# the work secret santa



## strung out (Oct 28, 2011)

i've not worked anywhere before that does a secret santa, but i've been entered into the draw where i work now. spending limit is £5, rules are no food, no drink, no humiliations.

i haven't been given a name of who to buy for yet, but any good general ideas? there are going to be 30 or so people, and the likelihood is that i won't know whoever i get drawn with.


----------



## Boris Sprinkler (Oct 28, 2011)

If they smell get them deodorant. None of the departments I have ever worked in have done a secret santa, but as far as I can tell, the ones that do have them always give someone who is a bit wiffy deodorant. Personally, it would be better if everyone just got everyone else as much special brew as £5 buys.


----------



## Badgers (Oct 28, 2011)

How much Potpourri does £5 buy?


----------



## joustmaster (Oct 28, 2011)

i had to buy a secret santa for a huge breasted girl once. I got her a bin bag with two water melons in it
thought i was going to get in terrible trouble.

I once got a drugs test kit.


----------



## spanglechick (Oct 28, 2011)

joustmaster said:


> i had to buy a secret santa for a huge breasted girl once. I got her a bin bag with two water melons in it


why?


----------



## Santino (Oct 28, 2011)

spanglechick said:


> why?


To remind her that she had large breasts, obviously. And to let her know that he had noticed her large breasts. And to subtly let her know that when he thought about her, it was her large breasts that were her defining feature.

I think that about covers it.


----------



## clicker (Oct 28, 2011)

You can never go far wrong with a festive scented candle....has been my weapon of choice in secret santas many times....and fishing bait once, but you really have to know that'll be appreciated.


----------



## Ms Ordinary (Oct 28, 2011)

Santino said:


> To remind her that she had large breasts, obviously. And to let her know that he had noticed her large breasts. And to subtly let her know that when he thought about her, it was her large breasts that were her defining feature.
> 
> I think that about covers it.



Also that being "Secret" Santa, he could be any of the men she worked with.
Merry Christmas!


----------



## Ms Ordinary (Oct 28, 2011)

5 lottery tickets?


----------



## quimcunx (Oct 28, 2011)

I'd bring out a law banning fucking secret santa.


----------



## Puddy_Tat (Oct 28, 2011)

quimcunx said:


> I'd bring out a law banning fucking secret santa.



are other workplace sexual liaisons allowed though?


----------



## joustmaster (Oct 28, 2011)

Ms Ordinary said:


> Also that being "Secret" Santa, he could be any of the men she worked with.
> Merry Christmas!


she knew it was from me. 
she was a close friend.


----------



## Ax^ (Oct 28, 2011)

..


----------



## twentythreedom (Oct 28, 2011)

Comedy socks are always a winner


----------



## equationgirl (Oct 28, 2011)

Ms Ordinary said:


> 5 lottery tickets?


That's a nice present


----------



## strung out (Oct 28, 2011)

Ms Ordinary said:


> 5 lottery tickets?


if i did this, i'd also have to buy 5 lottery ticket with exactly the same numbers for myself, just in case.


----------



## Puddy_Tat (Oct 28, 2011)

One of the things I am looking forward to in my first Christmas as a freelancer* for about 20 years having recently taken redundancy is not having to do the work christmas lunch and all that bollocks



* - sounds better than 'unemployed'


----------



## equationgirl (Oct 28, 2011)

strung out said:


> if i did this, i'd also have to buy 5 lottery ticket with exactly the same numbers for myself, just in case.


You could get 5 scratchcards instead.


----------



## pogofish (Oct 28, 2011)

quimcunx said:


> I'd bring out a law banning fucking secret santa.



And how about banishing this thread to the upcoming Christmas forum! 

Then I might tell my story about my former boss's reaction to the times she was given first a whip, then a vibrator!


----------



## strung out (Oct 28, 2011)

equationgirl said:


> You could get 5 scratchcards instead.


that wouldn't work. if i bought a colleague some lottery tickets, i'd be gutted if they went and won the jackpot, hence needing to buy a further 5 tickets with exactly the same numbers on, just in case. you can't do the same with scratchcards.


