wintervalforum.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Dec 15, 2013)

> "men dressed in Santa outfits from Poundland".
> "This was definitely no Wonderland




tbf, it's Milton Keynes, so what do you expect?


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 15, 2013)

Concrete reindeer.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 15, 2013)

"We were told we could walk through the woodland, which turned out to be a tent with some statues"


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 15, 2013)

oryx said:


> 'Santa's Grotto was said to be staffed by young, thin men.....'


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 15, 2013)

The true spirit of Christmas 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jimwaterson/milton-keynes-winter-wonderland-cancelled-after-ruining-chri


----------



## oryx (Dec 15, 2013)

From an article the Huffington Post:

'...."the situation upon my kids meeting Santa was very awkward, also he has black hair, black eye brows and black arm hair on show."'


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 15, 2013)

"My daughter trod in dog poo and was told by one of the events team it was actually reindeer poo."


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Dec 15, 2013)

Ground Elder said:


> "My daughter trod in dog poo and was told by one of the events team it was actually reindeer poo."


----------



## wtfftw (Dec 15, 2013)

"He said he never claimed the ice rink had real ice"


----------



## skyscraper101 (Dec 15, 2013)

Poundland Santa: "Children were given bags of crayons and colouring pencils when they went to see Santa." 






The funfair!






"this ride was being pushed around by hand at one point"






"There were two huskies and two reindeer" 





The ice rink


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 15, 2013)

Photo 3, above. Santa hanged himself, as well he might.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 15, 2013)

My faith in Christmas has just been fully restored!


----------



## skyscraper101 (Dec 15, 2013)

I love this one too...

*"Parents were dismayed at the quality of 'Santa'"*


----------



## Gingerman (Dec 15, 2013)

This thread is


----------



## skyscraper101 (Dec 16, 2013)




----------



## ElizabethofYork (Dec 16, 2013)

"Another commenter, Kelly, wrote that she had taken her daughter for her 5th birthday. "We never found any reindeer and there was no Christmas market as advertised. The elves were taking a smoking break in full costume outside the grotto," she wrote. "This winter wonderland did nothing but distort and maybe even destroy my child's belief in the magic of Christmas"


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 16, 2013)

skyscraper101 said:


> I love this one too...
> 
> *"Parents were dismayed at the quality of 'Santa'"*



Some minimum standards need to be legally established, together with a watchdog, in order to protect the profession. Ditto elves.


----------



## Santino (Dec 16, 2013)

UrbaneFox said:


> Some minimum standards need to be legally established, together with a watchdog, in order to protect the profession. Ditto elves.


OfMas


----------



## SaskiaJayne (Dec 16, 2013)

I guess the elves will accused of swearing & smoking again by sizeist cunts.


----------



## marty21 (Dec 16, 2013)

UrbaneFox said:


> Concrete reindeer.


 I saw some real Reindeer on Saturday, along with a fat Santa - they seem able to get hold of both in Hackney


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 16, 2013)

Does this mean that reindeer meat is going to be the next food scandal?


----------



## el-ahrairah (Dec 16, 2013)

awesome.  this makes me proud to be British.  i hope when i have children i can still take them to crappy christmas-land.


----------



## marty21 (Dec 16, 2013)

I love it too, despite the publicity about the last one - there were still loads of parents willing to part with cash to go to another shit one - it's a Christmas tradition, like Pantos and Carol Services


----------



## doddles (Dec 16, 2013)

marty21 said:


> I love it too, despite the publicity about the last one - there were still loads of parents willing to part with cash to go to another shit one - it's a Christmas tradition, like Pantos and Carol Services


----------



## spanglechick (Dec 16, 2013)

I know they staff the big London one with pro actors.  That's what you need, really.   Not poorly motivated school leavers on yet another minimum wage mc job.


----------



## Voley (Dec 16, 2013)

"Santa was described as a skinny teenager who could barely communicate."


----------



## kittyP (Dec 16, 2013)

skyscraper101 said:


>




The best bit was "they blamed the winter weather".... for fucking up a winter wonderland


----------



## Voley (Dec 16, 2013)

kittyP said:


> The best bit was "they blamed the winter weather".... for fucking up a winter wonderland


If I'd been them I think I would've blamed it on being too near to Christmas.


----------



## Lord Camomile (Dec 16, 2013)

NVP said:


> "Santa was described as a skinny teenager who could barely communicate."


Well, we all were once, but I think it's unfair to focus on that now that he's an adult


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 16, 2013)

spanglechick said:


> I know they staff the big London one with pro actors.  That's what you need, really.   Not poorly motivated school leavers on yet another minimum wage mc job.


There is a biggish one up here which is supposed to be quite good



Although I think if I ever went to one, part of me would want it to be rubbish so I could take the piss


----------



## killer b (Dec 16, 2013)




----------



## free spirit (Dec 16, 2013)

neonwilderness said:


> There is a biggish one up here which is supposed to be quite good
> 
> 
> 
> Although I think if I ever went to one, part of me would want it to be rubbish so I could take the piss



mates of mine work at that one as elves, but knowing them they'd really get into the part - they've been doing it a few years now I think.


----------



## laptop (Dec 16, 2013)

UrbaneFox said:


> Does this mean that reindeer meat is going to be the next food scandal?



Only if it's dubbed by goats.


Real Reindeer (served up by the government of Sweden, so likely so) is like Bambi, but more so.


----------



## T & P (Dec 16, 2013)

UrbaneFox said:


> Some minimum standards need to be legally established, together with a watchdog, in order to protect the profession. Ditto elves.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 16, 2013)

free spirit said:


> mates of mine work at that one as elves, but knowing them they'd really get into the part - they've been doing it a few years now I think.


Thin mates? 

I know a few people who have been and said it is fairly good.  They need to learn a lesson or two from these shysters.


----------



## longdog (Dec 17, 2013)

skyscraper101 said:


> The funfair!



For some reason every time I see a muddy field with tyre tracks I can smell smokeless powder. Probably because the only fun thing you can do in a muddy field with tyre tracks involves clay pigeons and a 12 bore.

Or am I just weird?


----------



## laptop (Dec 19, 2013)

longdog said:


> the only fun thing you can do in a muddy field with tyre tracks involves clay pigeons and a 12 bore.



That's not how I remember muddy fields...


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 19, 2013)

[already noted...]


----------



## xenon (Dec 19, 2013)

This whole thread is LOL.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Dec 19, 2013)

I don't know what these people are whinging about - we never had crappy winter wonderland things when I was a kid.  These parents are never bloody happy, the moaning buggers.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 19, 2013)

And in Edinburgh - Santa gets the sack!



> MIKE Daviot, 55, called the grotto in the capital’s East Princes Street Gardens a "cattle-herding exercise" but organisers insist he flouted guidelines and didn't even get on with his elves.


 
http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/edinburgh-man-branded-bad-santa-2937468


----------



## maya (Dec 19, 2013)

UrbaneFox said:


> Does this mean that reindeer meat is going to be the next food scandal?


Nowt wrong with a bit of reindeer meat, I receive regular supplies of this:


"Joika cakes", a.k.a. reindeer meatballs...'in game sauce' (brown, squishy stuff). They're actually quite tasty, soft and melt inside your mouth. Nice with fresh potatoes. But some say the meat is a little bit radioactive...  Dunno about that myself, but if you wolf down the stuff you often end up spending some time in the loo reading the wrong Asterix album for the umpteenth time because you forgot to grab the right comic on your way in.  Ah, well.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2014)

WHEN WILL PEOPLE LEARN?!



> *Winter blunderland! £22-a-head Christmas attraction created by Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen closes after just ONE DAY following hundreds of complaints about queues and cheap toys*



Sound familiar?



> The teaching assistant said she knew straight away the visit was going to be a 'nightmare' after she claimed to have spotted elves hanging around outside smoking and complaining about their shifts.
> 
> She said the Christmas illusion was then completely shattered when they saw a 'very skinny Santa.'



But seriously...



> 'My *15-year-old son* just looked at me to say 'where on earth have you brought me to?’...'







> ...I at least expected a Narnia-type illusion portraying the magic of Christmas and not a rainy building site near Birmingham...





http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ng-hundreds-complaints-queues-cheap-toys.html


----------



## Belushi (Nov 23, 2014)

The annual bumping of this thread is the only thing I like about xmas.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2014)

Belushi said:


> The annual bumping of this thread is the only thing I like about xmas.


I think someone should develop a hard boiled mint sweet which uses industrial by-products from lamb slaughterhouses, and market it as BAA HUMBUG. A definite Xmas seller


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 23, 2014)

Belushi said:


> The annual bumping of this thread is the only thing I like about xmas.


it's traditional.


----------



## Belushi (Nov 23, 2014)

Pickman's model said:


> it's traditional.



Like turning on the Oxford street lights :thumbs :


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Nov 23, 2014)

Belushi said:


> Like turning on the Oxford street lights :thumbs :


It is, basically, the turning on of Urban's Christmas Lights with the 'star' of the local panto and a children's entertainer that hasn't yet been swept up by Yewtree!


----------



## Giles (Nov 23, 2014)

'My *15-year-old son* just looked at me to say 'where on earth have you brought me to?’...'

I don't blame him! 

However good a "Lapland experience" was, I can't imagine your average mid-teen to be wildly enthusiastic. He'd probably have been bored and unimpressed even if his parents had actually taken him on a plane to actual Lapland!


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 23, 2014)

Is it me or does Llewelyn-Bowen got a bit of the Dave Grohls about him these days?






Or perhaps the lovechild of Dave Grohl and Jean Michele Jarre?


----------



## machine cat (Nov 23, 2014)

From the Mail:



> 'They had a few antlers, a sledge and then a babygrow with fur around which was supposed to be Santa's when he was a baby.'



What could go wrong?


----------



## weepiper (Nov 23, 2014)

Natalie Craig on Facebook said:
			
		

> some of your staff are damn right rude and clearly do not care.



Not sure I could be arsed to care for minimum wage in a place where the customers are like this


----------



## JTG (Nov 24, 2014)

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/...gned-laurence-llewelyn-bowen-shuts-complaints


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2014)

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/11/23/christmas-wonderland-the-_n_6208436.html



> Every year the same..... Why do you go? It's only November !! These places are never what you expect them to be. They only want to make as much money as they can with the smallest of outlay. Disappointment gauranteed ! Children with shattered dreams!!





> Advent hasn't even started and people are taking their children to a 'Christmas' theme park? They'll be starting just after Easter soon. Get real, folks. And by the way - there's no Santa, anyway!


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 24, 2014)




----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 24, 2014)

That sign above... it says 'I think I just saw Rudi...'


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 24, 2014)

With the wording and the authentic Laplander hats, they were presumably aiming for a more aspirational clientèle ?


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2014)

> Close it down mate, it's a fucking joke





> The magic was ruined yesterday and no amount of refund or apology can get that back!





> my daughter actually doubted everything for the first time ever





> a cheap con





> there were two workmen stood around eating Pringles





> a lot of adult humour from Mrs Clause





> I've now got kids crying in the back of the car





> workman standing around smoking





> rubbish unwrapped presents





> 4 elves trying to push the train up the hill





> bags of snow sitting on pallets





> santa was a young lad in a £10 wilko suit





> then there was a roll of toilet paper as a present (yes toilet paper)





> parents looking cheated





> less decorations than a garden centre





> kids were bored shitless





> unwrapped tat





> Santa was like he was anorexic





> left immediately in search of the nearest pub





> a complete joke from beginning to end





> Simeon Cowelf was a pointless, miserable sod of an Elf





> now the kids are pretty convinced Christmas is cancelled





> getting off the train it pulled away nearly running over a child





> had to sit on the ground to feed my baby





> You basically just walk around a small wood





> A tractor pulling a gloried golf buddy in my opinion isn't a train ride





> I was the lady who passed out outside the main entrance


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 24, 2014)

neonwilderness said:


> > I've now got kids crying in the back of the car


Because you're supposed to be driving rather than commenting online...?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2014)

neonwilderness said:


> 4 elves trying to push the train up the hill



ELVEN SAFETY NIGHTMARE


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2014)

skyscraper101 said:


>



No pleasing some folk


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 24, 2014)

There haven't been as many photos coming from this one - I get the feeling it's not nearly as bad as previous efforts, and people are just doing it out of tradition.

Like Christmas mass.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2014)

Lord Camomile said:


> There haven't been as many photos coming from this one - I get the feeling it's not nearly as bad as previous efforts, and people are just doing it out of tradition.
> 
> Like Christmas mass.


I think you might be right, this review makes it sound half decent 

http://www.tamingtwins.com/2014/11/22/the-magical-journey-review/

However I'm willing to overlook that to get into the Christmas spirit


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 24, 2014)

neonwilderness said:


> However I'm willing to overlook that to get into the Christmas spirit


Good for you, we mustn't let things ruin our festive cheer! 


> Somehow I did manage to get duped by a pair of 2 and a half year olds into spending £10 on a pair of blow up penguins.


See, it's these kind of traditions that remind us all what this time of year - November - is all about


----------



## JTG (Nov 24, 2014)

Are we desperately trying to reach the unattainable heights of six years ago? Or is this really the second coming of the anti-Christmas?


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 24, 2014)

neonwilderness said:


> http://www.tamingtwins.com/2014/11/22/the-magical-journey-review/


Yeah, if you look at the photos in this review they're nowhere near the Poundland efforts of yesteryear.


>


(Big photos - click on them to see full size)


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 24, 2014)

at least this year we won't have the teeth grindingly villainous sight of peoples payed for bit by bit over the year hampers getting boyed off


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2014)

Lord Camomile said:


> Yeah, if you look at the photos in this review they're nowhere near the Poundland efforts of yesteryear.
> (Big photos - click on them to see full size)


yeah, it's certainly no Lapland New Forest


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 24, 2014)

Now _that's_ how you do Crapmass.

e2a: or Shitmass.

We're waiting to hear which branding tests better with focus groups.


----------



## marty21 (Nov 24, 2014)

please can we have photos of the smoking elves


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Nov 24, 2014)

My favourite Winter Wonderland picture EVER ...






I've just been reading the original thread from 2008 and snorting with laughter!


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2014)

marty21 said:


> please can we have photos of the smoking elves


They'll stunt their growth


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2014)

DaveCinzano said:


> They'll stunt their growth


They need to so they can fit into their £10 Wilko suits


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2014)

I want to know from which branch of Wilko's they've been buying their “£10 Santa suits” - Knightsbridge? Beverly Hills? Are they having them flown in from Dubai?


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 24, 2014)

DaveCinzano said:


> I want to know from which branch of Wilko's they've been buying their “£10 Santa suits” - Knightsbridge? Beverly Hills? Are they having them flown in from Dubai?



Hand crafted by the finest elves in all of Lapland and delivered in advance each year by Santa himself in the pre-Yuletide warm up run, obviously.


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 24, 2014)

neonwilderness said:


> yeah, it's certainly no Lapland New Forest


Can anyone prove that _isn't_ what the Lapland car park looks like? Magic can only stretch so far and sometimes you just have to fall back on pragmatism. It can't all be red noses and bells on toeses.


----------



## Giles (Nov 24, 2014)

Does anyone remember the story from a few years back where one disgruntled dad punched an elf in the face, thus demonstrating to his kids what Christmas is REALLY all about?


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2014)

Someone might as well do a realistic one next year


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Nov 24, 2014)

Giles said:


> Does anyone remember the story from a few years back where one disgruntled dad punched an elf in the face, thus demonstrating to his kids what Christmas is REALLY all about?



I preferred the one where a snowman was so fed up with the whole thing that he just sadly walked away .... still in his snowman costume.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2014)




----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2014)

ElizabethofYork said:


> I preferred the one where a snowman was so fed up with the whole thing that he just sadly walked away .... still in his snowman costume.


Ironically that was actually the real Santa, in one of his pre-Xmas casual jobs.


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 24, 2014)

I'm trying to recall Xmas in the '60s as a small child.
I have a vague recollection of Fairfax House in Bristol (1950s department store that was knocked down in the '80s) having some sort of automata Xmas thing you paid a penny or something to peer into.

There weren't so many distractions back then - we didn't even have a TV.


----------



## machine cat (Nov 24, 2014)

ElizabethofYork said:


> My favourite Winter Wonderland picture EVER ...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I love that photo


----------



## machine cat (Nov 24, 2014)

I struggle to believe anything with Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen's name against it could be so tacky.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 24, 2014)

I've seen some of his less inspired changing rooms disasters, I can well believe it


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2014)

gentlegreen said:


> I'm trying to recall Xmas in the '60s as a small child.
> I have a vague recollection of Fairfax House in Bristol (1950s department store that was knocked down in the '80s) having some sort of automata Xmas thing you paid a penny or something to peer into.
> 
> There weren't so many distractions back then - we didn't even have a TV.


You might have been amazed by a trip to Lapland New Forest back then. Lower expectations and all that.


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 24, 2014)

machine cat said:


> I struggle to believe anything with Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen's name against it could be so tacky.


At the end of the day, Xmas *is *tacky.


----------



## spanglechick (Nov 24, 2014)

gentlegreen said:


> At the end of the day, Xmas *is *tacky.


yes.  and so it should be.  I find the idea of tasteful xmas stuff rather odd.


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 24, 2014)

I could never have been a parent.
I couldn't wait to escape Xmas - and birthdays come to that - and I've been happy to opt-out of all the other rites of passage too.

The "magic" of Xmas conditions children to accept lots of other dodgy stuff.
I get a shiver down my spine when I realise just how long it took me to shake off the last vestiges of any kind of respect for religion.

I'm all for eating, drinking and making merry here in the cold North, but you can keep the rest of it.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 24, 2014)

^humbug


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 24, 2014)

DotCommunist said:


> ^humbug


I've taken humbug to the next level.


----------



## marty21 (Nov 24, 2014)

If I went to one of these things and I saw an Elf smoking , or Santa smoking or a fucking reindeer smoking , I would take a picture as it is a touching Christmas image


----------



## Greebo (Nov 24, 2014)

gentlegreen said:


> I've taken humbug to the next level.


I saw this and thought of you - edible coal.


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 24, 2014)

Isn't that a bit Hogmanayish ?


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Nov 24, 2014)

Lump of coal for gentlegreen!


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2014)

marty21 said:


> If I went to one of these things and I saw an Elf smoking , or Santa smoking or a fucking reindeer smoking , I would take a picture as it is a touching Christmas image


It's the first thing I would have done tbf


----------



## Greebo (Nov 24, 2014)

gentlegreen said:


> Isn't that a bit Hogmanayish ?


No, St Nicholas gives it to those who haven't been good.


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 24, 2014)

Greebo said:


> No, St Nicholas gives it to those who haven't been good.


In the version I once read in "The Freethinker", he simply didn't cannibalise the good children.


----------



## The Boy (Nov 24, 2014)

Greebo said:


> I saw this and thought of you - edible coal.



That's what my partner buys me for humbug every year .


----------



## T & P (Dec 12, 2014)

There's been another one 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/new...and-Christmas-attraction-forced-to-close.html


----------



## skyscraper101 (Dec 12, 2014)

fuckin a  Metro have just picked up on it too now.

‘Appalling’ winter wonderland is forced to close after just one day


----------



## trashpony (Dec 12, 2014)

What the fuck's that cobwebbed room supposed to be about?


----------



## colacubes (Dec 12, 2014)

trashpony said:


> What the fuck's that cobwebbed room supposed to be about?



Is it supposed to be a really shit homage to the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe?


----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Dec 12, 2014)

that's even more amazing than the last one!


----------



## trashpony (Dec 12, 2014)

colacubes said:


> Is it supposed to be a really shit homage to the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe?


I really hope so


----------



## T & P (Dec 12, 2014)

I see the lion and I see the wardrobe. Not so convinced by their depiction of a witch though.

Given the effort put into it, I fear the back of the wardrobe might actually open up into the back of the venue where the giant wheelie bins are kept.


----------



## gentlegreen (Dec 12, 2014)

Just how many fur coats could you squeeze into that ?


----------



## campanula (Dec 12, 2014)

ffs, we have been bullied by offspring into all night baby-sitting for grandchild, followed by a visit to Santa's grotto at effing Notcutts (my least favourite garden centre of all time). Most annoyed at daughter (who has taken herself off for a wild weekend in Berlin) - we had planned a harmless day of baking and maybe a brisk go-round in the wood...and now we have to summon up the Xmas spirit and trudge out to the Norwich ring road....which is, frankly testing me since we have already endured a 150mile round trip this week, to watch 30 chaotic toddlers singing 'O Candy Cane (to the tune of the Internationale) and Smelly Sprouts in the nursery Christmas show.
I never took any of mine to grottoes and the like (being a mean cynic) so possibly, this is an act of revenge.


----------



## Voley (Dec 12, 2014)

skyscraper101 said:


>


----------



## Voley (Dec 12, 2014)

"How were we supposed to explain to a four year old girl that she couldn't see Santa after all. She was devastated. She thinks Santa didn't want to see her."

This annual travesty has become part of the magic of Christmas for me now.


----------



## Lord Camomile (Dec 12, 2014)

skyscraper101 said:


> fuckin a  Metro have just picked up on it too now.
> 
> ‘Appalling’ winter wonderland is forced to close after just one day


The captions are rather good in that one 

I'm starting to suspect people are doing these on _purpose_


----------



## Voley (Dec 12, 2014)

Lord Camomile said:


> I'm starting to suspect people are doing these on _purpose_


Just been thinking that myself.


----------



## ItWillNeverWork (Dec 12, 2014)

Why is it only Christmas-themed attractions that end up being this shit? It's a growing problem  in this country and _something needs to be done_!!!


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Dec 12, 2014)

Voley said:


> This annual travesty has become part of the magic of Christmas for me now.



I love it too, for exactly these reasons.  Year in year out, gullible parents fall for this shite without fail, and then play hell when, surprise surprise, it turns out to be utter shite.   

It's an annual free bit of entertaining outrage.


----------



## T & P (Dec 12, 2014)

This is on a smaller scale, but yet another gem has just flagged up today on the BBC website, as a 'Frozen' party leaves attendants cold 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-west-wales-30448765


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 13, 2014)

> some half arsed over priced pseudo attraction





> rubbish & extremely over priced!





> winterwonderland is a flop





> We went for the frozen sing along and ice skating... Neither were there.





> power cut for about 15 mins





> Another problem was that we couldn't get out!





> The most magical bit of the whole experience! There was tinsel on the bin!!!!





> Im dreading this now





> just a room with cut up buts of paper





> Was given a time slot to see santa, when we got there he wasn't there!!!





> I've been today it's shocking





> a few garden christmas ornaments





> We experienced bored elves texting on their mobile phones





> the kind of thing used at roadworks





> Santa's grotto is an undressed garden shed with a rude and miserable elf shoving people through





> what could of been an ex Army base





> Wouldn't bother going, absolutely rubbish





> Nothing but a joke and the circus is shocking





> it was cold & miserable just a big open warehouse with a few things chucked in!!





> no joy what so ever





> it wasn't great barely even good





> Now I cant afford to buy presents for my friends son





> Sat and cried





> Terrible times for all apart from Del and Rodders





> makes me so angry that they would do that to innocent children at the most magical and memory making time





> utter garbage I'm disgusted





> Kids are devastated





> It looks disgusting





> RIPPING OFF CHILDREN ITS DISSGUSTING





> Awfull christmas tree





> expose these stammers for who and what they are.





> I went yesterday. Total garbage





> It reminds me of something you'd get from BHS as a joke christmas pressie





> a bloke who was trying to catch potatoes on a fork and kept missing





> Looks more like the prison cell the organiser might be inhabiting





> And that snowman, poor thing looks like it had a bad time!!





> reindeers in no less then squalered conditions


----------



## T & P (Dec 13, 2014)

> a bloke who was trying to catch potatoes on a fork and kept missing


----------



## quimcunx (Dec 13, 2014)

T & P said:


>



I was just about to post that.  Definitely my favourite christmas tradition ever.


----------



## NoXion (Dec 13, 2014)

As repulsive as I find the mawkish commercialism behind the so-called "Christmas magic" to be, I don't find this kind of thing amusing at all, it's just the bleak opposite side to the same miserable coin. 

Oh tee-hee, parents have been ripped off and kids have been disappointed! So hilarious! That'll teach those gullible proles! [/sarcasm]

The thing is, I'm not much of a Christmas-y person myself. I haven't put any decorations up (at home, although I was asked to put up a tree at work), I haven't done any Christmas shopping, I have no holiday plans apart from putting my feet up, and yet I feel no need to turn into the worst kind of terminal misanthrope, the type who laughs on the outside while slowly dying on the inside, taking some perverse pride in low-grade shitness. Probably because my lack of Christmas activities is down to personal laziness rather than humbuggery.

Yeah, Christmas gets taken too far. It seems like I start seeing Christmas stuff earlier and earlier in the year, and that shit should stop - there shouldn't be a sniff of anything Christmas until December at the absolute earliest. There's too much of an emphasis on buying crap, rather than brightening up a dismal period of the year with a festival of decorations, good food/drink and the companionship of friends & family.


----------



## coley (Dec 13, 2014)

NoXion said:


> As repulsive as I find the mawkish commercialism behind the so-called "Christmas magic" to be, I don't find this kind of thing amusing at all, it's just the bleak opposite side to the same miserable coin.
> 
> Oh tee-hee, parents have been ripped off and kids have been disappointed! So hilarious! That'll teach those gullible proles! [/sarcasm]
> 
> ...




That's as far as I'll bother with Christmas, the shopping et al,can gan to fuck.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 13, 2014)

T & P said:


>



The Lion, the Witch and the Charity Shop?


----------



## Giles (Dec 13, 2014)

What do the fools expect? You can't expect "real Christmas magic" for £20 surely? 

Just some crappy toys, disillusioned (smoking) elves, creepy Santa and some fake snow!


----------



## pinkmonkey (Dec 13, 2014)

Nine Bob Note said:


> The Lion, the Witch and the Charity Shop?



It looks like someone went to the local tip and helped themselves to some of the contents.


----------



## Cloo (Dec 13, 2014)

cynicaleconomy said:


> Why is it only Christmas-themed attractions that end up being this shit? It's a growing problem  in this country and _something needs to be done_!!!



I guess Xmas offers unparalled opportunity to set up a shonky and hard to trace 'business', spend a few grand on hiring some land and buying some Christmas related contents of a few skips, rake in bookings, get shut down after a few days (voila, no pesky wages to be paid) and then vanish with the booking money before anyone can track you down.


----------



## trashpony (Dec 13, 2014)

Giles said:


> What do the fools expect? You can't expect "real Christmas magic" for £20 surely?
> 
> Just some crappy toys, disillusioned (smoking) elves, creepy Santa and some fake snow!


I think you can for £20. Our local grotto is £6 and it's a fuck of a lot better than this.


----------



## quimcunx (Dec 13, 2014)

Thing is a shopping centre, say, with regular year round custom and investment in that can allocate a modest area of the centre to a grotto that looks pretty good.  But kitting out a whole field to look properly magical is a big expense for only a few weeks trade. You need a lot of money up front to do it well.  So you get fly by nights or naive types who don't realise that the £3k they spent on sheds, fake snow,  tinsel, elf outfits and fairy lights isn't going to really deliver once they spread it around a whole field/industrially-lit warehouse.


----------



## FridgeMagnet (Dec 13, 2014)

It will all be done by hipsters next year. Dalston will be full of pop up shit wonderlands, visited by crowds of giggling young people with tattoos.


----------



## fishfinger (Dec 13, 2014)

FridgeMagnet said:


> It will all be done by hipsters next year. Dalston will be full of pop up shit wonderlands, visited by crowds of giggling young people with tattoos.


----------



## T & P (Dec 14, 2014)

FridgeMagnet said:


> It will all be done by hipsters next year. Dalston will be full of pop up shit wonderlands, visited by crowds of giggling young people with tattoos.


12 different kinds of egg nog. 16 different mulled wines.


----------



## JTG (Dec 14, 2014)

T & P said:


> 12 different kinds of egg nog. 16 different mulled wines.


Craft egg nog and artisan mulled wine


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 14, 2014)

Ironically non-DBS checked Santa


----------



## Cloo (Dec 14, 2014)

FridgeMagnet said:


> It will all be done by hipsters next year. Dalston will be full of pop up shit wonderlands, visited by crowds of giggling young people with tattoos.


Nearly right: http://imalondoner.com/grotto-outre-shoreditch/


----------



## andysays (Dec 14, 2014)

FridgeMagnet said:


> It will all be done by hipsters next year. Dalston will be full of pop up shit wonderlands, visited by crowds of giggling young people with tattoos.



Of course, _I_ was going to over-priced shitty "laplands" in the New Forest back in 2008, before it all went mainstream...


----------



## laptop (Dec 14, 2014)

Cloo said:


> Nearly right: http://imalondoner.com/grotto-outre-shoreditch/






			
				that said:
			
		

> Christmas songs make me wretch.



No, you make me retch and you're a wretch for some other reason


----------



## Giles (Dec 15, 2014)

trashpony said:


> I think you can for £20. Our local grotto is £6 and it's a fuck of a lot better than this.



True. But people seem to expect some sort of trancendental "Christmas Magic" to happen in these "Lapland" places. 

This is not the case visiting a santa's grotto in a shop.

It's as if they expect the whole site to be like actually visiting Lapland. For £20.

People wouldn't apply this to other kinds of holiday, would they?

I think people expect far too much from these things and will always be disappointed with the reality.


----------



## laptop (Dec 15, 2014)

Giles said:


> I think people expect far too much from these things and will always be disappointed with the reality.



These things need radio adverts with a gabbled footnote at the end.

YourSuspensionOfDisbeliefMayVary.SantaClausDoesNotInFactExistUnlessTheAbovementionedSuspensionIsInOperation.


----------



## campanula (Dec 15, 2014)

little children are generally easily pleased...but when they are so horribly disappointed, it is cutting - a stab in the heart for parents (and grand-parents). I have just done the grotto experience with grand-daughter and for her, it was both magical and slightly terrifying. Also, Santa looked about 16...but on the whole, it only took some glittery lights, the ubiquitous Frozen figurines, lots of furry reindeer and, grandchild's favourite, a huge robotic snowman which was, in my adult eyes, quite rubbish. Because it was in a garden centre, we spent ages looking at fish, parrots and guinea pigs - ate some surprisingly edible chips with an endless number of ketchup and mayo sachets, a really lovely day. The money aspect in these scams, while obviously a massive annoying rip-off, is still nothing compared to the misery of a sad child on what should have been a special and exciting day.


----------



## T & P (Dec 15, 2014)

The queues can be bad, but I'd advise families who don't live many hundreds of miles away from London to simply head to the Big Smoke. Yes, you can pay a small fortune in transport in some cases, but then Winter Wonderland is free, and by all accounts it seems as good as such festivals get. Couple that with a visit to the Natural History museum and the kids will have a guaranteed fucking ace time for no more than it will cost the family to get to London.


----------



## moonsi til (Dec 15, 2014)

Just read that it has now closed down with key financiers backing out!


----------



## alan_ (Dec 15, 2014)

ffs (cough) we're only (cough cough) human
 an elf yesterday


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 16, 2014)

moonsi til said:


> Just read that it has now closed down with key financiers backing out!


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-30491659



> Llewelyn-Bowen, who said he only found out about the closure via Twitter, said he was shocked at the news.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 16, 2014)

http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/new...-laurence-llewellyn-8294149?ICID=FB-Birm-main



> It’s absolutely shocking. We found out by Twitter. Everybody was in bed feeling Christmassy and now we are not feeling very Christmassy at all.





> I feel appalling it is not the happy experience I really want it to be. I feel extremely sorry for everybody let down in the next nine days and also for the staff who worked on the front-line.





> On a personal level I was so excited by the idea of designing Christmas. It seemed a perfect opportunity. I really did feel (organiser) Paul Dolan and his team were the right people to do it.
> 
> In hindsight they absolutely were not experienced enough for this sort of event.


----------



## sim667 (Dec 16, 2014)

It can't be that expensive to run, a tent, some props and a few students dressed as elves?

There's free parties that have more overheads than that


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 16, 2014)

sim667 said:


> It can't be that expensive to run, a tent, some props and a few students dressed as elves?


That is probably the main problem, it needs some decent investment initially so it doesn't end up looking like that.


----------



## Yelkcub (Dec 16, 2014)

So essentially, LL-B, was happy to endorse any old shit for a fee....


----------



## sim667 (Dec 16, 2014)

neonwilderness said:


> That is probably the main problem, it needs some decent investment initially so it doesn't end up looking like that.


 
Well it must have had some decent investment to get it open in the first place.

Anyway I hate this kinda stuff so I'll always look for the shit aspect


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 16, 2014)

sim667 said:


> Well it must have had some decent investment to get it open in the first place.
> 
> Anyway I hate this kinda stuff so I'll always look for the shit aspect


Yeah, I image it'd need quite a bit of investment to get something that looks good though. A half arsed attempt is never going to cut it with kids.

This kind of fail is becoming part of the Winterval tradition for me


----------



## Giles (Dec 16, 2014)

alan_ said:


> ffs (cough) we're only (cough cough) human
> an elf yesterday



That's where they are being cheapskate - they could have employed REAL elves. 

From Lapland. Or somewhere.


----------



## sim667 (Dec 16, 2014)

neonwilderness said:


> Yeah, I image it'd need quite a bit of investment to get something that looks good though. A half arsed attempt is never going to cut it with kids.
> 
> This kind of fail is becoming part of the Winterval tradition for me


 
Its just a reflection of british society though 

"Come along kids, stiff upper lip, I know rudolf is actually a greyhound with 99p antlers on, but a bit of imagination goes a long way "


----------



## machine cat (Dec 16, 2014)

neonwilderness said:


> http://www.birminghammail.co.uk/new...-laurence-llewellyn-8294149?ICID=FB-Birm-main



I feel sorry for the elf called Christmassey.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 16, 2014)

machine cat said:


> I feel sorry for the elf called Christmassey.




It's no wonder they've started smoking


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jan 13, 2015)

I didn't see this coming...

Firm behind Magical Journey Christmas attraction folds 

and...


> Creditors are owed in the region of £875,000 following the early closure in December.


----------



## campanula (Jan 13, 2015)

Could LLB look any sleazier?


----------



## pogofish (Nov 29, 2015)

Looks like Woburn Abbey are carrying the Lapland New Forest candle for this year

Over a tenner to get-in.
Two hour traffic queues
Fairy lights in the trees
Melting ice sculptures
Rip-off extras - three quid "lantern" that amounted to a paper bag with a little lamp inside
And the pinnacle of the event - a "fire sculpture" - which resembled someone in a wheelchair

With disappointed children all-round!

Families paid for 'spectacular light, fire and ice event' but got this instead

The festive season has truly begun!


----------



## doddles (Nov 29, 2015)




----------



## doddles (Nov 29, 2015)

The yearly return of my fave urban thread


----------



## laptop (Nov 29, 2015)

doddles said:


> The yearly return of my fave urban thread



# Now we know it's  Christmas  #


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 29, 2015)

What kind of brian damage needs to occur to make thinking that one of these places would be a good day out?

Sad kid is sad:


----------



## machine cat (Nov 29, 2015)

#laplandnewforestforeva


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 29, 2015)

pogofish said:


> Looks like Woburn Abbey are carrying the Lapland New Forest candle for this year
> 
> Over a tenner to get-in.
> Two hour traffic queues
> ...


The true spirit of Christmas


----------



## machine cat (Nov 29, 2015)

Can someone go to one of these? If there's one in WY I'll take my children.


----------



## Mr.Bishie (Nov 29, 2015)

> One seven-year-old child asked 'why are they burning a man in a wheelchair?'


----------



## machine cat (Nov 29, 2015)




----------



## steveo87 (Nov 29, 2015)

"freezing blunderland" sound like something off Brass Eye...


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 29, 2015)

Nothing compared to Lapland New Forest, but the Christmas markets up here were closed today because of the weather


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 29, 2015)

neonwilderness said:


> Nothing compared to Lapland New Forest, but the Christmas markets up here were closed today because of the weather



Refugees in Calais will be sending donations!


----------



## pogofish (Nov 29, 2015)

steveo87 said:


> "freezing blunderland" sound like something off Brass Eye...



Someone needs to trademark that for next year's extravaganza!


----------



## UrbaneFox (Nov 29, 2015)

machine cat said:


> If there's one in WY I'll take my children.



Ackworth Winter Wonderland, near Wakefield is the best (possibly only) bet. Festive Fun - Christmas in Yorkshire

Forget the kids, why don't we have the next Urban Yorkshire meet in Ackworth?

PS The site has a helpful countdown to the big day on its homepage.

PPS, I'm going to the Ribbon Masterclass 
Christmas Masterclasses - Christmas - Ackworth Garden Centre

PPPS I see the whole thing is just a massive advert for festive crap in Yorkshire


----------



## pogofish (Nov 30, 2015)

UrbaneFox said:


> Forget the kids, why don't we have the next Urban Yorkshire meet in Ackworth?



Gotta be at "Thor's Tipi Bar" (Linked on the Ackworth page) - Thor's Tipi 

However I fear my drinking/axe-wielding arm may be a little below full Viking standard for the time being!


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 30, 2015)

Ok, I think people are looking for things to be upset about now.


doddles said:


>


Except that. That's odd.

I mean, at Hallowe'en or Guy Fawkes' that'd be pretty appropriate because it's creepy as hell, but it doesn't really suit the season of Christmas cheer


----------



## wayward bob (Nov 30, 2015)

neonwilderness said:


> Nothing compared to Lapland New Forest, but the Christmas markets up here were closed today because of the weather



shit is that for real?  that's a load of people's livelihoods right there


----------



## Giles (Nov 30, 2015)

What do people expect these places to actually be like, I wonder? 

People just need to lower their expectations quite a lot, then at least they wouldn't be so upset when they get there....


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 30, 2015)

wayward bob said:


> shit is that for real?  that's a load of people's livelihoods right there


Yeah. I think people managed to get most of their stock out before it got too bad though.


----------



## Teaboy (Nov 30, 2015)

Giles said:


> What do people expect these places to actually be like, I wonder?
> 
> People just need to lower their expectations quite a lot, then at least they wouldn't be so upset when they get there....



I guess it depends how much you have to pay to get in.


----------



## machine cat (Nov 30, 2015)

UrbaneFox said:


> Ackworth Winter Wonderland, near Wakefield is the best (possibly only) bet. Festive Fun - Christmas in Yorkshire
> 
> Forget the kids, why don't we have the next Urban Yorkshire meet in Ackworth?
> 
> ...


Today has the perfect weather for it.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Nov 30, 2015)

Lord Camomile said:


> Ok, I think people are looking for things to be upset about now.
> Except that. That's odd.
> 
> I mean, at Hallowe'en or Guy Fawkes' that'd be pretty appropriate because it's creepy as hell, but it doesn't really suit the season of Christmas cheer



I disagree. It could be seen as Tiny Tim discarding his crutch, thanks to Mr Scrooge embracing the spirit of Christmas.


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 30, 2015)

UrbaneFox said:


> I disagree. It could be seen as Tiny Tim discarding his crutch, thanks to Mr Scrooge embracing the spirit of Christmas.


Y'know, I didn't initially see a burning wheelchair in the middle of a field as a symbol of hope, but now you've put it that way...


----------



## UrbaneFox (Nov 30, 2015)

Happy to help.


----------



## wayward bob (Nov 30, 2015)

neonwilderness said:


> Yeah. I think people managed to get most of their stock out before it got too bad though.


"most" could be the difference between being able to make ends meet or not, esp with the loss of an important trading day in the run-up to xmas. i know many people whose work could be easily ruined in heavy rain or winds. at least we have sheds rather than tents at our outdoor market, but i can guarantee the traders will have been badly affected by the storms over the weekend. </not proper urbanz>


----------



## wiskey (Dec 6, 2015)

"We took our kids to see Santa at Arnos Vale [Victorian cemetery] yesterday. Total rip off. The "magical walk with elves to find Santa" was a loop around some graves that took approximately 1 minute and was with a guy in a Christmas jumper. Meeting Father Christmas, was all the kids sat in a crypt together, while Father Christmas who wasn't even wearing his beard properly it was hanging off his chin and was only about 40 , read them all a poem whilst seeming bored and a bit weird. He didn't talk to the kids individually and then it was right line up and collect a present and off we went. The whole thing lasted about 10 minutes. Total waste of money don't bother. I'm going to complain but wanted to pre warn anyone thinking of going"

From my local FB group ... I just googled and this event costs the strange amount of £8.04 each. 

I've never bothered taking mine to see FC, it either seems to be a rip off or a traumatising terrifying experience.


----------



## trashpony (Dec 6, 2015)

I take E to see FC every year but I've never paid more than £4 - I quite like it if it's crap


----------



## campanula (Dec 6, 2015)

was nagged to take grandchild to 'Santa's Grotto' at Notcutts in Norwich. The look of frozen fear as the 3year old was ho ho ho'd at by the 16 year old Santa was gloriously captured on the obligatory photo...and will be used in evidence if this suggestion comes up again this year. -


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 24, 2015)

Tonight's Winter Wonderland in Truro:



> So disappointed with Truro tonight! We were there since 11am told it would be a winter wonderland and it's was one snow machine at the end of the street with foam and the frozen characters refused to do the parade because of online threats





> Not sure who organised this but they should be ashamed of themselves! We spent over an hour walking from one end of this street to the other through a very angry crowd. As you can see in the photo this was all there was on offer for the thousands of people attending this event..
> For the safety of my 2 (very disappointed) children we left Truro as soon as we could.





> Winter wonderland in truro was advertised as boscown street being covered in snow but instead you have an area the size of half a tennis court where you have to pay £2 for 5 mins in the snow bit of a joke to be fair





> So disappointing. Queued up for ages to see a few people chucking foam balls at each other from a builders bucket. Not what was advertised at all


----------



## miniGMgoit (Dec 24, 2015)

laptop said:


> # Now we know it's  Christmas  #


It's not Christmas until this thread is resurrected.


----------



## goldenecitrone (Dec 24, 2015)

Ground Elder said:


> Tonight's Winter Wonderland in Truro:



Some people enjoyed it. Those who weren't expecting an evening in Val d'isere by the sound of it.



> Not everyone was dissatisfied. Amanda James posted: "We thoroughly enjoyed the evening," while Rachel Bates commented: "At the end of the Day it's Truro not Disneyland... Merry Christmas everyone!"


----------



## Fez909 (Jan 1, 2016)

It's not a fake lapland, but it's in the same spirit as this thread: Woman pays £45 for Christmas dinner - and gets this


----------



## Voley (Jan 1, 2016)

Ground Elder said:


> Tonight's Winter Wonderland in Truro:





> the frozen characters refused to do the parade because of online threats


 I know I shouldn't laugh.


----------



## SaskiaJayne (Jan 1, 2016)

Tbf any pub Christmas dinner will be almost as bad or even worse & will have probably been cooked mostly on Xmas eve to save staff costs. I made the mistake of going out for Xmas dinner a few yrs ago at a pub chain, never again.

Shit pub Xmas dinners deserves it's own thread really, perhaps there is one already? I can't be arsed to look.


----------



## Voley (Jan 1, 2016)

I thought the slice of turkey was a sausage roll at first.


----------



## coley (Jan 1, 2016)

Fez909 said:


> It's not a fake lapland, but it's in the same spirit as this thread: Woman pays £45 for Christmas dinner - and gets this
> 
> View attachment 81526


Can't download the link, but if the management weren't left with the plate stuffed in the first available orifce ( after refusing a refund) than the customer really can't complain.
Am assuming they paid for the meal in advance?


----------



## Fez909 (Jan 1, 2016)

coley said:


> Can't download the link, but if the management weren't left with the plate stuffed in the first available orifce ( after refusing a refund) than the customer really can't complain.
> Am assuming they paid for the meal in advance?


They got a full refund


----------



## coley (Jan 1, 2016)

Fez909 said:


> They got a full refund


Good start to the new year
Though they should have had compo for psychological damage


----------



## T & P (Aug 8, 2016)

Not quite in the same scale, but you have to take your hat off to the organiser of this 'kids festival' event in Essex with £14 admission prices, and which main attraction consisted of a 'castle' made out of cardboard boxes







Apologies for the gutter press link
Tragic Kingdom: Police called to children's fun day 'disgrace'


----------



## Lord Camomile (Aug 8, 2016)

I would commend it for a creative use of limited resources if it were a free, volunteer-run festival, but £14??!


----------



## neonwilderness (Aug 8, 2016)

T & P said:


> Not quite in the same scale, but you have to take your hat off to the organiser of this 'kids festival' event in Essex with £14 admission prices, and which main attraction consisted of a 'castle' made out of cardboard boxes
> 
> 
> 
> ...





> The event was a complete and utter disgrace, it was basically a school fete, the only thing free was pretty much some cardboard boxes and paint, and a very small "circus" area manned by a rude girl who sat on her phone the entire time.


Amazing


----------



## Lord Camomile (Aug 8, 2016)

> They were sold online by Mr Kembery's company 'Winter Fest'
> 
> Mr Kembery has previously faced criticism over a Frozen-themed pop-up event which featured £25 face paints and a 'snow' pit made with foam.
> 
> The event also offered a less-than-impressive cardboard cut-out of a castle and a small bouncy castle.


Clearly continuing the fine tradition into the summer.



> Mr Kembery is understood to have cancelled an upcoming 'Jurassic pop-up' restaurant in the wake of the Kidz Fest complaints.


Inflatable dinosaurs and some ferns, p'raps?


----------



## Lord Camomile (Aug 8, 2016)

"Build a snow man in the snow pit"


----------



## pinkmonkey (Aug 8, 2016)

from the local rag: Police called to kids' 'festival' with castle made of crisp boxes

''The Kidz Fest event at Orsett showground, which cost up to £36 a ticket, also boasted a 'petting zoo' which consisted of a guinea pig, a rabbit, an owl and a solitary snake.''


----------



## skyscraper101 (Aug 8, 2016)

Every time I see things like this I just think of that Phoenix Nights episode with the 'fun day' where they put some scaffolding inside some portacabin urinals to make a 'kids climbing frame', made a ball pit out of old footballs found on the roof, and turned the condom machine into a Jerry the berry penny chew dispenser (for 10p a chew)


----------



## neonwilderness (Aug 8, 2016)

skyscraper101 said:


> Every time I see things like this I just think of that Phoenix Nights episode with the 'fun day' where they put some scaffolding inside some portacabin urinals to make a 'kids climbing frame', made a ball pit out of old footballs found on the roof, and turned the condom machine into a Jerry the berry penny chew dispenser (for 10p a chew)


"Not what it looks. Not what it looks. It's a twenty-foot cock and balls man."


----------



## Pseudopsycho (Aug 8, 2016)

If it doesn't  have a tunnel of goats I'm not interested.


----------



## T & P (Aug 8, 2016)

The organiser of the event looks trustworthy, and likeable






I'm surprised he had the guts to show his face there in the first place, tbh...


----------



## UrbaneFox (Aug 8, 2016)

neonwilderness said:


> "Not what it looks. Not what it looks. It's a twenty-foot cock and balls man."



Sammy the Snake. Kids love snakes.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Aug 9, 2016)




----------



## UrbaneFox (Aug 10, 2016)

What are those? 
Snake eggs.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Oct 27, 2016)

Enough is enough.

We know about the appalling Winter Wonderlands, Laplands, cardboard grottos, and elves seen having a fag around the back, so this year Urbanites must pull together to stop this annual disappointing experience for kiddies everywhere, and their shattered parents who have to pay up to £100 for tickets.

If any of you see adverts on lamp posts, or in free newspapers, TELL URBAN, and we will stop this heartless ripoff.

This cruel insult to decent folk must end.


----------



## neonwilderness (Oct 27, 2016)

It is the highlight of the year tbf


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Oct 28, 2016)

This year's big attraction will be a trip on the state of the art Russian aircraft carrier.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Oct 28, 2016)

neonwilderness said:


> It is the highlight of the year tbf


It's my favourite thread, but we must be seen to be doing something (wrings hands).


