# Worst British Filum of all time ?



## not-bono-ever (Mar 3, 2013)

Inspired by my recent watching of Lesbian Vampire killers or whatever, what is the worst british film of all time ?


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## zoooo (Mar 3, 2013)

Is there one that combines Guy Ritchie and Danny Dyer? If so, that.


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## Frances Lengel (Mar 3, 2013)




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## Belushi (Mar 3, 2013)

Any one of those shit british gangster movies aimed at middle class 'lads'


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## Thora (Mar 3, 2013)

I have seen the worst film ever thanks to Mr Thora.  It has Faye from Steps in it:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1289414/


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## spanglechick (Mar 3, 2013)

apparently dyer's latest - Run for your wife (also 'starring denise van outen, neil morrisey and the blonde one from girls aloud) - is a contender. The reviews are very funny, and the worst i've seen... and it took £650 in total in its opening week.  no really. which included valentines day (one of the most profitable box office weeks of the year).


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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)

​

​​2 strong contenders...​


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## DaveCinzano (Mar 3, 2013)

The Gilbey Brothers' _Rollin' With The Nines_ is quite poor, shot through with cliches and packed with jarring Americanisms - Jason Flemyng as a police lieutenant?! But it's hardly the worst film in the world, and they went on to make _Rise Of The Footsoldier_, which was thoroughly competent whether the subject matter or style is your cup of tea or not.

The casually misogynistic gangster film of recent years seems to have thrown up lots of these - distasteful, lazy, but in some respects well made. From _Hard Men_ through _Shooters_, _Bonded By Blood_ to _The Business_, not forgetting _Essex Boys _or_ The Crew_ or _Daylight Robbery_, these are not great films, but they are not the bottom of the barrel.

Now, the Primrose Hill nonsense - the _Love, Honour & Obey_ sort of shit, the _Rancid Aluminium_ type of thing: horrible. 

But I must lend my weight behind _Kung Fu Flid_ - it's as close to unwatchable as ever I have experienced. Up there with Uwe Boll.


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## Fez909 (Mar 3, 2013)

Thora said:


> I have seen the worst film ever thanks to Mr Thora. It has Faye from Steps in it:
> 
> http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1289414/


 
Wow. I was told about this but didn't think it was British. Wow!

I've not seen it so I can't say if it's better or worse, but this sounds like it will give it a run for its money:

Dead Man Running

It's a gangster film with 50 Cent, Danny Dyer, Rio Ferdinand and Ashley Cole. Those people coming together in one space sounds mental to me, never mind them making a film.

Would love to see it.


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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)

Further proof of Dave Stewart's shitery


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## Reno (Mar 3, 2013)

For some reason the first thing that came to mind was Michael Winner's remake of The Wicked Lady.


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## Fez909 (Mar 3, 2013)

Is Spiceworld: the Movie counted? Or is it exempt because it was never trying to be good?


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## D'wards (Mar 3, 2013)




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## Fez909 (Mar 3, 2013)

I see your Keith Lemon, and I raise you one Roy 'chubby' Brown





Typical line from the film: upon finding out the alien race are hermaphrodites, Mr Brown opines, "imagine that: having a cock AND a pussy...you wouldn't have to get up in the morning!"


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## killer b (Mar 3, 2013)

Fez909 said:


> Is Spiceworld: the Movie counted? Or is it exempt because it was never trying to be good?


I though spiceworld was pretty good, for what it was. 

SW9 is my nomination for this thread.


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## Fez909 (Mar 3, 2013)

killer b said:


> I though spiceworld was pretty good, for what it was.
> 
> SW9 is my nomination for this thread.


 
To be fair, I've not seen it, so I'm being prejudiced. Meatloaf as bus driver, though, and one of the main characters is played by Victoria Adams? 

If I remember rightly, but I'm sure I must be wrong here, it had Richard E Grant in it!?!?!?


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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)

Some right old crap got made in the early '70s


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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)

Fez909 said:


> To be fair, I've not seen it, so I'm being prejudiced. Meatloaf as bus driver, though, and one of the main characters is played by Victoria Adams?
> 
> If I remember rightly, but I'm sure I must be wrong here, it had Richard E Grant in it!?!?!?







Larry Shitter appeared in it as well,not surprising his part got cut


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## albionism (Mar 3, 2013)




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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)




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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)

The Boat That Rocked ?...The Film That Sucked more like...


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## DaveCinzano (Mar 3, 2013)

Couple more come to mind:


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## Ax^ (Mar 3, 2013)




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## DaveCinzano (Mar 3, 2013)

Talking of Neil Morrissey:


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## baldrick (Mar 3, 2013)

http://flicksided.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/face.jpg

Everything about this is bad. And I like Robert Carlyle.


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## albionism (Mar 3, 2013)




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## DaveCinzano (Mar 3, 2013)

baldrick said:


> Everything about this is bad.


 
No it's not. You might not like it, but it's not in the same league as some of the films mentioned on here. It's just not to your taste.


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## Gromit (Mar 3, 2013)

Withnail and I.

Plot: 2 blokes go to a farm.


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## Voley (Mar 3, 2013)




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## Thora (Mar 3, 2013)

DaveCinzano said:


> No it's not. You might not like it, but it's not in the same league as some of the films mentioned on here. It's just not to your taste.


Whereas Kung Fu Flid is not to anyone's taste, ever


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## Voley (Mar 3, 2013)

I hadn't heard of Kung Fu Flid before now, I must be honest. I might have to watch it.


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## Voley (Mar 3, 2013)

spanglechick said:


> and it took £650 in total in its opening week. no really.


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## DaveCinzano (Mar 3, 2013)

Thora said:


> Whereas Kung Fu Flid is not to anyone's taste, ever




Look out! It's Faye Tozer with a barrel of acid!


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## Part 2 (Mar 3, 2013)

Gromit said:


> Withnail and I.
> 
> Plot: 2 blokes go to a farm.


 
Certainly one for the 'most over rated' list


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## The Boy (Mar 3, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> View attachment 29677


 
Wrong thread.


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## Frances Lengel (Mar 3, 2013)

The Boy said:


> Wrong thread.


 
Au contraire, it makes the rest of the thread redundant.


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## The Boy (Mar 3, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> Au contraire, it makes the rest of the thread redundant.


 
Bollocks.



> This is the 90s. Sex isn't safe any more.


 


> I stole cars at school. Take them over at break. Leave it parked outside the gates and at the end of the day I was the only kid to drive home. I was a fucking hero.


