# Top Wank Films Of Your Youth



## Orang Utan (Apr 15, 2007)

^^
this was the title of a thread on another forum and I thought it was ace, so I shamelessly stole it.

What were your favourite films to bang on out to as a teen? Jamie Lee Curtis in Trading Places? The prostitute in The Man With Two Brains? The topless scene in Fast Times At Ridgemont High? That scene in Risky Business? Betty Blue? Britt Eckland in The Wicker Man? The German lass getting her tits out in National Lampoon's European Vacation? The bathing scene in Spartacus? Top Gun?

I was a good boy and I didn't have a VHS so I never did anything of the sort of course. I had a fertile enough imagination.


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## Pete the Greek (Apr 15, 2007)

Orang Utan said:
			
		

> ^^ The German lass getting her tits out in National Lampoon's European Vacation? QUOTE]
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Orang Utan (Apr 15, 2007)

Remember Excalibur? Shagging in a suit of armour!


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## electroplated (Apr 15, 2007)

Pete the Greek said:
			
		

> Orang Utan said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Dubversion (Apr 15, 2007)

Orang Utan said:
			
		

> Remember Excalibur? Shagging in a suit of armour!




i knew a woman who was a recently-retired Chelsea callgirl, who said that Excalibur was the most erotic thing she'd ever seen. Especially the bit at the end with the lances


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## Sweaty Betty (Apr 15, 2007)

My boyfriend would say "10"....

Id say the volley ball scene in Top gun, but i just thought of touching myself, i never did.......


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## skunkboy69 (Apr 15, 2007)

Weird science (which was on tv last night  ) I LOVED Kelly Lebrock


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## The Groke (Apr 15, 2007)

I had a (very worn!) VHS off-the-telly recording of The Name of the Rose.

Of course, I only had it for the bit where a young pre-stardom Christian Slater gets deflowered by a filthy mute peasant girl.

Jesus - I have half a chubby just thinking about it now......most arousing.


And I know it isn't a film, but Oranges aren't the Only Fruit.


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## DJ Squelch (Apr 15, 2007)

Porky's was good coz you see a bit of minge.


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## The Groke (Apr 15, 2007)

In some ways it is a shame that the internet has ruined the magic of such scenes.

Why would you bother with a 5 second flash of nipple when you can instantly call up a full screen video of a restrained midget having a live goose forcibly inserted into her anus.


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## Radar (Apr 15, 2007)

Ould Béatrice takes some beating


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## DJ Squelch (Apr 15, 2007)

& Blue Lagoon


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## Dubversion (Apr 15, 2007)

Swarfega said:
			
		

> when you can instantly call up a full screen video of a restrained midget having a live goose forcibly inserted into her anus.



link!


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## DrRingDing (Apr 15, 2007)

Swarfega said:
			
		

> I had a (very worn!) VHS off-the-telly recording of The Name of the Rose.
> 
> Of course, I only had it for the bit where a young pre-stardom Christian Slater gets deflowered by a filthy mute peasant girl.
> 
> Jesus - I have half a chubby just thinking about it now......most arousing.



Thank the lord I'm not the only one 

From now on we are wank brothers.


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## gabi (Apr 15, 2007)

I still remember my first time - it was conducted to the pool scene in The Secret of my Success when michael j fox's boss's wife pretty much molests him...


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## The Groke (Apr 15, 2007)

DrRingDing said:
			
		

> From now on we are wank brothers.



As long as it is purely an honorific title.....


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## The Groke (Apr 15, 2007)

Dubversion said:
			
		

> link!




I did briefly consider googling +midget +restrained +goose +anus +insert, but being at work I thought better of it.....


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## gnoriac (Apr 15, 2007)

Any of Hammer's lesbian vampire films. Greatest genre ever devised!


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## Throbbing Angel (Apr 15, 2007)

There was a similar poll (love scene/romantic scene or summat) in Film or Empire a few years back.
The greenhouse scene from 'Scum' got one vote for some reason


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## upsidedownwalrus (Apr 15, 2007)

Throbbing Angel said:
			
		

> There was a similar poll (love scene/romantic scene or summat) in Film or Empire a few years back.
> The greenhouse scene from 'Scum' got one vote for some reason


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## Nikkormat (Apr 15, 2007)

Amanda Donohoe in Lair of the White Worm.


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## maes (Apr 15, 2007)

Swarfega said:
			
		

> In some ways it is a shame that the internet has ruined the magic of such scenes.
> 
> Why would you bother with a 5 second flash of nipple when you can instantly call up a full screen video of a restrained midget having a live goose forcibly inserted into her anus.


She doesn't sound very restrained


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## The Groke (Apr 15, 2007)

Oh - Also:

Lair of the White Worm!


Amanda Donahue prances around in the buff, wears an enormous pointy stone strap-on dildo, does rude things with a young Hugh Grant and briefly fellates a scout before biting his cock off.

