# Sci Fi Deadliest Warrior



## 8den (May 10, 2009)

I don't know if anyone else has watched  Its a a tv show which answers the important questions like "Who would win in a fight a Viking or a Samurai? (A: Samurai) or Spartan V Ninja  (A: Surprisingly Spartan). Or Knight V Pirate (Pirate natch). 

Anyway as a way of annoying the missus I decided to argue the merits of various sci fi characters and races in a fight (I should point out that I did this at 2am)

So who wins. 

Cylon V Terminator (T100). Me I think Cylon. They can turn their hands into guns. 

Klingon V Wookie. Me I think Wookie. Too many star trek humans have kicked Klingon ass. I mean really Riker has beaten up Klingons that makes them them wusses. 

Buffy V Batman. Batman. Because Batman is Awesome. 

Ideas for other fights?


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## MightyAphrodite (May 10, 2009)

My 10 (well nearly 11) year old son is _obsessed_ with this!

ideas for fights?

Spongebob vs Patrick


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## the button (May 10, 2009)

The Culture vs the Borg


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## bmd (May 10, 2009)

The Apprentice Vs Dragons Den


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

the button said:


> The Culture vs the Borg



Culture. Better AI.



Tyr Anasazi vs Tealc?


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

MightyAphrodite said:


> My 10 (well nearly 11) year old son is _obsessed_ with this!
> 
> ideas for fights?
> 
> Spongebob vs Patrick



Spongebob, natch.  

Incidently a forthcoming actual episode of deadliest warrior is "IRA V Taliban" (No seriously).


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Culture. Better AI.
> 
> 
> 
> Tyr Anasazi vs Tealc?




Ooh good one. 


Shepard Book (Firefly) V Garrack (DS9)


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## MightyAphrodite (May 10, 2009)

8den said:


> Spongebob, natch.
> 
> Incidently a forthcoming actual episode of deadliest warrior is "IRA V Taliban" (No seriously).



there was one not long ago the japanese mafia vs the american mafia ...i dunno who won though.

and yeah spongebob would slay patrick.


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

the button said:


> The Culture vs the Borg



Culture No contest. Waaaaayyyy more imagination and firepower. 

Hell some culture Mind would just infect a borg cube with a series of random emotion viruses just for shits and giggles.


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

Kai (undead, assasin, last of the brunan gee, emo)








vs

Data (Robot, superstrong, bit of a fanny really)


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## MightyAphrodite (May 10, 2009)

Christopher Walken vs William Shatner












now_ thats_ a hard one.


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## the button (May 10, 2009)

I'd be rooting for the bloke from Lexx, just so as to be spared another tedious TNG holodeck-based episode, tbh.

Although Data did shag Tasha Yarr, which is more than the other bloke ever did. It's a tricky one.


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

I don't care how much of an undead emo assassin he is, my money is on the the robot with the phaser.


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

Don't bring out the Shatner, hes the ace of spades. If William Shatner had to fight Jesus and Tyson together, I wouldn't know where to put my money.


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

8den said:


> I don't care how much of an undead emo assassin he is, my money is on the the robot with the phaser.



ah, but the undead assasin has this scythe thing on the end of a wire that he can shoot out of his arm. And when he does (seriously) it makes an eagles scream of rage


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## the button (May 10, 2009)

Bob Crow vs Arthur Scargill

http://www.urban75.net/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=9114658#post9114658


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## MightyAphrodite (May 10, 2009)

8den said:


> Don't bring out the Shatner, hes the ace of spades. If William Shatner had to fight Jesus and Tyson together, I wouldn't know where to put my money.



Walken is no candyass though!


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## Stigmata (May 10, 2009)

G'Kar





vs Worf





Both can take a fair bit of punishment


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> G'Kar
> 
> 
> 
> ...






Oh G'Kar. For Sure. 

Lets mix it up people. 

Omar (The Wire) V Tasha Yar?


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## MightyAphrodite (May 10, 2009)

tyra vs omarosa (if you know who omarosa is ...)


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

MightyAphrodite said:


> tyra vs omarosa (if you know who omarosa is ...)



Has Omarosa fought Godzilla?


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

8den said:


> Spongebob, natch.
> 
> Incidently a forthcoming actual episode of deadliest warrior is "IRA V Taliban" (No seriously).



Taliban obviously.


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

MightyAphrodite said:


> Christopher Walken vs William Shatner
> 
> now_ thats_ a hard one.



Hm. Thing is, one of the defining characteristics of the Shatner is that he doesn't lose, whereas Walken can lose though is still awesome. So, it is a win for the Shatner I believe.


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

November said:


> Taliban obviously.



what, even 70's tooled up IRA vs todays embattled Taliban?


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

Fanatical DESIRE to die in a vengefulk ball of holy vengeance upon the hated infidel and then an eternity of 72 virgins as Allahs Shahid vs plant bomb and sneak away and a few minute warning coz we want a United Republic of Ireland....

I think we both know who wants it more.


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> what, even 70's tooled up IRA vs todays embattled Taliban?




And you'd be surprised those Aran jumpers can soak up an awful lot of damage. 

What's the Taliban got? A Scarf?


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## joevsimp (May 10, 2009)

but the IRA never controlled and governed a whole country did th.....

well lets not open that can of worms


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

8den said:


> What's the Taliban got? A Scarf?



they've got more clerics though


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

ETTA vs an angry horse


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

FridgeMagnet said:


> they've got more clerics though



Yeah but this isn't D&D is it? It's not like Clerics can heal injuries and raise the dead for either the Taliban or the IRA.


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## Bakunin (May 10, 2009)

8den said:


> Don't bring out the Shatner, hes the ace of spades. If William Shatner had to fight Jesus and Tyson together, I wouldn't know where to put my money.



Yep, he'd just sing his back catalogue at them and victory would be inevitable.


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## SpookyFrank (May 10, 2009)

Johnny Alpha







Vs

Boba Fett






Who's the hardest bounty hunter?


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

8den said:


> Yeah but this isn't D&D is it? It's not like Clerics can heal injuries and raise the dead for either the Taliban or the IRA.



No, they're mostly too low level. However, you really wouldn't want to try it on with, say, Mullah Omar. According to CIA reports he is at least a level 12 cleric, and also dual-classed fighter.


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Johnny Alpha
> 
> 
> Vs
> ...



Well it's clearly Johnny Alpha isn't it? Boba Fett is rubbish. How many people has he actually killed? Has he ever defeated a crypto-fascist government, even if only to be exiled? I think not.


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

The Pope






vs Dick Cheney






One must fall.


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

Good one. Natzingers ctholo-nazi nonce magic vs Cheney's military industrial machine.

