# My mates keep calling me nonce



## DotCommunist (Sep 13, 2009)

Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.


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## sheothebudworths (Sep 13, 2009)

Paedo nonce!


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## tarannau (Sep 13, 2009)




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## quimcunx (Sep 13, 2009)

> 19 (in nov)



 


You're not a nonce.  Well, you are, but a good nonce.  Not one of those bad nonces.


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## Paulie Tandoori (Sep 13, 2009)

at least she's not your mum!


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## Fedayn (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.


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## DeepStoat (Sep 13, 2009)

Stop boasting you have an 18 year old.

Yer nonce.


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## THINK! (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.



Is this your way of telling everyone on Urban 75 that you aren't a virgin anymore? What a ridiculous self-seeking thread.


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## Shippou-Sensei (Sep 13, 2009)

*calls the party van*


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## FridgeMagnet (Sep 13, 2009)

It's not paedophilia, it's ephebophilia. Don't worry.


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## Shippou-Sensei (Sep 13, 2009)

i thought ephebophilla was more the 13-18 range


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## tarannau (Sep 13, 2009)

Outside the school gates for the first meeting eh DC?


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## FridgeMagnet (Sep 13, 2009)

Shippou-Chan said:


> i thought ephebophilla was more the 13-18 range



She's 18 apparently.


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## tarannau (Sep 13, 2009)

A likely story


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## DotCommunist (Sep 13, 2009)

THINK! said:


> Is this your way of telling everyone on Urban 75 that you aren't a virgin anymore? What a ridiculous self-seeking thread.



wow, you really are shit at language. You probably meant attention seeking. Whereas self-seeking makes me sound like I am looking for myself in a spiritual sense. Keep away from my threads, they clearly cause you confusion


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## Fictionist (Sep 13, 2009)

You are a studmuffin.


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## kained&able (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.



cradle robbing nonce cunt!!!


dave


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## pigtails (Sep 13, 2009)

Well I for one am happy you've found love DC





shame it's nonce-love though


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## Clair De Lune (Sep 13, 2009)

Have you boned her yet?


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## DotCommunist (Sep 13, 2009)

Clair De Lune said:


> Have you boned her yet?



getting there


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## Fictionist (Sep 13, 2009)

Clair De Lune said:


> Have you boned her yet?


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## kained&able (Sep 13, 2009)

at that age it will probably depend on if he owns a car or not.



dave(bets he doesn't own a car)


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## Belushi (Sep 13, 2009)

Just say you met her in a pub DC, no court can convict you.


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## Fictionist (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> getting there



I think that question requires a 'yes' or 'no' answer - no shades of grey with this one DC.

(unless, for reasons known to yourself, the issue of penetration must never become clear.....)


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## Clair De Lune (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> getting there




Does this mean we might see the first ever DC pic with a smile?


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## London_Calling (Sep 13, 2009)

Thing I tell myself is if it's good enough for Lester Freamon . . .


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## cliche guevara (Sep 13, 2009)

Isn't the rule 'divide by two and add seven'?


Looks like you're a nonce.


Well in though.


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## revol68 (Sep 13, 2009)

Your mates are just jealous, plus you only look about that age yourself.


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## weepiper (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.



Seeing as you don't look a day over 18 yourself I see no problem. They are jealous. Bone her


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## FridgeMagnet (Sep 13, 2009)

kained&able said:


> at that age it will probably depend on if he owns a car or not.
> 
> 
> 
> dave(bets he doesn't own a car)



He's got cider.


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## weepiper (Sep 13, 2009)

eek revol get out of my head


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## pigtails (Sep 13, 2009)

Clair De Lune said:


> Does this mean we might see the first ever DC pic with a smile?




and a post coital glow!


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## Shippou-Sensei (Sep 13, 2009)

FridgeMagnet said:


> She's 18 apparently.



then that pretty pathetic noncing  

if they can buy drinks it's not proper noncery


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## DeepStoat (Sep 13, 2009)




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## kained&able (Sep 13, 2009)

revol68 said:


> Your mates are just jealous, plus you only look about that age yourself.



don't you go out with a 14 year old? I swear i've seen pictures!

You would be on his side.


dave


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## DotCommunist (Sep 13, 2009)

Clair De Lune said:


> Does this mean we might see the first ever DC pic with a smile?



there is a danger of that, I have been smiling a lot recently, cos she loves me


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## revol68 (Sep 13, 2009)

kained&able said:


> don't you go out with a 14 year old? I swear i've seen pictures!
> 
> You would be on his side.
> 
> ...



