# A not-even slightly sarcastic message from bar stuff to their customers



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

Probably already been posted elsewhere, but I reckon it's worth a thread where folks can add their own irritations.


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## golightly (Sep 23, 2013)

Could be interesting if they have a customer that does not understand sarcasm.


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## fredfelt (Sep 23, 2013)

I'll add to that:

When ordering a glass of wine at the bar please do request for a sample before you decide if you wish to take the plunge.

Especially when I'm behind you in the queue and all I want to say is 'Pint please'.


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## Looby (Sep 23, 2013)

They sound like sneering dicks.


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## Treacle Toes (Sep 23, 2013)

Not a corporate chain then!


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## fishfinger (Sep 23, 2013)

When waiting at a bus stop, make sure that you don't have your oyster card ready before you board the bus. Then start rummaging through your bags and pockets for several minutes until you find it.


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## Frances Lengel (Sep 23, 2013)

Ordering one drink at a time _is_ a wankers trick though.


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## Fez909 (Sep 23, 2013)

I'm sure a list could be knocked up for bartenders from the customers, too. I'd start with this:


When complaining about Guinness orders, make sure to fall for the marketing techniques that multinational brands use to try to convince that their drink has to be poured a special way. It really does taste different if you leave it for an additional 100 seconds between pouring each half, on top of the weeks/months that it has already existed.


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## Frances Lengel (Sep 23, 2013)

Fez909 said:


> I'm sure a list could be knocked up for bartenders from the customers, too. I'd start with this:
> 
> 
> When complaining about Guinness orders, make sure to fall for the marketing techniques that multinational brands use to try to convince that their drink has to be poured a special way. It really does taste different if you leave it for an additional 100 seconds between pouring each half, on top of the weeks/months that it has already existed.



Even if the bartender disregards the leaving it for a bit before pouring the second half, guinness takes ages to pour anyway & as such should never be ordered last. But, as has already been established, ordering drinks one at a time is the preserve of those with no regard for/awareness of those around them.


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## Fez909 (Sep 23, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> Even if the bartender disregards the leaving it for a bit before pouring the second half, guinness takes ages to pour anyway & as such should never be ordered last. But, as has already been established, ordering drinks one at a time is the preserve of those with no regard for/awareness of those around them.



I'm not just trying to be contrarian, but I really don't think it's any slower than other drinks. Whether it is first or last makes absolutely no difference in any case

25 seconds followed by 50 seconds is the same as 50 seconds followed by 25 seconds.


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## Looby (Sep 23, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> Ordering one drink at a time _is_ a wankers trick though.



And in some places they moan if you give them a long order in one go. 

And half the time you're shouting across the bar or running back to the table mid order because they haven't got what you want.

If I saw that sign in a pub I'd probably not bother going back.


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## Sirena (Sep 23, 2013)

fredfelt said:


> I'll add to that:
> 
> When ordering a glass of wine at the bar please do request for a sample before you decide if you wish to take the plunge.
> 
> Especially when I'm behind you in the queue and all I want to say is 'Pint please'.


 
A small reservation on that.  Some wine served in pubs is just outright, cheap, nasty rubbish sold at an exorbitant mark-up.  Beer drinkers would not tolerate anything like that sort of treatment.  I sometimes ask just for a taster before I spend my money...


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

Fez909 said:


> I'm not just trying to be contrarian, but I really don't think it's any slower than other drinks. Whether it is first or last makes absolutely no difference in any case
> 
> 25 seconds followed by 50 seconds is the same as 50 seconds followed by 25 seconds.


Whatcha mean - not slower than other drinks?


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## Looby (Sep 23, 2013)

Sirena said:


> A small reservation on that.  Some wine served in pubs is just outright, cheap, nasty rubbish sold at an exorbitant mark-up.  Beer drinkers would not tolerate anything like that sort of treatment.  I sometimes ask just for a taster before I spend my money...



Exactly. Unless it's a brand I recognise or a place known for decent wine I don't bother ordering it in a pub.


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

Sirena said:


> A small reservation on that.  Some wine served in pubs is just outright, cheap, nasty rubbish sold at an exorbitant mark-up.  Beer drinkers would not tolerate anything like that sort of treatment.  I sometimes ask just for a taster before I spend my money...


I often ask for a taster of an ale I haven't had before.

Anyway, most of these problems can be solved with this solution: 

Landlord, employ more staff.


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## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

They could have added: "Staff love unravelling things, so be sure to hand over your bank notes in a tightly screwed up ball."


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## fredfelt (Sep 23, 2013)

Sirena said:


> A small reservation on that.  Some wine served in pubs is just outright, cheap, nasty rubbish sold at an exorbitant mark-up.  Beer drinkers would not tolerate anything like that sort of treatment.  I sometimes ask just for a taster before I spend my money...



Understood! I'm generally quite patient but somehow when waiting a a bar for beer I'm less so .


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

tbh notices like that - and i've seen a few - tend to make me leave a pub rather than lol. have jokes amongst yourselves, sure, but cunting off the drinkers is idiocy.


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## toggle (Sep 23, 2013)

if in any doubt about your drinks order, 'same again' will solve all problems. our staff will always remember every customer's preferred drinks. 

we have a special magic field that puts your glasses through the dishwasher and back on the shelves with no intervention from the staff needed. it is therefore completely unnecessary to return glasses to the bar, or let staff through to the tables. the strength of this field is determined by the number of clientelle, so it is especially unnecessary when the place is really busy. 

when you see anyone behind the bar filling or emptying the washer, please get irritated with them for doing this rather than letting you wait 30 seconds for someone else to serve you.


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## twentythreedom (Sep 23, 2013)

The Passive Aggressive Arms


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## andysays (Sep 23, 2013)

Is this "bar" called the Passive Aggressive Arms, by any chance?


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## andysays (Sep 23, 2013)

twentythreedom said:


> The Passive Aggressive Arms



Oh, yeah, that's really great...


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## twentythreedom (Sep 23, 2013)

Heroin users - please feel free to make use of our toilet cubicles for injecting your hit. We like to provide a safe using environment for all addicts, not just alcoholics. And don't worry about cleaning up any blood, we obviously have staff employed specifically for that job.


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> tbh notices like that - and i've seen a few - tend to make me leave a pub rather than lol. have jokes amongst yourselves, sure, but cunting off the drinkers is idiocy.


Yeah. If the punters are pissed off with the service, that probably means there are not enough staff. Busy Friday night? Two people should be enough, no? Tight fucking landlords.


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

well, pissed up punters can be irritating, no doubt. but they kind of come with the territory of running a pub. if you hate them that much, you're probably in the wrong business...


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

bar staff - KNOW YOUR PLACE.

etc.


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## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> tbh notices like that - and i've seen a few - tend to make me leave a pub rather than lol. have jokes amongst yourselves, sure, but cunting off the drinkers is idiocy.


Unless that's how you act, why on earth would you be pissed off about it?

If I saw it in a pub, I'd figure that the staff normally have to deal with a right load of fucking arses, and probably have a good laugh with them about it.


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## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> well, pissed up punters can be irritating, no doubt. but they kind of come with the territory of running a pub. if you hate them that much, you're probably in the wrong business...


Of course, bar staff usually have such a great choice of alternative jobs to choose from.


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## bi0boy (Sep 23, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> Even if the bartender disregards the leaving it for a bit before pouring the second half, guinness takes ages to pour anyway & as such should never be ordered last. But, as has already been established, ordering drinks one at a time is the preserve of those with no regard for/awareness of those around them.



I've ordered one at a time on quite a few occasions. This began when I'd previously ordered all at once and received comments from the bar staff such as "Hang on, slow down", "what was that again?", "you said four pints of Magners, I heard you say it", "well you'll have to pay for it now I've poured it" etc...


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Unless that's how you act, why on earth would you be pissed off about it?
> 
> If I saw it in a pub, I'd figure that the staff normally have to deal with a right load of fucking arses, and probably have a good laugh with them about it.


i think i've probably done all of them things at various points. not sure if i'd call it 'how i act' though. being pissed notoriously makes a person forgetful and inconsiderate.


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Of course, bar staff usually have such a great choice of alternative jobs to choose from.


do you think this notice was made by the bar staff?


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

this is why you should only go drinking where they know you and what you drink. ordering a drink shouldn't take more than a curt nod to the barman/lady and possibly an 'awight?' of a sunday when it's busy.


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## twentythreedom (Sep 23, 2013)

VIP customers will receive immediate priority service if they indicate their presence by conspicuously waving a £20 note at a crowded and busy bar


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## twentythreedom (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Unless that's how you act, why on earth would you be pissed off about it?
> 
> If I saw it in a pub, I'd figure that the staff normally have to deal with a right load of fucking arses, and probably have a good laugh with them about it.



But they'd be laughing _at _you, not _with _you, because they are obviously all cunts


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## bi0boy (Sep 23, 2013)

Perhaps Wetherspoons will be the first to introduce self-service tills for pubs. Scan your driving licence, swipe your payment card and take your pint. Not even a need to put it in a bagging area.


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## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> do you think this notice was made by the bar staff?


Well, it may have been posted up by a passing funeral director, but I'm pretty sure it would have been written/posted up by people working at the bar.

Have you not seen the one about asking DJs to play songs?


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## Fez909 (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Whatcha mean - not slower than other drinks?



I meant the time it takes to fill a pint glass with Guinness is no different to the time it takes for, say Veltins, to fill the same sized container.


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

Fez909 said:


> I meant the time it takes to fill a pint glass with Guinness is no different to the time it takes for, say Veltins, to fill the same sized container.


Only idiots fill a Guinness straight up tho. Are you an idiot?


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## Fez909 (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Only idiots fill a Guinness straight up tho. Are you an idiot?



I may be an idiot, but it's not for falling for marketing techniques.

I've worked in a pub and I drink and like Guinness. I took the time to experiment with leaving it and not leaving it and there's no difference.

Keep eating that PR up, mate


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Only idiots fill a Guinness straight up tho. Are you an idiot?


You have to wait a bit half-way. During this period, *magic happens* making it taste all nice and Guinnessy.


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## Puddy_Tat (Sep 23, 2013)

on the assumption that guinness requires the glass to be part filled, then left to settle, then fully filled (with or without an attempt to draw a shamrock in the froth), then it makes sense that the time it's left to settle is used either for sorting out another drink, or taking payment, rather than just standing and waiting - isn't that the point they were trying to make?


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Well, it may have been posted up by a passing funeral director, but I'm pretty sure it would have been written/posted up by people working at the bar.


yeah, like the bar manager or landlord. lowly barstaff don't get to cunt off the customers.



> Have you not seen the one about asking DJs to play songs?



it irritates me when djs complain about that too. it's part of the job, get over it or get out (i went for the latter in the end).


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Only idiots fill a Guinness straight up tho. Are you an idiot?


it makes absolutely no difference.


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> yeah, like the bar manager or landlord. lowly barstaff don't get to cunt off the customers.


Yep. A tight landlord/lady trying to make his/her underpaid, overworked staff feel a bit better about their predicament.


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## spanglechick (Sep 23, 2013)

I don't get the crisps thing.   Surely it's reasonable if, after hearing the crisp flavours but not finding any of them more tempting than ready salted, you then choose ready salted.   


I need to know what I'm choosing from, so I can make a choice.


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## Fozzie Bear (Sep 23, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> I've ordered one at a time on quite a few occasions. This began when I'd previously ordered all at once and received comments from the bar staff such as "Hang on, slow down", "what was that again?", "you said four pints of Magners, I heard you say it", "well you'll have to pay for it now I've poured it" etc...