----------



## hipipol (Oct 28, 2016)

Have spent many hours in last year trying to attach false inflated antlers on the neighbours Great Dane
She wont wear it - well not in the way necessary to have our own local Winterval Doggerland (another vanished space we should cherish) Festival
I shall vicarious live out the frenzy of joy these events induce, here on this by now, Traditional thread


----------



## kittyP (Oct 28, 2016)

UrbaneFox said:


> Enough is enough.
> 
> We know about the appalling Winter Wonderlands, Laplands, cardboard grottos, and elves seem having a fag around the back, so this year Urbanites must pull together to stop this annual disappointing experience for kiddies everywhere, and their shattered parents who have to pay up to £100 for tickets.
> 
> ...



Nooooooo it's to hilarious to stop


----------



## neonwilderness (Oct 28, 2016)

Lest we forget


----------



## Wolveryeti (Oct 28, 2016)

Fez909 said:


> It's not a fake lapland, but it's in the same spirit as this thread: Woman pays £45 for Christmas dinner - and gets this
> 
> View attachment 81526


Getting ripped off by shoddy Xmas dinners is a national tradition. What an awful woman.


----------



## T & P (Oct 28, 2016)

The lesson every parent should have learnt from all these stories is never buy tickets in advance, even if (_especially_ if) the event is being marketed as likely to be sold out and advance ticket purchases being essential, and wait for the first reviews from visitors.

Also, I've never had much time for drones, but I guess one could come handy to do some surveillance on the event in question. Though admittedly a drone would have still been unable to capture the full glory of the 'bustling Christmas market' and nativity scene at the now legendary Lapland New Forest.


----------



## hipipol (Nov 3, 2016)

T & P said:


> The lesson every parent should have learnt from all these stories is never buy tickets in advance, even if (_especially_ if) the event is being marketed as likely to be sold out and advance ticket purchases being essential, and wait for the first reviews from visitors.
> 
> Also, I've never had much time for drones, but I guess one could come handy to do some surveillance on the event in question. Though admittedly a drone would have still been unable to capture the full glory of the 'bustling Christmas market' and nativity scene at the now legendary Lapland New Forest.


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 19, 2016)

We're off  Just back from the wonderland, my daughter reports that "The 'ice rink' was a muddy piece of slidy plastic with people staggering about in ice skates"


----------



## pogofish (Nov 19, 2016)

Excellent - My faith in the traditional British Christmas has been restored for yet another year!


----------



## Ranbay (Nov 19, 2016)

Furious families slam Bakewell Winter Wonderland which didn't even have a Santa

Badgers


----------



## wiskey (Nov 19, 2016)

Wtf are people doing going to see santa in _November_ ffs? 

still, I'm glad to see tradition is continuing, I was mentioning only yesterday to derv that I'd not seen a disaster yet this christmas (except this: Bristol Christmas markets inundated with complaints)


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 19, 2016)

I saw in a local rag there's a "winter wonderland" planned for Canvey Island in a couple of weeks time.


----------



## pogofish (Nov 19, 2016)

bi0boy said:


> I saw in a local rag there's a "winter wonderland" planned for Canvey Island in a couple of weeks time.



Go - Get photos, bonus points for distraught/traumatised children!


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 19, 2016)

Ranbay said:


> Furious families slam Bakewell Winter Wonderland which didn't even have a Santa
> 
> Badgers





> I know the weather doesn’t help but the organisation was poor.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Nov 21, 2016)

bi0boy said:


> I saw in a local rag there's a "winter wonderland" planned for Canvey Island in a couple of weeks time.


Well spotted, Brother Bi0boy. I have alerted UrbanCanvey and they will be sending a crack team to investigate BEFORE the kiddies are in tears.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 21, 2016)




----------



## SaskiaJayne (Nov 21, 2016)

Winter wonderlands should be illegal without proper snow making equipment.


----------



## Voley (Nov 21, 2016)

Leicester Council's Xmas tree has been attracting a bit of attention on Twitter:






They had issues with 'heavy tinsel'.


----------



## Manter (Nov 21, 2016)

Ranbay said:


> Furious families slam Bakewell Winter Wonderland which didn't even have a Santa
> 
> Badgers


Likened to the Somme. 

Ffs


----------



## billy_bob (Nov 21, 2016)

pogofish said:


> Go - Get photos, bonus points for distraught/traumatised children!



Don't the children in Canvey look like that all the time?


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 21, 2016)

Manter said:


> Likened to the Somme.
> 
> Ffs


my buddies didn't die face down in the mud so these assholes could ruin christmas


----------



## Manter (Nov 21, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> my buddies didn't die face down in the mud so these assholes could ruin christmas


I'm trying to imagine a Christmas market with shelling and screaming


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 21, 2016)

all the carols are wilfred owen and seigfred sassoon poems


----------



## tim (Nov 21, 2016)

Manter said:


> I'm trying to imagine a Christmas market with shelling and screaming



The bosch these days take a more subtle approach undermining our cultural identity and pushing us towards glycemic comas with their gluwein and stollen.

Its good to know, however, that we have launched a counter offensive.


----------



## pogofish (Nov 21, 2016)

billy_bob said:


> Don't the children in Canvey look like that all the time?



Don't know - but images of dying dreams always warm the cockles..!


----------



## doddles (Nov 21, 2016)

Bakewell Winter Wonderland labelled a 'disgusting mud bath'


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 21, 2016)

So glad Bakewell has delivered. NOW I feel right festive!


----------



## Teaboy (Nov 21, 2016)

In their defence who could have predicted that a field would get muddy in November and December?


----------



## Ranbay (Nov 21, 2016)

Teaboy said:


> In their defence who could have predicted that a field would get muddy in November and December?



Michael Eavis?


----------



## Supine (Nov 21, 2016)

Haha, I read about the shit xmas theme park in this mornings Metro. It reminded me of this thread. 

We need more pictures of smoking elves


----------



## Libertad (Nov 21, 2016)

Supine said:


> We need more pictures of smoking elves


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 21, 2016)

Supine said:


> We need more pictures of smoking elves



Can Lazy Llama sort us out with a smoking elf smiley?


----------



## Orang Utan (Nov 21, 2016)

Voley said:


> Leicester Council's Xmas tree has been attracting a bit of attention on Twitter:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


What's wrong with that? Looks fine to me.


----------



## emanymton (Nov 21, 2016)

Manter said:


> I'm trying to imagine a Christmas market with shelling and screaming


A bit of shelling would improve Christmas markets. IMHO


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 21, 2016)

emanymton said:


> A bit of shelling would improve Christmas markets. IMHO


FIIIIVE BEL-GIAN NUUUUUNS


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 21, 2016)

Ave it.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 21, 2016)




----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 17, 2016)

Each man kills the thing he loves.

This thread, you did us proud, but now, alas, you have been sucked inside your own snow making equipment.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 17, 2016)

Alas, I missed one this year:



> Organisers of a Christmas Wonderland event have pledged to look into parents’ complaints after children were forced to wait two hours in the freezing cold.
> 
> Crathes Castle in Banchory held its annual Christmas event on Saturday and Sunday which included festive stalls, a chance to meet Santa and a reindeer parade.
> 
> ...




I made the mistake of going to the other, smaller one, just four miles away that had all the christmassyness you could want - Sparkling trees, cute doggies in tinsely/tartan coats, funny and incredibly camp elves bouncing happily about keeping the kids happy and full of things to do, mugs of steaming mulled drinks, walks in the old wood, a glorious sunset and so-on.  All for something like £3.50 a head.

Bugger....!


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Dec 17, 2016)

pogofish said:


> Alas, I missed one this year:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You need to spend a lot more than £3.50 if you want the real-deal. Hope you've learned yer lesson and won't be so tight next year.


----------



## hipipol (Dec 18, 2016)

emanymton said:


> A bit of shelling would improve Christmas markets. IMHO


Not just the market, the whole town/ city the way they used to celebrate Love to All

That Christmas when Parisians Ate the Zoo
That Christmas when Parisians Ate the Zoo


----------



## wtfftw (Dec 18, 2016)

This is in keeping with the thread I think 
Angry audience members walk out of Scotty T's 'disastrous' Christmas panto


----------



## Kesher (Dec 18, 2016)

skyscraper101 said:


> Ave it.



The organisers might have   been  better off contacting these guys:

Snow Gun Snowmakers for ski resorts | Snow Machines, Inc. (SMI Snowmakers) Snowmaking Equipment, Snow making Machines and Snowmaking System Construction, Engineering and Installation.


----------



## moomoo (Dec 18, 2016)

God, I love this thread!


----------



## pogofish (Dec 18, 2016)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> You need to spend a lot more than £3.50 if you want the real-deal. Hope you've learned yer lesson and won't be so tight next year.



I know - The worst anyone might have encountered that day whilst chatting happily in the courtyard over a mulled drink or two was two of the elves sneaking out for a quick a snog behind the gatehouse.  They didn't even try to disgrace Greater Elfdom by sparking-up.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 18, 2016)

wtfftw said:


> This is in keeping with the thread I think
> Angry audience members walk out of Scotty T's 'disastrous' Christmas panto



Ken Dodd, Jimmy Cricket *plus* Zippy and George in the supporting cast - What vault for superannuated entertainers did they have to crack-open to get them!


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 19, 2016)

pogofish said:


> Ken Dodd, Jimmy Cricket *plus* Zippy and George in the supporting cast - What vault for superannuated entertainers did they have to crack-open to get them!



To be fair they were lucky to find some who weren't in the clink.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Dec 19, 2016)

TBH I thought Ken Dodd was dead. But it was his dad's dog.


----------



## gentlegreen (Dec 19, 2016)

Rainbow ended in 1992 apparently - a lot of the PARENTS weren't born then


----------



## pogofish (Dec 19, 2016)

gentlegreen said:


> Rainbow ended in 1992 apparently - a lot of the PARENTS weren't born then



TBF, they did have a post-Rainbow career as rave icons in the early 2000s.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 22, 2016)




----------



## skyscraper101 (Dec 22, 2016)

Amazing. I hope they were Tesco value bedsheets. Love the 'snow' on the ground, whatever that's made from. Cat litter?


----------



## T & P (Dec 22, 2016)

Pickman's model said:


> View attachment 97611


There's no pleasing some people


----------



## trashpony (Dec 22, 2016)

One of our local trees has been caged to stop people 'pulling at the branches'. How festive!


----------



## eoin_k (Dec 22, 2016)

They've missed a bit of a sponsorship opportunity by not extending that banner around the whole tree.


----------



## Orang Utan (Dec 22, 2016)

trashpony said:


> One of our local trees has been caged to stop people 'pulling at the branches'. How festive!


They should at least put David Blaine in there


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 22, 2016)

Pickman's model said:


> View attachment 97611


thats more 'lair' than grotto. Needs a 'free puppies' sign photoshopping onto it


----------



## skyscraper101 (Dec 22, 2016)

trashpony said:


> One of our local trees has been caged to stop people 'pulling at the branches'. How festive!



They've done the same in Glasgow






Which has since become...


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 22, 2016)

skyscraper101 said:


> They've done the same in Glasgow
> 
> 
> 
> ...


why's there a head on a pole?


----------



## skyscraper101 (Dec 22, 2016)

Pickman's model said:


> why's there a head on a pole?



Because, Glasgow.


----------



## T & P (Dec 22, 2016)

They've done a similar thing in Tulse Hill, albeit with not-so-high barriers. Still, they've managed to trap in a legally parked bicycle in the process.


----------



## salem (Dec 22, 2016)

trashpony said:


> One of our local trees has been caged to stop people 'pulling at the branches'. How festive!


Bloody hell, how much "time effort and money" went into the tree that it needed that much sponsorship?


----------



## trashpony (Dec 22, 2016)

salem said:


> Bloody hell, how much "time effort and money" went into the tree that it needed that much sponsorship?


About 50p. I live in UKIP country - it's all backhanders and blackmail round here


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 23, 2016)




----------



## trashpony (Dec 23, 2016)

Stevenage - one of the worst places in the UK. Up there with Kettering


----------



## Libertad (Dec 23, 2016)

trashpony said:


> Stevenage - one of the worst places in the UK. Up there with Kettering



DotCommunist


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 23, 2016)

its like nobody has ever been to wellingborough. Believe me, this is shangri-la compared to that


----------



## trashpony (Dec 23, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> its like nobody has ever been to wellingborough. Believe me, this is shangri-la compared to that


I have been to Wellingborough. It's a shithole. My dad lived in a rented house in Kettering for a bit and I spent my 21st birthday there. It had purple carpets and plastic on all the sofas and dining chairs, and we had a chippy tea and a cheap bottle of wine from Morrisons. It's scarred me


----------



## tim (Dec 23, 2016)

Pickman's model said:


> View attachment 97669



I have distant but fond memories of the Stevenage set film "Here we go round the mulberry bush".

This exciting video revisits some of the films locations



Not  Christmassy, but in keeping with the spirit of the thread.


----------



## Voley (Dec 24, 2016)

iona has just treated us to the true meaning of Xmas over on the 3 positives thread:


iona said:


> I saw a couple of Santa's elves today... In the chemist picking up their methadone


----------



## Ground Elder (Jan 1, 2017)

This should probably go in here - 
*Shopping centre elf sacked for pepper spraying family who came to see Santa*




> ...one of Santa’s elves repeatedly yelled at her mother to stay behind the line


----------



## Ground Elder (Apr 18, 2017)

It's heartening to see that Easter has joined in 



> kids were left stunned and “very confused”


----------



## cupid_stunt (Apr 18, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> It's heartening to see that Easter has joined in





> “Was not impressed when the staff took Easter eggs out of the bags my children had collected and told them they had too much even after they only filled their bags as told at the start,” one mum wrote.
> 
> “They were also told that Easter bunny will get angry if they don’t put some back, *which is not creating the magic of Easter.*”
> 
> Another said: “They took eggs off children making them cry when they only had a few eggs, Easter bunny went up to my son and took Easter eggs off of him, I was so shocked and my son wasn’t very happy afterwards. Upsetting.”



Magic of Easter?

Something must have gone wrong in my childhood, I don't remember much 'magic' at Easter, a few eggs sure, but noting like Christmas.


----------



## billy_bob (Apr 18, 2017)

I just misread the name of the thread in my alerts as 'Labour New Forest Theme Park Organisers Guilty of Misleading Advertising'.

Talk about experiences guaranteed to disappoint...


----------



## Pickman's model (Apr 18, 2017)

cupid_stunt said:


> Magic of Easter?
> 
> Something must have gone wrong in my childhood, I don't remember much 'magic' at Easter, a few eggs sure, but noting like Christmas.


It's magic for dentists


----------



## T & P (Apr 19, 2017)

The experience might just save a couple of them from diabetes in later life, as well hopefully teaching them a valuable lesson on the virtues of fair distribution of resources and the wrongs of avarice and selfishness. Good work.


----------



## Celyn (Apr 19, 2017)

Learning by egg sample, I suppose.


----------



## Badgers (Apr 23, 2017)

Still. Fucking. Funny.


----------



## mrs quoad (Apr 23, 2017)

DotCommunist said:


> its like nobody has ever been to wellingborough. Believe me, this is shangri-la compared to that


I have only visited the (since closed) cat C prison, thumbs.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Apr 23, 2017)

cupid_stunt said:


> Magic of Easter?
> 
> Something must have gone wrong in my childhood, I don't remember much 'magic' at Easter, a few eggs sure, but noting like Christmas.


HE was resurrected and lives among us to this day. 
If that isn't magic, what is?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 23, 2017)

UrbaneFox said:


> HE was resurrected and lives among us to this day.
> If that isn't magic, what is?



Ask an expert


----------



## killer b (Apr 28, 2017)

you should all look up 'fyre festival' for a game-raising new take on this shit. incredible scenes.


----------



## Badgers (Apr 28, 2017)

killer b said:


> you should all look up 'fyre festival' for a game-raising new take on this shit. incredible scenes.


You beat me to it


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 28, 2017)

killer b said:


> you should all look up 'fyre festival' for a game-raising new take on this shit. incredible scenes.


----------



## bi0boy (Apr 29, 2017)

Chef-curated culinary pop up food:


----------



## evildacat (Apr 29, 2017)

killer b said:


> you should all look up 'fyre festival' for a game-raising new take on this shit. incredible scenes.


The head of the Company is taking full responsibility for everything but none of it is his fault - reading the social media release he made 24 hours after. They are looking forward to redeeming their name and making it up to those left 'disapointed' in 2018!


----------



## evildacat (Apr 29, 2017)

bi0boy said:


> Chef-curated culinary pop up food:
> 
> View attachment 105606


Well worth the ticket price alone !
The pictures taken from people 'on site' of the first class seating to have your gourmet food on are great also then retire to you emergency/disaster relief tents for a well deserved rest.


----------



## pogofish (Aug 14, 2017)

Looks like Brighton Cheesiest is in as an early contender for this year!

Food festival organisers grilled after guests left feeling cheesed off



> "We got there and there were only two stalls actually selling a selection of cheese."
> 
> “It was the worst rip off in Brighton I have ever seen."
> 
> ...


----------



## skyscraper101 (Aug 14, 2017)

I have to say the one photo to illustrate this story of people seemingly enjoying themselves on a sunny afternoon has left me disappointed.


----------



## gentlegreen (Aug 14, 2017)




----------



## DaveCinzano (Aug 14, 2017)

pogofish said:


> Looks like Brighton Cheesiest is in as an early contender for this year!
> 
> Food festival organisers grilled after guests left feeling cheesed off


Welcome to the fromage of austerity


----------



## pogofish (Aug 14, 2017)

skyscraper101 said:


> I have to say the one photo to illustrate this story of people seemingly enjoying themselves on a sunny afternoon has left me disappointed.



There are more harrowing pics of empty cheese stalls on aother news site that is best left unlinked here.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Aug 14, 2017)

pogofish said:


> There are more harrowing pics of empty cheese stalls on aother news site that is best left unlinked here.



Nope, even the fail disapopints with it's lack of photos of disappointed cheese enthusiasts.


----------



## pogofish (Aug 14, 2017)

skyscraper101 said:


> Nope, even the fail disapopints with it's lack of photos of disappointed cheese enthusiasts.



You don't always need photos to picture something like the combination of sheer anguish and impotent rage from the hundreds of poor cheese-lovers, robbed and denied their favourite food.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Aug 14, 2017)

I want to see a security guard dressed up as a giant Edam waving a shotgun at disgruntled punters


----------



## pogofish (Aug 14, 2017)

skyscraper101 said:


> I want to see a security guard dressed up as a giant Edam waving a shotgun at disgruntled punters



So would I..!


----------



## Supine (Aug 14, 2017)

How about a smoking cheddar


----------



## UrbaneFox (Aug 14, 2017)

Amateur complainants. I've no time for them.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Aug 15, 2017)

pogofish said:


> There are more harrowing pics of empty cheese stalls on aother news site that is best left unlinked here.



Cheese deliveries in this country are notoriously unreliable and highly inefficient...


----------



## Badgers (Sep 13, 2017)

New York's Fyre Fest of Pizza Is Now Under Investigation


----------



## Lord Camomile (Sep 13, 2017)

Really needs hand for scale 

And this just for lols.


----------



## gentlegreen (Sep 13, 2017)

75 dollars for a "VIP" ticket for cold pizza


----------



## Teaboy (Sep 13, 2017)

If its a music festival you have to expect a big upfront cost, but for a food festival?  You'd have to be a mug.  What incentive do they have once they have your cash?

All the food / beer festivals I've been to in this country have a nominal ticket fee but then there is a mixture of free and paid for stuff when you get in.  This has alarm bells all over it.  Besides how on earth are you going to eat $75 worth of cheese on toast with added processed crap?


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 14, 2017)

It's nearly time, so excited!


----------



## colacubes (Nov 14, 2017)

It's the most wonderful time of the year


----------



## Teaboy (Nov 14, 2017)

Its the most wonderful time of the year.

ETA: ********snap**************


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 14, 2017)

It’s the best part of Winterval


----------



## Teaboy (Nov 14, 2017)

It'll ruin Christmas if there isn't a new contender this year.


----------



## colacubes (Nov 14, 2017)

Teaboy said:


> Its the most wonderful time of the year.
> 
> ETA: ********snap**************



Great minds


----------



## T & P (Nov 14, 2017)

Teaboy said:


> It'll ruin Christmas if there isn't a new contender this year.


If no stories have surfaced by 2 December, we should step in and create an U75 Christmas Wonderland experience.


----------



## Libertad (Nov 14, 2017)

T & P said:


> If no stories have surfaced by 2 December, we should step in and create an U75 Christmas Wonderland experience.



That's what usually happens.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 14, 2017)

T & P said:


> If no stories have surfaced by 2 December, we should step in and create an U75 Christmas Wonderland experience.



Get the snow lined up.


----------



## A380 (Nov 14, 2017)

T & P said:


> If no stories have surfaced by 2 December, we should step in and create an U75 Christmas Wonderland experience.


You could only get on if your ticket had a cross on it.


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 14, 2017)

It's about time there was a disatrous *hipster* Xmas attraction ...


----------



## T & P (Nov 14, 2017)

gentlegreen said:


> It's about time there was a disatrous *hipster* Xmas attraction ...


I don't think it'd work. No matter how shitty you tried to make it, they would simply think the shabbiness was ironic, and enjoy it even more. I guess it'd still be a good money maker though.


----------



## moomoo (Nov 14, 2017)

This is my favourite thing about Christmas!


----------



## Cloo (Nov 14, 2017)

You could have it in our back garden - it's really small and half taken up with a giant shed. We could stick reindeer antlers on our cat and cover the lawn with cotton buds. Oh, and we'll employ our kids to stand outside turning torches on and off for the Christmas lights. The food will be Pringles knock-offs from Aldi and plain toast. £75 per ticket.


----------



## joustmaster (Nov 14, 2017)

Please don't bump this thread unless there has been an actual report of one. You're making me to excited.


----------



## Teaboy (Nov 14, 2017)

joustmaster said:


> Please don't bump this thread unless there has been an actual report of one. You're making me to excited.



You should be able to track them on the internet as they spring up just like you can track Santa's progress on Christmas Eve.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 14, 2017)

NORAD have been tracking santa for years and I never knew.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 14, 2017)

DotCommunist said:


> NORAD have been tracking santa for years and I never knew.



No they haven't, sorry to spoil things for you, but Santa isn't real.


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 14, 2017)

The greatest trick Santa ever pulled...


----------



## kabbes (Nov 14, 2017)

Lord Camomile said:


> The greatest trick Santa ever pulled...


Was convincing the world he wasn't a sexual predator?


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 14, 2017)

kabbes said:


> Was convincing the world he wasn't a sexual predator?


I'm pretty sure he's failed at that multiple times over.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 14, 2017)

cupid_stunt said:


> No they haven't, sorry to spoil things for you, but Santa isn't real.


he's part of our collective unconscious. So in a way....


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 14, 2017)

Lord Camomile said:


> The greatest trick Santa ever pulled...


a crooked grind followed by a noselide.


----------



## kabbes (Nov 14, 2017)

Lord Camomile said:


> I'm pretty sure he's failed at that multiple times over.


Well, it worked for a while.  Nothing lasts forever, even including Kyser Soze's mythology of not being real.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 14, 2017)

cupid_stunt said:


> No they haven't, sorry to spoil things for you, but Santa isn't real.



Are you saying that for the past 13 years I've been sat up all night on Xmas eve, glass of milk and carrot to hand, only to explain in the morning to a heart-broken girl that she must have done some bad shit in the past year, when  in fact he was not real all along?

What a wanker. If he were real I'd fucking do him for that, the fat, ho-ho-cunt


----------



## A380 (Nov 14, 2017)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Are you saying that for the past 13 years I've been sat up all night on Xmas eve, glass of milk and carrot to hand, only to explain in the morning to a heart-broken girl that she must have done some bad shit in the past year, when  in fact he was not real all along?
> 
> What a wanker. If he were real I'd fucking do him for that, the fat, ho-ho-cunt


 You should have put out a glass of sherry, not milk you tight bastard.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 14, 2017)

A380 said:


> You should have put out a glass of sherry, not milk you tight bastard.



But surely he doesn't only come to those who put booze out for him? What about all the Muslim/Sikh etc. households?


OMFG


----------



## A380 (Nov 14, 2017)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> But surely he doesn't only come to those who put booze out for him? What about all the Muslim/Sikh etc. households?
> 
> OMFG



Santa = worse than Hitler.


----------



## Celyn (Nov 14, 2017)

T & P said:


> If no stories have surfaced by 2 December, we should step in and create an U75 Christmas Wonderland experience.


With a baked potato stall. And a breakfast stall. And a roundtable discussion regarding use of toilets. And a First Aid tent run by Stanley Edwards, and exhibitions of christmassy daredevilry by dessiato, and venison burgers, some of them made of tofu or TVP. And a chip shop staffed by elves.


----------



## T & P (Nov 14, 2017)

Celyn said:


> With a baked potato stall. And a breakfast stall. And a roundtable discussion regarding use of toilets. And a First Aid tent run by Stanley Edwards, and exhibitions of christmassy daredevilry by dessiato, and venison burgers, some of them made of tofu or TVP. And a chip shop staffed by elves.


Ohhh I like where you're going with this. We could also have a cycling safety workshop run by Spymaster , and Christmas turkey cooking demonstrations by PaoloSanchez


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 14, 2017)

And, editor demonstrating the latest Apple products for Christmas.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 14, 2017)

Orang Utan patrolling the gents, ensuring everyone is seated when taking a piss, and Bungle73 would be running around moaning about the late delivery of Christmas presents, weeks in advance of the day - until he's thrown out due to having an invalid ticket, despite his protests that the Jesus cross on it clearly makes it valid.


----------



## Celyn (Nov 14, 2017)

cupid_stunt said:


> And, editor demonstrating the latest Apple products for Christmas.



Baked apples are nice.    Would it be a good light show if we microwaved some Apple products?  A friend once microwaved a couple of CDs and he said that was quite good.


----------



## rubbershoes (Nov 14, 2017)

First aid should be run by fizzerbird . Whatever hurts she'll put veet on it


----------



## Celyn (Nov 14, 2017)

Oh yes!


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 14, 2017)

Celyn said:


> Baked apples are nice.    Would it be a good light show if we microwaved some Apple products?  A friend once microwaved a couple of CDs and he said that was quite good.





But, when I mentioned 'Apple products', I meant cider. 

No, seriously, I did. 

OK, I didn't.


----------



## Celyn (Nov 14, 2017)

Oh, cider is fine, and more affordable than capital-A Appled products.  Cider!  Mulled cider! More cider!


----------



## BigTom (Nov 14, 2017)

rubbershoes said:


> First aid should be run by fizzerbird . Whatever hurts she'll put veet on it



dessiato can assist here i think. He has a lot of experience with general injuries.


----------



## dessiato (Nov 14, 2017)

BigTom said:


> dessiato can assist here i think. He has a lot of experience with general injuries.


And I'm St John Ambulance trained.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 14, 2017)

I think dessiato would be far too busy running around slapping random people in the face with a cod fillet TBH.


----------



## Celyn (Nov 14, 2017)

dessiato said:


> And I'm St John Ambulance trained.


But people who know what they're doing might spoil the fun. 

Actually, I didn't know you were St. John Ambulance trained. That must be quite useful for you.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 14, 2017)

Party tricks could include Valve's demonstration of his three-leg dance routine.


----------



## Celyn (Nov 14, 2017)

cupid_stunt said:


> Party tricks could include Valve's demonstration of his three-leg dance routine.


That sounds *interesting*.


----------



## 5t3IIa (Nov 15, 2017)

Some potential here?


----------



## Yossarian (Nov 15, 2017)

We still need people for shifts at the stands explaining the devastating impact of climate change on the North Pole and the social problems faced by the indigenous Sami people in Lapland.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Nov 15, 2017)

The level of security needed in the breakfast tent verges on the paramilitary. I can think of a few posters who will need a personal protection detail.


----------



## Teaboy (Nov 15, 2017)

5t3IIa said:


> Some potential here?
> 
> View attachment 120532



5t3IIa makes a good point.  We should extend the hand of friendship to piss poor local Christmas / German markets as well as temporary theme parks.  It seems most towns now fancy having some sort of Christmas market which normally extends to some ex-con selling hot dogs and baked potatoes and the local Roundtable doing a tombola.  This could be a rich vein to tap.


----------



## 5t3IIa (Nov 15, 2017)

Teaboy said:


> 5t3IIa makes a good point.  We should extend the hand of friendship to piss poor local Christmas / German markets as well as temporary theme parks.  It seems most towns now fancy having some sort of Christmas market which normally extends to some ex-con selling hot dogs and baked potatoes and the local Roundtable doing a tombola.  This could be a rich vein to tap.


Thank you for your support. When those teepees started going up they looked like an accident.


----------



## BigTom (Nov 15, 2017)

I think ste9 is our location/venue scout (Police tactics/reaction to 'illegal' Raves). Hasn't posted in a while but hopefully is still around and not blown themselves up.


----------



## pogofish (Nov 15, 2017)

Teaboy said:


> 5t3IIa We should extend the hand of friendship to piss poor local Christmas / German markets as well as temporary theme parks.



Unquestionably! - Aberdeen's Municipal "Christmas Market" is shaping-up nicely.







At least its being useful in screening the building site of a delayed, largely un-let commercial development on one of the most sensitive sites of the city and provides more gainful employment to one of the city's most cuntish employers who have somehow got the contract for every bit of the market that needs a drinks licence - like they usually do for any event.

And it has one of the most outstanding approaches of any christmas market I've ever seen.






That's right - behind the Mannie and past Starbucks, keeping behind the Herras fence that has reduced an already narrow pavement to next to nothing.

Still, the local cooncilors like it because it won't cause the traffic chaos like last year.






Because the ongoing construction work on their failing commercial development has already royally fucked the traffic at that end of town for the last couple of years anyway.


Unlike last year, when they decided to site it on the city's second biggest public transport interchange that wasn't Union St and expected the place to carry-on like normal!






Still, you knew far the Neds were - a'day. every day!


----------



## pogofish (Nov 15, 2017)

And at the other side of town, we have out other christmas "market" - well, outdoor bar - I think it opened  last Friday.






Replete with big brosy bouncers dispensing full-on good cheer (£3 deposit on every plastic beer glass) to anyone with the temerity to look like they might be enjoying themselves a little too much and belting-out such wonderful festive favourites as the trance remix of the Game of Thrones theme!

Centre security moved-on some kids who started dancing to that, outside the bar perimeter!

At least its proximity to the station/bus station/harbour means that guys off the rigs have another opportunity to down one before making their their way home on change days - no doubt bringing even more festive joy to their fellow passengers.


----------



## hipipol (Nov 15, 2017)

I do not mean to belittle their offence, but "Misleading Advertising" has reached new and previously undreamed of depths since these little shits commenced their lie based marketing strategy, bigger shits have trumped (a whole new thread in that one pun I fear...) these little shits by a factor of....well, impossible for me to calculate....





Not sure why Mr B Johnson, MP,  has not been sued/sprayed by a rogue slurry operator....the Slurry Tsunami appeals most tbf...


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 15, 2017)

isn't it odd that the people in charge know well how important the NHS is to people they see fit to make it a political football at every election, and yet outside of electoral season they work steadily towards degrading the service in order to make its privatisation palatable. Its almost like they think we are idiots or something


----------



## dessiato (Nov 15, 2017)

DotCommunist said:


> isn't it odd that the people in charge know well how important the NHS is to people they see fit to make it a political football at every election, and yet outside of electoral season they work steadily towards degrading the service in order to make its privatisation palatable. Its almost like they think we are idiots or something


Sadly, when you look at Brexiters, Trump voters etc., people are idiots. As Agent K said, "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it..."


----------



## dessiato (Nov 15, 2017)

Celyn said:


> But people who know what they're doing might spoil the fun.
> 
> Actually, I didn't know you were St. John Ambulance trained. That must be quite useful for you.


It's more useful that Mrs D is Red Cross trained first aider.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 15, 2017)

dessiato said:


> Sadly, when you look at Brexiters, Trump voters etc., people are idiots. As Agent K said, "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it..."


theres an astounding amount of elitism contained within this response while referencing a popcorn sci fi film that is funnily enough about an elite who know best and do best for the sake of us all (I do like these films but heh). We'll leave it there because my initial response was one word.


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 20, 2017)

By way of a warm up, here's a  couple of _Britain's Worst Christmas Tree_ stories

*Footage of vandals wrecking 'Britain's worst Christmas tree'*



> This is why we can’t have nice things



*Town's 'sad looking' Christmas tree is removed just hours after it was put up*

Good to see the true spirit of Christmas is alive in Wales



> I have asked the Council to confirm that the replacement tree and extra staff working hours will not be at taxpayers’ expense.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 20, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> By way of a warm up, here's a  couple of _Britain's Worst Christmas Tree_ stories
> 
> *Footage of vandals wrecking 'Britain's worst Christmas tree'*
> 
> ...



This reminds me of when I first moved to Taunton, many moons away, and there was this piece in the local rag about the police asking for the Christmas tree to be taken down prior to New Year's Eve, as drunken revellers had taken to climbing it the year before.

Well, the council response was a classic, turning down the request on the basic that the local police didn't have to worry about policing football matches & marches on a regular basis, surely they could look after a tree on just one night of the year.

I wasn't alone in spotting the challenge that was to the local piss-heads, and how they would clearly go out of their way to prove otherwise, even the police realised that.

So, New Year's Eve, the cops put up barriers around the tree, with about a dozen of them penned in.

Did that prevent people climbing the tree? Did it fuck!

Well, they managed to stop most that surged forward, but at least half a dozen made it, climbing the tree, throwing bulbs at the coppers below, with the crowd cheering them on, we shouldn't have laughed, but we did, funny as fuck.


----------



## A380 (Nov 20, 2017)

cupid_stunt said:


> This reminds me of when I first moved to Taunton, many moons away, and there was this piece in the local rag about the police asking for the Christmas tree to be taken down prior to New Year's Eve, as drunken revellers had taken to climbing it the year before.
> 
> Well, the council response was a classic, turning down the request on the basic that the local police didn't have to worry about policing football matches & marches on a regular basis, surely they could look after a tree on just one night of the year.
> 
> ...


Taunton? Good luck trying to stop a pissed up Royal Marine just back from Norway climbing a tree.


----------



## A380 (Nov 20, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> By way of a warm up, here's a  couple of _Britain's Worst Christmas Tree_ stories
> 
> *Footage of vandals wrecking 'Britain's worst Christmas tree'*
> 
> ...


Anyone know what is the biggest town in Wales?


----------



## colacubes (Nov 21, 2017)

Excuse link to the Fail, but it begins 

Hamleys Christmas Toy parade saw parents pushing children | Daily Mail Online


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Nov 21, 2017)

colacubes said:


> Excuse link to the Fail, but it begins
> 
> Hamleys Christmas Toy parade saw parents pushing children | Daily Mail Online


Fuck me things like that make me glad I left London. I've not seen a crowd like that in a looong time now.


----------



## colacubes (Nov 21, 2017)

Mrs Miggins said:


> Fuck me things like that make me glad I left London. I've not seen a crowd like that in a looong time now.



I was actually up that way on Sunday for other reasons and the amount of people was properly bonkers. I was heading down Oxford Street from the Tottenham Court Road end at one point and I gave up halfway as there was a sea of people you couldn't get through.


----------



## A380 (Nov 21, 2017)

colacubes said:


> Excuse link to the Fail, but it begins
> 
> Hamleys Christmas Toy parade saw parents pushing children | Daily Mail Online


I didn’t know Paul Dacre had shares in Toys r Us...


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Nov 21, 2017)

colacubes said:


> I was actually up that way on Sunday for other reasons and the amount of people was properly bonkers. I was heading down Oxford Street from the Tottenham Court Road end at one point and I gave up halfway as there was a sea of people you couldn't get through.


Ugh....I really do not miss fighting my way through London.


----------



## Badgers (Nov 21, 2017)

Christmas is coming


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 21, 2017)

I swear I remember an annual highlight for a small child in Bristol in the early 60s  was a sort of "what the butler saw" thing in a Co-op department store that was demolished years ago that featured a static snow scene for the price of an old penny or two.


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 21, 2017)

> Around 800,000 people lined Regent Street in London


----------



## Celyn (Nov 21, 2017)

800,000 people? Holy shit.  Eek.


----------



## pogofish (Nov 21, 2017)

Just because its not been posted in a while:


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 22, 2017)

This might be an old thread, but I think he looks especially angry and hard-done-by this year


----------



## 1927 (Nov 22, 2017)

A380 said:


> Anyone know what is the biggest town in Wales?


Merthyr Tydfil.


----------



## hipipol (Nov 22, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


>


"Around 800,000 people lined Regent Street"
A sort of Woodstock for the under 10s.......
They look like they've all had buckets of the "bad brown acid"


----------



## pogofish (Nov 27, 2017)

Its started!

Families blast car park ice rink 'full of puddles that can only fit five people'


----------



## Celyn (Nov 27, 2017)

Woe unto the bloody city of Lichfield!


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 27, 2017)

pogofish said:


> Its started!
> 
> Families blast car park ice rink 'full of puddles that can only fit five people'



Blimey, that's tiny.


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Nov 27, 2017)

pogofish said:


> Its started!
> 
> Families blast car park ice rink 'full of puddles that can only fit five people'



Yay! Keep them coming. The only thing I enjoy about Christmas is other peeps misery


----------



## moonsi til (Nov 28, 2017)

Lol at no more than 5 people at any time!


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 28, 2017)

This is is what makes Britain great !

#BrexitBritain


----------



## krtek a houby (Nov 28, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> By way of a warm up, here's a  couple of _Britain's Worst Christmas Tree_ stories
> 
> *Footage of vandals wrecking 'Britain's worst Christmas tree'*
> 
> ...



_"Why? Because, despite all the controversy and, in some cases, abuse, the tree is transformed once lit up."_

Yeah from a shit tree to a shit lit tree. Magical.


----------



## Yossarian (Nov 28, 2017)

FridgeMagnet said:


> It will all be done by hipsters next year. Dalston will be full of pop up shit wonderlands, visited by crowds of giggling young people with tattoos.



I'm surprised this still hasn't happened, they'd probably make a fortune just from the stand selling crappy Christmas jumpers.


----------



## krtek a houby (Nov 28, 2017)

Yossarian said:


> I'm surprised this still hasn't happened, they'd probably make a fortune just from the stand selling crappy Christmas jumpers.



I actually adore the crappy xmas jumpers. But I wouldn't buy it from the hipster mafia.


----------



## pogofish (Nov 28, 2017)

No "sexy" Policewomen for Aberdeen:

Aberdeen councillor calls removal of 'sexualised' police officer image ‘right move’ - Evening Express

I'm pretty sure that will ruin some oaf's festivities?


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 28, 2017)

It's plitical crecness gorn mad


----------



## Badgers (Nov 28, 2017)

VIDEO: Adult Woman Screams That Mall Santa Is Fake, Has No Sleigh


----------



## Badgers (Nov 28, 2017)




----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 28, 2017)




----------



## Celyn (Nov 28, 2017)

Badgers said:


> View attachment 121591



And quite right too, I say!

Flying about full of fly agaric  AND a whole big bellyful of sherry, (and shortbread and raisiny cake) while the reindeer, the extremely exploited and oppressed workers in this deplorable situation, are expected to be humbly grateful for a bit of carrot.

This bit of carrot, remember, is all that is given to the whole team of reindeer workers, and it is surely inevitable that our deer comrades will, one day, as a matter of historical necessity, resist. 

They shall throw off the shackles of Santa! And shove Santa into the snow and make him eat it. The very yellow snow.


----------



## T & P (Nov 30, 2017)

Not a paying attraction so points will have to deducted, but I thought this is still in keeping with the spirit of the thread...

City Christmas tree 'an embarrassment'


----------



## pogofish (Nov 30, 2017)

Looked past our Christmas Market tonight and yes, it looked pretty but kind of left me a bit underwhelmed:












For starters, despite being open for nearly a fortnight, it wasn't very busy - The security must have outnumbered the public 4-1.
Then there were only two stalls selling anything other than fast food.

Didn't bother with the bar/coffee tent when I saw the prices - I've been to considerably cheaper festivals.


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 1, 2017)

T & P said:


> City Christmas tree 'an embarrassment'


There's nothing more Christmasy than an exclusion zone


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 1, 2017)

Morrisons ruin Christmas for children 



> it should only be available for babies and toddlers who cannot read


----------



## T & P (Dec 1, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> Morrisons ruin Christmas for children


I'm sure concerned mum and dad can make him feel better by buying a toy out of the £200 quid they will have been paid for telling the world about such horrifying tale.

Still, not all is bad news:



> Little Charlie Harding is now in fear that Santa Claus won't bring him presents and *has been desperately cleaning his room to make sure he is off the list.*


----------



## 1927 (Dec 1, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> Morrisons ruin Christmas for children


Wrong thread, that should be in local newspaper headline thread!

As an aside, shouldn't it be Morrisons ruins christmas?


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 1, 2017)

And today's award for pedentary goes to 1927  edited to add: I think the story is more keeping with the remit of this thread than the local headlines threads.


----------



## Teaboy (Dec 1, 2017)

T & P said:


> Not a paying attraction so points will have to deducted, but I thought this is still in keeping with the spirit of the thread...
> 
> City Christmas tree 'an embarrassment'


Good, good.  Keep em coming.


----------



## JimW (Dec 1, 2017)

Not Christmassy but shit:
Pop-up penguins shock China zoo visitors


----------



## Badgers (Dec 2, 2017)

Watch Piers Morgan ruin Christmas


----------



## NoXion (Dec 2, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> Morrisons ruin Christmas for children



Well, either the adults involved are really fucking stupid and bought that jumper without actually reading what it said, or they're willing to sell a bollocks story out to the media for chump change. Neither possibility makes them look good.

Also, assuming he's not acting, the kid needs some extra backbone. I wouldn't have cried about that kind of thing when I was six.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 3, 2017)

Residents blast 'worst Christmas tree ever' with more decorations than branches


----------



## T & P (Dec 3, 2017)

Can’t blame the residents tbh... that tree is well shit


----------



## pogofish (Dec 3, 2017)

I spent this afternoon at a Christmas fair, out in the country - I am disappointed that it was not disappointing,


----------



## T & P (Dec 3, 2017)

pogofish said:


> I spent this afternoon at a Christmas fair, out in the country - I am disappointed that it was not disappointing,


I was at Winterville at Clapham Common and thinking of this thread. The Christmas market bit was a bit underwhelming and nothing for sale was Christmasy, but sadly nothing worthy of this thread.


----------



## A380 (Dec 4, 2017)

JimW said:


> Not Christmassy but shit:
> Pop-up penguins shock China zoo visitors
> View attachment 121892


I went to a zoo like that in Hainan province . When we paid and went in it we found it only had one dog.

It was a shitzu.


Thanks, here all week.


----------



## Santino (Dec 4, 2017)

NoXion said:


> Well, either the adults involved are really fucking stupid and bought that jumper without actually reading what it said, or they're willing to sell a bollocks story out to the media for chump change. Neither possibility makes them look good.
> 
> Also, assuming he's not acting, the kid needs some extra backbone. I wouldn't have cried about that kind of thing when I was six.


Children can be very sensitive about all kinds of things. You don't know what kind of importance he might place on thinking of himself as a well-behaved boy.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 4, 2017)




----------



## wayward bob (Dec 4, 2017)

merry christmas


----------



## NoXion (Dec 4, 2017)

Santino said:


> Children can be very sensitive about all kinds of things. You don't know what kind of importance he might place on thinking of himself as a well-behaved boy.



I suppose. I was encouraged to be truthful rather than well-behaved.


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 4, 2017)




----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 4, 2017)

T & P said:


> I was at Winterville at Clapham Common and thinking of this thread. The Christmas market bit was a bit underwhelming and nothing for sale was Christmasy, but sadly nothing worthy of this thread.



I fear the thread is going to the dogs.


----------



## T & P (Dec 4, 2017)

UrbaneFox said:


> I fear the thread is going to the dogs.


A testimony to the spirit of the thread itself, but disappointing all the same.

Are there no entrepreneurs left in this country?


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 5, 2017)

The absence of winter wonderland woe so far this year is disappointing. We'll have to make do with crap trees and stoned santas


----------



## pogofish (Dec 5, 2017)

There are still two opportunities to get it wrong in my part of the world - and one managed it last year, plus this year it happens after the schools break-up, so is likely ti be innundated, stressing it further.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 5, 2017)

A380 said:


> I went to a zoo like that in Hainan province . When we paid and went in it we found it only had one dog.
> 
> It was a shitzu.
> 
> ...


----------



## Badgers (Dec 7, 2017)

Family cover house with Christmas lights just to annoy their neighbour | Metro News


----------



## Teaboy (Dec 7, 2017)

Badgers said:


> Family cover house with Christmas lights just to annoy their neighbour | Metro News



I reckon fair play to them.  Its fun.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 7, 2017)

Our Christmas Village has had to close - due to the winter weather!


----------



## A380 (Dec 8, 2017)

pogofish said:


> Our Christmas Village has had to close - due to the winter weather!


Welwyn Garden City dry ski slope has to close when it snows...


----------



## Badgers (Dec 10, 2017)

Lincoln Christmas market cancelled due to snow


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 10, 2017)

Badgers said:


> Lincoln Christmas market cancelled due to snow


Have they replaced it with sledging down the big hill?


----------



## Voley (Dec 10, 2017)




----------



## Poi E (Dec 10, 2017)

Teaboy said:


> I reckon fair play to them.  Its fun.



A bit of light humour.


----------



## 1927 (Dec 10, 2017)

Poi E said:


> A bit of light humour.


Not if you have to live next door to the fucker!


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 10, 2017)

Voley said:


>




That's brilliant.


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Dec 10, 2017)

Badgers said:


> Lincoln Christmas market cancelled due to snow



Brilliant


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Dec 10, 2017)

cupid_stunt said:


> That's brilliant.



Yep. It is finally warming up. I always look forwards to this thread.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 10, 2017)

At another Christmas event today and I'm sad to say that it did not disappoint - chilled, pleasant, dog-friendly, not rip-off and no stressed elves throwing a wobbly out back.

cheated again!


----------



## Badgers (Dec 11, 2017)

Fire engulfs Santa’s grotto at Notcutts Garden Centre in Woodbridge


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 11, 2017)

Badgers said:


> Fire engulfs Santa’s grotto at Notcutts Garden Centre in Woodbridge



Those pesky elf's smoking again?


----------



## Badgers (Dec 11, 2017)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/12/11/santas-grotto-forced-close-much-snow/amp/?utm_campaign=Echobox&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter&__twitter_impression=true


----------



## Libertad (Dec 11, 2017)

^^^ Looks like Dickie Attenborough as Santa.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 12, 2017)

Spotted elsewhere:



> me and my family paid over £1000 for Lapland UK tickets for yesterday however was stuck on the M25 hours and couldn't get there. I've asked Lapland UK if they could reschedule us, book us onto next year or refund us. They replied saying to get a refund we would need to have purchased Ticket Plan. We are now out of pocket and it was the children's christmas present because of the cost. Does anyone have any advice in what action we can take if any? I presume lots of families were in the same situation and Lapland are pocketing all the money.



There is still hope...!


----------



## pogofish (Dec 12, 2017)

Badgers said:


> Fire engulfs Santa’s grotto at Notcutts Garden Centre in Woodbridge


----------



## 1927 (Dec 12, 2017)

pogofish said:


> Spotted elsewhere:
> 
> 
> 
> There is still hope...!


What do they expect? If they were on M25 and missed a Premiership match would they expect to be refunded?


----------



## Celyn (Dec 12, 2017)

Exactly. They should seek compensation from whoever gave them the impression that the M25 was a thing to be trusted. Themselves, probably.


----------



## Celyn (Dec 12, 2017)

pogofish said:


>



Hey, nothing wrong with a good winter fire festival.