Nah she's 27 she just looks about 14. 

Like I said his mates are just...


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## Clair De Lune (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> there is a danger of that, I have been smiling a lot recently, cos she loves me



Awwww yay! 
I want to see you smile even if u dont post it


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## pigtails (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> there is a danger of that, I have been smiling a lot recently, cos she loves me



awwwww Sweet!!


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## FridgeMagnet (Sep 13, 2009)

What does she think about Afghanistan though?


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## cliche guevara (Sep 13, 2009)

Well in dot, she's legal so there is nothing to worry about. Plus, score.


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## revol68 (Sep 13, 2009)

cliche guevara said:


> Well in dot, she's legal so there is nothing to worry about. Plus, score.


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## QueenOfGoths (Sep 13, 2009)

Nah - noncery only counts if you are old enough to be their Mum or Dad *hides pics of Daniel Radcliffe in "Equus"*


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## Santino (Sep 13, 2009)

Nonce.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 13, 2009)

FridgeMagnet said:


> What does she think about Afghanistan though?



Political theories and current affairs are fairly low on the menu.

I know she's vaugely socialistic. Tis enough.

Anyone ever feel like they had a stomach full, but it's just happy happy joy spasms?

arghh. I should not do this. If we part company the emotional investment will swing back on me twofold.

argh


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## Paulie Tandoori (Sep 13, 2009)

enjoy it while it lasts mate...and who knows how long it might last?


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## Belushi (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> arghh. I should not do this. If we part company the emotional investment will swing back on me twofold.
> 
> argh



You cant think like that mate, just enjoy it and dont worry about what might happen


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## quimcunx (Sep 13, 2009)

QueenOfGoths said:


> Nah - noncery only counts if you are old enough to be their Mum or Dad *hides pics of Daniel Radcliffe in "Equus"*



No it doesn't!


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## fogbat (Sep 13, 2009)

Is it possible that she's a paedo and thinks DC is underage?


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## kained&able (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Political theories and current affairs are fairly low on the menu.
> 
> I know she's vaugely socialistic. Tis enough.
> 
> ...



i say fuck it.

who cares what your piss taking bastards of mates say. They are just piss tkaing bastards.

I can't believe you made me guilty enough to give a real answer you nonce.


dave


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## QueenOfGoths (Sep 13, 2009)

quimcunx said:


> No it doesn't!


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## fogbat (Sep 13, 2009)

Why is this in books, films and telly?

Have you started reading Lolita at the same time?


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## FridgeMagnet (Sep 13, 2009)

quimcunx said:


> No it doesn't!



Yes it does. I have carefully calculated the age of my oldest possible child based on when I first had sex, and my facebook girlfriend is far too old at 14 for our love to be noncery.


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## London_Calling (Sep 13, 2009)

Anyway, the social networking site for nonces is called MyFace.


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## Citizen66 (Sep 13, 2009)

But just think - when you're 40 she'll only be 32 




















Or she'll have left you.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 13, 2009)

She is so me weird as well. Not pretend krazy but a proper oddball. Caught her talking to my hollyhocks. Why? To make them grow.

OK.

Argh. As much as I want her to say yes dotty you ar my only I am also proper scared of committing myself in that manner. Oh and bet your fucking life she's never getting a login here!


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## quimcunx (Sep 13, 2009)

FridgeMagnet said:


> Yes it does. I have carefully calculated the age of my oldest possible child based on when I first had sex, and my facebook girlfriend is far too old at 14 for our love to be noncery.



*does deep maths*  


Phew.


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## fogbat (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Oh and bet your fucking life she's never getting a login here!



Have you checked that she's not already on here?


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## Paulie Tandoori (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Oh and bet your fucking life she's never getting a login here!


you taking bets on that old bean?!


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## kained&able (Sep 13, 2009)

is hollyhocks a new euphemism i wasn't aware of?

Talking to plants is actually quite normal gor the green fingered and theres some bollcoks scientific reasons cos when you talk to em you bearthe on em adn that helps photosynthesis or some shite.


dave(son of a gardner)


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## theCIA (Sep 13, 2009)

high five!

/borat


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## 5t3IIa (Sep 13, 2009)

kained&able said:


> dave(son of a gardner)



*adds to files*


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## Badgers (Sep 13, 2009)

What about the onion crisis?


