# Sneery Vice article on crap London



## not-bono-ever (Dec 18, 2012)

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/reasons-why-london-is-the-worst-place-ever

Not sure why I posted this apart from the sneery fucking tone of the writer makes me want to  parade his severed head on a stick in trafalgar square


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## editor (Dec 18, 2012)

Who cares what Vice thinks about, well, _anything? _


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## not-bono-ever (Dec 18, 2012)

I know, I know - I shouldnt give them the oxygen of ..etc


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## RaverDrew (Dec 18, 2012)

Most of it is pretty much spot on tbf.

Drew - Londoner born and bred


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## joustmaster (Dec 18, 2012)

Redeemed by a slagging off of Skipton at the end


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## Mrs Magpie (Dec 18, 2012)

Well, he got it wrong about Samuel Johnson, he didn't have Tourettes, he had OCD. Walking along and touching each hitching post along the way and going back and starting your journey again if you miss one is not Tourettes.
I didn't read past that bit because if he can't even be bothered to research things properly, I can't be bothered to read his crappy-dappy musings.


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## quimcunx (Dec 18, 2012)

Are they being sneery about the wrong things, then?


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## not-bono-ever (Dec 18, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> Most of it is pretty much spot on tbf.
> 
> Drew - Londoner born and bred


 

You are probabaly right, but it reads like an amalgam of one of those crap towns books you have in the bog


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## zenie (Dec 18, 2012)

On point


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## QueenOfGoths (Dec 18, 2012)

joustmaster said:


> Redeemed by a slagging off of Skipton at the end


Wonder why he picked Skipton (says ex Skipton Girls High School pupil QofG's)  ?

As for the article It was all a bit "whats the deal with airline food?". Nothing that hasn't been said, thought or commented on before and some rather easy targets.


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## Private Storm (Dec 18, 2012)

Mrs Magpie said:


> Well, he got it wrong about Samuel Johnson, he didn't have Tourettes, he had OCD. Walking along and touching each hitching post along the way and going back and starting your journey again if you miss one is not Tourettes.
> I didn't read past that bit because if he can't even be bothered to research things properly, I can't be bothered to read his crappy-dappy musings.


 
Not quite

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1599158/


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## Crispy (Dec 18, 2012)

quimcunx said:


> Are they being sneery about the wrong things, then?


 No, I think you'd find a sizable group to agree with each of the ten Reasons on urban:

POSH PUBS
WEST END SCUM
QUAINT BULLSHIT (ie. why the fuck are you waxing your mustache in your mid twenties?)
CLAPHAM
"CYCLISTS"
LONDONISTAS
THE SOUTH BANK
ALTERNATIVE CABARET (stripping with A-levels)
TOURISTS
THE PERPETUAL STATE OF BANKRUPTCY


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> No, I think you'd find a sizable group to agree with each of the ten Reasons on urban:
> 
> POSH PUBS
> WEST END SCUM
> ...


 he is spot on about the west end and clapham


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## Dan U (Dec 18, 2012)

ha ha that is amusing enough 

i fucking hate those stupid party bikes. it was bad enough i found myself with time to kill in rammo Bermondsey Market on Saturday, the pregnant wife and me also had to navigate some of those fucking bikes trying to get round the crammed streets in the area. i don't want to see people obviously enjoying themselves whilst i try to eat cheese samples in the freezing cold outside Neals Yard. wankers


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## beesonthewhatnow (Dec 18, 2012)

Manter said:


> he is spot on about the west end and clapham


He seems pretty spot on with all of it


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

Dan U said:


> ha ha that is amusing enough
> 
> i fucking hate those stupid party bikes. it was bad enough i found myself with time to kill in rammo Bermondsey Market on Saturday, the pregnant wife and me also had to navigate some of those fucking bikes trying to get round the crammed streets in the area. i don't want to see people obviously enjoying themselves whilst i try to eat cheese samples in the freezing cold outside Neals Yard. wankers


 I'm not sure I even know what a party bike is


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## Dan U (Dec 18, 2012)

Manter said:


> I'm not sure I even know what a party bike is


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## Dan U (Dec 18, 2012)

erm sorry for image size.


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

Ah.  I've always call them bike buses..... in a slightly sneery way.  Yes, they are heinous


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## Mrs Magpie (Dec 18, 2012)

Private Storm said:


> Not quite
> 
> http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1599158/


 Rushes off to re-read Boswell.


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## gabi (Dec 18, 2012)

hang on a second. Vice is Canadian. Has anyone here actually been to Canada? It makes Clapham seem like fucking Vegas


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## magneze (Dec 18, 2012)

There's a grain of truth in it all. Can't see any bit that's particularly off.


