# Worst film you have ever seen and why?



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (May 16, 2009)

You know the sort of thing. My eyes, my eyes, why did I waste a second on this shite, why am I here. 

When I was on a plane to Hawaii I had to sit in front of a massive screen showing 'What a Girl wants', and that film has to be a contender. I had to take my headphones off and close my eyes. 

Mimic has to be up there as well. For some reason I feel like torturing myself and watching them again. 

Fuck me what a girl wants is the shittiest film ever. Firth is this english guy so obviously he lives in London. He's just five minutes drive from London airport (heathrow) over tower bridge and up a long winding drive to his mansion. 
Plucky american girl show the stiff british how to have fun and in return finds out the we call elevators lifts. Wow, no wonder she got herself all in a tiz, what a silly country we have.


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## Bakunin (May 16, 2009)

John Wayne's pro-Vietnam War 'epic' 'The Green Berets' springs to mind.


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## phildwyer (May 16, 2009)

Tommy
The Green Berets
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Each for a different (though I assume obvious) reason.


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## Woollyredhat (May 16, 2009)

Bend it like Beckham was pretty awful.


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## Idris2002 (May 16, 2009)

I thought Tommy was quite good.

The worst film I've ever seen was one of only three films I've ever walked out of. 'Living in Hope' it was called, all about the wacky and zany antics of undergraduates living in a halls of residence called 'Hope House'. 

One poor idiot fails to get on the varsity rugger team, so kills himself by driving his car into a wall. This is not handled with the sensitivity suicide deserves, nor was it even the subject of proper black humour. Instead it was, like the rest of the film, an exercise in crass ignorant stupidity.

(This was, needless to add, a product of the British film industry. The industry that made Passport to Pimlico is now incapable of producing anything other than dross).


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## liampreston (May 16, 2009)

Phonebooth. GOD alive that was awful.


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## FabricLiveBaby! (May 16, 2009)

Hercules in New York.

The non dubbed version.

Just for Arnie beating uo guy in a bear suit.


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## Shippou-Sensei (May 16, 2009)

on a ferry to holland  

pearl harbour

gah

about the same level of entertainment  as staring  at the horizon


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## Meltingpot (May 16, 2009)

I expect I'll get flack for this, but it was a Humphrey Bogart film where Bogart played a killer who poisoned his victims and painted them as they deteriorated.

http://www.answers.com/topic/the-two-mrs-carrolls-1

Not very good even by the review, and I found it very depressing.

Loved Casablanca though.


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## 5t3IIa (May 16, 2009)

This is _bad_

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0323465/
While on a late night road trip home, a woman must save her rebellious teenage daughter who runs off with a bizarre group of blood-letting psychos. | With Mischa Barton


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## Mrs Magpie (May 16, 2009)

It was a bio-pic about an amputee who walked across America. Someone took me to see it because they thought it was inspiring and life-affirming. It was mawkish and a steaming great crock of shite and perpetuated myths about people with disabilities being tragic and brave. Thankfully it's become a distant and hazy memory and I've forgotten the title.


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## 8den (May 16, 2009)

Sunshine. For claiming to be an "intelligent" sci film. 

The Beautician and the Beast. Fran Drescher and Timothy Dalton. Airplane film. 

Buffalo 66. Fuck Vincent Gallo. Fuck him in the ear.


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## mrsfran (May 16, 2009)

Bad Karma, starring Patsy Kensit. The blurb DVD blurb:



> When a beautiful mental patient (Patsy Kensit) finds out that her psychiatrist (Patrick Muldoon) is going on vacation with his family, she escapes from the institution and goes on a murderous rampage to find him. Convinced that he is the reincarnation of Jack the Ripper and she his mistress in their previous life, she commits violent murders to victims along the way, recreating the bloody deaths of nearly a century ago. When she finally tracks him down she takes his daughter and wife (Amy Locane) hostage to force him to acknowledge their past history and future destiny together. In a desperate attempt to save the live of those he loves, as well as himself, he must figure out a way to escape from Hell's Gate...



I have to watch a LOT of films for my job. This is the worst one. It's supposed to be set in New Jersey, but about halfway through the production team have clearly given up pretending they're not filming in Ireland. There's Irish phone boxes and police cars, and the final scene is in a castle. Because everyone knows how many castles there are in New Jersey. Patsy Kensit is just awful, really really terrible. It is a Bad Film.

Other contenders include:

Step-Brothers, starring Will Ferrell. No redeeming features.

Green Street 2, a sub-Danny-Dyer football hooligan film. Embarrassingly bad.


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## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

I know it's obvious, but Battlefield earth. When someone told me it was a shit sci fi film I thought 'great, I'll get stoned and enjoy a rubbish sci fi b movie'


it wasn't even enjoyably rubbish, just absolute cock.


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## toblerone3 (May 16, 2009)

8den said:


> Sunshine. For claiming to be an "intelligent" sci film.
> 
> The Beautician and the Beast. Fran Drescher and Timothy Dalton. Airplane film.
> 
> Buffalo 66. Fuck Vincent Gallo. Fuck him in the ear.



What's wrong with Buffalo 66? I seem to remember enjoying it quite a lot.


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## weltweit (May 16, 2009)

Coraline 

about 10 minutes in I went to sleep behind my 3d glasses and woke occassionaly to find that the flipping thing was still going ... eugh


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> You know the sort of thing. My eyes, my eyes, why did I waste a second on this shite, why am I here.
> 
> When I was on a plane to Hawaii I had to sit in front of a massive screen showing 'What a Girl wants', and that film has to be a contender. I had to take my headphones off and close my eyes.
> 
> ...



That IS fucking awful indeed 

But I don't rank stuff like that amongst my worst films ever.  that would be liking kicking a homeless person.

For me it's a tossup between Spawn (godawful comic book adaptation, watching it you really realise what a dearth of them there were in the 90s and how spoiled we've been in recent years), Shakespeare in Love (awful smug horrible nonsense), Closer (wankiest, horrible, plastic characters ever - and I quite like Clive Owen!) or Lost in Space (waste of good actors like Gary oldman on awful awful awful scifi which at times made me want to smash up the cinema.


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

Woollyredhat said:


> Bend it like Beckham was pretty awful.



Fuck off!  That's a cracking little film.


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## Melinda (May 16, 2009)

Off the top of my head-  

Good Luck Chuck, I Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Click... In fact every film with Chuck in the title or which features Adam Sandler or Dane Cook. *spits*

Good Luck Chuck is the most base, hateful and disgusting film Ive seen. Whoever wrote it has a seriously _*fucked up*_ attitude to women. I never liked Jessica Alba but I *despise *her for being in that film. 

I hated it so much I was cussing at the screen and had to be restrained from throwing things. I wasnt alone either; there were only about 10 people in the cinema there were walk outs and shouts of 'fuck off' which was way funnier than the film. 

The attitudes stunk, the timing was off and Dane Cook is a CUNT and unquestionably so is anyone who likes that film. No exceptions.

I still give my BF occasional bad looks for taking me to see it.


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## 5t3IIa (May 16, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I know it's obvious, but Battlefield earth. When someone told me it was a shit sci fi film I thought 'great, I'll get stoned and enjoy a rubbish sci fi b movie'
> 
> 
> it wasn't even enjoyably rubbish, just absolute cock.



I watched most of Alian Nation the other day. That was enjoyable rubbish


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## Bakunin (May 16, 2009)

I think I win the thread by actually having paid, with real money, to see the unmitigated horror that is:

'Sex Lives Of The Potato Men.'

Mother of God, it's dreadful.


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

Why do people keep nominating things like 'sex lives of the potato men'?  One can just tell that is going to be shite from the title.

But shakespeare in love, that got major awards and oscars, yet was shockingly bad.


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## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

5t3IIa said:


> I watched most of Alian Nation the other day. That was enjoyable rubbish



Alien Nation is fucking ace and the heavy handed morals decrying xenephobia and racism does not in any way detract from how awesome it is to have spotty headed offal eating aliens who have thier genitals in there armpits


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## mentalchik (May 16, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> I know it's obvious, but Battlefield earth. When someone told me it was a shit sci fi film I thought 'great, I'll get stoned and enjoy a rubbish sci fi b movie'
> 
> 
> it wasn't even enjoyably rubbish, just absolute cock.



I concur...


recently Skinwalkers........... oh my fucking lord it's terrible (only good thing was it starred the guy from Roswell who is all grown up and rather tasty)......


shite of the highest order !


Eyes Wide Shut ranks up there too.........never been in a cinema where a constant stream of people just got up and left !


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## Melinda (May 16, 2009)

Adam Sandler is a cold, venal bastard. I beleive he has his own production company to churn out his revolting, lazy conveyor belt films which are all the same. 

Women are sluts and whores or cold and frigid and they're always telling you what to do. Fat women are funny. Give her a uniform and position of authority and ding ding ding!

Oh and gays are hilarious and black people are scary. I was appalled to see Ving Rhames in Chuck and Larry. Is there anything funnier than a giant black homo, naked and dancing IN A SHOWER full of straight men? 

That scene was the all time apex of Sandler's cuntitude. I wanted Rhames to stab Sandler through the eye with his big black cock and fuck the socket. Now *that's* funny.  

Oh and the loathsome protagonist always learns a lesson at the end. Despite shitting on his wife and kids from a great height, they forgive him.   

Its beneath contempt- He must have the lowest opinion of the people who watch his shit. He falls so far short of films like Knocked Up and 40 year old Virgin which are probably going for a similar audience but get laughs without debasing everyone who watches.


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (May 16, 2009)

I have just remembered a couple of others.

The Mother - Daniel Craig gets it on with a geriatric (who keeps drawing cocks), even worse, in real life the woman playing the 75 year old is actually 85. 
Fantastipo - I don't even want to talk about it. Uh.


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> I have just remembered a couple of others.
> 
> The Mother - Daniel Craig gets it on with a geriatric (who keeps drawing cocks), even worse, in real life the woman playing the 75 year old is actually 85.


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## DaveCinzano (May 16, 2009)

Uwe Boll's game adaptation _BloodRayne_. I only watched it because I'd seen pretty much everything else on the DivX site I got it from. It's the first film I've ever consciously just given up on before it's ended. Even the lesbians-in-loincloths couldn't hold my interest.


