# Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film



## DaveCinzano (Aug 31, 2015)

_Diet Hard_
It's Christmas Eve and Twinkie-afflicted wise-cracking New York cop John McClane must lose three stone before daybreak if he is to defeat a nefarious terrorist plot and win back his estranged wife.

_Chunderball_
Bulimic special agent James Bond discovers an evil plot to take over the world whilst recovering at an exclusive health spa - but can he foil it before the graduation dance?


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## DaveCinzano (Aug 31, 2015)

_Enter The Dragoon_
Bruce Lee stars as a cavalry officer on the eve of the Battle of Waterloo in this erotic period drama


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## Cid (Aug 31, 2015)

_Once upon a mime in the west_
Documentary about a French-Canadian artist trying to make it [in]* Vancouver.

*Cheers dave.


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## JimW (Aug 31, 2015)

It's a Wonderful Loaf - the inevitable bake-off cash-in


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## Cid (Aug 31, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Enter The Dragoon_
> Bruce Lee stars as a cavalry officer on the eve of the Battle of Waterloo in this erotic period drama



_Fist of Furry_
Cult porno.


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## Cid (Aug 31, 2015)

_Don't cook now_
Zany comedy starring Donald Sutherland as a chef who travels to Italy to research old recipes, with a shocking twist.


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## JimW (Aug 31, 2015)

_Turn After Reading_ - an insider's look at life for the lorry drivers who keep our supermarket distribution networks moving.


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## DaveCinzano (Aug 31, 2015)

JimW said:


> It's a Wonderful Loaf - the inevitable bake-off cash-in


ONE LETTER, NUMB NUTS


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## DaveCinzano (Aug 31, 2015)

Cid said:


> _Once upon a mime in the west_
> Documentary about a French-Canadian artist trying to make it Vancouver.


Trying to make it in or to Vancouver?


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## Casually Red (Aug 31, 2015)

Jews

The beaches of Amityville see 3 weeks of fasting in August . Nothing and no one gets eaten .


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## 8ball (Aug 31, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Jews


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## Miss-Shelf (Aug 31, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> ONE LETTER, NUMB NUTS


allow it, its funny


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## Cid (Aug 31, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> Trying to make it in or to Vancouver?



In. My apologies.


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## JimW (Aug 31, 2015)

_Peerhunter_ - visibly upset by the pace of reform to the upper chamber, Sly Stallone takes matters into his own hands.


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## DotCommunist (Aug 31, 2015)

The Greet Escape

its just Steve Mqueen crying for an hour



Romancing the Bone

you know the plot of this one




Dye Another Day

Brosnan in a coming of middle age tale where he struggles to find the correct brand of just for men while buying a honda silverwing


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## 8ball (Aug 31, 2015)

_A-Men_ - something something religious mutants.


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## Saffy (Aug 31, 2015)

The parent crap.


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## Cid (Aug 31, 2015)

JimW said:


> _Peerhunter_ - visibly upset by the pace of reform to the upper chamber, Sly Stallone takes matters into his own hands.



De Niro surely.


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## DotCommunist (Aug 31, 2015)

Death Becomes Hur

Immortal women riding chariots while making really nasty comments about each other and vying for the hand of jesus


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## Cid (Aug 31, 2015)

8ball said:


> _A-Men_ - something something religious mutants.



Or documentary on the history of dance music.


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## JimW (Aug 31, 2015)

_Good Night and Good Fuck_ - we follow punters around Bigg Market pubs and clubs to find they're getting what they paid for.


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## 8ball (Aug 31, 2015)

_Citizen Kanye  - _The great man's enigmatic last words turn out to be yet another tiresome attempt to crawl up Beyonce's arse.


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## sunnysidedown (Aug 31, 2015)

Schindler's Lisp


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## Cid (Aug 31, 2015)

_Citizen Zane_
Mind-numbingly dull Radio 1 biopic.


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## DaveCinzano (Aug 31, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Jews
> 
> The beaches of Amityville see 3 weeks of fasting in August . Nothing and no one gets eaten .


Buggeration, that's the one I was thinking of when I started the thread before promptly forgetting it


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## Casually Red (Aug 31, 2015)

Last Mango in Paris .

Brando does unspeakable things to fresh produce .


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## Fez909 (Aug 31, 2015)

My favourite from the last time this thread was done (I got your back pogo  )


SubZeroCat said:


> Glove Actually
> 
> They thought it was a hat. It was a glove. Actually.


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## DaveCinzano (Aug 31, 2015)

_The Thirty Mine Steps_
Hitchcock mystery set in a shallow-shafted colliery


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## 8ball (Aug 31, 2015)

_Citizen Pane - _Critically-acclaimed middle-class remake of "Confessions of a window cleaner".


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## JimW (Aug 31, 2015)

_Blags of Our Fathers -_ a younger generation of East End villains admit things were better in the old days.


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## Casually Red (Aug 31, 2015)

Manbingo

Sexism rears its ugly head in Blackpool .


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## sunnysidedown (Aug 31, 2015)

_Jocky - _Jocky Wilson (Sylvester Stallone), a small-time darts player from working-class Fife, Scotland, is arbitrarily chosen to take on the reigning world darts champion, Apollo 'The Cockney' Creed.


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## JimW (Aug 31, 2015)

_A Fistful of Collars - _it's another hectic day at the dog  shelter


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## DaveCinzano (Aug 31, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Last Mango in Paris .
> 
> Brando does unspeakable things to fresh produce .


Butter the devil you know


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## Fez909 (Aug 31, 2015)

_Binception_ - A council refuse collector has to recycle himself in a dark, Kafta-esque tale of redundancies in modern Tory Britain.


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## Minnie_the_Minx (Aug 31, 2015)

_Mississippi Gurning - _documentary film about the World Gurning Championships moving to the US


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## DaveCinzano (Aug 31, 2015)

_Colons_
Grizzled veteran LAPD street cop Robert Duvall reluctantly takes maverick young gun Sean Penn under his wing, whilst suffering from terrible IBS.


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## JimW (Aug 31, 2015)

_Pale Cider - _the inspiring making-of story of the White Lightning we have all come to know and love


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## DaveCinzano (Aug 31, 2015)

_Sitar Wars_
Tensions mount in the lead up to an open mic talent night at a northern working men's club


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## Minnie_the_Minx (Sep 1, 2015)

_Demolition Nan - _Sylvester Stallone's mother takes on terrorists single-handedly


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## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_Wall-E's_ - When a young Mancunian buys a souvenir brick from the demolished Hacienda on eBay, he discovers he can get high from the drug-addled raver-sweat contained within. Tony Wilson cameos.


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Fridges of Madison County_ - can our hero keep his domestic appliance repair service going when a big corporations muscles into this sleepy rural market?


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

Miss-Shelf said:


> allow it, its funny


It's the thin end of the wedge - let that one slide and before you know it there's an _Escalope From Alcatraz _here, a _Great Expectorations_ there...


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Scent of a Roman_ - things get stuffy on Italian public transport


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## 8ball (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Third Van - _Citylink redeem themselves in the eyes of everybody by only fucking up twice before delivering a package successfully.


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## rekil (Sep 1, 2015)

Bear Window - wheelchair user's flat overlooks zoo.


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## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_The White Gibbon _- thoughtful period piece set in the run-up to the Great Ape War in Bangladesh.


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## 8ball (Sep 1, 2015)

_Life Of Phi - _same nonsense involving a tiger and a boat, but with a marginally different tedious justification for the main character's name.


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Piddler on the roof

Russian peasants bemoan the lack of indoor plumbing under the czarist regime


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## sunnysidedown (Sep 1, 2015)

_Rouble Indemnity_ - In this classic film noir, Russian president Vladimir Putin gets roped into a murderous scheme when he falls for the sensual Phyllis Dietrichson, who is intent on killing her husband and living off the fraudulent accidental death claim.


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Remains of the Dal_ - not leftover curry again, mother! A Stroud kitchen sink drama for modern times.


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## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_Skyfail_ - Two kids get up to mischief when their satellite TV goes off.


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Deported_
Irish-American hoodlum Jack Nicholson is thrown out of the States before he has a chance to build up a fearsome criminal empire (short).


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Shit..all the good ones I think of are potentially offensive. No fucking way .​


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## 8ball (Sep 1, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Jews
> 
> The beaches of Amityville see 3 weeks of fasting in August . Nothing and no one gets eaten .



_Goy Story - _Pointless arthouse sequel to _Jews_ told from the point of view of the man employed to operate the lift.  Many things get eaten, largely out of boredom.


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_Good Wall Hunting_
Naturally-gifted brickie Matt Damon goes on the road in search of the perfect building site


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## quimcunx (Sep 1, 2015)

Blight - Denzel Washington saves Ambridge's potato harvest but drinks most of the vodka and is shunned by the villagers. 

Paddington Beer - the trials and tribulations of a central London micro brewery 

Inside Put - a journey into the mind of Vladimir Putin via interviews with those closest to him. 

Poxcatcher - Leonardo di Caprio plays a wild west snake oil peddler promising more than he can deliver to the whorehouses of Texas.


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## quimcunx (Sep 1, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Good Wall Hunting_
> Naturally-gifted brickie Matt Damon goes on the road in search of the perfect building site



I'd watch this if Fred Dibnah was still alive to star.


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## sunnysidedown (Sep 1, 2015)

_Blackboard Bungle_ - Kids TV character Bungle takes a teaching position at a rough New York City school for boys. The staff warns him that the students are nearly impossible to control, but the optimistic Bungle remains unfazed. Soon, though, he realizes that his class isn't merely rowdy -- they can be downright dangerous.


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## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_Upstream Colour _- Michael Heneke's shot-by-shot remake of the modern cult classic in British English.


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Shartacus

A gladiator starts a slave rebellion, squares up to a roman legion, shits himself and fucks off home .


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

A Time To Bill

that akward moment where you realise the overun of costs on a job is going to make the customer turn purple with rage


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Three Busketeers

its just Ollie Reed and co doing bad renditions of beatles tunes


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Silence of the Limb_s - heartstrings are tugged as our plucky researcher pursues her cure for creaky knees despite the machinations of Big Pharma


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Pilates of the Caribbean

Johnny depp starts some wanky exercise class out foreign


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## quimcunx (Sep 1, 2015)

Prude -  A significant minority in a north east mining village tut and hoik their bosoms when a group of gay people come to support the strike and bring their louche ways with them.


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_Only When I Barf_
Minor Len Deighton adaptation with Oliver Reed drinking too much


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

There Will Be Brood

lots of frowning and children


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Lulu

The plucky defenders of Rorkes drift become nonplussed at the oppositions rendition of Shout .


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_Drainspotting_
Alienated young Scottish sewer maintenance workers mooch about


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## quimcunx (Sep 1, 2015)

Minsters University - a historically accurate and exceedingly dull historical drama about a monk's time at York Minster in 1532.


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_In Brogues_ - Colin Farrell is stereotyped in this Bord Scannan backed flop (I know it's two letters, Cinzano )


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

A Talk Among The Tombstones

Liam Neeson unexpectedly has a conversation with his enemies and comes to a reasonable agreement


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Live and let lie

James bond settles an international conspiracy with a long chat over a nice cup of tea


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Downfill - _adventures in the pillow trade


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Scar Wars

they basically did this already in the shockingly under known aussie crime drama Underbelly: Razor


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Gland That Time Forgot_
A dashing endocrinologist and a crew of German submariners discover a mysterious island populated by a species of unevolved humans and incredibly sweaty dinosaurs


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Sad Max

Mel Gibson finds himself alone post apocalypse and gets a bit depressed


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Enemy at the Yates_ - beware of choosing the wrong wine lodge when your car breaks down in Oldham


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## 8ball (Sep 1, 2015)

_Behind Rewind - _Kim Kardashian has to go back in time to prevent certain 'arse' shots from being taken after a vastly powerful alien species determines that they are the last straw and that the human species cannot be tolerated a minute longer.


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Sad Max
> 
> Mel Gibson finds himself alone post apocalypse and gets a bit depressed


Things got even less happy in the sequel, _The Road Worrier._


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## quimcunx (Sep 1, 2015)

Dirk Shadows - moody 40s private dick caught up in vampire gang killing

The Expandables - The old team are reunited for what should be an easy paycheck but they've all got out of shape and beer bellies - hilarity ensues.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

I Shit On Your Grave

a heartwarming tale in the vein of Pride or The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain. Pathe production, in conjunction with funding from Film4. A group of determined yet incapable lads decide to go curl one out on top of maggie thatchers grave. We follow their trials and tribulations as they try to raise the money (kitchen sink stuff here) from their hardworking mums and avoid the attempts by their dads to make them get a job. Eventually they get to london and can't find maggies grave but have found nelsons column and decide instead (music swelling here) to shite one out at the base of the column. Along the way the boys have avoided blakey ticket masters, officious truancy officers and had themselves a big gutful of jalfrezzi and polish lager. In the glorious finale they spray vile excrement all over britains most loved monument while people look on bemused at the soaring string sounds and the public defecation


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## quimcunx (Sep 1, 2015)

How to train your dragoon. MoD  training video leaked by Julian Assange.


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## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_Lord of GWAR - _Nicholas Cage, a heavy metal 'superfan', becomes a roadie for his favourite band and discovers things about himself he never knew.


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## SpookyFrank (Sep 1, 2015)

The Hanger Games

Jennifer Lawrence spends nine hours trying to untangle a large box full of wire coathangers.


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Hurt Docker_ - this Liverpudlian will never forgive the bastards for the final assault on the industry in the 90s


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## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

Once Upon a Time in the Vest - the life and times of Rab C Nesbitt


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_24 Hour Purty People_
It's _Deliverance_ set in Madchester, with Steve Coogan as Ned Beatty


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

The frying game

Stephen Rea gets startled by a sausage


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Rotting Hill

Hugh Grant comes down with a nasty case of necrotising fasciitis


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## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

The Fast King of Scotland - after a second referendum in which the Scots vote yes to independence, they then decide to appoint their own monarch, and elect popular former motor racing ace Sir Jackie Stewart


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

I am furious orange

Ian paisley shouts for a few hours


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Four Beddings and A Funeral

One mans cockmanship goes horribly wrong, barrymore wrong


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

The Ring and I

Yul brenner...well I don't need to elaborate here


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Tor Tor Tor _- frankly a bit repetitive, but one of the few films to tackle the cut-throat world of top class fell-running.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

The Bam Dusters

jerry has fed a lot of glaswegian lads with buckfast and hoped they'd provide a fifth column. True to form they've given him the middle finger and decided to snooze it off after eating a fish supper. But dust is settling upon them and only a crack squad of commandoes can swoop in to mop their brows before they awake, hungry for breakfast.


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_House of Flying Doggers _- never accept an invitation to a party from people you meet in a circus car-park


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## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Predater _- arthouse flick about an annoying hipster who claims to have been into everything before everyone else thought it was cool


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Cattle of The Five Armies

a look at the logistics train needed to supply such psuedo-fuedal armies that even at 8 hours length still surpasses what we actually got from peter jackson


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Sladerunner

glam rock meets cyberpunk future in a tale where a rock band cannot tell which of them is the robot


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Apocalypse Cow

If you know your mythology you will know the story of the Dun Cow. Liam Neeson to play Guy of Warwick.


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## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Brighton cock

Nuff said


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## albionism (Sep 1, 2015)

Raging Dull
Epic, yet tedious tale of a pathologically jealous,violent, dreary, pugilist.


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## SpookyFrank (Sep 1, 2015)

Lean

Jean Reno plays a deadly assassin with one leg shorter than the other.


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## clicker (Sep 1, 2015)

Redknobs and Broomsticks.

An x-rated musical romp following the escapades of male Swedish naked cleaners as they skivvy for the wealthy older women of a Costa Del Sol gated community.


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## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

Reservoir Bogs
Mr Orange, Mr Blonde and Mr Pink meet up through Grindr

Forrest Dump
Documentary looking at black bears in their natural habitat


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## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

Dandyman
Tony Todd stars as the impeccably-dressed supernatural killer that stylish nightmares are made of.

Casio
Scorsese documents the brutal rise of the pocket calculator.


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## fishfinger (Sep 1, 2015)

Guardian of the Galaxy - a British newspaper's plans to expand its market by appealing to a wider audience.


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## adidaswoody (Sep 1, 2015)

Barley and me
Owen Wilson buys Jen.aff some barley, she fuckin loves barley.


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Stair Trek - the lift is broken, and it takes a long time to use alternative arrangements. 

Star Warts - an unfortunate complication of space travel is discovered.


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## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

Hocus POTUS
Bogged down in overseas conflicts and trailing in opinion polls at home, a desperate president turns his hand to sorcery


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## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Boys in the Hood - When his car won't start one morning, John (Tom Hanks) lifts the hood to find someone has left adorable 1-week old twin boys inside. With his wife Harriet (Jennifer Aniston) they start a quest to raise the children as their own


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## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

To Bill a Mockingbird
Atticus Finch doesn't work for free


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## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

The Kinky Boat Factory
A struggling shipwright designs a new range of yachts for millionaire sex parties.


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## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Dial R for Murder - Bungling dyslexic wannabe gangster, Derek (Danny Dyer), can't seem to do anything right in this enjoyable adult-themed farce.


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## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

Darty Dancing - we follow World Champion arrow masters Phil 'The Power' Taylor and Michael 'Mighty Mike' van Gerwen as they embark on a ballroom dancing odyssey, in this Strictly spin-off


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_Ferris Bueller's DIY-Off_
The king of high school truancy enters a woodworking competition


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Fried Spleen Tomatos

whimsical indie film takes an unexpectedly dark turn


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## albionism (Sep 1, 2015)

Baked.
A borderline psychotic David Thewlis dispenses cod philosophy and flour and eggs to a home economics class


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Lead Poets Society

Robin Williams plays it serious for once in this heartwarming tale of how it used to be great when Citidael Miniatures still cast their grievously expensive models in lead.


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## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Supernad - A heartwarming coming of age comedy about a high school student whose left testicle has special powers.


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## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

A Beautiful Rind - docudrama about a master butcher and his search for the perfect bacon.


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Largo. - Coen brothers remake. Much slower than the original.


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## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

28 Bays Later - Director Danny Boyle's search for a parking space.


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## Espresso (Sep 1, 2015)

The Lord of the Lings - An epic search for fish; critics hail it as Finding Nemo for adults. 

Binding Nemo - Bestiality meets BDSM in Pixar's first X-rated cartoon.


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## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Pooper - Bruce Willis stars in time travelling scat drama.


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

The Big Sheep. 

One of the flock is surprisingly large. With hilarious consequences.


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

West Side Tory. 

A musical about a voter in Kelvinside. Contains the fishmongers' song (also known as There's A Plaice For Us).


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_Ergo_
CIA officer Ben Affleck poses as a Latin teacher to rescue a bunch of embassy staff pretending to be high school classics students in revolutionary Iran


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Ket. 

Billy escapes the drudgery of the industrial north.


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## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Dame of Thrones

Judi Dench plays the queen. Not sure which one. She's done most of them already.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

ale rider. clint eastwood plays a man with no name on a pub crawl in the wild west.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

ghost butlers. sometimes not even death ends the employment of family retainers.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

mad sax. mel gibson plays a busker in post-apocalypse australia.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

sandal. the story of mandy rice-davies, christine keeler, and the birth of the hippies.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the mead poets society. robin williams plays a teacher who introduces his pupils to poetry while serving them home brew.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

carry on clio. the regular carry on team in the british library setting up a new document delivery service.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

in which we perve. strange goings on in this movie about a shipload of voyeurs in the second world war.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the china sindrome. an updated version of the torture garden.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

star trek: the search for sock. a laundry error sees kirk turn the enterprise upside down looking for a missing sock.


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## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Cattle Royale - a wagu beef farm descends into Lord of the Flies type chaos as calf hunts calf in a battle for survival.


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Pez.

Billy escapes the drudgery of the industrial north with a pocket sweet dispenser.


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## Bob_the_lost (Sep 1, 2015)

Best of Memphis

A classic story following three troubled teens as they strive against adversity.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

fez. billy escapes the industrial north as tommy cooper's apprentice


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Forrest Grump.

Story of how Tom Hanks has been bad tempered at many historic moments.


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## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

bez - billy escapes the industrial drudgery of the north to become lead maracas player in the happy mondays


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

bully elliot. a boy becomes a ballet dancer and becomes the terror of the troupe.


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## Bob_the_lost (Sep 1, 2015)

Law V
When a lawyer learns that his connection to a convicted killer is about to be exposed he embarks on a hunt to hide the evidence.


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

maomao said:


> Cattle Royale - a wagu beef farm descends into Lord of the Flies type chaos as calf hunts calf in a battle for survival.


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Dr Stranglelove.

Or how I learned to stop worrying about autoasphyxia.


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## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

jez - billy escapes the drudgery of the industrial north to become the first left of centre leader of the labour party in a generation


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## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


>


for what?


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Lez - Billy escapes the drudgery of the industrial north by playing piano badly.


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

maomao said:


> bez - billy escapes the industrial drudgery of the north to become lead maracas player in the happy mondays


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

maomao said:


> for what?


ONE LETTER ONLY


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## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Far from the Wadding Crowd - fed up with the gossip at the mattress factory, Bathsheba decides a career change is on the cards.


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Dez - Billy escapes the drudgery of the industrial north by being the butt of Morecambe and Wise jokes.


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

danny la rouge said:


> Lez - Billy escapes the drudgery of the industrial north by playing piano badly.


Don't make me do your legs, Danny. I will do your legs, just don't make me do it, Danny.


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## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> ONE LETTER ONLY


battle - cattle. how is that more than one letter?


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the lunger games. tb post-apoc movie


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

maomao said:


> battle - cattle. how is that more than one letter?


CARD RESCINDED  - the idiot third official thought you were performing a sliding tackle on Ian Fleming.


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## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

silence of the labs. a film about unemployed scientists.


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

The Philadelphia Tory.

Voter who likes cream cheese.  Later made into a musical with Bing Crosby et al.

Contains the unsettling song about Dave's wife,_ I Love You Samantha_ and the cast worry about the consequences of the labour leadership election with the storming, _Now You Has Jezz_.


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## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> Don't make me do your legs, Danny. I will do your legs, just don't make me do it, Danny.


What?  What did I do?


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

danny la rouge said:


> What?  What did I do?


You must be punished, pour encourager les autres


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

nez - billy escapes the industrial drudgery of the north to become the French word for 'nose'.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Dunces with Wolves.

If you fail your exams in this school, the punishment is harsh.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

The King's Peech

Having conquered his stammer, the king goes to work on his fruit-specific dyslexia.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Shame.

Alan Ladd, a weary gunfighter attempts to settle down with a homestead family, but unfortunately he can't, which is a pity.


----------



## Bob_the_lost (Sep 1, 2015)

You've got jail
A harrowing story of two people embroiled in an internet based rivalry that spirals into crime and the inevitable capture of one of them.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

The Malteser Falcon.

Sequel to Mutiny on the Bounty.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

chitty chitty gang bang


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

danny la rouge said:


> The Malteser Falcon.
> 
> Sequel to Mutiny on the Bounty.


Is this the remake with Snickerless Cage?


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Rear Widow.

The woman at the back tragically loses her husband.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Sez.

 Billy escapes the drudgery of the industrial north by talking.


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Hen-Hur - a chicken wearing a wristwatch wins a chariot race and then witnesses the crucifixion of Christ.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Wez.

 Billy escapes the drudgery of the industrial north by being a horror film director.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Ben-Her.

A Jewish prince goes through gender reassignment on chariots.


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

The Fast Emperor - The dissolution of the Chinese monarchy allows Henry Pu Yi to find his true talent as a long distance runner.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Gregory's Gill

working class scots lad develops a means to breathe underwater, while tragi-comicaly lusting after a young woman in a film which we are told is a classic but is actually a load of old shite


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Bootsie - struggling actor Dustin Hoffman finds work by disguising himself as the bass player out of Funkadelic. With hilarious consequences.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Vocal Hero

An American oil company exec sends a man to Scotland to buy up an entire village where they want to build a refinery. But the guy has a big mouth.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Judge Bredd

Karl Urban once again dons the helmet of justice to deliver fresh, hot white loaves to the people of MegaCity 1


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

One Brew Over The Cuckoos Nest

Jack Nicholson and a massive tea urn galvanise an opressed set of mentally ill people in a revolt against the Whitecoats


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Geat Expectations.

Obscure Germanic tribe from Sweden believe something will arrive soon.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Under Beige

Clad only in his Dominoes slacks retired badass Steven Seagull jazz hands his way through multiple baddies to stop a plot to kill the president. At the end, him and Tommy Lee Jones have a fight with pizza cutters.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Kes Miserables.

Billy escapes the drudgery of the industrial north by singing about the Paris Uprising of 1832.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Scent of a Roman - Simon Wilsbury from the Roman Legion Re-enactment Society goes on a quest to France with Peter Smythe from Wessex Archaeology in an attempt to synthesise some realistic aromas of Ancient Rome.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

The Hunt For Bed October

Connery is shattered, he's had a long long day and really needs to get his head down.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

51st Grate

One mans hunt for the perfect technique with which to make a block of mature cheddar go further.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

The Punt For Red October

It's summer 1917 and Danny Dyer makes a bet in an East End pub he can't possibly win...or can he?


----------



## AverageJoe (Sep 1, 2015)

Avatan - the Na'vi return from holiday


----------



## Bob_the_lost (Sep 1, 2015)

Iron Ban

Survival in a post-apocalyptic bronze age society.


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

9 1/2 Leeks.

Sleazy allotment drama


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

The 39 Seps. 

Ensemble drama with nearly 40 Americans.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

To Live and Die in BA

witness a desperate man grow old waiting for his luggage to arrive at the right place


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Jurrasic Cark


film about the disaster that killed the dinosuars


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Sep 1, 2015)

Pie Hard - Bruce Willis is on the rampage to prevent Alan Rickman's dastardly plan to put a pallet load of spoiled Fray Bentos out in a Tesco Express.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Tarzan the Apt man

The king of the jungle swings from vine to vine making wry observational comments as he goes


----------



## albionism (Sep 1, 2015)

Get Farter
London gangsters travel up to that North, to locate an awol  associate who's
causing a bit of a stink about the place.


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Mend it like Beckham.

David -- post football career -- becomes an odd job man. Hilarity ensues.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_A short film about killing_

A bleak, eastern European look at the life of a plasterer and his brother, a dentist. One of them commits suicide at the end, but no viewer of the film has ever been able to retain the will to live themselves for long enough to care which one it is.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Jews 2

STAY OUT OF THE WATER....


you've just eaten !!

With my blood pressure ? ...stay out of the water she says


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Mocky IV

American & Russian comedians attempt to out-satirise each other.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

Finding Ne-Yo

A misjudged knockabout comedy in which the r&b singer gets trapped in the tropical fish section of a garden centre just outside Luton. Cee-Lo Green drags up to play his overbearing, overweight mother, who rescues him by training all the fish to swim in an arrow formation.


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

The Spy Who Wet Himself

Incontinent mole


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Long Gold Friday_
Can Bob Hoskins survive the last day at work before the weekend with his radio jammed on a classic rock station?


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Aloha Papa

Knowing me, knowing U S A


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

The Numan Centipede

A mad scientists attempt at a revival of 80s post fascist electronica ends in tears


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

In The Game Of The Father

a young man is shown how to cheat at monopoly by pete postlethwaite


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> The Numan Centipede
> 
> A mad scientists attempt at a revival of 80s post fascist electronica ends in tears



Genius


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Right at the museum

Very short film. Someone asks for, and gets, directions to Starbucks. The end.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

The bicker man

A repressed policeman investigating a mystery on an island full of hippies contradicts them all to death


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Blue Vervet_

The uglier side of small-town southern African life is gradually revealed when a psychotic gangster kidnaps a family of small monkeys and forces the girl one to sing cabaret songs for him.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

michael collina

a film about pierluigi collina's brother


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

The Patent Trap

Thrilling intellectual property yarn


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Stray dogs

A young couples idyllic rural retreat is brought to an abrupt end when 101 Dalmatians charge through the door and shite all over the place


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

jif...

a film about boys cleaning a publick school


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Cook-hand Luke_

Gritty drama about life as a sous chef.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_Bitch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid_
An animated Disney feature about a bank robbing dog and her caprine best friend who decide to go straight after a relentless posse of detectives starts to hunt them down.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

pat garrett and billy the yid

spurs' 'fever pitch', building up to their double win more than 50 years ago, following two fans round the country.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Bring me the lead of Alfredo Garcia._

A Mexican takes his dog for a walk.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Weekend at Ernie's

everyones favourite hoxhaist attempts to reform yugoslavia under a strong man socialist rule


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_The English Patent_
A sensitive story about trademarking breakfast teas


----------



## fuck seals (Sep 1, 2015)

Snape's On A Plane

Travel documentary in which the Hogwarts professor forgoes his broomstick for a modern flying experience


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> jif...
> 
> a film about boys cleaning a publick school


So much better than the modern remake, _Cif_.  (Which starts off as CGI but ends in live action).


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Matric_

A goth enrols at college only to discover that his room in halls only exists in his imagination and the whole place is run by giant outer-space lizard/insect creatures.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Planes, Brains and Automobiles

Steve Martin and Jon Candy battle the zombie hordes as they struggle homewards for christmas with the family


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

all quiet on the western font

a film about the strife between different christian sects at the church of the holy sepulchre and one man's efforts to bring peace


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Honey I shrunk the aids

Scientist makes a virus even smaller


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Mr Smith goes to Ashington_

A naive rube joins the parish council in the former pit village, and fits right in.


----------



## fuck seals (Sep 1, 2015)

One Flew Over The Cuckoos Fest

Expose of the use of police drones to clamp down on the avian raving scene


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the whining

author and family spend the winter in a deserted hotel and the child doesn't let up about how he'd like to be somewhere else.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Cook of Eli

Denzel Washington is alone in a post apocalyptic landscape trying to do a recipe he saw on River Cottage ages ago


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

wig

like big, but when child transformed into adult finds has male pattern baldness, which seeks to conceal.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Unset Boulevard_

A public information film about the risks of stepping on newly laid tarmac.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Peaky Friday


theres a bug going round


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the sine of four

sherlock holmes on a trigonometrick quest


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

__steve__ said:


> Mend it like Beckham.
> 
> David -- post football career -- becomes an odd job man. Hilarity ensues.


Vend it Like Beckham - David tires of the celebrity lifestyle and opens a newsagents shop in Chingford


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Citizen Kale_

A ruthless man succeeds in business, but gives it all up to start a health food shop.


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Teenage mutant jinja turtles

Adolescent red headed reptilian wrong-righters


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the leg end of sleepy hollow

an amputated leg found in the new england wilderness.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Rend it Like Beckham

after a freak accident Becks is gifted with god like strength and goes around ripping people in two.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_The African Queer_

Eye-wateringly dated, in these more PC times.


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Dr. Furface said:


> Vend it Like Beckham - David tires of the celebrity lifestyle and opens a newsagents shop in Chingford



Lend it like Beckham

...and Victoria becomes a loan shark.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Night of the Hunger_

Robert Mitchum plays a man who skips supper but regrets it later.


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

__steve__ said:


> Lend it like Beckham
> 
> ...and Victoria becomes a loan shark.


Send it Like Beckham - David takes on a Post Office franchise in his shop


----------



## fuck seals (Sep 1, 2015)

Tend it like Beckham

David tires of the celebrity lifestyle and rents an allotment in Harrogate


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> _The African Queer_
> 
> Eye-wateringly dated, in these more PC times.


----------



## fuck seals (Sep 1, 2015)

End It Like Beckham

Harrowing insight into David's trip to Dignitas


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Lend it like Beckham

David tries his hand at loansharking on a grim housing estate .

Eta

Blleeugh ..it's been done


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Bind it like Beckham

A BDSM porno, really.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

mend it like beckham

the former footballer sets up a school for tailors


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

tend it like beckham

a group of young asian women get into gardening after seeing david beckham weeding his allotment


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Bend it Mike Beckham

We follow Mike's dream of becoming "The Brixton Uri Geller"


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Citizen Zane.

Former One Direction singer reminisces about his sledge. Stunningly lit, but very dull.


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 1, 2015)

The Girth of a Nation

A romantic look back at the history of the fast food industry in the USA.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the name of the rosé

sean connery at a monastick wine tasting


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Absolut Beginners.

Patsy Kensit and Eddie O'Connell have never tasted vodka before.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

casino royal

james bond goes to blackpool


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Bummer holiday

Cliff Richard and a zany gang of teenagers set off on a London bus accross Europe for their hols .unfortunately the bus keeps breaking down, it pisses rain the whole time and it was the worst holiday they ever had .

Luckily though nobody went for the cheap joke .


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

France Ha! - collection of short films taking the piss out of our Gallic neighbours


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the wand that shakes the barley

harry potter joins the ira during the tan war


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Sumner Holiday

New Order's front man and a zany gang of teenagers set off on a London bus accross Europe for their hols


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

sumer holiday

cliff richard and friends travel across europe in a bus to join isis


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Elp!

Emerson, Lake and Palmer in zany capers as a murderous Indian cult try to steal Carl's ring. They sing pompous songs based on light classical favourites and fall over in the snow while skiing. 

Last Night at the Proms does the Goons. (Contains mild sexism and casual racism).


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Sommer Holiday

Cliff Richard drives across Europe in a bus with 60s sex kitten Elke Sommer . Not a great deal happens but they had a nice enough time .


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

Come Alone
A look at the the proliferation of online pornography.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

The Elp. 

Emerson, Lake and Palmer try to make up for the casual racism of their previous effort by helping Southern Black domestic servants to write a book, but only make things worse by being patronising and implying that black folks need the help of white do-gooders. 

Goes on for hours and contains a creaky and laboured set piece about a cake with shit in it that has frankly obviously been inserted at the behest of an editor who thought there needed to be something quirky to keep the audience awake.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

gone with the wand

harry potter in the american civil war


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

where beagles fear to tread

a film about sheepdogs in the pyrenees


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Gonk With The Wind. 

Flatulent toy who doesn't give a damn.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

beverley hills chop

a film star becomes a pork butcher


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Night of the Living Dad. 

A group of people hiding in a farmhouse from their father, who is livid.


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Return of the Living Dad. 

The young people are now punks, and their Dad is even more cross.


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Pitman

A shorthand-secretary-for-hire known only as Agent 47 hired by a group known only as 'The Organization' is ensnared in a political conspiracy


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Bodzilla

The world is beset by the appearance of a massive bald children's TV character from the early 70's


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

a streetcar named desirée

adventures of a sentient tram with a female personality


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

silt

a russian sleeper agent dredges rivers in appalachia


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> a streetcar named desirée
> 
> adventures of a sentient tram with a female personality



The musical numbers are excruciatingly bad.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Twelve years a Slade_

Based on drummer Don Powell's warts 'n' all memoir.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Twelve ears a slave_

A plantation owner and part-time mad scientist experiments with genetic mutation.  Appallingly misjudged.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

12 years a stave

a film about a man forced to act as part of a fence for many years


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Twelve years a shave

The story of a Shoreditch hipster's manscaping routine


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Twelve "yeah"s a slave_

A group of slaves escape their oppression by forming a hip-hop troupe, but are hampered by their inability to come up with any very good raps about their experiences.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the seventh sale

a warrior returning from the crusades goes shopping in the year's final sale.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Twelve years a Slav_

A man puts on a false accent for ages to fool people about where he's from.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

twelve years a lathe


obscure arthouse film in which the lives and loves of many bulgarian toolmakers are affected by a lathe.



that may sound ludicrouse but there is a horror film about an evil industrial sized washing mangle so there you go


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Twelve gears a slave

Film about a wrongly imprisoned cyclist


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

penned by stephen king says wiki. Well I never.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Twelve pears a slave_

The story of an unusually kind foreman in 1850s South Carolina.


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Tonal recall

A heartwarming tale of a man getting his ears syringed.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

The Braking of Pelham 123


a train driver brakes heavily.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

bonal recall

recollections of boning dotcom's mum


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> The Braking of Pelham 123
> 
> 
> a train driver brakes heavily.


not sure how that's ONE letter


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the baking of pelham 123

sue perkins et al in a subterranean baking drama


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> not sure how that's ONE letter


theres been loads of rule breakers on this thread, you can't admonish me.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> theres been loads of rule breakers on this thread, you can't admonish me.


so just cos other people are at it you think you should be too. for shame, dotcommunist, for shame.


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 1, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> bonal recall
> 
> recollections of boning dotcom's mum


Tonal Recall

A tragic tale of faulty toning mist.


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

Straight Outta Compston - Scottish actor Martin Compston discusses his life and work on B-movie classics including Soulboy, The Wee Man, and the appropriately titled How to Stop Being a Loser


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

wilder

the sequel to wilde


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Wasters of the universe

He-man and Skeletor get fucked up on Absinthe.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> penned by stephen king says wiki. Well I never.



_Barrie_

A man from Waltham Forest wearing a camel coat takes revenge after some slag spills what looks like pigs' blood on his new motor.
_
Wet Sematary_

Elegiac 24-hour real-time film about the visitors to a graveyard in west Wales.

edit: mixed up camel coat and donkey jacket


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Commyknockers

Stephen King re-imagines the mcarthyite witch hunt


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

tommyknickers

stephen king horror about underwear


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Tommyknackers

Stephen King horror about gonads


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

timmyknockers

a film about people who undermine timmy


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Pommyknockers

A film about Australians


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Dawn of the Dad.

It's morning, but the teenagers aren't awake yet.  Dad is raging: "The best part of the day has gone!"


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

tammyknockers

a film about people trying to break the corrupt municipal politics of early 20c new york


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Charlotte's Neb.

Charlotte keeps sticking her nose in where it isn't wanted.


----------



## Miss-Shelf (Sep 1, 2015)

this thread is cheering up a wet day at work


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

tummyknockers

short film about a youth sub-culture where people greet each other by bumping bellies


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 1, 2015)

Charlotte's wet *sniggers*


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Charlotte's Wet

Charlotte forgets her brolly

ETA Snap!


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

charlotte's wes

a tear-jerking romantick drama about charlotte's unrequited love for wes


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

A Bed and Two Noughts - England captain Alastair Cook turns in for the night after another disastrous day at the crease


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

MoboCop

Futuristic thriller about the R & B police


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 1, 2015)

Dad Zone. 

A loving look at the armchair closest to the fire.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

dead zine

a film about the closure of a formerly popular magazine


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Magnificent Camber Sons_
Period drama set amongst an all-male brood in Sussex


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Bead Zone

A film about a hippie's boudoir


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Das Foot

one mans battle with a nasty fungal infection. Should get it seen to mate! would be the tagline


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

or maybe 'Theres a cream for that you wally!'


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Las Boot

The Spanish version


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

She's Gotta Have Wit - how to succeed as a female stand-up


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Deed Zone_
Supernatural thriller about conveyancing lawyers


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Das Boat

Irish film about a father with a rowboat


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Bad Max

A film about a naughty canine.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

dad's boot

how my father got on with having only one leg


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_Three Children And IT_
Drama about a trio of Edwardian children who are transported into the future where they discover the internet


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

T.W.A.T.

Crappy, straight-to-the-bargain-bin American junk, no doubt starring Samuel L Jackson.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_Made Max_
Post-apocalyptic wiseguys


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

made max

post-apocalyptick mafia


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Resident Evel

A film charting Evel Knievel's final few years in the old folk's home


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Cabin Lever - Joe sets out to repair the locking mechanism on his door, but is he ready for what happens next?


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

maid max: a transvestite thug on the loose in post-apocalyptick australia


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

The Big Neat

A man coming to terms with a constantly refilled bottle of Scotch


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Womb Raider

...has probably already been made, actually.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Mellys heroes

A plucky band of renegade GIs sneak behind enemy lines to play some first rate jazz numbers and share  top notch anecdotes into the early hours


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

The Punning Man

Tim Vine biopic


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

The Jazz minger

Talented singer has to plaster himself in make up in order to advance his career because he's ugly as fuck .


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Minority Retort - In Paris in 1643, young Chinese alchemist Yang Mei encounters difficulties finding a trader who will sell him the necessary glassware needed in his quest to distil gold from quicksilver. One day he meets a woman who might just supply what he is looking for.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Mad Marx

the bearded legend has his daughter kidnapped by evil european types and then hunts them all down one by one


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Mortal Combat

A film about HOW TO SPELL COMBAT


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Seven rides for seven brothers

Rollicking family musical were 7 rambunctious unmarried brothers in the wild west go on a quest for some casual no strings sex


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Big Rebow Ski_
Mysterious nihilists burglarise a hippie slacker's home and vandalise a treasured item of winter sports equipment that once belonged to a nineteenth century Liberal politician


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

The Ting and I

a flighty english governess sort is seduced by weed.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_The King and X_

Dirty


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_Token_
Divorced dad with a shadowy past goes Full Neeson when he hits the jackpot in his local pub but the fruit machine refuses to pay out in cash


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Where beagles dare

The Cheshire hunt outwit hordes of crusty vegan saboteurs while unmasking a traitor in their midst


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

my fair laddy

two well-to-do men make a bet on whether they can introduce a chimney sweep into polite society


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> _The King and X_
> 
> Dirty


The King and Di - further revelations about Princess Diana's extra-marital affairs.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Barry On Camping

Barry Manillow is hilariously stuck on a campsite in bognor regis with only bab windsor for company.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

class of the titans

dull action set in school for titans in ancient greece


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 1, 2015)

Run LOL Run

A film about a sponsored fun run.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

lash of the titans

bdsm set in ancient greek mythology


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

The Bing and I

The story behind Little Drummer Boy, as recollected by David Bowie


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Bone with the Wind - eproctophiliac porn movie


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Greatest Story Ever Sold_
Lengthy epic about the brutal world of literary agents


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

The Cod Father - Marlon Brando questions his wife's faithfulness after she gives birth to a fish.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the mod father: drama about the first mod


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 1, 2015)

Honey I Shrunk the Yids - drama based on how Adolf Hitler wooed Eva Braun


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

_Laws - Judge Dredd film  
Laws 2 - Sequel 
Laws 3-D - Don't watch this it is a crap movie _


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Raging Pull

de niro angry wanks for an hour


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Honey I shrunk the kidz

Remake, with Ice Cube in the Rick Moranis role.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Trench Connection_
New York navvies Popeye and Cloudy finally finish the ground works at their Brooklyn building site; to celebrate they smoke a bit of brown


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Honey I shrank the kids

Rick moranis gets pedantic about spelling


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Raving Bull

Techno cattle


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Live and let DIY

James Bond puts up some shelves for Miss Moneypenny on his day off


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Honey Pi Shrunk the Kids - a sticky mathematics problem leads two children to skip meals until they begin suffering from malnutrition. Will Aunty Betty be able to able to get to grips with non-conventional Riemann surfaces in time to convince them to start eating again?


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

for your ayes only

james bond has to enforce a three line whip in the commons


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_In The Realm Of The Sensei_
Martial arts master does unspeakable things with boiled eggs


----------



## quimcunx (Sep 1, 2015)

Matman  - Adapted from Miller's recently discovered original script for Death of a Salesman, this Cowardesque farce about the escapades of a travelling carpet salesman will leave you in no doubt that they should have put it back where they found it.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

dr? no!

a documentary about the sad state of the nhs


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Shart !

Who's the black private dick , who has to go home and change his keks ?

Daaamn right


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Mouse of Flying Daggers - rodent kung-fu flick


----------



## krtek a houby (Sep 1, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Shart !
> 
> Who's the black private dick , who has to go home and change his keks ?
> 
> Daaamn right



Is it the stout fellow in your office?


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

krtek a houby said:


> Is it the stout fellow in your office?



Well spotted, apart from the office bit .


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

house of flying Jaggers

Mick and the family bust some exuberant moves


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Lick Ass

Lol


----------



## krtek a houby (Sep 1, 2015)

Red Yawn - Jeremy Corbyn assumes the Labour leadership and the nation shrugs its shoulders


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Finding Nero

The nutty Roman emperor has gone missing


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Life of UI

A user interface designer gets trapped on a boat.


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Nine and a Half Leeks - Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke prepare the perfect Welsh cawl


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

funding nemo: how the captain of the nautilus got the wherewithal to build and launch his submarine


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_You only dive twice_

Tom Daley biopic


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_The man with the Goulden gun_

A lonely real ale enthusiast's obsession with a posh wine bore turns violent


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Funding Nero - Experimental archaeologist Susan Donnington sets up a kickstarter campaign for her controversial reconstruction of Emperor Nero's life and home, but meets significant opposition when she reveals her plan to recreate the burning of live Christians for garden illuminations.


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Old Soy. Korean gangsters smash up a mini supermarket after they are sold soy sauce past its expiry date.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_From Russia with Gove_

Odd-couple travel comedy in the vein of Trains, Planes and Automobiles.  Utterly unwatchable.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Octopissy_

crass gross-out parody of the original film


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

The Seventh Meal - Ingmar Bergman can't decide what to cook for dinner on Sunday night.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Superfry

Living on his wits on the mean streets of Harlem, a young man defies all comers to dish out the full English .


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Cattle of Algiers - North African cows struggle for independence.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Thundermall_

Follow the former members of a mediocre hard rock band as they attempt to follow their dream of creating the ultimate shopping experience on a vacant brownfield site just outside Northampton.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Moonraper
_
Bond's past finally catches up with him


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

moo raker

james bond detailed to clear up after herd of cattle


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the man with the golden gnu

james bond meets indiana jones in this thrilling action adventure


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

chunderball

first to puke unleashes nuclear war on the world


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

goldfanger

the man with a mouth of gold


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Boldfinger

Bond tackles an arch villain with a penchant for " tickling" people in inappropriate places


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Hockneys vs. Zombies - Artist David and small-time right-wing politician Damian team up to save the world from the living dead.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

a view to a mill

bond goes on a relaxing holiday in norfolk.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Die Lard - A mans fight against weight gain from bad fried food
Die Lard II - The man tries olive oil as an alternative for frying
Die Lard with a Vengeance - The lard fights back!


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

The Lawnmower Ban - riots erupt in LA as a federal ban on lawnmowers takes effect.


----------



## xenon (Sep 1, 2015)

Snakes on a Plank.Bothersome reptiles at the wood store
Stakes on a Plane. 
Lets get these pointy sticks delivered pronto.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

39 Stops - Railway Enthusiast Colin plans a great adventure, but which branch line offers the best benefit?


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

The Beagle Has Landed - A biopic of the life of the late astronomer Colin Pilinger, starring Leonardo DiCaprio as the unfortunate scientist.


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Polite Story - Jackie Chan roams the streets of Hong Kong holding doors open for women and helping old ladies across the road.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Soyfall_

Bond tries to stop a Korean arch-villain from detonating his unusual new bomb in the skies above central London before it's too late.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

the remains of the diy

an enthusiastic amateur brings down the house when he tries to fix a radiator


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Bumble in the Bronx - ageing cricket commentator David 'Bumble' Lloyd visits New York for a wedding and ends up in a gang war.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

_Pie Another Day_

Bond in Yorkshire.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

Tomorrow Never Diet

After a year on desk duty Bond is somewhat out of shape, but resents the new 'M's attempts to get him to drink less and maybe eat a vegetable now and then.