 
If I remember my psychology correctly, people's short term memory can only contain between 5 and 9 items in one go.

So if I am ordering a big round I'll try to split it up into chunks of 4 things. There is no point in rattling off 20 drinks in a long list. But one at a time is a bit rubbish too.


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

spanglechick said:


> I need to know what I'm choosing from, so I can make a choice.


How dare you.


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

Fez909 said:


> I may be an idiot, but it's not for falling for marketing techniques.
> 
> I've worked in a pub and I drink and like Guinness. I took the time to experiment with leaving it and not leaving it and there's no difference.
> 
> Keep eating that PR up, mate


Of course, it's not like Dublin bartenders know what they're doing is it.


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## madamv (Sep 23, 2013)

This is silverfish's local isn't it?


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## Santino (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Of course, it's not like Dublin bartenders know what they're doing is it.


 Magic Irish people


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

Santino said:


> Magic Irish people


 Are you trying to make a point here?


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## Santino (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Are you trying to make a point here?


No, the magic Irish people are doing it for me.


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Of course, it's not like Dublin bartenders know what they're doing is it.


it makes no difference.


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

Santino said:


> No, the magic Irish people are doing it for me.


Fuck off with your half-baked insinuations.


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## Santino (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Fuck off with your half-baked insinuations.


I am waiting for it to settle before I finish off the baking.


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> it makes no difference.


Yes it does. Makes a difference to the head for sure, and to me it tastes better poured in two parts.


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

Santino said:


> I am waiting for it to settle before I finish off the baking.


Oh haha, that's funny. Prick.


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## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> yeah, like the bar manager or landlord. lowly barstaff don't get to cunt off the customers.


LOL.


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## bi0boy (Sep 23, 2013)

Fozzie Bear said:


> If I remember my psychology correctly, people's short term memory can only contain between 5 and 9 items in one go.
> 
> So if I am ordering a big round I'll try to split it up into chunks of 4 things. There is no point in rattling off 20 drinks in a long list. But one at a time is a bit rubbish too.



Given that I've managed to remember it and unlike the bar staff I am a) not sober and b) not a professional drinks getter, then I really don't see why I should have to spoon-feed them my order in a way that suits them.


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## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

littlebabyjesus said:


> Yep. A tight landlord/lady trying to make his/her underpaid, overworked staff feel a bit better about their predicament.


That's not always the case, actually. But, whatever.


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Yes it does. Makes a difference to the head for sure, and to me it tastes better poured in two parts.


perhaps you could explain the science behind the better flavour produced by a two-pour method. or do you have a link to some double-blind tested, peer reviewed research which might confirm your hypothesis?

in my years working a bar, the only discernable diffence between a pint i poured in one and a pint i poured in two was whether it had an idiot shamrock on the head or not.


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> LOL.


not to that extent anyway.


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> perhaps you could explain the science behind the better flavour produced by a two-pour method. or do you have a link to some double-blind tested, peer reviewed research which might confirm your hypothesis?
> 
> in my years working a bar, the only discernable diffence between a pint i poured in one and a pint i poured in two was whether it had an idiot shamrock on the head or not.


LOL, peer reviewed paper. The basic science would be (I guess) the same as wine, you allow the beer to breathe a bit, and as I say, IME the head is superior with a two-pour pint. I'm not saying that it makes a world of difference, just that IME it does make a difference (albeit likely smaller than the freshness of the cask, the state of the pumps and pipes, temperature etc).


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

or alternatively, you've been suckered by guinness marketing.


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> That's not always the case, actually. But, whatever.


Do you see this kind of poster in a busy pub or a quiet one?


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> or alternatively, you've been suckered by guinness marketing.


Or your tastebuds are fucked?


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

personally i like to pour my coke out in two goes, to allow it to breathe. it really allows those industrially produced tastes to develop.


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

Up yours.


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## fredfelt (Sep 23, 2013)

This thread reminds me of an conversation I had with an over keen manager of a new pub.  He was French so you'll have to imagine the ancient:

me: Do you have any real ale on?
French: Yes, we have John Smiths, it's a delicate beer with a floral bouquet  
me:  Thanks.  I'll have a pint of Heineken


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## peterkro (Sep 23, 2013)

Yank goes into Dublin pub,I'll have a Guinness please?
Barman: Traditional pour it'll take a few minutes
Yank: yes please
Barman: Can I get you a quick one while you're waiting?


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## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

littlebabyjesus said:


> Do you see this kind of poster in a busy pub or a quiet one?


I've seen similar notices in busy pubs, and I've seen similar notices in fairly quiet pubs. Is there a point to this?


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## Cheesypoof (Sep 23, 2013)

twentythreedom said:


> Heroin users - please feel free to make use of our toilet cubicles for injecting your hit. We like to provide a safe using environment for all addicts, not just alcoholics. And don't worry about cleaning up any blood, we obviously have staff employed specifically for that job.



i have never heard of a situation where heroin users injected in a pub loo...


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

Cheesypoof said:


> i have never heard of a situation where heroin users injected in a pub loo...


Really? I've had to clean up after the fuckers


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## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

Cheesypoof said:


> i have never heard of a situation where heroin users injected in a pub loo...


Oh they have, alright. Why do you think a certain chain pub in Brixton installed blue lights back in the old days?


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## Citizen66 (Sep 23, 2013)

When using an atm would it be possible to bring the cards of all your extended family with you and draw cash for them too as this is proven to be far more efficient. Especially for those behind you in the queue.


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## Cheesypoof (Sep 23, 2013)

I take your word for it....


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## twentythreedom (Sep 23, 2013)

Cheesypoof said:


> i have never heard of a situation where heroin users injected in a pub loo...


I can assure you, it happens regularly


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

two-pouring a pint is about as ridiculous as sniffing the cork from a bottle of wine and indeed letting booze 'breathe'. pretentious, dillettantish nonsense.


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## silverfish (Sep 23, 2013)

madamv said:


> This is silverfish's local isn't it?



Ha ha ha, very much the vibe don't know how to link to my previous post on the subject but very relevant

Land lord is now chopsing off about mums and kids not drinking anything expensive during the day on facebook


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## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> two-pouring a pint is about as ridiculous as sniffing the cork from a bottle of wine and indeed letting booze 'breathe'. pretentious, dillettantish nonsense.


Mind you, you can only admire the way Guinness has elevated their average drink into something iconic that somehow needs _special _handling. 


> What Diageo calls the "perfect pint" of Draught Guinness is the product of a "double pour", which according to the company should take 125.26 seconds.
> Guinness has promoted this wait with advertising campaigns such as "good things come to those who wait". Despite this, Guinness has endorsed the use of "Exactap", marketed by DigitalDispense USA LLC, owned in a trust by its American inventor. The "Exactap" is the fastest beer dispense system in the world and can deliver a perfectly presented Guinness, with no overfilling, in just 4 seconds. There are over 600 "Exactaps" in use in Dublin stadia alone.
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guinness


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## silverfish (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> perhaps you could explain the science behind the better flavour produced by a two-pour method. or do you have a link to some double-blind tested, peer reviewed research which might confirm your hypothesis?
> 
> in my years working a bar, the only discernable diffence between a pint i poured in one and a pint i poured in two was whether it had an idiot shamrock on the head or not.



Killer B wins


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> two-pouring a pint is about as ridiculous as sniffing the cork from a bottle of wine and indeed letting booze 'breathe'. pretentious, dillettantish nonsense.



Reminds me of a restaurant I was at in Sardinia. The waiter opened the bottle of wine in front of us, then took out a little tray with a tiny glass on it. He proceeded to pour _himself_ a bit in the tiny glass and drink it. Only then did he offer to pour me a bit to test it.

Our jaws dropped.

(Corked wine is a real thing, btw. Better to detect it through smell than through taste. Women are generally better at detecting corking than men, though, as they have more tastebuds. Women should test the wine first really.)


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## Yelkcub (Sep 23, 2013)

Is there anything you people don't argue about? Anything at all?


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

i find children are far better at detecting off wine. and poison.


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## fogbat (Sep 23, 2013)

Yelkcub said:


> Is there anything you people don't argue about? Anything at all?


Yes.


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Mind you, you can only admire the way Guinness has elevated their average drink into something iconic that somehow needs _special _handling.


Thing is, if you think it does need special handling and see it given that special handling, it _will_ taste better to you.


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## TruXta (Sep 23, 2013)

Yelkcub said:


> Is there anything you people don't argue about? Anything at all?


fogbat really does have very small hands.


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## fogbat (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> fogbat really does have very small hands.


OUTSIDE NOW.


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

TruXta said:


> fogbat really does have very small hands.


His hands are normal size. It's the rest of his body that's over-big.


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## Frances Lengel (Sep 23, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> Given that I've managed to remember it and unlike the bar staff I am a) not sober and b) not a professional drinks getter, then I really don't see why I should have to spoon-feed them my order in a way that suits them.



The point's moot anyway as it's highly unlikely you've got any mates to order any drinks for. Though if you have it comes as no surprise that four of them are magners drinking twats. They're not people.


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## bi0boy (Sep 23, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> The point's moot anyway as it's highly unlikely you've got any mates to order any drinks for. Though if you have it comes as no surprise that four of them are magners drinking twats. They're not people.



Of course I don't associate with Magners drinkers, that was the whole point of my example. As if I'd actually ask for Magners ffs.


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## Puddy_Tat (Sep 23, 2013)




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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> Of course I don't associate with Magners drinkers, that was the whole point of my example. As if I'd actually ask for Magners ffs.


And a glass with ice, please, b.


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## 8115 (Sep 23, 2013)

Don't forget that, by definition because you indirectly pay my wages, you are superior to me.  Please make sure you reflect that in how you talk to me 

Don't get out of the way when I'm clearing tables, I have super stretchy elastic lengthening arms which mean I can just slither them round you and collect plates/ glasses etc.  Don't try and help either, I get offended if you do.


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

boo fucking hoo. my job's a pain in the arse too - that's why i get paid to do it.

cowboy the fuck up, nancies.


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## Fozzie Bear (Sep 23, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> Given that I've managed to remember it and unlike the bar staff I am a) not sober and b) not a professional drinks getter, then I really don't see why I should have to spoon-feed them my order in a way that suits them.


 
I have found that my way works best for me.

If you know different or prefer the moral high ground, then knock yourself out.


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## 8115 (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> boo fucking hoo. my job's a pain in the arse too - that's why i get paid to do it.


Minimum wage for antisocial hours, too?


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

don't make your problems mine.


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> don't make your problems mine.


Um, no, if _you're the problem_, that doesn't work.


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

littlebabyjesus said:


> Um, no, if _you're the problem_, that doesn't work.


i'm just trying to order a drink, you're the ones bellyaching about it.


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## mr steev (Sep 23, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> "well you'll have to pay for it now I've poured it" etc...



I've never heard that in a pub. If there's been a mistake then the right drink is poured for you, usually with an apology, a jokey comment or occasionally with a tut and a sigh, but I've never heard someone having to pay for something they didn't order


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## twentythreedom (Sep 23, 2013)

They can't make you pay for a drink you didn't order and haven't touched, surely


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## Citizen66 (Sep 23, 2013)

fogbat said:
			
		

> Yes.



No.


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## twentythreedom (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> i'm just trying to order a drink, you're the ones bellyaching about it.