I don't know who would win, but I'd want the film rights


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

Don't forget that Cheney is also a high-level magic user with support from the Bilderbergers - even if the Pope is probably the highest-level cleric on this plane.


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 10, 2009)

FridgeMagnet said:


> The Pope
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

FridgeMagnet said:


> Well it's clearly Johnny Alpha isn't it? Boba Fett is rubbish. How many people has he actually killed? Has he ever defeated a crypto-fascist government, even if only to be exiled? I think not.



And Boba Fett got his ass kicked by a blind Han Solo.


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## QueenOfGoths (May 10, 2009)

FridgeMagnet said:


> Don't forget that Cheney is also a high-level magic user with support from the Bilderbergers - even if the Pope is probably the highest-level cleric on this plane.



Yeah but the Vatican have got the Fatima Prophecies and such like and I reckon one of them has to be the blueprints to some secret mega weapon or arcane source of power


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

QueenOfGoths said:


> Yeah but the Vatican have got the Fatima Prophecies and such like and I reckon one of them has to be the blueprints to some secret mega weapon or arcane source of power



the Vatican is still sitting on Da Vinci's cold fusion reactor designs.


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## Idris2002 (May 10, 2009)

the button said:


> The Culture vs the Borg



Oh come on! No one takes on the Culture and wins!

Idirans versus Klingons, now that would be an interesting match.


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

Idris2002 said:


> Oh come on! No one takes on the Culture and wins!
> 
> Idirans versus Klingons, now that would be an interesting match.



Brief and bloody, but Idirans take it on weight advantage.


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

The Borg are scary but basically rubbish - they're just monsters, dumb stumbling zombies without the incredible mental advantages that you'd expect them to have. And probably a metaphor for communism or something. There's a much better evangelistic group-mind in _Vacuum Flowers_.

I'm still stuck between Cheney and the Pope btw. I think if the Vatican could storm the Pentagon and fight through to the underground chamber where Cheney's real heart is stored, they could kill him, but that's a tough undertaking.


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## QueenOfGoths (May 10, 2009)

FridgeMagnet said:


> The Borg are scary but basically rubbish - they're just monsters, dumb stumbling zombies without the incredible mental advantages that you'd expect them to have. And probably a metaphor for communism or something. There's a much better evangelistic group-mind in _Vacuum Flowers_.
> 
> I'm still stuck between Cheney and the Pope btw. *I think if the Vatican could storm the Pentagon and fight through to the underground chamber where Cheney's real heart is stored, they could kill him, *but that's a tough undertaking.



I reckon there are fleets of trained Nuns prepared for just this.


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## Idris2002 (May 10, 2009)

QueenOfGoths said:


> I reckon there are fleets of trained Nuns prepared for just this.



Irish Ninja Nuns, who honed their martial arts skills through decades of battering National School pupils.


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

SpookyFrank said:


> Johnny Alpha
> 
> 
> 
> ...



No way Fetts beating the Strontium Dog. Wong class entirely.


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

Boba Fett hasn't even _got_ a chin.


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

We all know Logan could take them both


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

speaking of which...

Slaine






vs 

Conan






Or to put another way, Berserker Fit vs California Governership.


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

Getting nastier...






vs 






*long-standing animosity born of that whole crank-call/phone-home unpleasantness*


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

Alf and ET would blatantly get into the lab and design a way to fruitful union


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

November said:


> speaking of which...
> 
> Slaine
> 
> ...



Depends on whether you're talking the original Robert E. Howard Conan, who was basically a Lovecraft hero but _hard_ (i.e. when confronted with the mind-twisting thing that time forgot, chop it up and steal its shit rather than go loopy) or some pussified post-facto version.


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

November said:


> speaking of which...
> 
> Slaine
> 
> ...




Slaine has that mental berserker mode. He pwns


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Alf and ET would blatantly get into the lab and design a way to fruitful union



The fruit of their terrible union...


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## Idris2002 (May 10, 2009)

Aye, but Slaine loses points for being involved in a frankly quite appalling attempt to pass off as 'ancient British legends' what are actually ancient *IRISH* legends.


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

Idris2002 said:


> Aye, but Slaine loses points for being involved in a frankly quite appalling attempt to pass off as 'ancient British legends' what are actually ancient *IRISH* legends.



Didn't know that.


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## Cid (May 10, 2009)

vs


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

November said:


> Getting nastier...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Look  at those arms, Alf would kick ETs ass.


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

Oh and Riker can be a dick but C-3P0 go his ass kicked by that monkey thing on Jabbas barrage.


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

8den said:


> Look  at those arms, Alf would kick ETs ass.



Ah, but ET has Heal Poke to heal himself, and by the same token is also able to employ Burning Finger of Righteous Fury Attack.


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

vs


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## Cid (May 10, 2009)

8den said:


> Oh and Riker can be a dick but C-3P0 go his ass kicked by that monkey thing on Jabbas barrage.



Yeah, but he's made of metal, so if Riker hit him he would cry.


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

heuristic algorithm device wins


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## Bernie Gunther (May 10, 2009)

Venusian Jujitsu 






vs

Jedi Kendo (or whatever it's called, geeks please help)


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> heuristic algorithm device wins



Well to be fair, HAL probably wouldn't be totally stumped by the concept of a strange game like naughts and crosses.


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

Bernie Gunther said:


> Venusian Jujitsu
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Outcome inevitable, Jedi trumps Who.


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

Alec Guinness wins.


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

Pertwee would merc Guiness.


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

asif


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)

'oh it appears that I am time and space lord confronted by a member of a far away galaxy who possesses mild telepathic and telekinetic skills. I am shitting it'


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## Balbi (May 10, 2009)

v




v


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## FridgeMagnet (May 10, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> 'oh it appears that I am time and space lord confronted by a member of a far away galaxy who possesses mild telepathic and telekinetic skills. I am shitting it'



Oh I am *alec fucking guinness*. Game over.

Alec Guinness vs Shatner? Now, _that_ would be something.


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

Cid said:


> Yeah, but he's made of metal, so if Riker hit him he would cry.





Riker has a phaser.


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## camouflage (May 10, 2009)

vs






Hardly a match in the same league as FrideMagnets Cheney vs Pope (that, I would pay alot of money to see by the way) but still, worth a giggle. Fritz would win obviously.


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## Balbi (May 10, 2009)

Riker's a fucking tool.





vs


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## Balbi (May 10, 2009)

Columbo would kick Hagrids arse


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

November said:


> Ah, but ET has Heal Poke to heal himself, and by the same token is also able to employ Burning Finger of Righteous Fury Attack.



Yeah but it's hardly ninja..."ET heal self" twack twack twack twack. Alf, "Heal that bitch".