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

The Big Toss - Bruce Lee has a really big wank.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 1, 2015)

Never say lever again

Not a Bond film at all. A gentle portrait of the life of a retired signalman.


----------



## Minnie_the_Minx (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Longest Way_

John Wayne has trouble finding his way to St Mer Eglise, leaving the fate of the residents to the Germans

(It's on at the moment btw)


----------



## Minnie_the_Minx (Sep 1, 2015)

_Bora, Bora, Bora_ - The Japanese decide to lay down their arms and spend the rest of the war living a life of luxury in glass bottomed chalets


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

cora, cora, cora

the story of cora billington, the chorus girl who wowed pre-war japan


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

dora, dora, dora

the tale of cora billington's cousin, dora hillfry, who was an accountant in weston-super-mare


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 1, 2015)

Jacobs bladder... An epic tail of how one man battled to overcome his life long battle with incontinence


----------



## Minnie_the_Minx (Sep 1, 2015)

_Clean Plate _- A private investigator with amnesia piles on the pounds because he can't remember eating


----------



## Minnie_the_Minx (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Thin Red Wine - _American troops bemoan the lack of a decent bottle of red in Vietnam and decide to set up their own red wine distillery.  The wine is so good, everyone gets too hammered to bother fighting


----------



## Jackobi (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Perminator_

Arnie travels back in time to prevent the viral like dissemination on Skynet of digitised snapshots of people with big hair from the 70s and 80s.


----------



## Minnie_the_Minx (Sep 1, 2015)

_From Russia with Dove - _Bond is sent to save the heiress to the Dove Cosmetics Corporation after her kidnap for trade secrets


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

mora, mora, mora - chronicling a Japanese linguist's obsession with his native tongue's syllable structure

(trust me, that's in the top 5 phonology jokes ever)


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Sep 1, 2015)

Godfellas - Organised Italians applying good old catholic pressure in the name of the lord...


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Sep 1, 2015)

Clarks - Jay and Silent Bob in comfortable shoes


----------



## Jackobi (Sep 1, 2015)

_Raveheart_

William Wallis leads a bunch of acid heads from the Gorbals to Westminster in protest against the Tory's outlawing of repetitive beats in the 80s.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Diet Hard - Overweight Bruce Willis confronts his eating demons.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Full Petal Jacket - Jeydon sets out to create a costume masterpiece for New Orleans Mardi Gras.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Howard the Fuck


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Tission Impossible - painter can't paint / won't paint.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Saturday Night, Sunday Mooning: 

Coming of age drama of a working class lad who can't stop feeling the urge to show his arse in public to church goers.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Allen:
Allen is mistaken  for a vicious extra-terrestrial and fights for his life on a spaceship.

Allens:
Allen is back with some mates!


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

saturday night, sunday moaning: a night on the town results in a hangover


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

For Your Eyes, Owly

Bond's old school mate, nicknamed Owly for his big eyes and the way he can rotate his head nearly all the way round, is the only person who has access to a secret dossier. Bond needs him but must prevent him from passing on the dossier's secrets. Also he eats mice.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Diet Hard - Overweight Bruce Willis confronts his eating demons.


I take it you didn't read the OP then


----------



## pogo 10 (Sep 1, 2015)

39 pets


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Tission Impossible - painter can't paint / won't paint.


Are you thinking of Titian?


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Sep 1, 2015)

Supermanc - The continuing adventures of Shaun William Ryder and his trusty sidekick Bez


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

supermin - the continuing adventures of minnie bannister out of the goon show


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Quatrophenia

A teenage Mod who drinks 4 cans of a fruit-flavoured carbonated drink from the 1980s and realises his life is a sham and bungs his scooter off Beachy Head.


----------



## N_igma (Sep 1, 2015)

Seven Brides for Steven Brothers

Steven Brothers is a Mormon in Salt Lake City. Hilarity ensues when he gets more than he bargained for after marrying 7 women. Derp de derp.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

seven rides for seven brothers: the brothers go on a visit to the local theme park


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Seven Brides for Severn Brothers 

similar but set in Bristol.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

cluckwise - john cleese stars as a headmaster going cold turkey


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> cluckwise - john cleese stars as a headmaster going cold turkey


do turkeys cluck?


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> I take it you didn't read the OP then


I did, I forget .. there are sooooo many words in this thread!!


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Seven Brides for Sewen Brothers - Rachel's attempt to start a fish farm goes badly wrong


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Seven Brines for Seven Brothers - a large family start trading in artisanal sea salt, with unexpected consequences


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Sever Brides for Seven Brothers.

The slasher version


----------



## Maharani (Sep 1, 2015)

This thread is !

Poolander - I'll let you work the plot out.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

The Mild Bunch - a Western about a not very violent bank nor not very robber gang.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Its a Wonderful Wife


in a dark re imagining of the frank capra christmas classic Citizen G-Bail is alone in orbit around a brown dwarf star kept on full sensorium immersion. Sometimes it crashes and he wakes from the dream shrieking with horror at his fate. His 'wife' (its the habitats AI) soothes him back into the fugue state


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> do turkeys cluck?


clucking a slang term for going cold turkey


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> clucking a slang term for going cold turkey


oh. I'm an idiot.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Talkabout - a film in which the protagonists discuss the merits of Australian Cinema.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

'wocky

a film about jabberwocky baiting


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Boy Story - about a boy


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

toy storey - a film about a toy department in a big store


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Ghost Chip:

There's something moving in the bag of chips, but this isn't just a chip, its a devil chip!


----------



## Maharani (Sep 1, 2015)

Popcat - a kitty and her rise to stardom. 

Silly Elliot - a movie about a middle class, city dwelling idiot...


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

The Purple Nose of Cairo:

He was proud of his magnificent purple nose. Women loved it, men were envious of it. But what happens when a purple nose goes back to pink? Now he has to learn to live all over again with a normal nose.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

The Cowering Inferno:

A small frightened building catches fire.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Heath

Former Prime Minster is planning one last big heist before retiring


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 1, 2015)

Monthy pythons the wife of Brian... A sordid tale of the secret wife of the false Messiah


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

monty python's the fife of brian - brian unwittingly the pied piper of jerusalem.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

The Last Starlighter

They're in Space. they have smokes. They have one lighter, which disappears. The plot ensues.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

To Mill a Mockingbird (1962) - A how to film, how to incorporate ground bird's parts into bread!


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Named Lunch

A film where a woman will only eat her lunch if she names it first. She soons run out of names....


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

to bill a mockingbird - a fantasy in which a heron carries out some building work for a mockingbird but then has great difficulty obtaining payment.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

to Fill a Mockingbird - a mockingbird has shocking appetite and eats everything around it


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

A Bridge Too Ear - a surreal film about a road bridge that becomes a giant ear.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Batman: Dark Night

there's no moon about, cloudy as fuck, so the cartoon fascist gets lost in the alleys


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Batman: Sark Knight

The caped crusader fights crime on the small channel island of Sark.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

cyril_smear said:


> Monthy pythons the wife of Brian... A sordid tale of the secret wife of the false Messiah





Pickman's model said:


> monty python's the fife of brian - brian unwittingly the pied piper of jerusalem.



The movie is called Brian


----------



## starfish (Sep 1, 2015)

She Wee Man.

Glaswegian gangster gains revenge on those  who chopped his penis off in a bloody climax at T In The Park.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Briar - Young Jeffery goes hunting for fairies in a thorny thicket in the local park, but he soon gets a nasty surprise when the elves find him.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

bi0boy said:


> The movie is called Brian








do you not see the little 'monty python's life of' they've cunningly inserted?


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

The Lizard of Oz:

Young girl goes to Australia to find a lizard that can make all her dreams come true but it turns out to be Tony Abbot with his mask off and he eats her!


----------



## starfish (Sep 1, 2015)

Needs.

Glaswegian coming of age drama about pupils in a remedial class.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 1, 2015)

Perms of endearment- a load of nannas go to the hairdressers...


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Grainspotting

the life of an agricultural scientist. Who is on smack.


----------



## N_igma (Sep 1, 2015)

Tory Story


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> do you not see the little 'monty python's life of' they've cunningly inserted?


 
They obviously didn't see the one letter rule.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

The Man Who would Be Bing

Documentary of a Bing Crosby Impersonator


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Toy Storm

The world's toys amass as a huge army to destroy western civilization as we know it.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 1, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Grainspotting
> 
> the life of an agricultural scientist. Who is on smack.


Hahahaha.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Lire of Brian, an Italian holiday takes an unexpected turn when some controversy arises over a particular quantity of the local currency.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

A Nan for All Seasons: she has raincoats and short sleeved cardies. she will never be caught out by the weather. Then one day....


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

a moan for all seasons: farmerbarleymow gives an acerbick view of the year.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 1, 2015)

Munch box - a lesbian comedy.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Lift of Brian: a man who works as a lift operator gets mistaken for the son of God.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 1, 2015)

Mad Max: Jury Road


The eponymous road warrior finds himself called to stand with eleven men good and true to judge the case of  car thief. I Think we all know which way max votes.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Sad Max

His girlfriend was killed. He's sad. He decides to go home and grieve and gets wiped out in the nuclear holocaust.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Mad Vax: 

A carpet cleaner gets possessed by the devil.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

fright club. owners of a horror emporium move into premises formerly used for mma.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

it's a wonderful lie. politicians reminisce on their lives in power.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

interstella: the life of a long distance stella delivery man


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> interstella: the life of a long distance stella delivery man


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


>


interstellar > interstella


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Spinal Rap

A remake for the hiphop generation.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Stan Trek: The Movie

Long running tv show about a guy called Stan who's on a long journey gets given the movie treatment.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> interstellar > interstella


no i mean, that's my name, Stella..... oh never mind...


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 1, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> no i mean, that's my name, Stella..... oh never mind...


oh right. i always skip the last six letters of your name


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 1, 2015)

Saturday Night Fiver

Weekend fun on a tight budget


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 1, 2015)

Saturday Night Sever

The slasher version


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Saturday Night Fewer - a drunken couple get into an heated argument about the correct labelling of a basket-only checkout in a local grocery store.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 1, 2015)

__steve__ said:


> Spinal Rap
> 
> A remake for the hiphop generation.


They should make this one for sure.


----------



## BandWagon (Sep 1, 2015)

A Fistful of Collars: mass arrests by the Met.


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Sep 1, 2015)

Analyze Twat.  Since Billy Crystal is in the lead role, that's one film I don't want to see.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

Bombi
Thinly-veiled terrorist progoganda for the under fives


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

Minority Raport
Tom Cruise attempts to builds bridges between Scientology and ethnic minorities


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

Casino Royals
After being forced to abdicate following the election of Jeremy Corbyn, the Queen and Prince Philip find work as croupiers in a seedy gambling den


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

Who Flamed Roger Rabbit?
The popular cartoon star is forced off Twitter and Facebook by trolls


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

The Dark Night
A county highways department has to face tough budget cuts


----------



## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Full Mounty - _a laid off Sheffield steelworker tries his luck in the Canadian police but on his first night gets locked in a doughnut bakery.


----------



## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Bogie Nights _- we made our own fun in them days, sat in with our fingers up our nostrils.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 1, 2015)

Party Mobster
Mafia godfather, Macaulay Culkin, evades the police with elaborate fancy costumes.


----------



## trabuquera (Sep 1, 2015)

Blazing Saddlers. Reefer madness runs amok in the horse-racing community.


----------



## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Wankabout_  - Nicholas Roeg's ill-fated collaboration with Mike Reid that never got picked up by CBBC


----------



## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_We Need To Talk About Bevin_ - three SPADS spend a horrific night trapped in a House of Commons lift with the unreconstructed oldest member of the parliamentary Labour Party


----------



## Miss Caphat (Sep 1, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> Hocus POTUS
> Bogged down in overseas conflicts and trailing in opinion polls at home, a desperate president turns his hand to sorcery



Good one!


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Moby's Dick - X rated porn flick


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 1, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Rotting Hill
> 
> Hugh Grant comes down with a nasty case of necrotising fasciitis



I'd pay good cash to see that at the cinema.


----------



## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_Spirited Haway _- Newcastle United fans get pissed in Rome en route to the Intertoto Cup final.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 1, 2015)

maomao said:


> 28 Bays Later - Director Danny Boyle's search for a parking space.



or

28 Bays Later - Transformers film number 29.


----------



## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Shinning_ - Jack Nicholson goes mental and climbs a tree


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Greaser - more hair lubricant and John Travolta


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Nil by Youth - 93 year old Doris refuses to hand over the reigns of the WI committee chair to Mavis, twenty years her junior, or to any other person who was not an adult during the Second World War. Will she get her way or will the younger members prevail?


----------



## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_Some Bike it Hot_ - Documentary about the Saudi national cycling team


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Four Liens - It's getting complicated for newly qualified solicitor Jodi as she gets to grip with an interesting property case.


----------



## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_Chinotown - _Roman Polanski noir set in a middle class American University


----------



## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_On the Waferfront - _about the Glasgow ice cream wars


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

The Man On The White Suit - A tailor climbs on top of a table, standing on a white suit to change a light bulb when disaster strikes


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 1, 2015)

Man on Tire - An American truck mechanic adopts an African orphan and teaches her English while going about his daily work in this heart-warming drama.


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 1, 2015)

_Minging in the Rain _

hollywood musical extravaganza starring some of the more homely members of the acting community

_The Red Walloon_

a film of touching childhood innocence as a young boy encounters a magic floating Belgian communist


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

The Pound of Music - the Austrian mountains with drum and base


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 1, 2015)

Herpico  -  harrowing drama of a New York cop and his medically distressing condition

F*A*S*H  -  more biting satire on the futility of war with those cynical yet lovable medics at a Waffen SS field hospital on the Russian Front


----------



## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Amistrad - _slaves in one of Alan Sugar's sweatshops revolt and try to drive the delivery van to Ongar and freedom but a scab fiddles with the GPS so they end up back in Brentwood.


----------



## ViolentPanda (Sep 1, 2015)

Near Park - nest of vampires live near a park, and mooch there at night, when not slaughtering the patrons at the local roadhouse.

The Wrench Connection - Tools salesman Popeye Doyle investigates who is selling inferior European spanner-age to his All-American customers.

Barry London - distortions in space and time cause London and Barry Island to become fused together, with sometimes comic, sometimes catastrophic results.


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 1, 2015)

ViolentPanda said:


> Near Park - nest of vampires live near a park, and mooch there at night, when not slaughtering the patrons at the local roadhouse.



_Satanic Kites of Dracula_

...vampires terrorise users of a municipal park by wooshing their display kites in an evil manner at the local dog walkers and other people attempting to enjoy the amenities...

_Veet me in St Louis_

Hollywood musical extravaganza focusing on feminine hair removal


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Toon_
Ben Affleck, Jeremy Renner, PJ and Duncan are the toughest crew of armed robbers in Newcastle


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Slaving Private Ryan - Ryan is captured and sold as a slave


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

The Fight Stuff - Sequel to Fight club


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_Jurassic Wold_
Two hours of not much happening in a really ancient upland wood


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Raging Lull - the gap between rages


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Pain Man - Hippie steps on Lego


----------



## fuck seals (Sep 1, 2015)

Shaun Off The Dead

One man's struggle to give up necrophilia


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Pulp Friction - what male cyclists experience


----------



## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_Cat Ball Ow_ - a short film about the painful consequences of letting kitty play with a ball of wool on your lap.


----------



## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_The Toweling Inferno _-it was the worst day ever down at the Soap 'n Suds laundrette.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

_How The Vest Was Won_
Epic tale of how four generations of one family were united by the winning of a sports singlet at a village fete on a raffle stall with prizes donated by JJB.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 1, 2015)

JimW said:


> _The Toweling Inferno _-it was the worst day ever down at the Soap 'n Suds laundrette.


I think I preferred _Fabcon Air_


----------



## fuck seals (Sep 1, 2015)

Cwtch 22

Heartwarming story of one girl's dream to hug the whole of the 1958 Welsh football squad


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

The Deer Cunter - Robert De Niro swears at horned ruminants.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

The Public Enema (1931) - not something to be entered into lightly


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Fig Trouble in Little China - Kurt Russell plays a Chinese chef who faces an evil sorcerer beneath Chinatiown in a quest for ingredients for his fruit compote.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 1, 2015)

Men In Bleck

Low-budget South African sci-fi remake.


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Snowgirls - set in an Inuit strip club.


----------



## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_A Batter Tomorrow_ - despite bowling a tidy spell on day one our young spinner knows he's the rabbit when it's our turn at the crease in the morning.
ETA sequel to Woo's other cricket movie, _Hard Bowled_


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 1, 2015)

Straw Cogs

Gay romantic drama featuring the scarecrow and the tin man from the Wizard of Oz.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Point Plank - a carpentry story


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 1, 2015)

A Robot

Will Smith has minimal trouble stopping a worldwide robot uprising because the world only has one robot in it.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

One Blew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - twitcher's flatulence causes problems


----------



## Espresso (Sep 1, 2015)

A Natter of Life and Death.
David Niven in philosophical mood.

The Ladykilters
Alec Guinness and Peter Sellers scandalise staid Edinburgh society with their daring new range of women's wear.

Kind Hearts and Cornets
How the ice cream wars in Glasgow would never had broken out, if people had been just a little bit nicer to each other. With Alec Guinness playing seven members of the same kindly ice cream family.

Dirty Lancing
Patrick Swayze a harrowing story of boil surgery in 50s America

Four Weedings and a Funeral.
Hugh Grant shows us how to commit the perfect murder by planting poison ivy, deadly nightshade, wolfsbane and ...er...something else that's nasty in Alan Titchmarsh's garden.


----------



## JimW (Sep 1, 2015)

_It Started With A Piss _- Jack could never imagine the surreal and often bloodcurdling consequences of nipping round the back for a quick wazz


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Right of the Living Dead - zombie bill passes second reading


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 1, 2015)

Snitch

Jason Statham and pals avoid a litany of amusing mishaps and criminal misadventures by immediately going to the police.


----------



## Espresso (Sep 1, 2015)

Flight Club.
The first rule for Brad Pitt and Edward Norton is to never talk about their time working as trolley dollys on Ryanair.


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Watership mown - After an epic journey our rabit friends arrive to find the promised land shorn of grass and turned into a golf course.


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

Hedge of tomorrow - Tom Cruise topiary/time travel adventure.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Buggy Malone

The prequel , when all the precocious little bastards were still in their prams.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 1, 2015)

Scud

Ray winstone and chums become so alienated from society they build a ballistic missile with the help of a rogue Iraqi scientist . Unfortunately they hide it in the greenhouse and it ends up buggered .


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Sep 1, 2015)

Wankabout

Jenny Agutter. Nuff said.


----------



## Fez909 (Sep 1, 2015)

_Big Trouble in Little Chins_ - Pixar's latest animation about a raging battle in a little girl's mouth between the evil Plaques and the hero Toothpaste.


----------



## Jackobi (Sep 1, 2015)

Lime Bandits

A band of dwarves rip through the space-time continuum to steal everyone's small, green, citrus fruits.


----------



## maomao (Sep 1, 2015)

The Rolf of Wall Street - An Australian artist opens a creche for traders' children with disastrous consequences.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

Apocalypse Cow - farm animals revolt


----------



## weltweit (Sep 1, 2015)

The Fridge on the River Kwai - remake of film with all mod cons


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

Whipslash - a man terrorises women by whipping out his cock and weeing on them on the backstreets of Beckenham.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 2, 2015)

Easy Cider - cider with Rosie on a motorbike


----------



## weltweit (Sep 2, 2015)

Sat on a Hot Tin Roof - if radiators can give you piles


----------



## xenon (Sep 2, 2015)

The Long Food Friday.
Bob Hoskins starts the weekend with a beget

Jews. 
An anti-Semite refuses to go into the water.

Basin Instinct.
Sharon Stone always knows where to wash her hands.


----------



## rekil (Sep 2, 2015)

Iron Ross - David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow struggle to convince in this misfiring Friends spin off set on the eastern front.


----------



## xenon (Sep 2, 2015)

Pill List. 
2X soldiers Who have trouble remembering to take their medication, come up with an ingenious solution.


----------



## adidaswoody (Sep 2, 2015)

Raving private Ryan
Tom hanks heads deep behind enemy lines to find Matt Damon buzzing his tits off in a field rave


----------



## danny la rouge (Sep 2, 2015)

Donnie Braco.

Johnnie Depp goes undercover in a small Perthshire village.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

paving private ryan

private ryan killed and buried under the patio


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Roald Dahl's The Bitches
An eight year old child battles an organisation of evil womenfolk


----------



## maomao (Sep 2, 2015)

The Witch - Joan Collins turns to witchcraft to save her discotheque from a financial crisis.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

You've Got Pail
Jack and Jill make their big screen debut.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

The Devil's Gown
Satan explores his feminine side.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Turner & Cooch
Investigating his partner's murder, a detective struggles to keep his mind on the job.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Sheepless in Seattle
A down-on-his-luck farmer faces ruin


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Charlie's Mangels.
Weary of all the secret missions and beautiful women, the eponymous Charlie opens a secondhand kitchen appliance store.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

charlie's angles

the story of charlie and his adventures in trigonometry


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Rugrats Go Mild
Global success led the show's stars down a path of drink, drugs and depression, Now, on the anniversary of Chuckie's death by accidental overdose at the age of 27, it's remaining cast go through rehab.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> Rugrats Go Mild
> Global success led the show's stars down a path of drink, drugs and depression, Now, on the anniversary of Chuckie's death by accidental overdose at the age of 27, it's remaining cast go through rehab.


 Chuckie was always a fuckin' loser


----------



## maomao (Sep 2, 2015)

Rugrats go Bild. - The loveable cartoon tykes get jobs working for Germany's most popular tabloid newspaper.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

In The Heat Of The Nighy -

Harrowing true story of how a group of British actors only survive a plane crash in northern Norway by gutting the senior member of their party and climbing inside.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

in the wheat of the night - a compelling film about the creation of crop circles


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

_Mississippi Gurning_

Three civil rights activists visit the deep South and people pull some really mean faces at them.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

_Mississippi Turning_

Three civil rights activists take the wrong slip road and end up hundreds of miles out of their way in Harlem, much to their relief.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

_Mississippi Lurning_

Three civil rights activists try to teach the backward racist fucks of a small Southern town how to spell properly, without success.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

_Missus Sippi Burning_
Body horror thriller in the vein of Cronenberg, in which a Finnish housewife spontaneously combusts


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Forest Pump 
"Life is like a box of hose couplings"


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

Like Tater For Chocolate -  Mexican comedy about a woman who tries to start a diet fad based on bizarre substitutions for popular treats.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

Mississippi Lurning - George W Bush is celebrity judge of the state spelling bee with hilarious consequences.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> _Mississippi Lurning_
> 
> Three civil rights activists try to teach the backward racist fucks of a small Southern town how to spell properly, without success.





JimW said:


> Mississippi Lurning - George W Bush is celebrity judge of the state spelling bee with hilarious consequences.


the felicity of synchronicity


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> the felicity of synchronicity


Damn, not sure how I missed that


----------



## 8den (Sep 2, 2015)

The Wicker Nan, one old dears search for some nice furniture


----------



## 8den (Sep 2, 2015)

danny la rouge said:


> Donnie Braco.
> 
> Johnnie Depp goes undercover in a small Perthshire village.



Bonnie Brasco Johnny Depp goes undercover in Falkirk


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

The Bobbit, There and Back Again.
Peter Jackson adapts the story of the US man who gets his cock chopped off then surgically restored


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

the habbit

bilbo baggins develops a heroin addiction and tries to escape from it. this pioneering film shows his tortured hallucinations as well as his external relationships.


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Sep 2, 2015)

South Parm - Bigger, Longer, Uncut.

A heartwarming tale of one man's efforts to export Middlesbrough's finest fried chicken based cuisine to a new market in that there London by making it twice the size.  Hilarity ensues when he refuses to slice it in half to make it even slightly edible without a bib.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

_Donnie Darlo_

The trials of a boy growing up in a small town in County Durham with only a giant, slightly plagiarised rabbit-creature for company.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Coal Hand Luke

Gritty drama set in a pit village in the 80s.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

cold hand luke: about a man with poor circulation


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Coil Hand Luke

The exploits of life as a roadie for an industrial band.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> cold hand luke: about a man with poor circulation



PC title: Reynaud's Syndrome Luke

(I'm recycling my own jokes on this site now... )


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> PC title: Reynaud's Syndrome Luke
> 
> (I'm recycling my own jokes on this site now... )


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Fool hand Luke

A man has a strange perversion involving fruit-based desserts.


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

_Psyche_
Arthouse film exploring the mind; a series of vignettes seemingly unlinked coalesce gradually, revealing the links between the dreams and external world of the dying protagonist.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Coon Hand Luke

Racist. Can't believe it ever got made, to be honest.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

tool hand luke: after losing his hand in an industrial accident luke now has a range of fixtures he can use for various tasks, including a minigun.


----------



## krtek a houby (Sep 2, 2015)

The Peer Hunter - One man on a mission to reform the House of Lords and this time its permanent


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> Coon Hand Luke
> 
> Racist. Can't believe it ever got made, to be honest.



Retaliation for Twelve Honkeys, I believe


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

the beer hunter. it's late at night in an unfamiliar town and one man needs a drink.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Cool Band, Luke

Luke starts a band which proves quite popular.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

The Deer Munter

Three men traumatised by the Vietnam war hunt down and kill a particularly ugly deer.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

The Deal Hunter

Biopic about moneysavingexpert.com founder Martin Lewis. Tedious.


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

_The Hound of Music_
Harrowing film following a zealous preacher in 17th century Britain as he attempts to stop people enjoying themselves. Michael Reeves directs.


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

_West Hide Story_
Birdwatchers clash over access to a prime viewing spot.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

The Prawnbroker - Rod Steiger shines as a death camp survivor who deals.with his trauma by cornering the market in non-kosher food.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

the pawnboker: his party trick was vomiting chess pieces


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

_Cocky_
Loveable young Cockney learns how to box, and how to love.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Watershit Down

Tale of a group of racketeering rabbits who run into trouble with the mob when they realize their hooch ain't the full ABV.


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

_Plátōn_
Plato biopic.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Willy Wonker's Chocolate Factors 

Confectionery themed maths documentary for A-level students.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

The Wind in the Pillows

Documentary uncovering widespread euthanasia in old people's homes.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Pump Fiction

A series of intersecting short films about flatulence.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

The Lady and the Trump

Rarely seen 'blue' Laurel and Hardy short


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

_Rebel without a case_
Urban's favourite lawyer attempts rhetorical flourishes in place of research.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

the laddy and the tramp. a young boy tries to help the tramp find accommodation.


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

_The Third Can_
Special Brew documentary.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

How The Vest Was Won. _(Rab C Nesbitt The Early Years.)_

4 hour Epic charting the rise of Govan's very own Socrates. Special effects scenes of wee Rab in his Mammy's clooty.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 2, 2015)

Witchminder general .

Vincent price sports a cockney accent in this turn as a down on his luck former bare knuckle fighter . Traipsing from village to village offering his services as a bodyguard cum oddjobman for medieval witches . Often told to look after the cat but invariably ending up in a series of scrapes .


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

The Ever Ending Story
Studio executives just won't commit to this franchise.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Where Eagles Care

Tale of what actually happened Douglas Barder's legs and who looked after them.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

once upon a time in the test

a film about the  famous 'bodyline' series


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

The Never Lending Story
Townspeople join forces to take on an evil librarian.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> The Never Lending Story
> Townspeople join forces to take on an evil librarian.


the version i've seen is about a reference library


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

The Licker Man

Edward Woodwood stars in this death by cunnilingus epic set in a far off Scottish Isle.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Sackdraft

A high profile Firefighter gets out caught going commando.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Fight of the Navigator
Chock full of references to seventies air disaster movies, a 787 is in extreme risk when an arguement between the cabin crew spills out into the galley.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Angleheart

The moving story of a geometry obsessive


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Sack to the Future
Documentary looking at the future evolutionary changes of male genitalia.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Inside Lout
Dystopian drama where a conservative government gets tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Where Eagles Date 

Narrated by David Attenborough


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

The Quiet Mat.

John Wayne stars in this gripping story of an Irish hallway during the great famine.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Snares On A Plane
Passengers discover a nasty secret when they board their flight.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

The Baked and the Dead

The charity bake off goes very wrong!


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Brie Encounter

A British couple have a very nasty experience with a cheese sandwich on the East coast mainline.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

The Curse of the Fat People

Morgan Spurlock's latest documentary.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Pale Ruder

Rude cowboy rides into town and pisses everyone off. Gets shot.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Bob, Sue and Rita Poo.

_In a poor area in the north of England, impoverished teen baby sitters Rita (Siobhan Finneran) and Sue (Michelle Holmes) become involved in an affair with Bob (George Costigan), their employer, who lives with his family in a modern house on the wealthy side of town. After Bob's marriage falls apart, he begins to wonder if he is taking advantage of the girls, but they enjoy the odd relationship and use it to escape their troubled family lives, which involve alcoholism and welfare dependence. Eventually Bob goes the whole hog and buys a glass coffee table._


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> Brie Encounter
> 
> A British couple have a very nasty experience with a cheese sandwich on the East coast mainline.



Briefs Encounter.
Trevor Howard is shocked when the usually demure Celia Johnson throws her knickers at him.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

The Dark Night

Very predictable action film.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

friedaweed said:


> Bob, Sue and Rita Poo.
> 
> _In a poor area in the north of England, impoverished teen baby sitters Rita (Siobhan Finneran) and Sue (Michelle Holmes) become involved in an affair with Bob (George Costigan), their employer, who lives with his family in a modern house on the wealthy side of town. After Bob's marriage falls apart, he begins to wonder if he is taking advantage of the girls, but they enjoy the odd relationship and use it to escape their troubled family lives, which involve alcoholism and welfare dependence. Eventually Bob goes the whole hog and buys a glass coffee table._



That's only _marginally _more sleazy and depressing than the actual film.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

The Postman Always Sings Twice.

Itinerant troublemaker Frank Chambers (Jack Nicholson) has a meal at a roadside restaurant and meets devastating femme fatale Cora Papadakis (Jessica Lange). As it turns out, Cora is married to the restaurant's owner, Nick (John Colicos). Happy to have a visitor, Papadakis offers Chambers a job. Chambers stays on and begins to help himself to whatever he likes -- including Cora. The two dive headlong into a torrid romance and begin to plot the perfect murder. In a twisted side plot Frank makes it to the second round of Briton's Got Talent.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Wilf of Wall Street. 

Adventures of Wilf on Wall Street. London N1


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Dead Man Wanking

Kevin Smith remakes his classic debut Clerks entirely from the point of view of the guy who dies in the restroom at the end.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Dead Man Waking

Everyone is relieved when it turns out the protagonist was only asleep.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Fatman

Sad tale of an obese superhero who can't get his career to take off.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Desparately Peeking Susan

A film about a female voyeur


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

seven raves to cairo

detailing the exploits of a group of young people as they party their way across egypt


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

i was monty's doublet

a man impersonates a piece of field marshal montgomery's clothing


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Two Mules For Mister Sara

Very similar to the original actually, but not quite.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Joint Break

Surf movie about a group of butchers who rob banks to fund their trips to Cornwall.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

The Magnificent Severn

Epic documentary of a great river.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

triumph of the swill

leni riefenstahl's film 'triumph of the will' but with insulting subtitles for a british audience


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

A fist full of collars.

Spaghetti western set in a shirt factory.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> Pale Ruder
> 
> Rude cowboy rides into town and pisses everyone off. Gets shot.



Pile Rider

A lone gunman with an embarrassing medical problem rides into town but has been in the saddle far too long to be of much use to the townspeople.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

The Sweety

Hard hitting drama about a cop who everyone agrees is actually quite lovely in every way.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Tim Burton's Corpse Ride
Locals take on a themepark owner who plans to fill his ghost train with unclaimed bodies fresh from the morgue.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

a fistful of hollars

clint eastwood and lee van cleef battle it out over an album of etchings from bohemia


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Pole Rider

Not about a cowboy, actually!


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

The Good the Bad and the Ugli

In the Sonoran desert, two outlaws are locked in a desperate struggle for the last piece of fruit.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Brighton Sock

small entrepreneur sets up a business selling LGBT socks  and against all odds, makes a go of it!


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

pale raider
a film about an albino viking


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Fly Away Homo
Set during the 2022 world cup, Qatari organisers make good on their threat to deport gay fans


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> pale raider
> a film about an albino viking


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

fly away homeo

a homeopathist is advised to leave the country


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Sale Rider

Bargains obsessed loner gets driven out of town; but she's not going without a fight!


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Gasper
A fun-loving ghost struggles to come to terms with his asthma


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

pale cider

a film about the noble art of cider making in the american west


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

friedaweed said:


> How The Vest Was Won. _(Rab C Nesbitt The Early Years.)_
> 
> 4 hour Epic charting the rise of Govan's very own Socrates. Special effects scenes of wee Rab in his Mammy's clooty.


 
  

Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film

Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Drainspotting.

Gritty Irvin Welsh tale about a group of Aberdonian Dyno Rod Employees.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

The Parent Crap
Twin girls seperated at birth are sent back to the orphanage by their adopted parents who tire of them


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film
> 
> Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film


Great minds


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Pale Hider

A stranger rides into town - then hides and no-one can find him.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 2, 2015)

Shirley Valentino

Willey Russell play about a scouse mum fed up with living in trackies.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

went the diy well
the longest diy
diy of the jackal

-- a trilogy of films about home repairs directed by russ meyer


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

friedaweed said:


> Drainspotting.
> 
> Gritty Irvin Welsh tale about a group of Aberdonian Dyno Rod Employees.


 
  

Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

The DIY of the Dead

never goes well....


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

pale riser - a dry riser's top has become indistinguishable from the sidewalk causing concern to a passing fireman. a dull short.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Palm Rider

Man sits up a tree pretending to ride it. Other people get on with their lives.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Yale Rider

very well educated rider comes into town on a horse


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

kale rider

a man rides into town, plants kale, rides off.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Dale Rider

A man rides into town on the back of a perma-tanned camp TV host.  Both are quickly forced out again by angry townsfolk.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Play Missy for Me

Michelle Gomez is driven insane by the incessant demands of a Dr Who fan.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

In the Line of 'Fore'

Golf thriller.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Heartbreak Rodge

A chirpy early 70s caper about a womaniser.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Hang 'em Hugh

Blackly comic new reality TV show with Hugh Laurie in the main role.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

The Outlaw Josey Wakes

Film about a narcoleptic former Confederate soldier


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

I might go and get some fresh air now.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

_Manon Des Sauces_
Orphaned daughter of kethchup recipe inventor faces unwanted advances from dastardly extended family


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

24 Hour Pasty People

The second summer of love plays out in a small village disco in West Cornwall with Hugh Skully and Gus Honeybun


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

bang 'em high - 1974 porn flick set in the rocky mountains


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

_Debbie Does Pallas_
Seventies porn meets Harryhausen-style stop-motion animation as American football cheerleader falls in love with Olympian goddess Athena


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Sang 'em High 

A documentary about Neil young


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Transtiberian _- sword and sandals effort set in the rougher districts of ancient Rome.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Shitter Island_ - teen comedy; they wanted to go to Ibiza but they ended up here.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_The Man in the Tron Mask_ - saccharine romance set at a sci fi convention.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

the man in the ron mask - a mysterious prisoner wearing a ronald reagan mask proves to have an important secret.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

steptoe and son hide again
the bailiffs come to call once more


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

The Empire Strokes Back

Science-fiction themed soft porn


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

The Man Who Wasn't Ther

Same film, but with north-west accents.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Meet the Fuckers

A documentary about all the people who were involved in the production of Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers.


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Debbie Does Pallas_
> Seventies porn meets Harryhausen-style stop-motion animation as American football cheerleader falls in love with Olympian goddess Athena


damn, i thought that was going to be Ms Harry covering neo-prog genii, Pallas. Oh well.



Gove Is The Devil 
The life story of a small rat, and his strained relationship with the whole of humanity.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Get Caster

A low-key kitchen sink drama about a couple who can't afford more than one type of sugar.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_About me soufflé_ - French New Wave-inspired drama set in a Lancs cookery class


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Guest Whos Coming to Dinner

A bourgeois white couple have all of their comfortable certainties about themselves largely unchallenged by their white daughter's decision to marry a property developer who is also white.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

JimW said:


> _About me soufflé_ - French New Wave-inspired drama set in a Lancs cookery class



 

I'm not sure anyone's going to beat that.


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

The Third Ban

Orson Welles is finally permanently removed from U75


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

Hove, Actually

Remake of Brighton Rock once the gentrifiers have moved in


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> I'm not sure anyone's going to beat that.


nearly as good as my 'the name of the rosé'


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Tarzan, the Ale Man _- bluff northerner Lord Greystoke has no time for your fancy foreign lagers.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

king pong: giant ape has equally giant smell


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

Three Men In A Goat

The Goat That Rocked


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Thelma & Louie

Thelma runs away from her husband with her gay BFF


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

50 Shades of Greb

a documentary about Grebs


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Thermal and Louise _- she takes a nice flask of tea instead of her mate.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

JimW said:


> _Thermal and Louise _- she takes a nice flask of tea instead of her mate.


Funny but not within the damned rules!!!


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> Funny but not within the damned rules!!!


Changed one, _transposed _another. Acquitted on a technicality!


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

Heath Becomes Her


Edward has a sex change


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Oooh are we allowed to _transpose _now too?


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

Straw Bogs - A documentary about making bogs out of straw.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

belboid said:


> Heath Becomes Her
> 
> 
> Edward has a sex change


Gender reassignment


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

Maharani said:


> Straw Bogs - A documentary about making bogs out of straw.


if I put a "W" in there.... eeek!!! Never mind!!


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

The Elephant Van - a film about one man, his van and his elephant.


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> Gender reassignment


Quite right, I beg your pardon


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

JimW said:


> Changed one, _transposed _another. Acquitted on a technicality!


 DON'T VEX ME, BOY


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> if I put a "W" in there.... eeek!!! Never mind!!


Straw Bows - Jack bends in salutation???


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 2, 2015)

belboid said:


> Straw Bows - Jack bends in salutation???


yeah. that's what i meant.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_City of Cod _- about two boys growing up in Grimsby


----------



## andysays (Sep 2, 2015)

Cid said:


> _Rebel without a case_
> Urban's favourite lawyer attempts rhetorical flourishes in place of research.



_Diamond's Ire Forever_

Urban's favourite lawyer gets extremely angry about something he doesn't have a clue about, and pointlessly disrupts another thread with a series of comments he thinks are terribly clever but which everyone else finds tedious. Again...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

_The Pelican't Brief_
UFL does some pro bono environmental protection work; the seagulls all end up covered in oil and dead.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

_Three Days Of The Condon_
A former Metropolitan Police Commissioner must go on the run after rogue spooks massacre everyone else in his office


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Around the World in Eighty Ways
Filius Fogg employs everything from mopeds to pogo sticks in this amusing travel flick


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> Around the World in Eighty Ways


Around the World in Eighty Lays


say no more


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

I considered that first, but then Thai ladyboys jumped into my head and I decided otherwise


----------



## Espresso (Sep 2, 2015)

Enemy of the Slate
Gene Hackman does his level best not to give Will Smith any credit


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

_The Show Shank Redemption_
An Amish woman is cast out of her community for her leg-baring licentiousness, whereupon she learns valuable lessons in life, blooms as a woman, and comes to peace with herself, before finally returning to the bosom of her family, who at last have come to terms with her unclothed lmbs


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 2, 2015)

Maxi Driver
A well-rounded young man with a good job and happy home life is driven violently insane by constant MOT failures


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

_Pretty in Mink_
Oligarch's daughter falls for normal person.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

A Nightmare on Elf Street

Will Ferrell reprises the Freddy Kruger role. More terrifying than the original.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Umblefish

A spin-off of David Copperfield focusing on Uriah Heep.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

T

Unsurprisingly unsuccessful kids film about a man from down the road (or 'Terrestrial') who befriends some kids and lives in their closet for a bit but their mam doesn't notice because she's just been through a messy divorce.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_How Green Was My Vallet? _- dated county house drama largely consisting of the unappealing protagonists complaining about how you can't get the experienced staff these days.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

For Hom the Bell Tolls

A sinister thriller in which the chef who popularised Chinese food in the 80s is relentlessly pursued by an apparently motiveless killer.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Full Meal Jacket

A man is refused service at a fancy restaurant until he comes back observing the dress code properly.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

Brilliant thread has kept me amused all day


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

A Pish called Wonder. A new film adaptation of an Irvine Welsh novel.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Mrs Miggins said:


> Brilliant thread has kept me amused all day



I was supposed to be working y'know.


----------



## starfish (Sep 2, 2015)

Ferris Buellers Lay Off.

After landing his dream job as a Fry Cook on Venus, Ferris gets made redundant, steals his best friends dads Space Ferrari & zips about the Solar System with his beautiful girlfriend & best friend in tow.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> I was supposed to be working y'know.


Me too. I've just been sitting at my desk in silent mirth


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 2, 2015)

Wangs of Desire

I'm not summarising that one.


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

_Silk_
Moving biopic of activist Robert Kilroy-Silk.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

Back to the Suture
A time-travelling surgeon battles old high-school bullies in a race against time to reunite his team and finish the operation.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Broken Marrow_ - there's skulduggery afoot at the municipal allotments. Can Billy solve the mystery before the annual show?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

Cid said:


> _Silk_
> Moving biopic of activist Robert Kilroy-Silk.


Does he get assassinated?


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_No To Riots_ - Hitchcock directs Cary Grant in this thinly disguised piece of state propaganda


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Hind
Documentary about a deer, who is very fastidious about his personal cleanliness, being transported to Africa to live out his days in nice weather.


----------



## starfish (Sep 2, 2015)

Les miserable.

Documentary following Les Dennis shortly after Amanda Holden dumped him.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

Slackfish
Documentary about a killer whale at Sea World who basically couldn't be arsed.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_The Long ECT Day _- quite some shift on Cheltenham General's psychiatry ward


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> Does he get assassinated?



Just covered in shit.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

The Long Piss Goodnight - I'm clearly a bit obsessed with film references about wee at the minute.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

The Hives of Others
Distructive envy in the bee-keeping community of the old East Germany


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

Secrets and Pies - an in-depth docu of ancient pie making secrets.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

Maharani said:


> The Long Piss Goodnight - I'm clearly a bit obsessed with film references about wee at the minute.


Urine sane


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

The Wives of Others
East German swingers! A peep behind the Iron Curtain.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

Maharani said:


> Secrets and Pies - an in-depth docu of ancient pie making secrets.


_ True Pies_
Flan-favouring terrorists pursue covert pie maker Arnold Schwartzeneggar for his prize-winning recipes


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

_The Jives Of Others_
Stasi spoilsports surveill fans of decadent western dance moves


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> Urine sane


Hahahaha!


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

The Limes of Others
Citrus fruit was very hard to come by under the Communists.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Captain Corelli's Man-Holin' _- low budget Italian filth.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 2, 2015)

The Incredible Sulk

You won't like him when he's grumpy.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

Hamburger Pill - it's a hamburger in pill form; how will the soldiers take to this new food form.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Blue Kawaii_ - ill-starred attempt to soften the Tory election campaign by licensing Hello Kitty.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

A Flockwork Orange
A gang of highly violent and disaffected youths go off in search of the perfect retro wallpaper.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

Jacob's Sadder - after losing it completely Tim Robbin's character becomes even sadder in the sequel...


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

Trading Laces - Shoe salesmen swap their shoe laces with weird consequences.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Sons and Livers _- a Notts miner is concerned about his son boozing it up too often with arty-farty types.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

Abigail's Farty - the party isn't what the guests expected. Abigail over does it on the sprouts.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

Brading Places
Eddie Murphy gets a job at a hairdressers.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

Maharani said:


> Abigail's Farty - the party isn't what the guests expected. Abigail over does it on the sprouts.


----------



## starfish (Sep 2, 2015)

The Crays.

Violent tale of how Ronnie & Reggie Cray became Londons most feared lobsters.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

Requiem for a Bream
Chronicle of the descent into drug hell of a usually benign and happy fish.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Slowpiercer _- Korean film about the worst parlour to get your nipples done in Gangnam


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_The Gobbe Tween_ - just turned twelve and listen to the mouth on her!


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

_Der Munter Gang_
Hitler and his pals suffer a brutal comedown in the Fuhrerbunker following the particularly sketchy birthday party organised for him by Eva Braun


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

Slade Runner
Documentary about a young lass who was responsible for getting everything that 1970s glam rock bands required.


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

The Big Sweep

when you sweep the big sweep, there's nothing left to see.


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

The Big Steep

'ow t' mek a proper brew


----------



## rekil (Sep 2, 2015)

The Bird - Underwhelming prequel about a have-a-go starling's ineffectual attempts to bother the townsfolk of arsehole ohio.


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

The Big Bleep

I'm not BLEEPing telling you what the BLEEP this BLEEPing movie is about


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

The Fig Sleep

A fruit has a strangely soporific effect


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

Don't look cow - a sad story about deaths in the abbatoir.


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

The Big Sleet

Yorkshire in February.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

The Grand Budapest Motel.
Same film but on a much smaller scale.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

belboid said:


> The Big Sleet
> 
> Yorkshire in February.


The Bin Sleep - I was very, very drunk at the time


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

The Wattle of Algiers
Documentary about how the ancient people of North Africa constructed houses in the olden days.


----------



## belboid (Sep 2, 2015)

The Bottle of Algiers

Albert Camus goes in search of the only 70cl of whisky in North Africa


----------



## rekil (Sep 2, 2015)

Betty Flue - The travails of a volatile chimney sweep.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

_A Ten ATM_
Suffering from a mid-life crisis, depressed composer Dudley Moore goes on a secret mission to assassinate Reinhard Heydrich, but ends up infatuated with an anal-obsessed, orally-fixated Czech partisan.


----------



## starfish (Sep 2, 2015)

Planet of the Papes.

Ian Paisleys space mission goes awry & he lands on his worst nightmare.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

The Band that Rocked the Cradle - The Band - live footage at the Cradle public house, Cork, 1969.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

Glengarry Glenn Toss - the estate agent boys have a communal toss.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

An American Were-Rolf in London
An Australian "painter" and "children's entertainer" changes his nationality and proclaims himself to be a supernatural being in order to gain residence in the UK.
Hilarity ensues?


----------



## Cid (Sep 2, 2015)

_Don't book now_
Docudrama about the founders of lastminute.com. The docu part follows a business trip to Venice.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

copliker said:


> The Bird - Underwhelming prequel about a have-a-go starling's ineffectual attempts to bother the townsfolk of arsehole ohio.


