# Teachers nicknames. And those who teach, your nicknames



## DotCommunist (Oct 17, 2013)

as it says on the tin. We had a Dry-man (redacted from Riman) a Penfold (dead spit) and a Twat (cos he was)


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## DotCommunist (Oct 17, 2013)

oddly Mr Khalique never got a nickname. He was straight outta manchester inner city and scared the shit out of everbody so he was never given a nom de moque


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## Crispy (Oct 17, 2013)

The only one I can remember is a bit crap. Mr.Graham was "Maharg" which is just Graham backwards, but you had to say it in an impression of his voice, which was throaty and full of hems and haws. It obviously doesn't work on a message board. Sorry.


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## littlebabyjesus (Oct 17, 2013)

Bushman. Can't remember his real name - biology teacher with a big beard. Thing to do in his classes was to pretend to sneeze and shout 'bushman' as you did it.


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## machine cat (Oct 17, 2013)

Mr Copley the science teacher was the spit of Uncle Joe so was nicknamed Stalin.


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## Badgers (Oct 17, 2013)

Mr Jones was Chewbacca. 
A large and hairy physics teacher with a short temper and poor understanding of personal hygiene.


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## King Biscuit Time (Oct 17, 2013)

Loads!

Beefy Keithy (Brick shithouse geography teacher)
Bunny Blowjob (A supply teacher who once wore her hair in a bun)
David the Gnome (Another regular supply, big smiley face with a red nose and a beard. You had to shout out 'Sir, I Gnome the Answer').
Honey Monster. 
Dick, head of house (The head of one of the houses was called Mr Dick XXXXX)
Wheeler, Feeler, Foreskin Peeler - (Physics teacher with a no doubt un-earned rep for being a perv)
Pluggy (Named after the ugly one in the Bash Street Kids - this Maths teacher was ancient by the time he taught me and had had the nickname when he taught my Mum in the early 70s)

Dinner Ladies included Fat Sally, and Jesus.

And that's just off the top of my head. God we were cunts.


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## Crispy (Oct 17, 2013)

Oh yeah! Blockhead the physics teacher. Never seen a head so closely approximate a cube. Useless teacher.


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## el-ahrairah (Oct 17, 2013)

Chewy - Mr Wookey, PE teacher.
Butterstump - one handed PE teacher whose name i can't remember
Drywomb - unfortunate teacher who kept having miscarriages - hopefully never to her face.
twitchy - history teacher who kept stroking his own face
coffee-breath-monster - for obv reasons, but pronounced CAAAAGHHHH
paedo keith - teacher who was in a relationship with a student.  also known as jeffrey, for his resemblance to a fat jeffrey dahmer.

can't remember any more at the moment tbh.


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## beesonthewhatnow (Oct 17, 2013)

Only one I can remember was a physics teacher known as "crapper". I have no idea why.


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## beesonthewhatnow (Oct 17, 2013)

.


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## DotCommunist (Oct 17, 2013)

come on teachers and educators, I know theres loads of you on here. What have you been dubbed?


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## isvicthere? (Oct 17, 2013)

I went to grammar school, and a large proportion of the teachers had a nickname. I taught in comps for 23 years, and they seemed much less common. Around the turn of the 90s my nickname was briefly "Mr. Mallet" because the first two letters of my surname are MA. This became occasionally corrupted into "Hammer" because MC Hammer was popular at the time. 

About ten years later my nickname was briefly "Babba Ray" due to my apparent likeness to a US wrestler of that name. It seems his catchphrase was, "Get the table!" which kids would often call out to me.


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## artyfarty (Oct 17, 2013)

Poor Miss Elliot-Binns
Known as "Miff"
RE teacher with a hare lip, speech impediment and was profoundly deaf.
Christ she had the piss taken out of her. *She must have been so brave* to come back day after day to face us feckers.
The favourite trick was the whole class humming loudly, so loudly the head would come in and then it would stop. She of course couldnt hear it but must have felt the classroom vibrate! 
Every Christmas as a treat she'd bring in a portable "gramophone" and play us Salvation Army carols as a treat!!
"God we were c*nts." 
I wince when I think of just how awful her life must have been as a result of our cruelty.