----------



## Corax (Oct 28, 2011)

I generally hate the idea, but I enjoy our one.  The twist is that it's a competition to buy the most naff gift, with a spending limit of about £3.  Highlights of past years have included Gareth Gate's autobibibiogogogography, commemorative royal teacups, and a cushion that smelled a bit funny.


----------



## twentythreedom (Oct 28, 2011)

Buy the scratchcards, scratch them, if you win, use a fiver to buy comedy socks and keep the rest, if not then give them the 5 losing cards and say "sorry, you didn't win, but I least I saved you from the crushing disappointment of finding out for yourself". I think that's called a 'win-win situation'.


----------



## UnderAnOpenSky (Oct 28, 2011)

No drink? That's a bit shit. A bottle of something has always been my default option for these things and people normally know me well enough to oblige in return.


----------



## strung out (Oct 28, 2011)

bit of a cop-out though innit


----------



## UnderAnOpenSky (Oct 28, 2011)

Not if you get started before you finish work


----------



## twentythreedom (Oct 28, 2011)

OP said no booze


----------



## twentythreedom (Oct 28, 2011)

How about £5 worth of quality sausages?

eta: D'oh, no food. A book token or an iTunes voucher? Sensible but useful. Or just put a fiver in a card?


----------



## UnderAnOpenSky (Oct 28, 2011)

I once bought someone a book on bizare sexual practices. He split up with his gf a month later.


----------



## Santino (Oct 28, 2011)

Corax said:


> Highlights of past years have included Gareth Gate's autobibibiogogogography



Ha ha HA! Because he has a speech impediment! LOL!


----------



## machine cat (Oct 29, 2011)

I hate this:

Year 1: Wine (Had just joined)
Year 2: Bottles of ale (I knew who was getting it)
Year 3: I had the office joker, he was on a veg and chicken diet for months, so guess what... I got him some chicken and veg.... bad idea. He can dish jokes out but can't take them.
Year 4. Not getting involved


----------



## Corax (Oct 29, 2011)

Santino said:


> Ha ha HA! Because he has a speech impediment! LOL!


That's _right_!  LOL!


----------



## moose (Oct 29, 2011)

I buy a carefully chosen book, which sticks out like a sore thumb amongst everyone else's shite


----------



## DotCommunist (Oct 29, 2011)

get them a gram of cannabis


----------



## strung out (Nov 15, 2011)

We've just had the draw, and I've hit the jackpot, drawing the guy who sits next to me. 

'banter' tends to fly quite a bit between us, so very happy.


----------



## sim667 (Nov 15, 2011)

moose said:


> I buy a carefully chosen book, which sticks out like a sore thumb amongst everyone else's shite


An elron hubbard book?


----------



## sim667 (Nov 15, 2011)

Oh i actually I bought a book the other day which would be good for secret santa's called "how to survive in a war zone"


----------



## grit (Nov 15, 2011)

My default is usually something like a far side desk calendar (where you tear off each page for the day, which shows a new cartoon).


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Nov 15, 2011)

Mr.QofG's got some Ben 10 Bubble Bath one year. It was a couple of years ago now and we haven't opened it so it could be recycle time


----------



## Me76 (Nov 15, 2011)

grit said:


> My default is usually something like a far side desk calendar (where you tear off each page for the day, which shows a new cartoon).


This is something I would be pleased to get.

I have refused to take part any where I have worked for the last few years.  I don;t go to shops to buy things for my own family and friends so why should I bother for work colleagues.

There is a very convenient odds and sods shop in the local shopping centre so it won't be too much of an effort this year.  I hope I get something good.


----------



## Corax (Nov 15, 2011)

The perfect shop has opened up in my local hideous shrine to materialism:

http://www.menkind.co.uk/gifts-gadg...dium=banner&utm_campaign=stockingfillerbanner

Loads of well classy stuff.


----------



## Kidda (Nov 15, 2011)

Last year we did a joint one between the School staff and The Youth Workers (of which i was in). The tradition was all the staff get together and have a Christmas meal cooked by the Food tech teacher and some other staff. 

After the meal each person gets their secret santa present pulled out of a hat and presented to them, they then open it infront of the whole teaching staff, management and  all  the youth team.

