# The Da Vinci Code - worst book of all time?



## Orang Utan (Dec 1, 2004)

I read this a while back and it's a dreadful piece of shit.
As well as being terribly written, it's full of badly researched pseudohistory.
It's very well torn apart on this site:
http://www.lisashea.com/hobbies/art/
Anyone else read it?
Or do you have any other nominations for Worst Book Of All Time?



As Bill Hicks said:
"You're, you're just confused, you don't get, you've forgotten how to judge correctly. Take a deep breath huuh, look at it again. 'Oh it's a Piece-of-Shit!' Exactly, that's all it is. Satan squatted, let out a loaf, they put a fucking title on it, put it on a marquee, Satan's shit, piece of shit, walk away."


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## Idris2002 (Dec 1, 2004)

If he's having a go at Opus Dei he must be doing something right, mind.


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## Idris2002 (Dec 1, 2004)

But I won't read it as it sounded like a bad rip-off of Foucault's Pendulum, and according to your link, it actually is a plagiarism of another book.


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## Orang Utan (Dec 1, 2004)

It's more of a plagiarism of a whole host of books, but mainly The Holy Blood and The Holy Grail.


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## magneze (Dec 1, 2004)

I haven't read it, but my nomination would be "2061". "2001" and "2010" are great books, very readable. I don't stop reading many books, but I did stop on "2061". Just not very good at all IMHO.


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## Idris2002 (Dec 1, 2004)

How much, if any, of those later Arthur C. Clarke books did he actually write?


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## Yuwipi Woman (Dec 1, 2004)

Its good for winding up the fundamentalist christians.  

The vogue in those circles is to write books tearing apart the notion of the "female aspect" of god.  They use DaVinci code for easy fodder.


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## magneze (Dec 1, 2004)

Idris2002 said:
			
		

> How much, if any, of those later Arthur C. Clarke books did he actually write?


I didn't realise that he might not have!  I just thought he was getting on a bit or something?!


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## chrissie (Dec 1, 2004)

It's a piece of formula writing: you can almost see the writer working out as he goes along if he has enough adjectives and adverbs in each sentence.  Also feck all characterisation - talk about cardboard characters.

But still a fascinating plot that carries you along with it so much that the literary snob in me shut up and the geek in me got started looking up all the clues and places on the net and really enjoying it.

It's a mind wank of the finest order: too much sends you blind, but just enough sends you to sleep with a smirk on your face; just don't expect to admire the purple prose!

PS The real cheat is for the people who bought his other books expecting those to carry them along with the same plot intricacies - only to find they were JUST bad prose, predictable plot and laughable characterisation!


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## Orang Utan (Dec 1, 2004)

chrissie said:
			
		

> It's a piece of formula writing: you can almost see the writer working out as he goes along if he has enough adjectives and adverbs in each sentence.  Also feck all characterisation - talk about cardboard characters.



Too right - he talks about the Louvre being 'sepulchral' one page and on the next it is 'tomb-like'.
I wouldn't be surprised if he started his next novel with 'It was a dark and stormy night'.

The characterisation is laughably incompetent - the 'bad' characters are all ugly and twisted and lame, whilst the 'good' characters are all good-lucking and bound to fall for each other. Yuck


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## chrissie (Dec 1, 2004)

Yuwipi Woman said:
			
		

> Its good for winding up the fundamentalist christians.
> 
> The vogue in those circles is to write books tearing apart the notion of the "female aspect" of god.  They use DaVinci code for easy fodder.



I have been reading about the Mary Magdalen married to Jesus angle for decades.  It's just an attempt to resurrect the female Godhead (or better still, to be feminist and leave all the phallic symbolism out of it), the triple goddess religions that once dominated.  It is meant to give them a modern(ish) legitimacy.  But that is about as real as the legend of the holy grail, created in the C11th or C12th in an attempt to stir up a cult movement which would support a social movement if it's time.

There is absolutely NO evidence that Mary M and Jesus had 'owt to do with each other - and she is some sort of conglomerate/composite woman anyway.

But the goddess religions did exists and were pretty nasty (like most religions) in its time.

PS I am a feminist of the old order and wholly unapologetic about it - but it doesn't mean I'll support a spurious myth just because it says women were once great!  Frankly us poor cows have had (and in most of the world, continue to have) a pretty raw deal, whatever we like to say about our 'secret' power etc...

If I am making sense...which is by no means a given!


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## Dante (Dec 1, 2004)

Orang Utan said:
			
		

> As Bill Hicks said:
> "You're, you're just confused, you don't get, you've forgotten how to judge correctly. Take a deep breath huuh, look at it again. 'Oh it's a Piece-of-Shit!' Exactly, that's all it is. Satan squatted, let out a loaf, they put a fucking title on it, put it on a marquee, Satan's shit, piece of shit, walk away."



oooh, can you tell me what album that is from? i dont think i;ve heard that one before... (am now excited at the prospect of some unknown Bill Hicks) 

havent read the Davinci code, i was going to, but heard it was utter rubbish, so decided to stear clear. cant quite see how its sold so many copies. 

