# Ridiculous/wanky job titles



## the button (Aug 30, 2009)

The HR director at a well-known UK charity is known as the "Head of Talent." 

Any more, or is that the wankiest job title in the UK?


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## gabi (Aug 30, 2009)

Not the UK, but a mate of mine is 'Senior Executive for the Americas'. He chose that himself


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## the button (Aug 30, 2009)

gabi said:


> Not the UK, but a mate of mine is 'Senior Executive for the Americas'. He chose that himself



Blimey. What does he actually do?


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## RubyBlue (Aug 30, 2009)

the button said:


> The HR director at a well-known UK charity is known as the "Head of Talent."
> 
> Any more, or is that the wankiest job title in the UK?



Talented at head?


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## gabi (Aug 30, 2009)

the button said:


> Blimey. What does he actually do?



He sells advertising for a shitty magazine.

I always wanted 'nigga in charge' on my card, but my boss said no. Fuck her


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## the button (Aug 30, 2009)

gabi said:


> He sells advertising for a shitty magazine.



I thought it would be a sales job of some description.


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## Mr Smin (Aug 30, 2009)

Tesco sometimes do tannoy announcements asking for the "back door man" - big firm screws little guy as usual I suppose.


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## Prince Rhyus (Aug 30, 2009)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2001/oct/10/boxing.johnrawling - but would you say it to his face? (More of a stage name than a job title...)


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## the button (Aug 30, 2009)

Prince Rhyus said:


> http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2001/oct/10/boxing.johnrawling - but would you say it to his face? (More of a stage name than a job title...)



I think the answer to your question is at the end of the article.



> the self-destruct button yet again.


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## Maurice Picarda (Aug 30, 2009)

I was once pitched to by a PR agency, the founder of which slithered through the door mid-meeting to beam and press flesh and hand over a card on which he'd styled himself "Grand Enchilada".


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## the button (Aug 30, 2009)

This is just general wankerdown rather than jobtitle-related wankerdom, but there was a guy at my last place called <something> McDonald, who insisted that his "team" called him "the Big Mac." He also used to refer to himself in the third person (always a sure sign of twatdom). I.e.: -

"So do you reckon you'll have this done by Friday, then?"
"The Big Mac always delivers."

Fucking hell.


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## Idris2002 (Aug 31, 2009)

'Vice-Chancellor'


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## Fiended*** (Aug 31, 2009)

the button said:


> This is just general wankerdown rather than jobtitle-related wankerdom, but there was a guy at my last place called <something> McDonald, who insisted that his "team" called him "the Big Mac." He also used to refer to himself in the third person (always a sure sign of twatdom). I.e.: -
> 
> "So do you reckon you'll have this done by Friday, then?"
> "The Big Mac always delivers."
> ...



Can we all meet "The Big Mac" and have a sponsored smashing-in-of-tw@.


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## El Jefe (Aug 31, 2009)

a company i had to deal with in my last job had a Customer Delight Manager.

Ie, the complaints dept.


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## the button (Aug 31, 2009)

El Jefe said:


> a company i had to deal with in my last job had a Customer Delight Manager.
> 
> Ie, the complaints dept.


Fucking hell, you're winning the thread so far.


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## temper_tantrum (Aug 31, 2009)

gabi said:


> Not the UK, but a mate of mine is 'Senior Executive for the Americas'. He chose that himself



I love this!!!


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## Kameron (Aug 31, 2009)

Any IT job title containing the work Guru or Hacker.

On the other hand I quite like Data Engineer.

Customer Delight Manager is pretty special.


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## DotCommunist (Aug 31, 2009)

Cleaning Operative-I scrub bogs and climb under machinery to clean it when it is shut down

Team Member-I am on minimum wage


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## El Jefe (Aug 31, 2009)

the button said:


> Fucking hell, you're winning the thread so far.



wish to god i could name and shame, but it escapes me. US company, something financial.


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## the button (Aug 31, 2009)

El Jefe said:


> wish to god i could name and shame, but it escapes me. US company, something financial.



"Customer Experience" is quite a standard name for a complaints department, but Customer Delight takes it to a whole new level.


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## g force (Sep 1, 2009)

All US job titles....because everyone ends up being a "Vice President"


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## internetstalker (Sep 1, 2009)

Mr Smin said:


> Tesco sometimes do tannoy announcements asking for the "back door man" - big firm screws little guy as usual I suppose.



