# Writing a novel about girl from Bow Cross West Estate...



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

And I would really love to know whether it has improved since being Devons/Crossways. I know Wiley and Dizzee are from E3 so I'm curious. Has the rent gone up for council; I recall it's not even a couple hundred pound per week. Has the demographic changed, has the crime rate changed. Anything else I missed that you can tell me about. If I write about a character who is "hard" would Bow Cross West now be off for that kind of character.

Also questions about Pembury Estate, the character from Bow knows a graffiti artist from Pembury. I hear it's rough but I'd like to hear from locals, not journalists. It has to be a rough place where my characters are from.

Thanks!


Plus, any questions for slang terms in the area help. I've already learned Cockney lol


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## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

you know writers always advise writing about what you know?


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## Dan U (Sep 19, 2013)

Maybe I dunno go to these places and spend time there and figure it out for yourself


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## Maurice Picarda (Sep 19, 2013)

Do make sure you proofread carefully before you send your masterpiece off to any publishers.


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## Belushi (Sep 19, 2013)

You really should spend time there if you're going to write about the place.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> you know writers always advise writing about what you know?


 

I'm not a WRITER. I'm an aspiring AUTHOR. And there is nothing wrong with learning new things.

Seems you don't have much knowledge about this either.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Belushi said:


> You really should spend time there if you're going to write about the place.


 I plan on it but that doesn't help me much. JK Rowling never spent time at Hogwarts but writes about it just fine. People write about things and places they've never visited all the time, it's called fiction. Just trying to be respectful of the truth but I guess I should go on writing what's inaccurate so I can offend everyone in Hackney.


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## weepiper (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I plan on it but that doesn't help me much. JK Rowling never spent time at Hogwarts but writes about it just fine. People write about things and places they've never visited all the time, it's called fiction. Just trying to be respectful of the truth but I guess I should go on writing what's inaccurate so I can offend everyone in Hackney.



Hogwarts is of course a totally real place where real people live.


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## Spanky Longhorn (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I plan on it but that doesn't help me much. JK Rowling never spent time at Hogwarts but writes about it just fine. People write about things and places they've never visited all the time, it's called fiction. Just trying to be respectful of the truth but I guess I should go on writing what's inaccurate so I can offend everyone in Hackney.



Hogwarts isn't a real place, Hackney is.


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## Maurice Picarda (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I plan on it but that doesn't help me much. JK Rowling never spent time at Hogwarts but writes about it just fine. People write about things and places they've never visited all the time, it's called fiction. Just trying to be respectful of the truth but I guess I should go on writing what's inaccurate so I can offend everyone in Hackney.


 
She went to a very similar school. Also, she drew on a rich tradition of English scholastic stories. Oh, and she can't actually write.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Interesting group here. I'm a college student from NYC I can't just stay in Hackney. All I need was, is Bow Cross West better?

Yes or no.

Is rent still under 100 pound.

Yes or no.

Is Pembury as dangerous as it's made to be?

Yes or no.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I plan on it but that doesn't help me much. JK Rowling never spent time at Hogwarts but writes about it just fine. People write about things and places they've never visited all the time, it's called fiction. Just trying to be respectful of the truth but I guess I should go on writing what's inaccurate so I can offend everyone in Hackney.


given the array of boarding school stories and indeed magical boarding school stories it's no great surprise that rowling put together a fairly decent school. it's not like there was an utter void there before! but estates are different, and as it's well known there is at least one gang associated with the pembury i would be rather careful, if i were you, before putting hand to keyboard. why don't you at least wander round it, it's not like you'll get shot for it. or youd be rather unlucky if you did. 

perhaps you should have a look again at your research strategy.


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## jakethesnake (Sep 19, 2013)

Why not set your opus in NYC?


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## Belushi (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Interesting group here. I'm a college student from NYC I can't just stay in Hackney. All I need was, is Bow Cross West better?
> 
> Yes or no.
> 
> ...



You're not going to get any help talking to people like that.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Silas Loom said:


> She went to a very similar school. Also, she drew on a rich tradition of English scholastic stories. Oh, and she can't actually write.


 

Cynics, cynics. No but she's richer than the queen so whether she can write is irrelevant. Just using a popular name. Wasting your time here, folks, if you can't contribute. I'll be staying though. Did I offend anyone by asking. If you don't know then go.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

jakethesnake said:


> Why not set your opus in NYC?


 Because I'm an author. If people just wrote about where they were from then we would have lacking literature. I can write about any place I want, hell or space if I want.


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## weepiper (Sep 19, 2013)

Silas Loom said:


> She went to a very similar school. Also, she drew on a rich tradition of English scholastic stories. Oh, and she can't actually write.



 she went to a comp

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wyedean_School_and_College


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## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Because I'm an author. If people just wrote about where they were from then we would have lacking literature. I can write about any place I want, hell or space if I want.


a minute ago you were a student.


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## Belushi (Sep 19, 2013)

Five posts in and I can tell you haven't got what it takes to be a writer.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Belushi said:


> You're not going to get any help talking to people like that.


 I already know you can't help me because you would have. The post is for future readers who have actual knowledge. I am new to this board and figured the posters were knowledgeable locals. Seems not.


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## jakethesnake (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Because I'm an author. If people just wrote about where they were from then we would have lacking literature. I can write about any place I want, hell or space if I want.


Well just make it up then


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## Maurice Picarda (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> we would have lacking literature. .


 
You could employ a ghost from Hackney, and solve both your problems. 5t3IIa has a mean turn of phrase and will do pretty much anything for cash.


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## colacubes (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Cynics, cynics. No but she's richer than the queen so whether she can write is irrelevant. Just using a popular name. Wasting your time here, folks, if you can't contribute. I'll be staying though. Did I offend anyone by asking. If you don't know then go.



She is now.  When she was a single Mum writing she wasn't.

Tbh I don't reckon you'll be staying that long.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> a minute ago you were a student.


 You're so bored. An author can be anyone. You want me to be a 60 yr old recluse. I would assume we would find authors in college aspiring for higher learning.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

colacubes said:


> She is now.  When she was a single Mum writing she wasn't.
> 
> Tbh I don't reckon you'll be staying that long.


 Staying where that long?


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Silas Loom said:


> You could employ a ghost from Hackney, and solve both your problems. 5t3IIa has a mean turn of phrase and will do pretty much anything for cash.


 I'll be ignoring you from now on. I'm not here to reh tehteh and chit chat. Here for answers to simple questions. If you're bored and want to chit chat go to Facebook.


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## Maurice Picarda (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> she went to a comp
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wyedean_School_and_College


 
Don't trust Wikipedia. I'm pretty sure she was at Beauxbatons.


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## colacubes (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Staying where that long?



Wow - you can't even remember your own words which I quoted from less than 2 minutes ago. Good luck with the book


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Belushi said:


> Five posts in and I can tell you haven't got what it takes to be a writer.


 You and Pickman can have fun together. Useless posts.


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## Puddy_Tat (Sep 19, 2013)

Spanky Longhorn said:


> Hogwarts isn't a real place, Hackney is.



I am not sure.

I'm not convinced Hackney isn't the figment of someone's imagination.



Apryl said:


> The post is for future readers


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

colacubes said:


> Wow - you can't even remember your own words which I quoted from less than 2 minutes ago. Good luck with the book


 I just want to make sure you meant Hackney. Touchy crowd here.


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## colacubes (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> You and Pickman can have fun together. Useless posts.



You should maybe listen to them.  I happen to know Belushi is J K Rowling in real life.  Pickman's was Barbara Cartland.


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## colacubes (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I just want to make sure you meant Hackney. Touchy crowd here.



I didn't.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> You're so bored. An author can be anyone. You want me to be a 60 yr old recluse. I would assume we would find authors in college aspiring for higher learning.


you've caught me in a generous mood so i won't respond in kind. the peabody lot can tell you the rent on the pembury. i expect bow west is run by tower hamlets, and if you look on their council website they should be able to tell you the rent there. there are crime maps on the met police website which will give you an inkling on how rough it is. try the hackney gazette website for news on the pembury estate. have a look on google streets so you know what it looks like. and i'll chuck one other thing for good measure. the pembury estate is named after pembury road, which was there since at least 1831: the road itself is named after pembury in kent, which is somewhere with associations for the amhurst family who used to be big in hackney.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Who here is from England anyway. 

Apparently this isn't the kind of forum I was thinking about. You know..questions about a place since the forum is called "London and South East." I've asked people on Youtube, Flickr and Facebook who put up photos about London areas and they tell me just fine. So I know it's you people who refuse to contribute anything useful. Not me. =)

Like Lily Allen: It's not me-it's you.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

colacubes said:


> I didn't.


 See. That's why I asked. Now imagine if I didn't ask, I'd be talking to you about the wrong thing. Then you'd really be confused.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Who here is from England anyway.
> 
> Apparently this isn't the kind of forum I was thinking about. You know..questions about a place since the forum is called "London and South East." I've asked people on Youtube, Flickr and Facebook who put up photos about London areas and they tell me just fine. So I know it's you people who refuse to contribute anything useful. Not me. =)
> 
> Like Lily Allen: It's not me-it's you.


yeh? read post #34 and apologise: then fuck off.


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## Dan U (Sep 19, 2013)

Amhurst Road. Home of Trenz the nightclub with a 1950s front room in it... Well it did. It's probably some city types town house now


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## jakethesnake (Sep 19, 2013)

Seriously, why not just invent a fictional estate - you can make the rent, slang etc whatever you want then. If you're going for some 'true to life' type deal then i'm afraid you'll have to do the full Orwell and spend some time in the place you want to write about.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> you've caught me in a generous mood so i won't respond in kind. the peabody lot can tell you the rent on the pembury. i expect bow west is run by tower hamlets, and if you look on their council website they should be able to tell you the rent there. there are crime maps on the met police website which will give you an inkling on how rough it is. try the hackney gazette website for news on the pembury estate. have a look on google streets so you know what it looks like. and i'll chuck one other thing for good measure. the pembury estate is named after pembury road, which was there since at least 1831: the road itself is named after pembury in kent, which is somewhere with associations for the amhurst family who used to be big in hackney.


 Lmao. You think you're so smart. I've been through ALL OF THAT ALREADY. Hence asking a demographic on a chat forum for deeper insight. Areas will put up on their sites very misleading material, locals should have more actual experiences that I love to use for primary research. I've done all secondary research ALREADY.


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## Maurice Picarda (Sep 19, 2013)

jakethesnake said:


> Seriously, why not just invent a fictional estate - you can make the rent, slang etc whatever you want then. If you're going for some 'true to life' type deal then i'm afraid you'll have to do the full Orwell and spend some time in the place you want to write about.


 
Orwell never even made it to Calais. He found a plongeurs' discussion board and lurked.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Lmao. You think you're so smart. I've been through ALL OF THAT ALREADY. Hence asking a demographic on a chat forum for deeper insight. Areas will put up on their sites very misleading material, locals should have more actual experiences that I love to use for primary research. I've done all secondary research ALREADY.


if you'd been through all that already you wouldn't be making a wanker of yourself asking questions when you had the answers. plus i very much doubt you knew the bit about kent.


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## jakethesnake (Sep 19, 2013)

Silas Loom said:


> Orwell never even made it to Calais. He found a plongeurs' discussion board and lurked.


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## Belushi (Sep 19, 2013)

Jesus how do kids this stupid get to Uni? Got to be some spoilt rich kid


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## maomao (Sep 19, 2013)

They're building a block of shitty new yuppie flats on the Pembury now.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

maomao said:


> They're building a block of shitty new yuppie flats on the Pembury now.


yeh i saw the other week.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Ohhh I see what this forum is.


Belushi said:


> Jesus how do kids this stupid get to Uni? Got to be some spoilt rich kid


 How am I stupid. I'm actually too smart for my own good apparently. You are the idiots who know nothing about the topic and commented anyway, then you wallow together in your misanthropy and like each other's posts if it gives someone else who did nothing wrong adversity. Sick sad sorry few posting here. I have never gone through this before when asking about London, so I know it's you senior citizens who aren't even FROM Hackney.


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## weepiper (Sep 19, 2013)

Lol.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

maomao said:


> They're building a block of shitty new yuppie flats on the Pembury now.


 Thanks! I see it's pretty grimy out there. I first used Trelawney Estate but I see it's better than Pembury. I think I've settled on it but want to make sure it's as rough as it's made.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Thanks! I see it's pretty grimy out there. I first used Trelawney Estate but I see it's better than Pembury. I think I've settled on it but want to make sure it's as rough as it's made.


it isn't

next


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## pogofish (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Ohhh I see what this forum is.
> 
> How am I stupid. I'm actually too smart for my own good apparently.