The worst book of all time, or at least one of the main contenders has to be Richard LittleJohn's Hell in a handcrap or whatever... total utter racist homophobic drivel.. make me feel unclean just typing about it


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## nuffsaid (Dec 1, 2004)

It's just a fictional version of Holy Blood Holy Grail, which was itself a documentary based on some completely dodgy French bloke who completely duped the writers and exposed as a fraud later - so not a very good place to start.

As Chrissie says highly formulaic. I found the ending an UNBELIEVABLE let down after a very pacey plot. 

I made the mistake of buying two more of Dan Brown's books while very early on in Da Vinci code when it seemed quite good. Same formula, different content. Oh well I've got a couple of lengthy train journeys to take so I can...............throw them out of the window and stare at fields rolling by instead.

I hope the film doesn't have the same ending otw forget it.


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## Orang Utan (Dec 1, 2004)

Kinsales said:
			
		

> oooh, can you tell me what album that is from? i dont think i;ve heard that one before... (am now excited at the prospect of some unknown Bill Hicks)



Sorry, don't remember


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## big_c (Dec 1, 2004)

People keep recommending it to me but my gut feeling tells me it's drivel. Still, you never know till you try.


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## T & P (Dec 1, 2004)

It's not great literature by any stretch of the imagination, but it is not the worst book ever either.

It is simply the book version of the ultra-popular Hollywood blockbuster movie genre- not very accurate, not very high brow, but highly entertaining.

And for those who are seeking a bit of mindless entertainment/light reading, this book is great. It reads well, it has some fascinating facts (though many of them not-so-factual) and it's a classic page-turner. The perfect book for a beach holiday or leisure reading- and certainly better than most 'airport lounge' thrillers and mysteries you can find.

I guess it all depends on whether you know what you're letting yourself into.


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## Yuwipi Woman (Dec 1, 2004)

The worst written piece in the English Language is reputed to be a Science Fiction story called the "Eye of Argon."  It is so bad that fans have reading contests to see who can read the longest without laughing.

http://ineluki.dyndns.org/~mjc42/tut/library/eyeII1.html


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## LostNotFound (Dec 1, 2004)

i agree its a pile of cack orang. the writing, the characterisation, etc

but youve got to admit, the holy grail / knights of the templar / various secrets orders / davinci / hidde in the louvre  type stuff is a bit exciting for the 12 yr old conspiracy theorist lurking in us all.

even if that stuff does fizzle out into utter boring wank by about page 150


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## Dante (Dec 1, 2004)

Yuwipi Woman said:
			
		

> The worst written piece in the English Language is reputed to be a Science Fiction story called the "Eye of Argon."  It is so bad that fans have reading contests to see who can read the longest without laughing.
> 
> http://ineluki.dyndns.org/~mjc42/tut/library/eyeII1.html


 Rotfl... i manged 3 words....


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## gnoriac (Dec 1, 2004)

chrissie said:
			
		

> It's a piece of formula writing: you can almost see the writer working out as he goes along if he has enough adjectives and adverbs in each sentence.  Also feck all characterisation - talk about cardboard characters.



Of course the hero is a distinguished middle-aged academic, the other one being a stunningly attractive young female version... I think by that time you know as much about this book as you need to.


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## miss minnie (Dec 1, 2004)

LostNotFound said:
			
		

> i agree its a pile of cack orang. the writing, the characterisation, etc
> 
> but youve got to admit, the holy grail / knights of the templar / various secrets orders / davinci / hidde in the louvre  type stuff is a bit exciting for the 12 yr old conspiracy theorist lurking in us all.
> 
> even if that stuff does fizzle out into utter boring wank by about page 150


and after you've read all of that stuff go and get yourself a copy of the computer game 'gabriel knight: blood of the sacred blood of the damned' and have a really good laugh at it all.  the priory of sion, the templars, saunier and renne le chateau (depicted quite excellently, btw i've been there), poussin - it's all in there.  you'll have a cracking time!


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## Orangesanlemons (Dec 1, 2004)

Yuwipi Woman said:
			
		

> The worst written piece in the English Language is reputed to be a Science Fiction story called the "Eye of Argon."  It is so bad that fans have reading contests to see who can read the longest without laughing.
> 
> http://ineluki.dyndns.org/~mjc42/tut/library/eyeII1.html


"The barbarian's huge leviathon of an endoskeleton entered the bar, his presence permeating the soup-like air. "Two scroats for a flaggon of your finest foaming ale" dickered Grignr at the yeoman behind the bar. Quaffing the caramel beverage and masticating gentlely a burnt slice of animal carcass, a curse ejacualted from Grignr's oral oriface as a memory slowly rose in his chasmous mind, the cadaver, it was..."

Bless!


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## greenman (Dec 1, 2004)

Regardless of the literary merits or otherwise of the book and its spurious "background", the interesting thing is that millions of your fellow humans have just bought or read the book, (Making Mr Brown an even richer man) and a certain number will believe it's assertions and alter their worldview accordingly or even enter wholeheartedly into the conspiracy belief mindset.....