I bought the person  i had a 2011 Aston Villa (spit) Annual as he was a massive fan. Big win. Claps all round.
I open mine to discover the new teacher who i had barely said two words to and who only really knew me because i did sexual health and condom distribution sessions with the school kids had bought me a 'Secret Sexy Santa Sex Kit' with fluffy handcuffs, a santa hat, ''santa stop here'' tattoos, a Christmas sex tip book and a small bottle of massage oil that had BEEN USED!.

Wrong Wrong Wrong on so many levels.


----------



## 8ball (Nov 15, 2011)

The way I feel about my work colleagues at the moment it will probably be some roadkill soaked in anthrax.


----------



## pianissimo (Nov 16, 2011)

I need to spend a fiver on secret Santa too. Don't know the lad much.
Worse the xmas do will be a fancy dress dinner


----------



## jakethesnake (Nov 16, 2011)

A couple of years ago I thought my secret santa had gone way over budget when I unwrapped a Glen Morangie tin containing a bottle of whisky... i was well chuffed untill i opened the tin and found a bottle of tesco value whisky inside - a bottle of whisky for a fiver (shudder) - still, we all drank it in our coffee and it got the christmas lunch off to a very messy start.


----------



## moonsi til (Nov 16, 2011)

I am organising both the works xmas do and secret santa....I'm sure you would all like me in IRL...


----------



## pianissimo (Nov 17, 2011)

Oh yes, I ordered this for my colleague from amazon  





(we've been complaining the state of the toilets at our office)


----------



## moonsi til (Nov 17, 2011)

A colleague got given a mini vibrator last year which she was not happy about & the other year someone got a tin of nuts. I gave a safe candle last year and received a pretty paper-weight.


----------



## spanglechick (Nov 17, 2011)

if i had to do a work secret santa, i would buy this door wedge.

i would genuinely want one myself - used to have one, but some little scrote i teach nicked it. anyway, it's practical, a bit jokey but not too naff.  perfect.


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 17, 2011)

spanglechick said:


> if i had to do a work secret santa, i would buy this door wedge.
> 
> i would genuinely want one myself - used to have one, but some little scrote i teach nicked it. anyway, it's practical, a bit jokey but not too naff. perfect.


There is no picture


----------



## Kanda (Nov 17, 2011)

In 26 years of full time employment, I'm happy to say I've NEVER been asked or had to do a secret santa!!


----------



## baldrick (Nov 17, 2011)

Kidda said:


> I open mine to discover the new teacher who i had barely said two words to and who only really knew me because i did sexual health and condom distribution sessions with the school kids had bought me a 'Secret Sexy Santa Sex Kit' with fluffy handcuffs, a santa hat, ''santa stop here'' tattoos, a Christmas sex tip book and a small bottle of massage oil that had BEEN USED!.


*shudder*


----------



## spanglechick (Nov 17, 2011)

equationgirl said:


> There is no picture


ah - yes. oops.


----------



## 8ball (Nov 17, 2011)

spanglechick said:


> ah - yes. oops.



<apologises to BT broadband customer service>


----------



## Me76 (Nov 24, 2011)

Drew my name out today.  Someone I don't really know so generic present search next week.


----------



## 8ball (Nov 24, 2011)

We had our draw today too - someone I've never heard of.

Maybe it's you.


----------



## equationgirl (Nov 27, 2011)

8ball said:


> We had our draw today too - someone I've never heard of.
> 
> Maybe it's you.


It's not me.


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Nov 27, 2011)

8ball said:


> We had our draw today too - someone I've never heard of.
> 
> Maybe it's you.


If it's me a bottle of red wine and come cheap nail varnish please!


----------



## 8ball (Nov 27, 2011)

QueenOfGoths said:


> If it's me a bottle of red wine and come cheap nail varnish please!



Too late - I've bought 'generic smellies'...


----------



## strung out (Nov 27, 2011)

gifts on my shortlist so far:

extra small condoms, a knitted willy warmer, a box of tissues with naked women on, mug that says "i'm a twat" on the bottom, stress ball in the shape of a giant boob, mullet top-trumps

i'm obviously the office joker.


----------



## 8ball (Nov 27, 2011)

Zany.


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Nov 28, 2011)

I just fucked it off last year. Was entered in to it, just didn't buy a pressie. So some schmuck got nothing. I got a desk Morph. Which I left on my desk when I walked out last month.