*applause*


----------



## Maharani (Sep 2, 2015)

Good Pill Hunting - a stash is found, then lost, then found...everyone gets mashed.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 2, 2015)

planet of the japes. practical jokers take over the world.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Bone in Sixty Seconds_ - will Lothario _ever _find a cure for his premature ejaculation problem?


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

Maharani said:


> Good Pill Hunting - a stash is found, then lost, then found...everyone gets mashed.


Superb!


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 2, 2015)

Gif
Arguments over the pronunciation of this file extension get out of hand at a public school.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

fishfinger said:


> Gif
> Arguments over the pronunciation of this file extension get out of hand at a public school.


You are a member of Anonymous and I claim my £5


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Coal Miner's Laughter_ - lives intertwine in South Yorkshire the day Maggie carks it. Sissy Spacek struggles with the accent tbh.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Sep 2, 2015)

JimW said:


> _Coal Miner's Laughter_ - lives intertwine in South Yorkshire the day Maggie carks it. Sissy Spacek struggles with the accent tbh.


Very good!


----------



## rekil (Sep 2, 2015)

B'Once Werewarriors - Intersectional R&B icon/overexposed bourgeois puppet creates Maori monster army to fight white privilege in this somewhat laboured musical.


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Sep 2, 2015)

Despicable E.  Animated public information film on the dangers of drugs, starring little yellow pills in glasses and dungarees.


----------



## rekil (Sep 2, 2015)

Hen Hur - Chicken chariot racing drama.

A threadkiller if ever there was one.


----------



## N_igma (Sep 2, 2015)

Chariots of Wire - a film about chariots made of wire. It's fucking shit.


----------



## __steve__ (Sep 2, 2015)

Chariot of fire

A film about a chariot on fire.

Eta what a shit idea. I'm going to bed.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 2, 2015)

N_igma said:


> Chariots of Wire - a film about chariots made of wire. It's fucking shit.


_The Cable GUI_
Crackpot computer engineer Jim Carrey invents a graphical user interface constructed entirely out of cables. It's also fucking shit.


----------



## JimW (Sep 2, 2015)

_Bottle Ship Potemkin_ - little-known early Eisenstein short


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_A Clockwork Or Mange?_
Near future hoodlum Malcolm McDowell and his droogs drink so much psychedelic moloko and indulge in so much ultraviolence that they can't tell the difference between a spring-loaded time mechanism and an infestation of parasitic mites


----------



## yield (Sep 3, 2015)

The Wand That Shakes The Barley - The Ministry of Magic & their role in the independence struggle

Filadephia - The Prophetess of trainers then and now.

The Lien King - Debt, corruption and African underdevelopment.


----------



## xenon (Sep 3, 2015)

BT. 

 An ugly misshapen dwarf arrives at a middle class suburban household, claiming he is there to install a new master socket and befriends the young boy Elliot. Will he ever be able to phone home again?

1 star. Disturbing.


----------



## xenon (Sep 3, 2015)

Dull.
Spielberg's classic exhaustive documentary about every day bad road etiquette in a small country town.


----------



## Calamity1971 (Sep 3, 2015)

R.I.D Retired and in denial. A crack force of wheezing old stars try to kill people before they die of old age.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 3, 2015)

av a tab 

sigourney weaver works her way through 40 red box malboro unfiltereds


----------



## xenon (Sep 3, 2015)

Cloud At Last. 

Adapted from David Mitchell's award-winning novel about one man realising his dream of outsourcing IT infrastructure.


----------



## Calamity1971 (Sep 3, 2015)

Pillow balk
A couples hesitance to share a bed turns nasty
BW 1945


----------



## Calamity1971 (Sep 3, 2015)

Bird on a tire 
Goldi hawn swings on a tree whilst an anti semetic racist Austrailian throws bananas at her whilst outwitting the Feds.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 3, 2015)

Deep Threat

A woman warns her husband that unless he gets up off his fat lazy arse , cuts the grass and clears the guttering there'll be no more of them there blowjob things .


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 3, 2015)

NeverLending Story - The CEO of a small payday loan company has a mid-life crisis and decides to write off the company's entire loan book, with unintended consequences.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 3, 2015)

Mist Wanted - Amateur meteorologist Calvin Wooldridge is eager to try out his new forward scatter sensor, but waits for days without even a light haze. Eventually he advertises for help in a grocery store, and is surprised when he receives a response from Amelia, the local fairy who is able to do interesting things with vapour even in the dry county of Westbridge Heights.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_Piss Congeniality_
Sandra Bullock learns to urinate with manners


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_Enema Of The State_
After being slipped a MiniDisk full of Really Secret Secrets, Will Smith finds himself in a very uncomfortable position


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_Tinderella_
Sexually frustrated Disney princess goes on a date offensive


----------



## weltweit (Sep 3, 2015)

The good the dad and the ugly - fathers for justice player joins epic western


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_LA Hain_
After lacklustre spells in Northern Ireland and Wales, a former Cabinet Minister decamps to California.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 3, 2015)

.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 3, 2015)

depp throat

johnny depp catches a nasty cold


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

__steve__ said:


> Aloha Papa
> 
> Knowing me, knowing U S A


i can't believe this one escaped more roflage


----------



## pseudonarcissus (Sep 3, 2015)

The Buns of Naverone - the epic world war 2 bake off

The Cruel Pea - a green vegetable tortures small children


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

pseudonarcissus said:


> The Buns of Naverone - the epic world war 2 bake off


Never a fan of the sequel _Gas Mark 10 From Navarone _though_._


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_Paris TENAs_
Incontinent amnesiac Harry Dean Stanton tracks down long-lost love Natassja Kinski. She pisses on him. FIN.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_The Dirty Doyen_
Noted particle physicist Brian Cox OBE is pushed into a muddy pond.


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

_Clash of The Titals _- It's not just that the subby can't spell, he keeps recycling the same headers for articles too.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_Paint Break_
Maverick trading standards officer Keanu Reeves goes undercover to investigate a suspected cowboy decorating company run by Patrick Swayze, whose employees regularly take longer-than-promised lunches.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_Spayed_
Maverick cop Keanu Reeves is on the trail of psychotic emasculator Dennis Hopper; along the way he loses a Bullock.


----------



## N_igma (Sep 3, 2015)

Fad Boys - two hipsters go around solving crimes in their skinny jeans and bikes.


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> chitty chitty gang bang


_Shitty Shitty Bang Bang _- fortunately I don't read German so no idea what this is about


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_Hull Is A City_
Budgetary constraints meant that the remake of the classic Manchester-set Brit noir had to be relocated to the cheaper climes of the North-east


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_Dust Till Dawn_
A pair of bank robbers hole up in a brothel on the Mex-Tex border, do too much speed and end up on an all-night housework bender_._


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

_Pacific Rom_ - he's the only Gypsy fiddler in Hawaii


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

Slack Swan

One of our feathered friends can't be arsed to look after their cygnets, so palms them off on a passing duck family.


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

JimW said:


> _Pacific Rom_ - he's the only Gypsy fiddler in Hawaii


Pacific REM

The story of a Fijian tribute act


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

belboid said:


> Pacific REM
> 
> The story of a Fijian tribute act


_Pacific Trim_ - he's the only Gypsy barber in Hawaii


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 3, 2015)

'pecific rim


targetted arse tonguing


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

_Children of Meh_ - arty moan about kids these days


----------



## weltweit (Sep 3, 2015)

Point Beak - birdy film, mainly Guillemots


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

_Gravy It_ - Cuaron's paean to his mum's Sunday dinners


----------



## weltweit (Sep 3, 2015)

Pretty in Fink - an unpleasant or contemptible person, but pretty


----------



## starfish (Sep 3, 2015)

Pacific Tim.

Hawaiin Celtic supporter goes surfing.


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Point Beak - birdy film, mainly Guillemots


_Joint Break_ - sub-par Rocky clone set in the world of MMA


----------



## Maharani (Sep 3, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Piss Congeniality_
> Sandra Bullock learns to urinate with manners


That shoulda been one of mine .


----------



## Maharani (Sep 3, 2015)

Raging gull - a sea bird brings hell on earth to a load of angry boxers.


----------



## starfish (Sep 3, 2015)

Brighton Jock.

My life story part 2.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 3, 2015)

Elephant Nan - who will become the strongest Nan in a nursing home in East London...


----------



## weltweit (Sep 3, 2015)

Petty Woman - film about a woman of little importance.


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Petty Woman - film about a woman of little importance.


_Pretty Wogan _- a young Irish chatshow host is bedevilled by comparisons to a predecessor


----------



## N_igma (Sep 3, 2015)

Good Pill Hunting - a search for E's turns out to be a success.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 3, 2015)

The breakfast blub - a group of middle class pigs decide to take on the proles at a full English breakfast eating competition.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 3, 2015)

Pain Man - a trip to the dentists


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_Under Liege_
Puffy-faced navy spud-masher and all-round hand-flapping ass-kicker Steven Seagal battles terrorists who have taken control of the Belgian sewer system


----------



## Maharani (Sep 3, 2015)

N_igma said:


> Good Pill Hunting - a search for E's turns out to be a success.





Maharani said:


> Good Pill Hunting - a stash is found, then lost, then found...everyone gets mashed.



Sorry, done! Similar premise I guess...


----------



## N_igma (Sep 3, 2015)

Maharani said:


> Sorry, done! Similar premise I guess...



Damn I searched that too. At least we can agree that pills are awesome...well they were awesome lol.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 3, 2015)

Rebel without a Clause - subversive lawyer struggles with case


----------



## Maharani (Sep 3, 2015)

N_igma said:


> Damn I searched that too. At least we can agree that pills are awesome...well they were awesome lol.


Yes, they were...


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

Hollywood and its endless remakes, innit


----------



## weltweit (Sep 3, 2015)

Red Pawn - the least powerful chess piece fights back!


----------



## Maharani (Sep 3, 2015)

The warmest colour is glue - glue sniffers go soft off their nuts.


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

Done With The 'Wind

A man finally gives up listening to Hawkwind.


----------



## rekil (Sep 3, 2015)

Bantz - When the council announces plans to build a breast cancer screening clinic, a colony of absolute legends sees opportunites for epic lols.


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

belboid said:


> Done With The 'Wind
> 
> A man finally gives up listening to Hawkwind.


_Gone With The Rind_ - relaxing nature doc about blue tits at a garden feeder


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

Don't Look, Cow


Shit seventies Brit comedy


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

The Pride of Miss Jean Brodie

A Scottish fascist raises lions, with hilarious consequences.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 3, 2015)

_Doc Holywood_
A precocious young Free Presbyterian minister is caught speeding along a rural back road in County Down, and sentenced by the judge to running the moribund local Orange Order, with hilarious consequences; what had been intended by the beak as a quick life lesson actually leads our hero to found the Democratic Unionist Party.


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

NeathWish

A film about suicidal tendencies.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 3, 2015)

belboid said:


> NeathWish
> 
> A film about suicidal tendencies.


In Neath


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Doc Holywood_
> A precocious young Free Presbyterian minister is caught speeding along a rural back road in County Down, and sentenced by the judge to running the moribund local Orange Order, with hilarious consequences; what had been intended by the beak as a quick life lesson actually leads our hero to found the Democratic Unionist Party.


Damn autocorrect


----------



## weltweit (Sep 3, 2015)

Reservoir Cogs - the intricacies of gears in a reservoir drainage system - don't watch this film, it is dull!


----------



## JimW (Sep 3, 2015)

_Prince of Persil_ - the diminutive rockstar gives it all up to run a laundrette, _Suds of Time_


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

Reservoir Logs

Follow a turd as it passes through the reservoir cogs


----------



## weltweit (Sep 3, 2015)

The Right Snuff - a 1920s powder exploration of nasal passages


----------



## bamalama (Sep 3, 2015)

Quadraphenian

multi personalitied republican assassin goes to Brighton for the weekend and has a bit of an oul dance


----------



## rekil (Sep 3, 2015)

Lice In Wonderland - Undercooked animated fantasy that suggests studios are running low on ideas and creatures to anthropomorphise.


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

Porn On the Fourth of July


A teenager takes advantage of the holiday.


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

Car From the Madding Crowd


Woman with an unusual name gets away from it all for the weekend


----------



## tim (Sep 3, 2015)

A wank at Oxford.

An attempt to allieviate the boredom of travelling on the slow train from Banbury.


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

Fart Well, My Lovely


----------



## belboid (Sep 3, 2015)

Ron


Mr Swanson from Parks & Recreation as Lear


----------



## Favelado (Sep 4, 2015)

City Of Bod.

70s animated kids character gets involved in Brazilian gang warfare.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 4, 2015)

City of Rod

Rod Hull and Emu wreak terror throughout the favelas .


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 4, 2015)

Dracula has risen from the gravy

1970s hammer shocker sees the prince of darkness respawn yet again, this time in the kitchen of a Berni inn after a mix up over " steaks "Much to his embarrassment it has to be said .

Mortified he was, flounced out hiding his face with his cape .


----------



## Calamity1971 (Sep 4, 2015)

Once upon a mime in America
Marcel mareau in the fight against the Mafia,  if only he could first get out of his imaginary box.


----------



## Calamity1971 (Sep 4, 2015)

The Band That Rocks The Cradle
A woman on the edge of a nervous breakdown enlists the help of Aerosmith to get her baby to sleep.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_The Ton Commandments_
Biblical gun-waver Charlton Heston insists a ton weighs 2,000lb, whilst others aver it is 2,240 or even 2,204.6; he shoots these heretics.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

the tun commandments.

number 1: thou shalt drink. and charlton heston drinks and drinks and drinks in this searing indictment of one man's descent into alcoholism.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

the tan commandments. charlton heston features in this film about a black and tan commander growing disillusioned with his role fighting civilians in ireland.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

the teen commandments, charlton heston stars as the father of a teenager in this rite of passage movie.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

the tern commandments. charlton heston stars as avid birdwatcher bill oddie in this biopic.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_The TENA Commandments_
Thou shalt not piss thy pants


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

the tent commandments. charlton heston stars in this remake of carry on camping, aimed at an american audience


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

the sten commandments. charlton heston stars as a hard-bitten commando dropped behind enemy lines in the second world war.


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 4, 2015)

Ket

Young Yorkshire lad swaps his falconry hobby for a life of staying in bed.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

/


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

the zen commandments. charlton heston stars as mild-mannered buddhist in this exposition of zen philosophy


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

the len commandments. charlton heston stars as len goodman in this biopic.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_The TENS Commandment_
Charlton Heston bans nitrous oxide, pethidine and epidurals.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_Le Sumo UR Ai_?
Moody French hitman Alain Delon struggles with textspeak and mixes up his Japanese warrior codes


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 4, 2015)

Dunces with Wolves

...experimental remedial educational initiative with wild carnivorous canines has unfortunate results...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_Clackers_
Mehki Phifer and his pals living in the Brooklyn projects decide it's safer playing with retro toys than slanging rock


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_An Armorican Werewolf In London_
Asterix visits Britain and is bitten by a lycanthrope


----------



## Athos (Sep 4, 2015)

Schindler's Fist


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 4, 2015)

Wet Carter

...a London gangster is ambushed by his jocular gangland pals with water-pistols before they retire to their illegal after-hours drinking club for a booze-up...


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

The Man Who Shat Liberty Valance - John Wayne has a bizarre medical condition causing him to excrete a substance reminiscent of decorative window fittings from a London designer store.


----------



## 8den (Sep 4, 2015)

Van's labyrinth. 

When their GPS batteries dies a couple moving flat get stuck somewhere in zone 3


----------



## krtek a houby (Sep 4, 2015)

The Wind that Shakes the Harley - Anto's bike is knocked over by a gust of wind but he thinks it's the lads taking the piss. Mayhem ensues.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

pat's labyrinth: pat butcher finds a secret passage leading from the queen vic into a magical world of adventure


----------



## 8den (Sep 4, 2015)

Suicide Squid. Ken Loach's harrowing drama about manic depressive cephalopods.


----------



## 8den (Sep 4, 2015)

Eternal Sunshine of Spot's Mind


Bio of a extremely cheerful Dalmatian.


----------



## Cid (Sep 4, 2015)

_Pop Gun_
A young Tom Cruise plays pilots with his friends, tragedy strikes when an errant cork strikes best pal Goose in the eye.


----------



## Cid (Sep 4, 2015)

_Chimes of Passion_
Ken Russell's exploration of the world of bell ringing.


----------



## Cid (Sep 4, 2015)

_The Lair of the Shite Worm_
Grim piece about gut parasites.


----------



## Cid (Sep 4, 2015)

_Altered Statues_
Interesting piece on the history of statue modification, investigating areas as diverse as inconoclastic destruction, Victorian prudery and the symbolic final ousting of dicators.


----------



## belboid (Sep 4, 2015)

Cid said:


> _Altered Statues_
> Interesting piece on the history of statue modification, investigating areas as diverse as inconoclastic destruction, Victorian prudery and the symbolic final ousting of dicators.


you could easily sell the to BBC4


----------



## belboid (Sep 4, 2015)

Altered Slates


A soviet noir, investigating a potential fraud in the elections to the Central Committee


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_Carlito's Whey_
Freshly released from prison after a long stretch for coke dealing, Carlo Brigante decides to go straight and sets up a business based around all that's left in his inventory - baby milk powder


----------



## belboid (Sep 4, 2015)

Dear Window

The story of a doomed love affair between a man and a piece of glass


----------



## belboid (Sep 4, 2015)

Apocalypse Wow!

The end of the world is really spectacular


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

Cid said:


> _Chimes of Passion_
> Ken Russell's exploration of the world of bell ringing.


crimps of passion: russ meyer's film about ultraviolence in the hairdressing industry


----------



## belboid (Sep 4, 2015)

Tool Hand Luke

How can you keep him locked up when he has Swiss Army Knives for hands??!!


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

belboid said:


> Tool Hand Luke
> 
> How can you keep him locked up when he has Swiss Army Knives for hands??!!





Pickman's model said:


> tool hand luke: after losing his hand in an industrial accident luke now has a range of fixtures he can use for various tasks, including a minigun.


brilliant minds...


----------



## belboid (Sep 4, 2015)

Bean Streets


Sean takes us to visit his old haunts in Sheffield


----------



## andysays (Sep 4, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> Carlito's Whey
> Freshly released from prison after a long stretch for coke dealing, Carlo Brigante decides to go straight and sets up a business based around all that's left in his inventory - baby milk powder


_
Carlito's Hay_
Freshly released from prison after a long stretch for coke dealing, Carlo Brigante decides to go straight and sets up a business based around selling cut grass as animal feed

(this has the advantage over your suggestion of *actually following* *the fucking "change one letter" rule*)


----------



## belboid (Sep 4, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> brilliant minds...


I should read all the thread really.  But I can't quite be arsed.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

andysays said:


> _Carlito's Hay_
> Freshly released from prison after a long stretch for coke dealing, Carlo Brigante decides to go straight and sets up a business based around selling cut grass as animal feed
> 
> (this has the advantage over your suggestion of *actually following* *the fucking "change one letter" rule*)


carlito's bay. a film detailing the life of a laurel tree in carlito's garden.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

andysays said:


> (this has the advantage over your suggestion of *actually following* *the fucking "change one letter" rule*)



Whilst The Word Of Dave is important, ultimately it is superseded by Magpie's Law


----------



## Maharani (Sep 4, 2015)

belboid said:


> I should read all the thread really.  But I can't quite be arsed.


The earlier ones were funnier imo


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

Maharani said:


> The earlier ones were funnier imo


We're kind of at the _Godfather III_ stage, and perilously near to the_ Phantom Menace _era_ _


----------



## andysays (Sep 4, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> Whilst The Word Of Dave is important, ultimately it is superseded by Magpie's Law



Is that the "one for sorrow, two for joy" one?


----------



## belboid (Sep 4, 2015)

Maharani said:


> The earlier ones were funnier imo


I got as far people (I can't bring myself to name them) who seemingly believed that _Kes _ was actually called _Kez. _Shameful


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

belboid said:


> I got as far people (I can't bring myself to name them) who seemingly believed that _Kes _ was actually called _Kez. _Shameful


yeh but once someone had made the mistake i thought it best to join in so as not to embarrass them. you seem to feel differently.


----------



## belboid (Sep 4, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> yeh but once someone had made the mistake i thought it best to join in so as not to embarrass them. you seem to feel differently.


very generous of you


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 4, 2015)

How To Make An American Quit

A documentary about why many Americans are forced to give up perfectly good jobs.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 4, 2015)

Maharani said:


> The earlier ones were funnier imo


After they've been rubbish for ages they'll get funny again. It always happens. Its a rule of comedy.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 4, 2015)

Logan's Bun

About a dystopian future where bread is forbidden, but if you know the right people.....


----------



## belboid (Sep 4, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> After they've been rubbish for ages they'll get funny again. It always happens. Its a rule of comedy.


Absolutely, Police Academy 6 was way funnier than 3


----------



## twentythreedom (Sep 4, 2015)

Full Metal Packet - the true story of a Vietnam vet with an enormous steel cock that spunks bullets


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 4, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> After they've been rubbish for ages they'll get funny again. It always happens. Its a rule of comedy.



...a prophecy fulfilled ....!

_The Damdusters_

intrepid RAF bomber chaps defy the odds to drop lethal high-explosive bouncing feather dusters on the Boche's industrial infrastructure

followed by its not very good rip-off version ( but at least its in colour )

_633 Squidron_ 

intrepid RAF bomber chaps defy the odds to drop lethal high-explosive bouncing squids on the Boche's industrial infrastructure


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

a633 squadron: the raf's crack pilots' new mission is to navigate the rotherham road


----------



## Cid (Sep 4, 2015)

_The Bards_
Bodega bay's singer-songwriter community is acting strangely, be very afraid.


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_Attack The Brock _- disturbing tale of unrepentant badger-baiters


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

twentythreedom said:


> Full Metal Packet - the true story of a Vietnam vet with an enormous steel cock that spunks bullets


And let me guess - he's fighting against the Viet Dong?


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

attack the bloc: the cold war turns hot as nato launches a ground war against the soviets


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_Flay Misty For Me_ - sentimental old rancher Clint Eastwood hasn't the heart to skin his old pony himself.


----------



## twentythreedom (Sep 4, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> And let me guess - he's fighting against the Viet Dong?


You've seen it haven't you


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_Digby Goes Down_
Dan Dare's old batman falls on hard times after he is demobbed from Space Fleet.


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_Dog Dry After Noon _- Pacino won't open his pet parlour in the mornings


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_Gore Baby Gore_
Gritty child abduction thriller set in Pamplona


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_Child's Clay_ - a mother unwitting presents her son with haunted Playdoh


----------



## weltweit (Sep 4, 2015)

Bad Max - Max poos on the living room carpet - again!


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 4, 2015)

Canderella - a humble servant girl is magically transformed at midnight into a bag of sugar

National Lampoon's Vocation - low brow American comedians undergo religous conversion and join the priesthood

299 - a Spartan warrior's alarm clock fails to go off


----------



## twentythreedom (Sep 4, 2015)

Fatman -   a fat dude in a cape and a mask gets out of breath while chasing criminals that he ultimately fails to apprehend on account of his bad knee and asthma


----------



## weltweit (Sep 4, 2015)

Angels with Dirty Faeces - dirty scat movie


----------



## weltweit (Sep 4, 2015)

The Big Peasy - meat and two veg


----------



## weltweit (Sep 4, 2015)

Black Hawk Dawn - the prequel to Black Hawk Down


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> Minority Raport
> Tom Cruise attempts to builds bridges between Scientology and ethnic minorities



I think it's rapport not raport.


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

Shakes on a plane. Alternate ending to leaving Las Vegas. Nicholas Cage actually leaves Las Vegas, on a plane, in alcohol withdrawal and eventually overcomes his demons. and leads a fulfilling life.


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

watershit down... A documentary on the benefits of watering down your alcoholic beverages(kids call all kinds of stuff ''shit' e.g ''water that shit down, it will last loonger''')


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

cyril_smear said:


> Shakes on a plane. Alternate ending to leaving Las Vegas. Nicholas Cage actually leaves Las Vegas, on a plane, in alcohol withdrawal and eventually overcomes his demons. and leads a fulfilling life.


I would've thought Michael J Fox would be a shoo-in


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

Forrest Hump... Agriculture porno film


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

friedaweed said:


> Watershit Down
> 
> Tale of a group of racketeering rabbits who run into trouble with the mob when they realize their hooch ain't the full ABV.



Beat me too it


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

Gay of the dead... a documentary regarding homophobia amongst the undead


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

cyril_smear said:


> Forrest Hump... Agriculture porno film


Silvaculture


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_Forrest Dump_
All-ursine cast - Yogi, Winnie, Paddington, Gentle Ben, Superted - attempts to break free from early careers in kids' TV with most scat movie imaginable


----------



## Cid (Sep 4, 2015)

cyril_smear said:


> Forrest Hump... Agriculture porno film



Arboricultural surely?


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

pawn of the dead... Robbing bastards who steal valuable items during house clearances!!!!


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_Forrest Gimp_ - second silvaculture  (  ) porno even pervier than the first


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

Cid said:


> Arboricultural surely?



Damn auto correct!!!


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

Pump Fiction... A series of erotic novels


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

Debbie dies; Dallas... She died


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

Ket(kes)... A young lad enters Britains got talent with a Kestrel that performs tricks whilst smashed on ket


----------



## weltweit (Sep 4, 2015)

Torn on the Fourth of July - pair of jeans bought on the third don't last and have to be returned to the shop!


----------



## weltweit (Sep 4, 2015)

Brokeback Fountain - very heavy soda fountain injures installing personnel


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_A Small Circle of Frieds _-three Harvard students open an achingly hip chippy that mucks about with the food.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_Casual Ties Of GWAR_
Brian De Palma attempts to soften the image of the notorious heavy metallers in this ‘at home with’-style documentary showing band members out of the masks and monster costumes and wearing ordinary clothes


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_Jules ate Jim_ - one way to resolve a love triangle


----------



## weltweit (Sep 4, 2015)

Casualties of Tar - things don't go as planned for the tarmacking gang!


----------



## weltweit (Sep 4, 2015)

Fat on a Hot Tin Roof - slimming world preaches hot metal solutions for obesity


----------



## weltweit (Sep 4, 2015)

Chariots of Dire - Charlton Heston on a shopping trolley that pulls to the left


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_Mate, wah!? _- a young man is astounded by his grandad's account of a strike he took part in as a lad in America.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 4, 2015)

Chicken Fun - free range fowl frolics


----------



## starfish (Sep 4, 2015)

Rainspotting.

Is it dreech, a smirr or just pure pishin it doon. It disna matter tae these Embra teens as they're smacked oot their eyeballs.


----------



## starfish (Sep 4, 2015)

The Wind That Shakes The Marley.

Outraged by events in Ireland, Bob Marley heads to Dublin with a huge bag of weed to try & calm everyone the fuck down.


----------



## starfish (Sep 4, 2015)

The Wonderers.

The leader of an Italian-American gang in 60s New York persuades his fellow gang members to study philosophy to see if it's really worth it.


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_The Secret Of Ronin Ish_ - liegeless samurai Ishiguro has something he's not telling us


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 4, 2015)

Trainspitting... Dirty little bastards


----------



## starfish (Sep 4, 2015)

Severn Samurai.

A young Ronin protects the villager of Portishead from a gang of Bristolian raiders.


----------



## starfish (Sep 4, 2015)

The Stung.

A hard working Irish American business man gets ripped off by 2 low life punk grifters.


----------



## starfish (Sep 4, 2015)

The Grifter.

A young man is given a magic bike that takes him on many exciting adventures until he meets a femme fatale who tries to steal it from him for her psychotic boss.


----------



## Cid (Sep 4, 2015)

_Odd Boy_
Coming-of-age drama. Shane Meadows directs.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_Brogue Trader_
How maverick shoe seller Nick Leeson brought down Dolcis by playing fast and loose with footwear retail regulations


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Sep 4, 2015)

Gongs of New York.  Scorcese directs a docu-drama about gongs, in New York.

8/10, would rent the DVD again.


----------



## alsoknownas (Sep 4, 2015)

_Dude, Where's My Kir?_
Gentrification takes hold in Hackney.


I changed two letters - fuck ya!


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_Gangs of New Pork_ - recent graduates of the police academy on the rampage.


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Sep 4, 2015)

Mega Shart vs Giant Octopus.

Modern day b-movie.  Man farts at a big octopus, follows through.


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_Goodfeltas_- Mick and his crew are the fastest roofers on the Wirral


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_The Jungle Boor _- animation about Mowgli, a South London lad who doesn't half bang on about his favourite DJs


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 4, 2015)

Quatrophenia - the original Mods grow up, grow old, gentrify and cruise the Brighton seafront in their Audis on a bank holiday looking for some action. Fundraiser event for Help For Heroes.


----------



## BandWagon (Sep 4, 2015)

The Cincinatti Cid - Steve McQueen defeats the Muslim hordes.


----------



## BandWagon (Sep 4, 2015)

Chato's Band - Charles Bronson heads a new boy band.


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> The Cincinatti Cid - Steve McQueen defeats the Muslim hordes.


El Sid - Charlton Heston plays Sid James in this epic biopic


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

BandWagon said:


> Chato's Band - Charles Bronson heads a new boy band.


_Heath Hunt_
Canadian Mountie Lee Marvin pursues paedophile ex-Prime Minister played by Charles Bronson


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

fist and furious: fisting porn


----------



## BandWagon (Sep 4, 2015)

Last Mango in Paris - Brando admits to liking fruit.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_Goyz In The Hood_
The trials and tribulations of a group of gentile teens growing up in the Tel Aviv ghetto


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_The Duallists_
Period remake of _Twins _by Ridley Scott


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_Tit Panic_
Melodrama abounds whilst ocean liner heads into an iceberg as young artist frets over whether to draw his model completely nude or to discreetly cover up her milk shelf in line with contemporary prudishness


----------



## porp (Sep 4, 2015)

A Tan For All Seasons
A leading figure of the counter reformation discovers the joys of fake tan


----------



## starfish (Sep 4, 2015)

Cid said:


> _The Bards_
> Bodega bay's singer-songwriter community is acting strangely, be very afraid.


The Bards 2.

An unrelated sequel pits Burns against Shakespeare in a wordsmiths battle royale.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

a tin for all seasons: a drinker's year in cans


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

american ultras: clapton get an american branch of their supporters club


----------



## porp (Sep 4, 2015)

_Rosemary's Babe_
Family friendly horror. When a _gamine _looking Mia Farrow gives birth to a pig (that wants to be a dog), devil worshipping neighbours take umbrage.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

rosemary baby : a couple cook their baby with fresh herbs


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

starfish said:


> The Bards 2.
> 
> An unrelated sequel pits Burns against Shakespeare in a wordsmiths battle royale.


_Eight Mile_ meets ‘Full Fathom Five’!


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

rfk: bobby kennedy meets sirhan sirhan


----------



## porp (Sep 4, 2015)

_American Snipe_
Voyeuristic violence for racist bird lovers. A moorland bird kills lots of Iraqis


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

_The Trans Potter_
Former SAS covert operative Jason Statham moves to the south of France where she enjoys the quiet life as a ceramicist following gender reassignment


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 4, 2015)

animal fart: a cow drops its guts


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_Argot_ - the Coen brothers experiment with a film entirely in thieves' cant


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 4, 2015)

JimW said:


> thieves' cant



Or ‘colin’ as it's known


----------



## porp (Sep 4, 2015)

_Picnic at Hanging Cock_
Suspenseful psychological drama. In early 20th century Australia, an ill advised school outing to a massive phallic outcrop leads to mysterious disappearances.


----------



## JimW (Sep 4, 2015)

_


porp said:



Picnic at Hanging Cock

Click to expand...

_


porp said:


> Suspenseful psychological drama. In early 20th century Australia, an ill advised school outing to a massive phallic outcrop leads to mysterious disappearances.



_Nitpic at Hanging Rock_ - Pickman's joins a school trip in early 20th century Australia


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Sep 4, 2015)

Zapp Brannigan said:


> Mega Shart vs Giant Octopus.
> 
> Modern day b-movie.  Man farts at a big octopus, follows through.



Shartopus.  The octopus farts back, follows through.

Shartnado.  Now they're all at it.


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 5, 2015)

The Taking of Pelham Two Three Five.

NYC subway train hostage thriller remade for prime number obsessives.


----------



## starfish (Sep 5, 2015)

12 Donkeys.

Sequel to 12 Monkeys but the heros more of an ass this time.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

The hymen centipede 

Yuck yuck yuck

Just fucking yuck


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

A Serbian Firm

Zvezda fuck stuff up


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_Lassi Come Home_
An enterprising dog sets up a yogurt drink delivery service


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

Battle Royle

A family from Manchester are transported to a desert island . Resulting in an epic no holds barred fight for the TV remote .


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

Homo alone

Gok wan wakes up one morning to find all his mates have fucked off on holiday without him . Wasn't a mistake , they were just sick of him badgering everyone to take their clothes off .


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

Homie Alone

Ice cube wakes up one morning to find all his mates have fucked off on holiday without him . Wasn't a mistake , they were just sick of listening to him droning on about his 99 problems .


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

Home Arone

Kim Il Sung wakes up one morning etc etc


----------



## starfish (Sep 5, 2015)

Hame Alone.

Och poor wee Macaulay MacCulkin gets all left on his tod as his folks bugger off to the big Ceilidh.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

Dome alone

Peter Mandelsons vanity project wakes up one morning to find absolutely nobody about .

Actually most mornings .


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_Henry Vs_
Recalcitrant English king bangs too much mead the night before Agincourt and ends up offering everybody out


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

Zorba the geek

Anthony Quinn spends an inordinate amount of time playing minecraft and watching anime . Ends up joining anonymous .


----------



## Kaka Tim (Sep 5, 2015)

A Fridge Too Far

Epic WW2 Movie about the botched Allied operation to seize the Wehrmacht's  supply of chilled lager.


----------



## Kaka Tim (Sep 5, 2015)

Jacob's Larder

Tim Robbins see disturbing visions of demons everytime he goes to make himself a snack.


----------



## porp (Sep 5, 2015)

_Les 40 coups_
A cut price remake of the French New Wave classic


----------



## porp (Sep 5, 2015)

_The Dear Hunter_
A gritty Vietnam war setting for a film about expensive boots


----------



## porp (Sep 5, 2015)

_My Left Food_
Fussy eaters in 1930s Ireland


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 5, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Homo alone
> 
> Gok wan wakes up one morning to find all his mates have fucked off on holiday without him . Wasn't a mistake , they were just sick of him badgering everyone to take their clothes off .



Homo alone 2: they fucking did it again!


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 5, 2015)

arno. three hours of watching the flow of florence's river.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 5, 2015)

mad mix. diamond's posts read out against a backdrop of theaustralian outback with music by tina turner in the background.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_Bring Me The Lead Of Alfredo Garcia_
Crime drama about a gang of rogue rag and bone men


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 5, 2015)

bmp bandits. sequel to jpg junkies.


----------



## ItWillNeverWork (Sep 5, 2015)

Oh Bother, Where Art Thou? - A forgetful George Clooney misplaces his keys again.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_TMZ Bandits_
Paparazzi run wild


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 5, 2015)

a funny thing happened to me on the way to the forums. farceabout one man's quest to find things to post about on urban.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_Falkabout_
After getting lost in the Outback, Jenny Agutter succumbs to heatstroke and starts to believe she is Columbo


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_The Chan Of Jimmie Blacksmith_
After going on the lam, Aboriginal outlaw adopts warm-hearted kung fu persona


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 5, 2015)

the lavender dill mob - inventive but incompetent cooks on loose in south london


----------



## Epona (Sep 5, 2015)

The Green Smile - a tale of horror about poor dental hygiene


----------



## belboid (Sep 5, 2015)

The Devil Tries Out

_As a cheerleader??!!_


----------



## catinthehat (Sep 5, 2015)

Everything you wanted to know about Kex (but were afraid to ask).  

A behind the scenes look at the infamous hipster hang out located in Reykjavik.


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

Adolf Hitler, my Fart in his Downfall

Despite his best efforts, the inability of a young handyman to keep one in in the crowded windowless bunker proves to be the final straw for the third reich .


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_The Basque Of The Red Death_
Plague-infused lingerie bedevils a mediaeval city


----------



## belboid (Sep 5, 2015)

The Devil Rides Owt

The horny old goat


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_Mouse Of Usher_
Adventures of the R&B singer's pet rodent


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

Kung fu pandy

Andy Pandy knocks seven shades of shite out of loopy Lou, finishing her off with a spinning roundhouse


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 5, 2015)

A Fridge Too Far

(I don't need to spell this one out, do I?)


----------



## JimW (Sep 5, 2015)

_Fister Act _- Whoopi Goldberg is pushing the boundaries of exotic dance licensing in Reno


----------



## JimW (Sep 5, 2015)

_Zulu Lawn_ - King Cetshwayo demands a lot of his groundsmen


----------



## Casually Red (Sep 5, 2015)

Norkies

A remake of porkies except with more tits in it


----------



## Kaka Tim (Sep 5, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> A Fridge Too Far
> 
> (I don't need to spell this one out, do I?)



ahem -


> _
> A Fridge Too Far_
> 
> Epic WW2 Movie about the botched Allied operation to seize the Wehrmacht's supply of chilled lager.



its only on the previous page -


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 5, 2015)

The Hambusters.

Epic WW2 account of the struggle for Spam.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 5, 2015)

Force Len from Navarone.

Sgt. Cohen and his howling commandos are going into the Greek island - _and they're going in hard._


----------



## belboid (Sep 5, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Force Len from Navarone_._


That's actually the name of the Unite hit squad


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_Cannibal Brooks_
A British POW is determined to survive the war no matter what


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 5, 2015)

M.A.C.H.

Wisecracking surgeons break the sound barrier.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_The Heroes Of Telemarketing_
An élite team of Allied spam operatives is put together to sabotage the Nazi war effort through nuisance phone calls



MTMR


----------



## JimW (Sep 5, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _The Heroes Of Telemarketing_
> An élite team of Allied spam operatives is put together to sabotage the Nazi war effort through nuisance phone calls
> 
> 
> ...


One law for us...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

JimW said:


> One law for us...


I'm teaching you a valuable life lesson, son


----------



## Supine (Sep 5, 2015)

Stir Wars - two chefs argue about the correct rpm for soup stirring. Shot in B&W with subtitles.


----------



## mauvais (Sep 5, 2015)

_We Need To Talk About Kelvin_ - British-American psychological thriller film in which the mother of British physicist and mathematician William Thomson, 1st Baron Kelvin OM GCVO PC PRS PRSE, struggles to come to terms with his invention of an absolute, thermodynamic temperature scale using as its null point absolute zero.


----------



## mauvais (Sep 5, 2015)

_The 51st Skate_ - Action comedy in which Tony Hawk or Tony Hawks or whichever one it was that didn't do the thing with the fridge tries to sell the 51st identical incarnation of the exact same 1990s skateboarding video game to unwilling punters, but is ultimately outwitted by his nemesis, the other Tony Hawk or Tony Hawks or whichever one it was that _did _do the thing with the fridge, who does a sweet 1080 One Footed Nosegrind. Off a fridge.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 5, 2015)

The Mild Geese.

Richard Harris, Richard Burton and Roger Moore join Voluntary Services Overseas, and spend a year assisting with development projects in Africa.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 5, 2015)

mauvais said:


> _The 51st Skate_ - Action comedy in which Tony Hawk or Tony Hawks or whichever one it was that didn't do the thing with the fridge tries to sell the 51st identical incarnation of the exact same 1990s skateboarding video game to unwilling punters, but is ultimately outwitted by his nemesis, the other Tony Hawk or Tony Hawks or whichever one it was that _did _do the thing with the fridge, who does a sweet 1080 One Footed Nosegrind. Off a fridge.


Alternative title, _A Fridge Too Far._


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 5, 2015)

Doctor in the Mouse.

Banned Dirk Bogarde bestiality porno.


----------



## mauvais (Sep 5, 2015)

_Schindler's Lift - _An arthouse film in which we watch a long stream of elevator users remark on the amusing similarity of the "probably German" manufacturer's name to that of Oskar Schindler, subject of _Schindler's List_. However, a disappointment is in order when one uses their smartphone to discover that the corporation is in fact Swiss in origin.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 5, 2015)

The Codfather.

"Sleeps with the fishes? This insult will not stand."


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 5, 2015)

Move Story.

Star-crossed US young lovers get sued by Harold Wilson, due to hilarious mix-up with the pop group "The Move".


----------



## mauvais (Sep 5, 2015)

_Ginception - _Leonardo DiCaprio falls asleep in a bar after drinking too much Bombay Sapphire and finds himself dreaming that he is Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and has fallen asleep in a bar after drinking too much Sipsmiths, who dreams that he is Tom Hardy and has fallen asleep in a bar after drinking too much Hendricks, thus dreaming that he is...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

mauvais said:


> _Schindler's Lift - _An arthouse film in which we watch along stream of elevator users remark on the amusing similarity of the "probably German" manufacturer's name to that of Oskar Schindler, subject of _Schindler's List_. However, a disappointment is in order when one uses their smartphone to discover that the corporation is in fact Swiss in origin.


I chuckle every time I step in here


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_Ill Fet By Moonlight_
A bunch of them young people gather in a graveyard at night for some of that filthy BDSM and sexting and stuff


----------



## JimW (Sep 5, 2015)

No Country For Oldman - Gary hates anything Nashville.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 5, 2015)

Hoodfellas.

Disaffected urban UK youth flee in terror from PM David Cameron, who is trying to hug them.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 5, 2015)

_The Hodfather_
The patriarch of a family of navvies does his best to keep the clan united in the face of increased mechanisation in the field of brick carrying


----------



## JimW (Sep 5, 2015)

The God Fatter - Jehovah is determined not to give ground to the Buddha in the sacred belly stakes.


----------



## andysays (Sep 5, 2015)

_I Spit on your Gravy_

Shocking behind-the-scenes expose of the antics of waiters in posh restaurants


----------



## BandWagon (Sep 5, 2015)

Beauty and the Feast: pretty girl eats too much.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

_Cross Of Irony_
Sergeant Steiner is awarded a medal which, like, totally makes up for being stuck in the charnel house that is the Eastern Front


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 6, 2015)

Sighlander

There can be only mope


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

_Jung Winston_
Churchill self-realises himself into a statesman


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

_6:35 Squadron_
The RAF forms a special unit entirely out of regional BBC newsreaders


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

Straw Mogs.

A litter of cute kittens and their mummy cat play in a big pile of straw.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

_Yojimbob_
Former Carter USM indie rocker plays off the editorial staffs of _Melody Maker _and the _NME_ against each other


----------



## JimW (Sep 6, 2015)

_Lord of the Wings - _an ancient evil resurfaces when the Dark Lord's recipe for southern fried chicken is discovered by the canal. Fredo and his mates must make a dangerous journey to Morden to destroy it in the deep fat frier it was first used in.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

_Fet Carter._

Michael Caine wanders the streets of Newcastle in a gimp suit, inspiring horrified cries of "get the children indoors".


----------



## JimW (Sep 6, 2015)

_The Last Temp Station of Christ_ - the hotdesk where Jesus did his last stint as a fill-in call centre worker becomes a place of pilgrimage.


----------



## JimW (Sep 6, 2015)

_Get Shirty _- Danny De Vito plays a loan shark who gets more and more frustrated ringing up the council to complain about potholes down their cul-de-sac


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

_Sparta Cuss_
A foul mouthed gladiator escapes from bondage and raises an army of slaves to fight against the Roman oppressors, all "I'ma 300 your mother300ing asses you 300sucking Italian 300300300s"


----------



## 8den (Sep 6, 2015)

WIthnail and O, a drunk failed english actor and french submissive go on holidays by mistake.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

8den said:


> WIthnail and O, a drunk failed english actor and french submissive go on holidays by mistake.


With HILARIOUS results!!!


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

_Fifty Shades Of Rey_
Documentary in which Spanish actor Fernando Rey examines the history of awnings


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

The Discrete Charm of the Bourgeoisie.

Upper middle class surrealists insist on their separation from more plebeian social strata.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

_Baths Of Glory_
Kirk Douglas is invalided out of the French army and starts up a business selling high quality wash tubs


----------



## Cid (Sep 6, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Jung Winston_
> Churchill self-realises himself into a statesman



You persist in breaking your rule.

_Young Winton_
Profiling the rise of the supermarket sweep host.


----------



## Cid (Sep 6, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Baths Of Glory_
> Kirk Douglas is invalided out of the French army and starts up a business selling high quality wash tubs



_Laths of Glory_
Sequel. The success of his tub business allows Douglas to expand into traditional plastering and roof construction.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

Cid said:


> You persist in breaking your rule.


MTMR


----------



## Cid (Sep 6, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> MTMR



What? Fucking obscure initialism bastard.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

Cid said:


> What? Fucking obscure initialism bastard.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 6, 2015)

The Kings Preach

It's 2035 and Liz has finally gone to that great throne in the sky. Charles, now more machine than man, does his opening speech after being crowned to dissolve parliament and installl a fuedalist theocracy. Darkness reigns for a thousand years until Christopher Lambert leads a rag tag band of etc you fill in the rest


----------



## 8den (Sep 6, 2015)

Ghostblusters. Loud mouth fraudulent psychics are exposed by dedicated EPA agent Dick Pleck.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> The Kings Preach
> 
> It's 2035 and Liz has finally gone to that great throne in the sky. Charles, now more machine than man, does his opening speech after being crowned to dissolve parliament and installl a fuedalist theocracy. Darkness reigns for a thousand years until Christopher Lambert leads a rag tag band of etc you fill in the rest


I would like, totally watch The Kings Preach.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

The Lost Honor of Katharina Blum.

Fassbinder's vision of '70s West Germany updated to modern America.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 6, 2015)

Start Wars - documentary of the USA in the 20th century


----------



## Maharani (Sep 6, 2015)

Manic in needle park - skag heads get a bad batch...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 6, 2015)

_Hurd Candy_
Another former top Tory is caught in anti-paedo dragnet


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 6, 2015)

Kidulthod

Kitchen sink drama about an underage brickie apprentice skipping school to make ends meet in his single parent household of 1950s era rationing.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 6, 2015)

Start Trek - the beginning of the long walk to freedom


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

Cattle Beyond the Stars.

COWS IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

The Royle Tenenbaums.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 6, 2015)

Oldfinger - Sean Connery returns as Zimmer Frame Bond pensioner


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

Dr. Mo

Sean Connery's moving and sensitive depiction of the famous secretary of state for Northern Ireland.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 6, 2015)

Fist of Jury

A martial arts remake of 12 Angry Men


----------



## weltweit (Sep 6, 2015)

The Man with the Golden Pun - Roger Moore stars in documentary of Jimmy Carr


----------



## weltweit (Sep 6, 2015)

A View to a Kilt - film reinforces Scottish roots of Bond since Connery starred in the role


----------



## weltweit (Sep 6, 2015)

The World Is Hot Enough - a future in which it is possible to get a bronzed tan, year round, in Aberdeen


----------



## weltweit (Sep 6, 2015)

Skytall - world's tallest man disrupts airspace over London


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

From Prussia With Love.