Scoff, but then remember that the USA has just elected a President who believes in the literal truth of much of the Bible and is supported by people who believe in things like the "Rapture", a war of Armageddon and destroying the Dome of the Rock etc.  Then have a look at how Brown's book feeds the paranoia of Christian fundamentalists that there is a "masonic/occult" conspiracy out to get them (Brown's book is based on "Holy Blood, Holy Grail" and it's French progenitors - most of whom who were either occultist pranksters playing some kind of game or activists from the murky underworld where the avant-garde, intelligence agencies, masons, political extremists , pretenders, frauds and adventurers dance their obscure waltzes in the shadows...) 

A crap book maybe, but not one of no consequence.


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## miss minnie (Dec 1, 2004)

a far better book, imo, is 'in god's name' about the death of pope john paul I, the  vatican bank scandal, the freemasons, p2, roberto calvi etc..

wasn't quite sure how much it had been 'sexed up' but i did happen to have drinks one evening with a senior auditor involved in clearing up the whole mess and he confirmed that it was a pretty good account of events, certainly from the financial point of view.


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## nuffsaid (Dec 2, 2004)

I even went to the Louvre to look at the Mona Lisa and check for the hidden thingy under the glass pyramid.

AND went to the obscure church in Paris where the original line of the east/west meridian is. AND someone else was taking photos of it.    


Couldn't find any treasure though - funny that.


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## T & P (Dec 2, 2004)

nuffsaid said:
			
		

> I even went to the Louvre to look at the Mona Lisa and check for the hidden thingy under the glass pyramid.
> 
> AND went to the obscure church in Paris where the original line of the east/west meridian is. AND someone else was taking photos of it.
> 
> ...


I've read somewhere that the Louvre is now offering 'Da Vinci Code' tours of the place where the guide shows the audicences the room where "the curator was killed" and other places mentioned in the book, as well as discussing the facts and myths regarding the museum and Mona Lisa.

Apparently they'd had enough of people asking them questions about it thousands of times a day, and decided to make something of it.


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## nuffsaid (Dec 2, 2004)

T & P said:
			
		

> I've read somewhere that the Louvre is now offering 'Da Vinci Code' tours of the place where the guide shows the audicences the room where "the curator was killed" and other places mentioned in the book, as well as discussing the facts and myths regarding the museum and Mona Lisa.




Most likely to provide us with misinformation, supplied by the the illuminati, to put us off the truth................the bastards..


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## chrissie (Dec 4, 2004)

nuffsaid said:
			
		

> I made the mistake of buying two more of Dan Brown's books while very early on in Da Vinci code when it seemed quite good. Same formula, different content. Oh well I've got a couple of lengthy train journeys to take so I can...............throw them out of the window and stare at fields rolling by instead.I hope the film doesn't have the same ending otw forget it.



Same mistake!    

Same hope!


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## Orang Utan (Dec 4, 2004)

BTW Umberto Eco's Foucault's Pendulum goes over similar ground to the Da Vinci Code, but is infinitely better written and researched and much more entertaining. And it doesn't take itself as seriously as this Dan Brown's book did.


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## hendo (Dec 4, 2004)

I read it on holiday and thought it was dire. It's written for thick Americans who need the important plot developments _put in italics_.

Gave my copy away.


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## Jorum (Dec 4, 2004)

Digital Fortress is even more a laugh.

The plot basically revolves around a US government agent taking a whole novel to crack an 8-letter anagram.


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## G. Fieendish (Dec 4, 2004)

Re Dan Brown's research
One of his later works involves a Antimatter bomb placed under the Vatican.
_Unfortunately_,  someone at the U.S particle physics labourtory centre, Fermilab, pointed out in their house magazine, that the cost of synthesising the antimatter (225 Milligrams), in the bomb, would at present, be in the region of  200 hundred Trillion dollars !
Yours, thinking what you could do with 200 hundred Trillion dollars....
Grimley


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## invisibleplanet (Dec 4, 2004)

Never going to read #The DaVinci Code#

I nominate 'The second and all subsequent Michael Moorcock books you might ever read' as worst books of all time.
When you've read one, you've read them all.


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## Orang Utan (Dec 4, 2004)

invisibleplanet said:
			
		

> The second and all subsequent Michael Moorcock books you ever read.
> When you've read one, you've read them all.


Nonsense - have you read Mother London?
Nowt like his fantasy fiction at all.


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## invisibleplanet (Dec 4, 2004)

Orang Utan said:
			
		

> Nonsense - have you read Mother London?
> Nowt like his fantasy fiction at all.



ROFL.

No, I haven't, thanks for the recommendation, Orang Utan, and I stand corrected, as on the whole, i value your literary taste, however I can't be convinced to read any of his endless science-fantasy. It's just not my cup-of-char.


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## golightly (Dec 4, 2004)

Orang Utan said:
			
		

> Nonsense - have you read Mother London?
> Nowt like his fantasy fiction at all.