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## joustmaster (Dec 18, 2012)

gabi said:


> hang on a second. Vice is Canadian. Has anyone here actually been to Canada? It makes Clapham seem like fucking Vegas


I don't think it is


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## artyfarty (Dec 18, 2012)

Cant see the article at work, comes up classified as as Porn, mind you they classify Auto Trader as "weapons" and you can still get onto various sites selling guns in the States mail order!
Just waiting for the day they classify Urban as "interesting" and then ban it.....


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## editor (Dec 18, 2012)

It's NYC based.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vice_(magazine)


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## gabi (Dec 18, 2012)

joustmaster said:


> I don't think it is


 
what, you think Vice isn't canadian? or that clapham fucking rocks the party?


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## gabi (Dec 18, 2012)

editor said:


> It's NYC based.
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vice_(magazine)


 
i used to work with the founder. he was most definitely a canuck.


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## magneze (Dec 18, 2012)

Clapham Junction isn't in Clapham. That bit is wrong.


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## joustmaster (Dec 18, 2012)

QueenOfGoths said:


> Wonder why he picked Skipton (says ex Skipton Girls High School pupil QofG's)  ?


Maybe he spent too many rainy saturday afternoons there, as a kid, "helping" his mum do the weekly shop at morrisons. Then being denied a Bizzie Lizzie's, and instead being treated to the morrisons cafe.  And then when him and his mates could visit the After Dark, until someones dad had to pick them up early, as the drive back home was a good half hour and no one could afford a taxi.


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## joustmaster (Dec 18, 2012)

gabi said:


> what, you think Vice isn't canadian? or that clapham fucking rocks the party?


don't be fucking silly..


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## quimcunx (Dec 18, 2012)

The writer is born and bred londoner and if he is sneering it's sneering in keeping with approved urban opinion so maybe someone could change the title to

'vice journalist gets it spot on' or something.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

not-bono-ever said:


> http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/reasons-why-london-is-the-worst-place-ever
> 
> Not sure why I posted this apart from the sneery fucking tone of the writer makes me want to parade his severed head on a stick in trafalgar square


 
Do cashpoints actually charge you two pounds to access your money?


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

What happens when a baby cries on the Tube?


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## magneze (Dec 18, 2012)

The monothought clique chuckles ironically.


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## Crispy (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Do cashpoints actually charge you two pounds to access your money?


Only the crap ones in convenience stores or pubs. Places where drunk people are desperate for cash but can't be bothered to walk to a bank/garage/supermarket (which are all free).

Of course, there are also plenty of poor areas where the only cash machine is the rip-off one in the convenience store


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> Only the crap ones in convenience stores or pubs. Places where drunk people are desperate for cash but can't be bothered to walk to a bank/garage/supermarket (which are all free).
> 
> Of course, there are also plenty of poor areas where the only cash machine is the rip-off one in the convenience store


 
What's the usual cashpoint charge at bank machines etc?


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## quimcunx (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> Only the crap ones in convenience stores or pubs. Places where drunk people are desperate for cash but can't be bothered to walk to a bank/garage/supermarket (which are all free).
> 
> Of course, there are also plenty of poor areas where the only cash machine is the rip-off one in the convenience store


 
that's the thing isn't it, the more likely you are to have trouble walking whatever distance or affording the bus fare or the fee charge the more likely you are to have a fee-charging one conveniently placed to where you are.


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## quimcunx (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> What's the usual cashpoint charge at bank machines etc?


 
Free, like it says in the post you just quoted.


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## Crispy (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> What's the usual cashpoint charge at bank machines etc?


zero


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

quimcunx said:


> Free, like it says in the post you just quoted.


we are one of the only places in the world where basic banking is free, in North America there are all sorts of charges- for having an account, intra-account transfers etc as well as cash withdrawals- so his double checking is understandable


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

quimcunx said:


> The writer is born and bred londoner and if he is sneering it's sneering in keeping with approved urban opinion so maybe someone could change the title to
> 
> 'vice journalist gets it spot on' or something.


 I like the south bank


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> zero


Even if you use the bank machine of a competitor bank as opposed to your own bank?


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Even if you use the bank machine of a competitor bank as opposed to your own bank?


 yup.  we don't know how lucky we are


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## Crispy (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Even if you use the bank machine of a competitor bank as opposed to your own bank?


Yep. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ATM_usage_fees#United_Kingdom


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## quimcunx (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Even if you use the bank machine of a competitor bank as opposed to your own bank?


 
Yes. you can get money from any uk bank machine as long as it has the visa sign. Internet banks have been known to try to persuade their customers to take out larger amounts and less often because they get charged by the banks who own the machines.

Banks do try to get customers to open fee-charging accounts. For under £10 a month maybe and you get added value services for this charge such as mobile phone insurance and car rescue membership.


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## Mrs Magpie (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Even if you use the bank machine of a competitor bank as opposed to your own bank?