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## samk (Sep 13, 2009)

You are never too old for teenage sex, your so-called mates are just jealous
and waiting in an alleyway with cricket bats at the ready


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## Stigmata (Sep 13, 2009)

You may be a nonce, but you're definitely a LEXX fan which is significantly worse.


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## fogbat (Sep 13, 2009)

He'll have to be put on the Lexx Offenders Register


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## mentalchik (Sep 13, 2009)

fogbat said:


> He'll have to be put on the Lexx Offenders Register



*spits tea*


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## fogbat (Sep 13, 2009)

I'm not even ashamed


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## Stigmata (Sep 13, 2009)

fogbat said:


> He'll have to be put on the Lexx Offenders Register


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## ericjarvis (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.



Yeah, happened to me, conincidentally when I was 26, only she was 18. One of the most vocal accusers made a pass at her at a party. Which taught me a very important lesson. When it comes to some things your mates may well not have your best interests at heart.

Tell them to go fuck themselves.

As further reassurance, even though I split up with her around 25 years ago, we meet up now and again...and I still would given half a chance.


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## ericjarvis (Sep 13, 2009)

QueenOfGoths said:


> Nah - noncery only counts if you are old enough to be their Mum or Dad *hides pics of Daniel Radcliffe in "Equus"*





As a half centurion may I suggest that be revised to "noncery only counts if you are old enough to be one of their grandparents"...please.


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## Badgers (Sep 13, 2009)

I thought the term was cradle snatcher?


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Sep 13, 2009)

kained&able said:


> at that age it will probably depend on if he owns a car or not.
> 
> 
> 
> )



..and how big a bottle of gin he can afford.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Sep 13, 2009)

FridgeMagnet said:


> What does she think about Afghanistan though?



She thinks they're great so long as they don't shed too much.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Sep 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> She is so me weird as well. Not pretend krazy but a proper oddball.* Caught her talking to my hollyhocks. Why? To make them grow.*
> 
> OK.
> 
> Argh. As much as I want her to say yes dotty you ar my only I am also proper scared of committing myself in that manner. Oh and bet your fucking life she's never getting a login here!



Ah jesus that's a bad sign.


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## weltweit (Sep 13, 2009)

My dad was ten years older than my mum. 

Of course if they had met when he was 20 and she was 10 that would have been odd. But they didnt, I think when they met he was probably 30 and she 20. (probably)


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## killer b (Sep 14, 2009)

the same age difference as me and radio atomica when we met. you'll be pleased to hear we now have two kids...

no fucker called me a nonce. not to my face anyway...

edit: i meant 26/18 btw. not 20/10)


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## bigbry (Sep 14, 2009)

When my second wife moved in with me (before we were married) I was 28 and she was 17.  They said it wouldn't last - we divorced after 21 (not always happy) years and three lovely daughters.

I follow the adage _don't regret the things you've done, regret the thingst you haven't done._




Edited to add - what the heck is this doing in Books, Films, TV etc ?


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## William of Walworth (Sep 14, 2009)

bigbry said:


> what the heck is this doing in Books, Films, TV etc ?



Is the answer to this cider related, DotC?


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## sim667 (Sep 14, 2009)

lol 19 is below my cut off point.....

im 26.


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## Mr Moose (Sep 14, 2009)

As long as she's not a flippin' vampire...


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## Kanda (Sep 14, 2009)

Thinly veiled *Hey, I have a g/f* thread


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## Mr Moose (Sep 14, 2009)

She'll probably break your heart.

Find someone older with lower standards to avoid the pain.


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## QueenOfGoths (Sep 14, 2009)

sim667 said:


> lol 19 is below my cut off point.....
> 
> im 26.



19 _is_ my cut off point....I'm 42


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## elevendayempire (Sep 14, 2009)

So, does she have any single friends? No, wait, sorry… classmates?


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## PacificOcean (Sep 14, 2009)

What channel is this on?

Is it some E4 teen thing?


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## Sadken (Sep 14, 2009)

Cage this sick beast.


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## DeepStoat (Sep 14, 2009)

Kanda said:


> Thinly veiled *Hey, I have a g/f* thread




and she's 18!


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## sim667 (Sep 14, 2009)

QueenOfGoths said:


> 19 _is_ my cut off point....I'm 42



well i can see you and me have different views on the same thing....