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## Athos (Oct 17, 2013)

My school had the usual array of childishly hurtful names (which no adult would be proud of using).

Peado XXXXXX
Psycho XXXXXX
Rambo (ironic)
Flaky XXXXX (for one with a skin complaint)
Millets (a large woman - reference to her dress)
The Grim Reaper (she had a number of bereavements in quick succession)

There was one very popular PE teacher, in respect of whom I coined the nickname 'Cunt.'  Never caught on, though.  Despite him once making a really unpopular boy (who was having lots of problems at home) stand at the front of the class, before asking anyone who liked him to stand up.  I didn't especially like the kid, but I hate bullies more, so when nobody stood up, I did.  As such, I had to share his punishment laps.  Cunt.

I now have nicknames for my kids' teachers.  Not mean, though - just silly.


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## Hocus Eye. (Oct 17, 2013)

We had a teacher called Mr Roper who we called String. Not any kind of insult because he was a decent chap, just a shorthand way of referring to him. Another teacher we called Don because we had found out his first name, but only used it about him not to his face. I can't remember any others, it was long ago on another planet. Everything was in black and white those days.


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## TopCat (Oct 17, 2013)

I had a (hated) maths teacher between 14-16 years of age called Mr Fernecough. His bald head perfectly replicated the colour and texture of spam. So we called him Spam Head.

·  We called him Spam Head to his face

·  Put tins of spam (that we had nicked) on his desk

·  Wrote letters purporting to come from him to the manufacturers of spam to generate spam related correspondence

·  Wrote and drew tins of spam on and in our exercise books

.  Wrote to local newspapers on his behalf concerning Croydon spam matters, they printed at least three in the Croydon Advertiser

·  Ate spam sandwiches in front of him when the head had threatened us all to stop calling Spam Head, Spam Head

·  On one occasion we stuffed the contents of a tin of spam up his cars exhaust pipe, this was the seminal moment which caused him to lose it and punch me in the face in front of loads of witnesses.


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## Zapp Brannigan (Oct 17, 2013)

CDT teacher, Mr Cockbill (pronounced Cobille, apparently) - nickname penis-beak.


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## seeformiles (Oct 17, 2013)

Crikey - I'll cast my mind back:

Weasel - due to his long face and nose, his slightly effeminate voice and his Christian moralising (eventually left to become a Presbyterian minister)

Grunter - Plump RE teacher who would confiscate playing cards since they were "the devil's cards" (dead now)

Dave - Psychopathic and violent Maths/Sports teacher who liked to make sure every boy had a proper shower and would take a personal interest in our hygiene in a Yewtree kind of way (left under a cloud and later was fired from a private school for assault on a pupil. He's hopefully dead and paying for his conduct in the hereafter)

 Big Bill - Physics teacher with a foul temper and a deadly blackboard duster aim

Nero - the headmaster. The grass in the quadrangle is still covered up to this day after someone broke in in 1983 and wrote "Nero Fucks Pigs" in weedkiller 

Dusty - Mr Spence (named after a senior UVF member) - unlike the others listed above, he was OK. Probably the exception since we only gave names to the ones we didn't like.


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## seeformiles (Oct 17, 2013)

Just remembered "Babyface" - a teacher who looked so youthful he was driven to a nervous breakdown by our harrassment. I still feel a bit guilty about taking part in that - but 20 years later he turned up at my old man's funeral and I apologised to him and hoped things were better for him these days. However, despite the fact he'd managed to grow a highly unconvincing moustache in the intervening years, I got the impression he's still being taunted on a regular basis.


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## scalyboy (Oct 17, 2013)

TopCat said:


> ...Wrote to local newspapers on his behalf concerning Croydon spam matters, they printed at least three in the Croydon Advertiser ...


