# Masterchef 2014



## trashpony (Mar 26, 2014)

It's back! Tonight!

Very excited - I've missed Greg


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## colacubes (Mar 26, 2014)

Ace - ta for the reminder.  I hadn't seen any adverts for it as I'm working my way through the West Wing.  I shall forego it for this though.  And post this as well


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## madamv (Mar 26, 2014)

ahahahahahah  I was just about to chant how I like a base base base base I like a buttery biscuit base 

Cheers for the headsup trashy


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## trashpony (Mar 26, 2014)

colacubes said:


> Ace - ta for the reminder.  I hadn't seen any adverts for it as I'm working my way through the West Wing.  I shall forego it for this though.  And post this as well



Thank you. You are *too* kind


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## colacubes (Mar 26, 2014)

I know, I know


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## RedDragon (Mar 26, 2014)

oh good, but I must admit to being hooked on watching the current Canadian version.


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## wiskey (Mar 26, 2014)

What .. NO! I'm going out for a posh meal tonight


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## wiskey (Mar 26, 2014)

RedDragon said:


> oh good, but I must admit to being hooked on watching the current Canadian version.



We cancelled our cable subscription so I've been tantalised by Masterchef Australia when channel hopping but I can't watch it anymore


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## trashpony (Mar 26, 2014)

wiskey said:


> What .. NO! I'm going out for a posh meal tonight


Can't you record it?


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## May Kasahara (Mar 26, 2014)

I keep tryna get out, but they pull me back in 

Bloody Masterchef. I will inevitably be watching it while thinking 'why aren't I doing something improving?'


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## Dan U (Mar 26, 2014)

Just watched the 2012 Australian Masterchef on Really so am a bit masterchefed out. 

Will still tune in though!


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## trashpony (Mar 26, 2014)

Ban this forrin filth


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## Looby (Mar 26, 2014)

Hurrah! I don't put on as much weight during masterchef as I do Bake Off.

Bake Off night also became pudding or cream cake night too.


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## trashpony (Mar 26, 2014)

sparklefish said:


> Hurrah! I don't put on as much weight during masterchef as I do Bake Off.
> 
> Bake Off night also became pudding or cream cake night too.


I had meringue nests specifically for Bake Off


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## colacubes (Mar 26, 2014)

It's too soon to work out what needs to be knocked up for this series.  I mean we don't know what the dish du jour is yet.  Will it be cauliflower puree?  Or maybe scallops with black pudding?  Or perhaps a resurgence for samphire


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## 8115 (Mar 26, 2014)

Yay!

What's gonna be big this series?  Foams are old, soil is last season.  I reckon jus, and reductions are going to be big.  There's going to be a lot of tea in the desserts.  And the surprise vegetable will be.....kale of course


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## Looby (Mar 26, 2014)

No more fucking flowers!


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## colacubes (Mar 26, 2014)

sparklefish said:


> No more fucking flowers!



A fucking Men


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## trashpony (Mar 26, 2014)

I think surprises will be big. So a chocolate ball filled with minced beef. Or a chicken nugget with a golden syrup centre. 

Or not


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## wiskey (Mar 26, 2014)

trashpony said:


> Can't you record it?



I can iplayer it etc. which I will have to do.


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## wiskey (Mar 26, 2014)

trashpony said:


> I think surprises will be big. So a chocolate ball filled with minced beef. Or a chicken nugget with a golden syrup centre.
> 
> Or not



Remind me never to accept a dinner invitation from you


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## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2014)

It's on at 9pm this year.
Does this mean swears and rudeness?
I do hope so.


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## RedDragon (Mar 26, 2014)

So, no Michel Roux  Guardian


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## Dan U (Mar 26, 2014)

Yeah big fall out with the BBC


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## ruffneck23 (Mar 26, 2014)

Ooh this is my guilty pleasure and as I've been blown out tonight . I'm not actually bothered, is it on at 8 ? (


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## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2014)

ruffneck23 said:


> Ooh this is my guilty pleasure and as I've been blown out tonight . I'm not actually bothered, is it on at 8 ? (


9!


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## ruffneck23 (Mar 26, 2014)

Thank you , can have another pint then !


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## aqua (Mar 26, 2014)

I've never got on with masterchef, too poncy, but will give it another go this year


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## madamv (Mar 26, 2014)

No Michel?  Bum.


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## cesare (Mar 26, 2014)

madamv said:


> No Michel?  Bum.


Innit


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## 8115 (Mar 26, 2014)

madamv said:


> No Michel?  Bum.


No, he got chucked off the BBC as he was doing adverts for common food (preprepared roast potatoes).


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## 8115 (Mar 26, 2014)

But hopefully there will still be Monica.  Who is replacing Michel?


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## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2014)

8115 said:


> But hopefully there will still be Monica.  Who is replacing Michel?


Dizzee Rascal


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## 8115 (Mar 26, 2014)

Orang Utan said:


> Dizzee Rascal


Mr Rascal?  Hooray!


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## Dan U (Mar 26, 2014)

Hopefully it will be Onket.

This week. Lasagne. 
Next week. Lasagne.


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## RedDragon (Mar 26, 2014)

Drizzle Rascal?


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## Espresso (Mar 26, 2014)

8115 said:


> No, he got chucked off the BBC as he was doing adverts for common food (preprepared roast potatoes).



Was it not just fresh, raw potatoes? Albert Bartlett potatoes, as it says in that link
Not common food at all; well, not common in the way you mean, but common as in we all use potatoes. 

I'll certainly miss lovely twinkly Michel. I've always had a bit of a thing for him.


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## 8115 (Mar 26, 2014)

Strange potatoes.  Potatoes in a bag.


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## gaijingirl (Mar 26, 2014)

Espresso said:


> Was it not just fresh, raw potatoes? Albert Bartlett potatoes, as it says in that link
> Not common food at all; well, not common in the way you mean, but common as in we all use potatoes.
> 
> I'll certainly miss lovely twinkly Michel. I've always had a bit of a thing for him.



I've always had a thing for Raymond Blanc....


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## Espresso (Mar 26, 2014)

gaijingirl said:


> I've always had a thing for Raymond Blanc....


Let's not forget Jean Christophe Novelli. Cor.


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## _pH_ (Mar 26, 2014)

trashpony said:


> a chicken nugget with a golden syrup centre.



I want one of them now.


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## Santino (Mar 26, 2014)

It's not this series that Michel isn't doing any more, it's another one he isn't doing.


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## spanglechick (Mar 26, 2014)

Santino said:


> It's not this series that Michel isn't doing any more, it's another one he isn't doing.


Yes, this.  Michel and Monica were on "masterchef the professionals".  This is plebby masterchef.



trashpony said:


> I think surprises will be big. So a chocolate ball filled with minced beef. Or a chicken nugget with a golden syrup centre.
> 
> Or not



I'd eat the fuck out of both of those, right now...  bloody dust.


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## 8115 (Mar 26, 2014)

Mr Smash is going home.


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## purenarcotic (Mar 26, 2014)

Management consultant guy is a twat.


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## spanglechick (Mar 26, 2014)

i'm going to plump for beetroot being this year's ubiquitous ingredient.

got to be little ms smug-gcse queen in danger, surely.  and twatty beef wellington boy.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2014)

Aye! Hate him already.

Didn't they used to have instant disqualifications in the first round? I'm sure there used to be more disasters


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## The Boy (Mar 26, 2014)

Deconstructed anything = out.


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## Espresso (Mar 26, 2014)

The sweet box is hard.


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## purenarcotic (Mar 26, 2014)

Orang Utan said:


> Aye! Hate him already.
> 
> Didn't they used to have instant disqualifications in the first round? I'm sure there used to be more disasters



Format seems to have been changed about a bit again but yes, in previous years the first dish could be someone's last.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2014)

The Boy said:


> Deconstructed anything = out.


It'll be all post-structural roulades and Lacanian ratatouilles this year


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## The Boy (Mar 26, 2014)

Also, brown + brown + brown = out.


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## _pH_ (Mar 26, 2014)

MEAT BALLS


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## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2014)

8115 said:


> Mr Smash is going home.


O RLY?


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## 8115 (Mar 26, 2014)

Orang Utan said:


> O RLY?


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## _pH_ (Mar 26, 2014)

PAN FRIED SEA BASS


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## The Boy (Mar 26, 2014)

_pH_ said:


> PAN FRIED SEA BASS



WIth figs no less


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## 8115 (Mar 26, 2014)

Too much sweet and savoury going on.


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## _pH_ (Mar 26, 2014)

EVERYTHING DONE '3 WAYS'!


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## May Kasahara (Mar 26, 2014)

Apple and fish! It's a proven chef-killer, does the man not watch Masterchef at all?

If I was those previous champions, I wouldn't want to be cooked for  except by Sumera.


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## spanglechick (Mar 26, 2014)

_pH_ said:


> EVERYTHING DONE '3 WAYS'!


yebbut, that was last year too.


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## spanglechick (Mar 26, 2014)

May Kasahara said:


> Apple and fish! It's a proven chef-killer, does the man not watch Masterchef at all?
> 
> If I was those previous champions, I wouldn't want to be cooked for  except by Sumera.


guarantee it'd be nicer than fucking fig and sea bass.


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## The Boy (Mar 26, 2014)

And now we have the previous winners.  Bit early for that isn't it?


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## _pH_ (Mar 26, 2014)

May Kasahara said:


> except by Sumera.



Her stuff looks really tasty!


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## The Boy (Mar 26, 2014)

runny sauce = out.


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## Espresso (Mar 26, 2014)

This rabbit liver business looks ace.


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## _pH_ (Mar 26, 2014)

PROFITEROLES COOKED '3 WAYS'!


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## Paulie Tandoori (Mar 26, 2014)

May Kasahara said:


> Apple and fish! It's a proven chef-killer, does the man not watch Masterchef at all?
> 
> If I was those previous champions, I wouldn't want to be cooked for  except by Sumera.


sumera could cook for me whenever she wanted. and tuck me up in bed to boot


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## spanglechick (Mar 26, 2014)

I like the instant mash bloke.


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## Espresso (Mar 26, 2014)

Sumera and Rob were my favourites.


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## The Boy (Mar 26, 2014)

That guy deserved to go through for the rabbit livers alone, imo.  Don't rate Holly though.


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## Espresso (Mar 26, 2014)

May Kasahara said:


> Apple and fish! It's a proven chef-killer, does the man not watch Masterchef at all?



I reckon you could get away with a tart apple sauce with an oily fish like mackerel. Maybe with a bit of a hard spice in it like cinnamon. 
Not that I'd go on bloody Masterchef with it.
Or at all, come to that.


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## May Kasahara (Mar 26, 2014)

Oh yes, tart fruit and mackers are a good combination aren't they? MC people never seem to use mackerel though, it's always posh white fish with their apple.


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## trashpony (Mar 26, 2014)

Rob=John Goodman

How does the format work this year? 4 episodes of qualifiers then semis? I never really understand because they go down to 3 for the final which fucks up the semi/demi/quarter (quaver) thing


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## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2014)

I was disappointed cos I thought Dizzee Rascal was going to be on it, but then I remembered that I had made it up.


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## clicker (Mar 26, 2014)

Wouldn't mind Rob putting a plate of food in front of me. i reckon Holly will be culled very soon. TBH not overly impressed by anything tonight so sat and ate a packet of skittles and discovered a slight hankering for the rose petal rice pudding. Felt a bit sorry for the poor man who ended up serving sea bass in a pool of baby sick with three embarrassed looking tomatoes.


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## Espresso (Mar 26, 2014)

trashpony said:


> How does the format work this year?



Who knows? As far as I can tell they bugger round with it every year. It's a bit like the way they change the rules in rugby every season.
Masterchef and the RFU - folk who should make a sodding decision and stick by it. For the sanity of all the fans.


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## TheHoodedClaw (Mar 26, 2014)

The 24-year-old management consultant  cooked badly and got chucked out while claiming that he'd cooked well. Says it all really.


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## colacubes (Mar 26, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> The 24-year-old management consultant  cooked badly and got chucked out while claiming that he'd cooked well. Says it all really.



I loved how he thought he'd done really well.  I have met so many management consultants like that 

Anyway - Rob ftw   They tried to paint him as a weirdo but he clearly knows what he's doing.  My only explanation for Holly going through instead of Samira is that Greg and/or John are looking for a new younger wife


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## Espresso (Mar 26, 2014)

colacubes said:


> My only explanation for Holly going through instead of Samira is that Greg and/or John are looking for a new younger wife


Torode is divorced from his second wife and is now shacked up with glamorous Celebrity Masterchef 2010 winner, the very lovely Lisa Faulkner.
As they'd say in the papers. 

Quite how Mr Wallace ever gets anywhere close enough to marry any sod at all is a bloody mystery to me. Been married three times, though.
I've never been married at all, not once. And I'm much nicer than him. (  )
It's a strange, strange world.


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## Nine Bob Note (Mar 26, 2014)

I wasn't really watching, but a few things...

I've praised the culinary potential of Smash before, especially with regard to pasta, though I've only ever used it to bind the filling, and never stuck it in the dough (unless I'm making ghocchi). Whatever happens, you get an automatic pass for making filled pasta on MC, especially in an early round.

Now that Michel is gone (and rightly so, IMO) I think MC:tP is finished. Unless they can bag a huge chef like Stein (MRJnr's favourite) to take over. Monica had become the star of the show, and she can hardly carry on now that her boss has been junked for flogging red spuds (and he really does use them, etc...)