Good old Ken Russell.


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## The Groke (Apr 15, 2007)

The Radio-Times was my best friend in those days.

It got so as I could scan the entire movie preview section in mere seconds and clock all of the "Contains nudity/sex scenes" warnings as I did so.


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## upsidedownwalrus (Apr 15, 2007)

I had no TV til I was about 15  so no chance for wank films.  Instead, I used to rifle through the parents' book collections when they were out, for possible wankage material.  I seem to remember a book by Erica Jong being the pick of the bunch...


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## Orang Utan (Apr 15, 2007)

Ooo Jenny Agutter in the shower in An American Werewolf In London


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## zoooo (Apr 15, 2007)

I liked in Captives when Tim Roth shagged a woman on the floor of a cafe toilet.

And when Richard Gere in Officer and a Gentleman was getting all wet and muddy and being shouted at by that dude in the hat.

AND, in Indiana Jones when Indy is all sweaty and evil, having been bewitched by the evil bloke.


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## May Kasahara (Apr 15, 2007)

Like haylz, I never actually did anything about it, but I was disturbingly aroused by the Marquis de Sade section of potboiler horror comedy 'Waxwork'. *clasps head in hands at the shame, savours shame*

A friend of mine had a well-watched VHS copy of Dune, from which the scene where Sting steps out of the steam thingy wearing only his rubber pants was almost entirely worn away


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## Dubversion (Apr 15, 2007)

mwahahahah

May and Sting
Sitting In A Tree
T-a-n-t-r-i-c-a-l-l-y


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## Firky (Apr 15, 2007)

LOL this is class thread. 

I used to look through all the late night films on channel 4 (back when it was good) and see which ones contrained nudity - it would tell you in the paper if it had violence or nudity. More often than not I'd end up trying to knock one out in thirty seconds to that suncream advert where she got her tits out for all of five seconds.

Kids these days don't know they have it so easy. Porn on tap via the internet. When I were a lad it was under hedges or if you were a bit flash like myself, you could always get some little ho who'd flash her fanny for a bottle of panda pop and a sherbert fountain.

I stole this little gem off dubversion:

http://www.crossbow-calendars.com/Sam Fox Disc.jpg


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## Orang Utan (Apr 15, 2007)

I saw my first fanny in a horror film called The Hand


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## Firky (Apr 15, 2007)

Muff or fanny? I think the first fanny I saw would have been on some OU documentry on human reproduction filmed in the 196Ts when women didn't have fannies they had gates to hell.


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## Orang Utan (Apr 15, 2007)

Minge
The first actual fanny was in a porno I saw round Darren Kemp's house when I was 12


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## Firky (Apr 15, 2007)

May Kasahara said:
			
		

> A friend of mine had a well-watched VHS copy of Dune, from which the scene where Sting steps out of the steam thingy wearing only his rubber pants was almost entirely worn away



pml


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## DotCommunist (Apr 15, 2007)

do softcore delights count?

you know like Emmanuel, The Red Shoe Diaries (starring david duchovny) and anything with shannon tweed in it?


serious films with a flash of skin: 'splash' and 'species'


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## DJ Squelch (Apr 15, 2007)

I used to watch the "The Holiday Programme" if you were lucky they would be filming in a hot country on a beach and you would see a woman topless sun bathing in the background. 

Thats the best you could get as a young teen in those days. I agree about the ease of access to porn youngsters have these days. You had to work for that in my days.


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## Sweaty Betty (Apr 15, 2007)

I remember getting embarassed watching Rocky with my parents, when rocky and aidrian start kissing...........i was only 5, but how lame is that eh


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## Firky (Apr 15, 2007)

DotCommunist said:
			
		

> do softcore delights count?



No. That is akin to wanking of your mum's littlewoods catalog


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## Orang Utan (Apr 15, 2007)

Those girdles in the Damart catalogue still make me quiver


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## Firky (Apr 15, 2007)

I'm trying to find Sam Fox on TOTP because that gave me a muckle hard on


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## Sweaty Betty (Apr 15, 2007)

Orang Utan said:
			
		

> Those girdles in the Damart catalogue still make me quiver




My mate used to get all hot and bothered as a nipper, over ladies on the tights packet..


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## Orang Utan (Apr 15, 2007)

haylz said:
			
		

> My mate used to get all hot and bothered as a nipper, over ladies on the tights packet..


Or the Shackleton high seat chair lady 
<rubs knees>


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## Firky (Apr 15, 2007)

Here we go:


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## May Kasahara (Apr 15, 2007)

Dubversion said:
			
		

> mwahahahah
> 
> May and Sting
> Sitting In A Tree
> T-a-n-t-r-i-c-a-l-l-y



Please note: in this scenario, the phrase 'my friend' is not a euphemism. She actually does exist, and did the wearing away all by herself.  

