# Masterchef 2015



## trashpony (Mar 10, 2015)

Starts tonight. 

Who's in?


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## Pickman's model (Mar 10, 2015)

depends what they're cooking


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## wayward bob (Mar 10, 2015)

cheers for heads up trashy - i'm in :thumbs :


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## BandWagon (Mar 10, 2015)

Bubbling up nicely.


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## wayward bob (Mar 10, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> depends what they're cooking


2013 was all scallops with pea puree, 2014 was edible flowers and chocolate soil, i predict toaster waffles and belly pork baked beans for 2015 :thumbs :


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## starfish (Mar 10, 2015)

Was just thinking of this while I was cooking dinner tonight.


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## wayward bob (Mar 10, 2015)

starfish said:


> Was just thinking of this while I was cooking dinner tonight.


what did you cook?


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## starfish (Mar 10, 2015)

wayward bob said:


> what did you cook?


Tagliatelle carbonara.


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## wayward bob (Mar 10, 2015)

starfish said:


> Tagliatelle carbonara.


long overdue for a revival


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## trashpony (Mar 10, 2015)

I had veal meatballs with courgettes and broccoli. And blueberries. 

I ate too many blueberries


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## wayward bob (Mar 10, 2015)

ooh i reckon we could well see more veal this year...


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## trashpony (Mar 10, 2015)

wayward bob said:


> ooh i reckon we could well see more veal this year...


I think so. Perhaps with blueberries at the same time.


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## wayward bob (Mar 10, 2015)

will we see the back of sous fucking vide?


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## starfish (Mar 10, 2015)

Well I've got my favourite already. Go the wee Glasgow lassie. And she's cooking Japanese, yum.

Eta And I've just jinxed her


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## Orang Utan (Mar 10, 2015)

i know who i hate already. tacheman


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## ringo (Mar 10, 2015)

Avocado cheesecake.


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## Dan U (Mar 10, 2015)

Just turned it on. Nice to see dhfc fans represented.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 10, 2015)

Dan U said:


> Just turned it on. Nice to see dhfc fans represented.


LOL, he's a recruitment consultant. justified hatred.

arse, he's through


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## BandWagon (Mar 10, 2015)

The bow tie moo-stach and the big guy. There can be only one winner there.


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## trashpony (Mar 10, 2015)

Bow tie is rubbish. He was just better than the other two. He won't last. Robert on the other hand I have good feelings about.


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## BandWagon (Mar 10, 2015)

trashpony said:


> Bow tie is rubbish. He was just better than the other two. He won't last. Robert on the other hand I have good feelings about.


He is tall and good-looking, with attitude.


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## wayward bob (Mar 10, 2015)

did it come up in the last year's thread why they drop them down a well after they've cooked?


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## Orang Utan (Mar 10, 2015)

My flatmate thinks 'coulis' is a racist word.


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## fishfinger (Mar 10, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> My flatmate thinks 'coulis' is a racist word.


Why? because it sounds like coolie?


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## Orang Utan (Mar 10, 2015)

fishfinger said:


> Why? because it sounds like coolie?


yes


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## trashpony (Mar 10, 2015)

(((OU's flatmate)))


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## Orang Utan (Mar 10, 2015)

he is possibly joking. he is ignorant of french though.


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## TheHoodedClaw (Mar 10, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> i know who i hate already. tacheman



He might as well have been wearing one of these  



Robert's cranachan dessert looked really, really great.


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## Espresso (Mar 10, 2015)

Just watching this as I was out earlier.
I know I say this every bloody year but will someone PLEASE - for the love of God and my blood pressure - please tell John and Gregg the difference between me and I.
They both say it all the sodding time
"You have to impress John and I"
No they don't you, daft pudding scoffing gobshite, they have to impress John and MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
"Are you ready to show Gregg and I what you can do?"
Me
ME
MEEEEEEE- fucking - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Drives me bonkers every year, does that.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 10, 2015)

John and I is acceptable, isn't it?
We've been saying that for years.


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## DotCommunist (Mar 11, 2015)

I had to watch this earlier because ma loves it and her upstairs tele is broke.

Why can't they just cook a nice thing. Why does it have to be all weird. Why are the judges so sour faced, every forkful they take is treated like a forkful of dogshit from their expressions. Ungrateful cunts.

I'm going to keep watching now to see what ludicrous 'food' these contestants turn out and what faces the judges pull while eating them.


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## Espresso (Mar 11, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> John and I is acceptable, isn't it?
> We've been saying that for years.



If John was absent one week , would Gregg say "You have to impress I"?
God, I hope not. But John's presence or absence makes no difference to the grammar.

John and I impressed him. Or we impressed him.
He impressed John and me. Or he impressed us.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 11, 2015)

Espresso said:


> If John was absent one week , would Gregg say "You have to impress I"?
> God, I hope not. But John's presence or absence makes no difference to the grammar.
> 
> John and I impressed him. Or we impressed him.
> He impressed John and me. Or he impressed us.


It doesn't matter, we know what he means. It is fine. Strange thing to get annoyed by. 
Is that film with Yul Brynner and Deborah Kerr called The King & Me?


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## Orang Utan (Mar 11, 2015)

Withnail & Me


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## trashpony (Mar 11, 2015)

John has said jelly 3 times so far.


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## DotCommunist (Mar 11, 2015)

on the one hand, epic curry. On the other, avocado chocolate pudding. Not feeling that pudding idea


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## DotCommunist (Mar 11, 2015)

wtf is the fist bump


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## BandWagon (Mar 11, 2015)

Pretty poor tonight. Kalesha improved though. The rest were average.


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## Dan U (Mar 11, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> on the one hand, epic curry. On the other, avocado chocolate pudding. Not feeling that pudding idea


Avocado chocolate pudding is on point. It's in some Hemsley and Hemsley book my Mrs has. It's also shit.


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## wiskey (Mar 11, 2015)

They think they can cook, they have presumably got experience and knowledge,  they apply to be in a cooking competition... What on earth possesses them to cook something they've never cooked before??

The ones who cook what their mum always made always come off better.

I do like the idea of the reinvention test though.. Sorts out the one trick ponies.


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## wiskey (Mar 11, 2015)

wayward bob said:


> did it come up in the last year's thread why they drop them down a well after they've cooked?



Heh I said this to derv


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## wayward bob (Mar 11, 2015)

wayward bob said:


> 2013 was all *scallops* with *pea puree*, 2014 was *edible flowers* and *chocolate soil*, i predict toaster waffles and belly pork baked beans for 2015 :thumbs :





wayward bob said:


> will we see the back of *sous fucking vide*?



check, check, check, double check, check 

roll on the toaster waffles and veal carbonara :thumbs :

also wtf on the scheduling is it gonna be all over the shop all the way through?


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## trashpony (Mar 11, 2015)

Dan U said:


> Avocado chocolate pudding is on point. It's in some Hemsley and Hemsley book my Mrs has. It's also shit.


It was better than that avocado and pistachio abomination yesterday. But I don't think Greg needed to be *quite* so mean about it today. Fucker.  He looks even more evil now he's thinner


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## TheHoodedClaw (Mar 11, 2015)

I couldn't watch live, and so I skipped a couple of bits. Did they do a catchup bit about Ping, Luke and Jack "blatantly had worked in a restaurant before"?


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 11, 2015)

Espresso said:


> If John was absent one week , would Gregg say "You have to impress I"?
> God, I hope not. But John's presence or absence makes no difference to the grammar.
> 
> John and I impressed him. Or we impressed him.
> He impressed John and me. Or he impressed us.


That annoys me as well, but tbf loads of people do it.

At least he doesn't say 'John and myself'. 


They were praising the scallops on mash. It looked vile.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 11, 2015)

I think the craze will be for chicken skin this year.
I made chicken skin popcorn last month, so I am clearly a pioneer


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## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Mar 12, 2015)

trashpony said:


> It was better than that avocado and pistachio abomination yesterday. But I don't think Greg needed to be *quite* so mean about it today. Fucker.  He looks even more evil now he's thinner



He looks like he's learnt how to dislocate his own jaw for additional gurning effect doesn't he.


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## trashpony (Mar 12, 2015)

Monkeygrinder's Organ said:


> He looks like he's learnt how to dislocate his own jaw for additional gurning effect doesn't he.


Yes!


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## sleaterkinney (Mar 12, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> i know who i hate already. tacheman


Tacheman will make an exquisite sauce from your tears.