Get out of my pub, you're barred


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## Corax (Sep 23, 2013)

Fez909 said:


> I'm sure a list could be knocked up for bartenders from the customers, too. I'd start with this:
> 
> 
> When complaining about Guinness orders, make sure to fall for the marketing techniques that multinational brands use to try to convince that their drink has to be poured a special way. It really does taste different if you leave it for an additional 100 seconds between pouring each half, on top of the weeks/months that it has already existed.


Quite.  In fact, some of the original ones can be applied to plenty of bar staff, particularly 5 & 6.


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> or alternatively, you've been suckered by guinness marketing.


I was an occasional barman in the early-to-mid-1980s, and there was frequently a tendency for Guinness to come up "lively", particularly for the first couple of pints in a session - as I understood it, the mid-pour wait was about giving the drink a little time to settle before carrying on with the second half. This was long before the whole "how to pour a pint of Guinness" became a big marketing thing, because I can remember seeing those adverts and thinking "hahaha, they have to teach people how to pour a pint".

Also, this. I quite liked it, though that means quite a lot of people are now going to want to kill me.


----------



## Corax (Sep 23, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> Perhaps Wetherspoons will be the first to introduce self-service tills for pubs. Scan your driving licence, swipe your payment card and take your pint. Not even a need to put it in a bagging area.








Yay photoshop.  

TIL that easyjet use 'Cooper' as a typeface.


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

littlebabyjesus said:


> Reminds me of a restaurant I was at in Sardinia. The waiter opened the bottle of wine in front of us, then took out a little tray with a tiny glass on it. He proceeded to pour _himself_ a bit in the tiny glass and drink it. Only then did he offer to pour me a bit to test it.
> 
> Our jaws dropped.
> 
> (Corked wine is a real thing, btw. Better to detect it through smell than through taste. Women are generally better at detecting corking than men, though, as they have more tastebuds. Women should test the wine first really.)


Corked wine is *definitely *a real thing, all right! Although I've had to argue the phenomenon at Tesco before now, when I've taken corked bottles back.

And I usually have no trouble detecting it, despite my chromosomes. It's very slightly off beer that catches me out, usually - I quite like that lambic edge that's part of the "off" flavour, although I don't like drinking gone-over pints.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 23, 2013)

Corked wine is certainly not a thing with screw-tops.


----------



## Corax (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Mind you, you can only admire the way Guinness has elevated their average drink into something iconic that somehow needs _special _handling.


125_*.*_*26* seconds - kinlol


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> two-pouring a pint is about as ridiculous as sniffing the cork from a bottle of wine and indeed letting booze 'breathe'. pretentious, dillettantish nonsense.


The hell it is. We've already covered the corking thing - if you drink any amount of wine at all, you are very fortunate never to have encountered a corked bottle - but letting it "breathe" most certainly does make a difference, particularly in very oaky young wines.

With older wines, the small amount of exposure to the air that comes from decanting them off the lees is all they need.


----------



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

Bar staff are usually compelled to go along with the Guinness pouring farce on account of hype-ridden customers expecting it, and the potential presence of a brewery 'mystery shopper' who often _can't wait _to find an excuse to mark down a pub and its staff.


----------



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

existentialist said:


> The hell it is. We've already covered the corking thing - if you drink any amount of wine at all, you are very fortunate never to have encountered a corked bottle - but letting it "breathe" most certainly does make a difference, particularly in very oaky young wines.


Even I know that a corked bottle is not a good thing.


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> boo fucking hoo. my job's a pain in the arse too - that's why i get paid to do it.
> 
> cowboy the fuck up, nancies.


That'd be the job as hostage negotiator for the British Diplomatic Service, then?


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> Corked wine is certainly not a thing with screw-tops.


No, this is true. Personally - and I'll accept this may be a controversial position to take - I put it down to the absence of cork.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 23, 2013)

I'm glad I got out of the bargame before I had the indignity of having someone order stella cidre in a chalice and I'd have to serve it


----------



## Corax (Sep 23, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> I'm glad I got out of the bargame before I had the indignity of having someone order stella cidre in a chalice and I'd have to serve it


You wouldn't have _*had*_ to serve it though tbh.  You could have just smashed the bottle in their face instead.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 23, 2013)

Corax said:


> You wouldn't have _*had*_ to serve it though tbh.  You could have just smashed the bottle in their face instead.



Or served them scrumpy in a plastic milk carton.


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> View attachment 40951



I make a point of treating bar staff (indeed anyone who serves me) with the utmost respect, but if I saw that displayed in a pub I'd go out of my way to spend an evening there with a group of mates doing exactly what they're asking on that notice and being as irritating as possible.

Fucking chippy twats.


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> I'm glad I got out of the bargame before I had the indignity of having someone order stella cidre in a chalice and I'd have to serve it


I think the history of the bargame is littered with the paraphernalia of marketing fads. The bar I did most of my dilettante bar work in had a kind of Museum of Horrors in the back room of various bits and bobs that had accumulated over the years - awful, awful glasses for various (usually sugary) concoctions, from ready-mixed Snowballs to Babycham, branded pints of various long-forgotten desperate attempts to market some or other fizzy making-love-in-a-canoe nonsense. And branded glasses, which were a _complete_ pain in the tits, because some cunts insisted on a Guinness glass for their Guinness - conical, not nonic* or tulip - and so on. You could spend more time looking for the right fucking glass than pouring the bloody pint. Because I was an arsey kind of bastard back then, I'd make a point of putting annoying customers' pints into the wrong branded glass 

* I had to look that up. I have spent ⅔ of my life thinking those were "No-Nick" glasses


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 23, 2013)

the amount of plastic oirash Patricks Day bullshit merch we used to get from the guiness marketing bods wasn't even funny


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## Corax (Sep 23, 2013)

existentialist said:


> * I had to look that up. I have spent ⅔ of my life thinking those were "No-Nick" glasses


I just looked it up too, and apparently you were right the first time! (according to wiki anyway...)


> The nonic, a variation on the conical design, where the glass bulges out a couple of inches from the top; this is partly for improved grip, partly to prevent the glasses from sticking together when stacked, and partly to give strength and stop the rim from becoming chipped or "nicked".[1] *The term "nonic" derives from "no nick"*



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pint_glass


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

lemon slices in bottled beer.

pepsi when i ask for coke.


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

Corax said:


> I just looked it up too, and apparently you were right the first time! (according to wiki anyway...)
> 
> 
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pint_glass


WIkipedia is where I discovered that it's "nonic"!  I must admit, I did used to wonder what it was about them that made them hard to steal, and it was a fellow barperson - much older - who explained how the older sleeve glasses would lock together, and tended to crack, especially when carried in massive great stacks, hence the bulge.

And then, not a few years later, everybody's moved over from nonic to sleeves again 

Fashion!


----------



## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> lemon slices in bottled beer.
> 
> pepsi when i ask for coke.


the Pepsi thing will be because they dont sell coke. An issue you'll be experiencing more of shortly, as coke are stopping doing postmix for new bars as - I quote - they dont make enough money on it.


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

then say 'we dont have any coke, would you like some pepsi instead?'

/no thanks, i've just remembered i'm late for a stabbing myself in the eye with a toothpick appointment.


----------



## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

(Pepsi postmix is already significantly cheaper btw, which is why pubs are the only place where Pepsi has made any significant inroads to the British market)


----------



## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> then say 'we dont have any coke, would you like some pepsi instead?'


 they're supposed to do this, but probably cant be bothered.


----------



## Corax (Sep 23, 2013)

They're both sugary chemical monstrosities ffs, not hand-picked teas or quality cheeses.


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

"it's real to me, dammit!"


----------



## Hocus Eye. (Sep 23, 2013)

Guinness does take longer to settle, it is not hype. That is why a few years ago they introduced Cold Guinness in order to appeal to younger less patient customers, it settles more quickly than normal Guinness. Many pubs offer a choice. If I am drinking Guinness I will have a cold one to start with then subsequent pints I go for the normal - not so chilled one. The trick is to order it before you have finished the first one so that it has time to settle before you need it.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 23, 2013)

I can't even tell the difference between no-name coke and branded coke


----------



## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

Coke is the finest soft drink humanity has yet managed to produce. Pepsi is filth. Barr cola isnt bad though.


----------



## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

Hocus Eye. said:


> Guinness does take longer to settle, it is not hype.


 who said anything about how long it takes to settle? Its the double pour bullshit we're discussing. Which is bullshit.


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 23, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> I can't even tell the difference between no-name coke and branded coke



Die heretic


----------



## Hocus Eye. (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> Coke is the finest soft drink humanity has yet managed to produce. Pepsi is filth. Barr cola isnt bad though.


Won't somebody think of the teeth.


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> I can't even tell the difference between no-name coke and branded coke


as a cost saving experiment we bought some sainsbury's own brand 'cola' as it was a mere 62p as opposed to the £1.60 odd for the OG stuff. We binned it after one glass. Tastes like night nurse without the pleasant side effects. i am now 62p poorer and thirsty.


----------



## Hocus Eye. (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> who said anything about how long it takes to settle? Its the double pour bullshit we're discussing. Which is bullshit.


I am writing this slowly so that you can get it. The double pour becomes necessary because you need to leave it to settle well below the top or too much head ends up running over the side of the glass. Then when it has settled the second pour can take place with less mess. The shamrock of course is purely optional.


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

Hocus Eye. said:


> I am writing this slowly so that you can get it. The double pour becomes necessary because you need to leave it to settle well below the top or too much head ends up running over the side of the glass. Then when it has settled the second pour can take place with less mess.


FWIW, it's what I would do with any slightly lively beer, not just Guinness. It's just that the smaller bubbles in Guinness seem to make it do that "climbing up the glass" thing in a way that, say, London Pride generally doesn't, which means that if you let it do its rest thing when the head's reached the top, it climbs out of the glass. 

If I over-prime my homebrew, I have *exactly* the same problem, and have to "rest" the pint half way before topping it off.


----------



## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

Hocus Eye. said:


> I am writing this slowly so that you can get it. The double pour becomes necessary because you need to leave it to settle well below the top or too much head ends up running over the side of the glass. Then when it has settled the second pour can take place with less mess. The shamrock of course is purely optional.


 no, you dont.


----------



## kabbes (Sep 23, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> Corked wine is certainly not a thing with screw-tops.





existentialist said:


> No, this is true. Personally - and I'll accept this may be a controversial position to take - I put it down to the absence of cork.


Depends what you mean. Cork taint is certainly not possible but other types of taint are, including an increased risk of sulphurisation, or summat like that anyway.  IANAV


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

I Am Not A Virgin?

now that's money well spent.


----------



## kabbes (Sep 23, 2013)

Vintner.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 23, 2013)

I am not a vintner? 

It's defined on all those lists of common internet abbreviations.


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

i'm sorry i don't know what that word means.


----------



## xenon (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Bar staff are usually compelled to go along with the Guinness pouring farce on account of hype-ridden customers expecting it, and the potential presence of a brewery 'mystery shopper' who often _can't wait _to find an excuse to mark down a pub and its staff.




Really? As existentialist describes, I always assumed it took a little while to settle, hence a bit longer to pour. Maybe I go to the wrong pubs but I've not heard anyone insisting their pint is poured more slowly. No one wants a giant head on anything though either.

The Guinness 126 seconds rubbish came long after drinkers knew it took longer to pour.

And it tastes pretty much the same in Dublin as it does here IME.