I couldnt go out with a lass who was under 21 i dont think........unless they were something really really special


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## QueenOfGoths (Sep 14, 2009)

sim667 said:


> well i can see you and me have different views on the same thing....
> 
> I couldnt go out with a lass who was under 21 i dont think........unless they were something really really special



Tbh I think I would probably just get any 19 year old to help me work my mobile phone and show me how i-tunes works


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## kyser_soze (Sep 14, 2009)

16 = legal. Therefore you are not a nonce. No one would bat a lid if you were 28 and she was 20, it's only the '-teen' bit...

This entire thread is based on an irrelevant notion - your mates are jealous you've got some 18 yr old. Fuck 'em.


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## Mr Moose (Sep 14, 2009)

QueenOfGoths said:


> 19 _is_ my cut off point....I'm 42



Strangely enough mine is 42...


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## weepiper (Sep 14, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> 16 = legal. Therefore you are not a nonce. No one would bat a lid if you were 28 and she was 20, it's only the '-teen' bit...
> 
> This entire thread is based on an irrelevant notion - your mates are jealous you've got some 18 yr old. Fuck 'em.



yeah. Fuck's sake, my ex was 6 years older than me and my fella now is 10 years older. What's the big deal


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## kained&able (Sep 14, 2009)

so you fucked her yet?


dave


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## DaRealSpoon (Sep 14, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.



Dude, I know where your at. I sat down with a mate yesterday and began to moan about how the only women that seem interested in me at the moment are either 18/19 yo hotties or horny ladies in their forties (Im 25). Not a sniff from anyone close to my own age.

He (not so) politely informed me that I was being a massive PUSSY and that was most blokes ideal situation. I had to laugh, why the fuck was I moaning about that???


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## 8den (Sep 14, 2009)

When my mate Niall started going out with an 18 year old. (He was 25 at the time) we started calling him "Paedo-Niall".


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## Awesome Wells (Sep 14, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.


If it makes you feel better a mate of mine several years ago who owned a house had a sexual relationship with a 16 year old. She was staying over and everything! 

He was 30.

Obviously told the Daily Star.


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## chainsaw cat (Sep 14, 2009)

Kanda said:


> Thinly veiled *Hey, I have a g/f* thread



Yeah, I thought DotCom was a gay?


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## Strumpet (Sep 14, 2009)

7 yrs is nothing Dotty! Have fun


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## chainsaw cat (Sep 14, 2009)

DaRealSpoon said:


> Dude, I know where your at. I sat down with a mate yesterday and began to moan about how the only women that seem interested in me at the moment are either 18/19 yo hotties or horny ladies in their forties (Im 25). Not a sniff from anyone close to my own age.
> 
> He (not so) politely informed me that I was being a massive PUSSY and that was most blokes ideal situation. I had to laugh, why the fuck was I moaning about that???



Most of my attention is coming from women in their late 30s at the moment.

Just about perfick.

I'm 93.


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## fractionMan (Sep 14, 2009)

pics or gtfo


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## 8den (Sep 14, 2009)

chainsaw cat said:


> Yeah, I thought DotCom was a gay?



He's switched from buggery to noncery cause a change is as good as a rest innit.


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## sim667 (Sep 14, 2009)

Why did you put this in the books, films, tv section? are you a celebrity trying to circulate a story?


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## Sadken (Sep 14, 2009)

I knew DC was a paedo all along as it goes.


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## samk (Sep 14, 2009)

Can I borrow her after you're done?


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## goldenecitrone (Sep 14, 2009)

Told you she was 18 did she? Looks old for her age, huh? Guilty!!!!!!


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## kyser_soze (Sep 14, 2009)

goldenecitrone said:


> Told you she was 18 did she? Looks old for her age, huh? Guilty!!!!!!



So speaks the voice of experience


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## goldenecitrone (Sep 14, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> So speaks the voice of experience



I should have known she was no way 18, especially as it was only her second year in high school. I wish I'd never taught that class now.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 14, 2009)

Can we get a shipment of tissues round for Urbans female population? Perhaps some Hagen Daaz too?


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## Griff (Sep 14, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Can we get a shipment of tissues round for Urbans under 16 female population? Perhaps some Hagen Daaz too?




You just can't help yourself, can you?


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## 5t3IIa (Sep 14, 2009)

Billy Liar just popped into my head in relation to this


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## DotCommunist (Sep 14, 2009)

Double chocolate Haagen Daaz for Stella.


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## Santino (Sep 14, 2009)

Do you... wuv her, DC?


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## DotCommunist (Sep 14, 2009)

I don't know what love is. She makes me laugh, iz hot and clever and just the right side of odd.