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 12, 2017)

Badgers said:


> Fire engulfs Santa’s grotto at Notcutts Garden Centre in Woodbridge


 Was it caused by an elf carelessly discarding his cigarette?


----------



## wayward bob (Dec 12, 2017)

shoehorning this in but i couldn't think where else to post it  someone thought it would be a good idea to light up the palm trees


----------



## Libertad (Dec 12, 2017)

wayward bob said:


> shoehorning this in but i couldn't think where else to post it  someone thought it would be a good idea to light up the palm trees



Gets my vote.


----------



## T & P (Dec 12, 2017)

Nothing says Christmas like 15ft tall spunking cocks


----------



## A380 (Dec 12, 2017)

pogofish said:


> Spotted elsewhere:
> 
> 
> 
> There is still hope...!



A THOUSAND pounds? Either the person was driving a coach with his family or they’re absolutely mad....


----------



## Badgers (Dec 12, 2017)




----------



## pogofish (Dec 12, 2017)

A380 said:


> A THOUSAND pounds? Either the person was driving a coach with his family or they’re absolutely mad....



Further down that thread, it emerged that whilst the basic price was around fifty quid, it could easily go to the £100-120 range on "peak" days, whilst "Premium" tickets (does that get you your own Elf?) started from £190 but no idea how high they went.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 12, 2017)

*TUI cancels dream Christmas trip to Lapland because it's TOO COLD*



> Children were left devastated after their dream holiday to see Father Christmas was cancelled at the last minute when their plane was grounded because of the cold weather.
> 
> And their angry parents have now slammed the travel company behind the trip, TUI Airways, after it just offered them a £50 holiday voucher in compensation in addition to a full refund.
> 
> ...


----------



## editor (Dec 12, 2017)

> Posting on Facebook, one man wrote that it looked like the rink had "melted" into a "swimming pool"



Anger as Crystal Palace ice rink forced to close after 'melting'


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 12, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> By way of a warm up, here's a  couple of _Britain's Worst Christmas Tree_ stories


 Camborne's maligned tree has now had its star stolen 



> "We did look into buying a real tree, but the total cost of supply, installation, removal and disposal was unfortunately well beyond the budget available.
> 
> "There are also health and safety Issues with a real tree in this location which need partner support to resolve. Using last year's artificial tree wasn't an option either as it had been damaged from people trying to climb it.


----------



## Libertad (Dec 12, 2017)




----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Dec 12, 2017)

editor said:


> Anger as Crystal Palace ice rink forced to close after 'melting'



This whilst the whole country freezes. Top marks for effort there


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 13, 2017)

the mail weighs in


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Dec 13, 2017)




----------



## Poi E (Dec 13, 2017)

T & P said:


> Nothing says Christmas like 15ft tall spunking cocks



Come all ye faithful


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 13, 2017)

Badgers said:


> View attachment 122767
> 
> http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/12/11/santas-grotto-forced-close-much-snow/amp/?utm_campaign=Echobox&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter&__twitter_impression=true



Is that Tony Stamp? If so, why's he done up as Adam Ant for a grotto opening?


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Dec 13, 2017)

Pickman's model said:


> the mail weighs in
> View attachment 122938



Hurrah!  Now christmas can really begin.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 13, 2017)

Pickman's model said:


> the mail weighs in
> View attachment 122938



*A spokesman said: 'WinterFest has now been cancelled due to the adverse weather conditions and the effects it has had on the event'*

Let have some photos...







*A number of visitors complained about the 'cheap and tacky' plastic reindeer*





*Pictures of the site posted on Facebook show rides covered in snow and the whole site turned into a slushy mud bath





Instead of the promised delicious festive offerings, a few bags of candy floss hung from stalls






Other parents said the entire site had been turned into a mud bath because the floor was made of material that looked like bin bags





The event resembled something more akin to a building site than a winter festival*




*
Crystal Palace WinterFest leaves parents fuming | Daily Mail Online*

Tom Phillips said: 'Winterfest - closed due to snow. What's next? The beach - closed due to sand?' 

Ice skating: closed today due to the weather, not their fault it's for health and safety reasons *it's very slippery.  

I think we have the 2017 winner here. 
*


----------



## A380 (Dec 13, 2017)

cupid_stunt said:


> *A spokesman said: 'WinterFest has now been cancelled due to the adverse weather conditions and the effects it has had on the event'*
> 
> Let have some photos...
> 
> ...


This is more like it!


----------



## Badgers (Dec 13, 2017)




----------



## Badgers (Dec 13, 2017)




----------



## Badgers (Dec 13, 2017)

Am sure that Fecebook has much nore outrage and tears to offer.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 14, 2017)




----------



## Treacle Toes (Dec 14, 2017)

'Mud bath' Christmas fair closes after being branded 'disappointment'


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 14, 2017)

HURRAH!!! Long live this thread? 

Who said it was a victim of its own success?


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 17, 2017)

Is cheese a Christmas attraction now?

From Twitter:



> Long queues, no cheese, cold mulled wine, nothing to do except queue
> 
> 40 minutes late and counting... guy dressed as a cat keeps saying only ‘5 mins’
> 
> ...


I'm not sure I really understand London - people paid £35 to eat cheese and crackers  _edited to add picture of bewildering people_


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Dec 17, 2017)

More on the cheesy event:

A Giant Cheeseboard Event That Ran Out Of Cheese Has Left People Furious


----------



## moomoo (Dec 18, 2017)

Winter wonderland event cancelled after shocking decorating attempt

Winter wonderland event cancelled in Northern Ireland | Daily Mail Online


----------



## Yossarian (Dec 18, 2017)

Looks more like Josef Fritzl's grotto than Santa's.


----------



## ddraig (Dec 18, 2017)

moomoo said:


> Winter wonderland event cancelled after shocking decorating attempt
> 
> Winter wonderland event cancelled in Northern Ireland | Daily Mail Online


Winter Wonderland event cancelled


----------



## cybershot (Dec 18, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> Is cheese a Christmas attraction now?
> 
> From Twitter:
> 
> ...



I have a friend that went to this, they were fuming.


----------



## killer b (Dec 18, 2017)

The giant cheeseboard story filled my heart with festive cheer. Needs more pics though.


----------



## TopCat (Dec 18, 2017)

pogofish said:


> Just because its not been posted in a while:


Thats really sweet. When does the coach leave?


----------



## TopCat (Dec 18, 2017)

pogofish said:


> Its started!
> 
> Families blast car park ice rink 'full of puddles that can only fit five people'


Note that the surface of the rink is not in fact ice but is made up of interlocked plastic squares.
Ice is present only in the name of the attraction and (very briefly) in the imaginations of the little children.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 18, 2017)

'I can't stop, me clutch has gone' - Santa arrives in Warrington



> Father Christmas then wishes everyone a Merry Christmas, before announcing, ‘there’s a problem with the car, I can’t, the clutch has gone on the car... I can’t stop the clutch has gone on the car’.


----------



## TopCat (Dec 18, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> Morrisons ruin Christmas for children





Badgers said:


> Residents blast 'worst Christmas tree ever' with more decorations than branches


"A lot of people thought it was last years tree".


----------



## TopCat (Dec 18, 2017)

Teaboy said:


> I reckon fair play to them.  Its fun.


If they were my neighbours there would be a sudden unexplained localised electrial surge.


----------



## TopCat (Dec 18, 2017)

Voley said:


>



Sad.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 18, 2017)

TopCat said:


> If they were my neighbours there would be a sudden unexplained localised electrial surge.



You miserable bastard. 



> But over time this has seen *them raise thousand of pounds for charity each year*, Mrs Farnes said.


----------



## teuchter (Dec 18, 2017)

JuanTwoThree said:


> More on the cheesy event:
> 
> A Giant Cheeseboard Event That Ran Out Of Cheese Has Left People Furious


I've been enjoying the cheeseboard facebook page during my lunch/procrastination break.

Some may say the organisers doth protest too much - who knows:



> Guys,
> 
> If we felt that we had not provided any of the things included in your entry price then we'd be the first to hold our hands up and apologise but this is simply NOT the case!
> 
> ...




From the comments:



> This has been the best immersive art installation in 2017, if not this century. The creative genius of the team that managed to evoke this extraordinary experience of feelings of loss, greed, alienation, and anger can only be admired. The giant cheeseboard dismantled preconceived materialistic expectations in the post truth era and makes us look into the ugly mirror of hyper consumerism. In a time where nothing is certain and values are being redefined, the hiatus between preconceptions and corporeality lies at the heart of modern capitalist society’s struggle with humanity.
> Finding yourself trapped in a seemingly endless queue for limited resources sets the scene, and it is not long before you find yourself confronted with your own ugly impulse to advance to the top at the expense of others. This alienation with ‘the others’ is reinforced by oppressively crowded spaces, where the masses are directed by victims of the gig economy through a nightmarish labyrinth of crowds and queues and will leave you utterly disorientated. Using the symbolism of cats and mice as uniforms for the workers on the lowest rang of society is maybe too obvious but left us with a feeling of understanding the degradation of people we hold accountable for the mistakes of the powerful.
> The dramatic walk out of the DJs and mice evoked a powerful and lasting experience of disenfranchisement and alienation. The giant cheeseboard not only provided a unique experience during the performance but made its mark by creating a meta-reality with lasting impact by projecting an alternative interpretation of the event and thus amalgamating capitalism, post-truth and alternative facts into an impressive experience that will stay with you for a long time.





> They should have organised this more Caerphilly





> I’m furious at this and I wasn’t even there as I don’t like cheese


----------



## TopCat (Dec 18, 2017)

Jim from The Archers dressed as Santa today and got battered delivering a present through the window!


----------



## TopCat (Dec 18, 2017)

teuchter said:


> I've been enjoying the cheeseboard facebook page during my lunch/procrastination break.
> 
> Some may say the organisers doth protest too much - who knows:
> 
> ...


Its the continuing Christmas sylogism and its exploitation by crooks, charlatans and the Sally Army. 
We must DO something this Christmas
THIS is something
Lets do this!


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 18, 2017)

TopCat said:


> Its the continuing Christmas sylogism and its exploitation by crooks, charlatans and the Sally Army.
> We must DO something this Christmas
> THIS is something
> Lets do this!


yeh a recipe for disaster


----------



## teuchter (Dec 18, 2017)

TopCat said:


> Its the continuing Christmas sylogism and its exploitation by crooks, charlatans and the Sally Army.
> We must DO something this Christmas
> THIS is something
> Lets do this!


eg. urban75 Winterval forum.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Dec 18, 2017)

Pickman's model said:


> yeh a recipe for disaster



A cheese fun do.


----------



## billy_bob (Dec 18, 2017)

teuchter said:


> I've been enjoying the cheeseboard facebook page during my lunch/procrastination break.
> 
> Some may say the organisers doth protest too much - who knows:



I'm baffled by their assertion that the accusation that 'there was not unlimited cheese' was 'completely untrue'. On a purely logistical level, surely there can be no such thing as genuinely unlimited cheese?

If any of you happen to have a vast quantity of cheese lying around about which you wish to make rashly bold claims of neverendingness, I'm quite happy to be part of any team of people sent in to put this to the test.


----------



## T & P (Dec 18, 2017)

Ohhh.. looks like we have a strong late contender 

Winter Wonderland event cancelled

So much quotable stuff...



> Rhonda Elliott, who attended the event with her husband William and four-year-old daughter Katie, described the experience as "horrendous".
> 
> "We ended up having to stand in a huge line full of prams with kids getting upset and an elf trying to push us further along even though there was nowhere to go - it was terrible," she told the Belfast Telegraph.
> 
> ...


----------



## billy_bob (Dec 18, 2017)

Who are these kids who are put off an ice rink cos it's slippery and smells? I'm sure the ice rink I used to go to as a kid had broken glass and phlegm spread across it on purpose.


----------



## T & P (Dec 18, 2017)

Bad Santa beards ftw


----------



## editor (Dec 18, 2017)

Here's a heart-warming festive Brixton effort from 2012


----------



## teuchter (Dec 18, 2017)

> "His beard didn't have a hole in it for his mouth so he had to pull it down to speak," she said.



I would be inclined to describe the issue here as absent moustache, rather than beard lacking mouth-hole.


----------



## TopCat (Dec 19, 2017)

...


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 19, 2017)

*Camborne's 'worst Christmas tree in Britain' to be removed tomorrow*



> Despite the tree’s removal, BID is keen to stress there is plenty to see and do in Camborne over the festive period.


 There really isn't


----------



## Libertad (Dec 19, 2017)

Ground Elder said:


> *Camborne's 'worst Christmas tree in Britain' to be removed tomorrow*
> 
> There really isn't



Sadly this is true.


----------



## Stanley Edwards (Dec 22, 2017)

OK. We asked. We got.

Children told 'Santa's reindeer' are resting after three shot dead from close-range at Irish winter wonderland


----------



## Ted Striker (Dec 22, 2017)

Stanley Edwards said:


> OK. We asked. We got.
> 
> Children told 'Santa's reindeer' are resting after three shot dead from close-range at Irish winter wonderland



Well that escalated quickly...


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Dec 22, 2017)

Tooth Fairy got kneecapped last year, suspicion of breaking in to people’s houses.


----------



## A380 (Dec 23, 2017)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Tooth Fairy got kneecapped last year, suspicion of breaking in to people’s houses.


I heard they got filled in.


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 23, 2017)

Another sign of decay


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 23, 2017)

Wail



> Shameless star Tina Malone pops out for a McDonald's just hours before she was ‘led away in handcuffs’ by police after pantomime amid claims she was taking cocaine during shows.
> 
> The actress had performed in a pantomime performance of Sleeping Beauty at a theatre in Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria, with her four-year-old daughter in attendance.
> 
> Staff at the theatre tipped off police after suspecting the 54-year-old actress had taken cocaine during both rehearsals and performances.



I hope my niece and nephew aren't too upset


----------



## T & P (Dec 23, 2017)

Nine Bob Note said:


> Wail
> 
> 
> 
> I hope my niece and nephew aren't too upset


So long as you’re not lining up in full view of the kids, what kind of cunt grasses someone up to the police for that??


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 23, 2017)

T & P said:


> So long as you’re not lining up in full view of the kids, what kind of cunt grasses someone up to the police for that??



"with her four-year-old daughter in attendance."


----------



## spanglechick (Dec 23, 2017)

T & P said:


> So long as you’re not lining up in full view of the kids, what kind of cunt grasses someone up to the police for that??


Under normal circumstances, not anyone involved in running entertainment venues.   There must be more to this.  Might be the child element, or might be that she has been an obnoxious arsehole.


----------



## T & P (Dec 23, 2017)

Nine Bob Note said:


> "with her four-year-old daughter in attendance."


In attendance of the performance in question, not the coke snorting itself- at least that’s how I read it.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 26, 2017)




----------



## Badgers (Dec 27, 2017)




----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 27, 2017)

I guess this is a good enough thread to post this on, Christmas Day meals ruined by “rancid, rotten” turkeys sold by Tesco.



> “Imagine my sheer panic at 6am on Xmas Day, opening the turkey wrap to be hit by that ‘gone off’ smell with 10 people coming to Xmas Dinner.”





> “£250 wasted. An awful meal and eight sick people!”





> “I was very excited and worked super hard to make and prepare Christmas dinner for my family for the first time ever but thanks to the Tesco I served them a rotten, rancid turkey that was inedible.
> 
> “Not only that – the gravy was made from the turkey so that resulted in everyone’s meal ending up in the bin. Thanks Tesco!”


Tesco apologises after customers complain of 'rancid, rotten' turkeys


----------



## ddraig (Dec 27, 2017)

decaying flesh is rancid!?! who knew


----------



## keybored (Dec 27, 2017)

So, this is how they're going to make good on that pledge to "no longer waste food fit for human consumption".


----------



## Badgers (Jan 2, 2018)




----------



## Badgers (Jan 2, 2018)




----------



## Badgers (Jan 2, 2018)




----------



## Pickman's model (Jan 2, 2018)




----------



## Badgers (Jan 2, 2018)

Any good photos of bins overflowing with rotting turkey, wrapping paper and bottles of Bailey's? 

#Christmasmagic


----------



## Lord Camomile (Jan 2, 2018)

Pickman's model said:


>


Pretty sure it won't any more...


----------



## Pickman's model (Jan 2, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Any good photos of bins overflowing with rotting turkey, wrapping paper and bottles of Bailey's?
> 
> #Christmasmagic


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jan 2, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Any good photos of bins overflowing with rotting turkey, wrapping paper and bottles of Bailey's?
> 
> #Christmasmagic



This was last Christmas:











The council went through it all and identified forty-one households who received fines for fly-tipping. Didn't happen this year.


----------



## Badgers (Jan 2, 2018)




----------



## Badgers (Mar 5, 2018)

Big cheese festival runs out of cheese and everyone loses their damn minds | JOE.co.uk


----------



## Badgers (Mar 5, 2018)




----------



## editor (Mar 5, 2018)

Badgers said:


> View attachment 129343


That is awesome


----------



## Opera Buffa (Mar 5, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Big cheese festival runs out of cheese and everyone loses their damn minds | JOE.co.uk



Edam minds, ffs


----------



## Pickman's model (Mar 29, 2018)




----------



## T & P (Mar 29, 2018)

It's like shooting fish in a barrel isn't it


----------



## Libertad (Mar 31, 2018)

T & P said:


> It's like shooting fish in a barrel isn't it



*Makes note for future fleecing opportunity*


----------



## Combustible (May 15, 2018)

Seems to be in the same spirit

*All-you-can-eat pizza festival apologises for lack of pizza*


----------



## T & P (May 15, 2018)

> The "high-end luxury lifestyle brand" blamed "overzealous appetites" as well as the broken oven for slow service.




A staple of this fleecing industry seems to be to never admit any wrongdoing and if possible pin the blame on the paying customers. Top marks to these fellas.


----------



## Plumdaff (May 15, 2018)

Have any of these type of unlimited dairy product events ever delivered what they promised? Apart from 'Drizzle&PaperPlateFest 2018' I mean?


----------



## Yossarian (May 15, 2018)

T & P said:


> A staple of this fleecing industry seems to be to never admit any wrongdoing and if possible pin the blame on the paying customers. Top marks to these fellas.



"How were we supposed to know that people with big appetites would turn up at an all-you-can-eat pizza festival?"


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 15, 2018)

"sample unlimited amounts of pizza"

The trouble is 'sample' suggests teeny-weeny frugal amounts while 'unlimited' doesn't. The promoters may have thought the punters would pick up the subtleties of 'sample' but the words 'unlimited pizza' drowned that out.


----------



## Badgers (May 30, 2018)




----------



## T & P (May 30, 2018)

Badgers said:


>



Oh, this one has lots of potential... complete with parents selling their stories to the Mail and Sun in the aftermath of it, about their heartbroken and disappointed children being left in tears by the show's shortcomings


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 30, 2018)

Monstrous Creations Family Festival yesterday:


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

Did you go?


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jul 30, 2018)

Harry Smiles said:


> Monstrous Creations Family Festival yesterday:
> View attachment 142611



I can barely see it but it looks like a horse in an industrial space, car park? with a bloke in a top hat?

*thumbs*


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 30, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Did you go?



No, spidey-sense twitched when I found out who was running it. Over 200 complaint posts deleted off their facebook group this morning.


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

Harry Smiles said:


> No, spidey-sense twitched when I found out who was running it. Over 200 complaint posts deleted off their facebook group this morning.


Juicy  

I searched Google and Twitter but could not find anything  hope the stories will start coming soon


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 30, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Juicy
> 
> I searched Google and Twitter but could not find anything  hope the stories will start coming soon


Log in to Facebook | Facebook


----------



## Yossarian (Jul 30, 2018)

The circus.


----------



## JimW (Jul 30, 2018)

Where's the problem? That's some pretty magical bunting.


----------



## Yossarian (Jul 30, 2018)




----------



## marty21 (Jul 30, 2018)

From the recently created FB protest group


----------



## T & P (Jul 30, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> I can barely see it but it looks like a horse in an industrial space, car park? with a bloke in a top hat?
> 
> *thumbs*


A unicorn, actually


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)




----------



## Lord Camomile (Jul 30, 2018)

Top hat for the bloke, bucket on the floor for the horse.

Who's the other hat on the floor for...? 

_What's in the bucket   _


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 30, 2018)

Every-time I see this thread bumped, I get excited as to if it's a proper gem or not, this one certainly is.


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

cupid_stunt said:


> Every-time I see this thread bumped, I get excited as to if it's a proper gem or not, this one certainly is.


It does create a certain frisson


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

The 'Circus Zone' is delightful 





> *MONSTROUS CIRCUS WORKSHOP*
> This is a chance to try your hand at some classic circus skills including Diablo, Hula-Hoop, Juggling & more. Led by skilled interactive workshop leaders that have performed on shows such as Blue peter, CBBC and have been described by Derren Brown as ‘beyond awesome’ they will also be showcasing their talents throughout the day. Practising and learning circus skills helps to improve hand-eye coordination and is fun and engaging for the whole family.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jul 30, 2018)




----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

The Beach


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 30, 2018)

Badgers said:


> The Beach
> 
> View attachment 142621



I laugh at what is promoted as 'Worthing's urban beach', which is nowt more than a large sandpit...



...but, now I appropriate their efforts, at least they have some fucking sand!


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

At least the unicorn horse enjoyed the day


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jul 30, 2018)

People are going proper apeshit on that facebook site.

Posting up  the personal facebook, email and mobile phone number too for Dave Winny


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 30, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> People are going proper apeshit on that facebook site.
> 
> Posting up  the personal facebook, email and mobile phone number too for Dave Winny



I can't keep feeling, good for them.


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> People are going proper apeshit on that facebook site.
> 
> Posting up  the personal facebook, email and mobile phone number too for Dave Winny


Nothing like an angry parent who's child did not have a magical experience


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 30, 2018)

I am not surprised to see a very impressive website - [broken link] - monstrouscreations.co uk


----------



## T & P (Jul 30, 2018)

Any photos of the 'farmyard'?


----------



## pogofish (Jul 30, 2018)

When you consider that the Unicorn is the national animal of Scotland, there seems to be a monstrous lack of Saltires there..!


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 30, 2018)

Harry Smiles said:


> No, spidey-sense twitched when I found out who was running it. Over 200 complaint posts deleted off their facebook group this morning.



In the interests of fairness, I've realised the complaints aren't deleted, the post they are attached to has just moved further down the page


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jul 30, 2018)

marty21 said:


> From the recently created FB protest group








This could totally be about how Britain turns out after Brexit


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 30, 2018)

Evening Standard reporter now on that complaints group asking to talk to people....


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

Aptly named company that own it 

BIG BAG OF BROKEN DREAMS LIMITED - Overview (free company information from Companies House)


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jul 30, 2018)

Not just any bag of broken dreams. Broken _Children's_ Dreams


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)




----------



## marty21 (Jul 30, 2018)

Lord Camomile said:


> _What's in the bucket   _



unicorn piss


----------



## Lord Camomile (Jul 30, 2018)

To be fair, some of the actual attractions look a standard above the usual crap. In the right setting, I think that horse and carriage would look pretty good, and that inflatable assault course thing actually looks like it could be fun.

But it's all in a disused, completely undressed warehouse


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Jul 30, 2018)

The Circus Experience ....


----------



## Fez909 (Jul 30, 2018)

Lord Camomile said:


> To be fair, some of the actual attractions look a standard above the usual crap. In the right setting, I think that horse and carriage would look pretty good, and that inflatable assault course thing actually looks like it could be fun.
> 
> But it's all in a disused, completely undressed warehouse


£32.50 a ticket.


----------



## Lord Camomile (Jul 30, 2018)

Fez909 said:


> £32.50 a ticket.


Oh aye, I'm not defending it or the price. I suppose more the activities - they're of an alright quality, even if the organisation/setting isn't!

It actually looks more suited to an "immersive post-apocalyptic experience" than a children's fair! Which, incidentally, is why I hate 90% of those immersive bollocks; far too often it's half an idea stretched way too thin.


----------



## T & P (Jul 30, 2018)

If you left all the 'attractions' in that warehouse and organised a rave there, I reckon the attractions would be more appreciated by the ravers


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 30, 2018)

Fez909 said:


> £32.50 a ticket.



I hope people are on to their card issuer insisting on a charge-back.


----------



## Fez909 (Jul 30, 2018)

Lord Camomile said:


> Oh aye, I'm not defending it or the price. I suppose more the activities - they're of an alright quality, even if the organisation/setting isn't!
> 
> It actually looks more suited to an "immersive post-apocalyptic experience" than a children's fair! Which, incidentally, is why I hate 90% of those immersive bollocks; far too often it's half an idea stretched way too thin.


Yeah, it's not on the same level as the OG Lapland etc, but for those prices 

For comparison, I just looked up theme parks in London and you can go to Chessington World of Adventures for £29.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jul 30, 2018)

It's a plastic horse-unicorn


----------



## salem (Jul 30, 2018)

Lord Camomile said:


> It actually looks more suited to an "immersive post-apocalyptic experience" than a children's fair!


They actually did use the venue for the 28 days later secret cinema immersive thingy.


----------



## Voley (Jul 30, 2018)

I think it's the ten year anniversary of the original Lapland this year. Any plans Badgers ? I'm not sure what day they actually opened so I've diarised 1st of December as my official day of celebration as that was when the story broke. I think I might sit in a puddle of mud with some tinsel and cry a bit.


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

Voley said:


> I think it's the ten year anniversary of the original Lapland this year. Any plans Badgers ? I'm not sure what day they actually opened so I've diarised 1st of December as my official day of celebration as that was when the story broke. I think I might sit in a puddle of mud with some tinsel and cry a bit.


I think the puddle/tinsel is the best way we can remember the great event


----------



## marty21 (Jul 30, 2018)

Voley said:


> I think it's the ten year anniversary of the original Lapland this year. Any plans Badgers ? I'm not sure what day they actually opened so I've diarised 1st of December as my official day of celebration as that was when the story broke. I think I might sit in a puddle of mud with some tinsel and cry a bit.


I might dress up as an Elf and have a disinterested smoke


----------



## Voley (Jul 30, 2018)

marty21 said:


> I might dress up as an Elf and have a disinterested smoke


If you could try and move me on from my puddle of despair at some point with a threat of violence that would be the icing on the cake for me, mate. Cheers.


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

Voley tomorrow


----------



## Voley (Jul 30, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Voley tomorrow



Not very funny. Ideal, really.


----------



## Badgers (Jul 30, 2018)

Voley said:


> Not very funny. Ideal, really.


----------



## marty21 (Jul 30, 2018)

Voley said:


> If you could try and move me on from my puddle of despair at some point with a threat of violence that would be the icing on the cake for me, mate. Cheers.


That the proper meaning of Christmas


----------



## killer b (Jul 30, 2018)

did they change venue at the last minute because of the weather or something? They would have loved all that shit if it had been outside in the sunshine - it's the warehouse setting that makes it so dreadful...


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 30, 2018)

killer b said:


> did they change venue at the last minute because of the weather or something? They would have loved all that shit if it had been outside in the sunshine - it's the warehouse setting that makes it so dreadful...



Their website suggests it was always planned indoors, at 'the print-works', take a look - www.monstrouscreations.co [dot] uk

Total rip-off merchants, I hope they get done for it.


----------



## cybershot (Jul 30, 2018)

Printworks is usually used for raves!


----------



## Lord Camomile (Jul 30, 2018)

Have we seen any evidence of this?


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 30, 2018)

Lord Camomile said:


> Have we seen any evidence of this?
> 
> View attachment 142659


There was a few consoles apparently


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 30, 2018)

cybershot said:


> Printworks is usually used for raves!


Yup, the organisers are seasoned club promoters ...


----------



## Lord Camomile (Jul 30, 2018)

Harry Smiles said:


> There was a few consoles apparently


Disappointingly not disappointing enough


----------



## T & P (Jul 30, 2018)

Lord Camomile said:


> Have we seen any evidence of this?
> 
> View attachment 142659


They certainly made a pretty good effort with the website for the event. Probably spent more money on it than on setting up the event itself.

Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the claims made on it, such as the circus workshop being staffed by artists so good Derren Brown calls them amazing, turned out to be a little fib.


----------



## moomoo (Jul 30, 2018)

Did she actually think there was going to be a real unicorn??


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 30, 2018)

moomoo said:


> View attachment 142661  Did she actually think there was going to be a real unicorn??


Apparently the horse was only there sporadically because it was distressed


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Jul 30, 2018)

Harry Smiles said:


> Apparently the horse was only there sporadically because it was distressed



And it had a raging hard-on.


----------



## marty21 (Jul 30, 2018)

moomoo said:


> View attachment 142661  Did she actually think there was going to be a real unicorn??


People lied about unicorns


----------



## JimW (Jul 30, 2018)

Harry Smiles said:


> Apparently the horse was only there sporadically because it was distressed


They can sense the mood in a room (or warehouse) obviously.


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 30, 2018)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> And it had a raging hard-on.





JimW said:


> They can sense the mood in a room (or warehouse) obviously.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 30, 2018)

moomoo said:


> Did she actually think there was going to be a real unicorn??



I doubt it, probably just too polite to say, she wasn't expecting such a poor effort of sticking a horn on a horse's nose, which resulted in a far bigger horn between the poor sod's rear legs.

I can understand her potential difficulties in finding the right words to explain her feelings, TBH.


----------



## kittyP (Jul 31, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


>



Was it Lil'Sebastian?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 31, 2018)

marty21 said:


> People lied about unicorns


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 31, 2018)

When will people learn?

Assassins-for-hire are always undercover cops, and MAGICAL WONDERLANDS ARE ALWAYS SHIT


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 31, 2018)




----------



## Badgers (Jul 31, 2018)

Outstanding


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jul 31, 2018)




----------



## skyscraper101 (Jul 31, 2018)

Looks like the national press are onto it now...

Fury at 'daylight robbery' inflatable festival's huge queues and 'rip off' cost

Monstrous Festival – Parents fume at ‘filthy’ fairytale festival with chaotic queues and sad unicorn

Furious parents demand refunds from 'shambles' children's festival

Monstrous Festival's disappointing unicorn and  queues spark fury | Daily Mail Online

Inside Monstrous Festival which 'promised too much and delivered too little'

'Rip off' festival with sad unicorn and queues is slammed by parents | Metro News


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Jul 31, 2018)

(((Sad Unicorn)))


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 31, 2018)

ElizabethofYork said:


> (((Sad Unicorn)))



I am not surprised with that ice cream cone tried to his head.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 31, 2018)

I am also not surprised the press has pick-up on it, they love this stuff as much as urban.


----------



## Badgers (Jul 31, 2018)

cupid_stunt said:


> I am also not surprised the press has pick-up on it, they love this stuff as much as urban.


Nobody enjoys misery as much as the Brits


----------



## Lord Camomile (Jul 31, 2018)

> ‘This was our first year and whilst we worked hard to ensure the festival was successfully delivered, we did unfortunately have some major issues regarding queuing and the relocation of some of our activity. ‘For that we are sincerely sorry. We are collating all feedback and currently in the process of ensuring that all our guests’ concerns are addressed as swiftly as possible.’


Good luck with that...


----------



## Badgers (Jul 31, 2018)

> Face painting was so bad one little girl was left in tears after queuing for 40 minutes to be told she could only have a “small flower” as it was the only design the artist knew.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 31, 2018)

I bet their bank isn't going to be pleased with all the charge-backs coming way.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jul 31, 2018)

> we paid over £100 basically to play on a dodgy Sega and do some colouring in. Could have done the same in my own garage.
> 
> Not only my this but my son fell on a concrete block by the soft play and bruised his chest - how did that fencing pass the safety checks?



This could basically be that fun day episode of Phoenix Nights.


----------



## Rosemary Jest (Jul 31, 2018)

Fucking hell, what a depressing thread. 

Still amusing though.


----------



## marty21 (Jul 31, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Outstanding


Truly outstanding


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jul 31, 2018)

Apparently Dave Whinny was getting death threats by angry parents according to the facebook page owner


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jul 31, 2018)

Someone helpfully posted an image of Nikki Gordon too






Looks like I've got 4 mutual connections on LinkedIn with this guy


----------



## Badgers (Jul 31, 2018)

Gold VIP area


----------



## neonwilderness (Jul 31, 2018)




----------



## cybershot (Jul 31, 2018)

Bet they now wish they had planned this outside and could have cancelled last minute blaming the weather.


----------



## T & P (Jul 31, 2018)

This is quite possibly the best one since Lapland New Forest itself


----------



## neonwilderness (Jul 31, 2018)

Looks awful


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 31, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> Someone helpfully posted an image of Nikki Gordon too
> 
> 
> 
> ...



He's pretty connected in London clubs if you've had much involvement, or even gone out alot


----------



## moomoo (Jul 31, 2018)

I bloody LOVE this thread!!


----------



## Voley (Aug 6, 2018)

Inspiration for this story?



Spoiler: Bit rude if you're at work







(ETA: Spoilered it just in case)


----------



## gentlegreen (Aug 6, 2018)

Geeky Sex Toys is now selling unicorn horn dildos | Metro News


----------



## neonwilderness (Sep 11, 2018)

Northumberlandia to become an Enchanted Forest this Christmas

I'm hoping this will be terrible 

From their Facebook event:


> 14th 15th and 16th December
> You are invited to a wonderful Christmas Fayre at the enchanted Northumberlandia, our lady of the north.
> Wrap up warm and come and explore
> Santa will be there with his elves
> ...


----------



## T & P (Sep 11, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Northumberlandia to become an Enchanted Forest this Christmas
> 
> I'm hoping this will be terrible
> 
> From their Facebook event:


Oohhh, good find, this one has lots of potential. Will be watching closely


----------



## neonwilderness (Sep 11, 2018)

T & P said:


> Oohhh, good find, this one has lots of potential. Will be watching closely


This is the photo from their Facebook event


----------



## Badgers (Sep 11, 2018)

It's sounds like a Winterval market with a few add on kids things so I doubt we will see the heady heights of Lapland  but anything with parents and kids attending has potential to massively cheer us all up


----------



## Rosemary Jest (Sep 11, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Northumberlandia to become an Enchanted Forest this Christmas
> 
> I'm hoping this will be terrible
> 
> From their Facebook event:



Ah, the good old Evening Chronicle. Cue the pictures of disgruntled parents saying how they paid 75 quid for their kid to have a go on a unicorn. They'll be given a Newcastle shirt to wear for the picture though, can't have a breaking news story without someone wearing a toon shirt in the Chron.


----------



## campanula (Sep 11, 2018)

Yep - shit with a caged and miserable reindeer and overpriced 'gourmet' burgers and artisanal olives (can you guess I have been dragged to one of these shoddy marketing scams before (Burwash Manor...pfft)

Christ almighty - I am obviously failing to monetise my little bit of Norfolk woodland (unlike the wedding venue in the neighbourhood...with a scrappy pallet 'wedding arbour' and a few manky elders and goatwillows in the 'sacred grove' FFS.

These sorts of greedy shameless scum really need a session in the reindeer cage while disgruntled parents and kids get to poke and mock. Would pay for such a spectacle with pleasure.


----------



## neonwilderness (Sep 11, 2018)

Badgers said:


> It's sounds like a Winterval market with a few add on kids things so I doubt we will see the heady heights of Lapland  but anything with parents and kids attending has potential to massively cheer us all up


The children's rides and nature tail have potential


----------



## Mr.Bishie (Sep 11, 2018)

T & P said:


> Oohhh, good find, this one has lots of potential. Will be watching closely



I reckon neonwilderness should pen those dates in his diary to attend. Don’t forget your camera!


----------



## Badgers (Sep 11, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> The children's rides and nature tail have potential


Yes 



I think as the season is approaching someone (neonwilderness) should create a log of all the events taking place round the country with links to their Facebook pages and track the misery.

Perhaps a Google spreadsheet everyone can collaborate on? We could then filter this by dates and locations ready for reporting


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 11, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Yes
> 
> View attachment 146648
> 
> ...


perhaps it could be reported on leading london blog brixton buzz


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 11, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Northumberlandia to become an Enchanted Forest this Christmas
> 
> I'm hoping this will be terrible
> 
> From their Facebook event:


i don't think you have to hope, i think it's a foregone conclusion


----------



## Badgers (Sep 20, 2018)

One to add to the list neonwilderness 

Ice Village will open in Manchester this Christmas | Metro News


----------



## neonwilderness (Sep 20, 2018)

Badgers said:


> One to add to the list neonwilderness
> 
> Ice Village will open in Manchester this Christmas | Metro News





> We’ve been waiting months to announce this incredible event and I can’t wait to be transported to a magical land of ice when it opens in November.


Let's hope it's a complete let down


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 20, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Let's hope it's a complete let down


When the heavens open, which they do every 10 minutes in Manchester, I think I'll bob down with my skates


----------



## pogofish (Sep 20, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Let's hope it's a complete let down



I was waiting for the "Inflatable Theme Park" here to announce their festive events before using that one..!


----------



## Teaboy (Sep 20, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Let's hope it's a complete let down



Fingers crossed for some pictures of pissed off parents with very folded arms.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Sep 20, 2018)

What's with the ice-dildos everywhere?


----------



## Teaboy (Sep 20, 2018)

Are ice dildos better or worse than Christmas tree buttplugs?


----------



## cupid_stunt (Sep 20, 2018)

Yes.


----------



## Badgers (Sep 20, 2018)

I keep getting excited


----------



## neonwilderness (Sep 20, 2018)

Badgers said:


> I keep getting excited


Calm yourself, it's still September


----------



## Badgers (Sep 20, 2018)

Sushi and sake festival organisers respond to complaints about Norwich event


----------



## neonwilderness (Sep 20, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Sushi and sake festival organisers respond to complaints about Norwich event





> He added that organisers were also planning a craft beer festival at OPEN for the May bank holiday.


Some summer misery to look forward to


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 20, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Some summer misery to look forward to


Summertime and the sushi is shitty


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 20, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Calm yourself, it's still September


"are we nearly there yet?"


----------



## T & P (Sep 20, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Sushi and sake festival organisers respond to complaints about Norwich event





> Visitor Natasha Cochrane said: “I feel so annoyed that I spent £20 on tickets (plus £59 on the wristband before I saw the queues!) to spend and hour and a half in the queue for sushi that I live five minutes away from.”


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 20, 2018)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> What's with the ice-dildos everywhere?
> 
> View attachment 147511


Manchester's already full of dildos. A few melt in the mouth ones wont hurt Manchester's cultural profile.

farmerbarleymow


----------



## Teaboy (Sep 20, 2018)

The post today brought a card from the Royal Mail advertising seasonal jobs.  Its got me wondering whether Trading Standards have to do the same?


----------



## Badgers (Sep 20, 2018)

Teaboy said:


> The post today brought a card from the Royal Mail advertising seasonal jobs.  Its got me wondering whether Trading Standards have to do the same?


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 26, 2018)

Girl, 13, discovers grandfather's gravestone at house of horrors theme park in Germany | Daily Mail Online


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 26, 2018)

I like that theres a law against vilification.


----------



## spanglechick (Sep 26, 2018)

I'm not sure why it's the theme park owner on trial, and not the cemetery, whose responsibility it was to dispose of the grave stone, and not sell it to a theme park.


----------



## Lord Camomile (Sep 26, 2018)

spanglechick said:


> I'm not sure why it's the theme park owner on trial, and not the cemetery, whose responsibility it was to dispose of the grave stone, and not sell it to a theme park.


That confused me too


----------



## Badgers (Sep 30, 2018)




----------



## cybershot (Oct 4, 2018)

Complaints force Peaky Blinders festival organisers to make dramatic U-turn

http://accessaa.co.uk/fans-demand-refunds-from-disaster-peaky-blinders-festival/
http://accessaa.co.uk/fans-demand-refunds-from-disaster-peaky-blinders-festival/

Tbf it looks better than some of the disasters on this thread, but wasn't surprised to learn this ended up being shit.

Log in to Facebook | Facebook


----------



## Badgers (Oct 4, 2018)

Blinded by the Peaky Advertising


----------



## cybershot (Oct 5, 2018)

More from the peaky blinders event:

http://accessaa.co.uk/blinded-by-the-hype/


----------



## Badgers (Oct 5, 2018)

cybershot said:


> More from the peaky blinders event:
> 
> http://accessaa.co.uk/blinded-by-the-hype/


Brutal


----------



## Teaboy (Oct 5, 2018)

cybershot said:


> More from the peaky blinders event:
> 
> http://accessaa.co.uk/blinded-by-the-hype/



Its a strong and confident start to the season.  Should keep us going till the 'spookyfest' Halloween catastrophes start trickling in.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Oct 5, 2018)

cybershot said:


> More from the peaky blinders event:
> 
> http://accessaa.co.uk/blinded-by-the-hype/


----------



## cybershot (Oct 5, 2018)

Peaky Blinders producers are furious about Brum's Peaky Festival


----------



## cybershot (Oct 7, 2018)

Anger after comedy festival 'shambles'


----------



## gentlegreen (Oct 7, 2018)




----------



## T & P (Oct 7, 2018)

It’s a bit suspicious that the organisers of the Peaky Blinders festival had plans all along to wind up the company the very next day after the event. A cynical person might think that they had intended for it to be a money making scheme at the expense of the quality of the festival and were expecting multiple refund demands...

Clearly this has become scam of choice of swindlers in 21st century Britain. In their defence, at least such schemes rely on defrauding a relatively small amount of money from hundreds of people, rather than cheating individuals of very large amounts. Plus if we’re honest they’re funny as fuck. I’m sure even a lot of the ‘victtms’ eventually see the funny side


----------



## pogofish (Oct 10, 2018)

T & P said:


> It’s a bit suspicious that the organisers of the Peaky Blinders festival had plans all along to wind up the company the very next day after the event. A cynical person might think that they had intended for it to be a money making scheme at the expense of the quality of the festival and were expecting multiple refund demands...



Surely its being held in Birmingham was an even more obvious swizz..?

The razor blades in the brim thing is very much Glasgow Loyalist/Orange Lodge.  Hence the bowler hats they love to parade in.


----------



## editor (Oct 12, 2018)

This looks amazing!


----------



## neonwilderness (Oct 12, 2018)

editor said:


> This looks amazing!
> 
> View attachment 149457


I hope they’ll be selling festive jacket potatoes


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Oct 12, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> I hope they’ll be selling festive jacket potatoes


I was going to say that


----------



## Johnny Doe (Oct 12, 2018)

Which three is it?


----------



## Teaboy (Oct 12, 2018)

It doesn't look like any of them.  How big a venue is The Mill?

Are they just going to be play 'Stay another day' endlessly all night?  That'd be enough to knock the Christmas out of anyone.


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 12, 2018)

editor said:


> This looks amazing!
> 
> View attachment 149457


Might go for the mct


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 12, 2018)

Harry Smiles said:


> Which three is it?


E, 1 & 7


----------



## Johnny Doe (Oct 12, 2018)

Teaboy said:


> It doesn't look like any of them.  How big a venue is The Mill?
> 
> Are they just going to be play 'Stay another day' endlessly all night?  That'd be enough to knock the Christmas out of anyone.



In the dead space between Xmas and New Year too - flop guaranteed. Only chance would have been between to pitch for works comedy Xmas do


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 12, 2018)

Teaboy said:


> It doesn't look like any of them.  How big a venue is The Mill?
> 
> Are they just going to be play 'Stay another day' endlessly all night?  That'd be enough to knock the Christmas out of anyone.


The mill has a fire capacity of 10 people, being as it is a former windmill


----------



## marty21 (Oct 12, 2018)

_

A short trip for me to be bitterly disappointed.

Walthamstow Winter Wonderland


----------



## T & P (Oct 12, 2018)

I feel a bit let down that the word Tribute in 'Mariah Carey Tribute' wasn't printed in much smaller font.


----------



## neonwilderness (Oct 18, 2018)

World first Christmas light train display to be staged in Devon



> The Dartmouth Stream Railway is staging a Christmas light show which combines a steam train decorated in 100,000 lights with lineside displays through a tunnel, over viaducts and through an ancient oak forest.
> 
> The nocturnal illuminated extravaganza is the product of 12 months planning and drew its inspiration from the Christmas Coca Cola truck and other illuminated estates and gardens - including Kew Gardens.



This has potential


----------



## T & P (Oct 18, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> World first Christmas light train display to be staged in Devon
> 
> 
> 
> This has potential


One of the highlight attractions of the original Lapland New Forest was a 'magical tunnel of light'


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 18, 2018)

T & P said:


> One of the highlight attractions of the original Lapland New Forest was a 'magical tunnel of light'


ah yes the famous near death experience ride


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 18, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> World first Christmas light train display to be staged in Devon
> 
> 
> 
> This has potential


if it had potential it wouldn't be on this thread


----------



## neonwilderness (Oct 18, 2018)

Pickman's model said:


> ah yes the famous near death experience ride


Maybe it's going to be a combined Halloween and Winterval train ride


----------



## neonwilderness (Oct 18, 2018)

Pickman's model said:


> if it had potential it wouldn't be on this thread


Potential to be shit


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 18, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Potential to be shit


in that case this is its natural home


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 18, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Maybe it's going to be combined Halloween and Winterval train ride


the potters bar train of doom


----------



## cybershot (Oct 18, 2018)

This ones genius to be fair. Charge a group of people £30 and send them on a wild goose chase around the city.

Birmingham Murder Mystery Day


----------



## T & P (Oct 18, 2018)

cybershot said:


> This ones genius to be fair. Charge a group of people £30 and send them on a wild goose chase around the city.
> 
> Birmingham Murder Mystery Day


TBF to the organisers, at least there is no obvious misrepresentation (AFAICT anyway) of what’s being offered. If you’re into that kind of treasure hunt shit, the description of the experience will probably live up to the expectations you had about the event. Or at worst prove to be not much more than a slight disappointment.

The gulf between expectations and reality in all of the Winterval/ gourmet food/ Medieval/ Peaky Blinders events that have been reported ITT over the last few years seem far worse, and a modern masterpiece in the art of swindling.

Because of this thread being bumped today I was again reading the background/ aftermath story to the original Lapland New Forest debacle, and I love how to the very end the two brothers responsible protested their innocence and maintained the venue was adequately set up and provided a lovely experience.

Incredibly they were eventually acquitted when one of the jurors was caught tweeting about the case during the defendants’ appeal to their 13-month sentence. As they had already spent a number of months in jail the Crown Prosecution decided not to push for a fresh appeal process. So unless I got it wrong the two guys have actually been cleared of any wrongdoing for Lapland New Forest, and would be legally free to set up a new gig. I hope they do for old times’ sake.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Oct 19, 2018)

T & P said:


> So unless I got it wrong the two guys have actually been cleared of any wrongdoing for Lapland New Forest, and would be legally free to set up a new gig. I hope they do for old times’ sake.


----------



## salem (Oct 19, 2018)

‘Christmas Eve sold out in 10 minutes’



			
				bbc said:
			
		

> *Santa tickets: ‘Christmas Eve sold out in 10 minutes’*
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I can't help but feel like they're setting themselves up for disappointment!


----------



## moomoo (Oct 19, 2018)

salem said:


> ‘Christmas Eve sold out in 10 minutes’
> 
> 
> I can't help but feel like they're setting themselves up for disappointment!



Oh I can’t wait for the pictures of disappointed children!!


----------



## Supine (Oct 19, 2018)

And don't forget the smoking elves


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Oct 23, 2018)

Screamania - some go-carts and a cauldron under a marquee.

Parents slam 'Screamania' Halloween event in Stockport | Daily Mail Online


----------



## cupid_stunt (Oct 23, 2018)

ElizabethofYork said:


> Screamania - some go-carts and a cauldron under a marquee.
> 
> Parents slam 'Screamania' Halloween event in Stockport | Daily Mail Online



Now this is special!