"Mit zeeze Ferro Rocher you are spoiling us, ambassador".


----------



## Zapp Brannigan (Sep 6, 2015)

Moon Baker.

Roger Moore's baps are out of this world.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 6, 2015)

Reservoir Digs - due to the prolonged drought on the Pacific coast of North America, a team of archaeologists from the University of British Columbia get the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to conduct an excavation at the site of a First Nations settlement on the normally submerged banks of a large reservoir. All is going well until the a strong El Niño means the winter rains look set be rather more considerable than normal.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

Futur Lama.

A boy is born - in Lhasa's inner city 

Surrounded by - a life that ain't so pretty.

He is then informed that he is the current reincarnation of the Dalai Lama.


----------



## 8den (Sep 6, 2015)

bi0boy said:


> Reservoir Digs - due to the prolonged drought on the Pacific coast of North America, a team of archaeologists from the University of British Columbia get the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to conduct an excavation at the site of a First Nations settlement on the normally submerged banks of a large reservoir. All is going well until the a strong El Niño means the winter rains look set be rather more considerable than normal.



Some of these films I'd genuinely like to see, this isn't one of them.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 6, 2015)

Casino Royal - prince Charles goes wild at the crap tables


----------



## weltweit (Sep 6, 2015)

Die Another Gay - homophobic film is banned at Cannes film festival


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 6, 2015)

Twelve Years I Slave - A doting father loses the plot when his ungrateful daughter stamps on a matchstick model of the entire state of New Hampshire that he had been preparing as graduation gift since she was nine years old.


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 6, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Fifty Shades Of Rey_
> Documentary in which Spanish actor Fernando Rey examines the history of awnings


Like it but would have preferred if he'd been talking about his sunglasses collection.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)




----------



## bi0boy (Sep 6, 2015)

8den said:


> Some of these films I'd genuinely like to see, this isn't one of them.



You should catch the sequel, Reservoir Dons, in which the academics involved in the dig begin to suspect that one of them is to blame for the premature demise of the archaeological investigations.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

Reservoir Logs.

Based on the long running Canadian TV series _Beachcombers, _this movie introduces us to the world of Canadian dams and the exciting hijinks that ensue when stray logs are washed into them from upstream.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

Blood Diamond.

Obnoxious U75 poster suffers terrible fate.


----------



## 8den (Sep 6, 2015)

bi0boy said:


> You should catch the sequel, Reservoir Dons, in which the academics involved in the dig begin to suspect that one of them is to blame for the premature demise of the archaeological investigations.



I was going to make a retort about "Pulp Friction"

But someone has made a terrible porno using that name


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

Pulp Diction.

"Fail to enunciate properly ONE MORE TIME, motherfucker!"


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 6, 2015)

Kingspan.

Colin Firth mentors an at-risk young man, and leads him into the exciting world of cavity insulation manufacturing.


----------



## JimW (Sep 6, 2015)

A Waste of Honey - Piglet knocks over all the jars at Pooh Corner


----------



## porp (Sep 6, 2015)

_On Golden Pony_
Crap film about inter generational conflict and reconciliation


----------



## Maharani (Sep 6, 2015)

Casually Red said:


> Homo alone
> 
> Gok wan wakes up one morning to find all his mates have fucked off on holiday without him . Wasn't a mistake , they were just sick of him badgering everyone to take their clothes off .


Come alone - I don't really need to spell this one out...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 7, 2015)

porp said:


> _On Golden Pony_
> Crap film about inter generational conflict and reconciliation


I was quite Fonda it


----------



## ItWillNeverWork (Sep 7, 2015)

The Wank Heist: Stick em up or you'll get it in the eye.


----------



## mentalchik (Sep 7, 2015)

White Men Can't Pump - a tale of excruciating caucasian trapped wind


----------



## keybored (Sep 7, 2015)

Home Malone - Prohibition-era interior design musical.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 7, 2015)

rome alone: a biopic of garibaldi


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 7, 2015)

Bleeping Beauty

...fairy tale heroine afflicted with Tourettes Syndrome requires intervention of screen censors to maintain family film classification...


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 7, 2015)

The Quiet Fan.

John Wayne, in full neckbeard regalia, goes berserk with authentic Klingon bladed weapon at Sci-Fi convention (it's always the quiet ones you see).


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 7, 2015)

bat'leth


----------



## keybored (Sep 7, 2015)

Jews

The true story of the first Jewish family to settle in Amity Island and the hostility they are met with by the locals.





			
				Levi to daughter when the storm moves in said:
			
		

> You're gonna need a bigger coat


----------



## JimW (Sep 7, 2015)

Oh What A Lovely Wart - Dear Larry is impressed by Johnny Gielgud's growth in dear Dickie's musical loosely based on the witches in Macbeth


----------



## mentalchik (Sep 7, 2015)

A Fistful of Collars - everyday story of the fortunes of a lowly tailor out west

A Few Collars More - The tailor having made some money and reputation struggles to maintain his ethics


----------



## JimW (Sep 7, 2015)

Rhandi - dear Dickie directs Sir Ben in this India set epic loosely based on the Beatles time in the ashram of an oversexed guru.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 7, 2015)

Carry on Up the Tiber.

Like the Roman, Kenneth Williams sees the river Tiber foaming with much blood.

Sid James takes a dim view.


----------



## keybored (Sep 7, 2015)

The Frying Game

Fergus works in a London chip shop that's actually a front for an IRA cell and finds himself enchanted by the young woman with big hands who comes in for a cod lot each Friday.



Spoiler



Shit gets surreal one week when she changes her order to a large saveloy


----------



## mentalchik (Sep 7, 2015)

The Wig Country - Greg Peck and Charlton Heston fight it out over who has the best hairpiece


----------



## mentalchik (Sep 7, 2015)

Let The Right Bone In - Paleontologists squabble over a new fossil discovery whilst mysteriously dying one by one in The Natural History Museum


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 7, 2015)

the cig country: how the american southwest opposed the smoking ban


----------



## mentalchik (Sep 7, 2015)

Gone With The Wino - Rhett changes his mind at the last minute and goes back only to find that Scarlett has fucked off with a local tramp...


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 7, 2015)

gone with the wine: rhett butler loots a wine cellar during the american civil war


----------



## mentalchik (Sep 7, 2015)

Vest Side story - two kids from rival gangs fall in love but eventually things break down with Tony's refusal to wear a proper shirt


----------



## Diamond (Sep 7, 2015)

Mad Lax!

Tom Hardy rushing to various toilets for around 90 mins.


----------



## mentalchik (Sep 7, 2015)

The Fridge on the River Kwai - tensions rise in the POW camp when Alec Guinness insists the men build Burma's first ever branch of Iceland


----------



## Athos (Sep 7, 2015)

Dead Man Wanking


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 7, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Carry on Up the Tiber.
> 
> Like the Roman, Kenneth Williams sees the river Tiber foaming with much blood.
> 
> Sid James takes a dim view.


Ooooh, patron!


----------



## Athos (Sep 7, 2015)

For coprophagic lovers of frozen treats:

The Good Shit Lollipop


----------



## keybored (Sep 7, 2015)

Killing Zog

Transparently anti-semitic conspiracy action thriller. Directed by and starring Mel Gibson.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 7, 2015)

trew grit: documentary about russell brand's lecture tour of the usa.


----------



## JimW (Sep 7, 2015)

Black Narc Is Suss - officers of the drug squad are concerned their new BME colleague is actually touting to the bosses about their bent relationship with Mr Big


----------



## JimW (Sep 7, 2015)

Triffic - Soderbergh's Tony Pulis biopic


----------



## Supine (Sep 7, 2015)

Mouth Pacific - Asian porn


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 7, 2015)

Pacific Kim.

Best Korea's Dear Leader suddenly turns pacifist.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 7, 2015)

_Gland Of The Dead_
Endocrinologist makes incremental advances in medical knowledge through use of autopsies over several decades


----------



## Supine (Sep 7, 2015)

Escape From NJ - same film with a more New Jersey feel to the sets.


----------



## Kaka Tim (Sep 7, 2015)

How the Vest Was Won. 

The Epic Story of the 2015 Labour Leadership Election.


----------



## 8den (Sep 7, 2015)

Supine said:


> Escape From NJ - same film with a more New Jersey feel to the sets.



So even more dystopian then?

No country for cold men. The survivors from Scott's Arctic expedition receive a frigid reception.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 7, 2015)

_Billets Over Broadway_
Recently arrived theatrical ingenue John Cusack decides to jack in the script writing racket and turns his hand to running a boarding house


----------



## 8den (Sep 8, 2015)

The last temptation of Chris. Chris Tarrant is lured out of retirement to host a final season of who wants to be a millionaire


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 8, 2015)

the list temptation of christ. christ was famously a great list maker - and that side of the messiah is brought to the fore in this rather tedious effort.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 8, 2015)

Jesus Christ Superstag

Peter is getting married so the Son of Man has arranged a banging stag do for the 12 lads. They are going to paint judea red, drinking from canaan to damascus before finishing up at a Galilean curry house. High jinks ensue


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 8, 2015)

The Last Temptation on Christ - News that a pharmacist on Christ Avenue is selling methadone without requiring a prescription proves too much for Anelise to resist, with tragic consequences


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 8, 2015)

The Last Temptation or Christ

one man battles to choose between attending an Otis Williams concert or Church


----------



## JimW (Sep 8, 2015)

Guess Who's Coming To Pinner? - A transatlantic cock-up sees Kanye West booked to play a suburban leisure centre instead of Wembley


----------



## JimW (Sep 8, 2015)

Dearth Becomes Her - Meryl Streep's extreme diet is having noticeable benefits.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 8, 2015)

death becomes cher: death, fresh from bill & ted's bogus journey, takes over cher's body with hilarious results


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 8, 2015)

Gladiators

big screen outing for Wolf, Jet, Saracen and Jon Fashnue and the gang


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 8, 2015)

Dank Girl - stoner movie about a girl


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 8, 2015)

Guest Who's Coming to Dinner - When Marjory spots a grammatically incorrect phrase in an email from her husband concerning a forthcoming evening's arrangements, she has a breakdown. Languishing on remand for arson with intent to endanger life she strikes up an unusual friendship with her cell-mate.


----------



## Enviro (Sep 8, 2015)

Chum - borstal is not so bad when you have some good fiends  

The importance of boing Earnest - A film adaptation of Oscar Wilde's classic about a man made of rubber.

The Scene of a Woman - Al Pacino stars as a man who cannot smell anything and subsequently gets all of his romantic queues visually.

Goodfella - The story of a one man mafia.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 8, 2015)

Goo fellas - unfunny comedy based round the antics of a bunch of lads who work in a lubricant factory.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 8, 2015)

foodfellas: john torode & greg wallace biopic


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 8, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> Goo fellas - unfunny comedy based round the antics of a bunch of lads who work in a lubricant factory.



Goof Ellas - twin sisters Liz and Rosie are working for a circus in 1950s England when one day their act, Ella & Ella the Goofy Twins is interrupted by an unexpected earthquake. As a tsunami engulfs Kent the twins put their circus act aside to battle for survival.


----------



## Supine (Sep 8, 2015)

Ket - a film about a bird that takes horse tranquillisers


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 8, 2015)

Daybeakers - a set of plastic drinking vessels that bare the unusual property of not functioning during the hours of darkness are the first on a list of items that Peter and Julian investigate after setting up their Special Item Detective Agency.


----------



## The Octagon (Sep 8, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Jesus Christ Superstag
> 
> Peter is getting married so the Son of Man has arranged a banging stag do for the 12 lads. They are going to paint judea red, drinking from canaan to damascus before finishing up with a Cheeky Nandos in the company of the Archbishop of Banterbury. High jinks ensue



FTFY.


----------



## JimW (Sep 8, 2015)

_Three Days of the Condom_ - two lovers enjoy a safe sex long weekend


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 8, 2015)

lost tango in paris - marlon brando tracks his lost can of tango in paris


----------



## Enviro (Sep 8, 2015)

Pint Break - an FBI agent goes undercover to discover if the person who knocked his beer out of his hand is a surfer.


----------



## Enviro (Sep 8, 2015)

CE Ventura: Pet Detective - A detective (who also happens to be a domestic pet of some kind) scours the land in search of products which do not comply with European legislation.


----------



## Enviro (Sep 8, 2015)

The Holey Mountain. Unusual people take acid and live on a mountain that has lots of nooks and crannies. A coherent plot somehow forms which deals with mundane issues.


----------



## Enviro (Sep 8, 2015)

24 hour porty people: A film about the life of a busy port.


----------



## Enviro (Sep 8, 2015)

Edward Scissorhinds: A film about a man who has scissors instead of buttocks.


----------



## Enviro (Sep 8, 2015)

Goshtbusters - A group of Pakistani meat-lovers go on a quest of discovery as they try to become vegetarians.


----------



## Supine (Sep 8, 2015)

Wife Of Brian - a different take on living in the Middle East a couple of centuries ago


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 8, 2015)

Fast Tango in Paris - Marlon Brando & Maria Schneider practice for the world speed partner dance competition in Paris. It looks like they stand no chance of winning against the South American entrants, but through a series of inspirational montages they become a formidable team, and discover a few things about themselves - and each other - along the way.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 8, 2015)

24 hour sparty people: a film about trendy left activists


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 8, 2015)

24 hour farty people: a film about my boyfriend


----------



## neeks (Sep 8, 2015)

JimW said:


> _Lord of the Wings - _an ancient evil resurfaces when the Dark Lord's recipe for southern fried chicken is discovered by the canal. Fredo and his mates must make a dangerous journey to Morden to destroy it in the deep fat frier it was first used in.



Or a documentary on eagles, narrated by Gandalf.


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 8, 2015)

star bars 
a bunch of friends go on an epic pub crawl and end up trying to get into The Death Star night club

life of pie
a pie develops sentience and spends the rest of it's short existence trying to avoid being eaten by Eric Pickles, on a small boat in the Indian Ocean.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 8, 2015)

Life of PiL

A documentary about the legendary post punk band.


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 8, 2015)

Grouse Pointe Blank - Sebastian is shocked when his request for 12-bore to have a go at some Grouse on the lower moor is refused by his host Sir F'arcy, a man known for affectatiously altering words by appending additional vowels.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 8, 2015)

life of p.i. - biopic of actor tom selleck


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 8, 2015)

A Long Way from Homeo - Homeopathy conference ends in chaos after delegates take hallucinogenic drug


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 8, 2015)

a long way from rome: in the northern canadian wilderness a roman catholick priest begins to have doubts about his vocation.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 8, 2015)

Nosh -  a biblical drama of a visionary who saved all the cuisines of the world in a giant boat


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 8, 2015)

o noah - the trials and tribulations of a biblical arkwright: a comedy


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 8, 2015)

Children of the Porn - a community of ragged kids live in a field - all conceived by porn actors during filming and dumped on the highway - one day they exact their revenge.


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 8, 2015)

drainspotting 
a story of one mans struggle to quit his dyno-rod job


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 8, 2015)

tainspotting - the story of one man's quest for the origin of the _tain_, the famous irish myth


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 8, 2015)

traitspotting - A film about a group of twats who sit about pointing and laughing at random people with unusual traits such as birth marks, strangely placed facial hair, etc...


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 8, 2015)

trainspitting - vile behaviour on the east coast mainline


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 8, 2015)

A Long Way From Hove - a couple on the road, travelling, trying to make their Brighton dream come true rock up in downtown Crawley where their dream begins to unravel.


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 8, 2015)

Trainstopping
A fictionalised account of Beeching's 're-organisation' of train lines


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 8, 2015)

Grauniad of the galaxy.  
The adventures of an interstellar copy-editor


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 8, 2015)

Grovity
a man trapped on a spaceship with the collected speeches of Michael Grove playing on repeat goes mad


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 8, 2015)

Enviro said:


> CE Ventura: Pet Detective - A detective (who also happens to be a domestic pet of some kind) scours the land in search of products which do not comply with European legislation.



Or rather:

_CE Ventura: PET Detective_
An environmental health officer scours the land in search of products which do not comply with European legislation on the recyclability of plastics


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 8, 2015)

_The Wind That Shakes The Farley
_
Film about a strike at the rusks factory


----------



## JimW (Sep 8, 2015)

_Eat, Drink, Tan, Woman!_ - a man takes his partner to a beach resort near Taipei for a nice meal and a bit of a sunbathe.


----------



## JimW (Sep 8, 2015)

_Poshing Hands_ - the same director tackles the hurly-burly world of an upmarket nail parlour


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 8, 2015)

The Manor of Casterbridge - the agricultural land having been auctioned for five guineas, 18 years later the unexpected return of the land to the manor sets in motion a chain of events that leads to the manor's demise.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 8, 2015)

ohmyliver said:


> star bars
> a bunch of friends go on an epic pub crawl and end up trying to get into The Death Star night club.



Did Greedo do shots first?


----------



## weltweit (Sep 8, 2015)

The Wind in the Pillows - about a draughty bedtime


----------



## JimW (Sep 8, 2015)

To Shave and Shave Not - Bogart is undecided whether the beard works or not.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 8, 2015)

_The Tit Fiend Thunderbolt_
The future of a local branch line is threatened when a spate of sexual assaults breaks out


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 8, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> Did Greedo do shots first?


very good!


----------



## weltweit (Sep 8, 2015)

How to get head in advertising - Richard E Grant gets sexual favours from junior interns and tells you how!


----------



## neeks (Sep 8, 2015)

Eat Ray, Love. Julia Roberts, the cannibal stalker.


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 8, 2015)

Logan's Rum 
A man gets hideously drunk on this 30th birthday, and has an convoluted drunken dream about running away from things with Jennie Agatar and meeting Peter Ustinov with some cats.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 8, 2015)

Flush Gordon - either Gordon gets a great hand of cards, or Gordon flushes to critical acclaim


----------



## andysays (Sep 9, 2015)

_Pomp up the Volume_

Edward Elgar collaborates with musicians from Colourbox and AR Kane to create a ground-breaking new sound which is acclaimed by classical and hip-hop enthusiasts alike


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

pimp up the volume: tim westwood stars in this feature-length movie about a man whose job involves making bespoke sound systems for celebrities.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Flush Gordon - either Gordon gets a great hand of cards, or Gordon flushes to critical acclaim


the afrikaans version: flish gordon


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 9, 2015)

Med Max
An Australian goes berserk on a club 18-30 holiday in Malaga


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 9, 2015)

Straight outta Campton 
The trials and tribulations of an earnestly middle class gangsta rap group based in a small village in Bedfordshire.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 9, 2015)

The Wife of Brian - Brian does not believe in immaculate conception!


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

weltweit said:


> The Wife of Brian - Brian does not believe in immaculate conception!


but what about





cyril_smear said:


> Monthy pythons the wife of Brian... A sordid tale of the secret wife of the false Messiah


which you liked, incidentally, and





Supine said:


> Wife Of Brian - a different take on living in the Middle East a couple of centuries ago


----------



## 8den (Sep 9, 2015)

Jesus picky let it go


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Sex, Pies and Videotape: Northern sex comedy.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

ohmyliver said:


> Logan's Rum
> A man gets hideously drunk on this 30th birthday, and has an convoluted drunken dream about running away from things with Jennie Agatar and meeting Peter Ustinov with some cats.


*spoiler alert*


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

A Bride Too Far: 

Bigamist, played by Michael Keeton, finally meets his match in the shape of Uma Thurman, his next wife to be. Psychological thriller. Rated: PG


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

8den said:


> Jesus picky let it go


i note you aren't pulling up anyone else who has pointed out a repetition. why is that?


----------



## 8den (Sep 9, 2015)

It's a fun thread I've ignored any one who pointed out a repetition because they weren't being arsy about it. But seeing as being arsy is your defining attribute picky...


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 9, 2015)

Slade Runner

A grizzled ex-detective who hunts down and brutally kills Brummie glam-rockers starts to doubt his own identity, after discovering that his memory of never having worn Bacofoil-coated platform boots has in fact been artificially implanted in his brain by a sinister man wearing massive Sue Pollard glasses.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 9, 2015)

O Bother, where are thou?

Winnie-the-pooh plays hide-and-seek with his friend Piglet.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 9, 2015)

Weekend at Barnies

The annoying purple dinosaur dies during the filming of his kids' TV show.  Attempts by two set assistants to hide his corpse fail to amuse anyone, and traumatise dozens of small children.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

8den said:


> It's a fun thread I've ignored any one who pointed out a repetition because they weren't being arsy about it. But seeing as being arsy is your defining attribute picky...


if i was being arsy i'd have laid into weltweit. but i quite like yer man so i didn't, simply pointing out it had been done before. glad to see you playing the cunt, though, i suppose you're filling in for diamond.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 9, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> Slade Runner
> 
> A grizzled ex-detective who hunts down and brutally kills Brummie glam-rockers starts to doubt his own identity, after discovering that his memory of never having worn Bacofoil-coated platform boots has in fact been artificially implanted in his brain by a sinister man wearing massive Sue Pollard glasses.


thats the third sladerunner one, mine was first and funniest


we've hit peak repeat teritory cmrds


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

american snipper: a film about an american vasectomy surgeon


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

behind enema lines

a look at the doctors who live in gated communities in the usa


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Walking With the Enema:

World War Two drama: a young man dresses up as a Nazi to conceal his embarrassment. Ends up rescuing some Jews by accident.


----------



## 8den (Sep 9, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> if i was being arsy i'd have laid into weltweit. but i quite like yer man so i didn't, simply pointing out it had been done before. glad to see you playing the cunt, though, i suppose you're filling in for diamond.



You are being arsy.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

8den said:


> You are being arsy.


i've got the hump because you've been a cunt. e2a: weltweit is quite able to fight his own corner without your dubious assistance. if there was any fighting needed.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 9, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> thats the third sladerunner one, mine was first and funniest
> 
> 
> we've hit peak repeat teritory cmrds



Yours was disqualified for spelling it as all one word.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

10a: next door to bo derek


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

does nobody else know how to use the search within a thread function?


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> does nobody else know how to use the search within a thread function?


someone else has done 10a?


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

1

Film about a woman who searches for the perfectly sculptured man but settles for 'not an arsehole'.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> someone else has done 10a?


wasn't aimed at your post - followed on from posts above yours


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> 1
> 
> Film about a woman who searches for the perfectly sculptured man but settles for 'not an arsehole'.


0: film about a woman who searches for the perfectly formed man but settles on an arsehole.


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 9, 2015)

A Bish called Wanda


...John Cleese drags it up in hilarious and long over-due satire of the C of E's doctrinal battle over women clergy...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 9, 2015)

_Hawk The Slater_
Barrel-scraping sword-and-sorcery _EastEnders_ spin-off, in which Perry 'Hawk' Slater (a long-lost distant cousin of Kat, Lynn and Little Mo "from Leigh-on-Sea") visits his Walford relatives only to be sent back in time and across dimensions to a barbarian alternative world following a freak lightning strike on the Queen Vic during a fancy dress party to which he has come done up in Conan-type costume.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 9, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Hawk The Slater_
> Barrel-scraping sword-and-sorcery _EastEnders_ spin-off, in which Perry 'Hawk' Slater (a long-lost distant cousin of Kat, Lynn and Little Mo "from Leigh-on-Sea") visits his Walford relatives only to be sent back in time and across dimensions to a barbarian alternative world following a freak lightning strike on the Queen Vic during a fancy dress party to which he has come dressed in Conan costume.


sequel 'Bed Sonja'


----------



## weltweit (Sep 9, 2015)

The Princess and the Grog - drink problems in the royals


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

weltweit said:


> The Princess and the Grog - drink problems in the royals


i hope you were not unduly put out by my pointing out the several wives of brian on this thread.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 9, 2015)

Piss in Boots - after heavy drinking, incontinence strikes


----------



## weltweit (Sep 9, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> i hope you were not unduly put out by my pointing out the several wives of brian on this thread.


nope, no worries


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

puss in boats: a cat is all at sea


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 9, 2015)

_Narrow Martin_
An inordinately thin LA detective must ensure a blousey mob witness is safely delivered to a California grand jury before Mafia hit men rub her out on the long train journey from the Mid West


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Chintown:  A private detective is hired to expose a plot by a chinless conspiracy to take over Chintown and force the chins out! Starring Bruce Campbell.


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 9, 2015)

Maddyshack

A bunch of Daily Express journalists get locked into a small wooden shack.  With hilarious consequences, obviously.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

the chin syndrome: chins take over the world; starring jimmy hill


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Donny Narco: A time travelling DEA agent gradually loses the plot after recurring dreams of a demon rabbit


----------



## weltweit (Sep 9, 2015)

Patriot Tames - series in which a good old boy calms various wild animals


----------



## weltweit (Sep 9, 2015)

Peggy Sue Got Garried - our favourite hero Gary has his evil way with a southern belle


----------



## weltweit (Sep 9, 2015)

Stent of a Woman - after cremation the woman's medical implant survives the flames and is kept as a curio


----------



## bi0boy (Sep 9, 2015)

Unpouchable - The true story of a baby kangaroo suffering from ADHD.


----------



## JimW (Sep 9, 2015)

_Triumph of the Bill_ - expertly shot but politically dubious early work about a police motorbike


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 9, 2015)

Girth of a Nation

Follow up to critically acclaimed limp-liberal american guilt docu Supersize Me


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Nineteen Eighty Flour: Set in the post punk era, against the backdrop of a Tory government, this is a feel good drama of jaunty northern flour factory workers whose work-place is ear-marked for closure. They club together, buy the management out, and turn the factory into a roller disco for the kids.


----------



## fishfinger (Sep 9, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Girth of a Nation
> 
> Follow up to critically acclaimed limp-liberal american guilt docu Supersize Me


Ah hem!


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 9, 2015)

fishfinger said:


> Ah hem!


ah bollocks. Always in repeat territory from page six onwards


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Slaughterhouse Fine:

Management of a slaughterhouse were found to be in contravention of safety legislation and are threatened with closure, and with that the threat of redundancy for half the local towns folk. In the legal battle that ensues the workers pull together to convince DEFRA inspectors that a fine would be better than closure. To pay the fine everyone agrees to take a pay cut. There is much rejoicing as the management announces voluntary redundancies that will enable them to afford to keep the plant open with new safety measures in place. Starring Dame Maggie Smith


----------



## 8den (Sep 9, 2015)

Honestly Girth Of A Nation is too damn good a title to waist on a sequel to Spurlocks polemic


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Slaughterhouse Hive: Killer Bees take revenge on a slaughterhouse, on behalf of the cows. Or something.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

I made a mistake


----------



## JimW (Sep 9, 2015)

_The Care Beers Movie _- staff at a residential centre are so depressed by funding cuts they spend the entire weekend getting arseholed. Misery ensues.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

slaughterhouse fiver: a counterfeiting gang set up shop in an abattoir


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Slaughtermouse Five: the long awaited sequel to Slaughter Mouse IV: He's Back Again.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 9, 2015)

laughterhouse five: comic goings on in studio 5


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Slaughterhouse Fire: one night the abattoir burns down. Only one person knows who did it and she's not telling!


----------



## JimW (Sep 9, 2015)

_Notional Velvet_ - a dress designer pioneers a technique of making clothes where you have to imagine most of the actual fabric.


----------



## JimW (Sep 9, 2015)

_Erik the Vim King_ - a Danish man owns the best little cleaning products store in Roskilde.


----------



## JimW (Sep 9, 2015)

_Monkey Shites _- perhaps not Romero's most edifying work.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 9, 2015)

The Pen Commandments - Parker launches luxury tablet engraver


----------



## Supine (Sep 9, 2015)

The Umpire Strikes Back - something to do with cricket. Boring movie.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Sunshite: The sun goes out. Everything becomes shite. Sci fi dystopia. Dir. Duncan Jones


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

The Empire Strikes Bank: This time the bankers went too far.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

28 Dans Later: RomCom: Middle aged woman challenges her recently divorced friend to only go out with Daniels after it is revealed that she'd never dated one before. After 27 Daniels and 27 clunkers, she meets one she *really *hates. But can hate turn into love? Starring Jennifer Aniston


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 9, 2015)

DUP
A young boy huffs so many balloons of laughing gas that he convinces himself that he's in fact Ian Paisley.


----------



## Supine (Sep 9, 2015)

Marley and Mo - 10,000m runner Mo Farah gets a dog. We follow his life story as his athletics career bombs due to other life commitments.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Moan: Man living on Moon finds that nothing is quite as he believed, and is pretty cheesed off about it, but all he can do is *Moan *to his computer.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

Jurassic Lark: the Famous Five go back to Jurassic times and find themselves being hunted by dinosaurs.


----------



## Chemical needs (Sep 9, 2015)

2101. It's a remake of 2001. To retain any integrity it should be more or less the same as the original, but is totally different and rubbish


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 9, 2015)

RoboFop: a foolish man who is overly concerned about his clothing, luxuries, minor details, refined language and leisurely hobbies (Wikipedia definition) is killed while choosing an overly elaborate outfit. His brain is mistakenly used to provide the biological element in a new armoured killing machine but as he begins to remember who he is, becomes obsessed with trimming his beard just right.


----------



## Supine (Sep 9, 2015)

Blick Hole - South African starship hovers around an all consuming space anomolie.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 9, 2015)

Mad Sax

Mel Gibson controversially blacks up for John Coltrane biopic.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 9, 2015)

bi0boy said:


> A Long Way from Homeo - Homeopathy conference ends in chaos after delegates take hallucinogenic drug


Brilliant!


----------



## Maharani (Sep 9, 2015)

Sleeping with the enema...urm


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 9, 2015)

Woking Life

Richard Linklater's ponderous cod-philosophical exploration of the trials and tribulations of living in a commuter belt shithole.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 9, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> Slaughterhouse Fine:
> 
> Starring Dame Maggie Smith



- as a waspish aristocrat, I assume?


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 9, 2015)

SpookyFrank said:


> Woking Life
> 
> Richard Linklater's ponderous cod-philosophical exploration of the trials and tribulations of living in a commuter belt shithole.


Sackers

Richard Linklater's follow-up to his debut film, told instead from the point of view of the people who have the misfortune to employ the feckless, slack-jawed wasters of the original.


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 10, 2015)

ponkies: fart and scat comedy in an american frat house


----------



## Enviro (Sep 10, 2015)

American Pi: America decides to convert metric pi into imperial pi. Hilarious engineering mishaps ensue.


----------



## JimW (Sep 10, 2015)

The Ted Shoes - Moira Shearer struggles to dance on point in brothel creepers


----------



## friedaweed (Sep 10, 2015)

Breakfast at Titfannys

Gritty tale of a swinging club cleaner.


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 10, 2015)

A van for all seasons

....a builder finally gets round to having air-con fitted in his vehicle...


----------



## weltweit (Sep 10, 2015)

12 ears a Slave - selective breeding produces workers with enhanced auditory capabilities to better hear the commands of their masters!


----------



## weltweit (Sep 10, 2015)

28 Pays Later - boat 28 is rowing on credit and will pay when it comes in


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 10, 2015)

later cake

A toddler's birthday goes horribly wrong.


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 10, 2015)

Now country for old men

A docudrama about the rise of UKIP


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 10, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> _The Wind That Shakes The Farley
> _
> Film about a strike at the rusks factory



Surely, a harrowing film about the affects of ecstasy related flatulance in the early days of British Acid House


----------



## JimW (Sep 10, 2015)

Greaves - Travolta and Newton-John in a musical about the former Chelsea, Spurs and England forward.


----------



## JimW (Sep 10, 2015)

The Cockless Hell Heroes - a tribute to the bold men who stepped up to end one of the longest sex droughts in recent history.


----------



## weltweit (Sep 10, 2015)

The Da Vinci Mode - new religious fashion hits the streets of 21st century Britain


----------



## weltweit (Sep 10, 2015)

The Dark Side of the Toon - documentary about seedy goings on within supporters of Middlesbrough and Newcastle Football clubs


----------



## Enviro (Sep 10, 2015)

Dumboo - A film about an elephant ghost.


----------



## gimesumtruf (Sep 10, 2015)

Superma - x-ray vision heated beans on toast presented at supersonic speed, ice cold blown ice cream to follow.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 10, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> - as a waspish aristocrat, I assume?


Lady of the manor!


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 10, 2015)

Hey, has anyone said "Wife of Brian" yet?	*runs*


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 10, 2015)

Life of Bran

Feature-length documentary using timelapse photography to show the development of the hard outer layer of a single grain of wheat.  Surprisingly compelling.


----------



## prunus (Sep 10, 2015)

E.R.

The heartwarming tale of how the United Kingdom is ruled over by a tiny incomprehensible wizened old being who hails from realms beyond our ken.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 10, 2015)

Life of Orian: A girl called Orianna is mistaken for the messiah. Absurd and amusing adventures follow.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 10, 2015)

Sumner Holiday: Feature length documentary about Sting's latest vacation.


----------



## Sea Star (Sep 10, 2015)

Expresso Bonzo: a dog, seemingly without talent, but with the ability to entertain crowds is turned into a big star.


----------



## JimW (Sep 11, 2015)

_Sex Machina_ - sci-fi romp about a mechanical James Brown.


----------



## Dr. Furface (Sep 11, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> Sumner Holiday: Feature length documentary about Sting's latest vacation.


...with Bernard from New Order


----------



## neeks (Sep 11, 2015)

_Iron Pan _- Marvel makes a pan a hero this time. Another high-grossing film.


----------



## not-bono-ever (Sep 11, 2015)

The unbearable lightness of Bing

Which tracks the life of an on /off couple. threesome as they come to terms with a really shit search engine that came on a PC world laptop in Prague


----------



## not-bono-ever (Sep 11, 2015)

of fuck, i got this wrong didnt I ? you are suppsoed to change a letter not remove one....


----------



## Maharani (Sep 11, 2015)

friedaweed said:


> Breakfast at Titfannys
> 
> Gritty tale of a swinging club cleaner.


Hahahaha.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 11, 2015)

not-bono-ever said:


> of fuck, i got this wrong didnt I ? you are suppsoed to change a letter not remove one....


No, that's allowed.


----------



## Maharani (Sep 11, 2015)

JimW said:


> Greaves - Travolta and Newton-John in a musical about the former Chelsea, Spurs and England forward.


Surely you mean Greave.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 13, 2015)

JimW said:


> The Cockless Hell Heroes - a tribute to the bold men who stepped up to end one of the longest sex droughts in recent history.


The Dam Lusters - making safe sex sexier by demonstrating the erotic potential of the dental dam.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 13, 2015)

Supine said:


> Blick Hole - South African starship hovers around an all consuming space anomolie.


A "Sath Efricin" starship, shurely?


----------



## gimesumtruf (Sep 13, 2015)

Al -	  One boxing film to keep your i on.


----------



## gimesumtruf (Sep 13, 2015)

Hat -   Bareheaded bank robbers turn up the _heat_ on Al Pacino.


----------



## gimesumtruf (Sep 13, 2015)

The Manchurian Candidat - Sort of Chinese toffee to watch a film with


----------



## adidaswoody (Sep 13, 2015)

Road grip, bunch of stupid teens send a video of them having sex to his exgf, he tries to travel across town to reclaim the video, but his tyres are too worn


----------



## gimesumtruf (Sep 15, 2015)

Enema at The Gates - corporal jones swops his rifle for a douche bag and says -  "they dont like it up em"


----------



## gimesumtruf (Sep 15, 2015)

The Grand Bugapest Hotel - pest control po lice turn up and find big trouble


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 15, 2015)

The Dammed United.

Features famous scene of Leslie Nielsen saying "Nice Beaver".


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 15, 2015)

_Ayr Port_
Tension mounts when the town's only qualified maritime pilot unexpectedly retires, leaving a coal barge adrift just outside the mouth of the harbour


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 15, 2015)

Gonk with the wind.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 15, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Gonk with the wind.



Danny Alexander eats too many Quorn sausages? Pretty niche viewership for that one.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 15, 2015)

Father Red.

Die hard communist exiled to remote Irish island.


----------



## prunus (Sep 15, 2015)

E.E.

Somehow alien beings can travel across interstellar space but can't mange to run a functional mobile phone network on one tiny island on a small rocky planet.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 15, 2015)

_The Greetest Story Ever Told_
Epic melodrama about waiting staff at the world's first ever Harvester


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 15, 2015)

_Black Tea_
When his submarine's fridge breaks down, Jude Law is forced to have a cuppa without milk, in a Scottish accent.


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 15, 2015)

Gorrilas on the Piste

Its about skiing gorillas. I haven't got much further than that but I guarentee SyFy would buy it based on the title alone


----------



## prunus (Sep 15, 2015)

Bootloose. 

Dancing is difficult if you don't tie up your laces tightly.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 15, 2015)

Token.

Newly-employed Liam Neeson discovers that he has been hired purely to meet his firm's diversity quota. He then goes "full Neeson" on their patronizing asses.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 15, 2015)

Token 2.

Can't really come up with anything funny for this one. How about yourselves?


----------



## DotCommunist (Sep 15, 2015)

much like the taken sequels, the law of diminishing returns has set in


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 15, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> much like the taken sequels, the law of diminishing returns has set in


Thus revealing the inherent limits of identity politics.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 15, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Gorrilas on the Piste
> 
> Its about skiing gorillas. I haven't got much further than that but I guarentee SyFy would buy it based on the title alone


"I am sick and tired of these motherfucking gorillas on this motherfucking piste".


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 15, 2015)

_Coal Runnings_
Faced with the imminent closure of its pit, Grimley Colliery Brass Band enters a bobsleigh team in the Winter Olympics as a way of drawing attention to the duplicity of the government and mining company management


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 15, 2015)

snakes on a plan
A meth head's ambitious crime plan is foiled by his own hallucinations during the long sleep deprived come down from a huge meth binge


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 15, 2015)

Despicable MET

A harrowing tale of a policeman and his attempt to route out corruption in the Metropolitan Police Force.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 15, 2015)

_The King And IT_
Elvis Presley is alive and well and working as a Memphis area tech support


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 15, 2015)

The Tripe
A Yorkshire butcher gets caught up in the '60s San Fransciso hippie scene...


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 15, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _The King And IT_
> Elvis Presley is alive and well and working as a Memphis area tech support


_The King and It_

Elvis Presley battles supernatural evil in small Maine town.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 15, 2015)

_Sunday Broody Sunday_

Glenda Jackson is annoyed that her useless husband expects her to give up her career and have kids.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 15, 2015)

_The Handmaid's Tail._

The Republic of Gilead gets more than it bargained for when it tries to abuse a grrl who possesses a prehensile tail, tipped with poisonous barbs.


----------



## prunus (Sep 15, 2015)

Withnail and O

Richard E Grant is inducted into hardcore S&M in a French Chateau


----------



## belboid (Sep 15, 2015)

8den said:


> WIthnail and O, a drunk failed english actor and french submissive go on holidays by mistake.





DaveCinzano said:


> With HILARIOUS results!!!


----------



## BandWagon (Sep 15, 2015)

The Italian Gob: Michael Caine talks too much.
The Italian Hob: Michael Caine buys a new kitchen.
The Italian Mob: Michael Caine takes over the mafia.
The italian Nob: Michael Caine makes a lot of money.
The Italian Sob: Michael Caine is disappointed in love.


----------



## JimW (Sep 15, 2015)

_The Italian Lob_ - Pelle nicks it in the last minute for the Azurri with a cheeky dink over the keeper.


----------



## prunus (Sep 15, 2015)

Oh alright, there are 49 pages of this stuff you know, life is short


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 16, 2015)

Bad Boy Bubba
Ex President Clinton goes on a massive bender.   With hilarious results.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 16, 2015)

_The Grafters_
John Cusack works tirelessly in a string of low-paid, menial jobs, before meeting a charming young woman and reconnecting with his estranged mother, both of whom also hold down minimum wage posts without complaint.


----------



## T & P (Sep 16, 2015)

Kinky Boobs
A bra manufacturer must adapt to modern times if his business is to survive and enlists the help of a drag queen for fresh design ideas.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 17, 2015)

Rand and Freedom.

Heroic POUM militia fighters capture and execute Ayn Rand.


----------



## mauvais (Sep 17, 2015)

*A Streetcar Named Des'ree* - A troubled streetcar struggles with its crippling phasmophobia whilst trying to open a late night bakery.


----------



## mauvais (Sep 17, 2015)

*Casablinca* - Russell Crowe stars in this WWII romantic drama as an Australian expat who must choose between his love of a woman and his love of getting really drunk and beating up a woman.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 17, 2015)

_Poultergeist_
A family move into a house built on land that used to be part of Bernard Matthews' first farmyard


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 17, 2015)

The Big Sweep.

Sparkling sexual chemistry between Lauren Bacall and Dick Van Dyke.


----------



## JimW (Sep 17, 2015)

Rad Day at Black Rock - Lee Marvin shreds at a lonely Nevada half-pipe


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 17, 2015)

2001 : A Spice Odyssey

a mission to Jupiter gets mighty weird after some exotic "herbs" are ingested


----------



## mauvais (Sep 17, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Poultergeist_
> A family move into a house built on land that used to be part of Bernard Matthews' first farmyard


And the sequel *Coultergeist* - after escaping the first instance's fate by deep frying their own residence, the family try to get on with their lives only to find themselves haunted by a levitating maelstrom of unpleasant right wing polemic.


----------



## rekil (Sep 17, 2015)

Are We There Pet? - Ice Cube in full unfuckablewithness mode as a geordie in a Sunderland away day road movie.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 17, 2015)

The Big Steep.

Humphrey Bogart likes his tea strong.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 17, 2015)

_Mouse Party_
Mickey invites Mighty, Jerry, Speedy, Bernard and Bianca over to celebrate his birthday


----------



## JimW (Sep 17, 2015)

Fry Day the 13th - abject horror of almost a fortnight working at the chippy without a day off.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 17, 2015)

Hallowien.

Austrian remake of the famous horror flick.


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 17, 2015)

Birty Dancing

...Hollywood romance at is best as the sheltered Director General of a major broadcasting corporation is swept off his feet by a hunky dance partner during his stint on Strictly...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 17, 2015)

_Fetal Attraction_
Biopic of William Hague and the romance that blossomed with Ffion Jenkins


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 17, 2015)

Lads' Army.

Danny Dyer IS Private Pyke, in the heart-warming romantic comedy no one will forget.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 17, 2015)

Gove Story.

Secretary of State for Education terrorizes innocent American coed.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 17, 2015)

_Alt: The President's Men_
A hip new POTUS decides the best way to relate to Da Kidz is to stuff the West Wing with scooter-riding dotcom entrepreneurs and turn the Oval Office into a beanbag-and-fussball filled breakout room


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 17, 2015)

_The Rack_
Nicolas Cage has a breast augmentation procedure, but terrorists have sabotaged his implants by swapping the silicone with highly volatile explosive gel - can rogue British surgeon Sean Connery defuse his ticking time tits before the boobs go boom?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 17, 2015)

_Speccies_
Scientists Ben Kingsley, Marg Helgenberger, Alfred Molina and Forest Whitaker must track down evil sexy alien Natasha Henstridge. Unfortunately for her, they all wear glasses so are therefore well clever, and they find and kill her in the first fifteen minutes.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 17, 2015)

The Last Walt.

Sad sack Walter Mitty gets more than he bargained for when he tries to live the dream by volunteering for the Kurdish YPG.


----------



## Kaka Tim (Sep 17, 2015)

_Picnic at Banging Rock
_
A party of australian school girls go missing whilst visiting the local dogging spot.


----------



## Kaka Tim (Sep 17, 2015)

_Vest Side Story
_
Two MPs from rival labour party gangs fall in love. But Liz and Jeremy's pasionate romance hurtles towards inevitable tragedy.


----------



## Kaka Tim (Sep 17, 2015)

_Its a Wonderful Lift
_
James Stewart helps the folk of small town america get up the stairs.


----------



## JimW (Sep 17, 2015)

_Ocean's Elven_ - the pointy-eared invaders came from the sea. Orlando Bloom is typecast.


----------



## Orang Utan (Sep 17, 2015)

*Alpen *- extra-terrestrial with cheese for blood arrives in the Swiss Alps and blows a horn for a fight. The Swiss beg neutrality, not wanting to get involved, and send it to Germany. All hell breaks loose.


----------



## 8den (Sep 18, 2015)

Cads Army. Unscrupulous Scientist bent on World Domination clones an army of Terry-Thomas(Terry Thomai?) 

DING DONG!


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 18, 2015)

District 99

Alien invaders attempt to corner Johannesburg's ice cream market.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 18, 2015)

_Banlieue 12
B13_ meets_ The Dirty Dozen_


----------



## alsoknownas (Sep 18, 2015)

_Ex Machine_
A crazed robot scientist enters into a long, tedious negotiation process with his former wife over ownership of the washing machine / dryer.


----------



## rekil (Sep 18, 2015)

401 Blows - Truffaut classic re-upped for the comic con market segment.


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 18, 2015)

8den said:


> Cads Army. Unscrupulous Scientist bent on World Domination clones an army of Terry-Thomas(Terry Thomai?)
> 
> DING DONG!



...purely as a matter of interest why did you append Leslie Philip's well-known catch-phrase to your post...?


----------



## 8den (Sep 18, 2015)

Because Terry Thomas is the kind of bounder who'd steal another mans catchphrase.


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 18, 2015)

..touche...!		  ( _bastard_ )


----------



## A380 (Sep 18, 2015)

Snacks on a plane -			   Ryan Air want £4 for a half pack of Pringles.

Gone with the wine  -		   Rhet buggers off and this time takes all the booze with him.

Avasta-								 Rubbish Pirate movie but with REALLY  good 3D.

Leaf Encounter -				   Celia Johnson gets a bit of plant stuck in her eye on a station platform.

Oh! what a lovely Wart -	   Moving musical examination of skin complaints set on Brighton pier.

The Kings Screech  -			 George V1 needs the help of a speech therapist to stop sounding like a parrot when giving speeches .

Zorro Dark Thirty -				Osama Bin Laden tracked down to his hiding place and ends up with a 'Z' cut disparagingly into his clothing.


----------



## Miss Caphat (Sep 18, 2015)

mauvais said:


> And the sequel *Coultergeist* - after escaping the first instance's fate by deep frying their own residence, the family try to get on with their lives only to find themselves haunted by a levitating maelstrom of unpleasant right wing polemic.



A Coultergeist would be truly terrifying!


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 18, 2015)

Cromer vs Cromer

An acrimonious court case divides a forerly peaceful Norfolk seaside town.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 18, 2015)

Glade Runner

Harrison Ford attempts to apprehend a rogue replicant loose in the Forest of Dean.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 18, 2015)

Mr Brown's Boys D'Movie

A lighthearted look at the British government's response to the most ruinous financial crash in living memory.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Sep 18, 2015)

The Ion Lady

A look at what might have happened if Thatcher had eschewed politics in favour of continuing her career in chemistry.