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## marty21 (Oct 17, 2013)

'Wet leg Morgan' - he always seem to disappear to the loo
'Rip' Kirby - I think it was connected to Rip Van Winkle - he was a very old teacher (well to us - he was probably only in his 50s then)
'Brock' He was Brother Kelly (Christian Brother who appeared to like spanking boys on the arse )
Dickie Scrotum - real name Richard Scrowston - lovely teacher - an inspiring one - died a couple of years ago - only in his late 50s 
'Sterile' not sure where it came from - very tall teacher (6ft 5ish) claimed he played basketball for England in the past  -  when we had the annual teachers v student games - he would be in the basketball team (he was fairly good tbf) we all chanted 'Sterile' at him
'Slurtchy Wurtchy'- no idea where that came from
'Spud'  Murphy was his name - a traditional nickname
'Titch' - small teacher who scared huge 6th formers - was known to stub out illicit cigarettes on the hands of the illicit smokers

it was the 70s/early80s - times were different...

kids can be cruel, etc...as could teachers...


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## Corax (Oct 17, 2013)

Gripper.  Had sideburns, which apparently are alternatively known as 'grips'...


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## Glitter (Oct 17, 2013)

One of our dinner ladies was Big Bird


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## TruXta (Oct 17, 2013)

TopCat said:


> I had a (hated) maths teacher between 14-16 years of age called Mr Fernecough. His bald head perfectly replicated the colour and texture of spam. So we called him Spam Head.
> 
> ·  We called him Spam Head to his face
> 
> ...


HA! That is fucking funny, but you thorougly deserved that punch it seems


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## Chemical needs (Oct 17, 2013)

Mr Dixon - Mr Dicks
Mr Orel - Mr Oral or Ned (he was the spitting image of Ned Flanders, and he looked very strange when he shaved off his' tache!)
Mr Bales - Bionic Bales (used to run D of E and was often seen powerwalking over the roughest terrain that Dartmoor has to offer at an unhuman pace)
Mrs Poocrap - rhymed with her real name


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## farmerbarleymow (Oct 17, 2013)

Mrs Rawlings - called Jam Rag Rawlings for reasons I can't remember. 

We had a German teacher who, I'm ashamed to say, we used to taunt with the phrase 'cliff hanger' as rumour had it her son killed himself by throwing himself off a cliff.  It was guaranteed to reduce her to tears.  We were cruel little bastards in those days. 

A physics teacher whose name I can't remember used to get called Rudolf Hess, on account of him looking vaguely like him and using an old silk parachute in some lessons as a prop.  He took it well actually, and was a decent bloke.

There are more, but I'll have to try and remember them.

* goes off to friendsreunited to find out the easy way...


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## Orang Utan (Oct 17, 2013)

Mr Farty
Pervy Pateman
Pete The Poison Pixie
Yasser Arafat
Werewolf Wallis

Mine is my tagline


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## _pH_ (Oct 17, 2013)

Mr Lewins - known as Asterix because he was the spitting image. And taught French. 

There must have been more but I can't remember them right now!


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## ViolentPanda (Oct 17, 2013)

Hmm.
We had a Fritz (_en bross_ hair made him look like an archetypal WW2 Kraut). a Dougal (after the character from The Magic Roundabout that he resembled), a Thor (6ft 6in redheaded beardie science teacher prone to fits of rage), 2 Taffys, a Comrade (Marxist history teacher), a Wispy Willie (effete and over-emotional drama teacher, a Dylan (hippy/longhair geography teacher who resembled the character from The Magic Roundabout, not Bob Dylan!), a Chippy (woodwork teacher, obviously), and assorted others who either didn't warrant a nickname, or were not particularly characterful


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## Stigmata (Oct 17, 2013)

Mr Mordecai - Mr Mouldy Eye


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## Steel Icarus (Oct 17, 2013)

Frank the Wig
Spunkmouth (a truly dreadful Afrikaaner whose spittle collected in the corners of his mouth)
Codlips Keightley
Wanker (he was called Mr. Bateson)
Twang (a quite young French teacher who once - ONCE - had her bra strap pulled by some kid)
Ripper (he looked exactly like Peter Sutcliffe)
Bullthighs Bailey

and some more that are Google-able


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## Shippou-Sensei (Oct 17, 2013)

Generally I don't get a nick name as I'm in FE but  recently one of my students gave me the nick name bitter as my first name is used in the name of bitter.


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## eatmorecheese (Oct 17, 2013)

So, so many.