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

kabbes said:


> Depends what you mean. Cork taint is certainly not possible but other types of taint are, including an increased risk of sulphurisation, or summat like that anyway.  IANAV


Ah, but that wouldn't be "corking" 

I've just been reading about it, and it's fascinating: it seems to be that industrial pollutants - chlorophenols - can affect the cork tree, and get into the cork, which then interact with fungi and moulds to produce the classic "cork taint" compounds. I used to just think it was a bit of mould getting into the bottle.

But yeah, a faulty seal would result in oxidisation of the wine over time, which wouldn't be good, and I wonder when we'll have the first scare as a result of plasticisers from plastic corks leaching into wines, or something...


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> i'm sorry i don't know what that word means.


It is a person who makes wine. Such a person is frequently a close student of œnology


----------



## Citizen66 (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:
			
		

> Coke is the finest soft drink humanity has yet managed to produce. Pepsi is filth. Barr cola isnt bad though.



All cola is rank. Dandelion and burdock is where it's at.


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

posho. GET HIM!


----------



## xenon (Sep 23, 2013)

Hocus Eye. said:


> Guinness does take longer to settle, it is not hype. That is why a few years ago they introduced Cold Guinness in order to appeal to younger less patient customers, it settles more quickly than normal Guinness. Many pubs offer a choice. If I am drinking Guinness I will have a cold one to start with then subsequent pints I go for the normal - not so chilled one. The trick is to order it before you have finished the first one so that it has time to settle before you need it.



This is where the barman in your local knows to start pouring your next one just before you finish your current. Well, if you're stood at the bar anyway.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 23, 2013)

yes,and its not proper unless your barman does a shamrock in the head as well.

man, the things people believe...


----------



## Hocus Eye. (Sep 23, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> yes,and its not proper unless your barman does a shamrock in the head as well.
> 
> man, the things people believe...


I already dismissed the shamrock as being optional. The barman in my local will sometimes do a shamrock "because he can".


----------



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> I make a point of treating bar staff (indeed anyone who serves me) with the utmost respect, but if I saw that displayed in a pub I'd go out of my way to spend an evening there with a group of mates doing exactly what they're asking on that notice and being as irritating as possible.


That rather casts doubt on your first assertion.


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> That rather casts doubt on your first assertion.



Not at all. But if you treat people like cunts, don't be surprised if they behave accordingly.


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

at the grosvenor they'll do you a skull.

a fuckin' skull.


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> That rather casts doubt on your first assertion.


I know what he means, though: if there's a sign on the wall of a pub taking that kind of tone, it doesn't exactly get one's relationship with the establishment off to a positive start. I'd be feeling slightly uncomfortable at the idea that the bar staff were squinting critically at me to see which unspoken shibboleths I was going to be breaking.

And some people, when they're made to feel uncomfortable, might tend to act it out a bit.


----------



## twentythreedom (Sep 23, 2013)

Fancy a fight? Come to our pub where an innocent stranger will look at you funny, at which point you may start scrapping. When you have secured victory our professionally-certified security staff will escort you out of the premises to your waiting carriage, which our helpful staff will have already summoned on your behalf.


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## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

existentialist said:


> I know what he means, though: if there's a sign on the wall of a pub taking that kind of tone, it doesn't exactly get one's relationship with the establishment off to a positive start. I'd be feeling slightly uncomfortable at the idea that the bar staff were squinting critically at me to see which unspoken shibboleths I was going to be breaking.
> 
> And some people, when they're made to feel uncomfortable, might tend to act it out a bit.


I would have thought it would be quite easy to work out which bars have such arsehole customers, and these would be the ones that have been reduced to posting up such an exasperated notice.

In those instances, I usually find myself immediately being extra friendly to the beleaguered staff. The last thing I would so is suddenly start acting like a complete dick just because I've been "offended" by what they've written.

Besides, that notice is funny.


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> I would have thought it would be quite easy to work out which bars have such arsehole customers, and these would be the ones that have been reduced to posting up such an exasperated notice.
> 
> In those instances, I usually find myself immediately being extra friendly to the beleaguered staff. The last thing I would so is suddenly start acting like a complete dick just because I've been "offended" by what they've written.
> 
> Besides, that notice is funny.


Yeah, it is. And, having done my time the other side of the bar, I can see the point. 

And even if I'd be feeling slightly uncomfortable at what might seem like a slightly hostile attitude towards (some) punters, I wouldn't be looking to make trouble, for myself or anyone else. 

But if I were running a bar, I'd have it up behind the bar somewhere the customers couldn't see it, so my staff could have a little collegiate chortle without it running the risk of irritating a touchy customer who might take it amiss.


----------



## RedDragon (Sep 23, 2013)

Bar person: Be with you in a minute Mate, just finishing typing up a witty Do's and Don'ts for our empty bar.  what's that ? There's lipstick on your wine glass?


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

toggle said:


> if in any doubt about your drinks order, 'same again' will solve all problems. our staff will always remember every customer's preferred drinks.
> 
> we have a special magic field that puts your glasses through the dishwasher and back on the shelves with no intervention from the staff needed. it is therefore completely unnecessary to return glasses to the bar, or let staff through to the tables. the strength of this field is determined by the number of clientelle, so it is especially unnecessary when the place is really busy.
> 
> when you see anyone behind the bar filling or emptying the washer, please get irritated with them for doing this rather than letting you wait 30 seconds for someone else to serve you.



funny enough i always leave my and cohorts empties up to the bar . Not only is it good manners its a good way of getting served quicker once its noted and your appreciated a bit .


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> well, pissed up punters can be irritating, no doubt. but they kind of come with the territory of running a pub. if you hate them that much, you're probably in the wrong business...



i know..they wouldnt sound so clever if they had a sign saying _drunk people, be sensible and thoughtful at all times and dont forget anything whatever you do ._


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

i fucking hate guinness too . Liquidised  burnt toast and snot, makes me retch .


----------



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

RedDragon said:


> Bar person: Be with you in a minute Mate, just finishing typing up a witty Do's and Don'ts for our empty bar.  what's that ? There's lipstick on your wine glass?


Yep. That's sure to happen. All night, I expect.


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

existentialist said:


> And even if I'd be feeling slightly uncomfortable at what might seem like a slightly hostile attitude towards (some) punters, I wouldn't be looking to make trouble, for myself or anyone else.
> 
> But if I were running a bar, I'd have it up behind the bar somewhere the customers couldn't see it, so my staff could have a little collegiate chortle without it running the risk of irritating a touchy customer who might take it amiss.



Behind the bar for the consumption of the staff is perfectly reasonable. A pub that I used to use had photos of a load of the locals in the kitchen with our nicknames on for piss-take purposes. Nobody took it the wrong way, in fact it was quite an honour to be on the wall.

But the notice in the OP is just condescending and rude. And funny? Well I suppose for a given value of "funny" where "funny" = rather puerile and not very funny at all, maybe.

And as a punter in that gaff I wouldn't be looking to "make trouble" in the pub. The staff may just find that I'm unable to speak English/count money/hear/remember rounds/get them wrong, etc, etc,.

They're being tits.

Two can play at that game and they'll find me a lot better at wasting their time than they are at writing "funny" notices.


----------



## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

there's a similar set of 'rules' on the back of the menu in  a cocktail bar in town - i think the idea is to make the customer think that, as they are drinking in the kind of establishment that won't put up with such boorish behaviour, they are themselves a cut above the oiks who behave like that. i've not found that to be the case in practice.


----------



## Looby (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Besides, that notice is funny.



Not really, it's sneery.

ETA-I wouldn't act like a dick because of it though.


----------



## sleaterkinney (Sep 23, 2013)

As an ex-barman I'd agree with a lot of that list. People will happily queue and be polite in a shop but turn into arseholes in a pub.


----------



## Badgers (Sep 23, 2013)

This thread has legs... 




			
				fishfinger said:
			
		

> When waiting at a bus stop, make sure that you don't have your oyster card ready before you board the bus. Then start rummaging through your bags and pockets for several minutes until you find it.



When getting on a bus push in front of and past people. When you exit said bus make sure you dither in the exit door. Then stop on the pavement right in front of the exit door for a while to work out which direction you wish to go. Then walk into someone without looking and glare at them. 

People


----------



## xenon (Sep 23, 2013)

The typo in title's really annoying me. 

One from this side of the jump. When it's a busy Friday, do continue having a conversation with your colleague whilst moving about the bar as slowly as possible, when 2 thirsty sober blokes have come in. They'd definitely like to wait another 20 minutes whilst you finish.

TBF he did appologise.

Yeah. It is a bit rubbish this sort of passive aggressive stuff innit.


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

sleaterkinney said:


> As an ex-barman I'd agree with a lot of that list. People will happily queue and be polite in a shop but turn into arseholes in a pub.



Bar staff aren't the only people who have to deal with the odd ignorant punter though. How would it go down if something similar was posted on the side of supermarket checkouts or in police station windows? The old bill could probably write the mother of all "funny notices to punters" ... hur hur!


----------



## Glitter (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Well, it may have been posted up by a passing funeral director, but I'm pretty sure it would have been written/posted up by people working at the bar.
> 
> Have you not seen the one about asking DJs to play songs?



At least half of the requests on that DJ one were perfectly ordinary questions.


----------



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> Bar staff aren't the only people who have to deal with the odd ignorant punter though. How would it go down if something similar was posted on the side of supermarket checkouts or in police station windows?


Supermarket checkouts generally don't get people hanging around for hours on end getting increasingly drunk, rude and stupid.

And I also imagine the place that posted this up knew that their normal, polite customers would have a sense of humour about it. Unlike you.


Glitter said:


> At least half of the requests on that DJ one were perfectly ordinary questions.


Which one? There's loads of different versions around on the net.


----------



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

sparklefish said:


> Not really, it's sneery.
> 
> ETA-I wouldn't act like a dick because of it though.


You don't think *context* may play a part in this? I do.

It would certainly be very funny in some places I know, and maybe not so funny in others.


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Supermarket checkouts generally don't get people hanging around for hours on end getting increasingly drunk, rude and stupid.



Neither do the pubs that I drink in. Maybe that's why I don't get this.


----------



## Looby (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> You don't think *context* may play a part in this? I do.
> 
> It would certainly be very funny in some places I know, and maybe not so funny in others.



Not really no, it's passive aggressive bullshit.

It might be funny in a pub full of locals but a stranger walks in and that sort of sign might put them off. Maybe that's the intention.


----------



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> Neither do the pubs that I drink in. Maybe that's why I don't get this.


Amazingly, not all pubs and bars are exactly the same as the places you drink and they don't all attract the same sort of people.


----------



## sleaterkinney (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> Bar staff aren't the only people who have to deal with the odd ignorant punter though. How would it go down if something similar was posted on the side of supermarket checkouts or in police station windows?


I've not seen anyone behave that badly in a supermarket tbh, ever, as for a police station, not sure what point you're making there.


----------



## Badgers (Sep 23, 2013)

sleaterkinney said:
			
		

> I've not seen anyone behave that badly in a supermarket tbh, ever, as for a police station, not sure what point you're making there.



In the drunk tank, an old man said to me....


----------



## fredfelt (Sep 23, 2013)

Badgers said:


> ...
> People



More specifically - Other people, tsk.


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Amazingly, not all pubs and bars are exactly the same as the places you drink and they don't all attract the same sort of people.



Amazingly, I've drunk in a _massive_ variety of pubs over many years and can't think of _any_ where that notice would be appropriate.


----------



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

sparklefish said:


> Not really no, it's passive aggressive bullshit.
> 
> It might be funny in a pub full of locals but a stranger walks in and that sort of sign might put them off. Maybe that's the intention.