Tried reading this.  Although I liked some of the characterisations I really couldn't get into it.  I'll give it another go once I've read Gloriana, which Pickman's kindly bought me.

Oh and btw I was listening to Radio 4 this morning when the Da Vinci Code was mentioned.  First thing I thought was that it sounded like the Holy Blood and the Holy Grail.  Having read this thread it seems that this is the case.


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## hendo (Dec 5, 2004)

invisibleplanet said:
			
		

> I nominate 'The second and all subsequent Michael Moorcock books you might ever read' as worst books of all time.
> When you've read one, you've read them all.



I thought they were great when I was fourteen.


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## Idris2002 (Dec 5, 2004)

Yeah, I really liked the Oswald Bastable and Jerry Cornelius books as well.

As far as bad books go, I got Hunter S. Thompson's _Kingdom of Fear_ this year and found it was very disappointing.

A lot of Iain Banks' later stuff is like that as well, especially _The Business_.


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## invisibleplanet (Dec 5, 2004)

hendo said:
			
		

> I thought they were great when I was fourteen.



I'm glad you like them.
I wouldn't take my literarytaste as the be all and end-all! lol.
A lot of my friends used to read them around that age too. I never got into him, although they rated him highly.


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## Idris2002 (Dec 5, 2004)

I tried rereading Amos Oz's _Fima_ last xmas and thought it was absolutely woeful.


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## Erich Zann (Dec 5, 2004)

nuffsaid said:
			
		

> I even went to the Louvre to look at the Mona Lisa and check for the hidden thingy under the glass pyramid.
> 
> AND went to the obscure church in Paris where the original line of the east/west meridian is. AND someone else was taking photos of it.



Sounds like you went to more trouble than Mr Brown did. The Bois de Bolougne has apparantly moved and is now somewhere between the louvre and Gare de Nord.


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## Erich Zann (Dec 5, 2004)

Jorum said:
			
		

> Digital Fortress is even more a laugh.
> 
> The plot basically revolves around a US government agent taking a whole novel to crack an 8-letter anagram.




Gah! That has to be the most two-dimensional piece of lit. ever. Unless it's possible to  be one-dimensional.   I feel cheated by that book, I want those wasted hours back.


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 5, 2004)

Erich Zann said:
			
		

> Sounds like you went to more trouble than Mr Brown did. The Bois de Bolougne has apparantly moved and is now somewhere between the louvre and Gare de Nord.



I bet that upset the prostitutes!
Imagine all those punters being misled as to where to find them!


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## rhod (Dec 5, 2004)

Heh - had to chuckle the other week when I heard somebody representing the Catholic church on Radio 4 condemning "the Da Vinci code" as it was causing some believers to confuse fact with fiction..

(Like the bible is 100% fact, right)?


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## snadge (Dec 5, 2004)

Yuwipi Woman said:
			
		

> The worst written piece in the English Language is reputed to be a Science Fiction story called the "Eye of Argon."  It is so bad that fans have reading contests to see who can read the longest without laughing.
> 
> http://ineluki.dyndns.org/~mjc42/tut/library/eyeII1.html



3 words for me as well...  

saying that I didn't splutter my stella untill




> Grignir adroitly ducked downwards towards the foot-trodden floor,



fuckin' lunatic


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## gnoriac (Dec 5, 2004)

G. Fieendish said:
			
		

> Re Dan Brown's research
> One of his later works involves a Antimatter bomb placed under the Vatican.
> _Unfortunately_,  someone at the U.S particle physics labourtory centre, Fermilab, pointed out in their house magazine, that the cost of synthesising the antimatter (225 Milligrams), in the bomb, would at present, be in the region of  200 hundred Trillion dollars !
> Yours, thinking what you could do with 200 hundred Trillion dollars....
> Grimley



Considering what the War Against Iraq has (and will) cost, we just gotta hope Dubya never reads it.


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## sleaterkinney (Dec 5, 2004)

I've read Angels and Demons, much better with a couple of twists at the end.

The writing is formulaic, the plots a bit ropey in places but I read it till the end,      Its good if you just want something go read on the tube or whatever, if feeding anything less than the finest english lit to your brain is unthinkable, look away now.


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## treefrog (Dec 6, 2004)

Quite liked Angels and Demons-No thought required, decent page turner. My ex-flatmate stole my copy of The Da Vinci Code before I'd had a chance to read it (swine). OK, so his books aren't Nobel winners, but they might persuade some of those think Americans to visit some REAL cities of culture...


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## teecee (Dec 6, 2004)

golightly said:
			
		

> First thing I thought was that it sounded like the Holy Blood and the Holy Grail.  Having read this thread it seems that this is the case.



That was my first thought when I first kept hearing about it, and as I enjoyed THBATHG  - in a  ripping yarn kind of way - was thinking about reading this , or more musing whether I should or not, and now my girlfriend has just gone out and bought me the special editon with pictures and extra notes and things - onyl problem is it's too bloody big to just drop in my bag and read as I go.