 


> Conway: What's prison taught you, Billy?
> Billy: Don't get caught...


 
On that evidence I think we can agree that the dialogue in the film is second to none. And Jude Law is perfectly cast as a wrong-side-of-the-tracks tough guy criminal type.

Oh, and Sean Pertwee.


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## Idaho (Mar 3, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> View attachment 29677


I immediately thought of this film when I saw the thread title. Utter tosh.


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## Tankus (Mar 3, 2013)




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## Reno (Mar 3, 2013)

The WTF Rosemary's Baby rip-off I Don't Want to be Born (US title The Devil Within Her), starring Joan Collins during her early 70s career nose dive should be up/down there.


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## Sue (Mar 3, 2013)

Reno said:


> The WTF Rosemary's Baby rip-off I Don't Want to be Born (US title The Devil Within Her), starring Joan Collins during her early 70s career nose dive should be up/down there.




Stumbled across this on TV one night when I got back from the pub. Was transfixed by its awfulness. Would be quite interested to see it sober...


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## Sue (Mar 3, 2013)

Tankus said:


>


 
Can we include all the 'Confessions of...' films? Oh, and the On the Buses film(s).


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## Reno (Mar 3, 2013)

Sue said:


> Stumbled across this on TV one night when I got back from the pub. Was transfixed by its awfulness. Would be quite interested to see it sober...


It really is best seen drunk.


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## cypher79 (Mar 3, 2013)

Co-sign Kung-Fu Flid (aka Unarmed and Dangerous), that is truly one horrendous film.

And why does Shopping always make these lists on here? Ok its not the best, but to call it the worst uk film of all time?


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## DotCommunist (Mar 3, 2013)

Confessions was great.

as for the Boat that rocke, given what we now know of 70s DJ's its more like the hand that rocked the cradle


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## Sue (Mar 3, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> Confessions was great.


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## Maurice Picarda (Mar 3, 2013)

DaveCinzano said:


> Talking of Neil Morrissey:


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## DJ Squelch (Mar 3, 2013)

Try again, I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle is brilliant.


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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)

Ax^ said:


>


Danny Dyer,Neil Morrissey,Denise Van Outen and the wan from Girls Aloud....I mean how could that fail.....


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## Stigmata (Mar 3, 2013)

NVP said:


>


 
Is that... is that Sci Fi legend Andreas Katsulas back row on the right?!


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## Frances Lengel (Mar 3, 2013)

Painful stuff.


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## Idaho (Mar 3, 2013)

This was dire.


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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)

Believe it was one of the highest grossing movies of the year in the UK when it was released...


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## spanglechick (Mar 3, 2013)

Idaho said:


> This was dire.


no way!  i mean - not the best film evah... but intelligently made with some nice performances.


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## Idaho (Mar 3, 2013)

It was one of those British films that are made by someone who sees the world as a series of general impressions. Made to elicit emotion, and bypass the brain.


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## DaveCinzano (Mar 3, 2013)

Can a visceral film not be 'good'? Does a 'good' film need to be cerebral?

'Worst' means 'most bad', where 'bad' implies 'of a poor standard', 'faulty', or 'negative (in a moral sense)'.

There are many examples of visceral films which are highly proficient, well-functioning (in narrative terms), or positive (in a moral sense). Many of them are hailed as 'good', 'very good', 'great', 'superlative', 'a masterpiece', etc.


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## fen_boy (Mar 3, 2013)

Link appears to be temperamental, it's Mad Dogs and Englishmen 1995, with Liz Hurley.


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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)

fen_boy said:


>


 When a film resorts to using "Excellent....Yes,Hurley does get her kit off" as a critic's recommendation you know its going to be a steaming turd


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## killer b (Mar 3, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> View attachment 29707
> 
> Painful stuff.


i had considered posting this myself. it's truly awful.


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## scalyboy (Mar 3, 2013)

Belushi said:


> Any one of those shit british gangster movies aimed at middle class 'lads'


'Charlie' - the Charles Richardson story, with Luke Goss in the lead role springs to mind..


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## killer b (Mar 3, 2013)

oh god, did anyone else see this embarassing piece of shit? features a brief appearance by trigger from only fools and horses and a pervert...


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## Voley (Mar 3, 2013)

Gingerman said:


> When a film resorts to using "Excellent....Yes,Hurley does get her kit off" as a critic's recommendation you know its going to be a steaming turd


"Best Of British!" here is a good recommendation, too. Attributed to no-one. For a good reason.


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## Idaho (Mar 3, 2013)

DaveCinzano said:


> Can a visceral film not be 'good'? Does a 'good' film need to be cerebral?
> 
> 'Worst' means 'most bad', where 'bad' implies 'of a poor standard', 'faulty', or 'negative (in a moral sense)'.
> 
> There are many examples of visceral films which are highly proficient, well-functioning (in narrative terms), or positive (in a moral sense). Many of them are hailed as 'good', 'very good', 'great', 'superlative', 'a masterpiece', etc.


It doesn't have to be cerebral. It just has to have the pieces fit together logically. The basic mechanics of human behavior, legal processes, common causality need to be in there. I hate films where the director has thought - "lets have the cast run through a sunset meadow now to show the emotional breakthrough they have just had" - despite the previous scene being early morning in the middle of the city.


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## Voley (Mar 3, 2013)

killer b said:


> oh god, did anyone else see this embarassing piece of shit? features a brief appearance by trigger from only fools and horses and a pervert...


 
I've watched it. Well, fast forwarded through it at any rate.


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## killer b (Mar 3, 2013)

for some reason i own the soundtrack. wtf?


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## Voley (Mar 3, 2013)

killer b said:


> for some reason i own the soundtrack. wtf?


That's why I was fast-forwarding through it. To hear the best songs.


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## Bakunin (Mar 3, 2013)

Thread won, methinks:


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## Voley (Mar 3, 2013)

Oh God, yeah, Dirty Weekend's shockingly bad.


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## Bakunin (Mar 3, 2013)

NVP said:


> Oh God, yeah, Dirty Weekend's shockingly bad.


 
This isn't great either:


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## Voley (Mar 3, 2013)

Ah but it does have Robert Plant nearly falling off a horse. Bonus points for that.


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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)

Or Bullshit to give it its proper title


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## Gingerman (Mar 3, 2013)

Another Winner shitefest....