----------



## Lord Camomile (Oct 23, 2018)

T & P said:


> Because of this thread being bumped today I was again reading the background/ aftermath story to the original Lapland New Forest debacle, and I love how to the very end the two brothers responsible protested their innocence and maintained the venue was adequately set up and provided a lovely experience.
> 
> Incredibly they were eventually acquitted when one of the jurors was caught tweeting about the case during the defendants’ appeal to their 13-month sentence. As they had already spent a number of months in jail the Crown Prosecution decided not to push for a fresh appeal process. So unless I got it wrong the two guys have actually been cleared of any wrongdoing for Lapland New Forest, and would be legally free to set up a new gig. I hope they do for old times’ sake.


Don't suppose you found a good source that basically covers the whole thing? I'm looking to do an online advent calendar, and want to use Lapland New Forest for one of the windows


----------



## krtek a houby (Oct 23, 2018)

moomoo said:


> Oh I can’t wait for the pictures of disappointed children!!



It's what xmas is all about, really


----------



## Badgers (Oct 23, 2018)

Halloween event Screamania branded 'an absolute shambles' by angry parents



> Dan said there was an inflatable maze which lasted around two minutes before deflating and said even a woman hired to be a witch there was apologising.



There must be an angry Facebook group on this one


----------



## Badgers (Oct 23, 2018)

Spooky Arena | Screamania


----------



## Badgers (Oct 23, 2018)

Plenty of papers running this one 
Greater Manchester Screamania Halloween event slammed as 'absolute shambles' | Metro News


----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 23, 2018)




----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 23, 2018)

> *the chance to stare at a cauldron under a marquee*





Marquee is pushing it, gazebo more like it.


----------



## krtek a houby (Oct 23, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


>





(runs and cowers behind sofa)


----------



## neonwilderness (Oct 23, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> Marquee is pushing it, gazebo more like it.










> One woman said she ‘could have organised something better in her back garden’


----------



## wiskey (Oct 23, 2018)

salem said:


> ‘Christmas Eve sold out in 10 minutes’
> 
> 
> I can't help but feel like they're setting themselves up for disappointment!


I'm not convinced, that article covers a lot of different events across Wales which seem to be selling out because they are popular because they are _good_ ... I don't think they belong on this thread..


----------



## wiskey (Oct 23, 2018)

Lord Camomile said:


> Don't suppose you found a good source that basically covers the whole thing? I'm looking to do an online advent calendar, and want to use Lapland New Forest for one of the windows


Lapland New Forest trial: How the story unfolded | Bournemouth Echo


----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 23, 2018)

There should be some a kind of word bingo or drinking game every time a festive event fail story is accompanied by the following words or themes.

SLAMMED
FURIOUS
SHAMBLES
RUINED
(CHILDREN) IN TEARS
ANGRY PARENTS
FACEBOOK PETITION
DEMANDING REFUNDS
TRADING STANDARDS
TEETHING PROBLEMS
QUEUING FOR HOURS
ORGANISERS UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT / NOT ANSWERING PHONE
PLASTIC ANIMALS
UNICORNS WHICH ARE NOT REAL UNICORNS
PHOTO OF 'UNICORN' SHIT
BROKEN ICE RINK

Extra points for Santa or Elves being menacing, having a fag, or carrying weapons.


----------



## Teaboy (Oct 23, 2018)

ElizabethofYork said:


> Screamania - some go-carts and a cauldron under a marquee.
> 
> Parents slam 'Screamania' Halloween event in Stockport | Daily Mail Online



Called it...



Teaboy said:


> Its a strong and confident start to the season.  Should keep us going till the 'spookyfest' Halloween catastrophes start trickling in.


----------



## Badgers (Oct 23, 2018)




----------



## Badgers (Oct 23, 2018)

Anyone using facebook and found an angry group?


----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 23, 2018)

No but if you find one, do share.


----------



## Badgers (Oct 23, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> No but if you find one, do share.


I don't have/use Facebook sadly


----------



## Badgers (Oct 23, 2018)

Having a look at Twitter...


----------



## Teaboy (Oct 23, 2018)

'kin hell.

That's brilliant.  I wonder what the propped up pallet symbolises?


----------



## neonwilderness (Oct 23, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Anyone using facebook and found an angry group?


Nothing much yet, but I did find these


----------



## Badgers (Oct 23, 2018)

An interesting development


----------



## wiskey (Nov 6, 2018)

'Embarrassing' chocolate event slammed as organiser apologises

Local chocolate festival belongs on this thread

"Only about 16 stalls in the whole event and most were cakes or cookies, not many proper chocolate stalls selling chocolates.

“No candy floss flowers, just normal candy floss, no candy apples at all, no giant chocolate eggs, no photo booth, no ice cream, no chocolate sculpting. No boozy chocolate bar or milkshakes at all."


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 6, 2018)

wiskey said:


> 'Embarrassing' chocolate event slammed as organiser apologises
> 
> Local chocolate festival belongs on this thread
> 
> ...


“So very disappointed. I travelled a fair distance for this event. What a complete waste of my day. Eight of us went and we were all very underwhelmed!”


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 6, 2018)

> One consistent theme running through the dozens of complaints was about the goody bags that people paid £7.50 extra for.
> 
> Lucy Gregory took a photo of the goody bag, she was so appalled by what it contained - six sweets, three chocolate sweets, a mug and a single sheet of children’s colouring-in.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 6, 2018)

wiskey said:


> 'Embarrassing' chocolate event *slammed* as organiser apologises



"Slammed"

(for those playing along with my festive event fail word bingo)


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 6, 2018)

How embarassing.
Bristol used to be chocolate city.
Most of my family worked at Frys - I did a year there myself.


----------



## andysays (Nov 6, 2018)

wiskey said:


> 'Embarrassing' chocolate event slammed as organiser apologises
> 
> Local chocolate festival belongs on this thread
> 
> ...


Should have got Willy Wonka to organise it...


----------



## Badgers (Nov 6, 2018)




----------



## Enviro (Nov 6, 2018)

*Reindeer kicked, abused and underfed away from bright lights of Christmas events*


----------



## wiskey (Nov 6, 2018)

Enviro said:


> *Reindeer kicked, abused and underfed away from bright lights of Christmas events*


Oh 

I met a baby reindeer on Friday, it was incredibly cute.


----------



## Badgers (Nov 6, 2018)

Enviro said:


> *Reindeer kicked, abused and underfed away from bright lights of Christmas events*


Hope they are banned from keeping animals and Christmas events think a bit harder about including live animals.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 6, 2018)

Inspired by this thread I have just splurged thirty big ones on a trip to an Enchanted Woodland this Saturday. If it's not staggeringly shit I shall be .

Will report back.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 6, 2018)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Inspired by this thread I have just splurged thirty big ones on a trip to an Enchanted Woodland this Saturday. If it's not staggeringly shit I shall be .
> 
> Will report back.


Don't forget some photos


----------



## Badgers (Nov 6, 2018)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Inspired by this thread I have just splurged thirty big ones on a trip to an Enchanted Woodland this Saturday. If it's not staggeringly shit I shall be .
> 
> Will report back.



Good luck, we are all counting on you.


----------



## Badgers (Nov 7, 2018)

Good to see the chocolate implosion making the Metro this morning  

The organisers have cancelled the subsequent events and refunded (according to the article) the bookings
Chocolate festival's Welsh date scrapped after poor reviews


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 7, 2018)

Probably worth noting it's almost *10 years* since the original Lapland New Forest Thread


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> Probably worth noting it's almost *10 years* since the original Lapland New Forest Thread


how time flies when you're enjoying yourself


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 7, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> Probably worth noting it's almost *10 years* since the original Lapland New Forest Thread


I wonder if they are planning an event to celebrate?


----------



## Badgers (Nov 7, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> Probably worth noting it's almost *10 years* since the original Lapland New Forest Thread


Perhaps *WE* should organise a tribute event?


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 7, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Perhaps *I *should organise a tribute event?


YES


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Perhaps *WE* should organise a tribute event?


i booked windrush square in advance of your request. we have loud street drinkers booked, an irritating itinerant preacher (and leafletters) and a faulty snow-blowing machine


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Nov 7, 2018)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Inspired by this thread I have just splurged thirty big ones on a trip to an Enchanted Woodland this Saturday. If it's not staggeringly shit I shall be .
> 
> Will report back.



I hope it's bloody awful, and you get lots of photos of rubbish exhibits and people looking terribly disappointed.


----------



## Badgers (Nov 7, 2018)

I think we all owe @Bahnhof Strasse a debt of gratitude


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2018)

ElizabethofYork said:


> I hope it's bloody awful, and you get lots of photos of rubbish exhibits and people looking terribly disappointed.


yeh the last thing we want to see is happy faces


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2018)

Badgers said:


> I think we all owe @Bahnhof Strasse a debt of gratitude


the best sort of owe being as it doesn't involve anything tangible


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Nov 7, 2018)

Pickman's model said:


> yeh the last thing we want to see is happy faces



Tis the spirit of Urban Christmas.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 7, 2018)

ElizabethofYork said:


> I hope it's bloody awful, and you get lots of photos of rubbish exhibits and people looking terribly disappointed.



I'm on to a winner with this; it'll either be shit in which case I can righteously moan and look sad. Or it will be good in which case I can moan about how un-shit it was. So long as I get a decent whinge I'll consider it money well spent


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 7, 2018)

Make sure to get some 'I ARE SAD' photos too if it is shit. Then sell the photos to the Metro etc for a nice little earner when they run with the story.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 7, 2018)

Just found out that the All Blacks are playing at Twickenham on Saturday and I'll need to change my route to avoid that area.

grumble, grumble...


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 7, 2018)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Just found out that the All Blacks are playing at Twickenham on Saturday and I'll need to change my route to avoid that area.
> 
> grumble, grumble...



That's a good start!


----------



## iona (Nov 7, 2018)

Pickman's model said:


> how time flies when you're enjoying yourself other people's misery



cfy


----------



## cybershot (Nov 7, 2018)

Idea.

We should start doing donations to people who want to attend something potentially shit in their area so their ticket gets paid for them in preparation for the shitness? If they strike gold and get refunded they can then refund us our donations, or instead donate the refund to the server fund?


----------



## Badgers (Nov 7, 2018)

CrapLand™


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 10, 2018)

Disappointed to say that the Enchanted Woodland was not too shabby, was pretty well done and £30 for a family of four.

However it was pissing it down, which made it a bit miserable


----------



## moomoo (Nov 10, 2018)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Disappointed to say that the Enchanted Woodland was not too shabby, was pretty well done and £30 for a family of four.
> 
> However it was pissing it down, which made it a bit miserable
> View attachment 152199
> ...



No disappointed children?


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 10, 2018)

moomoo said:


> No disappointed children?



None, they all seemed very stoic in the face of the downpour. Reasonably priced and quite well done, what a swizz!


----------



## moomoo (Nov 10, 2018)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> None, they all seemed very stoic in the face of the downpour. Reasonably priced and quite well done, what a swizz!



Oh.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 11, 2018)

Any smoking elves?


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 11, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Any smoking elves?


C'mon, it's 2018, can we please stop objectifying the elves?


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 18, 2018)

*Trafford Centre bosses defend Peter Rabbit grotto after some parents complain about 'creepy' bunny*



> "This looks terrifying! I was expecting a suit not Cliff Richard with ears."


**


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 18, 2018)

cupid_stunt said:


> View attachment 151819


Shameful journalism - there's clearly *seven* sweets and three chocolates there.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 18, 2018)

Ground Elder said:


> *Trafford Centre bosses defend Peter Rabbit grotto after some parents complain about 'creepy' bunny*
> 
> 
> *View attachment 152963*


“...many slammed it as 'creepy' and 'sinister', saying they had expected the costumed characters, not actors dressed up...”

Fuckwits-in-fuckwits-are-never-satisfied shocker!


----------



## Badgers (Nov 19, 2018)

Christmas parade branded a 'shambles'


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 19, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Christmas parade branded a 'shambles'





> It was a total shambles. My daughter looked at me and said 'Is that it Mammy?'.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 19, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Christmas parade branded a 'shambles'





> Swansea's annual festive event promised "dynamic dance-troupes" as well as "spectacular shows and stages".
> 
> But roadworks in the city centre saw the parade scaled down, leading to a barrage of criticism on social media.



Roadworks , what a excuse.


----------



## moomoo (Nov 19, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Christmas parade branded a 'shambles'



Damn! I was just going to post a link about that!!


----------



## Badgers (Nov 19, 2018)

moomoo said:


> Damn! I was just going to post a link about that!!


I have my people trawling the web for failure. You have to be quicker than that.


----------



## T & P (Nov 19, 2018)

moomoo said:


> Damn! I was just going to post a link about that!!


Join the queue 

Perhaps we should play an informal game and award one point to the first one to post here a fresh story.


----------



## wiskey (Nov 20, 2018)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Disappointed to say that the Enchanted Woodland was not too shabby, was pretty well done and £30 for a family of four.
> 
> However it was pissing it down, which made it a bit miserable



Not in keeping with the thread but we've been to the local arboretum for something similar the last few years and it's been really nice.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 20, 2018)

Will people fucking stop posting about nice experiences. 

It's very disappointing when clicking on this thread.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 20, 2018)

Organisers of Glasgow Christmas lights switch-on slammed

Organisers 'Slammed' - check

Children 'in tears' - check


----------



## T & P (Nov 21, 2018)

Not a big story by this thread's standards, but 'dozens of people expressing overwhelming objection' has a nice ring to it...



> Dozens of people have expressed overwhelming objection to a Christmas Fayre's "ridiculous" entry fee.
> 
> The event in Llandudno is charging people £4.50 to enter this year, compared with £2.50 last year, although children under 16 are still free.
> 
> ...



What you had to say about Llandudno Christmas Fayre's controversial entry fee


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 21, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> Organisers of Glasgow Christmas lights switch-on slammed
> 
> Organisers 'Slammed' - check
> 
> Children 'in tears' - check






> Ms Mullen said they specifically chose to come to Glasgow's light event but have been left disappointed by the experience.
> 
> "We could have went to other lights but we came to Glasgow beacuse this is where we stay,



"Stay" being Scotch for "live". 

So they specifically chose to go to Glasgow cos they live there. Marvellous


----------



## T & P (Nov 21, 2018)

I've just revisited the very first Lapland thread (linked to on the first post of this thread). £25 admission ticket does not sound that expensive anymore, in particular considering how many laughs one would have got out of a visit there. I guess that's inflation for you...


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 21, 2018)

Why can't Moonpig make a card out of this?


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 21, 2018)

T & P said:


> I've just revisited the very first Lapland thread (linked to on the first post of this thread). £25 admission ticket does not sound that expensive anymore, in particular considering how many laughs one would have got out of a visit there. I guess that's inflation for you...



Does the ONS include disappointment in the 'basket of goods' yet?


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 21, 2018)

*Reindeer puppet at Lowry Outlet started singing 'inappropriate' Christmas song*



> I thought 'that's a bit inappropriate'.


----------



## T & P (Nov 21, 2018)

Ground Elder said:


> *Reindeer puppet at Lowry Outlet started singing 'inappropriate' Christmas song*


At least this was a genuine case of inappropriate language. A couple of years ago a firm was forced to recall a soft toy mouse that sang ‘Jingle Bells’ because some imbecile parent complained on Twitter it sounded like “Paedophile, paedophile, paedos all the way!”

Dorset firm recalls 'paedophile' mouse

ETA: here’s the Evel grooming mouse


----------



## wiskey (Nov 21, 2018)

Apologies for the source (and if its already been posted)




			
				the scum  said:
			
		

> _BRITS visiting Lapland for a Christmas getaway face heartbreak as there’s no snow.
> 
> None has fallen on Santa’s Finnish “home” in an unprecedented run-up to the festive season.
> 
> ...


.


Brits visiting Lapland with the kids will be left heartbroken as there's NO snow


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 22, 2018)

Bah humbug! Campaign bidding to cancel St Albans Christmas Festival



> Campaigners have been visiting businesses across the city trying to drum up opposition to the event, claiming it would be a “late night rave” which would cost £105 a ticket.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 22, 2018)

wiskey said:


> Apologies for the source (and if its already been posted)
> 
> 
> .
> ...





> We keep checking the forecast and constantly looking on the Rovaniemi webcam, but there is just no sign of snow whatsoever. It's quite cold, but dry. The whole thing is so dispiriting. Lapland is the one place we thought snow would be guaranteed.
> 
> "All we can do is keep everything crossed, but it isn't looking good."
> 
> *The UK has already seen some snow with forecasters predicting more this week.*


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 23, 2018)

Welcome to Narnia as town transforms itself for Christmas

This one has potential to be terrible


----------



## Badgers (Nov 23, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Welcome to Narnia as town transforms itself for Christmas
> 
> This one has potential to be terrible


 

I think a good downpour will turn that into a messy farce in a few minutes


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 23, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Welcome to Narnia as town transforms itself for Christmas
> 
> This one has potential to be terrible


oh yes



and if it doesn't have a) a faun and b) a dominatrix then it isn't being true to the books


----------



## Yossarian (Nov 23, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Welcome to Narnia as town transforms itself for Christmas
> 
> This one has potential to be terrible



"While the special effect blood-packs used in the execution of Aslan on the Stone Table were technically impressive, it was not what we were expecting and our children cried all the way home. We tried to explain that it was all just Christian allegory but they only cried more."


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 23, 2018)




----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 23, 2018)

Yossarian said:


> "While the special effect blood-packs used in the execution of Aslan on the Stone Table were technically impressive, it was not what we were expecting and our children cried all the way home. We tried to explain that it was all just Christian allegory but they only cried more."


yeh it would be the worst christmas ever when you found out your favourite books were just fucking allegory


----------



## Yossarian (Nov 23, 2018)

Pickman's model said:


>



"The 'unlimited' Turkish Delight organisers promised was nowhere to be seen."


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 23, 2018)

Yossarian said:


> "The 'unlimited' Turkish Delight organisers promised was nowhere to be seen."


Jadis's credit card was declined


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 23, 2018)

Children left in tears as Christmas light switch-on ends in 'absolute shambles'



> Some visitors were confused why an owl was being lit up, as opposed to a Christmas tree












> There was further disappointment when 1,000 wrist bands given out to the crowds, ten of which were meant to change colour to win £100 vouchers, malfunctioned.
> 
> The error resulted in Festival Place refusing to award any prizes, leaving numerous people, including children, disappointed when they believed they had won a prize.





> Sara Gook said her six-year-old daughter believed she had won the wrist band competition, adding: "She was all excited thinking she had won then after waiting ages just had her band taken off her and told no one had won due to a technical issue."
> 
> Lauren Heidi Bridgeman had the same problem, thinking her daughter had won, and said: "My eight-year-old was in floods of tears and was devastated."


----------



## Badgers (Nov 23, 2018)

> Parents described children left in tears


A British Christmas classic ^

That one sounds as much scary as it was a failure  I especially enjoyed the failing wristbands but sounds like it got a bit dicey safety wise.

Still good to see the season is well underway


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 23, 2018)

Badgers said:


> A British Christmas classic ^
> 
> That one sounds as much scary as it was a failure  I especially enjoyed the failing wristbands but sounds like it got a bit dicey safety wise.
> 
> Still good to see the season is well underway


as it says on the christian party shop on kingsland road, jesus is the reason for the season. all of this great disappointments for children are part of his great plan.


----------



## a_chap (Nov 23, 2018)

Aaahhh... that festive sound of children's yells and shouts as the electric wrist bands malfunction and they each got 240 volts.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 23, 2018)

a_chap said:


> Aaahhh... that festive sound of children's yells and shouts as the electric wrist bands malfunction and they each got 240 volts.


brave new world


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2018)

Pickman's model said:


> oh yes
> 
> View attachment 153390
> 
> and if it doesn't have a) a faun and b) a dominatrix then it isn't being true to the books


a peadofaun


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 23, 2018)

DotCommunist said:


> a peadofaun


a paedodominatrix


----------



## Teaboy (Nov 23, 2018)

Coming in thick and fast now.

What a magical time of year this is.


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 23, 2018)




----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 23, 2018)

Boo

'Extreme disappointment' as Walthamstow Winter Wonderland plans flop | East London and West Essex Guardian Series






I for one was looking forward to it not looking at all like this ^ artist impression


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 23, 2018)




----------



## T & P (Nov 23, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> Boo
> 
> 'Extreme disappointment' as Walthamstow Winter Wonderland plans flop | East London and West Essex Guardian Series
> 
> ...





> But on Tuesday rumours started to circulate on social media that the ambitious project would fail to deliver, with one user saying: “It’s a bit like Brexit…all invested based on false promises”.



Wishing you all a Brexit Christmas


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 23, 2018)

T & P said:


> Wishing you all a Brexit Christmas



And, the Germans are taking over. 



> He said: “It is with deep regret and due to circumstances out of our control that the winter wonderland concept with an ice rink and bar won't be coming to Walthamstow this Christmas.
> 
> “In its place we'll still be running a German market with events and entertainment alongside our Walthamstow Sunday Social event every Sunday.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 23, 2018)

Ground Elder said:


>


that's one for Orang Utan, bears that give you the fear


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 23, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> Boo
> 
> 'Extreme disappointment' as Walthamstow Winter Wonderland plans flop | East London and West Essex Guardian Series
> 
> ...


that's people before they go in, the people coming out are more like the man on the far left looking disappointed


----------



## pogofish (Nov 23, 2018)

Today's contributions to the thread have left me feeling strangely uplifted..!


----------



## Supine (Nov 23, 2018)

My favorite seasonal thread


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 23, 2018)

pogofish said:


> Today's contributions to the thread have left me feeling strangely uplifted..!



This is not the place for joy and uplifted spirits. Only for misery and ruined Christmas dreams


----------



## wiskey (Nov 23, 2018)

I can't be the only person who finds it a bit odd that people are still trying to organise Xmas markets etc at the end of November ... Where are all these things coming from, I'd have expected them to be booked months ago, surely there must be a finite number for hire?


----------



## Supine (Nov 23, 2018)




----------



## pogofish (Nov 23, 2018)

wiskey said:


> I can't be the only person who finds it a bit odd that people are still trying to organise Xmas markets etc at the end of November ... Where are all these things coming from, I'd have expected them to be booked months ago, surely there must be a finite number for hire?



There is for some stuff - We are organising an event for next year and it was decided we might need to hire more portable toilets over previous years.

However, when we tried to get more, we were told no-chance by every firm we approached.  Apparently Scotland is totally out of shitters for a number of dates next year.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2018)

pogofish said:


> There is for some stuff - We are organising an event for next year and it was decided we might need to hire more portable toilets over previous years.
> 
> However, when we tried to get more, we were told no-chance by every firm we approached.  Apparently Scotland is totally out of shitters for a number of dates next year.


but where will people do a number 2?


----------



## wiskey (Nov 23, 2018)

pogofish said:


> There is for some stuff - We are organising an event for next year and it was decided we might need to hire more portable toilets over previous years.
> 
> However, when we tried to get more, we were told no-chance by every firm we approached.  Apparently Scotland is totally out of shitters for a number of dates next year.


That's because all portaloos have been booked to deal with post brexit port chaos I'm told


----------



## a_chap (Nov 23, 2018)




----------



## pogofish (Nov 23, 2018)

wiskey said:


> That's because all portaloos have been booked to deal with post brexit port chaos I'm told



That and a major athletics event in Glasgow apparently.


----------



## pogofish (Nov 23, 2018)

DotCommunist said:


> but where will people do a number 2?



I might have some suggestions but please don't tempt me to put them down..!


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 25, 2018)

A strong contender for this year    

A 'filthy' plastic ice rink and a deflated snow globe: Furious families slam the Bolton Winter Weekend



> Disappointed parents said the 'ice rink' turned out to be white plastic tiles with a member staff spraying soapy water, the snow globe 'deflated' with children inside and the stalls were not Christmas themed and resembled a 'jumble sale'.





> Did anyone see the 'magical winter lane' highlighted on the map?
> 
> It turned out to be a line of 5 small white trees on small podiums... what a joke!





> Felt more Christmassy on my walk around B&M bargains. Bar the grotto, which we didn't see, there's nothing in the theme of Christmas or winter at all!





> On the approach over the bridge you see the struggle of parents with prams evacuating the overly loud fun fair after realising they too had been deceived into thinking this was a child friendly festive day!





> This event does not live up to the title winter wonderland at all, car boot sale at best.


----------



## Supine (Nov 26, 2018)




----------



## Mr.Bishie (Nov 26, 2018)




----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 26, 2018)

What's Bolton normally like at this time of year?


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 26, 2018)

wiskey said:


> That's because all portaloos have been booked to deal with post brexit port chaos I'm told


There are times, foreseeable times, when the Scottish government will be shitting its collective self


----------



## 5t3IIa (Nov 26, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> View attachment 153610



What is even going on here??!


----------



## Yossarian (Nov 26, 2018)

The "Mickey Mouse" at the Bolton Winter Weekend looks like Frank Sidebottom dressed as Mickey Mouse.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 26, 2018)

5t3IIa said:


> What is even going on here??!



I think that's the the 'snow globe' mentioned, that 'deflated' with children inside.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 26, 2018)

The pixelation and and what looks like vacuum sealed human flesh makes it look like some weird fetish festival.


----------



## krtek a houby (Nov 26, 2018)

Yossarian said:


> The "Mickey Mouse" at the Bolton Winter Weekend looks like Frank Sidebottom dressed as Mickey Mouse.
> 
> View attachment 153621



Looks more like Mortimer than Mickey


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 26, 2018)

Unsurprisingly it looked a bit different on the flyer


----------



## krtek a houby (Nov 26, 2018)

Hate such blatantly misleading advertising. Still, it was only a fiver per person, so a letdown but not an overly expensive bastard one.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 26, 2018)

I mean the poster depicts a nighttime outdoor winter market complete with festive fairy lights adorning the trees.

How exactly did they imagine a strip light illuminated Bolton Arena during the day might compare?


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 26, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> I mean the poster depicts a nighttime outdoor winter market complete with festive fairy lights adorning the trees.
> 
> How exactly did they imagine a strip light illuminated Bolton Arena during the day might compare?


Blind optimism? Greed?


----------



## T & P (Nov 26, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> The pixelation and and what looks like vacuum sealed human flesh makes it look like some weird fetish festival.


When I saw the photograph my first thought was it'd been lifted off some Japanese porn website.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 26, 2018)

Bolton's Winter Weekend described as 'more like car boot sale' by disappointed visitors



> Furious customers who had spent £5 each on tickets for the two-day event complained of a fake ice-skating rink made out of “dirty plastic”, and instead of decorated stalls heaving with mince pies, mulled wine and bratwurst, they said they were surprised to see items such as car registration plates and acne cream for sale.





> This event is fantastic for Bolton. It is great for the town to be associated with such an event.





> The response at the event has actually been really positive. People are just jumping on the bandwagon when they have left.





> We have not advertised this as a Christmas event. It is a Winter Weekend with a festive feel.


----------



## krtek a houby (Nov 27, 2018)

Now this looks lovely. A bit of a trek to Kobe, mind. But just under a tenner.


----------



## wiskey (Nov 27, 2018)

BBC News - Giant inflatable Santa breaks free to hold up traffic
Giant Santa causes traffic ho-ho-hold up


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 27, 2018)

wiskey said:


> BBC News - Giant inflatable Santa breaks free to hold up traffic
> Giant Santa causes traffic ho-ho-hold up





> Drivers found themselves stuck in a lengthy* ho-ho-hold up* when a giant inflatable Santa landed on a busy road.



Very good.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 27, 2018)

Christmas market trader slammed for selling racist golliwog doll of Olympic legend Mo Farah doing the 'Mo-bot'


----------



## T & P (Nov 27, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Bolton's Winter Weekend described as 'more like car boot sale' by disappointed visitors


I was thinking earlier that the wording on the flyer for the event, as seen on post 1008, is actually fairly accurate and does not over promise or mislead.

The images used however are a pisstake. I would have thought that to to comply with legislation one would need to include an statement warning that images shown might not be representative of the event? I’m sure i’v Seen such disclaimers in the past.

Still, anyone who sees themselves as not a gullible person should have heard alarm bells ringing by the fact that the organisers were using photographs of similar events that surely would be very unlikely to be recreated in Bolton with any meaningful resemblance.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 27, 2018)

T & P said:


> I was thinking earlier that the wording on the flyer for the event, as seen on post 1008, is actually fairly accurate and does not over promise or mislead.
> 
> The images used however are a pisstake. I would have thought that to to comply with legislation one would need to include an statement warning that images shown might not be representative of the event? I’m sure i’v Seen such disclaimers in the past.
> 
> Still, anyone who sees themselves as not a gullible person should have heard alarm bells ringing by the fact that the organisers were using photographs of similar events that surely would be very unlikely to be recreated in Bolton with any meaningful resemblance.


Depends how much you read into it I suppose? It’s not unreasonable to expect a winter weekend featuring Santa might be vaguely Christmassy. 

That said it was always going to be shit which is what we wanted really


----------



## T & P (Nov 27, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Depends how much you read into it I suppose? It’s not unreasonable to expect a winter weekend featuring Santa might be vaguely Christmassy.
> 
> That said it was always going to be shit which is what we wanted really


The image of the Christmas Market is not indicative enough to entertain any claims of misleading advertising, but the gulf between the ice rink depicted in the brochure and the abomination that was made available at the event is so gargantuan I'm sure there'd be sufficient grounds for a trading standards investigation


----------



## NoXion (Nov 28, 2018)

While it's fascinating in a car-crash way to see how bad these events can get, am I the only one who just doesn't get the feelings of manic glee that some people in this thread appear to be having over the prospect of families being ripped off and disappointed over the holiday season? It just seems perverse. How many of these families have been to these places, not having the time or the money to organise anything better? How many of the organisers of these kind of shams have gotten away with it?

I'm facing the prospect of having and doing next to fuck-all this Christmas, I'm not expecting to give or receive a great many gifts, I'm not going on holiday, and it seems unlikely that I will be able to visit my family. For some strange reason my own spirit manifestly fails to be buoyed up by the misfortune of others. In short, what the fuck is wrong with some of you?


----------



## Badgers (Nov 28, 2018)

NoXion said:


> In short, what the fuck is wrong with some of you?


Because Christmas is shit and people who desperately want a magical Christmas experience are shit. 

Also who does not enjoy a good farce? 


NoXion said:


> I'm facing the prospect of having and doing next to fuck-all this Christmas, I'm not expecting to give or receive a great many gifts, I'm not going on holiday, and it seems unlikely that I will be able to visit my family. For some strange reason my own spirit manifestly fails to be buoyed up by the misfortune of others.


I prefer not to do anything or see anyone at Christmas


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 28, 2018)

Badgers said:


> I prefer not to do anything or see anyone at Christmas


is it true you're spending this yuletide blindfold in a cellar in maldon?


----------



## Badgers (Nov 28, 2018)

Pickman's model said:


> is it true you're spending this yuletide blindfold in a cellar in maldon?


I wish I had a blindfold


----------



## Supine (Nov 28, 2018)

Anyone who says a disastrous winter wonderland ruined their Christmas is a twat!

More misery and more smoking elves please


----------



## Supine (Nov 28, 2018)

Ps as long as those affected get their money back


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 28, 2018)

I'm not sure which is better, the charlatan organizers trying to pass off a car boot sale in a warehouse as a winter wonderland or the visitors turning up expecting the moon on a stick and complaining when they are disappointed 

Long may it continue


----------



## colacubes (Nov 28, 2018)

It's not strictly a Christmas event full of fail, but it's got full PC gone mad at Christmas outrage (a female Santa ) so this thread seems a good place to put it. Excuse the Fail link but I saw it in The Times and it's behind the paywall there.

Labour Councillor Great Aycliffe Town County Durham Arun Chandran says no female Santa Claus | Daily Mail Online


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 28, 2018)

colacubes said:


> It's not strictly a Christmas event full of fail, but it's got full PC gone mad at Christmas outrage (a female Santa ) so this thread seems a good place to put it. Excuse the Fail link but I saw it in The Times and it's behind the paywall there.
> 
> Labour Councillor Great Aycliffe Town County Durham Arun Chandran says no female Santa Claus | Daily Mail Online


Some of the comments are a bit 

It's in the local paper too 
Tensions set to rise over women playing Santa in Newton Aycliffe tours | The Northern Echo


> "This has nothing to do with equality. There is no legality issue on this. My understanding is that Santa Claus otherwise called Father Christmas (among other names) is a male role. I have no issue with a Mrs Claus, but that comes down to space in vehicles nothing else.
> 
> "I believe that children in particular will be expecting a male Santa, and that it may well reflect badly on the Council if we were to deliberately introduce a form of political correctness just because a Labour Party member turns up at a Events Sub Committee meeting to demand women's rights to be Santa Claus."
> 
> "I remain open if members can convince me that the Rotary Club and other Councils are introducing women Santa's everywhere, but they are not, Santa Claus being a man is a long held tradition accepted by the vast majority of society without question and change just for the sake of it, rather than a good reason or necessity is wrong, and will only serve to attract negative publicity."


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 28, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Because Christmas is shit



I disagree most strongly, I love Christmas. But as the Whos in Whoville showed us, Christmas isn't something you can get from a store.


----------



## NoXion (Nov 28, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Because Christmas is shit and people who desperately want a magical Christmas experience are shit.



People are shit for wanting a good experience during the holidays? Fucking hell.


----------



## Badgers (Nov 28, 2018)

NoXion said:


> People are shit for wanting a good experience during the holidays? Fucking hell.


Speaking as a commercially minded Christian?


----------



## NoXion (Nov 28, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Speaking as a commercially minded Christian?



Nah, speaking as someone who doesn't like the idea of families being ripped off. Fucking crazy notion, I know.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 28, 2018)

NoXion said:


> wanting a good experience during the holidays


They were never going to have that in a sports hall in Bolton 

Plus it's still November. Magical Christmas experiences should be limited to December at the very least


----------



## NoXion (Nov 28, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> They were never going to have that in a sports hall in Bolton



You're right, but somehow the prospect of people paying over the odds for the privilege, who in all likelihood didn't have an awful lot of money in the first place (14 million people in poverty in the UK, and I bet there are more who are closer to that than not) sticks in my craw something rotten, rather than making me giggle.



> Plus it's still November. Magical Christmas experiences should be limited to December at the very least



I was under the impression that most of them were. In any case, if people are being ripped off before the start of the holiday proper, that doesn't strike me as much of an improvement.


----------



## colacubes (Nov 28, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Some of the comments are a bit





> steveh2731, MALVERN, United Kingdom, 34 minutes ago
> 
> This another example of Feminist madness. Women have evolved to be subservient to men for a reason. Man the hunter and provider, woman the bearer of his children and the homemaker and that's how things should be. Feminism has upset this natural order as women no longer know their place.



I bet the ladies love him


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 28, 2018)

NoXion said:


> You're right, but somehow the prospect of people paying over the odds for the privilege, who in all likelihood didn't have an awful lot of money in the first place (14 million people in poverty in the UK, and I bet there are more who are closer to that than not) sticks in my craw something rotten, rather than making me giggle.


Fair enough, but these events happen every year now. If people are hard of cash you'd think they'd be a bit more careful about attending dubious looking events like this, they are not compulsory. Not that this makes it right of course. 

There are plenty decent events that happen every year too, for example my local park does a proper winter wonderland which is decent and isn't too expensive. But that's not for this thread 



colacubes said:


> I bet the ladies love him


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 28, 2018)

NoXion said:


> Nah, speaking as someone who doesn't like the idea of families being ripped off. Fucking crazy notion, I know.



Personally I am not laughing at the people that are ripped off, I feel sorry for them & hope they secure refunds. I am laughing at just how ridiculously shit some of these events & the bear cheek of the bastards putting them on, whilst hoping the so-called organisers come to grief by having to refund, or end-up in prison like the ones behind the original Lapland New Forest.


----------



## NoXion (Nov 28, 2018)

cupid_stunt said:


> Personally I am not laughing at the people that are ripped off, I feel sorry for them & hope they secure refunds. I am laughing at just how ridiculously shit some of these events & the bear cheek of the bastards putting them on, whilst hoping the so-called organisers come to grief by having to refund, or end-up in prison like the ones behind the original Lapland New Forest.



Didn't I read earlier that the Lapland New Forest case got dismissed because some shitcunt juror was tweeting from the bench?


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 28, 2018)

NoXion said:


> Didn't I read earlier that the Lapland New Forest case got dismissed because some shitcunt juror was tweeting from the bench?



No, they were found guilty, as per the OP on this thread, and served their time, before their convictions were quashed over the juror texting, which makes it even funnier. 



> "However, we recognised it would not be in the public interest to request a retrial, particularly as the events took place almost three years ago and that prison sentences have been served by both men."



Lapland men's convictions quashed


----------



## pogofish (Dec 2, 2018)

Was dragged to my first Christmas event of the season today. 

I regret to report it was not disappointing - rather green-welly rural, free, child and dog-friendly, not opressively christmassy and the Duke and Dutchess who organised it were present and on top form as gregarious  hosts.

All-in, rather classy and smart!


----------



## Badgers (Dec 2, 2018)

Sorry what?


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 2, 2018)

Someone has decided to be honest with their 'Lapland event' - Home - Bah Humbug! Fest 

Thanks to hash tag for the link.

#Can'tBeArsedToBullshit


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 3, 2018)




----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 3, 2018)

I think this could top Bolton  

Families' fury at 'unfinished' luxury Santa's grotto experience



> Families who shelled out up to £60 to visit a 'luxury' Santa's grotto were dismayed to find it was not finished.
> 
> When they arrived at Reindeer Lodge on Black Meadows Farm in Leeswood in Mold, they found piles of rolled turf that had not been laid, muddy paths and builders' equipment in plain view.
> 
> They took to social media to also complain of "grumpy elves, bored reindeer and going home covered in mud".





> According to its website, visitors to Reindeer Lodge can expect "the perfect festive experience for the whole family".
> 
> But one woman who had paid £57 to go with her friend and two children on Saturday described it as "a muddy hell hole".


----------



## wiskey (Dec 3, 2018)

Good grief, that's a contender for event of the year so far



> The manager of the Reindeer Lodge said some people had struggled to find the site as the company that sold the tickets on its behalf had put the wrong postcodes on them.



 

A thousand people managed though


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 4, 2018)

> bored reindeer


 


I learnt something today


> Penis-shaped Christmas lights are a frequent occurrence in the UK.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 4, 2018)

Reindeer Lodge has brightened a dark cold morning


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Dec 4, 2018)

Hurrah!  A Christmas Blunderland!  Six sad stalls and a broken snow machine.

Angry parents slam 'grim blunderland' Christmas village after paying £112 for family tickets | Daily Mail Online


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 4, 2018)

ElizabethofYork said:


> Hurrah!  A Christmas Blunderland!  Six sad stalls and a broken snow machine.
> 
> Angry parents slam 'grim blunderland' Christmas village after paying £112 for family tickets | Daily Mail Online













Excellent


----------



## gentlegreen (Dec 4, 2018)

Ground Elder said:


> I learnt something today
> https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/christmas/enormous-penis-christmas-lights-display-house-reading/



 

Stephen Bailey-Todd, 53, who lives nearby, said he was in “complete disbelief” when he spotted the shining genitalia while strolling home. “It was quite a shock to be honest,” he said of the erection. “When you walk home you just don’t expect to come face to face with an enormous penis on a wall.

He'd better not visit Bhutan then


----------



## T & P (Dec 4, 2018)

Wow. Two strong contenders in a day


----------



## Voley (Dec 4, 2018)

ElizabethofYork said:


> Hurrah!  A Christmas Blunderland!  Six sad stalls and a broken snow machine.
> 
> Angry parents slam 'grim blunderland' Christmas village after paying £112 for family tickets | Daily Mail Online


It's the most wonderful time of the year.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2018)

T & P said:


> Wow. Two strong contenders in a day


you wait for ages for one to come along ...


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 4, 2018)

ElizabethofYork said:


> Hurrah!  A Christmas Blunderland!  Six sad stalls and a broken snow machine.
> 
> Angry parents slam 'grim blunderland' Christmas village after paying £112 for family tickets | Daily Mail Online



How the hell do people keep falling for this shit?

Do they not follow the news, or have an internet connection to check out the history of these rip-off events, what bubble do these people live in? 

I mean, it's not like original Lapland New Forest con wasn't all over the news.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 4, 2018)

T & P said:


> Wow. Two strong contenders in a day


And it’s only the 4th. Hopefully there’ll be more to follow


----------



## Badgers (Dec 4, 2018)




----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 4, 2018)




----------



## ddraig (Dec 5, 2018)

Parents say kids left 'traumatised' after primary school stages 'Elf murder'


----------



## Badgers (Dec 9, 2018)

Interesting stuff at my local town festivities


----------



## wiskey (Dec 9, 2018)

Is that a yak?


----------



## Badgers (Dec 9, 2018)

wiskey said:


> Is that a yak?


No idea 

At first I thought it was Falcor


----------



## gentlegreen (Dec 9, 2018)

It looks delightfully pagan


----------



## Badgers (Dec 9, 2018)

gentlegreen said:


> It looks delightfully pagan


It is pleasing isn't it. Is quite a Conservative little town here usually. They do like an 'event in the square' though


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 9, 2018)

South Wales Police are getting into the festive spirit 

Police are using facial recognition at Winter Wonderland


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 9, 2018)

Although a lot of work has clearly gone into it, that's shit. What even is it? The slow, exaggerated walking just makes me angry.


----------



## moomoo (Dec 9, 2018)

Voley said:


> It's the most wonderful time of the year.



I’m so happy!!!


----------



## Badgers (Dec 9, 2018)

Mrs Miggins said:


> Although a lot of work has clearly gone into it, that's shit. What even is it? The slow, exaggerated walking just makes me angry.


Tis the season to be jolly


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 9, 2018)




----------



## gentlegreen (Dec 9, 2018)

Tibetan. apparently.

Snow Lion - Wikipedia


----------



## wiskey (Dec 10, 2018)

cupid_stunt said:


> How the hell do people keep falling for this shit?
> 
> Do they not follow the news, or have an internet connection to check out the history of these rip-off events, what bubble do these people live in?
> 
> I mean, it's not like original Lapland New Forest con wasn't all over the news.



my local FB page is full of people looking for alternatives after that one got cancelled, went into liquidation and apparently isn't giving refunds very swiftly


----------



## Voley (Dec 10, 2018)

Good thread about the magic of Xmas here:


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 10, 2018)

Badgers said:


> Tis the season to be jolly


Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la


----------



## Teaboy (Dec 12, 2018)

T'is the season of goodwill and Christmas cheer is all around.

Angry mum spits in face of Christmas elf

A time to be jolly as its the most wonderful time of the year.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 12, 2018)

Peace on earth, goodwill to elves


----------



## Poi E (Dec 12, 2018)

Solidarity to elves as they face another season under the yoke of consumerism.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 12, 2018)

(((elves)))


----------



## iona (Dec 12, 2018)

Poi E said:


> Solidarity to elves as they face another season under the yoke of consumerism.



Read that as communism and was wtf


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 12, 2018)

Communist smoking elves


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 12, 2018)

Definitely in the zone:

'Raging' Santa angers parents with beard-ripping tantrum


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 12, 2018)

> He is reported to having ripped off his costume and started swearing at the crowd of about 50 children. DJ Stuart Wilkin said Santa was “raging” as he encouraged the children, who were already on their way out, to evacuate.
> 
> He added: “I do think though the reason Santa was raging was because they booked a kids’ rave on the same day as kids going to see Santa upstairs above the event.
> 
> “He probably sat there trying to talk to kids with thumping music playing and was pissed-off. The fire alarm going off was probably the final straw for him.”


----------



## two sheds (Dec 12, 2018)

> The entertainer is understood to have told attendees to “get the fuck out” after a smoke machine at a family-friendly rave in the same building as his grotto set off a fire alarm.


----------



## Mr.Bishie (Dec 12, 2018)




----------



## wiskey (Dec 12, 2018)




----------



## a_chap (Dec 12, 2018)

Having once - very, _*very*_ briefly - worked as a Santa Claus I can understand how he felt.

I never even waited until a fire alarm before ripping my fake beard off and getting the fuck out of there.


----------



## not-bono-ever (Dec 13, 2018)

Festive drive through movie fraud fury

Redirect Notice


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 13, 2018)

Why the hell would anyone want to go to a drive-in movie, in this country & at this time of the year?


----------



## not-bono-ever (Dec 13, 2018)

In blaydon.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 13, 2018)

not-bono-ever said:


> In blaydon.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 13, 2018)

cupid_stunt said:


> Why the hell would anyone want to go to a drive-in movie, in this country & at this time of the year?



Better still, they have been doing that at Peterhead, in the potential cauld-blast off the sea - straight from Scandinavia.

At the former Peterhead Prison.  They breed-em hardy up-there...!


----------



## Lord Camomile (Dec 13, 2018)

cupid_stunt said:


> Why the hell would anyone want to go to a drive-in movie, in this country & at this time of the year?


----------



## Badgers (Dec 13, 2018)

not-bono-ever said:


> Festive drive through movie fraud fury
> 
> Redirect Notice


That one is not so funny really, more out and out festive fraud 

If the cars pulled up and there was an old Sony WEGA telly showing Porky's Revenge! or Police Academy 7 in a muddy field that would have been more our thing.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 19, 2018)

Sex Island 2018: 'Virgin teen' wants to wed prostitute - report


----------



## wtfftw (Dec 20, 2018)

Have we had this one?
Lichfield Winter Wonderland closes after flood of complaints


----------



## moomoo (Dec 20, 2018)

wtfftw said:


> Have we had this one?
> Lichfield Winter Wonderland closes after flood of complaints



Oh, that’s brilliant!!


----------



## moonsi til (Dec 22, 2018)

Happening right now in Shrewsbury.

The top 2 are what they say & the bottom a customer experience.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 23, 2018)

Another late contender  

Lichfield Winter Wonderland closes after flood of complaints



> Lichfield's “shambolic” Winter Wonderland has been closed following a flood of complaints and refund demands from disgruntled customers angry over cancellations, “lack of communication” and claims the event did not deliver what was advertised.





> It is claimed the ice rink was “a health and safety risk”, there were issues with heating and power to the site, the event was “badly organised”, suppliers have not been paid and requests for information regarding refunds had not been answered.


----------



## moonsi til (Dec 23, 2018)

I think the Shrewsbury event has been scrapped too! Was meant to be on today but FB account is deleted & tickets now unavailable but no official public message yet.


----------



## wtfftw (Dec 23, 2018)

neonwilderness said:


> Another late contender
> 
> Lichfield Winter Wonderland closes after flood of complaints


*Cough*


wtfftw said:


> Have we had this one?
> Lichfield Winter Wonderland closes after flood of complaints


Yours is the better post tho


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 23, 2018)

wtfftw said:


> *Cough*
> 
> Yours is the better post tho


I missed your post  

It’s always better with shit photos though


----------



## skyscraper101 (Dec 23, 2018)

The inevitable ice rink fail is a common theme I find.


----------



## wiskey (Dec 23, 2018)

skyscraper101 said:


> The inevitable ice rink fail is a common theme I find.


I don't remember seasonal ice rinks even being a thing until a few years ago ... Perhaps there was a reason for that ...


----------



## 19sixtysix (Dec 23, 2018)

wiskey said:


> I don't remember seasonal ice rinks even being a thing until a few years ago ... Perhaps there was a reason for that ...



Seasonal ice rinks are the original rinks available at your local pond during suitable winter weather.


----------



## wiskey (Dec 23, 2018)

19sixtysix said:


> Seasonal ice rinks are the original rinks available at your local pond during suitable winter weather.


Climate change has done for that then


----------



## a_chap (Dec 23, 2018)

Artificial ice rinks have been a thing for ages, though.

I maintain that synthetic ice should be used to surface all motorways - there'd be a huge improvement in  Miles-Per-Gallon due to the reduced friction.


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 23, 2018)

I recall skating on an artificial rink, in the late 70s down the local sports centre. Remembering disappointment and grazes.