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## Stigmata (May 10, 2009)

I've never seen Columbo described as a deadly sci fi warrior


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

Balbi said:


> Columbo would kick Hagrids arse



In the sixteen trillion episodes of columbo he's never done anything approaching ass kicking.


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

Balbi said:


> Riker's a fucking tool.



And welsey is technically a god. While Ewoks just assumed C-3P0 was a god. I aint betting on the translation droid.


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## DotCommunist (May 10, 2009)




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## Balbi (May 10, 2009)

Zapp Brannigan vs Shatner


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## QueenOfGoths (May 10, 2009)

Balbi said:


> Zapp Brannigan vs Shatner



Shatner is always going to win, whoever he is against. It's the law. And not just sci-fi law, real law!


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## the button (May 10, 2009)

Balbi said:


> Riker's a fucking tool.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Please C3PO. I fucking hate Wesley Crusher I do.

Original Star Trek -- tremendously popular with children. But when they made TNG, it was "Best put a child character in there, otherwise kids won't watch it." Fuck off.


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## Balbi (May 10, 2009)

Yes, but you forget Brannigans Law is hard and fast, just like Brannigans love.


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## QueenOfGoths (May 10, 2009)

Balbi said:


> Yes, but you forget Brannigans Law is hard and fast, just like Brannigans love.



 Maybe they would start fighting but end kissing...


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## Balbi (May 10, 2009)




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## QueenOfGoths (May 10, 2009)

Balbi said:


>



I knew I got the idea from somewhere...rather than just my fetid imagination!


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## Balbi (May 10, 2009)

Futurama DELIVERS.


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

the button said:


> Please C3PO. I fucking hate Wesley Crusher I do.
> 
> Original Star Trek -- tremendously popular with children. But when they made TNG, it was "Best put a child character in there, otherwise kids won't watch it." Fuck off.



Valid but heres the thing Wil Wheaton aka Wesley is a huge fucking nerd and a very nice bloke. He plays D&D with the penny arcade and PvP guys.


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## Cid (May 10, 2009)

8den said:


> Valid but heres the thing Wil Wheaton aka Wesley is a huge fucking nerd and a very nice bloke. He plays D&D with the penny arcade and PvP guys.



And he was in Stand by me, and is thus immune to criticism.


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## the button (May 10, 2009)

I have no beef with Wil Wheaton, who I'm sure is an allround good egg. My problem is with the TNG producers who felt the need to provide a "child's point of view."


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## Balbi (May 10, 2009)

Plus he totally cock blocked Picard. All the angst about the death of his brother and nephew would have been avoided if they'd just blown Wesley out of air lock 4 on the first day.


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## Cid (May 10, 2009)

'Course the ultimate star-trek duel is Kirk vs Picard...


On a side note I was looking for images for that (honest) and found this:







Sci-fi fan art ftw!


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

Balbi said:


> Plus he totally cock blocked Picard. All the angst about the death of his brother and nephew would have been avoided if they'd just blown Wesley out of air lock 4 on the first day.



Compared to everyone but Kirk, Picard got his share of puntag. Comparisons to Kirk are harsh. Kirk got more than Hugh Hef


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## YouSir (May 10, 2009)

Omar

vs

Al Swearengen


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## 8den (May 10, 2009)

YouSir said:


> l Swearengen



Oh Please. Swearegen for sure.


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## SpookyFrank (May 11, 2009)

Starbuck






vs

Starbuck


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 11, 2009)

I want to do an Eeyore vs Marvin the Paranoid Android one but the only Eeyore pics I can find are from the shite Disney version and I'm not sullying one of history's greatest characters but using those.


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 11, 2009)

I mean,



> "Good morning, Eeyore," said Pooh.
> "Good morning, Pooh Bear," said Eeyore gloomily. "If it is a good morning, which I doubt," said he.
> "Why, what's the matter?"
> "Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing. We can't all, and some of us don't. That's all there is to it."
> ...



visionary.  Just pure visionary genius.


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## Cid (May 11, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> I want to do an Eeyore vs Marvin the Paranoid Android one but the only Eeyore pics I can find are from the shite Disney version and I'm not sullying one of history's greatest characters but using those.



The original illustrator was EH Shepard. Who was a genius.


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 11, 2009)

Ah.  I was searching for 'aa milne eeyore' which is why I couldn't find much.

Cheers.


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## jannerboyuk (May 11, 2009)

8den said:


> I don't know if anyone else has watched  Its a a tv show which answers the important questions like "Who would win in a fight a Viking or a Samurai? (A: Samurai) or Spartan V Ninja  (A: Surprisingly Spartan). Or Knight V Pirate (Pirate natch).
> 
> Anyway as a way of annoying the missus I decided to argue the merits of various sci fi characters and races in a fight (I should point out that I did this at 2am)
> 
> ...



you are so wrong about the terminator im deeply, deeply sad for you. im even sadder for the fact that i give a fuck!


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## jannerboyuk (May 11, 2009)

Idris2002 said:


> Aye, but Slaine loses points for being involved in a frankly quite appalling attempt to pass off as 'ancient British legends' what are actually ancient *IRISH* legends.



when did he ever do that? i read a lot of slaine and the references to the irish legends are explained on quite a regular basis, the red branch and all that


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## jannerboyuk (May 11, 2009)

November said:


> Fanatical DESIRE to die in a vengefulk ball of holy vengeance upon the hated infidel and then an eternity of 72 virgins as Allahs Shahid vs plant bomb and sneak away and a few minute warning coz we want a United Republic of Ireland....
> 
> I think we both know who wants it more.



christ dont encourage the buggers


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 11, 2009)

Vs


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## fubert (May 11, 2009)

Metal Mickey vs Twikki ?

Saul Tigh vs Bill Adama 

OR

Bill Adama commanding Galactica vs Lee Adama commanding Pegasus


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## 8den (May 11, 2009)

fubert said:


> Bill Adama commanding Galactica vs Lee Adama commanding Pegasus



Lee was a butter ball when he commanded Pegasus. 





			
				Spooky Frank said:
			
		

> Starbuck
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Oh she'd wipe Dirk Benedicts smile so quickly off his face.


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## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

Fat adama jnr versus drunk crying adama snr?


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## QueenOfGoths (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Fat adama jnr versus drunk crying adama snr?



I think even drunk Adama snr could be quite hard. I reckon he's a mean 'fight you all' kind of drunk whereas Adama jnr would go all soft and dreaming about floating in a pool on you.


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## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

vs


----------



## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

Ok ok

The Operative





vs Admiral Cain





Both ruthless mofos with starships and a fixation for bladed weapons.