And then I came across this thread ....

oh well I can't not read a book in my possesion so will give it a go anyway, lets hope you're all wrong and I thoroughly enjoy it


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## Ms T (Dec 6, 2004)

Apparently The Da Vinci Code is driving the French absolutely bonkers, which (almost) makes it worthwhile in itself!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/4065895.stm


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## FridgeMagnet (Dec 6, 2004)

It's rubbish, but it's not the worst book of all time. See: Piers Anthony.


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## G. Fieendish (Dec 7, 2004)

Re:Angels & Demon's "Megaweapon"



			
				gnoriac said:
			
		

> Considering what the War Against Iraq has (and will) cost, we just gotta hope Dubya never reads it.


I was wrong about the cost of syntheising the Antimatter, for said bomb in Angels & Demons...
The _True_ cost, at present, to synthesise 225 Milligrams of Antimatter, using current technology, is on the order of 1000 Trillion Dollars or 1*10 to the power 15 Dollars...  
_(It would be orders of magnitude cheaper to delevop a space programme from scratch, set up a Massdriver on the Moon, & fire rocks at the Vatican...)._
Grimley
P.S As a point of reference, "Shrub's" proposed Mars Mission (Project Consellation) is set to cost $100 Billion.... Pocket change compared to the Antimatter Bomb IMO...


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## cynical_bastard (Dec 7, 2004)

Write like Dan Brown in 10 easy steps
1. Introduce heroic, good looking and successful heroes.
2. Introduce evil man who's not actually evil.
3. Introduce evil man who characters think is good but is actually evil. (note- the female love interest should work for one of these 2)
4. Introduce dody foreign assassin who stalks the hero before being killed 30 pages from the end.
5. Include contrived piece of foreshadowing
6. Write 200 pages of poorly researched trivia.
7. Include lame plot twist where obvious evil villain turns out not to be evil villain and good guy in background turns out to br evil villain.
8. Include note in intro claiming all the crap science and research is highly plausible
9. ???
10. Profit!

Fair play to the guy though, he may be a talentless formulaic hack but he's made millions by convincing stupid people they're smart.


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## Good Intentions (Dec 7, 2004)

You forgot Step 1 - Collect Underpants!


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## Jorum (Dec 13, 2004)

I find it slightly unsettling that while his heros are all perfect beutiful people his villians are seem to be disabled in some way?


> The True cost, at present, to synthesise 225 Milligrams of Antimatter, using current technology, is on the order of 1000 Trillion Dollars or 1*10 to the power 15 Dollars...


Then you have the somewhat tricky task of containing the antimatter for any length of time.
Currently antimatter is contained using powerful electromagnets, the best vacuum chamber you can get your hands on, and plenty of hightech cooling to keep everything as cold as possible. All this adds up to quite a lot bulky equipment and power supplies, so I'm not entirely sure how Dan Brown contains the antimatter in a handy little canister.
Not to mention that with all the above technology at the best labs in the world, they usually managed to keep antimatter existing for timescales measured in minutes at the most.


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## Orang Utan (Dec 24, 2004)

My dad has just introduced me to the worst poem of all time: William McGonagall's The Tay Bridge Disaster.
Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clods seem'd to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."


When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."


But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.


So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sught,
And the passengers' hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.


So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.


As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale
How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.


It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of thSilv'ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

    

Look at McGonagall's biog here:
http://www.taynet.co.uk/users/mcgon/


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## killer b (Dec 24, 2004)

that's eyewatering orang. i'm not sure whether to thank you or curse you...


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## Wowbagger (Dec 24, 2004)

For those of you ploughing through the Eye of Argon, just you wait until you get to the bollock-kicking sequence.


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## Pickman's model (Dec 24, 2004)

the worst book of all time is a hard one to call. however, most disinterested observers believe they can narrow it down to anything by one alexander callinicos, sometime professor of something at york.


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## Donna Ferentes (Dec 24, 2004)




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## Orang Utan (Dec 24, 2004)

?


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## laptop (Dec 24, 2004)

Ms T said:
			
		

> Apparently The Da Vinci Code is driving the French absolutely bonkers, which (almost) makes it worthwhile in itself!
> 
> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/4065895.stm



That's a *great* journalistic piss-take at the beginning - the sort of thing most hacks try and get spiked.




			
				Caroline Wyatt for the BBC said:
			
		

> The English journalist stood outside the church of St Sulpice, her heart pounding.
> 
> It was dusk and if memory served her well, it was just 20m up the 200 steps into the darkened nave.
> 
> ...perhaps it was because his bestseller mixed fact and fiction so successfully that the Da Vinci tourists flocking to France took every word as Gospel truth - their naive gullibility irritating the rational, logical French.



  

BTW:




			
				Orang Utan said:
			
		

> BTW Umberto Eco's Foucault's Pendulum goes over similar ground to the Da Vinci Code, but is infinitely better written and researched and much more entertaining. And it doesn't take itself as seriously as this Dan Brown's book did.



