# How To Be a Genius: This Is Apple’s Secret Employee Training Manual



## Kid_Eternity (Aug 28, 2012)

Via the ever objective Apple reporter Gizmodo comes this little gem (wonder how much they paid for it?):









> It's a penetrating look inside Apple: psychological mastery, banned words, roleplaying—you've never seen anything like it.
> 
> The _Genius Training Student Workbook_ we received is the company's most up to date, we're told, and runs a bizarre gamut of Apple Dos and Don'ts, down to specific words you're not allowed to use, and lessons on how to identify and capitalize on human emotions. The manual could easily serve as the Humanity 101 textbook for a robot university


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## mrs quoad (Aug 28, 2012)

Apple appear to describe someone as having their "head titled" as one sign of cooperation. Guess they forgot to run that manual through the spellchecker. 

Also - tbf, overenthusiastic shop staff have been the cause of me returning at least 1 piece of kit that've ended up (I guess) going to refurb. Went in knowing what I wanted, got convinced that a same-price Air would be as good, encountered all the problems I expected to & returned it that afternoon. If the sales bloke'd had the decency to fuck off and let me tinker, they'd've had one fewer pointless refurbs.


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## Maidmarian (Aug 28, 2012)

Kid_Eternity said:


> Via the ever objective Apple reporter Gizmodo comes this little gem (wonder how much they paid for it?):


Yu dn't think this is "NEWS" do you /?


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## Puddy_Tat (Aug 28, 2012)

mrs quoad said:


> Apple appear to describe someone as having their "head titled" as one sign of cooperation. Guess they forgot to run that manual through the spellchecker.


 
<pedant and occasional freelance proof-reader mode on>

since "titled" is a real word, a spell-checker wouldn't have noticed it... 

Relying only on a spell checkers do not insure that you is not putting out a load of carp.


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## RaverDrew (Aug 28, 2012)

Doesn't look too much different to most sales training bullshit I've encountered over the years. It's mostly just some basic objection handling and customer service techniques you'd find in similar roles with other companies.


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## mrs quoad (Aug 28, 2012)

Puddy_Tat said:


> <pedant and occasional freelance proof-reader mode on>
> 
> since "titled" is a real word, a spell-checker wouldn't have noticed it...
> 
> Relying only on a spell checkers do not insure that you is not putting out a load of carp.


The ones with grammar checkers built in might've twigged, though!


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## Kid_Eternity (Aug 28, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> Doesn't look too much different to most sales training bullshit I've encountered over the years. It's mostly just some basic objection handling and customer service techniques you'd find in similar roles with other companies.


 
Clearly the point here that Gizmodo is making is that is different because Apple are different.


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## Firky (Aug 28, 2012)

I wonder if Gizmodo were disappointed when they realised Apple have quite a generic sales training book?


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## ShiftyBagLady (Aug 28, 2012)

What are the banned words? I want to say banned words to them as much as possible.


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## Kid_Eternity (Aug 28, 2012)

firky said:


> I wonder if Gizmodo were disappointed when they realised Apple have quite a generic sales training book?



If they paid through the nose for this I reckon they might just be...


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## editor (Aug 28, 2012)

Do you have any evidence of any money changing hands?


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## Firky (Aug 28, 2012)

Kid_Eternity said:


> If they paid through the nose for this I reckon they might just be...


 
I do think it does take a certain type of person to want to be an "Apple Genius". It makes me gag.


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## Firky (Aug 28, 2012)

editor said:


> Do you have any evidence of any money changing hands?


 
It is quite common in the games industry to treat sources and reviewers.


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## editor (Aug 29, 2012)

firky said:


> It is quite common in the games industry to treat sources and reviewers.


Not sure what the games industry has to do with anything here, but if people are suggesting that Gizmodo paid for this info, it would be good to see some evidence of that.


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## Firky (Aug 29, 2012)

I meant that I wouldn't be surprised if did it go on!


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## mattie (Aug 29, 2012)

ShiftyBagLady said:


> What are the banned words? I want to say banned words to them as much as possible.


 
I'd imagine big slaps on the wrist for suggesting someone 'google' something.


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## Crispy (Aug 29, 2012)

And meanwhile: http://arstechnica.com/staff/2012/0...g-from-customer-experience-to-profit-machine/

A whole load of "geniuses" were fired then re-hired, whilst store budgets are being cut. Apple's world-beating retail business is now on its way to being another Dixons, thanks to that company's former boss who's in charge of Apple retail now.


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## Kid_Eternity (Aug 29, 2012)

firky said:


> I do think it does take a certain type of person to want to be an "Apple Genius". It makes me gag.



The name is proper naff and the job annoying from what I hear.


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## Kid_Eternity (Aug 29, 2012)

firky said:


> It is quite common in the games industry to treat sources and reviewers.



Sources get paid all the time in all media and Gizmodo have been caught out paying huge amounts of cash in the past so it's not far fetched that they paid for this.


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## danski (Aug 30, 2012)

One thing missed out from the manual is telling them _not _to check text messages when dealing with a customer. Twat.


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## Voley (Aug 30, 2012)

RaverDrew said:


> Doesn't look too much different to most sales training bullshit I've encountered over the years. It's mostly just some basic objection handling and customer service techniques you'd find in similar roles with other companies.


My thoughts too. There's a bit of management-speak bullshit thrown in but that's par for the course, too. Saying 'I'm sorry you feel that way' etc are just basic customer service techniques.


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