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## starfish (Mar 12, 2015)

Hmmm, bread & butter pudding. Sauce looked a bit like pooh though.


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## wiskey (Mar 12, 2015)

I'm not going to invite ANY of this lot to make me pudding


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## BandWagon (Mar 12, 2015)

Tony was amazing. Pity he looks such a prat. The big guy was good too. Pity about Kaleesha, I thought she deserved to stay. Cute, too.


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## wiskey (Mar 12, 2015)

I don't mind Tony, he has an image, he clearly enjoys cooking and seems ok at it.  . . fair do's.


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## grubby local (Mar 12, 2015)

this is so lame. the incidental music is lame. the judges are lame and the contestants are lame. the food ideas are lame. 

don't get me wrong, I love masterchef, but after watching the US series I can't go back to this. just can't!


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## Orang Utan (Mar 12, 2015)

Monkeygrinder's Organ said:


> He looks like he's learnt how to dislocate his own jaw for additional gurning effect doesn't he.


he looks like he shot his eye with the effort.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 12, 2015)

starfish said:


> Hmmm, bread & butter pudding. Sauce looked a bit like pooh though.


greg got excited about that and said: 'that speaks to my youth, we'd just won the war. we celebrated.'
wtf is he on about? which war? is he under the delusion he grew up in the 40s?


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## DotCommunist (Mar 12, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> greg got excited about that and said: 'that speaks to my youth, we'd just won the war. we celebrated.'
> wtf is he on about? which war? is he under the delusion he grew up in the 40s?


he was there. In the falklands. When the pudding went down


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## Orang Utan (Mar 12, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> he was there. In the falklands. When the pudding went down


he's too old for that. what war happened in the late 60s/early 70s? was he in Nam?


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## BandWagon (Mar 12, 2015)

Could be the 66 world cup. One over the Krauts.


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## Santino (Mar 12, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> Cute, too.


So fucking what?


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## BandWagon (Mar 12, 2015)

Santino said:


> So fucking what?


You don't like pretty girls?


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## Santino (Mar 12, 2015)

Christ


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## Orang Utan (Mar 12, 2015)

I had it on in the background at the end and she sounded just like kathy burke


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## Santino (Mar 12, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> I had it on in the background at the end and she sounded just like kathy burke


But did you fancy her? Or don't you like girls?


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## Orang Utan (Mar 12, 2015)

Santino said:


> But did you fancy her? Or don't you like girls?


irrelevant. i like kathy burke, it was pleasant to be reminded of her.


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 13, 2015)

Liked those challenges. That burnt tart looked really shite though. Kalesha's stuff must have tasted awful to have lost to it.


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## grubby local (Mar 13, 2015)

I eat my words, I just can't resist MC. I've done all the US series, Canada, Brazil, India and Australia so it's a bit of a shock to come back to Blighty. It's just .. quieter. Still, on the MC bingo front we've already had:

dodged a bullet
comfort zone
out of the box
hardest decision we’ve had to make

just needing:
wow factor
pop
under the bus
you on a plate

or is that yankified expectations? gx


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## starfish (Mar 13, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> he's too old for that. what war happened in the late 60s/early 70s? was he in Nam?


Possibly the Cod War. That was about foodstuff.


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## gosub (Mar 13, 2015)

grubby local said:


> I eat my words, I just can't resist MC. I've done all the US series, Canada, Brazil, India and Australia so it's a bit of a shock to come back to Blighty. It's just .. quieter. Still, on the MC bingo front we've already had:
> 
> dodged a bullet
> comfort zone
> ...



how can you do masterchef bingo without buttery biscuit base


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## wiskey (Mar 13, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> greg got excited about that and said: 'that speaks to my youth, we'd just won the war. we celebrated.'
> wtf is he on about? which war? is he under the delusion he grew up in the 40s?



wasn't this just a 'you're so young and I'm so old' moment - after all Robert is only 21ish ... I was pissed off with the way Greg went up to a young lady going 'ooh you're only 20, that's young isn't it' and then immediately went to Robert and said absolutely nothing about his age when he was only a year older.


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## souljacker (Mar 13, 2015)

I'm no fan of estate agents but I was a bit fucked off when Gregg dissed Keleesha's job but then got all bleary eyed when the big fella siad he was in the Air Force. He kills people for a living. Kaleesha just sells houses.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 13, 2015)

rayner was looking more like the king from dogtanian than ever last night


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## DotCommunist (Mar 13, 2015)

thats a dickheads facial hair. I like his flair and sense of adventure but he has to go based on the facial hair


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## cesare (Mar 13, 2015)

He's modelled his look on a young Poirot.


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## trashpony (Mar 13, 2015)

I've just cooked some salmon for my dinner. Perfectly. 

It's really not that hard to cook fish perfectly. Much easier than meat IMO


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## DotCommunist (Mar 13, 2015)

fish is easy to overdo ime, I've served some proper rubber in my time.


that pudding challenge wasn't well served by anyone imo. I liked the idea of that older ladies tart but she clearly didn't get it right on the day.

the young mans bready thing sounded like a great idea but looked like shit on the plate


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## DotCommunist (Mar 13, 2015)

cesare said:


> He's modelled his look on a young Poirot.


no snood in the kitchen environs I note. He's probably OK though because all his face pubes are sealed in a wax gloss so won't fall into the dinner he cooks


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## cesare (Mar 13, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> no snood in the kitchen environs I note. He's probably OK though because all his face pubes are sealed in a wax gloss so won't fall into the dinner he cooks


I can imagine waxy droppings though


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## wayward bob (Mar 13, 2015)

trashpony said:


> I've just cooked some salmon for my dinner. Perfectly.


i hope to god it was off the sustainable fish list


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## Orang Utan (Mar 13, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> thats a dickheads facial hair. I like his flair and sense of adventure but he has to go based on the facial hair


rayner or tony?


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## DotCommunist (Mar 13, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> rayner or tony?


I'm shit with names, the bald one with the tash you could twirl and the little beard

the one who took the 3 items challenge and smashed it with loads of variation on each thing, shrooms, spinach etc


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## Orang Utan (Mar 13, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> I'm shit with names, the bald one with the tash you could twirl and the little beard
> 
> the one who took the 3 items challenge and smashed it with loads of variation on each thing, shrooms, spinach etc


tony. it's just that your post came after mine, which was also sort of taking the piss out of jay rayner's face fungus


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## DotCommunist (Mar 13, 2015)

I like the way buttery biscuit bass man tries to play it stern 'FIVE MINUTES! DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED' yet when it comes to the tasting he is the kindest whereas the other bloke is more critical and spartan with his praise.


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## trashpony (Mar 13, 2015)

wayward bob said:


> i hope to god it was off the sustainable fish list


Was from tesco so probably evil


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## purenarcotic (Mar 14, 2015)

I am catching up on this and I really don't get the whole 'omg avocado' - maybe I spend too much time on the internet or whatever but I thought stuff like avocado and chocolate was quite trendy now. 

It just seems like whatever the food trend for the year is becomes replicated (which is fair enough) but it has to be framed in some ridiculous way of scared faces and raised eyebrows.  You can't all be into food that fucking much if you don't know about avocado as a dairy alternative.


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 14, 2015)

I'd never heard of it, I admit. Thing is, I would bet that, even with the best chef in the world, chocolate mousse made with avocado would not be as nice as chocolate mousse made with cream. It can't be rich in the same way. It may be _better for you_, but food that's better for you isn't really the masterchef thing, is it? The stuff they make on the pro version is a heart attack on a plate most of the time.


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## purenarcotic (Mar 14, 2015)

littlebabyjesus said:


> I'd never heard of it, I admit. Thing is, I would bet that, even with the best chef in the world, chocolate mousse made with avocado would not be as nice as chocolate mousse made with cream. It can't be rich in the same way. It may be _better for you_, but food that's better for you isn't really the masterchef thing, is it? The stuff they make on the pro version is a heart attack on a plate most of the time.



But you aren't on a TV show posing as a food judge tbf. 

TBH I've never tried avocado and chocolate; I've heard when it's in a cake it's dead rich and really nice but I've yet to try one.  I'd give it a go though.


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 14, 2015)

I'd give it a go too. I'll give almost anything a go. But I'm skeptical, tbh, that it's possible to produce a fully rich vegan dessert. I've never had one. Soya milk/cream for example is quite nice, I think. Has a pleasant nutty flavour. But it lacks the fully self-indulgent creaminess of cream. As does avocado.