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Mar 3, 2013)

Is velvet goldmine a uk film?
Or how about that fucking brain achingly shite Human Traffic.


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## pinkmonkey (Mar 3, 2013)

Fez909 said:


> To be fair, I've not seen it, so I'm being prejudiced. Meatloaf as bus driver, though, and one of the main characters is played by Victoria Adams?
> 
> If I remember rightly, but I'm sure I must be wrong here, it had Richard E Grant in it!?!?!?


Yep it did. I worked on costume for it, Specifically the shoes. They were made in a factory in Dalston. I've never ever seen  the film but working on it was great fun and I'm still really good mates with the bloke that did the clothes.


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## Citizen66 (Mar 3, 2013)

baldrick said:


> http://flicksided.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/face.jpg
> 
> Everything about this is bad. And I like Robert Carlyle.



I didn't mind that when I saw it!  

Has Ray Winstone in it too.


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## starfish (Mar 3, 2013)

Blue Juice is pretty awful from what i can remember of it.


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## spanglechick (Mar 3, 2013)

Citizen66 said:


> I didn't mind that when I saw it!
> 
> Has Ray Winstone in it too.


is it the one with damon albarn in?


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## albionism (Mar 3, 2013)




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## Sue (Mar 3, 2013)

Gingerman said:


> Danny Dyer,Neil Morrissey,Denise Van Outen and the wan from Girls Aloud....I mean how could that fail.....


 
We've all been slagging this off-- me included -- but has anyone *actually* seen it?Think we need a brave volunteer...

Peter Bradshaw gave it one star.

'The humour makes The Dick Emery Show look edgy and contemporary, and the movie features a mind-boggling parade of cameos you are only otherwise liable to see in the cutaway shots of an ITV3 repeat of An Audience with Magnus Pyke. Frank Thornton! Bill Pertwee! Russ Abbot! Connoisseurs of the British thespian scene from 30 years ago are likely, however, to have precisely the same response as those who do not recognise any of these people: an overwhelming desire to buy an old-fashioned town-gas cooking appliance in which one's head will fit snugly.'

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2013/feb/14/run-for-your-wife-review


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## Citizen66 (Mar 3, 2013)

spanglechick said:


> is it the one with damon albarn in?


 
Yeah, It is.  

I just remember them splitting the dough and one getting ripped off or something and repeating ad nauseum, "Where's My Money!!" and shooting people. I was 23/4 when it came out so was prior to my film snobbery & Arthouse phase. Plus I'm a fan of Winstone and refuse to believe he's been in anything shit; although this film seldom springs to mind when I think of what he's been in. I just think Scum, Nil by Mouth and The Warzone.

Anyroad, it isn't great, but I don't think it's as cheesy as the Guy Richie stuff let alone one of the worst films the UK has to offer. But not seen it in 15 years!


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## DotCommunist (Mar 3, 2013)

51st state was pretty wank as I recall, Robby Carlyle nd Samuel L Jackson in a kilt


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## Gingerman (Mar 4, 2013)

albionism said:


> View attachment 29711


 Good cast apart from Askwith


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## free spirit (Mar 4, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> 51st state was pretty wank as I recall, Robby Carlyle nd Samuel L Jackson in a kilt


nah, I like that.


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## Fez909 (Mar 4, 2013)

I saw a crap British film years ago but have no idea what the name is. it had a Jason Voorhees-type character in it who went around cutting people to death in London. Then he was about to kill this woman but he discovered she was blind and couldn't see his facial disfigurement, which was the reason for his murderous rage. Then it turned into a kind of love story and I don't remember anything else.

It was either the worst film ever made or really tongue in cheek.  I don't remember enough to know which.

Anyone know what I'm on about?


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## keybored (Mar 4, 2013)




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## keybored (Mar 4, 2013)

So bad it was good, almost.


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## Gingerman (Mar 4, 2013)

Sue said:


> We've all been slagging this off-- me included -- but has anyone *actually* seen it?Think we need a brave volunteer...
> 
> Peter Bradshaw gave it one star.
> 
> ...


 Got a feeling trousers falling down features in a few scenes


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## D'wards (Mar 4, 2013)

Just look at Danny Dyer's cv? most get less than 4/10 on imdb

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0245705/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1


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## Citizen66 (Mar 4, 2013)

I can't think of any truly awful ones off the top of my head*. What generally pisses me off is the dreariness of ones that are supposedly the benchmark of what we have to offer (post 1990). Trainspotting could have been miles better than what it was. Then we have other 'successes' such as Brassed Off and The Full Monty. The British are a class apart sometimes with sitcoms, but seldom does it carry over into 'comedy' films. They're just so twee and unedgy. I can't think of one comedy film that Steve Coogan has been in that's been funny. It just never works. Four Lions is the possible exception (and did The Thick of It have one?) but not seen them yet.

*Actually I can. I put myself through five minutes of Green Street once.


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## Gingerman (Mar 4, 2013)

Cannon & Ball....a comedy double act with two straight men.


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## Gingerman (Mar 4, 2013)

Citizen66 said:


> I can't think of any truly awful ones off the top of my head*. What generally pisses me off is the dreariness of ones that are supposedly the benchmark of what we have to offer (post 1990). Trainspotting could have been miles better than what it was. Then we have other 'successes' such as Brassed Off and The Full Monty. The British are a class apart sometimes with sitcoms, but seldom does it carry over into 'comedy' films. They're just so twee and unedgy. I can't think of one comedy film that Steve Coogan has been in that's been funny. It just never works. Four Lions is the possible exception (and did The Thick of It have one?) but not seen them yet.
> 
> *Actually I can. I put myself through five minutes of Green Street once.


 




They only went and made a sequel!!!!


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## 8115 (Mar 4, 2013)

The Guard is Irish but it deserves an honourable mention for services to weakness in a film.


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## Citizen66 (Mar 4, 2013)

Kevin and Perry go Large. Yeah, let's take a pretty amusing glance at how teenage kids can be and expand it into something shit. Did Roland Rat ever get a movie? Or Grange Hill?


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## Frances Lengel (Mar 4, 2013)

8115 said:


> The Guard is Irish but it deserves an honourable mention for services to weakness in a film.


 
No.