Really? - You confirmed yourself as a flaming nincompoop by failing to do the *most basic* research on this board and ignoring the policy on student/research/media that you agreed to on signup.


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## Belushi (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Ohhh I see what this forum is.
> 
> How am I stupid. I'm actually too smart for my own good apparently.



You realise people are being nice because they pity you when they say that?


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Well "shitty blocks" is ALL I needed really. You sorry people can go back to chit chatting about nothing with each other. Concurrent stupidity makes common sense concurrent stupidity. Just because something is common doesn't make it right. So like each other's posts all day for all I care, long as I get my answers.


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## Puddy_Tat (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'll be ignoring you from now on. I'm not here to reh tehteh and chit chat. Here for answers to simple questions. If you're bored and want to chit chat go to Facebook.





Apryl said:


> Who here is from England anyway.
> 
> Apparently this isn't the kind of forum I was thinking about. You know..questions about a place since the forum is called "London and South East." I've asked people on Youtube, Flickr and Facebook who put up photos about London areas and they tell me just fine. So I know it's you people who refuse to contribute anything useful. Not me. =)
> 
> Like Lily Allen: It's not me-it's you.





Let me get this right.

You've just arrived in this here online community, and the rest of us should sod off.

Just what the hell have you contributed round here?

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Frankly, I'd suggest you ignore the lot of us.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

pogofish said:


> Really? - You confirmed yourself as a flaming nincompoop by failing to do the *most basic* research on this board and ignoring the policy on student/research/media that you agreed to on signup.


 lmao who reads that stuff. Pickman's model must be the leader of this board, which means he's on here the longest and has nothing better to do.


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## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

can anyone think of a really excellent book that's set in a real life place the author had never been?

(incidentally, I live next to the Trelawney, and round the corner from the Pembury. Tbh, they just seem like perfectly normal estates to me)


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## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Pickman's model must be the leader of this board


quoted for posterity


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## wiskey (Sep 19, 2013)

bored now.


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## Dan U (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> lmao who reads that stuff. Pickman's model must be the leader of this board, which means he's on here the longest and has nothing better to do.



Yeah he is definitely our leader. 

Him and Onket.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Puddy_Tat said:


> Let me get this right.
> 
> You've just arrived in this here online community, and the rest of us should sod off.
> 
> ...


 Contributed? I only came here to ask a simple question and some senile egomaniacs want to bicker with me because I don't see why they posted if they can't answer the question.

If someone is an active forum member they feel the need and right to respond to any thread, even if they have no input. That's why they're entertained with arguing with me and calling me stupid, and being skeptical about my writing talents and me being a college student. I could care less about any speculations, just answer the fucking question so I can take off or go wank off or something. Leave me out of your boredom.


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## Dan U (Sep 19, 2013)

That's not really how forums work tbh


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

I didn't make a membership to be included in some _chat forum troop. _I asked a simple question thinking this was that type of forum. But it's clearly a place where losers like pickman dwell and just poke around posting for no reason and liking whoever has a go at me to further his reputation as a fucking forum board leader.

OOOHHH!!! Dear me for not knowing!!!

Please.


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## pogofish (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> lmao who reads that stuff.



You do! - And it is used quite regularly to get rid of idiot cunts like yourself who try to use us as a free resource for whatever pet project or axe they want grinding.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> (I live next to the Trelawney, and round the corner from the Pembury. Tbh, they just seem like perfectly normal estates to me)


i used to live on the kingsmead, that was ok though people said it was the roughest estate in western europe.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Now it's the battle of the egos because some chat board veteran wants to pop up posting for no reason when all I asked was a simple question about a relevant topic.


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## stuff_it (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Thanks! I see it's pretty grimy out there. I first used Trelawney Estate but I see it's better than Pembury. I think I've settled on it but want to make sure it's as rough as it's made.


If you want somewhere properly rough sack London off in favour of Manchester or Nottingham.


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## Belushi (Sep 19, 2013)

Here's a suggestion Apryl, why not start by writing about what you know? Say a novel about a not very bright rich kid who somehow gets into NYU and who manages to overcome her  lack of social skills and the enormous chasm where any talent should be and makes it on the strength of her sense of entitlement alone?


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

pogofish said:


> You do! - And it is used quite regularly to get rid of idiot cunts like yourself who try to use us as a free resource for whatever pet project or axe they want grinding.


 What the hell are you talking about.


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## editor (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I already know you can't help me because you would have. The post is for future readers who have actual knowledge. I am new to this board and figured the posters were knowledgeable locals. Seems not.


We have a British word for extremely rude and arrogant people like you. Tosspots. Look it up.

HTH. HAND.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> If you want somewhere properly rough sack London off in favour of Manchester or Nottingham.


 Everyone says Hackney is the worst. And I've already understand it has a face for stabbings and gangs because of the Tower Hamlets. Just making sure, but I've heard disputes that they're not so bad. I still want Hackney, sorry. I've decided on Bow and Pembury, just want to know what Google can't tell me.


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## editor (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I didn't make a membership to be included in some _chat forum troop. _I asked a simple question thinking this was that type of forum. But it's clearly a place where losers like pickman dwell and just poke around posting for no reason and liking whoever has a go at me to further his reputation as a fucking forum board leader.
> 
> OOOHHH!!! Dear me for not knowing!!!
> 
> Please.


Do you think we're some kind of online resource set up purely for the likes of you to rock up and start _demanding _answers? Show some fucking respect if you want us to help you.


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## stuff_it (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Everyone says Hackney is the worst. And I've already understand it has a face for stabbings and gangs because of the Tower Hamlets. Just making sure, but I've heard disputes that they're not so bad. I still want Hackney, sorry. I've decided on Bow and Pembury, just want to know what Google can't tell me.


Who is this "everyone"? 

It's certainly no more rough than Moss Side.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

editor said:


> We have a British word for extremely rude and arrogant people like you. Tosspots. Look it up.
> 
> HTH. HAND.


 I'm arrogant, of course, but rude? Whoa. Look back at your little friends going at me first. Am I supposed to try and make nice to fit in? I'm not here for that. I'm a simple stop and go member, this was all I planned to do-ask about the estates, get real input and head out. Now you people have forced me to stand up for myself. Oh well.


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## pogofish (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> What the hell are you talking about.



So you really are that stupid!


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> Who is this "everyone"?
> 
> It's certainly no more rough than Moss Side.


 Everyone. Every source, locals posting about the 'ghettoes' to what is being portrayed because of the Riots.


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## editor (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Am I supposed to try and make nice to fit in?


That's generally the idea when you want strangers to help you out.


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## weepiper (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'm arrogant, of course, but rude? Whoa. Look back at your little friends going at me first. Am I supposed to try and make nice to fit in? I'm not here for that. I'm a simple stop and go member, this was all I planned to do-ask about the estates, get real input and head out. Now you people have forced me to stand up for myself. Oh well.



It obviously hasn't occurred to you how crashingly arrogant and offensive it might seem to people who actually live in the places you want to write about for you to rock up and say 'so I want to set my book in the place you live in because I've heard it's really fucking rough and horrible, give me some juicy tabloid stories about it suckers kthxbai'.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

pogofish said:


> So you really are that stupid!


 Is this supposed to humble or sadden me? You're way off and stuck in your own head. Deflate your ego, I'm not here for battle of the wits.

Look at yourself and see that you had nothing to contribute to the original question. You're the stupid one kiddo.


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## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> i used to live on the kingsmead, that was ok though people said it was the roughest estate in western europe.


I think if you took what was statistically the most crime ridden estate in the UK, the vast majority of people there would be living normal, undramatic lives - rather than fearing for their lives every time they walked out the front gate. People just don't live that way...


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## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

wiskey said:


> bored now.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

editor said:


> That's generally the idea when you want strangers to help you out.


 That was the initial intent. I know people in general are inadequate and deficient so I come off as arrogant. As a human being I should ask a question on a forum and get answers that apply. It's simple as A, B, C. You people are the geniuses who want to fit in as loyal members on a pitiful chat site. lol  so attack the new girl that the head honcho wants to show off for.


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## jakethesnake (Sep 19, 2013)

When you write your novel be sure to put in lots of rhyming slang and do mention the frequent very thick fog that descends on the area regularly (known locally as a 'pea-souper').


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## Belushi (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'm not here for battle of the wits



Good, because you'd struggle outwitting a house brick.


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## editor (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Is this supposed to humble or sadden me? You're way off and stuck in your own head. Deflate your ego, I'm not here for battle of the wits.


If your book is even one per cent as bad as your attitude, it's going to be a real stinker.


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> It obviously hasn't occurred to you how crashingly arrogant and offensive it might seem to people who actually live in the places you want to write about for you to rock up and say 'so I want to set my book in the place you live in because I've heard it's really fucking rough and horrible, give me some juicy tabloid stories about it suckers kthxbai'.


 Clearly these people don't live there. Don't defend them to fit in. You also have no input.

If I'm ASKING then I'm not writing about it because of what I know already. Another useless post out of boredom and internet gang mentality on a chat forum. Next!


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## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Everyone says Hackney is the worst. And I've already understand it has a face for stabbings and gangs because of the Tower Hamlets. Just making sure, but I've heard disputes that they're not so bad. I still want Hackney, sorry. I've decided on Bow and Pembury, just want to know what Google can't tell me.


Look, last year the whole borough of Hackney had a grand total of 4 homicides for a population of just under 250,000. I live right next to the Trelawney and it's a perfectly normal estate and I've never felt even remotely threatened. 

So if the central premise of your book is that Hackney's incredibly rough, then your book will be bollocks, cause it really isn't.


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## weepiper (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Clearly these people don't live there.



How the fuck do you know?


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## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Belushi said:


> Good, because you'd struggle outwitting a house brick.


 Claps hands. Woo!! Another one for Belushi!! You're our hero!!


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

Orwell was a poverty tourist and a grass. Good writer tho


Apryl said:


> Is this supposed to humble or sadden me? You're way off and stuck in your own head. Deflate your ego,* I'm not here for battle of the wits.*
> 
> Look at yourself and see that you had nothing to contribute to the original question. You're the stupid one kiddo.



pogofish is not the sort to take on an unarmed opponent


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> How the fuck do you know?


 "Fuck" doesn't intimidate me.

And how the FUCK do I know. They have no input. I've asked people all the time about things like this and get what I need, but I figured a quick post on a forum would be best. Seems not because of these twats trying to impress one another.


----------



## xenon (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Interesting group here. I'm a college student from NYC I can't just stay in Hackney. All I need was, is Bow Cross West better?
> 
> Yes or no.
> 
> ...



I think they buried it for the Olympics.



Apryl said:


> I'm not a WRITER. I'm an aspiring AUTHOR. And there is nothing wrong with learning new things.
> 
> Seems you don't have much knowledge about this either.



How does that work?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> Look, last year the whole borough of Hackney had a grand total of 4 homicides for a population of just under 250,000. I live right next to the Trelawney and it's a perfectly normal estate and I've never felt even remotely threatened.
> 
> So if the central premise of your book is that Hackney's incredibly rough, then your book will be bollocks, cause it really isn't.


 I didn't say Trelawney. I said Pembury. Thanks though.


----------



## pogofish (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Is this supposed to humble or sadden me? You're way off and stuck in your own head. Deflate your ego, I'm not here for battle of the wits.
> 
> Look at yourself and see that you had nothing to contribute to the original question. You're the stupid one kiddo.



Seems to me that the stupid one is the guy too arrogant to see that he committed himself to one standard of behavior, then completely ignored it.

If this represents your typical level of interest in agreements, then I'd just love to be your agent, lawyer, accountant etc in your fruitful future - because they will clean you right out with their small print.


----------



## weepiper (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> "Fuck" doesn't intimidate me.
> 
> And how the FUCK do I know. They have no input. I've asked people all the time about things like this and get what I need, but I figured a quick post on a forum would be best. Seems not because of these twats trying to impress one another.



I'm not trying to intimidate you, I'm using it as an intensifier. We do that in Britain. You can put that in your book if you like.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

You group are useless lol


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> I'm not trying to initimidate you, I'm using it as an intensifier. We do that in Britain. You can put that in your book if you like.


 Snores.

If you people answer questions on exams the way you answer questions on forums your education success rate should be shit.


----------



## harpo (Sep 19, 2013)

Look, the Pembury has become gentrified now.  Rents are around the £1000-£1500 per week and it's mostly media types called Nathan who live there now. Gang issues have largely been driven to Dalston and Shoreditch.  There's a new development called Pembury Circus where they'll mainly be selling cricket attire and low-waisted trousers. I think there will also be tea shops and stuff. 