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## Grandma Death (May 16, 2009)

Independence Day-promising start then went down the plug hole. Gung ho shite....truly awful.

Swept Away-dreadful. Madonna acting as badly as only she can in a film that is the literal equivalent of swimming through a sea of turgid shit with ones mouth wide open.

Domino-Ikea Knightly in one of the of the most dire films ever made. The script is diabolical and as always Ikea is awful

Saw-watched this because comparisons were made by some to Seven. All I can say is they can't have watched seven if they think this film is anything like it. The guy who took a saw to his ankle in the end....not sure of his name-but his acting was unintentionally the funniest performance I have ever seen in my life.


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## Bakunin (May 16, 2009)

I win the thread with this effort, methinks:







Further comment on this Paul Verhoeven 'epic' is probably unnecessary.


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## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

nah, thats so bad it's good territory iyswim.

crap films are just crap.


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## Melinda (May 16, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> nah, thats so bad it's good territory iyswim.
> 
> crap films are just crap.



No- its vile.


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## Idris2002 (May 16, 2009)

I saw Hostel 2 in a hostel in Queenstown, New Zealand.

What struck me about it is that in its structure it mimics pornography. There is the bare pretence of a plot to connect the various scenes of sadistic torture together. 

I'm not sure what the cultural significance of that is, but whatever it is, it's not good.


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

Verhoeven's a weird one isn't he...


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## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

Melinda said:


> No- its vile.



well, I haven't seen it since I was a teenager and it was all 'this films crap but Kelly gets her baps out OMG lol etc etc.'


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## wiskey (May 16, 2009)

Zoolander.


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## _pH_ (May 16, 2009)

Grandma Death said:


> Independence Day-promising start then went down the plug hole. Gung ho shite....truly awful.



yep.


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## Riklet (May 16, 2009)

Anaconda.

J-Lo.  Big crappy special-effect snake.  Murky water.  Bad filming.  Did I say J-Lo? Bad acting.


.....Ice Cube?? In some ways it's almost good in it's shocking shockingness; I found myself praying for the brutal slaughter of all the main cast anyway, which was edge-of-the-seat kinda exciting


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## Melinda (May 16, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> Verhoeven's a weird one isn't he...



If weird is Dutch for 'I wouldnt leave a daughter or mother of mine in the same room as him,' then yes.


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## kained&able (May 16, 2009)

showgirls is a classic!



reckon the worst film i have ever seen is the tuxeudo. Jackie chan and jenuifer love hewit kinda spoofy spy film. It should be jokes brillience but the script is so shockingly bad it is by far the worst thing i have ever seen in my life and i like my bullshit action films.


dave


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## oryx (May 16, 2009)

Notting Hill.

A friend hired the DVD while I was round for the evening. We spent most of the film discussing how bad it was.........


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## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

Melinda said:


> If weird is Dutch for 'I wouldnt leave a daughter or mother of mine in the same room as him,' then yes.



Starship Troopers and Robocop are both great satires about fascism though.


Must re-watch showgirls to find out the source of your antipathy...


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## Melinda (May 16, 2009)

The end of starship troopers has Dougie Houser stabbing a undulating vagina with a stick.


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## kained&able (May 16, 2009)

commie said:
			
		

> Must re-watch showgirls to find out the source of your antipathy...



and to see jessie from saved by the girls tities.


dave


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## Shippou-Sensei (May 16, 2009)

wiskey said:


> Zoolander.



zoolander is a strange one

i first watched it  thinking  oh god it;s dreadful

but as i watched it   a strange feeling overcame me...  it turned into something beutiful before my eyes


plus  petrol fight


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## kained&able (May 16, 2009)

yeah zoolander is fairly funny in a shit way.

I can cope with it.


dave


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## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

Melinda said:


> The end of starship troopers has Dougie Houser stabbing a undulating vagina with a stick.



the film is an entire send up of fascism. And it stars Michael Ironside. Struggling to see how it is not win.


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## 5t3IIa (May 16, 2009)

I had to turn Freddy Got Fingered off and I expect I wasn't the only one. An aquaintence of mine _raved_ about it


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## Melinda (May 16, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> the film is an entire send up of fascism. And it stars Michael Ironside. Struggling to see how it is not win.


Oh I do like the film, just pointing out the dude has fanny issues.


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## Guineveretoo (May 16, 2009)

The trouble with being lonely and lazy, is that one watches a lot of late night telly, where these awful films pop up. There are hundreds of them!

Twice recently, I have found myself watching films which were so bad that I gave up and stopped watching. Both of them had Jennifer Aniston in, which is not the reason they were crap, but does suggest to me that she is in a lot of crap films. One of them was called Rumor Has It, or something similar, and the premise of it was that Jennifer Aniston's grandmother had been the Mrs Robinson of the Graduate fame, and her mother had also shagged the same guy, and was he her father? Kevin Costner was the graduate all grown up now. Judging from the dvd cover kevin and jennifer did some snogging at some point, so let's hope they were not father and daughter!

Oh, it was rubbish. 

The other one, I can't remember its name, was her being trailer trash and married to some crappy bloke who was even more trailer trash, and I didn't work out what was going on, other than that she was unhappy so can't tell you anymore. I would guess that she turned out to be a good guy, and her husband not to be. *shrug*

About a year ago, I watched a movie that had Locke from Lost in it. I think it was on one of the "True Movies" channels, and I seem to remember that it was something to do with his child being terminally ill or something equally heart warming. I watched it solely because it intrigued me to see him with hair. It was an awful film. Made me cry, though.


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## keybored (May 16, 2009)

Melinda said:


> In fact every film with Chuck in the title...



You seen "Chuck & Buck"? That's pretty good.

My gf's daughter and her mate wanted to see some film last year but when we got to the cinema it was full. So we all went in to see "Disaster Movie", having never heard of it but not wanting to waste a trip and it looked ok for the 13yr olds.

Fucking hell  it was _awful_. Me and my gf walked out, so did a fair few people before us. And when I got home and looked online it was ranked The Worst Movie Of All Time on IMDB with something like 1.4/10. Beat that.


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## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

london


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## London_Calling (May 16, 2009)

I was a little off my head at the time and I'm not touting it as the worst but WTF was The Postman all about?


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## kropotkin (May 16, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> the film is an entire send up of fascism. And it stars Michael Ironside. Struggling to see how it is not win.


Starship Troopers is awesome. 9/10


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## kropotkin (May 16, 2009)

Event Horizon is one of the worst films I have ever seen.

"You thought you could cheat the laws of physics..........AND LIVE?!"


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

kropotkin said:


> Event Horizon is one of the worst films I have ever seen.
> 
> "You thought you could cheat the laws of physics..........AND LIVE?!"


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

Melinda said:


> Oh I do like the film, just pointing out the dude has fanny issues.


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## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

wiskey said:


> Zoolander.



zoolander's awesome


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## DaveCinzano (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> london



I really enjoyed that.


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## London_Calling (May 16, 2009)

RE: Fannies: I seen worse on here.


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## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

I was sadly disappointed by the film that involved bernie mac and josh hartnett in an interracial rom-com that trotted out all the cliches and sad gags. Bernie was the best bit about the film, otherwise it was just a snapshot of the appalling state of race relations in the US as evidenced by the films treading of the same tired old gags that wouldn't have been out of place in a 70's comedy film.


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## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> I have just remembered a couple of others.
> 
> The Mother - Daniel Craig gets it on with a geriatric (who keeps drawing cocks), even worse, in real life the woman playing the 75 year old is actually 85.


not so
Anne Reid is 74 now, but 68 when she made that film


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## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> I really enjoyed that.



the rich cunts in a massive apartment hoovering coke and arguing london?
or the masterpiece of psychogeography patrick keillor made?


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## 8den (May 16, 2009)

London_Calling said:


> I was a little off my head at the time and I'm not touting it as the worst but WTF was The Postman all about?



Ah the postman is saved by the very very end when they reveal the monument of the postman taking the letter from the little boy, and the fat middle aged bloke in the utopian future, cries a little tear and says "I was that boy". Actually fall about laughing so bad it's awful. 

Who liked Buffalo 66? Vincent Gallo is one of the most pretentious full of himself wankers on the face of planet earth, and Buffalo 66 is one of the worst most self indulgent pieces of shit I've ever seen. 

Remember people, we're talking bad films, not so bad they're good.


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> not so
> Anne Reid is 74 now, but 68 when she made that film



Oh, well she was playing a 78 year old then. I'm not going to watch it again to check. I have a couple of copies on DVD for some reason.


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## kropotkin (May 16, 2009)

Agreed- I hated that film. And Vincent Gallo. Isn't he a rabid Republican?

Cunt.


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## DaveCinzano (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> the rich cunts in a massive apartment hoovering coke and arguing london?
> or the masterpiece of psychogeography patrick keillor made?



Former!

It's not as though one has to like the characters in a film to enjoy it. Shannon Reed getting twitchy about carpet stains and The Stat Man getting shat on are added bonuses.


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## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

i switched off after half an hour of coke shouting


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## DaveCinzano (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> i switched off after half an hour of coke shouting



But what did you think about the film?

/Fozzie Bear


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## kropotkin (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> i switched off after half an hour of coke shouting



This says it all really. From IMDB user's review



> I was always a fan of Jason for his roles in Guy Ritchie's flicks and his roles in the transporter series (one not two). But when i watched this film i was in complete awe after i witnessed his performance in this film,it was so real and charismatic it was spectacular. watching the beginning of the film i found it entertaining and creative and stylish but it was a specific scene that completely sold me. It was a scene with Jason Statham and Chris Evans as the two are in a bathroom( which they are in for quite some time) and the movie is an hour and ten minutes in when Jason Staham compares his pain with Chris Evans,Statham's acting in that scene will forever change the way i see Jason Statham from now on. The film was directed with style and beauty. Many scenes in this film is the opposite of beauty but the way they are put on camera is done so beautifully. In conclusion I urge people to see this film even if the story does not sound appealing please watch it for Jason Statham's magnificent role in the film. Although Jason was not the only great actor in the film, Chris Evans also played very realistically as well the whole cast overall, Also watch for Dane Cook as George or the guy that talks to London at the party.


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## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> But what did you think about the film?
> 
> /Fozzie Bear



i know who you are!