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## imposs1904 (Mar 4, 2013)

I can't even bring myself to describe it. All you need to know about it is this following snippet from its wiki page:



> _"The Riddle became the world's first feature film to be released as a DVD premiere by a national newspaper. The UK's Mail on Sunday bought UK DVD rights and distributed 2.6 million copies, making the film one of the most widely watched independent films in the UK."_


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## Fez909 (Mar 4, 2013)

Citizen66 said:


> I can't think of any truly awful ones off the top of my head*. What generally pisses me off is the dreariness of ones that are supposedly the benchmark of what we have to offer (post 1990). Trainspotting could have been miles better than what it was. Then we have other 'successes' such as Brassed Off and The Full Monty. The British are a class apart sometimes with sitcoms, but seldom does it carry over into 'comedy' films. They're just so twee and unedgy. I can't think of one comedy film that Steve Coogan has been in that's been funny. It just never works. Four Lions is the possible exception (and did The Thick of It have one?) but not seen them yet.
> 
> *Actually I can. I put myself through five minutes of Green Street once.


 
Hmm, I usually agree most of the stuff you post here, but this gets so much wrong.

Trainspotting is a great film, Steve Coogan was in The Trip which is funny (and he was in 24 Hour Party People and A Cock And Bull Story - neither comedies, but both good films).

And I agree with Frances...you're wrong about The Guard, 8115.


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## Gingerman (Mar 4, 2013)

Another Dyer Britflick


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## Gingerman (Mar 4, 2013)

imposs1904 said:


> I can't even bring myself to describe it. All you need to know about it is this following snippet from its wiki page:


 Derek Jacobi,Vanessa Redgrave and......Vinnie Jones????


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## imposs1904 (Mar 4, 2013)

Gingerman said:


> Derek Jacobi,Vanessa Redgrave and......Vinnie Jones????


 
the writer/director had something on jacobi and redgrave. no other explanation.


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## seeformiles (Mar 4, 2013)

Silas Loom said:


>


 
I paid good money to see this at the pictures - I'm sure I remember a talking turd in it somewhere?


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## Kaka Tim (Mar 4, 2013)

Citizen66 said:


> Kevin and Perry go Large. Yeah, let's take a pretty amusing glance at how teenage kids can be and expand it into something shit. Did Roland Rat ever get a movie? Or Grange Hill?


 
Its childish, purile and daft. Whats not to like?


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## Kaka Tim (Mar 4, 2013)

Shakespeare in Love. 

Horrible, smug, thespy, heritage vomit cinema.


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## Sue (Mar 4, 2013)

8115 said:


> The Guard is Irish but it deserves an honourable mention for services to weakness in a film.


 
Nah, thought The Guard was fine -- not the best thing I've ever seen, but not terrible either.


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## Citizen66 (Mar 4, 2013)

Fez909 said:
			
		

> Hmm, I usually agree most of the stuff you post here, but this gets so much wrong.
> 
> Trainspotting is a great film, Steve Coogan was in The Trip which is funny (and he was in 24 Hour Party People and A Cock And Bull Story - neither comedies, but both good films).
> 
> And I agree with Frances...you're wrong about The Guard, 8115.



Trainspotting is great if you like MTV.

I haven't seen The Trip so couldn't possibly comment but I expect there's exceptions to the rule.


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## killer b (Mar 4, 2013)

I didn't like trainspotting much as a film either. Enjoyable enough I guess, but nowt special.


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## Frances Lengel (Mar 4, 2013)

imposs1904 said:


> I can't even bring myself to describe it. All you need to know about it is this following snippet from its wiki page:


 
Never heard of this but anything with Vinnie Jones in it has to be a contender. All the reasons people cite for their (largely irrational) hatred of Danny Dyer apply tenfold to Jones.


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## DJ Squelch (Mar 4, 2013)

keybored said:


> So bad it was good, almost.


 
I thought that was terrible and I'm in it.


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## Sue (Mar 4, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> Never heard of this but anything with Vinnie Jones in it has to be a contender. All the reasons people cite for their *(largely irrational)* hatred of Danny Dyer apply tenfold to Jones.


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## likesfish (Mar 4, 2013)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1286147/reviews?start=10

the Ghost Machine
Horror movie set in Northern Ireland  virtual reality computer game horro set in an old prison.
  Truly pants
  This is why goverment funding films is a truly bad idea.


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## Sue (Mar 4, 2013)

What's the one with Liz Hurley playing a posh heroin addict? That wasn't good.


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## Gingerman (Mar 4, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> Never heard of this but anything with Vinnie Jones in it has to be a contender. All the reasons people cite for their (largely irrational) hatred of Danny Dyer apply tenfold to Jones.


Jones got lucky,Guy Richie wanted a Vinnie Jones type to play Big Chris in LSTSB,someone suggested getting VJ himself.Would have disappeared into well deserved obscurity only for Richie,thanks to him Jones has managed to sustain a sort of 'acting' career now mostly in straight to video crap.


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## Sue (Mar 4, 2013)

Gingerman said:


> Jones got lucky,Guy Richie wanted a Vinnie Jones type to play Big Chris in LSTSB,someone suggested getting VJ himself.Would have disappeared into well deserved obscurity only for Richie,thanks to him Jones has managed to sustain a sort of 'acting' career now mostly in straight to video crap.


 
Whereas Danny Dyer's actually meant to be an actor. Like, as a job


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## starfish (Mar 4, 2013)

keybored said:


> So bad it was good, almost.


 
Must. See. This. Film.


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## DaveCinzano (Mar 4, 2013)

I love the Glenn 'Kiss My Axe' Fabry poster for it


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## Frances Lengel (Mar 4, 2013)

Sue said:


> Whereas Danny Dyer's actually meant to be an actor. Like, as a job


 
He doesn't take himself seriously though.


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## redsquirrel (Mar 4, 2013)

Bakunin said:


> Thread won, methinks:


What! Fuck off. Dirty Weekend is one of Winner's best films. Mia Williams is good as the lead and the whole female revenge thing is pulled off rather well. An underrated piece of work.

(I admit Ian Richardson playing an Iranian is dreadful)



8115 said:


> The Guard is Irish but it deserves an honourable mention for services to weakness in a film.


God there are some idiots on this thread.


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## DotCommunist (Mar 4, 2013)

vinnie jones best film was mean machine


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## Gingerman (Mar 4, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> vinnie jones best film was mean machine


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## Meltingpot (Mar 4, 2013)

Gingerman said:


> Jones got lucky,Guy Richie wanted a Vinnie Jones type to play Big Chris in LSTSB,someone suggested getting VJ himself.Would have disappeared into well deserved obscurity only for Richie,thanks to him Jones has managed to sustain a sort of 'acting' career now mostly in straight to video crap.