Well maybe that's how_ you'd_ take it, but if I saw some beleaguered staff getting shit off drunk, obnoxious twats and saw that sign, I'd certainly make a point of telling the staff that I sympathised with them and found it funny.

Pub workers _in some bars_ have to put up with all sorts of rude shit from pissed-up dickheads. A friend of mine (female) got threatened with a fight on Friday night because some drunk person at the bar thought that she'd served someone before her - and I see more of the same kind of behaviour regularly when I'm out.


----------



## Glitter (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Supermarket checkouts generally don't get people hanging around for hours on end getting increasingly drunk, rude and stupid.
> 
> And I also imagine the place that posted this up knew that their normal, polite customers would have a sense of humour about it. Unlike you.
> Which one? There's loads of different versions around on the net.



Dunno - I saw it on here. I think you posted it in fact!


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

sleaterkinney said:


> I've not seen anyone behave that badly in a supermarket tbh, ....



That notice isn't about people "behaving badly". It's referring to acts that may be considered thoughtless or mildly annoying. Bar staff don't have the monopoly on dealing with those type of folk.


----------



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

Glitter said:


> Dunno - I saw it on here. I think you posted it in fact!


Well, there are several others in existence, each with varying levels of humour.


----------



## Looby (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Well maybe that's how_ you'd_ take it, but if I saw some beleaguered staff getting shit off drunk, obnoxious twats and saw that sign, I'd certainly make a point of telling the staff that I sympathised with them and found it funny.
> 
> Pub workers _in some bars_ have to put up with all sorts of rude shit from pissed-up dickheads. A friend of mine (female) got threatened with a fight on Friday night because some drunk person at the bar thought that she'd served someone before her, and I see more of the same regularly.



I'm not saying people behaving badly in pubs is ok ffs.

You think the sign is funny, I thinks it's shit. Not sure what else you want me to say.


----------



## sleaterkinney (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> That notice isn't about people "behaving badly". It's referring to acts that may be considered thoughtless or mildly annoying. Bar staff don't have the monopoly on dealing with those type of folk.


Throwing money on the bar is thoughtless or mildly annoying?.


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> Pub workers _in some bars_ have to put up with all sorts of rude shit from pissed-up dickheads.



Again, none of what's referred to on the notice refers to any such "rude shit from pissed-up dickheads". 

It's about ordering drinks in the wrong order ..... OH MY GOD! 

Asking what flavour crisps are available ..... WOE IS ME! 

Forgetting to order Guinness first ..... SHOOT ME NOW!


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## AverageJoe (Sep 23, 2013)

Christmas drinkers. Make sure you take over half the bar, order one drink at a time - remembering to consult with each member of the party prior to ordering, and then trying to pay with a credit card and asking for a receipt *after* its been cashed out. 

Then make sure that none of you move away from the bar as this is your new home for the night, ensuring that no-one else can get a drink.


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## Bahnhof Strasse (Sep 23, 2013)

Which pub is that sign in then? Can we add a sign on the back:

Bartenders; learn how much your drinks cost and how to tot them up in your head, it's not hard and it makes the difference between you being regarded as a decent barperson and some disinterested bod who's never gonna get tipped.


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## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

sleaterkinney said:


> Throwing money on the bar is thoughtless or mildly annoying?.



That and the thing about not saying please and thank you are the only genuine gripes there, but hardly limited to bar staff, are they?


----------



## RedDragon (Sep 23, 2013)

The general public behave appallingly, approach people as individuals and you get a much better response. 

One of my favourite bars/restuarant members of staff can correct mistakes/bad service up to £30 without having to refer to management, disputes rarely occur but when they do they're instantly resolved.


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## sleaterkinney (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> That and the thing about not saying please and thank you are the only genuine gripes there, but hardly limited to bar staff, are they?


So there are genuine gripes on there. What difference does it make that it's not limited to bar staff?.


----------



## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Which pub is that sign in then? Can we add a sign on the back:
> 
> Bartenders; learn how much your drinks cost and how to tot them up in your head, it's not hard and it makes the difference between you being regarded as a decent barperson and some disinterested bod who's never gonna get tipped.


People who can't mentally add up the price of a round make me feel old. I know that the only reason I could was a) because every drink had its price on a label in front of it, b) the till technology was such that we didn't have the option of laying away rounds as we totted them up, and c) we wouldn't have had to remember exactly what drinks were in the round as you do for a POS terminal - just the running total, but even so, the loss of mental arithmetic-fu makes me sad. Boohoo


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

sleaterkinney said:


> What difference does it make that it's not limited to bar staff?.



The fact that such a notice in pretty much any other circumstance (supermarket/emergency services/bank/post office etc, etc, would be considered rude and inappropriate. Why's it "funny" because it's in a pub?


----------



## Badgers (Sep 23, 2013)

Oddly I like a landlord that is slow to serve, surely and who is rare to thank


----------



## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

all the regular barstaff i know can do mental arithmatic. perhaps not if they're new, but it just sinks in after you've been working bar a few weeks.


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

Badgers said:


> Oddly I like a landlord that is slow to serve, surely and who is rare to thank


me too. be upfront about it though, eh?


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Sep 23, 2013)

existentialist said:


> People who can't mentally add up the price of a round make me feel old. I know that the only reason I could was a) because every drink had its price on a label in front of it, b) the till technology was such that we didn't have the option of laying away rounds as we totted them up, and c) we wouldn't have had to remember exactly what drinks were in the round as you do for a POS terminal - just the running total, but even so, the loss of mental arithmetic-fu makes me sad. Boohoo



It's not just totting up; when you order one fecking pint and they have to scurry off to check the till to see how much that is, it saddens me. It could be their first 20 minutes on the job, but after that there's not really much of an excuse apart from they couldn't give a toss.


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## Badgers (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:
			
		

> me too. be upfront about it though, eh?



Get your own fucking ice. Haven't you got no homes to go to?


----------



## sleaterkinney (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> The fact that such a notice in pretty much any other circumstance (supermarket/emergency services/bank/post office etc, etc, would be considered rude and inappropriate. Why's it "funny" because it's in a pub?


Because people behave very differently in a pub compared to how they do in a post office....


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## Bahnhof Strasse (Sep 23, 2013)

Badgers said:


> Oddly I like a landlord that is slow to serve, surely and who is rare to thank




Surely? Don't call him Shirley. You surly fucker you.


----------



## Badgers (Sep 23, 2013)

Bahnhof Strasse said:
			
		

> Surely? Don't call him Shirley. You surly fucker you.


----------



## editor (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> The fact that such a notice in pretty much any other circumstance (supermarket/emergency services/bank/post office etc, etc, would be considered rude and inappropriate. Why's it "funny" because it's in a pub?


Because, like a lot of good humour, it touches on the real life experiences of people and makes some of those at the sharp end feel a bit better. 

If it's not for you, jog on. I doubt if you'll ever go to a bar that displays such a notice anyway, so there's no reason for you to get your knickers in a twist.


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

sleaterkinney said:


> Because people behave very differently in a pub compared to how they do in a post office....



So what? 

You get arsehole punters in post offices, supermarkets, casualty departments .... everywhere. Why is it only "funny" for bar staff to insult their customers en masse?


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> ...like a lot of good humour ....


----------



## sleaterkinney (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> So what?
> 
> You get arsehole punters in post offices, supermarkets, casualty departments .... everywhere. Why is it only "funny" for bar staff to insult their customers en masse?


Do you think the frequency of badly behaving punters in a post office is anything like what you would get in a pub?. Seriously?.


----------



## spanglechick (Sep 23, 2013)

strikes me that if they'd stuck to the blatantly rude stuff, it'd be funny.  it's the inclusion of things like being snippy at people who dare to ask what crisp flavours they have, which marks it out as being arseholey.


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

sleaterkinney said:


> Do you think the frequency of badly behaving punters in a post office is anything like what you would get in a pub?. Seriously?.



Why is frequency important?

When you sign-up to work in a bar you accept that you may encounter people "not at their best". The bar workers on this thread have said as much. Now that doesn't mean you should accept drunken abuse and rudeness, but moaning about the order people buy rounds in and folk asking about crisp flavours is beyond churlish, especially when you're openly sneering at paying customers, most of whom are probably nothing like that.


----------



## silverfish (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> who said anything about how long it takes to settle? Its the double pour bullshit we're discussing. Which is bullshit.



The only reason I can see for the double pour is so that punters don't have to ask for a top up 5 minutes later when its settled down an inch due to a shit pour

Personally I don't give a fuck about missing a centimeter of guiness, i'm going to cram myself full of it anyways and I'm a heathen that likes the cold stuff so its less of an issue

Had some super bok stout in angola ( brewed in portugal) on Thursday which knocked guiness into a cocked hat anyhow, fuck all that pissing around shit


----------



## Badgers (Sep 23, 2013)

The super bok is a fine beer. Portuguese cafe near us used to sell it. Delicious.


----------



## silverfish (Sep 23, 2013)

xenon said:


> This is where the barman in your local knows to start pouring your next one just before you finish your current. Well, if you're stood at the bar anyway.



My " good" local barstaff do that what ever you drink efficient alcoholic enablers that they are


----------



## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

silverfish said:


> The only reason I can see for the double pour is so that punters don't have to ask for a top up 5 minutes later when its settled down an inch due to a shit pour


if you know your pump (as you should do quickly enough) then you can pour one with a perfect head straight up first time. 

and almost any other stout is superior to guinness. it's no better than john smiths smooth.


----------



## scalyboy (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> and almost any other stout is superior to guinness. it's no better than john smiths smooth.


 I used to like Murphy's, but don't seem to see it so often now


----------



## Frances Lengel (Sep 23, 2013)

It's certainly true that guinness is no more a premium quality beer than stella is.


----------



## Looby (Sep 23, 2013)

editor said:


> If it's not for you, jog on. I doubt if you'll ever go to a bar that displays such a notice anyway, so there's no reason for you to get your knickers in a twist.



Easy tiger. : D


----------



## scalyboy (Sep 23, 2013)

I was in a pub yesterday (The Bounty, Cock Marsh, along the river towpath just outside Cookham) which had a sign on the till explaining certain drinks ("A spritzer is not wine and sparkling water; it is wine and soda...a St Clements is not  an orange juice and lemonade; it is orange juice and lemon soda..." etc etc). At first I thought it was a sarky message aimed at customers, as there are lots of 'wacky' signs in the pub (e.g. "Welcome to the Peoples' Republic of Cock Marsh - Twinned With Chernobyl") - then I realised it was aimed at the bar staff.

Decent pub mind; there is a sign outside saying walkers are welcome to use the toilets even if not buying drinks, and dogs/muddy boots welcome (not like some of the posh pubs in Cookham itself)


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## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

scalyboy said:


> ...a St Clements is not  an orange juice and lemonade; it is orange juice and lemon soda...



What's lemon soda?


----------



## Badgers (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:
			
		

> What's lemon soda?



Like Guinness but not really.


----------



## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> What's lemon soda?


lemonade.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> The staff may just find that I'm unable to speak English/count money/hear/remember rounds/get them wrong, etc, etc,.
> 
> 
> Two can play at that game and they'll find me a lot better at wasting their time than they are at writing "funny" notices.



my hat is off...its the principle of the thing afterall . Basially its a sign that says_ oi..punter...you are probably a cunt_ . Id find it annoying . Theres a distinct lack of respect there in making a presumption we, the punters, are all the same . Deserves a response imho . Yours seems both measured and appropriate .


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> Deserves a response imho .


shitting in the toilet cistern perhaps?