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## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Cain - altho the operative has a bigger sword and boosted skills, Cain would come up behind and knife the fucker in the kidney.


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## QueenOfGoths (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> vs



I reckon Kirk would get TJ by the hair and give him a good peachy knee in the face. Or snog him.


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## The Octagon (May 11, 2009)

You knew it was coming....







vs








Tough one as they'd both shoot first....


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## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

filion would get pwnt hard


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## internetstalker (May 11, 2009)

vs









hang on a minute.................


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## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

judas iscariot

v






BATTLE OF THE BETRAYERS!


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## fogbat (May 11, 2009)

The Octagon said:


> You knew it was coming....
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Cap'n Mal to win. Solo's far more likely to have his gun digitally replaced with a walkie-talkie.


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## camouflage (May 11, 2009)

vs


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## fogbat (May 11, 2009)

November said:


> vs



Depends whether you'd class Jebus's miracles as "magic", to which Superman is vulnerable, I suppose.


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## QueenOfGoths (May 11, 2009)

fogbat said:


> Depends whether you'd class Jebus's miracles as "magic", to which Superman is vulnerable, I suppose.



And whether Jesus has a store of Kryptonite up his robe.


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Kai (undead, assasin, last of the brunan gee, emo)



He is not undead, kai is dead (as he points out almost every episode)


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## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

ATOMIC SUPLEX said:


> He is not undead, kai is dead (as he points out almost every episode)



yeah call me crazy but undead is how I label animated corpses


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## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

A certain Polity monitor would probably disagree with you dotty...


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## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> Ok ok
> 
> The Operative
> 
> ...



*Moistens*


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## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

agh, reifs do complicate matters...


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> yeah call me crazy but undead is how I label animated corpses



I think the fact that he keeps saying he is 'dead' (. . . . the dead don't blah blah blah) counteracts that. 

Undead is being dead then being not dead anymore. It's a stupid word anyway. 

uncheese, unbroken, unblown.


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## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

It's the same as Chris Rock as Rufus in Dogma - as he points out, 'I'm not the undead, I'm just dead.'


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## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

look, Kai is a rizla papers distance from zombie hood. Time for a tagline change to reflect how awesome Kai is


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## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

I just love it that he's nearly got my name...


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## ATOMIC SUPLEX (May 11, 2009)

Kai is awesome. I need to rewatch my lexx VHSs. 

Man that show was total shit but good (or something)


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## 8den (May 11, 2009)

QueenOfGoths said:


> And whether Jesus has a store of Kryptonite up his robe.



Nope just regular chunks of granite. But he does a great trick with 'em!


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## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

Hmmm, how about

Kai





vs The Kai





LET BATTLE COMMENCE


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## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

Alternatively

Dukhat (late ruler of Minbar):





vs. Dukat (later ruler of Cardassia):


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## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

vs


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## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> Alternatively
> 
> Dukhat (late ruler of Minbar):
> 
> ...



The Gul would take it. 

He's dirty.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

time for some girl-on-girl action


Tasha Yarr







vs

Rommie


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Rommie, she's an android ship's avatar who can throw Magog around like ragdolls.


----------



## 8den (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> time for some girl-on-girl action
> 
> 
> Tasha Yarr
> ...



Rommie is a space ship FFS. Theres a clear class size violation.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

vs


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

that is singlehandedly the best photo of troi ever


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

vs


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

Tasha Yarr







vs

Borg


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

Melinda said:


> Tasha Yarr
> 
> 
> 
> ...



My moneys on the Borg


there was an episode of voyager where she merced The Rock


----------



## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> vs



Thrace is crazier


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

7of9, no questions.


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

@ Dot. 

She also kicked the arse of a Hirogen (was that the same episode?)
But he let her win because he wanted to die. Voyager came to the rescue in the end. 
---


First 





Vs 

Jaffar


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> that is singlehandedly the best photo of troi ever



First image result in Google for search 'troi' 

Thought it would be appreciated by you buncha pervs


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

Melinda said:


> @ Dot.
> 
> She also kicked the arse of a Hirogen (*was that the same episode?)*
> But he let her win because he wanted to die. Voyager came to the rescue in the end.
> ---




yeah, he was her trainer ennit.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

tealc.

indeed.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Vs






As a No.6, not as pussy, hippy Caprica


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> First image result in Google for search 'troi'
> 
> Thought it would be appreciated by you buncha pervs



I cant stand her, she's ridiculous.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

Melinda said:


> I cant stand her, she's ridiculous.



I sense this post only applies to post-catsuit deeana


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

She definitely improved as a character as TNG went on, but generally I agree - decent female characters in TNG were pretty thin on the ground, with Roe Lauren making a late stand...


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

vs








battle of the vulcans!


(sorry nimoy, you've had your day)


----------



## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

Thanks Kyser for giving me another idea

Admiral Cain





vs Ensign Ro





It would seem obvious, but bear in mind that Ro is younger, and she told Picard where to get off on more than one occasion.


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

The perfect Michelle Forbes! Be still my heart. 
Admiral Kane tough as nails would have butchered Ro with her pen knife, while Ro was still scrabbling about for a phaser. 

---
Bearded Riker 





Vs Xena





Riker would die a happy man.


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

Way, way, WAY too much Star Trek in this thread.  

Do you people not know your internet history?  Did you never read the late, lamented WWWF Grudge matches?  Everybody knows that the golden rule of Grudge Matches is that *Star Trek Must Lose*.  Oh, and that Mr. T beats anyone.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

So anyway, there are like 3 battles for you all to comment on folks...


----------



## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

Spock would beat Tuvok easily. He's Spock! The template Vulcan! He can just ad-lib some new Vulcan death power before Tuvok has the chance to react.


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

Incidentally, the time that Wesley appeared in a Grudge Match, the result was All Mangled And Killed.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

vs






vs






There, see, no Trek there...


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> Spock would beat Tuvok easily. He's Spock! The template Vulcan! He can just ad-lib some new Vulcan death power before Tuvok has the chance to react.


Tuvok had the Alzheimer's.

And was regularly humiliated by the execrable Chakotay. 
Tuvok was a such bitch. I could have him.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

T'Pol would take all dem Vulcan males


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> vs
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Vala: WINNAR.


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

And, apropros of nothing, it would appear that Spock beats Data


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> T'Pol would take all dem Vulcan males



Now she *really* was shit.

Troi could have her.


----------



## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> T'Pol would take all dem Vulcan males



Smothering them with her cleavage is not an acceptable move


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Melinda said:


> Vala: WINNAR.



Aeryn Sun from Farscape, but yeah I reckon she'd kick Starbuck and Ivanova ass


----------



## internetstalker (May 11, 2009)

has no one done







Kirk


vs






Picard


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

A Battle of Baddies









vs







eh?