 
I haven't seen LSTSB (apart from a couple of snippets) but Rotten Tomatoes liked it;

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/lock_stock_and_two_smoking_barrels/

Maybe Vinnie should have stopped there.


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## Gingerman (Mar 4, 2013)

Meltingpot said:


> I haven't seen LSTSB (apart from a couple of snippets) but Rotten Tomatoes liked it;
> 
> http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/lock_stock_and_two_smoking_barrels/
> 
> Maybe Vinnie should have stopped there.


 Jones was perfect for the part mainly because he was basicialy playing himself.


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## redsquirrel (Mar 4, 2013)

Kaka Tim said:


> Shakespeare in Love.
> 
> Horrible, smug, thespy, heritage vomit cinema.


While it's not bad in the same way as many of those mentioned on this thread _Love Actually_ has to win/lose the most smug category. Awful shite.


----------



## colbhoy (Mar 4, 2013)

Maybe not the worst but I do remember thinking this was pretty awful:


----------



## Sue (Mar 4, 2013)

redsquirrel said:


> While it's not bad in the same way as many of those mentioned on this thread _Love Actually_ has to win/lose the most smug category. Awful shite.


 
And we might as well include Notting Hill and anything else by Richard Curtis while we're at it.


----------



## colbhoy (Mar 4, 2013)

colbhoy said:


> Maybe not the worst but I do remember thinking this was pretty awful:


----------



## Frances Lengel (Mar 4, 2013)




----------



## DaveCinzano (Mar 4, 2013)

colbhoy said:


>


 
Whilst it is by no means a great film, nor a particularly good one, it is clearly not, in the grand scheme of things, of the unfathomable depths of the likes of _Kung Fu Flid_ - it's simply an underdeveloped mediocrity, much like - for instance - _G:MT Greenwich Mean Time_ or _Sorted_ or _This Year's Love_.


----------



## vauxhallmum (Mar 4, 2013)

Was Mamma Mia a British Film?  Either way it was fucking terrible. Even Julie Walters looked ashamed


----------



## Reno (Mar 4, 2013)

Now we have clearly landed on the "overrated" rather than "worst" page.


----------



## albionism (Mar 5, 2013)

Absolute bollocks


----------



## imposs1904 (Mar 5, 2013)

DaveCinzano said:


> Whilst it is by no means a great film, nor a particularly good one, it is clearly not, in the grand scheme of things, of the unfathomable depths of the likes of _Kung Fu Flid_ - it's simply an underdeveloped mediocrity, much like - for instance - _G:MT Greenwich Mean Time_ or _Sorted_ or _This Year's Love_.


 
This Year's Love was kinda sweet in its own way.


----------



## redsquirrel (Mar 5, 2013)

Has Jennifer Ehle in it so not a total wash out, but pretty crap


----------



## Gingerman (Mar 5, 2013)




----------



## trabuquera (Mar 7, 2013)

Dire ... all the nastiest gangsta cliches welded (more like randomly tossed) together and marinated in horrible, with a thick gooey topping of sexism. in a film that's meant to be about women. also terrible, terrible dialogue and continuity. <shudders in memory>


----------



## DaveCinzano (Mar 7, 2013)

trabuquera said:


> View attachment 29862
> 
> Dire ... all the nastiest gangsta cliches welded (more like randomly tossed) together and marinated in horrible, with a thick gooey topping of sexism. in a film that's meant to be about women. also terrible, terrible dialogue and continuity. <shudders in memory>


 
Did somebody call for a video about a successful gritty urban musical artiste & actor making a bit of a prat of themselves whilst promoting another by-the-numbers 'hood film'?


----------



## Stoat Boy (Mar 7, 2013)

The recent 'Sweeney'. Truly fucking shocking on so so many levels.


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## Gingerman (Mar 7, 2013)

Stoat Boy said:


> The recent 'Sweeney'. Truly fucking shocking on so so many levels.


 Made the two Sweeney films from the '70s look like classics.....


----------



## Farmer Giles (Mar 7, 2013)

Ax^ said:


>


 

They shot some scenes for this crock at my mates house in Raynes Park. Fuck knows why they picked his gaff for shooting.


----------



## spanglechick (Mar 7, 2013)

Farmer Giles said:


> They shot some scenes for this crock at my mates house in Raynes Park. Fuck knows why they picked his gaff for shooting.


large rooms, easy parking, appropriate decor and the person who lives there letting them do it.  

I've filmed on location. Something always gets trashed in the poor fucker's house.  We shot in the garden of a house on the Isle of Man once, in the rain, and the garden was like the somme by the time we'd done.  Not a blade of grass left. Grinder had a music video filmed in his houseshare, not long after we met - and they managed to melt a swastika-shaped mark in the new carpet with the base of one of the lamps. The money's ok - but if I lived anywhere nice i'd say no.


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## DaveCinzano (Mar 8, 2013)

Gingerman said:


> Made the two Sweeney films from the '70s look like classics.....


 
The first one's a solid thriller, though Barry Foster's Yank accent is a bit gratey. The second one starts off well, sustains an interesting tone, interesting themes, but the pay-off is silly and anti-climactic. And the original_ Armchair Theatre_ pilot is solid.


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## Gingerman (Mar 8, 2013)

DaveCinzano said:


> The first one's a solid thriller, though Barry Foster's Yank accent is a bit gratey. The second one starts off well, sustains an interesting tone, interesting themes, but the pay-off is silly and anti-climactic. And the original_ Armchair Theatre_ pilot is solid.


 Actually both are quite watchable in a pass the time sorta way,the new version is an unmitaged pile of shite,Winstone with his tiresome cocknee hardman act and Plan B with all the screen presence of water...


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## 8den (Mar 8, 2013)

Two from me






sub par gangster flick that Danny Dyer wouldn't grace.

And http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippie_Hippie_Shake Which is so bad it's never been released.


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## miniGMgoit (Mar 10, 2013)

Gnaw


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## Orang Utan (Mar 10, 2013)

Love, Honor & Obey
tis a litmus test for good taste.
if you like it, i can now dismiss your opinion as worthless


----------



## RaverDrew (Mar 10, 2013)

Just wtf was Ray Liotta thinking ???  

This scene will haunt me forever 



Possibly the worst film, and most pretentious pile of faux intellectual bullshit I've EVER seen.