Er... you do know that _Foucault's Pendulum_ is a thorough piss-take of _The Holy Blood and the Holey Socks_ or, viewed another way, a comprehensive deconstruction of the entire notion of conspiracy theories? 

Whether people understand this serves as a reasonable grasp-of-reality check. It'd make a very, very good speed-dating question: "Have you read _Foucault's Pendulum_ and do you think Eco treated the Templars fairly?" But I'm sure that somewhere out there there's a cult forming around it, composed of people who failed the test. 

And Robert Caillau, who works at CERN where they also make antimatter (and is co-inventor of this interweb thing ...) wrote to _New Scientist_ about the antimatter thingy: they've put up a  page on www.cern.ch (the world's first web host) gently taking the piss out of Dan Thing. And claiming the internet as a French invention 

Robert is cool. If he's not already posting here, I'll introduce him to the science & environment forum...


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## Donna Ferentes (Dec 24, 2004)

laptop said:
			
		

> a comprehensive deconstruction of the entire notion of conspiracy theories


What we could really do with though is a comprehensive deconstruction of deconstruction...


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## laptop (Dec 24, 2004)

Justin said:
			
		

> What we could really do with though is a comprehensive deconstruction of deconstruction...



But that's Jean Baudrillard's excuse for his writing style: it *is*  self-deconstructing. _Il dit_.

What we *really* need are discourses on "social values" that are aware of the possibility of deconstruction and survive it... then we'll find out what comes after post-modernism.


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## Donna Ferentes (Dec 24, 2004)

But surely his self-deconstruction never took place?


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## laptop (Dec 24, 2004)

Justin said:
			
		

> But surely his self-deconstruction never took place?





Hyperreally it did, I tell you...


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## Orang Utan (Dec 25, 2004)

laptop said:
			
		

> Er... you do know that _Foucault's Pendulum_ is a thorough piss-take of _The Holy Blood and the Holey Socks_ or, viewed another way, a comprehensive deconstruction of the entire notion of conspiracy theories?


Yes


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## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Dec 25, 2004)

I got a copy of the Da Vinci code for christmas. So I'm really looking forward to reading it after reading this thread.   

Still, it'll do well to beat the previous worst book I've ever read, which is undoubtedly Hannibal by Thomas Harris.


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## CyberRose (Dec 26, 2004)

I really liked the Da Vinci Code! (And Angels and Demons)

I reckon its just "cool" to not like what is probably the most popular book on Earth right now (bar certain religious texts of course!)


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## Orang Utan (Dec 26, 2004)

CyberRose said:
			
		

> I really liked the Da Vinci Code! (And Angels and Demons)
> 
> I reckon its just "cool" to not like what is probably the most popular book on Earth right now (bar certain religious texts of course!)


You have just abdicated your right to criticise any book ever then.


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## Maggot (Feb 3, 2005)

A quick reminder that a programme investigating this book has just started on Channel 4.


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## marty21 (Feb 3, 2005)

i  just went on ebay to see if people were selling the da vinci code second hand, andthey were, and it was going for more than it would cost to buy a new copy...amazon have it at £4.89 with free p&p if you spend another £14.11 on other stuff, and just on the first page of da vinci code for sale on ebay, some one had bid £9.00 for a second hand copy, and would have to chuck in another £1.50 or so for post and packing, i haven't read it, a little more curious after watching tony robinson debunk it all on the telly just now, but pay £10 for someone else's copy?


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## DarthSydodyas (Feb 4, 2005)

Interesting program.  Seems to nicely debunk the bs spread by the authors of the books mentioned in this thread.


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## Donna Ferentes (Feb 4, 2005)

Nancy Banks-Smith

_"The Da Vinci Code is the worst-written book I ever started to read."_


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## madzone (Feb 4, 2005)

marty21 said:
			
		

> i  just went on ebay to see if people were selling the da vinci code second hand, andthey were, and it was going for more than it would cost to buy a new copy...amazon have it at £4.89 with free p&p if you spend another £14.11 on other stuff, and just on the first page of da vinci code for sale on ebay, some one had bid £9.00 for a second hand copy, and would have to chuck in another £1.50 or so for post and packing, i haven't read it, a little more curious after watching tony robinson debunk it all on the telly just now, but pay £10 for someone else's copy?


It's £3.73 in Tesco


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## belboid (Feb 4, 2005)

Justin said:
			
		

> Nancy Banks-Smith
> 
> _"The Da Vinci Code is the worst-written book I ever started to read."_


aaah the wonderful nancy - and she still works in a corrie reference too.

She would be perfect were it not for "Alf Ramsay said football isn't a matter of life or death, it's more important than that" - _Alf Ramsay??_.  I rather think not m'lady!


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## marty21 (Feb 4, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> It's £3.73 in Tesco



which makes it even less sense to pay over a tenner...


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## madzone (Feb 4, 2005)

marty21 said:
			
		

> which makes it even less sense to pay over a tenner...


People is daft


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## marty21 (Feb 4, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> People is daft



yep...