----------



## DexterTCN (Sep 18, 2015)

The Wrustler.   Aronofsky's film about a wrestler who can't stop eating crisps.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 18, 2015)

The Big Seep

Late Bogart film in which he tries to wisecrack his way into the pants of a femme fatale nine inches taller than him but fails because of a persistent incontinence issue.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 18, 2015)

24 Arty People

Insufferable real-time experimental film covering a day in the life of a cohort of art school first-years.


----------



## billy_bob (Sep 18, 2015)

Shingles

A disparate group of unconvincingly 'alternative' types suffer from a painfully itchy rash, which is no less than they deserve.


----------



## JimW (Sep 19, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> Shingles
> 
> A disparate group of unconvincingly 'alternative' types suffer from a painfully itchy rash, which is no less than they deserve.


Shtarring Shean Connery?


----------



## hot air baboon (Sep 19, 2015)

The Wank Job

Jason Statham reminisces fondly about Kelly Brook


----------



## Wolveryeti (Sep 20, 2015)

A Clear and Present Dangler:

One man's inability to properly clear his nasal passages has unfortunate consequences for his love life.


----------



## alsoknownas (Sep 22, 2015)

_Last Bear at Marienbad_

Even fucking weirder.


----------



## cyril_smear (Sep 22, 2015)

Wolveryeti said:


> A Clear and Present Dangler:
> 
> One man's inability to properly clear his nasal passages has unfortunate consequences for his love life.



A clear and present dangler... one mans struggle with the worlds worse case of hemarhoids


----------



## ohmyliver (Sep 23, 2015)

Stakker

Tarkovsky's epic film about 3 people trying to find a rave in the Isle Of Dogs in 1989


----------



## Pickman's model (Sep 23, 2015)

bottle of algiers

a heist film in which the only bottle in algiers is stolen and attempts made to recover it


----------



## krtek a houby (Sep 23, 2015)

The Pig Chill

A group of rich former college pals re-unite after the unfortunate exposure of initiation rights leads to the career suicide of one of them. Much discussion about loyalties ensue and they plan never to leave. Never.


----------



## Idris2002 (Sep 23, 2015)

krtek a houby said:


> The Pig Chill
> 
> A group of rich former college pals re-unite after the unfortunate exposure of initiation rights leads to the career suicide of one of them. Much discussion about loyalties ensue and they plan never to leave. Never.


I wish I'd thought of this. Well played.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2015)

_The Magnificent Camber Sons_
A bunch of brothers from a small Sussex seaside village get holiday jobs working at the nearby Pontin's; hilarity ensues.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 7, 2015)

Espresso said:


> Enemy of the Slate
> Gene Hackman does his level best not to give Will Smith any credit


I fuckin loved Hackman in this. He does his best Gene Hackman 70s paranoiac USA role style in it. Its second only to his take on Lex Luthor 'Superman! Its so nice to be back where I belong'


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 7, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> I fuckin loved Hackman in this. He does his best Gene Hackman 70s paranoiac USA role style in it. Its second only to his take on Lex Luthor 'Superman! Its so nice to be back where I belong'


What, better than his turn as Harry Caul in_ The Conversation_, of which Edward Lyle is but a broad caricature?


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 7, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> What, better than his turn as Harry Caul in_ The Conversation_, of which Edward Lyle is but a broad caricature?


I've not seen it, is it worth my time? I've heard of it but not really got the vibe from descriptions that tell me 'go on m8 you'll love it'


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Jurassic Worl 

Chocolate manufacturers try to recapture the tastes of prehistoric times with hilarious consequences


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Gove with the wind 

Documentary about education secretary's battle with his flatulence problem


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 7, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> I've not seen it, is it worth my time? I've heard of it but not really got the vibe from descriptions that tell me 'go on m8 you'll love it'


 
It's no _2 Fast 2 Furious_, but it is a masterful piece of suspenseful cinema in which Hackman gets to do more than choke out a few 'heh's whilst grinning like a psycho.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Hobocop 

A moving drama about a homeless ex police officer


----------



## 8den (Nov 7, 2015)

Willy Wanka's Chocolate Factory. 

Highly Specialised Germany Fetish Porn.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 7, 2015)

_Zoolanded_

Ben Stiller as Noah after the Flood


----------



## 8den (Nov 7, 2015)

Grill on a motorcycle. 

Two bikers try and smuggle George Foreman Grills in this easy rider sequel.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

The 5,000 Bingers of Dr T 

Documentary following a newly qualified GP that is forced to take on the countrys worst obesity epidemic


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 7, 2015)

Right, I'm sat here with a copy of Halliwell's, so these are probably all gonna begin with 'A' as I'll likely get bored/too drunk before hitting 'B' * 

Adultfood*
Noel Clarke's gritty tale of urban dinner party planning


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

The Thins 


Haunted packet of artisan biscuits wreak havoc in an antarctic base


----------



## 8den (Nov 7, 2015)

You  need to give the title too NBN it's not charades


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Gorky Pork 

Pig escapes in Soviet era Moscow


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 7, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Gorky Pork
> 
> Pig escapes in Soviet era Moscow


Scorpion reform to do the soundtrack


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Seven Brines for Seven Brothers 

Seawater drinking dare ends in tragedy in this bollywood epic


----------



## 8den (Nov 7, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> The Thins
> 
> 
> Haunted packet of artisan biscuits wreak havoc in an antarctic base



Or "the thin" explorers in a Arctic base are stalked by half of a moderately successful Salford Indie Pop duo.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Jamhead 

A US soldier heads to iraq with an unfortunate sugar addiction


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 7, 2015)

*All Quiet on the Western Font*
The Daily Telegraph's recent 'wild west' restyling meets with tacit approval from readers


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *All Quiet on the Western Font*
> The Daily Telegraph's recent 'wild west' restyling meets with tacit approval from readers



Or 'all quiet on the western frond' documentary about the ecosystem of a fern


----------



## 8den (Nov 7, 2015)

Mad Max "Furry Road" 

Max Rockastansky must lead a group of furries through a post apocalyptic landscape.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Shakespeare in Hove 

A time travelling shakespeare ends up somewhere near Brighton


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Wart and Peace 

9 hour long Russian epic about a man who has a verruca


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 7, 2015)

*Angela's Rashes*
Documentary feature on the importance of contraception


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

The man who wouldn't diet

Roger moore stars in this thriller about a man who eats so many sweets he stops bad guys from taking over the world


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Educating Rota 

Documentary set in a school


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2015)

the spy who lived me. james bond seeks er james bond in this film about identity theft in the murky world of espionage.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2015)

the man with the golden gin. james bond on the trail of the most expensive g'n't in the world.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2015)

the man with the golden gurn. james bond in pursuit of a facetwisting villain in the south china sea.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2015)

moronraker. james bond in a ridiculous film with an unbelievable plot which yet manages to earn millions at the box office.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Licence to Pill 

James bond has a career change and becomes a drug dealer


----------



## 8den (Nov 7, 2015)

Octohussy. Basically the same as the original.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2015)

the man who would be kong. sean connery and michael caine star in this film about a man who wanted to be a vast great ape.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Licence to Pill
> 
> James bond has a career change and becomes a drug dealer


licence to ill. james bond abandons mi6 and becomes a rapper in south central los angeles.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

The man with the Golden Gut 

James bond stars as a man with a bizarre gastrointestinal complaint


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2015)

the man with the olden gun. james bond goes in pursuit of an antique musket stolen by a sinister assassin.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Casing Royale

James Bond movie about a man working in the plastics industry


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 7, 2015)

*Babel: Pig in the City*
Historical epic concerning the lengths men of god will go to for a crafty bacon sandwich


----------



## 8den (Nov 7, 2015)

Thundergall. Bonds insatiable sex drive catches up with him and he is hospitalised with crippling gallstones.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

You Only Jive Twice 

Documentary about music halls in the late 1940s


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2015)

you only lave twice. a film about james bond's lamentable personal hygiene.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Diet Another Day 

Pierce Brosnan stars as a clinically obese Bond who is told by his doctor he has to go on a diet but then realises the doctor wants to take over the world


----------



## 8den (Nov 7, 2015)

Dr O. Bond is captured by a group of BDSM enthusiasts bent on world domination (and submission)


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Goldbinger 

Harrowing documentary about the dangers of eating metals


----------



## JimW (Nov 7, 2015)

Jabs - Michael Fassbender plays a tech guru who descends into anti-vaccination conspiraloonery.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Casino Royals 

Shocking expose about William and Harrys gambling exploits


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

The Spa who Loved Me 

Drama about stressed out mum whose life is changed by expensive beauty treatment


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

The Germinator 

Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a gardener in a country village trying to grow the biggest marrows for the village fete


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 7, 2015)

*Silly Elliot*
Critics of the late american poet vent their frustrations


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Never Gay Never Again 

Controversial movie by homophobic Christian fundamentalists


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2015)

dead pets society. a group of eton schoolboys disinter people's dead cats and dogs and shag them.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 7, 2015)

*The Birdrage*
An irate homosexual clears his son's path to happiness by slaughtering his girlffriend's family.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Don't Cook Back in Anger 

Comedy based on Gordon Ramsays life


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 7, 2015)

Das Toot
Those who say the Germans don't understand good comedy will be left eating their hats watching this two hour laughter riot concerning who farted on the submarine


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 7, 2015)

Three men and a goat 

Banned bestiality porno


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 7, 2015)

*Rowling for Columbine*
In an unlikely turn of events, the author of Harry Potter announces her intentions to stand as mayor of the Denver suburb


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 8, 2015)

Bram Stoker is Dracula
The evidence was there all along, but required one brave film-maker to piece it all together


----------



## JimW (Nov 8, 2015)

Taterworld - Costner flop about a post -apocalyptic scenario where mashed spuds cover the globe.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 8, 2015)

*Colandar Girls*
British pensioners struggle to cover their tits with perforated kitchen utensils.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 8, 2015)

Tout Break

Grim documentary about northern Irish punishment beatings.

Chunderball.

Sean Connery engages in reverse peristalsis.


----------



## Favelado (Nov 8, 2015)

City of Bod.

1970s animated favourite takes on the heavily armed drugs gangs of Rio de Janeiro's slums.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 8, 2015)

_The Lord Of The Tings_

The scion of a caribbean soda company is ennobled


----------



## Favelado (Nov 8, 2015)

Doctor Strangeglove. A documentary team follows everyone's least favourite proctologist around as he carries out some of the deepest rectal examinations to be found anywhere in the NHS.


----------



## Favelado (Nov 8, 2015)

Dirty Barry - previously banned Chuckle Brother porn film gets its first showing at the ICA.


----------



## JimW (Nov 8, 2015)

Farewell My Con Cub On E - unusual Chinese movie about the relationship between two imprisoned boy scouts who bond over party drugs.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 8, 2015)

_Ali ENT_

A former heavyweight boxing champion-turned-astronaut has to undergo a tonsillectomy aboard a commercial intergalactic mining vessel after a flare-up of scarletina leaves him mute - in space, no one can hear you scream...


----------



## Favelado (Nov 8, 2015)

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Loom.

Indy something about textile mill in Preston in Victorian times no I give up.


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 8, 2015)

spoctre

....the ultimate film franchise mash-up....Bond's shadowy nemesis in the swivel arm-chair is finally unmasked as none other than the pointy-eared Vulcan himself - menacingly stroking a tribble....


----------



## JimW (Nov 8, 2015)

This Sparting Life - Lindsay Anderson's take on selling the paper and building the party.


----------



## rekil (Nov 8, 2015)

Ali NS - What if Muhammad Ali had become a nazi? Provocative return to form for M. Night Shyamalan.


----------



## Cid (Nov 8, 2015)

Icon man - This historical work takes a provocatively original viewpoint; Robert Downey Jr stars as a priest in 6th century Byzantium, caught between his traditional views and the rise of a new order determined to find a new form of worship.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 8, 2015)

I am Leg End 

Will smith stars as a doctor specialising in amputations


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 8, 2015)

Downgall 

Alternative history asking the question 'what if Hitler had gallstones' 
Ffs cant think of any more


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 8, 2015)

The hunt for rad october 

its september 30th and a group of 1970s teens are trying to organise the grooviest high school disco they can think of


----------



## Cid (Nov 8, 2015)

Olivier - Musical biopic charting the early life of Laurence Olivier.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 8, 2015)

Back to the futures - troubled stockbroker suffers mental breakdown


----------



## Cid (Nov 8, 2015)

The life of bran - (educational). 1934 collaboration between the BBC and Crabblethorpe & sons (wheat processors of the period) notable for it's early use of the pure machine-noise soundscape.


----------



## Cid (Nov 8, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Back to the futures - troubled stockbroker suffers mental breakdown



Back to the suture - troubled surgeon dwells on past mistake.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 8, 2015)

Nightmare on elk street 

An innocent family's life is destroyed by rampaging herds of moose


----------



## Cid (Nov 8, 2015)

The good, the bed and the ugly: It has bed in it, which it is time for.


----------



## NoXion (Nov 8, 2015)

The Hodfather - The epic tale of one's man's quest to be the biggest in the construction industry.

Starface - A giant intelligent starfish emigrates from the Caribbean sea to make a new life in Florida.

The Bore - One man's inane chatter has proven to much for the planet, which has stopped rotating. A specially-selected team must drill a large hole to the centre of the Earth and throw him down there in order to get it rotating again.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 8, 2015)

.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 8, 2015)

A Cockwork Orange - food fetish porn set in a greengrocers


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 8, 2015)

_Deliver Ince_

A sports agent must ensure that his client, a former England player, reaches a remote Appalachian football stadium in time to commentate for an important international match


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 8, 2015)

The DeVil's Advocate

Animated spin off from 101 dalmatians about the lawyer who has to defend the notorious fur loving villain from animal cruelty charges


----------



## Cid (Nov 8, 2015)

Bedlands: Sissy Spacek and Martin Sheen delete their urban accounts and get to sleep.


----------



## Orang Utan (Nov 8, 2015)

AA - a lone motor mechanic's epic quest to be recognised as a human


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 8, 2015)

ETA - a gritty action thriller about a member of the basque terrorist group who finds himself trapped in an american suburb


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 8, 2015)

The Metrix 

Keanu reeves stars as a disgruntled UKIP supporting greengrocer who hates brussels and still misses the days before decimalisation


----------



## dessiato (Nov 8, 2015)

Kilt Bill, Scottish film about buying traditional clothing for men.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 8, 2015)

_Bring Me The Lead Of Alfred O'Garcia_

Dour drama about an Irish-Spanish scrap metal dealer


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 8, 2015)

_Chariots On Fire_

_Towering Inferno_ meets _Ben Hur_


----------



## cyril_smear (Nov 9, 2015)

8den said:


> Willy Wanka's Chocolate Factory.
> 
> Highly Specialised Germany Fetish Porn.



As featured on max and paddys road to nowhere


----------



## ohmyliver (Nov 9, 2015)

The Fry who loved me. 

Futurama does Bond parody.  Staring Leela, Turanga Leela.


----------



## billy_bob (Nov 10, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> you only lave twice. a film about james bond's lamentable personal hygiene.



With all that running around, fighting and shagging... ew.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 10, 2015)

Bellraiser. A team of cenobytes are called in to renovate a church tower.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 10, 2015)

double post


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 10, 2015)

_ Octopissy
_
After a particularly gruelling encounter with agents of SPECTRE, a British secret agent is forced to undergo intensive surgical rehabilitation to treat a painful quadruple urethral bifurcation injury


----------



## billy_bob (Nov 10, 2015)

These have now ALL been done before.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 10, 2015)

billy_bob said:


> These have now ALL been done before.


I call BULLSHIT


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 10, 2015)

this thread has jumped the shark.


----------



## billy_bob (Nov 10, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> this thread has jumped the shark.



JEWS!!

You're saying it's not safe to go in the water already?


----------



## billy_bob (Nov 10, 2015)

That's also been done before though.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 10, 2015)

Every Which Way But Moose:  Canadian road movie starring a moose.

Broadcast Newt: small amphibian sets up network news channel, against all the odds.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 10, 2015)

Skyfail

After murdochs BSKYB bid falls through he decides to unleash hell upon britain, but sharp suited posh mass murderer Daniel Craig steps in to thwart his plans


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 10, 2015)

_Hanger
_
Arty take on the early 1980s struggle for political status by IRA prisoners, from the perspective of an unused clothes hanger in Bobby Sands' cell


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 10, 2015)

Inherent Nice

Michael Palin & Alan Bennett embark on a hellish drug & sex fuelled dive into the labyrinthine criminal underbelly of LA......stopping at 5 o'clock for a pot of earl grey and some bourbon biscuits....


----------



## BandWagon (Nov 10, 2015)

The Bland Wagon - Astaire and Charisse play it smooth.

Carpal Knowledge - medical training film

The Glockmaker - better than Colt.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 10, 2015)

Pans Labyrinth


stuck in the cookware section of Jon Lewis for 90 mins


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 10, 2015)

Blubber

Expose of the whaling industry


----------



## JimW (Nov 10, 2015)

Battle Shit Potemkin - Soviet villagers must struggle slyly to prevent the local committee's useless plans to make them a national model


----------



## butchersapron (Nov 10, 2015)

Kev. Goes to work.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*The Women*
Janette Crankie is the devil's own in this genre classic.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*Wasters of the Universe*
Men who crave power look back over the mistakes of their lives, pile them all together and call it... chillaxing.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*Alpen*
A look at the controversial advertising campaign that claimed a lack of Swiss ruffage could lead to alien-gestation and agonizing death.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*Nill Bill*
A former assassin gets married and lives happily ever after.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 11, 2015)

*Drainspotting*
Documentary on the drains in Glasgow after a long weekend


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2015)

_Rein Man_

Pint-sized Scientologist Tom Cruise plays renowned tax-averse jockey Lester Piggott, whilst Dustin Hoffman returns to his Method roots as champion horse Nijinsky


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 11, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Pans Labyrinth



...which bit of ......_Change a movie title by one letter_..... are you having difficulty with....?


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*So I Married an Ace Murderer*
Romantic Comedy. A newly-wed man is impressed with the surgical precision his wife brings to contract-killing.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

Groundhog Dad

Bill Murray stars in this charming film about a man who discovers a family of orphaned groundhogs and has to take care of them.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

It's a wonderful lift 

Documentary about an elevator company


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*My Best Friend's Welding*
Documentary. Investigation into the dangers of paying friends cash-in-hand for cut-price auto-work.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*Bad Teachers*
An irate customer spends ninety minutes shouting at the lady on customer services in Tesco about a substandard bottle of whisky.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

Bleepy Hollow 

Johnny Depp stars in this Sci fi comedy about a community of robots living in the woods.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

American Pit 


The struggles of a Midwestern mining community


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

2001, a Space Rodyssey.

"Sailing, we are sailing, to the stars and beyond on the fabulous smallfacesdrive".


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*The Whining*
Jack Nicholson is driven insane by his wife's constant moaning


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

The Golf of Wall Street.

Surprisingly interesting documentary about Wall Street financiers who have a passion for golf.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

Sullivan's Gravels.

Hollywood scriptwriter survives the depression by moving into the aggregate business.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> The Golf of Wall Street.
> 
> Surprisingly interesting documentary about Wall Street financiers who have a passion for golf.



I'd definitely watch that


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> I'd definitely watch that


Have your people call my people.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> I'd definitely watch that


I don't know, sounds a bit sub-par to me.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

Fists of Dury.

Ian Dury batters some poor gobshite insensible.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

Face/Toff

Nicholas Cage goes fox hunting


----------



## peterkro (Nov 11, 2015)

^^^ That made me laugh out loud.(fists of Dury that is)


----------



## Mungy (Nov 11, 2015)

*Tracing Places*
Documentary where Dan Ackroyd and Eddie Murphy go in search of places to eat in New York.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

In Bell 

Jean Claude Van Damme visits a cathedral and gets trapped in a giant bell, and spends 90 minutes trying to get out


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

Schindlers Lisp 

An elderly German man goes in search of a cure for his speech impediment


----------



## Supine (Nov 11, 2015)

Apollo 10 - a dull space movie about a mission to circumnavigate the moon without landing. No incidents during flight made it a really bad movie.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

The Lino King 

One man's quest to become the leader of the flooring industry


----------



## Mungy (Nov 11, 2015)

Jurassic Para
The story of Sasaferrato  (I hope he  was in the paras or this will make me look stupid  )


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

Reservoir Dongs

The first gay porn movie filmed completely underwater


----------



## Supine (Nov 11, 2015)

Stag Wars - an unpopular man goes on his stag do with two robots. Chaos ensues as they go on the piss around the galaxy. It turns into farce when the stag realises the priest is his dad and he plans to marry his sister.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

The Daesh Dolls

Action thriller about trying to stop Mattel Toys signing a deal with the notorious terrorist group to make promotional Barbie dolls.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2015)

Mungy said:


> (I hope he  was in the paras or this will make me look stupid  )


Pretty sure he was one of those chaps who stuck the giant Q-tips down the end of the cannons


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

The King and Di

Conspiracy theory documentary about that night in Paris, suggesting Elvis was there


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 11, 2015)

The King and X

in this fascinating experimental reworking of Waiting for Godot, Malcom X and Elvis re tell the tale through the lense of ther diametrically opposed political positions


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 11, 2015)

the king and pi
siamese king wrestles with irrational numbers.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2015)

_The King And O_

Royalism just went BDSM


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

I Spit on Your Rave

Grumpy old man is woken up in the night by a free party


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 11, 2015)

i shit on your grave
grumpy auld man takes disgusting action after one of his debtors dies.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

I Spit on Your Grove 

A neighbourly dispute over trees takes a shocking turn


----------



## Favelado (Nov 11, 2015)

Rosemary's Barby

Occult drama in 60s New York city featuring some of the tastiest steaks and sausages to be found anywhere in Manhattan.


----------



## belboid (Nov 11, 2015)

Steve Gobs


Computer nerd takes revenge on his enemies


----------



## belboid (Nov 11, 2015)

He Named Me FaLaLa


One young girls fight against being made to sing


----------



## belboid (Nov 11, 2015)

Maze Runner: The Scotch Trials


Pissed person tries to get home


----------



## Bonesy (Nov 11, 2015)

Paws.

White Pomeranian with big teeth terrorises Margate.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> I Spit on Your Rave


That's actually been made

ETA

Google now denies this 

I must have imagined it


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 11, 2015)

Kung Fu Banda

Hastings Banda biopic accidentally optioned by Dreamworks in unfortunate legal mix up


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 11, 2015)

I Spit on Your Dave

enraged television viewer is unimpressed by 8 yr old episodes of QI


----------



## Favelado (Nov 11, 2015)

The Empire Strikes Bach.

Can't be arsed writing the description. Someone else have a go.


----------



## JimW (Nov 11, 2015)

_Only Glovers Left Alive_ - a weaponised plague virus escapes Porton Down and wipes out the entire human population except for former and current players of Yeovil Town, due to secret code tinkering by an obsessive fan working at the military lab.


----------



## Bonesy (Nov 11, 2015)

My Cleft Foot.


Tom Cleverley biopic.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*Des*
After being forced to take a huge paycut from ITV, Des Lynham consoles himself by moving up north and caring for a falcon


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 11, 2015)

kos - documentary about the impact of refugees on a greek island


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

Ket.

Harrowing depiction of the misuse of horse tranquilisers (this must have been done before, surely?)


----------



## belboid (Nov 11, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Ket.
> 
> Harrowing depiction of the misuse of horse tranquilisers (this must have been done before, surely?)


only four times


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*Rebel without a Case*
A crafty old skinflint's holiday is in jeopardy when airport staff wont allow him to check in a couple of bin bags


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

hot air baboon said:


> Kung Fu Banda
> 
> Hastings Banda biopic accidentally optioned by Dreamworks in unfortunate legal mix up


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

28 Drays Later

Eccentric transport fan collects obsolete technology.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*The Dull Monty*
An audience demands its money back when the ex-Steel Worker amateur strippers don't take their boxers off


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

Spar Trek, the Motion Picture

Out. Of. Bog. Roll. Tea. Bags. And milk. William. Shatner. Is. Forced. To. Make. A. Trip. To. His. Local. Branch. Of Spar.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 11, 2015)

28 diys later: film about house collapse caused by refusal to hire a professional builder.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> 28 diys later: film about house collapse caused by refusal to hire a professional builder.


Sequel: 28 Divs Later. Team of "professional builders" prove to be cowboys.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 11, 2015)

*La Dolce Vista*
Microsoft programmers battle through various trials and tribulations to release a new operating system on time


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 11, 2015)

waiterworld: sci-fi about dystopian future in which the only employment is in silver service.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 11, 2015)

Hannah and her Misters

Hannah is a bigamist; her sisters just don't understand. Unfunny comedy by Woody Allen.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 11, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> Hannah and her Misters
> 
> Hannah is a bigamist; her sisters just don't understand. Unfunny comedy by Woody Allen.


not sure anything by allen after zelig is funny. even the ones he meant to be funny.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> Hannah and her Misters
> 
> Hannah is a bigamist; her sisters just don't understand. Unfunny comedy by Woody Allen.


Danny Dyer already made it

Run for Your Wife (2012 film) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 11, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> not sure anything by allen after zelig is funny. even the ones he meant to be funny.


there's the odd bit in occasional films that make me laugh, but its hard work for one joke.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

ISIS


Heartwarming drama about someone with dementia that forgets they were in Syria fighting for the mujihadeen 

Followed by a sequel called Ibis where a famous novelists terminal disease is cured by staring at tropical birds


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 11, 2015)

Sulu 

Outnumbered British soldiers do battle with Mr Sulu, helmsman from the USS Enterprise, at Rorke's Drift.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 11, 2015)

Goodfry Lenin


turns out the bald, bold theorist and Leader has been working as a grill chef in scunthorpes most popular greasy spoon for the last 70 years


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 11, 2015)

Elfie

A misogynist elf comes to London, has an eye for the ladies and treats them like dirt. Ends badly.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 11, 2015)

Billion Dollar Drain

Local authority tries to replace some old and inadequate drains. But nothing is as simple as expected and and before they know it.... they have to build the Billion dollar Drain!!


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

Bed 

Animated movie about the most comfortable bed in America


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 11, 2015)

Fash Gordon - It's 1934 and a clerical assistant for United Woollen Warehouses in London's East End is inspired to make some changes in his life after attending a political rally.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 11, 2015)

flush gordon: the space adventurer and enemy of the merciless ming who broke the bank at monte carlo


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2015)

_IP_

Heartwarming animated film about a crotchety old widower and his attempts to secure a patent on his flying house, with the help of a Boy Scout trying to earn his Trademark badge


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 11, 2015)

For Zen.

Animated fantasy about a Buddhist princess and her estranged sister.

Features theme song "let it go, and achieve nirvana".


----------



## Mungy (Nov 11, 2015)

*Brozen*
Buddhist brothers and their quest for inner peace amid the raging storms of upheaval in China.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 11, 2015)

*Prozen*
Documentary about 2 professional zen buddhists and their journey to enlightenment.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 11, 2015)

*Silence of the Lamas*
Mao Zedong stars in the sad story set in Tibet in the mid 20th century.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

The Iran Lady 

Documentary about the woman who ran the notorious 'visit Iran' tour bus


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

A Bog's Life

Feature length documentary about a threatened wetland habitat


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

Beauty and the Yeast 

After a disastrous shoot a young model decides to set up a bakery


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

Prom Hell

High school teens have no dates in the worst prom ever


----------



## Mungy (Nov 11, 2015)

*Dead Man Wanking*
An experiment with amphetamine leads to a disappointing outcome.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 11, 2015)

Form Hell

A dystopian bureaucratic nightmare


----------



## Mungy (Nov 11, 2015)

*Death Fish*
The sequal to Finding Nemo finds the titular star of the film has gone emo. Featuring music from the Lancashire Hotpots.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 11, 2015)

*Neath Wish*
The tale of a Welsh town coming to terms with having access to the internet.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 11, 2015)

*Hamleg*
The story of David Cameron that just keeps on running.


----------



## krtek a houby (Nov 12, 2015)

Pooper - David Cameron is a fixer sent back in time to advise himself against embarrasing u-turns, dodgy roasts and other shit storms.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 12, 2015)

shamlet - boy from elsinor pretends to be prince of denmark with tragick consequences.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 12, 2015)

The Cunt
A kind of cross between the X factor and "Highlander" for the Tories. So many candidates for the title role.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 12, 2015)

Grave Heart

Badly rated horror film starring Mel Gibson


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 12, 2015)

Wold at Heart - a man and a woman and their mutual love for a specific area of woodland on high ground that they go to in their dreams. This is a film about self discovery. In a world where men and women love to be among trees, on a hill....


----------



## krtek a houby (Nov 12, 2015)

Mild at Heart - Nic Cage and Laura Dern enjoy a pint of Theakston's and some speed metal at the local watering hole.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 12, 2015)

brave hart: tv artist tony hart is the sole survivor of a plane crash in the amazon jungle. this is the amazing story of how he travelled 2,500 miles back to civilization - on the way negotiating 'first contact' with several previously unknown tribes


----------



## bluescreen (Nov 12, 2015)

Sieve Jobs: the unsung careers behind the scenes at The Great British Bake-Off


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 12, 2015)

Stove Jobs: a documentary about people who sell, use, maintain or make stoves for a living.


----------



## isvicthere? (Nov 12, 2015)

Pup fiction.

Touching tale of a mendacious six month old labrador. 

Taxi drivel.

Documentary viewed from passenger's POV about how it used to be nice round here until THEY moved in, and if I had my way I'd bring back hanging, 'specially for the nonces, guv.....


----------



## bluescreen (Nov 12, 2015)

Stive Jobs: the struggles of _oshiya _in the hardscrabble world of Japanese transport.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 12, 2015)

Wilt At Heart: Long awaited sequel to 1990's "Wilt".


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 12, 2015)

Duma and Dumber: Hilarious comedy set during the reign of the last Czar of Russia, Nicholas II.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 12, 2015)

Tarsky and Hutch: Ken Hutchison (Hutch) is sent to the Tarsky District policy force in Omsk Oblast, Russia, as part of an exchange program, while Starsky is not featured in this movie at all.


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 12, 2015)

Steve Nobs

....fascinating , inspiring bio-pic of a driven misunderstood black polo-neck wearing genius and his odd-couple partner, hairy savant-baker Steve Hobs and their fight to realise his vision of the chocolate hob-nob biscuit....


----------



## JimW (Nov 12, 2015)

Steve Bobs - the dessicated corpse of the tech tycoon has fallen in the water in this eight-hour wordless arthouse flick


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 12, 2015)

Human Cuntipede

...the entire Cabinent are sewn together mouth to anus starting with Cameron to a dead pig....


----------



## 8ball (Nov 12, 2015)

Drollhunter - a guy makes occasional mildly funny quips while holding a rifle in a field for some unexplained reason

<remade 20 years later with a female lead character>


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 12, 2015)

Seven Deadly Bins 

Grizzled health and safety officers investigate a spate of fatal accidents involving rubbish collection


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 12, 2015)

Bridge of Sties 

Controversial amateur bestiality porn starring David Cameron


----------



## ItWillNeverWork (Nov 12, 2015)

The Wanking Dead

"They call them stiffs for a reason"


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2015)

_A Bride Too Far_

All-star historical epic about the development of Salt Lake City


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 13, 2015)

Seven Brides for Seven Brothels - tragic story of the human trafficking of mail order brides from Russia to Switzerland. Directed by Lukas Moodyson


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 13, 2015)

Seven Rides for Seven Brothers - heartwarming coming of age story about how one family came to dominate Motocross in 1980s Nottingham, directed by Shane Meadows.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

the seven year etch. artist albrecht durer's interminable quest to get his drawing of a rhino just so.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

Sherman Tank said:


> Seven Rides for Seven Brothers - heartwarming coming of age story about how one family came to dominate Motocross in 1980s Nottingham, directed by Shane Meadows.


there's a film of the same name about how jockey frankie dettori not only rode seven winners on one famous afternoon but also beat the eponymous seven brothers while doing it.


----------



## ItWillNeverWork (Nov 13, 2015)

Seven Years in Tebbit

The tragic story of Jerry the Gerbil who, following a debauched party conference season, found himself unable to escape from Norman Tebbit's anal cavity.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 13, 2015)

The Smarm - Sequal to Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Michael Caine's Lawrence Jameison cons his way into a top secret research base and accidently releases a load of killer bees on the neigbouring town.


----------



## isvicthere? (Nov 13, 2015)

The Lavender Hill gob.

Uninspiring tale of a mouthy, ill-informed south London oaf.


----------



## danny la rouge (Nov 13, 2015)

Baws. 

A film starring Roy Schieder and Robert Shaw that reviews itself.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 13, 2015)

Maws

Roy Scheider is a small town American dentist who discovers the beauty hidden in his neighbour's mouths even while skirting a nervous breakdown and the end of his loveless marriage.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2015)

_The Last Hairbender
_
It's _The Road _meets _Shampoo_ as Warren Beatty teams up with fellow survivor Viggo Mortensen to try and find a source of electricity to power his curling tongs in a hellish post-apocalyptic world. The M. Night Shyamalan twist? They were gas tongs all along!


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

hampoo: david cameron takes a pig up the gary


----------



## JimW (Nov 13, 2015)

The Men Who Stare At Coats - Like watching paint dry, avoid.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

the men who stare at oats - a film about farmers on quaaludes.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

the men who stare at moats: a film about the parliamentary investigation into the mps' expenses scandal of a few years ago.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 13, 2015)

The Men who stare at Boats - documentary about Italian Coastguards and their struggle to retain their humanity while defending their borders.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 13, 2015)

The Men who stare at Groats - Medival action thriller staring Ray Winston and Elijah Wood as King Richard's crack anti counterfeiting and clipping squad.


----------



## JimW (Nov 13, 2015)

The Men Who Stare At Goatse - these young internet users have become innured to almost anything.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Meet the Dockers 

Documentary about the shipyard industry


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Rash 

A disturbing film based on the jg ballard classic about a group of people who deliberately try to find things they are allergic to for shits and giggles


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2015)

_Rash Omen_

Toshiro Mifune discovers that he is allergic to samurai armour - with HILARIOUS results!


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2015)

_Yo Jim Bob!_

Toshiro Mifune joins Carter USM on tour - with HILARIOUS results!


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

Fuck Soup.

Groucho doesn't like soup.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Triumph of the Pill

A documentary about how the rise of birth control changed women's lives in the 60s


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

The Malteser Falcon.

Title Card: In 1539, the Knight Templars of Malta, paid tribute to Charles V of Spain, by sending him a Golden Falcon encrusted from beak to claw with rarest maltesers ~~~~~ but pirates seized the galley carrying this tasty chocolate-covered treat and the fate of the Malteser Falcon remains a mystery to this day ~~~


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 13, 2015)

Last Mouse on the Left - documentary following the affects of drastic staffing cuts on the last remaing Mickey Mouse performer as he runs round the vast park delighting children and dealing with his asthma.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Four Weedings and a Funeral 

Hugh Grant plays a gardener who is haunted by the death of one of his colleagues who he accidentally hit with a spade


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Pie 

A tortured mathematician tries to create the perfect shortcrust pastry


----------



## JimW (Nov 13, 2015)

Mean's Tweets - the cutthroat world of Conservative Central Office's social media team.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Tar Trek 

Hiking on the Tar Sands in Canada


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Teenage Mobster 

Hard hitting thriller about young boys growing up in the streets of Naples


----------



## Supine (Nov 13, 2015)

Debbie Goes Dallas - Uneducated girl takes a holiday, instead of taking a job in the porn industry


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Scam

Inmates of a prison receive letters telling them that wealthy relatives in Nigeria have died in car accidents


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 13, 2015)

Bes

Small Northern boy finds the ghost of Queen Elizabeth the 1st while out walking on the moors, only he can see her which leads to an spiral of hilarious results which build to a crescendo of redemption for them both and the boy's estranged father. Staring Rupert Grint, Cait Blanchet, and with Jamie Bell as the boy's older brother.

Directed by Kenny Lynch


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Bridget Jones's Dairy 

Career woman suffers a mid life crisis and decides to move to the country and buy a herd of cows


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

The English Patent

Hugh Grant presents boring documentary about copyright theft


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Toy Tory 

Horror movie about a Tory MP who creates a doll which looks like him and comes to life


----------



## belboid (Nov 13, 2015)

Tory, Tory, Tory

The 2010 General Election Leaders Debate


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 13, 2015)

A Tan for all Seasons
In between burning heretics, Sir Thomas Moore finds time to open Tudor England's very first tanning salon


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Battlefield Hearth 

Tom Cruise plays a soldier who likes to sit in front of a fireplace


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 13, 2015)

*Miserly*
Local townspeople are too cheap to drive an injured novelist to the hospital


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 13, 2015)

*Monty Python's Wife of Brian*
She's not Mary Magdalene, but can be for the right price


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 13, 2015)

*Tight at the Opera*
Remake of Falling Down. One man is pushed too far when charged eight pounds for a cornetto


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 13, 2015)

*Notting Bill*
Upwardly mobile police officers solve crimes in between dinner parties


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

*Despicable MP.*

Documentary about the daily habits of a Tory MP.

"The most disgusting movie since _A Serbian Film_" - Barry Normal, Film '15.


----------



## 8ball (Nov 13, 2015)

_The Germinator_ - A cyborg is sent from the future to help with a spot of gardening


----------



## belboid (Nov 13, 2015)

*Nothing Hill*

Hugh Grant is bemused by existentialist geography.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 13, 2015)

*The Pillow Cook*
Cautionary tale for lazy people on the dangers of cooking in bed


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

8ball said:


> _The Germinator_ - A cyborg is sent from the future to help with a spot of gardening



I already did this


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

*The Perminator*

Warren Beatty is an indestructible cyborg hairdresser from the future.


----------



## 8ball (Nov 13, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> I already did this


 


<shakes fist at search function  >


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 13, 2015)

*Wear Window*
Curtain-twitchers in Sunderland waste police time


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Furry Road 

A road trip turns into a nightmare as the car is chased by people dressed as animals


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

The Stepford Wires

Documentary about electricians in an English suburb


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 13, 2015)

*Saturday Night Lever*
Drama about a signalman who operates on a Weekend-only line 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




OK, I think that's just about the weakest I've done so far


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

saturday nigh fever. john travolta plays a man with a terror of the weekend.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 13, 2015)

Where Beagles Dare

a group of cute, chainsmoking Allied dogs are tasked with rescuing an intelligence asset from one of those evil nazi castles they have in germany. All the nazis in this version are cats.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *Tight at the Opera*
> Remake of Falling Down. One man is pushed too far when charged eight pounds for a cornetto



Altenratively -


Tight at the Opera.

Despite the worst efforts of the Volstead Act, a man can still get roaring drunk at New York's finest opera hall.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Where Beagles Dare
> 
> a group of cute, chainsmoking Allied dogs are tasked with rescuing an intelligence asset from one of those evil nazi castles they have in germany. All the nazis in this version are cats.


You should pitch that to Pixar.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

*Realm of the Tenses.*

English student has fetishistic relationship with dominant grammar teacher.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Woad Trip 

A group of historical reenactment enthusiasts ingest an ancient blue substance used by Anglo Saxons with hilarious results


----------



## 8ball (Nov 13, 2015)

Brewster's Billions - half-heartedly remade to take account of inflation


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 13, 2015)

8ball said:


> Brewster's Billions - half-heartedly remade to take account of inflation


could also be a hard hitting Michael Moore documentary into corruption and political bribery from the big alcohol manufacturors


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Black Hawk Gown 

Spin off of 101 dalmatians where cruella de vil plans to make a gown out of hawk feathers


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 13, 2015)

A Time to Ill


a group of bored young aspiring rappers get together to work out whens the best time to be illin'


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

*Mad Marx*

Mild-mannered student Karl Marx is _pushed too far _by the tough idealist philosophers who hang out around the bierkeller.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Goodfry Lenin
> 
> 
> turns out the bald, bold theorist and Leader has been working as a grill chef in scunthorpes most popular greasy spoon for the last 70 years


*Good Lye, Lenin!*

Mrs. Ulyanov's boy spurns politics and becomes a travelling lye salesman.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

*She Trotsky*

Barbara Streisand astonishes the critics with her performance in the title role.


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 13, 2015)

The Uncredibles

...Gideon Osborne & his Treasury team appear before the select committee to explain their fiscal plan for eliminating the deficit in this parliament ....


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

All I can come up with for the man with the big moustache is 

*Spalin*

Mad scientist creates creature with the combined DNA of Sarah Palin and Joseph Stalin.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 13, 2015)

The Asphalt Bungle ~ a heist by a gang of crooks, disguised as road workers goes horribly wrong! Comedy.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 13, 2015)

Donkey Business: a documentary about donkey based cottage industries in the _Alpujarra_s


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Secrets and Lyes

A woman's marriage comes apart when her double life as an illegal lye manufacturer is exposed


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 13, 2015)

Len-Hur

Stalwart trade union leader Mcklusky takes to chariot racing with hilarious consequences


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

*The Treasure of the Sierra Cadre*

Stirring tale of revolutionary derring-do in the last day's of Batista's Cuba.


----------



## JimW (Nov 13, 2015)

_Les Quatre Scents Coups _- veteran foreign correspondent Quatre (George Clooney) regularly scoops rivals thanks to his uncanny ability to spot a military takeover coming.


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 13, 2015)

The WInd that Shakes the Burley

...sky tv news presenter experiences uncontrollable outburst of flatulent emissions on air...with embarrassing consequences...


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 13, 2015)

The Vast Temptation of Christ: Jesus is back! Being tempted by the devil once more and this time its even bigger and more tempting!


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 13, 2015)

Breamgirls

3 mermaids quit their watery abode in search of fame and fortune as a vocal "soul" music combo....


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 13, 2015)

Fartasia: musical based on hallucinations brought on by particularly virulent wind breaking.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 13, 2015)

The Treasurer of the Sierra Madre - When setting up a new National Park along the west coast of Mexico, Alejandro Navia encounters stiff resistance from the State Board when attempting to appoint his chosen financial officer.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

Chet!

Omar Sharif badly miscast in this biopic of famous Jazz musician Chet Baker.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

the malteser falcon. humphrey bogart stars in this film about one man's quest for a falcon made out of sweets.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

quadrohenia: four brides' hen parties collide


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 13, 2015)

The Assassination of Jesse Games by the Coward Robert Ford - When the annual rodeo competition is suspended due to an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, local dignitary Robert Ford plans a lavish shooting contest themed around a self-authored sequel to the popular TV drama, Breaking Bad, chronicling the demise of award-winning character Jesse Pinkman. However, when threatened by the organiser of the town's agricultural show, who thinks the proposed games will impact visitor numbers, Ford soon backs down.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

jak - biopic of the famous cartoonist


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

Boardwalk Umpire

Atlantic City is invaded by rival mobs of cricket hooligans. Steve Buscemi is forced to restore order to the resort by means of a large baseball bat.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 13, 2015)

the Amazing Spicer Man: documentary about a former chef who now runs a chain of Indian restaurants.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 13, 2015)

the Glass Bottom Goat: surreal animation about a goat with a transparent arse.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 13, 2015)

Show Goat: Goat based musical


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 13, 2015)

The Girl on the Goat: zany comedy about a child who rides a goat everywhere. her parents think its unhealthy but does the therapist agree? No animals were harmed.....


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 13, 2015)

etc.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

close encounters of the hird kind: an exploration of thora hird's fascination with aliens.


----------



## Spymaster (Nov 13, 2015)

Forest Gum: The extraction of polysaccharides from heavily wooded areas.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

forest hump: david cameron takes a wild boar up the gary.


----------



## 8den (Nov 13, 2015)

Cast Action Hero. 

schwarzenegger starts in this Hollywood reimagining of the miners strike (hat tip to the comic strip presents)


----------



## 8den (Nov 13, 2015)

Lean. Jean Reno is a hitman with mild vertigo.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 13, 2015)

Vast Action Hero: He's back, he's eaten a lot of doughnuts!!!


----------



## isvicthere? (Nov 13, 2015)

The never ending tory 

Nightmare dystopia coming to a nation near you.


----------



## JimW (Nov 13, 2015)

Last Acton Hero - he flags down the final N11 just before it passes their stop allowing the motley crew of pissheads to arrive safely at Ealing Broadway before sunrise.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2015)

_The Weir_

Long-form saga about institutional dysfunction set amongst the overstretched investigations teams of British Waterways and the canal-based crooks they combat


----------



## belboid (Nov 13, 2015)

AuntiStella said:


> etc.


*The Goat That Rocked *

The Story of Baa-Baa-Baa, Baa-Baa-ra Ann

*The Goat That Died of Shame*

[insert Rolf Harris reference here]

*The Man Who Stared At Boats
*
British Naval Defense, 1914-15


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 13, 2015)

Fopest Gump - A documentary following the exploits of Percy Ffythe, an Oxford student attempting to perform a realtime re-enactment of the life of Georgian dandy, Beau Brummell.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 13, 2015)

The Godfather: Part IV - After the zombie apocalypse, Vito Corleone begins cracking down on pharmacy looters who don't supply the agreed number of cadavers


----------



## JimW (Nov 13, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _The Weir_
> 
> Long-form saga about institutional dysfunction set amongst the overstretched investigations teams of British Waterways and the canal-based crooks they combat


You were card-happy early doors and now it's bloody telly series. _You don't know what you're doing..._


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 13, 2015)

the goadfather - biopic of texas cattle baron robert j kleberg, who (it is said) invented the cattleprod


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

Twenty Thousand Lears in Sing Sing.

Inmates of New York prison start amateur dramatic society, stage unusual protest.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2015)

I INVOKE MAGPIE'S LAW


----------



## belboid (Nov 13, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> I INVOKE MAGPIE'S LAW


isn't that something about racist chair's?


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

bi0boy said:


> Fopest Gump - A documentary following the exploits of Percy Ffythe, an Oxford student attempting to perform a realtime re-enactment of the life of Georgian dandy, Beau Brummell.


Benedict Cumberbatch stars in the performance of his career.


----------



## isvicthere? (Nov 13, 2015)

JimW said:


> _Les Quatre Scents Coups _- veteran foreign correspondent Quatre (George Clooney) regularly scoops rivals thanks to his uncanny ability to spot a military takeover coming.



Truffaut dat!


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

Four Weldings and a Funeral.

Failure to observe welding-related health and safety rule leads, ultimately, to tragedy.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Pilates of the Carribean

Surprisingly interesting documentary about inhabitants of islands in the carribbean who decide to take up gentle forms of exercise


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Get Farter 

Gangsters exact revenge on someone with severe flatulence problem


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

The extendables 

Bizarre porn movie, the less said about the better


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Bin City 

Comedy about a group of binmen in London


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> The extendables
> 
> Bizarre porn movie, the less said about the better


AH'LL BE BAREBACK


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Bin City
> 
> Comedy about a group of binmen in London


Is that a remake of the Emilio Estevez classic?


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 13, 2015)

Lances with Wolves - After finding the Holy Grail, Sir Tristram and Sir Galahad set up a jousting contest at Camelot. After much merriment things take a darker turn when a black knight shows up armed with a lance made of the bones of 1000 wolves.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

The daish and the spoon

Man takes on notorious terrorists armed only with a spoon


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2015)

bi0boy said:


> Lances with Wolves.