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## DJ Squelch (Mar 10, 2013)

I love the old Carry On films but this horrible attempt to revive it in 1992 was bloody awful.


----------



## nino_savatte (Mar 10, 2013)




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## Orang Utan (Mar 10, 2013)

nino_savatte said:


>


danny dire?


----------



## nino_savatte (Mar 10, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> danny dire?


Fucking awful.


----------



## Ranbay (Sep 24, 2013)

Ax^ said:


>




Watching it now, and YUP i have to agree.


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## killer b (Sep 24, 2013)

why would you even do that?


----------



## butcher (Sep 24, 2013)




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## not-bono-ever (Sep 25, 2013)

this. suppsoed to be in Spain or somewhere, all filmed in an elstree hangar. oh yes, it has a revolution in it. and Swarthy lotharios. terrible.


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## sim667 (Sep 26, 2013)




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## killer b (Sep 26, 2013)

oh, i thought dog soldiers wasn't so bad in the main. they should never have shown the wolves, mind.


----------



## mwgdrwg (Sep 26, 2013)

The Inbetweeners Movie


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## Gromit (Sep 26, 2013)

killer b said:


> oh, i thought dog soldiers wasn't so bad in the main. they should never have shown the wolves, mind.



The profit as a percentage of cost was huge for a British film. 

Cost peanuts but did okay in the cinema instead of straight to video like most films of that budget.


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## cypher79 (Sep 27, 2013)

Dog Soldiers was alright I thought, certainly not the worst uk film by a long way. And doesn't it generally get regarded as a british 'cult classic'?


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## DotCommunist (Sep 27, 2013)

dog soldiers was great 'I hope I give you the fucking shits'


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## 8den (Sep 27, 2013)

killer b said:


> oh, i thought dog soldiers wasn't so bad in the main. they should never have shown the wolves, mind.



Really if you think Dog Soldiers is the worst british film of all time, you live a naive sheltered life and I envy you.


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## killer b (Sep 27, 2013)

Good job I don't then. That was sim668


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 27, 2013)

I know I have mentioned it once or twice - but from a public health point of view, you need to be forewarned: _Kung Fu Flid_ AKA _Unarmed But Dangerous_.

Here's the trailer:



Here's a particularly awful scene (the 'action' towards the end of it must been seen to be believed):


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## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2013)

Here's one that I haven't thought about in a long time - _Beyond Bedlam_.

First five named actors:


Craig Fairbrass
Liz Hurley
Keith Allen
Anita Dobson
Jesse Birdsall

Think that gives an idea of the quality to expect in this 1994 Vadim Jean meisterwerk (after _Leon The Pig Farmer_, before _Clockwork Mice_). And based on a novel by (sadly now departed) _2000AD_ scribe John Brosnan, for shame.


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## danny la rouge (Nov 23, 2013)

The Italian Job. No idea why it's so revered; everything about it is terrible.


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## Casually Red (Nov 23, 2013)

8115 said:


> The Guard is Irish but it deserves an honourable mention for services to weakness in a film.



it was beyond shite


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## Casually Red (Nov 23, 2013)

danny la rouge said:


> The Italian Job. No idea why it's so revered; everything about it is terrible.



cant believe you said that. Its worth it for the opening scene alone, and camp freddy


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## Casually Red (Nov 23, 2013)

Fez909 said:


> And I agree with Frances...you're wrong about The Guard, 8115.



I really wanted the guard to be good but it was utterly dire. It had loads of good actors in it but it was just terrible, the worst ive ever seen gleason do. After the first 20 minutes id just stopped caring .

the 2 worst British films ive seen so far are Malice in Wonderland...A danny Dyer take on Alice in Wonderland that i just couldnt physically deal with after 20 minutes . And Carry On Emmanuelle...i think that one actually damaged me emotionally.


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## Casually Red (Nov 23, 2013)

Gingerman said:


> They only went and made a sequel!!!!




ill raise your sequel with green street 3

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2628316/


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## Bernie Gunther (Nov 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> oh god, did anyone else see this embarassing piece of shit? features a brief appearance by trigger from only fools and horses and a pervert...



I was at the première, god help me ...

Some friends were in it, latex-clad extras in the club scenes etc.


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## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2013)

8den said:


> Two from me
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Turbo Terry and chums are aboard for the _Bonded By Blood_-like _Rise Of The Footsoldier _sequel


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## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2013)

killer b said:


> oh god, did anyone else see this embarassing piece of shit? features a brief appearance by trigger from only fools and horses and a pervert...



Ah yes, I got that (but haven't watched it) on the grounds that Julie Graham was in it. I see now that it was directed by Stuart Urban - immediately after _Our Friends In The North_!

From a quick scan through, has the feel of a 90s Mary Millington-type crossover softcore farce.


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## Epona (Nov 24, 2013)

Can you please just stop saying 'filum'?  It's really quite annoying.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 24, 2013)

butcher said:


>


 
I think I want to see this.

It's as if a butler became a werewolf.


----------



## Ponyutd (Nov 24, 2013)

*Tank Malling.
Ray Winstone rushed this out years ago when he was on the verge of bankruptcy. When he found his feet financially he must have bought every copy ever made. Not on the Internet any where. Atrocious is a word that nearly gets to this dog shit of a film.
I saw it years ago and it still hurts talking about it. 
Jamie Winstone should be held hostage till her father apologises personally to anyone who ever watched it.



*Shudders


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## Ponyutd (Nov 24, 2013)

I have just found this, and this is one of the more gentle reviews.

"_Other movies have been as incompetently scripted, crudely directed and badly acted; but, in view of the way Tank Malling combines all these qualities with grotesque sexism, gratuitous violence and subnormal intelligence, there can be little doubt that this marks an all-time-low in cinema."

_
This is the worst film of all time.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 24, 2013)

Has anyone seen Outlaw?


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## Maurice Picarda (Nov 24, 2013)

mwgdrwg said:


> The Inbetweeners Movie



It was as poor a relation to the final series as that was to the second, and as the second was to the first, but that doesn't make it a notably bad film, just not a recommendable one.


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## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> Has anyone seen Outlaw?


The Nick Love vigilante film? Yes.


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## Orang Utan (Nov 24, 2013)

DaveCinzano said:


> The Nick Love vigilante film? Yes.