All depends on whose back door your at?


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## internetstalker (Sep 1, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Team Member-I am on minimum wage


First time you've ever been able to put minimum and member in the same sentance


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## ChrisFilter (Sep 1, 2009)

The HR director where I work is called the Chief Happiness Officer. She hates it.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2009)

BanjoStep said:


> The HR director where I work is called the Chief Happiness Officer. She hates it.


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## cesare (Sep 1, 2009)

That Tesco example - the official job title (or at least it was) is Goods Received Manager. But everyone just used to call them the back door man.


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## heinous seamus (Sep 1, 2009)

Mr Smin said:


> Tesco sometimes do tannoy announcements asking for the "back door man" - big firm screws little guy as usual I suppose.



I was trained as a back door man when I worked in tesco


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## ivebeenhigh (Sep 1, 2009)

i am an

"application and reporting specialist"

which translates to

"knows how to read instruction manuals better than you"


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## ivebeenhigh (Sep 1, 2009)

the button said:


> This is just general wankerdown rather than jobtitle-related wankerdom, but there was a guy at my last place called <something> McDonald, who insisted that his "team" called him "the Big Mac." He also used to refer to himself in the third person (always a sure sign of twatdom). I.e.: -
> 
> "So do you reckon you'll have this done by Friday, then?"
> "The Big Mac always delivers."
> ...



ha its like Paul Ince calling himself the guv'nor and introducing himself to his teammates as that...


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## Pingu (Sep 1, 2009)

BanjoStep said:


> The HR director where I work is called the Chief Happiness Officer. She hates it.



methinks someone in your organisation has played the game paranoia do you also have an "equipment guy"


Stay Alert, trust no one - keep your laser handy


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## Voley (Sep 1, 2009)

I had to get in touch with an old boss for a job reference recently. She's got a new role now: _Relationship And Excellence Manager_.



They do love a daft job title in Local Government, bless 'em.


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## Voley (Sep 1, 2009)

She was a_ Best Value Champion _prior to that, too.


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## cesare (Sep 1, 2009)

People get very touchy about their job titles. I still remember the amount of grief I got over suggesting that an PR assistant was called that. Apparently, it's PR *executive* (with accompanying rolleyes).


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## Wolveryeti (Sep 1, 2009)

Sandwich artist


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## fractionMan (Sep 1, 2009)

They've got 'imagineers' in the futurology dept at orange


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## AnnO'Neemus (Sep 14, 2009)

So what's the most ridiculous job title you've had or heard of?

Just been flicking through the 'Work' section of Saturday's Guardian and in the CV Clinic feature is the CV of a film production graduate who has listed a job at Subway in the work experience section: 

*'Sandwich Artist'*

If I was short-listing people for a job and came across a CV with 'Sandwich Artist' at Subway in the work experience section I'd think 'wanker' and file it in the bin.

What's wrong with sandwich maker, shop assistant, fast food operative or whatever?  

If you make sandwiches you're not a fucking artist. Really. You're not. And you're deluded if you think you are.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Sep 14, 2009)

Chicken sexer


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## Bakunin (Sep 14, 2009)

AnnO'Neemus said:


> So what's the most ridiculous job title you've had or heard of?
> 
> Just been flicking through the 'Work' section of Saturday's Guardian and in the CV Clinic feature is the CV of a film production graduate who has listed a job at Subway in the work experience section:
> 
> ...



It's a bit like calling a smack dealer an 'unlicenced pharmaceutical retailer' really, isn't it?


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## Sesquipedalian (Sep 14, 2009)

Assistant to The Assistant Manager.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 14, 2009)

AnnO'Neemus said:


> So what's the most ridiculous job title you've had or heard of?
> 
> Just been flicking through the 'Work' section of Saturday's Guardian and in the CV Clinic feature is the CV of a film production graduate who has listed a job at Subway in the work experience section:
> 
> ...


sure it's not 'sandwich board artist'?


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## Herbsman. (Sep 14, 2009)

optical equipment operator


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## mrs quoad (Sep 14, 2009)

My stint as a drag queen and flyer person was - for some time - 'entertainments and promotions team-leader and manager.'

I had some other drag queens under my charge, see.


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## AnnO'Neemus (Sep 14, 2009)

There's a full page ad in today's Guardian for Starbucks. 

There's a reference to 'coffee architects'.