----------



## editor (Dec 23, 2018)

Christmas festival shuts after one day



> Shrewsbury Christmas Festival, billed as a "Christmas Wonderland with marvellous wintery surprises" opened on Saturday and was due to run until just before midnight on Sunday.
> 
> People who had visited the festival in Raven Meadows on Saturday took to social media to express their disappointment, complaining of a lack of food, no atmosphere and a lack of both decorations and attractions.
> 
> Becky Jones said the event was "absolutely diabolical".


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Jan 10, 2019)

Apology and refund offered by Neeld after 'terrible' pantomime



> The panto was produced by professional company Oooh Arrr Productions, based in Malmesbury, and ran for three performances in Chippenham between December 27 and 29, with standard tickets costing £7....
> 
> "It was at awful. There were only three people, no scenery, they couldn't sing or dance. At one point they were talking to voices in the wings as they ran out of people."


----------



## wiskey (Jan 10, 2019)

> Peter Rose, however, commented: "I don’t want a refund - just return my magic beans."


----------



## T & P (Jan 10, 2019)

Damn it, was coming to post that story...


----------



## andysays (Jan 10, 2019)

T & P said:


> Damn it, was coming to post that story...


Me too


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jan 10, 2019)

I bet it was so bad it was great.


----------



## wiskey (Jan 13, 2019)

This doesn't quite meet the criteria for the thread but is completely bonkers 



> An event in which members of the public could ice-skate alongside penguins has been cancelled following a backlash by animal rights campaigners.



London ice rink cancels 'skate with penguins’ event following backlash


----------



## Pickman's model (Jan 13, 2019)

wiskey said:


> This doesn't quite meet the criteria for the thread but is completely bonkers
> 
> 
> 
> London ice rink cancels 'skate with penguins’ event following backlash


it meets all the criteria of the thread


----------



## marty21 (Jan 13, 2019)

Refunds after 'spectacularly bad' panto

Punters complain about crap panto !


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Jan 13, 2019)

marty21 said:


> Refunds after 'spectacularly bad' panto
> 
> Punters complain about crap panto !



It's behind you! (On the page before this one)


----------



## Supine (Jan 13, 2019)

andysays said:


> Me too



Me three


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jan 18, 2019)

Something to look out for on Netflix...

Inside the world's biggest festival flop


> Advertised by famous faces including Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid and Hailey Baldwin, it was billed as a glamorous party on a deserted island.
> 
> Tickets cost up to $100,000 (£75,000) and guests who booked were promised luxury accommodation and "the best in food, art, music and adventure" in the Bahamas.
> 
> Instead they turned up to mattresses on rain-soaked floors, meals of cheese slices on bread and their luggage thrown into a unlit car park.


----------



## T & P (Jan 18, 2019)

skyscraper101 said:


> Something to look out for on Netflix...
> 
> Inside the world's biggest festival flop



I was just reading that BBC article. It sounds a fascinating story, and a scam that the promoters of the original Lapland New Forest would be proud of. Probably more meritable, given the target audience that got shafted here


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Jan 18, 2019)

T & P said:


> I was just reading that BBC article. It sounds a fascinating story, and a scam that the promoters of the original Lapland New Forest would be proud of. Probably more meritable, given the target audience that got shafted here



Come come now T & P, one may almost think from your tone that you don't fully worship 'Influencers''.


----------



## Ground Elder (Feb 16, 2019)

*‘It was like Fyre Festival’ - hundreds of families demand refund over Fortnite festival flop*




> young sullen fans of the video game phenomenon Fortnite were so unimpressed with the event they resorted to playing with sticks in a field


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Feb 16, 2019)

Ground Elder said:


> *‘It was like Fyre Festival’ - hundreds of families demand refund over Fortnite festival flop*


I've just been reading about this!!


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Feb 16, 2019)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Come come now T & P, one may almost think from your tone that you don't fully worship 'Influencers''.


We watched the Netflix documentary last week and Mr. QofG's got quite, well very, annoyed by the "influencers"


----------



## equationgirl (Feb 17, 2019)

My eldest nephew is currently aiming to be an influencer. I am hoping he grows out of this aspiration.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Feb 17, 2019)

Ground Elder said:


> *‘It was like Fyre Festival’ - hundreds of families demand refund over Fortnite festival flop*



"...so unimpressed with the event they resorted to playing with sticks in a field."

And, what's wrong with playing with sticks in a field? It's what was outdoor entertainment back in the day!

But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.


----------



## Voley (Feb 17, 2019)

The organisers should claim that was the point. "We got your child off their phone/console for an afternoon. That'll be 40 quid. The queue to pay is over there."


----------



## Voley (Feb 17, 2019)

"Stick rental is ten pounds."


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Feb 17, 2019)

Voley said:


> "Stick rental is ten pounds."



£18 if you want the silver birch as seen being used by some fookin’ Youtuber...


----------



## BristolEcho (Feb 19, 2019)

BBC News - Fortnite Live Norwich festival to be sued by game creator
Fortnite festival organisers to be sued

Oops.


----------



## Badgers (Feb 19, 2019)

Fortnite festival organisers to be sued




> Justine Petersen, who *queued for 90 minutes* to get in with her husband and her nine-year-old son, said it was "like the episode of Father Ted when the fair comes to Craggy Island".


----------



## cybershot (Apr 11, 2019)

This has some potential to be shit. Already telling you it’s nothing to do with Warner bros and basically telling you they will email everyone who is attending in order to arrange seating plans! Clearly never heard of the bcc field in email. I can see it now. Shoddy food, queues for toilets, lack of bar, an owl in a cage somewhere and relying on everyone else to dress up and provide their own entertainment. £55 for a daytime ticket and £65 for the evening. 

Trying to find out the rogue company behind it to see their history but not finding much out (not tried hard though if I’m honest)

The Wizard's Brunch and Dinner |  Birmingham Brunch Reviews | DesignMyNight


----------



## cybershot (Apr 12, 2019)

cybershot said:


> This has some potential to be shit. Already telling you it’s nothing to do with Warner bros and basically telling you they will email everyone who is attending in order to arrange seating plans! Clearly never heard of the bcc field in email. I can see it now. Shoddy food, queues for toilets, lack of bar, an owl in a cage somewhere and relying on everyone else to dress up and provide their own entertainment. £55 for a daytime ticket and £65 for the evening.
> 
> Trying to find out the rogue company behind it to see their history but not finding much out (not tried hard though if I’m honest)
> 
> The Wizard's Brunch and Dinner |  Birmingham Brunch Reviews | DesignMyNight



Looks like I was right, they've already had complaints in Aus:

Harry Potter fans left starving hungry after $235 ‘immersive’ Wizard’s Brunch ‘ran out of food’ | Daily Mail Online

Backlash grows over Harry Potter-inspired ‘dining experience’

‘We had maybe 10 people who had a bad food experience in May’


----------



## moomoo (Apr 12, 2019)

cybershot said:


> Looks like I was right, they've already had complaints in Aus:
> 
> Harry Potter fans left starving hungry after $235 ‘immersive’ Wizard’s Brunch ‘ran out of food’ | Daily Mail Online
> 
> ...




Oh, excellent!


----------



## T & P (Apr 12, 2019)




----------



## moomoo (Jun 4, 2019)

This is marvellous. 

Parents' fury at 'rip-off' £30 children's festival which turned out to be 'wet and filthy' | Daily Mail Online


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jun 4, 2019)

Quality


----------



## wiskey (Jun 4, 2019)

"So in the end we'd paid £30 to walk from the car park and back again with the kids in tears."


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jun 4, 2019)

Good find moomoo 

That foam pit is a bloody classic.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jun 4, 2019)

I'm loving 'barefoot refresh' - bouncy castle walls surrounding a patch of grassy earth. It's like someone won a competition to design the most disappointing attraction ever.


----------



## Badgers (Jun 4, 2019)




----------



## Mr.Bishie (Jun 4, 2019)

wiskey said:


> "So in the end we'd paid £30 to walk from the car park and back again with the kids in tears."


----------



## Epona (Jun 4, 2019)

wiskey said:


> "So in the end we'd paid £30 to walk from the car park and back again with the kids in tears."



Sounds like most of our family days out when I was a kid tbh


----------



## Epona (Jun 4, 2019)

skyscraper101 said:


> Something to look out for on Netflix...
> 
> Inside the world's biggest festival flop





And that sounds like most of my childhood family holidays.  (although without the luxury price tag, if the entire 2 weeks camping fees for one of my childhood holidays cost more than £50 I'd have been surprised)

This thread is just bringing on the nostalgia in various ways


----------



## cyberfairy (Jun 5, 2019)

moomoo said:


> This is marvellous.
> 
> Parents' fury at 'rip-off' £30 children's festival which turned out to be 'wet and filthy' | Daily Mail Online


I just came on to post this- the baby sensory room had me in stitches...Festival refund row organiser 'threatened'


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 5, 2019)

You got me all excited then, but the Xmas season is still three months away!!


----------



## T & P (Jun 5, 2019)

moomoo said:


> This is marvellous.
> 
> Parents' fury at 'rip-off' £30 children's festival which turned out to be 'wet and filthy' | Daily Mail Online


As a non-Brit UK resident, I swear this kind of thing only ever seems to happen in this country


----------



## Mation (Jun 6, 2019)

cyberfairy said:


> I just came on to post this- the baby sensory room had me in stitches...Festival refund row organiser 'threatened'


I can't breathe


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jun 6, 2019)

"The baby sensory room had a live plug socket hanging down at the back of it."


----------



## Teaboy (Jun 6, 2019)

T & P said:


> As a non-Brit UK resident, I swear this kind of thing only ever seems to happen in this country



There is a reason they call it _Great_ Britain. *wipes tear from eye*


----------



## cyberfairy (Jun 6, 2019)

.


----------



## cyberfairy (Jun 6, 2019)

Mation said:


> I can't breathe


That will be the lack of ventilation in the Baby Sensory Room!


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 10, 2019)

Hundreds of frustrated parents hit out at 'Jurassic Park experience' | Daily Mail Online


----------



## andysays (Jun 10, 2019)

Pickman's model said:


> View attachment 173800
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Can hardly expect the full Neill, Dern and Goldbloom cast at a free event, especially in Peterborough


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jun 10, 2019)

That photo is no good if they're going to blur out every disappointed child.


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 10, 2019)

skyscraper101 said:


> That photo is no good if they're going to blur out every disappointed child.


the looks of disappointment are such that every adult in the country would be reduced to tears and it is on that basis that the faces have been expunged.


----------



## circleline (Jun 10, 2019)

skyscraper101 said:


> "The baby sensory room had a live plug socket hanging down at the back of it."




Lol - looks like a luxury crack den..


----------



## T & P (Jun 11, 2019)

Wtf is a baby sensory room meant to be anyway, other than 'a room full of objects of different shapes and colours for a baby to look at or touch'?

Unless there is a new fad now about subjecting babies to preselected light patterns, sounds or smells for some supposed mental or spiritual wellbeing benefits, in which case I have a lot less sympathy for those who were scammed out of £30 to attend the event.


----------



## wiskey (Jul 2, 2019)

> .
> Furious parents are demanding their money back after the organisers of a Unicorn Land UK tour announced that all events have been cancelled.
> 
> Families had paid up to £129 for tickets for their children to meet 'real-life' unicorns at shows arranged around the country over the summer.
> ...


https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/angry-parents-demand-refund-after-16518905


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Jul 2, 2019)

Won't somebody think of the unicorns??


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 2, 2019)

TBF, any twat that spends up to £129 on tickets for such nonsense doesn't actually deserve a refund.

Just shoot them, and stop them breeding.


----------



## Spymaster (Jul 2, 2019)

.


----------



## Spymaster (Jul 2, 2019)

ElizabethofYork said:


> Won't somebody think of the unicorns??


----------



## T & P (Jul 2, 2019)

wiskey said:


> https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/angry-parents-demand-refund-after-16518905


No need to panic or get angry. All those parents need to do is to wish hard for their money to be refunded, and the Fairy Godmother will put it under their pillows while they sleep.


----------



## cybershot (Aug 6, 2019)

Parents slam 'Fyre Festival for toddlers'


----------



## neonwilderness (Aug 6, 2019)

cybershot said:


> Parents slam 'Fyre Festival for toddlers'





> Visitors claimed they were treated like "cash cows" and faced queues "visible from the International Space Station".


----------



## T & P (Aug 6, 2019)

At least the characters' costumes (those shown on the Beeb's article anyway) look decent enough rather than made from cardboard cutouts.

£8 for face painting though...


----------



## pogofish (Aug 6, 2019)

andysays said:


> Can hardly expect the full Neill, Dern and Goldbloom cast at a free event, especially in Peterborough




We could do it in Aberdeen:











And make it  free event..!  

Even had a real dinosaur - Although he did cost money - a lot of money:


----------



## Badgers (Oct 7, 2019)

Any new events announced?


----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 7, 2019)

Badgers said:


> Any new events announced?



This one looks promising:

Winter Wonderland taking place in North Wales town for the first time this year


----------



## moomoo (Oct 7, 2019)

skyscraper101 said:


> This one looks promising:
> 
> Winter Wonderland taking place in North Wales town for the first time this year



Oh, I can’t wait!!


----------



## Teaboy (Oct 7, 2019)

skyscraper101 said:


> This one looks promising:
> 
> Winter Wonderland taking place in North Wales town for the first time this year



Absolutely.  The phrase 'taking place for the 1st time' is very promising.  The established ones do seem to be a bit too slick and lacking in lulz.


----------



## neonwilderness (Oct 7, 2019)

Hopefully they will have some smoking elves


----------



## hipipol (Oct 7, 2019)

Anyone making book on where the best/worst Mudworld/Rageland/ValeofTears will occur this year?
Obviously not definitive, the runners aint all declared yet - historically tho, off the top of my head, Hampshire seems to have the edge on utter shitness....


----------



## UrbaneFox (Oct 7, 2019)

I should have invested in ice rink manufacture and installation.


----------



## dessiato (Oct 8, 2019)

Assuming international entries are permitted, this one looks promising.

New Cambodia themed adventure park set for Valencia * Euro Weekly News Spain


----------



## Ground Elder (Oct 8, 2019)

dessiato said:


> Assuming international entries are permitted, this one looks promising.



We live in hope


----------



## Mation (Oct 8, 2019)

Pickman's model said:


> faces have been expunged.


 

Please, please, someone work that into an office scolding email


----------



## UrbaneFox (Oct 8, 2019)

skyscraper101 said:


> That photo is no good if they're going to blur out every disappointed child.


I don't think the one in the pushchair has been blurred; his parents have simply dressed him in traditional Jurassic ruff and cardboard box.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Oct 9, 2019)

Mutiny as Norwegian Spirit passengers rebel on disaster cruise holiday



> Passengers on a luxury liner staged a mutiny after their cruise turned into "the holiday from hell".
> 
> The 2,000 tourists on the Norwegian Spirit paid up to $10000 each for a once-in-a-lifetime "mystical fjords" tour, with excursions in France, Amsterdam, Norway and Iceland.
> But passengers described the two-week cruise as "the worst trip ever" after the ship – which set off from Southampton on September 27 – failed to dock in Le Havre or Amsterdam, apparently because of high winds.





> They were taken to Norway but the ship berthed in a "deserted" town which was closed to tourists, with the famous fjords viewable only from a distance. A stop in Reykjavik was cancelled and replaced with a trip to Greenock, near Glasgow – but the 275m-long ship was refused permission to dock there on Monday morning, and the captain decided to head to Belfast instead.


----------



## Teaboy (Oct 9, 2019)

What a shambles.  You'd like to think that these cruise companies have incidence of bad weather built into their business models and an understanding of when they should and shouldn't sail.  Mind you the description of a deserted town in Norway closed to tourists could describe 98% of Norwegian towns and cities this time of year.


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 9, 2019)

Ale festival organiser says 'it’s not meant to be a piss up' after beer runs out


----------



## cupid_stunt (Oct 9, 2019)

Not meant to be a piss-up, what planet are they on?


----------



## andysays (Oct 9, 2019)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Mutiny as Norwegian Spirit passengers rebel on disaster cruise holiday


Details of the "mutiny" are a bit disappointing, no mention of the captain being set adrift in an open boat or any of the other generally accepted practices


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Oct 9, 2019)

andysays said:


> Details of the "mutiny" are a bit disappointing, no mention of the captain being set adrift in an open boat or any of the other generally accepted practices




They have _tweeted_ !


----------



## cupid_stunt (Oct 9, 2019)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> They have _tweeted_ !



The Revolution Will Not Be Televised Be Tweeted!


----------



## pinkmonkey (Oct 21, 2019)

Have we done the ‘Diner En Blanc’ fiasco? Guests left in ‘boggy field’ after chic picnic descends into chaos

Paris: The original exclusive event. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





London: A tent and a queue.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Oct 21, 2019)

pinkmonkey said:


> Have we done the ‘Diner En Blanc’ fiasco? Guests left in ‘boggy field’ after chic picnic descends into chaos





> Once inside, she said guests, who paid £25 for entry, faced “chaos” as they waited for up to two hours to collect pre-ordered champagne, wine and hampers which cost up to £99 per person.



£99 per person?  

There're mugs, and then there're complete twats, in this case they are both!


----------



## cupid_stunt (Oct 21, 2019)

LOL at the food provided to guests...

 

Was Pontins doing the catering?


----------



## neonwilderness (Oct 21, 2019)

> It was three and a half hours of standing around and getting to the location (which I paid £25 for ‘bus or boat’ and then simply rode the local bus); our £45 hamper took an hour+ to get, was scrappy at best and missing almost all the items in the description, including a bottle of wine; the tables were rammed in so we spent all night getting up and down to let people by; it was in a marquee in a local park and not at all the experience I see online.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 21, 2019)

Why would they organise something like this anyway in late October in London? chances of mild weather were slim to say the least.


----------



## pinkmonkey (Oct 21, 2019)

neonwilderness said:


>


The mythical boat from Sloane Square


----------



## pogofish (Oct 26, 2019)

Would you actually believe it - Edinburgh’s Christmas market doesn’t have planning permission:

Organisers of Edinburgh's Christmas Market 'should have applied for planning permission'

Even better, it is apparently going to be there for so long that it needs to be considered as a “development”, not a temporary event...!


----------



## Badgers (Oct 26, 2019)

pogofish said:


> Would you actually believe it - Edinburgh’s Christmas market doesn’t have planning permission:
> 
> Organisers of Edinburgh's Christmas Market 'should have applied for planning permission'
> 
> Even better, it is apparently going to be there for so long that it needs to be considered as a “development”, not a temporary event...!


Clowns. Sounds like it will be signed off though.


----------



## Badgers (Oct 26, 2019)

When this thread is bumped I get almost giddy with anticipation. More than any other thread or anything in my nothing life on urban :F


----------



## Supine (Oct 26, 2019)

Smoking elf season is almost here


----------



## Badgers (Oct 26, 2019)

Supine said:


> Smoking elf season is almost here


The. Most. Wonderful. Time.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Oct 26, 2019)

Badgers said:


> When this thread is bumped I get almost giddy with anticipation. More than any other thread or anything in my nothing life on urban :F



Yeah, it even tops the Pontins thread, just.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2019)

Badgers


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 13, 2019)

They have a bigger tree in one of my local pubs.


----------



## Badgers (Nov 13, 2019)




----------



## Teaboy (Nov 13, 2019)

Some local cat is going to pull that down.


----------



## pogofish (Nov 14, 2019)

*A "scabby" Christmas tree in Dundee's City Square has been replaced a day after it was put up.
*
Christmas tree replaced after falling apart in 24 hours



> Kelly Miller, who spotted the tree when out with her toddler, said at first she didn't realise it was a Christmas tree.
> 
> She said: "It was really scabby.
> 
> "I told my two-year-old that wasn't a proper Christmas tree.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 14, 2019)

pogofish said:


> *A "scabby" Christmas tree in Dundee's City Square has been replaced a day after it was put up.
> *
> Christmas tree replaced after falling apart in 24 hours









One for the Shitmas Tree thread once the Winterval forum opens


----------



## moomoo (Nov 14, 2019)

pogofish said:


> *A "scabby" Christmas tree in Dundee's City Square has been replaced a day after it was put up.
> *
> Christmas tree replaced after falling apart in 24 hours



Oh, I’m so happy!! That’s wonderful!!


----------



## T & P (Nov 14, 2019)

The Christmas festive misery starts earlier and earlier every year doesn't it...


----------



## pogofish (Nov 14, 2019)

I am sitting, surrounded by shiny stuff/twinkling LEDs, between a big brightly lit red star that wouldn’t look out of place on top of a major piece of Soviet infrastructure and a sparkly/illuminated cutesy prancing deer - sorta Disney style!

Oh fuck - and the second “Christmas village” opens tomorrow. A good fortnight after the first!

still, Santa’s grotto is just down the way and although it’s not open yet, it looks to have all the potential to greatly disappoint.


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 19, 2019)

With the disappointing absence of any UK Christmas joylessness, we'll have to make do with this from Canada.

*



			'Shockingly bad' Montreal wizard-themed event has magic fans wanting their money back
		
Click to expand...

*


> The organizers had promised a visit to "cobblestone alley to pick your wand (have it choose you)," but the reality was a table with take-out chopsticks still in their paper sleeves that guests could decorate with glitter.
> 
> Advertised "wizard-themed treats" turned out to be room-temperature pasta and desserts
> *
> ...


* *


----------



## Badgers (Nov 19, 2019)

Cobblestone Alley sounds magical 

Where did the organisers come up with these amazing ideas?


----------



## T & P (Nov 19, 2019)

Ground Elder said:


> With the disappointing absence of any UK Christmas joylessness, we'll have to make do with this from Canada.
> 
> * *


Brilliant. I see that someone in Canada is clearly a University of New Forest graduate


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 19, 2019)

LOL Events


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 19, 2019)

> Advertised "wizard-themed treats" turned out to be room-temperature pasta and desserts that can be found in the aisle of any grocery store.


Muggle-themed treats


----------



## wiskey (Nov 19, 2019)

I will admit that when the words Grundy Winter Wonderland were uttered on the Archers earlier I thought immediately of this thread.


----------



## a_chap (Nov 19, 2019)

wiskey said:


> I will admit that when the words Grundy Winter Wonderland were uttered on the Archers earlier I thought immediately of this thread.



-cough-

It's "Grundy World of Christmas" if you please.


----------



## wiskey (Nov 19, 2019)

a_chap said:


> -cough-
> 
> It's "Grundy World of Christmas" if you please.



Lol, as I was typing it I started doubting myself but I thought listening to it again for clarity was going a bit far really. I'm glad you were paying more attention.


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 19, 2019)

First time I'd listened for ages, but now I'm hoping for a classic Grundy Christmas of yore


----------



## Voley (Nov 23, 2019)

''Absolutely disgusting.''

''Ought to be ashamed of themselves.''

Spoiler: They've done nothing wrong at all.

Mum calls Santa Sleigh volunteers 'disgusting' after missing street out


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 23, 2019)

Is has started   

Badgers


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 23, 2019)

> She posted: "Only covering one half of Hessle again I see, it's absolutely disgusting how half the children in Hessle miss out. The people who organise this ought to be ashamed of themselves."



Just take a walk to the nearest street they are covering, what a fuckwit.


----------



## Voley (Nov 23, 2019)

I like the new twist on this one. Provide a free, genuinely good Xmas event and still get slated for it.

Next level stuff.


----------



## Badgers (Nov 23, 2019)

Voley said:


> I like the new twist on this one. Provide a free, genuinely good Xmas event and still get slated for it.
> 
> Next level stuff.


The GREAT British public


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 23, 2019)

Badgers said:


> The GREAT British public fuckwits,



C4Y


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 23, 2019)

Badgers said:


> The GREAT British public


The organisers should be ashamed of themselves


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2019)

https://www.raintonarena.co.uk/winter-wonderland

I'll be keep an eye on the local news/facebook pages when this opens next week. Apparently the place has just been taken over by new owners, so plenty of potential for disaster


----------



## UrbaneFox (Nov 24, 2019)

https://www.raintonarena.co.uk/places-to-stay

Thanks for the tip. I'm going up there and will stay here, first having a cup of copyrighted coffee and a signature steak, probably whilst gazing through the stained glass dappled etc


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2019)

UrbaneFox said:


> https://www.raintonarena.co.uk/places-to-stay
> 
> Thanks for the tip. I'm going up there and will stay here, first having a cup of copyrighted coffee and a signature steak, probably whilst gazing through the stained glass dappled etc


That is in Durham City Centre and nowhere near the venue


----------



## UrbaneFox (Nov 24, 2019)




----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 25, 2019)

Fury as Black Country Christmas lights switch-on ends in chaos


----------



## Badgers (Nov 25, 2019)




----------



## T & P (Nov 25, 2019)

That’s more like it!


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 27, 2019)

*Mayor told children Santa was too busy to bring presents leaving them in tears*



> Our little girl turned and said, ‘Is that true Mummy?’


----------



## Voley (Nov 27, 2019)

neonwilderness said:


> Fury as Black Country Christmas lights switch-on ends in chaos



"Your actually breaking health and safety tonight."

Strong words.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 27, 2019)

Voley said:


> "Your actually breaking health and safety tonight."
> 
> Strong words.


Utter disgrace of a event


----------



## Voley (Nov 27, 2019)

I actually thought I was going to die just reading about it. They actually broke health and safety.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 27, 2019)

Voley said:


> I actually thought I was going to die just reading about it. They actually broke health and safety.


And you won a real goldfish


----------



## Proper Tidy (Nov 27, 2019)

Disappointed nobody has worked in an elf n safety joke yet


----------



## hipipol (Nov 27, 2019)

Ground Elder said:


> *Mayor told children Santa was too busy to bring presents leaving them in tears*


Imagine if she'd bust the bubble on the tooth fairy while she was at it....


----------



## UrbaneFox (Nov 27, 2019)

Ground Elder said:


> *Mayor told children Santa was too busy to bring presents leaving them in tears*


The first festive sighting of kiddies in tears.


----------



## Mation (Nov 28, 2019)

Ground Elder said:


> *Mayor told children Santa was too busy to bring presents leaving them in tears*


"You were only supposed to lead the bloody countdown!"


----------



## Badgers (Nov 28, 2019)

Derby's 'dystopian' Christmas decorations ridiculed


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 28, 2019)

Badgers said:


> Derby's 'dystopian' Christmas decorations ridiculed



I am not surprised! 

 



> A display of four illuminated Christmas presents has been ridiculed online and described as an embarrassing waste of money.
> 
> Derby City Council spent £112,000 on the replacement for the ice skating rink it had in previous years.



That crap instead of an ice rink.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 28, 2019)

£112k??

Fuck me.


----------



## BigTom (Nov 28, 2019)

skyscraper101 said:


> £112k??
> 
> Fuck me.



£112k purchase - £80k for the structures, £32k to programme the lights and for installation, removal and storage for future years. Still expensive but not as expensive at it might first seem. I'd guess it'll cost them 5-10k in future years for installation, removal and storage, and the truss used for the structure could be used elsewhere and holds its value fairly well so can be sold on at a future date if wanted.
The artists impression looks a damn sight nicer than the reality though and I can see why it looked attractive:






I mean I'd keep the ice rink but it's not as big of a screw up as it seemed at first sight.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 28, 2019)

BigTom said:


> £112k purchase - £80k for the structures, £32k to programme the lights and for installation, removal and storage for future years. Still expensive but not as expensive at it might first seem. I'd guess it'll cost them 5-10k in future years for installation, removal and storage, and the truss used for the structure could be used elsewhere and holds its value fairly well so can be sold on at a future date if wanted.
> The artists impression looks a damn sight nicer than the reality though and I can see why it looked attractive:
> 
> 
> ...


they look like they're made out of fruit pastilles in your picture


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 28, 2019)

skyscraper101 said:


> £112k??
> 
> Fuck me.


yeh someone's done very nicely out of this


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Nov 28, 2019)

As usual, it's the crowd barriers that really set them off.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 28, 2019)

Mrs Miggins said:


> As usual, it's the crowd barriers that really set them off.



A dog cocking its leg for a piss on one would make an excellent picture for this year's Downing St Xmas card.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Nov 28, 2019)

It's a bit unfair that picture as well. All christmas decorations look shit in the daylight on a grey, rainy day.


----------



## Yossarian (Nov 28, 2019)

'Dystopian' is right - it looks like it could be a scene from of "A Clockwork Orange 2: A Clockwork Christmas."


----------



## wiskey (Nov 28, 2019)

I was wondering if anyone here has actually ever been to see Christmas lights turned on?


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Nov 28, 2019)

wiskey said:


> I was wondering if anyone here has actually ever been to see Christmas lights turned on?


Yes!!
Many years ago when I first moved to London, I went to Blackheath to see the christmas lights being turned on.
There was going to be a mystery celebrity to flip the switch!
The mood of the crowd was electrified with anticipation....."who will it be???!" we all wondered as one.
It was Mr Blobby.


----------



## Voley (Nov 28, 2019)

'Dystopian.' Best Xmas decoration description ever.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 28, 2019)

wiskey said:


> I was wondering if anyone here has actually ever been to see Christmas lights turned on?



Yes, but only in my local town, it's a good piss-up...


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 28, 2019)

I'd rather watch the washing machine going round than stand in a crowded street just to watch some lights get switched on.


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Nov 28, 2019)

wiskey said:


> I was wondering if anyone here has actually ever been to see Christmas lights turned on?


Yeah a few times here. Generally done by Basil Brush who is in panto at Windsor (used to be local resident Rolf Harris but uh-hum)

Best though was quite a few years ago in Mitcham.
Geoffrey from Rainbow was switching them on, it was cold, wet there were about 6 of us and a dog watching and when the lights did eventually go on they were shit.
We then went to a pub with a menacing atmosphere to get drunk. Happy days


----------



## The Boy (Nov 28, 2019)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Yes, but only in my local town, it's a good piss-up...
> 
> View attachment 191259



Looks like an elf n safety nightmare.


----------



## wiskey (Nov 28, 2019)

Mrs Miggins said:


> Yes!!





Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Yes, but only in my local town, it's a good piss-up...





QueenOfGoths said:


> Yeah a few times here.



Blimey I'm actually surprised


----------



## skyscraper101 (Nov 28, 2019)

QueenOfGoths said:


> Geoffrey from Rainbow



Legend


----------



## ddraig (Nov 28, 2019)

'Fighting' in Aldi and 'trolleys used as weapons' over Kevin the Carrot toy


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 28, 2019)

ddraig said:


> 'Fighting' in Aldi and 'trolleys used as weapons' over Kevin the Carrot toy



Suddenly I am convinced that euthanasia is a good idea.


----------



## pinkmonkey (Nov 28, 2019)

Pickman's model said:


> they look like they're made out of fruit pastilles in your picture


In a tropical paradise. I.e. not Derby.


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 28, 2019)

What the fuck is Kevin the Carrot?


----------



## wiskey (Nov 28, 2019)

Well I googled https://www.aldi.co.uk/kevin

I'm still a bit


----------



## UrbaneFox (Nov 29, 2019)

"After the doors opened there were reports of pushing and shoving to get to the front for the £3.99 stuffed carrot - *followed by customers helping those stuck outside the shop."*


Ah, the true spirit of Christmas


----------



## Ground Elder (Nov 29, 2019)

UrbaneFox said:


> Ah, the true spirit of Christmas


 The true spirit of Christmas has no business being on this thread


----------



## a_chap (Nov 29, 2019)

Got our first Christmas card today


----------



## 8ball (Nov 29, 2019)

a_chap said:


> Got our first Christmas card today



Send the bloody idiots an Easter card back.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Nov 29, 2019)

I got one nearly a fortnight ago from my super-organised mad cousin.


----------



## T & P (Dec 5, 2019)

I've posted this in the Shit Xmas Trees thread, but as that has been moved to the Xmas forum I thought it merited a repost here.

Is nothing sacred anymore??? 

*Trafalgar Square Christmas tree: 'Sparse' spruce ridiculed*







'Most famous Christmas tree' needled by critics


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Dec 5, 2019)

T & P said:


> I've posted this in the Shit Xmas Trees thread, but as that has been moved to the Xmas forum I thought it merited a repost here.
> 
> Is nothing sacred anymore???
> 
> ...



It's been going downhill for years, ever since they started putting the lights on in straight vertical rows. When I were a lad they were random coloured bulbs, but now look at how they light the poxy thing:


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 5, 2019)

Mrs Miggins said:


> I got one nearly a fortnight ago from my super-organised mad cousin.


if your cousin was super-organised it would arrive around december 20


----------



## wiskey (Dec 5, 2019)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> It's been going downhill for years, ever since they started putting the lights on in straight vertical rows. When I were a lad they were random coloured bulbs, but now look at how they light the poxy thing:
> 
> View attachment 191976


That's so very wrong


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 5, 2019)

People explain exactly why they can't stand Bath Christmas Market



> “I’d rather undergo root canal surgery on the M4 with no anaesthetic.





> Walking around Bath during the Christmas market is like traipsing through a blizzard surrounded by hordes of polar bears trying to set your legs on fire.





> What Sartre omitted to mention is that Hell is other people RAMMED ONTO BATH STATION AFTER THE SODDING CHRISTMAS MARKETI live and work in Bath 52 weeks of the year, why should my I have to suffer this abomination of the Christmas market? I earn little more than min wage, having travel disrupted like crazy. Sick and tired of it, two days in, please make it go away





> If no one sees me over Christmas it’s because I got stuck walking behind slow people at Bath Christmas market and died





> I went Saturday dunno what all the fuss is about I thought it was rubbish tbh





> All that hassle to look at a load of sheds with overpriced crap in them, that is exactly the same as last year





> This should be stopped. It’s out of hand





> My other half asked me what Bath Christmas market was like. I immediately slammed my back against the wall and shuffled sideways slowly towards the door with a look of panic on my face and she thinks I'm exaggerating


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 5, 2019)

Christmas, and indeed that Bath Christmas market, are not 'paid for entry' shit storms. 

I want proper drama!


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 5, 2019)

cupid_stunt said:


> Christmas, and indeed that Bath Christmas market, are not 'paid for entry' shit storms.
> 
> I want proper drama!


You need to pace yourself. We still have three weekends for peak Winterval rage


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 5, 2019)

neonwilderness said:


> You need to pace yourself. We still have three weekends for peak Winterval rage



Hopefully we will also get some Xmas outrage for the Pontins thread too.


----------



## moonsi til (Dec 7, 2019)

I see there is some outrage at Kelvingrove in Glasgow for a ‘Elfingrove’ night event.

Think first night was last night.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 7, 2019)

moonsi til said:


> I see there is some outrage at Kelvingrove in Glasgow for a ‘Elfingrove’ night event.
> 
> Think first night was last night.


Elfingrove to 'make tweaks' after criticism from customers on opening night

The more 'slating' headlines seem to be in the S*n which we don't need to see here.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 7, 2019)

> I went with a friend and my two kids all they kept saying was mum when we going home this is boring.





> Worst Christmas event I have ever been to in my life!


Excellent work moonsi til


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 7, 2019)

Elfingrove makes 'urgent changes' after stinging criticism



> All we saw were a few silly decorative pieces (the red nose on the Prehistoric Elk model for example) and a ton of ceiling projectors and a few people acting as elves trying to do their best.





> Got to be one of the most disappointing things we've ever been to.... nothing Christmassy about it.... a few elves that barely interact with the kids.... and a couple of people dressed up as dinosaurs.... how they can call it Elfingrove is beyond me... just a museum in the dark.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 7, 2019)

That's more like it.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 7, 2019)




----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 7, 2019)




----------



## Mr.Bishie (Dec 7, 2019)




----------



## pogofish (Dec 7, 2019)

neonwilderness said:


> Elfingrove makes 'urgent changes' after stinging criticism



I saw an advert for that last week and almost posted it up - But I thought, Kelvingrove couldn't be that stupid, could they..?


----------



## moomoo (Dec 9, 2019)

Horrifying moment vicious BRAWL breaks out at Winter Wonderland event


Horrifying moment vicious BRAWL breaks out at Winter Wonderland event in front of shocked families  | Daily Mail Online


----------



## marty21 (Dec 9, 2019)

neonwilderness said:


> People explain exactly why they can't stand Bath Christmas Market


It isn't popular with my family tbf


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 9, 2019)

I've never been to a Christmas market that wasn't full of overpriced tat I wouldn't even buy as a secret santa gift for someone I hated.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 9, 2019)

And that Hyde Park Winter Wonderland is fucking awful. I'm sure the "brawl" was the absolute highlight of the evening for most people.


----------



## marty21 (Dec 9, 2019)

moomoo said:


> Horrifying moment vicious BRAWL breaks out at Winter Wonderland event
> 
> 
> Horrifying moment vicious BRAWL breaks out at Winter Wonderland event in front of shocked families  | Daily Mail Online


Wonderful, i feel proper Christmassy now .


----------



## Chilli.s (Dec 9, 2019)

neonwilderness said:


> People explain exactly why they can't stand Bath Christmas Market


I've a true story about Bath Christmas Market. Someone I know, designer/maker with an independant shop of their own wanted to do a stall.They are resident in bath so pay council tax. The process for getting a stall involves submitting 3 items (returnable) in the christmas wrapping that they would be sold in, this was duly done. When the letter of rejection was received weeks later with the returned products 2 of 3 had been opened to inspect, 1 untouched so not even looked at. And 1 eaten and the wrapper returned. No payment offered.
This confirmed my suspicions that It's a poorly run event put on by a bunch of amateurs with a high probability of corruption.

Local shopkeepers make a high percentage of their turnover in the few weeks before xmas so the short sighted council fucks them and the high street up every year by diluting that business with a load of blow ins that only trade for a couple of weeks.


----------



## Poi E (Dec 9, 2019)

Chilli.s said:


> This confirmed my suspicions that It's a poorly run event put on by a bunch of amateurs with a high probability of corruption.



Sort of like the UK in miniature, then.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 9, 2019)

Poi E said:


> Sort of like the UK in miniature, then.


Absolutely


----------



## Supine (Dec 10, 2019)

Just seen a Fb video of security at Cardiff winter wonderland kicking some youth after tackling them to the ground


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 10, 2019)

Shocking video shows Winter Wonderland security guard 'kick teenage boy in head'


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 10, 2019)

neonwilderness said:


> Shocking video shows Winter Wonderland security guard 'kick teenage boy in head'



That's shocking.


----------



## T & P (Dec 10, 2019)

On a lighter note...







Baby Jesus stolen from charity nativity scene

Image of angry parent with not-really-that-dissapointed child: check









And for those about to complain this display was for charity and it's not on, the story has a HAPPY ENDING


----------



## editor (Dec 10, 2019)

neonwilderness said:


> Shocking video shows Winter Wonderland security guard 'kick teenage boy in head'


Fucking wankers.


----------



## editor (Dec 10, 2019)

T & P said:


> On a lighter note...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It's a MIRACLE! #faithrestored #blesstheplasticjesus


----------



## Badgers (Dec 10, 2019)




----------



## moomoo (Dec 10, 2019)

T & P said:


> On a lighter note...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Baby Jesus never arrives in the nativity until Christmas Day. On account that he wasn’t born until then.


----------



## ddraig (Dec 10, 2019)

Christmas sweater with Santa and cocaine forces Walmart to apologize - CNN


----------



## T & P (Dec 10, 2019)

ddraig said:


> Christmas sweater with Santa and cocaine forces Walmart to apologize - CNN


I’d say ‘Want!’ but the drawing is a bit shit. Hopefully a better artist will produce a better version.


----------



## Mation (Dec 10, 2019)

T & P said:


> On a lighter note...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ah, see, I was all worried about a nativity scene outside a church last week. Everything there but the baby Jesus.

But I was told it's traditional not to add little J. Henry Christ until the 25th, as he wasn't born till then. Realism is paramount.

(I was brought up [a bit] Catholic, so this shouldn't be news to me, but is.)


----------



## T & P (Dec 11, 2019)

Mation said:


> Ah, see, I was all worried about a nativity scene outside a church last week. Everything there but the baby Jesus.
> 
> But I was told it's traditional not to add little J. Henry Christ until the 25th, as he wasn't born till then. Realism is paramount.
> 
> (I was brought up [a bit] Catholic, so this shouldn't be news to me, but is.)


 Don’t know about public nativity displays, but I’m from Spain where every other fucker puts a nativity display at home, and no-one I know ever waited until Xmas Day to put it up or hid the baby Jesus figure until then. 

In fact after thinking about it I can recall  seeing countless public nativity displays over the years and I’m certain they were on display before the 25th. The only deference to any timeline is to ensure the three wise men are always placed at the far end of the display, to signify the fact that they won’t get there until the 6th of January.


----------



## Mation (Dec 11, 2019)

T & P said:


> Don’t know about public nativity displays, but I’m from Spain where every other fucker puts a nativity display at home, and no-one I know ever waited until Xmas Day to put it up or hid the baby Jesus figure until then.
> 
> In fact after thinking about it I can recall  seeing countless public nativity displays over the years and I’m certain they were on display before the 25th. The only deference to any timeline is to ensure the three wise men are always placed at the far end of the display, to signify the fact that they won’t get there until the 6th of January.


*shakes head sadly*

See you there


----------



## two sheds (Dec 11, 2019)

Shouldn't Mary be shown with a bump before christmas then?


----------



## T & P (Dec 11, 2019)

Mation said:


> *shakes head sadly*
> 
> See you there


Oh, my fate was sealed long ago for plenty of other reasons


----------



## T & P (Dec 11, 2019)

two sheds said:


> Shouldn't Mary be shown with a bump before christmas then?


Joseph's facial expression should certainly be far away from happy. A mixture of anger, suspicion and incredulity would be far more realistic.


----------



## krtek a houby (Dec 11, 2019)

T & P said:


> I’d say ‘Want!’ but the drawing is a bit shit. Hopefully a better artist will produce a better version.



The eyes have it, though


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Dec 11, 2019)

krtek a houby said:


> The eyes have it, though



Unlock!


----------



## pogofish (Dec 15, 2019)

Oh dear:






Expect wonder, enchantment and a spectacle of colour this festive season as Edinburgh Castle, the defender of the nation, becomes the ‘Castle of Light’.
Follow in the footsteps of Scotland’s heroes and be welcomed by stunning visuals and state of the art lighting installations. Watch as the history of this iconic landmark illuminates the very walls that saw it unfold. A magical experience for all of the family - prepare to be dazzled!

Castle of Light | Lead Public Body for Scotland's Historic Environment

£20 - £68 for individual; and various size family tickets.


However, the hot poop from the first night performance is:



> *The Castle of Light is truly underwhelming. Poorly organised and conceived, primitive child-like graphics and an insult to this wonderful historic landmark.
> 
> Best bit is looking over the ramparts at the glorious sparkling city beneath and the mulled wine was good! But overall - very poor and not worth the money.*.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 15, 2019)

Have they learned nothing from this thread?

And the SNP wants to go it alone?


----------



## T & P (Dec 17, 2019)

Reminds me of the infamous 'River of Fire' fireworks spectacular we were promised during the Millennium NYE celebrations, which didn't quite turn out to be so spectacular.


----------



## Combustible (Dec 18, 2019)

two sheds said:


> Shouldn't Mary be shown with a bump before christmas then?


Santa taking coke was bad enough!


----------



## jimbarkanoodle (Dec 18, 2019)

neonwilderness said:


> Shocking video shows Winter Wonderland security guard 'kick teenage boy in head'



I dont suppose its the same security mob from Boomtown.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 23, 2019)

Been a bit quiet this year


----------



## Pickman's model (Feb 24, 2020)

not a winter festival but similar - from today's mail









						Brit family book 'luxury villa' only to arrive at 'building site'
					

The Russell-Illingworth family, from North Yorkshire, booked their vacation for January. They said when they arrived, the building appeared to be in the middle of a huge renovation.




					www.dailymail.co.uk


----------



## UrbaneFox (Feb 25, 2020)

Pickman's, are you Lord Frederick 23?


----------



## T & P (Jun 6, 2020)

The current situation just got me thinking how Covid might affect our annual schadenfreudean tradition. At first I thought Coronavirus will deprive us of any new Laplands this year. But now I reckon it might turn out to be a great source of new material. For instance, angry parents with Disappointed Children Left in Tears™ at not being allowed to sit on Santa's lap, but having to shout at him what they want for Chirstmas from 2m away.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Sep 2, 2020)

Coronavirus: London's Winter Wonderland event cancelled
					

Organisers hope the event in London's Hyde Park will return in November 2021.



					www.bbc.co.uk
				




Hope this isn't setting a trend


----------



## Lord Camomile (Sep 2, 2020)

This thread is bumped earlier and earlier every year


----------



## skyscraper101 (Sep 2, 2020)

I mean, Winter Wonderland is shite though isn't it. But not _good_ _shite_ with a promise of laplandesque snow kingdoms which actually turn out to be some drab warehouse with a bouncy castle and a broken ice rink. Just a a well organised yet overpriced fairground.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2020)

Two words:

Pontins. Grotto.


----------



## Badgers (Sep 2, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> Two words:
> 
> Pontins. Grotto.


Underrated post ^ 



			https://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/lapland-new-forest.199177/#post-7056756
		


Underrated post ^


----------



## Badgers (Sep 2, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> Two words:
> 
> Pontins. Grotto.


Am tempted to contact Pontin's with a rough proposal


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2020)

Badgers said:


> Am tempted to contact Pontin's with a rough proposal


Isn't that their budget Engagement Weekend package?


----------



## Combustible (Sep 2, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> Two words:
> 
> Pontins. Grotto.



The word is grotty


----------



## Ground Elder (Sep 2, 2020)

I think there's a lot of potential this year - large well organised events cancelled and a load of Showmen in need of quick cash after a lost season. I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas


----------



## T & P (Sep 2, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> Two words:
> 
> Pontins. Grotto.


Gosh... I’d bet on Pontins’ hired Santa making Billy Bob Thornton’s character in Bad Santa look good...


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 3, 2020)

T & P said:


> The current situation just got me thinking how Covid might affect our annual schadenfreudean tradition. At first I thought Coronavirus will deprive us of any new Laplands this year. But now I reckon it might turn out to be a great source of new material. For instance, angry parents with Disappointed Children Left in Tears™ at not being allowed to sit on Santa's lap, but having to shout at him what they want for Chirstmas from 2m away.



Shouting is particularly risky behaviour because of increased particle transmission. More on-brand for 2020 would be to do it via Zoom.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Sep 3, 2020)

Covid-19 could ruin this thread.


----------



## Badgers (Sep 3, 2020)

UrbaneFox said:


> Covid-19 could ruin this thread.


The worst thing about the whole pandemic


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2020)

UrbaneFox said:


> Covid-19 could ruin this thread.


In the same way the ricin industry tanked thanks to those carpetbagging novichok chancers


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 4, 2020)

UrbaneFox said:


> Covid-19 could ruin this thread.





DaveCinzano said:


> In the same way the ricin industry tanked thanks to those carpetbagging novichok chancers



I bet Acme's sales of cherry bombs have gone through the floor since the rise of the Global War On Terror. And they used to be such harmless fun...


----------



## Supine (Sep 4, 2020)

Hey kids, who wants to sit on father Christmases knee this year?


----------



## neonwilderness (Sep 4, 2020)

It looks like there's still plenty of scope for some Christmas fail this year 









						Social Distance Santa & Elf Experience, Various Locations Glasgow | What's On Glasgow
					

This year, major attractions have been cancelled but Christmas has not and Santa is busy and so are his little elves planning a safe socially distanced experience for you and your family! What's On Glasgow - your guide to events in Glasgow!




					www.whatsonglasgow.co.uk
				












						Socially Distanced Christmas Experience - The Party Kingdom
					

Socially Distanced Essex Christmas Grotto. Favourite Xmas Characters with a sprinkle of Party Kingdom Magic! Book now 01245 327787 www.thepartykingdom.co.uk




					thepartykingdom.co.uk
				












						Santa is having Covid-19 training to keep Christmas safe
					

Changes include making grottos across the country socially distanced




					www.somersetlive.co.uk


----------



## Badgers (Sep 4, 2020)

**


----------



## Mation (Sep 4, 2020)

neonwilderness said:


> It looks like there's still plenty of scope for some Christmas fail this year
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I want to make some sort of gag about hand santaiser, but it's very difficult to say.  (Probably why they're wearing gloves instead!  )


----------



## Badgers (Sep 4, 2020)

neonwilderness said:


> It looks like there's still plenty of scope for some Christmas fail this year
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Oh yes oh yes 

'thepartykingdom.co.uk' sounds like a winner 



> Even though this year’s event is very different, it still includes:
> 
> 
> A quality present for each child (and baby ticket)
> ...