Wish they'd bring back Take on the Takeaway. _There _was a great cookery show with purpose.


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## wiskey (Mar 26, 2014)

OK I have caught up.

I like Robert, and I liked the Canadian girl - just a pity she couldn't cook.

I took an instant dislike to Holly. I hope she doesn't get booted too soon, I'm enjoying hating her.


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## May Kasahara (Mar 27, 2014)

Holly's eyebrows are quite terrifying.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 27, 2014)

She reminds me of a group of friends at my school who we call The Eyebrow Girls


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## ringo (Mar 27, 2014)

Must have only watched the professional series lately 'cos I'd forgotten how good it was with the public, especially in the early stages. 

I like Robert (was it?) the big blond fellers massive portions of pub grub, my sort of cooking. 

Posh bloke was annoying, that beef wellington


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## Pickman's model (Mar 27, 2014)

ringo said:


> Must have only watched the professional series lately 'cos I'd forgotten how good it was with the public, especially in the early stages.
> 
> I like Robert (was it?) the big blond fellers massive portions of pub grub, my sort of cooking.
> 
> Posh bloke was annoying, that beef wellington


fucking management consultant  looking forward to office manager holly getting her p45 from the series too.


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## Pickman's model (Mar 27, 2014)

wiskey said:


> OK I have caught up.
> 
> I like Robert, and I liked the Canadian girl - just a pity she couldn't cook.
> 
> I took an instant dislike to Holly. I hope she doesn't get booted too soon, I'm enjoying hating her.


i do hope she goes soon. but i suppose that it's not good to like everyone on it as it's not nice to lose friends.


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## trashpony (Mar 27, 2014)

May Kasahara said:


> Holly's eyebrows are quite terrifying.


And she's the only person I've ever seen that has really clumpy false eyelashes


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## Pickman's model (Mar 27, 2014)

trashpony said:


> And she's the only person I've ever seen that has really clumpy false eyelashes


when i was on holiday recently i saw an african owl which moved its head about all the time in exactly the same way holly moves hers.


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## Espresso (Mar 27, 2014)

Those moneybag dumplings looked fantastic.


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## wtfftw (Mar 27, 2014)

Waitrose beans.


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## Spark (Mar 27, 2014)

That looks like vomit.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 27, 2014)

That odd fellow is odd


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## Orang Utan (Mar 27, 2014)




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## Santino (Mar 27, 2014)

Child Doctor Tim, there.


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## ringo (Mar 27, 2014)

Never seen so many figs. And nobody has made fig biscuits yet


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## Espresso (Mar 27, 2014)

ringo said:


> Never seen so many figs. And nobody has made fig biscuits yet


Figs are definitely the ingredient to pick this year if you want to get plastered on the shot game.


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## trashpony (Mar 27, 2014)

Yep, figs an early contender for ingredient du jour. I think the right people went through although I think Kate could have if she hadn't fluffed her main. That other woman never stood a chance


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## TheHoodedClaw (Mar 27, 2014)

trashpony said:


> Yep, figs an early contender for ingredient du jour.



Bah, not keen on figs, other than as part of an interesting symbiosis (figs have bits of wasp in them).

http://scienceblogs.com/oscillator/2010/09/07/edible-symbiosis/

I hope Danny learns to relax a bit, as I fear an epic onscreen meltdown otherwise.


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## Onket (Mar 28, 2014)

Dan U said:


> Hopefully it will be Onket.
> 
> This week. Lasagne.
> Next week. Lasagne.


I don't think I've ever made a lasagne.


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## Callie (Mar 28, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> Bah, not keen on figs, other than as part of an interesting symbiosis (figs have bits of wasp in them).
> 
> http://scienceblogs.com/oscillator/2010/09/07/edible-symbiosis/


 
I dont think that is true of yer bog standard figs, only certain figs have this relationship with wasps. My friend at uni used to say they were full of wasp eggs though so I think there may be a common myth about it.


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## Gromit (Mar 28, 2014)

Someone needs to do a fig scallop fondont.


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## Looby (Mar 28, 2014)

Anyone think Dani looked like a sort of hipster Danny Dyer?


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## sleaterkinney (Mar 28, 2014)

Quarter final time.


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## BlueSquareThing (Apr 1, 2014)

Santino said:


> Child Doctor Tim, there.


His macarons are really quite tasty - shop in Norwich worth a look if you're in the City.


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## Part 2 (Apr 1, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> I hope Danny learns to relax a bit, as I fear an epic onscreen meltdown otherwise.



He's a mate of a mate. She reckons he's been very tame so far.


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## May Kasahara (Apr 3, 2014)

Did nobody have an opinion about last night's show? 

I lol'd at the fig in dry grass pudding.


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## trashpony (Apr 3, 2014)

May Kasahara said:


> Did nobody have an opinion about last night's show?
> 
> I lol'd at the fig in dry grass pudding.


I was shouting 'fig, fig!' at the telly


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 3, 2014)

The fig reminded me of one of the facehugger eggs from Alien. The guy who finished off with the chilli/macaroni and cheese on separate plates combo almost blew it I think, but he's clearly better than that.


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## wiskey (Apr 3, 2014)

What's the difference in results between cooking something on or off the bone?


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## Dan U (Apr 3, 2014)

Figs again. 

Also I couldn't work out if that Verity lass was posh trying to be normal or normal trying to be posh. She had a very confused accent.


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## May Kasahara (Apr 3, 2014)

trashpony said:


> I was shouting 'fig, fig!' at the telly



Mr K and I exchanged knowing raised-eyebrow looks at each other over tonight's fig


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 3, 2014)

Dan U said:


> Also I couldn't work out if that Verity lass was posh trying to be normal or normal trying to be posh. She had a very confused accent.



The latter I think - her accent wobbled towards less-posh when she was stressing.


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## BlueSquareThing (Apr 3, 2014)

wiskey said:


> What's the difference in results between cooking something on or off the bone?


On the bone should stay more moist. If there's marrow or whatever in it you'll get that flavour as well.


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## wiskey (Apr 4, 2014)

OK today's question: why do they keep some of the machines in the foyer?


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## BlueSquareThing (Apr 5, 2014)

wiskey said:


> OK today's question: why do they keep some of the machines in the foyer?


They're blast chillers and so on aren't they? I guess it's the sort of thing that they only need one of. Not sure why they out them outside - they can be a bit noisy at times maybe. Perhaps there's just not handy room for them - they presumably need the cameras and so on to be able to move around properly and I suppose they want a studio backdrop that isn't too cluttered?


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## madamv (Apr 6, 2014)

Just catching up.  Watching Thursdays ep.  Johns raspberry custard tart.... The pastry wasn't bloody cooked!   What's that all about?  Makes me


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## madamv (Apr 6, 2014)

Also.  Fondant potato is making a run to beat fig in the dish du jour comp


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## trashpony (Apr 6, 2014)

madamv said:


> Just catching up.  Watching Thursdays ep.  Johns raspberry custard tart.... The pastry wasn't bloody cooked!   What's that all about?  Makes me


OMG yes! I meant to say something at the time. What a fucking hypocrite and there's Greg giving it all this yum, that's delicious ... :madL

Did you see that programme about instore bakeries that Greg presented? I wanted to fucking kill him. He's the sort of bloke that plays really horrible 'practical' jokes on people but has zero tolerance for people doing the same to him. 

I'm starting to hate the pair of them so much I'm not sure I can watch this anymore


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## madamv (Apr 6, 2014)

Thankfully, when it counts, they don't really decide.  I never much liked Greg, he has a spiteful face imo.  I quite like John though.  Greg makes me smile though when he gets given a pudding


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## wiskey (Apr 6, 2014)

I find myself basically ambivalent towards both of them.

What is a fondant potato? How does one fondant it?


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## madamv (Apr 6, 2014)

FIG!   Hahhahahhaahhaha


Fondant is potato cooked in butter I believe..


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## madamv (Apr 6, 2014)

Really shouldnt watch this without food... I really want pate right now


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## madamv (Apr 6, 2014)

Watching this so intently I managed to both undercook and boil dry home grown beetroot   Its too precious to waste when you(re dad) grown it you(r dad) self


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## Espresso (Apr 7, 2014)

Earlier in this thread we were talking about twinkly Michel Roux Jr getting the sack from Masterchef because of his potato advert.
Yet Mel off The Great British Bake Off does the voiceovers for the Asda adverts and also for the Flora adverts, notably the one where she tells us how good it is for yup, BAKING. I know we don't see her, but there is no mistaking that voice. 

So it seems the BBC's famous rules for advertising things have a bit of wiggle room, unless Mel's going to be sacked from the next Bake Off.


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## FiFi (Apr 8, 2014)

Espresso said:


> So it seems the BBC's famous rules for advertising things have a bit of wiggle room, unless Mel's going to be sacked from the next Bake Off.


Noo
This could finally cause the Revolution!


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 9, 2014)

"Witchcraft Merchant"


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## The Boy (Apr 9, 2014)

Deconstructed cheesecake = out.

That and the fact his occupation is "graduate" rather than "on the dole".


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## Part 2 (Apr 9, 2014)

Has anyone ever had a fondant potato?


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 9, 2014)

The Boy said:


> Deconstructed cheesecake = out.



I might forgive him if does use those pop rocks in it.


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## Orang Utan (Apr 9, 2014)

He said buttery biscuit base with a knowing smirk.


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## wtfftw (Apr 9, 2014)

Cardamom in everything.


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## Gromit (Apr 9, 2014)

The Boy said:


> Deconstructed cheesecake = out.
> 
> That and the fact his occupation is "graduate" rather than "on the dole".



I love him if only for the reason he engineered a reason to say buttery biscuit base and was trying and failing to do so with a straight face. 

I want to know was he challenged by friends or just a personal ambition to say it on Masterchef.


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## madamv (Apr 9, 2014)

I declared that I want fondant potatoes this weekend. I may die from high cholesterol the next day but dammit I'm going to give it a go.  I spect mrsfran has made them. 

Loving tonights winners!


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 9, 2014)

Jack seemed to have a lot of skills for a 21-year-old, who's never worked in a pro kitchen


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## madamv (Apr 9, 2014)

They thought that too I think....  He certainly knows his way around the spoons...


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## May Kasahara (Apr 9, 2014)

He didn't even have any splashback on his chef's whites! Clearly he is an alien from the planet Jus. Although I still want him to win purely because of the buttery biscuit base splutter 

I see the sour strain of condescension towards Indian cooks still lingers around the MC kitchen


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## madamv (Apr 9, 2014)

And am I the ONLY person ever to loathe popping candy in food. 

Sweeties maybe, not proper food fgs


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## May Kasahara (Apr 9, 2014)

I don't like popping candy full stop. Bad memories.


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## Orang Utan (Apr 9, 2014)

I've only ever had popping candy on its own. Who puts it in food? How?


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 9, 2014)

I had an unfortunate incident as a child with a mouthful of Space Dust and a swig of fizzy juice. I'm sure it was funny for the onlookers, but I had carbon dioxide or whatever coming out of my tear ducts.


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## wiskey (Apr 9, 2014)

Derv bought popping candy chocolate spread .... win!


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## madamv (Apr 9, 2014)

Fail! 

Popping candy is for putting in your mouth and making funky noises.  Anything else with it is just bleurgh. BJ excepted


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## Part 2 (Apr 9, 2014)

I've only ever had space dust. Candy?....get to fuck.


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## madamv (Apr 10, 2014)

Am I the only person to have never eaten samphire?   What's it like? Green beans? Looks crunchy...   Want some.


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## Orang Utan (Apr 10, 2014)

madamv said:


> Am I the only person to have never eaten samphire?   What's it like? Green beans? Looks crunchy...   Want some.


It's lovely. A bit like a cross between kale and seaweed actually. I can happily munch it raw on its own.


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## wiskey (Apr 10, 2014)

Oh I haven't laughed so hard in ages.... Poor plum potato man


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## Mr Retro (Apr 10, 2014)

That Carls cooking is laugh out load funny. It would have hit the brief perfectly for last years Great British Menu comic relief year. Not the way it was meant to mind.


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## Hellsbells (Apr 10, 2014)

that was hilarious


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 10, 2014)

Carl, clearly trolling there.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 10, 2014)

"Don't put it in your mouth!", warns Gregg.


----------



## madamv (Apr 10, 2014)

Omg.  You're right wiskey, that was hilarious! Poor Carl!


----------



## madamv (Apr 10, 2014)

Ooh cooking for Tracy whatsername tomorrow! Ace!


----------



## wayward bob (Apr 10, 2014)

hysterical  shelina looked like it must be some kind of april fools


----------



## Looby (Apr 10, 2014)

I haven't even got to the last round and my husband was laughing so much I thought he was going to puke. The lemon tart finished him off.


----------



## Looby (Apr 10, 2014)

Omfg, it got so much worse!  

On a slightly serious note, I hope this isn't the shape of things to come and he got to the show because he had cooked some decent dishes. The alternative is they're going for the X factor 'joke' contestant thing.


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 10, 2014)

sparklefish said:


> The alternative is they're going for the X factor 'joke' contestant thing.


Oh I do hope so


----------



## N_igma (Apr 10, 2014)

Poor Carl he's probably the laughing stock of everyone he knows right now. And he still said 'you never know' when contemplating his chances of progressing. Yes Carl you never know, you just never know...