I'm really sorry these awful types won't tell you the facts you need.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

off you go then, I'm sure you can find info elsewhere for your pulp london crime novel


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> Look, last year the whole borough of Hackney had a grand total of 4 homicides for a population of just under 250,000. I live right next to the Trelawney and it's a perfectly normal estate and I've never felt even remotely threatened.
> 
> So if the central premise of your book is that Hackney's incredibly rough, then your book will be bollocks, cause it really isn't.


 BY THE WAY this REALLY HELPED!!! In your inadvertence!!! Now I know for SURE NOT to use Trelawney. So I changed it to Pembury!! =)


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Sep 19, 2013)

editor said:


> We have a British word for extremely rude and arrogant people like you. Tosspots. Look it up.
> 
> HTH. HAND.



A tosspot is a drunk. Apryl is a tosser.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

harpo said:


> Look, the Pembury has become gentrified now.  Rents are around the £1000-£1500 per week and it's mostly media types called Nathan who live there now. Gang issues have largely been driven to Dalston and Shoreditch.  There's a new development called Pembury Circus where they'll mainly be selling cricket attire and low-waisted trousers. I think there will also be tea shops and stuff.
> 
> I'm really sorry these awful types won't tell you the facts you need.


 

I see. Is there an estate in Dalston or Shoreditch, which sounds familiar but I must have written it off.

Thanks a lot and I don't know what the problem is with these posters myself.

This helps a lot. Pembury off.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Silas Loom said:


> A tosspot is a drunk. Apryl is a tosser.


 Aww wahhh mommy they're calling me names!!! So reflective of the esteemed prestige they claim they have over me!!!!


----------



## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I didn't say Trelawney. I said Pembury. Thanks though.


there's a nice pub on the edge of the Pembury Estate, does craft ales and tapas ...

(incidentally, of the four murders in "rough" Hackney last year, not one was drug or gang related, two were murdered by their partner, one by the jealous ex of their partner, and the other by her mentally unwell brother)


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Snores.
> 
> If you people answer questions on exams the way you answer questions on forums your education success rate should be shit.



Try to forgive them. They just weren't clever enough to be born to rich parents who'd pay for their education.


----------



## Onket (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> You group are useless lol



I used to live in Hackney. I might be able to help.

What do I get?


----------



## stuff_it (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I know people in general are inadequate and deficient so I come off as arrogant.


Awesome trolling, are you Firky?


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Aww wahhh mommy they're calling me names!!! So reflective of the esteemed prestige they claim they have over me!!!!



I was having a go not at you but at Pickman's sinister sidekick and his misuse of the term "tosspot". I like you, and I will buy your book. I hope that gangs of youths in cricketing attire feature, though.


----------



## stuff_it (Sep 19, 2013)

Why not set the book in the "near future" somewhere that's currently fairly quiet - like Derby?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

harpo said:


> Look, the Pembury has become gentrified now.  Rents are around the £1000-£1500 per week and it's mostly media types called Nathan who live there now. Gang issues have largely been driven to Dalston and Shoreditch.  There's a new development called Pembury Circus where they'll mainly be selling cricket attire and low-waisted trousers. I think there will also be tea shops and stuff.
> 
> I'm really sorry these awful types won't tell you the facts you need.


 

 I see Islington estate

I see Dover Court. Now are those bad places?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> Why not set the book in the "near future" somewhere that's currently fairly quiet - like Derby?


 This is another useless post. You come on here often I can tell so you want to redeem or maintain your reputation on here by giving me a shit post. I'll print this out and wipe my poo hole with it. Thanks anyway though.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> That was the initial intent. I know people in general are inadequate and deficient so I come off as arrogant. As a human being I should ask a question on a forum and get answers that apply. It's simple as A, B, C. You people are the geniuses who want to fit in as loyal members on a pitiful chat site. lol  so attack the new girl that the head honcho wants to show off for.


tbh you come across as deficient


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Have you considered relocating the action to a space station orbiting Venus?


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> This is another useless post. You come on here often I can tell so you want to redeem or maintain your reputation on here by giving me a shit post. I'll print this out and wipe my poo hole with it. Thanks anyway though.


i don't know what sort of paper you septics use but you're likely to find out that makes your arse messier rather than cleaner.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> Try to forgive them. They just weren't clever enough to be born to rich parents who'd pay for their education.


 Where did you get this information?

Do I come off as rich?! Lmao great!!! I'm on my way to success more and more everyday!! =)


----------



## weepiper (Sep 19, 2013)

Someone else used to do smileys like that.


----------



## stuff_it (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> Have you considered relocating the action to a space station orbiting Venus?


Mining colony orbiting Uranus more like!


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> i don't know what sort of paper you septics use but you're likely to find out that makes your arse messier rather than cleaner.


 OH A XENOPHOBE!!! I get. Adds merit to your posts.


Or not.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> OH A XENOPHOBE!!! I get. Adds merit to your posts.
> 
> 
> Or not.


we've long established there's fuck all merit to your posts.


----------



## harpo (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> there's a nice pub on the edge of the Pembury Estate, does craft ales and tapas ...
> 
> (incidentally, of the four murders in "rough" Hackney last year, not one was drug or gang related, two were murdered by their partner, one by the jealous ex of their partner, and the other by her mentally unwell brother)



I'm sorry to say I know of someone shot dead in the mistaken belief he was Pembury. I know his mother. It was a horrible, horrible tragedy and of course, it's destroyed her life.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

poo hole lol


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> Someone else used to do smileys like that.


Were they at all vulpine?


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> there's a nice pub on the edge of the Pembury Estate, does craft ales and tapas ...
> 
> (incidentally, of the four murders in "rough" Hackney last year, not one was drug or gang related, two were murdered by their partner, one by the jealous ex of their partner, and the other by her mentally unwell brother)


it's what i said to jules the other day - 'mr pipe, we in hackney must try harder'


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> And I would really love to know whether it has improved since being Devons/Crossways. I know Wiley and Dizzee are from E3 so I'm curious. Has the rent gone up for council; I recall it's not even a couple hundred pound per week. Has the demographic changed, has the crime rate changed. Anything else I missed that you can tell me about. If I write about a character who is "hard" would Bow Cross West now be off for that kind of character.
> 
> Also questions about Pembury Estate, the character from Bow knows a graffiti artist from Pembury. I hear it's rough but I'd like to hear from locals, not journalists. It has to be a rough place where my characters are from.
> 
> ...



Dunno about improved... but the demographic has changed a bit since the Olympics. It still rough in parts and while there might well be a general increase in the amount of wealth in the area especially toward the Victoria park and Hackney Wick sides there is an increasing divide between those in council flats and those in ex-council or new developments.

Pembury and most of the area around Roman Road is pretty much unchanged... especially down the market. Across the Bow Road toward the limehouse cut its very split between new developments and old blocks and you can see a lot of money has been spent there... the monied people tend not to inhabit the streets so much. There's a very even seeming split between the old and the new, the rich and the poor there. Which gives rise to all kinds of weird and interesting dynamics. It would easily be credible as a rough neighbourhood for your characters to come from... but be wary of making them one dimensional 'council estate' caricatures... Bow is just not like that... there's too much really cool stuff there and nearby for it to feel hopeless or massively impoverished.

You can be 'hard' in Bow and still eat out at Westfield.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Lmao you guys are so offended that I won't flatter your egos by typing nice when you all came here like bees to a hive to post IRRELEVANTLY. And I'm the villain.

So far only one person on here was relevant and has the brain mass of more than an ant, aside from myself.


----------



## weepiper (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> Were they at all vulpine?



And of a scarlet hue.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> Someone else used to do smileys like that.


 Listen here hat girl, I see you're offended because you think I'm trying to exploit or expose, when all I'm doing is being a cultural enthusiast. If it's the truth it's the truth, sorry if you're ashamed of it. But how would you like it if someone published something that was misrepresenting your town because they failed to research. Even if they get shit from it.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> And of a scarlet hue.


NEXT -------------------------->


----------



## stuff_it (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Listen here hat girl, I see you're offended because you think I'm trying to exploit or expose, when all I'm doing is being a cultural enthusiast. If it's the truth it's the truth, sorry if you're ashamed of it. But how would you like it if someone published something that was misrepresenting your town because they failed to research. Even if they get shit from it.


You don't seem very enthusiastic about our culture.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

Anyway I think Martina Cole has cornered the market for airport pulps set in the gritty shadows of Londons underworld


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Surbiton's pretty rough.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Kizmet said:


> Dunno about improved... but the demographic has changed a bit since the Olympics. It still rough in parts and while there might well be a general increase in the amount of wealth in the area especially toward the Victoria park and Hackney Wick sides there is an increasing divide between those in council flats and those in ex-council or new developments.
> 
> Pembury and most of the area around Roman Road is pretty much unchanged... especially down the market. Across the Bow Road toward the limehouse cut its very split between new developments and old blocks and you can see a lot of money has been spent there... the monied people tend not to inhabit the streets so much. There's a very even seeming split between the old and the new, the rich and the poor there. Which gives rise to all kinds of weird and interesting dynamics. It would easily be credible as a rough neighbourhood for your characters to come from... but be wary of making them one dimensional 'council estate' caricatures... Bow is just not like that... there's too much really cool stuff there and nearby for it to feel hopeless or massively impoverished.
> 
> You can be 'hard' in Bow and still eat out at Westfield.


 I'm not trying to make them stereotypical criminals. But I am trying to be raw, honest and accurate about a place. But that's why I'm asking. Thank you for the post. When you say Pembury is unchanged, do you mean, it's still pretty murky to live. I just read a news article from early 2013 that a huge drug bust was done at Pembury.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> Surbiton's pretty rough.



straight outta penge, crazy muthafucker named ice cube


----------



## stuff_it (Sep 19, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> straight outta penge, crazy muthafucker named nice cube


cfy

I love a bit of HWA

(((housewives with attitude)))


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> You don't seem very enthusiastic about our culture.


 I'm very enthusiastic. I just spent $20 for Uk shipping on a $40 vintage bomber jacket from a woman in Edinburgh. I aspire to be enthused; you few are making it tough. But I persevere!


----------



## stuff_it (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'm very enthusiastic. I just spent $20 for Uk shipping on a $40 vintage bomber jacket from a woman in Edinburgh. I aspire to be enthused; you few are making it tough. But I persevere!




I frequently order discount streetwear from Dr Jays, this doesn't equate an enthusiasm for US culture.


----------



## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Listen here hat girl, I see you're offended because you think I'm trying to exploit or expose, when all I'm doing is being a cultural enthusiast. If it's the truth it's the truth, sorry if you're ashamed of it. But how would you like it if someone published something that was misrepresenting your town because they failed to research. Even if they get shit from it.


You've already dismissed your first two options on the strength of a couple of opinions on the internet. Hardly the most rigorous investigation, is it? I'd suggest that the kind of place you're looking for (a London estate where drug and gang violence is part of everyday life) only really exists in your head. Unless all your character needs is a background that makes people from elsewhere say "that's a bit rough, innit?" Then Pembury or Trelawney would both probably do you reputation-wise (not that most Londoners from elsewhere in London have a long list of rough estates in boroughs they didn't grow up in...)


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

I'd give up on the whole gang violence theme. Bit overdone, innit? 

Try writing about a wasp who starts her own religion.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> I frequently order discount streetwear from Dr Jays, this doesn't equate an enthusiasm for US culture.


 I don't care what you do, but this style of bomber jackets seems to be exclusive since it seems no one here has caught on. I also ordered classic neon pink aerobic Reeboks!! =) I love them.

Ehhhh not going to prove myself to you few. I just need my questions answered. Thanks to those where the thanks need apply.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> I'd give up on the whole gang violence theme. Bit overdone, innit?
> 
> Try writing about a wasp who starts her own religion.


 Gang violence?

Since this is my first time commenting to your obnoxious bored self why do you keep coming back? Do you have romantic feelings for one of these posters.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Gang violence?
> 
> Since this is my first time commenting to your obnoxious bored self why do you keep coming back? Do you have romantic feelings for one of these posters.


Not just one, no.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

I'm asking about demographics of refurbished council estates and crime rates.

Nothing to do with _gang violence._ A poster I think Lo Siento just said 4 murders were done by lovers. I could care less about gang violence, I just want to know if the vibe around the estates is at all murky for appropriate image. Either way, nice place or not, crime happens everywhere and I'll still be using Bow Cross and Pembury regardless. Just wanted specifics.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> Not just one, no.