I was more imagining a lycanthropic podiatrist


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

The Mast 

Jim Carrey leads a campaign to stop a phone mast being built


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> The daish and the spoon
> 
> Man takes on notorious terrorists armed only with a spoon


That's got THE STATH written all over it 

"First they came for his FORK. Then they took his KNIFE. But now ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> That's got THE STATH written all over it
> 
> "First they came for his FORK. Then they took his KNIFE. But now ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!"


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Saving Primate Ryan 

A zookeeper is threatened with losing his job and a group of school kids get together to save him


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Sawing Private Ryan 

A banned 'video nasty' from the makers of Human Centipede


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

I would actually like to watch a few of these


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

Goy Story 

Antisemitic film starring Mel Gibson as Buzz Lightyear


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 13, 2015)

The Passion of The Chris

Chris Martins experimental musical take on everyones favourite racist agit-prop of the middle ages. He's done a three CD accompaniment, Guy Garvey plays Judas and Jarvis Cocker is Pontious Pilate. Pete Doherty is the thief who is crucified next to Chris Martin


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 13, 2015)

Maxi Driver - Mike Leigh's debut film starring Roger Sloman as a humble office worker and proud Austin Maxi owner as he get's stuck in a traffic jam on the A303 and rescues a 13 year old prostitute from her violent pimp played by Alison Steadman


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 13, 2015)

The Tummy

Educational movie for kids about the gastrointestinal tract and the digestive system


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2015)

The Pubic Enemy.

Jimmy Cagney gives the best Brazilians in town.


----------



## 8den (Nov 13, 2015)

bi0boy said:


> Lances with Wolves - After finding the Holy Grail, Sir Tristram and Sir Galahad set up a jousting contest at Camelot. After much merriment things take a darker turn when a black knight shows up armed with a lance made of the bones of 1000 wolves.



Save the last Lance. When a mysterious virus kills everyone with the name Lance the race is on to find a cure before beloved character actor Lance Henriksen succumbs.


----------



## 8den (Nov 13, 2015)

Death Case 2000. A coroner looks back at his career when he reviews his 2000th case.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 14, 2015)

*The Hills Have Ewes*
Modern day re-telling of the Beau-Peep story based around the remote Welsh hamlet of Clynnogfawr.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 14, 2015)

Marr Attacks
Documentary film explores the interviewing techniques employed by legendary CIA operative, Andrew Marr, who for many years worked undercover in the BBC.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 14, 2015)

Run Lol Run 

Documentary about cyber bullying


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 14, 2015)

Groundhug Day - A day to celebrate mother earth goes pear-shaped when the Stamping Mechanoids of Thaarl are let loose


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 14, 2015)

Arsenic and Old Mace - A spice processing firm gets into trouble with the law when their products are found not to be in compliance with regulatory limits.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 14, 2015)

The Gnus of Navarone
Heart warming tale of the Wildebeest living on a small Greek island around the middle of the 20th Century.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 14, 2015)

Interview with a Sampire 

Prince Charles speaks for 90 minutes to an artisan delicacy


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 14, 2015)

Carlito's Gay - A lighthearted look at Carlito and his massive gay.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 14, 2015)

The Bunting Party 

Comedy about a party to celebrate the royal wedding that goes wrong when some dastardly serbs get involved


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 14, 2015)

Powering Inferno

character study on the life of a fire-starter who thinks he has pyrokinesis


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 14, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> The Pubic Enemy.
> 
> Jimmy Cagney gives the best Brazilians in town.



The Public Enema

....followed by a little colonic irrigation...


----------



## Mungy (Nov 14, 2015)

*Secret in their Ewes*
New Zealand based romantic horror.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 14, 2015)

End of Batch - subtle differences leave Simon tearing his hair out as oversees what was supposed to be a simple replenishment to one of his production line inputs.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 14, 2015)

When Harry Met Salty - A simple mistake at the desalination plant causes Harry to go on a violent rampage after he takes a sip of his morning cuppa.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 14, 2015)

The Baked Gun - security procedures are reviewed after an inmate cooks an ingenious recipe while working in the prison kitchen.


----------



## isvicthere? (Nov 14, 2015)

Planet of the apps.

Cyber dystopia in which mobile phones take over the Earth. Starring Roddy iMacDowell.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 14, 2015)

Natural Born Kilters

An American couple go to Scotland and are drawn into the murky world of kilt making with deadly consequences


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 14, 2015)

Thelma and Louse 

Geena Davis discovers she has nits and goes of on a violent killing spree in search of the person she caught them from


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 14, 2015)

Tokeback Mountain

Two cowboys discover a profound love...of getting high.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 14, 2015)

Jurassic Pork 

A shortage of pigs leads biochemical scientists to take some desperate measures


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 14, 2015)

The Log Goodbye 

Forestry accident ends in tragedy


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 14, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> The Log Goodbye



http://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/describe-your-last-poo-as-a-movie-title.318177/


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 14, 2015)

The Puke of Burgundy 

What happens when you drink three bottles of wine


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 14, 2015)

Inspector Gadge

A young copper from glasgows roughest estates works his way up through the ranks to become CID using his wits and madcap inventions.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 15, 2015)

Scone.

Aussie bikie gang battles for control of the lucrative baking industry.


----------



## dessiato (Nov 15, 2015)

Kill Bilt, the story of how unknown forces decided to destroy a German publisher.


----------



## dessiato (Nov 15, 2015)

Kilt Bill 2 the reminder that Kilt Bill, the request for payment for traditional Scottish menswear, is still outstanding.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 15, 2015)

license to weld. one woman's quest for acceptance in the workplace


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 15, 2015)

Quatermass and the Pot

.....after watching the Breaking Bad box-set Prof Q decides on a lucrative move into the herbal psychoactive substance market...


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 15, 2015)

Plane of the Apes 

A monkey tries to fly a plane it ends in tragedy with hundreds of people dying


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 15, 2015)

Planet of the Capes 

A planet where everyone wears a big cape


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 15, 2015)

King Solomon's Lines


a vast stash of ancient cocaine lies in a hidden location...


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 15, 2015)

The Stig

... mysterious and gifted test driver attempts to con 3 presenters out of their popular tv motoring show ...


----------



## Mungy (Nov 15, 2015)

Barry on Henry
A bemused Gareth Barry discusses Thierry Henry's career on and off the pitch.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 15, 2015)

Barry on Cruising
A candid Gareth Barry talks about the night life in Liverpool.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 15, 2015)

Barry on Loving
Gareth Barry's guide to the kama sutra.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 15, 2015)

Barry on Dick
Gareth Barry talks about his comedy hero Dick Emery.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 15, 2015)

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Post Ark 

Indiana Jones must intrepidly going into a Royal Mail sorting office to stop nazis stealing ancient treasure


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 15, 2015)

Comb Raider 

A bald Lara Croft goes in search of a lost treasure


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 15, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Comb Raider
> 
> A bald Lara Croft goes in search of a lost treasure


 Yet another brush with death


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 16, 2015)

_The Hurd Locker_

Former Thatcher Minister harbours deep secrets in the changing rooms at his squash club


----------



## bluescreen (Nov 16, 2015)

Silence of the Iambs: a poet serves life on the writer's block.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 16, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Planet of the Capes
> 
> A planet where everyone wears a big cape


planet of the vapes: the horror of a world without cigarettes


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 16, 2015)

Ming Kong 

(Chinese remake)


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 16, 2015)

Planer of the Apes - It's the mid-Pleistocene and things start to get interesting around the Urals when a group of apes begin to use advanced carpentry tools.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 16, 2015)

Life of Xi

Biopic of the Chinese President & the Secretary General of the Communist Party


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 16, 2015)

lie of pi: extraordinary autobiography revealed as tissue of fabrications.


----------



## belboid (Nov 16, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> lie of pi: extraordinary autobiography revealed as tissue of fabrications.


a pretty similar film to the one released then


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 16, 2015)

belboid said:


> a pretty similar film to the one released then


a different extraordinary autobiography


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 16, 2015)

The Imitation Fame

Big screen version of the tv show 'Stars In Their Eyes'


----------



## Mungy (Nov 16, 2015)

Airplank
Modern retelling of the Eric Sykes classic short film.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 16, 2015)

Finial destination - A serial dome-climber gets more than she bargained for when thunderstorms are forecast on the eve of her most audacious cathedral-mounting trip to date.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 16, 2015)

I Knot What You Did Last Summer - A jealous girl seeks to destroy her friend's art project.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 16, 2015)

Shadowbower - When a firm is threatened with legal action over poor customer service, it employs the secretive Yakatushi Hiro to put things right.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 16, 2015)

Planet of the Japes - Mark Wahlberg crash lands on a world full of irritating practical jokers, memorable for the scene where he smothers Helena Bonham Carter with a giat whoopie cushion


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 16, 2015)

Spyfall - Steve Carell is back as much loved bungling secret agent Maxwell Smart


----------



## 8den (Nov 16, 2015)

Edit oh Cock two letters.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 16, 2015)

8den said:


> Edit oh Cock two letters.


I've just spent two minutes trying to work that one out!

Oh Mother where Art Thou? - A victorian orphan played by Olly Murrs looks for his long lost mother.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 16, 2015)

*No Holes Barred*
Hulk Hogan's 'grandstanding' and 'hotdogging' will get right up your nose in his latest sex-tape


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 16, 2015)

*Shreads*
The good people of Sheffield soldier on in tattered rags when the local Primark closes down


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 16, 2015)

*Corrie*
A socially-awkward pubescent girl extracts revenge on the regulars of the Rovers' Return


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 16, 2015)

*A Knightmare on Elm Street*
A local council clamps down on jousting during the morning rush hour


----------



## Citizen66 (Nov 16, 2015)

*The Shaws' Wank Redemption *

They did bad. They were sorry. They wiped up the mess with a crusty sock.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 16, 2015)

*Peeing Tom*
A young film-maker kickstarts the golden showers porn genre


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 17, 2015)

Bear Window

Injured photographer Brian (Bill Cosby) resting up at home, buys a new telescope and while bored notices his neighbours have a bear trapped in their spare room. He forms an unlikely alliance with a young boy Chris (Macauly Culkin) to free the bear.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 17, 2015)

Dear Window

Ten years after the events in Bear Window, Chris (Shia LaBeuf) is now a professional stunt motobiker, during a daring jump he breaks his leg and is reduced to resting up at home. While lazing around at home he spots his neighbours Bob and Thelma (Dan Aakroyd and Eddie Murphy) have a really expensive window on the spare room. He decides to break Brian (Bill Cosby) out of prison where he is serving time on multiple counts of rape and molestation to help him steal the window in a daring midnight motorbike raid. 

Written and directed by Shia LaBeuf and Bill Cosby. Shia's final Hollywood film


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 17, 2015)

The Pelican Brie - After winning a prestigious award for his outrageous cookery skills, Jethro the creative chef is subjected to an horrific revenge attack while on a gentle Sunday afternoon stroll in St James's Park, London.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 17, 2015)

*You've Got Bail*
A lonely single woman is delighted when the serial killer she has been emailing in prison is suddenly released


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 17, 2015)

Mississippi Gurning

... docu drama about a group of unemployed Nottingham coal miners competing in the world face pulling championships in the American deep south ...


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 17, 2015)

Sherman Tank said:


> Dear Window



"St Helens' Glass has the Class ...action lawsuit". Documenting the collapse of the once mighty double-glazing firm


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

ditty harry. hardened cop harry callahan hands in his badge and starts writing slushy love songs.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 17, 2015)

*The 40-year-old Virgil*
Wrestling superstar, Mike Jones, has to accept that his career is in the toilet and it's only going to get worse


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 17, 2015)

*Dour Weddings and a Funeral*
Two newly-weds track down and kill the miserable gits who ruined their wedding photos


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 17, 2015)

Star Wrek

Charlie Sheen's biopic


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 17, 2015)

Owling For Columbine

David Attenborough's latest project for the BBC


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

pup pompeii
an endearing feature length cartoon - 101 dalmatians meets the last days of pompeii, featuring the voice of frankie howerd.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

tup pompeii. historical porn romp, showing you what up pompeii's scrubber got up to on her day off.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 17, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *Dour Weddings and a Funeral*
> Two newly-weds track down and kill the miserable gits who ruined their wedding photos



Four Weldings and a Funeral -  Accident-prone Steve returns to his job after a third period of absence, all due to work-related accidents. Will he finally overcome his clumsiness or is he about to embark on the ultimate health and safety nightmare?


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

sup pompeii. babette's feast meets malcolm mcdowell's caligula in this historical thriller.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 17, 2015)

Forrest Dump

a medical drama about a simple minded american suffering from chronic constipation


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 17, 2015)

Milf

what the director of Milk wanted to make before the producers stopped him


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 17, 2015)

Funding Neverland

dramatic recreation of the financial crash in 2008


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

peter pane. aptly named window cleaner has fantasies of eternal youth.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 17, 2015)

Lurcio said:


> Milf



The director of Milk and fiance Tom Daley make unlikely protestations of bisexuality


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 17, 2015)

*As Hood as it Gets*
Helen Hunt can't resist Jack Nicholson's impressions of Tim Westwood


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 17, 2015)

Toad To Perdition

Quentin Tarantino reboots Wind In The Willows


----------



## Louis MacNeice (Nov 17, 2015)

The lady billers - a group of small time villains invoice an elderly woman.

The lady fillers - a group of small time villains force feed an elderly woman.

The lady millers - a group of small time villains grind the corpse of an elderly woman.

The lady tillers - a group of small time villains use an elderly woman to steer their sailing dinghy.

Cheers - Louis MacNeice


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

Louis MacNeice said:


> The lady billers - a group of small time villains invoice an elderly woman.
> 
> The lady fillers - a group of small time villains force feed an elderly woman.
> 
> ...


the lady pillers - aristocrats in their late 80s on the rave scene in the late 80s.


----------



## isvicthere? (Nov 17, 2015)

dessiato said:


> Kill Bilt, the story of how unknown forces decided to destroy a German publisher.



The sweet spell of success, in which isvicthere? reveals it's "Bild" rather than "Bilt."


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2015)

The Lady Kilters - a gang of scottish seamstresses steal something


----------



## Louis MacNeice (Nov 17, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> the lady pillers - aristocrats in their late 80s on the rave scene in the late 80s.



The lady willers - a group of small time criminals leave all their possessions to an elderly woman.

Cheers - Louis MacNeice


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

Louis MacNeice said:


> The lady willers - a group of small time criminals leave all their possessions to an elderly woman.
> 
> Cheers - Louis MacNeice


the laddy killers: prepubescent murderers on the rampage in the scottish glens


----------



## Louis MacNeice (Nov 17, 2015)

The lardy killers - a group of small time criminals put on weight.

Cheers - Louis Macneice


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2015)

The General Dined at Dawn.

An army marches on its stomach, after all.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2015)

Kilting Zoe.

Clare Grogan wears a kilt.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2015)

A Short Film About Kilting.

Polish director turns to Poland's century's old Scottish connection (which is an actual real thing, look it up).


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2015)

The Princess Brine

Only the finest brine shall pickle my herrings.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2015)

The Zady Killers: gang of incompetent crooks try to kill Zady Smith to cover up their bungled heist.


ETA: I see she's called Zadie..


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

Louis MacNeice said:


> The lardy killers - a group of small time criminals put on weight.
> 
> Cheers - Louis Macneice


the lawdy killers: members of a black and white minstrel troupe hunted down and killed on dartmoor


----------



## Louis MacNeice (Nov 17, 2015)

The leady killers - a group of small time criminals take it out on church roofs.

Cheers - Louis MacNeice


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

Louis MacNeice said:


> The leady killers - a group of small time criminals take it out on church roofs.
> 
> Cheers - Louis MacNeice


the lady kilners: unemployed governesses set up a pottery workshop


----------



## Louis MacNeice (Nov 17, 2015)

The loady killers - a group of small time criminals take it out on a habitual drug user.

Cheers - Louis MacNeice


----------



## Louis MacNeice (Nov 17, 2015)

The Landy killers - a group of small time criminals take it out on Land Rovers and bridge players*.

Cheers - Louis MacNeice.

* look it up I had to.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 17, 2015)

Dread Presidents

Nixon, reagan and bush snr and jnr carry out an audacious bank heist


----------



## Louis MacNeice (Nov 17, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> the lady kilners: unemployed governesses set up a pottery workshop



Or a group of small time criminals preserve an elderly woman.

Cheers - Louis MacNeice


----------



## Louis MacNeice (Nov 17, 2015)

The Cady killers - a group of small time criminals murder both Robert Mitchum and Robert DeNiro.

Cheers - Louis MacNeice


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

the brady brunch: family enjoys mid-morning meal which ends in tragedy


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2015)

The Last Walt.

A demented likesfish pursues a mittyesque anti-hero through the postapocalyptic streets of Guffon City. The classic rock soundtrack LP, though long out of print, is still highly sought-after by vinyl collectors.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

the blast waltz: dancing turns violent when competition heats up.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 17, 2015)

_The Lavender Hill MAB
_
Warm-hearted comedy about a bumbling gang of suburban Islamists


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 17, 2015)

_The Night Poster
_
Arty, transgressive film about the ambiguous, unhealthy relationship between the moderator of a popular bulletin board, and a forum member known principally for their relentless nocturnal emissions.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2015)

Wind at Heart - a woman who's passion is chasing twisters, finds herself in the heart of one and her life changes forever. In a world where a woman loves wind.....


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2015)

Inlard Empire - surreal story of a man who sells lard.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2015)

Twin Beaks - two birds who have something in common form a lasting bond.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2015)

Glue Velvet - story of a clothing factory.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 17, 2015)

They Lady Cillers - A team of double-glazing accessory installers fall out with their fenestral comrades when they arrive on site to find only MDF windows boards have been ordered.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

twine peaks. the story of the european strong mountain.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2015)

The Lady Kimlers - documentary about a group of female artists who model their work on that of Chicago artist Wesley Kimler


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 17, 2015)

_cif...._

Class conflict in a minor public school, seen through the eyes of the janitor


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 17, 2015)

colons. cops take on gang of pedants in los angeles.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2015)

The LADO Killers - a gang of criminals who go around bumping off Local Authority Designated Officers.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2015)

Tain Peaks - weird goings on in Scotland as the body of a young lassie is found in the Tain.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 17, 2015)

The Lady Illers - A group of women from a local church get together with the intention of pretending to be more ill than their unfortunate fellow parishioners so as to make said parishioners feel better than they might otherwise feel.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 17, 2015)

Toe Lady Killers - A posse is raised to hunt down a particularly nefarious witch who beguiles her victims by exhibiting her transcendental toes earning her the nickname the Toe Lady.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 17, 2015)

_The Mean Mac Zine
_
1337 h4xxor Burt Reynolds goes to prison after being caught breaking into the Apple mainframe; he gets his revenge by starting up an irreverent IT newsletter with his fellow cons


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2015)

Vocal Hero.

It's three o'clock in the morning, is he never going to shut up?


----------



## dessiato (Nov 17, 2015)

Rice Age, documentary about the length of time cooked rice can be safely kept before reheating.


----------



## dessiato (Nov 17, 2015)

Dirty Barry a film about how local government cuts are affecting sanitation services in a Welsh town.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2015)

The Muppets Fake Manhattan

Kermit and company use holographic jets to demolish the twin towers.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2015)

Tambo

Biopic of veteran ANC leader Oliver Tambo.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 17, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Tambo
> 
> Biopic of veteran ANC leader Oliver Tambo.


_The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Grift
_
Biopic of former ANC guerrilla fighter turned capitalist freebooter Tokyo Sexwale, focusing on his dubious post-1990 business activities


----------



## Louis MacNeice (Nov 18, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _The Lavender Hill MAB
> _
> Warm-hearted comedy about a bumbling gang of suburban Islamists



Not to be confused with _The Lavender Hill Bob _in which a group of small time criminals attempt to extract apples from a bucket of water using only their teeth.

Cheers - Louis MacNeice


----------



## Louis MacNeice (Nov 18, 2015)

Tea Lady Killers - a group of small time villains murder female workers on an Darjeeling plantation.

Tie Lady Killers - a group of small time villains murder women with neck wear.

Tee Lady Killers - a group of small time villains murder women with small items of golfing equipment.

Thee Lady Killers - a group of small time villains murder women to the accompaniment of a 60's inspired garage rock soundtrack.

Cheers - Louis MacNeice


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 18, 2015)

West Side Tory.

David Cameron becomes leader of West Manhattan's most notorious gang, the Rip-off Park Pig Fuckers.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 18, 2015)

_Inglourious FAS Turds_

Tarantino tackles Ken Loach territory with this downbeat tale of an alcoholic pregnant woman and her scatological problems


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 18, 2015)

Old Toy

murderous mayhem ensues as an Action Man - imprisoned in the toy box for 20 yrs - finally escapes and tools up to dispense bloody vengeance


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 18, 2015)

Ben In Black

Ben Affleck tans up in a musical biopic of Al Jolson


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 18, 2015)

Horn On The Fourth Of July

its independence day and tom cruise wants a shag ... BAAAAAAD!


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 18, 2015)

The Third Nan

... film noir about a group of ISIS-trained sexagenarian assassins ...


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 18, 2015)

The Third Nan - (Bollywood remake)

... suspense/thriller about a mass murdering owner of a takeaway that laces sundry items with poison ...


----------



## Mungy (Nov 18, 2015)

The Green Male
A film documenting the rise of yoghurt weaving men in modern society.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 18, 2015)

Tend it like Beckham
Documentary on the cultivation of the gentleman's garden.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 18, 2015)

Basket Care
How to look after the basket in which you keep your deformed siamese twin.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 18, 2015)

Wanking in the Air 

Classic animated porn movie shown on dark web chatrooms at Christmas, ideal for those with snowman fetishes


----------



## Mungy (Nov 18, 2015)

Ealing Raoul
The swinging scene in london in the early eighties.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 18, 2015)

The Passion of the Crust
The great bake off goes to Golgotha. Paul Hollywood in the cameo role of Jesus.


----------



## 8den (Nov 18, 2015)

City of Dog. Lady & Tramps puppies get involved with gangs and drugs in this gritty sequel to the Disney classic


----------



## 8den (Nov 18, 2015)

Logan's Bun. In a future dominated by the great British bake off, one baker refuses to be voted off...


----------



## Mungy (Nov 18, 2015)

tone in 60 seconds
an excruciating minute of tony blair soundbites. not for the faint hearted.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 19, 2015)

full metal hacket
father jack is back. and he's pissed off because they spelled his name wrong in the title


----------



## JimW (Nov 19, 2015)

The Day The Earth's Toads Till - fascinating documentary on a bizarre annual ritual where the various toad species of java abandon fly-hunting for twenty four hours to engage in a form of burrowing much like primitive agriculture.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 19, 2015)

_ Gings Of New York
_
Sensitive documentary tracing the involvement of Irish immigrants to the development of the Big Apple


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 19, 2015)

The Sound of Musick.

Pickman's model roams the mountains and valleys of rural Austria, mystifying locals with his peculiar spelling.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 19, 2015)

Romancing the Tone.

Brooks and Blair - a love story for the ages (the dark ages that is).


----------



## JimW (Nov 19, 2015)

Army Of She-Dows - Scotland's standard bearer unexpectedly succeeds in his online spouse hunt, and to such an extent that he has a virtual harem. He trains his spare brides in guerilla warfare and launches the resistance against the royalist hegemony. Cameo from Condoleezza Rice.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 19, 2015)

Doctor in Tove.

Dirk Bogarde narrates the story of his love affair with Tove Jansson, creator of the Moomins.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 19, 2015)

doctor in gove
nasty tory porn


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 19, 2015)

city of bod. the children's tv programme's feature film.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 19, 2015)

_Hove, Actually
_
West London emigres gentrify a south coast seaside town, but are at pains to distinguish themselves from the more déclassé Brighton adjacent


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 19, 2015)

Star Wars: A New Pope

A long time ago in a city far far away, the pontiff has held his final mass, so now they will choose a new one. Emperor Palpatine


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 19, 2015)

*Groundhog Lay*
A long married couple decide they need to spice things up a bit in bed and so ask Bill Murray for a threesome


----------



## Mungy (Nov 19, 2015)

Scud
Gulf War 1 revisited in this epic movie of shock and awe told from the perspective of the republican guard.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 19, 2015)

Mungy said:


> doctor in gove
> nasty tory porn


Just imagine it - housewife's choice Dirk Bogarde enjoying _intimate relations _with Michael Gove MP.

Or with a giant Moomin, if that's more your bag.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 19, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Just imagine it - housewife's choice Dirk Bogarde enjoying _intimate relations _with Michael Gove MP.
> 
> Or with a giant Moomin, if that's more your bag.


((((dirk bogarde))))


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 19, 2015)

*Furry*
American soldiers liberate France and are shocked to discover the local women don't shave their armpits


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 19, 2015)

*The Buns of Navarone*
British Intelligence takes serious liberties by sending a team of commandos behind enemy lines to pick up some of their favourite Greek pastries


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 19, 2015)

8den said:


> Logan's Bun. In a future dominated by the great British bake off, one baker refuses to be voted off...


ahem..... 
Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 19, 2015)

The Sound of Mulić - very short documentary about Serbian footballer, Fejsal Mulić


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 19, 2015)

Logan's Rug - In a future where soft furnishings are a forbidden item, one man goes the extra mile to have a nice soft floor...


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 19, 2015)

*Resident Devil*
Residents of an apartment block complain to the police when Satan moves in and holds endless late-night parties


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 19, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Star Wars: A New Pope
> 
> A long time ago in a city far far away, the pontiff has held his final mass, so now they will choose a new one. Emperor Palpatine


Pope.

Hitchcock's murder mystery based on the Leopold and Loeb case, _but with a pope._


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 19, 2015)

five raves to cairo. we call it acieed from thebes to the med.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 19, 2015)

Free Wilty

A film about a houseplant that gets neglected with no water and sunlight so a green fingered burglar breaks in and takes it away


----------



## Mungy (Nov 19, 2015)

Etsy Rider
Two crafters go in search across the internet for some people to buy their expensive tat.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 19, 2015)

The Dummy.

Mannequin terrorises Cairo.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 19, 2015)

Triffic
Delboy finds himself appointed by the Mayor of London to tackle the drug problem in Peckham only to find his brother, Rodney is back to his art college ways of smoking weed and getting up after lunch.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 19, 2015)

The Cunt for Red October

In this tale of derring do one man disrupts a month long celebration of all thing Red by just acting like a total cunt. He's pissing in punch, he's insulting the visiting speakers. Just a cunt.


----------



## mentalchik (Nov 19, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> The Cunt for Red October
> 
> In this tale of derring do one man disrupts a month long celebration of all thing Red by just acting like a total cunt. He's pissing in punch, he's insulting the visiting speakers. Just a cunt.



Oh dotty...been a bit of a humorless week or so for me but this made me spit my tea !

cheers for a good laugh !


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 19, 2015)

an honour sis, as always


----------



## 8den (Nov 19, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *Groundhog Lay*
> A long married couple decide they need to spice things up a bit in bed and so ask Bill Murray for a threesome



Better Bill Murray than a squirrel.


----------



## mentalchik (Nov 19, 2015)

Desperately Reeking Susan

New York girl goes on the run due to disastrous BO problem


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 19, 2015)

Groundlog Lay

Bill Murray is forced to replay the same outdoors shit over and over untill he finally gets it right


----------



## mentalchik (Nov 19, 2015)

Get Farter

English gangster struggles with foul wind problem whilst acting out revenge


----------



## Mungy (Nov 19, 2015)

The Hurt Licker
John Hurt stars as himself in this strange porn film.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 19, 2015)

Triumph of the Ill

finally, the fight for your right to party has been won, observe how it was done through the lense of a Beastie Boys tour video


----------



## mentalchik (Nov 19, 2015)

Last Mango in Paris...

Sexually charged tale of a parisian greengrocer and his ever more desperate search for fulfillment whilst battling the urge to molest his stock


----------



## Cid (Nov 19, 2015)

_Don't book now_.

Biopic on the founder of lastminute.com.


----------



## Cid (Nov 19, 2015)

_Gregory's giro_.

Bleak 1980s piece charting one man's experience of giro day.


----------



## fishfinger (Nov 19, 2015)

mentalchik said:


> Last Mango in Paris...
> 
> Sexually charged tale of a parisian greengrocer and his ever more desperate search for fulfillment whilst battling the urge to molest his stock



It's high season in the popular holiday destination, and there's been a terrible mix up in the soft drinks supply. Now it's one man's job to track down the elusive...

Last Tango in Paros


----------



## mentalchik (Nov 19, 2015)

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Womb

Mr Strangelove overcomes his Oedipus complex and becomes a gynecologist


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 19, 2015)

Gregory's Grrl

On tour with Scotland's answer to Bikini Kill.


----------



## Mungy (Nov 19, 2015)

Escape from Hull
A doctor, in the course of his experiments, ventures into Hull. The film ends, thankfully.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 19, 2015)

fishfinger said:


> It's high season in the popular holiday destination, and there's been a terrible mix up in the soft drinks supply. Now it's one man's job to track down the elusive...
> 
> Last Tango in Paros


Last van go in Paris.

Metro strike or not, the butter delivery must get through.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 20, 2015)

The Cock.

Danny Dyer plays himself.

Rod Help the Girl?

Rod Liddle's attempt to mentor young intern goes awry (for him).


----------



## JimW (Nov 21, 2015)

Badlends - Martin Sheen plays a plausible sociopath who goes on a payday lending spree.


----------



## starfish (Nov 21, 2015)

JimW said:


> Badlends - Martin Sheen plays a plausible sociopath who goes on a payday lending spree.


Spookily enough im watching Badlands just now & was trying to think of post for here.


----------



## JimW (Nov 21, 2015)

starfish said:


> Spookily enough im watching Badlands just now & was trying to think of post for here.


Yes, was watching too. What a great film.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 21, 2015)

The Reparted

Sequel to 'The 10 Commandments'


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 21, 2015)

The Constant Hardener

Examines the life and loves of a travelling viagra salesman


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

Some like it - NOT!

Wayne and Garth must disguise themselves as women, in order to stay one step ahead of the "Friends of Italian Opera".


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 21, 2015)

'Money! I shrunk the kids!' 

Mad scientist devises a size reduction scheme that will make him a billionaire


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 21, 2015)

The Quilt American 

Le Carre drama about a guy who makes quilts for the KGB so they dont get cold in the siberian winter


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 21, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Le Carre drama



Ahem


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> Ahem


I am Greene with envy.

Further Green shenanigans:

The Human Faptor. Compulsive masturbator becomes MI6's biggest defector.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 21, 2015)

Brighton Cock


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 21, 2015)

Blade Ruiner 

Assassin who blunts knives as a way of destroying his enemies


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

Blade Punner.

Harrison Ford fritters his life away on message board threads where people compete to post puns.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 21, 2015)

Glade Runner 

Heart warming Bambi-esque story about some deer running to escape hunters


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

Glade Runner.

Rutger Hauer runs around with big aerosol of deodorant.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 21, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> deodorant.


 
Ahem.


----------



## belboid (Nov 21, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> I am Greene with envy.
> 
> Further Green shenanigans:
> 
> The Human Faptor. Compulsive masturbator becomes MI6's biggest defector.


not forgetting,

*Our Can In Havanna*

There's a CIA bugged toilet n Castro's HQ

*The Third Ban*

Ernesto makes his last visit to Urban

*The Heart of the Hatter
*
A Luton Town fan is unlucky in love


----------



## belboid (Nov 21, 2015)

*Slade Runner
*
Glam rock shenanigans


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 21, 2015)

belboid said:


> *Slade Runner
> *
> Glam rock shenanigans


4th time and I got there first


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

*Sade in Flame*

80s chanteuse Sade stars in this searing expose of the seedy underbelly of the music industry in Thatcher's Britain.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> Ahem.


What's your point caller?


----------



## belboid (Nov 21, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> 4th time and I got there first


if that's my only repeat, I'm doing fine


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 21, 2015)

Glade isn't used under the arms. Its technically still a deodorant but goes under the less confusing title 'air spray' or 'air freshener'


----------



## Supine (Nov 21, 2015)

1001 - some explorers find a strange obelisk somewhere in Stonehenge. Not very interesting film as space travel hadn't been invented and they had no talking computer with evil overtones.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

A Batter of Life and Death.

For pity's sake don't eat that deep fried Mars bar! This line proved tragically prophetic for the late Ewen Macgregor in what was to be his final starring role.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 21, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Glade isn't used under the arms



Although who knows what decadent shenanigans go on in the Casa del Idris


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 21, 2015)

The Anal - Film archivist David (Rupert Evans) believes his wife Alice (Katie Price) is having an affair with Alex (Jason Statham) one of her clients, he eventually finds out she is actually having anal sex witht he ghost of a 1902 murder victim right in their house.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 21, 2015)

120 Days of Bodom 

On tour with the 80s death metal band for 120 days


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

The Otters.

Nicole Kidman plays an anthropomorphic talking otter.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 21, 2015)

Polyp Fiction

American gangsters branch out into nasal surgery


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 21, 2015)

Spinal Tat 

A group of dodgy antique dealers turn it up to 11


----------



## 8den (Nov 21, 2015)

This thread been quality the last few pages


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

Spinal Pap.

Incompetent doctors are sacked from the Well Woman clinic.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 21, 2015)

The Gaming of the Shrew 

It's all about ethics in game journalism in this modern reworking of Shakespeares misogynist classic


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 21, 2015)

_Yewtree Amigos_

A trio of former Radio 1 DJs get back together for one last adventure


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 21, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Spinal Pap.
> 
> Incompetent doctors are sacked from the Well Woman clinic.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

The Plaice Behind the Pines.

Fish-related crime movie.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 21, 2015)

Light Club

A group of upper middle class men secretly get together to change different types of light bulbs every weekend.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 21, 2015)

Lights Club.

The same thing as above, but with offal.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 21, 2015)

_Filo And Stitch_

Disneyland gets gentrified by a bunch of hipsters and their ironic pop-up patisseries and handicraft market stalls


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 22, 2015)

Pilates Of The Caribbean

Matt Damon cracks open coconuts using his buttocks


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 22, 2015)

Trash

Biopic of Jeremy Kyle ... (who else)


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 22, 2015)

Goon Will Hunting.

Creepy horror as the ghosts of Secombe and Milligan pursue Matt Damon through the streets of Boston.


----------



## quiet guy (Nov 22, 2015)

The B- Team

when your credit rating is just not up to it, you need to call in...


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 22, 2015)

Mystic Fiver

A harrowing three hour film about a possessed five pound note that turns anyone who gets given it as change into a deranged serial killer


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 22, 2015)

Flight Club 

 Air Miles collectors get together on the weekend to secretly take transatlantic trips


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 22, 2015)

Crotching Tiger, Hidden Dragon 

Bruce Lee spends the entire film needing the toilet


----------



## BandWagon (Nov 22, 2015)

Rebel Without A Pause: James Dean never stops not acting.
Paint Your BandWagon: OK, more than one letter but I couldn't resist it.
Singin' In The Pain: Sounds awful.


----------



## mauvais (Nov 22, 2015)

*3.10 To Yo Ma* - drought-impoverished rancher (Bale) takes the titular train service to visit his good friend Chinese American cellist Yo-Yo Ma, but due to a platform alteration, inadvertently ends up in a tempestuous relationship with your actual mother - _with hilarious consequences_


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 22, 2015)

Cary Poppins 

Macabre musical about the horrors of Victorian dentistry


----------



## mauvais (Nov 22, 2015)

*Tarship Troopers *- Fresh from "doing a motorway on Jupiter", fallen-on-hard-times denim-bedecked wayfaring astronaut collective B*witched attempt to flog surplus tarmacadam to alien lifeforms on Mars whilst struggling against the twin perils of a hostile climate and how block paving has largely supplanted demand for what was historically the first choice for driveway surfacing, in this satire of the form that never quite escapes the casual racism of this overarching plot synopsis or indeed the breathless length of this particular sentence.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 22, 2015)

Wedge of Tomorrow

Tom Cruise relives the day he tried to get his expenses claim paid out, over and over.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2015)

mauvais said:


> *3.10 To Yo Ma*


I was expecting you to go on to troll DotCommunist, but clearly you are a better human being than me


----------



## mauvais (Nov 23, 2015)

*Things To Do In Denver When You're Dean* - Documentary in which Dean Cain tries to sneak around the limited selection of tourist attractions on offer in the Colorado capital, whilst being hunted down by the screaming hordes of fans that are an inconvenient product of being the world's second most popular star of _New Adventures of Superman._


----------



## mauvais (Nov 23, 2015)

*Requiem for D:Ream *- in the cold light of the new Corbyn day, Brian Cox and company are called to atone for their hallmark of the Blairite era. Can plucky Brian use time travel and/or his boundless enthusiasm for volcanoes to prevent his own imminent appearance on _Wonders of the Firing Squad_?


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 23, 2015)

Starship Troupers - A heartwarming tale of how an ABBA tribute act comprised of Z-list celebrities brings Christmas joy to residential care homes across the country.


----------



## mauvais (Nov 23, 2015)

*Run Zola Run* - confused reworking of the modern German classic in which dead French playwright Emile Zola, aging football manager Gianfranco Zola and still active barefoot ultramarathon runner Zola Pieterse (née Budd) all have twenty minutes to run somewhere and do a thing - _with_ _entirely predictable consequences_


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 23, 2015)

Gong with the Wind

Clark Gable has gay love affair with the shirtless bloke who used to bang the big gong at the beginning of Rank Organization movies.

Starship Droopers

Verhoeven's hilarious satire on erectile dysfunction.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2015)

mauvais said:


> *Requiem for D:Ream *



_CERN E.S.T. SAVES CHRISTMAS
_
A crack team of heavily armed rogue evangelical Christians launches an assault on the Swiss particle physics laboratory, whereupon they strap down the senior technicians and wipe their brains in order to prevent them from creating a rip in the time/space continuum which would prevent the birth of our Lord and Saviour, and thereby ensuring the survival of everyone's favourite holiday


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 23, 2015)

Rob a cop.

To join the Drones Club, Bertie Wooster must rob a policeman of his helmet.


----------



## 8den (Nov 23, 2015)

mauvais said:


> *Things To Do In Denver When You're Dean* - Documentary in which Dean Cain tries to sneak around the limited selection of tourist attractions on offer in the Colorado capital, whilst being hunted down by the screaming hordes of fans that are an inconvenient product of being the world's second most popular star of _New Adventures of Superman._



I'd prefer if it was dean gaffney


----------



## 8den (Nov 23, 2015)

Chick End Run. Infamous Christian Comic Writer Jack Chick is visited by the Lord and informed he had three days to let the world know the rapture is happening. 

(Not very good, the last few pages have been quality)


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 23, 2015)

*Apocalypse Dow.*

Peter Dow travels up the Mekong river in search of Condoleeza Rice, only to discover that she has gone completely insane and that her methods are unsound.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 23, 2015)

*Confessions of a Win Dow Cleaner.*

A cleaner wins Peter Dow in a raffle.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2015)

8den said:


> I'd prefer if it was dean gaffney


 I once gave The Gaff directions. TRUE STORY.


----------



## mauvais (Nov 23, 2015)

8den said:


> I'd prefer if it was dean gaffney


Tough! Now it's going to be given to James Dean Bradfield. And his dog, Yellard.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2015)

_Skilling Zoe_

A bank cashier who fell into heroin addiction after being made redundant in the global financial crisis is forced onto a retraining programme by the dole


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 23, 2015)

Glue is the Warmest Colour


it doesn't matter what its about, you all fast forwarded to _that _scene


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 23, 2015)

*Things to Dow in Denver when You're Dead.*

Peter Dow attends the 2015 meeting of the American Anthropological Association. High concept.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 23, 2015)

There Will Be Flood

Russell Crowe is Noah . . . (u know the rest)


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 23, 2015)

*Sr. Zhivago*

Omar Sharif escapes from the Bolsheviks by disguising himself as a nun.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 23, 2015)

The Fridge On The River Kwai

The Japanese battle Allied fly tippers


----------



## JimW (Nov 23, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> *Sr. Zhivago*
> 
> Omar Sharif escapes from the Bolsheviks by disguising himself as a nun.


Dr. Shiv-a-go -- a country GP foils a violent robbery with his trusty scalpel and is punningly dubbed a have-a-go hero by the local rag. Weak characterisation but some excellent fight scenes in full scrubs.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 23, 2015)

Glamiator

At last!  A biopic of Gok Wan


----------



## JimW (Nov 23, 2015)

Ryan's Laughter - the Irish budget airline tycoon is seen counting all the cash he makes from surcharges.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2015)

_Laughter-House Five_

Billy Pilgrim opens a chain of stand-up comedy clubs; his Dresden branch mysteriously burns down


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 23, 2015)

Weaving Las Vegas

Mockumentary film on the surprise American success of the folk band The Houghton Weavers


----------



## JimW (Nov 23, 2015)

The Big Bass - Bruce Lee finds the band leader is up to no good when a package of drugs falls out of his double bass during a particularly enthusiastic swing medley .


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 23, 2015)

The Meer Hunter

Deadly 'cat and mouse' thriller with Tom Cruise as the cold assassin on the trail of meercat tycoon Aleksandr Orlov - founder of Comparethemeerkat.com


----------



## mauvais (Nov 23, 2015)

*For Four Eyes Only *- James Bond is made redundant and replaced by Shoreditch-sourced GCHQ hipsters, in this latest but ultimately unengaging and isn't-that-the-plot-of-Spectre-anyway incarnation of the franchise. Everyone wears goalkeeper tops.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2015)

_Mex-Cali Bur_

John Boorman's epic about the journey travelled by a cactus seed along the western coast of North America; still more enjoyable than _The Heretic_


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 23, 2015)

A Tan For All Seasons

Chronicling the debonair persona and career of the human tangerine that is ... George Hamilton


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 23, 2015)

*The Blur Dahlia*

Disturbing crime film in which Damon Albarn is brutally murdered.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 23, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> *The Blur Dahlia*
> 
> Disturbing crime film in which Damon Albarn is brutally murdered.


 
Already been made


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 23, 2015)

Bottleship Potemkin - William Hurt plays shy Welsh model maker Hywel Williams who is trying to get the biggest scale replica of a Russian battleship in the smallest bottle ever, while also trying to navigate the choppy waters of his on again off again relationship with Evie (Kate Winslett).


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 23, 2015)

The Englishman who went up a Hill and came down a Fountain. Hugh Grant plays shy English monumental fountain maker Billy Pigeon who dedicates his life to transforming a Welsh hill into the biggest fountain in the world. Colm Meany plays the garralous Welsh landlord who tries to stop him, and Kate Winslett is his daughter.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 23, 2015)

The Wind That Shakes The Barleys - a mini tornado devestates the offices of a Hoxton new media start up.


----------



## BlackArab (Nov 24, 2015)

Tar Wars: Boys From The Black Stuff 2


----------



## BlackArab (Nov 24, 2015)

Boy In Da Hood  

In the city of Los Angeles police estimate that there are 10,000 gangs
He failed to get into any of them....


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 24, 2015)

Dangerous Rinds

I can't even be arsed to think of a synopsis for this one. Maybe michelle pfiefer slips on a bannana skin or something. Or chokes on some orange peel. I don't care anymore, this thread has destroyed me.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> this thread has destroyed me.



VICTORY IS MINE


----------



## laptop (Nov 24, 2015)

_The Third Nan_


Same theme tune, same sewer chase but with solid roles for older female actors.


----------



## albionism (Nov 24, 2015)

Footgoose....Kevin Bacon surprises/sexually assaults
unsuspecting friends with a toe up the arse.


----------



## dessiato (Nov 24, 2015)

A Bout De Snuffle. French, nouvelle vague, film about the existential angst caused by having a cold.


----------



## dessiato (Nov 24, 2015)

Band Apart; French, nouvelle vague film about a band that doesn't conform to the norms of the genre.


----------



## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2015)

dessiato said:


> Band Apart; French, nouvelle vague film about a band that doesn't conform to the norms of the genre.


Jules et Kim.  - modern remake of a French New Wave film. About a celeb (Mme Kardashian) with a massive arse (Kanye West).


----------



## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2015)

Les 500 Coops. 

French New Wave film about a chain of convenience stores.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 24, 2015)

No Good DEET - When an archaeological expedition to Borneo encounters insect repellent supply problems, things take a turn for the worse as a novel mosquito-borne flesh-eating virus emerges.


----------



## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2015)

Les Dishes. 

French New Wave film (Claude Chabrol). A wealthy lesbian does the washing up. Very slowly.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

La Shaine -

French remake of the famous western, starring Brigitte Bardot in the (re-gendered) title role.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

Betty Blur.

Beatrice Dalle guillotines the members of Blur.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

_Les Amants Du Pont NERF_

A mismatched pair of lovers fire sponge darts at each other on a bridge. FIN.


----------



## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2015)

Untouchables. -

After a hang gliding accident a rich French guy hires an Irish detective with a Scottish accent as a carer.

Memorable quotes:

"He pushes your wheelchair, you push his harder."


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

*Jebus of Montreal.*

Blasphemy, Quebec style.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 24, 2015)

apocalypse snow: martin sheen stars in this epic adventure in which a soldier goes up the lena to see rasputin


----------



## dessiato (Nov 24, 2015)

Blair's Knee. French film about tony's obsession with  his knee.


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

The 400 flows. 400 French women recount their first menstrual cycle in this highly graphic documentary. Kate Winslet narrates.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

8den said:


> The 400 flows. 400 French women recount their first menstrual cycle in this highly graphic documentary. Kate Winslet narrates.





> *"BLOODY AWESOME! THE FIRST CLASSIC FROM THE HAEMO KID GENERATION!! I CANNOT GUSH ENOUGH ABOUT THIS MOVIE!!!" *
> *****
> PAUL ROSS
> _HAVERFORDWEST GAZETTE (ONLINE)_


----------



## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2015)

8den said:


> The 400 flows. 400 French women recount their first menstrual cycle in this highly graphic documentary. Kate Winslet narrates.


I just noticed I wrote 500 not 400. I even said "quatre cents" in my head as I typed it. 

Bloody touch screebs.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 24, 2015)

Brand Hotel

Russell Brand leads a star cast in the big screen version of Fawlty Towers


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 24, 2015)

Hog Day Afternoon

The Prime Minister has a day out on the farm . . .


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

danny la rouge said:


> Bloody touch screebs.



Damn you screebs *shakes fist at sky*


----------



## danny la rouge (Nov 24, 2015)

That Stinking Feeling. 

The protagonist wonders whether he's had a shower that day or not.


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Ghost Hog. David Cameron is haunted by the ghost of his former lover.


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Withnail & Pi. A drunk failed English actor tries to recite Pi to 4,000,000 decimal places but can't remember what comes after the second 1.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 24, 2015)

withnail and is. withnail's misadventures in syria, involving capture by forces of the islamick state.