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## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

kropotkin said:


> This says it all really. From IMDB user's review



statham plays the dealer IIRC - what a cunt


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## DaveCinzano (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> statham plays the dealer IIRC - what a cunt



But he's _not a dealer_, as he never ceases to point out...


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## strummerville (May 16, 2009)

Idris2002 said:


> I thought Tommy was quite good.
> 
> The worst film I've ever seen was one of only three films I've ever walked out of. 'Living in Hope' it was called, all about the wacky and zany antics of undergraduates living in a halls of residence called 'Hope House'.
> 
> ...



That's why there's British films three films in competition for The Palme D'Or this year then? It amazes me how uninformed some people are about film making in the UK. Film making in this country is quietly starting to rise and some really interesting films have come out or are coming out in the next year. Not just the usual neo realist Loach/Meadows/Leigh supects either. Check out Andrea Arnold, Duane Hopkins, Steve McQueen, Kenneth Glenaan, Eran Creevy, Joanna Hogg, Asif kapadia, Lynne Ramsay then come back with the same comments.


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## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

i agree - there's a lot of fantastic films being made in Britain


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## electrogirl (May 16, 2009)

The Butterfly Effect.

Ashton Kutcher whooshes all over time having magical attacks and changing the course of his life.

There is one bit where he is in a wheelchair and this girl really patronisingly feeds him a biscuite cracker and it crumbles all over his face. That bit is really funny.

TBH I'm not the best person for this thread as I can generally find something to llaugh at in all shit films.


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## Looby (May 16, 2009)

The Pacifier's on at the moment. That would be a contender I'm sure.


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## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

electrogirl said:


> The Butterfly Effect.
> 
> Ashton Kutcher whooses all over time having fits and attacks and changing the course of his life.
> 
> ...



you should take over from Paul Ross


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## Geri (May 16, 2009)

Seen a lot of crap films I can't remember the name of - most recently was the follow up to Donnie Darko, which we turned off after 20 mins.

The worst films I saw at the cinema were Salo - 120 days of Sodom, and Dead Man - both very dull, so we walked out.


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## Kaka Tim (May 16, 2009)

Shakespere in Love. 

Fatal Attraction.

Forest Gump. 

Notting Hill/Four Weddings etc

And a really terrible 80s teen flick called 'playing for keeps'


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## electrogirl (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> you should take over from Paul Ross



Or Johnny Vaughn in The Sun. I love measuring a movie by how many bulldogs I would give it.


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## The Octagon (May 16, 2009)

John Carpenter's Vampires

Seriously? Is this the same bloke that made Halloween and Assault on Precinct 13?

As a seal of (no) quality, it even has a Baldwin brother that I didn't even realise existed.

Utter, utter shite.


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## rikwakefield (May 16, 2009)

The Blair Witch Project 2 because it's shit, an obvious cash-in and the only film I have ever walked out of the cinema to.


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## Santino (May 16, 2009)

electrogirl said:


> Or Johnny Vaughn in The Sun. I love measuring a movie by how many bulldogs I would give it.


I rate films by awarding them chicken thighs, as follows:

Matrix Revolutions - 2 Tesco value skinless chicken thighs

Batman Begins - 3 Waitrose farm assured chicken thighs

Dead Man Walking - 4 organic chicken thighs with a basil and pine nut crust


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## Rainingstairs (May 16, 2009)

AH! There are so many crappy films out there one can't even begin. Forced to sit through a movie about Curling on a plane was pretty bad.


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## Agent Sparrow (May 16, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> Closer (wankiest, horrible, plastic characters ever - and I quite like Clive Owen!)



God that was awful! I think I pulled a face through watching all of it (why I did watch all of it I'm not quite sure).

The only film I've almost walked out of (and would have done if I hadn't been with a large group) was the last film of the Matrix trilogy. Though that probably seemed worse because I really liked the first film. 

Other than that, quite a few films that were made from books I like where they completely changed things (The Beach for example), and many films at home watched in the company of my mother as we have quite different taste in films. Jersy Girl is one of those that stands out. That was dire.  Actually, I think my mum might have agreed with me on that one!

Edit: oh, and American Pie 3. Why? (why was it made, and more to the point, why did I waste 2 hours of my life watching it on DVD?)


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## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

electrogirl said:


> The Butterfly Effect.
> 
> Ashton Kutcher whooshes all over time having magical attacks and changing the course of his life.
> 
> ...




Reno (where is that poster now?) gave some scathing condemnation on that film. His ire rested most heavily on the 'tasteless peadophilia sub-plot'

Me, I enjoyed the film because I love crappy time travel hollywood nonsense.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

electrogirl said:


> Or Johnny Vaughn in The Sun. I love measuring a movie by how many bulldogs I would give it.



a friend of mine used to work for a company that did publicity/posters/trailers for films and they always used to praise Paul Ross as you could always rely on him for a positive quote for the poster no matter how much of a turkey the film was.


----------



## electrogirl (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> a friend of mine used to work for a company that did publicity/posters/trailers for films and they always used to praise Paul Ross as you could always rely on him for a positive quote for the poster no matter how much of a turkey the film was.



Oh well. I wouldn't say I find positive things in the film. I just find the truly bad bits hilarious.

I'd love it if:

"'there's a really good bit where a cracker crumbles over Ashton Kutcher's face'- Electrogirl "

appeared on a film poster though.


----------



## Santino (May 16, 2009)

electrogirl said:


> Oh well. I wouldn't say I find positive things in the film. I just find the truly bad bits hilarious.
> 
> I'd love it if:
> 
> ...


"really good" - electrogirl


----------



## electrogirl (May 16, 2009)

Alex B said:


> "really good" - electrogirl



That's illegal now you know.


----------



## electrogirl (May 16, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Reno (where is that poster now?) gave some scathing condemnation on that film. His ire rested most heavily on the 'tasteless peadophilia sub-plot'
> 
> Me, I enjoyed the film because I love crappy time travel hollywood nonsense.



Haha the paedo bit is pretty bad. It was soooo long though, and I didn't care about ANY of the characters and could hardly keep up with which bit of time he was in.


----------



## spacemonkey (May 16, 2009)

electrogirl said:


> The Butterfly Effect.



I preferred The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelation.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> i agree - there's a lot of fantastic films being made in Britain



Yeah, I made a post the other day saying that the UK film scene appeared to be having a bit of a renaissance and was disagreed with.  Can't remember what thread it was.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

i don't know about renaissance - they've been making good films all the time


----------



## ajk (May 16, 2009)

Crash (the one what won best picture).  Possibly the single most patronising film I've ever seen, I learnt more about the complicated issues of race relations from _Ebony and Ivory._  Toss.


----------



## DJWrongspeed (May 16, 2009)

rikwakefield said:


> The Blair Witch Project 2 because it's shit, an obvious cash-in and the only film I have ever walked out of the cinema to.



Entirely agree,  I caught about a minute of it on TV a few weeks ago, terrible stuff, the concept is *so* wrong.


----------



## kained&able (May 16, 2009)

Blates did you watch the directors cut or the cinema version of butterfly effect?

i like the directors cut but the normal version misses the point entriely.


On a similer note the non directors cut version of daredevil its amazing how much 20 mins of kiddy editing can ruin a film.


dave


----------



## Kuso (May 16, 2009)

Killer Clowns from Outerspace- sounds good but it's too shit to even be a contender for 'so shit, it's good'.  It's shit-ness goes beyond that!


----------



## Cloo (May 16, 2009)

'Three men and a little Lady' - was got out for me on video when I was about 9 and I switched off after a while of more 'carefree Americans show uptight Brits who are trying to send sweet little girl to boarding school *boo* their delightful American pluck'. *Vomits*


----------



## electrogirl (May 16, 2009)

kained&able said:


> Blates did you watch the directors cut or the cinema version of butterfly effect?
> 
> i like the directors cut but the normal version misses the point entriely.
> 
> ...



I watched it on telly, but still, does it make Ashton Kutcher act better or the script less cringement on a stick? Liked seeing Randy as a goth though.

I don't know why I trust my sister when she tells me films are good, she said The Hills Have Eyes was the scariest thing she'd ever seen and she also made me watch Gothika which was just ridiculous.


----------



## kained&able (May 16, 2009)

Spoiler: endings of butterfly effect



did it end with him and the girlie passing each other on the street in a de ja vu moment.

or him stangling himself in the womb?





dave


----------



## electrogirl (May 16, 2009)

kained&able said:


> did it end with him and the girlie passing each other on the street in a de ja vu moment.
> 
> or him stangling himself in the womb?
> 
> ...



The 1st.

The 2nd doesn't exist..does it? DOES IT??

Also you've just ruined the ending, for like, everyone.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

Yeah, the ending will enrage any sci fi geek anyway. It's totally Grandfather Paradox, which is well annoying.


----------



## kained&able (May 16, 2009)

you saw the really shit version then, lacks any darkness and generally annoyed me.

The directors cut ain't bad at all.



Spoiler: to argue with dotty



there is no paradox his life didn't happen and everyone was therefore happy






dave


----------



## electrogirl (May 16, 2009)

Does he really ......?


----------



## Agent Sparrow (May 16, 2009)

Cloo said:


> 'Three men and a little Lady' - was got out for me on video when I was about 9 and I switched off after a while of more 'carefree Americans show uptight Brits who are trying to send sweet little girl to boarding school *boo* their delightful American pluck'. *Vomits*



Good choice. That film was terrible!


----------



## sned (May 16, 2009)

I like bad films. 

Outpost - a Scottish-made horror about the ghosts of Nazi super-soldiers. Enjoyed it but it was pretty bad.

The Burning - B-Movie about a caretaker who gets killed by students and comes back from the dead to get revenge. 

there's more... too many to mention here.

im always looking for new bad films to watch


----------



## kained&able (May 16, 2009)

electrogirl said:


> Does he really......?



yeah! its proper dark.


----------



## ajk (May 16, 2009)

Spoiler: dave



If his life didn't happen, then he couldn't kill himself.  I.E. classic grandfather paradox.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

kained&able said:


> you saw the really shit version then, lacks any darkness and generally annoyed me.
> 
> The directors cut ain't bad at all.
> 
> ...