----------



## wiskey (Apr 10, 2014)

sparklefish said:


> I haven't even got to the last round and my husband was laughing so much I thought he was going to puke. The lemon tart finished him off.


If she'd have called it a deconstructed lemon tart she'd have been OK.


----------



## sheothebudworths (Apr 10, 2014)

Proper LOL - that was great  - you could see the past contestant/judges thinking 'How the FUCK did he slip under the net?!?    ' - brilliant


----------



## Orangesanlemons (Apr 10, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> Jack seemed to have a lot of skills for a 21-year-old, who's never worked in a pro kitchen



Are you suggesting that Jack, with his casual one-handed quenelling & repertoire of tried & trusted kitchen tricks, has been less than honest with the producers?

Shame on you, sir. Shame on you.


----------



## clicker (Apr 11, 2014)

why don't they use one of these to wheel the food in to the critics - they only carry two plates at a time, kick the swing doors open and presumably go back and repeat the process...turquoise is optional.


----------



## sheothebudworths (Apr 11, 2014)

Orangesanlemons said:


> Are you suggesting that Jack, with his casual one-handed quenelling & repertoire of tried & trusted kitchen tricks, has been less than honest with the producers?
> 
> Shame on you, sir. Shame on you.



I have to say, I thought his response on being asked about that 'I wouldn't be here if I had' was a pretty odd one - more like a pre-prepared reply (although I suppose if he was honestly self-taught it may still have occurred to him beforehand that it'd likely be noticed in which case I guess you'd be just as likely to have already thought up an answer).

It'd be very much worth an unknown giving it a shot though, eh, with the potential it obviously has for opening up your career (although he'll surely get found out fairly quickly if he has)?!


----------



## Orangesanlemons (Apr 11, 2014)

Not certain one way or the other sheo, but he seemed very proficient in the 'tricks of the trade' rather than demonstrating untutored raw talent. You can usually tell if someone's 'in the tribe', really - & the presenters being so suspicious is possibly telling.
I doubt Masterchef make too many enquiries early in the process, and it's easy to get a school/college job pot washing p/t in a decent bistro & work your way up quickly if you're talented. Who's to know until after the show has aired?

Either way he's pretty good. Although I liked the look of Carl's mash/pastry/plum balls, the mad bastard.


----------



## madamv (Apr 11, 2014)

Orangesanlemons said:


> Either way he's pretty good. Although I liked the look of Carl's mash/pastry/plum balls, the mad bastard.





A quick Google of 'jack graduate Masterchef 2014' reveals nothing of note.  Getting away with it so far...


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 11, 2014)

sparklefish said:


> OThe alternative is they're going for the X factor 'joke' contestant thing.



That's what I said!

Never have I watched Masterchef through the splayed fingers of horror...until last night


----------



## Hellsbells (Apr 11, 2014)

clicker said:


> why don't they use one of these to wheel the food in to the critics - they only carry two plates at a time, kick the swing doors open and presumably go back and repeat the process...turquoise is optional.


I loved the way Carl was the only one who attempted to carry all 3 plates in one go. Very wobblingly! Surely he wasn't a geniune contestant though. I don't trust TV anymore.


----------



## paulhackett (Apr 11, 2014)

He may have lost at cooking but won at service by producing food that  stuck to the plate.


----------



## Santino (Apr 11, 2014)

The earlier serieseses of Masterchef Goes Large (to give it its proper name) had lots of amateur cooks with a bit of promise who fucked things up. That was one of its chief pleasures. The contestants are too well prepared these days.


----------



## wiskey (Apr 11, 2014)

Is not having ever worked in a kitchen part of the remit then?


----------



## Dan U (Apr 11, 2014)

wiskey said:


> Is not having ever worked in a kitchen part of the remit then?



I think it must be. 

Imagine how fucked off the Swedish woman is this morning having watched Carl do that last night!


----------



## Gromit (Apr 11, 2014)

wiskey said:


> Is not having ever worked in a kitchen part of the remit then?



Listen to the blurb at the start.

...Some of Britain's best Amateur chefs....

Amateur means you haven't gotten paid for it.


----------



## Hellsbells (Apr 11, 2014)

I don't remember that fit young guy past winner. He's lovely. 

I've not really watched properly this year. Only just caught the end of last nights. Ping was good wasn't she I really liked her, not just her cooking, but also her calmness. Bit of a contrast next to Carl!


----------



## wiskey (Apr 11, 2014)

Gromit said:


> Listen to the blurb at the start.
> 
> ...Some of Britain's best Amateur chefs....
> 
> Amateur means you haven't gotten paid for it.


You don't have to be paid to work in a kitchen though.


----------



## Gromit (Apr 11, 2014)

wiskey said:


> You don't have to be paid to work in a kitchen though.



Professionally trained whether its for pay or not still isn't very amateur.

It did reek of muscle memory from hours of service of dishing out quenelles. You don't really need to learn how to dish out fancy scoops that quick when cooking at home or for the occasional dinner party.

I'm reminded of an Undercover Boss special where the employees were sent in instead of the boos (as the boss had already done the show).

This printing guys processed some sign / poster / thing by rout. Score / Score / Flip / Score / score / turn / trim / fold volla!
The manager immediately saw the muscle memory and went you've done this before you liar.


----------



## sheothebudworths (Apr 11, 2014)

You defo don't NEED to but, tbf, I can imagine a slightly cocky 21 year old man, who does have a genuine interest in cooking (and who has likely watched programmes of this ilk before), being virtually the _only_ type of person who might actually bother to learn it anyway, iykwim 
Not saying that is the case - but it could conceivably be, I reckon.


----------



## sunnysidedown (Apr 11, 2014)

Gromit said:


> Professionally trained whether its for pay or not still isn't very amateur.
> 
> It did reek of muscle memory from hours of service of dishing out quenelles. You don't really need to learn how to dish out fancy scoops that quick when cooking at home or for the occasional dinner party.



maybe he needs a handicap in the next round.


----------



## Looby (Apr 11, 2014)

I reckon if I was going on there and being all fancy pants, I might practice that sort of stuff before I went on.

Just like if I went on Bake Off, I'd be spinning sugar all over the shop.

After seeing whatshischops, I think I could reach the final with my spag bol.


----------



## sheothebudworths (Apr 11, 2014)

Spag bol, encased in a sweet suet pastry and _boiled _


----------



## Looby (Apr 11, 2014)

sheothebudworths said:


> Spag bol, encased in a sweet suet pastry and _boiled _



Cor, yeah!


----------



## sheothebudworths (Apr 11, 2014)

....with a cardamom, caper, parmesan and toffee creme Anglaise


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 11, 2014)

Oh look, John Torode is making some Indian-style spiced food. But it's not niche when he does it, because he's a _chef_. And he's white, which means he can do effnic AND proper cooking.


----------



## wiskey (Apr 11, 2014)

I like Ping


----------



## wilbo 95 (Apr 11, 2014)

still wondering if Carl was for real, if he was that was nasty setting him up to fail.

And Jack is suspiciously good......but Ping looks strong as well.


----------



## wiskey (Apr 16, 2014)

Bleurgh fennel


----------



## BlueSquareThing (Apr 16, 2014)

Fennel's nice. When it's done well...


----------



## wiskey (Apr 16, 2014)

... Not my favourite flavour at all. 


Deep fried bubble and squeak however.....


----------



## BlueSquareThing (Apr 16, 2014)

Massive bubble and squeak burger thing!


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 16, 2014)

The "John cooks" bit seems like padding in the first elimination rounds.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 16, 2014)

Impressed by Luke so far. Is he the robotic engineer to trade? He's a bit mad scientist anyway, in a good way.


----------



## BlueSquareThing (Apr 16, 2014)

Yes, I think so. About the only one so far who's not tried to put too many things on each plate.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 16, 2014)

Ooh Luke is the first serious contender. I reckon song could be too


----------



## wayward bob (Apr 16, 2014)

luke to win. as long as he remembers to use the fork :groan:


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 17, 2014)

I think Luke might actually be a robot


----------



## Gromit (Apr 17, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> The "John cooks" bit seems like padding in the first elimination rounds.



Gregs arselicking during that round is pure padding. The poor script writings having to come up every week with a new line for Greg to say yummy its great. Not once has he said "not my cup if tea". Does he honestly luuuurve every possible thing John can imagine to cook during that segment? Or is he contractually obliged to like it?


----------



## trashpony (Apr 17, 2014)

trashpony said:


> Ooh Luke is the first serious contender. I reckon song could be too


Ping, not song! Bloody autocorrect


----------



## wilbo 95 (Apr 17, 2014)

Gromit said:


> Gregs arselicking during that round is pure padding. The poor script writings having to come up every week with a new line for Greg to say yummy its great. Not once has he said "not my cup if tea". Does he honestly luuuurve every possible thing John can imagine to cook during that segment? Or is he contractually obliged to like it?



mmmm, would love Gregg to look up just once and say "actually that's vile John" 
I do like to see torode cook though


----------



## wilbo 95 (Apr 17, 2014)

so it's chicken supreme  ping, suspiciously talented jack and Luke the robot so far.
thought they were REALLY hard on the woman who had lived in Thailand,prolly cause Greg didn't fancy her.


----------



## wtfftw (Apr 17, 2014)

May Kasahara said:


> I think Luke might actually be a robot


Bit worried he's going to blink a bit funny and need to reboot?


----------



## wtfftw (Apr 17, 2014)

I like Anna (ana?). I don't think she's going to win or anything but she said balls which made me laugh.


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 17, 2014)

Yes, and clearly wanted to say 'fuck'


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 17, 2014)

wayward bob said:


> luke to win. as long as he remembers to use the fork :groan:



Took me the best part of 24-hours to get that


----------



## colacubes (Apr 17, 2014)

Strong heat so far tonight


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 17, 2014)

colacubes said:


> Strong heat so far tonight



It is/was. I didn't know that crackling pig tails were a thing - I'd love to try them.


----------



## colacubes (Apr 17, 2014)

Oi QueenOfGoths are you watching?  The Cypriot fella (Theo/Leo - I was only half paying attention  ) looks like a young Dave Gahan


----------



## QueenOfGoths (Apr 17, 2014)

colacubes said:


> Oi QueenOfGoths are you watching?  The Cypriot fella (Theo/Leo - I was only half paying attention  ) looks like a young Dave Gahan


Really!! Is he wearing white 501's? He should


----------



## colacubes (Apr 17, 2014)

QueenOfGoths said:


> Really!! Is he wearing white 501's? He should



He has not been seen from the waist down so I cannot confirm this


----------



## barney_pig (Apr 17, 2014)

Take your bloody hat off!


----------



## N_igma (Apr 17, 2014)

Lamb and langoustine what the sweet suffering fuck I hope he's actually made this and tasted it because it sounds awful to me.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 17, 2014)

I'm glad Julie pulled her second fondants off. Phew.


----------



## Pickman's model (Apr 17, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> I'm glad Julie pulled her second fondants off. Phew.


she'll still go home though


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 17, 2014)

Pickman's model said:


> she'll still go home though



Aye, but glad she didn't have a complete disaster.


----------



## colacubes (Apr 17, 2014)

(((vibrant samphire)))


----------



## Santino (Apr 17, 2014)

Twat in a hat


----------



## Pickman's model (Apr 17, 2014)

Santino said:


> Twat in a hat


like the worst sort of hipster


----------



## Santino (Apr 17, 2014)

He's not even going bald.


----------



## BlueSquareThing (Apr 17, 2014)

Should be a straight forward quarter final then - difficult to see past Theo and Luke.


----------



## barney_pig (Apr 17, 2014)

That hat must stink


----------



## wtfftw (Apr 17, 2014)

Was probably his lucky hat


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 17, 2014)

I produced a truly sarcastic lol at John's invention presentation. 'That looks beautiful' fuck off! You would have cussed it out the door had any of the contestants served it up.


----------



## Hellsbells (Apr 18, 2014)

May Kasahara said:


> I produced a truly sarcastic lol at John's invention presentation. 'That looks beautiful' fuck off! You would have cussed it out the door had any of the contestants served it up.


yeah it looked rubbish - a right mess. John really annoys me - he's SO smug. The serious 'i'm a proper chef dont you know' look on his face while he was preparing that desert - urgh - and then he produces something most contestants could do way better!


----------



## barney_pig (Apr 18, 2014)

That chicken wasn't cooked. If a contestant  presented it they wouldn't have ate it.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 18, 2014)

The Luke-bot pulls out a calculator "Beep-boop, here is dish". But the best two went through I think.


----------



## madamv (Apr 18, 2014)

Luke's little happy face when Jay Rayner came in 

Best two went through for sure.. 

Quite fancy parsnip dauphinoise


----------



## Santino (Apr 18, 2014)

Hellsbells said:


> yeah it looked rubbish - a right mess. John really annoys me - he's SO smug. The serious 'i'm a proper chef dont you know' look on his face while he was preparing that desert - urgh - and then he produces something most contestants could do way better!


That's why it's so amusing that he's not allowed to do the Professional version. But Greg is.


----------



## BlueSquareThing (Apr 18, 2014)

barney_pig said:


> That chicken wasn't cooked. If a contestant  presented it they wouldn't have ate it.


Looked cooked to me - it had been poached first remember.


----------



## N_igma (Apr 19, 2014)

I've warmed to Jay Rayner this past while. I used to think he was smug and arrogant...well he still is but in a likeable way! Best two went through. I'll agree the look on John's face when serving that up fucking hell and the presentation? What presentation has anyone ever eaten at one of his restaurants?