But you're not going to win mc by cooking healthy options. People ought to realise that, I think. You're also not going to win it by cooking with fillet steak and lobster all the time.


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## wiskey (Mar 14, 2015)

I'm a fan of beetroot cake, and courgette cake is ok ... I'd give avocado cake a go no probs.


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## DotCommunist (Mar 14, 2015)

I've never tasted avocado in a context where I liked it. So I am probably being a judge judy. But it is just not worth the steam off my turds


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 14, 2015)

You don't like guacamole?

In guacamole form as part of a burrito with rice and beans and peppers and sour cream and hot chilli sauce. Yum. 

I love avocado straight out if its skin if it's really nice and ripe. With a splash of balsamic vinegar, perhaps. But otherwise, it's a thing to go with savoury for me, not sweet.


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## DotCommunist (Mar 18, 2015)

ah, baldy mans trout should have got him through. Bad decision.

And one of those previous winners came across like a right nobhead.


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 18, 2015)

Thought they all looked a bit wrong, tbh. Baldy man's trout is the dish I'd have chosen to eat, but you've got to clean it right and cook it. Basics.

He was such a stereotypical priest, though.  Bet he's a nice priest, who cooks people tasty, messy meals.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 18, 2015)

this randon scheduling is a bit annoying. i thought it would be on at 9


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## DotCommunist (Mar 18, 2015)

if someone had served me a roast dinner portion that small I'd think they were taking the piss


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## Biddlybee (Mar 18, 2015)

I completely missed this was on, don't have the telly on enough! Will have to catch up.


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## oryx (Mar 18, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> this randon scheduling is a bit annoying. i thought it would be on at 9



We thought it was on 8 - 9  (Guardian Guide, I'm glaring at you).

Didn't fancy the trout guts or undercooked liver. At least the contestants in this series don't seem obsessed with quail and beetroot. And 'soil'.


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## DotCommunist (Mar 18, 2015)

I think it has to bow to soap scheduling so is erratic as the soaps often are.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 18, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> I think it has to bow to soap scheduling so is erratic as the soaps often are.


there's also been _football_


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## DotCommunist (Mar 18, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> there's also been _football_


ah yes, the one thing even soaps must bow to.


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## FiFi (Mar 18, 2015)

I seen "crispy chicken skin" twice now. Is it going to be this years "thing"?


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## TheHoodedClaw (Mar 19, 2015)

FiFi said:


> I seen "crispy chicken skin" twice now. Is it going to be this years "thing"?



If I had to pick just one thing to eat for the rest of my life - let's ignore the life shortening involved - it would be crispy chicken skin.


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## Jeff Robinson (Mar 22, 2015)

littlebabyjesus said:


> I'd never heard of it, I admit. Thing is, I would bet that, even with the best chef in the world, chocolate mousse made with avocado would not be as nice as chocolate mousse made with cream. It can't be rich in the same way. It may be _better for you_, but food that's better for you isn't really the masterchef thing, is it? The stuff they make on the pro version is a heart attack on a plate most of the time.



Avocado and chocolate combined into a ganache tastes very creamy and indulgent. I have never had it as a mousse, but I did make a chocolate and pecan tart with avocados once and it was probably the best dessert I've ever made. No complaints from the guests either.


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## Santino (Mar 22, 2015)

Jeff Robinson said:


> No complaints from the guests either.


Have you ever complained about food a friend made for you?


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## Jeff Robinson (Mar 22, 2015)

Santino said:


> Have you ever complained about food a friend made for you?



That was me being modest. They actually told me it was the best vegan chocolate and pecan tart they'd ever had.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 22, 2015)

I had some curry and chips chocolate yesterday. It was disgusting.


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## The Boy (Mar 22, 2015)

Jeff Robinson said:


> That was me being modest. They actually told me it was the best vegan chocolate and pecan tart they'd ever had.



I once told someone that their vegan chocolate cake was the best vegan chocolate cake I had ever eaten.  It was awful, but I told no word of a lie.

(the above story may, or may not be, true.)


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 22, 2015)

Jeff Robinson said:


> That was me being modest. They actually told me it was the best vegan chocolate and pecan tart they'd ever had.


I don't doubt it was lovely. But in the case of a mousse, what I am doubting is whether one made with avocado can be as lovely as one made with cream. For me, I do doubt this as I doubt the full creaminess of cream can be replicated by avocado. It might still be nice, just not as nice.

And in the (very) narrow context of masterchef, sacrificing taste for health is a losing strategy. In the last pro version, the winner was a bloke who did not ever spare the butter, and when they say 'well seasoned', that means about twice as much salt as most people will normally cook with.


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## Jeff Robinson (Mar 22, 2015)

littlebabyjesus said:


> I don't doubt it was lovely. But in the case of a mousse, what I am doubting is whether one made with avocado can be as lovely as one made with cream. For me, I do doubt this as I doubt the full creaminess of cream can be replicated by avocado. It might still be nice, just not as nice.



You may be surprised...


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## wiskey (Mar 25, 2015)

What does samphire taste of?


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## Dan U (Mar 25, 2015)

wiskey said:


> What does samphire taste of?


The sea.  It's salty.


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## wiskey (Mar 25, 2015)

Dan U said:


> The sea.  It's salty.



oooh that makes it sound quite nice. I've never encountered it anywhere other than masterchef (but then we don't eat out much)


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## trashpony (Mar 25, 2015)

That Fran reminds me of mrsfran


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## Dan U (Mar 25, 2015)

wiskey said:


> oooh that makes it sound quite nice. I've never encountered it anywhere other than masterchef (but then we don't eat out much)


I've never had it eating out but the fish van in our local friday market has it sometimes and I bought it once out of curiosity 

If you have a local fishmongers ask them. It's not expensive iirc and you just whack it in a bit of hot water


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## trashpony (Mar 25, 2015)

They sell samphire in our tesco


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## mrsfran (Mar 25, 2015)

trashpony said:


> That Fran reminds me of mrsfran


She cooks like a mum of young children - narrating her every move


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## wiskey (Mar 25, 2015)

This lot aren't doing well ...


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## BandWagon (Mar 25, 2015)

That was about the worst cooking I've ever seen. Dreadful.


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## mrsfran (Mar 25, 2015)

Samphire is lovely. Tastes of oysters.


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## purenarcotic (Mar 25, 2015)

wiskey said:


> oooh that makes it sound quite nice. I've never encountered it anywhere other than masterchef (but then we don't eat out much)



It's proper lovely, well worth trying.


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 25, 2015)

mrsfran said:


> Samphire is lovely. Tastes of oysters.


It is. It's also dead easy to cook.


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## wiskey (Mar 25, 2015)

littlebabyjesus said:


> It is. It's also dead easy to cook.



I like things that are easy to cook


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 25, 2015)

Me too. Delicious and just a light steam.


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 25, 2015)

But...

For mc, I want to see samphire and tripe.

Make that work, and I'll be impressed.


My foodie rationale: tripe is a bit of the animal that is edible, therefore it should be eaten. So, it must be eaten - be wrong throw it away - and we should try to make it nice.


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## wiskey (Mar 25, 2015)

Yuck


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## littlebabyjesus (Mar 25, 2015)

I like tripe. 

ETA:

But it doesn't taste of much, so needs flavour added to it. Like a meat equivalent of tofu.


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## catinthehat (Mar 25, 2015)

Samphire with halibut is the best fast dinner.


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## trashpony (Mar 26, 2015)

Has this man shaved his eyebrows into that shape?


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## trashpony (Mar 26, 2015)

God Greg is so creepy with the attractive young women. Yuck


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## purenarcotic (Mar 26, 2015)

Japanese food seems to be very popular this year.


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## trashpony (Mar 26, 2015)

And chicken skin. How do they all know that's a *thing*?


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## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2015)

trashpony said:


> And chicken skin. How do they all know that's a *thing*?


they're probably copying restaurants they've been to. at least they're not doing bone broth


----------



## trashpony (Mar 26, 2015)

I obviously don't go to the right restaurants


----------



## DotCommunist (Mar 26, 2015)

spinache and orange sounds rank


----------



## wiskey (Mar 26, 2015)

I was going to whinge about them never making exciting new desserts  ... and then I remembered the avocado chocolate thing from only a fortnight ago.