----------



## Badgers (Sep 4, 2020)

£7.50 for a 'baby ticket' 

#boom


----------



## neonwilderness (Sep 4, 2020)

Badgers said:


> Oh yes oh yes
> 
> 'thepartykingdom.co.uk' sounds like a winner


Sounds fucking awful


----------



## Ground Elder (Sep 4, 2020)

Mation said:


> I want to make some sort of gag about hand santaiser


 save it for the crackers


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2020)

Badgers said:


> 'thepartykingdom.co.uk' sounds like a winner



100% the repurposing of a lapsed porn site URL


----------



## Badgers (Sep 4, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> 100% the repurposing of a lapsed porn site URL


Probably less child friendly


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2020)

'Festival of Brexit' organisers launch application process
					

The festival’s boss, Martin Green, insists it is not about Brexit but about bringing people together




					www.theguardian.com
				



This festival of Brexit will be the undoubted victor


----------



## two sheds (Sep 9, 2020)

Pickman's model said:


> 'Festival of Brexit' organisers launch application process
> 
> 
> The festival’s boss, Martin Green, insists it is not about Brexit but about bringing people together
> ...





> Using the working title Festival UK * 2022 organisers have opened applications for teams who wish to be commissioned to come up with ideas for the event.



Surely we could come up with some world beating ideas


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2020)

Lord Camomile said:


> This thread is bumped earlier and earlier every year


Easter eggs will be hitting supermarket shelves next week in another sign of the climate emergency affecting festivals


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2020)

two sheds said:


> Surely we could come up with some world beating ideas


Driving Boris Johnson and his foul cabal 'the cabinet' on foot from Newgate to Tyburn where they will be publicly turned into penguin pellets


----------



## two sheds (Sep 9, 2020)

Everyone in the UK with glasses take them off and take a sponsored drive to Durham. All proceeds to the nearest A&I unit to treat the participant.


----------



## pogofish (Sep 10, 2020)

Lord Camomile said:


> This thread is bumped earlier and earlier every year



It is the only acceptable winterval thread to bump...!


----------



## TopCat (Sep 10, 2020)

Which chain will leap forward and embrace the spirit of Christmas in Sept?
I think.. Harvester.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Sep 12, 2020)

The organisers behind FESTEVIL do seem experienced, but I still think it's a potential candidate for horror, and not in the way intended.  



> FestEvil is a Live action horror drive through scare maze based at Rock the Park festival site in Wrexham, north Wales. From the safety of your car drive through a series of scenes from you favourite horror movies and TV shows. Featuring live actors & special effects this event is not for the faint hearted.
> 
> As you drive into the darkness you'll be greeted by twisted creatures and "unexpected scares" in every drivethru scene. We are the UK's first & only immersive, completely contactless drivethru Halloween experience.
> 
> Some scenes are extremely gruesome we recommend ages 16yrs for the attraction. Although any age can attend at the parents discretion. Once your car enters the event you must complete the event in its entirety no matter how scary you cannot leave the event early you must complete every zone.



They don't go into much detail of what people can expect, which could be a lot less than some will be expecting. What about heavy rain & cars sinking into the mud? 









						Horror | Festevil Horror Scare Maze | Wales
					

FESTEVIL Live Action Drive-Thru Horror Scare Maze in Wrexham, Wales, UK. Official Website




					www.festevil.net


----------



## TopCat (Sep 12, 2020)

cupid_stunt said:


> The organisers behind FESTEVIL do seem experienced, but I still think it's a potential candidate for horror, and not in the way intended.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Cars crashing into each other and getting stuck. Scaffolding falling down, screaming children. Great fun. Keep an eye on this one.


----------



## kenny g (Sep 12, 2020)

cupid_stunt said:


> The organisers behind FESTEVIL do seem experienced, but I still think it's a potential candidate for horror, and not in the way intended.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


They mention it is in a field with mats. It could still be a complete washout. It costs 14 squid a car which is not insane. The photos on the booking page look pretty naff but if I were local I can imagine it being worth a spin.


----------



## Mation (Sep 12, 2020)

cupid_stunt said:


> The organisers behind FESTEVIL do seem experienced, but I still think it's a potential candidate for horror, and not in the way intended.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Actual murderers sneaking into the experience and using it as cover


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 21, 2020)

Hopefully the UK version of this story will be suitably more sordid and grim









						How we met: ‘We would snog by the side of the road in our elf costumes’
					

Charlotte, 52 and Calvin Dorion, 51, met while working as Santa’s elves in Australia. They now live together in Victoria on Vancouver Island




					www.theguardian.com


----------



## pogofish (Oct 25, 2020)

It has stared:







						Winter Wonderland Stirling 2020
					






					www.winterwonderlandstirling.co.uk
				




"


----------



## cupid_stunt (Oct 25, 2020)

pogofish said:


> It has stared:
> 
> 
> 
> ...





> In a year when working together is so important - Mr & Mrs Claus felt it necessary to show everyone the magic of Christmas, while following the guidelines and keeping everyone safe and sound, in the comfort of their own vehicles!


----------



## two sheds (Oct 25, 2020)

Mr & Mrs Claus - when did that happen??


----------



## Ground Elder (Oct 27, 2020)

Some more on Winter Wonderland


----------



## Badgers (Oct 27, 2020)

Ground Elder said:


> Some more on Winter Wonderland


Any comment from the Mears?


----------



## cupid_stunt (Oct 27, 2020)

Ground Elder said:


> Some more on Winter Wonderland





> *Police have launched an investigation into a Christmas event following complaints that it’s a “scam”.*
> 
> Irate customers have taken to social media, claiming they have been swindled by Winter Wonderland Stirling.
> 
> ...



Oh dear.


----------



## Supine (Oct 27, 2020)

A strong start to the season


----------



## wiskey (Oct 27, 2020)

I had a vague thought I might book to go to something festive - some of the notional trust things have pretty lights in the gardens or Longleat has its winter light festival .... Minimum of £70-£118 without extras for the 5 of us


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 14, 2020)

Apparently today is the anniversary of Mr Blobby's first appearance on Noel's House Party (1992). Came across this and this felt like the best thread for it.



We're 8 months into a pandemic, don't pretend you have anything better to do with your Saturday evening


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 14, 2020)

I made a lot of money out of Crinkley Bottom, earning around £600 pw for under 30 hours pw, equal to £1,000+ today according to the B of E inflation calculator, no wonder I felt rich at the time.  



cupid_stunt said:


> Yep, I worked for the family on developing the door-step delivery services for Cricket St Thomas Dairy, back when most people still had milk delivered, basically taking market-share from Express Dairy. It was easy, as it was locally produced milk, only pasteurised once, 2p a pint cheaper, and if people had 7 pints a week they would get a free family pass to the Cricket St Thomas Wildlife Park, where Crinkley Bottom had just opened.
> 
> My team were too successful, we were poaching a round a week, around 600 customers, from Express, that in the end Express sold their local depots to Cricket & that brought the job to an end, but it had been a bloody good earner whilst it lasted - mainly because kids were mad for visiting Crinkley Bottom.



That was a good 9 months. 

BTW - the Cricket St Thomas manor house was the one featured in the TV programme 'To the Manor Born', lovely house, lovely family/employers.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 14, 2020)

Here's another video, after it had been abandoned for a few years.


----------



## Santino (Nov 14, 2020)

Someone should do a mash up of abandoned Crinkly Bottom and the last shot of The Shining.


----------



## pogofish (Nov 14, 2020)

Words you do not want to hear on a Friday night:

”There is a market at M..... of C...... this weekend. How about going out on Sunday?“

I may have to, just to keep the peace.


----------



## Badgers (Nov 14, 2020)




----------



## rubbershoes (Nov 14, 2020)

cupid_stunt said:


> Here's another video, after it had been abandoned for a few years.




 Afaik there were a few raves in there after it had been abandoned


----------



## Lord Camomile (Nov 14, 2020)

rubbershoes said:


> Afaik there were a few raves in there after it had been abandoned


I mean, y'would...


----------



## T & P (Dec 3, 2020)




----------



## Badgers (Dec 3, 2020)

GAH 

Got SO excited then


----------



## Lord Camomile (Dec 3, 2020)

Look, I think we're going to have to accept that not even Lapland-like chancers are going to organise mass-gathering events during an international pandemic, just to earn a quick buck.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 3, 2020)

Lord Camomile said:


> Look, I think we're going to have to accept that not even Lapland-like chancers are going to organise mass-gathering events during an international pandemic, just to earn a quick buck.
> 
> ,



Yep, and what with Pontins being closed too, I am very disappointed.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 3, 2020)

Am holding on with faint hope


----------



## platinumsage (Dec 3, 2020)

Badgers said:


> Am holding on with faint hope



There's plenty going on (or not) and plenty of time for the complaints to roll in.


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 3, 2020)

I was hoping for Xmas zoom event calamities...


----------



## T & P (Dec 3, 2020)

platinumsage said:


> There's plenty going on (or not) and plenty of time for the complaints to roll in.


Ah, now we're cooking with gas 



> One frustrated parent asked: "how do I tell my four year old son who won’t stop asking when he’s meeting Santa today, that Santa meet isn’t happening?"


----------



## Part 2 (Dec 4, 2020)

Lightopia visitors promised refunds after parts of festival left in darkness
					

Organisers have apologised after technical issues meant many of the lanterns were not lit up on the opening night, and promised people their money back




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 4, 2020)

> A zebra and a rhino lantern just visible through the trees



This is more like it


----------



## skyscraper101 (Dec 4, 2020)

Business owners angered by 'shameful' long queues for Lisburn Light Festival
					

"The council are supposed to be the authorities that are enforcing these rules, yet they are breaking them in plain sight. It doesn't make sense."




					www.belfastlive.co.uk
				






> The festival will clock in at £535,000 this year, and includes an animated Christmas tree, 100 metre metre light tunnel and a six metre reindeer on Comber Road.


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Dec 4, 2020)

cupid_stunt said:


> I made a lot of money out of Crinkley Bottom, earning around £600 pw for under 30 hours pw, equal to £1,000+ today according to the B of E inflation calculator, no wonder I felt rich at the time.


So you were Mr Blobby then?  I guess they probably had a number of people on a rota to don the costume.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 4, 2020)

farmerbarleymow said:


> So you were Mr Blobby then?



Nope.


----------



## AverageJoe (Dec 4, 2020)

Balls. I pearoasted. 

The _shame_


----------



## Johnny Doe (Dec 6, 2020)

Hurrah!


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 6, 2020)

Harry Smiles said:


> Hurrah!


FINALLY


----------



## TopCat (Dec 6, 2020)

Superb.


----------



## platinumsage (Dec 6, 2020)

Anger at 'shambolic' Limerick Christmas Drive-Thru experience
					

THE Christmas Drive-Thru Limerick experience promises a drive past gingerbread houses, the sorting office where elves are wrapping all the presents, Santa’s living room and more. However, parents who brought their children on its first day on Saturday have been left bitterly disappointed and d...




					www.limerickleader.ie


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 6, 2020)

Excellent  


> One parent called it an "absolute disgrace" and said "the elves portrayal of the Grinch resulted in our child being scared and worried. She believed he had taken all her presents and Santa wasn’t going to give her anything on Christmas Day".





> "It's a totally substandard experience. What was advertised were a series of drive past ‘gingerbread houses’, what we got was cheap green gazebos with virtually no props.





> "Mrs Claus's kitchen was laughable. The theming was so bad, there was no attempt to cover amp boxes, the sign for the cycling club, etc. A small bit of tinsel strung up with what looked like toilet paper! It was absolutely unbelievable. Santa’s ‘living room’ was again another cheap tent with a couple of blow up props," said Mr Shan.





> "Due to government guidelines, Santa will be unable to hand out presents to the visiting children. However, he suggests bringing wrapped presents with you, hiding them in the boot of your car and seeing them magically appear after they see Santa," said organisers on it Facebook page.
> 
> Mr Shan said to make sure there are presents in the boot, "As an elf thumps on it and Santa promises presents without checking with the parents first!"


----------



## Badgers (Dec 6, 2020)

Not a classic but worth a mention...

Nottingham's Christmas market 'temporarily' closes after one day



> A *night time economy expert* said people had been defecating in doorways.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 6, 2020)

Whoever sited the “Christmas Market“-style fast food stall, right at the back door of Union Square in Aberdeen must have done so without considering the effect it would have on their social distancing measures - ie, it truly screws-up the in and out access to the centre and sticks a queue right at the narrowest part of the pavement where people are already most concentrated


----------



## platinumsage (Dec 6, 2020)

pogofish said:


> Whoever sited the “Christmas Market“-style fast food stall, right at the back door of Union Square in Aberdeen must have done so without considering the effect it would have on their social distancing measures - ie, it truly screws-up the in and out access to the centre and sticks a queue right at the narrowest part of the pavement where people are already most concentrated



Nottingham's Christmas market closed because it was too busy:









						Nottingham's Christmas market closes for the rest of the year
					

The market in Nottingham closes for the rest of the year, following "unprecedented high footfall".



					www.bbc.co.uk


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 6, 2020)

platinumsage said:


> Nottingham's Christmas market closed because it was too busy:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Just 2 posts above.

The council was barking mad allowing it in the first place, complete twats.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 6, 2020)

cupid_stunt said:


> The council was barking mad allowing it in the first place, complete twats.



The council here also have a lot of questions to answer about how they used the current  “special powers” to permit stuff for usually very well connected business people with little or more typically no consultation before rubber-stamping approval but that’s not entirely a festive matter.

Their decision to order the removal of TVs from certain places in order to limit virus spread is one I’m looking forward to hearing them justify, esp as the real issue was no management/control of customers whatsoever.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 6, 2020)

East Park Magical Drive Thru is 'stuff of nightmares', claims mum
					

The Grinch was described as 'terrifying', while Mrs Claus was late after 'missing the bus'




					www.hulldailymail.co.uk
				






> One East Hull mum, who paid £38 to take her three children, referred to it as “one of those horror show walkthroughs” after being greeted by a terrifying Grinch in a trip out that was “faster than a McDonald’s drive-thru”.





> Don't get me wrong for £12.99 each I was not expecting the North Pole but I must admit we were left totally disappointed.





> We briefly saw the Grinch but it was raining so didn't come out of his house.


----------



## TopCat (Dec 6, 2020)

neonwilderness said:


> Excellent





Badgers said:


> Not a classic but worth a mention...
> 
> Nottingham's Christmas market 'temporarily' closes after one day


People were defecating in doorways because there's no toilets open because hospitality is closed.


----------



## TopCat (Dec 6, 2020)

Shit really. Reminds me of bournemouth in the summer.


----------



## moomoo (Dec 6, 2020)

neonwilderness said:


> East Park Magical Drive Thru is 'stuff of nightmares', claims mum
> 
> 
> The Grinch was described as 'terrifying', while Mrs Claus was late after 'missing the bus'
> ...


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 7, 2020)

Socially distant Santa visit cancelled after single "Scrooge" complaint
					

The council - in discussions with police and public health - say it could leads to groups gathering




					www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk
				






> One parent even described the cancellation as being a Scrooge.
> 
> They said: “How can they complain about you walking the streets dressed as Santa? They should hang their head in shame, Scrooge’s.”
> 
> ...


----------



## baldrick (Dec 7, 2020)

The best thread on Urban delivers once more. The Christmas spirit is alive and well


----------



## T & P (Dec 7, 2020)

neonwilderness said:


> East Park Magical Drive Thru is 'stuff of nightmares', claims mum
> 
> 
> The Grinch was described as 'terrifying', while Mrs Claus was late after 'missing the bus'
> ...



Some people expect too much for their buck. I mean, what's wrong with this exquisit exhibit?


----------



## andysays (Dec 7, 2020)

TopCat said:


> People were defecating in doorways because there's no toilets open because hospitality is closed.


TBH, I would expect that the organisers of a Christmas Market would be required to provide sufficient toilet facilities for those visiting the market, this or any year, whether nearby hospitality venues with toilets for customers were open or not.


----------



## Thora (Dec 7, 2020)

I've just booked a local Magical Christmas Experience for my children, so looking forward to how it turns out either way


----------



## TopCat (Dec 7, 2020)

andysays said:


> TBH, I would expect that the organisers of a Christmas Market would be required to provide sufficient toilet facilities for those visiting the market, this or any year, whether nearby hospitality venues with toilets for customers were open or not.


The council forgot to insist. It was grim apparently.


----------



## krtek a houby (Dec 7, 2020)

T & P said:


> Some people expect too much for their buck. I mean, what's wrong with this exquisit exhibit?


What is that? The Christmas booger?


----------



## TopCat (Dec 7, 2020)

I think Christmas is so special that all consumer protection should be set aside for Christmas events.


----------



## two sheds (Dec 7, 2020)

krtek a houby said:


> What is that? The Christmas booger?



awww you're all cruel it's sweet


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 7, 2020)

platinumsage said:


> Nottingham's Christmas market closed because it was too busy:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



It's not re-opening again. 









						Nottingham's Christmas market closes for the rest of the year
					

The market in Nottingham closes for the rest of the year, following "unprecedented high footfall".



					www.bbc.co.uk


----------



## krtek a houby (Dec 7, 2020)

two sheds said:


> awww you're all cruel it's sweet



Belongs in the slag off a random vegetable thread, then


----------



## pogofish (Dec 7, 2020)

TopCat said:


> The council forgot to insist. It was grim apparently.



Interesting - the difficulties in providing suitably distanced/COVID-hygiene managed lavvies has been meat and two-veg to the council here for scuppering applications for outdoor hospitality/events etc. Unless you are amongst the “chosen few” of course.

The idea of them forgetting to insist on them altogether just beggars belief.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 7, 2020)

Families slam 'poor Santa' at 'rip-off' Christmas Drive-Thru
					

The company says it has had positive feedback from customers




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk
				










> But parents say they were disappointed after finding the event consisted of one cabin to drive past, a skinny Santa with a 'questionable outfit and beard' and just two reindeer - not the nine that were promised.





> "It also wasn’t really a drive thru," said the mum. "It was a park up and kind of walk between the two reindeer and the tunnel where Santa was.





> "Where do we start? Drove in to the experience to get stopped by a happy elf for us then to follow to next scene where poor Santa was (more meat on a rack of ribs).
> 
> "We had the window down Santa speaking to our son in Santa voice, to then change his accent back to normal and say put window up.
> 
> ...


----------



## pinkmonkey (Dec 7, 2020)

Festive Tarpaulin Vibes... 😂


----------



## T & P (Dec 8, 2020)

When the best part of the day out for one family was the McDonalds on the way, you know the attraction must have been properly shit


----------



## T & P (Dec 8, 2020)




----------



## Supine (Dec 8, 2020)

I've dj'd at that notts Christmas market before.  Looks busier than normal - probably because the pubs are shut.


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 9, 2020)

This sort of fits in with the theme. I never look in the Christmas forum, so if there's a more appropriate thread someone can post it there.

Watch the video  

Poundland shoppers complain after festive till alert leaves them "humiliated"


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 9, 2020)

Ground Elder said:


> This sort of fits in with the theme. I never look in the Christmas forum, so if there's a more appropriate thread someone can post it there.
> 
> Watch the video
> 
> Poundland shoppers complain after festive till alert leaves them "humiliated"





> A video of the new festive addition to the tills has gone viral - with some viewers criticising the alert.
> 
> In it, Father Christmas can be heard warning: "Card not accepted, is it on the naughty list?"
> 
> "Because I'm checking it twice, I'm going to find out who's naughty or nice," before singing: "Santa Claus is coming to town."



Fucking brilliant.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 9, 2020)

'Kids crying' after police called to break up visit from Santa
					

The police were called on Santa party after the organised event breached coronavirus restrictions




					www.liverpoolecho.co.uk
				






> One of the parents attending the event posted a message on Facebook, calling whoever reported the party “grasses”.
> 
> She said: “Everyone was fuming, kids were crying so sad families were devastated for there [sic] kids,” adding they had to put their kids to bed and explain why the police were called on Santa.


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 9, 2020)

neonwilderness said:


> 'Kids crying' after police called to break up visit from Santa
> 
> 
> The police were called on Santa party after the organised event breached coronavirus restrictions
> ...


----------



## T & P (Dec 9, 2020)

neonwilderness said:


> 'Kids crying' after police called to break up visit from Santa
> 
> 
> The police were called on Santa party after the organised event breached coronavirus restrictions
> ...


I’m going to be a smug show-off twerp here and award myself points for guessing a couple of months back that I expected to see reports of angry parents with disappointed children left in tears after being prevented to to get close to Santa due to the pandemic 

On a more serious note, it truly beggars belief that some people are prepared not just to be antisocial pricks but actually put people’s lives at risk to treat their kids. Even worse is the fact that in this case the children wouldn’t have even been aware of the event in question if their parents hadn’t told them about it or taken them to it.


----------



## Elpenor (Dec 9, 2020)

Children forced to queue in cold until midnight to meet Santa

Waiting till midnight to meet a "tall and skinny father christmas" having paid £135 for the privilege.


----------



## marty21 (Dec 9, 2020)

TopCat said:


> People were defecating in doorways because there's no toilets open because hospitality is closed.


Now that! Is the true meaning of Christmas


----------



## Mation (Dec 9, 2020)

Ground Elder said:


> This sort of fits in with the theme. I never look in the Christmas forum, so if there's a more appropriate thread someone can post it there.
> 
> Watch the video
> 
> Poundland shoppers complain after festive till alert leaves them "humiliated"


God that's depressing


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 9, 2020)

Elpenor said:


> Children forced to queue in cold until midnight to meet Santa
> 
> Waiting till midnight to meet a "tall and skinny father christmas" having paid £135 for the privilege.





> Some families were made to wait for three hours at the attraction,* which can cost up to £135 a person*



Where the fuck do they find these fuckwits?   

They need removing from the gene pool.


----------



## T & P (Dec 9, 2020)

marty21 said:


> Now that! Is the true meaning of Christmas


More than you think, in some places! It has long been a tradition in Catalonia to decorate nativity scenes with a figure of a guy talking a shit


----------



## T & P (Dec 11, 2020)

More drive-through disappointment, this time from Ireland. Also, a candidate for Newspaper Headline of the Year  

*Christmas Drive-Thru Cancelled After Santa Turns Out To Be A Teenager With An Eyebrow Piercing*









						Christmas Drive-Thru Cancelled After Santa Turns Out To Be A Teenager With An Eyebrow Piercing
					

A Santa experience drive-thru has been left with no choice but to cancel after it's received major backlash from customers who weren't impressed




					igvofficial.com


----------



## two sheds (Dec 11, 2020)

Pure ageism


----------



## not-bono-ever (Dec 11, 2020)

I know it’s all loltastic but it’s pretty miserable to fleece people for cash at this time for year just make a few opportunistic quid. What a collection of shitbags


----------



## andysays (Dec 11, 2020)

Elpenor said:


> Children forced to queue in cold until midnight to meet Santa
> 
> Waiting till midnight to meet a "tall and skinny father christmas" having paid £135 for the privilege.


I don't see why Father Christmas shouldn't be tall and skinny. 

Surely a diversity of body shapes is to be encouraged rather than the perpetuation of stereotypes, especially those associating generosity and jollity with borderline obesity.


----------



## Teaboy (Dec 11, 2020)

not-bono-ever said:


> I know it’s all loltastic but it’s pretty miserable to fleece people for cash at this time for year just make a few opportunistic quid. What a collection of shitbags



Yes but its getting to the stage now after many many years of it that its a case of more fool you if you fall for this shit.  This thread had documented countless examples of this over the years.  Local press always covers it with great glee.  A basic bit of research will tell you which ones have been running for years and get good reviews.

I just assume by this stage parents are doing it because they want to see their kids cry, probably as a means of toughening them up.  Its a miserable and upsetting world out there, the sooner they learn that the better.     That might just be my parents' approach mind you.

Seriously though why do we need any of this crap?  I didn't get taken any of these tawdry things when I was young and I had no problem in believing in Santa Claus (until my older sister pricked that bubble) and the magic of Christmas.


----------



## T & P (Dec 11, 2020)

Also, I know it's only because of Covid and that in normal circumstances nobody would think of organising or attending one, but even the best funded and set up 'drive-through' Santa experience in the whole wide world is still going to be a bit underwhelming shit, by the very nature of it. Drive-throughs are for picking up crap fast food on your way home, not a suitable way to experience any attraction, less so one directed at children.

If drive-thrus are the only way to run such events in the Pandemic year, then would-be punters need to realise that A) it's not going to be an amazing experience even if the organisers had put a genuine effort, and B) anything more than £15 per car and all its occupants is going to be a fucking rip-off, no matter how elaborate the gig in question.


----------



## two sheds (Dec 11, 2020)

'drive-through' Santa experience sounds tops

and works for safari parks


----------



## platinumsage (Dec 11, 2020)

A few people in costumes banging on cars next to a tent with a plastic reindeer outside - if anyone complains just apologise and blame exceptional circumstances.

Is there an easier way to make money?


----------



## Jay Park (Dec 11, 2020)

Teaboy said:


> Yes but its getting to the stage now after many many years of it that its a case of more fool you if you fall for this shit.  This thread had documented countless examples of this over the years.  Local press always covers it with great glee.  A basic bit of research will tell you which ones have been running for years and get good reviews.
> 
> I just assume by this stage parents are doing it because they want to see their kids cry, probably as a means of toughening them up.  Its a miserable and upsetting world out there, the sooner they learn that the better.     That might just be my parents' approach mind you.
> 
> Seriously though why do we need any of this crap?  I didn't get taken any of these tawdry things when I was young and I had no problem in believing in Santa Claus (until my older sister pricked that bubble) and the magic of Christmas.



you never had a week in a challet at Butlin’s ?


----------



## Jay Park (Dec 11, 2020)

two sheds said:


> 'drive-through' Santa experience sounds tops
> 
> and works for safari parks



until the Santa’s start throwing their excrement at you


----------



## two sheds (Dec 11, 2020)

and pull your aerial off


----------



## Jay Park (Dec 11, 2020)

two sheds said:


> and pull your aerial off



it’s all expected really, becomes a piss take when they get the hose out and syphon peccy out of your motor


----------



## Chemical needs (Dec 11, 2020)

Jay Park said:


> it’s all expected really, becomes a piss take when they get the hose out and syphon peccy out of your motor


Does 'peccy' cover the siphoning of petrol and leccy?


----------



## Jay Park (Dec 11, 2020)

Chemical needs said:


> Does 'peccy' cover the siphoning of petrol and leccy?



I guess it reads that way


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 15, 2020)

Vicar's 'disgust' as parents swear at volunteers over fully-booked Santa experience
					

A VICAR has expressed her “complete disgust” at parents who swore at church volunteers after they were unable to book a free visit to see Santa.




					www.theboltonnews.co.uk
				






> You may understand my complete disgust by the abuse my staff are experiencing from people phoning for a place to visit Santa. When told we are fully booked, they are then swearing down the phone saying we should be able to fit them in. Sadly, I will be thinking very seriously whether we can provide this sort of service next year as I cannot let my staff or volunteers be abused in this way.


----------



## T & P (Dec 16, 2020)

It seems long waiting times is one of the main themes this year...









						Parents left furious after two-and-a-half hour queue to get into Santa's grotto
					

Parents and families have slammed Belvoir Castle, in Leicestershire, after an 'administrative issue' left them waiting in queues with nowhere to sit for two-and-a-half hours




					www.mirror.co.uk
				




But as these things go, these parents didn't have it as bad overall. £14 per head is not nearly as bad as others previously reported, and for once the venue and the decorations look really nice.


----------



## platinumsage (Dec 16, 2020)

neonwilderness said:


> Vicar's 'disgust' as parents swear at volunteers over fully-booked Santa experience
> 
> 
> A VICAR has expressed her “complete disgust” at parents who swore at church volunteers after they were unable to book a free visit to see Santa.
> ...



Perhaps it's God's way of telling them that they're a church and wtf are they doing pissing about with a Santa experience.


----------



## muscovyduck (Dec 16, 2020)

platinumsage said:


> Perhaps it's God's way of telling them that they're a church and wtf are they doing pissing about with a Santa experience.


maybe it was one of those novelty nativity types where they add in a few extra characters or do it from the point of view of one of the shepherd's sheep


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 16, 2020)

T & P said:


> It seems long waiting times is one of the main themes this year...
> 
> 
> 
> ...





> The parents complained of the long queues, and one mum fretted so much about the overcrowding, that she called the police.
> 
> Since, the castle has closed following advice from local authorities.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 17, 2020)

'Fyre Festival of Santa events': Christmas village shut down after complaints
					

An Adelaide family Christmas village event is told to shut down after a storm of complaints online about the cost of the tickets and the quality of the display, which included a makeshift sleigh attached to a mobility scooter.




					www.abc.net.au
				






> Photographs of the event, posted on social media, show a sleigh attached to a mobility scooter, a foam mat path surrounded by paper lights, a cardboard hut decorated with disposable plates and a maze, made from crowd fencing and covered in tinsel.





> I feel upset because I got excited over something only to realise that it's not … what they advertised.





> Another parent said she had paid about $130 for tickets to the event and "instantly felt a feeling of shock and disappointment as soon as we walked in".





> "If you're going to create a small community-run event with homemade signage and activities, then it needs to be advertised and priced accordingly,"





> We've listened to our customers and, we agree, Santa's Winter Village does not meet the expectations of our customers, the broader community or our team at Colonnades and we apologise for the disappointment and inconvenience this has caused


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 17, 2020)

That one is truly brilliant, I am loving the sleigh attached to the mobility scooter, real class that is. 

Compare those photos to the ones used to promote it -


----------



## Badgers (Dec 17, 2020)

neonwilderness said:


> 'Fyre Festival of Santa events': Christmas village shut down after complaints
> 
> 
> An Adelaide family Christmas village event is told to shut down after a storm of complaints online about the cost of the tickets and the quality of the display, which included a makeshift sleigh attached to a mobility scooter.
> ...


Potential post of the year IMO


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Dec 17, 2020)

Badgers said:


> Potential post of the year IMO


I was just coming on here to post this. Well done our Antipodean cousins


----------



## T & P (Dec 17, 2020)

The sheer cheek of the fuckers...


----------



## Voley (Dec 17, 2020)

Santa's mobility scooter.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 17, 2020)

Voley said:


> Santa's mobility scooter.


Well, he is getting on a bit.


----------



## Teaboy (Dec 17, 2020)

If there is one thing that the UK truly leads the world in it's horrible and terribly expensive festive event dismalness.  I'm not happy with these upstart aussies trying to muscle in on our territory.


----------



## pinkmonkey (Dec 17, 2020)

That's a sports hall, isn't it? Those mats are gym mats, the lollipops are exercise balls covered in cellophane. When do we get to meet Santa's yoga instructors?


----------



## Lord Camomile (Dec 17, 2020)

I'll be honest, if that were a community group making the best of things I'd be impressed with their improvisation and creativity.

Charging $30-40 though... eesh


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 17, 2020)

CANDYLAND - Roald Dahl must be spinning in his grave.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 19, 2020)

We need to find some photos of this one 









						'We want our money back'
					

Furious ticket holders are demanding refunds over last night's Winter Wonderland chaos - while others say they are now too scared to attend tonight.




					www.kentonline.co.uk
				






> Others expressed concern about social distancing, reporting long queues at the 'food village' - which one complainant said consisted of three vans.





> "Avoid at all costs! We arrived at Detling Hill at 3.45 expecting a queue.
> 
> "We finally reached the entrance at 7.30pm and located a marshal who led us right to the exit as there was no point in staying for the last 30 minutes.





> "We didn't get to see anything except darkness and car headlights. I had small baby crying non-stop and let down my ten-year-old too."





> "I had high hopes to go out of 2020 with some spirit of good in my heart and you have squashed it. I want a refund - I am fuming."


----------



## wtfftw (Dec 19, 2020)

Have we had this one?    'Creepy' drive-through grotto 'an absolute fiasco'


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 19, 2020)

wtfftw said:


> Have we had this one?    'Creepy' drive-through grotto 'an absolute fiasco'






> "The Scrooge guy called us all mutants, said Santa has crashed his sleigh and the presents are in the mud, and there was a man in chains by a tree just staring at the car.
> 
> "It was creepy, but was meant to be for little kids.
> 
> ...



Wonderful.


----------



## brogdale (Dec 19, 2020)

neonwilderness said:


> We need to find some photos of this one
> 
> 
> 
> ...


That's covid-epicentre, tier 3 Kent FFS. 
Quite why shite like is even allowed.


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 19, 2020)

wtfftw said:


> Have we had this one?    'Creepy' drive-through grotto 'an absolute fiasco'


"the light tunnel wasn't even switched on'


----------



## brogdale (Dec 19, 2020)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> "the light tunnel wasn't even switched on'


Having the child-catcher at the entrance is genius.


----------



## T & P (Dec 19, 2020)

Fuck me, Christmas grottos/ festivals have really become the modern swindler’s go-to scam.

Who needs to rent an empty retail unit on Oxford Street to stand in the cold flogging premium-brand laptop boxes containing defunct Tesco own-brand tablets, when you can organise one of these gigs and pay some poor sods to dress up as elves on
an empty field from the comfort of your armchair?


----------



## circleline (Dec 19, 2020)

Yeah, feel a bit sorry for these 'actors' , probably on not much more than minimum wage, trying to 'entertain' or 'perform' according to job description and carrying the yuletide expectations of jaded and over-disneyed families on their shoulders.  'The Grinch' person from up-thread seemed an enthusiastic sort but met with mixed reviews from the paying public.

I quite liked the sports-hall lollipops.  But yeah, for a school play not a £50 a pop experience.


----------



## marty21 (Dec 20, 2020)

Fury over two-and-a-half hour queue for Santa's grotto at Belvoir Castle
					

Some eventually gave up before they made it inside




					www.lincolnshirelive.co.uk
				





Furious parents!


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 20, 2020)

> Another guest, Rebecca Leigh, branded the event a 'shambles'.
> 
> She added: "It's been such a rubbish year and this was one nice thing to look forward to but it was really poor and badly organised."


----------



## T & P (Dec 20, 2020)

brogdale said:


> Having the child-catcher at the entrance is genius.
> 
> View attachment 244250



it’s alright, they’ve sorted it all out now 









						Mocked drive-through Santa's grotto now 'magical'
					

The event was described as "shambolic" and but organisers say improvements have been made.



					www.bbc.co.uk


----------



## Thora (Dec 20, 2020)

I'm sad to report that I went to our local "Luxury Christmas Trail" today and it was festive and magical


----------



## Thora (Dec 20, 2020)




----------



## platinumsage (Dec 20, 2020)

T & P said:


> it’s alright, they’ve sorted it all out now
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I looked at their Facebook and the headline in this new article certainly isn’t a fair reflection of the recent comments.

It’s very unusual to put out an entire new article based on a claim by an organisation about something someone said on Facebook.

Perhaps the BBC lawyers or their impartiality manager have intervened.


----------



## Supine (Dec 20, 2020)

Thora said:


> I'm sad to report that I went to our local "Luxury Christmas Trail" today and it was festive and magical



There is no room on this thread for good news stories


----------



## farmerbarleymow (Dec 20, 2020)

Thora said:


> I'm sad to report that I went to our local "Luxury Christmas Trail" today and it was festive and magical


I hope you demanded your money back as you've clearly you expected the event to be shit.  

'I've read extensive reviews online and fully expected it to be a terrible event, and I'm gutted that it was actually not too bad.  I feel swindled as I was looking forward to it.'


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 20, 2020)

Thora said:


> I'm sad to report that I went to our local "Luxury Christmas Trail" today and it was festive and magical



This is not the thread for that sort of news.


----------



## platinumsage (Dec 20, 2020)

platinumsage said:


> I looked at their Facebook and the headline in this new article certainly isn’t a fair reflection of the recent comments.
> 
> It’s very unusual to put out an entire new article based on a claim by an organisation about something someone said on Facebook.
> 
> Perhaps the BBC lawyers or their impartiality manager have intervened.



Well, some other lawyers are certainly intervening:


----------



## salem (Dec 20, 2020)

brogdale said:


> Having the child-catcher at the entrance is genius.
> 
> View attachment 244250


I felt a bit sorry for this guy being picked out. From that pic alone he looks like a great actor and playing the part of scrooge shouldn't be a fluffy character. I hope he uses that as a headshot and gets loads of work from the notiority.


----------



## wemakeyousoundb (Dec 20, 2020)

platinumsage said:


> Well, some other lawyers are certainly intervening:



saw that earlier but the crap xmas shysters had the name long before the arts and entertainment campaign lot


----------



## Teaboy (Dec 20, 2020)

wtfftw said:


> Have we had this one?    'Creepy' drive-through grotto 'an absolute fiasco'



A thing of beauty.  I think here we can become desensitised and complacent but we should never forget what first brought us together.  We should all cherish these moments.  

That, and what the fuck is going on there?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 20, 2020)

Thora said:


> I'm sad to report that I went to our local "Luxury Christmas Trail" today and it was festive and magical


Festively magical beer crate wall fairy castle


----------



## Dogsauce (Dec 21, 2020)

in fifty years they will be recreating these events for some kind of nostalgia buzz, aiming for authentic misery, families riding through the attraction on Yorvik-style electric carts built to resemble a Vauxhall Meriva, animatronic sullen teenagers with eyebrow piercings in elf costumes and painstakingly recreated shabby portacabins lined in cheap tinsel. It’ll be the centrepiece of the 47th annual festival of Brexit at Sheerness Garden City.


----------



## editor (Dec 23, 2020)

Wigan's Christmas decorations!


----------



## spitfire (Dec 23, 2020)

editor said:


> View attachment 244916
> 
> Wigan's Christmas decorations!



Needs death rays coming out of the eyes.


----------



## Lord Camomile (Dec 23, 2020)

spitfire said:


> Needs death rays coming out of the eyes.


Wait until Christmas Day...


----------



## spitfire (Dec 23, 2020)

Lord Camomile said:


> Wait until Christmas Day...



Something to look forward to!


----------



## Sweet FA (Dec 23, 2020)

editor said:


> View attachment 244916
> 
> Wigan's Christmas decorations!


----------



## Badgers (Jul 27, 2021)




----------



## fishfinger (Jul 27, 2021)

Badgers said:


>



That's worse than Beckton Alp was in its heyday


----------



## dessiato (Jul 27, 2021)

Badgers said:


>



What is the point of the mound? It doesn’t seem to have any purpose.


----------



## TopCat (Jul 27, 2021)

dessiato said:


> What is the point of the mound? It doesn’t seem to have any purpose.


So you can see the Dome.


----------



## brogdale (Jul 27, 2021)

dessiato said:


> What is the point of the mound? It doesn’t seem to have any purpose.


Ugly, false, empty, hollow, costly, disappointing, fabricated and oversold on false promises....hmmm what could that be emblematic of, I wonder?


----------



## Elpenor (Jul 27, 2021)

Reminds me of a slag heap


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 27, 2021)

Someone is disappointed with Ben Nevis.


----------



## Chilli.s (Jul 27, 2021)

A simple one paragraph introduction to hillwalking


----------



## Lord Camomile (Jul 27, 2021)

Badgers said:


>






You have to _pay_??!  

E2A: fuck me, I was also thinking "well, once the greenery grows in a bit..." only to realise it's a temp. structure that'll come down in January


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Jul 27, 2021)

cupid_stunt said:


> Someone is disappointed with Ben Nevis.
> 
> View attachment 280691


Take note, Mother Nature, and do better in future.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 27, 2021)

Badgers said:


>



"In summary: I enjoyed it. More as you might enjoy a bad statue of Christiano Ronaldo, or a car park Santa's Grotto, with dogs pretending to be reindeer, than as a dazzling spectacle."

Right up our alley


----------



## salem (Jul 27, 2021)

Jesus, what a fucking embarrassment of a joke. I wonder who in Westminster council has a brother in law in the scaffolding business?

That cost £2m of public funds 

Still it provides much needed fodder for this thread in the Summer season.


----------



## pogofish (Jul 27, 2021)

Lord Camomile said:


> E2A: fuck me, I was also thinking "well, once the greenery grows in a bit..." only to realise it's a temp. structure that'll come down in January



Are you sure of that?

Looks like a good way to sneak a new nuclear bunker into London..!


----------



## T & P (Jul 27, 2021)

brogdale said:


> Ugly, false, empty, hollow, costly, disappointing, fabricated and oversold on false promises....hmmm what could that be emblematic of, I wonder?


I shall call it Brexit Hill


----------



## Badgers (Jul 28, 2021)




----------



## Pickman's model (Jul 28, 2021)

I like it. You could roll Boris Johnson do wn it then force him to the top again and chuck him down again to tenderise him before he's turned into penguin feed and shipped to South georgia


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 28, 2021)

The Marble Arch Mound has been closed for the rest of the week, those booked will get refunds, and those who have already visited will get free tickets to return at a later date, for more disappointment. 



> Westminster council apologised to the first visitors and said it was "resolving teething problems as they emerge".
> 
> "We are aware that elements of the Marble Arch Mound are not yet ready for visitors," a spokesman added. "We are working hard to resolve this over the next few days.
> 
> "In light of the delay, we are offering anybody who has booked a visit during the first week a return ticket free of charge so that they can enjoy the full experience and the landscape once it has had time to bed in and grow.











						Marble Arch Mound branded London’s ‘worst attraction’
					

The first visitors to the £2million Marble Arch Mound have been offered refunds after it was branded "the worst" attraction in London.




					www.standard.co.uk


----------



## Spymaster (Jul 28, 2021)

Badgers said:


>



I went to have a look at this yesterday.

It's so shit it's actually good


----------



## Sprocket. (Jul 28, 2021)

Definitely not a hill to die on!


----------



## TopCat (Jul 28, 2021)

They will never remove it.


----------



## Pickman's model (Jul 28, 2021)

Make Boris Johnson or gove or starmer - or all three - run up and down the structure until something interesting happens


----------



## Sprocket. (Jul 28, 2021)

Pickman's model said:


> Make Boris Johnson or gove or starmer - or all three - run up and down the structure until something interesting happens


They could play ‘king of the castle’ armed with club hammers.


----------



## Sprocket. (Jul 28, 2021)

Sprocket. said:


> They could play ‘king of the castle’ armed with club hammers.


On second thoughts they would fail at this too. Wasters all.


----------



## NoXion (Jul 28, 2021)

Chilli.s said:


> A simple one paragraph introduction to hillwalking



As written by an ill-prepared, tender-footed spoilt idiot. Hillwalking is ace if done properly, and you if don't have completely unrealistic expectations about the available facilities.


----------



## NoXion (Jul 28, 2021)

TopCat said:


> They will never remove it.



Looks like a temporary structure to me. If it's going to be permanent, then why not create an actual mound? It's going to look like an eyesore eventually, even if it is well-maintained.


----------



## T & P (Jul 28, 2021)

What they should do is sell rotten fruit at the top, so punters can throw it at anyone on Speakers' Corner spouting bigoted shit. I'd be up for that...


----------



## Badgers (Jul 28, 2021)




----------



## tim (Jul 28, 2021)

Pickman's model said:


> Make Boris Johnson or gove or starmer - or all three - run up and down the structure until something interesting happens



I don't do tawdry remakes.Give me the Roy Kinnear and Sean Connery original any day.


----------



## Pickman's model (Jul 28, 2021)

tim said:


> I don't do tawdry remakes.Give me the Roy Kinnear and Sean Connery original any day.



We shall make them do The Thirty Mile Hop


----------



## T & P (Jul 28, 2021)

I just saw this story on the Beeb and thought of this thread. They might end up delivering what they're promising, but this venture has Fyre Festival-level disappointment potential... 

Fifteen fucking grand for the privilege of running yourself half to death and sleep in glamping tents 









						'Luxury' race will be among most expensive on earth
					

A four-day ultramarathon covering 120 miles on the west coast of Scotland will cost £15,499 to enter.



					www.bbc.co.uk


----------



## cupid_stunt (Jul 28, 2021)

> Highland Kings Ultra, a four-day camping race covering 120 miles on the west coast of Scotland, costs £15,499 per person to enter.
> 
> In contrast, the 95-mile West Highland Way Race costs just £120.



A new way of mugging idiots.


----------



## T & P (Jul 28, 2021)

I mean, what's not to like about the race organisers and their target audience?



> Race director Rebecca Silva told BBC Scotland the idea was for the runners to "race like a warrior but recover like a king".
> She said: "The luxury element makes it very different to other races.
> "It's aimed at professionals, who can afford it, who want a sense of adventure but want an element of luxury off the beaten track, in the wild and not in the typical places people explore."


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Jul 28, 2021)

I really wish I could drop some of my morals, because with the access to various people/kit in the events industry that I have, I could come up with all kinds of events to fleece rich twats from their (not so hard earned) cash.


----------



## tim (Jul 28, 2021)

Marble Arch Hill is so shit that even the volk at Brillovision feel confident in sneering at its pretentions and build quality


----------



## TopCat (Jul 28, 2021)

I visited the muddy mound today. Was dumbstruck for a bit then expressed my thoughts to a hack. It’s a dunderheaded waste of time and money. 
It’s truely scabby and will look worse soon as the plants all die.


----------



## TopCat (Jul 28, 2021)

It made me really appreciate Marble Arch as the juxtaposition is as offensive as a dog with a sign on it saying suck my cock.


----------



## brogdale (Jul 28, 2021)

TopCat said:


> It made me really appreciate Marble Arch as the juxtaposition is as offensive as a dog with a sign on it saying suck my cock.


Each era has its monuments.


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 2, 2021)

‘Misled’ glampers pay up to £2,000 for three nights at site ‘more Chernobyl than Champneys’​


----------



## Badgers (Aug 2, 2021)

platinumsage said:


> ‘Misled’ glampers pay up to £2,000 for three nights at site ‘more Chernobyl than Champneys’​


Best in a while this


----------



## Petcha (Aug 2, 2021)

Badgers said:


> Best in a while this



Yep. The pool looks particularly inviting.


----------



## Petcha (Aug 2, 2021)

The 'luxurious' kitchen facilities are up there too...


----------



## T & P (Aug 2, 2021)

Years ago I paid three or four quid to use the Harrods 'luxury toilets' out of curiosity. I'll tell you this much, they don't really hold a candle to the facilities here...


----------



## T & P (Aug 2, 2021)

Badgers said:


> Best in a while this


Can anyone with know-how look up the company's registration details to check if by any chance the people behind Lapland New Forest are behind this too? Because it has the same feel to it


----------



## Petcha (Aug 2, 2021)

> Maddie Hill mentioned her younger daughters have been horrified by their tent being subsequent to a graveyard








Its got to be the same people behind Lapland


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 2, 2021)

Cloud Nine is a trading name of BD Events Ltd, the two directors are Julian and Andrew Topham.

Andrew is also a director of Vision Nine:









						TT promoter deal 'fundamentally flawed', report finds
					

A proposed deal with Vision Nine would have given away control of the TT races to a "very significant extent".



					www.bbc.co.uk


----------



## killer b (Aug 2, 2021)

platinumsage said:


> ‘Misled’ glampers pay up to £2,000 for three nights at site ‘more Chernobyl than Champneys’​


What's going on with this article? Has it been translated from a different language or written by an AI or something?


----------



## Spymaster (Aug 2, 2021)

platinumsage said:


> ‘Misled’ glampers pay up to £2,000 for three nights at site ‘more Chernobyl than Champneys’​



Thing is, even the pictures of what it was sold as look shit. Two grand for 3 nights in a tent in a field? 