 Ok anyway loser. Get a job or a wife or something.  A pet, a hobby. You look stupid posting for no reason. But if the constant likes by the same posters makes you superficially or temporarily like yourself again cool.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

If you could care less then why don't you?


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'm not trying to make them stereotypical criminals. But I am trying to be raw, honest and accurate about a place. But that's why I'm asking. Thank you for the post. When you say Pembury is unchanged, do you mean, it's still pretty murky to live. I just read a news article from early 2013 that a huge drug bust was done at Pembury.



Most of that part of East London could be described as murky.

What I was trying to get across is that because of the random investment into different parts of the area for a variety of reasons Bow is quite fragmented... with some streets and blocks being as rough and dangerous as anywhere else in London and others being quite gentrified. 

Pembury is a large place with houses all round full of well off media types... the estate is still an estate, though. To reflect the place and the people accurately and honestly I think you have to maybe think less about the deprivation and roughness because there are worse areas... and maybe look at the gap between haves and have nots in the area.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Ok anyway loser. Get a job or a wife or something.  A pet, a hobby. You look stupid posting for no reason. But *if the constant likes by the same posters makes you superficially or temporarily like yourself again* cool.


They really, really do.

What we're all doing here is an act of charity. The longer your time is wasted here, the longer it is before your literary abomination is released upon an unsuspecting, unprepared world.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> You've already dismissed your first two options on the strength of a couple of opinions on the internet. Hardly the most rigorous investigation, is it? I'd suggest that the kind of place you're looking for (a London estate where drug and gang violence is part of everyday life) only really exists in your head. Unless all your character needs is a background that makes people from elsewhere say "that's a bit rough, innit?" Then Pembury or Trelawney would both probably do you reputation-wise (not that most Londoners from elsewhere in London have a long list of rough estates in boroughs they didn't grow up in...)


 Get it all out of your system. Where did the whole gang violence detour come from? The stereotypes in your own mushy brain? Where did I say gang violence in my original post? Where kiddo? I asked about crime rates which are not exclusive to gangs and rent prices. So go away hobbit.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Get it all out of your system. Where did the whole gang violence detour come from? The stereotypes in your own mushy brain? Where did I say gang violence in my original post? Where kiddo? I asked about crime rates which are not exclusive to gangs and rent prices. So go away hobbit.


By the way, I was joking about writing a novel about a wasp who invents her own religion. A novel about a wasp who invents her own religion is my idea. 

If a novel comes out about a wasp who invents her own religion I WILL SUE YOU. IN LONDON.


----------



## Sue (Sep 19, 2013)

So, returning poster sweepie..?


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> Awesome trolling, are you Firky?


I'd agree that it's a revenant and probably male, but I don't think it's Firky.  Smells wrong.



fogbat said:


> Have you considered relocating the action to a space station orbiting Venus?


Orbiting Uranus might be more appropriate.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Sue said:


> So, returning poster sweepie..?


I think Weeps nailed it.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Kizmet said:


> Most of that part of East London could be described as murky.
> 
> What I was trying to get across is that because of the random investment into different parts of the area for a variety of reasons Bow is quite fragmented... with some streets and blocks being as rough and dangerous as anywhere else in London and others being quite gentrified.
> 
> Pembury is a large place with houses all round full of well off media types... the estate is still an estate, though. To reflect the place and the people accurately and honestly I think you have to maybe think less about the deprivation and roughness because there are worse areas... and maybe look at the gap between haves and have nots in the area.


 The novel is not about the violence. I just need a place where my character to be from and the crime rate would add to the delinquent persona he has. If it's a nice place, I mean, he'll still be from there and he'll still be a wayward but from what I read it's rough. All areas have contrasts of nice and grimy. Who wants to read a book about good kids playing with butterflies and picking daisies? lol That adds nothing to the neglected truth in life. Thanks by the way.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> They really, really do.
> 
> What we're all doing here is an act of charity. The longer your time is wasted here, the longer it is before your literary abomination is released upon an unsuspecting, unprepared world.


 Don't flatter yourself. I'm well on my way and you'll still be here in your obscure grain of sand wallowing in cynicism on a chat site.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

the suspicion of trollery is strong here. Would someone aspiring to write a london set novel really be so completely alien to the vernacular?


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Sep 19, 2013)

Another vote for Weeps.


----------



## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Get it all out of your system. Where did the whole gang violence detour come from? The stereotypes in your own mushy brain? Where did I say gang violence in my original post? Where kiddo? I asked about crime rates which are not exclusive to gangs and rent prices. So go away hobbit.



When you say "rough" in 2013, drugs and gangs is kinda implied, isn't it? You'd think a budding AUTHOR would have a better handle on that sort of thing...


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> the suspicion of trollery is strong here. Would someone aspiring to write a london set novel really be so completely alien to the vernacular?


 It's so hard to believe that a newb won't bow down, now they put on their Sherlock Holmes hats. Lol ridiculous few here.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Don't flatter yourself. I'm well on my way and you'll still be here in your obscure grain of sand wallowing in cynicism on a chat site.


Sez you. 

I don't know if you've noticed my tagline, but I am a Published Author.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> When you say "rough" in 2013, drugs and gangs is kinda implied, isn't it? You'd think a budding AUTHOR would have a better handle on that sort of thing...


 In your brain? I imply nothing. I say what I feel, all of it. If I meant gangs, I would say it. I don't have to circumvent around my concern for gangs, especially if that is my ultimate concern. I can create my own gang if that's my choice. You can have violence without gangs.


----------



## Onket (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Thanks to those where the thanks need apply.



You are welcome, but I am still waiting for a response

I think the pink reeboks sound good, by the way.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> Sez you.
> 
> I don't know if you've noticed my tagline, but I am a Published Author.


 I COULD CARE LESS WEIRDO. I'm glad I'm giving you something to do and please don't think you're popping my cherry for chat site forums. "Oh this is how it is so get used to it." I've been on boxing sites and am well into disputes.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> It's so hard to believe that a newb won't bow down, now they put on their Sherlock Holmes hats. Lol ridiculous few here.




well, I hope you know how to write UK english for your character, becaise otherwise its going to be shitter than Bilbo's accent in Green Street


----------



## ShiftyBagLady (Sep 19, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> the suspicion of trollery is strong here. Would someone aspiring to write a london set novel really be so completely alien to the vernacular?


Oh come on, the aspiring author is clearly well acquianted with the cultural currency of the East End: Lily Allen, Dizee and Wiley...


----------



## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> the suspicion of trollery is strong here. Would someone aspiring to write a london set novel really be so completely alien to the vernacular?


It's a recipe for a hilariously bad novel. Two characters saying things they would never say about places they only seem to have superficial details of.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I COULD CARE LESS WEIRDO. I'm glad I'm giving you something to do and please don't think you're popping my cherry for chat site forums. "Oh this is how it is so get used to it." I've been on boxing sites and am well into disputes.


How much less could you care, do you think?


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Sep 19, 2013)

Used the "could care less" line twice, so has a limited repetoire of Americanisms. But the caps are echt Foxy.


----------



## trashpony (Sep 19, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> poo hole lol


There's a street near me called poo hole lane. Trufax


----------



## Sue (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> I think Weeps nailed it.



Hatgirl..?


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

trashpony said:


> There's a street near me called poo hole lane. Trufax


I _need_ a photo of this, please


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

OH YES ! It was DOVER COURT I ran into. That's another grimy place that refuses to hide stark reality about socioeconomic crises. http://www.islingtongazette.co.uk/n..._demolition_in_council_housing_plan_1_2164220#


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Sue said:


> Hatgirl..?


Foxyred. Blatant.


----------



## Onket (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> I _need_ a photo of this, please



Was just going to post this!


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> It's so hard to believe that a newb won't bow down, now they put on their Sherlock Holmes hats. Lol ridiculous few here.


Sweetie, I implore you to either comply with the customs pertaining to these boards or to stand not upon the order of your going.  As an aspiring author/writer, you might find the "Song of the Ogres" by W.H. Auden illuminating.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Onket said:


> Was just going to post this!


Too slow


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> The novel is not about the violence. I just need a place where my character to be from and the crime rate would add to the delinquent persona he has. If it's a nice place, I mean, he'll still be from there and he'll still be a wayward but from what I read it's rough. All areas have contrasts of nice and grimy.



This is very true.

But I think you'll be missing a trick and an opportunity to add an interesting depth to the character - wayward from an impoverished background is very different to wayward from a more complicated set of circumstances. A very different set of aspirations and perhaps greater ambition?



> Who wants to read a book about good kids playing with butterflies and picking daisies? lol That adds nothing to the neglected truth in life. Thanks by the way.



Playing with butterflies, picking daisies and taking out perps with an Uzi 9mm.

That's a book I'd read.


----------



## weepiper (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> The novel is not about the violence. I just need a place where my character to be from and the crime rate would add to the delinquent persona he has. If it's a nice place, I mean, he'll still be from there and he'll still be a wayward but from what I read it's rough. All areas have contrasts of nice and grimy. Who wants to read a book about good kids playing with butterflies and picking daisies? lol That adds nothing to the neglected truth in life. Thanks by the way.



You said it was a girl from the rough place in your title. Make your mind up or it's going to be an awfully schizophrenic book.


----------



## Onket (Sep 19, 2013)

Oh dear, she's said "sweetie"!!!!!!


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Sue said:


> Hatgirl..?


 I'm glad you remember. I find it rather fucking hilarious whether you do or don't.

(Here comes another poster commenting for no reason to maintain reputation on a chat site).


----------



## trashpony (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> I _need_ a photo of this, please





Onket said:


> Was just going to post this!



I'll see what I can do


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> You said it was a girl from the rough place in your title. Make your mind up or it's going to be an awfully schizophrenic book.


Now you've ruined the Wasp Factory twist


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> You said it was a girl from the rough place in your title. Make your mind up or it's going to be an awfully schizophrenic book.


 Bitch rough isn't synonymous for gangs. If that's what your mind alludes to that's your problem. Anything else tart.


----------



## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> In your brain? I imply nothing. I say what I feel, all of it. If I meant gangs, I would say it. I don't have to circumvent around my concern for gangs, especially if that is my ultimate concern. I can create my own gang if that's my choice. You can have violence without gangs.



Not using implication or nuance is the sign of a truly brilliant writer.


----------



## weepiper (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Bitch rough isn't synonymous for gangs. If that's what your mind alludes to that's your problem. Anything else tart.



Definitely Foxy.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

THIS BOOK IS GOING TO BE A GREAT SUCCESS!!! ALREADY STARTING CONTROVERSY!!


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

I think Cole and her 18 novel strong career can rest easy then


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> Definitely Foxy.


 Who thinks someone would pose as a new member just for kicks. You are not important. Hard to believe I could care less about your own little chat site gang, huh.


----------



## Sue (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'm glad you remember. I find it rather fucking hilarious whether you do or don't.
> 
> (Here comes another poster commenting for no reason to maintain reputation on a chat site).


And there I was just about to share some insights into life on a Hackney estate too.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> I think Cole and her 18 novel strong career can rest easy then



Foxy's novel is going to get a gold star, and pride of place on the fridge


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> Not using implication or nuance is the sign of a truly brilliant writer.


 The way I lower my intelligence to better communicate with someone who is clearly limited has nothing to do with how I write an actual novel. So okay pea brain; I wasn't aware I was speaking with a connoisseur.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Sue said:


> And there I was just about to share some insights into life on a Hackney estate too.


 Yeah right Susan Boyle. You're not the only person in the world  I can go to!?


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> Foxy's novel is going to get a gold star, and pride of place on the fridge




Did somebody say Business Secrets of the Pharoes?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Ooh I live this!! Adversity strengthens my _muss muss_!!


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

what about derision?


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 19, 2013)

weepiper said:


> You said it was a girl from the rough place in your title. Make your mind up or it's going to be an awfully schizophrenic book.



I thought that too, but she also mentioned a graffiti artist friend of the female character from the Pembury Estate.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Yeah right Susan Boyle. You're not the only person in the world  I can go to!?


----------



## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> The way I lower my intelligence to better communicate with someone who is clearly limited has nothing to do with how I write an actual novel. So okay pea brain; I wasn't aware I was speaking with a connoisseur.


Incidentally, how does one "lower ones intelligence"? Is it a complex operation?


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

fogbat said:


> Foxy's novel is going to get a gold star, and pride of place on the fridge


Vanity publishing (lulu.com anyone?) FTW - one copy for their mum and one for each of their nans.