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

fucking DJ's... you're not a musician, you're not even in a band, you play music on a record player by people who are, so stop whining, play some sister sledge, tell the brides mother she looks lovely and fuck off quietly when you're done.


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> shitting in the toilet cistern perhaps?



that would require some agility, but does indeed show imagination

i was thinking more along the lines of 5 mates ordering ten half pints everytime and letting a glass mountain take shape or something like that. And going in with bags of 5 p pieces and coppers.

but that certainly tops my meagre contribution .


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

roger's profanisaurus calls it_ top-decking_


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## existentialist (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> fucking DJ's... you're not a musician, you're not even in a band, you play music on a record player by people who are, so stop whining, play some sister sledge, tell the brides mother she looks lovely and fuck off quietly when you're done.


Ooooh, _controversial_!!


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## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> I was thinking more along the lines of 5 mates ordering ten half pints everytime and letting a glass mountain take shape or something like that. And going in with bags of 5 p pieces and coppers.



"What do you mean you don't take Euro's?"


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> roger's profanisaurus calls it_ top-decking_



must check that out, its not on my reading list . Does it mention wolfbagging perchance ?


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

i actually don't have a copy atm so i can't check. probably though.


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> "What do you mean you don't take Euro's?"



or we could go nuclear and send round the _dirty aul wan_

__


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## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

sparklefish said:


> They sound like sneering dicks.


Exactly.  Why don't they add, 'just go home and pour your own drinks at a fraction of the price'?


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## Looby (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> must check that out, its not on my reading list . Does it mention wolfbagging perchance ?



Course it does. 

My colleague bought one off book club.

Whenever we were feeling a bit glum or bored we'd pick a page and a line and he'd read it to us.

I don't work with him now, I miss Roger and his filth.


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

harpo said:


> Exactly.  Why don't they add, 'just go home and pour your own drinks at a fraction of the price'?



and spark up a lovely fag in comfort


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## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> Does it mention wolfbagging perchance ?



And how _is_ Liam these days?


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> and spark up a lovely fag in comfort


and crack one off in the bogs without getting THROWN OUT. 


AGAIN.


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## killer b (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> and crack one off in the bogs without getting THROWN OUT.
> 
> 
> AGAIN.


you're supposed to go in the cubicle. and close the door.


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> And how _is_ Liam these days?



last time i seen him he was coming out of the shop with a packet of streaky bacon and a ball of string . Declined his kind offer of a cup of tea and havent seen him since.


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> you're supposed to go in the cubicle. and close the door.



your own cubicle


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

killer b said:


> you're supposed to go in the cubicle. and close the door.


it's all cubicles in the ladies.


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## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

There are few things worse than snotty barstaff.  I encountered one the other week, I'd had a shitty day, went for a glass of wine with some pals, dared to ask whether the wine was sufficiently chilled (call me odd, I don't like warm white wine) and got treated to a snot-fest like nobody's business.  What?  You want me to pay as much for one glass as I would a bottle, get snotted by attitude for politely asking if it was cold enough, get to fuck. If you do not want to put a smile on your gob and a friendly approach in your tone, get the fuck from behind the bar and go and work in fucking advertising or something. The whole point of the pub is to make people feel at home and relaxed, not like they have to apologise for being there.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> it's all cubicles in the ladies.



realised that once, mid dump. Half an hour i was stuck in there with feet off the ground surrounded by gossipy cows who just wouldnt fuck off .

not a joke, happened


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## Agent Sparrow (Sep 23, 2013)

Tbh having worked in bar previously, the sign does seem a bit OTT, and agree with Spymaster, certainly some of the points just seem a bit thoughtless rather than intentionally rude. Also they don't seem to have picked some of the really true rude experiences that I had.  

I think the reason it comes across as passive aggressive is that it does seem written to the public as a complete entity. I know damn well that I'm a polite person to serve, but despite that the tone of the sign would make me feel automatically accused of not being so.


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## grit (Sep 23, 2013)

What pub in London would people genuinely recommend the bar staff? One of the most common conversations between Irish immigrants in London is the appalling bar staff (however your bizarre pub chain model may explain it a bit), I'd love to find a pub where they are decent and know their trade.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

harpo said:


> There are few things worse than snotty barstaff.  I encountered one the other week, I'd had a shitty day, went for a glass of wine with some pals, dared to ask whether the wine was sufficiently chilled (call me odd, I don't like warm white wine) and got treated to a snot-fest like nobody's business.  What?  You want me to pay as much for one glass as I would a bottle, get snotted by attitude for politely asking if it was cold enough, get to fuck. If you do not want to put a smile on your gob and a friendly approach in your tone, get the fuck from behind the bar and go and work in fucking advertising or something. The whole point of the pub is to make people feel at home and relaxed, not like they have to apologise for being there.



i get seriously victor meldrew when that shit happens


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> realised that once, mid dump. Half an hour i was stuck in there with feet off the ground surrounded by gossipy cows who just wouldnt fuck off .
> 
> not a joke, happened



that was you? jesus christ man - would it kill you to do a courtesy flush next time?


----------



## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

I've worked behind a bar many a time, my old man still does.  It's part of the job to create a friendly atmosphere,  Say what you like, unless some customer is being a real arsehole (and even then you have yo bite your tongue), remember you're there to make people feel welcome.


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## mr steev (Sep 23, 2013)

I used to drink in a place where the landlord and landlady were renowned for being miserable and arsey (no idea why they were running a pub tbh)
A mate came in and asked for "a pint of stella and a filthy look". He got the latter... and banned


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

grit said:


> What pub in London would people genuinely recommend the bar staff? One of the most common conversations between Irish immigrants in London is the appalling bar staff (however your bizarre pub chain model may explain it a bit), I'd love to find a pub where they are decent and know their trade.



I used to have a drink in Quinns in Kentish town a fair bit for a while. Theyre more sort of cantankerous than ill mannered . And often quite good natured . Very prejudiced against english beer though . Which was no problem to me cos i am too . Dunno if its stil there though, was years ago .


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

bet you don't have to put up with this sort of shit at that new champagne bar.


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> that was you? jesus christ man - would it kill you to do a courtesy flush next time?



id almost gotten away with it too , waited till coast was clear, hurried exit. Made it half way accross the floor when the DJ, who was a mate, spotted me , twigged to the trajectory and grinned broadly . Then announced to the entire upstairs pub that panic was over and Id been found . And were id just been . My girlfriend had been puzzled by my disappearance and asking people had they seen me while id been holed up incommunicado .


----------



## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

grit said:


> What pub in London would people genuinely recommend the bar staff? One of the most common conversations between Irish immigrants in London is the appalling bar staff (however your bizarre pub chain model may explain it a bit), I'd love to find a pub where they are decent and know their trade.


Well, the Rose and Crown in Walthamstow is quite good at that. Can't think of any others off-hand.  But my barmaiding days were in Liverpool where a decent welcome is quite normal.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> bet you don't have to put up with this sort of shit at that new champagne bar.



what new champagne bar


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> what new champagne bar


apparently they've opened a champagne bar in brixton which seems to have gotten up all the right people's noses, so it's got that going for it.


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

grit said:


> What pub in London would people genuinely recommend the bar staff?



I'd genuinely recommend many for staff quality. They may not all be chucking out brotherly love the moment you walk in, but I find the majority are at least competent and polite. Others, such as those in my locals, are absolutely exceptional and a large part of the reason I drink in those pubs. I think proper rude bar staff, or dickheads like the ones that would put up notices like that in the OP, are very much the exception, which is why I'd make a special effort to visit one night to pull their chains a bit.


----------



## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> apparently they've opened a champagne bar in brixton which seems to have gotten up all the right people's noses, so it's got that going for it.


It doesn't matter if you're in some champagne bar or the local for a half, snotty staff who think you're beneath them don't belong in the industry.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> apparently they've opened a champagne bar in brixton which seems to have gotten up all the right people's noses, so it's got that going for it.



long may it flourish


----------



## Spymaster (Sep 23, 2013)

dp


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

harpo said:


> It doesn't matter if you're in some champagne bar or the local for a half, snotty staff who think you're beneath them don't belong in the industry.


i don't know - i'd kind of appreciate a bit a aloofness in a champagne bar - at least that way i know i'm getting my moneys worth.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> i don't know - i'd kind of appreciate a bit a aloofness in a champagne bar - at least that way i know i'm getting my moneys worth.



and you could be aloof back without feeling guilty . Thered just be massive aloofness all over the place . Itd even be a good name for the bar .


----------



## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> i don't know - i'd kind of appreciate a bit a aloofness in a champagne bar - at least that way i know i'm getting my moneys worth.


Nah. Well, depends.  The charming mine host who took umbrage at my request for sufficient cold wine actually slammed the bottle down on the bar when I said it wasn't cold enough.  That could go down quite disastrously if it involved champagne.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

best ive had yet is a certain bar owner who sat down beside me and proceeded to pull a large tick from the coat of his mangy dog . Then put the tick on the table and squashed it with his thumb, and it pretty much exploded with tick and dog juice all over the little table . He looked round to see my horrifed face and me holding my pint in the air to avoid the tick explosion . Then he said _god thats disgusting_..as if somebody else fucking did it . And wiped the table a bit with a cloth .

you lot dont dont know youve been born


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

i ordered a pimms with all the trimms in the effra on soccersportball night a whiles back. the look i got...


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

pissflaps said:


> i ordered a pimms with all the trimms in the effra on soccersportball night a whiles back. the look i got...



got a look like that once, Falls rd, 1990 . Beehive bar, asked for an ashtray . 2 barmen looked at each other, one wandered off . Came back with an ashtray, towel draped over his arm..affected posh voice . Cunt.

There were no womens toilets though, thankfully given my record.


----------



## Miss Caphat (Sep 23, 2013)

harpo said:


> There are few things worse than snotty barstaff.  I encountered one the other week, I'd had a shitty day, went for a glass of wine with some pals, dared to ask whether the wine was sufficiently chilled (call me odd, I don't like warm white wine) and got treated to a snot-fest like nobody's business.  What?  You want me to pay as much for one glass as I would a bottle, get snotted by attitude for politely asking if it was cold enough, get to fuck. If you do not want to put a smile on your gob and a friendly approach in your tone, get the fuck from behind the bar and go and work in fucking advertising or something. The whole point of the pub is to make people feel at home and relaxed, not like they have to apologise for being there.



this is the kind of thing that pisses me off about service too...when people forget you're paying hard-earned money for what they're giving you, or that it might be the highlight of your day. If you're making me a sandwich, don't put the shitty wilted lettuce on it to get rid of it before you move on to nice fresh stuff...how would _you_ like it?..especially if you'd been broke for weeks and finally decided to treat yourself to a f-ing sandwich?
From working in the service for many years, I understand that it's really important to treat service workers like people. However, it's also important for staff to remember to treat customers like people too, not just annoying numbers.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

Miss Caphat said:


> this is the kind of thing that pisses me off about service too...when people forget you're paying hard-earned money for what they're giving you, or that it might be the highlight of your day. If you're making me a sandwich, don't put the shitty wilted lettuce on it to get rid of it before you move on to nice fresh stuff...how would _you_ like it?..especially if you'd been broke for weeks and finally decided to treat yourself to a f-ing sandwich?
> From working in the service for many years, I understand that it's really important to treat service workers like people. However, it's also important for staff to remember to treat customers like people too, not just annoying numbers.




yeah, its the hospitaility industry . Being hospitable would sort of  go with the territory youd think. Like being a taxi driver and being able to drive


----------



## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> Like being a taxi driver and being able to drive


----------



## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

I got bitten by the landlords shetland pony once, that he'd let loose in the bar, and he just laughed. Tbf it was quite funny.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

harpo said:


> I got bitten by the landlords shetland pony once, that he'd let loose in the bar, and he just laughed. Tbf it was quite funny.



lucky it wasnt a bear


----------



## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

Id rather be bitten by the shetland pony of a genial landlord than be served warm wine by an attitudinal bar maid any day.