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## madzone (Feb 4, 2005)

marty21 said:
			
		

> yep...


Just had a look on ebay - there's 14 people bidding on a paperback copy. Bids are currently at £7 - the mind boggles. I always get really tempted to email people and say - 'What are you doing?!! You can get this for a quarter of the price on the high st'
There's nowt so queer as folk


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## IntoStella (Feb 4, 2005)

madzone said:
			
		

> Just had a look on ebay - there's 14 people bidding on a paperback copy. Bids are currently at £7


You can 10 copies for 6p in Books etc.


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## Mrs Magpie (Feb 4, 2005)

Jorum said:
			
		

> I find it slightly unsettling that while his heros are all perfect beutiful people his villians are seem to be disabled in some way?


A common stereotype...in fiction people with disabilities are either tragic and brave, or bitter and twisted. It's discussed on another thread...there's a very good article I shall try and dig out that I can find refered to online, but not actually the full text, about this very subject....


<edited to add...if not the one dimensional characters as described above then they are just a metaphor for something else>


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## Jangla (Mar 15, 2005)

Just found this on the BBC web site about a caridinal that has made public comment on the book:



> The archbishop Il Giornale: "The book is everywhere. There is a very real risk that many people who read it will believe that the fables it contains are true."



Hmmm, sounds a bit like the bible, doesn't it?!


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## J77 (Mar 15, 2005)

As a piece of fiction, I liked it.


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## teecee (Mar 15, 2005)

As far as I can recall this is the only book I have read where the piss poor ,cliched ridden writing style actually gets in the way of the story.

There were a quite a few occasions where I stopped and thought "ughh that was an ugly sentence" - in the literary sense


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## proeuro (Mar 15, 2005)

Hahahahaha!!

You haven't read _Falklands 2_ or _The Bible_ then!

Mark
----
"Never shy away from controversy or controversy will cut you up like some of those paedophile, illegal immigrant, gypsies that steal all our jobs, shit in the babbling brook of English society and rape our daughters!" - (Robert Kilroy-Silk MEP, sorry, what..?! He was ELECTED!)


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## T & P (Mar 15, 2005)

Well like J77 said, as a piece of fiction, and more precisely as a mindless 'airport lounge thriller' you read on vacation, etc, I pretty much enjoyed myself.

Fair enough those who think it is just poorly written sad excuse for a literary work. But those who insist on rubbishing it because of historical inaccuracies or manipulation of the truth are rather missing the point IMO. It's a work of *fiction*.

Many who criticise this book describe it as a poor imitation of Umberto Eco's _Foucault's Pendulum_. I haven't read that book but I have read his earlier novel, _The Name of the Rose._ I enjoyed that book very much too even though it has its fair share of historical inaccuracies and plain untruths. I look forward to widespread condemnation of this work on the basis of its inaccuracies...


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## Orang Utan (Mar 15, 2005)

T & P said:
			
		

> Fair enough those who think it is just poorly written sad excuse for a literary work. But those who insist on rubbishing it because of historical inaccuracies or manipulation of the truth are rather missing the point IMO. It's a work of *fiction*.


Which is fine and dandy if the author doesn't appear on chat shows claiming that the story behind it is all true.


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## J77 (Mar 15, 2005)

Orang Utan said:
			
		

> Which is fine and dandy if the author doesn't appear on chat shows claiming that the story behind it is all true.


Yeah, but if it's true it's true in the sense that the Holy Blood and Holy Grail is true; it's true to those who want to believe it's true. Shit, there's people out there who believe that something happened in a far, far away galaxy a long time ago


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## belboid (Mar 15, 2005)

T & P said:
			
		

> Many who criticise this book describe it as a poor imitation of Umberto Eco's _Foucault's Pendulum_. I haven't read that book but I have read his earlier novel, _The Name of the Rose._ I enjoyed that book very much too even though it has its fair share of historical inaccuracies and plain untruths. I look forward to widespread condemnation of this work on the basis of its inaccuracies...


What are the plain untruths?  Other than some of the obvious stuff about there being a god and all that?

Eco also doesn't claim to be writing 'the truth' (far from it!), but, if anything, he's writing about how such 'truths' are created.  So there isn't a problem.  Or, not the same problem at least.


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## J77 (Mar 15, 2005)

*J77's Bottom Line*

People who don't like The Da Vinci Code, *don't read it*.

There's no point being all upperdy and pompous about it being a piece of shit. In fact, I doubt those who diss it have even read it. I was surpised at how much of a good, leisurely read I found it - I only read it after someone told me it was a piece of *fiction*.

People who diss books like this (I think Harry Potter falls into a similar category) should really get over it. If you want to criticise it, do some research, write a critically reveiwed article on it - oh, hang on, you're probably not smart enough to do that; just carry on bitching like sheep.


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## belboid (Mar 15, 2005)

fuck off ya patronising twat!

How does one know one isn't going to like it really unless one reads it (as I said, I read the first seven odd chapters and threw it aside)?  