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

Onket said:


> Oh dear, she's said "sweetie"!!!!!!


I'm particularly irritated as I was trying to wrap my head around Polish pronounciation marks FFS.


----------



## stuff_it (Sep 19, 2013)

Greebo said:


> I'd agree that it's a revenant and probably male, but I don't think it's Firky.  Smells wrong.
> 
> 
> Orbiting Uranus might be more appropriate.


Ahem!



stuff_it said:


> Mining colony orbiting Uranus more like!


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> THIS BOOK IS GOING TO BE A GREAT SUCCESS!!! ALREADY STARTING CONTROVERSY!!


That's the spirit sweetie, you keep telling yourself that and you might just about bore enough people into submission.  

*shrug* It seems to work for proselytising Hare Krishnas...


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 19, 2013)

I got vanity published in a kids poetry book crowd spurced by money from parents of my school. My classmate passed off 'Jolly Hunter' as his own work. I''m not dissapointed with the publishers there, I'm dissapointed with the english faculty who failed to correct this pretty enormous bit of plagiarism.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> Incidentally, how does one "lower ones intelligence"? Is it a complex operation?


 Easy peasy.  All I do is leave out any signs of negotiation, cooperation, and humility. And you got yourself a dumbass. It's like...learning Spanish to go to Spain. How else do you communicate with someone if you don't speak their language. So I talk to people like them so they can relate. If you find me unintelligent...you must relate to that...don't you..?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Greebo said:


> That's the spirit sweetie, you keep telling yourself that and you might just about bore enough people into submission.
> 
> *shrug* It seems to work for proselytising Hare Krishnas...


A success it shall be!! Hold on to your tandem bike helmets old people!!


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> A success it shall be!! Hold on to your tandem bike helmets old people!!


Have you been at the Bolivian marching powder again?


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

It's a bit like Mr Benn, this, isn't it? 

This week, Foxy is dressing up as an author. Next week, the shopkeeper will provide her with an astronaut costume.


----------



## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Easy peasy.  All I do is leave out any signs of negotiation, cooperation, and humility. And you got yourself a dumbass. It's like...learning Spanish to go to Spain. How else do you communicate with someone if you don't speak their language. So I talk to people like them so they can relate. If you find me unintelligent...you must relate to that...don't you..?


Ah yes, humility, a quality often associated with people who presume to write about people and places they haven't the first clue about.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Kizmet said:


> I thought that too, but she also mentioned a graffiti artist friend of the female character from the Pembury Estate.


 Do you know of Dover Court Estate. I can't find much. Only about the redevelopment and one photo.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

I'M GOING INTO SPACE, BITCHES -------->


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> Ah yes, humility, a quality often associated with people who presume to write about people and places they haven't the first clue about.


 Your reading comprehension is for shit.  I said LEAVE OUT humility. Your hands work faster than your brain buddy. Thanks for the useless information. I hope in my adversity you find a little chat site friend.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

So, so far (_Of the *200* posts_) under 5 have actually helped me out with the designated location for my novel. Everyone who's read it as well as anything else I've written incessantly compliments me, and anyone I ask help for yields that help. So you 6 losers on a chat site won't keep me down. Thanks though, you help me deal with those finicky critics later down the road even better !


----------



## Lo Siento. (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Your reading comprehension is for shit.  I said LEAVE OUT humility. Your hands work faster than your brain buddy. Thanks for the useless information. I hope in my adversity you find a little chat site friend.


Leaving it out would imply having it in the first place. You are finding the whole implication thing difficult to deal with, aren't you?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> Leaving it out would imply having it in the first place. You are finding the whole implication thing difficult to deal with, aren't you?


 No, but you find it too easy to resort to.


----------



## TruXta (Sep 19, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> straight outta penge, crazy muthafucker named ice cube


Fuck you, you know nothing about Penge, Northamptonshire scum.


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> Ah yes, humility, a quality often associated with people who presume to write about people and places they haven't the first clue about.


Unlike those who bother to shut up, listen, observe, and try to learn something first.  I'm naming no names, but Terry Pratchett doing a bit of research while discreetly enjoying a very quiet pint in a well chosen corner springs to mind.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Greebo said:


> Unlike those who bother to shut up, listen, observe, and try to learn something first.  I'm naming no names, but Terry Pratchett doing a bit of research while discreetly enjoying a very quiet pint in a well chosen corner springs to mind.


 The phantom yet reputed post-liker finally shows up, though to contribute nothing like his desired friends.


----------



## Sweet FA (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I COULD CARE LESS WEIRDO


This should be the default response to everything fogbat says 
In fact the entire post is fucking comedy gold.


Apryl said:


> I've been on boxing sites and am well into disputes.










Greebo said:


> Sweetie


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Ok, chat forum lingo I have no will to learn.

Moving on.


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> The phantom yet reputed post-liker finally shows up, though to contribute nothing like his desired friends.


Sweetie, I've given you the information you need right here and right now - it's not my problem if that's not what you think you want.

Incidentally, I've had better people than you for breakfast.  You are boring, inept, and bumptious.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Twirl twirl in a scary world for a girl.

Twirl twirl twirl.


----------



## fogbat (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Ok, chat forum lingo I have no will to learn.
> 
> Moving on.



5,4,3...


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Do you know of Dover Court Estate. I can't find much. Only about the redevelopment and one photo.



I know where it is and been through it a few times. Never had much cause to stop for long.

Looks much like any other urban estate. With maybe better kebab shops nearby.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Greebo said:


> Sweetie, I've given you the information you need right here and right now - it's not my problem if that's not what you think you want.


 Yawns.


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Yawns.


Go to bed, sweetie.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Kizmet said:


> I know where it is and been through it a few times. Never had much cause to stop for long.
> 
> Looks much like any other urban estate. With maybe better kebab shops nearby.


 I notice a lot of graffiti on walls. Is vandalism an issue? It's my own plot but it has to be realistic of the area.

I mean so far, you've done a great job by the way. All I want to know is the typical council rent price for any estate and if the gentrification and refurbishments affected that. Then I mentioned Pembury and basically you gave me what I needed; it's a regular urban estate so it's not so picturesque. That reality is what I need. And then Dover, that it is Islington, which is in Dalston, Hackney...?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Greebo said:


> Go to bed, sweetie.


 I'm halfway there with your boring posts. Found a friend yet..?


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'm halfway there with your boring posts. Found a friend yet..?


Your mask is slipping.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Lmao I like you guys. I'll be back tomorrow


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 19, 2013)

I lived in Crossways estate for 25 years, I moved out in 2009. It was a rough estate but there were much worse places in the area. Since the renovations and new building work, the estate has improved quite a lot. I would not class it as a rough estate any longer.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Greebo said:


> Your mask is slipping.


 ..Doesn't mean much...?

I'm so grand. My first day here and these lumps refuse to think I'm new. I have too much charisma for my own good, I'm attracting the bitter from their roost. I better get incognito fast!!!!


----------



## Fozzie Bear (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> And then Dover, that it is Islington, which is in Dalston, Hackney...?



Spot on. You're really getting the hang of this.


----------



## eoin_k (Sep 19, 2013)

Broadway Market is the authentic gritty underbelly of contemporary Hackney.  It is full of street urchins in tweed jackets picking the pockets of unsuspecting passers by and singing duets with Dick Van Dyke.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Got my answer. Post removed!

Actually I didn't, I erased it prematurely!!


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 19, 2013)

Can't tell you the rents of the area, I'm afraid, am squatting so got no idea what people pay.

Dover Court is kinda between Islington and Dalston.

Unless your looking for something specific a landmark to mention or something I'm not sure what else I can add. If you want to know where to buy a gun or the best drugs... Well, I'm not going to just tell you that kind of info.


----------



## Greebo (Sep 19, 2013)

Apryl said:


> ..Doesn't mean much...?<snip> I better get incognito fast!!!!


Whether your profile is viewable or not is irrelevant - regulars have a nose for returners and in my arrogant opinion you reek to high heaven.  It's your voice, it's who you rub up against, it's a whole heap of nothing much which adds up to a huge steaming turd.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Fozzie Bear said:


> Spot on. You're really getting the hang of this.


So is that a yes or no for Dalston?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 19, 2013)

Greebo said:


> Whether your profile is viewable or not is irrelevant - regulars have a nose for returners and in my arrogant opinion you reek to high heaven.  It's your voice, it's who you rub up against, it's a whole heap of nothing much which adds up to a huge steaming turd.


 Oh whatever nancy drew. I don't know of these people you speak of nor do I care but if it makes you feel more important and included on here be my guest and speculate away.


----------



## weepiper (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'll make her the bad seed then. She's mixed race, living with a white single mum who used to be a teen mom and got council housing since her wealthy parents disowned her. Now she finds trouble in undesirable males from "rough" parts of town as she comes of age. I'm looking for a rough part is all.



Your book sounds shit.


----------



## Fozzie Bear (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> So is that a yes or no for Dalston?



Islington is in Dalston, which is a district of Hackney, yes.


----------



## Greebo (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Oh whatever nancy drew. I don't know of these people you speak of nor do I care but if it makes you feel more important and included on here be my guest and speculate away.


FWIW I'm more concerned about what's going to happen to you when that mask is pulled off yet again.  Why you're here now or what brought you back this time is of the utmost indifference to me.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

weepiper said:


> Your book sounds shit.


 Thanks! You're a sore thumb!


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

Fozzie Bear said:


> Islington is in Dalston, which is a district of Hackney, yes.


 Perfect. Thanks!


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

And where is Pembury estate, borough and district?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

Aw piss, just found out; it's in Clapton. Not Dalston. Why that's a horse of a different color =\


----------



## Greebo (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> And where is Pembury estate, borough and district?


Have you considered buying a copy of the London A to Z?


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Aw piss, just found out; it's in Clapton. Not Dalston. Why that's a horse of a different color =\



racist


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

Greebo said:


> Have you considered buying a copy of the London A to Z?


Why do that when you kind lovely people can assist me free.


----------



## eoin_k (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Aw piss...


Is that standard NYC vernacular or are you some sort of literary anglophile.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> racist


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'm looking for a rough part is all.



Then look elswhere.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

eoin_k said:


> Is that standard NYC vernacular or are you some sort of literary anglophile.


 Literary anglophile, am I than transparent?!


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

fishfinger said:


> Then look elswhere.


 Why? There are tons of rough parts in London.


----------



## eoin_k (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Literary anglophile, am I than transparent?!


You are than transparent. (_sic_)


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

eoin_k said:


> You are than transparent. (_sic_)


 Eh?


----------



## Sue (Sep 20, 2013)

Fozzie Bear said:


> Islington is in Dalston, which is a district of Hackney, yes.


Tower Hamlets was mentioned too...


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

Why are you people so cynical. You're acting like I'm trying to pass a bill for monkeys to be allowed to get schooled with your kids.

Unless this happened already!


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

I'm hungry...

hungry for more!!


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'm hungry...
> 
> hungry for more!!


 heheh. WOO I crack myself up!! Slaps knee.


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Why? There are tons of rough parts in London.



I was referring to Crossways/Bow Cross West estate.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

fishfinger said:


> I was referring to Crossways/Bow Cross West estate.


So point me to another rough part.

Plus, take your time.


My character is from Bow Cross West. She _finds_ a rough bloke from another part of town. _She's_ not from a rough part of town!

I said that in clear English, Englishman.


----------



## ddraig (Sep 20, 2013)

ignore it init


----------



## Greebo (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Why do that when you kind lovely people can assist me free.


Because it'll give you far more of a feel for the area which you claim you want to write about.


Apryl said:


> Eh?


I think what eoin_k is getting at is that you, sweetie, reek.  You are more than transparent.  You might just as well dance along the street wearing nothing but glowsticks, it'd be far more discreet.


----------



## weepiper (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> So point me to another rough part.
> 
> Plus, take your time.
> 
> ...





Apryl said:


> And I would really love to know whether it has improved since being Devons/Crossways. I know Wiley and Dizzee are from E3 so I'm curious. Has the rent gone up for council; I recall it's not even a couple hundred pound per week. Has the demographic changed, has the crime rate changed. Anything else I missed that you can tell me about. *If I write about a character who is "hard" would Bow Cross West now be off for that kind of character.*
> 
> Also questions about Pembury Estate, the character from Bow knows a graffiti artist from Pembury. I hear it's rough but I'd like to hear from locals, not journalists.* It has to be a rough place where my characters are from.*



You seem confused.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

So what I got from today.

Bow Cross West is better than Bow Crossways.

Rent prices still unanswered.