----------



## colacubes (Mar 26, 2015)

Christ.  Don't mention avocado chocolate gate again   That is added to the list of new food crimes in this series which include that, sugary potatoes, various crimes against vanilla and yet more sous vide bullshit


----------



## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2015)

cat sick!


----------



## wiskey (Mar 26, 2015)

I was only half watching the bit with the sugary potatoes, had he mixed it up with salt?


----------



## DotCommunist (Mar 26, 2015)

call center managers food looks the bomb


----------



## colacubes (Mar 26, 2015)

wiskey said:


> I was only half watching the bit with the sugary potatoes, had he mixed it up with salt?



I did wonder that initially but it was never stated that he actually did so maybe he actually did it on purpose


----------



## wiskey (Mar 26, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> cat sick!



I've only just realised that I'm watching this about 3 minutes behind you  I was wondering what you were referring to and suddenly there it was !


----------



## trashpony (Mar 26, 2015)

Omg that scallop soufflé looked completely and utterly vile. Beats avocado and chocolate pudding


----------



## 8115 (Mar 26, 2015)

Just started watching episode 1 last night. I love it


----------



## wiskey (Mar 26, 2015)

she's made pasta pancakes?


----------



## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2015)

trashpony said:


> Omg that scallop soufflé looked completely and utterly vile. Beats avocado and chocolate pudding


why would you do that? the usp of a scallop is its texture


----------



## rubbershoes (Mar 26, 2015)

wiskey said:


> she's made pasta pancakes?



Rabbit canneloni


----------



## trashpony (Mar 26, 2015)

I guess tarte Tatin is also a thing. I love it tho so I really with that trend <bleugh>


----------



## wiskey (Mar 26, 2015)

'lacking in deliciousness'  what a nice way to say it's yukky


----------



## purenarcotic (Mar 26, 2015)

My friend at work made a chocolate avocado cake. The actual cake was lovely. The icing had a distinct taste of avocado but it wasn't unpleasant and I kept going back for more. I'd have it again


----------



## DotCommunist (Mar 26, 2015)

yet more snoodless beards in the kitchen. What example are these people setting.


----------



## BandWagon (Mar 26, 2015)

This week has been pretty rubbish so far. Let's hope tomorrow is a bit better.


----------



## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> yet more snoodless beards in the kitchen. What example are these people setting.


wut?


----------



## DotCommunist (Mar 26, 2015)

H&S\hygiene in the kitchen


----------



## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> H&S\hygiene in the kitchen


they only exist in factories, not kitchen restaurants. i think the term is beardnet. a snood is like a scarf that is joined up


----------



## DotCommunist (Mar 26, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> they only exist in factories, not kitchen restaurants. i think the term is beardnet. a snood is like a scarf that is joined up


they go by both terms, I prefer snood because its a funny word.


----------



## Orang Utan (Mar 26, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> they go by both terms, I prefer snood because its a funny word.


lol


----------



## BandWagon (Mar 26, 2015)




----------



## billy_bob (Mar 31, 2015)

trashpony said:


> Omg that scallop soufflé looked completely and utterly vile.



I've just caught up with this episode on iplayer.  That's the first time I can remember Greg and John saying NOTHING about a dish. They and the Pasterchefs all looked like they could barely keep it down.


----------



## Plumdaff (Mar 31, 2015)

I've been here for dinner http://mannav.com/ and they do manage to make vegan desserts beautiful plates of unctuous loveliness. God knows how, but they did. Only place I'm ever been truly convinced by non dairy puddings, but it's a bit pricey and special occassion- y.


----------



## oryx (Mar 31, 2015)

Plumdaff said:


> I've been here for dinner http://mannav.com/ and they do manage to make vegan desserts beautiful plates of unctuous loveliness. God knows how, but they did. Only place I'm ever been truly convinced by non dairy puddings, but it's a bit pricey and special occassion- y.



It's lovely - we have been there on a few special occasions. I honestly didn't realise it was fully vegan until about three years after I started going there!


----------



## Santino (Apr 1, 2015)

Child doctor Tim, there.


----------



## madamv (Apr 2, 2015)

God I wish they wouldn't hassle them when they are plating up for the diners.  They are so nervous anyway and I get so anxious watching whilst they give em grief!


----------



## Artaxerxes (Apr 2, 2015)

Binging on this this week to my shame. The bald guys really grown on me, the other guys a still a dickhead though.

Seems like half the contestants are obsessed with Japanese food but never actually been to Japan


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 2, 2015)

Artaxerxes said:


> Seems like half the contestants are obsessed with Japanese food but never actually been to Japan


Why the  ?


----------



## Artaxerxes (Apr 2, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> Why the  ?



Just seems a bit odd to my mind


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 2, 2015)

Artaxerxes said:


> Just seems a bit odd to my mind


You can love cooking food from another country without having been there, surely? Japan is very far away.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 2, 2015)

Someone just said their pudding's going to have a buttery biscuit base


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 2, 2015)

Greg Wallace must be getting paid by the sex face. UGH, put it away man.


----------



## twentythreedom (Apr 2, 2015)

trashpony said:


> Someone just said their pudding's going to have a buttery biscuit base


HOUSE!


----------



## wayward bob (Apr 2, 2015)

which greg turned into a "buttered biscuit crumb". spoilsport


----------



## wayward bob (Apr 3, 2015)

*crushed* potatoes = lumpy mash?


----------



## zora (Apr 4, 2015)

wayward bob said:


> which greg turned into a "buttered biscuit crumb". spoilsport



Buttery biscuit carpet  is what I heard him say.

This last round of heats was nuts, all five contestants seemed incredibly good in the first round, but in the next two rounds, cooking for the past finalists and for the food critic they totally lost it. Apart from Emma.  She seems like a real contender for the title; I really like her.

I hate how they've edited in all these scenes of self-recrimination, and all the awkward hushed little gaggles of "oh, I really messed up" and "oh no, yours looks really good".  Dunno, maybe it's meant to make the contestants seem more human or relatable, for me it just brings back unhappy memories of maths tests in school that I'd rather forget.


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 4, 2015)

Emma has been my favourite so far.  I have a real soft spot for middle eastern food and nearly everything she's made I'd want to eat. 

zora - I don't like that bit either, it doesn't really add anything.


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 6, 2015)

Most terrifying Greg face yet, in the opening moments.


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 6, 2015)

Damn, I'm missing all of this


----------



## Santino (Apr 6, 2015)

Findus crispy pancake


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 6, 2015)

The bowtie is good.

The splogecake less so.


----------



## Artaxerxes (Apr 6, 2015)

I bet the tache guys going to win, this infuriates me, I mean look at the thing! And he's a recruitment consultant! Gah... He can cook though.

I'll never understand mixing meat and dough outside of dumplings. Beef wellington? That Japanese thing?madness


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 8, 2015)

baldy hipster beardo is back. He must fail.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 8, 2015)

I quite like him.I wonder if he sleeps with a tache-stretcher, like Poirot?

I like the look of this food. Cauliflower about five ways!

Pete's going home today, I think.


----------



## 8115 (Apr 8, 2015)

I well recognise that guy with the 'tache.


----------



## 8115 (Apr 8, 2015)

I love Robert's attitude.


----------



## mrsfran (Apr 8, 2015)

Every time they talk to/about Fran, I imagine it's about me. I want to win.


----------



## MrSki (Apr 8, 2015)

8115 said:


> I well recognise that guy with the 'tache.


So do I but then I realise he reminds me of Zebadee.


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 8, 2015)

Wow, Fran's gone! Pity, she was good. Tony and Pete had lives today.


----------



## mrsfran (Apr 9, 2015)




----------



## Pseudopsycho (Apr 9, 2015)

How on earth did tacheman get through on that performance? (apart from the producers having a word about needing a "character" )


----------



## Cribynkle (Apr 9, 2015)

8115 said:


> I well recognise that guy with the 'tache.


He really looks like a friend of a friend - tis most uncanny!


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 9, 2015)

That was pretty good. The professional kitchen was the nearest thing to Hell this side of that bad river. I think the chef did more work than the entire group.

Sarah was lucky to escape imo. They should probably have dumped both of them.


----------



## Artaxerxes (Apr 9, 2015)

Note to self, never work in a kitchen.

Seemed a lot more high pressure than the last place for some reason.