----------



## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Apr 19, 2014)

Jay Rayner is alright IMO. He obviously knows he's got a ridiculously easy gig and has a sense of humour about it.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 19, 2014)

So far John has made:
soggy pastry
a really thin sauce for his upside down cake thing
undercooked chicken (probably) in a mushroom sauce that had split

I'm getting really cross. How fucking thick do they think their audience are?


----------



## strung out (Apr 19, 2014)

Monkeygrinder's Organ said:


> Jay Rayner is alright IMO. He obviously knows he's got a ridiculously easy gig and has a sense of humour about it.


And he posted here, so he must be alright...


----------



## spanglechick (Apr 19, 2014)

strung out said:


> And he posted here, so he must be alright...


Hmm - now we know *that* doesn't automatically follow.  Urban's full o' cunts.


----------



## spanglechick (Apr 19, 2014)

spanglechick said:


> Hmm - now we know *that* doesn't automatically follow.  Urban's full o' cunts.


I do quite like Jay Rayner, though.  Even though he practically barged me off the pavement on railton road once...  I also used to see him in the Lido gym.


----------



## Casual Observer (Apr 20, 2014)

Maybe one day John Torode will have a go at the invention test and Greg Wallace will say "This is crap, John. You've really let yourself and the show down with this muck."


----------



## wilbo 95 (Apr 22, 2014)

I miss Carl.


----------



## clicker (Apr 22, 2014)

No more 'foam' please...it akways looks like something you would step around at Hastings.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 23, 2014)

Edd's a cert, but I reckon there might be three go through tonight *phones William Hill*


----------



## barney_pig (Apr 23, 2014)

First she kills a cake now she has drowned some mash.


----------



## catinthehat (Apr 23, 2014)

I watch this in hope that Greg and John swap roles and Greg makes a pasty then all the contestants have to make Gregs Pasty.  That would make me laugh.


----------



## Mr Retro (Apr 23, 2014)

The carry on from Greg when somebody is late with their dish is ridiculous . You'd fucking think that somebody was drowning and waiting on a lifebelt. "Your 'FREE minutes late mate!!" 
I'm waiting for one of them to tell him some day "I know I am you wonky toothed slap head, I'm the cunt struggling to get it up "


----------



## colacubes (Apr 23, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> Edd's a cert, but I reckon there might be three go through tonight *phones William Hill*



I hope you did 

Edd had a shocker in the last round but his calling card saved him I reckon.


----------



## wiskey (Apr 23, 2014)

I really didn't get interested in that episode... I kept looking up and thinking 'what is going on now?'


----------



## Quartz (Apr 24, 2014)

colacubes said:


> I hope you did
> 
> Edd had a shocker in the last round but his calling card saved him I reckon.



He aced that and the invention test. 

I feel for Megan: she's clearly got talent, but she may be found lacking in skill and experience.


----------



## Quartz (Apr 24, 2014)

wiskey said:


> I really didn't get interested in that episode... I kept looking up and thinking 'what is going on now?'



You didn't spot that Shelagh was kept on for comedy disaster value?


----------



## wiskey (Apr 24, 2014)

Quartz said:


> You didn't spot that Shelagh was kept on for comedy disaster value?


I just really didn't care. 

And I don't know which one she is. 

Which considering I watched the whole hour is pretty poor.


----------



## Mr Retro (Apr 24, 2014)

So a "Welsh" curry, this should be good.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 24, 2014)

Excellent, Alex is a musician, and an amateur wrestler, and references Bilbo Baggins. I'm expecting munchy food here.


----------



## Mr Retro (Apr 24, 2014)

Deconstructed cheese cake with no cheese or sweetness. See ya David you useless cunt


----------



## spanglechick (Apr 24, 2014)

buttery biscuit base!


----------



## Mr Retro (Apr 24, 2014)

How dislikable is Sophie?


----------



## wiskey (Apr 24, 2014)

more figs


----------



## Mr Retro (Apr 24, 2014)

Goodbye Robin, despite a wonderfully large, square head, on which you could beat horseshoes, you were a very bad cook


----------



## wiskey (Apr 24, 2014)

Mr Retro said:


> How dislikable is Sophie?


I find her a bit vanilla


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 24, 2014)

I didn't find her particularly offensive.  I'd like to eat her food.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 24, 2014)

Mr Retro said:


> How dislikable is Sophie?



She seems alright to me, and her food looks well nice. I'm not sure what the guy who served up a steak and salad in the last round was thinking. What on earth was he doing for the other 40 minutes?


----------



## madamv (Apr 24, 2014)

Watching it on catch up but noticed that a woman served a bowl of fish and clams. 'Oh how delicious!' they exclaim. Yesterday when someone did that they moaned at her for not considering the diner.


----------



## gabi (Apr 25, 2014)

Mr Retro said:


> How dislikable is Sophie?



Was Sophie the massively botoxed fashion PR who referenced London Fashion Week three times in her intro?

If so, yes. hugely dislikable.

the casting process for this show must be fucking hilarious.


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 25, 2014)

No, that was Jenny from Wednesday's episode.

I thought Sophie was hilarious and quite likeable too.


----------



## gabi (Apr 25, 2014)

ok. im a day behind here. i shouldnt read this thread.

i do find it amusing though for urban. has to be the bitchiest thread on the site.


----------



## braindancer (Apr 25, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> She seems alright to me, and her food looks well nice. I'm not sure what the guy who served up a steak and salad in the last round was thinking. What on earth was he doing for the other 40 minutes?



Aye - and his dessert looked like the sort of thing I might knock up with the kids at the weekend....  poor show.


----------



## RedDragon (Apr 25, 2014)

I'm glad this is the last "Quarter Finals" round, the constant parade of oven fodder was becoming dull.


----------



## wiskey (Apr 25, 2014)

I'm intrigued by how many former 'finalists' have gone on to have restaurants and say 'it was off the back of masterchef', I know I'm not a foodie but I don't think it would really tempt me in if it said 'masterchef finalist' on the door, or even winner. It's just a TV cooking show.


----------



## astral (Apr 25, 2014)

wiskey said:


> I'm intrigued by how many former 'finalists' have gone on to have restaurants and say 'it was off the back of masterchef', I know I'm not a foodie but I don't think it would really tempt me in if it said 'masterchef finalist' on the door, or even winner. It's just a TV cooking show.



I don't know about that. I would really like to have Natalie from last year cook for me.  I would definitely go somewhere she was cooking.


----------



## RedDragon (Apr 25, 2014)

wiskey said:


> I'm intrigued by how many former 'finalists' have gone on to have restaurants and say 'it was off the back of masterchef', I know I'm not a foodie but I don't think it would really tempt me in if it said 'masterchef finalist' on the door, or even winner. It's just a TV cooking show.


Cheeper than having to go to catering collage for one's provenance .


----------



## wiskey (Apr 25, 2014)

astral said:


> I don't know about that. I would really like to have Natalie from last year cook for me.  I would definitely go somewhere she was cooking.



Ok yes, I think she might be the exception.


----------



## astral (Apr 25, 2014)

I suppose it's not just "off the back" of Masterchef, in the sense of having been on the show either is it? It's the people that they meet while they're on the show, the contacts they make and the doors that it opens for some of them to work in really good restaurants before they open their own.


----------



## Gromit (Apr 25, 2014)

wiskey said:


> I'm intrigued by how many former 'finalists' have gone on to have restaurants and say 'it was off the back of masterchef', I know I'm not a foodie but I don't think it would really tempt me in if it said 'masterchef finalist' on the door, or even winner. It's just a TV cooking show.



Its also good for obtaining startup investment. 

Here is my business plan and in the projections we expect more startup trade than usual as the local press will certainly publish that a masterchef celeb is opening a local restaurant etc.


----------



## Gromit (Apr 25, 2014)

astral said:


> I don't know about that. I would really like to have Natalie from last year cook for me.  I would definitely go somewhere she was cooking.



She's changed since winning.

She's put on loads of weight and now puts on a posher voice.

Now working / training in posh restaurants and having to taste test the food all the time explains the one (never trust a skinny chef) but not the other.


----------



## wiskey (Apr 25, 2014)

Gromit said:


> She's changed since winning.
> 
> She's put on loads of weight and now puts on a posher voice.



(((grandad)))


----------



## rekil (Apr 25, 2014)

Proper lol at that soldier. Masterchef hates your brave boys.


----------



## gosub (Apr 25, 2014)

wiskey said:


> I'm intrigued by how many former 'finalists' have gone on to have restaurants and say 'it was off the back of masterchef', I know I'm not a foodie but I don't think it would really tempt me in if it said 'masterchef finalist' on the door, or even winner. It's just a TV cooking show.



Not a bad hot housing though. You aren't going to to be doing the washing up in the fancy restaurants you do time in, unlike the rest of the catering industry working its way up from the bottom


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 25, 2014)

Gromit said:


> She's changed since winning.
> 
> She's put on loads of weight and now puts on a posher voice.
> 
> Now working / training in posh restaurants and having to taste test the food all the time explains the one (never trust a skinny chef) but not the other.


It explains both.
Jesus Christ why am I bothering to answer that


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 25, 2014)

What the fuck was that mess?
Can John Torode actually cook or is he a pretend chef?


----------



## wiskey (Apr 25, 2014)

I wouldn't want to eat that. And I wouldn't know where to start cooking it.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 25, 2014)

I wouldn't have a clue what to do with a whole crab.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 25, 2014)

Why the fuck would you give people raw crab for a palate test? Stupid


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 25, 2014)

She is being far more harsh than she usually is when they bring her in, it's making her look really silly.


----------



## wiskey (Apr 25, 2014)

Who is this woman?! She's nasty


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 25, 2014)

Def the weakest week so far, but I did feel a bit sorry for Megan, she's made consistently delicious stuff until the very last.


----------



## Quartz (Apr 25, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> Def the weakest week so far, but I did feel a bit sorry for Megan, she's made consistently delicious stuff until the very last.



As I said a while back:



Quartz said:


> I feel for Megan: she's clearly got talent, but she may be found lacking in skill and experience.



And so it has proved.


----------



## wilbo 95 (Apr 26, 2014)

crab dish far too advanced, but none of 
them had an excuse forwhat they served up to the critic(apart from sophie who looks solid but not same league as Luke or Jack


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 26, 2014)

wiskey said:


> Who is this woman?! She's nasty


She could have combed her hair

Masterchef seems to have taken a nasty turn


----------



## wilbo 95 (Apr 26, 2014)

don't think she was any nastier then the rest of the critics, just the food was poor.she wasn't particularly scathing really.


----------



## wilbo 95 (Apr 26, 2014)

that bloke that looks like he's eaten all the other critics,now he's scary!


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 26, 2014)

Peter Griffin?


----------



## Lo Siento. (Apr 26, 2014)

I'm amazed at how often they try to defy pretty iron-clad rules of cooking and then act surprised when it doesn't work. Like Megan with her fish and apple.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 26, 2014)

I'm surprised by how many think buying the most expensive cut of meat is the way to impress. Haven't they watched the show? Cook offal - kidneys, liver, heart, sweatmeats, tripe, black pudding, bone marrow. Doing good things with the cheap stuff - that's what impresses chefs.


----------



## Espresso (Apr 26, 2014)

trashpony said:


> Why the fuck would you give people raw crab for a palate test? Stupid



It must have been a cooked crab they got because you certainly cannot cook a crab in its shell from raw to finished by stir frying it in a wok. No way, no how.


----------



## Lo Siento. (Apr 26, 2014)

littlebabyjesus said:


> I'm surprised by how many think buying the most expensive cut of meat is the way to impress. Haven't they watched the show? Cook offal - kidneys, liver, heart, sweatmeats, tripe, black pudding, bone marrow. Doing good things with the cheap stuff - that's what impresses chefs.


Yeah, there's a lot of steak on this series. Reckon a lot of chefs would just say the best way to serve good steak is with rare with salt & pepper, tbh.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 26, 2014)

I wouldn't have a clue what to do with a crab. I would have recognised the gills as gills, I think, but I certainly wouldn't have known that the gills are poisonous.


----------



## Lo Siento. (Apr 26, 2014)

littlebabyjesus said:


> I wouldn't have a clue what to do with a crab. I would have recognised the gills as gills, I think, but I certainly wouldn't have known that the gills are poisonous.


Surely any sane home chef asks their fishmonger to prepare the crap for them? (not that I've ever cooked whole crab at home...)


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 26, 2014)

Lo Siento. said:


> Yeah, there's a lot of steak on this series. Reckon a lot of chefs would just say the best way to serve good steak is with rare with salt & pepper, tbh.


It's even more obvious on the professional version - the pros start salivating at the mere mention of offal.


----------



## Lo Siento. (Apr 26, 2014)

littlebabyjesus said:


> It's even more obvious on the professional version - the pros start salivating at the mere mention of offal.



I'm often confused at people's decision-making on masterchef. Like the number of shit sauces that get made, because the contestant clearly thinks it's an afterthought, when it's the main taste of the sodding dish. Or the number of plates with 6+ elements, for which you'll get no credit, but which increases exponentially the amount of work you have to do and increases the possibility of you fucking something up or putting something on the plate that doesn't belong. Or, the number of invention tests where they pick the savoury box.