I did have a bit of a crush on Sting, as it happens, but only up til I was about 12, when I switched allegiance to Stewart Copeland (for the skillz).


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## Biffo (Apr 15, 2007)

A lot of the above, plus a few scenes from:

Animal House
Crimes of Passion
Breathless
Something Wild
Bitter Moon


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## TV_Helen (Apr 15, 2007)

It's always been women in bondage that got me going. Plenty of such scenes on TV inshows like Wonder Woman and Charlie's Angels but relative few in movies. I remember a young Candice Bergen tied up and struggling in Soldier Blue wearing nothing but a top made from a sack with no leggings!   PLUS there was a photo of her in that scene printed in theTV times. That got neatly filed away for future use....


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## damnhippie (Apr 15, 2007)

May Kasahara said:
			
		

> I did have a bit of a crush on Sting, as it happens, but only up til I was about 12, when I switched allegiance to Stewart Copeland (for the skillz).



good choice i reckon.

i think mine was Manon Des Sources. i don't remember much it except it was french and some girl took her clothes off a lot. which was nice.


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## CharlieAddict (Apr 15, 2007)

the scene in trick or treat, when the rock chick was frigging herself off in the car.

the dominatrix scene in 'from beyond.'
damn she was sexy. 
lol just found it on youtube!


come to think...she's pretty slutty wasn't she? never trust a 21 year old memory.

there were loads of other 80s b-movies but i can't remember their names.

edited: lol!


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## skunkboy69 (Apr 15, 2007)

haylz said:
			
		

> I remember getting embarassed watching Rocky with my parents, when rocky and aidrian start kissing...........i was only 5, but how lame is that eh



LOL what a sheltered life you led poor misguided child


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## Dubversion (Apr 15, 2007)

i remember staying up late when I was a kid and watching Don't Look Now. My parents did the usual chattering over the top, trying to pretend it wasn't happening, but that scene goes on for bloody ages


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## Gavin Bl (Apr 15, 2007)

Greta Scacchi and Joanne Whalley in 'White Mischief'. Cor, dear me.


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## DrRingDing (Apr 15, 2007)

gnoriac said:
			
		

> Any of Hammer's lesbian vampire films. Greatest genre ever devised!



I heartily 2nd that


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## DrRingDing (Apr 15, 2007)

This thread deserves a poll.


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## brixtonvilla (Apr 15, 2007)

Gavin Bl said:
			
		

> Greta Scacchi and Joanne Whalley in 'White Mischief'. Cor, dear me.



Never seen it, but I'm tumescent at the very thought. _Together_? Tell me they're together...


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## 8ball (Apr 15, 2007)

Dubversion said:
			
		

> i remember staying up late when I was a kid and watching Don't Look Now. My parents did the usual chattering over the top, trying to pretend it wasn't happening, but that scene goes on for bloody ages



My folks do that too


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## bluestreak (Apr 16, 2007)

Orang Utan said:
			
		

> I saw my first fanny in a horror film called The Hand



yeah, me too, in a horror film called return of the living dead 2, i think it was.,


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## Flashman (Apr 16, 2007)

Alison Steadman in The Singing Detective
Vanessa Redgrave having a wank in The Devils
Sarah Patterson in Company of Wolves. Ohhh yes.
Oh and any scene with Christine Noonan in it from If.., the "Tigress" one in particular.

It was mostly Razzle and Blue Climax in them days tbh but.

Edit: Just found out that Noonan is now dead


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## Gavin Bl (Apr 16, 2007)

brixtonvilla said:
			
		

> Never seen it, but I'm tumescent at the very thought. _Together_? Tell me they're together...



I'd like to remember it that way, but I'n not sure, there is lots of lying around barely dressed, looking sultry and sexually unfulfilled in the hot Kenyan night though

* goes to bathroom *


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## Fuzzy (Apr 16, 2007)

the two i remember were a film called working girls (not the one with melanie griffiths in). overview here http://movies2.nytimes.com/gst/movies/movie.html?v_id=55286

portrayed prostitutes in a brothel. 

the other one was last tango in paris with the scene with the butter.


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## rekil (Apr 16, 2007)

That Obscure Object Of Desire by Luis Bunuel. 

Kelly Le Brock in The Woman In Red - Not by Luis Bunuel.

Anything with Jane Russell in it.

Any animal skin clad ladies in rubbish prehistoric films.

Sabrina's Boys video - One of my brothers recorded it, in the middle of the tape, but I never discovered which one.


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## Macaroni Pony (Apr 16, 2007)

Jenny Agutter in Logans Run!


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## Orang Utan (Apr 16, 2007)

At least you didn't say The Railway Children


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## souljacker (Apr 16, 2007)

The Beguiled.

Clint Eastwood in a house with loads of nubile young ladies.

Also, another vote for the hammer house of horror ones. There was one with Ralph Bates (Dear John bloke) called 'lust for a vampire' which had loads of excellent lesbian scenes in it.


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