The Project Manager is of course hopeless at producing things, I feel somewhat smug about that


----------



## dishevelled (Apr 9, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> Wow, Fran's gone! Pity, she was good. Tony and Pete had lives today.



Wasn't Fran the one who said at the beginning that she couldn't do a tactile relationship, but thought she could give out love through cooking. Fail on both. I think Greg and Laura are shagging now... so a side bet maybe


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 9, 2015)

Mr K's exclamation on seeing Sarah's ravioli: "Well that's a vagina on a plate!"


----------



## dishevelled (Apr 9, 2015)

May Kasahara said:


> Mr K's exclamation on seeing Sarah's ravioli: "Well that's a vagina on a plate!"



So I wasn't the only one who heard that.


----------



## Santino (Apr 10, 2015)

dishevelled said:


> Wasn't Fran the one who said at the beginning that she couldn't do a tactile relationship, but thought she could give out love through cooking. Fail on both. I think Greg and Laura are shagging now... so a side bet maybe


Why must there be insinuations of shagging when a woman does well?


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 10, 2015)

Artaxerxes said:


> Note to self, never work in a kitchen.
> 
> Seemed a lot more high pressure than the last place for some reason.
> 
> The Project Manager is of course hopeless at producing things, I feel somewhat smug about that



their hamming it. Every working chef who ever lived likes to play bill big bollocks if they think theres anyone to be impressed rather than surly underlings


----------



## dishevelled (Apr 10, 2015)

Santino said:


> Why must there be insinuations of shagging when a woman does well?



Greg's been flirting with Laura since day one of the competition... anyway, enough of this.


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 10, 2015)

dishevelled said:


> Greg's been flirting with Laura since day one of the competition... anyway, enough of this.


Poor girl.


----------



## Santino (Apr 10, 2015)

dishevelled said:


> Greg's been flirting with Laura since day one of the competition... anyway, enough of this.


Next time keep your nasty accusations to yourself then.


----------



## mack (Apr 10, 2015)

dishevelled said:


> Greg's been flirting with Laura since day one of the competition... anyway, enough of this.



He's postponed his (4th) wedding "due to work commitments"


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 10, 2015)

mack said:


> He's postponed his (4th) wedding "due to work commitments"


You mean there are 4 women with that much bad taste?


----------



## Pseudopsycho (Apr 10, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> You mean there are 4 women with that much bad taste?


3 got better?


----------



## Casual Observer (Apr 10, 2015)

The head chef in the professional kitchen yesterday was a uptight arsehole whose permanent panicked demeanour stopped the contestants from performing at their best. For some reason many chefs seem to think it's good to be a stroppy bastard. This inevitably has a negative impact on the quality of cooking from the staff in their kitchen. Contrast the chef last night to one of the professional chefs last year, Tom Kerridge (I may have got his name wrong). That bloke calmly offered gentle encouragement throughout and the contestants were all the better for it. There's no need for chefs to be arseholes but for some odd reason many feel that they have to be. Rant from an ex-waiter now over.


----------



## twentythreedom (Apr 10, 2015)

John Torode is a fucking prick


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 10, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> their hamming it. Every working chef who ever lived likes to play bill big bollocks if they think theres anyone to be impressed rather than surly underlings


Not sure about that. Chefs can be stroppy buggers. And the heat in a kitchen frays nerves. I've only worked in one kitchen, and then as a lowly pot cleaner, but even there, there was short shrift from everyone, not just the head chef, if you fucked up, because you fucking up meant they had to do more work.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 10, 2015)

twentythreedom said:


> John Torode is a fucking prick


I like him.


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 10, 2015)

Come on, who's going to pick the winner? Maybe stamina is going to be important since they'll be feeding the 5000 or some other stupid challenge (and no divine assistance). Maybe Simon or the bowtie?


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 10, 2015)

Lebanon woman.


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 10, 2015)

littlebabyjesus said:


> Lebanon woman.


Yeah, maybe. She's good.


----------



## DexterTCN (Apr 10, 2015)

Santino said:


> Next time keep your nasty accusations to yourself then.


santino lo-huvs laura! santino lu-huvs laura!


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 10, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> Yeah, maybe. She's good.


She reminds me of Mauritius woman who won the other year. Did what she knew, and faultlessly, as often as she could, but showed that she could do other stuff when she needed to.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 10, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> Come on, who's going to pick the winner? Maybe stamina is going to be important since they'll be feeding the 5000 or some other stupid challenge (and no divine assistance). Maybe Simon or the bowtie?



I don't think anyone has stood out so far this year. I think at roughly the same stage last time Robot Boy, Cocky Young Never-been-a-paid-chef-before-oh-no and Ping had risen above the crowd.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 10, 2015)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> I don't think anyone has stood out so far this year. I think at roughly the same stage last time Robot Boy, Cocky Young Never-been-a-paid-chef-before-oh-no and Ping had risen above the crowd.


You're forgetting, possibly, that robot boy had a couple of stinkers along the way.

Ping was the only one who was consistently excellent.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 10, 2015)

littlebabyjesus said:


> You're forgetting, possibly, that robot boy had a couple of stinkers along the way.



He was wildly ambitious though, which the judges seemed to encourage.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 10, 2015)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> He was wildly ambitious though, which the judges seemed to encourage.


He was. 

Tache man is the closest to him, I think.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 10, 2015)

littlebabyjesus said:


> Tache man is the closest to him, I think.



Yeah, agree.

Was a bit distracted tonight, who was it that did the dessert that had Gregg and John coo-ing over it?  "Never tasted that combination etc".


----------



## dishevelled (Apr 10, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> Come on, who's going to pick the winner?



I'm going for Paul


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 11, 2015)

I think hipster tache may take it just because I don't want him too. And it has to be said- his food looks lush and is inventive.


----------



## oryx (Apr 11, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> I think hipster tache may take it just because I don't want him too. And it has to be said- his food looks lush and is inventive.


Yes, I think he's a potential winner. Paul and Emma are also hot contenders.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 12, 2015)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> Yeah, agree.
> 
> Was a bit distracted tonight, who was it that did the dessert that had Gregg and John coo-ing over it?  "Never tasted that combination etc".


Sarah. It saved her from her frankly dreadful performance in the previous episode (in both the pro kitchen and the invention test). 

I've gorged on last week's episodes today and I think the pro experiences were so different because of the way both restaurants serve the food. In the Bethnal Green library one, it was all about prep in advance and then largely plating up so it looked v pretty whereas in the Intercontinental one it was much more trad inasmuch as it was about doing a lot of different processes to order. So while the first stuff looked more impressive, it was probably easier to do for a less experienced person because the pressure was less intense. 

I think the bloke with 4 kids (Simon?) - the one who can't pronounce bagna cauda anyway - is a strong contender. And Emma. And actually I think Robert might be too.


----------



## twentythreedom (Apr 12, 2015)

Stupid "relay" in teams thing, wtf


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 12, 2015)

This is a clusterfuck in the making


----------



## N_igma (Apr 12, 2015)

The silly moustache boy should've been kicked out and Fran kept in.


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 12, 2015)

This is a stupid challenge.


----------



## starfish (Apr 12, 2015)

He is really tall.


----------



## Artaxerxes (Apr 12, 2015)

Oh this started badly and even after 2 people it got worse...


----------



## trashpony (Apr 12, 2015)

What on earth was the point of that exercise?


----------



## sleaterkinney (Apr 12, 2015)

Why is it on a Sunday?.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 12, 2015)

sleaterkinney said:


> Why is it on a Sunday?.




Ill-conceived challenge that didn't work at all, but filled a vacant half-hour slot is my guess. If something better had been scheduled, this wouldn't have been broadcast.


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 12, 2015)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> Ill-conceived challenge that didn't work at all, but filled a vacant half-hour slot is my guess. If something better had been scheduled, this wouldn't have been broadcast.


<cough> Top Gear


----------



## Looby (Apr 12, 2015)

Didn't they do similar last year? If it wasn't on Masterchef, it was something else but I can't think what.


----------



## clicker (Apr 12, 2015)

Rubbish task. Bet they don't do it next series.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 13, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> <cough> Top Gear



Different channel.


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 13, 2015)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> Different channel.


BBC innit?


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 13, 2015)

Orang Utan said:


> BBC innit?



Aye but no-one's filling a gap on BBC2 by putting a shit episode of Masterchef on BBC1. Also, the current season of Top Gear would have been finished on BBC2 anyway, and BBC2 has been covering the Masters since 18:30.