----------



## killer b (Apr 26, 2014)

Lo Siento. said:


> Surely any sane home chef asks their fishmonger to prepare the crap for them? (not that I've ever cooked whole crab at home...)


having prepared a crab last week, I would say YES. Even with very specific directions and diagrams it was a fucking tedious & messy job, and what I ended up with was less than satisfactory.


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 26, 2014)

Lo Siento. said:


> I'm amazed at how often they try to defy pretty iron-clad rules of cooking and then act surprised when it doesn't work. Like Megan with her fish and apple.



I said last night that the MC kitchen should have a 'No Stairway' equivalent poster on the wall -  'No fish and apple'.


----------



## killer b (Apr 26, 2014)

is no fish & apple a rule then? sounds like a challenge to me.


----------



## Lo Siento. (Apr 26, 2014)

killer b said:


> having prepared a crab last week, I would say YES. Even with very specific directions and diagrams it was a fucking tedious & messy job, and what I ended up with was less than satisfactory.


All fishmongery and butchery is far better done by a pro who does it dozens of times a day. The only thing that would motivate me to do it myself would be if I wanted to be a chef, or if I wanted to go on masterchef.


----------



## Lo Siento. (Apr 26, 2014)

killer b said:


> is no fish & apple a rule then? sounds like a challenge to me.


See, this is what clearly happens on masterchef.

No fish and apple is a rule because they're tastes that go badly together.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 26, 2014)

Lo Siento. said:


> All fishmongery and butchery is far better done by a pro who does it dozens of times a day. The only thing that would motivate me to do it myself would be if I wanted to be a chef, or if I wanted to go on masterchef.


I agree. I went through a phase a few years ago when I wanted to do everything myself, so I'd say no when they asked if I wanted them to gut the fish. Which is just silly really - it's a messy job and if you get it wrong and leave bits in, they taste horrible.


----------



## killer b (Apr 26, 2014)

it was an extra pound or so for the crab to be dressed. IMO, worth every penny.


----------



## Lo Siento. (Apr 26, 2014)

littlebabyjesus said:


> I agree. I went through a phase a few years ago when I wanted to do everything myself, so I'd say no when they asked if I wanted them to gut the fish. Which is just silly really - it's a messy job and if you get it wrong and leave bits in, they taste horrible.


I suppose it is nice to learn a skill. But to get up to pro standard you have to be doing it 4/5 times a week for months on end...


----------



## Lo Siento. (Apr 26, 2014)

killer b said:


> it was an extra pound or so for the crab to be dressed. IMO, worth every penny.


Really? Must be bloody complicated then, cause fishmongers don't usually charge to dress stuff.


----------



## killer b (Apr 26, 2014)

it is bloody complicated!


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 26, 2014)

killer b said:


> it is bloody complicated!


Given that the gills are poisonous, isn't it a bit irresponsible for fishmongers to sell undressed crab. At the very least, I'd be warning people who didn't want it dressed  - see these bits here, they're poisonous. You can't take it for granted that city-folk won't be clueless twats who've got some strange idea into their heads that they ought to be doing everything themselves (((me)))!


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 26, 2014)

killer b said:


> it was an extra pound or so for the crab to be dressed. IMO, worth every penny.


I once made the mistake of ordering a spider crab in a restaurant and declined when they asked if I wanted it dressed. (I didn't know what it meant). They proceeded to bring out a load of napkins and a silver toolkit. They then advised me to take off my glasses and brought me the facehugger from Alien on a silver platter. It was delicious but hard work and so very very messy.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 26, 2014)

Orang Utan said:


> I once made the mistake of ordering a spider crab in a restaurant and declined when they asked if I wanted it dressed. (I didn't know what it meant). They proceeded to bring out a load of napkins and a silver toolkit. They then advised me to take off my glasses and brought me the facehugger from Alien on a silver platter. It was delicious but hard work and so very very messy.


Hmmm. I think they could have warned you what not being dressed meant! 

When faced with questions I don't really understand like that, I often just blurt out a random 'yes' or 'no' rather than ask what it all means.


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 26, 2014)

littlebabyjesus said:


> Hmmm. I think they could have warned you what not being dressed meant!
> 
> When faced with questions I don't really understand like that, I often just blurt out a random 'yes' or 'no' rather than ask what it all means.


That's exactly what happened. This was in Mumbai too and I'd just arrived in India, so I was a little confuzzled


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 26, 2014)

I want to eat crab in Baltimore. I saw them doing it in The Wire. They stand up at a big table and work at the crabs with little mallets and nutcracker things. And talk about good po-lice.


----------



## BlueSquareThing (Apr 26, 2014)

Lo Siento. said:


> Really? Much be bloody complicated then, cause fishmongers don't usually charge to dress stuff.


It's time consuming more than complicated.  And you generally end up with bits of shell in it if you're not careful. But once someone shows you how to do it it's OK.


----------



## wiskey (Apr 26, 2014)

Orang Utan said:


> I want to eat crab in Baltimore. I saw them doing it in The Wire. They stand up at a big table and work at the crabs with little mallets and nutcracker things. And talk about good po-lice.


My mate has pictures of him in a crab place in the states, everyone is wearing plastic aprons and there's no plates just a big wooden table and some tools.. And piles of bits of crab


----------



## wiskey (Apr 26, 2014)

I've never eaten crab.


----------



## FridgeMagnet (Apr 26, 2014)

Orang Utan said:


> I want to eat crab in Baltimore. I saw them doing it in The Wire. They stand up at a big table and work at the crabs with little mallets and nutcracker things. And talk about good po-lice.


That's the posh way of doing it. If you buy crabs from a stand you pull them apart with your fingers. I have found myself quite embarrassed by not having a clue how to do this and sitting there with a dead crustacean while my girlfriend splits apart half a dozen saying "it's easy, now all you do is stick your thumb behind its face".


----------



## nagapie (Apr 26, 2014)

wiskey said:


> I've never eaten crab.



It's delicious. 

Just watched the last episode, the judges all got really nasty, must be the Kate Spicer effect.


----------



## wilbo 95 (Apr 29, 2014)

Kate Spicer, interesting woman. mission to Lars anyone?
Ireckon all the quarter finalists should be given a fish and Apple invention test.

btw, sweet or savoury?

 I would pick the savoury box every time, wouldn't know where to begin with puddings.


----------



## strung out (Apr 29, 2014)

If you know how to make decent pastry or cake mix, then the sweet box should be a piece of piss.


----------



## fen_boy (Apr 30, 2014)

Crab gills aren't poisonous, but they taste like shit.

And they're easy to spot. They're the bit in a crab that doesn't look like food.

Sometimes I wonder how you lot survive in the real world.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 30, 2014)

fen_boy said:


> Crab gills aren't poisonous, but they taste like shit.
> 
> And they're easy to spot. They're the bit in a crab that doesn't look like food.
> 
> Sometimes I wonder how you lot survive in the real world.


Real world = knowing how to prepare a crab?


----------



## colacubes (Apr 30, 2014)

trashpony said:


> Real world = knowing how to prepare a crab?



Innit   The only crab I now how to prepare is the sort you get from a jar and spread on toast


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 30, 2014)

trashpony said:


> Real world = knowing how to prepare a crab?


After catching it with your bare hands...


----------



## trashpony (Apr 30, 2014)

colacubes said:


> Innit   The only crab I now how to prepare is the sort you get from a jar and spread on toast


I'm allergic to most shellfish so I've never even done that. Crabsticks (not made from crab) is the closest I've got


----------



## colacubes (Apr 30, 2014)

trashpony said:


> I'm allergic to most shellfish so I've never even done that. Crabsticks (not made from crab) is the closest I've got



I think they have to be called "Seafood Sticks" these days due to the lack of crab.  Political correctness gone mad it is


----------



## fen_boy (Apr 30, 2014)

Come the zombie apocalypse I shall be replete with all manner of seafood I have caught and prepared myself at my fortified Norfolk seaside retreat, while the Urban folk will be left to rely on wildly bashing vermin with rocks for their wretched sustenance.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 30, 2014)

fen_boy said:


> Come the zombie apocalypse I shall be replete with all manner of seafood I have caught and prepared myself at my fortified Norfolk seaside retreat, while the Urban folk will be left to rely on wildly bashing vermin with rocks for their wretched sustenance.


I've got my eye on a very plump looking blackbird I can see outside


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 30, 2014)

*eyes up urban foxes*


----------



## killer b (Apr 30, 2014)

colacubes said:


> I think they have to be called "Seafood Sticks" these days due to the lack of crab.  Political correctness gone mad it is


 not even that. 'ocean sticks'.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 30, 2014)

reformed marine matter


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 30, 2014)

trashpony said:


> Real world = knowing how to prepare a crab?


This is how I like to dress a crab:


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 30, 2014)

I really like Ping, I think she's brilliant.


----------



## N_igma (Apr 30, 2014)

I hate the restaurant episodes. I know they're designed to show them progressing from kitchen cooks to budding chefs but fuck are they boring.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 30, 2014)

N_igma said:


> I hate the restaurant episodes. I know they're designed to show them progressing from kitchen cooks to budding chefs but fuck are they boring.



I like them, even find them a bit stressful to watch at times.


----------



## Espresso (Apr 30, 2014)

Ping is ace.
Also, I see my ridiculously long-held lust for Marcus Wareing has not abated one little bit.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 30, 2014)

I'm behind so not reading but fucking Greg just paraphrasing the expert witness every week is really getting on my tits


----------



## N_igma (Apr 30, 2014)

trashpony said:


> I'm behind so not reading but fucking Greg just paraphrasing the expert witness every week is really getting on my tits



Surprising really the man's got years of experience selling veggies on market stalls....


----------



## Espresso (Apr 30, 2014)

trashpony said:


> I'm behind so not reading but fucking Greg just paraphrasing the expert witness every week is really getting on my tits



It's more obvious than that that he knows bugger all when they have the critics/former finalists and winners in a separate room eating whatever's been prepared and John and Gregg are eating it in the kitchen. 
The guests might say something like "This is far too salty" and Mr Pudding says "That seasoning's bang on" 
I think whoever edits it likes to show him up.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 30, 2014)

N_igma said:


> I hate the restaurant episodes. I know they're designed to show them progressing from kitchen cooks to budding chefs but fuck are they boring.


I agree with you. They're definitely more for their benefit than the viewers


Espresso said:


> Also, I see my ridiculously long-held lust for Marcus Wareing has not abated one little bit.


Oh yes


----------



## colacubes (Apr 30, 2014)

Gutted.  Young Dave Gahan is out


----------



## strung out (Apr 30, 2014)

I reckon they're grooming Marcus Wareing to be the new judge of Masterchef Professionals, given Michel Roux Jr's departure.


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 30, 2014)

colacubes said:


> Gutted.  Young Dave Gahan is out



We were sad to see him go as well; as Mr K said, 'I bet at least 80% of people we know have accepted a drink from that bloke's water bottle at some point in the past' 

I reckon Marcus Wareing and the two stooges smoked a big fat joint before commencing that round of judging. He was a right cunt to everyone last series and now all of a sudden he's nice as pie three ways


----------



## colacubes (Apr 30, 2014)

May Kasahara said:


> We were sad to see him go as well; as *Mr K said, 'I bet at least 80% of people we know have accepted a drink from that bloke's water bottle at some point in the past' *
> 
> I reckon Marcus Wareing and the two stooges smoked a big fat joint before commencing that round of judging. He was a right cunt to everyone last series and now all of a sudden he's nice as pie three ways



Mr K knows


----------



## Plumdaff (May 1, 2014)

I will never stop finding Greg's hat hilarious. 

(I'm also very sad that Theo left)


----------



## trashpony (May 1, 2014)

I have the same top as Sophie


----------



## wayward bob (May 1, 2014)

May Kasahara said:


> I reckon Marcus Wareing and the two stooges smoked a big fat joint before commencing that round of judging. He was a right cunt to everyone last series and now all of a sudden he's nice as pie three ways



he's been freakily unharsh on the great british menu this week too, either he's trying to reposition his public image or he's recently fallen in love


----------



## trashpony (May 1, 2014)

wayward bob said:


> he's been freakily unharsh on the great british menu this week too, either he's trying to reposition his public image or he's recently fallen in love


With me


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 1, 2014)

The Luke-bot appears to be malfunctioning


----------



## trashpony (May 1, 2014)

Robert's tongue gives me the creeps


----------



## Quartz (May 1, 2014)

I'm surprised they didn't send more than one home.


----------



## gabi (May 2, 2014)

Sad to see the Greek dude go, but they're all shit really aren't they? Poor series this year. Looking forward to the professionals one.

And I'd love to see the cunt in the glasses do some cooking at some point himself. What are his qualifications for being on this show. No idea who the Aussie is either but apparently he's a cook at least.

Still, good tv, by current bbc standards. And that says more about the beeb than quality of this shit.


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 3, 2014)

not surprising Marcus w was grumpy, he got given one decent plate out of the lot of them.
sad to see Danny go,he LOVED the pro kitchen ,but Theo was out of his depth.
ping looking strong, Jack is faking being crap and the Luke bot was reprogrammed just in time.


----------



## madamv (May 4, 2014)

Loved them bering in (past winner forgot his name)s kitchen .   Ping doing good stuff and learning too.  Hoping she's the winner so fa


----------



## zora (May 5, 2014)

Just caught up and, ooh, semi-finals this week, my favourite week with the mass-catering task and the fine dining in a castle task. Excite!


----------



## RareBird (May 7, 2014)

Robert ftw!