----------



## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

Y





Casually Red said:


> lucky it wasnt a bear


Yeah that might not have been so amusing


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

you may or may not be aware i mistook a shetland pony for a bear once and became a tad frightened


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## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> you may or may not be aware i mistook a shetland pony for a bear once and became a tad frightened


No I did not know that. Maybe it was the same pub? Their bites are quite different.


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

i wouldnt know as I ran away . Stopped after a bit when i reminded myself there werent any bears roaming about Ireland .


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> I used to have a drink in Quinns in Kentish town a fair bit for a while. Theyre more sort of cantankerous than ill mannered . And often quite good natured . Very prejudiced against english beer though . Which was no problem to me cos i am too . Dunno if its stil there though, was years ago .


 I liked that place. Grumpy brother. Beer snob brother. Mum and dad who'd take half an hour to serve you. Bad service with character beats clinical good service any day.


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## pissflaps (Sep 23, 2013)

not so fast...


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

littlebabyjesus said:


> I liked that place. Grumpy brother. Beer snob brother. Mum and dad who'd take half an hour to serve you. Bad service with character beats clinical good service any day.



the beer snob brother was the chap who turned me on to erdinger, hoegaarden and the like . Havent looked back since. I owe that guy one big style.


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## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

Wise to be alert though. I thought the shetland pony was an alsation at first.


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 23, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> the beer snob brother was the chap who turned me on to erdinger, hoegaarden and the like . Havent looked back since. I owe that guy one big style.


They had a whole cabinet full of lovely Belgian beer. And he knew what each of them was like. He was visibly chuffed when you ordered a good one. 

I really don't mind bad service that is natural. They're not trying to be bad, they're just not trying to put on a front - like grumpy brother at Quinns. I drink in a pub after training on Tuesdays where the landlord for the last five years has been quite awful at his job. 'You want another one?' 'I thought you weren't coming this week' (disappointed voice) 'More crisps?' (disbelieving voice); 'I dunno, people don't seem to like it much' (response to question about a guest ale). He'd spill some of your pint every step he took towards you, like Julie Waters in the 'two soups' sketch. 

Then he announced he was leaving at the end of this month, and he cleared the glasses from our table last week. First time in five years he'd done that - we've always taken care of it ourselves. And it was all wrong. I was put on edge by it - it felt like he was intruding, like he was passing comment on our ability to clear our own table. It was because he'd perked up at the thought of leaving, I think, but I preferred the old Dermot. This new one was slightly scary.


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

doesnt sound the type of barman whod put up a cunty sign anyway


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## Casually Red (Sep 23, 2013)

just looked quinns up online and I found this
_
I’ve passed plenty of amusing evenings with one or other member of the Quinn family regaling me with tales, be it Kevin’s unlikely boasts of connections to the Nepalese royal familyor Mr Quinn explaining that he wasn’t sure where he’d been on holiday: ‘It was hot, and there were a lot of black people, so I think it might have been the West Indies_

that sounds about right


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## harpo (Sep 23, 2013)

Just thought of another. The albert on roman road, bow. The bar men are charm itself. All from the same village in kilkenny apparently.


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## The Boy (Sep 24, 2013)

bi0boy said:


> Corked wine is certainly not a thing with screw-tops.



Can be, yes.


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## salem (Sep 24, 2013)

I see the sign as a joke nothing more nothing less. I doubt the staff wrote it themselves - rather someone got emailed it out and printed it out as a joke. Those things probably are annoying as a bar person even if it's part and parcel of the job. I'd certainly not take offence (even though the crisps one is very accurate for me )

My gut feeling is actually that pubs with those kind of notices up are generally a bit more relaxed and friendly anyway.

I do hate waiting a long time at a bar more than anything though. I'll leave and rant for days when it happens and I don't care if it's because the place is understaffed or just shit staff. Both reflect badly on the place although the latter is maybe more personally annoying.


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## salem (Sep 24, 2013)

A branch of Camra even publishes it in their mag with the title




			
				Camra said:
			
		

> SPOTTED LOCALLY...
> Good to see a hostelry addressing its customer care responsibilities with good humour!
> 
> Page 21 - http://www.newarkcamra.org.uk/files/bgp1012.pdf (PDF)



And I'd expect a Camra member to be the sort of person to take offence of such a thing.


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## Spymaster (Sep 24, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> just looked quinns up online and I found this
> _I’ve passed plenty of amusing evenings with one or other member of the Quinn family regaling me with tales, be it Kevin’s unlikely boasts of connections to the Nepalese royal familyor Mr Quinn explaining that he wasn’t sure where he’d been on holiday: ‘It was hot, and there were a lot of black people, so I think it might have been the West Indies_
> 
> that sounds about right



I'm not far from Kentish Town. Are they still there?


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## Sprocket. (Sep 24, 2013)

The landlord at my local when I first started drinking (legally) would refuse point blank to serve lager to a man, he considered it a ladies drink and you would have to wait for his wife or daughter to serve you.
One bloke asked him for a gin and tonic, ''Don't do cocktails'' was his reply.


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## Boris Sprinkler (Sep 24, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> Ordering one drink at a time _is_ a wankers trick though.


Some good mates of mine run a bar. Now in Denmark, use of card payment is most common  (Dankort - has been in place since 1984 or so) and rounds not really seen as common. Often people pay for their own drinks. Sometimes even on dates.  My friends favourite is when a group of people come in, order a load of drinks and each pay seperately on their card. It gives them no beginning of lols.


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## Geri (Sep 24, 2013)

One of the two pubs nearest to me had two signs on the wall by the door. One said "No men under 21" and the other said "Women over 25 at landlord's discretion". I realise it was supposed to be funny, but I didn't find it very amusing and it put me off going in there. 

It's closed now.


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## salem (Sep 24, 2013)

If you're near Kentish Town then the Pineapple and Southampton Arms are both great pubs.


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## Spymaster (Sep 24, 2013)

Geri said:


> "Women over 25 at landlord's discretion"



Hur hur!

Hilarious.

What a wanker.


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## Spymaster (Sep 24, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> just looked quinns up online and I found this
> _I’ve passed plenty of amusing evenings with one or other member of the Quinn family regaling me with tales, be it Kevin’s unlikely boasts of connections to the Nepalese royal familyor Mr Quinn explaining that he wasn’t sure where he’d been on holiday: ‘It was hot, and there were a lot of black people, so I think it might have been the West Indies_
> 
> that sounds about right



You see, there's a difference between someone who is effortlessly and unthinkingly rude (Quinn), and try-hard blow-in's who think they're being funny but aren't (the twats in the OP and Geri's post). I'll readily admit that the first can be amusing and create an atmosphere that makes a place a destination. There used to be a famously rude landlord at a boozer in Soho (can't remember the name) and on several occasions I went in there to check _him_ out and was disappointed to find him being totally reasonable.

When we were kids the owner of the Chinese takeaway on our estate, Alvin, was legendary for his bad humour. He'd shout at you as soon as you walked through the door "WHA YOU WAAN?" and go bananas if you changed your order half way through, sometimes ripping the sheet off his order pad and throwing it at you!

Of course Alvin-baiting became a bit of a pastime for us but it was never nasty and we wouldn't have dreamed of going to a different takeaway! About 3 years ago (nearly 40 years after I first encountered Alvin) I was driving through my home town and knowing from friends that Alvin was still there, decided to go and buy some of his dry spare ribs which are still the best in the world. He recognised me, remembered my name despite not having seen me for _at least_ 20 years, and shouted "WHA YOU WAAN?" with a smile. He came round the counter and gave me a hug, saying he was sorry to hear my dad had died a couple of years before. It's a small estate but I didn't even know he knew my old man.

Anyway, sometimes rudeness can be characterful but it needs to be natural if one's going to carry it off without looking like a total arsehole.


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## goldenecitrone (Sep 24, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> You see, there's a difference between someone who is effortlessly and unthinkingly rude (Quinn), and try-hard blow-in's who think they're being funny but aren't (the twats in the OP and Geri's post). I'll readily admit that the first can be amusing and create an atmosphere that makes a place a destination. There used to be a famously rude landlord at a boozer in Soho (can't remember the name) and on several occasions I went in there to check _him_ out and was disappointed to find him being totally reasonable.


 
Coach and Horses. Norman something or other. (Balon?)


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## Spymaster (Sep 24, 2013)

goldenecitrone said:


> Coach and Horses. Norman something or other. (Balon?)



Spot on!


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## goldenecitrone (Sep 24, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> Spot on!


 
Think he used to be a lot ruder when Jeffrey Bernard was around. I only got to see him after Jeff had pegged it and he seemed a lot calmer than I had been expecting.


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## Spymaster (Sep 24, 2013)

Is he still around?


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## littlebabyjesus (Sep 24, 2013)

Tiny, overcrowded and overpriced.


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## Spymaster (Sep 24, 2013)

And now without Norman.


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## rutabowa (Sep 24, 2013)

Quinns is probably the number 1 pub in camden... i know that's not necessarily saying that much now, but still.


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## TruXta (Sep 24, 2013)

rutabowa said:


> Quinns is probably the number 1 pub in camden... i know that's not necessarily saying that much now, but still.


Steele's used to be good, technically in Chalk Farm/Belsize Park, but still.


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## rutabowa (Sep 24, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Steele's used to be good, technically in Chalk Farm/Belsize Park, but still.


i've been going in the Steele's for approximately 30 years! tho not in the past 5 or so.


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## pissflaps (Sep 24, 2013)

there is nothing good in or about camden. nothing.


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## TruXta (Sep 24, 2013)

rutabowa said:


> i've been going in the Steele's for approximately 30 years! tho not in the past 5 or so.


 I thought you were in your 40s? Haven't been much since I moved out of the area 8 years ago myself. Back then even the Washington was alright on a weekday, until all the local slebs discovered it.


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## rutabowa (Sep 24, 2013)

TruXta said:


> I thought you were in your 40s? Haven't been much since I moved out of the area 8 years ago myself. Back then even the Washington was alright on a weekday, until all the local slebs discovered it.


i am in my 30s. i used to get hidden under the table when my family went in.


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## TruXta (Sep 24, 2013)

rutabowa said:


> i am in my 30s. i used to get hidden under the table when my family went in.


 They had some great jazz nights there on Monday's when I lived in the area, dunno if they're still going or not.


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## Spymaster (Sep 24, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Back then even the Washington was alright on a weekday, until all the local slebs discovered it.



I trod on Johnny Lee Miller's dog in there.


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## TruXta (Sep 24, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> I trod on Johnny Lee Miller's dog in there.


I almost twatted that cunt from Babyshambles, whatshisface the junkie? He had kittens in his pockets.


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## kabbes (Sep 24, 2013)

You lot have no idea of rude until you meet the landlady and owner of our local. Her rudeness is legend and there are a thousand stories, which I will relate the best of when I have more time. Their tripadvisor page is worth a read for the sheer quantity of lols. She makes Basil Fawlty look welcoming. It's like she once heard about the concept of repeat custom and she wants nothing to do with it.  It doesn't matter how much you spend, she hates you and she will not hide it.