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## brix (Sep 14, 2009)

There's a trend in schools at the moment for Head teachers to start calling themselves "Executive Head".

*sticks fingers in throat*

Makes me think of the sort of thing that might be written on a card in a phonebox...


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## Mr Smin (Sep 15, 2009)

brix said:


> There's a trend in schools at the moment for Head teachers to start calling themselves "Executive Head".



Like an executive summary? Shorter and finished more quickly then regular head?


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## Diamond (Sep 15, 2009)

AnnO'Neemus said:


> There's a full page ad in today's Guardian for Starbucks.
> 
> There's a reference to 'coffee architects'.





Do they do plan and sketch the coffee before checking for viability with their 'coffee engineer' colleagues?


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## cozmikbrew (Sep 15, 2009)

"Street Scene Operative" was one i applied for a while ago,basically litter picking and weeding the flower beds in the town center


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## johnnymarrsbars (Sep 15, 2009)

maybe thats the title subway give to the employees?


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## Maggot (Sep 15, 2009)

Diamond said:


> Do they do plan and sketch the coffee before checking for viability with their 'coffee engineer' colleagues?


They have to check the grounds.


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## 5t3IIa (Sep 15, 2009)

AnnO'Neemus said:


> So what's the most ridiculous job title you've had or heard of?
> 
> Just been flicking through the 'Work' section of Saturday's Guardian and in the CV Clinic feature is the CV of a film production graduate who has listed a job at Subway in the work experience section:
> 
> ...




You are _seriously _ deluded if you think people choose their job titles


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## keithy (Sep 15, 2009)

Ann, 'Sandwich Artist' is the actual job title that Subway give them. They advertise for 'Sandwich Artists'.


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## 8den (Sep 15, 2009)

mrs quoad said:


> My stint as a drag queen and flyer person was - for some time - 'entertainments and promotions team-leader and manager.'
> 
> I had some other drag queens under my charge, see.



See I think you can find far more entertaining uses for a bunch of drag queens beyond flyer distribution.


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## Diamond (Sep 15, 2009)

Maggot said:


> They have to check the grounds.


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## softybabe (Sep 15, 2009)

'Assistant Deputy Manager'


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## AnnO'Neemus (Sep 15, 2009)

5t3IIa said:


> You are _seriously _ deluded if you think people choose their job titles


Erm, no thanks, I'm not deluded, seriously or otherwise. 

But if I'd had a job in a fast food store as a student, I wouldn't put whatever wanky job title they gave me on my CV, I'd just put shop assistant or something like that.


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## 8den (Sep 15, 2009)

5t3IIa said:


> You are _seriously _ deluded if you think people choose their job titles



Yeah that doesn't mean you need to repeat the title when you're doing up your CV. If I was was up to my first series job and earnest described myself as a sandwich artist, and not deli bread and meat organiser. 

I did the entrance examine for subway in the US when I was there as a student, basic maths was a skill that required testing. "Sandwich Artists'"? Piss off.


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## 8den (Sep 15, 2009)

softybabe said:


> 'Assistant Deputy Manager'



Trainee Assistant Deputy Manager FTW!


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## mrs quoad (Sep 15, 2009)

8den said:


> See I think you can find far more entertaining uses for a bunch of drag queens beyond flyer distribution.



That was the other half of the job. The bit in Manumission.


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## 8den (Sep 15, 2009)

mrs quoad said:


> That was the other half of the job. The bit in Manumission.



In many ways we've lived very different lives Mrs Q.


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## Ceej (Sep 19, 2009)

My friend had my favourite title -  'Director of Emerging Technologies'.

Even he didn't know what that meant.


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## Yossarian (Sep 19, 2009)

'Ant Wrangler' in the credits of some film.


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## scifisam (Sep 20, 2009)

Queen's Remembrancer. Though that's actually quite cool as well as daft, and I doubt he'd ever have to send his CV in to a newspaper. 

I have a friend whose job was Coordinator of Domestic Violence in Northamptonshire, which doesn't give _quite_ the right image of what her duties were. 



Yossarian said:


> 'Ant Wrangler' in the credits of some film.



I've always liked 'best boy.'