----------



## Artaxerxes (Apr 13, 2015)

trashpony said:


> What on earth was the point of that exercise?



I think I get it, it teaches them to try and stop and think a little, to not be in control of the dish and still be under pressure to cook something decent. It also ramps up the pressure more to see if they can cope.

Shit task though.

Red team did well to recover something out of that total fuck up anyway


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 13, 2015)

Wallace is just a hired face-puller these days.


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 13, 2015)

It was obvious the blue kitchen would win as they kept showing John helping the red kitchen out and them looking a bit shit.  I would have liked a bit more suspense. 

It feels a bit like the editors are a bit bored.  Which I sort of appreciate because much as though I love Masterchef, it gets to a point and I want to just skip to the end a bit.


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 13, 2015)

The red/blue was very obvious. And now the tall guy has gone. Bit of a shame really.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 13, 2015)

He was a bit too smug and he argued too much. He's a bit cocky for 21. But I hate the 'look on my works ye mighty and despair!' round. Especially when Greggg is all gleeful. Makes me want to smack him.


----------



## zora (Apr 14, 2015)

Just caught up as well on all of last week's and yesterday's episodes. As much as I hate to say it, and as much as I sneered at the editing's "human angle" of the contestants agonizing and bonding, they somehow manipulated their way under my skin with it: I've shed an actual tear at both the red team losing (obvious though it was) and Robert being kicked out.


----------



## Artaxerxes (Apr 14, 2015)

zora said:


> I've shed an actual tear at both the red team losing (obvious though it was) and Robert being kicked out.



Nah, didn't like Robert much but the lass breaking down after they lost was very


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 14, 2015)

I never liked Robert and am glad he is gone.


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 14, 2015)

purenarcotic said:


> I never liked Robert and am glad he is gone.


He certainly had some attitude, which rubbed the judges up a bit (not that that affected the outcome), but I kind of like that. I had some attitude at his age, too. It's not a bad thing to let the old farts know what you think of them.


----------



## wayward bob (Apr 14, 2015)

so they're just chucking the rest of it at us when they have a space to fill? the scheduling has been particularly fuckwitted this year


----------



## madamv (Apr 15, 2015)

I remember the relay thing from before.  I think it gives them a chance to consider team building before the big one.   

Still think Emma will be a good winner.  And I'm gutted ranveer (sp?) went.


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 15, 2015)

Yeuch! Do I want to watch this bit? Fish heads and pig's ears.


----------



## Espresso (Apr 15, 2015)

I liked that challenge. Not because I have pigs tails and fish heads looking for a good home on a regular basis, just because it makes them do something different and they have to apply whatever knowledge they've got

I still think Simon is my pick for the winner.


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 15, 2015)

This is a bit of a weird challenge.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 15, 2015)

Ooh I quite like it. Makes them realise how important all the senses are in good food


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 15, 2015)

trashpony said:


> Ooh I quite like it. Makes them realise how important all the senses are in good food



I think I might just be a bit grumpy tbh


----------



## trashpony (Apr 15, 2015)

Oiled hair and neck chain is such a bad look for a man. He looks like he's running a seedy club


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 15, 2015)

trashpony said:


> Oiled hair and neck chain is such a bad look for a man. He looks like he's running a seedy club



Hah I was thinking that. 

I also like the French accent woman.  I could listen to the French accent all day long *swoon*


----------



## BandWagon (Apr 15, 2015)

Simon and 'tache were the best, but I thought they were all pretty good.


----------



## Artaxerxes (Apr 15, 2015)

Sea Mist? 

And gutted Beth went, of the last lot I'm hoping Emma manages to win but its probably going to be Tache man or Simon (I think it was a mistake sticking them together cooking for the tasters because they are such strong cooks)


----------



## oryx (Apr 15, 2015)

The bit where someone - was it Beth or Sarah? - mentioned the wax in the pig's ear made me want to throw up. 

Note to self - watching Masterchef while eating doesn't always whet your appetite.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 15, 2015)

yum! Pig-ear-wax-foam!


Have changed my mind a bit. Reckon Paul or Simon for the winner now.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 15, 2015)

How pretentious were the supertasters? 

I want to be a supertaster.


----------



## wtfftw (Apr 15, 2015)

A multi sensory chef supertaster 

This is silly and I am enjoying it.


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 15, 2015)

wtfftw said:


> A multi sensory chef supertaster


If I could persuade someone that I was one and that they should pay me to taste stuff. I would be laughing. 

Have already asked a brewer if they need a taster. Think they took my request seriously, too, so I'm half-way there.


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 15, 2015)

I thought the supertaster judges were some of the most annoying "Oh look at us, we're in the Swanage branch of MENSA, don't you know" smug twats I've ever seen on the programme. Grrr


----------



## littlebabyjesus (Apr 15, 2015)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> I thought the supertaster judges were some of the most annoying "Oh look at us, we're in the Swanage branch of MENSA, don't you know" smug twats I've ever seen on the programme. Grrr


But pepper's a separate system, so it couldn't have overpowered your other tastes. 

Marvellous. And he was the least pretentious one. 


Seriously. I reckon I could do it. I want to be a supertaster. Gizza job!


----------



## Orangesanlemons (Apr 16, 2015)

That was fucking hilarious - I think I might retrain as a 'multi-sensory chef', go on tv & describe a dish as 'nice' three times in the same sentence. The best the other guy could do was to cock on forever about odd numbers on the plate (taught year one at catering college btw). The two wine tasters I'm sure are very good at tasting wine, but plainly had no idea why they'd been invited along for the ride. Guy three blatantly hated guy two, but didn't have much better to add himself. Gregg was a fucking bellend throughout.

Great tv, more of this please. 

(If anyone's actually interested in the science of flavour, flavour matching in food etc. I'd really recommend 'The Flavour Thesaurus' by Niki Segnit as a usable, very readable introduction).


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 16, 2015)

trashpony said:


> Oiled hair and neck chain is such a bad look for a man. He looks like he's running a seedy club



I was thinking how great it was to see a Matt Berry cameo in Masterchef.

Loved the offcuts challenge, unusually relevant for MC. No wonder they had to balance it out with some superwankers afterwards.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 16, 2015)

I think the women did brilliantly in the wanker challenge - better than Simon/poirot. Sarah mercifully seems to be wearing slightly less blusher than she did too


----------



## The Boy (Apr 16, 2015)

trashpony said:


> the wanker challenge








			
				trashpony said:
			
		

> - better than Simon/*poirot.*


----------



## May Kasahara (Apr 16, 2015)

Yes, I feel very unsisterly saying this but I find the amount of make up Sarah wears very offputting. In a food sense. It makes my stomach quease.


----------



## trashpony (Apr 16, 2015)

May Kasahara said:


> Yes, I feel very unsisterly saying this but I find the amount of make up Sarah wears very offputting. In a food sense. It makes my stomach quease.


I don't normally comment on other women's make up either but it feels like my telly's colour control has been turned up to max. And yes to it being inappropriate around food. There was a bloke last year who was always dripping sweat - that was even worse on the queasometer


----------



## Artaxerxes (Apr 16, 2015)

May Kasahara said:


> I was thinking how great it was to see a Matt Berry cameo in Masterchef.



The soulless vampiric look* is clearly the look to strive for in the food tasting world





*or just looking like a bit of a dick


----------



## purenarcotic (Apr 16, 2015)

I can't say her make up ever bothered me tbh. The excessive sweating is well gross though


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## BandWagon (Apr 16, 2015)

Wot?!? No MC tonight! They've put some stupid election thing on instead, the villains!


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## trashpony (Apr 16, 2015)

Fucking election is screwing with everything. I'm sick of it and we've got another 3 weeks to go


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## sleaterkinney (Apr 16, 2015)

it is a bit meh, it's too drawn out.


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## MrSki (Apr 16, 2015)




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## sleaterkinney (Apr 16, 2015)

The Star couldn't work out a Diana angle then?.


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## oryx (Apr 16, 2015)

John Torode reminds me of Oliver Reed in that photo.


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## Artaxerxes (Apr 17, 2015)

oryx said:


> John Torode reminds me of Oliver Reed in that photo.



Thats either a chopper overhead or its Oliver Reed turning in his grave


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## oryx (Apr 17, 2015)

Artaxerxes said:


> Thats either a chopper overhead or its Oliver Reed turning in his grave



 the latter.


