# Best Way To Kill A Laptop - Accidentally



## oddworld (Sep 2, 2005)

Whats the best way to kill my laptop , so its not repairable and looks accidential


----------



## Fruitloop (Sep 2, 2005)

Can of coke in the works - you can blame it on children.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2005)

drop from towerblock? be careful, though...

or pour hcl on it.

or battery acid (h2so4?)


----------



## magneze (Sep 2, 2005)

Drop it.

How non-repairable do you want it?


----------



## Pingu (Sep 2, 2005)

drop it out of a window...

but not onto a big pile of foam rubber


----------



## Random One (Sep 2, 2005)

why?


----------



## exosculate (Sep 2, 2005)

Leave him alone - he's a top bloke.


----------



## Virtual Blue (Sep 2, 2005)

Take the battery off and stick it in the microwave for 7 seconds.

Internally combusts everything and techies can't work out what's wrong.


----------



## Random One (Sep 2, 2005)

exosculate said:
			
		

> Leave him alone - he's a top bloke.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2005)

drop it, get a big truck to run over it, and take an electromagnet to the fucker.

alternatively, leave it on some train tracks and let nature take its course.


----------



## oddworld (Sep 2, 2005)

exosculate said:
			
		

> Leave him alone - he's a top bloke.



 

Oddworld in man shocker


----------



## wiskey (Sep 2, 2005)

i think he was talking about Laptop 

why do you want to kill it anyway? i suspect if you drop coke in it it wont be insured.

take a sledgehammer to it - you'll feel much better after  

wiskers


----------



## laptop (Sep 2, 2005)

Arrange for it to die of exhaustion following an encounter with several slender maidens.


----------



## oddworld (Sep 2, 2005)

It is insured for accidental damage , I took out extra cover


----------



## GarfieldLeChat (Sep 2, 2005)

oddworld said:
			
		

> It is insured for accidental damage , I took out extra cover




what's wrong with it it was a fine machine when i last saw it...


----------



## oddworld (Sep 2, 2005)

GarfieldLeChat said:
			
		

> what's wrong with it it was a fine machine when i last saw it...


----------



## dlx1 (Sep 2, 2005)

Give to me and say it was stolen


----------



## poet (Sep 2, 2005)

Drop it onto it's hingeside corner onto a concrete or tiled floor from about eight feet off the floor. looks totally accidental, but it'll shatter the case, dislodge a couple of connectors, probably damage the hard drive and with any luck cause the LCD to split. You'll get a replacement because they generally don't have stocks of cases and the time required to completely rebuild a laptop isn't worth it. Be aware that if it's an extended warranty rather than insurance you stand a good chance of getting a refurb as your replacement. 

Coke spills can often be sorted by bathing in isopropanol or another non-corrosive solvent then rinsing in distilled water with wetting agent and dried in a warm box, so it's a pretty crap means of destruction. Most techs can spot deliberate aggression from a mile off, things like hammer blows don't happen accidentally, if it looks remotely dodgy they'll piss you about for months.


----------



## Sorry. (Sep 2, 2005)

posting as someone who has actually genuinely written off a laptop accidentally and got a replacement on the insurance...

take it round a mates, get stoned and fall asleep. The next morning when you're still a bit dazed from the night before and not properly woken up, start loading your car to set off. Briefly, rest your laptop on top of your car and  start chatting to your mate for a few minutes, then drive off. 

Drive for a little while and you'll hear what sounds like the mains end of a power cable bouncing off the road. Drive a little further and you'll hear a crashing noise. Stop. Wonder why the kids on the pavement are pointing just behind your car and laughing. 

Pick up the remains of your laptop and go home


----------



## DrRingDing (Sep 2, 2005)

Some sugary liquid and don't forget to leave the thing one while you pour but NOT plugged into the mains.


----------



## DrRingDing (Sep 2, 2005)

DoUsAFavour said:
			
		

> Some sugary liquid and don't forget to leave the thing one while you pour but NOT plugged into the mains.



It may take a little time to seep through passed the key board onto the motherboard.


----------



## skunkboy69 (Sep 2, 2005)

and don't forget you'll be talking to a lie detector when you make your claim over the phone.