Does that count?


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## London_Calling (Sep 14, 2009)

Nah, it just means it's been a while since you had a shag.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 14, 2009)

Well we shall see then. Early dayz..


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## sam/phallocrat (Sep 14, 2009)

Don't waste your time talking about her on here, get to fucking work!  Jeez . . .


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## Griff (Sep 14, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I don't know what love is. She makes me laugh, iz hot and clever and just the right side of odd.
> 
> Does that count?



That's really lovely and sweet, it shows that you do indeed love, love, love her. 


*pukes*


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## kained&able (Sep 14, 2009)

yeah dotty talk to her now.

school finished 40 mins ago!


dave


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## Sadken (Sep 14, 2009)

It's got what it takes, so, tell me, why can't this be love?  BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL, DC AND YOU WILL GO TO HELL!!!!!


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## Griff (Sep 14, 2009)

She's not 18 and a cousain of yours is she?


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## marshall (Sep 14, 2009)

18-26, big 8 years though, isn’t it? Think of what most of us go thru then; uni, work, loads of new stuff. Not like it’s 26 and 34 or something.


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## Sadken (Sep 14, 2009)

In all honesty, I think, as long as you can live with yourself; as long as you can get to sleep knowing that you've shattered that poor girl's childhood forever and thrown her in at the deep end to your sordid and seedy world of sex on dirty mattresses, your hot sour breath all over her tender young face as you rut away her innocence then it really shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks and best of luck, matey


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## QueenOfGoths (Sep 14, 2009)

I've never dated anyone aged 19 - even when I _was_ 19


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## Sadken (Sep 14, 2009)

QueenOfGoths said:


> I've never dated anyone aged 19 - even when I _was_ 19



Basically imagine a normal person but more supple and less crushed by the weight of the world.


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## cesare (Sep 14, 2009)

Have you gom jabbered her yet


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## QueenOfGoths (Sep 14, 2009)

Sadken said:


> In all honesty, I think, as long as you can live with yourself; as long as you can get to sleep knowing that you've shattered that poor girl's childhood forever and thrown her in at the deep end to your *sordid and seedy world of sex on dirty mattresses, your hot sour breath all over her tender young face as you rut away her innocence *then it really shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks and best of luck, matey



That never happend to me at 18 - damn you man, you have ruined my teenage years all over again


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## Sadken (Sep 14, 2009)

Has he wrecked her, do you mean?


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## cesare (Sep 14, 2009)

Sadken said:


> Has he wrecked her, do you mean?



It's a test


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## Sadken (Sep 14, 2009)

Sorry, I thought you were genuinely intrigued to know if he had "slung one up her" as they say.  As DC says.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 14, 2009)

'what's in the box?'

'Pain'


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## cesare (Sep 14, 2009)

Sadken said:


> Sorry, I thought you were genuinely intrigued to know if he had "slung one up her" as they say.  As DC says.



If she doesn't know what a gom jabber is, it might all be doomed to failure


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## DotCommunist (Sep 14, 2009)

Sadken said:


> Sorry, I thought you were genuinely intrigued to know if he had "slung one up her" as they say.  As DC says.



you need to read Dune.


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## cesare (Sep 14, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> 'what's in the box?'
> 
> 'Pain'



*Fear litany*


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## kyser_soze (Sep 14, 2009)

cesare said:


> Have you gom jabbered her yet



Dotty gets a surprise on the 'tonight's the night' date:


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## cesare (Sep 14, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Dotty gets a surprise on the 'tonight's the night' date:



She might end up gom jabbering dotty


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## Belushi (Sep 14, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> 'what's in the box?'
> 
> 'Pain'



Do it tonight mate, you've got to know if shes really human before you go any further.


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## Sadken (Sep 14, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> you need to read Dune.



You're actually not the first person to tell me that.  You're the _second_ person to say that to me...the first was a mate of mine who I keep wondering if I ought to get on here.  He's a libertarian and I think he'd stir up a lot of shit on here tbh.  Very funny bloke though and he LOVES Dune.


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## Corax (Sep 14, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> your mates are jealous you've got some 18 yr old. Fuck 'em.


Wouldn't that piss his new gf off a bit?



chainsaw cat said:


> Yeah, I thought DotCom was a gay?


Only for me.  The rest of his experience has been with goats.  Claphamboy's goats.


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## Sadken (Sep 14, 2009)

I thought DC was some sort of gas that had evolved somehow.