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## TruXta (Sep 24, 2013)

Linkie?


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## kabbes (Sep 24, 2013)

TruXta said:


> Linkie?


Can't really without revealing more personal information than I feel comfortable with, sadly.


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## TruXta (Sep 24, 2013)

kabbes said:


> Can't really without revealing more personal information than I feel comfortable with, sadly.


We all know who you are anyway, Roger.


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## Bahnhof Strasse (Sep 24, 2013)

kabbes said:


> Can't really without revealing more personal information than I feel comfortable with, sadly.


 

Plough?

eta won't reveal it's full name or owt. And posting up the tripadvisor comments to it will guide nefarious Spymasters straight to it and he'll hunt you down like a dog.


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## Spymaster (Sep 24, 2013)

kabbes said:


> Can't really without revealing more personal information than I feel comfortable with, sadly.



Just cut and paste some of the Tripadvisor comments!


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## SpookyFrank (Sep 24, 2013)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> Bartenders; learn how much your drinks cost and how to tot them up in your head, it's not hard and it makes the difference between you being regarded as a decent barperson and some disinterested bod who's never gonna get tipped.



Fair enough. As a barperson I hate working with bar staff who can't add up, particularly if the only way they can figure out the price is to go to the till and enter each item individually as this means getting to the till yourself is near impossible.

Add up the cost of the drinks in your head as they're ordered, don't stand there afterwards staring blankly at an assortment of drinks lined up on the bar and try and do it all at once.


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## SpookyFrank (Sep 24, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> Why is frequency important?
> 
> When you sign-up to work in a bar you accept that you may encounter people "not at their best". The bar workers on this thread have said as much. Now that doesn't mean you should accept drunken abuse and rudeness, but moaning about the order people buy rounds in and folk asking about crisp flavours is beyond churlish, especially when you're openly sneering at paying customers, most of whom are probably nothing like that.



There's a lot I'm happy to put up with as a barman. I don't have an ideal standard of bar ettiquette in my head which I then judge people for failing to live up to, but I do have a general set of standards for basic politeness and decency. I realise that it's harder to for a punter to remember a complicated drinks order than it is for a barman to do the same, because the punters don't do it all day every day. I realise that someone who doesn't work in a bar might not know the most parsimonious order in which to pour a particular selection of drinks (and this will depend on the layout of the bar anyway). I realise that people sometimes get a bit tipsy when drinking.

The only things that piss me off are genuine rudeness and thoughtlessness. Hanging around after closing time when you've been asked to leave more than once is a massive pet hate, because to do that you have to not give a shit about the staff. Leaving money in a puddle of beer on the bar instead of handing it over, that's also just rude. 

Snapping your fingers to get the barman's attention, endlessly saying 'yes mate' as if I hadn't figured out that the reason you came to the bar was to get drinks, waving notes around or any of that shit is also rude and will only make me shove you back several places in the queue. I can actually keep track of who has been waiting longer than everyone else because I have eyes and I pay attention to these things.


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## Sprocket. (Sep 24, 2013)

goldenecitrone said:


> Coach and Horses. Norman something or other. (Balon?)



Is this the setting for Jeffrey Bernard is unwell?


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## Spymaster (Sep 24, 2013)

SpookyFrank said:


> The only things that piss me off are genuine rudeness and thoughtlessness. Hanging around after closing time when you've been asked to leave more than once is a massive pet hate, because to do that you have to not give a shit about the staff. Leaving money in a puddle of beer on the bar instead of handing it over, that's also just rude.
> 
> Snapping your fingers to get the barman's attention, endlessly saying 'yes mate' as if I hadn't figured out that the reason you came to the bar was to get drinks, waving notes around or any of that shit is also rude and will only make me shove you back several places in the queue. I can actually keep track of who has been waiting longer than everyone else because I have eyes and I pay attention to these things.



That's all perfectly reasonable. If anyone snapped their fingers at me they'd be lucky to keep them. But just like you (correctly) expect a minimum standard of respectful behaviour from customers, so they are entitled to reasonable standards of service and respect in return, no? In my book, that includes not being held in contempt by disdainfully "humourous" notices.

If you're going to be rude to punters do it with some elan. Get yourself a reputation that folk will want to experience like the Quinn's, Norman Balon, or Kabbes' landlady; not one for being a sneery, unfunny, dickhead.


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## goldenecitrone (Sep 24, 2013)

Sprocket. said:


> Is this the setting for Jeffrey Bernard is unwell?


 
Indeed it was the place Jeff found himself on an individual lock-in.


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## Badgers (Sep 24, 2013)

goldenecitrone said:


> Coach and Horses. Norman something or other. (Balon?)





Spymaster said:


> And now without Norman.



http://www.amazon.co.uk/Youre-Barred-You-Bastards-Publican/dp/0283997621

A legend ^ 

I quoted him earlier in the thread but nobody seemed to notice


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## SpookyFrank (Sep 24, 2013)

Spymaster said:


> That's all perfectly reasonable. If anyone snapped their fingers at me they'd be lucky to keep them. But just like you (correctly) expect a minimum standard of respectful behaviour from customers, so they are entitled to reasonable standards of service and respect in return, no? In my book, that includes not being held in contempt by disdainfully "humourous" notices.
> 
> If you're going to be rude to punters do it with some elan. Get yourself a reputation that folk will want to experience like the Quinn's, Norman Balon, or Kabbes' landlady; not one for being a sneery, unfunny, dickhead.



I wouldn't put up a snarky sign like that, like you say it's disrespectful and basically just tells everyone that you hate your job. Maybe you do hate your job but that's not the customers' fault. 

We do have a sign behind the bar that encapsulates the standards of behvaiour we expect from our customers. It simply reads, 'don't be a dick'.

When I've thrown out genuinely rude and unpleasant customers in the past (I don't do this unless i really have no choice) I've generally been thanked for doing so by other customers. A bar without arseholes in it is good for punters and staff alike.


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## Spymaster (Sep 24, 2013)

SpookyFrank said:


> We do have a sign behind the bar that encapsulates the standards of behvaiour we expect from our customers. It simply reads, 'don't be a dick'.



Our local has one that says "be nice or leave". 

Fair enough.


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## Bahnhof Strasse (Sep 24, 2013)

My local has a sign that says "Anyone found to be in possession or to be consuming ANY DRUGS in these premises will be reported to SURREY POLICE"

The landlord still doesn't understand what alcohol and tobacco are 

He does also have another sign barring any employees of Rupert Murdoch, which is nice.


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## fredfelt (Sep 24, 2013)

Bahnhof Strasse said:


> My local has a sign that says "Anyone found to be in possession or to be consuming ANY DRUGS in these premises will be reported to SURREY POLICE"
> 
> The landlord still doesn't understand what alcohol and tobacco are
> 
> He does also have another sign barring any employees of Rupert Murdoch, which is nice.



Similarly, a pub I drink in used to have a drug warning sign in the toilets.  It showed a big fat line.  It's impact on me, if any, was to give me an appetite to indulge!


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## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Sep 24, 2013)

SpookyFrank said:


> We do have a sign behind the bar that encapsulates the standards of behvaiour we expect from our customers. It simply reads, 'don't be a dick'.


 
I think 'don't be a dick' is all that's needed tbh. And personally I'd say that includes having some consideration for others, but also allowing other people a bit of leeway and not getting on your high horse at every minor slight or inconvenience, whether that be the bar staff being a bit slow because they're distracted or a customer who doesn't quite have their order fully sorted before approaching the bar.


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## killer b (Sep 24, 2013)

is even 'dont be a dick' necessary? the rules of social intercourse are hardly an arcane mystery. even to dicks.


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## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Sep 24, 2013)

killer b said:


> is even 'dont be a dick' necessary? the rules of social intercourse are hardly an arcane mystery. even to dicks.


 
Not needed as a sign - as a reasonable rule of thumb is more what I meant.


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## Bahnhof Strasse (Sep 24, 2013)

SpookyFrank said:


> We do have a sign behind the bar that encapsulates the standards of behvaiour we expect from our customers. It simply reads, 'don't be a dick'.


 

(((((RICHARD)))))


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## Casually Red (Sep 24, 2013)

I remember when i was kid this sign used to be up in pubs all over the place...well in truth it was probaly just up in the pubs my dad took me into








Sherbert dips, space rocks,spangles, jumpers for goal posts etc etc


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## existentialist (Sep 24, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> I remember when i was kid this sign used to be up in pubs all over the place...well in truth it was probaly just up in the pubs my dad took me into
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Going off-topic slightly here, but I was talking the other day to someone who grew up in Ulster during the Troubles (which is what I presume that poster is referring to).

I knew it was bad, but...fuck me, the brutality. People's legs being broken out on the street, fingers taken off with a hatchet on the bar of a local pub (there! back on topic!).

Brr.


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## Casually Red (Sep 24, 2013)

there was another one im trying to find, some of them were hilarious. BTW that poster is warning patrons to be aware of undercover types, not the chap with gun .


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## Casually Red (Sep 24, 2013)

theres the other one i remember, digging that 70s fashion too . Very Terry and June


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## SpookyFrank (Sep 24, 2013)

killer b said:


> is even 'dont be a dick' necessary? the rules of social intercourse are hardly an arcane mystery. even to dicks.



There are those in this world who benefit from the occasional reminder I find.


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## Grace Johnson (Sep 25, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> I remember when i was kid this sign used to be up in pubs all over the place...well in truth it was probaly just up in the pubs my dad took me into
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I remember that too


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## Radar (Sep 27, 2013)

Casually Red said:


> I used to have a drink in Quinns in Kentish town a fair bit for a while. Theyre more sort of cantankerous than ill mannered . And often quite good natured . Very prejudiced against english beer though . Which was no problem to me cos i am too . Dunno if its stil there though, was years ago .


Still going, and going downhill at that.

Was in there for the Manc derby (and forgot the All Ireland was on at the same time )

The parents are still behind the bar, and getting the correct change (or any at all) is even more of a crap shoot than it used to be. Also the place is getting more and more run-down, and the ale was on the turn too


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## Casually Red (Sep 28, 2013)

Radar said:


> Was in there for the Manc derby (and forgot the All Ireland was on at the same time )





its good to see some standards havent dropped


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## killer b (Sep 29, 2013)

i took a photo of the house rules in a cocktail bar in town. utterly laughable.


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## pissflaps (Sep 29, 2013)

that place wants fucking molotoving.


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## killer b (Sep 29, 2013)

'we work to party, we expect the same from our customers' is the worst, i think. although i'm not totally sure what it means.


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## pissflaps (Sep 29, 2013)

is it a slug n lettuce or tiger tiger or some other rohypnol ridden cuntden?


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## DotCommunist (Sep 29, 2013)

that bit about draining the barstender sounds a bit like they are asking you to suck him off


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## killer b (Sep 29, 2013)

it's an independent bar rather than a chain. the cocktails aren't that bad fwiw.


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## pissflaps (Sep 29, 2013)

fair enough. might be worth going in there and asking for an umbrella in your shirley temple and kicking off when they get pissy.


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## killer b (Sep 29, 2013)

it isn't fair enough, i only went in there under sufferance. i wanted to take my monkey nuts elsewhere.


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## tar1984 (Sep 29, 2013)

killer b said:


> 'we work to party, we expect the same from our customers' is the worst, i think. although i'm not totally sure what it means.



I took that as 'no unemployed, please'.


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## pissflaps (Sep 29, 2013)

i'd crawl naked over broken lightbulbs for a twofer cocktail deal.


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