...but banks don't really need to charge. They get you on the swingeing hidden charges and rake it in that way, plus on credit cards. If you don't do overdrafts or credit, you'd be laughing were it not for the abysmally low interest on savings.


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## editor (Dec 18, 2012)

Manter said:


> I like the south bank


Bits of the South Bank are just fine and there's often some good free stuff going on there. If you're broke it's a grand place to while away a few hours (weather permitting) or you can take some cans up to the 5th floor of the Festival Hall and enjoy a millionaire's view.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Manter said:


> yup. we don't know how lucky we are


 
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

There's no charge for me to use bank machines from my own bank, and also members of a particular type of banking union. Typically, people can use their own bank's machines free of charge, but it can also depend on the banking contract you have with your bank.

It's quite possible here to be charged a fee by the bank that owns the machine that you use, plus be charged another fee by your own bank for the transaction.

There are a couple of areas where Canadian consumers are routinely shafted: banking charges, and cel phone rates. Apparently, we have the highest in the world.

You are very lucky if your cash machines are free to use. Banks rake off huge profits here from the tremendous amount of bank machine use.


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

editor said:


> Bits of the South Bank are just fine and there's often some good free stuff going on there. If you're broke it's a grand place to while away a few hours (weather permitting) or you can take some cans up to the 5th floor of the Festival Hall and enjoy a millionaire's view.


 they still do loads of free art like te book maze, or lego map....  and you can sit happily in the RFH and noone bothers you.  And I think NT is one of the best theatres in the world


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
> 
> There's no charge for me to use bank machines from my own bank, and also members of a particular type of banking union. Typically, people can use their own bank's machines free of charge, but it can also depend on the banking contract you have with your bank.
> 
> ...


 yup.... loads of people over here don't realise that free banking isn't 'normal'.  But its a huge plus.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Ok, that's banking dealt with. Now, let's go back to question 1:

What happens when a baby cries on the Tube?


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

One other thing he's wrong about: London doesn't have some sort of monopoly on asshole, self-righteous bicycle riders.


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Ok, that's banking dealt with. Now, let's go back to question 1:
> 
> What happens when a baby cries on the Tube?


 we rip their parents' throats out in a ritual sacrifice streamed live on the internet


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Manter said:


> we rip their parents' throats out in a ritual sacrifice streamed live on the internet


 


What happens when a baby cries on the Tube?


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Here's my guess: it's like you're hiding in the forest from zombies, and you have a baby in the group with you. Then the baby cries.

All the passing zombies stop shuffling, and turn in your direction.


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## Crispy (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> What happens when a baby cries on the Tube?


Everybody looks the other way and the parent of the baby dies of embarrassment


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Here's my guess: it's like you're hiding in the forest from zombies, and you have a baby in the group with you. Then the baby cries.
> 
> All the passing zombies stop shuffling, and turn in your direction.


 we're british, we just tut and sigh and deathstare the parents.  We'd never acually do anything other than give ourselves stress related stomach ulcers


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> Everybody looks the other way and the parent of the baby dies of embarrassment


 
Maybe it would be better if British children were born ten years old. 

What if an immigrant baby cries?  Any diff?


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## Crispy (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Maybe it would be better if British children were born ten years old.
> 
> What if an immigrant baby cries? Any diff?


London demographics being what they are, there's no reliable way of knowing where the baby was born.


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## rutabowa (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Maybe it would be better if British children were born ten years old.
> 
> What if an immigrant baby cries? Any diff?


 
?? everyone in london is immigrant (except possibly the writer of that article... and raver drew was born in london too i believe).


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

I remember walking down the street in Seattle with our dog. It was a boxer, but I guess they look mean, maybe a bit like a pitbull.

I was wearing a Burger King hat. A lot of people were sneering, looking angry. I couldnt figure out what was happening. Then it hit me. I'm a black guy in a Burger King hat walking what looks like a pit bull.

Fuck I was glad to get back to Canada.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

rutabowa said:


> ?? everyone in london is immigrant (except possibly the writer of that article... and raver drew was born in london too i believe).


 
You do know what I mean though?

When those political groups say 'immigrants out', they aren't talking about every single person in london.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> London demographics being what they are, there's no reliable way of knowing where the baby was born.


 
How about, brown face baby vs white face baby. Or, baby in arms of a Polish couple?

It might just be that a baby of any persuasion crying is treated in exactly the same way.


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## Crispy (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> You do know what I mean though?


I think you mean "brown"
To get an accurate answer, it's best if a brown person answers you. As a WMCM, I am more than likely to put my foot in it.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> I think you mean "brown"
> To get an accurate answer, it's best if a brown person answers you. As a WMCM, I am more than likely to put my foot in it.


I imagine you're a fairly keen observer of the human condition.