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## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 20, 2009)

I remember a few years ago I was talking about this with my dad and a quite dry witted old friend of his and the stupid PC (and I'm not saying I Agree with the shit the Wail talk about 'Political correctness gorn mad, when peopel say that they are usually just moaning that they can't be racist any more, I just mean the sillier end of it) job titles.  Because my dad's a guitar player, his friend said he should be called a 'String Manipulator'. We all laughed quite loud at that one


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## upsidedownwalrus (Sep 20, 2009)

I remember an American on a forum once going 'What's a bird table?' when a British poster was talking about their garden.  It was explained, and the American said "Ah!  A feeding platform!", and another witty poster said "Yeah, and who puts the food on the feeding platform?  A birdseed distribution operative?"


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## Divisive Cotton (Sep 20, 2009)

Sandwich artists and coffee architects


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## subversplat (Sep 20, 2009)

Herbsman. said:


> optical equipment operator


Does this mean "Glasses Wearer"?


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## likesfish (Sep 20, 2009)

teenage pregnacy coordinator que needless smutty jokes

alcohol drugs and violence coordinator


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## Gavin Bl (Sep 20, 2009)

"Execution Cop" - someone who oversaw the testing environment when I was working in an IT area of an American financial company.


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## Ceej (Sep 20, 2009)

We bought some stationery at work, and received an e-mail asking for feedback on the service -  signed by the Fulfilment Manager. I want to be a Fulfilment Manager.


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## equationgirl (Sep 20, 2009)

The company I work for has just been assimilated into another company, who have regraded us all and given us all new job titles. Mine is IAM Specialist. One of my mates now loves phoning me up and calling me special.

And no, I wasn't consulted and I certainly wouldn't have chosen that as my new job title. 

IAM = Intellectual Asset Management, patents trademarks, inventions copyright etc


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## Vider (Sep 20, 2009)

"Content Gatherer" for a local rag.

Journalist is what they meant really.


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## Ceej (Sep 20, 2009)

equationgirl said:


> The company I work for has just been assimilated into another company, who have regraded us all and given us all new job titles. Mine is IAM Specialist. One of my mates now loves phoning me up and calling me special.
> 
> And no, I wasn't consulted and I certainly wouldn't have chosen that as my new job title.
> 
> IAM = Intellectual Asset Management, patents trademarks, inventions copyright etc



Not the catfood, then?


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## tim (Sep 20, 2009)

brix said:


> There's a trend in schools at the moment for Head teachers to start calling themselves "Executive Head".
> 
> *sticks fingers in throat*
> 
> Makes me think of the sort of thing that might be written on a card in a phonebox...



Executed Head I think is the correct term, something to do with Ed Balls's latest U turn


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## editor (Apr 14, 2016)

I've just got an email from a "communications apprentice from award-winning creative arts company" that no one's ever heard of.


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## editor (Apr 14, 2016)

*merged threads


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## Epona (Apr 14, 2016)

It can work both ways tbh... I've worked a few times in very small organisations where the paid staff consisted of the CEO and the Admin Assistant.  Would it really kill anyone to upgrade the job title of the Admin Assistant to Office Manager or something that sounded as though it was vaguely important to the running of the organisation?


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## DJWrongspeed (Apr 24, 2016)

I saw "Director of Insight" recently in the NHS. Insight into what exactly begs the question ?


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## squiggle (May 2, 2016)

Office workers who call themselves 'Rockstars.'


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## Spod (May 12, 2016)

Job advert for 'Scrum Half' in the context of a wank office/recruitment/advertising role. This sort of shit is all over linkedin.


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## felixthecat (May 12, 2016)

Spod said:


> Job advert for 'Scrum Half' in the context of a wank office/recruitment/advertising role. This sort of shit is all over linkedin.


  they want someone small and gobby?


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## DJWrongspeed (May 12, 2016)

Spod said:


> Job advert for 'Scrum Half' in the context of a wank office/recruitment/advertising role. This sort of shit is all over linkedin.



'Scrum' is a term used in software project mgt. Perhaps it's a job share


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## Sirena (May 12, 2016)

I refused a job as a 'Special Projects Co-ordinator'.  I know the name sounds tame in today's world but back then, it had all the hallmarks of 'redundant in 6 months'....


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## wtfftw (May 12, 2016)

I've always quite liked 'Keeper of the Great Clock' you could even say I have time for... sorry.


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## Pickman's model (May 12, 2016)

Sirena said:


> I refused a job as a 'Special Projects Co-ordinator'.  I know the name sounds tame in today's world but back then, it had all the hallmarks of 'redundant in 6 months'....


for six months i gloried in the title of research assistant although i was neither assisting nor researching. but it was at least £16.70 per hour.