In which case the film should not have existed.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

sned said:


> I like bad films.
> 
> Outpost - a Scottish-made horror about the ghosts of Nazi super-soldiers. Enjoyed it but it was pretty bad.
> 
> ...



Yeah you can't beat a good bad (i.e. b-movie) film.

It's the ones which are irritatingly smug I can't stand!


----------



## kained&able (May 16, 2009)

ajk said:


> to dave
> 
> 
> 
> ...






Spoiler: pardoxical



nah i was happy with it. cos of the time travel shiz and then nothing happens after it(well for kutcher), no needto realign the time streams or anythingm his life just ends and thats it. One of the few films with a paradox in it that i thought was decently resolved.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

sned said:


> I like bad films.
> 
> Outpost - a Scottish-made horror about the ghosts of Nazi super-soldiers. Enjoyed it but it was pretty bad.
> 
> ...



The Burning is great - it's got a young George Costanza with hair in it


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

Yeah, and i absolutely loved Dog Soldiers, another classic crap b-movie which is somehow great.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> Yeah, and i absolutely loved Dog Soldiers, another classic crap b-movie which is somehow great.



thats a good bit of sci fi b movie entertainment. Not crap.


----------



## Monkeygrinder's Organ (May 16, 2009)

Independence Day - too cringing too watch. Or Captain Corelli's Mandolin for the worst casting ever.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> thats a good bit of sci fi b movie entertainment. Not crap.



So what's the dividing line between a Dog Soldiers and an Anaconda?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 16, 2009)

Monkeygrinder's Organ said:


> Independence Day - too cringing too watch. Or Captain Corelli's Mandolin for the worst casting ever.



Independence Day wouldn't quite be in my all time list, but it's one of the poorest of any really major blockbuster


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (May 16, 2009)

electrogirl said:


> she also made me watch Gothika which was just ridiculous.



I saw the press screening of that and everyone, and I mean everyone laughed and said 'what the fuck was that' at the end. I have never been to a press screening that had so much bonding with strangers (over the films crapness). I think you could have said to anyone, 'man that was shit, lets grab a pint and forget about it'.


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> a friend of mine used to work for a company that did publicity/posters/trailers for films and they always used to praise Paul Ross as you could always rely on him for a positive quote for the poster no matter how much of a turkey the film was.



Trouble is if you spot paul ross on a box or poster you know they couldn't get a good quote from anywhere else. 

The best box quote ever was the original korean DVD of biohazard which had a quote saying 'truly terrible' or something. I will see if I can find a picture.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> So what's the dividing line between a Dog Soldiers and an Anaconda?



shit has no redeeming feautures, not even bit that are 'lol look how shit this film is' bits.


----------



## Jon-of-arc (May 16, 2009)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209095/

"Leprechaun in the Hood" was very very bad.  Reasons would be too numerous to list, but the main ones are script, plot, acting, direction, production, editing, concept and smell.


----------



## killer b (May 16, 2009)

it was _SW9_, although _london kills me_ comes fairly close...


----------



## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

killer b said:


> it was _SW9_, although _london kills me_ comes fairly close...



all i remember from that film (london kills me) is wormtongue getting upset about some boots - that was it wasn't it?


----------



## Mrs Magpie (May 16, 2009)

Our very own isvicthere? played the bailiff in SW9. It was a crap film, but great spotting people I knew, especially Nellie from the newsagents laughing her head off at that stupid rubber chicken scene on Atlantic Road.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

hatboy was the door whore as well wasn't he?


----------



## killer b (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> all i remember from that film (london kills me) is wormtongue getting upset about some boots - that was it wasn't it?


pretty much. awful.

none of my friends were in sw9, so i got no pleasure whatsoever from it.


----------



## wiskey (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> hatboy was the door whore as well wasn't he?



yeah I think so. 

Its a cringeworthy film though.


----------



## Mrs Magpie (May 16, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> hatboy was the door whore as well wasn't he?


I can't remember who he played but I remember his completely mad dance in the clubbing scene. My kids got cross because anytime the characters went anywhere they went the wrong way and arrived in the wrong place.


----------



## Wolveryeti (May 16, 2009)

The Passion of The Christ. 

A better director could have done some really interesting things with the story (fleshed out the characters etc). Instead.... 1 hour of the most horribly unrealistic torture porn. Boring, disappointing, and painful to watch.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 16, 2009)

Mrs Magpie said:


> I can't remember who he played but I remember his completely mad dance in the clubbing scene. My kids got cross because anytime the characters went anywhere they went the wrong way and arrived in the wrong place.


yeah, i remember a scene in which they leave down saltoun road and emerge somewhere in angell town
eta i don't think fucking with locations is necessarily a bad thing though, it's just a practical thing


----------



## DotCommunist (May 16, 2009)

Wolveryeti said:


> The Passion of The Christ.
> 
> A better director could have done some really interesting things with the story (fleshed out the characters etc). Instead.... 1 hour of the most horribly unrealistic* torture porn*. Boring, disappointing, and painful to watch.




It's the Passion ffs

you expected mabye an Adam Sandler comedy?

Garden of Gethsemane bit was poor though. I expected Judas so be slyer than he came across


----------



## Wolveryeti (May 17, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> It's the Passion ffs
> 
> you expected mabye an Adam Sandler comedy?


Well, I was warned, but I didn't expect it to be _that_ bad. 

Did you not think it was pretty sick/boring/bad directing for a film to linger on the gory torture scenes as long as that one did?

After I watched it I was like: "Wow, Mel Gibsson is a fucked up loon."


----------



## DotCommunist (May 17, 2009)

Wolveryeti said:


> Well, I was warned, but I didn't expect it to be _that_ bad.
> 
> Did you not think it was pretty sick/boring/bad directing for a film to linger on the gory torture scenes as long as that one did?
> 
> After I watched it I was like: "Wow, Mel Gibsson is a fucked up loon."



I grew up as a proddy kid in sunday schools. I've heard and seen the Passion played a dozen ways. Gibsons was popishly violent, them catholics are all about the drama and pomp. It's intense and violent but thats the fucking passion laid out raw for you. A man betrayed to a scourging and a criminals death? Gibdson didn't flinch


----------



## electrogirl (May 17, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> I saw the press screening of that and everyone, and I mean everyone laughed and said 'what the fuck was that' at the end. I have never been to a press screening that had so much bonding with strangers (over the films crapness). I think you could have said to anyone, 'man that was shit, lets grab a pint and forget about it'.



Haha I like the idea ofstrangers reaching out to eachother for comfort after such an experience.

It really is awful. Why is it meant to be modern times but the mental institution is like something out of a Foucault book, all switchy blue lighting and stark corridors, and cells with bars on.

And the plot is just ridiculous. My sister told me off for laughing in the end.


----------



## Wolveryeti (May 17, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> It's intense and violent but thats the fucking passion laid out raw for you. A man betrayed to a scourging and a criminals death? Gibdson didn't flinch



What clinched it for me was that anyone taking that whipping would have died of blood loss before they made it to the cross. Jesus was literally covered from head to toe with open, bleeding wounds. Like something out of Hellraiser. That's why it was torture porn. Gibson wasn't trying to depict the raw nature of reality- he was just indulging some fucked up fantasy. I bet he daydreams about Jesus dying and beats himself off about how intense it is or something.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 17, 2009)

electrogirl said:


> like something out of a Foucault book, all switchy blue lighting and stark corridors, and cells with bars on.



no, that's flatliners


----------



## electrogirl (May 17, 2009)

Seriously, there even shoehorned a bit where Holly Berry wears a swimmycossie of course, and she goes swimming in the mentalhome and it's all blue horrible lighting in this swimming pool underneath  the prison.

I wish I could remember more of why I hated it. I should start documenting my thoughts of all the bad films I see, like I did with Glitter.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 17, 2009)

Wolveryeti said:


> What clinched it for me was that anyone taking that whipping would have died of blood loss before they made it to the cross. Jesus was literally covered from head to toe with open, bleeding wounds. Like something out of Hellraiser. That's why it was torture porn. Gibson wasn't trying to depict the raw nature of reality- he was just indulging some fucked up fantasy. I bet he daydreams about Jesus dying and beats himself off about how intense it is or something.



heh, they weren't above nailing half dead wretches to the cross in them days. In some fucked up realm of Roman justice you'd be better off with your back flayed to the spne, saves the slow choking crucifix death.

Yeah Gibson lingers (and I did do this face ) but he is documenting the Passion, the most documented example of Roman brutality extant.


----------



## Orang Utan (May 17, 2009)

i quite enjoyed seeing christ suffering and ginger judas n shit - i thought it was quality torture porn, and let's face it, that's what the crucifixion's all about: sweet, sweet pain and sufferance. and tribulation. n all that shit. THAT's well torture porn.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 17, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> i quite enjoyed seeing christ suffering and ginger judas n shit - i thought it was quality torture porn, and let's face it, that's what the crucifixion's all about: sweet, sweet pain and sufferance. and tribulation. n all that shit. THAT's well torture porn.



NO REMISSION WITHOUT THE BLOOD

/rants


----------



## Wolveryeti (May 17, 2009)

Love Actually was pretty terrible. I hate that mawkish notting hill mafia feelgood shite the UK film industry rolls out.


----------



## electrogirl (May 17, 2009)

His soundtracks are wankfests too.


----------



## red rose (May 17, 2009)

Boyfriend brought home Shoot Em Up the other day because it was on offer.  In the 20 minutes I managed to watch before switching it off the highlight was probably Clive Owen delivering a baby during a shoot out in a warehouse and shooting the umbilical cord instead of cutting it.

A friend of mine really wanted to see Disaster Movie and so I went with her, that was an awful couple of hours.

Similarly A.I and True Romance, just terrible films.


----------



## Shippou-Sensei (May 17, 2009)

red rose said:


> Clive Owen delivering a baby during a shoot out in a warehouse and shooting the umbilical cord instead of cutting it.



wait, what?


----------



## red rose (May 17, 2009)

Oh yes.  I don't even recommend watching it just to see.


----------



## Shippou-Sensei (May 17, 2009)

was it a comedy?


----------



## red rose (May 17, 2009)

It didn't seem like it.