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## rutabowa (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> It might just be that a baby of any persuasion crying is treated in exactly the same way.


this would be what i think is true.... i suppose it depends exactly who is standing in the carriage though.


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## Winot (Dec 18, 2012)

You don't actually get that many babies on the tube - the lack of accessibility means its easier to take a pushchair on the bus.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

rutabowa said:


> this would be what i think is true.... i suppose it depends exactly who is standing in the carriage though.


 
Undifferentiated baby-hatred. Ah, the joys of equality.


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## Mrs Magpie (Dec 18, 2012)

To be honest, it's very rare to hear a baby crying on the tube. The motion and lack of chatter is something babies find calming and mesmerising.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Winot said:


> You don't actually get that many babies on the tube - the lack of accessibility means its easier to take a pushchair on the bus.


 
Someone told me that there are no elevators from street level to train level at tube stations. Is that true?


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Someone told me that there are no elevators from street level to train level at tube stations. Is that true?


 depends on the station.  Even those with elevators often have a few steps scattered around.  I think its because the tube is so old- well predates equality legislation


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## rutabowa (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Undifferentiated baby-hatred. Ah, the joys of equality.


ha i am not saying london is some idyll you understand, but yes when a baby is crying then i do believe the other passengers hate the parents equally no matter what their creed


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## goldenecitrone (Dec 18, 2012)

I always carry a bottle of warm milk with me on the underground, in case of emergencies.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Mrs Magpie said:


> To be honest, it's very rare to hear a baby crying on the tube. The motion and lack of chatter is something babies find calming and mesmerising.


 
I was on our tube the other day. Pretty tired, it was the end of the day. It finally pieced my consciousness that a small voice was saying 'hola', over and over. I look down, and this kid in a stroller, maybe 2 or 3, is looking up at me and saying 'hola'. Soon as I looked down and smiled at the kid, she stopped, and started talking to her mother. Rest of the trip, I was trying to think of cute things I could have said to the kid in Spanish, if I'd had the presence of mind.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

goldenecitrone said:


> I always carry a bottle of warm milk with me on the underground, in case of emergencies.


 
Does sucking on that nipple help to relieve the tension for you?


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## goldenecitrone (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Does sucking on that nipple help to relieve the tension for you?


 
Only when I'm wearing my Burger King hat.


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## rutabowa (Dec 18, 2012)

actually i can't really remember ever hearing a bad baby melt-down on a tube. so maybe my opinion is worthless. on buses, yes.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

Manter said:


> depends on the station. Even those with elevators often have a few steps scattered around. I think its because the tube is so old- well predates equality legislation


 
So, like, no wheelchairs on the tube?


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## Crispy (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Someone told me that there are no elevators from street level to train level at tube stations. Is that true?


Lifts to platform level are the exception rather than the rule. This is due to the age of most of the system. Modern lines/extensions/station rebuilds all have lift access.

Ironically, many stations were originally built with lifts (in the days before escalators were a reliable technology) but have since had them blocked off, the ground level entrance moved sideways and escalators installed instead.


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## Winot (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Someone told me that there are no elevators from street level to train level at tube stations. Is that true?


 
Pretty much true for the older lines - they are very deep - we don't do cut and cover here.  The newer lines are much more accessible.

Map here - note the absence of wheelchair symbols anywhere central.


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

goldenecitrone said:


> I always carry a bottle of warm milk with me on the underground, in case of emergencies.


 for your baby~? Or someone else's?!


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## Mapped (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> Of course, there are also plenty of poor areas where the only cash machine is the rip-off one in the convenience store


 
This was a bugbear of mine living where I do in Walthamstow. None of the shops used to take debit cards and I would have a 15 min walk to get cash from a non-charged cash machine. The £2 withdrawal ones are absolutely everywhere.

Now all the shops take debit card and we have a couple of free cash points and a posh pub a few minutes away. I prefer the posh pub to it's previous, empty incarnation which shut shortly after someone got stabbed in there.

This guy is right about the West End and Clapham, but he can fuck off with his comments about the South Bank


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## goldenecitrone (Dec 18, 2012)

Manter said:


> for your baby~? Or someone else's?!


 
See Johnny's post above.


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## Crispy (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> So, like, no wheelchairs on the tube?


 
www.tfl.gov.uk/assets/downloads/standard-tube-map.pdf

The solid blue wheelchair symbols means step-free from street to train
The white background wheelchair symbols means step free from street to platform, but you'll need help getting onto the train. All tube platforms are staffed, so this is never a problem.

That said, you very rarely see people in wheelchairs on the tube. I can't remember ever seeing one tbh.


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## Manter (Dec 18, 2012)

rutabowa said:


> actually i can't really remember ever hearing a bad baby melt-down on a tube. so maybe my opinion is worthless. on buses, yes.