Pembury is rough as any other council estate. Enough for me.

Islington is in Dalston, Hackney.

Dover Court is in Islington.

Trelawney is a pretty safe place.

My book is shit to hatgirl and associates.

What a successful day!


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'm hungry...
> 
> hungry for more!!



More what?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

Lmao you're still here!!



weepiper said:


> You seem confused.


To the first boldfaced.

If I'm asking, I must not be sure. Now that it has been established, Cross West is not "hard" then fine. I stated that already hatgirl. So she ISN'T from a hard place, but now I'm still searching for a hard place for her boyfriend.

And if it's shit then go away!?


----------



## Greebo (Sep 20, 2013)

Kizmet said:


> More what?


More poison of choice.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 20, 2013)

Kizmet said:


> More what?




you can't afford the airfare


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

Kizmet said:


> More what?


 Of cynical, skeptical posters, of course.

And any information you're willing to give me.


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I said that in clear English, Englishman.



English, yes. Clear, as mud.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> you can't afford the airfare


But you or a friend deduced that I'm rich and spoiled.

Now I can't afford.

Ha!! Contradictions!! Proves you're just blowing wind and I should take NOTHING you say seriously if anyone ever does that.


----------



## weepiper (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Lmao you're still here!!
> 
> 
> To the first boldfaced.
> ...



If you can stick around on this thread in the face of our unrelenting levels of fail and terrible lack of intelligence then I can stick around on this thread even though your book is shit.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

fishfinger said:


> English, yes. Clear, as mud.


 blahblahblah.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

weepiper said:


> If you can stick around on this thread in the face of our unrelenting levels of fail and terrible lack of intelligence then I can stick around on this thread even though your book is shit.


 I can stick around!!!
I got an award from the site for "keeps coming back!"


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> blahblahblah.



I think your language module just failed.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

I DON'T CARE WHAT ANY OF YOU THINK. JUST ANSWER THE STUFFING QUESTIONS!!


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 20, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> you can't afford the airfare



I could sell your organs down the Pembury Estate.

Might be able to get a stamp, at least.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

My book is amazing. I'll get the Pullitzer Price for Best fiction of its year.


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> JUST ANSWER THE STUFFING QUESTIONS!!



Kapok or hollowfibre?


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

fishfinger said:


> Kapok or hollowfibre?


Twirl twirl in a cold world for a little girl.

Twirl twirl twirl.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

Well...maybe it is shit!!  You know these thoughts do enter my head!!!


But then again..

I'm always rather hard on myself.


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 20, 2013)

You do poetry too


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> My book is amazing. I'll get the Pullitzer Price for Best fiction of its year.



Or your profile will.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

I successfully kept you planks on here fully occupied for a record _*THREE HOURS AND COUNTING!!!!*_

If my silly posts keep you so indulged imagine my novel!!


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

fishfinger said:


> You do poetry too


 lmao.


----------



## weepiper (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I successfully kept you planks on here fully occupied for a record _*THREE HOURS AND COUNTING!!!!*_
> 
> If my silly posts keep you so indulged imagine my novel!!



Fully occupied? You're filling in the cracks between housework, internet grocery shopping and sorting stuff for my daughter's birthday party tomorrow, don't flatter yourself.


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

weepiper said:


> Fully occupied? You're filling in the cracks between housework, internet grocery shopping and sorting stuff for my daughter's birthday party tomorrow, don't flatter yourself.


Three hours is a long crack lmao

She hates me like her man wants to date me. He probably would.

No daddy to help you alleviate the three hours for your shopping and party planning?  

or is another story coming up in 5, 4, 3, 2...


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 20, 2013)

Long crack.

Now that's a great name for a book...


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> So what I got from today.
> 
> Bow Cross West is better than Bow Crossways.
> 
> ...


 

Yep!! And I realized, all my questions were answered!!!

Thanks guys!!!


----------



## Apryl (Sep 20, 2013)

Moonwalks away.

Any posts from here on out I will not see!! Argue amongst your peasant selves!! Nighty night twit twats!! 

(now...hands on hips...how do I log out...? )


----------



## Supine (Sep 20, 2013)

Wow.  What a rude addition to the u75 family


----------



## equationgirl (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Lmao. You think you're so smart. I've been through ALL OF THAT ALREADY. Hence asking a demographic on a chat forum for deeper insight. Areas will put up on their sites very misleading material, locals should have more actual experiences that I love to use for primary research. I've done all secondary research ALREADY.


He is smart, whereas as you are just extremely rude.

You want to write about somewhere, you do the research yourself.


----------



## weepiper (Sep 20, 2013)

What a maroon.


----------



## equationgirl (Sep 20, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> Who is this "everyone"?
> 
> It's certainly no more rough than Moss Side.


Or certain parts of Glasgow, or Birmingham, or *gasp* some of the projects in New York, Apryl .


----------



## equationgirl (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> I'm asking about demographics of refurbished council estates and crime rates.
> 
> Nothing to do with _gang violence._ A poster I think Lo Siento just said 4 murders were done by lovers. I could care less about gang violence, I just want to know if the vibe around the estates is at all murky for appropriate image. Either way, nice place or not, crime happens everywhere and I'll still be using Bow Cross and Pembury regardless. Just wanted specifics.


You got given the answer by Pickman's model  fairly early on in this thread. Try reading posts written by other people.


----------



## equationgirl (Sep 20, 2013)

fogbat said:


> It's a bit like Mr Benn, this, isn't it?
> 
> This week, Foxy is dressing up as an author. Next week, the shopkeeper will provide her with an astronaut costume.


Mr Benn was way better.


----------



## Vintage Paw (Sep 20, 2013)

If you come back to this thread, Apryl, I'd like to offer my services to you. I can tell from the things you've written here tonight that you are a woman of fine literary taste. I have no doubt that when push comes to shove you'll be able to rise above your fellow Americans' habits of misunderstanding grammar to be able to knock this dreadful 'could care less' stuff on the head and churn out a wonderful piece of fiction that really gets to grips with the realities of Londoners' lives that even Londoners themselves will marvel at, wondering if in fact the author herself has been moving amongst them unknown for decades, and perhaps even questioning how they'd always failed to see just how gritty and real and violent their lives really were.

I've in the past written many a published review (print published, not just this fly-by-night online reviewing malarkey that any Tom, Dick or Harry can knock out) of books, and in fact snippets of my reviews have been printed in following editions of those books (well, one book in fact, but let's not worry about the details). I think taking on board someone with my expertise will help you market your manuscript in ways that will ensure that you are no longer an ASPIRING AUTHOR but someone who has countless millions of pound and is able to buy her very own Hogwarts just like the Queen. Then you'll not have to worry when it comes to future authorial projects with all this tiring research (I think we can both agree that thoroughly researching a book is a mug's game, and that every successful author out there will tell you that all it takes is passion, innate talent, and the ability to be aggressive in online communities), because you'll be in a position to simply trade off* your incredibly well-known name, just like Rowling always did even before she was famous and rich. But you WILL be rich, so you'll be able to do it even better.

Stick with me, kid. Between us we might not have much experience, but that doesn't matter. People who are meant to make it in this life will most assuredly make it as long as they have the right amount of zeal, and did I mention aggression?

*note that I only used 'off' instead of 'off of' - if you're writing from the point of view of English people that's another dreadful Americanism you'll want to address. See also: 'got' and 'gotten'.

I'll await your reply.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 20, 2013)

Kizmet said:


> I could sell your organs down the Pembury Estate.
> 
> Might be able to get a stamp, at least.


more than one - a load of stamps and a couple of kicks


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 20, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> more than one - a load of stamps and a couple of kicks



I've been known to get my kicks down on the Pembury.


----------



## el-ahrairah (Sep 20, 2013)

i've just gotten to the bottom of page one.  my prediction:  a very good troll.  A++ would be trolled by this troll again

not lets see what pages 2 - 10 offer


----------



## editor (Sep 20, 2013)

She's now written to me DEMANDING that the thread be instantly removed.


----------



## discokermit (Sep 20, 2013)

i'm on page five. apryl, so far, is the best poster ever. will catch up after work.


----------



## Dan U (Sep 20, 2013)

editor said:


> She's now written to me DEMANDING that the thread be instantly removed.



Ha ha hahaha


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 20, 2013)

Dan U said:


> Ha ha hahaha


Apryl is a poster who keeps on giving


----------



## el-ahrairah (Sep 20, 2013)

great stuff, well done Apryl keep us informed as to how thebook is going.  i wrote a book once and everyone said it was shit but i persevered and now i am rich and famous and all my fans want to marry me and make me tea and i can go to bed at whatever time i like it's awesome.


----------



## Dan U (Sep 20, 2013)

I want a first edition signed by our leader Pickman's model


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 20, 2013)

I wouldn't trust pickmans to lead a conga line


----------



## Jon-of-arc (Sep 20, 2013)

3 pages in and virtually every post by Apryl is an absolute gem. A masterclass in getting your own way; dale Carnegie for the twitter generation. Cunting people off in one breath, demanding help and answers in the next.

Does this thread get better?


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Sep 20, 2013)

I can't wait to read her book about an estate in Islington, Dalston, in the borough of Hackney.  It's gonna be AWESOME!!


----------



## Greebo (Sep 20, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> I wouldn't trust pickmans to lead a conga line


I would - as long as it was supposed to go near something he was inclined to head for anyway.


----------



## Greebo (Sep 20, 2013)

discokermit said:


> i'm on page five. apryl, so far, is the best poster ever. will catch up after work.


Diverting, if you like that sort of thing.

Appallingly socially inept though.


----------



## Crispy (Sep 20, 2013)

GOOD THREAD

edit: didn't mean to caps, but it suits


----------



## ash (Sep 20, 2013)

Crispy said:


> GOOD THREAD
> 
> edit: didn't mean to caps, but it suits


If the CAPS fits ...,


----------



## Santino (Sep 20, 2013)

Not Foxy though.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 20, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> I wouldn't trust pickmans to lead a conga line


you're just put out Apryl spotted the leader here and it wasn't you


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Sep 20, 2013)

Santino said:


> Not Foxy though.



Your chivalry in this regard continues to do you credit. I suppose that Foxy would have been a more convincing American and a better novelist?


----------



## Frances Lengel (Sep 20, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> Who is this "everyone"?
> 
> It's certainly no more rough than Moss Side.



Moss Side's quite a sought after area these days. Towns are often rougher than cities IMO


----------



## quimcunx (Sep 20, 2013)

I've skipped pages 5-11.   Is this novel being set in Brixton yet?


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 20, 2013)

Frances Lengel said:


> Moss Side's quite a sought after area these days. Towns are often rougher than cities IMO




longsight used to have something of a rep also.


----------



## Santino (Sep 20, 2013)

Silas Loom said:


> Your chivalry in this regard continues to do you credit. I suppose that Foxy would have been a more convincing American and a better novelist?


I speak merely as a connoisseur of posting styles.


----------



## stuff_it (Sep 20, 2013)

editor said:


> She's now written to me DEMANDING that the thread be instantly removed.


Make it a sticky, for at least a month.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> You're so bored. An author can be anyone. You want me to be a 60 yr old recluse. I would assume we would find authors in college aspiring for higher learning.



Interesting.
You believe that the mere act of calling yourself an author makes you one.
Being an unpublished author, let alone a published one, takes a bit more than magical thinking.

What one tends to find in colleges, by the way, are indeed people who aspire to learn. Usually to learn a craft or discipline.


----------



## 5t3IIa (Sep 20, 2013)

Isn't Bow in Tower Hamlets?


----------



## Fozzie Bear (Sep 20, 2013)

5t3IIa said:


> Isn't Bow in Tower Hamlets?


 
Yes. Tower Hamlets, the district of Hackney.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> Everyone says Hackney is the worst. And I've already understand it has a face for stabbings and gangs because of the Tower Hamlets. Just making sure, but I've heard disputes that they're not so bad. I still want Hackney, sorry. I've decided on Bow and Pembury, just want to know what Google can't tell me.



"Everyone" tends to include people who've never been within a hundred miles of Hackney.  They kind of miss the point that places like Hackney and Brixton get picked on because they're in the capital city, and have a fairly long-term "vibe" to them with regard to criminality and violence.  Thing is, *every* major city in Europe and the US has areas that have similar vibes, and those vibes tend to be stereotypes, rather than factual.
For example, you mention stabbings and gangs with regard to Tower hamlets, but there have been consistently more stabbing on the south side of the Thames, than on the north side, where Tower Hamlets is.  It's all about myth and (in some cases) reputation.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

editor said:


> If your book is even one per cent as bad as your attitude, it's going to be a real stinker.