Aye, it was on telly last night, but I switched over cos Berberian Sound Studio was on.
Wish I'd watched Outlaw instead. Seen it before but it's reliably cruddy.
Have you heard the DVD commentary? It was on YouTube.
Love and Dyer clearly changged out of their tiny minds and getting carried away, canting and facking constantly, and comparing the film to Taxi Driver


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## Sirena (Nov 24, 2013)

Bernie Gunther said:


> I was at the première, god help me ...
> 
> Some friends were in it, latex-clad extras in the club scenes etc.


 I think I was there too.  Was the premiere just off Piccadilly Circus?


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## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> Aye, it was on telly last night, but I switched over cos Berberian Sound Studio was on.
> Wish I'd watched Outlaw instead. Seen it before but it's reliably cruddy.
> Have you heard the DVD commentary? It was on YouTube.
> Love and Dyer clearly changged out of their tiny minds and getting carried away, canting and facking constantly, and comparing the film to Taxi Driver


It's been some years but yes, I remember the extras, not just the commentary track but also some making of videos etc. Lots of embittered lad chatter from Love mainly, and Dyer trying to match him, IIRC. Quite sad because at that point Dyer hadn't quite gone down the 'gotta put bread on the table' six-straight-to-DVD-movies-a-year rabbithole, and was still making interesting choices.


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## Bernie Gunther (Nov 24, 2013)

Sirena said:


> I think I was there too.  Was the premiere just off Piccadilly Circus?



Prince of Wales cinema, so a bit nearer Leicester Sq, but essentially yes.


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## Sirena (Nov 24, 2013)

Bernie Gunther said:


> Prince of Wales cinema, so a bit nearer Leicester Sq, but essentially yes.


 Crikey!  That evening had almost disappeared from my memory.  A friend of mine wrote loads of articles (mostly on the history of flagellation) for a glossy S&M magazine of the time and he got a handful of tickets. 

Being a perceptive sort, I knew the fillum wasn't going to be a box-office success....


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## Casually Red (Nov 24, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> Has anyone seen Outlaw?



my eyes...my eyes


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## Pickman's model (Nov 24, 2013)

my money would be on something like 'notting hill'


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## discokermit (Nov 24, 2013)

danny la rouge said:


> The Italian Job. No idea why it's so revered; everything about it is terrible.


the cars, the clothes, quincy jones, 'on days like these'?


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## Pickman's model (Nov 24, 2013)

danny la rouge said:


> The Italian Job. No idea why it's so revered; everything about it is terrible.


perhaps you could expand on this dismissive opinion


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## Pickman's model (Nov 24, 2013)

butcher said:


>


better than


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## discokermit (Nov 24, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> perhaps you could expand on this dismissive opinion


he can't. it's nonsense.


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## Pickman's model (Nov 24, 2013)

discokermit said:


> he can't. it's nonsense.


i'd like to see him try tho


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## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> perhaps you could expand on this dismissive opinion


It starts like a badly judged Carry On film, but without the charm and it goes down hill from there. The "jokes" are off-colour and must have even been dated at the time. There is nothing likeable or compelling about the characters. It is slow and dull. The only thing going for it is the music. And the ending is an anticlimax, if that were possible for something so dismal.


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## Sirena (Nov 24, 2013)

danny la rouge said:


> It starts like a badly judged Carry On film, but without the charm and it goes down hill from there. The "jokes" are off-colour and must have even been dated at the time. There is nothing likeable or compelling about the characters. It is slow and dull. The only thing going for it is the music. And the ending is an anticlimax, if that were possible for something so dismal.


I would watch it just for Noel Coward's last film appearance as Mr Bridger.  Just for that.


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## discokermit (Nov 24, 2013)

danny la rouge said:


> It starts like a badly judged Carry On film, but without the charm and it goes down hill from there. The "jokes" are off-colour and must have even been dated at the time. There is nothing likeable or compelling about the characters. It is slow and dull. The only thing going for it is the music. And the ending is an anticlimax, if that were possible for something so dismal.


what?
it starts with a fantastic scene, matt monroe and a lamborghini miura, rossano brazzi looking cool in his sunglasses, smoking fags, driving through the alps. so, it actually starts in almost the coolest way possible. the ending is one of the most memorable in film history.


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## Casually Red (Nov 24, 2013)

danny la rouge said:


> It starts like a badly judged Carry On film, but without the charm  .



im not seeing the carry on , not a bit of it . What I am seeing is a Lamborghini in an exotic loation with mattt monroe singing his lungs out


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## Casually Red (Nov 24, 2013)

Sirena said:


> I would watch it just for Noel Coward's last film appearance as Mr Bridger.  Just for that.



Nicol Williamson was supposed to play him, but Coward had played a big part in looking after the directors welfare when he was an orphaned kid or something . So he decided to give him the role instead as recognition of his good deeds.


----------



## Sue (Nov 24, 2013)

Orang Utan said:


> Aye, it was on telly last night, but I switched over cos Berberian Sound Studio was on.
> Wish I'd watched Outlaw instead. Seen it before but it's reliably cruddy.
> Have you heard the DVD commentary? It was on YouTube.
> Love and Dyer clearly changged out of their tiny minds and getting carried away, canting and facking constantly, *and comparing the film to Taxi Driver*


 
 Not sure if I've seen this but IMO if you've seen one Danny Dyer/Nick Love film, you've seen them all. (Or does it just feel like that..?)


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## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2013)

discokermit said:


> what?
> it starts with a fantastic scene, matt monroe and a lamborghini miura, rossano brazzi looking cool in his sunglasses, smoking fags, driving through the alps. so, it actually starts in almost the coolest way possible. the ending is one of the most memorable in film history.


I have no interest in cars, car chases, Top Gear, Herbie, Die Hard or stuff like that.


----------



## Casually Red (Nov 24, 2013)




----------



## Sue (Nov 24, 2013)

danny la rouge said:


> I have no interest in cars, car chases, Top Gear, Herbie, Die Hard or stuff like that.


 
More of a Richard Curtis man, eh?


----------



## discokermit (Nov 24, 2013)

danny la rouge said:


> I have no interest in cars, car chases, Top Gear, Herbie, Die Hard or stuff like that.


i've emailed quincy jones. he says he's going to lamp you.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2013)

Sue said:


> Not sure if I've seen this but IMO if you've seen one Danny Dyer/Nick Love film, you've seen them all. (Or does it just feel like that..?)


Nick Love has directed six films, of which four have featured Danny Dyer.

The first, _Goodbye Charlie Bright_, has Dyer in a background role, and very much un-laddish. He's a counterpoint to the youthful and exuberant masculinity on show from the main characters.