----------



## The Octagon (Nov 28, 2011)

I was informed I not only had to participate last year, but write an appropriate poem for the person that would then be read out.

Fucked. That. Right. Off.


----------



## quimcunx (Nov 28, 2011)

The Octagon said:


> I was informed I not only had to participate last year, but write an appropriate poem for the person that would then be read out.
> 
> Fucked. That. Right. Off.



And. Quite. Right. Too.


----------



## Minnie_the_Minx (Nov 28, 2011)

IWOOT still has their 4 for £20 page up in case any of you are after stocking fillers/secret santa stuff

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/offers/4-for-20.list


----------



## Minnie_the_Minx (Nov 28, 2011)

The Octagon said:


> I was informed I not only had to participate last year, but write an appropriate poem for the person that would then be read out.
> 
> Fucked. That. Right. Off.



Should have told them you'd converted to Islam


----------



## Me76 (Nov 29, 2011)

The Octagon said:


> I was informed I not only had to participate last year, but write an appropriate poem for the person that would then be read out.
> 
> Fucked. That. Right. Off.


Compulsory poetry writing!  Bollocks!   what some people insist on getting other people to do in the name of fun is ridiculous - and if you say you don't want to join in you are considered a killjoy.  Arses to the lot of them.


----------



## moose (Nov 30, 2011)

We've decided to cut the crap and all buy booze up to the value of £10, put it in a big bag and let everyone do a lucky dip.


----------



## Wolveryeti (Dec 1, 2011)

For £5 you could buy a box of 3 live locusts from here. You know the lulz would be supreme.


----------



## strung out (Dec 1, 2011)

now that, would be fucking brilliant.


----------



## UnderAnOpenSky (Dec 2, 2011)

Wolveryeti said:


> For £5 you could buy a box of 3 live locusts from here. You know the lulz would be supreme.



You could get a 1000 crickets and be reminded of the xmas joy for months.


----------



## Me76 (Dec 6, 2011)

Got my present today.  It's a mood necklace in the shape of a butterfly. It was only £4.50 so I got a Milky bar to wrap up as well so the person doesn;t go into Claire's and think I short changed them.

I had better get something good.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 8, 2011)

Only £2 and ideal for the discerning gent


----------



## baldrick (Dec 8, 2011)

i have my boss's boss to buy for 

last minute panic purchase here we come.


----------



## strung out (Dec 9, 2011)

Badgers said:


> Only £2 and ideal for the discerning gent


thanks, i've gone for that


----------



## Me76 (Dec 15, 2011)

I got a hard covered set of post its with a butterfly on it.


----------



## DRINK? (Dec 15, 2011)

biggest waste of money at christmas, might as well burn a tenner unless you are buying booze...ours is going to charity this year, which makes much more sense than buying some tat for someone because you have to ....

I love christmas by the way... SS gets on my tits


----------



## xes (Dec 15, 2011)

pop into ann summers and see what they have for a 5er or so. I'm sure you could get a little dildo or cockring for that.
3 quid for a snowman pounch
http://www.annsummers.com/p/snowman-pouch/06btpoas1014051


----------



## Corax (Dec 15, 2011)

Ours was today.  I got my colleague a white porcelain head of a crying clown, with the detailing done in gold paint.  Well classy.  I received a second-hand brown silk collared shirt with "Death Angel" on it.  My favourite one was a second-hand "bath massager"...


----------



## Puddy_Tat (Dec 15, 2011)

*feels slightly more glad to be unemployed freelance*


----------



## boohoo (Dec 17, 2011)

We had work secret santa yesterday. I got a book called Skinny bitches...  Now considering I'm 7 months pregnant, always have been generally slim and have very little interest in diets, it was an exceptionally odd choice. Like seriously odd choice.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 17, 2011)

We forgot this year


----------



## strung out (Dec 17, 2011)

i got a Where's Wally? desk calendar, which could have been worse i suppose. the stripping mousemat and coaster i gave went down very well indeed


----------



## MBV (Dec 17, 2011)

Another hater of SS here. Would much prefer to give to charity instead.