Where do they find these people?


----------



## Spymaster (Aug 2, 2021)

.


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 2, 2021)

killer b said:


> What's going on with this article? Has it been translated from a different language or written by an AI or something?



It’s a badly cloned copy of a Daily Mail article. Of course I knew better than to link to the original here.


----------



## killer b (Aug 2, 2021)

Spymaster said:


> Thing is, even the pictures of what it was sold as look shit. Two grand for 3 nights in a tent in a field?
> 
> Where do they find these people?


Prices for UK holidays are wild this summer tbf.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Aug 2, 2021)

killer b said:


> What's going on with this article? Has it been translated from a different language or written by an AI or something?



I think the Sun or DM article has been tweaked by some Americaniser AI so that bizarrely Fishnchips becomes MacnCheese


----------



## killer b (Aug 2, 2021)

platinumsage said:


> It’s a badly cloned copy of a Daily Mail article. Of course I knew better than to link to the original here.


there must be a better way of pirating Daily Mail material - this is borderline unreadable. It made me feel like I was on drugs.


----------



## NoXion (Aug 2, 2021)

Petcha said:


> Its got to be the same people behind Lapland



Not a patch on the glorious disaster that was the Fyre Festival though, that tent actually looks somewhat decent. It needs to be some haggard-looking emergency shelter tent for the full experience.


----------



## T & P (Aug 2, 2021)

Expectations









Reality


----------



## Badgers (Aug 4, 2021)

Marble Arch Mound faces cost questions as 'flopped' attraction now free
					

Labour councillors have called for an investigation into how the project was managed



					www.mylondon.news


----------



## Badgers (Aug 4, 2021)

The Mound started galling apart just days after opening. After heavy rainfall on Weds July 28, plants and turf turned to mud and slipped off the structure


----------



## TopCat (Aug 4, 2021)

Badgers said:


> The Mound started galling apart just days after opening. After heavy rainfall on Weds July 28, plants and turf turned to mud and slipped off the structure
> 
> View attachment 281962


The hessian sacking that holds those plants are pretty much empty of growing medium after the rains. One hot day and they will die.


----------



## TopCat (Aug 4, 2021)

It’s crying out for graffiti.


----------



## tim (Aug 4, 2021)

TopCat said:


> It’s crying out for graffiti.


This scam is crying out for its commissioners and successful bidding contractors to be investigated for corruption and fraud.


----------



## Badgers (Aug 4, 2021)

tim said:


> This scam is crying out for its commissioners and successful bidding contractors to be investigated for corruption and fraud.


I thought that corruption and fraud is now legal?


----------



## tim (Aug 4, 2021)

Badgers said:


> I thought that corruption and fraud is now legal?


Not when it becomes a very visible national embarrassment at the top of the national high street. The "It was an unprecedented international emergency, so we gave the job to chaps we knew and thought were reliable, and once it's over we'll have an enquiry" excuse can't be rolled out for this.


----------



## Badgers (Aug 4, 2021)

tim said:


> very visible national embarrassment




This sort of thing? ^


----------



## Storm Fox (Aug 4, 2021)

tim said:


> Not when it becomes a very visible national embarrassment at the top of the national high street. The "It was an unprecedented international emergency, so we gave the job to chaps we knew and thought were reliable, and once it's over we'll have an enquiry" excuse can't be rolled out for this.



I'll bet you a Fiver to the charity of your choice that nothing happens, and a Tenner that no-one is sanctioned at all.   
I'm not meaning this in any nasty way, just my levels of cynicism are so high. I really don't think anything will happen, but I hope I'm wrong


----------



## tim (Aug 4, 2021)

Storm Fox said:


> I'll bet you a Fiver to the charity of your choice that nothing happens, and a Tenner that no-one is sanctioned at all.
> I'm not meaning this in any nasty way, just my levels of cynicism are so high. I really don't think anything will happen, but I hope I'm wrong


You're probably right. But just in case of the unlikely happening
Prisoners Penfriends – Home


----------



## Badgers (Aug 4, 2021)

If this #ToryScum government can piss billions up the wall then a couple of millions are nothing. 

They probably outsourced the Mound contract to Serco or some other cunt mates of their's


----------



## Storm Fox (Aug 4, 2021)

tim said:


> You're probably right. But just in case of the unlikely happening
> Prisoners Penfriends – Home











						Wiltshire Mind - here for you
					

Welcome to Wiltshire Mind. We are an independent local Mental Health Charity based in Melksham providing a counselling service, and Peer Support.




					www.wiltshiremind.co.uk


----------



## Elpenor (Aug 4, 2021)

Can it be repurposed as a gibbet


----------



## TopCat (Aug 4, 2021)

Badgers said:


> If this #ToryScum government can piss billions up the wall then a couple of millions are nothing.
> 
> They probably outsourced the Mound contract to Serco or some other cunt mates of their's


They largely delivered on the mound. It’s just the concept and design are shit.


----------



## TopCat (Aug 4, 2021)

Perhaps it would be better made of Londoner’s shit.


----------



## Elpenor (Aug 4, 2021)

TopCat said:


> Perhaps it would be better made of Londoner’s shit.


Now we know what they did with the fatberg


----------



## wtfftw (Aug 4, 2021)

> Fury at the fair: Dead goldfish, rude ride operators and upset kids



https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/west-yorkshire-news/kids-upset-after-dad-spends-21215082.amp


> "Yes, they were upset. They named him Nemo. And now I have got to go out and literally find Nemo as they want another one."


----------



## Chemical needs (Aug 4, 2021)

> Ben told *YorkshireLive* : "I paid for Hook a Duck and it cost me a full quid..."


A *full* quid, no less!


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Aug 4, 2021)

wtfftw said:


> Fury at the fair: Dead goldfish, rude ride operators and upset kids


Is this not entirely normal for fairs??


----------



## Saul Goodman (Aug 4, 2021)

Mrs Miggins said:


> Is this not entirely normal for fairs??


I thought goldfish as 'prizes' was banned at fairs.


----------



## T & P (Aug 4, 2021)

Ben told *YorkshireLive* : "I paid for Hook a Duck and it cost me a full quid and I hooked the duck and chose the goldfish as the prize. 

"We headed home which is one mile from the fair and the poor bugger didn't make it.

"It was just floating in my bag...we inspected the fish once home and it had a missing fin."


----------



## two sheds (Aug 4, 2021)

Stall holder must have been counting on it not being illegal to give dead goldfish away as prizes.


----------



## Saul Goodman (Aug 4, 2021)

two sheds said:


> Stall holder must have been counting on it not being illegal to give dead goldfish away as prizes.


I heard they put ball bearings in dead goldfish, and occasionally wave a magnet nearby to animate them.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Aug 4, 2021)

killer b said:


> What's going on with this article? Has it been translated from a different language or written by an AI or something?


Image two: The way it truly appears to be like in actuality


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Aug 4, 2021)

Saul Goodman said:


> I thought goldfish as 'prizes' was banned at fairs.


Not sure but rudeness and shit prizes has always been pretty much standard at fairs I've been to.


----------



## Badgers (Aug 4, 2021)

Saul Goodman said:


> I thought goldfish as 'prizes' was banned at fairs.


Nah, now we are out of the EU the environment, animal's and fish can get fucked.


----------



## two sheds (Aug 4, 2021)

probably been painted yellow


----------



## BristolEcho (Aug 4, 2021)

Struggle to see what's wrong with a graveyard.


Spymaster said:


> Thing is, even the pictures of what it was sold as look shit. Two grand for 3 nights in a tent in a field?
> 
> Where do they find these people?


Exactly. Considering you can get really secluded cabins for way cheaper than that I really don't know what they were thinking. 

I also don't see the problem with the graveyard. I love a graveyard.


----------



## Saul Goodman (Aug 4, 2021)

BristolEcho said:


> Exactly. Considering you can get really secluded cabins for way cheaper than that *I really don't know what they were thinking*.


I wouldn't be too quick to give them credit for something they're obviously not capable of.


----------



## Chemical needs (Aug 4, 2021)

Perhaps it was not a carefully curated, artisanal graveyard, like what they're used to.


----------



## Saul Goodman (Aug 4, 2021)

It's a tent, ffs. You can change the name all you like but it's still tenting, and tenting is shite. It's something you should grow out of by the time you're 19, and anyone doing it after that deserves all of the inevitable disappointment coming to them.


----------



## tim (Aug 4, 2021)

Elpenor said:


> Can it be repurposed as a gibbet


Why would you want a mere gibbet at London's most popular place of execution? Bring back the Tyburn derrick. The first ever Derrick named after the eponymous London executioner. This time round just make sure that there is "better company on Tyburn Tree" and don't give the contract to SERCO.


----------



## Badgers (Aug 5, 2021)




----------



## JuanTwoThree (Aug 5, 2021)

wtfftw said:


> Fury at the fair: Dead goldfish, rude ride operators and upset kids




Excellent comment:

Are the two sacked locals going to sue for 'Funfair dismissal'?


----------



## Badgers (Aug 11, 2021)

London's Metrofest dubbed "new Fyre Festival" following "shambolic" inaugural event
					

London's Metrofest has been described as the new Fyre Festival following a "shambolic" inaugural event over the weekend.




					www.nme.com


----------



## Badgers (Aug 11, 2021)




----------



## Badgers (Aug 11, 2021)




----------



## Badgers (Aug 11, 2021)

Posting this one more for the fail than the laughs (although there a few tbh) 

Would be gutted myself but how they managed to fuck up so much is staggering.


----------



## Badgers (Aug 13, 2021)

Marble Arch Mound: deputy council leader resigns over £6m cost
					

Price of structure created by Westminster council has nearly doubled amid ‘teething problems’




					www.theguardian.com


----------



## Badgers (Aug 14, 2021)




----------



## Saul Goodman (Aug 14, 2021)

Badgers said:


>



£53.5 Million


----------



## Storm Fox (Aug 14, 2021)

Badgers said:


>



This is what Scotland can do with £5 Million









						The Kelpies - Wikipedia
					






					en.wikipedia.org
				









I've visited there and I think it's really well done.


----------



## Badgers (Aug 16, 2021)

Fucking shit hole


----------



## Elpenor (Aug 16, 2021)

I don’t claim to be an architectural expert but it looks to be a very ugly building.


----------



## two sheds (Aug 16, 2021)

with grass monoculture no wildflowers at all in front of the very ugly building.


----------



## Badgers (Aug 23, 2021)

__





						Marble Arch Mound draws crowds keen to see how bad it is | London | The Guardian
					






					amp-theguardian-com.cdn.ampproject.org


----------



## two sheds (Aug 23, 2021)

Badgers said:


> __
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This is the way forward for all new projects


----------



## Badgers (Aug 23, 2021)

two sheds said:


> This is the way forward for all new projects


The NEW Britain 

Make it shit and come to laugh at it


----------



## T & P (Aug 23, 2021)

I know they're already working on that Festival of Britain abomination, but I think we should still start a petition to the government to build a monument to Brexit. Imagine how spectacular that would be


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Oct 22, 2021)

This appeared on one of the Maidenhead Facebook pages.... An Urban elf contingent? I'll bring the strong lager and cigarettes!

"Love the film Elf??

Fancy having the same fun as Buddy ?

I am looking for 60 seasonal staff for 6 weeks to be fully trained and live the life of an Elf at Lapland Ascot.

Training will commence on Monday 8th November for 1 week then into shifts.

You must be able to complete 1 weeks full time training otherwise it’s a no go.

Shifts range from 0700-2230

Must be reasonably flexible to cover required shifts

£9.45 per hour, weekly pay

Time to get into the festive spirit

Must be over 16

PM if interested"


----------



## cupid_stunt (Oct 22, 2021)

"to be fully trained and live the life of an Elf "


----------



## Badgers (Oct 22, 2021)

PM on way x


----------



## iona (Oct 22, 2021)

Think I've mentioned this on here before but I ran into a couple of elves in superdrug where they were picking up their methadone one xmas


----------



## cupid_stunt (Oct 22, 2021)

I got thinking, what is the 'life of an elf'?

Thank God for the internet...









						A Day in the Life: What Elf Does at the North Pole
					

Have you ever wondered what Elf does all day at the magical North Pole? Being such good friends with all the little guys, we were able to speak to one Christmas Elf to find out!




					www.elfforchristmas.co.uk
				




Sounds like a hard life, so fuck that!


----------



## quiet guy (Oct 22, 2021)

Bet they'll be sizeist. Can't see much  in the way for a 6ft 1inch and 18stone guy 😀


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Oct 22, 2021)

quiet guy said:


> Bet they'll be sizeist. Can't see much  in the way for a 6ft 1inch and 18stone guy 😀


Santa?


----------



## quiet guy (Oct 22, 2021)

Not enough of a beard and wouldn't fancy wearing a false one for a lengthy period of time


----------



## quiet guy (Oct 22, 2021)

two sheds said:


> This is the way forward for all new projects


The new mantra for these vanity projects "Build it shit and they will come"


----------



## Badgers (Oct 22, 2021)

quiet guy said:


> The new mantra for these vanity projects "Build it shit and they will come"


The British way 😎


----------



## Saul Goodman (Oct 22, 2021)

Badgers said:


> The British way 😎


It wasn't always the case. I think British Leyland were the forerunners in this field.


----------



## two sheds (Oct 22, 2021)

quiet guy said:


> The new mantra for these vanity projects "Build it shit and they will come"


Not so new - I worked for GEC


----------



## Chilli.s (Oct 22, 2021)

TBH that'll look very good on anyone's linkdin, fully trained elf


----------



## UrbaneFox (Oct 22, 2021)

quiet guy said:


> Bet they'll be sizeist. Can't see much  in the way for a 6ft 1inch and 18stone guy 😀


Mrs Santa? Trans Santa?


----------



## Epona (Oct 23, 2021)

quiet guy said:


> Not enough of a beard and wouldn't fancy wearing a false one for a lengthy period of time



Yeah - lots of people have to wear work uniforms that they don't like.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 26, 2021)

Thorpe Park slammed for '100+ minute queues', 'actors who don't seem bothered'


----------



## Elpenor (Oct 26, 2021)

skyscraper101 said:


> Thorpe Park slammed for '100+ minute queues', 'actors who don't seem bothered'


A further story reveals:


> Three sisters were left “in tears“ after only getting on two rides in 13 hours on a visit to Thorpe Park having spent more than £150.
> CJ, 25, Shelby, 24, and Milan, 22, visited the theme park in Chertsey on Saturday


 I felt bad until I realised they were adults!


----------



## skyscraper101 (Oct 26, 2021)

> "Sarah Maloney responded: "Snap! The only 2 actors my daughter came across said they were “off duty”."


----------



## Elpenor (Oct 26, 2021)

Obviously not method actors


----------



## two sheds (Oct 26, 2021)

or perhaps they were


----------



## weepiper (Oct 31, 2021)

There isn't a shit Halloween theme park thread so this seems to be the best place to put this, from North Berwick in East Lothian



It's like Passchendaele. Apparently the car park is rammed 🤷


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 31, 2021)

.


----------



## TopCat (Oct 31, 2021)

weepiper said:


> There isn't a shit Halloween theme park thread so this seems to be the best place to put this, from North Berwick in East Lothian
> 
> View attachment 294892View attachment 294893
> 
> It's like Passchendaele. Apparently the car park is rammed 🤷


It appears to be a large patch of mud that had had manky pumpkins scattered upon it. They are not growing there and never have. I really like it. The second pic with the wet morose figure with the wheelbarrow, it made me feel happier about my life. Inspiring. 9/10.


----------



## TopCat (Oct 31, 2021)

I enlarged the pumpkin patch second pic. It appears to have one of the comedy head in a hole photo boards at the back ala the seaside. Is the first one a scary clown?


----------



## TopCat (Oct 31, 2021)

Can someone use skillz and make it bigger/clearer?

I had a go. This scary.


----------



## Pickman's model (Oct 31, 2021)

Badgers said:


> PM on way x


The telegram the penguins want to read


----------



## platinumsage (Oct 31, 2021)

TopCat said:


> Can someone use skillz and make it bigger/clearer?
> 
> I had a go. This scary. View attachment 294933



This is from nicer times before the nasty public trampled everywhere:



​


----------



## quiet guy (Oct 31, 2021)

weepiper said:


> There isn't a shit Halloween theme park thread so this seems to be the best place to put this, from North Berwick in East Lothian
> 
> View attachment 294892View attachment 294893
> 
> It's like Passchendaele. Apparently the car park is rammed 🤷


How many of your Scottish pounds is this fantastic experience?


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 4, 2021)

Fury erupts over Doncaster Christmas market dubbed 'Britain's worst' and 'full of tat'
					

Fury has erupted over a ‘shambolic’ Doncaster Christmas market event described as ‘misleading,’ ‘full of tat’ and ‘Britain’s worst’ after people travelled from across the country for a festive fayre – only to be met with a handful of stalls.




					www.doncasterfreepress.co.uk
				












> And those that actually made it were left disappointed after discovering a handful of stalls, barely any food or drink and traders ‘standing in the dark on a muddy field.’





> “I wish we hadn't bothered, there was about seven stalls and none which interested us. There was no food or drink stalls inside or out. Waste of time.”





> “Wouldn't let her manage a p*** up in a brewery,” wrote another. “She is totally rubbish. Needs a good kick up the back side.”





> “Promised my children we were going to a Christmas market with rides, sweety stalls and Santa……..what the hell, waste of my time and fuel….about four stalls and Santa sat on a stage inside club very upset children,”





> “We were there five mins. Almost in pitch black in middle of a field. Oh and Santa sat in the sports club,”





> “Absolutely thrilling - travelling miles for fake designer clothes and a bunch of mud on a field,”





> “Fox fur coats, fake designer crap, tacky s**** and a bouncy castle. No food? Nowhere for a cuppa tea? What a waste of time and fuel.”


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 4, 2021)

That'll teach them for going to a bloody Christmas Market at the start of November.


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Nov 4, 2021)

neonwilderness said:


> Fury erupts over Doncaster Christmas market dubbed 'Britain's worst' and 'full of tat'
> 
> 
> Fury has erupted over a ‘shambolic’ Doncaster Christmas market event described as ‘misleading,’ ‘full of tat’ and ‘Britain’s worst’ after people travelled from across the country for a festive fayre – only to be met with a handful of stalls.
> ...


That sounds brilliant


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 4, 2021)

> One upset visitor added: “Poor selection of stalls...



Christ, Chanel and Versace not good enough for the denizens of Doncaster now


----------



## T & P (Nov 4, 2021)

skyscraper101 said:


>


"Sarah Maloney responded: "Snap! The only 2 actors my daughter came across said they were “off duty”."[/quote]


Reminds me of this:


----------



## Voley (Nov 4, 2021)

Sending everyone to the wrong place before they've even got there is good work.

Even the mighty original Lapland got people to the right address before disappointing them.


----------



## T & P (Nov 4, 2021)

Voley said:


> Sending everyone to the wrong place before they've even got there is good work.
> 
> Even the mighty original Lapland got people to the right address before disappointing them.


And how!


----------



## Badgers (Nov 4, 2021)

Furious visitors slam Yorkshire Christmas market as 'Britain's worst'
					

People were not impressed




					www.examinerlive.co.uk


----------



## TopCat (Nov 5, 2021)

I think we have inspired some journo. 
"I’d envisaged a steroid-fuelled Hard Rock Café mated with a slick, Warner Bros theme park ride, whereas what I found was more comparable to those incredible failing grottoes that open in the UK each Christmas, where the elves smoke Marlboros behind a foam-spitting snow machine next to a donkey with conjunctivitis that makes the kids cry."








						Park Row, London W1: ‘It reminds me of a failed Christmas grotto’ – restaurant review
					

‘Even a hedge fund manager in an advanced state of refreshment would spot this as a massive, cynical waste of money’




					www.theguardian.com


----------



## Supine (Nov 5, 2021)

Donkey with conjunctivitis


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 26, 2021)

Dorking to become 'magical winter wonderland' for Christmas event
					

You can expect plenty of festive fun and cockerel-themed Christmas lights




					www.getsurrey.co.uk
				






We shall be the judge of that, kabbes will you be free to send in a field report?


----------



## Mr.Bishie (Nov 26, 2021)

Cockerel themed lights? 😶

Sayin that, me auld Nan always had a Capon for crimbo dinner.


----------



## kabbes (Nov 26, 2021)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Dorking to become 'magical winter wonderland' for Christmas event
> 
> 
> You can expect plenty of festive fun and cockerel-themed Christmas lights
> ...


Oh you know it


----------



## kabbes (Nov 26, 2021)

Mr.Bishie said:


> Cockerel themed lights? 😶



Dorking has a whole cockerel theme going on because of dorking chickens. Cockerel statues, the works


----------



## TopCat (Nov 26, 2021)

Mr.Bishie said:


> Cockerel themed lights? 😶
> 
> Sayin that, me auld Nan always had a Capon for crimbo dinner.


You don’t see Capons for sale any more for shame. 
I used a frozen one in a net string bag to attack an NF paper sale in ‘86 then got away and we ate the big breasted bird.


----------



## spitfire (Nov 26, 2021)

TopCat said:


> You don’t see Capons for sale any more for shame.
> I used a frozen one in a net string bag to attack an NF paper sale in ‘86 then got away and we ate the big breasted bird.



Hahaha. I hit some muggers with a tin of tomato soup in a plastic bag once. Not as glam but the desired effect was achieved. They left her alone and ran away.


----------



## TopCat (Nov 26, 2021)

spitfire said:


> Hahaha. I hit some muggers with a tin of tomato soup in a plastic bag once. Not as glam but the desired effect was achieved. They left her alone and ran away.


I’m an old man now. Seems a world away that.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Dec 2, 2021)

'Nightmare before Christmas' as North Pole event axed
					

Organisers say the North Pole Experience was cancelled due to "unforeseen circumstances".



					www.bbc.co.uk
				






> *Families have been left "upset" and "angry" after a much-anticipated Christmas experience was called off.*
> The North Pole Experience at Thoresby Park in Nottinghamshire was billed as "magical", with some paying hundreds of pounds to bring the whole family.
> But its sudden cancellation was announced on Tuesday, leading one mother to call it "the nightmare before Christmas".
> Organisers said it could not go ahead due to "unforeseen circumstances".





> "The money is a nightmare, I can't afford to lose that. But I feel so deflated, the little kids' faces when I told them they can't go - they were all crying."








> "We were so excited for it, it's the first time my little boy will really understand Christmas," she said.


  -  he understands now, he understands good....


----------



## two sheds (Dec 2, 2021)

"the little kids' faces"


----------



## Ground Elder (Dec 2, 2021)

Child left horrified by 'Bad Santa' in Radcliffe, says mum​


> We followed him in and could see he was swaying. When the organiser told him to go to his grotto, he apparently didn’t know where it was.”
> 
> Charli claims Santa lay slouched on his chair with his belly on display and was rude to her daughter and other children.


----------



## T & P (Dec 2, 2021)

Sounds familiar...


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 3, 2021)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> 'Nightmare before Christmas' as North Pole event axed
> 
> 
> Organisers say the North Pole Experience was cancelled due to "unforeseen circumstances".
> ...


FINALLY this season delivers.


----------



## billy_bob (Dec 3, 2021)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> FINALLY this season delivers.



The "excessive" use of quote marks is what I "like best", billy_bob told reporters.


----------



## T & P (Dec 3, 2021)

It’s not like I want people to be disappointed even if they’re naive, but assuming they get their money back promptly, a lot of the parents interviewed are shamelessly milking it for all it’s worth. 

A child being heartbroken on the day by a shit Christmas experience is one thing. A child being told weeks ago they’re going to go at some point over Christmas to a wonderland theme park they haven’t seen and don’t know what to expect of, then told they might have to go somewhere else to see Santa instead is nowhere near as traumatic. Just promise the kid a different magical day out ffs, or don’t even bother tell them you’re taking them to a different gig altogether, and most won’t even notice anyway.


----------



## two sheds (Dec 3, 2021)

the kids have probably been shown this thread which would make their disappointment even more poignant


----------



## Part 2 (Dec 7, 2021)

"There is no skate-up bar and the decor that is there, including a giant mushroom, they say is 'not what anyone expects' from a festive event."









						Festive markets and skating experience slammed by visitors and its own traders
					

Traders and customers claim the event has been mis-sold, but organisers say they 'didn't mean to mislead anybody'




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 7, 2021)

Part 2 said:


> "There is no skate-up bar and the decor that is there, including a giant mushroom, they say is 'not what anyone expects' from a festive event."
> 
> 
> 
> ...



TBF, the clue was in the event's title. 



> *The Unreal Xmas event *is the first of its kind at the rebranded Trafford Palazzo site, formerly Barton Square, across from the Trafford Centre.


----------



## two sheds (Dec 7, 2021)

Missed their opportunity of calling it an omnishambles.


----------



## billy_bob (Dec 7, 2021)

It's a pie rather than a winter wonderland and a substantially sized manbaby rather than a disappointed little tot, but I feel this article is very much in the spirit of the thread. Look at that pout!

'Asda shopper left fuming - fuming, I tell you* - after accidentally buying tiny mince pies'

* Okay, I added that bit


----------



## Storm Fox (Dec 7, 2021)

billy_bob said:


> It's a pie rather than a winter wonderland and a substantially sized manbaby rather than a disappointed little tot, but I feel this article is very much in the spirit of the thread. Look at that pout!
> 
> 'Asda shopper left fuming - fuming, I tell you* - after accidentally buying tiny mince pies'
> 
> * Okay, I added that bit


I'd me more annoyed at the waste of plastic packaging.


----------



## Part 2 (Dec 7, 2021)

If you're having that I'm having the poor woman whose family paid £4,000 for her to have the magical experience of standing in a shed for 10 hours a day in December.

AJ told the _Manchester Evening News_ : “I’ve always gone to the Christmas Markets as a customer and it always seems so magical, but being on the other side of it has been so sad."









						'I thought having Christmas Markets stall would be magical but it's been so sad'
					

AJ Humbert was delighted to help her mum get a stall at the Christmas Markets, but now she doubts she will be able to cover the costs




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk


----------



## Artaxerxes (Dec 7, 2021)

Why is it always Manchester


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 7, 2021)

cupid_stunt said:


> TBF, the clue was in the event's title.


"the rebranded Trafford Palazzo site, formerly Barton Square,"

That pisses me off more than the xmas farce.


----------



## UnderAnOpenSky (Dec 7, 2021)

Part 2 said:


> If you're having that I'm having the poor woman whose family paid £4,000 for her to have the magical experience of standing in a shed for 10 hours a day in December.
> 
> AJ told the _Manchester Evening News_ : “I’ve always gone to the Christmas Markets as a customer and it always seems so magical, but being on the other side of it has been so sad."
> 
> ...



I flogged Xmas trees outside Morrisons a few years ago. I did OK cash wise, but it would have to be a lot more to make me want to stand outside dealing with the public in Winter again.


----------



## Part 2 (Dec 7, 2021)

Artaxerxes said:


> Why is it always Manchester


The MEN are quick to catch on to these kind of stories I think. I can imagine they're followers of Angry People in Local Newspapers hence our man with his mince pie compo face.

The story doesn't even need to be in Manchester, they'd post a story if it were within 2 hours drive.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Dec 8, 2021)




----------



## killer b (Dec 8, 2021)

skyscraper101 said:


>



the lady in the middle of the photo is stifling a laugh - vote for this to be struck off as the disappointment isn't genuine


----------



## T & P (Dec 8, 2021)

Let's give a warm welcome back to the 'Disappointing Christmas Tree' subcategory... 









						Bailiff Bridge Christmas tree left half lit over safety concerns
					

One councillor described the tree in Bailiff Bridge as "the worst in the North".



					www.bbc.co.uk


----------



## Supine (Dec 8, 2021)

And Britains worst xmas tree 





__





						Britain’s worst Christmas trees: is anything secretly more festive and fun than a disappointing fir? | Christmas | The Guardian
					

There have been no end of complaints about some of the trees being put up –from a metal one in Cardiff to a puny one in Grimsby




					amp.theguardian.com


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 8, 2021)

T & P said:


> Let's give a warm welcome back to the 'Disappointing Christmas Tree' subcategory...
> 
> 
> 
> ...





Supine said:


> And Britains worst xmas tree
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Shit Christmas tree thread over there > https://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/shit-winterval-trees-early-decorations-2021.376354/


----------



## Part 2 (Dec 8, 2021)

Supine said:


> And Britains worst xmas tree
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Here's the £1k Grimsby tree.


----------



## marty21 (Dec 8, 2021)

Part 2 said:


> "There is no skate-up bar and the decor that is there, including a giant mushroom, they say is 'not what anyone expects' from a festive event."
> 
> 
> 
> ...


"An absolute shambles'  that's the true meaning of Christmas right there!


----------



## Part 2 (Dec 10, 2021)

MEN with another disappointment.









						Chaos at Dunham Massey light show after trail 'flooded' by storm Barra
					

"My two-year-old was crying. Bit of a disaster"




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk


----------



## Johnny Doe (Dec 10, 2021)

marty21 said:


> "An absolute shambles'  that's the true meaning of Christmas right there!





			https://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/what-festive-thing-are-you-doing-right-now.376689/page-5#post-17436576
		


I think you'll find I have already claimed the true meaning in the 'festive thing' thread


----------



## Badgers (Dec 10, 2021)

Thanks to marty21 missus for this one 









						Woman's trainers went missing at London's Winter Wonderland
					

Posting on TikTok under the handle @sev_xx, a woman claims to have been given shoes from Primark by staff at Hyde Park's Winter Wonderland after her Balenciaga trainers went missing.




					www.dailymail.co.uk


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 10, 2021)

Badgers said:


> Thanks to marty21 missus for this one
> 
> 
> 
> ...



£685 trainers?   

The world has gone mad.


----------



## hash tag (Dec 11, 2021)

Sums Christmas u quite nicely; I want, I want, I want




__





						Dad's fury after paying £42 to meet Santa who did not give daughter a present
					

Joe Skarz, and his fiance Leoni Jackson, travelled to The Piece Hall, Halifax, so their daughter Millie, six, could meet Father Christmas




					www.mirror.co.uk


----------



## gentlegreen (Dec 11, 2021)

Do Santa and the kids now wear masks and socially distance ?


----------



## hash tag (Dec 11, 2021)

gentlegreen said:


> Do Santa and the kids now wear masks and socially distance ?


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 11, 2021)

hash tag said:


>


But that’s not how beards… oh, never mind


----------



## Badgers (Dec 11, 2021)

hash tag said:


> Sums Christmas u quite nicely; I want, I want, I want
> 
> 
> 
> ...


🤔



> “People save up for days like this because it’s such a magical day, or it’s supposed to be.





> He added: “We’ve never seen anything like this before. We went to Harrods for three years when Millie was little, and it was incredible.


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 11, 2021)

hash tag said:


> Sums Christmas u quite nicely; I want, I want, I want
> 
> 
> 
> ...


“They were also grouped in with four other families and forced to walk around in the freezing cold “pretending to be a train” and making “choo-choo sounds”.”


----------



## T & P (Dec 11, 2021)

Thread is delivering nicely at the moment. I feel Christmassy all over


----------



## Badgers (Dec 11, 2021)

I am running a Christmas Market stall tomorrow. Is it bad that I would be happier if it is a disaster rather than a success? 

Will keep you posted on this ^


----------



## quiet guy (Dec 11, 2021)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> “They were also grouped in with four other families and forced to walk around in the freezing cold “pretending to be a train” and making “choo-choo sounds”.”


That's the government's strategy for the northern leg of HS2


----------



## TopCat (Dec 11, 2021)

Badgers said:


> I am running a Christmas Market stall tomorrow. Is it bad that I would be happier if it is a disaster rather than a success?
> 
> Will keep you posted on this ^


Can you do unshaven, drunk, fag in side of mouth and dirty hands and nails please?


----------



## marty21 (Dec 11, 2021)

Mum claims £135 Christmas experience was 'unmagical' and 'Santa looked homeless'
					

'It was 100% not worth the cost.'




					metro.co.uk
				




Santa looked homeless


----------



## Thora (Dec 11, 2021)

I've booked a couple of magical Christmas experiences.  I have very high hopes for the Santa canal cruise.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 11, 2021)

Thora said:


> I've booked a couple of magical Christmas experiences.  I have very high hopes for the Santa canal cruise.


Keep us updated on this


----------



## two sheds (Dec 11, 2021)

Do you get to meet Santa?


----------



## hash tag (Dec 11, 2021)

marty21 said:


> Mum claims £135 Christmas experience was 'unmagical' and 'Santa looked homeless'
> 
> 
> 'It was 100% not worth the cost.'
> ...


£135 for 5 was worth it just for a ride on a train 🥱


----------



## Thora (Dec 11, 2021)

two sheds said:


> Do you get to meet Santa?


I believe so.  Though he might now be masked


----------



## Artaxerxes (Dec 11, 2021)

Thora said:


> I believe so.  Though he might now be masked



Then he could be anyone


----------



## Thora (Dec 11, 2021)

So long as he's fucking magical and my kids get presents I don't care


----------



## spitfire (Dec 11, 2021)

cupid_stunt said:


> £685 trainers?
> 
> The world has gone mad.



lol

Make sure you’re sitting down when you look at this. 






						Men's Reversible Parka in Yellow | Balenciaga GB
					

Shop the Men's Reversible Parka in Yellow at the Balenciaga GB official online boutique.




					www.balenciaga.com


----------



## Badgers (Dec 11, 2021)

TopCat said:


> Can you do unshaven, drunk, fag in side of mouth and dirty hands and nails please?


Standard


----------



## Badgers (Dec 11, 2021)

spitfire said:


> lol
> 
> Make sure you’re sitting down when you look at this.
> 
> ...


What the what?


----------



## TopCat (Dec 11, 2021)

A high viz. blimey.


----------



## hash tag (Dec 11, 2021)

Badgers said:


> What the what?


When wearing a high Viz jacket, I understand the wearer becomes invisible. If you do want to become invisible, why not do it in style.


----------



## two sheds (Dec 11, 2021)

looks like a tortoise more like


----------



## marty21 (Dec 11, 2021)

Badgers said:


> What the what?


You would fucking rock that jacket


----------



## Epona (Dec 12, 2021)

hash tag said:


> £135 for 5 was worth it just for a ride on a train 🥱



Honestly if I had £135 spare for a ticket for just me to go on a steam train I would be well up for it - would probably pick a different train excursion than something full of children though 

If that £135 was for a family of 5, that doesn't seem too out there considering how much similar things cost these days.


----------



## two sheds (Dec 12, 2021)

I was reading that as £135 for the train excursion where they were forced to follow each other walking round in a circle going woo wooo.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 12, 2021)

spitfire said:


> lol
> 
> Make sure you’re sitting down when you look at this.
> 
> ...


The thing that stands out to me as particularly bizarre is that they are selling a £2900 hi-viz men’s vest, yet apparently they can only find a female model, on whom the jacket is preposterously large.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 12, 2021)

Badgers said:


> I am running a Christmas Market stall tomorrow. Is it bad that I would be happier if it is a disaster rather than a success?
> 
> Will keep you posted on this ^


Behold Santa's Grotto


----------



## Artaxerxes (Dec 12, 2021)

Needs Santa having a rollup around the back


----------



## TopCat (Dec 12, 2021)

Looks like a badly put up vaccine tent. Nurse spitting on the needle and wiping it on a manky hankie before shouting NEXT!


----------



## baldrick (Dec 12, 2021)

Badgers said:


> Behold Santa's Grotto
> 
> View attachment 300518


Beautiful ♥️


----------



## Skim (Dec 12, 2021)

TopCat said:


> Looks like a badly put up vaccine tent. Nurse spitting on the needle and wiping it on a manky hankie before shouting NEXT!


Forensics tent, more like.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 12, 2021)

TopCat said:


> I’m an old man now. Seems a world away that.


One is never too old to clobber a Nazi upside the head with bag swag


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 12, 2021)

killer b said:


> the lady in the middle of the photo is stifling a laugh - vote for this to be struck off as the disappointment isn't genuine


Bonus points for possible antivaxxiness indicated by the lanyard though


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 12, 2021)

kabbes said:


> a female model



I'm not sure it is


----------



## two sheds (Dec 12, 2021)

Still looks like a tortoise to me.


----------



## Epona (Dec 12, 2021)

DaveCinzano said:


> Bonus points for possible antivaxxiness indicated by the lanyard though



Assuming that someone who may have a disability that you can't see is an anti-vaxx cunt is not a good look mate...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 12, 2021)

🤷‍♂️


----------



## TopCat (Dec 13, 2021)

‘Even the reindeer were unhappy’: life inside Britain’s worst winter wonderlands
					

They are the festive fairgrounds where no one is a winner. Santas, elves and bouncers discuss the Christmas gigs that made them question their life choices




					www.theguardian.com


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 13, 2021)

TopCat said:


> ‘Even the reindeer were unhappy’: life inside Britain’s worst winter wonderlands
> 
> 
> They are the festive fairgrounds where no one is a winner. Santas, elves and bouncers discuss the Christmas gigs that made them question their life choices
> ...


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 13, 2021)

TopCat said:


> ‘Even the reindeer were unhappy’: life inside Britain’s worst winter wonderlands
> 
> 
> They are the festive fairgrounds where no one is a winner. Santas, elves and bouncers discuss the Christmas gigs that made them question their life choices
> ...





> We didn’t think it would reopen, so we went back to take the tent down and suddenly the fire doors to the grotto burst open and Santa came out in his full regalia, ripping off his white beard and shouting: “Fuck this – I’m not taking any more of youse! I’m off!”


----------



## T & P (Dec 13, 2021)

Stop press. It brings me no pleasure to draw your attention to what must easily be the most soul-destroying, heartbreaking story of anguish, disappointment and ruined childhood memories this thread has ever seen 










						Tony's sorry for missing advent chocolate stunt
					

Tony's Chocolonely apologises for leaving an advent calendar window empty to highlight inequality.



					www.bbc.co.uk
				






I think the picture the BBC chose to illustrate the story says it all...


----------



## Epona (Dec 13, 2021)

T & P said:


> Stop press. It brings me no pleasure to draw your attention to what must easily be the most soul-destroying, heartbreaking story of anguish, disappointment and ruined childhood memories this thread has ever seen
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I had some Tony's from an Oxfam shop the other week, OMG it was fucking lush.  Bloody expensive though.

Me when I'd finished the bar and there was none left ^


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 13, 2021)

It was a dumb thing to do, but that stock photo made me LOL.


----------



## Epona (Dec 13, 2021)

tbf, getting chocolate every day is pretty privileged.  In my day, advent calendars just had a picture behind the window and that's it.  We also lived in a paper bag etc...


----------



## quiet guy (Dec 13, 2021)

A paper bag. You lucky. lucky bas**rd...


----------



## kabbes (Dec 13, 2021)

Epona said:


> In my day, advent calendars just had a picture behind the window and that's it.



Aaaaagh brilliant! A load of people in a stable, Ted. It's the one thing I didn't expect.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 13, 2021)

On another board, we are dealing with the extreme anguish of a Londoner who has booked his family a last minute Christmas break to a highland village, only to find that nowhere for miles around has room for them for Christmas dinner - and no takeaways either, even the nearest curry house is closed Christmas and Boxing Days.

Also their hotel bar is closing at 5:30pm because the place is short staffed.

They had hoped to see snow and the Northern Lights too.


----------



## hash tag (Dec 14, 2021)

T & P said:


> Stop press. It brings me no pleasure to draw your attention to what must easily be the most soul-destroying, heartbreaking story of anguish, disappointment and ruined childhood memories this thread has ever seen
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Another example of the greed and consumerism at Christmas - the complaints rolled in because there was no chocolate on a given day


----------



## hash tag (Dec 14, 2021)

This was also mentioned on the radio this morning, It is difficult to feel sympathy for someone who hs splashed £600 on an advent calender








						‘A joke’: influencers mock Chanel for underwhelming advent calendar
					

Luxury fashion brand denies deleting TikTok account after first seasonal calendar is criticised




					www.theguardian.com


----------



## Supine (Dec 14, 2021)

“Elsa from Frozen was advertised but it was a dark-haired girl in a Santa dress. There was also no snow, no Santa, nothing in a Christmas show.

“It was appalling, not as advertised.”









						Essex Winter Wonderland falls flat as visitors brand ‘Overpriced' and 'Not as advertised'  by visitors
					

“OVER-PRICED” “Not as advertised” and “Appalling.”




					www.echo-news.co.uk


----------



## hash tag (Dec 14, 2021)

Epona said:


> I had some Tony's from an Oxfam shop the other week, OMG it was fucking lush.  Bloody expensive though.
> 
> Me when I'd finished the bar and there was none left ^


Very ethical and very moorish but could not give it to chocoholic mil as the chocolate is much too thick, her teeth wouldn't cope with it 
Expensive, yes but it's ethical chocolate.


----------



## hash tag (Dec 14, 2021)

Supine said:


> “Elsa from Frozen was advertised but it was a dark-haired girl in a Santa dress. There was also no snow, no Santa, nothing in a Christmas show.
> 
> “It was appalling, not as advertised.”
> 
> ...


Yet another post about something lacking, or missing or expensive.
It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas; I'm out. 👍


----------



## Supine (Dec 14, 2021)




----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 19, 2021)

Mum fuming after visting Santa who was wearing Air Max and Apple Watch
					

The shocked mum posted pics on Snapchat and Facebook of her two boys visiting Santa where not a traditional, clumpy, black boot was in sight.



					www.deadlinenews.co.uk
				






> How can people expect children to keep believing when they’re knocking out Santa’s in TNS.





> Thousands of people were left in stitches by the incident – although some merely commented that Santa was wearing Air Max 97’s not TNS.


----------



## pogofish (Dec 19, 2021)

I had a wander down to a local pub/eaterie-type place this morning to treat myself to a sit-down breakfast.

No-chance!  They were holding a "Breakfast with Santa" for kids and it was packed-out.
So I hid up the end of the bar with a coffee and watched - Santa was on top form, patrolling the lounge, delivering festive cheer, posing for photos/selfies etc with the kids and parents and  few bemused pensioners who were drifting-in for lunch or a drink before retreating to the grotto to give-out some more gifts.  It all seemed to be going really well.

I felt cheated - and after the kids/families had drifted away, had an early lunch instead, which was rather nice. First reasonably solid food in a week, following some unpleasant dentistry so still  bit painful to chew.


----------



## hash tag (Dec 19, 2021)

neonwilderness said:


> Mum fuming after visting Santa who was wearing Air Max and Apple Watch
> 
> 
> The shocked mum posted pics on Snapchat and Facebook of her two boys visiting Santa where not a traditional, clumpy, black boot was in sight.
> ...


This is the modern world.


----------



## T & P (Dec 19, 2021)

So kids will happily believe a jolly fat man who lives on the North Pole visits them every year to deliver them among other things trainers and Apple watches,, but if he wears them himself the whole thing becomes too far fetched?

Christ…


----------



## Artaxerxes (Dec 19, 2021)

FUMING


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 21, 2021)

Apology to families over 'daylight robbery' Christmas event
					

Organisers say they've listened to feedback and improved their event, offering free return tickets for next year to those let down




					www.chroniclelive.co.uk
				






> The first two days of the show, which opened on Friday, earned scathing reviews online. One reviewer said their children were "bored from the start". It was labelled "embarrassing" and "a shambles", while one person said customers were "herded around like cattle".





> We're not here to make an easy profit and run, we're here to build magical Christmas memories, a lot of thought has gone into what's been created and we've done everything we can to provide what was promised.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 21, 2021)

neonwilderness said:


> Apology to families over 'daylight robbery' Christmas event
> 
> 
> Organisers say they've listened to feedback and improved their event, offering free return tickets for next year to those let down
> ...





> ...will now be offered free visits to next year's planned show...


----------



## Part 2 (Dec 21, 2021)

Yesterday this...

"They charged me £10 to park on a road that anyone can park on. When questioned about it he said it was the guy who owned the road that was charging people that price."









						Winter Funland issues warning after visitors conned into paying huge parking fee
					

Greater Manchester Police is urging any victims of the scam to come forward




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk
				





Same event today...

"My children have been asking me millions of questions as they saw Santa putting his beard back on".









						Furious families slam Winter Funland saying 'kids had more fun sat in the car'
					

It's billed as a giant funfair with 'the best rides in the UK', but parents say it's nothing like was promised




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk
				





The guy that owned the road


----------



## T & P (Dec 21, 2021)

DaveCinzano said:


> View attachment 302092


I was thinking the same when I read their statement. Hats off to them: that is next level swindling. Instead of claiming those complaining are lying, admit to a small degree of inadequacy and pretend to care about the whole thing so you can lure them to another trap next year, which will bring them extra profits through money spent on site even if you are letting them in for free.

Machiavellian stuff


----------



## wemakeyousoundb (Dec 21, 2021)

Part 2 said:


> Yesterday this...
> 
> "They charged me £10 to park on a road that anyone can park on. When questioned about it he said it was the guy who owned the road that was charging people that price."
> 
> ...


I pay road tax so I own the road where is my cut?
/me goes hunting for the shysters


----------



## T & P (Dec 23, 2021)

All aboard the Polar Express!

Or perhaps, better not...









						Mum Says Kids Were 'Traumatised' By 'Dodgy' Santa On £144 Polar Express Experience
					

The quick-thinking mum had to say Father Christmas’s brother was forced to fill in.




					www.tyla.com
				






> The mum said she was mostly taken back by the character's wiry, straight moustache and beard which she told her kids had been straightened.





ETA: I see the article comes with a bonus story about the same experience. Two disappointments for the price of one. It must be Christmas....

Mum Claims Polar Express Experience Has Turned Her Daughter And Niece Into A 'Non Believer'​


> It wouldn't be the festive season without Santa Claus but for one mum, meeting the world's most iconic gift giver was an experience she and her family would rather forget.
> Melissa Evans, from Staffordshire, is demanding a refund from Telford Steam Railways' Polar Express experience as she claims their Santa turned her daughter and niece into 'non-believers'.
> The 35-year-old shared an image on Facebook along with a scathing review declaring he 'looked nothing like Santa', with his trim figure and short grey beard.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 23, 2021)

T & P said:


> _*Mum Claims Polar Express Experience Has Turned Her Daughter And Niece Into A 'Non Believer'*_


Whilst the article itself does make the objects agree, the headline is a bit 😱😳😱😳😱


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 23, 2021)

T & P said:


> ...Staffordshire...


Ah yes mystery solved


----------



## hash tag (Dec 23, 2021)

Many children are traumatised by Santa. This only goes to show this mythical character should be banished.


----------



## T & P (Dec 23, 2021)

hash tag said:


> Many children are traumatised by Santa. This only goes to show this mythical character should be banished.


Or they could try making it less terrifying by morphing it with another much loved children’s favourite character…


----------



## hash tag (Dec 23, 2021)

T & P said:


> Or they could try making it less terrifying by morphing it with another much loved children’s favourite character…
> 
> View attachment 302583


Stolen to pass on to all the youngsters I know. 🤣


----------



## Spymaster (Dec 23, 2021)

T & P said:


> All aboard the Polar Express!
> 
> Or perhaps, better not...
> 
> ...



Surely her biggest problem is that her kids still believe in Santa, at the ages of 9 and 12.



> Gina Rawlings-Jones said she paid £144 for her sons, Harley, 12, and nine-year-old Jonah to meet Father Christmas on a steam train at Telford Steam Railway in Shropshire.


----------



## two sheds (Dec 23, 2021)

they're in for some serious ridicule at school


----------



## pinkmonkey (Dec 25, 2021)

Christmas at The Grand Hotel: 'Inedible' dinner and no heating
					

Scarborough's Grand Hotel has had a tough year with many complaints flooding in.




					www.examinerlive.co.uk


----------



## hash tag (Dec 25, 2021)

pinkmonkey said:


> Christmas at The Grand Hotel: 'Inedible' dinner and no heating
> 
> 
> Scarborough's Grand Hotel has had a tough year with many complaints flooding in.
> ...