The only 'funny' bit I noticed was when he was on the rooftop having a shoot out with a bunch of people who were behind a big neon sign and as he shot at them he managed shoot out the lights for some of the letters in the sign so that it spelled FUK U, then he jumps accross to the other building and one of the guys he was shooting at walks out from behind the sign and shoots at the sign.  The camera pans out at the word TOOL at the end of the sign which previously wasn't visible has been changed so that the sign now reads FUK U TOO


----------



## Shippou-Sensei (May 17, 2009)

for the one long action secuence  video  it  looks  rather superb....  but then  that  is because i'm guessing  it's  the 4 or so min  of  good  action  in  a  long shitty film


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> Trouble is if you spot paul ross on a box or poster you know they couldn't get a good quote from anywhere else.
> 
> The best box quote ever was the original korean DVD of biohazard which had a quote saying 'truly terrible' or something. I will see if I can find a picture.



I've seen Chinese pirates which do that but never originals


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> shit has no redeeming feautures, not even bit that are 'lol look how shit this film is' bits.



I suppose the good thing about Dog Soldiers is that, even though it's basically a B-Movie, it has some quite good bits of dialogue between the characters, like where Sean Pertwee's character talks about his mate getting blown up in the Gulf and his tattoo, or the way they're all talking about wanting to find out the England score, and tehn the film finishes with a newspaper front page saying England 5 germany 1 in huge letters and then 'werewolves ate my squadron' in small print at the bottom.  

Really shit films don't even have those little touches...


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

red rose said:


> True Romance, just terrible films.



Are you looking for a punchup?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

http://blogtown.portlandmercury.com...-vs-giant-octopus-vs-debbie-gibson-who-ya-got


----------



## Orang Utan (May 17, 2009)

red rose said:


> Boyfriend brought home Shoot Em Up the other day because it was on offer.  In the 20 minutes I managed to watch before switching it off the highlight was probably Clive Owen delivering a baby during a shoot out in a warehouse and shooting the umbilical cord instead of cutting it.
> 
> A friend of mine really wanted to see Disaster Movie and so I went with her, that was an awful couple of hours.
> 
> Similarly A.I and True Romance, just terrible films.



you are wrong about almost everything 
shoot 'em up is so much fun and ai and true romance are fine films


----------



## kained&able (May 17, 2009)

shoot em up is comedy brillience!

opening scene with nirvanas breed meant i knew i would love it! How many ways can you kill someone with a carrot!


dave


----------



## FabricLiveBaby! (May 17, 2009)

5t3IIa said:


> I had to turn Freddy Got Fingered off and I expect I wasn't the only one. An aquaintence of mine _raved_ about it



Ok,  I know this is two pages ago but I feel so strongly about how SHIT this film is.


My mate *loves* it.

I don't find scenes of Tom Green wanking a "horseeeeeeeeeeee" off, or beating a disbaled womans legs because it turns her on even remotley funny.

Just disturbing,  and awful.


What exactly was the plot of that film?


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

Yes, that sounds horrendously awful


----------



## Orang Utan (May 17, 2009)

it's awful alright - though it is funny in parts, esp the horse wanking - c'mon what's not funny about wanking off a horsee?


----------



## ChrisC (May 17, 2009)

It's got to be what I saw recently Shrooms. Terrible, I didn't even finish it. Quote from the film "I've just eaten the heroin of mushrooms." Yeah course you have. Fuck sake!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

Orang Utan said:


> it's awful alright - though it is funny in parts, esp the horse wanking - c'mon what's not funny about wanking off a horsee?



That would make me cringe and want to hide under the sofa.


----------



## oryx (May 17, 2009)

Shit, I've just remembered the film version of _Absolute Beginners_!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

Ooh and I've just remembered a film from the Robin Williams thread: What Dreams May come.  Awful sentimental shite of the very worst order.

On telling a yank friend that it got terrible reviews in the UK, his response was "Brits are fucked up.".  No, we're just not as receptive to that kind of cloying sentimental wank.


----------



## Grandma Death (May 17, 2009)

ajk said:


> Crash (the one what won best picture).  Possibly the single most patronising film I've ever seen, I learnt more about the complicated issues of race relations from _Ebony and Ivory._  Toss.



Indeed. The whole 'racism is bad message' was slapped around your face repeatedly for 2 hours like a wet fish. Dire.


----------



## SpookyFrank (May 17, 2009)

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Saw this at the cinema. At the bit where Natalie Portman is dying and someone says; "It's as if she's just lost the will to live" some bloke in the audience yells out; "I know how she feels!" and storms out 

And an honourable mention goes to Fahrenheit 911; OK Mike we get it, this woman is sad that her son died in Iraq. No seriously, we get it, let's move on shall we? Ah, OK, it seems we have to watch her sobbing in front of the white house for another twenty fucking minutes after all. Well, that's a sensitive way to make a point I guess; a really carefully constructed argument you're presenting here. When are we going to cut to scenes of how proud this woman was when they shipped her fucking son out to kill towelheads in the first place? Yeah, thought not.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

The scary thing is that Revenge of teh Sith was actually quite good compared with I and II


----------



## Balbi (May 17, 2009)

All Michael Moore stuff's like that - he's proper ham handed about it, which makes it really, really irritating.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

Yeah he's proper crash bang whallop.  Mark Thomas is vastly better.


----------



## SpookyFrank (May 17, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> The scary thing is that Revenge of teh Sith was actually quite good compared with I and II



II was the best of a bad bunch IMO, the plot was _almost_ clever, although that's picking deckchairs on the Titanic


----------



## SpookyFrank (May 17, 2009)

Balbi said:


> All Michael Moore stuff's like that - he's proper ham handed about it, which makes it really, really irritating.



Bowling for Columbine had moments of brilliance (especially Marilyn Manson's bit) in amongst the nonsense, but '911' was just unmitigated bollocks.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 17, 2009)

BFC is worth it for the bank that gives out free guns. Jaw droppingly insane


----------



## Balbi (May 17, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> Yeah he's proper crash bang whallop.  Mark Thomas is vastly better.



Yeah, he makes it genuinely funny to watch horrible shit happen 

Oh dear, I think I have to say it this way, but Moore's methods are as American as the subjects of the documentary. No room for delicacy


----------



## Bakunin (May 17, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> BFC is worth it for the bank that gives out free guns. Jaw droppingly insane



I found the part where he takes the shooting victims to Kmart and says 'Here's your bullets back' rather tough to watch. That scene did have the effect, IIRC, of causing Kmart to no longer stock ammunition in their stores any more.

That was a pretty powerful scene, IMHO.


----------



## N_igma (May 17, 2009)

_Manufacturing Dissent_ just exposes Moore for the cunt that he is. A truly awful cunt imo.


----------



## QueenOfGoths (May 17, 2009)

My Name Is Bruce - thought it would be fun, camp, Galaxy Quest-ish but, no, it was about as funny as cholera and just as painful


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

QueenOfGoths said:


> My Name Is Bruce - thought it would be fun, camp, Galaxy Quest-ish but, no, it was about as funny as cholera and just as painful



Not heard of it, so looked it up and indeed it does sound like GQ.  

I was well cross when GQ came out because I thought it looked ace and all my trekkie friends were upset that it took the piss out of their favourite show, so said they'd 'wait for the video'.  Then I watched it and so wished I'd seen it at the cinema.


----------



## Balbi (May 17, 2009)

Galaxy Quest is ace


----------



## blairsh (May 17, 2009)

Contact. Possibly the biggest waste of three n' odd hours ever.

To summarise. Dogwank


----------



## QueenOfGoths (May 17, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> Not heard of it, so looked it up and indeed it does sound like GQ.
> 
> I was well cross when GQ came out because I thought it looked ace and all my trekkie friends were upset that it took the piss out of their favourite show, so said they'd 'wait for the video'.  Then I watched it and so wished I'd seen it at the cinema.



I was like that with Galaxy Quest, I thought it was going to be crass but was persuaded to see it and I just loved it!

Re: My Name is Bruce - I do still really like Bruce Campbell, he comes across as an amusing, engaging guy and the Evil Dead movies are great as is Bubba Ho Tep  but he needed someone to to say "no" at most of the things he has put into MNIB. It needed someone looking over his shoulder to to edit his ideas - though I am not sure that even that would have saved it


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

blairsh said:


> Contact. Possibly the biggest waste of three n' odd hours ever.
> 
> To summarise. Dogwank



Christ yeah that is fucking shite.  How did Robert Zemeckis go from the mastery of the back to the future films to making gunk like contact and forrest gump.


----------



## The Groke (May 17, 2009)

Shippou-Chan said:


> for the one long action secuence  video  it  looks  rather superb....  but then  that  is because i'm guessing  it's  the 4 or so min  of  good  action  in  a  long shitty film




No - pretty much the whole movie is like that.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 17, 2009)

Phew, I thought someone was talking about Children Of Men then.  I would seriously have had to 'have words' if that had been the case.

(Ref: that really really long shot near the end)


----------



## rennie (May 17, 2009)

The remake of the Avengers with Uma Thurman. Absolute shite. I still cannot understand why they bothered.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 30, 2009)

oryx said:


> Shit, I've just remembered the film version of _Absolute Beginners_!



I could never quite understand the ire this film attracted, I mean, it is a musical, with all the hyper exaggeration that entails. I think it's good fun


----------



## QueenOfGoths (May 30, 2009)

rennie said:


> The remake of the Avengers with Uma Thurman. Absolute shite. I still cannot understand why they bothered.



Oh yes - truly, truly awful


----------



## miniGMgoit (May 31, 2009)

I Stand Alone is a terrible movie. I would have walked out if I hadn't have been watching it at home.


----------



## Greenfish (May 31, 2009)

saw superbad the other day.  so bad i wanted to hurt myself.


----------



## nicksonic (May 31, 2009)

independence day.


----------



## Biglittlefish (May 31, 2009)

Harold and Kumar. Shite. Unfunny shite.


----------



## Biglittlefish (May 31, 2009)

Bruce Almighty. There were about 5 funny bits and they were all in the trailer.


----------



## SpookyFrank (May 31, 2009)

nicksonic said:


> independence day.



I think you underestimate how hard it was for Bill Pullman to stay in character as a severely constipated man throughout the making of that film. He puts Daniel Day Lewis to shame IMO.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 31, 2009)

Biglittlefish said:


> Bruce Almighty. There were about 5 funny bits and they were all in the trailer.



I quite liked that!