----------



## Klaatu (Sep 2, 2005)

*Zapping Laptop*

Woo!

I like Virtual Blue's idea involving the *MICROWAVE OVEN*!

God, what would it do to the LCD display????

How many seconds/minutes should I set it for?

Does a Celeron require more seconds than a Pentium IV?


----------



## Bob_the_lost (Sep 3, 2005)

Text book falling from shelf is a classic

*Bob has not and is not endorsing insurance fraud, it's bad kids m'kay?*


----------



## Shippou-Sensei (Sep 3, 2005)

take out the  hard drive  a give a good wack with a rubber mallet     so it fucks it up but leaves few marks   then   stick it back ina  and knock it off the table


----------



## poet (Sep 3, 2005)

Shippou-Chan said:
			
		

> take out the  hard drive  a give a good wack with a rubber mallet     so it fucks it up but leaves few marks   then   stick it back ina  and knock it off the table



Hard drives are cheap and quick to replace, they won't write off a laptop for a damaged hard drive. That's why I endorse structural damage - it's the easiest, most fool-getting-caught-diddling proof way to cause more damage than it's worth their while fixing. If you don't know what you're doing you could break a tamper-evident seal or damage screws taking the harddrive out and void your warranty.


----------



## longdog (Sep 3, 2005)

Drop it repeatedly on to the same corner until it ceases to function.


----------



## Shippou-Sensei (Sep 3, 2005)

poet said:
			
		

> Hard drives are cheap and quick to replace, they won't write off a laptop for a damaged hard drive. That's why I endorse structural damage - it's the easiest, most fool-getting-caught-diddling proof way to cause more damage than it's worth their while fixing. If you don't know what you're doing you could break a tamper-evident seal or damage screws taking the harddrive out and void your warranty.


depends on the model


the harddrive option  was so they have to replace all the internals  as well as any exctrnal damage


it just aids the destruction


----------



## Bob_the_lost (Sep 3, 2005)

A heavy book from a meter above onto the monitor, an old textbook falling off a shelf will total a laptop, screen will be shattered at the least and if it's a big book you'll destroy hte keyboard and motherboard in all likelyhood.


----------



## tomig (Sep 3, 2005)

My neighbour once managed to blow his laptop up.  
He left his bag on top of the gas hob not realising it was lit.  He also didn't realise he had some aerosol cans in there too...


----------



## jayeola (Sep 4, 2005)

prolly been said before. drop it whilst you are actually runing something. writing data to the disk? whoops. Then there's the famous magnet over the monitor trick. kill some pixels


----------



## tom k&e (Sep 4, 2005)

jayeola said:
			
		

> Then there's the famous magnet over the monitor trick. kill some pixels



pretty sure that won't work for a laptop monitor. It completely fubars crts though.


----------



## jayeola (Sep 4, 2005)

/e stands corrected. just find a biiiig magnet and there's no sign of physical damage


----------



## pogofish (Sep 4, 2005)

Lend it to an academic who has just bust their own laptop to take to a "conference" for a few days - that ought to work a treat! 

Alternatively leave it where some playful little wag can piss in it - Health & safety considerations ensure that no repairer will want to strip it down!


----------



## laptop (Sep 4, 2005)

I must oject to all these crudely kinetic "solutions".

Damsels, lubricity - it's the only way


----------



## jayeola (Sep 4, 2005)

alternatively why not smear ky jelly all over the keyboards and the macine. if you need to take it into be serviced just leave a few empty condom packes in the laptop bag


----------



## Hocus Eye. (Oct 4, 2005)

Leave it by an open window and PM me your address.  

Hocus


----------



## Rikbikboo (Oct 4, 2005)

Take a stungun to it. very simple and works everytime.


----------



## mellowmoose (Oct 6, 2005)

edited out by request ...


----------



## James Boyland (Apr 4, 2015)

oddworld said:


> Whats the best way to kill my laptop , so its not repairable and looks accidential


Laptops a fragile machines.  I snapped my laptop over my knee. Didn't take much effort.  Now in two pieces.


----------



## wiskey (Apr 4, 2015)

That's an epic bump for a first post!


----------



## oddworld (Apr 4, 2015)

Very odd says odd!


----------