----------



## Badgers (Dec 17, 2011)

strung out said:
			
		

> the stripping mousemat and coaster i gave went down very well indeed



Glad someone benefited from that


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 17, 2011)

I got a bottle of beer. I'm teetotal. So I offered to swap for some chocolate, and in a strange bait-and-switch scenario I ended up with some lurid socks. They are yellow, pink, orange and blue. There is only one pair.


----------



## thriller (Dec 17, 2011)

I'm not wasting my time looking for gift this time. I've bought £5 lottery ticket (lucky dip)  and that is my gift to my colleague. Last year I bought someone a book on hip-hop and the year before that, I gave someone a long john thermal.


----------



## equationgirl (Dec 18, 2011)

My work didn't bother this year, which considering my luck with secret santa, was good.


----------



## Bob_the_lost (Dec 18, 2011)

I got a moderately funny book about the rules of dating.

Someone got given a butt plug and a willy warmer. He took it like a man rather well.


----------



## Termite Man (Dec 18, 2011)

I got a miniature Jack Daniels, hip flask and Camembert.

I gave a book about Alexander Rodchenko which went down well.


----------



## 8115 (Dec 18, 2011)

We were going to have a secret santa, but my boss told me,if I wanted one I had to organise it.  Now we're not having one.


----------



## chilango (Dec 21, 2011)

Ours is in 1hr and 59 minutes.

So excited.

It's like Christmas come early!

I might put a countdown timer thing on my computer....

I bought a restaurant guide.

What will I get?

Oooh...the anticipation.

We had "yankee swap" one year. it was awesome. I got to keep the reggae CDs I bought. Everybody else got pissed off and and didn't speak to each other 'till the New Year.

We haven't done it since.


----------



## Me76 (Dec 21, 2011)

I just looked Yankee swap up.  I reckon I would get left with shite.


----------



## Kidda (Dec 21, 2011)

Ours went well, which is good as i was the idiot forced to organise it.

I got a bath set from the body shop, i gave a book which went down brilliantly.

The best secret santa present from our team was 3 Family sized Christmas Puds and two packets of birds powdered custard


----------



## MBV (Dec 21, 2011)

I got a nivea set which I was chuffed with.


----------



## Termite Man (Dec 21, 2011)

well there is a huge fallout from a 'joke' present which wasn't funny and came across as pretty nasty IMO at work. The person who did the'joke' thinks it's the victims problem for not 'having a sense of humour'


----------



## killer b (Dec 21, 2011)

why did you even bother posting without the details of the joke present in question?


----------



## strung out (Dec 21, 2011)

I agree, we need details. There were various rumours of someone at work who smells a bit and has bad teeth getting some deodorant or a toothbrush, but he refused to open it with anyone present, so it remains a mystery.


----------



## Termite Man (Dec 21, 2011)

killer b said:


> why did you even bother posting without the details of the joke present in question?


 
right the bloke who got the present is fairly new and talks alot about cambridge where he used to work, the present he got was this mug







with a post it note with 'you're not in Cambridge any more'.

I thought it was a bit harsh because he only talks about Cambridge so he can be included in conversations as he hasn't been around long enough to get any shared experiences


----------



## Termite Man (Dec 21, 2011)

strung out said:


> I agree, we need details. There were various rumours of someone at work who smells a bit and has bad teeth getting some deodorant or a toothbrush, but he refused to open it with anyone present, so it remains a mystery.


 
thats fucking nasty  'happy Christmas , you stink'


----------



## strung out (Dec 21, 2011)

Termite Man said:


> thats fucking nasty 'happy Christmas , you stink'


yeah, i thought it would have been fucking shitty if true, but we never found out as i expect the guy realised he was likely to get a 'hilariously funny' present


----------



## 8ball (Dec 21, 2011)

We finally had ours, with me buying the present for the person I'd never heard of.

Unsurprisingly she didn't turn up.


----------



## chilango (Dec 21, 2011)

I got beer and baby shoes. Fair enough.


----------



## extra dry (Dec 27, 2011)

Wolveryeti said:


> For £5 you could buy a box of 3 live locusts from here. You know the lulz would be supreme.



that would have been great


----------



## Bahnhof Strasse (Jan 8, 2012)

mnight said:


> It was meant to seem like a piece of shit, so as to be a good match with you



Get over yerself you sad sack.


----------