----------



## Dan U (May 7, 2014)

Wtf kind of job is Lindy Hop Teacher  

Hope he wins though.


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 7, 2014)

the Luke bot is overheating ....


----------



## RareBird (May 7, 2014)

Oh Well!


----------



## Dan U (May 7, 2014)

Jinxed him


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 7, 2014)

Ping is making all this seem effortless, including running the kitchen, very impressive. I'm pleased they gave the Luke-bot another chance, but he's one more semi-failed experiment away from getting deactivated I think. I'm surprised they kept Michael though.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 7, 2014)

Who was the billy-big-baws in the Eastenders crew who was moaning about the temperature of the parsnips and everything else? What a twat.


----------



## strung out (May 7, 2014)

Danny Dyer? He's a hard man, you wouldn't want to cross him.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 7, 2014)

strung out said:


> Danny Dyer? He's a hard man, you wouldn't want to cross him.



Seriously, that was Danny Dyer?


----------



## Orangesanlemons (May 8, 2014)

Really not getting the love for Robert on here. Looked to me like he was merrily sabotaging the Eastenders task by taking his own sweet time with everything - 'Not my fault mate, I'm not in charge'.

And his pompous bio: 'Oh hey Robert, so you're a dance teacher, cool!'. 'No pal, I'm a FUCKING LINDY-HOP instructor. And don't forget it, ok?' I'll look like a right knob-head if you call me a dance teacher.' 

Anyway, Ping to win. Obviously. She's awesome & nails.


----------



## Me76 (May 8, 2014)

Totally agree about Robert in Albert square. The amount of times people were saying we new to get a move on or someone could do that and he was just standing like a lemon.


----------



## ruffneck23 (May 8, 2014)

I liked Robert at the start of the series, but he ended up looking and acting like a twat, and looked lost in the Enders challenge ( accidentally on purpose , perhaps ? )

I like the rest of them, but Ping really does deserve it, with Jack close second (so far )


----------



## mack (May 8, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> Seriously, that was Danny Dyer?



Genuine cockney hard nut..



Ping to win


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 8, 2014)

Robert did for himself in the end, wtf was that anyway? Angela and Luke weren't much better mind, Iwould have kept Robert cause he's different,I kept forgetting Michael was there.
ping by a mile so far,the boys love her as well.


----------



## colacubes (May 8, 2014)

Ping ftw.  I'm hungry now


----------



## wiskey (May 8, 2014)

I've caught up.  It did seem like the dancing man just gave up on the eastenders challenge. 

Be surprised if Ping doesn't win unless she really screws up.


----------



## madamv (May 8, 2014)

I'm not caught up but thought I'd read the thread anyway...

I notice the other day Greg asking ping where she saw this going... I wonder if they were sizing her up for the win.  She's a young family doesn't she?  Maybe worried about picking a winner who only did it for the lols...?  Dunno, maybe not...

Looking forward to seeing lindy hop make a tit of himself as I thought him arrogant before.  'how dare you not like my cooking' face. 

I would like to see ping or robot win. Will try to catch up later , although I dont watch eastenders and can't stand dyer....


----------



## Santino (May 8, 2014)

Terry Deary, you library-hating cunt.


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 8, 2014)

the bot has overheated, AGAIN


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 8, 2014)

goat cheese yeuuuurrgh
ping ruling again


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 8, 2014)

nice from Jack,good lad


----------



## purenarcotic (May 8, 2014)

I can't lie, I'd love a good old cock up at some point.  Everything has been flawless so far.  Please cock up dessert.


----------



## Santino (May 8, 2014)

Deary: 'I'm a food philistine'

You're a philistine full fucking stop, you grasping cunt.


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 8, 2014)

good test  not seen this one... should sort them out...


----------



## strung out (May 8, 2014)

Santino said:


> Deary: 'I'm a food philistine'
> 
> You're a philistine full fucking stop, you grasping cunt.


Fuck yes. What an absolute piss wizard.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 8, 2014)

OH GOD don't tell me the Horrible Histories guy is a terrible person? 

Anyway, about Masterchef, they all done good at the castle I think. I liked how the pro chefs were quietly supportive of the contestants, just swooping in when needed to avoid disaster.


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 8, 2014)

Angela.... it's amess she's learned nothing


----------



## Orang Utan (May 8, 2014)

Deary is a vile selfish greedy pill


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 8, 2014)

wow indeed,that broth looked amazing


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 8, 2014)

well done all


----------



## Santino (May 8, 2014)

wilbo 95 said:


> well done all


Except Terry Deary.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 8, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> OH GOD don't tell me the Horrible Histories guy is a terrible person?



After post-show Googling let me just say "Blimey"


----------



## trashpony (May 8, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> After post-show Googling let me just say "Blimey"


I always feel really shitty telling people what an utter cock stain he is. It's like telling people their uncle sells crack from his allotment shed


----------



## Orang Utan (May 8, 2014)

He never struck me as a particularly pleasant or charismatic person


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 9, 2014)

Ping's going to have to serve up some sort of potato/apple/boot polish combo to not win this.


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 9, 2014)

Michael you are the weakest link....

apart from suggesting that libraries may have had their day, why the hate for Mr Deary btw?? Am i missing something?


----------



## Santino (May 9, 2014)

wilbo 95 said:


> Michael you are the weakest link....
> 
> apart from suggesting that libraries may have had their day, why the hate for Mr Deary btw?? Am i missing something?


"If I sold the book I'd get 30p per book. I get six grand... I should be getting £180,000."


----------



## spanglechick (May 9, 2014)

wilbo 95 said:


> Michael you are the weakest link....
> 
> apart from suggesting that libraries may have had their day, why the hate for Mr Deary btw?? Am i missing something?


he also thinks kids should leave school at 11 and get jobs.  But it's all right - not down mines or anything.  He thinks they could do things with computers.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 9, 2014)

He says stuff like this every time he has a new book out


----------



## Orang Utan (May 9, 2014)

Shut down libraries and give the poor free e-readers. That's the solution. Buy my book


----------



## littlebabyjesus (May 9, 2014)

wilbo 95 said:


> Michael you are the weakest link....
> 
> apart from suggesting that libraries may have had their day, why the hate for Mr Deary btw?? Am i missing something?


Wot Santino said. 

It's not just that he's anti-library. He's only anti-library because he thinks libraries don't pay him enough for his books. He has made tons of money out of the Horrible History books, where many writers of non-fiction for children don't even have royalty deals. For them, the money from Public Lending Rights is a welcome supplement to a pretty meagre living. Dreary got lucky and wants to fuck everyone who has been less lucky than him so that he can have an even bigger slice of the pie. He's a greedy, grasping cunt who doesn't give two shits about other authors, the children who read his books, or anything else that might get in the way of him becoming even richer than he has already become for the rather modest achievement of writing those quite simple books.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (May 10, 2014)

...and breathe. Just caught up with my fix of masterchef. Ping's to lose, obv.


----------



## Orangesanlemons (May 10, 2014)

If I was presented with three halves of a scotch egg, I would be a little  quite frankly, even if they _were_ quail's eggs.


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 10, 2014)

Orangesanlemons said:


> If I was presented with three halves of a scotch egg, I would be a little  quite frankly, even if they _were_ quail's eggs.



mmm, gotta say i would have loved to have tried one of they eggs....


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 13, 2014)

So.... Ping to win it with a Kipper and strawberry / garlic bread combo?


----------



## billy_bob (May 13, 2014)

trashpony said:


> I always feel really shitty telling people what an utter cock stain he is. It's like telling people their uncle sells crack from his allotment shed



I know something about his opinions that makes the rest of it sound about as bad as advocating birthday presents for cats.

Sadly, not in the public domain


----------



## Orang Utan (May 13, 2014)

PM! PLEASE!


----------



## purenarcotic (May 13, 2014)

Orang Utan said:


> PM! PLEASE!



This please billy_bob


----------



## billy_bob (May 13, 2014)

No! I'm not just trying to sound interesting (I'd choose a more interesting public figure if I was...) but it's really not in my interests to go into it.

Just trust me, if you still like him, you should definitely consider stopping.


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 13, 2014)

billy_bob said:


> No! I'm not just trying to sound interesting (I'd choose a more interesting public figure if I was...) but it's really not in my interests to go into it.
> 
> Just trust me, if you still like him, you should definitely consider stopping.



 i'll play, is he by any chance to the right of Genghis Khan, politically speaking?


----------



## littlebabyjesus (May 14, 2014)

Doubt it would be that surprising tbh. Dreary's attitude towards libraries is indicative of a whole load of other nasty attitudes.


----------



## Hellsbells (May 14, 2014)

when's the final? It's on tonight right? Is the final Friday?


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 14, 2014)

Hellsbells said:


> when's the final? It's on tonight right? Is the final Friday?



Yep, three more episodes to go with the final on Friday. Looks like the times have changed, it starts at 9 tonight.


----------



## wiskey (May 14, 2014)

I hope robot-man does well tonight


----------



## Espresso (May 14, 2014)

Whenever you see Tom Kerridge on a cookery show he seems all very smiley and lovely. Hope we don't see him in his own kitchen being all mad bastard shouty chef and shattering all my illusions of being a lovely lad.


----------



## Cribynkle (May 14, 2014)

I quite like the fact that this year I just have to put one piece of tortellini in my dish for it to be bang on trend


----------



## FiFi (May 14, 2014)

Espresso said:


> Whenever you see Tom Kerridge on a cookery show he seems all very smiley and lovely. Hope we don't see him in his own kitchen being all mad bastard shouty chef and shattering all my illusions of being a lovely lad.


When contestants were in his kitchen a year or so ago he was lovely to them, unlike ALL other professional chefs that series. 
So maybe he isn't a shouty bastard irl.


----------



## purenarcotic (May 14, 2014)

Espresso said:


> Whenever you see Tom Kerridge on a cookery show he seems all very smiley and lovely. Hope we don't see him in his own kitchen being all mad bastard shouty chef and shattering all my illusions of being a lovely lad.



Last year he was on the Professionals series and he was lovely to them, really encouraging, unlike most of the other chefs who just made themselves look like complete cunts.


----------



## Espresso (May 14, 2014)

It's official then,Tom Kerridge *is *lovely. Hurray!


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 14, 2014)

Tom Kerridge yay! I like all four of these finalists, they are all obviously very talented, and seem cool too.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 14, 2014)

What a good sport! Love her attitude


----------



## purenarcotic (May 14, 2014)

Surely this is Ping's to lose.


----------



## Gromit (May 14, 2014)

purenarcotic said:


> Surely this is Ping's to lose.



I think Ping may have played her trump card (planned final dish) early out of panic that she had blown it and needed to make sure that she got through. 

I hope she has a few more up her sleeves though.


----------



## Hellsbells (May 15, 2014)

What nice people. I love Ping. Although I'm not always that convinced by her food. Liver soup  I also don't really think her presentation was spectacular/magical or whatever other ridiculous words the judges used last night. One of her dishes just looked like some sloshy risotto with green stuff plonked next to it. I thought the other woman's dish looked much nicer & more like something I'd want to eat.

ALSO - that restaurant task - it seemed to me that dishes were at different difficulty levels so hardly fair 

What was the tortellini round about? I went to make a cup of tea and when I got back they were already serving up! Thought I was just going to miss the judges rambling on for 5 mins


----------



## Quartz (May 15, 2014)

I've gone off Ping. She plays the 'my mother's recipe' card too often, yet Greg and John fall for it every time. They should retort, "We want something that's yours, not your mother's." I also agree with her presentation - I think it's the novelty of it that gets them hooked.

But I expect many Chinese restaurants will be doing that pork and liver soup very soon.


----------



## Gromit (May 15, 2014)

Hellsbells said:


> What nice people. I love Ping. Although I'm not always that convinced by her food. Liver soup  I also don't really think her presentation was spectacular/magical or whatever other ridiculous words the judges used last night. One of her dishes just looked like some sloshy risotto with green stuff plonked next to it. I thought the other woman's dish looked much nicer & more like something I'd want to eat.



Sometimes I think the judges are inconsistent. As asian dishes are often served with lots of different shit they never say that it is too much on one plate etc. etc. She basically served a banquet and not a dish.

Soup
and chicken
and rice
and sloshy stuff with green stuff 
and there was something else wasn't there?

All it needed was a desert as well and it was a full three course meal.


----------



## ruffneck23 (May 15, 2014)

I think last night was ping's weakest, but she has been consistenly excellent so they had to let her through.

I got a feeling Jack is going to steal it


----------



## Gromit (May 15, 2014)

ruffneck23 said:


> I think last night was ping's weakest, but she has been consistenly excellent so they had to let her through.
> 
> I got a feeling Jack is going to steal it



One good thing to say about her soup though. Usually because of the liver this dish is quite often an unappetising grey colour. Her's looked a quite appealing colour in comparison.


----------



## braindancer (May 15, 2014)

ruffneck23 said:


> I got a feeling Jack is going to steal it



I'm with you - he gets better and better each week...


----------



## Orang Utan (May 15, 2014)

Why has no one invented Taste-o-vision yet?
We can only rely on two greedy men's word on the quality of these dishes


----------



## Gromit (May 15, 2014)

ruffneck23 said:


> I got a feeling Jack is going to steal it



When i first saw Luke I thought he stood a very good chance if he could keep coming up with successful inventions, but then he went off the boil.
Then I thought Jack would get to the final but not win but be a star of the future after getting some professional training and experience. 
Then I thought Ping was a defo going to win.