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## N_igma (Apr 17, 2015)

You'd think that after umpteen years they'd do something about that fucking door into the critics.


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## BandWagon (Apr 17, 2015)

Terrible stuff from three of them. Should probably have thrown them all out.

'I'd rather eat the plate!'


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## May Kasahara (Apr 17, 2015)

Gregg's efforts to appear human were particularly strained tonight.


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## trashpony (Apr 17, 2015)

Why are there 5 people going into the final, not three? They should have ditched Paul with the lovely ears and octopus boy today


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## oryx (Apr 17, 2015)

Pork belly, octopus and pineapple? It's like one of those fantasy bad recipes by Edward Lear!


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## purenarcotic (Apr 18, 2015)

trashpony said:


> Why are there 5 people going into the final, not three? They should have ditched Paul with the lovely ears and octopus boy today



They'll cut it down to the final three some point next week I expect.  Emma to win.


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## trashpony (Apr 20, 2015)

How can a person be a cornerstone of British food?


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## souljacker (Apr 20, 2015)

I never noticed cows had such big cheeks.


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 20, 2015)

souljacker said:


> I never noticed cows had such big cheeks.



You'd have big cheeks if you spent 14 hours a day chewing cud!


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## littlebabyjesus (Apr 20, 2015)

Oh god. Bring back the superwankers. 

Someone slip in some poison for this lot.


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## twentythreedom (Apr 20, 2015)

That beef dish looks fucking lush tbf

Eta: and the pasta one


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## Sirena (Apr 20, 2015)

I don't like all this Churchillian nonsense.

It reminds me of Great British Menu, which became less about the food and more about recreating the trenches with black-pudding soil and beetroot bodyparts or some silliness like that: all served in some manky tin hat....


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## souljacker (Apr 20, 2015)

These Churchill cunts are proper wankers.


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## twentythreedom (Apr 20, 2015)

They are sucking winston's foamy bell end with added jus


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## May Kasahara (Apr 20, 2015)

Have to say, watching this straight after reading about people drowning in pursuit of a better life and seeing the end of a programme about the dismal conditions afforded to people on housing benefit...it's not making me feel very zen.


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## twentythreedom (Apr 20, 2015)

May Kasahara said:


> Have to say, watching this straight after reading about people drowning in pursuit of a better life and seeing the end of a programme about the dismal conditions afforded to people on housing benefit...it's not making me feel very zen.


I saw that too  It is something of a contrast


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## twentythreedom (Apr 20, 2015)

Some good dishes tonight


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## twentythreedom (Apr 20, 2015)

Poor Pete and his apple pie


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## BandWagon (Apr 20, 2015)

I had the same reaction to the fat bastards. Would tear their throats out.

Pete was a disaster but Paul was pretty close. Simon looking good.


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## Artaxerxes (Apr 20, 2015)

Oh Pete 

Always thought he was a bit weak when he wasn't doing his Japanese thing.

Simon looks like a dead cert...

The Churchill mob made my fists itch, amusing listening to them gush while everyone in the kitchen looked disgusted at some of the food. 

Never get the fuss made of presentation, Emmas food looked fine to me.


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## madamv (Apr 22, 2015)

Just catching it up.  That food looks sublime.   Certainly nice on the eye....


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## Sirena (Apr 22, 2015)

Did they just rip a live lobster apart? 

I don't like that sort of thing.

I think this series is really dreary and they should bring Michel Roux back.


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## trashpony (Apr 22, 2015)

Wasn't it dead? 

And I liked that huggy swede too


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## Sirena (Apr 22, 2015)

trashpony said:


> Wasn't it dead?



The lobster or the programme?


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## BandWagon (Apr 22, 2015)

That fire kitchen was just, like, dangerous.

I thought the Swedes were great people, really nice. Apart from ABBA and Volvos.

Simon looks very strong at the moment, and no surprise that it was Paul who went home.


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## oryx (Apr 22, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> no surprise that it was Paul who went home.



I think one of the weaknesses of the programme is that it is nearly always obvious who is going out.

Tomorrow night will be interesting - atm I reckon possibly Emma to go out (and Simon to win eventually).


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## BandWagon (Apr 22, 2015)

oryx said:


> I think one of the weaknesses of the programme is that it is nearly always obvious who is going out.
> 
> Tomorrow night will be interesting - atm I reckon possibly Emma to go out (and Simon to win eventually).


It could be close between Andy and Emma, but Simon looks so good atm.


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## Sirena (Apr 22, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> .... Simon looks so good atm.



Especially to Gregg Wallace, it seems....


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## colacubes (Apr 22, 2015)

Just watching on iplayer.  Is it wrong that all I can think of is this?


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## Sirena (Apr 22, 2015)

colacubes said:


> Just watching on iplayer.  Is it wrong that all I can think of is this?



It gives me a chance to post my favourite Muppets sketch...


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 23, 2015)

What a bunch of wank that Swedish fire restaurant was. Hey, fuckheads, humankind first got to grips with fire at least 100,000 years ago, and we've managed to use it and *gasp* invent methods to control it since then. Your shitty place seems to revolve around not burning seafood, and flavouring it with twigs. Fuck off.


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 23, 2015)

I accept that my previous post may be an over-reaction to an episode of Masterchef.


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## Artaxerxes (Apr 23, 2015)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> What a bunch of wank that Swedish fire restaurant was. Hey, fuckheads, humankind first got to grips with fire at least 100,000 years ago, and we've managed to use it and *gasp* invent methods to control it since then. Your shitty place seems to revolve around not burning seafood, and flavouring it with twigs. Fuck off.



It,looks like a lot of the fancy kitchens are using induction hobs, so presumably it's a case of what's old is new again.

Or just fed up of undercooked crap because induction hobs are a bit shit


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## trashpony (Apr 23, 2015)

I've just realised that none of this lot have buggered up their pastry. That's a first isn't it?


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## gosub (Apr 23, 2015)

I wish they would say what month it was filmed, coz rhubarb and asparagus, I'd hope it was at least 9 months ago


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## May Kasahara (Apr 23, 2015)

'The dough must be rolled out to a thickness of exactly 1mm...' Oh fuck off!


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## cesare (Apr 23, 2015)

I enjoyed that episode 

I think it'll be between Spock and Poirot now, with Spock edging it to victory.


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## BandWagon (Apr 23, 2015)

These three are really excellent. Simon did his dish and had time to help the others too. He'll probably nail it.

(Kiss of death..)


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## MrSki (Apr 23, 2015)

gosub said:


> I wish they would say what month it was filmed, coz rhubarb and asparagus, I'd hope it was at least 9 months ago


Rhubarb is up now.


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## gosub (Apr 23, 2015)

MrSki said:


> Rhubarb is up now.


Still a bit early for asparagus


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## MrSki (Apr 23, 2015)

gosub said:


> Still a bit early for asparagus


Had some from my Sister's garden last weekend.


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## wtfftw (Apr 23, 2015)

Was filmed in November. Chemistry spotted that a menu had a date on it.


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## gosub (Apr 23, 2015)

wtfftw said:


> Was filmed in November. Chemistry spotted that a menu had a date on it.


Ta.  Nothing tastier than out of season ingredients  The Mont Blanc makes sense now


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## sleaterkinney (Apr 24, 2015)

Tacheman defeated at last!.


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## wayward bob (Apr 24, 2015)

whispery aha?  :holds sides:


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## wayward bob (Apr 24, 2015)

reckoned he was a shoe-in but i'd have been happy to see any of them win, even tache-boy :thumbs :


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## BandWagon (Apr 24, 2015)

Simon was the best, his stuff looked awesome. The others were good too, though.


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## Espresso (Apr 24, 2015)

I loved him from ages ago. Well done that man. They were all awesome, mind. 
Now, how do I get Gregg Wallace's job?


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## BandWagon (Apr 24, 2015)

Espresso said:


> I loved him from ages ago. Well done that man. They were all awesome, mind.
> Now, how do I get Gregg Wallace's job?


Become fat bald and a bit dim.


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## souljacker (Apr 24, 2015)

Well done Simon, he was the best in the end. Seemed a bit desparate in the personal film stuff at the start.


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## trashpony (Apr 24, 2015)

Simon's been the best for a while now. He's been brilliant since the Red Arrows thing. He does look a bit like he needs some pointy ears


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## Espresso (Apr 24, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> Become fat bald and a bit dim.