The proofer will have their work cut out too, with the sheer volume of poor grammar and punctuation.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Silas Loom said:


> A tosspot is a drunk. Apryl is a tosser.



Or "tossrag".


----------



## 5t3IIa (Sep 20, 2013)

Fozzie Bear said:


> Yes. Tower Hamlets, the district of Hackney.



But... but...?

Nevermind.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

fogbat said:


> I'd give up on the whole gang violence theme. Bit overdone, innit?



I dunno.  There are some good plays on the theme, like "London Falling" by Paul Cornell, where there's a supernatural element overlaying gang crime and violence.
But yeah, youth gang violence in London was already overdone as a literary theme 5 years ago, although I suppose you might be able to sell a book in a foreign market where people are somewhat less aware of the reality than Londoners.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> THIS BOOK IS GOING TO BE A GREAT SUCCESS!!! ALREADY STARTING CONTROVERSY!!



You're confusing chatting shite on the internet and getting raspberried at for doing so, with being able to write a successful novel.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Lo Siento. said:


> Not using implication or nuance is the sign of a truly brilliant writer.



Or of Norman Mailer, to be fair.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> The way I lower my intelligence to better communicate with someone who is clearly limited has nothing to do with how I write an actual novel. So okay pea brain; I wasn't aware I was speaking with a connoisseur.



You realise that implying that your own intelligence is greater than someone elses', is generally a sign of a deep-seated anxiety and insecurity about it, don't you?

Signed, A Psychologist.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Apryl said:


> So, so far (_Of the *200* posts_) under 5 have actually helped me out with the designated location for my novel. Everyone who's read it as well as anything else I've written *incessantly compliments me*, and anyone I ask help for yields that help. So you 6 losers on a chat site won't keep me down. Thanks though, you help me deal with those finicky critics later down the road even better !



"many PMs of support".


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

fishfinger said:


> I lived in Crossways estate for 25 years, I moved out in 2009. It was a rough estate but there were much worse places in the area. Since the renovations and new building work, the estate has improved quite a lot. I would not class it as a rough estate any longer.



Ever noticed that however shitty the estate you live on is. there's always somewhere reputedly worse?


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

eoin_k said:


> Broadway Market is the authentic gritty underbelly of contemporary Hackney.  It is full of street urchins in tweed jackets picking the pockets of unsuspecting passers by and singing duets with Dick Van Dyke.



Is Dick still using that appalling _faux_-Cockney accent that makes him sound like he'd be more comfortable speaking Afrikaans?


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Greebo said:


> FWIW I'm more concerned about what's going to happen to you when that mask is pulled off yet again.  Why you're here now or what brought you back this time is of the utmost indifference to me.



The Ethiopian boyfriend, perhaps?


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Vintage Paw said:


> If you come back to this thread, Apryl, I'd like to offer my services to you. I can tell from the things you've written here tonight that you are a woman of fine literary taste. I have no doubt that when push comes to shove you'll be able to rise above your fellow Americans' habits of misunderstanding grammar to be able to knock this dreadful 'could care less' stuff on the head and churn out a wonderful piece of fiction that really gets to grips with the realities of Londoners' lives that even Londoners themselves will marvel at, wondering if in fact the author herself has been moving amongst them unknown for decades, and perhaps even questioning how they'd always failed to see just how gritty and real and violent their lives really were.
> 
> I've in the past written many a published review (print published, not just this fly-by-night online reviewing malarkey that any Tom, Dick or Harry can knock out) of books, and in fact snippets of my reviews have been printed in following editions of those books (well, one book in fact, but let's not worry about the details). I think taking on board someone with my expertise will help you market your manuscript in ways that will ensure that you are no longer an ASPIRING AUTHOR but someone who has countless millions of pound and is able to buy her very own Hogwarts just like the Queen. Then you'll not have to worry when it comes to future authorial projects with all this tiring research (I think we can both agree that thoroughly researching a book is a mug's game, and that every successful author out there will tell you that all it takes is passion, innate talent, and the ability to be aggressive in online communities), because you'll be in a position to simply trade off* your incredibly well-known name, just like Rowling always did even before she was famous and rich. But you WILL be rich, so you'll be able to do it even better.
> 
> ...



Now *that* is creative writing!


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Santino said:


> Not Foxy though.



Reminds me of that (supposedly) Pakistani girl who had a brief moment of glory before trolling herself out.  Similar grammar and punctuation tics.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 20, 2013)

Fozzie Bear said:


> Yes. Tower Hamlets, the district of Hackney.




Tower Hamlets, district of Hackney, zone of Eastend, City of London (north side).


----------



## CharlieChaplin (Sep 20, 2013)

Make them from Lewisham instead. Much more believable.


----------



## CharlieChaplin (Sep 20, 2013)

Silas Loom said:


> Oh, and she can't actually write.



That's right. She is the most popular living author in the world because she can't write. You silly badger.

Silas Loom sounds like a Harry Potter character.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Sep 20, 2013)

CharlieChaplin said:


> You silly badger.



Come now. There is barely any correlation at all between prose style and sales. Would you say that Archer can write? Or the _Fifty Shades_ woman?


----------



## CharlieChaplin (Sep 20, 2013)

Silas Loom said:


> Come now. There is barely any correlation at all between prose style and sales. Would you say that Archer can write? Or the _Fifty Shades_ woman?



I haven't read either of their books but I saw an extract from 50 shades of grey and it was very poor.

But JK Rowling has an enduring fan base. She is a good writer. People even praised the book she released anonymously under that man's name.


----------



## butchersapron (Sep 20, 2013)

CharlieChaplin said:


> I haven't read either of their books but I saw an extract from 50 shades of grey and it was very poor.
> 
> But JK Rowling has an enduring fan base. She is a good writer. People even praised the book she released anonymously under that man's name.


winker


----------



## CharlieChaplin (Sep 20, 2013)

butchersapron said:


> winker



Why you hate me so much?

You grief me every.single.time.


----------



## butchersapron (Sep 20, 2013)

CharlieChaplin said:


> Why you hate me so much?
> 
> You grief me every.single.time.


Why are you stalking me? Is it because i wear the veil?


----------



## CharlieChaplin (Sep 20, 2013)

butchersapron said:


> Why are you stalking me? Is it because i wear the veil?



You're Muslim?


----------



## equationgirl (Sep 20, 2013)

CharlieChaplin said:


> Why you hate me so much?
> 
> You grief me every.single.time.


I assume Charlie Chaplin was banned for unspeakable crimes against grammar and punctuation as shown in the sample evidence above?


----------



## stuff_it (Sep 20, 2013)

equationgirl said:


> I assume Charlie Chaplin was banned for unspeakable crimes against grammar and punctuation as shown in the sample evidence above?


Possibly. He is right though, Silas Loom _does_ sound like a Harry Potter character. I like to imagine him pulling pints in the bar in Diagon Alley.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 20, 2013)

ViolentPanda said:


> I dunno.  There are some good plays on the theme, like "London Falling" by *Paul Cornell*, where there's a supernatural element overlaying gang crime and violence.
> But yeah, youth gang violence in London was already overdone as a literary theme 5 years ago, although I suppose you might be able to sell a book in a foreign market where people are somewhat less aware of the reality than Londoners.



think he's also written for Dr Who, script and book. If we are on about the same bloke.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 20, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> Possibly. He is right though, Silas Loom _does_ sound like a Harry Potter character. I like to imagine him pulling pints in the bar in Diagon Alley.




If Silas Loom was in charge of House Slytherin (where else wold he be?) he'd have done loads of cynical cost benefit analysis and ended up bulldozing Hogwarts


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Sep 20, 2013)

You can't deny that it ran much more smoothly under Dolores Umbridge.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 20, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> Possibly. He is right though, Silas Loom _does_ sound like a Harry Potter character. I like to imagine him pulling pints in the bar in Diagon Alley.


i like to imagine him puking his guts up in the gutter outside the pub in diagon alley


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 20, 2013)

CharlieChaplin said:


> I haven't read either of their books but I saw an extract from 50 shades of grey and it was very poor.
> 
> But JK Rowling has an enduring fan base. She is a good writer. People even praised the book she released anonymously under that man's name.


some people will praise anything


----------



## kittyP (Sep 20, 2013)

stuff_it said:


> Possibly. He is right though, Silas Loom _does_ sound like a Harry Potter character. I like to imagine him pulling pints in the bar in Diagon Alley.



It totally does. 

I only just spotted this thread now, fucking excellent!!


----------



## Greebo (Sep 20, 2013)

kittyP said:


> <snip>I only just spotted this thread now, fucking excellent!!


I'll say this much for it - this thread may have been started (and fed) by a (possibly coked up) revenant, but it kept VP entertained for a few hours, and given his pain levels at the moment that takes some doing.


----------



## stethoscope (Sep 21, 2013)

Missed this thread, proper lols on my Sat morning


----------



## tommers (Sep 21, 2013)

Brilliant.  I've only read the first couple of pages but I'm team apryl all the way.  Rude bastards.


----------



## Corax (Sep 21, 2013)

The gypsies, the travellers and the thieves
The good, the bad, the average, and unique
The greebos, the crusties, and the goths
And the only living girl in Bow Cross


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 21, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> think he's also written for Dr Who, script and book. If we are on about the same bloke.



Yes, him.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 21, 2013)

tommers said:


> Brilliant.  I've only read the first couple of pages but I'm team apryl all the way.  Rude bastards.



Your mum is Team Apryl.


----------



## tommers (Sep 21, 2013)

ViolentPanda said:


> Your mum is Team Apryl.



My mum probably is Apryl.


----------



## Corax (Sep 21, 2013)

tommers said:


> My mum probably is Apryl.


She May be.


----------



## equationgirl (Sep 21, 2013)

Anyway, has this thread been nominated for thread of the year yet? It's almost in boat happy territory.


----------



## trashpony (Sep 25, 2013)

FAO fogbat and Onket 

(the R gets painted out on a very regular basis )


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 25, 2013)

Corax said:


> She May be.



Ju ne-ver know...


----------



## Onket (Sep 25, 2013)

trashpony said:


> FAO fogbat and Onket
> 
> (the R gets painted out on a very regular basis )



Superb.


----------



## prunus (Sep 25, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> Anyway I think Martina Cole has cornered the market for airport pulps set in the gritty shadows of Londons underworld



Martina Cole wrote the WORST book I have EVER read. _Two Women._ Quite stunningly bad.  I've not read anything else by her, perhaps they're all gems.

Anyway, back to feeding time at the troll zoo.


----------



## weepiper (Sep 25, 2013)

I've got two books by Martina Cole. They're the perfect size for putting under my broken clothes rail to make it usable again.


----------



## Greebo (Sep 25, 2013)

Corax said:


> She May be.





Kizmet said:


> Ju ne-ver know...


July noted.


----------



## Corax (Sep 25, 2013)

Greebo said:


> July noted.


I didn't know Ju-lyked puns.


----------



## Corax (Sep 25, 2013)

Is that one a bit tenuous?  Am I going to be given my Marching orders?


----------



## andysays (Sep 26, 2013)

Corax said:


> Is that one a bit tenuous?  Am I going to be given my Marching orders?



Come on, you have to get your puns in calender order, or it's just a fucking free-for-all 

Congrats to the others for their august performance so far though...


----------



## Kizmet (Sep 26, 2013)

You got burned, corax. Nothing left exsept embers...


----------



## Corax (Sep 26, 2013)

andysays said:


> Come on, you have to get your puns in calender order, or it's just a fucking free-for-all
> 
> Congrats to the others for their august performance so far though...


I have no obligation to octob...  ermm...

Why don't you put a sock to b......   ermmm.......

Ah, fuck it.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 26, 2013)

january original month puns?


----------



## prunus (Sep 26, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> january original month puns?



November.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 27, 2013)

prunus said:


> November.


june oh what a pun is?


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 27, 2013)

Come Lucky April


----------



## prunus (Sep 27, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> june oh what a pun is?



No.

Vember.


----------



## cesare (Sep 27, 2013)

prunus said:


> No.
> 
> Vember.


No.

V

Ember


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 27, 2013)

Apryl said:


> And I would really love to know whether it has improved since being Devons/Crossways. I know Wiley and Dizzee are from E3 so I'm curious. Has the rent gone up for council; I recall it's not even a couple hundred pound per week. Has the demographic changed, has the crime rate changed. Anything else I missed that you can tell me about. If I write about a character who is "hard" would Bow Cross West now be off for that kind of character.
> 
> Also questions about Pembury Estate, the character from Bow knows a graffiti artist from Pembury. I hear it's rough but I'd like to hear from locals, not journalists. It has to be a rough place where my characters are from.
> 
> ...