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## Wilf (May 12, 2016)

MP


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## Bakunin (May 12, 2016)

'Hello, I'm the 'Disagreeable Human Removal Operative' you sent for.'


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## JimW (May 12, 2016)

Head of Openness and Candour, would suit someone called Frank.


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## Cloo (May 12, 2016)

I heard of one of the big digital business having a 'head of vibes', although funnily enough it was actually quite a good description of the role which was managing how people used the office space, events, etc - sort of a bit office manager, facilities manager, concierge, social coordinator. So wanky, but also kind of as good a title as any.


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## Gerry1time (May 13, 2016)

Search engine optimisation as a field seems to call people 'SEO Ninjas' more times than is healthy. Especially since doing it even once is more times than is healthy. Although you can slightly see their point, as you want to optimise your site and content without anyone spotting that that's what you're doing, moving stealthily like a ninja. Unlike the Guardian which seems to have given up and just does it blatantly now.

The two worst I've come across are 'imagineer' and 'futurologist'. The latter one was paid a lot of money to speak at an internal event where I worked. I just sat there, staring at him, wondering how he'd managed his life such that he'd ended up being paid wads of cash to be no better than a fortune teller for corporate suits.


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## Dowie (May 15, 2016)

this one is pretty bad - AOL's 'Digital Prophet'


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## wayward bob (May 16, 2016)

Gerry1time said:


> The two worst I've come across are 'imagineer' and 'futurologist'. The latter one was paid a lot of money to speak at an internal event where I worked. I just sat there, staring at him, wondering how he'd managed his life such that he'd ended up being paid wads of cash to be no better than a fortune teller for corporate suits.


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## wayward bob (May 16, 2016)

my meteoric rise from admin assistant to education officer for an arts charity was marked in workload rather than paycheck


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## a_chap (May 16, 2016)

I requested a new job title when the one I was given last year prompted spontaneous laughter from all colleagues who heard it.

My advice is to avoid anything with the word "champion" in


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## adidaswoody (May 16, 2016)

Mine is 'wodd assistant' fucking idiots at my work


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## a_chap (May 16, 2016)

adidaswoody said:


> Mine is 'wodd assistant' fucking idiots at my work



You're not a Proof Reader are you by any chance?


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## adidaswoody (May 16, 2016)

I'm a saw operator


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## discobastard (May 17, 2016)

Many years ago via work I met somebody who worked at Golden Wonder (of Pot Noodle fame) whose job title was 'Director of Hot Snacks'.  I'm sure they never lived it down.


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## Saul Goodman (May 17, 2016)

Police officer


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## Dovydaitis (May 17, 2016)

Where I used to work there was a domestic violence champion. Whilst the job itself was very important and worthwhile, the job title is not the best thought out at all


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## Bahnhof Strasse (May 17, 2016)

University Title Generator


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## DaveCinzano (May 17, 2016)

adidaswoody said:


> I'm a saw operator


You must be barking


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## moose (May 19, 2016)

We have two Horizon Scanners at our place.


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## platinumsage (Jul 15, 2022)

Today I met a janitor whose job title was Asset Manager.


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## Pickman's model (Jul 15, 2022)

the button said:


> The HR director at a well-known UK charity is known as the "Head of Talent."
> 
> Any more, or is that the wankiest job title in the UK?


I've seen chief people officer advertised at a university


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## Puddy_Tat (Jul 15, 2022)

Pickman's model said:


> I've seen chief people officer advertised at a university



not sure if that's better or worse than 'human resources'


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## Elpenor (Jul 15, 2022)

Head of talent is often used in HR it’s often linked to roles which oversee recruitment, training and organisational development I think


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## AverageJoe (Jul 15, 2022)

Elpenor said:


> Head of talent is often used in HR it’s often linked to roles which oversee recruitment, training and organisational development I think


Fun sponge


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## Edie (Jul 15, 2022)

Personally I like how the NHS complaints teams have changed to the Patient Advice and Liaison Service to the Patient Experience Team  Just call a spade a spade ffs.


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## Puddy_Tat (Jul 15, 2022)

I did get as far as a conversation with a 'talent acquisition officer' or something like that when i was job hunting last year


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## mojo pixy (Jul 15, 2022)

I've been chatting this week with a Head of Quality Assurance, which believe it or not, is even less fun than it sounds.