My friend had hers on the tube in a baby sling, and heard screaming, swore to herself and started rocking and patting him.  Then realised it was someone else's baby and hers was looking at her with a 'wtf, mum?  I was asleep' expression


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## goldenecitrone (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> That said, you very rarely see people in wheelchairs on the tube. I can't remember ever seeing one tbh.


 
Me neither, and I've lived here for 13 years.


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## rutabowa (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> www.tfl.gov.uk/assets/downloads/standard-tube-map.pdf
> 
> The solid blue wheelchair symbols means step-free from street to train
> The white background wheelchair symbols means step free from street to platform, but you'll need help getting onto the train. All tube platforms are staffed, so this is never a problem.
> ...


me either.
buses on the other hand are nearly all wheelchair accessible.


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## editor (Dec 18, 2012)

rutabowa said:


> ?? everyone in london is immigrant (except possibly the writer of that article... and raver drew was born in london too i believe).


Except the Welsh. Llundain is rightfully theirs.


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## el-ahrairah (Dec 18, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> Most of it is pretty much spot on tbf.
> 
> Drew - Londoner born and bred


 
yeah, i found myself agreeing with it too. maybe because as i londoner i feel entitled to hate london.

writer is a prick though.


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## el-ahrairah (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> What happens when a baby cries on the Tube?


 
the rest of the carriage gang together, remove the offending child from its parents, and drop it out the window.  they all claim to have seen nothing and not know what anyone is talking about.  there have, as yet, been no convictions.


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## zenie (Dec 18, 2012)

el-ahrairah said:


> yeah, i found myself agreeing with it too. maybe because as i londoner i feel entitled to hate london.
> 
> writer is a prick though.


 
The things you hate are also what you love?


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## Kanda (Dec 18, 2012)

hehe, I like that article


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## TopCat (Dec 18, 2012)

"A chief symptom of this pandemic of quaint bullshit is the cupcake, a foodstuff that doubles as the most innocuous signifier of ingrained racism yet devised by man. Who actually likes cupcakes, anyway? They're the sort of thing you eat half of at a village fete before feeding to a dog."


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## DotCommunist (Dec 18, 2012)

the cupcake backlash started much earlier in the year


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## Kanda (Dec 18, 2012)

DotCommunist said:


> the cupcake backlash started much earlier in the year


 
Before this year I think.


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## fredfelt (Dec 18, 2012)

DotCommunist said:


> the cupcake backlash started much earlier in the year


 
What's the cake to make now if one is to stay ahead of the curve?


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## quimcunx (Dec 18, 2012)

fredfelt said:


> What's the cake to make now if one is to stay ahead of the curve?


 
macaro(o)ns will put you on the curve.

or courgette cake.


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## DotCommunist (Dec 18, 2012)

*taps nose* battenburgs. The true zietgiest.


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## quimcunx (Dec 18, 2012)

you're probably right. unfortunately.


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## fredfelt (Dec 18, 2012)

quimcunx said:


> macaro(o)ns will put you on the curve.
> 
> or courgette cake.


 
Thanks.  Living in the provinces cup cakes are still all the rage here.

I don't really get spiking cakes with vegetables, but that's probably for another thread.


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## quimcunx (Dec 18, 2012)

fredfelt said:


> Thanks. Living in the provinces cup cakes are still all the rage here.
> 
> I don't really get spiking cakes with vegetables, but that's probably for another thread.


 
keeps things moist and you can convince yourself you're being healthy.  sneaks some vitamins and fibre in there.


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## fredfelt (Dec 18, 2012)

DotCommunist said:


> *taps nose* battenburgs. The true zietgiest.


 

Thanks. Served with, and dipped in Port no doubt?


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## silverfish (Dec 18, 2012)

I quite liked the article


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## youngian (Dec 18, 2012)

I see they used a 'drunks have a piss in the street' picture that the Daily Mail has once a fortnight to accompany its going to hell in a handcart bollocks.

The proliferation of overpriced posh pubs is a worry but try going round the corner to one that isn't.

The main rant about the West End could describe any town centre full of tossers on a Saturday night. As for his tired cliched rant about tourists, looks like he's been through Michael McIntyre's bins

Lets  look at his stats:

*THE PERPETUAL STATE OF BANKRUPTCY*
_Average Central London 1 bedroom flat rent:_ £495 (pw)- *My flats around 600pcm in zone 4. Still too high but property inflation is a problem for millions outside London as well.* *If you want provincial rents pay a fortune for a rail season ticket or move out and earn lower provincial wages. *

_Average Central London pint price:_ £3.50- *Most pubs are not in Central London and a pint is not cheap in many places.*

_Average price of a meal for two (inc. wine):_ £40- *So a meal and half bottle of wine for less than six pints. Loads of great cheap grocery shops, markets and an Iceland and Lidls round every corner. Much cheaper than driving five miles to a Tesco/Sainsbury monopoly.* 

_Non-Oyster Card single bus fare:_ £2.40- *Get an Oyster then **(singles for 65p if you are on JSA). At least we have buses after 9.00pm so no cab fees*. *Even £2.40 is cheaper than the twice a day Stagecoach service to Cowtown.* 

_Odeon Leicester Square single adult ticket:_ £13- *Brixton Ritzy and Clapham Picturehouse half that with membership and still cheaper than provincial multiplexes showing shit Michael Bay films.*


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> What happens when a baby cries on the Tube?