----------



## MikeMcc (May 31, 2009)

I admit it, I paid good money to go and see Battlefield Earth at the cinema. 


I'm so ashamed...


----------



## gnoriac (May 31, 2009)

rennie said:


> The remake of the Avengers with Uma Thurman. Absolute shite. I still cannot understand why they bothered.



I'd forgotten that. Quite possibly deliberately. 

Worst films I've ever seen have all been on flights, whoever picks them must be a right sadistic bastard. Particular horrors:
Charlie's Angels
The Waterboy
Mr Deedes

2 out of 3 star Adam Sandler.


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Jun 1, 2009)

Donnie Darko 

Because it's shite.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 1, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> Donnie Darko
> 
> Because it's shite.



So's your taste.


----------



## beeboo (Jun 1, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> Shakespeare in Love (awful smug horrible nonsense), Closer (wankiest, horrible, plastic characters ever - and I quite like Clive Owen!) or Lost in Space (waste of good actors like Gary oldman on awful awful awful scifi which at times made me want to smash up the cinema.



All good contenders.  Closer really was utter wank - were we supposed to give a damn about any of those obnocious vacuous characters?  I was hoping they might all be killed off in some violent serial-killer twist at the end, but I was dissapointed.



8den said:


> Sunshine. For claiming to be an "intelligent" sci film.



  I really enjoyed Sunshine...at least when it was shaping up to be something in the Solaris/2001 mould (and it was wearing it's influences pretty obviously) but somewhat ruined by going all Event Horizon.  


I wouldn't say it was the worst ever, but I recently saw Borat and thought it was unamusing, offensive and dull.


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Jun 1, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> So's your taste.



Yay I got one (the one I was fishing for as well!! Good job Suplex).


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 17, 2009)

*Really rather rubbish films*






I have just finished watching _Oxford Blue_.

It is a 1984 Rob Lowe film, in which he plays a young Vegas car valet who keeps a scrapbook of news cuttings about 'Lady Victoria Wingate', a sort of Lady Di analogue. He reads that she is about to go to Oxford University, so he decides to go there too (cue brief scene with computer hacker friend who gets him enrolled), in order to woo her. Oh, and he joins the rowing team, which is coxed by Ally Sheedy, who seems for the large part coked out of her gourd.

So here we have a culture clash drama, loosely based on _A Yank At Oxford_, replete with "Would you care for tea?"s and "Rather!"s and other such giddy Albionisms, and eccentric tweedy academics, and narrow streets into which meritocratically vast American automobiles will not fit, and vast country piles, and good old English fog - all built on the foundations of a fairy tale about a transatlantic stalker. And did I mention that our hero earned the money to pay his computer whizzkid (and his fare across the pond) by sleeping with a rich divorcee?*

And it really is, honestly, rather rubbish.

So what have you watched recently which in hindsight you regret?

* Yet it is written and directed by Robert Boris, who scripted _Electra Glide In Blue_, which is most enjoyable.


----------



## Silva (Jun 17, 2009)

I've seen Catwoman a couple of weeks ago. 

What was that?


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Jun 17, 2009)

First film I ever walked out of was Bitter Moon - rotten acting, boring story, shit orgasm sequence using toast popping up to represent an orgasm = shit!

Basic Instinct 2 was on telly the other night...I fell asleep very quickly, but from what I saw it was bloomin' awful!


----------



## ashie259 (Jun 17, 2009)

Wimbledon, with Kirsten Dunst. If you want your intelligence insulted, you can't do any better than this. Saw it on a flight to Mexico a few years back and it damn near ruined the whole holiday.


----------



## boing! (Jun 17, 2009)

FabricLiveBaby! said:


> Ok,  I know this is two pages ago but I feel so strongly about how SHIT this film is.
> 
> 
> My mate *loves* it.
> ...



yep. It's not crazy, or shocking, or funny. Just really fucking annoying.


----------



## Barking_Mad (Jun 17, 2009)

Mars Attacks!

Big, pant filling, shit.


----------



## mack (Jun 17, 2009)

Did do a search but couldn't see this classic mentioned.

Boxing Helena - I'm confident this will be the worst film I will ever see.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106471/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxing_Helena


----------



## Biglittlefish (Jun 17, 2009)

Anchorman. Don't fucking get it.


----------



## \\(^o^)// (Jun 17, 2009)

A Sound of Thunder.  The worst Ben Kingsley film ever
Until he starred in Love Guru


----------



## Upchuck (Jun 17, 2009)

You Kill Me was worse.  Self indulgent crap to stroke Kingsley's ego.  Utter utter shite.


----------



## ajk (Jun 17, 2009)

Ben Kingsley was in BloodRayne.

I don't think anymore needs to be said.


----------



## felixthecat (Jun 17, 2009)

10,000 BC - why oh why did I bother?
Forrest 'fucking' Gump
Contact - oh.my.god

I quite enjoyed Anaconda - it was completely wonderful in its badness,with Jon Voight being so hammy he was more of a giant gammon sandwich, and whoever mention Mars Attacks! needs shooting.


----------



## Yetman (Jun 18, 2009)

Pineapple Express was fucking shit


----------



## LJo (Jun 18, 2009)

Yetman said:


> Pineapple Express was fucking shit



I've decided not to watch any more films about stupid twatty men doing stupid twatty things while their pretty, intelligent girlfriends stand around looking slightly exasperated.

Yes, Role Models, I am also talking about you. Look! It's a 10-year-old kid shouting 'motherfucker'! Over and over again! Oh, my sides.


----------



## Sadken (Jun 18, 2009)

the one with Van Damme and that cat


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Jun 18, 2009)

\\(^o^)// said:


> A Sound of Thunder.  The worst Ben Kingsley film ever
> Until he starred in Love Guru



What kind of user name is that?? 

It's kind of like princes squiggle. How many other users have melt banana side project style names? 

Ureshii!!!


----------



## Pie 1 (Jun 18, 2009)

I had the misfortune to see Taken recently.


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Jun 18, 2009)

Has anyone mentioned the forgotten? 

Ooh big mystery, what's happening???
*Fast forward to the end*
Oh, it's aliens, they have the power to do anything, and do stuff for no reason. That about covers it. Job done.  Film finished. 
*dusts hands together*


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 18, 2009)

Yetman said:


> Pineapple Express was fucking shit



real insult to the intelligence, that film. 



LJo said:


> I've decided not to watch any more films about stupid twatty men doing stupid twatty things while their pretty, intelligent girlfriends stand around looking slightly exasperated.
> 
> Yes, Role Models, I am also talking about you. Look! It's a 10-year-old kid shouting 'motherfucker'! Over and over again! Oh, my sides.



Worth it for the LARP pisstakes.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 18, 2009)

Pie 1 said:


> I had the misfortune to see Taken recently.



That is fucking dire isn't it.


----------



## Griff (Jun 18, 2009)

_Club Le Monde_ Probably the worst film about the dance scene with the worst dialogue ever written

_Churchill the Hollywood Years_ Fucking dire, and anyone who had anything to do with it should be executed

_Highlander II_ So looking forward to this and felt so shit after leaving the cinema that I wanted to punch passers by.

_Mad Max II_ Probably the only film I've ever fallen asleep in the cinema watching

_Howard the Duck_ Went along with a girlfriend to see this and just thought WTF?

Probably many others, but these stand out.


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Jun 18, 2009)

Griff said:


> _Club Le Monde_
> _Howard the Duck_ Went along with a girlfriend to see this and just thought WTF?
> 
> Probably many others, but these stand out.



I like it.

If only for the fact that George Lucas made it and tries to pretend he didn't (like the awesome Starwars Holiday Special)


----------



## Griff (Jun 18, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> I like it.


----------



## Sootysoots (Jun 18, 2009)

Devil wears Prada - I don't know much about fashion, hey I like it, my boyfriend doesn't get it, Glenn Close smiled FUCK THE FUCK OFF!

Changing Lanes - big load of nothing to the backdrop of epic everything

The Ruins - it was the flowers, gasp

8 mile - isn't Eminem fucking awesome? He makes Jebus look like Toby Blair.

Anything with Rob Sneider in it

anything that revolves around cars racing on tha streetz to the extreme

Scary Movie 2 - the cripple is sucking his own dick. Haha that is so fucking funny I want to kick the cats to death

Home Alone 3 - Kevin you are not

College Cunt Confessions 2 - very bad lighting and camera angles


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 18, 2009)

Little Black Book withj Brittney Murphy in it.

I'm not disposed to like rom-coms anyway, but this was especially gash.


----------



## 8den (Jun 18, 2009)

LJo said:


> I've decided not to watch any more films about stupid twatty men doing stupid twatty things while their pretty, intelligent girlfriends stand around looking slightly exasperated.
> 
> Yes, Role Models, I am also talking about you. Look! It's a 10-year-old kid shouting 'motherfucker'! Over and over again! Oh, my sides.



As DotC said it's the funniest film about Roleplayers* ever. 


*Not that this a genre that is exactly heaving at the seams.


----------



## Pie 1 (Jun 18, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> That is fucking dire isn't it.



Beyond!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 18, 2009)

It would have been an acceptable sub-Bourne film, *if* it hadn't been full of quite the worst racism/xenophobia I think I've ever seen in a Hollywood film.


----------



## Epico (Jun 18, 2009)

Notting Hill or Love Actually.

'4 Weddings' was bearable, but I'd never discribe it as something I like.


----------



## electrogirl (Jun 18, 2009)

What's that one with Ben Affleck where he let's this fella who turns out to be (Gwynni Paltry's husband) have his planeticket? Because you know, he's sooooo nice. And then the plane crashes and that fella dies and Ben Affleck is like 'OMG THAT COULD'VE BEEN ME' and then has some kind of spazzmeltdown where he becomes an alcoholic for a bit. And then after he stops being an alcoholic he goes and stalks Gwynnie who is really asexual with awful clothes and a big brown thin fringe but is totally plucky having lost her husband. And then Ben and her fall for eachother, which, actually is quite realistic because I can imagine them together, they are both quite boring in loads of ways, boring blank faces with small eyes and boring brains. Oh but she's a bit kooky, they give her some kooks to make her more loveable I think.

Anyway I'm bored of even explaining it now but it was proper awful.