And why must we be 'academic' if we are going to criticise it?  One doesn't have to be academic to praise it, so why only one way round?


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## J77 (Mar 15, 2005)

belboid said:
			
		

> fuck off ya patronising twat!






			
				belboid said:
			
		

> How does one know one isn't going to like it really unless one reads it (as I said, I read the first seven odd chapters and threw it aside)?


My poin tis that most people don't even do get that far.






			
				belboid said:
			
		

> And why must we be 'academic' if we are going to criticise it?  One doesn't have to be academic to praise it, so why only one way round?


Where do I mention being academic?


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## oryx (Mar 15, 2005)

My closest friend has just given me her copy, with the warning that it's the worst book she's ever read! 

It will have to go a long way to beat Kathy Lette's _Foetal Attraction_ which was, to steal Nancy Banks-Smith's phrase, the worst-written book I ever started to read.

Not being tolerant of either bad writing or convoluted plots, I cannot see myself getting very far with _The Da Vinci Code_ ...


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## belboid (Mar 15, 2005)

J77 said:
			
		

> Where do I mention being academic?


okay you actually said "write a critically reveiwed article on it" - which strikes me as similar to being academic I would have said!

And how would you recommend getting any articles we do 'critically reviewed'?  Surely all posts on here (short, sometimes very short, articles) are all critically reviewed?!


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## Kameron (Mar 15, 2005)

Orang Utan said:
			
		

> Which is fine and dandy if the author doesn't appear on chat shows claiming that the story behind it is all true.


As long as he doesn't claim it is any more true than say some great reference work of fiction like say the Bible then I don't see why it is a problem. There are still some people claiming that Holy Blood, Holy Grail isn't a work of fiction and the Priory of Sion wasn't invented Plantard in the 50's or 60's. ROTFL I find the whole thing quite funny because people who normally look at the Bible as sceptics when presented with Da Vinci Code suddenly want to believe.


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## laptop (Mar 15, 2005)

J77 said:
			
		

> There's no point being all upperdy and pompous about it being a piece of shit.



And where's the harm in taking the piss out of those Seppo tourists stomping around Paris demanding to know where stuff from the book *really happened*? Eh? Eh?


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## agata (Mar 15, 2005)

Maybe saying about book "the worst book of all time" is not good especially that everywhere u go, globally( ve been traveling a bit - everywhere i was i ve seen this book translated for many languages). There must be sth in this book then....maybe it is not the best position, yes i agree, but it is worth to read - to have ur own opinion about.It would be good to analyse few parts of this and thing because these parts are very similar to scrolls found in Dead Sea area(Qumran)- very old papers - probably real.


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## J77 (Mar 16, 2005)

belboid said:
			
		

> And how would you recommend getting any articles we do 'critically reviewed'?  Surely all posts on here (short, sometimes very short, articles) are all critically reviewed?!


Sorry about the pushy posting yesterday - had been drinking 

By a critical review, I meant somehitng more constructive than, "It's a piece of crap... None of it's true... Worst book I've never finshed...".

My comments were aimed at people in general (not those posting on this thread), including friends of mine, who sometimes seem to diss the book because it's 'cool' to do so.

I really can't see it being as bad as any other book from the detective/crime genre - tho' I haven't really read any others apart from some Amis...


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## kea (Mar 16, 2005)

haven't read the da vinci code so nowt to comment on that, but for worst book of all time i'd say anything/everything by paolo coelho, and anything/everything by patricia cornwell. they both really are the most awful shit.


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## Kameron (Mar 16, 2005)

kea said:
			
		

> haven't read the da vinci code so nowt to comment on that, but for worst book of all time i'd say anything/everything by paolo coelho, and anything/everything by patricia cornwell. they both really are the most awful shit.


I quiet like Patricia Cornwell ... or is that Bernard Cornwell I'm thinking of? eh?  If you like I can lend you the book if you want but it is an airport novel.

It isn't a bad book as such, the bad thing is that people keep believing something about it is true but I think that that is their fault not the authors.  After all politicians give interviews the whole time saying that their manifestos are the truth and no body believes them.  If believing it is true when it is patently fiction is a crime in the publishing world then the Bible is the winner of that prize and as no one has actually killed anyone because of what is written in the Da Vinci Code yet; catching up with the bible will take a hell of a lot of killing.


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## kea (Mar 16, 2005)

i think bernard cornwell writes the Sharp novels. patricia cornwell writes the ones about a pathologist and they are unreadably dire.


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## Orang Utan (Mar 16, 2005)

I don't really object to the way certain 'facts' are presented - I think people are missing the point spectacularly - the reason it's the worst book is because it so shoddily written and because of the inept characterisations in it.


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## Kameron (Mar 16, 2005)

There are millions of books fitting that description though! Have you ever read anything by Jack Higgins or Wilbur Smith?


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## Orang Utan (Mar 16, 2005)

Nope, Da Vinci Code is the worst I have read though - I was susprised that it got published to be honest, but I don't often read that type of book, so it's a different world to me.


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