 
Someone breaks out the portable barbecue.


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> I remember walking down the street in Seattle with our dog. It was a boxer, but I guess they look mean, maybe a bit like a pitbull.
> 
> I was wearing a Burger King hat. A lot of people were sneering, looking angry. I couldnt figure out what was happening. Then it hit me. I'm a black guy in a Burger King hat walking what looks like a pit bull.
> 
> Fuck I was glad to get back to Canada.


 
To be fair, you're lucky someone in an SPD uniform didn't shoot you. They've quite a record up there.


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> You do know what I mean though?
> 
> When those political groups say 'immigrants out', they aren't talking about every single person in london.


 
Nowadays, they're mostly talking about central and eastern Europeans.


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Someone told me that there are no elevators from street level to train level at tube stations. Is that true?





Johnny Canuck3 said:


> So, like, no wheelchairs on the tube?


 
Pretty much not. The cost tends to get blamed, but it didn't cost Berlin's transport authority a prohibitive amount to install lifts across the U and S-bahn networks after reunification, and a couple of their deep lines are as deep as ours.


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 18, 2012)

Crispy said:


> www.tfl.gov.uk/assets/downloads/standard-tube-map.pdf
> 
> The solid blue wheelchair symbols means step-free from street to train
> The white background wheelchair symbols means step free from street to platform, but you'll need help getting onto the train. All tube platforms are staffed, so this is never a problem.
> ...


 
As you can't guarantee assistance at both ends, a lot of wheelchair users give the tube (and the overground for that matter) a miss.  Pisses me right off, the low degree of accessibility in greater London, and it's unlikely to improve except at a glacial piecemeal rate.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

ViolentPanda said:


> To be fair, you're lucky someone in an SPD uniform didn't shoot you. They've quite a record up there.


 
In Vancouver, no one would have looked twice at us.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

ViolentPanda said:


> Pretty much not. The cost tends to get blamed, but it didn't cost Berlin's transport authority a prohibitive amount to install lifts across the U and S-bahn networks after reunification, and a couple of their deep lines are as deep as ours.


 
I was looking at the New York subway online. Some stations apparently have elevators, but not all. We're lucky here, as the rapid transit system is relatively new, and all of it is disabled-accessible. I don't believe I've ever taken a trip where there wasn't a person in a wheelchair on the train.


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 18, 2012)

rutabowa said:


> me either.
> buses on the other hand are nearly all wheelchair accessible.


 
Although unfortunately they're not the best form of transport for some people with disabilities, because of the jerky movement (usually puts my back into spasm within a couple of stops unless I take some diazepam beforehand, for example). From what I can make out, the jerky movement is due to the type of transmission the buses use.


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 18, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> In Vancouver, no one would have looked twice at us.


 
Vancouver is much more of a "melting pot" than Seattle, nowadays. An acquaintance who's a local journo over there reckons the whole "gentrification" originally caused by MicroSoft's vicinity and the expansion of the universities has made Seattle a lot whiter than it was in the '70s and '80s, as well as locking a number of "locals" firmly into the city's underclass.


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 18, 2012)

editor said:


> Except the Welsh. Llundain is rightfully theirs.


 
Nope, the entire island, including Wales, belongs to the Picts, who're firmly of the opinion that the thieving Welsh should keep their hands off!


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## Spanky Longhorn (Dec 18, 2012)

not-bono-ever said:


> http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/reasons-why-london-is-the-worst-place-ever
> 
> Not sure why I posted this apart from the sneery fucking tone of the writer makes me want to parade his severed head on a stick in trafalgar square


 
He's right though isn't he?


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 18, 2012)

ViolentPanda said:


> Vancouver is much more of a "melting pot" than Seattle, nowadays. An acquaintance who's a local journo over there reckons the whole "gentrification" originally caused by MicroSoft's vicinity and the expansion of the universities has made Seattle a lot whiter than it was in the '70s and '80s, as well as locking a number of "locals" firmly into the city's underclass.


 
It's true. 70% of Seattle is white; 75% of King County. Vancouver city is 49% white; 59% for metropolitan Vancouver.


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## gabi (Dec 18, 2012)

Spanky Longhorn said:


> He's right though isn't he?