----------



## Stigmata (Jun 18, 2009)

Anyone else seen _Dungeons & Dragons: The Movie_?


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Jun 18, 2009)

electrogirl said:


> What's that one with Ben Affleck where he let's this fella who turns out to be (Gwynni Paltry's husband) have his planeticket? Because you know, he's sooooo nice. And then the plane crashes and that fella dies and Ben Affleck is like 'OMG THAT COULD'VE BEEN ME' and then has some kind of spazzmeltdown where he becomes an alcoholic for a bit. And then after he stops being an alcoholic he goes and stalks Gwynnie who is really asexual with awful clothes and a big brown thin fringe but is totally plucky having lost her husband. And then Ben and her fall for eachother, which, actually is quite realistic because I can imagine them together, they are both quite boring in loads of ways, boring blank faces with small eyes and boring brains. Oh but she's a bit kooky, they give her some kooks to make her more loveable I think.
> 
> Anyway I'm bored of even explaining it now but it was proper awful.



Smokin' Aces?

No. That's the one where he gets shot before he gets to do anything in the film (think god). Oh, that is do anything in the film other than bore the pants of everyone as a character that exists for nothing more than to explain the set up of the whole film (not a the sign of a well developed plot)


----------



## electrogirl (Jun 18, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> Smokin' Aces?
> 
> No. That's the one where he gets shot before he gets to do anything in the film (think god). Oh, that is do anything in the film other than bore the pants of everyone as a character that exists for nothing more than to explain the set up of the whole film (not a the sign of a well developed plot)



It's called 'bounce'. Which is easy to forget when it has nothing whatsoever to do with the plot.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 18, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> Anyone else seen _Dungeons & Dragons: The Movie_?



Fuck me, that was absolutely atrocious!

I think it might have been because I had been forced to watch that at the cinema about a year before, that I was quite so blown away by LOTR.


----------



## LJo (Jun 18, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> real insult to the intelligence, that film.
> 
> 
> 
> Worth it for the LARP pisstakes.



LARPing is one of those things where the sober reality is actually funnier than any lame pisstake could be.

Can I share my favourite quote from D&D The Movie?

"Just like you thieves...always taking things that don't belong to you!"


----------



## Stigmata (Jun 18, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Fuck me, that was absolutely atrocious!
> 
> I think it might have been because I had been forced to watch that at the cinema about a year before, that I was quite so blown away by LOTR.



I quite enjoyed it really


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 18, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> I quite enjoyed it really


----------



## manifold (Jun 18, 2009)

Cats and Dogs. I will never know why I saw that movie.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 18, 2009)

I never saw it, but fooled myself it was conceptually quite good when I read about it, possibly under the influence of drugs, but my mate watched it and said that it was indeed just a shit children's thing and not the deeper thing I had read into it.


----------



## neonwilderness (Jun 18, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> Anyone else seen _Dungeons & Dragons: The Movie_?



Not seen the whole film, just Jeremy Iron's "Give me the ROD" scene.

Hawk the Slayer is pretty ropey too.  But that's so bad it's quite enjoyable.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 18, 2009)

manifold said:


> Cats and Dogs. I will never know why I saw that movie.



Worth it for the Ninja cats and the Russian.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Jun 18, 2009)

Battlefield Earth. 

Because it has John Travolta made up to look like an alien, but an alien that looks like the idea of a Klingon as conceived by Frank Oz.

Because it's like Welcome Back Kotter in Space.

Because it has something to do with Scientology.

Because it sucks deeply in every way that a movie can suck.


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Jun 18, 2009)

I have never seen it but kind of want to.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 18, 2009)

Some day I will find the right mood to sit down and appreciate that film in all its utter shitness


----------



## Griff (Jun 19, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Some day I will find the right mood to sit down and appreciate that film in all its utter shitness



I tried the last time it was on telly. 

Lasted 15 minutes and couldn't go any further with it.


----------



## fogbat (Jun 19, 2009)

Ghost Rider.

There have been good Marvel film adaptations. The first two Spiderman films, the first two X-Men films (let's gloss over the third ones, as well as the Punisher films and the Fantastic Four films. Oh, and Daredevil).

The script could have been written 30 years ago, and would need no changes: There's no irony or wit or intelligence or self-awareness to the film at all. 

The dialogue is appalling - _every_ character's _every response_ to something surprising, exciting, shocking or terrifying is "Oh god".

Oh, and it has Nicolas Cage in it. Words can't express how much I hate him. If I ever win the lottery, I'll have him kidnapped and fired into the sun.


----------



## PacificOcean (Jun 19, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> Anyone else seen _Dungeons & Dragons: The Movie_?



Enjoyably naff I thought.

However, Dungeons & Dragons 2 - was so poor that I bleached my eyes afterwards.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 19, 2009)

There was a _second_?


----------



## May Kasahara (Jun 19, 2009)

fogbat said:


> Nicolas Cage in it. Words can't express how much I hate him. If I ever win the lottery, I'll have him kidnapped and fired into the sun.



You have my full support.


----------



## Silva (Jun 19, 2009)

fogbat said:


> Oh, and it has Nicolas Cage in it. Words can't express how much I hate him. If I ever win the lottery, I'll have him kidnapped and fired into the sun.



Get yourself in a position you can interview him, and then make frequent remarks about his hairline. There's a good chance his head will burst and burn like the sun. Job done


----------



## Stigmata (Jun 19, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> There was a _second_?



It only had the blue lips guy in it. No Richard O'Brien or Tom Baker. 

Or Marlon Wayans.


----------



## dylanredefined (Jun 19, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> I have never seen it but kind of want to.



  If you know its rubbish its  kind of fun ,but,It is truly rubbish .

  Stealth  started out kind of ok but then went completely nuts .If you have a hi tech jet and have just landed in north korea  to rescue a pilot .Would you grab wounded pilot and stumble towards border or climb back into said hi tech jet and fly to safety ?
  Worst fim is something with wesley snipe. Unfortunalty cant remeber title but its not well known.


----------



## Combustible (Jun 19, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> Battlefield Earth.
> 
> Because it has John Travolta made up to look like an alien, but an alien that looks like the idea of a Klingon as conceived by Frank Oz.
> 
> ...



I was prepared for all this.  What I wasn't prepared for was sheer dullness of it all and the circular plot.  It got to the point that something would happen that I could have sworn happened 2 hours previously.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Jun 19, 2009)

Combustible said:


> I was prepared for all this.  What I wasn't prepared for was sheer dullness of it all and the circular plot.  It got to the point that something would happen that I could have sworn happened 2 hours previously.



I can't talk with much authority about the movie, because I walked out after about 2/3, and my mind has blocked out a lot of what I saw before that, as a defence mechanism.


----------



## PacificOcean (Jun 20, 2009)

The Eye was on Sky Anytime last night.

While not the worst film I have ever seen, it is a contender.

It had plot holes you could drive an elephant through.  

But as it was free (apart from the Sky subscription), it gets a bonus point for me not paying for it.


----------



## MikeMcc (Jun 20, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> I have never seen it but kind of want to.


No, never, save yourself from such thoughts!

It's not even in the "it's so bad it's actually OK" catagory.  It has it's own catagory of 'unbearably shite with no redeeming features'.  A catagory that it occupies on it's own simply because no other film is that bad.  Having seen some pretty shit films that is saying something.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 20, 2009)

I agree. Just read The Groke's review and save yourself a wasted evening and a gutful of ulcers.


----------



## The Boy (Jun 20, 2009)

Autumn.

Seriously, it's fucking awful.  Crappy, try-hard direction, sound engineer was obviously deaf, *seriously* shoddy acting, even worse dialogue, nothing in it makes any sense and it isn't fucking scary.

It actually looks (and is) worse than something made by film student who actually studied sociology instead of film and doesn't know which end of the camera to point at the 'action'.


----------



## 8den (Jun 20, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> Battlefield Earth.



CAVEMEN FLYING 2,000 YEAR OLD F16s BEATING SPACEALIENS.

Honestly if that doesn't appeal to you, theres something wrong with you.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 20, 2009)

I vaguely recall them being Sea Harriers?


----------



## 8den (Jun 20, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> I vaguely recall them being Sea Harriers?



Caveman couldn't master VTOL technology! That'd stretch the audiences credability too far!


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 20, 2009)

8den said:


> Caveman couldn't master VTOL technology! That'd stretch the audiences credability too far!



"Flying spears!"







"It's some kind of 'learning machine'..."






"Wooo hoo!"






I can't believe you made me go back, dig out the film, scan through it, screen grab it, edit in Photoshop, upload them and then post. Damn you!


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Jun 20, 2009)

Is it the story of Xenu or something?


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jun 20, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> Is it the story of Xenu or something?



Nah, but it's based on an L. Ron Hubbard abortion, sorry, novel.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 20, 2009)

I'm disappointed by the near-total lack of mentions for Spawn. 

Makes any other comic book atrocity, with the possible honourable exception of Batman and Robin, look pretty good.


----------



## DJWrongspeed (Jun 20, 2009)

The last film i thought was awful and sat through was (in context of sitting at the cinema)  Hot Fuzz

One of those 'hey it's brit-comedy let's have a larf'  but it's crap and full of warped cliches and not funny.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 20, 2009)

Yeah I was really disappointed with Hot Fuzz.  Loved Spaced and Shaun of the Dead, I guess Simon Pegg's shot his load these days.


----------



## agricola (Jun 20, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I'm disappointed by the near-total lack of mentions for Spawn.
> 
> Makes any other comic book atrocity, with the possible honourable exception of Batman and Robin, look pretty good.



Spawn is much better than any comic book adaptation made since.  

Fact.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Jun 20, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> "Flying spears!"
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I never saw this part. If I had, maybe I would have liked it more.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 20, 2009)

agricola said:


> Spawn is much better than any comic book adaptation made since.
> 
> Fact.



 I take it this is a joke?


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Jun 20, 2009)

When it comes to adaptations, I think I enjoyed the first Punisher movie best.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 20, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> When it comes to adaptations, I think I enjoyed the first Punisher movie best.





IMO this has been the golden decade for comic book adaptations, with the Nolan Batmam films, the first two X Men, the spiderman films were ok...


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Jun 20, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> IMO this has been the golden decade for comic book adaptations, with the Nolan Batmam films, the first two X Men, the spiderman films were ok...