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## kyser_soze (Sep 14, 2009)

cesare said:


> She might end up gom jabbering dotty



'What's in the box?' takes on a whole new meaning...


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## Sadken (Sep 14, 2009)

I was listening to Radio 1's the Surgery last night, which is all 19 year oldy and it really fucking pissed me off how banal and condescending it all was.  I had no choice but to listen, btw, very long and painful story I'm not altogether prepared to share with the group yet, but, yeah, I wanted to punch the radio's face in so many times.


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## kyser_soze (Sep 14, 2009)

Can you use the Litany Against Fear to stave off premature ejaculatings?

I must not cum
Cumming is the cock killer
Cumming is the _petit mort_ that brings total sleep
I will stop my cum
I will think of Anne Widdecome, 
And not allow it to pass through me
And when the urge has passed
She'll be happy and grateful


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## Corax (Sep 14, 2009)

Oh, erm... bone her.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 14, 2009)

Sadken said:


> You're actually not the first person to tell me that.  You're the _second_ person to say that to me...the first was a mate of mine who I keep wondering if I ought to get on here.  He's a libertarian and I think he'd stir up a lot of shit on here tbh.  Very funny bloke though and he LOVES Dune.



mmm, Herbert bought a level of complexity and societal examination not often seen in skiffy. It's wide view sci fi. As well as being a great story of honour, love and revenge. Follow it with Dune Messiah to see an incredibly scripted repudiation of ultimate power. The Moon falls...


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## cesare (Sep 14, 2009)

Tbh it all lacks the nonceity of free spirit's *ahem* april fool *ahem*


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## sam/phallocrat (Sep 14, 2009)

Sadken said:


> I had no choice but to listen, btw, very long and painful story I'm not altogether prepared to share with the group yet


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## kyser_soze (Sep 14, 2009)

Sadken said:


> I was listening to Radio 1's the Surgery last night, which is all 19 year oldy and it really fucking pissed me off how banal and condescending it all was.  I had no choice but to listen, btw, very long and painful story I'm not altogether prepared to share with the group yet, but, yeah, I wanted to punch the radio's face in so many times.



Meh, that thing doesn't have a patch on the old 'Our Tunes' with Simon 'Wanker' Bates. They were tales of such utterly wretched misery that you thanked every god going that wasn't your life.

Surgery is pisspant stuff by comparison.


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## free spirit (Sep 14, 2009)

cesare said:


> Tbh it all lacks the nonceity of free spirit's *ahem* april fool *ahem*


yeah dotty... erm


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## cesare (Sep 14, 2009)

free spirit said:


> yeah dotty... erm


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## ericjarvis (Sep 14, 2009)

sim667 said:


> well i can see you and me have different views on the same thing....
> 
> I couldnt go out with a lass who was under 21 i dont think........unless they were something really really special



See, this is where I differ, I couldn't go out with a lass of any age unless she was something really really special.

I'm fussier than I can afford to be.


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## mrs quoad (Sep 14, 2009)

Why the fuck is this in books, films, etc?

Is this fiction?


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## pigtails (Sep 14, 2009)

chainsaw cat said:


> Most of my attention is coming from women in their late 30s at the moment.
> 
> Just about perfick.
> 
> I'm 93.



I wondered who's zimmer frame that was left on my landing!  Must have been from when you were up in my attic....... drilling those holes


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## pigtails (Sep 14, 2009)

Actually I've just remembered I had a fling with an 18 yr old when I was 25.............. *remembers*


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## Corax (Sep 14, 2009)

pigtails said:


> I wondered who's zimmer frame that was left on my landing!  Must have been from when you were up in my attic....... drilling those holes


Yey for Shallow Grave references!  Corax approves this message.  




pigtails said:


> Actually I've just remembered I had a fling with an 18 yr old when I was 25.............. *remembers*


To be fair, I was with a 19 year old when I was circa 25 too.  She was very... bendy.  

How old are you then pigtails?  You've always seemed too. erm... well, _pert_ to be much more than 25.


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## pigtails (Sep 14, 2009)

Corax said:


> How old are you then pigtails?  You've always seemed too. erm... well, _pert_ to be much more than 25.



33..... technically........in my head about 21


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## Corax (Sep 14, 2009)

pigtails said:


> 33..... technically........in my head about 21



Really?  Fuck!  Based on your tits, I'd assumed several years less.

I _think_ that's some sort of compliment, although I'm not sure.  