In _The Football Factory_ he is a football hooligan. In _The Business_ he is someone who accidentally becomes a gangster. In _Outlaw_ he is an emasculated modern man who (re)discovers the thrill of violence. All three share some recurring elements - well-rounded women characters thin on the ground or entirely absent; themes of atavism; hypermasculinity; etc. But all three also follow different arcs, with differing approaches to resolution, and each has a different tone to the others.

Love's later (non-Dyer) films - the remake of _The Firm_ and TV show reboot _The Sweeney_ - continue in the nothing-of-interest-to-say-about-women, male-bonding-through-violence ways of the previous three films, with little of the charm (if you saw any in them).


----------



## Sue (Nov 24, 2013)

DaveCinzano said:


> Nick Love has directed six films, of which four have featured Danny Dyer.
> 
> The first, _Goodbye Charlie Bright_, has Dyer in a background role, and very much un-laddish. He's a counterpoint to the youthful and exuberant masculinity on show from the main characters.
> 
> ...


 
Dear God, critiquing Danny Dyer/Nick Love films. If I said you had too much time on your hands... 

I've seen The Football Factory (in the cinema  -- I blame my ex), The Business (if that's the one set in Spain?) and the Outlaw (Sean Bean?). I can't remember a great deal about their narrative arcs, just that I thought they were all shit...

I also saw reviews last week for Danny Dyer's latest. Looks like it could be a late runner for the title (if I doubt anyone's actually seen in).

'In this bizarre piece of violent revenge porn, Danny plays a super-tough SAS guy who comes back to Blighty after a testing time in Afghanistan to find criminals have only gone and murdered his mum and dad, that's all. So does Danny leave it to the limp-wristed police and politically correct courts to dispense justice? No. He sets out to kill all of them himself in as righteous and sadistic a way as possible. Danny's supposed to be topping everyone: but then he mysteriously leaves one hospitalised with just a minor injury – apparently to facilitate one of the film's many fantastically unconvincing plot lurches. Dear me.'

http://www.theguardian.com/film/2013/nov/21/vendetta-review


----------



## not-bono-ever (Nov 24, 2013)

on principle, I must hate notting hill, but I have smirked a few times when watching it


----------



## discokermit (Nov 24, 2013)

Sue said:


> 'In this bizarre piece of violent revenge porn, Danny plays a super-tough SAS guy who comes back to Blighty after a testing time in Afghanistan to find criminals have only gone and murdered his mum and dad, that's all. So does Danny leave it to the limp-wristed police and politically correct courts to dispense justice? No. He sets out to kill all of them himself in as righteous and sadistic a way as possible. Danny's supposed to be topping everyone: but then he mysteriously leaves one hospitalised with just a minor injury – apparently to facilitate one of the film's many fantastically unconvincing plot lurches. Dear me.'
> 
> http://www.theguardian.com/film/2013/nov/21/vendetta-review


that sounds ace.


----------



## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2013)

Sue said:


> More of a Richard Curtis man, eh?


Christ, no.


----------



## Sue (Nov 24, 2013)

danny la rouge said:


> Christ, no.


 
After I posted that, realised it was a shocking thing to accuse someone of. Sorry.


----------



## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2013)

Sue said:


> After I posted that, realised it was a shocking thing to accuse someone of. Sorry.


 I realise feelings were running high.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2013)

Sue said:


> Dear God, critiquing Danny Dyer/Nick Love films. If I said you had too much time on your hands...



I didn't critique them, I was responding to your claim that "IMO if you've seen one Danny Dyer/Nick Love film, you've seen them all", and suggesting that the evidence didn't support it.


----------



## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2013)

The Italian Job was one of those films you are always aware of, but somehow managed to miss. So when it came on telly a year or so ago, I settled down to watch it with my daughter. She left after 20 minutes. And I would have switched off, but I couldn't believe how bad it was, and wanted to see when the much loved brilliance would start. For me, it never did. It seemed like a very, very, very long crap episode of something badly dated. It had nothing to recommend it. 

Maybe had I seen it when I was 9, it would have held some nostalgic magic for me, but it just made me cringe with embarrassment. 

I didn't realise this would be controversial. I thought people would know how bad it was. Are you sure you don't just like it ironically?


----------



## Casually Red (Nov 24, 2013)

no

your a philistine and we are all normal . There was a questionnaire sent out .


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 24, 2013)

football factory introduced me to the phrase 'mugging me off'


----------



## not-bono-ever (Nov 24, 2013)

Living doll. Yes, guess the plot.Filmed in hammersimth, set in Noo Yawk. shit. heres a still from it


----------



## Sue (Nov 24, 2013)

DaveCinzano said:


> I didn't critique them, I was responding to your claim that "IMO if you've seen one Danny Dyer/Nick Love film, you've seen them all", and suggesting that the evidence didn't support it.


 
Okay, let me rephrase that. I've seen a number of Danny Dyer/Nick Love films and they've all been shite.


----------



## Frances Lengel (Nov 24, 2013)

danny la rouge said:


> It starts like a badly judged Carry On film, but without the charm and it goes down hill from there. The "jokes" are off-colour and must have even been dated at the time. There is nothing likeable or compelling about the characters. It is slow and dull. The only thing going for it is the music. And the ending is an anticlimax, if that were possible for something so dismal.



And Michael Caine's in it. The wanker.


----------



## Bakunin (Nov 24, 2013)

Compare this:





 With this (the real story of 30 Assault Unit, RM):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No._30_Commando

The film is already gut-wrenchingly atrocious. The fact that they managed to make something so utterly appalling from such wonderful source material makes the film even worse.


----------



## Spanky Longhorn (Nov 25, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> football factory introduced me to the phrase 'mugging me off'



I can't wait to see your fanny


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 31, 2014)

scalyboy said:


> 'Charlie' - the Charles Richardson story, with Luke Goss in the lead role springs to mind..


Recently saw this, was by no means great (or even good), but the talking heads prologue hinted at how it could have been so much better. Certainly the acting talent was there and available.


----------



## maya (Oct 11, 2014)

keybored said:


> So bad it was good, almost.



They even have a trailer for it: 



Yeah it looks pretty cheesy- but not _that_ bad tbf, kind of on the same level as this sort of thing I reckon:



... Comes with the territory, I suppose.


----------



## keybored (Oct 11, 2014)

maya said:


> They even have a trailer for it:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I have it on DVD


----------