To me, those aren't really even like adaptations, because they're so big budget, and the characters are well known even outside 'comicdom', if you know what I mean.

To me, a real adaptation, takes something more obscure, and creates a good movie out of it. It's harder to fail if you've got 100 million in the budget.


----------



## agricola (Jun 20, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I take it this is a joke?



Of course not.  Any film that has a hero saying to a demon "Put my dog down" while pointing a gun at his head is by definition superb.  Thats without mentioning evil Martin Sheen!  With a beard!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

agricola said:


> Of course not.  Any film that has a hero saying to a demon "Put my dog down" while pointing a gun at his head is by definition superb.  Thats without mentioning evil Martin Sheen!  With a beard!



Phew!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> To me, those aren't really even like adaptations, because they're so big budget, and the characters are well known even outside 'comicdom', if you know what I mean.
> 
> To me, a real adaptation, takes something more obscure, and creates a good movie out of it. It's harder to fail if you've got 100 million in the budget.



The Nolan Batman films are definitely proper adaptations though because they kind of stuck to the comics (reversing some major flaws in the originals like the revisionist idea tha tJoker killed Batmans parents).

V For Vendett was good if we're thinking about movies from more obscure comics.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> V For Vendett was good if we're thinking about movies from more obscure comics.



I fail to see how. And V For Vendetta could hardly be said to have been that obscure.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

I mean compared with Batman or whatever.

I realise that V for Vendetta was totally mainstream in the encyclopedeaic sense that urbanites exist in, where it is necessary to have heard of every single thing that has ever existed, but to your average person, it was pretty obscure.

And itw as a good film


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> I never saw this part. If I had, maybe I would have liked it more.



Honestly, I seriously doubt you would.

The thing is, a selection of screengrabs from throughout the whole film might well give the impression of a somewhat silly but enjoyable SF action outing; yet on actual viewing it's appallingly scripted, acted, structured, edited and directed. 

Even considering it in the bubble of a somewhat silly SF film, nothing ever really makes sense, and that which does does not ever come across as plausible or likely, even within the parameters of the film's own internal logic.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

That's what I've heard about BE - it's not even a piece of throwaway tosh which you can just sit back with a six pack and enjoy mindlessly, like Under Siege or whatever, it's just pure shit because it doesn't even work within itself.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> I realise that V for Vendetta was totally mainstream in the encyclopedeaic sense that urbanites exist in, where it is necessary to have heard of every single thing that has ever existed, but to your average person, it was pretty obscure.



I'm not talking in the context of 'Urban', I'm talking in the context of comic books and comic book movie adaptations.

Warrior (whence it came) was one of the most significant UK comics of the early 1980s, helping to redefine the market as beyond IPC and DC Thomson. It had limited, niche appeal (ie comics fans), but its influence rippled much further out. After Alan Moore's success with Swamp Thing and Watchmen, DC took on (the unfinished) V For Vendetta and it was completed and coloured. It got a big airing. It was collected into a successful trade paperback twenty years ago!

That to me is not an obscure comic.

The film significantly altered the meaning and tone of the comic book in adapting it for the screen. Whilst some scenes and characters are clearly recognisable, the work as a whole is not. It may be an entertaining, diverting, even enjoyable confection, but the film does not in any way successfully impart the things about the comic book which made it so resonant in the first place.

IMHO.

I'd place it with _Batman_, _Swamp Thing_ and _The Punisher_ (1989) - watchable movies with a loose connection to their source material comic books; silver screen homages or pastiches.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

Fair enough - I'd never heard of V for Vendetta before the film came out, but I'd heard of Batman, Superman, Spiderman etc.


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## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> That's what I've heard about BE - it's not even a piece of throwaway tosh which you can just sit back with a six pack and enjoy mindlessly, like Under Siege or whatever, it's just pure shit because it doesn't even work within itself.



I never quite believed it until I watched it myself. I've never read a review more accurate than The Groke's on _Battlefield Earth_. I just wish that I had listened to what he was saying and not bothered watching it.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

The Groke's BE review is one of the funniest things I've ever read on the net...


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## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Fair enough - I'd never heard of V for Vendetta before the film came out, but I'd heard of Batman, Superman, Spiderman etc.



But then all of those have featured in multiple TV shows, radio serials, cartoons and movies since the 40s, 40s and 70s respectively; I think this helps create a broader (if not deeper) awareness of the characters and the basic premises of the worlds which they inhabit. The cross-media existence of them in popular culture since the 30s (or 60s) give them a big head start on something like, say, V For Vendetta, which debuted in 1982.


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## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> The Groke's BE review is one of the funniest things I've ever read on the net...



Religions have been founded on much less...


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> But then all of those have featured in multiple TV shows, radio serials, cartoons and movies since the 40s, 40s and 70s respectively; I think this helps create a broader (if not deeper) awareness of the characters and the basic premises of the worlds which they inhabit. The cross-media existence of them in popular culture since the 30s (or 60s) give them a big head start on something like, say, V For Vendetta, which debuted in 1982.



Fair enough.  TBH I'm not much of a comic book reader.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> Religions have been founded on much less...



Yeah, I have been a devotee of the Church of Groke ever since that review, although my faith has been called into question by his opinion of the recent Star Trek film


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## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Fair enough.  TBH I'm not much of a comic book reader.



But I noticed you had picked up on the canon-busting elements of Burton's Batman - as 'corrected' by Nolan; which takes us into interesting territory. Comic books such as Batman and Spidermand and Superman are all long-running, encompassing many different writers and artists, each with different ideas and different things to say, and unfolding over entirely different generations, each with their own mores. Over time the characters and their universes have been tinkered with countless times. Canon and orthodoxy have been turned on their heads countless times; the reboot is a familiar occurrence. 

Whereas a comic like V For Vendetta is finite. There is no sequel, no continuing adventures, no spin-off strip for a spunky young cohort. V For Vendetta is that single story arc, with a beginning, a middle and an end. So when a film adaptation so diverges from its source material, it is that much more noticeable. 

With a character like Batman, a chameleon cipher practically in public ownership - a vigilante, a psychopath, a boyfriend, a patriot, a detective, a killer, a role model, a subversive, a fascist - there are a thousand different versions of the story that can be told, and each one can be 'true'.


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## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Yeah, I have been a devotee of the Church of Groke ever since that review, although my faith has been called into question by his opinion of the recent Star Trek film



Did he not like it then?

A Twitter friend did recently express her disappointment that it hadn't taken more inspiration from Kirk/Spock slash fiction...


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Jun 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> The Nolan Batman films are definitely proper adaptations though because they kind of stuck to the comics (reversing some major flaws in the originals like the revisionist idea tha tJoker killed Batmans parents).
> 
> V For Vendett was good if we're thinking about movies from more obscure comics.



V for Vendetta was very good.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Jun 21, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> Honestly, I seriously doubt you would.
> 
> The thing is, a selection of screengrabs from throughout the whole film might well give the impression of a somewhat silly but enjoyable SF action outing; yet on actual viewing it's appallingly scripted, acted, structured, edited and directed.
> 
> Even considering it in the bubble of a somewhat silly SF film, nothing ever really makes sense, and that which does does not ever come across as plausible or likely, even within the parameters of the film's own internal logic.



It is truly a loathsome film. It's an insult to the senses, and it's thievery, imo, to charge anyone money to see it.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> But I noticed you had picked up on the canon-busting elements of Burton's Batman - as 'corrected' by Nolan; which takes us into interesting territory. Comic books such as Batman and Spidermand and Superman are all long-running, encompassing many different writers and artists, each with different ideas and different things to say, and unfolding over entirely different generations, each with their own mores. Over time the characters and their universes have been tinkered with countless times. Canon and orthodoxy have been turned on their heads countless times; the reboot is a familiar occurrence.
> 
> Whereas a comic like V For Vendetta is finite. There is no sequel, no continuing adventures, no spin-off strip for a spunky young cohort. V For Vendetta is that single story arc, with a beginning, a middle and an end. So when a film adaptation so diverges from its source material, it is that much more noticeable.
> 
> With a character like Batman, a chameleon cipher practically in public ownership - a vigilante, a psychopath, a boyfriend, a patriot, a detective, a killer, a role model, a subversive, a fascist - there are a thousand different versions of the story that can be told, and each one can be 'tr   ue'.



Interesting - yeah I know quite a bit about the Batman universe and that, but less about the individual comics.


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## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> It is truly a loathsome film. It's an insult to the senses, and it's thievery, imo, to charge anyone money to see it.



Which is why it is of some small comfort that I 'borrowed' it out of the ether


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> Did he not like it then?
> 
> A Twitter friend did recently express her disappointment that it hadn't taken more inspiration from Kirk/Spock slash fiction...



I thought it was awesome, but Groke merely thought it was just reasonable.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

Johnny Canuck2 said:


> V for Vendetta was very good.



Oh right, quite surprised you like that for some reason.  I agree - I found it very underrated, but then I don't know the source material.


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## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

It's not that I didn't enjoy the film, it's just that it's considerably different to the comic, which outclasses it in pretty much every area. I think it works perfectly well for a big budget movie with lots of action sequences.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

See, I thought for a big budget action movie it was quite different from the norm - how many other big budget films do we get to see the houses of parliament getting blown up?


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## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

_Independence Day_ blew the shit out of the White House, and I fell asleep in the cinema during that.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Jun 21, 2009)

upsidedownwalrus said:


> Oh right, quite surprised you like that for some reason.  I agree - I found it very underrated, but then I don't know the source material.



Curious why you're surprised that I liked it?


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## upsidedownwalrus (Jun 21, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Independence Day_ blew the shit out of the White House, and I fell asleep in the cinema during that.





I knew you'd say something like that...


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Jun 21, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> Whereas a comic like V For Vendetta is finite. There is no sequel, no continuing adventures, no spin-off strip for a spunky young cohort.



Actually there were two extra stand alone V stories separate from the V for Vendetta.


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## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

Vertigo and Vincent were interludes within the finite timeframe of the main story, though.


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Jun 21, 2009)

DaveCinzano said:


> Vertigo and Vincent were interludes within the finite timeframe of the main story, though.



They are still not part of the story and were never intended to be thought as such.


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## DaveCinzano (Jun 21, 2009)

I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say?


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