Makes me feel less of a perv knowing that tho.   


Ps - usual disclaimer.  Wine rather than gin and kratom though.


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## pigtails (Sep 14, 2009)

um......... thanks.......... I think!


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## Obnoxiousness (Sep 14, 2009)

Age don't matter... as long as you are both consenting adults, it's good.


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## subversplat (Sep 14, 2009)

This is a very funny thread. Proper brightened up my evening


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## trevhagl (Sep 14, 2009)

when i was 39 i was deeing a 24 year old..
drawback was though that she was fucking hell to put up with.


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## Corax (Sep 14, 2009)

pigtails said:


> um......... thanks.......... I think!



Yeah I'm not sure either.


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## pigtails (Sep 14, 2009)

Corax said:


> Yeah I'm not sure either.



there is more to me than a pair of tits lovely!



you could have just said I don't look 33!


eta - should that be lovely tits??


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## Corax (Sep 14, 2009)

pigtails said:


> there is more to me than a pair of tits lovely!



Really?

I dunno, I've not seen any photos of your gash.







So, am I now going to be:
1) banned
2) ostracised
3) hated by pigtails
4) all of the above


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## pigtails (Sep 14, 2009)

Corax said:


> Really?
> 
> I dunno, I've not seen any photos of your gash.
> 
> ...



It's only pity I feel for you


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## Corax (Sep 14, 2009)

pigtails said:


> It's only pity I feel for you



And lust. There's lust as well isn't there.  You know there is.


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## pigtails (Sep 14, 2009)

Corax said:


> And lust. There's lust as well isn't there.  You know there is.



well, if lust is when you sick up a little in your mouth then yes, that too.


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## Corax (Sep 14, 2009)

pigtails said:


> well, if lust is when you sick up a little in your mouth then yes, that too.



Wolfbagging eh?  You dirty little minx.


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## pigtails (Sep 14, 2009)

Corax said:


> Wolfbagging eh?  You dirty little minx.




you're such a twat!


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## Corax (Sep 14, 2009)

pigtails said:


> you're such a twat!



Ta.


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## pigtails (Sep 14, 2009)

Corax said:


> Ta.



anytime


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## 8den (Sep 14, 2009)

Corax said:


> Wolfbagging eh?  You dirty little minx.



Thank you. After a brief check on urban dictionary has made me realise that the world is a slightly more horrible place.


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## sim667 (Sep 14, 2009)

ericjarvis said:


> See, this is where I differ, I couldn't go out with a lass of any age unless she was something really really special.
> 
> I'm fussier than I can afford to be.



im fussy too......


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## ebay sex moomin (Sep 14, 2009)

mrs quoad said:


> Why the fuck is this in books, films, etc?
> 
> Is this fiction?


It's a new documentary show on BBC3. 

"'My mates keep calling me a nonce'- follow the story of this average, dull teenager, whose mates... keep er, calling him a nonce. (should be good for six hour-long episodes, yes?)"


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## zoooo (Sep 14, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.



The same number of years as between me and my boyfriend. Only I'm the older one. And he's 22.


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## chainsaw cat (Sep 15, 2009)

pigtails said:


> I wondered who's zimmer frame that was left on my landing!  Must have been from when you were up in my attic....... drilling those holes



I sub out the mundane stuff.


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## pigtails (Sep 15, 2009)

chainsaw cat said:


> I sub out the mundane stuff.



to whom?? the chelsea pensioners??


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Sep 15, 2009)

sim667 said:


> well i can see you and me have different views on the same thing....
> 
> I couldnt go out with a lass who was under 21 i dont think........unless they were *something really really special*



Translation: 'monster jubblies, and a ghetto booty sticking way out to _there_'


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Sep 15, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I don't know what love is. She makes me laugh, iz hot and clever and just the right side of odd.
> 
> Does that count?



And she talks to the plants to make them grow.

That is so sweet.


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## THINK! (Sep 15, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> wow, you really are shit at language. You probably meant attention seeking. Whereas self-seeking makes me sound like I am looking for myself in a spiritual sense. Keep away from my threads, they clearly cause you confusion



And your command of the English language has got you where, Dotcom? You're a 26 year old virgin, hav a menial job and liv with your Gran I believe. How humiliating.


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## THINK! (Sep 15, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> getting there



I would never call any girl, "my Girl-friend", if i hadn't slept with her first, don't jump the gun, there is still time for her to escape.