Rugby playing geography teacher (a la Jeremy Clarkson) we called "Gut"...

French teacher called "Slick Rick"...

Maths teacher and all round douche we called "Pinhead", just because...

A very camp catholic monk we called "Ram" (no imagination needed. He was removed from contact with kids during my time there...)

The deputy head was called "Blob", because he used to do an upper-class splutter just before speaking. He was quite mad.

Another French teacher called "Gorm" (because he barely registered our piss-taking...)

"Titch-Mitch", a short, ex-military PE teaching fascist.


I have been known, by pupils in schools and youth settings, as "Dangleberry" and "Spam". I'm certain there are more, but it seems unsporting for me to know all of them... Poacher turned gamekeeper


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## Frances Lengel (Oct 17, 2013)

I can only remember Chicken George from secondary school - An RE teacher who had one of those wattle things like a rooster.

In junior school though me and my mate made up this scenario in which the headmaster (Mr Callaghan) was bumming one of the teachers (Mr Hennesy) and Hennesy was chanting "shiggamabum, shiggamabum, shiggamabum" over and over and that's what Callaghan was getting his rythm from.
Sometimes we used to refer to Callaghan as Cala-Gran as in the Welsh caravan site. That's a bit crap though.
Also in juniors there was a teacher called Mrs Slack - She never had a nickname (TBF she didn't need one) but we often used to wonder what she was thinking of in not keeping her maiden name when she got married.


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## starfish (Oct 17, 2013)

Mr Donnely who became Mr Donnelemon or The Lemon after he said our class made him "so bitter".


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## QueenOfGoths (Oct 17, 2013)

The Fleshy Hand or Banana Fingers used to run the sweetshop nearest to school
I can't remember any for our teachers. We were dull girls


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## gabi (Oct 18, 2013)

I always felt sorry for dear old Mr Whatadick, sorry Mr Watterson. Equally the dinner lady, Rose Dispose and her famous Chicken Surprise.


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## Voley (Oct 18, 2013)

Urko. Physics teacher who bore an uncanny resemblance to:







Bod. Bore an uncanny resemblance to:






Wartlid. Geography teacher with growth on eyelid.


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## Voley (Oct 18, 2013)

Oh yes, and Mr Charisma, a history teacher so dull I can't even remember his real name. There was a teacher called Alien due to uncanny resemblance to 






I can't remember her real name either but I do remember having a detention and someone wrote 'In Space No One Can Hear You Scream' on the blackboard when she nipped out. She didn't get it.


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## Voley (Oct 18, 2013)

TopCat said:


> ·  Wrote letters purporting to come from him to the manufacturers of spam to generate spam related correspondence
> 
> .  Wrote to local newspapers on his behalf concerning Croydon spam matters, they printed at least three in the Croydon Advertiser


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## rubbershoes (Oct 18, 2013)

The guru.  A complimentary name for a teacher!  He knew everything and was always calm

Drip -he was very wet and his first name was Tim. We found out later he had a twin brother called Tom. If we'd met him he would have been Drop


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## King Biscuit Time (Oct 18, 2013)

Stuffy, outdated, ex-military music teacher by the name of Mr Loveridge.
Unfortunately this was 1992 and Shabba-mania had swept the nation.
Cue endless kids singing

Mr Loveridge (Tosser!) to the tune of Mr Loverman (Shabba!)


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## Ming (Oct 18, 2013)

Metal work teacher called Mr McCoy. Nickname...Metal Mickey.


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## joustmaster (Oct 18, 2013)

we had a huge mumbling guy who was called "the keymaster" due to the huge bunch of keys he had, and the ghostbusters film.

I have no idea what his job was though. He wasn't the cleaner/caretaker. he wore a suit. And had an office.
he didn't teach or interact with any pupils, either.

you'd just see fim shuffling about with a massive ring of keys mumbling quietly to himself.