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Lurcio said:


> Brand Hotel
> 
> Russell Brand leads a star cast in the big screen version of Fawlty Towers



I would hunt down and kill anyone who made this happen.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

Withnail and Z.

"We have joined the struggle against fascism in Greece by mistake".


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

Get Him to the Reek.

Russell Brand joins the cast of Game of Thrones, only to meet an unfortunate and horrifying end at the hands of Ramsay Bolton.


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Withnail and Z.
> 
> "We have joined the struggle against fascism in Greece by mistake".



Withnail & M. Uncle Monty puts Withnail forward for a position with the security services. hilarity ensures.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

So stakes are raised, eh 8den?

Withnail and X.

"We want the finest wines available to humanity, and we want them now, BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY".


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> So stakes are raised, eh 8den?
> 
> Withnail and X.
> 
> "We want the finest wines available to humanity, and we want them now, BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY".



Bring it...

Withnail & Z. After a particularly vicious bender Withnail awakes in the World of Zardoz!


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

Withnail and π

Failed actor becomes maths teacher.

come at me bro


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

In the bleak mid Pinter. Bio pic of Harold Pinter set around the disappointing first performance of "the birthday party."


----------



## dessiato (Nov 24, 2015)

Bop Gear, how to dress when you are getting on a bit and are a tosser (I know it isn't a film)


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Withnail and π
> 
> Failed actor becomes maths teacher.
> 
> come at me bro



I did Withnail and Pi. 

Withnail & V. Richard E Grant takes the Natatlie Portman role in the sequel to this dystopian sci fi


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 24, 2015)

With Gail & I - tedious tearjerker about some dull American white dude and his equally boring wife


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 24, 2015)

withnail and it. it, fresh from edith nesbit's 'five children and it' takes on withnail in this, ultraviolent action thriller.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

_Withnail And Di
_
Tear jerking Hallmark Movie of the Month about how an alcoholic actor won the love of the Queen of Hearts, before tragedy struck when her chauffeur mistakenly drank from a thermos flask of hot coffee fortified with a blend of lighter fuel and antifreeze


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Withnail & Id. In an effort to curb his alcoholic excesses Withnail seeks physiotherapy.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

8den said:


> Withnail seeks physiotherapy.



It's not _Tumbledown_, dammit!


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 24, 2015)

8den said:


> Withnail & Id. In an effort to curb his alcoholic excesses Withnail seeks physiotherapy.


not to be  confused with 'withnail and id', concerning his ill-fated attempt to visit america.


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> It's not _Tumbledown_, dammit!



Ducking auto correct... [emoji17]


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

_Withnail And P.I._

An alcoholic actor teams up with a private investigator to crack the crimes the cops won't touch


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

_Withnail Andy_

An alcoholic actor becomes a CBeebies presenter and is sent to run a safari park... With hilarious results!


----------



## dessiato (Nov 24, 2015)

Cheery, Tinto Brass soft porn about a girl who cycles around town flashing her smile at people.


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Last one I swear. 


Withnail & If. Lindsay Anderson directs the prequel about Withnail's public school days...


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Brassed Toff. A Lincolnshire town unites to oppose a plan to erect a statue of George Osborne outside their defunct job centre.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

Withnail and P.

Withnail moves to New Zealand and becomes addicted to methamphetamine, or "p" to give it its local name.


----------



## JimW (Nov 24, 2015)

With Nail and X - the Passion as seen through the eyes of one of the legionaries who fix Jesus to the cross.


----------



## dessiato (Nov 24, 2015)

Black Rook a film about a birdwatcher who also plays chess.


----------



## dessiato (Nov 24, 2015)

Lesbian Vampire Kilters.  Documentary about women who make traditional Scottish menswear at night.


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Withnail and P.
> 
> Withnail moves to New Zealand and becomes addicted to methamphetamine, or "p" to give it its local name.



At least you went with P instead of E.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 24, 2015)

the king and k: poor biopic of elvis alleging he spent his final years in thrall to ketamine.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

Withnail and Q.

Richard E. Grant gets the role of Q in the new Star Trek movie.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 24, 2015)

Toe King and I - biopic of a dyslexic stoner


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

Toe King and I.

Biopic of David Mellor's mistress.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 24, 2015)

Tie King and I - biopic of a dyslexic gap-year student


----------



## JimW (Nov 24, 2015)

The Ming and I - biopic of Matteo Ricci and the Jesuits in China


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 24, 2015)

Seven Bears in Tibet - Heartwarming animated feature about a team of bears recruited to protect a village under attack by bandits.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 24, 2015)

Seven Tears in Tibet - It's 1920 and a team of treasure hunters from England take a wrong turn between Lhasa and Bengal after an encounter with a ravenous snow leopard leaves them with a damaged navigational aid.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

Moscow Does not Believe in Bears.

Younger Muscovites leave the confines of the Garden Ring for a camping tour of Siberia, and get schooled by ursine terror.


----------



## 8den (Nov 24, 2015)

Good boy Lenin. Vladimir Lenin the early years.


----------



## alsoknownas (Nov 24, 2015)

_She Gotta Have If_
Spike Lee's complex debut about a young woman desperate to rent a DVD of Lindsay Anderson's sixties public school classic.


----------



## Cid (Nov 24, 2015)

The lady varnishes - outdated film about domesticity.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

Cid said:


> The lady varnishes.


Isn't that the fourth _Karate Kid _ film?


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

*Sparta Cis*

Social justice in ancient Greece.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

_The Amen
_
Satan's son invents jungle


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

The Oten.

Lib Dem horror.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

_The Ital Inn Job
_
After getting out of gaol, Michael Caine hooks up with an old Yardie friend and together they plan an imaginative heist at the world's most exclusive Rasta restaurant


----------



## laptop (Nov 24, 2015)

_Meath in Venice
_
Gallo-italian co-production.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 24, 2015)

Hiberno-Italian co-production, surely, laptop


----------



## dessiato (Nov 24, 2015)

The Timpsons, film exposing the people behind a cobbler's empire.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 24, 2015)

_The Ex Or Cyst
_
A former catholic priest learns that an old flame has been kidnapped and is to be killed by her captors in 90 minutes - but he also has an appointment to have a painful pus-filled sac removed from his neck after waiting months to see a dermatologist. Can he see his doctor but also save her in time?


----------



## laptop (Nov 24, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Hiberno-Italian co-production, surely, laptop



En francais, "Gallo" 

E2A: Ah. There is a Meath in Wales?


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 25, 2015)

Guess Who's Coming To Pinner  

A north London surburb is the backdrop to a comedy of manners and cultural misunderstanding as Anjem moves his family next door to the liberal Johnsons!


----------



## 8den (Nov 25, 2015)

laptop said:


> En francais, "Gallo"
> 
> E2A: Ah. There is a Meath in Wales?



Face palm. 

No but there is one in west Meath.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 25, 2015)

The X-Fines

Librarian David Duchovny starts working at a library managed by his Ex, played by Gillian Anderson. Hilarity ensues, if you like that sort of thing.


----------



## rekil (Nov 25, 2015)

Ronnie & Clyde - hilarious fish out of water/odd couple shenanigans as Ronnie Kray travels back in time to depression era america and teams up with Clyde Barrow.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 25, 2015)

Donnie and Clyde - Donnie Osmond remake of Any Which Way but Loose. Hijinks ensure when the shiny toothed Mormon and his hairy friend cross paths with a biker gang and some evil property developers.


----------



## 8den (Nov 25, 2015)

Sherman Tank said:


> Donnie and Clyde - Donnie Osmond remake of Any Which Way but Loose. Hijinks ensure when the shiny toothed Mormon and his hairy friend cross paths with a biker gang and some evil property developers.



I would watch the ever loving shit out of this film.


----------



## belboid (Nov 25, 2015)

Bonnie & Fylde

The adventures of the Blue Peter dog in West Lancashire


----------



## 8den (Nov 25, 2015)

The Brady Punch. 

In order to find the money to save the family home from cruel proper developers Greg Brady trains his family to enter an illegal underground MMA contest. JCVD stars as Greg Brady.


----------



## Cid (Nov 25, 2015)

_Flueless_ - Please check this out! It's my debut and is about the tribulations of working out how to route the flue pipe for the wood burning stove in my workshop. Alicia Silverstone stars.

Winter is coming...


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 25, 2015)

Ronnie and Clyde.

Ronald Reagan orders the carpet-bombing of Clydeside. 

"Horrific" - Morning Star.

"Long overdue" - Daily Record


----------



## Cid (Nov 25, 2015)

Ronnie and Clyde - Ronnie Corbett and Clyde Drexler have somehow ended up sharing an apartment. Hilarious height-based comedy ensues.


----------



## dessiato (Nov 25, 2015)

The Bass. Film about fishing.


The Bass. How to play a musical instrument.


----------



## dessiato (Nov 25, 2015)

Grimsby. I can't think of anything to do to this. It's all in this real film. Grimsby WTF!!


----------



## 8den (Nov 25, 2015)

Get Farter. He who smelt it must deal with it.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 25, 2015)

Lonnie and Clyde

Lonnie Donegan _sings  _the songs of old Scotland, while touring with his famous skiffle band.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 25, 2015)

Get Carper.

Message board bans LLETSA for constantly moaning.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 25, 2015)

The Lizard Of Oz . . . 

Mel Gibson is a creepy pet shop owner in a Jewish neighbourhood


----------



## JimW (Nov 25, 2015)

Dial 'N' For Murder - comedy about the most sausage-fingered detective in LA.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 25, 2015)

The Izard of Oz - feature length documentary following Eddie Izard on a make or break tour of the bauxite mining and Aboriginal communities of the Northern Territory. Culminates in his gig performed entirely in Warlpirri.


----------



## belboid (Nov 25, 2015)

Izzard [/pedant]


----------



## rekil (Nov 25, 2015)

Northern Seoul - Hard hitting, high octane, stylish, action studded film about Korea's hard hitting, high octane, stylish, action studded niche music scene. Blood everywhere.


----------



## Cid (Nov 25, 2015)

Pull fiction - As the number of people reading factual work continues to drop, one librarian must make a radical choice.


----------



## Cid (Nov 25, 2015)

Reservoir bogs - This warm-hearted documentary follows a group of sewage collectors from the long drops at Glastonbury to the fetid shit-sumps of the Royal palaces.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 26, 2015)

Resevoir Gogs - Evil English property developers plan to flood a North Wales valley to water Chester, and plucky locals led by Harvy Keitel as Ifan Johns the pub landlord fight back.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 26, 2015)

_Zombiellan_

US student Jesse Eisenberg is coming to the end of a year spent in Newport as part of a very low-rent exchange programme; when a global outbreak of a deadly zombie virus strikes, it is weeks before he realises anything is amiss in his adopted city


----------



## 8den (Nov 27, 2015)

Reservoir  Mogs. 

Never try and rob a bank using a bunch of cats.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 27, 2015)

Resovoir logs - moving documentary following a father and son team of lumberjacks moving their fresh cut timber from one side of a massive manmade lake to the other. While rolling the logs across they gaze down on the flooded forest below and ruminate on man's eternal conflict with nature.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 27, 2015)

Resovoir Dons - a group of retired Oxbridge professors get together to rob a bank.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 27, 2015)

reservoir dots
a group of dot cottons plot a raid on the queen vic.


----------



## 8den (Nov 27, 2015)

Jack! Eh Brown. 

Bio on the fractious relationship between Jack Straw and Gordon Brown.


----------



## andysays (Nov 27, 2015)

_Reservoir Doge_

The elected-for-life leader of Venice puts together a team of black-suited men known only by colours to undertake the construction of an artificial lake intended to store water. Things go rapidly downhill when it becomes clear that one of the men has betrayed the plan, and the members of the team die in a succession of ever-more gruesome and blood-thirsty ways


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 27, 2015)

You had me here:



andysays said:


> _Reservoir Doge_



...but lost me here:



andysays said:


> Venice...artificial lake



An heroic failure methinks


----------



## andysays (Nov 27, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> You had me here:
> 
> ...but lost me here:
> 
> An heroic failure methinks



My understanding was that Venice is in a lagoon.They still need somewhere to store their *fresh* water though, don't they?

Anymore nonsense from you and you'll get your ear sliced off with a razor...


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 27, 2015)

Pump Fiction

Quentin Tarantino discovers that the claims of a certain specialist manufacturer, namely that a simple pumping device can increase the size of "little Quentin", are, in fact, fictional.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 27, 2015)

Pulp Diction

One man tries to cure his penchant for speaking in stilted sub chandlereaque cliches


----------



## 8den (Nov 27, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Pulp Diction
> 
> One man tries to cure his penchant for speaking in stilted sub chandlereaque cliches



We've had that.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 27, 2015)

8den said:


> We've had that.


all the good uns are gone by page 40


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 27, 2015)

reservoir dogg: snoop dogg leads a band of rappers in a film about a heist gone wrong


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 27, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> reservoir dogg: snoop dogg leads a band of rappers in a film about a heist gone wrong


Plot twist: he was a police dogg.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 27, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Plot twist: he was a police dogg.


you're thinking of vin diesel


----------



## dessiato (Nov 27, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> you're thinking of vin diesel


I just thought that on his school register he'd be Diesel, Vin (pronounced van) Well it amused me, but I am very bored.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 27, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> you're thinking of vin diesel


That one actually took me a moment.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 27, 2015)

Swallows and Amazon

Hard hitting documentary of multinational corporation's illegal trade in wildlife


----------



## JimW (Nov 27, 2015)

Angels With Dirty Faeces - best draw a veil over this niche filth.


----------



## Diamond (Nov 27, 2015)

Hat - bizarre mid-90s arthouse film starring many major actors, De Niro, Kilmer, Pacino etc, all taking it turns to wear a hat and therefore lend gravity to their stalling careers.

Tagline - "When the hat is on..."


----------



## 8den (Nov 27, 2015)

Ingovrious bastards. Documentary about that utter bastard Michael Gove.


----------



## 8den (Nov 27, 2015)

Cool run ins. Comedy about ex flat mates who fell out over bills and keep bumping into each other at mates of mates parties.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 27, 2015)

High Loon


Recovering from anxiety - (& a feeling of being an utterly worthless piece of human trash that has no right to pollute gods good earth with her poisonous bile) - Katie Hopkins retreats to the 85th floor of The Shard


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 27, 2015)

Pogue Male.

Shane MacGowan tries to assasinate Hitler, but is distracted by a bottle of peach schnapps.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 27, 2015)

8den said:


> Ingovrious bastards. Documentary about that utter bastard Michael Gove.



Gove, Actually

Hugh Grant plays Gove in this fawning biopic that is likely to make anyone stupid enough to watch it gouge their own eyes out


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 27, 2015)

The Mighty Nucks.

An ice hockey team made up of clones of Steve Buscemi. His answer to _Being John Malkovich._


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 27, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Gove, Actually
> 
> Hugh Grant plays Gove in this fawning biopic that is likely to make anyone stupid enough to watch it gouge their own eyes out


hove, actually
hugh grant moves to hove in a vain attempt to escape his past


----------



## 8den (Nov 27, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Gove, Actually
> 
> Hugh Grant plays Gove in this fawning biopic that is likely to make anyone stupid enough to watch it gouge their own eyes out



 Gove and other catastrophes. Light hearted indie Rom com about Cameron's 1st term. 

In the mood for Gove. Said no one ever.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 27, 2015)

in the mood for hove. depressing film about people who move to hove thinking it would be somewhere fun to live and finding it's shit


----------



## 8den (Nov 27, 2015)

It's disqualified because it's more than one letter, but the Bjorn Identity. Matt Damonn is a secret agent with Amnesia who thinks he's a member of a Abba tribute act.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 27, 2015)

the borne identity. sci-fi movie about a dystopian future in which elites are carried on the backs of plebs


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 27, 2015)

the minority retort

brave racists speak out


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 27, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> the minority retort
> 
> brave racists speak out


the minority resort: fascists on holiday in berchtesgaden


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 27, 2015)

Princess in Gove 

Ban this sick filth


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 27, 2015)

Summer of Gove

Horror story about a group of teachers who go for a nice relaxing holiday


----------



## andysays (Nov 27, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Summer of Gove
> 
> Horror story about a group of teachers who go for a nice relaxing holiday



Following the same pattern, _Gove and Other Disasters_


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 27, 2015)

Gove in the time of Cholera

The tory axeman gets cholera and dies


----------



## dessiato (Nov 27, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Gove in the time of Cholera
> 
> The tory axeman gets cholera and dies


That's just wishful thinking I suspect.


----------



## 8den (Nov 27, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Gove in the time of Cholera
> 
> The tory axeman gets cholera and dies



They should make that and show it every christmas


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Nov 27, 2015)

Porn free

Woman raises an orphaned lion cub and releases it into wild without anyone having sex at any point.


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (Nov 27, 2015)

Fuel

A tanker truck  and a car drive along a mostly deserted road. At one point they both fill up.


----------



## starfish (Nov 27, 2015)

Midnight Nun.

Sequel to the hugely entertaining Midnight Run, the producers are finally able to get their wish & pair De Niro with Cher.

Cher plays the titular Nun who has robbed the Vatican & gone into hiding & De Niros embittered but likeable bail bondsman must get her back to LA by midnight.


----------



## JimW (Nov 27, 2015)

Midnight Cow Buy - since the vegan police took over, cattle markets only take place underground and at the dead of night.  Hoffman and Voight meet for some hot kine trading action.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 28, 2015)

Zen Things I Hate About You 

Romantic comedy about someone who hates Buddhists


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 28, 2015)

Pollo 13

Nasa's doomed attempt to put the first chicken on the moon.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 28, 2015)

Fatliners 

Appetite enhancing drugs go disastrously wrong


----------



## 8den (Nov 28, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Pollo 13
> 
> Nasa's doomed attempt to put the first chicken on the moon.



Tag line. "Kentucky we have a problem."


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 28, 2015)

8den said:


> Tag line. "Kentucky we have a problem."


Oh very good!


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 28, 2015)

*The Habbit.*

Bilbo Baggins gets turned on to H by Gollum.


----------



## 8den (Nov 28, 2015)

Even cow girls get the mules. Comedy about a woman's dude ranch who accidentally bid on the wrong lot at a cattle mart


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 28, 2015)

The Commit Mints.

Mint-flavoured relationship issues - nah, I got nothing.


----------



## 8den (Nov 28, 2015)

Last of the high flings. Drama  drug abuse among caber tossers in the Highland games.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 28, 2015)

Raging Gull 

In this modern remake of The Birds one family's seaside holiday is ruined by Robert De Niro, who stars as a seagull


----------



## 8den (Nov 28, 2015)

We've had this. But I thought of a great film. 

Pulp Diction. Geoffrey Rushes character from the Kings Speech is kidnapped by the Krays and given 24 hours to fix a colleagues speech impediment.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 28, 2015)

Slack Mass 

Johnny Depp stars as Dougal McGuire and dons a terrible Irish accent in this live action verson of Father Ted which has resulted in death threats and the actors going into hiding


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 28, 2015)

8den said:


> We've had this. But I thought of a great film.
> 
> Pulp Diction. Geoffrey Rushes character from the Kings Speech is kidnapped by the Krays and given 24 hours to fix a colleagues speech impediment.


"Did I stutter, you s-s-slaaaag?"


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 28, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> ...live action verson of Father Ted...


----------



## 8den (Nov 28, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


>



I was just thinking that. I also think I want to see a claymation fr ted.


----------



## blairsh (Nov 28, 2015)

The King and K - Musical about a king and his horrific ket habit


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 28, 2015)

blairsh said:


> The King and K - Musical about a king and his horrific ket habit


And the origin of the phrase 'the Royal wee'


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 29, 2015)

The Dull Monty

A plodding biopic of tv gardener and horticulturist Monty Don


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 29, 2015)

black moss. steven seagal stars in eco thriller about oil spill in alaska.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 29, 2015)

Woodfellas

A gang of New York mobsters attempt to take over the Canadian lumberjack trade


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 29, 2015)

Lurcio said:


> Woodfellas
> 
> A gang of New York mobsters attempt to take over the Canadian lumberjack trade



Not bad.

*Randhi.*

Banned David Attenborough-directed porn flick.


----------



## JimW (Nov 29, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Not bad.
> 
> *Randhi.*
> 
> Banned David Attenborough-directed. porn flick.


_Sandhi_ - Attenborough in a strangely-chosen biopic of India's leading Sanskrit phonologist.
Going for obscurity points here


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 29, 2015)

Roodfellas

Hard hitting examination of the links between the vatican bank and organised crime back in the day


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 29, 2015)

*Carry on Don't Lose Your Dead*

Ribald shenanigans in the funeral trade, as the team find themselves caught up in the Winter of Discontent, when the dead went unburied.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 29, 2015)

Goodfeltas - Hartwarming comedy about a bumbling cockney crew of flat roof repairers.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 29, 2015)

*Straight to Cell*

Joe Strummer and Courtney Love are top cell biologists. Guest appearance by the Pogues as a villainous band of sociologists of science.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 29, 2015)

Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Bell - A scheming hermit entombs a woman alive inside a giant bell made with cunningly moulded bony plates from various stegosaurus skeletons left over from his younger days as hunter.


----------



## 8den (Nov 29, 2015)

Drag me to Hull. The Hull tourist board film fails to attract tourists.


----------



## Lurcio (Nov 29, 2015)

Dead Mingers

Big screen version of Loose Women


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 30, 2015)

*Pump Fiction*

An oil pump catches fire, but Red Adair isn't available. Quentin Tarantino steps in, only to find (to his cost) that an encyclopaedic knowledge of 1970s exploitation movies is scant preparation for a gig of that nature.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 30, 2015)

*Hidden, A Glenda.*

Ken Loach and Ed Wood team up to film the hidden history of cross-dressing in the North of Ireland.


----------



## frogwoman (Nov 30, 2015)

Fahrenheit 901

Michael Moore stands out in sub-zero temperatures for 90 minutes trying to get through to his voicemail


----------



## 8den (Nov 30, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> *Hidden, A Glenda.*
> 
> Ken Loach and Ed Wood team up to film the hidden history of cross-dressing in the North of Ireland.



Quality


----------



## JimW (Nov 30, 2015)

Gradiator - Russell Crowe rises from humble gravel shoveller to the top camber man in the Roman highways department.


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 1, 2015)

The Whining . . . 

A group of 'Corbynistas' are stuck in an abandoned Millbank office with the ghost of Liz Kendall


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 1, 2015)

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Dope - President Reagan's space-based anti-missile system is used by the DEA to tackle the burgeoning trade in a new addictive substance


----------



## laptop (Dec 1, 2015)

The remains of the pay





A butler's broke


----------



## JimW (Dec 1, 2015)

_The Long Rest Day_ - the under-12s snooker tournament is misscheduled and can only be played on a full-sized table.


----------



## laptop (Dec 1, 2015)

Hobocop



Robin Williams plays a robot


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 1, 2015)

_The Ass Ass Nation Of Trotsky
_
Leon loves big butts and cannot lie - he is loving exile in Mexico


----------



## laptop (Dec 1, 2015)

Only Covers Left Alive



A tribute band from Detroit dies in Tangiers


----------



## billy_bob (Dec 2, 2015)

Rice Cold in Alex

An alcoholic British army officer faces grave danger, in a restaurant that hasn't properly reheated its pilaf.


----------



## albionism (Dec 2, 2015)

The Bong Good Friday.
A group of Cockney gangsters
get on the green over the Easter
weekend.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 2, 2015)

_Fr Strangelove_

Peter Sellers plays a Catholic priest struggling against unnatural urges, the Bishop who transfers him to a different parish, the Cardinal who orders a cover-up when it all happens again, and the Pope who fails to sack anyone


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 4, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> _The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Grift
> _
> Biopic of former ANC guerrilla fighter turned capitalist freebooter Tokyo Sexwale, focusing on his dubious post-1990 business activities


I've been racking my brains for a response to this one, and all I've got is:
*
Ronnie and Clyde*

Top MK operative Ronnie Kasrils takes some younger cadre on a team-building exercise on the river Clyde. Mike Leigh directs.


----------



## dessiato (Dec 4, 2015)

The Weak End; people arguing over whether Weak End was an acceptable title for an Internet thread asking what people are planning to do on Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 4, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> I've been racking my brains for a response to this one, and all I've got is:
> *
> Ronnie and Clyde*
> 
> Top MK operative Ronnie Kasrils takes some younger cadre on a team-building exercise on the river Clyde. Mike Leigh directs.


It's bugging me that there's an American character actor who is the spit of RK and I can't remember his name - a shoo in for when we get this project off the ground


----------



## dessiato (Dec 4, 2015)

Breathe Less; documentary discussing how much people exhaling CO2 contributes to the greenhouse effect.


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 4, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> It's bugging me that there's an American character actor who is the spit of RK and I can't remember his name - a shoo in for when we get this project off the ground


Are you thinking of Lionel Stander, maybe?

Ronnie Kasrils:







Lionel Stander:


----------



## dessiato (Dec 4, 2015)

And Mod Created Woman; the 1960s music and style movement is investigated. The film makers look at how the cult influenced the life and style of women at the time.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 4, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Are you thinking of Lionel Stander, maybe?



No, not him :-/


----------



## dessiato (Dec 4, 2015)

The Mood Time Girls; 

I'm stopping here, I'll only get into trouble. Put you own synopsis together.


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 4, 2015)

Return of the Gold Diner

A man comes back from a sojourn in the middle east to set up a Wimpy, with HILARIOUS RESULTS


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 4, 2015)

*Even Django has his Rice*

Reheated rice holds no terror for our avenging anti-hero.


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 4, 2015)

Tube

Seven strangers wake up trapped inside the London Underground and have to kill each other to get out.


----------



## 8den (Dec 4, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Tube
> 
> Seven strangers wake up trapped inside the London Underground and have to kill each other to get out.



Tube: seven strangers wake up in West Finchley after the last south bound train has gone and must fight the others over the only available mini cab home.


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 4, 2015)

Its not one letter but fuck it

Inglorious Bustards

One of the most violent documentaries David Attenborough ever made


----------



## 8den (Dec 4, 2015)

Breaks the rules 

Jamon Camron. 

On Holidays in Spain an old college fling tempts David & Sam Cam must fight for her marriage


----------



## rubbershoes (Dec 4, 2015)

Ghostbasters

A seasonal thriller about a team of Navy Seals ensuring turkeys don't get too dry in the oven


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

hostbusters: film about a squad of people who go round disrupting 'come dine with me'.


----------



## JimW (Dec 4, 2015)

rubbershoes said:


> Ghostbasters
> 
> A seasonal thriller about a team of Navy Seals ensuring turkeys don't get too dry in the oven


Could also be about the virgin birth.


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 4, 2015)

hostbusters - anti-semitic film starring mel gibson as a medieval priest trying to get to the bottom of a spate of desecrations of the body of christ


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 4, 2015)

Margo

Big screen spin off of 'The Good Life' ... with Margo Leadbetter as the lead character


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

a day at the braces: comedy about one day in the life of a dentist


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

fuck soup: porn set in the imaginary country of freedonia


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 4, 2015)

Lube

7 strangers wake up on the set of a porn movie they can't get out of


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 4, 2015)

The Sly

Biopic of all action hero Sylvester Stallone


----------



## JimW (Dec 4, 2015)

_Three Loins in The Fountain_ - a boisterous group of Spurs fans get a little out of hand and trouser on their Europa League away trip to AS Roma.


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 4, 2015)

8ml

Cops discover dark world of movies designed for people with tablespoon fetishes.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

swardfish: surrealist film about a meadow full of fish


----------



## laptop (Dec 4, 2015)

_Un chier andalou_


Surrealist scat remake


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

a fight at the opera: milan's scala not large enough for the three tenors who scrap it out in this 1995 film


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

horse fathers: david cameron stars in this bestiality epic.


----------



## JimW (Dec 4, 2015)

_The Hoarse Whisperer_ -  Brando reprises his role as Colonel Kurtz but even more sotto voce.


----------



## blairsh (Dec 4, 2015)

One of our Dinosaurs is Pissing.

Insensitively titled film about two elderly ladies from different walks of life, both coming to terms with bladder disfunctions.


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 4, 2015)

Fight of the Living Dead 

A zombie infestation breaks out at an MMA stadium


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 4, 2015)

Luperman

Christopher Reeves plays a werewolf.


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 4, 2015)

*Video Rome.*

Your neighbour's video footage of his last holiday in the Italian capital proves to be surprisingly interesting.


----------



## bimble (Dec 4, 2015)

The Lady in the Man

(not going to take this anywhere at all, have offended people enough for one day).


----------



## blairsh (Dec 4, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> *Video Rome.*
> 
> Your neighbour's video footage of his last holiday in the Italian capital proves to be surprisingly interesting.


Pope's favourite film that.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

probably been done: but 'jews' - the elders of zion orchestrate a series of shark attacks using a robotick great white


----------



## bimble (Dec 4, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> probably been done


 somewhere on the internet


----------



## bimble (Dec 4, 2015)

Citizen Kant

You'd have to see it for yourself.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Dec 4, 2015)

Ghostbasters - Documentary look at the superstions of Namibia's Baster community.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Dec 4, 2015)

Goatbusters - banned beastiality flick


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 4, 2015)

_Deliver Ince_

Mild-mannered postman Ned Beatty must make the dangerous journey to a remote Apallachian mountain village carrying a retired midfielder by piggyback on behalf of a company selling mail order footballers


----------



## starfish (Dec 4, 2015)

Addition.

A Japanese maths professor trying to solve a really hard theory, places an advert for an undergraduate to assist him. It all ends horribly.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 4, 2015)

*Weekend at Bertie's*

For reasons deemed impolite by the Junior Ganymede Club, Jeeves string-puppets the corpse of his former master at one of Aunt Agatha's social functions


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 4, 2015)

*Return to AZ*

When Dorothy's ruby slippers mishear 'home' as 'Tucson' (!), she finds herself doing battle with a malfunctioning air-conditioner in a cheap motel


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 4, 2015)

*Returns to Oz*

Documentary feature. After serving the remainder of his prison sentance, Rolf Harris is deported


----------



## Sherman Tank (Dec 4, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *Returns to Oz*
> 
> Documentary feature. After serving the remainder of his prison sentance, Rolf Harris is deported



That is probably the only one in the whole thread that will get made


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 4, 2015)

*Returns to AZ*

Whilst playing down the growing dominance of Netflix, Amazon announces their latest Prime Video exclusive: Jeff Bezos explains the Amazon returns process


----------



## starfish (Dec 4, 2015)

Local Heroin.

An American oil executive spends a month in Leith, scouting the area for his company. He quickly falls in love with it & its residents, Renton, Begbie, Sick Boy, Spud, Tommy & especially Diane. Although that might just be down to the smack. A heart warming comedy in the mould of the Ealing classics of old.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 4, 2015)

*Wasters of the Universe*

He-Man, Skeletor, Evil Lyn and all those characters that were invented for the movie reconsile their differences over a case of beer and a bag of chilli Doritos with sour cream dip


----------



## JimW (Dec 4, 2015)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *Returns to AZ*
> 
> Whilst playing down the growing dominance of Netflix, Amazon announces their latest Prime Video exclusive: Jeff Bezos explains the Amazon returns process


Return to Om - a young Tibetan monk has doubts about his vocation but after a disappointing time.in the secular world realises he's happiest facing the cave wall.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 4, 2015)

*Dack to the Future*

Doc Brown invents a time machine that will allow him to travel back in time and pull down the shorts of his favourite Australian Rugby players


----------



## starfish (Dec 4, 2015)

Triumph of the Willy.

After being freed from SeaWorld, Willy gathers all the Orcas together into a Fascist organisation & tries to take over the world. 

Shows you what they really are like. A bunch of cunts.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Dec 4, 2015)

*Mad Man*

Leather-clad Mel Gibson goes it alone in the cut-throat New York world of advertising


----------



## JimW (Dec 4, 2015)

Cash Away - road trip/coming of age effort sees young country music lovers make a pilgrimage to visit the Man in Black but he's popped up the shops.


----------



## andysays (Dec 5, 2015)

_The Last Derail_

Two hardened and cynical Urban veterans are assigned the task of escorting fresh-faced newbie to the Moderators' stockade to begin a temporary banning for off-topic posting.

Along the way they visit obscure sub-forums to give the newbie one last chance to sample various experiences he'll be missing while the ban is in force.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 5, 2015)

blairsh said:


> Pope's favourite film that.


Whereas he hated Robbie Coltrane playing a pontiff who joins Weight Watchers in _The Pope Must Diet_


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 5, 2015)

Fromage To Catalonia

A young, idealistic cheesemaker takes several massive wheels of his best to spain. Eric Blair finds comrades, crackers  and war in the spanish revolution while being sickened by the actions of soviet agents. And overeating of cheese


----------



## andysays (Dec 5, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Fromage To Catalonia
> 
> A young, idealistic cheesemaker takes several massive wheels of his best to spain. Eric Blair finds comrades, crackers  and war in the spanish revolution while being sickened by the actions of soviet agents. And overeating of cheese



This is a great idea, but unfortunately it has to be disqualified because

you've changed more than one letter
there hasn't yet been a film made of Orwell's Spanish-Civil-War-set memoir


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 5, 2015)

Land and Freedom


----------



## JimW (Dec 5, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Land and Freedom


Lard and Freedom - a prisoner skips jail by greasing himself up and squeezing between the bars.


----------



## andysays (Dec 5, 2015)

DotCommunist said:


> Land and Freedom



I know (now that you remind me) it follows a similar "plotline", but as far as I'm aware it's not a film of the book in any real sense. Open to correction on that.

Bonus point for a good idea, even if not strictly within the rules of the thread.


----------



## 8den (Dec 5, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> probably been done: but 'jews' - the elders of zion orchestrate a series of shark attacks using a robotick great white



Twice.


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 5, 2015)

The Nitwork 

When a TV producer gets head lice he becomes mad as hell and not going to take it any more


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 5, 2015)

Farago 

UKIP is infiltrated by gangsters


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 5, 2015)

andysays said:


> I know (now that you remind me) it follows a similar "plotline", but as far as I'm aware it's not a film of the book in any real sense. Open to correction on that.
> 
> Bonus point for a good idea, even if not strictly within the rules of the thread.


I recon we should throw it open to books as well now. Its page 80, its all repeats by now and all the best ones have gone.


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 5, 2015)

The Baster and The Margarita

Chips in a bucket? this is cocktails served in a turkey baster


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 5, 2015)

Piss Of The Spider Woman

Julian Clary visits the GUM clinic to have his 'sample' analysed!?  . . . . accompanied by Vinny Jones!


----------



## 8den (Dec 5, 2015)

Saving Private Ayn. A team of soldiers are sent to rescue Ayn Rand from behind enemy lines. But when they arrive they're treated to a two hour lecture berating them for their sacrifice and arguing for "enlightened self interest", until the Nazis arrive and kill them much to everyone's relief.


----------



## 8den (Dec 5, 2015)

An American Where Wolf in London. 

A American Zoologist's dissertation study on "The Habits of Grey Wolves in an urban environment" is incredibly brief & dull.


----------



## 8den (Dec 5, 2015)

Chicken Gun. Due to metal rationing A British WII RnD unit are required to create unusual weapons with tragic but surprisingly delicious results.


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 5, 2015)

Middler On The Roof

After a downturn in her entertainment career, Bette Middler sets up a cowboy building company


----------



## JimW (Dec 5, 2015)

Lurcio said:


> Middler On The Roof
> 
> After a downturn in her entertainment career, Bette Middler sets up a cowboy building company


Fiddler on the Hoof - rather than face charges Gary Glitter fucks off to Cambodia again.


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 5, 2015)

The Faking of Pelham One,Two, Three.

It was a holographic subway train.


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 5, 2015)

Top Gum

A retired septuagenarian fighter pilot goes to the dentist for a fitting


----------



## Sherman Tank (Dec 6, 2015)

The Making of Pelham 123 - documentary looking at a train factory.


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 6, 2015)

Breaks the rules, but -

The taking of Pelham XYZ - a band of desperate mathematicians hijacks a New York subway train.


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 6, 2015)

*Snow White and the Seven Wharfs*

Far-rightists try to infiltrate the dockers' union.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 6, 2015)

_The Teaking Of Pelham 123_

An eccentric boatbuilder refurbishes a New York subway train with the finest in tropical hardwood veneers


----------



## blairsh (Dec 6, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> vweneers


...starring Jonathon Ross.


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 6, 2015)

Hatton

Political thriller as the former deputy leader of Liverpool City Council battles to save his 'entryist' brigades from General Kinnock!


----------



## 8den (Dec 6, 2015)

The Santa Claws. A young lycanthrophe dreams of a life beyond the moon and killing peasants and longs to become santa


----------



## 8den (Dec 6, 2015)

Don't mess with The Lohan. Lindsay Lohan's latest rehab stint involves joining Mossad.


----------



## 8den (Dec 6, 2015)

Mig. A young boy wishes on a enchanted fair ground attraction to become a pop singer. But instead wakes up to discover he's the lead singer of Ultravox


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 6, 2015)

blairsh said:


> ...starring Jonathon Ross.


Bwoody cheeky wapscawwion


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 7, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> I've been racking my brains for a response to this one, and all I've got is:
> *Ronnie and Clyde*
> 
> Top MK operative Ronnie Kasrils takes some younger cadre on a team-building exercise on the river Clyde. Mike Leigh directs.


 
Talk of the devil... 
The leaflet bombers: the British recruits who fought apartheid from within


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 8, 2015)

Enema At The Gates

Dr Gillian McKeith comes to the rescue of the NATO alliance with the ultimate deterrence against refugee infiltration ...
Watch in amazement as she undertakes a felching process on a young Eritrean man scaling a barbed wire fence - (I believe he was trying to get away from her)!


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 9, 2015)

blairsh said:


> Pope's favourite film that.


*The Harder they Rome*

A simple Argentinian country boy comes to the Vatican city with dreams of making it to Pontiff.


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 9, 2015)

*The Grad-u-ate*

Gory cannibalistic horror featuring an on-campus restaurant that is not all it seems.


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 9, 2015)

*Midnight Cowbot*

Scientists build a robot cow.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 9, 2015)

blairsh said:


> Pope's favourite film that.



_Prelator
_
Archie leads a crack Vatican special ops team into the jungle when the Pope's jet is downed during a mysterious meteor shower that seems to correlate with new calculations determining the date of the Second Coming.

Tag line:

"He'll be back!"


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 9, 2015)

predato: a new italian _gelato_ turns out to consist of parastical eggs


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 9, 2015)

_Prom Theseus_

The crew of a spaceship follow a star map discovered among the artifacts of several ancient Earth cultures to a distant world where, instead of discovering the origins of humanity, they find an ancient Athenian prince preparing for his high school graduation party.


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 9, 2015)

Pinterstellar

nobel prize winning playwright travels on foot to lueven to find the true source of that golden fizzy nectar


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 9, 2015)

Little Pig Man

Starring David Cameron as himself.

"Disturbing"


----------



## JimW (Dec 9, 2015)

Big Rouble in Little China - Kurt Russell gets caught up with the Tong's counterfeiting operation, but things go awry when it turns out their fake Russian currency is oversized.


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 14, 2015)

Couch of Evil

A wet Sunday afternoon locked in an empty DFS store ... & some of the upholstery is 'possessed' !?


----------



## belboid (Dec 14, 2015)

Lurcio said:


> Couch of Evil
> 
> A wet Sunday afternoon locked in an empty DFS store ... & some of the upholstery is 'possessed' !?


for page 82, that is fucking brilliant


----------



## 8den (Dec 14, 2015)

belboid said:


> for page 82, that is fucking brilliant



I've got to admit I'd watch the shit out of couch of evil. 

And the sequel "Argos"


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 14, 2015)

belboid said:


> for page 82, that is fucking brilliant




bless u for the encouragement ... but (at some point) this thread must be left to die


----------



## 8den (Dec 14, 2015)

Lurcio said:


> bless u for the encouragement ... but (at some point) this thread must be left to die



Not a fucking chance...

The lives of Otters. Paranoid thriller about a otter colony in a East German zoo some of who suspect the others of collaboration with the zoo keepers


----------



## andysays (Dec 15, 2015)

_The Wives of Others_

The Stasi infiltrate a group of wife-swappers to monitor the activities of suspected enemies of the state. Hilarious shenanigans follows...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 15, 2015)

_Ringo Of Brightwater_

After the _Thomas_ royalties dry up, the former Beatles drummer is forced to take a job as a recruitment consultant in Northern Ireland


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 15, 2015)

Where Beagles Dare.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 15, 2015)

Idris2002 said:


> Where Beagles Dare.


A crack team of emphysemic canine commandos executes a daring raid on an animal testing lab


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 15, 2015)

DaveCinzano said:


> A crack team of emphysemic canine commandos executes a daring raid on an animal testing lab





DotCommunist said:


> Where Beagles Dare
> 
> a group of cute, chainsmoking Allied dogs are tasked with rescuing an intelligence asset from one of those evil nazi castles they have in germany. All the nazis in this version are cats.


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 15, 2015)

*Tone with the Wind*

"As god is my witness, I'll never be Old Labour again"


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 16, 2015)

Sheepless In Seattle

The mental state of a holidaying Welsh farmer begins to crack as he's denied access to his main leisure pursuit ... !?


----------



## frogwoman (Dec 16, 2015)

Omfg i'd watch this


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 16, 2015)

frogwoman said:


> Omfg i'd watch this


you might like the budget version, 'sheepless in settle'


----------



## Lurcio (Dec 17, 2015)

F.A. Confidential

Sepp Blatter spills the beans and implicates the entire English football association ...


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jan 5, 2016)

Sorry my festive contribution is a little late... (I've been bored today)

*Reindeer Dames*
Santa's deliveries are thrown into chaos when Rudolph and Blitzen sign up for panto.

*It's a Wonderful Lift*
Jimmy Stewart tells his guardian angel to piss off and makes a fortune flogging overpriced chairlifts to little old ladies.

*EILF*
Will Ferrell recieves some special attention from Christmas fetishists.

*Un Cunte de Noël*
Noel Edmonds visits Great Ormund Street hospital not with presents but red boxes ranging in value.

*Gangerine*
A prostitute spends christmas eve desperately searching for a chemists.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jan 5, 2016)

_Just Another Girl On The Birt_
Niche British biopic about the former Director-General of the BBC, structured around his wistful reminiscences as a now-ageing Lord about his libidinous early years in broadcasting at Granada and LWT


----------



## Idris2002 (Jan 5, 2016)

Riddler on the roof. 

Topol takes on the role of Batman.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jan 5, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> Riddler on the roof.
> 
> Topol takes on the role of Batman.


“If I were a rich man-bat...”


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 22, 2016)

Down by lav.

Tom Waits and John Lurie as plumbers in a hilarious toilet-based romp.


----------



## blairsh (Apr 22, 2016)

The Rack - Big budget blockbuster featuring Sean Connery and medieval methods of torture.


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 22, 2016)

Jurassic Perk.

Hard-hitting documentary, which reveals the real longevity of the advantageous financial arrangements enjoyed by the prime minister's family.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 22, 2016)

_Jurassic Worle_

A sedate seaside town is devastated by an invasion of elderly grockles


----------



## goldenecitrone (Apr 22, 2016)

The cook, the thief, his wife and her plover.

It's not the male bird that gets roasted and eaten in this Greenaway classic.


----------



## laptop (Apr 22, 2016)

Only plovers left alive.

Tilda goes hunting, selectively


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Apr 22, 2016)

If I am one of the three wisemen, then I brought the fucking gold last xmas, you ungrateful bastards


----------



## laptop (Apr 22, 2016)

Twelve Angry Fen


Science fiction upset


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Apr 22, 2016)

Ooh, I can't stay mad at yous!  

*Transpotting*
Germaine Greer drives through various British university campuses hurling abuse through her window at burly men in cheap nylon wigs.

*Gorky's*
Stalinist teen sex comedy. Student counter-revolutionaries are disappointed to learn that the young women of Russia are otherwise gainfully employed.


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 23, 2016)

Brie Encounter.

Star-crossed lovers meet over the cheese counter in buttoned-up post-war Britain.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 23, 2016)

isvicthere? said:


> Brie Encounter.
> 
> Star-crossed lovers meet over the cheese counter in buttoned-up post-war Britain.



*Coff*


----------



## goldenecitrone (Apr 23, 2016)

The Man who knew Ian Finity.

At an Cambridge party, Indian mathematician Ramanujan chats to builder Ian about the partitioning problem.


----------



## JimW (Apr 23, 2016)

Battle of the Five Arnies - Jackson in another CGI fest pitting several iconic Schwarzenegger characters against each other in a battle royale. My money's on the terminator.


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 23, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> *Coff*



Excuse me for not reading all 83 pages.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 23, 2016)

Amazing thing, the search function


----------



## laptop (Apr 23, 2016)

The Buns of Navarone


Baking gets serious


----------



## fishfinger (Apr 23, 2016)

laptop said:


> The Buns of Navarrone
> 
> 
> Baking gets serious


The Gins of Navarone: It's a trap!


----------



## bi0boy (Apr 23, 2016)

The Guos of Navarone - Yang Guo's father is getting tired of running the family takeaway business on a small Greek island and wants Yang to assume control, but Yang imagines himself living a very different life to the one his father intends for him.


----------



## goldenecitrone (Apr 24, 2016)

The Gnus of Navarone - Oxlike antelopes unwittingly caught up in the madness of war.


----------



## bi0boy (Apr 24, 2016)

The Tuns of Navarone - an apprentice gets more than he bargained for when a Greek coopers union walks out in protest after he approaches management with a novel method of applying quarter hoops and chimes to wine tuns.


----------



## JimW (Apr 24, 2016)

The Gums of Navarone - the dentist has fallen ill and no-one on the island can get their dentures fixed.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 24, 2016)

_The Tons Of Navarone_

On a remote, picturesque Greek island, an expat community of British fruit and veg wholesalers take on the faceless eurocrats and risk being made metric martyrs


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 24, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Paris TENAs_
> Incontinent amnesiac Harry Dean Stanton tracks down long-lost love Natassja Kinski. She pisses on him. FIN.


No likes. You people sicken me


----------



## Wolveryeti (Apr 24, 2016)

24 Hr Panty People - Steve Coogan fulfils his life long dream of setting up a benevolent charity whose aim is to courier a fresh pair of underwear to unfortunates who have had an unanticipated bum leakage.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Apr 24, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> *Coff*



Mine was better anyway 



> *Briefs Encounter: * Trevor Howard is shocked when the usually demure Celia Johnson throws her knickers at him.


----------



## 8den (Apr 24, 2016)

M


.


----------



## laptop (Apr 24, 2016)

_The Man With the Golden Nun_



Is it a religious tract? Is it a porno?


----------



## hot air baboon (Apr 24, 2016)

Low Rents of Arabia

.....Peter O'Toole's epic performance as a concerned buy-to-let landlord in the Middle East...


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Apr 26, 2016)

*Waken*
Kidnapped by Albanian sex-traffickers, a teenage girl is relieved when her alarm goes off.