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> Smothering them with her cleavage is not an acceptable move



What kind of girl on girl grudge match fighting are you thinking about then? The Cleavage Smother is accepted on 10,000 worlds...


----------



## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

Actually I think Sylar has more, and better, powers than Vader. But Vader has got a lightsabre...


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

Ivanova is a champion.  Ivanova triumphs.  Ivanova beat both Seven of Nine AND Princess Leia in a single fight.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Internet Stalker - Picard, just because.


----------



## agricola (May 11, 2009)

emperor  






vs

god-emperor


----------



## internetstalker (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Internet Stalker - Picard, just because.



a batttle of brain-picard

a brawl-kirk


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Aeryn Sun from Farscape, but yeah I reckon she'd kick Starbuck and Ivanova ass



You know what, I couldnt think of her name...


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Internet Stalker - Picard, just because.



Sisko would boss the pair of them. 

He has Gods on his side.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

agricola said:


> emperor
> 
> 
> 
> ...





Both pwnt by the *real* god-emporer- Leto Atreides the second


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

Emperor Palpatine beating "Q", thus proving Star Trek Always Loses.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Sorry, but that just wouldn't happen, AT ALL EVER.

Q is omnipotent, the Emperor just has some pussy blue lightning, and was basically defeated by Mace Windu.

dotC - I was thinking the same thing, altho in fairness, all you need to beat Leto II with is a bucket of water...


----------



## Idris2002 (May 11, 2009)

vs.






Not as a grudge match or anything; I just think all right-thinking people would hail the feeding of Neelix to the Sarlaac.


----------



## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

agricola said:


> emperor
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Given that the God-Emperor single-handedly sustains a civilisation of trillions through psychic power alone, he wins. Even if he is in a coma.


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Sorry, but that just wouldn't happen, AT ALL EVER.
> 
> Q is omnipotent, the Emperor just has some pussy blue lightning, and was basically defeated by Mace Windu.
> 
> dotC - I was thinking the same thing, altho in fairness, all you need to beat Leto II with is a bucket of water...


You can't argue with RESULTS, dude.

To quote one of the contributors to that match:



> On one side we have an aging, balding, all powerful master of the Force who shoots lightning bolts from his fingertips. One the other side, we have a man who has never even been able to defeat an aging, balding, captain who can shoot feeble bolts from a phaser.


----------



## agricola (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Both pwnt by the *real* god-emporer- Leto Atreides the second



nonsense - the god-emperor of mankind holds back the four ruinous powers of the warp using the power of his mind alone, so i dont think slithering bob there would pose much of a challenge.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

vs











keepin it mixed up and freakish


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

agricola said:


> nonsense - the god-emperor of mankind holds back the four ruinous powers of the warp using the power of his mind alone, so i dont think slithering bob there would pose much of a challenge.



my mans a prescient hybrid of human and vast scaly worm. suck it up.


----------



## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

Gandalf





vs Dumbledore





Pretty obvious methinks


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Q and Picard have never fought, Q has never sought to 'defeat' Picard - only to challenge him, and the human species, to grow, to not be as arrogant. And in fact Q did 'defeat' Picard in 'Q Who' when Picard is forced to ask Q for a getaway from the Borg.

So fuck that Grudge Match site, they know shit.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> Gandalf
> 
> 
> 
> ...



dumbledore would go down in the first round


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Yeah, he would. And Gandalf would be like 'GTFO me, I only fuck hobbits!!'


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> Gandalf
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This was one of the more entertaining Grudge Matches, actually.

The conclusion was obvious, though.  Gandalf won at a canter.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 11, 2009)

Two mistresses of evil:






VS.


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Q and Picard have never fought, Q has never sought to 'defeat' Picard - only to challenge him, and the human species, to grow, to not be as arrogant. And in fact Q did 'defeat' Picard in 'Q Who' when Picard is forced to ask Q for a getaway from the Borg.
> 
> So fuck that Grudge Match site, they know shit.


To be fair, it was a result that came entirely from highly dodgy voting as a consequence of the match being advertised on theforce.net.  But still.  Results are results.  We were stuck with Bush as president and we're stuck with Q having lost.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 11, 2009)

VS.


----------



## internetstalker (May 11, 2009)

Idris2002 said:


> VS.



The reverand pwns


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

My money on Paisley and his 'You are the Antichrist' special move...


----------



## internetstalker (May 11, 2009)

not quite sci fi but:





Creasy


vs





Kowalski


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

vs








no icepicks allowed


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

Idris2002 said:


> VS.



pmsl! 

The wizened ayatollah is long dead and STILL has legions of death eating acolytes ready to murder and destroy in his name. 

The Rev is a moany  gas bag. (As is Kabbes)


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

Will people *please* stop posting *fucking giant pictures* on the thread?  Is it REALLY so hard to find something of a moderate size to post instead?


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

vs






The whole world


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

Kowalski[/QUOTE]

Vs


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

vs


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

Entertainingly, when I view this thread on my mobile, it's just full of posts that say:



> [image]
> 
> vs
> 
> [image]



Helpful!


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

Cheerleader's dad has it.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

vs






in a swear-off


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

The Whole World contains Mr. T.  Easy win.


----------



## agricola (May 11, 2009)

babel fish







vs

ceti eel


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

kabbes said:


> Entertainingly, when I view this thread on my mobile, it's just full of posts that say:
> 
> 
> 
> Helpful!



serves youy right for having a posh phone, bourgeoisie bastard


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> vs
> 
> 
> 
> ...



to close to call, but I want ring side seats.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

@ kabbes:

Yeah, you should be looking at girls in summer dresses and tiny tops, not faffing around on urban ya freak!


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> serves youy right for having a posh phone, bourgeoisie bastard


It's pretty obvious that [image] would win, in any case.


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> @ kabbes:
> 
> Yeah, you should be looking at girls in summer dresses and tiny tops, not faffing around on urban ya freak!


Pfft.  I'm in work at the moment, same as the rest of the drones.  I'm just SAYIN'.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

Pitch Blacks Riddick vs Takeshi Kovacs?


----------



## Shippou-Sensei (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> http://flashyourstache.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/stalin.jpg
> 
> vs
> 
> ...



i have that manga


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Difficult one. I have read any Morgan so I can't comment on Kovacs, but you can get under Riddick's radar with a very bright light, so much like Leto II, he can be blindsided by something relatively simple...


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

I think Kovacs takes it, especially in that ninja gecko combat sleeve.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

I really should read Altered Carbon and such like, shouldn't I/


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> I really should read Altered Carbon and such like, shouldn't I/



oh yes


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Right, I'm stopping by the Waterstones on Victoria St on the way home to by me some Richard Morgan.