Nope. The day I agree that the city I live in and love is shit based on an article by some two bit writer working for a magazine so ashamed of the place it's from it actually upped sticks to a poor man's version of the city I live in and love (and then edited that bit out of their wikipedia) is the day hell freezes over.


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## editor (Dec 18, 2012)

ViolentPanda said:


> Nope, the entire island, including Wales, belongs to the Picts, who're firmly of the opinion that the thieving Welsh should keep their hands off!


I'm afraid you are wrong. The Welsh (and the Cornish) are the true Brits and the land is rightfully ours - and Owain Glyndwr will surely be along soon to sort that out.


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## ChrisFilter (Dec 18, 2012)

I think it's spot on.


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## Spanky Longhorn (Dec 19, 2012)

gabi said:


> Nope. The day I agree that the city I live in and love is shit based on an article by some two bit writer working for a magazine so ashamed of the place it's from it actually upped sticks to a poor man's version of the city I live in and love (and then edited that bit out of their wikipedia) is the day hell freezes over.


 
I love London, but that doesn't mean it isn't also shit - and I'll tell you what, I bet the places in it that you love the most are the shittest bits.


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## Yossarian (Dec 19, 2012)

gabi said:


> Nope. The day I agree that the city I live in and love is shit based on an article by some two bit writer working for a magazine so ashamed of the place it's from it actually upped sticks to a poor man's version of the city I live in and love (and then edited that bit out of their wikipedia) is the day hell freezes over.


 
"Magazine's Secret Canadian Roots Make New Zealander Hate Londoner's Critique of London."


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## prunus (Dec 19, 2012)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> I was looking at the New York subway online. Some stations apparently have elevators, but not all. We're lucky here, as the rapid transit system is relatively new, and all of it is disabled-accessible. I don't believe I've ever taken a trip where there wasn't a person in a wheelchair on the train.


 
Possibly that's because they can't get off?


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## Minnie_the_Minx (Dec 19, 2012)

Dan U said:


>


 
Am I the only Londoner who's never seen one of these?


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## RaverDrew (Dec 19, 2012)

I've never seen one either, but now I think I want one.


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## youngian (Dec 19, 2012)

Minnie_the_Minx said:


> Am I the only Londoner who's never seen one of these?


 
No your not, although I might have seen Wilf Lunn with one when I was akid.


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## Dan U (Dec 19, 2012)

just go round Borough Market or that kind of area on a Saturday. You will hear one before you see it. tinny pop music from ipod speakers and then BLAMMO a load of drunk numpties pedalling furiously in the rain and getting in the way of traffic.


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 19, 2012)

editor said:


> I'm afraid you are wrong. The Welsh (and the Cornish) are the true Brits and the land is rightfully ours - and Owain Glyndwr will surely be along soon to sort that out.


 
He won't get past Shrewsbury and Chester, where people will use their ancient rights to riddle Glyndwr and his army with arrows.


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## editor (Dec 19, 2012)

ViolentPanda said:


> He won't get past Shrewsbury and Chester, where people will use their ancient rights to riddle Glyndwr and his army with arrows.


Shrewsbury was once the capital of Wales so we'll have that back too please.


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## Pickman's model (Dec 19, 2012)

editor said:


> Shrewsbury was once the capital of Wales so we'll have that back too please.


when was that?


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## Pickman's model (Dec 19, 2012)

Minnie_the_Minx said:


> Am I the only Londoner who's never seen one of these?


yes

next


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## Minnie_the_Minx (Dec 19, 2012)

Dan U said:


> just go round Borough Market or that kind of area on a Saturday. You will hear one before you see it. tinny pop music from ipod speakers and then BLAMMO a load of drunk numpties pedalling furiously in the rain and getting in the way of traffic.


 
Where did they come from?

I've found this from Colorado







A Dutch one, with claims the Dutch invented them






Berlin





Dublin







They're all over the place and I've not seen one yet


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## miss direct (Dec 19, 2012)

How are cupcakes a sign of racism?


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 19, 2012)

editor said:


> Shrewsbury was once the capital of Wales so we'll have that back too please.


 
To be fair, I can see the attractions over Cardiff.


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## editor (Dec 19, 2012)

miss direct said:


> How are cupcakes a sign of racism?


All white flour.


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## miss direct (Dec 19, 2012)

By the way, those bikes look fun but I can see how they could be annoying. I'd like to import them to Turkey and upset all the conservative people


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## Dan U (Dec 19, 2012)

Minnie_the_Minx said:


> Where did they come from?
> 
> I've found this from Colorado
> 
> ...


 
and all of those are 1,000,000% better than the charmless London ones


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 19, 2012)

Pickman's model said:


> when was that?


 
To steal from Tim Rice;
"way way back, many centuries ago,
not long after the Bible began..."