I used to live in the East End, proper east end though not Bow. Bow's proper gentrified now has been for years it's more like Kingston Upon Thames round that manor these days.. Bethnal Green innit mush none of yer Shadwell shlagggs or your fackin Hackney hiphopsters. Pure darn to earth people and no mugs I tells ya.

Right as rain they was in Bethnal Green. Down the baths for an oily hand massage on a Friday afternoonsy, Boxing at York Hall and Pie and mash on Bethnal Green Road. Of course you could have a knees up on a Sunday in the east end if you walked your way round the wicker barskets. Brick Lane (Ruby Murry), Columbia Road (Larvly flowers), Camden (Cheer up goths). Whitechapple was mint. The Blind Beggar and that helicopter an all that malarkey.

Pembury was full of wrong'uns when I lived there. Every day it was avon and cleaneasy catalogs through the letterbox, dog shit everywhere. Even the pizza delivery boys wore helmets when riding their scooters around Pembury. Went in a boozer there one night by mistake and it was full of EDL watching Jack the Rippers.. 
"You old enough to be in here sunshine?" the barman said.
I nodded and looked around. There where three old skinheads at the bar watching Lilo Lil doing her thing on the pool table. Next I'm approached by a rather voluptuous lady wearing only her underwear who is holding an empty glass up to me.."Chuck some money in for the girl then you shlagggg". I grab the loose change from my pockets with my sweaty hands and drop it into the glass. "How much did he put in Shirl?"  "65p Ray" answers the woman. "You fackin muffin get your fuckin wallet out. Would you take your clothes off for 65 fucking pence? I ought to glass you right now you fucking nancy looking twat cunt. What do you want anyway you little cant?"
"I've come to service your pool table"


Is this the sort of stuff your looking for Apryl?


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 28, 2013)

prunus said:


> No.
> 
> Vember.


yeh. i did ask for original puns. but you missed the original bit.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 28, 2013)

friedaweed said:


> I used to live in the East End, proper east end though not Bow. Bow's proper gentrified now has been for years it's more like Kingston Upon Thames round that manor these days.. Bethnal Green innit mush none of yer Shadwell shlagggs or your fackin Hackney hiphopsters. Pure darn to earth people and no mugs I tells ya.
> 
> Right as rain they was in Bethnal Green. Down the baths for an oily hand massage on a Friday afternoonsy, Boxing at York Hall and Pie and mash on Bethnal Green Road. Of course you could have a knees up on a Sunday in the east end if you walked your way round the wicker barskets. Brick Lane (Ruby Murry), Columbia Road (Larvly flowers), Camden (Cheer up goths). Whitechapple was mint. The Blind Beggar and that helicopter an all that malarkey.
> 
> ...


i think Apryl's more looking for something like:

dennis never saw what hit him. out of the blue lucy unleashed a right-left-right combination which floored him. as he hit the floor the boots went in - hard. joe hawkins, watching from the safety of the stairwell, cut a dapper figure in his Ben Sherman and Sta-Press. 'pity the rozzers will pick up those beauties', he told dan, as they watched alice, lucy and jill kicking the unconscious form so hard dennis seemed to be jiving on the ground. dan grinned, lit a cigarette. joe pulled out his iPhone 5 and dialled 999. 'operator?' he said. 'i'd like to report a murder'. he pulled out a knife and walked over to dennis' prone form after the girls scarpered.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 28, 2013)

fuck it, this writing bit's well easy. no wonder richard allen went into it.


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## friedaweed (Sep 28, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> fuck it, this writing bit's well easy. no wonder richard allen went into it.


Isn't there already a writers group here?


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## Pickman's model (Sep 28, 2013)

friedaweed said:


> Isn't there already a writers group here?


there isn't a writers' group working on housing estate ultraviolence, as far as i know. although i'm willing to be corrected.


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## Sue (Sep 28, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> there isn't a writers' group working on housing estate ultraviolence, as far as i know. although i'm willing to be corrected.


 
If not, maybe you and Apryl should start one?


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## Pickman's model (Sep 28, 2013)

Sue said:


> If not, maybe you and Apryl should start one?


the difference between Apryl and me is i can write. and i can do the research without boring people here about it. so, the differences between me and Apryl are ...


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## Sue (Sep 28, 2013)

...few but your London geography is better...?


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## Sue (Sep 28, 2013)

Did we ever work out who 'Apryl' is?


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## friedaweed (Sep 28, 2013)

Sue said:


> Did we ever work out who 'Apryl' is?


"Shat it Sue and get back behind the bar, young Mervin here's come to fix the pool table"
For the first time Rays face breaks a smile "Why didn't you say so son? You'll have to wait until Lil's finished her little show and then you can bend down and get me balls out awwwwwwgghhHH, did you here that Sue I said...bend down and get me balls out" "Fackin sharp stuff that Ray you should do stand up between the girls acts" "I do you.....aggggh you cheeky old baggggg...that's why you work behind the bar here innit darling, mouth like godzilla tits like Priscella "
Sue and Ray do a big eastend belly-bump high five and Ray turns round and shakes an empty glass at me..
"I'm sorry Ray but I've put all the money I had in the strippers glass"
"Na son whatcha avvin....on the owse like"
"Oh thanks Ray I'll have a lager shandy please"
"Fackin'ell did you hear that lads...Can I have a Lager shannnnnnnndy. Sue bob down under love and get us a bottle of arrrrrhhhhhh whites lemonayayayde"
It's not the first rough arse pub I've been in since I took the maintenance job on for scala entertainment equipment supplies but it was definitely the most odd. It had one of those bolts on the door that you usually see in horse stable. There was Millwall shirts and scarfs all around the top of the bar and several pictures of ugly looking fat white skinhead forty somethings with 'In memorandum' on brass plates on the bottom of the frames. The place stank like piss. I was dreading having to turn my back on the clientele and kneel down and open the table up to see what was fucked with it.
"Don't worry son as soon as she's popped the cue ball in the middle pocket she'll be off the table and you can get on with your work. There's ya ohhhhh shannnnnndddddieeee baby"


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## prunus (Sep 28, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


> yeh. i did ask for original puns. but you missed the original bit.



Oh. 

Sorryvember.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 29, 2013)

Sue said:


> ...few but your London geography is better...?


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## Sue (Sep 29, 2013)

Pickman's model said:


>


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## RedDragon (Sep 29, 2013)

fuck me, what a boring thread I can't believe I read it - fuck god for his sunday shopping hours.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 29, 2013)

The smoke drifted out of the Globe on Morning Lane as Dennis Jackson walked in. Inside the tables were filled with chattering couples while outside some leery-looking locals sipped cans of Tennants' Super at the bus stop. Jackson made his way to the bar, tapped a small hipster on the shoulder and - as he turned round, tidy beard neatly trimmed - caught the trendy wanker with an uppercut that nearly lifted the little waster over the bar. A glass dropped, and a women screamed as the young man's torse came to rest on the floor. Dennis slammed his size 10 Solovair into the side of the prone body before glaring round the room and growling 'Anyone else want any?' He walked out of the pub as sirens began wailing up Mare Street. He crossed the road, walking under the North London Line, heading up towards the Pembury where Apryl was waiting in bed for him.

--to be continued--


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## stuff_it (Dec 19, 2017)

fogbat said:


> I'd give up on the whole gang violence theme. Bit overdone, innit?
> 
> Try writing about a wasp who starts her own religion.


Animal wasp or human being WASP?


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## stuff_it (Dec 19, 2017)

Pickman's model said:


> The smoke drifted out of the Globe on Morning Lane as Dennis Jackson walked in. Inside the tables were filled with chattering couples while outside some leery-looking locals sipped cans of Tennants' Super at the bus stop. Jackson made his way to the bar, tapped a small hipster on the shoulder and - as he turned round, tidy beard neatly trimmed - caught the trendy wanker with an uppercut that nearly lifted the little waster over the bar. A glass dropped, and a women screamed as the young man's torse came to rest on the floor. Dennis slammed his size 10 Solovair into the side of the prone body before glaring round the room and growling 'Anyone else want any?' He walked out of the pub as sirens began wailing up Mare Street. He crossed the road, walking under the North London Line, heading up towards the Pembury where Apryl was waiting in bed for him.
> 
> --to be continued--


I'm still eagerly awaiting the rest of your debeut novel about the artisnal baker gangs of of North-East London:

"My god, this is disgusting! It's cut with biocarb!" April spat out, along with a soggy mouthful of the so-called 'sourdough' that the Guinness Estate Bun Dem were flooding the streets with...

Failure to use 100% wild-caught yeast as a sourdough starter was a henious offence that could only be dealt with by all the big Families together. The next morning, the offending baker would find a sawn-off Greggs sign on their doorstep, covered in red fondant icing...

Anyway, as per OP's question a few pages back, the Guinness Trust estate now largely contains artisnal bakers and BBC employees.


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## Pickman's model (Dec 19, 2017)

"My god, this is disgusting! It's cut with bicarb!" Apryl spat out, along with a soggy mouthful of the so-called 'sourdough' the Guinness Estate Bun Dem were flooding the streets with. Dennis Jackson looked on shamefaced as his girl slagged down his baking efforts. It was no wonder trade was going to the Dalston-based Dusty Knuckle Crew: with Freddy 'Firky' Fellows inside, the Bun Dem gang had lost their star baker. Jackson slipped into a reverie as he tried to recall how things had started going so badly wrong - in the summer of 2013 their cream-filled buns had been the toast of North London. But that was before Firky Fellows had started gambling the flour money away.

Apryl called him back to the here and now. "'ere!', she shouted, we have to do something about this before the Knucklers have all our clientele. Even the beigel shops on Brick Lane are thinking of leaving us for them'.

She looked set to go into one of her murderous rages when she was interrupted by a sharp rap at the door. Jackson opened it to find an elderly, finely dressed woman outside the security gate. 'Who are you?' he demanded. 'My name's Mary Berry, and I have a proposition for you, Mr Jackson' she replied. Dumbfounded, Jackson let her into the flat.

stuff_it


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## mrs quoad (Dec 19, 2017)

I thought Mary berry was making poffertjes on tv last night, but they were bleeneys.


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## stuff_it (Dec 19, 2017)

mrs quoad said:


> I thought Mary berry was making poffertjes on tv last night, but they were bleeneys.


Coded gangsta message FTW!


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## stuff_it (Dec 19, 2017)

ddraig said:


> ignore it init


'low it, fam.


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## equationgirl (Dec 20, 2017)

I Think you should write some more Pickman's model 

Pretty please?


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## Pickman's model (Dec 20, 2017)

'i won't beat about the bush, mr jackson', mary berry said. 'your product is absolutely disgusting. it is devoid of merit. see, here' - she gestured to a pile of declining buns - 'the bake's bloody awful.'

she leaned closer. 'bloody awful to my taste', she winked. 'but hipsters know no better, and they will gobble up your, er, _clapton buns_ with alacrity!'

'alacrity?' dennis gaped. 'what's that?'

'never you mind, mr jackson. just deliver all you can bake to my outlet, the world famous hipster clapton bun emporium - here's the address.'


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## equationgirl (Dec 20, 2017)

Pickman's model said:


> 'i won't beat about the bush, mr jackson', mary berry said. 'your product is absolutely disgusting. it is devoid of merit. see, here' - she gestured to a pile of declining buns - 'the bake's bloody awful.'
> 
> she leaned closer. 'bloody awful to my taste', she winked. 'but hipsters know no better, and they will gobble up your, er, _clapton buns_ with alacrity!'
> 
> ...


More! More!


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## friedaweed (Dec 20, 2017)

Which one of you Billy Hunts resurrected this pie of two handled stunt kite?


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## equationgirl (Dec 30, 2017)

friedaweed said:


> Which one of you Billy Hunts resurrected this pie of two handled stunt kite?


But Pickman's model is writing the novel that should be written, you can't begrudge us that...


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## stuff_it (Dec 30, 2017)

equationgirl said:


> But Pickman's model is writing the novel that should be written, you can't begrudge us that...


I'll be expecting a mention in the credits.


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## Judelo (Mar 21, 2019)

So have you finished writing it yet? Either of you? (Sorry, dunno what happened to Apryl as can't be arsed reading all the intermediate pages..)


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## JuanTwoThree (Mar 21, 2019)

Pickman's model was contacted by Mary Berry's lawyers: Folding, Stiffpeaks, Amaranth, Barley and Quinois.


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