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

Letting us know of your whereabouts and your whenabouts, Mr. Soze?  An amateurish mistake.


----------



## QueenOfGoths (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Pitch Blacks Riddick vs Takeshi Kovacs?



Mmm ... tricky one as they are both pretty hard but I am going for Kovacs. Given that he could also sleeve himself into a different even more hard ass body!


----------



## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

JC Denton





vs Robocop





My money's on Denton, what with his l33t hacking skillz


----------



## Pingu (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> yeah call me crazy but undead is how I label animated corpses



craaaaazy


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

Molly from Neuromancer versus anybody, ever?


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> JC Denton
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Robocops l33t hacking skills consist of a massive spike that shoots from his wrist. Victory to Robocop


----------



## Bob_the_lost (May 11, 2009)

Denton, so utterly denton. One Gep gun round and robo's lying on his back waving his arms and legs impotently with a stupid look on his tin face.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

Judge Dredd vs a megaran justice machine (Whoniverse)


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

kabbes said:


> Molly from Neuromancer versus anybody, ever?



How about vs the wolverine _chica_ from X-Men 2?


----------



## kabbes (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> How about vs the wolverine _chica_ from X-Men 2?


That would be a great fight.  But I gotta give it to the girl with a heads-up display embedded into her freakin' _head_.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

BATTLE OF THE SHIT MECHANOIDS!


robby the robot






vs

the shit robot from Buck Rogers


----------



## internetstalker (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> BATTLE OF THE SHIT MECHANOIDS!
> 
> 
> robby the robot
> ...



robbie pwns


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Someone already put Twiki into a fight with something...actually...






Dr Theopolis


vs






Orac


----------



## Bob_the_lost (May 11, 2009)

Twiki goin' down y'all.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Said in the voice of Omar 

BTW, how's Xeny?


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Someone already put Twiki into a fight with something...actually...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Winnar plays off against WOPR


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

I want that option screen at home. Have done since I watched the film actually.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

Skynet vs HAL?


----------



## The Octagon (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Skynet vs HAL?



Skynet surely, what the fuck did HAL ever do except mildly trouble an astronaut?

What you meant to say was Skynet vs The Matrix Machines


----------



## camouflage (May 11, 2009)

In the red corner...







in the Blue corner...






Let's get reaaaaaady ta rum-baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!


----------



## camouflage (May 11, 2009)

Actually, as the scale-to-human shows, that particular worm would swallow Kong whole. 

Again, it is the prophecy.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Again, if Kong has access to some kind of giant hose and handy water supply...if not he's fucked. 100ft gorrilla vs 400m+ long sandworm?


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Again, if Kong has access to some kind of giant hose and* handy water supply.*..if not he's fucked. 100ft gorrilla vs 400m+ long sandworm?



on arrakis?

yah rilly


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Well that's another thing - the worm can't fight _anywhere other than it's home planet_ where there's only about 0.00001% moisture presence. I bet Kong would be a little more flexible in terms of fighting environments


----------



## internetstalker (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Well that's another thing - the worm can't fight _anywhere other than it's home planet_ where there's only about 0.00001% moisture presence. I bet Kong would be a little more flexible in terms of fighting environments



Kong every time at Madison square garden!


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

internetstalker said:


> Kong every time at Madison square garden!



yeah but you know what yank judges are like when it comes to pugilistic favoritism....


----------



## Stigmata (May 11, 2009)

Spike





vs Jayne





It's tough, I would rather they were friends


----------



## internetstalker (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> yeah but you know what yank judges are like when it comes to pugilistic favoritism....



fair point, well made


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

Jayne would win, cos poor ole Spike has that pesky chip...

OOO, hangon...what's the name of the Vampire chick from Fangtasia in True Blood? How about her vs Dru?


----------



## The Octagon (May 11, 2009)

Stigmata said:


> Spike
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Jayne's hard, but he's not that hard.

Blondie Bear wins.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 11, 2009)

Sookie vs Buffy.

in a plotline that involved nakedness...


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

vs


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

in a tub filled with jell-o and clothing with poorly mad clasps, buttons and zips...


----------



## The Octagon (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Jayne would win, *cos poor ole Spike has that pesky chip...*
> OOO, hangon...what's the name of the Vampire chick from Fangtasia in True Blood? How about her vs Dru?



Depends on which season, the chip was out by the end of Season 7.


----------



## Melinda (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Sookie vs Buffy.
> 
> in a plotline that involved nakedness...



You pervy bitch.


----------



## kyser_soze (May 11, 2009)

The Octagon said:


> Depends on which season, the chip was out by the end of Season 7.



...a thought which occured to me as I was typing. Even so, Spike was still a bit pussywhipped by S7, so shall we go for evil Spike?


----------



## The Octagon (May 11, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Sookie vs Buffy.
> 
> in a plotline that involved nakedness...



Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.


----------



## The Octagon (May 11, 2009)

Melinda said:


> vs



Ka D'argo surely, his sword is a freaking rifle.

He'd just stand at the top of some stairs and waste the trash can.


----------



## fogbat (May 11, 2009)

Daleks are not beaten by stairs, ffs. 

Dargo's going down.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 11, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> vs
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 11, 2009)

fogbat said:


> Cap'n Mal to win. Solo's far more likely to have his gun digitally replaced with a walkie-talkie.



I think I did that as a thread ages ago - although it was 'who's cooler?'.  Predictably, Solo won, but I think it's closer than people might reckon.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 11, 2009)

Mal Reynolds speaks far cooler English, for one thing, amongst the most poetic heard in scifi


----------



## The Octagon (May 12, 2009)

Tiny Superhuman Women blade-off!

River






vs

Buffy






Hand-to-hand = Buffy

With guns = River

But who's best with an edge?

(I realise I may be getting into this too much)


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 12, 2009)

River without a doubt.


----------



## Melinda (May 12, 2009)

Yeah but Buffy can be raised from the dead. 

RD- I weep for your addled mind.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 12, 2009)

TBH I've never watched Buffy.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 12, 2009)

I always assumed it was a total cheesefest and avoided it, but have reliably informed it's actually much better than that.

Oi Melissa, I'm sure you voted for something Firefly related a few pages back.


----------



## Hassan I Sabha (May 12, 2009)

v


----------



## The Octagon (May 12, 2009)

Hassan I Sabha said:


> v



That's a brilliant one, I'm so torn.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 12, 2009)

The second one's from 'Out Of Time', right?

Ace Rimmer could give Mal Reynolds and Han Solo a good run for their money...