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## THINK! (Sep 15, 2009)

Do you really hav a "Girl-friend", Dotcom? A picture would be mor convincing, with you in it of course, to proov that it is not some random picture off the internet.


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## Beanburger (Sep 15, 2009)

She's legal. What's the problem? I'd do her. And I'll prove it if you want.


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## QueenOfGoths (Sep 15, 2009)

THINK! said:


> I would never call any girl, "my Girl-friend", if i hadn't slept with her first, don't jump the gun, there is still time for her to escape.



Well as she has said they are "dating" I think he is entitled to call her his girlfriend. 

http://www.urban75.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=9689287#post9689287


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## 5t3IIa (Sep 15, 2009)

Don't feed THINK!! He's a nutter.


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## fogbat (Sep 15, 2009)

I was going to say halfwit.

But both are probably true


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## pigtails (Sep 15, 2009)

THINK! said:


> Do you really hav a "Girl-friend", Dotcom? A picture would be mor convincing, with you in it of course, to proov that it is not some random picture off the internet.




is your e button a bit fucked


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## QueenOfGoths (Sep 15, 2009)

5t3IIa said:


> Don't feed THINK!! He's a nutter.





fogbat said:


> I was going to say halfwit.
> 
> But both are probably true



I shall take your advice


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## fogbat (Sep 15, 2009)

pigtails said:


> is your e button a bit fucked



See the triumph of idiocy and drooling that is the Phonetic English for Better Education thread


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## kyser_soze (Sep 15, 2009)

zoooo said:


> The same number of years as between me and my boyfriend. Only I'm the older one. And he's 22.



That makes you like, a baby cougar


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## pigtails (Sep 15, 2009)

fogbat said:


> See the triumph of idiocy and drooling that is the Phonetic English for Better Education thread



oh!!!  makes sense now
ta!


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## THINK! (Sep 15, 2009)

pigtails said:


> is your e button a bit fucked



Yes.


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## GarfieldLeChat (Sep 15, 2009)

same ages as tp and i when we got together and look how well that turned out.  we're the bastion of moral decency and adult behaviour


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## ericjarvis (Sep 15, 2009)

pigtails said:


> is your e button a bit fucked



No. THINK! has a wetware problem.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 15, 2009)

He got so thoroughly pwned on the phonetic english thread he's taken to following me around, worrying at me like a toothless babushka trying to eat black bread.


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## kained&able (Sep 15, 2009)

knobbed her yet?

dave


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## Onket (Sep 15, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.



Pic?


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## rubbershoes (Sep 15, 2009)

kained&able said:


> knobbed her yet?
> 
> dave



you're such a romantic


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## sim667 (Sep 15, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> Translation: 'monster jubblies, and a ghetto booty sticking way out to _there_'



Not quite....... im not into the whole ghetto malachy


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## Corax (Sep 15, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> He got so thoroughly pwned on the phonetic english thread he's taken to following me around, worrying at me like a toothless babushka trying to eat black bread.



I'm not convinced he'd pass a Turing test.


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## Onket (Sep 15, 2009)

mrs quoad said:


> Why the fuck is this in books, films, etc?
> 
> Is this fiction?



This might be it.


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## free spirit (Sep 15, 2009)

kained&able said:


> knobbed her yet?
> 
> dave


ay - dot com, beware the friendzone...


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## kyser_soze (Sep 15, 2009)

sim667 said:


> Not quite....... im not into the whole ghetto malachy



Is that an alternative spelling of 'malarkey', or a different word altogether. I likes it.


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## sim667 (Sep 15, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Is that an alternative spelling of 'malarkey', or a different word altogether. I likes it.



i thought thats how u spell it

but after a quick google it turns out thats how you spell the name that i thought was spelt 'malaki'


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## kyser_soze (Sep 15, 2009)

Ah, Malachi!


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## The Octagon (Sep 15, 2009)

What proof do you have that she's 18?

Fake ID's have come a long way.....

(just like your cell mate will)


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## zoooo (Sep 15, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> That makes you like, a baby cougar


Aw! I like it.


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## THINK! (Sep 17, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> He got so thoroughly pwned on the phonetic english thread he's taken to following me around, worrying at me like a toothless babushka trying to eat black bread.


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## Treacle Toes (Sep 17, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reassure me. She is 19 (in nov) and I am 26.



She's legal and consenting...ignore them.


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## Onket (Sep 17, 2009)

Rutita1 said:


> She's legal and *consenting*...ignore them.



How do you know this?!


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