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## mwgdrwg (Oct 18, 2013)

Kev Sex - pervy art teacher
Tom Wood - woodwork teacher
Spit - science teacher that spat as he spoke
...these are ingenious I know
Rabbit - A really lovely teacher that had buck teeth. Always felt sorry for her, kids are so cruel


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## el-ahrairah (Oct 18, 2013)

during my brief foray into teaching i know i had a nickname, but i never got to find out what it was and if it was complementary or not.  i imagine not, as i wasn't a particularly good teacher.  kids seemed to like me though so maybe it was.

e2a, i'd like to think it was a nice imaginative one and not just "One Eye" or something obvious like that.


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## DotCommunist (Oct 18, 2013)

Polyphemus?


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## fucthest8 (Oct 18, 2013)

The only teacher I remember at all is Miss Titterton* from my primary school. I'm not making this up. She wore a lot of deep-v neck stuff as I recall. Clearly made an impression.

Oh and that fucking psycho who used to hit kids with a trainer after taking a run up from half way up the gym. We called him Psycho.

*yes, she did


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## isvicthere? (Oct 19, 2013)

Where I first started teaching (1983-4) when "The young ones" was popular, there was a teacher at my school called Bowskill. The kids called him "Mr. Bolowski" after the Alexei Sayle character.


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## Kuso (Oct 21, 2013)

Music teacher called 'the goat', I don't remember her looking like one but she'd regularly be in tears when the class just descended into everyone making goat noises.

A university lecturer called 'the mothership'.  his name was millership and he had a habit of hovering over your shoulder watching you work.  rather clever that one


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## Idris2002 (Oct 22, 2013)

Slimy and Mush were two of our representatives of the De La Salle brothers. Apart from the poor eejit named "Block" (looking back, he was one of those teachers who should never have been a teacher, and he must have been desperately unhappy: I know his classes were unusually depressing), we generally just called them by their actual names, albeit in a derogatory fashion.


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## magneze (Oct 22, 2013)

Our Chemistry teachers had the most memorable:
"Granny Spanner" - her real name was Dr Wrench
"Metal Mickey" - he was robotic and quite intimidating, somewhat unlike the robot come to think of it


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## sim667 (Oct 22, 2013)

We had a penfold...... 

And goosey.


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## Monkeygrinder's Organ (Oct 22, 2013)

I can't remember there being many tbh. The main one was 'Chesty' who was a PE teacher and something of a local legend. When we were there he was pushing 70 and could barely walk to the end of the pitches but I've been told he was terrifying in his younger days.

Oh and the cleverly named 'Aggro,' so called because his initials were AGR.


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## Sprocket. (Oct 22, 2013)

We had a maths teacher 'Bunt' Humphries, wonderful man, our nearest thing to Mr Chips.


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## DotCommunist (Oct 22, 2013)

for 8 months we had a single slot covered by a PE teacher doing science, based on the fact that he was qualified in sports science. You used to be able to derail him by mentioning Spon youth team who he coached then all the meatheaded sports wankers would keep him going all lesson while I read a book and the curriculum was profaned. On more than one occasion he'd hear the bell and go 'You shits have kept me talking about rugby all lesson'


Loved them lessons. Pure doss time.


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## souljacker (Oct 22, 2013)

Weird Beard - Teacher who had brown hair and a ginger beard
Swivel Bollocks - Mr Turnbull
Peggy - Mrs Ashcroft
Guffer - Mr Pfeiffer


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## Wolveryeti (Oct 22, 2013)

Gavinelican the Pelican Griffiths... rumoured to lock the door to his office and fill it up with water.


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## Paulie (Oct 24, 2013)

Mr Spastic.  His name was Mr. Bastick and we were 11.


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## seeformiles (Oct 29, 2013)

DotCommunist said:


> for 8 months we had a single slot covered by a PE teacher doing science, based on the fact that he was qualified in sports science. You used to be able to derail him by mentioning Spon youth team who he coached then all the meatheaded sports wankers would keep him going all lesson while I read a book and the curriculum was profaned. On more than one occasion he'd hear the bell and go 'You shits have kept me talking about rugby all lesson'
> 
> 
> Loved them lessons. Pure doss time.



In a similar style, we used to get our German teacher (Mr Carson) talking about his times youth-hosteling in Austria in the 1950s. His eyes would glaze over as he described Berghauser, coffee and brandy, the Alps, etc. until the bell rang and snapped him out of his reverie. Lovely bloke!


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