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## tommers (Jul 16, 2022)

These are all pretty standard job titles? Nobody uses human resources any more, sounds like those people in pods in the matrix. 

It's all people teams, talent acquisition etc. This stuff always changes when recruiters and HR, for example, get bad reps and companies try to be more human. It'll be something else in a few years.


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## tommers (Jul 16, 2022)

I was going to say how quaint it was that somebody was surprised by "head of talent" in the first post.


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## cesare (Jul 16, 2022)

Edie said:


> Personally I like how the NHS complaints teams have changed to the Patient Advice and Liaison Service to the Patient Experience Team  Just call a spade a spade ffs.


PALS to PET 😂 Did the new acronym not occur to them


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## kabbes (Jul 16, 2022)

Having been responsible recently for choosing a bunch of new job titles for people, I can report that the process is a nightmare of egos, the difficulty of fitting complicated jobs into a few words and market-led expectations (ie what people in other companies are called and what is therefore recognised). It started out as something with the aim of making everybody happy and I think it ended up with everybody a bit more pissed off.


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## maomao (Jul 16, 2022)

'Achievement director' in a school.


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## a_chap (Jul 16, 2022)

My job title - to my eternal shame - includes the words "workspace product owner". It conveys so little information that, during the interview for the job when they said "Do you have any questions", my first question was "What are workspaces". The second was "...and product *owner*?"

In the "introduce yourself" part of meetings, I always start by saying "I have a curious job title, let me explain what I actually do..."


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## pbsmooth (Jul 16, 2022)

You bought the office kettle?


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## Sue (Jul 16, 2022)

kabbes said:


> Having been responsible recently for choosing a bunch of new job titles for people, I can report that the process is a nightmare of egos, the difficulty of fitting complicated jobs into a few words and market-led expectations (ie what people in other companies are called and what is therefore recognised). It started out as something with the aim of making everybody happy and I think it ended up with everybody a bit more pissed off.


Yeah. Back in the day, you'd have engineer* and engineering lead. Now there's engineer, lead engineer, staff engineer, principle engineer and probably a couple of others I've forgotten. Oh and engineering manager.

In my job, you'd typically have job title and senior job title. We're recruiting at the moment for senior job title. We've told the recruiter we need these things which probably means 5+ years experience.

She keeps sending us CVs for people without the stuff we need, saying they're already senior job title. We're like they don't have all these things we need and they've only been doing this type of work for a year. We don't care if their current job title is senior 🤷‍♀️. It's seriously blowing her mind.  

*Well in the context I'm thinking of, they would've actually been known as a developer but hey.


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## The39thStep (Jul 16, 2022)

The Council I worked for once had a Best Value Team which were  in fact a great example of a group of overpaid individuals  solely picked on their level of mediocrity


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## kabbes (Jul 16, 2022)

Sue said:


> Yeah. Back in the day, you'd have engineer* and engineering lead. Now there's engineer, lead engineer, staff engineer, principle engineer and probably a couple of others I've forgotten. Oh and engineering manager.
> 
> In my job, you'd typically have job title and senior job title. We're recruiting at the moment for senior job title. We've told the recruiter we need these things which probably means 5+ years experience.
> 
> ...


Yes, very similar experience here (except instead of “engineer”, it’s things like “risk manager”, “risk analyst” and so on).  Other firms seem to have had stupid title inflation, and we’re also seeing people in recruitment with 4 or 5 years experience who are “senior” this and that.  Er, no you’re not.


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## tommers (Jul 16, 2022)

Associate engineer, solutions engineer, senior solutions engineer, staff engineer, distinguished engineer, distinguished staff engineer, gentleman engineer, adventurer engineer. 

Those are the accepted levels.


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## kabbes (Jul 16, 2022)

And then you become Goddamned King of the World


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## A380 (Jul 16, 2022)




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## kabbes (Jul 16, 2022)

If you do have a job you can describe in three words, the odds are good that it is a bullshit job anyway.


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## 8ball (Jul 16, 2022)

My job title is seven words.  
It’s horribly unwieldy.

I chose it myself.

They wanted to call me a statistician but I bristled because I have no proper stats qualifications.