Curses.
I might manage one but all three will be a bit of an ask.


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## BandWagon (Apr 24, 2015)

souljacker said:


> Well done Simon, he was the best in the end. Seemed a bit desparate in the personal film stuff at the start.


Yes, it was a bit strange. Tony too, sewing?


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## wtfftw (Apr 24, 2015)

trashpony said:


> Simon's been the best for a while now. He's been brilliant since the Red Arrows thing. He does look a bit like he needs some pointy ears


See, that's what Chemistry says but I've got him filed as more of a young William Shatner.


BandWagon said:


> Yes, it was a bit strange. Tony too, sewing?


He can go on sewing bee next


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## starfish (Apr 24, 2015)

All 3 were pretty impressive tonight but overall I did think Simon deserved it.


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## twentythreedom (Apr 24, 2015)

All the grub looked great tbh. There were some funny shots of Gregg talking with John in the background looking at him clearly thinking wtf


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## wayward bob (Apr 24, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> Tony too, sewing?


that was the thing that finally warmed me to him and his ridiculous tache


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 25, 2015)

Really, really impressive final dishes. It must have been hard to pick a winner out of those three, but I think Simon did edge it - he reached a very high and consistent standard before the other two, maintained it, and exceeded it. All three are fantastic cooks though.


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## Plumdaff (Apr 25, 2015)

They were all excellent this year, it's just Simon was ridiculously good.


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## Looby (Apr 25, 2015)

I was out Thursday and Friday so caught up today. I was really pissed off as I dozed off on the sofa this morning and woke up to Simon with his trophy on bbc news. [emoji35] It ruined it for me, knowing who'd won.


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## souljacker (Apr 25, 2015)

sparklefish said:


> I was out Thursday and Friday so caught up today. I was really pissed off as I dozed off on the sofa this morning and woke up to Simon with his trophy on bbc news. [emoji35] It ruined it for me, knowing who'd won.



It's practically impossible to avoid finding out results of anything these days. I try whenever there is a Grand Prix on but it means avoiding facebook, twitter, here, bbc news, the radio etc etc all day before I can sit down and watch the highlights.


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## wayward bob (Apr 25, 2015)

i loved it so very much when tache-dude came out as a magician  that was  :thumbs :


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## Looby (Apr 25, 2015)

souljacker said:


> It's practically impossible to avoid finding out results of anything these days. I try whenever there is a Grand Prix on but it means avoiding facebook, twitter, here, bbc news, the radio etc etc all day before I can sit down and watch the highlights.


I usually manage to avoid it. Fucking bbc!


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## TheHoodedClaw (Apr 25, 2015)

Imagine the gall of a communication network reporting things that have happened. Imagine. Brrr.


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## Looby (Apr 25, 2015)

TheHoodedClaw said:


> Imagine the gall of a communication network reporting things that have happened. Imagine. Brrr.


I know, right? [emoji6]


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## wtfftw (Apr 25, 2015)

I feel your pain sparklefish  I'm racing through season 11 of Grey's Anatomy as _something_ has happened - I'm usually watching at usa netflix speed. I'll be able to look at the rest of the internet by about mid week.


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## Sapphireblue (Apr 26, 2015)

Didn't notice this thread before but just had to pop in and say that was an awesome final. First time in ages i've really liked all three both for their cooking and general niceness. Would have been happy with any of them winning. It turned out amazingly though. All of them aced it and the best one won.


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## DotCommunist (Apr 26, 2015)

wayward bob said:


> i loved it so very much when tache-dude came out as a magician  that was  :thumbs :


i fucking knew it


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## wayward bob (Apr 26, 2015)

it's not like he's deep under cover or owt


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## oryx (Apr 26, 2015)

Having carefully avoided this thread for c. 24 hours (due to recording the final as we were out) I was most pissed off to accidentally see who'd won on the BBC 'most read' list! I think they changed it.

Anyway, after catching up last night, I agree with what's said on here about what a good bunch the finalists were (culinarily and personally!).

OH and I are wondering........it seems well under a year since the Scottish bloke (Jamie?) won it - anyone know the timing of the next series?


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## The Boy (Apr 26, 2015)

oryx said:


> Having carefully avoided this thread for c. 24 hours (due to recording the final as we were out) I was most pissed off to accidentally see who'd won on the BBC 'most read' list! I think they changed it.
> 
> Anyway, after catching up last night, I agree with what's said on here about what a good bunch the finalists were (culinarily and personally!).
> 
> OH and I are wondering........it seems well under a year since the Scottish bloke (Jamie?) won it - anyone know the timing of the next series?



Jamie won the professionals version, didn't he?


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## oryx (Apr 26, 2015)

The Boy said:


> Jamie won the professionals version, didn't he?



 Ahhh - so there is one for professional chefs and one for amateurs (I knew there was one for celebs...). Only got into it in the last series and we're both now hooked! It's an incredibly well-produced series.


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## Artaxerxes (Apr 29, 2015)

No surprise who the winner was, had been clear the last 3 weeks or so that they thought he was best.

Good showing from the others though


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## souljacker (Apr 29, 2015)

oryx said:


> Ahhh - so there is one for professional chefs and one for amateurs (I knew there was one for celebs...). Only got into it in the last series and we're both now hooked! It's an incredibly well-produced series.



I prefer the professionals one mainly because you get Monica on it. I also really enjoy seeing so-called professional chefs completely fucking up. The celebrity one I just can't watch. I hate the way they make out it's so important to them when it obviously isn't (although it did seem to resurrect Lisa Faulkners career)


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## billy_bob (Apr 29, 2015)

souljacker said:


> I prefer the professionals one mainly because you get Monica on it. I also really enjoy seeing so-called professional chefs completely fucking up. The celebrity one I just can't watch. I hate the way they make out it's so important to them when it obviously isn't (although it did seem to resurrect Lisa Faulkners career)



I don't know... it's the only 'Celebrities doing a thing they don't normally do' show I can stand, and I'm sure that's because the nature of the challenge requires a bit more out of them than solely a willingness to appear on anything their agent can get them. By the later rounds, at least, they do actually have to be quite good at and care quite a lot about cooking well.


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## Sapphireblue (Apr 29, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> I don't know... it's the only 'Celebrities doing a thing they don't normally do' show I can stand, and I'm sure that's because the nature of the challenge requires a bit more out of them than solely a willingness to appear on anything their agent can get them. By the later rounds, at least, they do actually have to be quite good at and care quite a lot about cooking well.



yep, there's always one or two useless 'celebrities' at the start, but after the first couple of rounds it's pretty good. i loved Andy Peters on it, and whenever he does the guest judging bit as a finalist i always think he'd be better than Greg if they ever wanted to change the presenters. 

and Biggins drove us to yells of frustration after being amazing and entertaining with his breadcrumbs and then doing a fucking trifle. 

yes, yes, i do like this show...


----------



## billy_bob (Apr 29, 2015)

Sapphireblue said:


> i loved Andy Peters on it, and whenever he does the guest judging bit as a finalist i always think he'd be better than Greg if they ever wanted to change the presenters.



To be fair, Zippy off Rainbow would be better than Greg.  And has a greater range of facial expressions.


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## twentythreedom (Nov 10, 2015)

It's on again


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## BandWagon (Nov 10, 2015)

Yeah!!!!!

Shitty standard though. Sam was good but 4 of them deserved to go home.

Raw pigeon?!?


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## twentythreedom (Nov 10, 2015)

I was completely underwhelmed tbh


----------



## oryx (Nov 10, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> Raw pigeon?!?



Yeah, it was raw meat a-go-go tonight!

At least the steak was meant to be nearly raw...


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

I haven't watched this year, but is Monica being pushed as the star now? Only, after comments she made in the press a few days ago, it looked (from the accompanying photies) like Wearing had assumed Gregg the Pudding Monster's secondary role?


----------



## Orangesanlemons (Nov 11, 2015)

Looked like contractually equal billing to me, almost painfully so. Monica sets one half of the chef test, Marcus the other. They were more or less tied together for the entire show.


----------



## Plumdaff (Nov 11, 2015)

I'm happy with that, Monica is great. In fact, why not tell Gregg to piss off and just have Monica and Marcus, it's not like anyone pays any attention to what he says.


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## BandWagon (Nov 11, 2015)

They've obviously been working on Wareing's smile, but it still slips....


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