No surprise there. It's had previous complaints like this. No one should be shocked or surprised as it's owned by Brittania Hotels who consistently get the worst reviews. When I went to Scarborough a few years ago, we didn't even consider that place.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 27, 2021)

Spymaster said:


> Surely her biggest problem is that her kids still believe in Santa, at the ages of 9 and 12.


It was a shock for them to see someone with a normal face, not stuffed with botox, fillers, veneers, lashes, spray-on brows, full slap and nails 24/7.


----------



## kenny g (Dec 27, 2021)

Supine said:


> “Elsa from Frozen was advertised but it was a dark-haired girl in a Santa dress. There was also no snow, no Santa, nothing in a Christmas show.
> 
> “It was appalling, not as advertised.”
> 
> ...


The comments on that are a potpourri of 2021 interweb disjointedness. Almost like poetry.


----------



## Spymaster (Dec 27, 2021)

Supine said:


> “Elsa from Frozen was advertised but it was a dark-haired girl in a Santa dress. There was also no snow, no Santa, nothing in a Christmas show.
> 
> “It was appalling, not as advertised.”
> 
> ...





> “I paid £20 to see Santa with my son, and when I arrived, nobody was there, the tent was dark and then an elf popped out to say the generator had packed up.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 29, 2021)

RUINED  



> The one star reviewer left their thoughts on TripAdvisor on Boxing Day. They said: "We had booked for our Christmas Day dinner. A three course meal including carvery at a cost of £55 each.











						Family's Christmas ruined by soggy Yorkshire puds and chewy beef at Toby Carvery
					

The customer left a scathing review on Tripadvisor after shelling out £55 per person to eat at Toby Carvery in Willerby on December 25




					www.mirror.co.uk


----------



## TopCat (Dec 29, 2021)

Badgers said:


> RUINED
> 
> 
> 
> ...


"Your staff when emptying a table would take one or two items at a time which meant to clear a table, four journeys would be needed and a further to clean it. No wonder the bookings were so far behind."

Quality


----------



## pogofish (Dec 30, 2021)

Seems there is a travelling Titanic exhibition, heavily promoted on Facebook, about to launch (after a delay) in “Central London” - ie out in Canada Water.

I have this sinking feeling.


----------



## Epona (Dec 30, 2021)

pogofish said:


> Seems there is a travelling Titanic exhibition, heavily promoted on Facebook, about to launch (after a delay) in “Central London” - ie out in Canada Water.
> 
> I have this sinking feeling.



Oh wow!  I'd love to go to that - expensive though, not sure I can justify it


----------



## pogofish (Dec 30, 2021)

Epona said:


> Oh wow!  I'd love to go to that - expensive though, not sure I can justify it



Maybe wait to see what the reviews are like first?

Despite the claims of it “touring“ there don’t seem to be many reviews out there from other places, at least under the same name.


----------



## TopCat (Dec 30, 2021)

pogofish said:


> Seems there is a travelling Titanic exhibition, heavily promoted on Facebook, about to launch (after a delay) in “Central London” - ie out in Canada Water.
> 
> I have this sinking feeling.


This could be good. It's got the beginning of an excellent dashing of hopes, dreams and little kiddie crying faces. But it could be spectacularly good.


----------



## Epona (Dec 30, 2021)

pogofish said:


> Maybe wait to see what the reviews are like first?
> 
> Despite the claims of it “touring“ there don’t seem to be many reviews out there from other places, at least under the same name.



It's been on for 2 weeks now, should be reviews.  This one seems fairly balanced.  I don't really care, I'm a bit obsessed with the Titanic. 









						An Immersive Titanic Exhibition Has Floated Into London
					

And there's no escaping that song - near, far, wherever you are.




					londonist.com
				




One on the Torygraph site too which I can't read as it's paywalled.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 30, 2021)

Epona said:


> An Immersive Titanic Exhibition Has Floated Into London
> 
> 
> And there's no escaping that song - near, far, wherever you are.
> ...


Less immersive, more submerged


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 31, 2021)

Epona said:


> It's been on for 2 weeks now, should be reviews.  This one seems fairly balanced.  I don't really care, I'm a bit obsessed with the Titanic.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I've broken that paywall for you - you can read it here - archive.ph


----------



## Epona (Dec 31, 2021)

cupid_stunt said:


> I've broken that paywall for you - you can read it here - archive.ph



Thank you!


----------



## quiet guy (Dec 31, 2021)

Wonder if that is why the model of the Titanic is being advertised heavily, yours if you get all 140 issues at the usual price of £9.99 and an introductory price of £1.99.


----------



## kabbes (Jan 6, 2022)

pogofish said:


> Seems there is a travelling Titanic exhibition, heavily promoted on Facebook, about to launch (after a delay) in “Central London” - ie out in Canada Water.
> 
> I have this sinking feeling.


Wasn’t this an episode of Rick and Morty?


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jan 6, 2022)

'It doesn’t help that the commentator speaks in a strange mid-Atlantic accent, like Matt Berry’s Steven Toast, the out-of-work actor in Toast of London. He also pronounces words wrongly – he calls the Renaissance the “Renessence” and talks of Nova “Scott-ia”.'

Wrongly.  Count me out.


----------



## Badgers (Jan 7, 2022)




----------



## hash tag (Jan 7, 2022)

Before demolition, deconstruction or whatever it is they are doing with it, it would make a great site for someone's funeral pyre. ( It is in spitting distance of the Tyburn Gallows).


----------



## T & P (Jan 7, 2022)

It’d be great for one of those rolling cheese contests


----------



## hash tag (Jan 7, 2022)

hash tag said:


> Before demolition, deconstruction or whatever it is they are doing with it, it would make a great site for someone's funeral pyre. ( It is in spitting distance of the Tyburn Gallows).


Any nominations?


----------



## T & P (Jan 7, 2022)

You could also cover it in artificial snow and host an alternative mini Winter Olympics for that handful of nations boycotting Beijing next month.


----------



## T & P (Jun 1, 2022)

Sadly I don't have any new stories of reveller misery to report, but coming here just to wish everyone a happy Jubilee weekend, and hope that the festivities will bring us many tales of rip off events, disappointed parents, and angry partygoers


----------



## dessiato (Jun 1, 2022)

T & P said:


> Sadly I don't have any new stories of reveller misery to report, but coming here just to wish everyone a happy Jubilee weekend, and hope that the festivities will bring us many tales of rip offs events, disappointed parents and angry partygoers


I'm very disappointed. Such a major celebration isn't even acknowledged here, so no time off. Bloody Spanish not showing appropriate respect to her great and wonderful majesty. Where would they be if it wasn't for the English tourists keeping their country afloat?


----------



## TopCat (Jun 1, 2022)

I’m thinking of Badgers. He would want it to be shit.


----------



## Part 2 (Jul 26, 2022)

Summer never fails to provide a few disappointments for the kiddiewinks.

"If you’re thinking of going to the Nickelodeon Experience at Heaton Park in Manchester - don’t. Save yourself the extortionate entry fee and just watch SpongeBob in your garden in the rain."









						Fuming parents "feel robbed" at Nickelodeon Experience in Heaton Park
					

It has not been quite the experience some families had hoped for




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk


----------



## Epona (Jul 26, 2022)

🤣 😂


----------



## NoXion (Jul 26, 2022)

> "The event is the only one of its kind in the UK, offering visitors of all ages the opportunity to explore a site full of adventure and interactive experiences.
> 
> “Each zone in the Nickelodeon Experience brings to life a popular TV show from the channel for fans to enjoy at their leisure. Younger fans can explore the Ninja Turtles’ underground network of tunnels, climb aboard Santiago of the Seas’ ship and meet their favourite Paw Patrol characters.
> 
> "Among the attractions for kids is an interactive Hunter Street escape room, a Henry Danger maze and a zone dedicated to the Thundermans school for superheroes, where audiences get to perfect their superhero powers.



These three paragraphs are pure advertising copy, and should have been edited out of the final article. FFS.


----------



## wtfftw (Jul 26, 2022)

"Our bus back to Byron was like a war hospital. Bloodied, muddied, shell-shocked people, sitting in silence with thousand-yard stares, shaking their heads every now and then. Nobody was talking; the only sound was that of a quiet rage. We didn’t return for day three."





__





						Splendour in the Grass 2022: bus chaos, noxious mud and public urination at an ‘unbelievably awful’ time | Music festivals | The Guardian
					

Organisers of the Byron Bay music festival underplayed the reality of the situation as rain and transport woes created a perfect storm that left punters shell-shocked




					amp.theguardian.com


----------



## Voley (Jul 26, 2022)

wtfftw said:


> "Our bus back to Byron was like a war hospital. Bloodied, muddied, shell-shocked people, sitting in silence with thousand-yard stares, shaking their heads every now and then. Nobody was talking; the only sound was that of a quiet rage. We didn’t return for day three."
> 
> 
> 
> ...


" there was no way to get into the grounds without wading through a slippery blend of mud, vomit and piss, a knee-high horror bog that smelled of death and made you wish for it."


----------



## Part 2 (Jul 26, 2022)

NoXion said:


> These three paragraphs are pure advertising copy, and should have been edited out of the final article. FFS.


You're asking a bit much of the MEN there tbh


----------



## NoXion (Jul 26, 2022)

wtfftw said:


> "Our bus back to Byron was like a war hospital. Bloodied, muddied, shell-shocked people, sitting in silence with thousand-yard stares, shaking their heads every now and then. Nobody was talking; the only sound was that of a quiet rage. We didn’t return for day three."
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Non-AMP link: Splendour in the Grass 2022: bus chaos, noxious mud and public urination at an ‘unbelievably awful’ time

Google AMP is bad


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 26, 2022)

This thread reminds me of this disappointing family activity festival from last year, plugged by the nation's favourite piss-swigging former weekend warrior Bear Grylls.









						Bear Grylls defends Devon festival amid claims kids left 'in tears'  | ITV News
					

Bear Grylls' Gone Wild festival at Powderham Castle has been criticised for its poor organisation and Covid checks. | ITV News West Country




					www.itv.com
				




It's coming back this year of course.


----------



## quiet guy (Jul 27, 2022)

wtfftw said:


> "Our bus back to Byron was like a war hospital. Bloodied, muddied, shell-shocked people, sitting in silence with thousand-yard stares, shaking their heads every now and then. Nobody was talking; the only sound was that of a quiet rage. We didn’t return for day three."
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It'll prepare them all for when they get tickets for Glastonbury and pours down for the whole week - character building 😆


----------



## jimbarkanoodle (Jul 27, 2022)

NoXion said:


> Non-AMP link: Splendour in the Grass 2022: bus chaos, noxious mud and public urination at an ‘unbelievably awful’ time
> 
> Google AMP is bad


Doesn't sound much worse than the wet Bestival in 2008.


----------



## Epona (Jul 27, 2022)

Fucksake that article - Oh please, it's a bit of fucking mud and you didn't get to use your £220 VIP passes which I assume you got on expenses, boo hoo, my heart is breaking for you.

It does sound as if there was some poor organisation and overenthusiastic stewarding/security, BUT:



War hospital and shell-shocked my fucking arse.    Get a grip and some perspective.


----------



## two sheds (Jul 27, 2022)

It was worse than being in the trenches in WWI don't be so callous


----------



## Elpenor (Jul 27, 2022)

two sheds said:


> It was worse than being in the trenches in WWI don't be so callous


Poison gas attacks in both


----------



## Epona (Jul 27, 2022)

I mean maybe folks don't expect festivals in Australia to be a mudbath, but likening it to war conditions and referencing PTSD is just wrong.


----------



## salem (Jul 27, 2022)

I rocked up in Australia forgetting it was their winter and went straight to a festival. It was a much more cold and rainy experience than the Aussie soaps and cheery Aussie expats led me to expect. Overall a very friendly and unique experience and great fun though - no pools of vomit, piss or blood.


----------



## Dom Traynor (Jul 27, 2022)

salem said:


> I rocked up in Australia forgetting it was their winter and went straight to a festival. It was a much more cold and rainy experience than the Aussie soaps and cheery Aussie expats led me to expect. Overall a very friendly and unique experience and great fun though - no pools of vomit, piss or blood.


People forget how cold the more Southerly parts of Aus get in the winter. I can get through a whole year in Auckland barely wearing jumpers but for about 3 months Melbourne and South of Sydney get proper cold.


----------



## Epona (Jul 27, 2022)

Dom Traynor said:


> People forget how cold the more Southerly parts of Aus get in the winter. I can get through a whole year in Auckland barely wearing jumpers but for about 3 months Melbourne and South of Sydney get proper cold.



Ooh, a whole 3 months!  That's practically Antarctic


----------



## pbsmooth (Jul 27, 2022)

Hmm no. It was recently headline news in Melbourne because they had a frost. The lowest average high temp being 14 is not cold.


----------



## Dom Traynor (Jul 28, 2022)

Epona said:


> Ooh, a whole 3 months!  That's practically Antarctic


It's too cold for me. I have acclimatized to a mild climate.


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Aug 2, 2022)

Waterworld. Seemingly sharing its shitness with the film of the same name 









						'Appalling' water park slammed over cold pools, gum on seats and 'insane' prices
					

The water park has been criticised by Tripadvisor reviewers, with many complaining about its cold pools, 'insane' prices and chewing gum stuck on seats




					www.mirror.co.uk


----------



## T & P (Aug 2, 2022)

I’m sure it’s been mentioned in this thread aplenty over the years, but those fascinated by the Splendour in the Park story are urged to check out the documentary on Netflix about the infamous Fyre Festival.

It is absolutely fascinating, and the scale of the fuck up, mismanagement, and eventually open fraud involved, which culminated in thousands of New York elite socialites who’d been conned out of $80,000 on average to be there pretty much going full Lord of the Flies mode and setting the place on fire on the first night, cannot be overstated. The organiser was only recently released from prison for his part in it.

Just search for ‘Fyre’ on Netflix, assuming it’s still available there. Unmissable for any fan of this thread.


----------



## Elpenor (Aug 2, 2022)

T & P said:


> I’m sure it’s been mentioned in this thread aplenty over the years, but those fascinated by the Splendour in the Park story are urged to check out the documentary on Netflix about the infamous Fyre Festival.
> 
> It is absolutely fascinating, and the scale of the fuck up, mismanagement, and eventually open fraud involved, which culminated in thousands of New York elite socialites who’d been conned out of $80,000 on average to be there pretty much going full Lord of the Flies mode and setting the place on fire on the first night, cannot be overstated. The organiser was only recently released from prison for his part in it.
> 
> Just search for ‘Fyre’ on Netflix, assuming it’s still available there. Unmissable for any fan of this thread.


Worth watching for this chaps part in it


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Aug 3, 2022)

T & P said:


> I’m sure it’s been mentioned in this thread aplenty over the years, but those fascinated by the Splendour in the Park story are urged to check out the documentary on Netflix about the infamous Fyre Festival.
> 
> It is absolutely fascinating, and the scale of the fuck up, mismanagement, and eventually open fraud involved, which culminated in thousands of New York elite socialites who’d been conned out of $80,000 on average to be there pretty much going full Lord of the Flies mode and setting the place on fire on the first night, cannot be overstated. The organiser was only recently released from prison for his part in it.
> 
> Just search for ‘Fyre’ on Netflix, assuming it’s still available there. Unmissable for any fan of this thread.



Unless there are unpaid elves rolling spliffs in the car park and telling kids to piss off I don't see the relevance


----------



## NoXion (Aug 3, 2022)

Nine Bob Note said:


> Unless there are unpaid elves rolling spliffs in the car park and telling kids to piss off I don't see the relevance



It's another case of event organisers over-promising and under-delivering, except on a much more epic scale than the likes of Lapland New Forest.


----------



## Epona (Aug 3, 2022)

Nine Bob Note said:


> Unless there are unpaid elves rolling spliffs in the car park and telling kids to piss off I don't see the relevance



Can you imagine how cool it would be if there was an Xmas theme park that actually staged a whole disgruntled stoned unpaid elves taking over the shitty overpriced park and ousting Santa to form an elves collective?

Fuckit, that would be something that might make me wish I'd had kids to take to it, it would be awesome


----------



## TopCat (Aug 3, 2022)

I’m wanting drunk elves mugging idiots in front of their kids.


----------



## cybershot (Aug 6, 2022)

Disgruntled parents hit out at ‘awful’ family festival event
					

Organisers of the festival hit back insisted most activities went ahead as planned with thousands enjoying the event




					www.birminghammail.co.uk


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Aug 6, 2022)

cybershot said:


> Disgruntled parents hit out at ‘awful’ family festival event
> 
> 
> Organisers of the festival hit back insisted most activities went ahead as planned with thousands enjoying the event
> ...


My favourite  quote

"Hey Duggee had to go on the main stage. They are only allowed to be in the costume for 20 minutes because it’s a costume and they could die."

(((Duggee)))


----------



## two sheds (Aug 6, 2022)

I quite liked "Parents said the Sports Zone at the Big Family Festival had 'some goals and a burst football' "


----------



## Elpenor (Aug 6, 2022)

QueenOfGoths said:


> My favourite  quote
> 
> "Hey Duggee had to go on the main stage. They are only allowed to be in the costume for 20 minutes because it’s a costume and they could die."
> 
> (((Duggee)))



Having read this article, a lot of the activities you could do in the local park with some friends and family and minimal equipment. It does seem that the events / festival space is overcrowded and perhaps there’s not enough good quality crew and facilities to go around 

And wtf is a lip sync battle although actually it’s perhaps better not to know


----------



## cupid_stunt (Aug 7, 2022)

cybershot said:


> Disgruntled parents hit out at ‘awful’ family festival event
> 
> 
> Organisers of the festival hit back insisted most activities went ahead as planned with thousands enjoying the event
> ...



“The dance workshop didn’t happen. On Saturday morning the Frozen performance with Elsa and Sven they said they would stay and meet the children. *But the compere said they were going to the bar. *Me and other people weren’t happy."


----------



## T & P (Aug 10, 2022)

Not the worst example we have seen in this thread perhaps, but still worthy of inclusion.









						Secret Garden Party apologises after complaints of 'unhygienic' festival
					

Festival goers have said toilets weren't emptied, and they were surrounded by raw sewage and bins were overflowing




					www.cambridge-news.co.uk
				






> The festival's social media accounts were flooded with criticisms about hygiene at the event that took place in Abbots Ripton near Huntingdon over the weekend (July 21 to July 24). CambridgeshireLive understands that many people complained about toilets not being emptied, raw sewage and overflowing bins.





> The festival also addressed the issues with the line up. "The music was terrible" and "the music made my ears burn" were just some of the things written on the festival's social media channels.
> 
> 
> An SGP spokesperson said: "Not announcing the line up was never going to please everyone. It was different and flipped the standard format, so a few started to expect unrealistic Glastonbury sized artists like Sir Paul McCartney.


----------



## salem (Aug 11, 2022)

I went to SGP a couple of times and don't recall ever knowing which acts were playing - it was just a place to go and take MDMA with pretty posh people in a nice setting with a few little discotheques dotted around in tents and forest clearings rather than a serious music fest.


----------



## TopCat (Aug 11, 2022)

Now a more traditional festival. Fuck the punters, cut back on cleaning crew, charge a fortune.


----------



## Part 2 (Sep 26, 2022)

If it's not cheese fest or winter fest its wing fest. I really wonder what people expect when they turn up to the Trafford Centre car park for a day out.









						Chicken fans blast Wing Fest after 'horrendous' two-hour queues per stall
					

'To pay £20 to enter and be served 2 types of wings, 2 vendors in over 4 hours is a disgrace'




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk
				




Not long now until the rush of Halloween upset.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Oct 11, 2022)

Oktoberfest was 'unmitigated disaster' with queue lasting an hour and a half
					

People queued an hour to get into the venue and then another hour and a half to get a beer.



					metro.co.uk
				




Mazzy Moo said: ‘I am so angry about tonight. We queued for an hour to get in the barn in the freeeezing cold. 17.15-1815 finally got in and were told it was an hour and a half queue for the bar, so we left.”

“Quite literally couldn’t organise a p*** up in a barn.”


----------



## Dom Traynor (Oct 11, 2022)

Mazzy Moo should be a poster here with a name like that.


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 17, 2022)

Newcastle Winter Wonderland opening day cancelled due to rain
					

A yellow rain warning has led to the organisers deciding to close the Newcastle Racecourse event on Thursday November 17




					www.chroniclelive.co.uk
				




This is a disappointing start to the season


----------



## platinumsage (Nov 17, 2022)

Merthyr Tydfil kicked us off this year:









						Shoppers angry as Trago Mills blocks disabled parking for 'winter festival'
					

One customer said her elderly father, who'd had a stroke, was left to struggle




					www.walesonline.co.uk


----------



## pogofish (Nov 17, 2022)

neonwilderness said:


> Newcastle Winter Wonderland opening day cancelled due to rain
> 
> 
> A yellow rain warning has led to the organisers deciding to close the Newcastle Racecourse event on Thursday November 17
> ...



A bit of wind and heavy rain didn't stop Aberdeen's Christmas shit from opening today:







Fuck.. That..!


----------



## T & P (Nov 17, 2022)

platinumsage said:


> Merthyr Tydfil kicked us off this year:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Season of goodwill


----------



## pogofish (Nov 17, 2022)

Seems that they have cancelled the switch-on for the civic Christmas Tree that was due for tonight though.


----------



## Supine (Nov 17, 2022)

This thread is the only Christmas thing that’s acceptable in November. 

Bring on the misery


----------



## jimbarkanoodle (Nov 17, 2022)

pogofish said:


> A bit of wind and heavy rain didn't stop Aberdeen's Christmas shit from opening today:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Looks mighty tempting. Would definitely spend £8 on a bratwurst there.


----------



## pogofish (Nov 17, 2022)

jimbarkanoodle said:


> Looks mighty tempting. Would definitely spend £8 on a bratwurst there.



I'm going to have to go near it tomorrow - I may just pop-by to see if eight quid will actually get you a Bratwurst this year..!


----------



## dessiato (Nov 17, 2022)

The Xmas Market opens here on the 25th Nov which seems a good idea. Gives a month to be ripped off before the great day arrives.


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Nov 17, 2022)

We are having a Xmas lights switch on at my place of work. I found out today someone forgot to book a Santa and they’re now struggling to find one available


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 17, 2022)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> We are having a Xmas lights switch on at my place at work. I found out today someone forgot to book a Santa and they’re now struggling to find one available




You gonna step up to the plate bees? Red dressing gown, packet of cotton wool for the beard…


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Nov 17, 2022)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> You gonna step up to the plate bees? Red dressing gown, packet of cotton wool for the beard…


Alas, I will be busy projecting festive images onto a clock tower


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 17, 2022)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> Alas, I will be busy projecting festive images onto a clock tower




Can Brum handle the excitement?


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Nov 17, 2022)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Can Brum handle the excitement?


----------



## Artaxerxes (Nov 17, 2022)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> Alas, I will be busy projecting festive images onto a clock tower




Jingle balls?


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Nov 17, 2022)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> We are having a Xmas lights switch on at my place of work. I found out today someone forgot to book a Santa and they’re now struggling to find one available


Is there a fee involved 🤔


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 17, 2022)

Zapp Brannigan said:


> Is there a fee involved 🤔


You’d have to supply your own smoking elves


----------



## T & P (Nov 17, 2022)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> We are having a Xmas lights switch on at my place of work. I found out today someone forgot to book a Santa and they’re now struggling to find one available


Book a Satan instead, then blame it on dyslexia


----------



## pinkmonkey (Nov 19, 2022)

Soz for Sun link but LOL

Inside unfinished World Cup fan village with rubble and cramped conditions


----------



## Skim (Nov 19, 2022)

platinumsage said:


> Merthyr Tydfil kicked us off this year:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ah, Trago Mills. The “Cornish Harrods”.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Nov 20, 2022)

pinkmonkey said:


> Soz for Sun link but LOL
> 
> Inside unfinished World Cup fan village with rubble and cramped conditions



For those not wanting to visit the Sun's site, you can view the article here - archive.ph


----------



## Fuzzy (Nov 20, 2022)

Skim said:


> Ah, Trago Mills. The “Cornish Harrods”.


going down trago


----------



## two sheds (Nov 20, 2022)

Trago had UKIP posters up back in the day as I recall. Top employer


----------



## Fuzzy (Nov 20, 2022)

two sheds said:


> Trago had UKIP posters up back in the day as I recall. Top employer


from what I know of Mr trago he had a prickly relationship with authority. doesn't surprise me about the ukip stuff.


----------



## gentlegreen (Nov 20, 2022)

Paltalk knows where I live ...
Well actually as pedestrian / cyclist on the other end of town, the place is my idea of hell.
The whole area is totally car-centric.

As a non-parent, the prices look very scary.
I wonder how much energy will be deployed both in terms of people driving there, the lighting and the outdoor ice rink ...






						- Cribbs Causeway
					






					www.mallcribbs.com


----------



## T & P (Nov 21, 2022)

Kudos to Qatar for trying to emulate the legendary Fyre festival  




> On the long, winding drive towards the campsite there are audible and visual signs of heavy machinery. Construction cranes reach high into the sky and workmen are busy with jobs ranging from laying pavement stones to wiring lights.
> 
> And as you drive towards the reception area the Blok 'N' Mesh perimeter fence doesn't exactly exude the 'premium fan camp' tag on the site's official booking page.





> "It costs about £175 a night. To be honest it wasn't what I expected. When you see the pictures and read the description - and it's a Fifa World Cup - you expect a little bit of quality," said Pedro.
> 
> "This is like a sub-par hostel that you can find backpacking across the world.
> 
> ...








£175 per night...









						Inside Qatar's £175-a-night World Cup fan village
					

BBC Sport's Nesta McGregor visits Qatar's £175-a-night tented fan village to find out what supporters think of the experience.




					www.bbc.co.uk


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 21, 2022)

T & P said:


> Kudos to Qatar for trying to emulate the legendary Fyre festival
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Have they opened bookings for Christmas yet?


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 24, 2022)

Mum charged £47 for two bags of pick and mix from Cardiff Winter Wonderland
					

"I think we were just shocked"




					www.walesonline.co.uk
				






> We both made sure the kids never went over board. The bags were nowhere near half full, but nobody knows what 100g of sweets looks like. As my husband was paying, my little girl started eating the sweets so I couldn’t have put some back if I wanted to.





> I didn’t hear the woman say the price to my husband but I could tell by his reaction it was high so I asked him how much. He said £47.26, and I said: 'What, you can’t be serious?'. I think we were just shocked we knew it was going to be expensive but I was thinking maybe £20-£23. He just paid and we left.





> It really put a downer on the day we had had. Nobody nowadays can afford to spend £47 on a pick n mix. I feel like they should maybe display a couple of display bags of sweets saying how much this would cost you on average, so people are aware. Nobody knows what 100g of sweets looks like.





> We can confirm that the scales are checked and set with no way to adjust them once we are set up so for the total to be £47 this would have been just over 1.6kg of sweets in two bags.


----------



## NoXion (Nov 24, 2022)

gentlegreen said:


> Paltalk knows where I live ...
> Well actually as pedestrian / cyclist on the other end of town, the place is my idea of hell.
> The whole area is totally car-centric.
> 
> ...



Speaking as someone who's accompanied my sister and her fiance when they take their kids for a day out, the grotto prices don't look too bad to me. But the ice skating sessions need to either be twice as long (half an hour?!) or cost half as much.

As for the energy consumption, I think it's completely unreasonable to expect parents to remain cooped up in the house with their children all winter. As a single dude I'm more than happy to hole up nice and snug in my man-cave and play video games all day as a form of ersatz-hibernation. But families with kids want and need a more varied range of activities, which will by necessity include going out and doing stuff, which inevitably incurs an energy cost.


----------



## souljacker (Nov 24, 2022)

Reading's winter wonderland has only been open a couple of weeks but we've already had people being threatened with umbrellas lol









						People threatened with umbrella at Winter Wonderland
					

Three people have been arrested following the incident - which saw staff members assaulted




					www.getreading.co.uk


----------



## A380 (Nov 24, 2022)

gentlegreen said:


> Paltalk knows where I live ...
> Well actually as pedestrian / cyclist on the other end of town, the place is my idea of hell.
> The whole area is totally car-centric.
> 
> ...


Everyone's favourite bear? These chaps want a fucking word.


----------



## Elpenor (Nov 24, 2022)

souljacker said:


> Reading's winter wonderland has only been open a couple of weeks but we've already had people being threatened with umbrellas lol
> 
> 
> 
> ...


The Bulgarian secret service get everywhere


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Nov 24, 2022)

Panic over, a Santa had been found. Xmas can commence on campus to schedule


----------



## pogofish (Nov 25, 2022)

"Elfingrove" has just shut down - Technical issues apparently.  Maybe the Elves on a smoke break set fire to the marquee?

The organiser is apparently "heartbroken"









						Glasgow's Elfingrove closes down temporarily due to technical issue
					

The event's creator said today there was an issue with the marquee, and would close temporarily to the public as a precaution, adding that he was "heartbroken".




					www.dailyrecord.co.uk


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 25, 2022)

> The event's creator said today there was an issue with the marquee, and would close temporarily to the public as a precaution due to elf and safety.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Nov 25, 2022)

pogofish said:


> "Elfingrove" has just shut down - Technical issues apparently.  Maybe the Elves on a smoke break set fire to the marquee?
> 
> The organiser is apparently "heartbroken"
> 
> ...


I used to work there. 🤣


----------



## neonwilderness (Nov 29, 2022)

Complaints as visitors couldn't see fireworks at lights switch on
					

A statement has been released




					www.nottinghampost.com
				






> Shame standing like near the stage you couldn’t see a single fire work. Placement needs to be better.





> So you could see the fireworks from Bridge Street - BIG DEAL shame hundreds in the actual market square could see Diddlysquat! Just because it was a Free event didn't mean you were Free to muck it up!





> Terrible shame no one mentioned where they would be as probably only a small percentage of people saw them.





> Agree we were mid market place could hardly see the fireworks as almost totally hidden by Council house, everyone around us said same. Saw nothing like this shows such a shame


----------



## jimbarkanoodle (Nov 30, 2022)

neonwilderness said:


> Complaints as visitors couldn't see fireworks at lights switch on
> 
> 
> A statement has been released
> ...


Makes a change from middle class folk complaining about fireworks because their family pet dog doesn't like the noise of them. Even though they made a conscious decision to keep the animal captive in a densely populated urban area.


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## kev42 (Nov 30, 2022)

Pontins are doing 2 night 'Dreamland' breaks.

These weekends are truly a magical winter wonderland experience where you can get into the Christmas spirit even earlier!



			https://www.pontins.com/dreamland/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Dreamland%20Video.mp4
		


I eagerly await the inevitable 'Xmas ruined' stories to follow


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## neonwilderness (Dec 1, 2022)

10 signs your Christmas market is a yuletide dud
					

Winter wonderland or holiday horror? With events opening up and down the land, we outline the (festively hued) red flags to watch out for




					www.telegraph.co.uk


----------



## TopCat (Dec 1, 2022)

neonwilderness said:


> 10 signs your Christmas market is a yuletide dud
> 
> 
> Winter wonderland or holiday horror? With events opening up and down the land, we outline the (festively hued) red flags to watch out for
> ...


They are all mostly shite.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 1, 2022)

TopCat said:


> They are all mostly shite.


So are the winter wonderlands, yet people still go to them year after year


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## T & P (Dec 1, 2022)

Even if fireworks are included (and they’re never going to be that big if fired from the main street in a town centre anyway), going to see the Christmas lights being switched on has to be the most fucking pointless and idiotic activity anyone could partake in.

At least visiting a Xmas market or winter wonderland, however shit it’s likely to be, will still provide a solid half hour or more of walking about looking at different things, or, shopping opportunities for your little ones however tacky, or amusement rides to try.

The switching on of an undeniably ordinary set of Xmas lights by some Z-list chancer, however? What the actual fuck?


----------



## dessiato (Dec 1, 2022)

T & P said:


> Even if fireworks are included (and they’re never going to be that big if fired from the main street in a town centre anyway), going to see the Christmas lights being switched on has to be the most fucking pointless and idiotic activity anyone could partake in.
> 
> At least visiting a Xmas market or winter wonderland, however shit it’s likely to be, will still provide a solid half hour or more of walking about looking at different things, or, shopping opportunities for your little ones however tacky, or amusement rides to try.
> 
> The switching on of an undeniably ordinary set of Xmas lights by some Z-list chancer, however? What the actual fuck?


In my experience places that make a bit of a thing about turning on lights also have stalls selling a variety of goods alongside to switching on.


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## jimbarkanoodle (Dec 2, 2022)

T & P said:


> Even if fireworks are included (and they’re never going to be that big if fired from the main street in a town centre anyway), going to see the Christmas lights being switched on has to be the most fucking pointless and idiotic activity anyone could partake in.
> 
> At least visiting a Xmas market or winter wonderland, however shit it’s likely to be, will still provide a solid half hour or more of walking about looking at different things, or, shopping opportunities for your little ones however tacky, or amusement rides to try.
> 
> The switching on of an undeniably ordinary set of Xmas lights by some Z-list chancer, however? What the actual fuck?


I enjoyed how passionately you feel about how shit Christmas lights switch on ceremonies are, and i largely agree, unless you are there with young children, you have a to be a bit dry or just weird to enjoy such an 'occasion'. 

That been said, i was passing through Carnaby Street one year and it must have been their switch on event, it was actually alright because Norman Jay was playing a set for free in the middle of the street, so i went and got some cans from the nearest shop and got involved.


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## UrbaneFox (Dec 2, 2022)

neonwilderness said:


> So are the winter wonderlands, yet people still go to them year after year


Hope springs eternal in the human heart. <holly><robin><cracker>


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## pogofish (Dec 9, 2022)

Leven in Fife apparently:


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## neonwilderness (Dec 9, 2022)

It looks quite good compared to some of the others tbf


----------



## Part 2 (Dec 12, 2022)

Parents angered at 'rip off' Christmas experience at Trafford Centre
					

"I am so angry that my kids left feeling rushed, underwhelmed and questioning if Santa was real."




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk


----------



## two sheds (Dec 12, 2022)

"questioning if Santa was real."  

they should sue they'd be in for thousands for psychiatric care


----------



## T & P (Dec 12, 2022)

'You basically pay £40 to have a photo that then costs £20. Nothing else to it'


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## neonwilderness (Dec 12, 2022)

Part 2 said:


> Parents angered at 'rip off' Christmas experience at Trafford Centre
> 
> 
> "I am so angry that my kids left feeling rushed, underwhelmed and questioning if Santa was real."
> ...





> Honestly the worse [sic] santa experience I've ever been to. It was disorganised and santa was not very believable. My five year old son did not think he was the real santa and called him an imposter!!





> Got a present from Santa whose beard was falling off and they couldn't even be bothered to wrap the present. My five year old got a book that he will probably be able to read when he's about 10 shocking experience.





> Then we rushed out to a gift shop. This was why other kids were crying as they wanted a proper toy from the gift shop. Then the pictures cost £10 each or 2 for £18. Would not recommend.


Excellent


----------



## NoXion (Dec 12, 2022)

Yeah, I'm still not seeing the funny side of ordinary people being ripped off at Christmas time. Especially people with young children. The fact that there's a cost of living crisis going on makes it even more despicable.


----------



## Elpenor (Dec 12, 2022)

these meet Father Christmas things are an example the commercialisation and hence  profit extracting of something that may once have been free at the church / social club / work Christmas party back in the day. Now these social ties are less strong spivs take advantage 

A mate was a Santa at the “Germans living in Berkshire” Xmas party a few years ago I think, that sort of thing.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 12, 2022)

Can't help thinking that some people are casually skating over the bombshell that Santa isn't real 😱😱😱


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 12, 2022)

NoXion said:


> Yeah, I'm still not seeing the funny side of ordinary people being ripped off at Christmas time. Especially people with young children. The fact that there's a cost of living crisis going on makes it even more despicable.


'You basically pay £40 to have a photo that then costs £20. Nothing else to it'

NoXion, no-one HAS to do any of this crap. The parents know it's just someone in a Santa outfit and the same 'present' will be given to all the kids. 

Do try to get into the spirit of things. 'Ordinary people' are ripped off all over the world at Christmas time - that's what it's all about.


----------



## NoXion (Dec 12, 2022)

UrbaneFox said:


> 'You basically pay £40 to have a photo that then costs £20. Nothing else to it'
> 
> NoXion, no-one HAS to do any of this crap. The parents know it's just someone in a Santa outfit and the same 'present' will be given to all the kids.
> 
> Do try to get into the spirit of things. 'Ordinary people' are ripped off all over the world at Christmas time - that's what it's all about.



Nobody HAS to pay for _any_ good or service that isn't absolutely essential. That doesn't excuse deceptive practices such as not properly advertising additional costs. Nor does the non-essential nature of a good or service make it OK to engage in gleeful gloating over the feelings of disappointed parents and children. I also do not think it is unreasonable for customers to expect, as a matter of basic competency, that any gifts being handed out are age-appropriate.

My spirit is that people shouldn't be bilked out of their cash by chancers, and that the opprobrium should be on those people who organise these events.


----------



## TopCat (Dec 12, 2022)

NoXion said:


> Yeah, I'm still not seeing the funny side of ordinary people being ripped off at Christmas time. Especially people with young children. The fact that there's a cost of living crisis going on makes it even more despicable.


I sincerely believe that the gullible need protection. We have the sale of goods act, weights and measures and so forth. But if people buy into this Santa rubbish, well it's all varieties of rubbish.


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## neonwilderness (Dec 14, 2022)

May Kasahara has already posted this on Badgers thread, but it's worth a repost here  









						'Winter wonderland' described as an 'absolute shambles'
					

AN EAST Lothian 'winter wonderland' has been described as an "absolute shambles".




					www.eastlothiancourier.com
				






> It was nothing short of diabolical to say the least.
> 
> The advertisement promised all sorts of wonderful Christmas activities.
> 
> ...









> One of the biggest draws to the event were the lights, which were advertised in promotional images as covering the estate area in vibrant colours, but Lynsey described these as nothing more than "fairy lights" that weren't all working.








> Another visitor who spoke to the Courier described the experience as "bizarre", citing a Santa-themed train ride aimed at children that featured a handless mannequin in a Santa suit with an electrical tape belt surrounded by palm trees as an example


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 14, 2022)

neonwilderness said:


> May Kasahara has already posted this on Badgers thread, but it's worth a repost here
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh that’s the best one in _years_


----------



## Part 2 (Dec 14, 2022)

Couldn't even be arsed paying someone to wear the santa suit.


----------



## Storm Fox (Dec 14, 2022)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> Oh that’s the best one in _years_





neonwilderness said:


> May Kasahara has already posted this on Badgers thread, but it's worth a repost here
> 
> 
> 
> ...





> "As a company, we have been organising Foodies Festivals all around the UK *for more than a decade* and are a market leader in this field.



As the company is not registered at Companies House and the Enchanted Festivals domain was registered on 20th October this year, I think that is a low probability scenario.


----------



## cupid_stunt (Dec 14, 2022)

Storm Fox said:


> As the company is not registered at Companies House and the Enchanted Festivals domain was registered on 20th October this year, I think that is a low probability scenario.



It's possible that 'Enchanted Festivals' is just the trading name of a parent company that runs the  Foodies Festivals, which in turn, may or may not be registered limited company.


----------



## killer b (Dec 14, 2022)

It's been a poor season so far: most of the ruined christmas stories I've seen have been about overpriced pick & mix. 

This from the Trafford Centre's Christmas with Paddington Experience has a few enjoyable moments though









						Parents angered at 'rip off' Christmas experience at Trafford Centre
					

"I am so angry that my kids left feeling rushed, underwhelmed and questioning if Santa was real."




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk


----------



## Sweet FA (Dec 14, 2022)

There's a bear going round, taking names.


----------



## T & P (Dec 14, 2022)

neonwilderness said:


> May Kasahara has already posted this on Badgers thread, but it's worth a repost here
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This is absolute vintage


----------



## teuchter (Dec 14, 2022)

I took this photo the other day.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 14, 2022)

teuchter said:


> I took this photo the other day.
> 
> View attachment 355624


Needs more mud and crying children


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 14, 2022)

Part 2 said:


> Couldn't even be arsed paying someone to wear the santa suit.


It's an ex "Man at C&A".


----------



## Yossarian (Dec 14, 2022)

Weird to think that the original Lapland New Forest was 14 years ago and those disappointed 6-year-olds are now in their twenties - I guess the experience was an accurate preview of what things would be like when they became adults.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 14, 2022)

Once heartbroken toddler seeks revenge.


----------



## AverageJoe (Dec 14, 2022)

Yossarian said:


> Weird to think that the original Lapland New Forest was 14 years ago and those disappointed 6-year-olds are now in their twenties - I guess the experience was an accurate preview of what things would be like when they became adults.


And could possibly have kids of their own to take. 

Will they never learn!


----------



## Supine (Dec 14, 2022)

I wonder how the smoking elf is getting on. He’s probably an accountant now or something.


----------



## TopCat (Dec 14, 2022)

Never underestimate how low some go to make a few quid.


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 14, 2022)

AverageJoe said:


> And could possibly have kids of their own to take.
> 
> Will they never learn!


The circle of life


----------



## Yossarian (Dec 14, 2022)

AverageJoe said:


> And could possibly have kids of their own to take.
> 
> Will they never learn!



Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf
So don't take your kids to crap Laplands
Go and see a film like Elf


----------



## platinumsage (Dec 14, 2022)

Crunchy Roasted Peas {Oven & Air Fryer}
					

Crunchy Roasted Peas are a healthy & delicious snack that can be made in the oven or the air fryer. These crispy peas are vegan & gluten-free.




					www.cookitrealgood.com


----------



## Supine (Dec 15, 2022)

Two boys rescued from Winter Wonderland ride after bungee snap
					

A bungee ride cord snapped at the Hyde Park attraction in London, leaving them suspended in a cage.



					www.bbc.co.uk


----------



## two sheds (Dec 15, 2022)

Just came on to post about that: 

Yet another reason not to visit Winter Wonderland​


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 15, 2022)

two sheds said:


> Just came on to post about that:
> 
> Yet another reason not to visit Winter Wonderland​



Woah, fucking hell. If that had let go just seconds later that would have been _really_ bad


----------



## neonwilderness (Dec 15, 2022)

neonwilderness said:


> May Kasahara has already posted this on Badgers thread, but it's worth a repost here
> 
> 
> 
> ...












This is the worst best one of the last few years I reckon


----------



## spitfire (Dec 15, 2022)

cupid_stunt said:


> It's possible that 'Enchanted Festivals' is just the trading name of a parent company that runs the  Foodies Festivals, which in turn, may or may not be registered limited company.



I know Foodies. Did one of their food festivals in Oxford. They put on a decent production but always lie about footfall to get traders in. Notorious for it. So they do know how to run an event. Will have to have a proper look at that article later.


----------



## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 15, 2022)

neonwilderness said:


> View attachment 355812
> 
> View attachment 355813
> 
> ...



It’s the first one that’s really even come close to the original New Forest Lapland


----------



## moomoo (Dec 15, 2022)

beesonthewhatnow said:


> It’s the first one that’s really even come close to the original New Forest Lapland


It’s the most wonderful time of the year 🙌


----------



## Elpenor (Dec 15, 2022)

Fear and Lothian in Winter Wonderland


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 15, 2022)

Haddington way & shite


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Dec 15, 2022)

AverageJoe said:


> And could possibly have kids of their own to take.
> 
> *Will they never learn!*




Sincerely hope not.


----------



## Fuzzy (Dec 15, 2022)

Supine said:


> I wonder how the smoking elf is getting on. He’s probably an accountant now or something.


that or he got lung cancer and carked it.


----------



## Part 2 (Dec 20, 2022)

More fun near the Trafford Centre. Or not as the case may be. Expect there's a similar Birmingham story given there's a 'Winter Funland' there too.









						Families blast Winter Funland as an 'overpriced, overhyped funfair'
					

The event opened at Trafford Park's BEC Arena this weekend, but has received scathing reviews




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk


----------



## UrbaneFox (Dec 27, 2022)

Better late than never.

"We didn’t get out of the car park until around 9.30pm, by which time the event had already closed." Rebekah said the ordeal upset their children, 12-year-old Annalise and seven-year-old Zara, and ruined what was supposed to be a treat in the build up to Christmas.









						'Gutted' Huddersfield family get trapped in 4-hour car park queues
					

A couple who took their children to the event were 'stuck in limbo' when they could not compensation from Lightopia




					www.examinerlive.co.uk


----------



## Part 2 (Jan 5, 2023)

Another late arrival. I imagine it's probably taken 2 weeks for the MEN 'journalists' to find these comments on social media.









						Families slam 'rip off' event saying children were bored within 30 minutes
					

Parents say there was little to do, equipment was broken and children were 'told off' for bouncing on the only inflatable slide there




					www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk


----------



## May Kasahara (Jan 5, 2023)

UrbaneFox said:


> Better late than never.
> 
> "We didn’t get out of the car park until around 9.30pm, by which time the event had already closed." Rebekah said the ordeal upset their children, 12-year-old Annalise and seven-year-old Zara, and ruined what was supposed to be a treat in the build up to Christmas.
> 
> ...


This is so pathetic. Don't want to miss your timed slot that's on a refund-not-guaranteed ticket? Don't go out Christmas shopping on one of the busiest days in the year!


----------



## neonwilderness (Jan 5, 2023)

Part 2 said:


> Another late arrival. I imagine it's probably taken 2 weeks for the MEN 'journalists' to find these comments on social media.
> 
> 
> 
> ...





> Billed as 'a magical place where dreams come to life' they said it would feature 'four colourful worlds of imagination filled with exciting inflatable creatures such as *talking cacti, hanging birds and a giant octopus'*.


The true spirit of Christmas


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## spitfire (Jan 5, 2023)

May Kasahara said:


> This is so pathetic. Don't want to miss your timed slot that's on a refund-not-guaranteed ticket? Don't go out Christmas shopping on one of the busiest days in the year!



I would love to see how they approached it, I bet they went straight from sob story to mega indignant so whoever was dealing with it went "fuck you!".


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## TopCat (Jan 5, 2023)

Part 2 said:


> Another late arrival. I imagine it's probably taken 2 weeks for the MEN 'journalists' to find these comments on social media.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


A family of arses


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## editor (Jan 6, 2023)

Moved out of the Christmas forum for all-year-round LOLz.


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## neonwilderness (Tuesday at 9:31 AM)

https://www.northamptonchron.co.uk/news/people/residents-angry-after-popular-christmas-event-in-northampton-leaves-woodland-area-like-a-scene-from-world-war-i-3979816
		




> Residents have criticised a popular Christmas event in Northampton and compared the aftermath of it to ‘like a scene from World War I’.





> I saw a dead pigeon next to one of the winter light trail fences...it kind of symbolised the lack of consideration.


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## BoatieBird (Tuesday at 10:17 AM)

This is local to us. I heard that it was shit so didn't bother (sorry thread).
We sometimes walk the dogs there so I'm a bit pissed off about the state they've left it in


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## jimbarkanoodle (Tuesday at 11:31 AM)

BoatieBird said:


> This is local to us. I heard that it was shit so didn't bother (sorry thread).
> We sometimes walk the dogs there so I'm a bit pissed off about the state they've left it in


Judging from the photo above, i can see that it must be near impossible to walk a dog in that forest with a road vehicle track in the mud. Dogs tend to get very upset when they see such unbridled carnage, puts them right off a walk.


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## not henry (Tuesday at 1:30 PM)

UrbaneFox said:


> Better late than never.
> 
> "We didn’t get out of the car park until around 9.30pm, by which time the event had already closed." Rebekah said the ordeal upset their children, 12-year-old Annalise and seven-year-old Zara, and ruined what was supposed to be a treat in the build up to Christmas.
> 
> ...


I don't mind that this family suffered the alleged woes that they did


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