David Graeber would call me a “duct taper”.  The company wouldn’t go for this, or the three suggestions that followed…


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## Winot (Jul 16, 2022)

“I protect inventions”


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## ElizabethofYork (Jul 16, 2022)

kabbes said:


> If you do have a job you can describe in three words, the odds are good that it is a bullshit job anyway.


Underpaid office drone.

Yes, it's a bullshit job.


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## 8ball (Jul 16, 2022)

ElizabethofYork said:


> Underpaid office drone.
> 
> Yes, it's a bullshit job.



But it’s 3 words so… yeah.


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## Sue (Jul 16, 2022)

tommers said:


> Associate engineer, solutions engineer, senior solutions engineer, staff engineer, distinguished engineer, distinguished staff engineer, *gentleman engineer,* adventurer engineer.
> 
> Those are the accepted levels.


No lady engineer? Nah, cos that would be utter madness. 🤣


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## 8ball (Jul 16, 2022)

Sue said:


> No lady engineer? Nah, cos that would be utter madness. 🤣



“Swashbuckling engineeress” is the accepted term, I think.


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## Sue (Jul 16, 2022)

8ball said:


> “Swashbuckling engineeress” is the accepted term, I think.


I'll take that!


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## 8ball (Jul 16, 2022)

I was just on my work laptop and I saw on my email signature that my job title isn’t  what I thought it was.


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## DaveCinzano (Jul 16, 2022)

8ball said:


> “Swashbuckling engineeress” is the accepted term, I think.


Deadly enginatrix, if you please


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## cesare (Jul 16, 2022)

DaveCinzano said:


> Deadly enginatrix, if you please


Good one


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## Puddy_Tat (Jul 16, 2022)

8ball said:


> I was just on my work laptop and I saw on my email signature that my job title isn’t  what I thought it was.



one of my colleagues had that happen (and acquired a knighthood) but served him right for leaving his computer unlocked when he went to the bog...


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## The39thStep (Jul 16, 2022)

tommers said:


> Associate engineer, solutions engineer, senior solutions engineer, staff engineer, distinguished engineer, distinguished staff engineer, gentleman engineer, adventurer engineer.
> 
> Those are the accepted levels.


Ivan the Engineer


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## DaveCinzano (Jul 16, 2022)

The39thStep said:


> Ivan the Engineer


Ivor


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## DaveCinzano (Jul 16, 2022)

Ivan would be an ЭИGЇИԐЄЯ


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## Spymaster (Jul 26, 2022)

Got sent a CV today from a chap who's current job title seems to be _Head of Failure_.  

Wouldn't you want that changed????


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## DaveCinzano (Jul 26, 2022)

Spymaster said:


> Wouldn't you want that changed????


Fuck no - bold, 32pt, embossed and gold gilted letterhead at bare minimum.

It's win-win - legitimately running a department intended to full-on, cracks-in-the-reactor-core fail 24/7.


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## DaveCinzano (Jul 26, 2022)

I'd want to be referred to by my underlings as FAIL CAESAR


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## DaveCinzano (Jul 26, 2022)

FAIL HARD, FAIL HARDER, FAIL HARD WITH A VENGEANCE


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## DaveCinzano (Jul 26, 2022)

In fact, if Spymaster hires the dude, that means The Throne of Failure lies vacant...

<Freshens up CV>


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## Elpenor (Jul 26, 2022)

Thane of Failure for a Scottish twist on it


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## Sue (Jul 26, 2022)

Spymaster said:


> Got sent a CV today from a chap who's current job title seems to be _Head of Failure_.
> 
> Wouldn't you want that changed????


I don't need a title to fail.


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## JimW (Jul 26, 2022)

Head of Failure but a Heart of Win


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## 8ball (Jul 26, 2022)

Spymaster said:


> Got sent a CV today from a chap who's current job title seems to be _Head of Failure_.
> 
> Wouldn't you want that changed????



It’s a great title.  Who does he work for?


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## Spymaster (Jul 26, 2022)

8ball said:


> It’s a great title.  Who does he work for?



I can't tell you that. 

Don't worry though. If he leaves I'll let you know where to apply


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## 8ball (Jul 26, 2022)

Spymaster said:


> I can't tell you that.
> 
> Don't worry though. If he leaves I'll let you know where to apply



I think competition might be stiff.


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## equationgirl (Jul 26, 2022)

DaveCinzano said:


> Deadly enginatrix, if you please


That's mine....


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