Now I'm with you. If he can manage not to cock up the final final test its in the bag for Jack. He is dream PR material which they will always prefer. A nice looking mugshot for the cover of the Masterchef winner's official BBC book.


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

I'm glad Angela's out because there's only so much crying I can watch.


----------



## ruffneck23 (May 15, 2014)

I thought she was quite sweet, but knew she wouldnt go through, too much panic


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

I really want Ping to win. She seems to behave like a pro already. There's no doubt about whether she could cut it or not. Luke never manages to cook anything in a proper kitchen with out forgetting to turn the oven on, turning the hob off, or putting the main ingredient in so there's no way he'll win.

Jack is the other contender. I think Ping will scrape it.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 15, 2014)

Favelado said:


> I really want Ping to win. She seems to behave like a pro already. There's no doubt about whether she could cut it or not


which is doubtless why she cooked off last night


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

Pickman's model said:


> which is doubtless why she cooked off last night



Regardless of whether she wins the competition or not, she can turn the kitchen equipment on and off at the right time. That's more than one of the finalists can.

She seems to be brilliant under pressure. That's why I think she'd be the best one to back in a professional kitchen. Luke would be forever leaving the top of the blender and causing gazpacho tsunami, and Angela would over-season everything with her tears.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 15, 2014)

Favelado said:


> I really want Ping to win. She seems to behave like a pro already. There's no doubt about whether she could cut it or not. Luke never manages to cook anything in a proper kitchen with out forgetting to turn the oven on, turning the hob off, or putting the main ingredient in so there's no way he'll win.
> 
> Jack is the other contender. I think Ping will scrape it.


he didn't seem to forget anything cooking for kerridge.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 15, 2014)

Favelado said:


> Regardless of whether she wins the competition or not, she can turn the kitchen equipment on and off at the right time. That's more than one of the finalists can.
> 
> She seems to be brilliant under pressure. That's why I think she'd be the best one to back in a professional kitchen. Luke would be forever leaving the top of the blender and causing gazpacho tsunami, and Angela would over-season everything with her tears.


you may not have noticed that if you leave the top off a blender it doesn't send food flying. they don't work with the tops off. angela is no longer in the competitition.


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

Pickman's model said:


> he didn't seem to forget anything cooking for kerridge.



Something boiled over didn't it? He had to start a sauce again.



Pickman's model said:


> you may not have noticed that if you leave the top off a blender it doesn't send food flying. they don't work with the tops off. angela is no longer in the competitition.



It depends. I worked in a place where people completely decorated the walls with iced coffee on occasion, after forgetting to put the lid on. Unless you were there and can remember it happening differently.


----------



## Gromit (May 15, 2014)

Favelado said:


> Luke never manages to cook anything in a proper kitchen with out forgetting to turn the oven on,



Are you referring to the Eastenders episode?

That was manufactured drama. Someone from the production crew will have turned the oven off.
If you watch when he opens the oven to put his food in there is a visible flame inside the oven, then all of a sudden hey the oven isn't on, whats happening? But its noticed in time so that it will still cook on time. Yeah right. Like who checks the oven once its all set and you have shed load of other things to do. Someone prompted him to check it.


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

Gromit said:


> Are you referring to the Eastenders episode?
> 
> That was manufactured drama. Someone from the production crew will have turned the oven off.
> If you watch when he opens the oven to put his food in there is a visible flame inside the oven, then all of a sudden hey the oven isn't on, whats happening? Yeah right.



Prankster runners being employed to operate as mischievious little gremlins. Such dirty tricks!


----------



## Pickman's model (May 15, 2014)

Favelado said:


> Something boiled over didn't it? He had to start a sauce again.


what are you saying he forgot? as he said, he wasn't used to using an induction hob and hadn't been ready for how fast it worked. a very different thing from what you've claimed.





> It depends. I worked in a place where people completely decorated the walls with iced coffee on occasion, after forgetting to put the lid on. Unless you were there and can remember it happening differently.


yes. but have you seen such a thing happen to a FOOD blender? they need the top on to work, as you'd expect with a sharp blade whirling round very fucking fast. while it's possible to get it to work (with a magnet) it's unlikely a chef would pull such a stunt.


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

Pickman's model said:


> what are you saying he forgot? as he said, he wasn't used to using an induction hob and hadn't been ready for how fast it worked. a very different thing from what you've claimed.



He forgot to keep an eye on the sauce to stop it boiling over. He's forgetful in general.


"yes. but have you seen such a thing happen to a FOOD blender? they need the top on to work, as you'd expect with a sharp blade whirling round very fucking fast. while it's possible to get it to work (with a magnet) it's unlikely a chef would pull such a stunt."

Yeah, there are types of food and multi-purpose blenders that work with the top off. I've only used a hand blender at home but at work I've seen a few that will go without a top on.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 15, 2014)

Favelado said:


> He forgot to keep an eye on the sauce to stop it boiling over. He's forgetful in general.
> 
> 
> "yes. but have you seen such a thing happen to a FOOD blender? they need the top on to work, as you'd expect with a sharp blade whirling round very fucking fast. while it's possible to get it to work (with a magnet) it's unlikely a chef would pull such a stunt."
> ...


you put your money on ping, but i think it's going to be jack or luke.


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

How much more ravioli and tortellini can the judges stand?


----------



## wiskey (May 15, 2014)

I hope it's not The Graduate... He's a bit irritating.


----------



## souljacker (May 15, 2014)

Why do the customers always refer to the food as 'my dish' in the restaurant challenges? Its Tom Kerridges dish, not yours. Thats why he's got 2 michelin stars and you have to spend your time sucking up to the bald twat? Speaking of the bald twat, one year they should stick him away on his own when he's judging so we can hear how useless he is. Greg: That is divine, I looooove that, the smoky chicken, the hint of banana blah blah. John: Actually, it tastes of sick and there isn't any banana or chicken in it.

Jack to win though. I think Ping blew it with the tuiles and the chicken last night and robot boy is a knob.


----------



## Gromit (May 15, 2014)

souljacker said:


> John: Actually, it tastes of sick and there isn't any banana or chicken in it.



Thats happened a couple of times this seasons when Greg answers first and then he stands by his opinion and says how they have divided the judges. Its very rare that John goes first and Greg says I disagree, but it does happen.


----------



## billy_bob (May 15, 2014)

wiskey said:


> I hope it's not The Graduate... He's a bit irritating.



I'd settle for annoying.  With annoying, at least you can shout at the telly in outrage.  Jack's too bland to merit that.  If he wins, I may _just _manage to raise my voice for 'meh'.

Hope it's Luke.  And also that his delirious energy is real, not amphetamine.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 15, 2014)

So, tonight they're off to Barcelona. Reckon it'll be all that molecular gastronomy malarkey?


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> So, tonight they're off to Barcelona. Reckon it'll be all that molecular gastronomy malarkey?



If they end up meeting Ferran Adria it will be. El Cellar de Can Roca is like that too I think. The latter's in Girona though. "La Boqueria" will end up making an appearance as "The best food market in the world" again, despite being a bit shit.


----------



## wiskey (May 15, 2014)

Blimey, Ping is two years younger than me.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 15, 2014)

Favelado said:


> If they end up meeting Ferran Adria it will be.



They're going to be cooking for him


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

Tapas was brought to Catalonia in the '50s by Andalusian immigrants so I don't know what they're on about now.


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> They're going to be cooking for him



That is daunting.


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

They're all playing it a bit safe today.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 15, 2014)

"They created El Bulli's last ever cake: a metre-high sugar bulldog" hahaha


----------



## tufty79 (May 15, 2014)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> "They created El Bulli's last ever cake: a metre-high sugar bulldog" hahaha


made me proper cackle


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

I would make an icing water-pistol that fired strawberry sauce into the mouth of the judge. Cheap gimmicks ftw!


----------



## wiskey (May 15, 2014)

Both deserts have been really impressive. I was quite taken with the plant pot.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 15, 2014)

Those sugar sculptures of the contestants are fecking adorable


----------



## Pickman's model (May 15, 2014)

bet you're fucked off now, Favelado, with luke's dish getting high praise.


----------



## wiskey (May 15, 2014)

They all look the same


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 15, 2014)

wiskey said:


> They all look the same



The hair was different


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

Pickman's model said:


> bet you're fucked off now, Favelado, with luke's dish getting high praise.



None of the contestants are wankers, so there's no hate figure. I am really rooting for Ping though. Luke's dishes swing from disaster to triumph. He should do well today because it's risk-taking they want.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 15, 2014)

Stanley Edwards should see this deconstructed potato omelette


----------



## Biddlybee (May 15, 2014)

Is air the new foam?


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

Luke has foamy ejaculate in his hair after a good wrist-shaking.


----------



## purenarcotic (May 15, 2014)

Hah, Ping's face.


----------



## purenarcotic (May 15, 2014)

Also, these 'airs' look suspiciously like foams.


----------



## trashpony (May 15, 2014)

What's the difference between air and foam? I'm not sure if Ping didn't have the edge over Jack today. She's a lot more fun. He's good but he's a bit one dimensional

ION I've realised that I've started posting in the same way my mum writes emails. Short staccato sentences. Like every word costs.


----------



## sleaterkinney (May 15, 2014)

Favelado said:


> None of the contestants are wankers, so there's no hate figure. I am really rooting for Ping though. Luke's dishes swing from disaster to triumph. He should do well today because it's risk-taking they want.


Luke just irritates me though, it's that stupid grin.


----------



## foamy (May 15, 2014)

Favelado said:


> Luke has foamy ejaculate in his hair after a good wrist-shaking.


Sorry 




I think Ping should win


----------



## Pickman's model (May 15, 2014)

purenarcotic said:


> Also, these 'airs' look suspiciously like foams.


yeh i thought that too but the true gourmet can tell the difference


----------



## purenarcotic (May 15, 2014)

Pickman's model said:


> yeh i thought that too but the true gourmet can tell the difference



(((our uncultured palates)))


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (May 15, 2014)

trashpony said:


> What's the difference between air and foam?


Well if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you...


----------



## trashpony (May 15, 2014)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> Well if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you...


----------



## Pickman's model (May 15, 2014)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> Well if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you...


froth


----------



## Thora (May 15, 2014)

I still can't tell the difference between a smear and a swipe, but it seems they're yesterday's news anyway.


----------



## Favelado (May 15, 2014)

Thora said:


> I still can't tell the difference between a smear and a swipe, but it seems they're yesterday's news anyway.



If only there was some kind of smear test.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (May 16, 2014)

Between Jack and Ping now, I think. Luke's a little below them, and the judges were a little _polite_ about his deconstructed moussaka, which looked like a terrible idea, tbh. None of them commented on the aubergine at all - it wasn't lovely or melty or anything; they just said how nice the meat was.

Spanish chefs were really lovely. Nice touch with the sugar figures. You can fake enthusiasm and friendliness, but you can't fake effort.

Thing about deconstruction. It's fine taking something apart, but you have to then build something new in its place. That's what the omelette thing was - a new construction made from the pieces of the deconstruction. Luke's thing failed to build something new out of the pieces - it just presented a bunch of pieces.


----------



## Orangesanlemons (May 16, 2014)

wiskey said:


> They all look the same



_Ping's had slanty eyes_


----------



## wiskey (May 16, 2014)

Orangesanlemons said:


> _Ping's had slanty eyes_


Oh dear


----------



## Gromit (May 16, 2014)

trashpony said:


> What's the difference between air and foam?



Air. Is like making bubbles by blowing through a straw into fairy liquid soaked water and skimming off the bubbles. 

Foam. Placed in a soda syphon and carbonated. Denser.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 16, 2014)

Orangesanlemons said:


> _Ping's had slanty eyes_


Wtf?


----------



## Gromit (May 16, 2014)

littlebabyjesus said:


> Between Jack and Ping now, I think. Luke's a little below them, and the judges were a little _polite_ about his deconstructed moussaka, which looked like a terrible idea, tbh. None of them commented on the aubergine at all - it wasn't lovely or melty or anything; they just said how nice the meat was.



They were lovely people. They just want people to play with food and aren't going to be in any way discouraging to anyone who tries. which is sweet of them. But yeah as a deconstruction it failed dismally. I very much doubt it combined well to taste like mousaka.

What i was happy about was that they understand something John and Greg never get. You don't pile everything on the plate in your mouth in one go and then say too many flavours.
You make different combinations and get different things out of a dish. The skill is in making sure that everything can compliment everything else in some way.

All in all though its a bit of a non episode as nothing is at stake. Its just a jolly for the contestants. Who have earnt it though.


----------



## Favelado (May 16, 2014)

If any of them ever opens a restaurant, and it gets a bad review by an utter nobody like Jay Rayner/AA Gill or whoever, they will be always be able to say in reply, "Ferran Adria likes my food".

Imagine the boost this will give them for the future.


----------



## Casual Observer (May 16, 2014)

Had anyone heard of this Ferran Adria chap before yesterday? One the other hand, I suspect most people had heard of Teller, one half of magic duo Penn and Teller.


----------



## Favelado (May 16, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Had anyone heard of this Ferran Adria chap before yesterday? One the other hand, I suspect most people had heard of Teller, one half of magic duo Penn and Teller.



I've missed something. Adria is the most famous chef of the past 20 years. Penn and Teller? What?

I don't get it. Help.