----------



## Melinda (May 12, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> Oi Melissa, I'm sure you voted for something Firefly related a few pages back.


Dude that's defamation!


----------



## kyser_soze (May 12, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> The second one's from 'Out Of Time', right?
> 
> Ace Rimmer could give Mal Reynolds and Han Solo a good run for their money...



Lord Flashhart, WW1 Flying Ace and bedder of more fillies then a glue factory! WOOF!!!

(From Blackadder Goes Forth)


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 12, 2009)

Ah, right.  TBH I'm not that big a Blackadder expert... It's a major gap in my British comedy archive.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 12, 2009)

BATTLE OF THE HEGEMONIZING SWARMS



Inhibitors Vs Replicators


----------



## kyser_soze (May 12, 2009)

Inhibitors

BTW, bought Altered Carbon and The Scar (yes I know it's China but I thought you'd be interested) last night, loving Carbon, Kovacs is the bomb.


----------



## internetstalker (May 12, 2009)

Snake


VS






Fisher










Fisher hands down


----------



## DotCommunist (May 12, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Inhibitors
> 
> BTW, bought Altered Carbon and The Scar (yes I know it's China but I thought you'd be interested) last night, *loving Carbon, Kovacs is the bomb*.



yeah, he's a badass alright


----------



## QueenOfGoths (May 12, 2009)

internetstalker said:


> Snake
> (snip)
> VS
> (snip)
> ...



I donlt know who Fisher is  but would like to take this opportunity to shout SNAKE! SNAAAAAAAKKKKKKKE!!!!!!!!!


----------



## DotCommunist (May 12, 2009)

vs


----------



## fogbat (May 12, 2009)

internetstalker said:


> Snake
> 
> 
> VS
> ...



Fisher. But mainly because I've only played one Metal Gear game, and it was fucking awful.


----------



## Melinda (May 12, 2009)

Kull Warrior 





Vs

Kroenen (from the movie not the graphic novels)


----------



## DotCommunist (May 12, 2009)

My money is on the clockwork Nazi


----------



## kyser_soze (May 12, 2009)

Clockwork Nazi FTW!


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 12, 2009)

The wicked witch from the original Wizard of Oz film

versus






Mombi from the underrated Return to Oz


----------



## DotCommunist (May 12, 2009)

The green one with what shall be hereafter known as 'Leto 2's Flaw'

Bucket of water, done.

If we are talking witches, then:


Granny Weatherwax Vs The crone out of Robin Hood (the version with Kevin Costner and his dedication to an english accent)


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 12, 2009)

Definitely the one from Robin Hood.  That's probably my all time favourite so bad its good film.


----------



## kabbes (May 13, 2009)

You must be joking.  The whole point of Granny Weatherwax -- the thing that is built into her very creation -- is that she _can't lose_. If she lost, she wouldn't be Granny Weatherwax.

Whereas the Robin Hood crone got beaten by a gravel-voiced sad cop who is perpetually two weeks from retirement.

This fight would last about three seconds.  And it wouldn't go well for the entrail-botherer.


----------



## upsidedownwalrus (May 13, 2009)

Yeah, I have to admit I had no idea who Granny Weatherwax was when I wrote that.


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## kabbes (May 13, 2009)

RenegadeDog said:


> Yeah, I have to admit I had no idea who Granny Weatherwax was when I wrote that.


She belongs to the "impossibly awesome" archetype, beloved of fantasy writers generally.  She's Gandalf, she's Yoda, she's Kirk.  There's no way she could EVER lose a battle.  It would render her entire existence as a fantasy creation pointless.


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## fogbat (May 13, 2009)

kabbes said:


> You must be joking.  The whole point of Granny Weatherwax -- the thing that is built into her very creation -- is that she _can't lose_. If she lost, she wouldn't be Granny Weatherwax.
> 
> Whereas the Robin Hood crone got beaten by a gravel-voiced sad cop who is perpetually two weeks from retirement.
> 
> This fight would last about three seconds.  And it wouldn't go well for the entrail-botherer.



This.

She's probably my second-favourite character in the Discworld books.


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## The Octagon (May 13, 2009)

kabbes said:


> She belongs to the "impossibly awesome" archetype, beloved of fantasy writers generally.  She's Gandalf, she's Yoda, she's Kirk.  There's no way she could EVER lose a battle.  It would render her entire existence as a fantasy creation pointless.



In which case - 

Gandalf





vs

Yoda





Does the world of Fantasy implode?


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## The Groke (May 13, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Inhibitors
> 
> BTW, bought Altered Carbon and The Scar (yes I know it's China but I thought you'd be interested) last night, loving Carbon, Kovacs is the bomb.



The Scar is ace.

I think I like it more than Perdido Street these days.

Possible Sword FTW!

Also, I have just started Morgan's new one having finished his Kovacs books.


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## Bob_the_lost (May 13, 2009)

Yoda has a lightsabre, game set match to the little green guy


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## kabbes (May 13, 2009)

> In which case -
> 
> Gandalf
> 
> ...


Basically, yes.

That hasn't stopped the internet from pitting them together before, however.  Along with (in the same battle) Mr. T, Jackie Chan and Indiana Jones (amongst others).

Yoda won, by a fair margin.  Gandalf was an honorable second though.


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## DotCommunist (May 13, 2009)

well, powerful as Yoda is he is just a jedi at the end of the day.


Gandalf is chief among the seven Istari sent by the Valar to protect middle earth.

so he out-classes Yoda's green arse by orders of magnitude


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## The Octagon (May 13, 2009)

Bob_the_lost said:


> Yoda has a lightsabre, game set match to the little green guy



What about with a normal sword? (I'm presuming the weight differential wouldn't throw him off his game too much? Ooooh, question for the other thread I think actually....)


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## kyser_soze (May 13, 2009)

Bob_the_lost said:


> Yoda has a lightsabre, game set match to the little green guy



Gandalf is a Valar - a God incarnate - who was able to come back from fighting the Balrog...I'm not convinced a contained plasma field sword would bother him too much...


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## DotCommunist (May 13, 2009)

The Groke said:


> The Scar is ace.
> 
> I think I like it more than Perdido Street these days.
> 
> ...



Second favorite fantasy sword ever. Terminus Est from the severian books is still more awesome


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## DotCommunist (May 13, 2009)

kyser_soze said:


> Gandalf is a Valar - a God incarnate - who was able to come back from fighting the Balrog...I'm not convinced a contained plasma field sword would bother him too much...



Istari, valar servant. Roughly analagous to say, the Angel of Death


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## kabbes (May 13, 2009)

The problem with all Gandalf discussions is the fact that, by the book, Gandalf _doesn't actually do very much on-camera_.  We only actually see him beat the balrog -- can we really say that Yoda couldn't do the same?