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## Pickman's model (Dec 19, 2012)

ViolentPanda said:


> To steal from Tim Rice;
> "way way back, many centuries ago,
> not long after the Bible began..."


you'd think that at this remove the lent tenner principle would come into effect.


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 19, 2012)

miss direct said:


> How are cupcakes a sign of racism?


 
If you need to ask, you're obviously a racist!  

(I don't know, either!  )


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## Minnie_the_Minx (Dec 19, 2012)

Dan U said:


> and all of those are 1,000,000% better than the charmless London ones


 
I like the Dutch one.  The Irish one's a bit boring though


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## ViolentPanda (Dec 19, 2012)

Pickman's model said:


> you'd think that at this remove the lent tenner principle would come into effect.


 
You're talking about the Welsh. *THE WELSH*!!!


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## Pickman's model (Dec 19, 2012)

ViolentPanda said:


> You're talking about the Welsh. *THE WELSH*!!!







two quick elephant facts:

the elephant first xi has more chance of winning the world cup than the welsh do of getting shrewsbury;

the welsh have longer memories than elephants


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## Minnie_the_Minx (Dec 19, 2012)

Has the Conference bike appeared here yet?


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## Greebo (Dec 19, 2012)

Minnie_the_Minx said:


> Am I the only Londoner who's never seen one of these?


I haven't seen one either.  Then again, I don't spend a lot of time around the tourist areas.


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 19, 2012)

prunus said:


> Possibly that's because they can't get off?


 
Not much chance of that: when the most recent line was built, the mayor at the time used a wheelchair.






Also, if you couldn't get off, would this woman be smiling?


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 19, 2012)

Pickman's model said:


> when was that?


 
6 A.D.


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## magneze (Dec 19, 2012)

There's a baby crying on that train?


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## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 19, 2012)

magneze said:


> There's a baby crying on that train?


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## hipipol (Dec 22, 2012)

miss direct said:


> How are cupcakes a sign of racism?


Cos they are Fairy Cakes
The cup variety come from the Septics


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## gabi (Dec 22, 2012)

Yossarian said:


> "Magazine's Secret Canadian Roots Make New Zealander Hate Londoner's Critique of London."



Sorry. What exactly do you know of my heritage?

Ignorant prick.


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## Yossarian (Dec 23, 2012)

gabi said:


> Sorry. What exactly do you know of my heritage?
> Ignorant prick.


 
You've started shitloads of threads about NZ sports teams referring to them as "we" or "us," you silly twat.


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## Mapped (Dec 23, 2012)

I think we might need to revive Norman Tebbit's cricket test here


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## gabi (Dec 23, 2012)

Yossarian said:


> You've started shitloads of threads about NZ sports teams referring to them as "we" or "us," you silly twat.


 
Sorry, name one such thread... 

You ignorant twat.

Or maybe one of your sycophants could?


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## gabi (Dec 23, 2012)

Yeh. Thought not.

The xenophboia + weird stalking on this site is surreal at times.

how dare my parents have passports. and leave the country of their birth. and how dare i come back to that country


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## RaverDrew (Dec 23, 2012)

tbf gabi is probably one of the most "English" peeps I've ever met in my life  and a proper adopted Londoner too


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## gabi (Dec 23, 2012)

i dont pretend or want to be a londoner. but those are the cards i was dealt. i moved here very young. i do love it here much to the hatred of my british parents/grandparents who fucking hate this place and prefer other places. i do get sick of getting shit though from poms. as i assume you would if in in the same situation.

rant over.


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## RaverDrew (Dec 23, 2012)

It's the irony though, of an ex-pat pom lecturing you about you Londoness (sp?)


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## Yossarian (Dec 23, 2012)

gabi said:


> Yeh. Thought not.
> 
> The xenophboia + weird stalking on this site is surreal at times.
> 
> how dare my parents have passports. and leave the country of their birth. and how dare i come back to that country


 
I don't know or care about where you come from, I've only noticed you as somebody who tends to post a lot on threads about New Zealand sports teams and on New Zealand stuff like the Christchurch earthquake so I assumed you were a Kiwi.

A few days ago you were bitching about this Vice writer slagging off the city you love, now you're bitching about how you never wanted to be a Londoner in the first place - and saying I have sycophants? And complaining about 'poms'?

I guess you have very complicated feelings about London and New Zealand and your parents...

... and may have had one too many in a Walkabout.


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## goldenecitrone (Jan 12, 2013)

gabi said:


> Sorry. What exactly do you know of my heritage?
> 
> Ignorant prick.


 
From Living in Hong Kong thread



gabi said:


> Wow. Sounds cool. I do like the idea of having Thailand etc a short hop away, and also being a kiwi, it brings me a bit closer to my family downunder....


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