----------



## Casual Observer (May 16, 2014)

Favelado said:


> I've missed something. Adria is the most famous chef of the past 20 years. Penn and Teller? What?
> 
> I don't get it. Help.


I'm attempting to cover up my ignorance of the gourmet game by comparing Ferran Adria's appearance to Teller, one half of the Penn and Teller magician duo.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 16, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Had anyone heard of this Ferran Adria chap before yesterday? One the other hand, I suspect most people had heard of Teller, one half of magic duo Penn and Teller.


you didn't read the observer eight years ago then http://observer.theguardian.com/foodmonthly/futureoffood/story/0,,1969713,00.html


----------



## Lo Siento. (May 16, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Had anyone heard of this Ferran Adria chap before yesterday? One the other hand, I suspect most people had heard of Teller, one half of magic duo Penn and Teller.


Yeah, El Bulli was briefly the best restaurant in the world until the fact that it lost loads of money meant that it wasn't (something which says a lot about the bullshit that is the restaurant industry...)


----------



## Gromit (May 16, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Had anyone heard of this Ferran Adria chap before yesterday? One the other hand, I suspect most people had heard of Teller, one half of magic duo Penn and Teller.



I knew of El Bruli and what it was renowned for. What i didn't know was his name and that he shut it. 

I was never likely to ever manage to go there but my bucket list is now an item lighter 

Now what is the name of that place in France in the middle of nowhere that does the same sort of thing?


----------



## billy_bob (May 16, 2014)

Favelado said:


> If any of them ever opens a restaurant, and it gets a bad review by an utter nobody like Jay Rayner/AA Gill or whoever, they will be always be able to say in reply, "Ferran Adria likes my food".
> 
> Imagine the boost this will give them for the future.



Their advertising slogan could be Ferran Adria Liked It So Fuck Off Rayner.  

Except fancy-arse restaurants don't need an advertising slogan 

I loved the lunatic with the cake shop last night.  Imagine if someone really served you an exploding cake.  I'd smack him right in his pie-hole.


----------



## Gromit (May 16, 2014)

billy_bob said:


> Their advertising slogan could be Ferran Adria Liked It So Fuck Off Rayner.
> 
> Except fancy-arse restaurants don't need an advertising slogan
> 
> I loved the lunatic with the cake shop last night.  Imagine if someone really served you an exploding cake.  I'd smack him right in his pie-hole.



Depends how nice it tasted.


----------



## FridgeMagnet (May 16, 2014)

Orangesanlemons said:


> _Ping's had slanty eyes_


?


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 16, 2014)

I thought Ping was out vs Angela she really lost her spark there and Jack seems the strongest to me right now, he hasnt been fazed by any of it.Ping vs Jack then... Luke seems a bit lost.


----------



## wilbo 95 (May 16, 2014)

Orangesanlemons said:


> _Ping's had slanty eyes_





wiskey said:


> Oh dear





Orang Utan said:


> Wtf?



I went back and had a look and compared Pings with Jacks and it kinda does.


----------



## Orangesanlemons (May 16, 2014)

Yeah, it's not like it's an obvious grotesque, & it was shown very quickly. No doubt there was no malice intended, but I kinda knew there was going to be an embarrassing racial faux pas with Ping somewhere along the line & kept my eyes peeled.
The gf & I were watching together & both cringed at exactly the same moment.

I think the producers took their revenge with the comedy spaghetti western voiceover for Ferran et al.

Can't watch this 'till midnight tonight, but Ping to win! (think Jack may have freaked out & used up his 'final' dish in Barcelona to impress FA).


----------



## Orang Utan (May 16, 2014)

They look exactly the same


----------



## Orangesanlemons (May 16, 2014)

You have to watch it really, the pics are a bit small.


----------



## wiskey (May 16, 2014)

Is this episode really only half an hour long?


----------



## wayward bob (May 16, 2014)

8.30 to 9.30 : thumbs :


----------



## wtfftw (May 16, 2014)

Why back story now? We either care or we don't...


----------



## Favelado (May 16, 2014)

Lo Siento. said:


> Yeah, El Bulli was briefly the best restaurant in the world until the fact that it lost loads of money meant that it wasn't (something which says a lot about the bullshit that is the restaurant industry...)



It was best restaurant in the world for some time and Adria and Arzak completely reinvented Spanish cuisine between them. Heston is entirely a product of Adria's movement. I don't understand the losses at El Bulli, they were hundreds of times overbooked. Couldn't they have doubled their prices to 500 euros a pop. How could their overheads be that high?

I might try and find out, it seems insane.


----------



## madamv (May 16, 2014)

They always do background in the final....  I don't mind who wins now... Although I think ping will win


----------



## wiskey (May 16, 2014)

I do think Ping is very beautiful


----------



## Part 2 (May 16, 2014)

I hope Ping wins


----------



## Favelado (May 16, 2014)

Luke moves his mouth like a Bruce Forsyth impersonator.


----------



## wtfftw (May 16, 2014)

I want Ping to win but I'm worried that Jack will.


----------



## madamv (May 16, 2014)

Dp


----------



## N_igma (May 16, 2014)

Avant-garde coconut tweels eh? Someone's been on the crack pipe I see.


----------



## Favelado (May 16, 2014)

Has Jack just fried bellota ham? He'd get lynched in Spain for that!


----------



## madamv (May 16, 2014)

Please don't hate me and pardon my ignorance but why wouldn't the doll made of Pings likeness have elongated eye shape?  She's Asian, its a characteristic of her face?  How is it facepalmy?   Genuinely interested.


----------



## Favelado (May 16, 2014)

madamv said:


> Please don't hate me and pardon my ignorance but why wouldn't the doll made of Pings likeness have elongated eye shape?  She's Asian, its a characteristic of her face?  How is it facepalmy?   Genuinely interested.



It's a traditionally racist trope to make caricactures of this.


----------



## wiskey (May 16, 2014)

Gorgonzola ice cream


----------



## Favelado (May 16, 2014)

wiskey said:


> Gorgonzola ice cream



I've had ricotta ice-cream and it was lovely. I bet it will work as long as he keeps it light. Very, very light!


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 16, 2014)

Favelado said:


> I've had ricotta ice-cream and it was lovely. I bet it will work as long as he keeps it light. Very, very light!



The merest waft of the cheese in the same room


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (May 16, 2014)

I like Luke, he just goes for whatever is in his overheating CPU


----------



## wtfftw (May 16, 2014)

Are they going to spend 15 minutes deliberating?


----------



## wiskey (May 16, 2014)

I really want luke to win but I don't think he will.


----------



## madamv (May 16, 2014)

I always worry about their food going cold whilst waiting for the other one to be eaten.  Are they staggered?


----------



## Hellsbells (May 16, 2014)

wiskey said:


> I do think Ping is very beautiful


yeah she is. She has a lovely face


----------



## Hellsbells (May 16, 2014)

madamv said:


> I always worry about their food going cold whilst waiting for the other one to be eaten.  Are they staggered?


 I worry about this aswell!


----------



## Favelado (May 16, 2014)

Pickman's model 

Luke's disorganisation blew the final for him.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 16, 2014)

Sad pineapple!


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## hash tag (May 16, 2014)

Money, here is on Jack


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## Pickman's model (May 16, 2014)

Favelado said:


> Pickman's model
> 
> Luke's disorganisation blew the final for him.


yeh


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## Hellsbells (May 16, 2014)

Yay. Ping


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## wiskey (May 16, 2014)

Yeah she probably deserved it most.


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## Orang Utan (May 16, 2014)




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## Favelado (May 16, 2014)

Well done Ping!


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## Favelado (May 16, 2014)

Necked her champagne!


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## trashpony (May 16, 2014)

I love Ping and I love the way she necked her champagne. I'm really really pleased


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## TheHoodedClaw (May 16, 2014)

Yay, well done Ping, savour that champagne. Oh, you downed it  That's good too.


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## wiskey (May 16, 2014)

I've warmed to her a bit more now I've seen her drink champagne


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## madamv (May 16, 2014)

Nicely done Ping! . Exciting new times for all three finalists I expect.


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## Plumdaff (May 16, 2014)

madamv said:


> I always worry about their food going cold whilst waiting for the other one to be eaten.  Are they staggered?



Luke was interviewed on BBC Wales this morning and admitted that due to filming the food is nearly always cold when they come to eat it. Apparently they overcome this by doing a lot of tasting during the cooking. 

Yay Ping. That's how you drink champagne. They were a nice bunch this year, I think.


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## billy_bob (May 16, 2014)

Really wanted Luke to get it.  It's rare Greg says anything that doesn't make me cringe but: "Luke makes me smile" today was spot on.  His enthusiasm was so infectious.  

Plus, his enthusiasm for Ping's win seemed really genuine.


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## billy_bob (May 16, 2014)

Gromit said:


> Depends how nice it tasted.



Doesn't though.  If it's horrible, you're covered in horrible cake.  If it's lovely, you only get to eat a little bit and the rest's on the wall.


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## littlebabyjesus (May 16, 2014)

Brilliant downing the champagne. I bet she doesn't drink much.  Excellent.


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## Gromit (May 16, 2014)

billy_bob said:


> Doesn't though.  If it's horrible, you're covered in horrible cake.  If it's lovely, you only get to eat a little bit and the rest's on the wall.



Off the edible walls.


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## ShiftyBagLady (May 16, 2014)

I was really pleased that Ping won as she had been so consistently good as well as likeable.

I was enjoying her moment of triumph until they played 'I'm every woman' over it. She had just proved herself to be an excellent chef, hard working, talented and likeable but we all needed to be reminded that she was a woman. Kind of spoiled the moment for me, I have to say.


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## wiskey (May 17, 2014)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> I was really pleased that Ping won as she had been so consistently good as well as likeable.
> 
> I was enjoying her moment of triumph until they played 'I'm every woman' over it. She had just proved herself to be an excellent chef, hard working, talented and likeable but we all needed to be reminded that she was a woman. Kind of spoiled the moment for me, I have to say.


Dervish said exactly the same... But then I wondered if she'd chosen it herself, given she got married to Eye Of The Tiger..


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## wtfftw (May 17, 2014)

Yeah Chemistry questioned the song choice.


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## Plumdaff (May 17, 2014)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> I was really pleased that Ping won as she had been so consistently good as well as likeable.
> 
> I was enjoying her moment of triumph until they played 'I'm every woman' over it. She had just proved herself to be an excellent chef, hard working, talented and likeable but we all needed to be reminded that she was a woman. Kind of spoiled the moment for me, I have to say.



Yeah we hated that too. Look! She's a woman, brilliant at cooking! No not that cooking, the proper cooking! No individual moment of triumph, women! 

Seeing as the rest of the series had none of that, is was a duff choice.


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## Looby (May 17, 2014)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> I was really pleased that Ping won as she had been so consistently good as well as likeable.
> 
> I was enjoying her moment of triumph until they played 'I'm every woman' over it. She had just proved herself to be an excellent chef, hard working, talented and likeable but we all needed to be reminded that she was a woman. Kind of spoiled the moment for me, I have to say.



Yeah, I cringed at that too. Maybe she did pick it like wiskey suggested. 

Eye of the fucking tiger.  

I'm really chuffed for Ping, she's brilliant and lovely and her food always looked so good. 

I loved Jack too though and I think from the first show he was probably a finalist. Despite his inexperience he seemed to be able to do master anything. 

He'll do really well. 

Luke lost it a bit and he's been a bit all over the place. I wonder what his final menu was originally. It might have been spectacular. Hmmm

I've loved this series, I'm going to miss it.


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## ruffneck23 (May 17, 2014)

Well done Ping, completely deserved.

I like both Luck and Jack so hope they do well in the future / luke does not create cyberdyne systems...

First time i've watched a complete series in its entirety in years, loved it


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## purenarcotic (May 17, 2014)

I think Jack will go far, without a doubt.  He's got himself a job in a top kitchen for sure.


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## wiskey (May 17, 2014)

I think Luke has the off the wall ideas to create really interesting stuff.... But he probably needs to do some time in someone else's kitchen first.


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## spanglechick (May 17, 2014)

I've noticed on masterchef and bake off before that female contestants are regularly referred to in the v.o. As "mum of three, Sarah..." Or whatever. And not just stay at home mums.   But I've never heard "dad of two, Tom..." Unless it's a stay at home dad.


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## trashpony (May 17, 2014)

spanglechick said:


> I've noticed on masterchef and bake off before that female contestants are regularly referred to in the v.o. As "mum of three, Sarah..." Or whatever. And not just stay at home mums.   But I've never heard "dad of two, Tom..." Unless it's a stay at home dad.


It's not just masterchef tbf - it's pretty much every type of media which seems to have a compulsion to mention whether a woman has children or not. Anyone would think that it's indicative of a desire to categorise women or something ...


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## ShiftyBagLady (May 17, 2014)

If they happen to be the sole parent of the family then it virtually becomes part of their name


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## Me76 (May 17, 2014)

Caught up this afternoon and was pleased with the result. I think me and the OH called her for the win on her first appearance. 

Wouldn't have minded any of them winning though to be fair.


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## nagapie (May 17, 2014)

Yay, glad Ping won. Wouldn't have minded too much if Luke had won but glad that boring, royalist Jack didn't!


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## strung out (Jun 14, 2014)

strung out said:


> I reckon they're grooming Marcus Wareing to be the new judge of Masterchef Professionals, given Michel Roux Jr's departure.


Told you.


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