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## DotCommunist (May 13, 2009)

He smote the balrog to it's ruin on a mountainside. Could yoda take on a Sun-god turned demon?

no he could not.


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## kabbes (May 13, 2009)

The problem is a definitional one.  What do you mean by a "god" and "demon" in Middle Earth?  It could well be that Yoda would also be classified as a "god" on that plane.


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## DotCommunist (May 13, 2009)

bollocks kabbes, Yoda is mortal. Hell I reckon Galadriel could take his arse down


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## kabbes (May 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> bollocks kabbes, Yoda is mortal. He'll I reckon Galadriel could take his arse down


In what way is he mortal?  Is his existence not clearly continuing at the end of Return of the Jedi?

In what way is Gandalf immortal?  In what way is the Balrog immortal, come to that, given that he was actually completely erased by Gandalf?

The point is, of course, that it is extraordinarily difficult to compare Ultimate Badass archetypes from different fantasy creations, because the limits imposed in each creation are not made clear.


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## The Groke (May 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> Second favorite fantasy sword ever. Terminus Est from the severian books is still more awesome




Dragnipur is _3rd_ on your list?


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## DotCommunist (May 13, 2009)

The Groke said:


> Dragnipur is _3rd_ on your list?



reminds me too much of Soul Calibre

Terminus Est is too unique to be owt but number 1


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## Santino (May 13, 2009)

kabbes said:


> The point is, of course, that it is extraordinarily difficult to compare Ultimate Badass archetypes from different fantasy creations, because the limits imposed in each creation are not made clear.


Could statistics help us?


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## DotCommunist (May 13, 2009)

which version of the numerous LOTR wargame rulebooks would we use.


this muddies the waters


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 13, 2009)

kabbes said:


> She belongs to the "impossibly awesome" archetype, beloved of fantasy writers generally.  She's Gandalf, she's Yoda, she's Kirk.  There's no way she could EVER lose a battle.  It would render her entire existence as a fantasy creation pointless.



Ah, from the discworld books.  Haven't read them in years...


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## kabbes (May 13, 2009)

Alex B said:


> Could statistics help us?


Only if you are a MAJOR D&D geek.

See, Dotty, no matter how seriously you think you take this stuff, there are people who take it infinitely more seriously.  

They attempt to do things like pit Yoda against Sauron and actually translate what they know about them into Warhammer 40k scenarios.

They attempt to evaluate Gandalf's level in a D&D universe

And that's before you get into the REAL geekery...


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## upsidedownwalrus (May 13, 2009)

We may all get banned soon for the extreme geekery of this thread as it is 

We're supposed to be talking about cutting-edge film directors, brazilian historical epics and writers only 3 people have heard of.


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## Santino (May 13, 2009)

I think GURPS is the answer here.


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## kabbes (May 13, 2009)

GURPS is NEVER the answer.  Not even to the question, "What is a common acronym for a Generic Universal Role Playing System?"


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## DotCommunist (May 13, 2009)

kabbes said:


> Only if you are a MAJOR D&D geek.
> 
> See, Dotty, no matter how seriously you think you take this stuff, there are people who take it infinitely more seriously.
> 
> ...






some hardcore geeks in the Giantitp forums I see  *considers trolling possibilities*


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## kyser_soze (May 13, 2009)

Ah, my favourite swords probably come from Bleach, not Western fantasy fic, with Byakuya Kuchiki's  in No 1 position


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## kabbes (May 13, 2009)

DotCommunist said:


> some hardcore geeks in the Giantitp forums I see  *considers trolling possibilities*


I've mentioned those forums before on Urban as being FANTASTICALLY funny to read.  The people there have no sense of humour whatsoever and no ability to separate real life from fiction.  I've seen people seriously argue that a character in a fantasy novel would not react to situation A in that way because when Buffy encountered sitation A, she reacted differently.  And then other people take that point as if it is in any way valid.  It's brilliant.

The comic it is associated with, though -- Order Of The Stick -- is superb.  Best thing on the internet.  Start reading it at #1 and I bet you can't stop until you've finished all 652 to date.


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## DotCommunist (Mar 13, 2010)

Wkus in Battle Suit from District 9







VS

Jarhead from Avatar on dragon-thing






It's been said before but one of the beauties of Avatar is that their gaia is real, aweh is not a pocahontas-indian god.

I'd put my coin on Wikus taking it mano-machine mano. But on Navi home turf the planet would intervene to pwn Wikus.


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## gsv (Mar 13, 2010)

Trinity vs Molly Millions
oh hang on...

GS(v)


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## fogbat (Mar 13, 2010)

Probably your worst post ever, DC


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## gsv (Mar 13, 2010)

OK then... *Conan the Barbarian*






vs *Cohen the Barbarian*






GS(v)


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## DotCommunist (Mar 13, 2010)

A planet-wide consciousness would wipe you out in a second. I'm not even speculating as to why, just imagining myself as a planet-brain with Powers.


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## fogbat (Mar 13, 2010)

gsv said:


> OK then... *Conan the Barbarian*
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Cohen, easily.

Narrative causality means he pretty much cannot lose.


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## DotCommunist (Mar 13, 2010)

Conan would be all arrogant and full of bluster, but then cohen would take him down hard. Before extending a hand and showing Conan how books make great pillows and tinder for fires.


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## Captain Hurrah (Mar 13, 2010)

Generally speaking, the Fremen desert warriors in Dune.


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## gsv (Mar 14, 2010)

OK I've read the fucking thread now so one for all you Kai weenies 10 pages back:

*Kai, Undead BlahBlahBlah Last of the Emo BlahBlahBlah*






vs

*Lord Marshal Richard "The Dick" Riddick Necromonger Blah*
(but with his sunglasses)






eh? eh?

GS(v)


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## DotCommunist (Mar 14, 2010)

eeeoh eh yah oh brunan gee!


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## wtfftw (Mar 14, 2010)

I am in no way geek enough for this thread but, I kind of wish I was


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## fractionMan (Mar 14, 2010)

I just have to butt in here and say that gandalf and yoda wouldn't be fighting in the first place.


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## DotCommunist (Mar 14, 2010)

fractionMan said:


> I just have to butt in here and say that gandalf and yoda wouldn't be fighting in the first place.



they blatantly would if they disagreed over what was the good course of action.


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## Bernie Gunther (Mar 14, 2010)

Just did a search for Elric on this thread. Why didn't he come up then? OK he's a bit emo but even without his demon-possessed god-killing sword he's still an incredibly dangerous sorcerer and almost invariably, if he shows up, so does Stormbringer, hungry for souls.


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