*Terminator, RI:SE of the Machines*
Accepting that they are too old for action roles, Arnie and Robert Patrick are given their own breakfast television show

*Numb & Number*
Sequel to Dexter featuring a crazed anesthetist


----------



## Pickman's model (Apr 29, 2016)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *Numb & Number*
> Sequel to Dexter featuring a crazed anesthetist


not to be confused with *numb & number*: it's winter and a mathematical prodigy guiding fur expedition in the wilderness attacked by bear and left for dead, pulls through only due to his knowledge of differential equations.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 29, 2016)

_Vet I Go_

Stalky Jimmy Stewart is at first obsessed with and then (as his cat allergy kicks in) repulsed by animal doctor Kim Novak


----------



## JimW (Apr 29, 2016)

To Watch A Thief - our hero gets stuck in the strangers gallery while Osborne is presenting his budget.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 29, 2016)

_Ripe_

College tutor Jimmy Stewart uncovers the murderous deeds of his Nietzschean students John Dall and Farley Granger the moment he steps into their apartment on a hot New York summer's day, thanks to the disgusting aroma percolating out of the trunk in their living room.


----------



## Pickman's model (Apr 29, 2016)

dear window

james stewart plays a man who falls in love with a window


----------



## Pickman's model (Apr 29, 2016)

drear window

james stewart spends 90 minutes staring out of a window at a derelict factory


----------



## isvicthere? (May 30, 2016)

A boot de souffle

Jean-Paul Belmondo gets stuck into an egg dish with his new Doc Martens.


----------



## isvicthere? (May 30, 2016)

La Dolce Evita.

Marcello Mastroianni eschews chronicling Rome's demi monde to become politically active in Argentina.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 30, 2016)

*Liver of no return*

Marilyn Monroe's moving and sensitive depiction of the ravages of cirrhosis.


----------



## isvicthere? (May 30, 2016)

The exterminating Ange.

Luis Buñuel's little-known late work. Dirty Den's ex is back in Albert Square, and she's in bloodthirsty mood.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 30, 2016)

*Lear Window*

Aging thespian, confined to his flat by a broken leg, gives the performance of his life as the immortal bard's tragic monarch.


----------



## laptop (May 30, 2016)

_Chinatorn_

Complicated Adventures in the rag trade.


----------



## laptop (May 30, 2016)

_Udder Milk Wood_

Just don't ask what Llareggub is dreaming about now.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 30, 2016)

Sunder milk wood: the community comes together to oppose hs2


----------



## JimW (May 31, 2016)

_The Greatest Cape _- Sherlock versus Batman in a sartorial stand-off.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 31, 2016)

Force Len from Navarone.

Singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen is parachuted into wartime Yugoslavia to help the partisans with a morale-boosting concert tour.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 31, 2016)

the buns of navarone
a crack squad is sent to capture the buns of navarone from under the nazis' eyes.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 31, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> Force Len from Navarone.
> 
> Singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen is parachuted into wartime Yugoslavia to help the partisans with a morale-boosting concert tour.


Just checked, and I already did this one months ago.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 31, 2016)

Rod Man Out.

How Rod Stewart split from the Faces. Carol Reed directs.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 31, 2016)

_Ex Cape To Athena_

Superman's retired garment takes a package holiday to a Greek island


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 31, 2016)

WITH HILARIOUS CONSEQUENCES


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 31, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> Rod Man Out.
> 
> How Rod Stewart split from the Faces. Carol Reed directs.


 
_Toweling Inferno_

Biopic about the life and death of Steve Marriott


----------



## bi0boy (May 31, 2016)

The Angry Biros Movie

A group of ball point writing implements launch a bombing campaign against WHSmiths to protest about their ridiculous prices that see many young pens languishing on the shelves for months or even years.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 31, 2016)

The Ipcress Pile

Caine's chalfonts are playing up something rotten as he hobbles akwardly around london thwarting soviet agents and seeking out anusol


----------



## Idris2002 (May 31, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Toweling Inferno_
> 
> Biopic about the life and death of Steve Marriott


Kinksy Boots.

Insider account of the career of the Kinks, from the point of view of their personal cobbler.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 31, 2016)

The Quorn Identity

after his time in the prisons of indo-china one special forces legends learned to love textured soya

The Quorn Supremacy

he loves it so much he's going to force it on the rest of us


----------



## JimW (May 31, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> Kinksy Boots.
> 
> Insider account of the career of the Kinks, from the point of view of their personal cobbler.


_Kinky Boors_ - biopic of Cameron and Johnson in their Bullingdon days.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 31, 2016)

JimW said:


> _Kinky Boors_ - biopic of Cameron and Johnson in their Bullingdon days.


kinky boars


----------



## Idris2002 (May 31, 2016)

Pig Wednesday.

Cameron engages in a truly awful act with a dead pig, while riding a surfboard.


----------



## JimW (May 31, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> kinky boars


if this is an attempted spelling correction you're in for a paddlin'


----------



## Corax (May 31, 2016)

_I.T._ - Relating the awkward attempts of a shy, wrinkled and otherwordly creature to communicate with the human race.


----------



## DotCommunist (May 31, 2016)

JimW said:


> if this is an attempted spelling correction you're in for a paddlin'


one two many letter changes alas but kinky boars is surely something calmedave appreciates


----------



## JimW (May 31, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> one two many letter changes alas but kinky boars is surely something calmedave appreciates


It didn't stop you with the quorn just


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 31, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> Force Len from Navarone.


 
Documentary about the ouster of a legendary snooker referee from the 1987 Greek Open Championship over a controversial foul call


----------



## stdP (May 31, 2016)

Tsargate - a downtrodden Russian history student turns out to be the unlikely key to harnessing the inherent power of royal corpses and unlocking the secret of teleportation


----------



## Idris2002 (May 31, 2016)

*The Starchers*

John Wayne brings proper laundry services to the old West.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 31, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> The Ipcress Pile
> 
> Caine's chalfonts are playing up something rotten as he hobbles akwardly around london thwarting soviet agents and seeking out anusol


 
_The P Cress File_

Avant garde sculptor Michael Caine faces a tricky rasping job while crafting salad vegetables out of phosphorus


----------



## bi0boy (May 31, 2016)

Free Slate of Jones
During the 1900 strike at the Bethesda slate quarry, quarryman David Jones starts giving free slate to Mancunian house-builders out of sheer boredom.


----------



## JimW (May 31, 2016)

_The Round of Music - _Bob and friends are pissing the pub quiz until this stupid set of questions on obscure psychobilly bands of the 80s. Violence ensues.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 31, 2016)

_The Intouchables_

A naive young pager salesman must toughen up - and fast! - when he is relocated to his company's Chicago branch


----------



## DotCommunist (May 31, 2016)

wig trouble in little china

Kurt Russel stars as a man looking for the person who started that rumour that he was dead and finds unlikely love with a wigmakers daughter


----------



## Idris2002 (May 31, 2016)

Escape from MK

Kurt Russel stalks the mean streets of a postapocalyptic Milton Keynes.


----------



## bi0boy (May 31, 2016)

13 Angry Men

When Judas Iscariot becomes the 13th man sit down at the last supper, an argument breaks out as to whether Jesus ought to be seated in the best chair. We all know what happened next.


----------



## Mattym (May 31, 2016)

Can't read through 85 pages- so sorry if already done.
Look who's stalking 4- A very dark follow up.


----------



## Mattym (May 31, 2016)

Terminator Genesis- Phil Collins on the warpath!


----------



## stdP (Jun 1, 2016)

Beijing John Malkovich - depressing fantasy adventure. After suffering chronic lead poisoning as a result of poor working conditions, Yāo hàn Wusack becomes convinced he is a quirky American actor and moves to the capital in a futile attempt to find fame and fortune.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 1, 2016)

_Terminator On Salvia_

John Connor attempts to sabotage the T-800 prototype by surreptitiously making it toke on psychoactive sage


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 1, 2016)

fuck soup: the marx brothers' venture into pornography


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 1, 2016)

Pickman's model said:


> fuck soup: the marx brothers' venture into pornography


 
See also:

_Horse Felchers
Ream Service_

and of course the long-banned

_Animal Fuckers_


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 22, 2016)

_Women in Gove
_
Multiple personality disorder afflicts a prominent political figure. A remake of the US original _Women in Rove. _


----------



## 8den (Jun 22, 2016)

The Gove sub genre has been explored previously. In the mood for Gove, From Gove with love, Gove and other Catastrophes.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 22, 2016)

8den said:


> The Gove sub genre has been explored previously. In the mood for Gove, From Gove with love, Gove and other Catastrophes.



_Gove The Top _- Sly Stallone pops Michael Gove's shoulder out of its socket during a friendly arm-wrestle
_Thirty Seconds Gove Tokyo -_ Spencer Tracy is forced to jettison Michael Gove out the bomb bay doors in order to gain height following the Doolittle Raid
_One Flew Gove The Cuckoo's Nest - _Everyone stoves in Michael Gove's head with the plinth of a drinking fountain, because reasons
_Bullets Gove Broadway - _A New York theatre audience sprays Michael Gove with lead, because just because
_Get Gove IT - _Resourceful high school senior Kirsten Dunst plants kiddy pr0n on hated supply teacher Michael Gove's laptop in order to get him fired and gaoled


----------



## JimW (Jun 22, 2016)

_Euro, pah! Euro, pah!_ - Gove reiterates his contempt for the single currency


----------



## albionism (Jun 23, 2016)

Purple Pain. Geezer gets his knob stuck in his zipper.That's all.


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 23, 2016)

On golden pong: a father, daughter and grandson holiday by sewage treatment plant


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 23, 2016)

The beer hunter: a drinker's pursuit of lager


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 23, 2016)

_There's Something About Maury _- biopic about the Nero Wolfe actor


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 23, 2016)

the grapes of rath: gentle comedy about a vineyard within an irish iron age earthwork


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 23, 2016)

carry on clio: the carry on team installing a new interlibrary loan module


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 23, 2016)

Baking Ned.

Gruesome horror as inoffensive Irish pensioner is locked in oven by demented pastry chef.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 23, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Gove The Top _- Sly Stallone pops Michael Gove's shoulder out of its socket during a friendly arm-wrestle
> _Thirty Seconds Gove Tokyo -_ Spencer Tracy is forced to jettison Michael Gove out the bomb bay doors in order to gain height following the Doolittle Raid
> _One Flew Gove The Cuckoo's Nest - _Everyone stoves in Michael Gove's head with the plinth of a drinking fountain, because reasons
> _Bullets Gove Broadway - _A New York theatre audience sprays Michael Gove with lead, because just because
> _Get Gove IT - _Resourceful high school senior Kirsten Dunst plants kiddy pr0n on hated supply teacher Michael Gove's laptop in order to get him fired and gaoled


I'm sensing some hostility.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 23, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> I'm sensing some hostility.



¿Que?


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 23, 2016)

Darby O'Gill and the Little Sheeple

Irish conspiraloon finds himself confined to a home for the bewildered.


----------



## stdP (Jun 23, 2016)

_Yo, Jimbo!_ - wandering samurai James is sick and tired of being referred to informally and plots to free the local populace from the overuse of grammatically incorrect contractions.

_The Green Bile_ - after watching a ponderous, schmaltzy film featuring far too many images of people suffering from urinary tract infections, Tom Hanks feels distinctly liverish.

_Cinema Paradisco_ - coming of age story. The inventor of the mirrorball returns to his home town after learning that mentor and legendary resident DJ Alfredo, instrumental in bringing the joys of disco music to the village after buying the defunct cinema, has died.


----------



## Buddy Bradley (Aug 14, 2016)

Mad Max: Furry Road - in which Max discovers a post-apocalyptic community all in bunny outfits.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Aug 14, 2016)

_Mad Max 2: The Road Worrier_

Perturbed by all that dangerous driving on the roads of the post-apocalyptic Outback, Rockatansky switches to the altogether more sedate and safer mode of transport offered by a Prius


----------



## DaveCinzano (Aug 14, 2016)

_Saturday Wight Fever_
Brooklyn lad Tony Manero goes to Cowes Week, but picks up a touch of the flu; fortunately it clears up as the weekend draws to a close.

_Staying Olive_
An older, slighter wiser Tony Manero goes on a working holiday to the Grecian groves during harvest time.


----------



## 8den (Aug 14, 2016)

Buddy Bradley said:


> Mad Max: Furry Road - in which Max discovers a post-apocalyptic community all in bunny outfits.



ahem



8den said:


> Mad Max "Furry Road"
> 
> Max Rockastansky must lead a group of furries through a post-apocalyptic landscape.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Aug 14, 2016)

_Leg Ends_
Youngsters Ronnie and Reggie Kray eschew the wanton criminality of some of their peers in the East End of London, and instead take up apprenticeships in carpentry and cabinet-making, specialising in cabrioles and ball-and-claw feet.


----------



## Buddy Bradley (Aug 14, 2016)

8den said:


> ahem


Like I'm going to read through 85 pages just to check it's not been done yet.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Aug 14, 2016)

Buddy Bradley said:


> Like I'm going to read through 85 pages just to check it's not been done yet.


Search | urban75 forums

HTH


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 14, 2016)

The Shinning.

Jack Nicholson was Oscar nominated for his sensitive and moving portrayal of Gerry Adams and his struggle for justice.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 14, 2016)

Nuns on the Pun.

Two brides of Christ run amok on a pun-related internet bulletin board thread.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 14, 2016)

Wood's Cock the Movie.

Naked hippy named Wood displays his genitalia for two hours. 

Banned in Ireland for 20 years.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Aug 14, 2016)

_The Pipe Must Die_
Harrowing and gritty drama about a crackhead giving up the rock


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 14, 2016)

The Pope Must Pie

Pope Francis is separated from his security detail and pursued through the streets of Rome by a grinning lunatic who is determined to smash a pie in his face.


----------



## Buddy Bradley (Aug 14, 2016)

The Pops Must Die

Biopic of Chris Cowey, chronicling his struggles as producer of doomed TV show, Top Of The Pops.


----------



## stdP (Aug 15, 2016)

_Swatch_ - Unscrupulous boxing promoters, violent bookmakers, a Russian gangster, incompetent amateur robbers, and supposedly Jewish jewellers fight to track down a worthless stolen watch.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 15, 2016)

Once Upon a Lime In America

story of how the lime industry boomed as the brit navy discovered what scurvy was. Americans learn of this and mock us


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 15, 2016)

Little Scouse on the Prairie.

Liverpudlian midget makes it big in the old west.


----------



## gosub (Aug 15, 2016)

Rocky (V)


----------



## danny la rouge (Aug 15, 2016)

The Shallots.

A woman has to wade through small, mild onions to escape sharks.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Aug 15, 2016)

danny la rouge said:


> The Shallots.
> 
> A woman has to wade through small, mild onions to escape sharks.


Starring the Italian Scallion himself, Sylvester Stallonion


----------



## Pickman's model (Aug 15, 2016)

the leer hunter
christopher walken and robert de niro star in a film about small town boys going halfway round the world to letch.


----------



## Pickman's model (Aug 15, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> Little Scouse on the Prairie.
> 
> Liverpudlian midget makes it big in the old west.


little souse on the prairie: alkies in the auld west


----------



## SpookyFrank (Aug 16, 2016)

Suicide Squid

The US government recruits a team of the ocean's most dangerous cephalopods to make wisecracks, feel remorse for their troubled pasts and occasionally fight evil or something.


----------



## weltweit (Aug 16, 2016)

How to get head in advertising.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 16, 2016)

The Maltese Fall Con.

American tourists are lured to Malta during the Autumn off-season, and end up feeling conned.


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 16, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> Little Scouse on the Prairie.
> 
> Liverpudlian midget makes it big in the old west.


Have you seen Little Mosque on The Prairie?

canadian comedy. Quite funny as I recall. Series, I caught a few eps


----------



## rubbershoes (Aug 16, 2016)

Woodfellas

Lumberjack documentary


----------



## rubbershoes (Aug 16, 2016)

The Nobbit

Fictional account based on the life of Boris Johnson


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 16, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> Have you seen Little Mosque on The Prairie?
> 
> canadian comedy. Quite funny as I recall. Series, I caught a few eps


I think I might have downloaded the first episode. Is it like Trailer Park Boys, but with Muslims?


----------



## DotCommunist (Aug 16, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> I think I might have downloaded the first episode. Is it like Trailer Park Boys, but with Muslims?


a little, less alcohol and petty criminality tho lol


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 5, 2016)

_The Grill On The Train
_
Emily Blunt as an alcoholic short order chef working in the restaurant car of a sleeper train and having trouble with her gas lights


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 5, 2016)

_The Malteser Falcon
_
Underemployed private eye kills time by sculpting birds of prey from lunch snacks


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 5, 2016)

Harlem Tights. Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor hide out in 1940s harlem dressed in tights under their sharp suits, because its cold and theres no shame in it.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 5, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> Harlem Tights. Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor hide out in 1940s harlem dressed in tights under their sharp suits, because its cold and theres no shame in it.


I'M IN


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 5, 2016)

The Togs of War

...a very boring documentary about an army surplus store...


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 5, 2016)

Lulu

...a plucky band of redcoats are besieged by a huge army of diminutive scottish singers..


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 5, 2016)

hot air baboon said:


> Lulu
> 
> ...a plucky band of redcoats are besieged by a huge army of diminutive scottish singers..



Sounds like a particularly grim summer season at Butlin's


----------



## blairsh (Nov 5, 2016)

The King and IT.

StephenkingyHalloweeny version. 

Clown vs King of Siam. Fight!


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 5, 2016)

_Star Wars Episode VII: The Force A-Walkens_

A steely eyed mysterious stranger rallies resistance against the remnants of the Empire in between little bouts of tap dancing.


----------



## blairsh (Nov 5, 2016)

High Plains Grifter

A loner arrives in a samll town and cons the fuck out of everyone, leaving right before they all get murdered by bandits out for revenge on the community that put them behind bars.


----------



## May Kasahara (Nov 5, 2016)

My Left Food

Daniel Day Lewis spends two hours reminiscing about meals he didn't finish.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 5, 2016)

May Kasahara said:


> My Left Food
> 
> Daniel Day Lewis spends two hours reminiscing about meals he didn't finish.


He spent six months never clearing a single plate in preparation for this role


----------



## May Kasahara (Nov 5, 2016)

The Pink Singer

Kathleen Hanna tells the world about her beloved sewing machine.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 5, 2016)

_Among The Wombstones_

Sad-eyed former superstar gynaecologist forced by alcoholism into the shadowy underworld of backstreet obstetrics, goes FULL NEESON on some irregular intrauterine calculi.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 5, 2016)

May Kasahara said:


> The Pink Singer
> 
> Kathleen Hanna tells the world about her beloved sewing machine.


Sounds bobbins


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_The Shipping Jews_

Dour drama in which cuckolded Kevin Spacey struggles to balance running his family's logistics and transportation company based in downtown Jaffa whilst simultaneously pursuing a relationship with secretive widow Julianne Moore.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_The Amen_

Hip hop-loving American ambassador and amateur scratchologist Gregory Peck discovers that his favourite break of all time wasn't actually sampled from GC Coleman but was in fact the diabolical creation of Satan Himself


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_The Ex Or Cyst_

Doubting Catholic priest Jason Miller is at an existential crossroads in his life, and must choose between leaving the priesthood for his childhood sweetheart or keeping his dog collar, which continuously aggravates an abscess on his neck, from which pussy discharge has been poisoning his bloodstream and causing him to suffer from waking delusions in which his mother works as a prostitute in an industrial town on the Humber estuary.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_The Hirds_

A malevolent flock of acid-tongued Lancastrian dames descends upon a sleepy Californian town.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_PSY Chi_

Creepy K-pop singer inherits a run-down motel and turns it into a qigong studio


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_The 39 Stops_

Recently returned from South Africa where he had been working as a mining engineer, Edwardian adventurer Richard Hannay falls asleep on the Circle Line, misses his stop and then has to do the whole circuit. Fin.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_The Tree Of LIFFE_

Terrence Malick pays the bills with a corporate video extolling the virtues of the London International Financial Futures and Options Exchange. It was a bit too experimental for them and they didn't ask him back.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_Bedlands_

An early Malick effort, an advertising promo for a Midwestern furniture chain. Apparently his use of a homicidal James Dean-esque shopper and his underage girlfriend were not quite what the client was looking for to reach their target demographic, and they didn't ask him back.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_The Thin Red Lino_

When Dupont developed a radical new industrial technique for high durability micro-thickness flooring material, they decided to hire Malick to shoot their advertising campaign. Unfortunately they baulked at the six hour run-time of his original workprint, and at having to pay for a bunch of actors including Edward Norton, Matthew McConaughey, Billy Baldwin, Edward Burns, Josh Hartnett, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Stephen Dorff, Leonardo DiCaprio, Nicolas Cage, Tom Sizemore, Bill Pullman, Mickey Rourke and Lukas Haas whose parts all had to be cut out of the radically trimmed final version, which aired as a thirty-second spot; they didn't ask him back.


----------



## JimW (Nov 6, 2016)

_Kiki Dee Livery Service_ - another animated charmer from Studio Ghibli, the Yorkshire chanteuse finds her singing career on the wane but helped by some odd forest spirits she sets up a successful chauffeur business.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 6, 2016)

Beeing John Malkovich.

Saw-style horror as the hapless actor is trapped in a roomful of angry bees.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 6, 2016)

Arrivals. long movie showing people arriving at an airport and collecting their luggage before going through passport control and customs.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 6, 2016)

Bring John malkovich

JM's mate is asked to bring him to a party, but JM doesn't want to go


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_Heaven's Gateau_

Conflicted lawman Kris Kristoffrerson gives up the gun and opens a pâtisserie in a remote Wyoming township


OP's right to break own rules invoked


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_Gongs Of New York_

Feral orphan Leonardo Di Caprio grows up to become a dinner service flunkey in the gentlemen's clubs of the Big Apple of the early 19th century


----------



## belboid (Nov 6, 2016)

Doctor Strangle

A surgeon has a car accident and needs to receive new hands, pronto. But the only ones available are from the recently executed asphyxiator...


----------



## belboid (Nov 6, 2016)

This Gins for Hire


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_His Grill Friday_

Cary Grant comes over all manly and demands people come to his end-of-week barbecue


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_Irony Man_

Well, this high budget comic book adaptation about a sarcastic rich dude making snarky comments is _really _going to turn around the prospects of career self-sabotaging junkie alcoholic Robert Downey Jnr, isn't it?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2016)

_Bantz_

Animated adventure about a bunch of hard-drinking ant-lads out on the pull.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 7, 2016)

_Syria Nan_

CIA covert action veteran George Clooney has 48 hours to solve the latest Middle East crisis - disguised as his own grandmother!


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 7, 2016)

_The Wight Stuff_

The untold story of Britain's space programme and those brave astronauts who served at its Cowes launch centre.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 7, 2016)

*A.I. Daniel Blake*
Ian Duncan Smith clamps down on families claiming benefits for robotic children.


----------



## Septimus Rufiji (Nov 7, 2016)

Wild Wild Nest

Will Smith and Kevin Kline feed hallucinogenic drugs to birds at the beginning of mating season and then marvel at the resulting avian creches


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 7, 2016)

_Ricky_

Sly Stallone plays the gormless but lovable son of an East End wide boy


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 7, 2016)

_Jambo_

Sly Stallone plays a cheeky but lovable Cheshire wide boy


----------



## Septimus Rufiji (Nov 7, 2016)

Silent Hull

Emu reminisces about his long career with Rod


----------



## Septimus Rufiji (Nov 7, 2016)

Grove Of The Fireflies

Experimental Studio Ghibli animation exploring bioluminescence and it's effect on trees


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 8, 2016)

b3ta image version of this thread is lol:










b3ta.com challenge: letter change films


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 8, 2016)

Silent Punning

The people of Earth, their patience exhausted at last, send a merry band of message board punsters into deep space exile.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 8, 2016)

Thanks for nothing, Kimble.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 8, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> Thanks for nothing, Kimble.


I made the same pun on first pages, but the poster is better


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 8, 2016)

Slade were in an actual fillum

Slade in Flame - Wikipedia

...never seen it though...


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 8, 2016)

hot air baboon said:


> Slade were in an actual fillum
> 
> Slade in Flame - Wikipedia
> 
> ...never seen it though...


It used to be on youtube, but I think it's been taken down since then. It was  a really dark kitchen-sink expose of the music industry, as I recall.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 8, 2016)

Blade ruiner: an incompetent knife grinder ruins a chef's knives and enters a realm of horror. and pain


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 8, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> It used to be on youtube, but I think it's been taken down since then. It was  a really dark kitchen-sink expose of the music industry, as I recall.


I'm pretty sure it received a recent ish release on DVD with docs and commentary etc. so that's probably why it was forced it off youtube.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 8, 2016)

AuntiStella said:


> I'm pretty sure it received a recent ish release on DVD with docs and commentary etc. so that's probably why it was forced it off youtube.


It's worth a look, I'd say, if anyone out there comes across it.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 8, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> It's worth a look, I'd say, if anyone out there comes across it.


i saw it on telly once - really good.


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 8, 2016)

I vaguely remember it coming out...not really one for the kidz by the sound of it so it probably bombed....but sounds a bit like those David Essex / Adam Faith films of around the same time - That'll be the Day etc - that were actually pretty well done....


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 8, 2016)

*Secret Stale*
A crafty baker attempts to pass off yesterday's bloomers as artisan baguettes


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 8, 2016)

*Love Me Bender*

A Futurama spin off: animated sci fi musical


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 8, 2016)

*Quatrophenia*

Young man with an Audi struggles to find self identity


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 8, 2016)

AuntiStella said:


> *Quatrophenia*
> 
> Young man with an Audi struggles to find self identity


That would be _Quattrophenia_.

_Quatrophenia_, on the other hand, would be about a young man with a fruit medley soda.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 8, 2016)

Dunces With Wolves

Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels are eco-warriors attempting to integrate into a pack - with hilarious results.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 8, 2016)

Little Bog Man.

Short-statured individual recounts vignettes from his time as a washroom attendant.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 8, 2016)

Suicide Squid

A cephalopod is recruited by a government agency to take on  secret dangerous deep sea missions.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 8, 2016)

Independence Day: Regurgence

Awful sequel has moviegoers upchucking at the theatre bog. [See: Little Bog Man]


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 8, 2016)

The Legend of Tarman.

The Tar Baby grows up and begins swinging through the trees on vines.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 8, 2016)

Suicide squat

I can't even.....


----------



## SpookyFrank (Nov 8, 2016)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Independence Day: Regurgence
> 
> Awful sequel has moviegoers upchucking at the theatre bog.



You're supposed to create an _entirely different_ movie.


----------



## keybored (Nov 8, 2016)

_The Girl with All the Gifs_

Will she ever stop posting those fucking memes?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2016)

_Bestworld_

SF thriller in which bored executives travel to a high-tech amusement park to play football against teams made up of androids modelled on famous players but programmed to perform at a level beatable by unfit middle managers. Following an unforeseen whisky spillage the Northern Ireland all-star team malfunctions, with homicidal results.


----------



## albionism (Nov 11, 2016)

I, Daniel Blade.

Unemployed heart attack survivor struggling with inhumane red-tape by day, Vampire Superhero by night.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2016)

_Saturday Night Hever_

John Travolta is an amateur historian with a real passion for the Tudors. He decides on a whim one weekend to visit the childhood home of Anne Boleyn, but gets there after the castle has shut, and has to bunk over the gates and tour the grounds in the dark.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2016)

albionism said:


> I, Daniel Blade.
> 
> Unemployed heart attack survivor struggling with inhumane red-tape by day, Vampire Superhero by night.


The Ken Loach/Wesley Snipes team-up the world has been waiting for


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 11, 2016)

_Bring Me The Hod Of Alfred O'Garcia_

Revenge thriller about a feud amongst Irish site labourers

OP's privilege invoked again


----------



## Septimus Rufiji (Nov 11, 2016)

The Expensables

15 hour epic by pwc showing clients what can and what can't be counted as a "business lunch"


----------



## Septimus Rufiji (Nov 11, 2016)

The Rime Bandits

Mr Freeze and his goons go on an audacious crime spree stealing anything that's not nailed down. Batman appears at the end and reveals he allowed it all to happen "For a laugh"


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 12, 2016)

*'Alloween*
A seemingly reformed Michael Myers moves to occupied France to open a café and gets into tricky situations with his waitresses and the competiting resistance factions.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 12, 2016)

_They Jive!_

Rowdy Roddy Piper discovers a hidden jitterbug conspiracy


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 12, 2016)

*Ma Vie en Hose*
A seven year old boy insists upon wearing trousers to a party to the disappointment of his Guardian-reading parents who hoped he'd be transexual.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 12, 2016)

*Batman and Robbin*
"Freeze! Hi, I'm Batman" DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE!?? DID YA THOUGH?!


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 12, 2016)

*Gulp Fiction*
Many hoped 'The Great British Bukkake Off' was a misprint, and it's 11pm start time a scheduling error, but C4 had £75m to recoup.


----------



## Wolveryeti (Nov 12, 2016)

*Eternal Sunshine of the Scotless Mind*

Theresa May and a band of plucky blue sky thinkers rebuild Hadrian's Wall to address the West Lothian and Brexit problems


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 12, 2016)

suicide squall

quin and the gang find themselves ill-dressed to weather a sudden storm


----------



## bluescreen (Nov 12, 2016)

.


----------



## belboid (Nov 12, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> suicide squall
> 
> quin and the gang find themselves ill-dressed to weather a sudden storm


Suicide Squaw

A racist drama about Native American resistance


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 12, 2016)

Hell or High Wafer - transubstantiation takes on a new meaning when a priest begins dispensing LSD-laced wine and wafers at Holy Communion.


----------



## Chemical needs (Nov 12, 2016)

Some Like it Hog - a film about David Cameron.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 12, 2016)

_The Lord Of The Rinds_

Whilst having a late-night fantasy movie marathon night, DotCommunist gets the munchies and has to go out on a quest to buy pork scratchings.


----------



## infidelgastro (Nov 13, 2016)

The Concrete Bungle.
After years of surviving mindnumbing Rainbow the bear is cast in a more hardcore role.


----------



## infidelgastro (Nov 13, 2016)

The Cattleship Potemkin.
The cows won't take this shit lying down and begin their 'silent' revolt.


----------



## alan_ (Nov 13, 2016)

_Bring Me The Herd Of Alfredo Garcia_

In order that the cattle may be distributed in an equitable manner


----------



## JimW (Nov 13, 2016)

_Bring Me the Head of Alfresco Garcia_ - it's time to stop these outsiders once and for all.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 13, 2016)

infidelgastro said:


> The Cattleship Potemkin.
> The cows won't take this shit lying down and begin their 'silent' revolt.


Bullshevik revolution


----------



## infidelgastro (Nov 13, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> Bullshevik revolution



Damn that was my udder choice.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 14, 2016)

Loon over Parador

Conspiracy theorist becomes president of Latin american banana republic (topical)

Ross of Iron.

David Schwimmer stars as the popular Marvel comics B-lister.

Bing John Malkovich

Balding actor recreates the life of the famous 40s crooner.


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 14, 2016)

Sex-Machina - android versions of James Brown take over the world in a funky sort of way


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 14, 2016)

The Account Ant - Steve, an unassuming ant, becomes obsessed with obtaining the best possible interest rates for his savings. One day however, his spreadsheets of "best buy" savings accounts attract the attention of a certain mysterious 8-legged stranger.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 14, 2016)

Ex Mission

Polish man goes into hibernation to escape his ex wife.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 15, 2016)

Richard IdI - When self-confessed dictator obsessive Richard Smith changes his surname by dead-poll in honour of his favourite despot, he is surprised by the reaction of his only child, Vlad III Smith.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 15, 2016)

_Henry VX_

Counterfactual Shakespearean business in which an English king is bent on conquering the French crown. But before he can invade, he is accused in a dossier published in dubious circumstances of having secret stockpiles of a nerve agent with which he intends to tip his archers' arrows; a hurried coalition is formed amongst the great European powers, and a sneak attack is launched...


----------



## Cid (Nov 15, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Bring Me The Hod Of Alfred O'Garcia_
> 
> Revenge thriller about a feud amongst Irish site labourers
> 
> OP's privilege invoked again



_Brine me the head of Alfredo Garcia_, sequel.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 17, 2016)

Helen of Trot

Joe Stalin comes home from work one evening to find that his girlfriend Helen is gone, along with all the furniture. She's left for Mexico with her secret boyfriend, Lev Bronstein.

Enraged and embarrassed, the cuckolded Stalin dispatches a gang of thugs to teach Bronstein a lesson, and fetch Helen back.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 17, 2016)

11 Angry Men - While filming the last supper, the cast of a controversial biblical movie become enraged when the actor playing Matthew fails to turn up for the shoot after a hard night partying in Tel Aviv. They go on a rampage, unwittingly instigating an altercation between local youths which escalates into the third intifada and, ultimately, a global nuclear war.


----------



## rekil (Nov 17, 2016)

Gone Grill - Psychological thriller set in middle class suburbia. Ben Affleck becomes the focus of suspicion in the local papers after his barbecue disappears. Tagline: It was there...yesterday.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2016)

Enemy on the rates

Jude Law discovers that his local council is subsidizing nazi snipers.

(I know that's more than one later)


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 17, 2016)

It's a Wonderful Like

somebody get's a Like from Butchers Apron


----------



## mauvais (Nov 17, 2016)

Taxi Drier - Roberto di Nero wields a chamois leather in this meandering Neapolitan tale based around the requirement to regularly and comprehensively remove any residual moisture from his employer's rust-prone 1970s Fiats.


----------



## mauvais (Nov 17, 2016)

Taxi Diver - Luc Besson directs Robert du Noir as a no-nonsense underwater detective going against orders and acting on a hunch that Uber's self-driving private hire vehicles are kidnapping their customers and taking them to live a new life deep below the waves


----------



## mauvais (Nov 17, 2016)

Baxi Driver - Ken Loach casts Bobby Black and a Ford Transit Connect in this gritty expositional drama of a heating engineer's travels around the poverty-stricken post-industrial heartlands of north east England.


----------



## JimW (Nov 17, 2016)

Naxi Driver - a young man from a remote Yunnanese hill village becomes the first of his Tibeto-Burman people to drive a truck in this heart-warming period piece set in 50s China.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 17, 2016)

_Tex Id River_

Unhinged war veteran Robert De Niro moves to a small frontiersman-type township by the Rio Grande, where his libidinous instincts and gun loving prove no obstacle to his fitting right in


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2016)

Maxi Driver 

Top fashion leader Robert De Niro decrees that the message for spring is that the miniskirt is out, out, out, and hemlengths are down, down, down.


----------



## JimW (Nov 17, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> Maxi Driver
> 
> Top fashion leader Robert De Niro decrees that the message for spring is that the miniskirt is out, out, out, and hemlengths are down, down, down.


Or he just has the misfortune to own an Austin Maxi.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 17, 2016)

Singh Street.

Heartwarming family drama set among the Sikh community of Dublin.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 17, 2016)

JimW said:


> Or he just has the misfortune to own an Austin Maxi.



Ahem



Nine Bob Note said:


> Maxi Driver
> A well-rounded young man with a good job and happy home life is driven violently insane by constant MOT failures


----------



## JimW (Nov 17, 2016)

Nine Bob Note said:


> Ahem


I never offered it as an entry in plagiartastic fashion, in my defence.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 17, 2016)

(I'm gonna start using TV show titles too from here on...)*

Only Pools and Horses*
A relapsing gambling addict insists he's sticking to his limits.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 17, 2016)

Taxi, O River!

Film adaptation of Pearl S. Buck paean to Manchurian boatmen who start a water ferry service on the Yangtze Kiang.


----------



## JimW (Nov 17, 2016)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> Taxi, O River!
> 
> Film adaptation of Pearl S. Buck paean to Manchurian boatmen who start a water ferry service on the Yangtze Kiang.


Bloody long way from Manchuria, the Yangtse


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 17, 2016)

JimW said:


> Bloody long way from Manchuria, the Yangtse


Bloody Manchurians, coming over here, stealing our ferry industry jobs


----------



## mod (Nov 17, 2016)

Mean Tim

Mike Leigh's brutal portrayal on a kid on a London council estate in the early 80s who refused to share his penny sweets with his mates.


----------



## JimW (Nov 17, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> Bloody Manchurians, coming over here, stealing our ferry industry jobs


It's true that they feasibly _could _have started the service butI prefer to quibble.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 17, 2016)

_Carla's Pong_

A Nicaraguan refugee in Scotland suffers from flatulence.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 17, 2016)

E Brother Where Art Thou?

Buddy gets worried when his Facebook friend doesn't post anything for a week.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 17, 2016)

The Norse Whisperer

Bishop Odo discovers that he has an uncanny knack for calming the emotions of rampaging Vikings.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2016)

Johnny Canuck3 said:


> E Brother Where Art Thou?
> 
> Buddy gets worried when his Facebook friend doesn't post anything for a week.


i thought it was going to be the Yorkshire version :-p


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 17, 2016)

_The Wind That Shakes The Farley_

Cillian Murphy plays a baby with terrible rusk-related flatulence.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2016)

The Magnificent Sevek.

Star Trek film - an adventure that centres on an extremely minor character from "Enterprise" who comes across into our universe on an ultimately fruitless and tedious mission to destroy Kirk.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 17, 2016)

Revenge of the Neros

Like George Foreman, the Emperor gives all his sons the same name. Growing up psychogically confused, they eventually burn down every major city around the Mediterranean.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 17, 2016)

For A Few Dollars Mort

A man named Morton gets the rather ignominious nickname when it's determined that he will do literally anything, for not much money at all.


----------



## Sea Star (Nov 17, 2016)

For a Pew, Dollars More

Vicar sees red and goes on a bloody rampage after the ecclesiastical supplies company raises the price of pews just as he's finally managed to collect enough money to replace his church's ancient seating. 

- warning: blasphemy & extreme violence


----------



## May Kasahara (Nov 19, 2016)

Paper Moog

One man's frustrating quest to revolutionise the synth world through origami.


----------



## May Kasahara (Nov 19, 2016)

Sausage Parts

Hard hitting look inside a Wall's factory.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 19, 2016)

12 Pears a Slave - In this heart-warming comedy, Lucy-Jane sustains a posse of escaped slaves as they organise a rebellion, using the fruit from her father's orchard.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 19, 2016)

_Sous Age Party_

French drama based on the Jimmy Savile scandal and subsequent Operation Yewtree investigations into noncey celebs


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 19, 2016)

Catch Me If You Pan - A romantic comedy in 20-year old Sophia gets a job as an extra on the set of a blockbuster zombie movie, where she quickly falls for Mariana, the happy-go-lucky camera operator tasked with filming most of her scenes.


----------



## May Kasahara (Nov 19, 2016)

Cow Voyager

A middle aged Friesian enjoys one last unlikely cruise ship romance.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 19, 2016)

_Dirty Lancing_

Lecherous dance instructor Patrick Swayze introduces dogging to a sleepy Sussex village.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 19, 2016)

_Bight Club_

Delusional Edward Norton thinks that Brad Pitt wants him to establish a late night venue in Heligoland.


----------



## mauvais (Nov 19, 2016)

Keeping the dogging connection going there I see.


----------



## May Kasahara (Nov 19, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Dirty Lancing_
> 
> Lecherous dance instructor Patrick Swayze introduces dogging to a sleepy Sussex village.



Or:

Dirty Lancing

Backstreet sporners' club goes too far.


----------



## mauvais (Nov 19, 2016)

_Mad Max: Bury Road_ - Maximilian attempts to negotiate the typical A56 rush hour congestion and make it on time to the Madness gig at Manchester Arena, 16 Dec, tickets still available.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 19, 2016)

mauvais said:


> _Mad Max: Bury Road_ - Maximilian attempts to negotiate the typical A56 rush hour congestion and make it on time to the Madness gig at Manchester Arena, 16 Dec, tickets still available.


See also:

_A Suggs Life_


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 19, 2016)

The Third Tan - Tragicomedy set in the 1970s. Having failed to bag herself a Spanish husband on her first two trips to Torremolinos, carefree Carla hopes it will be third time lucky as she jets off to her favourite holiday hotspot again with her best friend. Things look promising when she meets up with Mateo, a sexy wine bar waiter, and the pair agree to keep in contact when she returns to England. However her hopes of marriage are put in jeopardy when she is diagnosed with a malignant melanoma which the doctor attributes to excessive time spent sunbathing while on holiday. When Mateo learns of the news he starts planning for a surprise visit to England before events take a turn for the worst.


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 19, 2016)

House of Flying Laggers - When a massive construction project is halted, three thermal insulation engineers sharing temporary accommodation near the site decide to take up flying lessons to pass the time. Who will be the first to gain their licence and will they be able to put enough hours in before they're needed back on the job?


----------



## mauvais (Nov 19, 2016)

_Batman Re-Gins_: A surprise scratchcard win leaves Batman able to retire earlier than planned, and so quitting crimefighting, he settles down for an evening of relaxed drinking, only to find his traditional spirits supply has been diminished, probably by ladyburglars. Tonight he must venture out into Gotham and run the gauntlet of the now-burgeoning array of gins available, facing perhaps his most barbaric adversary to date: the tyranny of choice.


----------



## mauvais (Nov 19, 2016)

T.A. Confidential - Neo-noir army reservist drama in which Russell Crowe dedicates his spare weekends to camping with overweight men in the hope of finally realising his dream of fighting round the world <hoooonk>


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 19, 2016)

mauvais said:


> run the gimlet



FFY


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 19, 2016)

The Ipcress Tile

espionage and european locations ensue as one me tries to get some tiling done


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 19, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> The Ipcress Tile
> 
> espionage and european locations ensue as one me tries to get some tiling done


See also:

_Grout Of Africa_

Ex-pat Robert Redford is determined to prove to wife Meryl Streep his DIY abilities one Bank Holiday.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 19, 2016)

*Botham*
The England cricket legend turns his attention to battling American super villains.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 19, 2016)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *Botham*
> The England cricket legend turns his attention to battling American super villains.


The bat-man cometh


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 20, 2016)

bi0boy said:


> The Third Tan - Tragicomedy set in the 1970s. Having failed to bag herself a Spanish husband on her first two trips to Torremolinos, carefree Carla hopes it will be third time lucky as she jets off to her favourite holiday hotspot again with her best friend. Things look promising when she meets up with Mateo, a sexy wine bar waiter, and the pair agree to keep in contact when she returns to England. However her hopes of marriage are put in jeopardy when she is diagnosed with a malignant melanoma which the doctor attributes to excessive time spent sunbathing while on holiday. When Mateo learns of the news he starts planning for a surprise visit to England before events take a turn for the worst.


Odd Tan Out. 

Belfast girl on a night out discovers that her fake tan was defective. Climatic scene takes place in the Crown bar.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> Climatic scene



Extra rainy?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

_The Tan Who Wasn't There_

Loyalist militia man implicated in a massacre gets away with it with the help of a false alibi.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 20, 2016)

_The Tan Who Knew Too Much_

Auxiliary finds himself in . . . _sticky _situation.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 20, 2016)

_ Our Tan in Havana. _

Loyalist militia man holidays in Cuba - hijinks ensue, yadda, yadda, yadda.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

Idris2002 said:


> _The Tan Who Knew Too Much_
> 
> Auxiliary finds himself in . . . _sticky _situation.


I see what you did there


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 20, 2016)

_A Tan for All Seasons_

Black and Tan pioneers all weather gear for the fashion-forward state thug.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 20, 2016)

The Bong Goodbye

Marlowe picks up some phat shit at the tijuana border and smashes it through a homemade bong


----------



## blairsh (Nov 20, 2016)

The Nuntouchables -

Starring: Robbie Coltrane, Eric Idle, Whoopi Goldberg and Robert De Niro...


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 20, 2016)

The Untorchables - In England in 1556 a secret group of alchemist priests work to create a potion that can make them resistant to fire. When they learn that one of their number is to be burnt at the stake for great heresy, they can only hope that their efforts come to fruition in time.


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 20, 2016)

The Enfarcer

Ruthless maverick cop Brian Rix cleans up the mean streets of LA by making villians drop their trousers and run hilariously in an out of cupboards


----------



## belboid (Nov 20, 2016)

Rex and the City

A tyrannosaurus shares his unique perspective on the New York Dating scene.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 20, 2016)

The Dram Busters

a group of skilled alcoholics get together to defeat hitler by drinking him under the table in the very same munich beer hall that he launched his first abortive putsch from


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 20, 2016)

The May of the Triffids

PM Theresa May is transformed into a slowly lumbering lethally poisonous quasi-sentient vegetable.... (   _insert own punchline here_   )


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 20, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> The Dram Busters
> 
> a group of skilled alcoholics get together to defeat hitler by drinking him under the table in the very same munich beer hall that he launched his first abortive putsch from


Surprised it took us to page 92 for this one, tbh.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> The Bong Goodbye
> 
> Marlowe picks up some phat shit at the tijuana border and smashes it through a homemade bong


Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg are crowded round Judd Apatow's laptop as we speak


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

_The Irony Lady_

Turns out that Thatch didn't really mean any of that union-busting, privatising, sabre-rattling stuff, it was all just a bit of bantz that got out of control. No, really.


----------



## blairsh (Nov 20, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> _The Irony Lady_
> 
> Turns out that Thatch didn't really mean any of that union-busting, privatising, sabre-rattling stuff, it was all just a bit of bantz that got out of control. No, really.


...starring Alanis Morissette as Margaret!


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 20, 2016)

The Iron Lardy - When Mrs Weston bakes her usual batch of lardy cakes for the village fete, Josh Wheatly a new member of the parish who has recently moved up from London criticises them as being too heavy and old-fashioned, suggesting she might like to produce some cup cakes instead. Furious that anyone would question her traditional cooking, Mrs Weston has the blacksmith forge a replica cake out of pig iron. The sleepy village comes alive when she takes this round to Mr Wheatly's house and hurls it at his head.


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 20, 2016)

Miami Hice

....some upper class poshos buy a holiday home in Florida....


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 20, 2016)

The Tron Lady

Thatch is sucked into one of those massive computers from the 80s and must do battle againt foes like Lord Spreadsheet, Solitaire and Wordstar for Dos


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

_The Ion Lady_

Speculative fiction in which Margaret Hilda Roberts pursues a career not in chemistry, but in physics...


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

hot air baboon said:


> Miami Hice
> 
> ....some upper class poshos buy a holiday home in Florida....


----------



## bi0boy (Nov 20, 2016)

The Iron Lade - 1930s trade union drama set in a ferrous metals export dock in Hartlepool


----------



## belboid (Nov 20, 2016)

Whisky Gabore

The sad story of how Zsa Zsa's lil sis coped with her big sisters success.


----------



## rekil (Nov 20, 2016)

The Warm - Michael Caine battles a spell of unseasonably mild weather.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 20, 2016)

The iron laddy - film about teenage boxing sensation from govan


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 20, 2016)

Where Eagles Bare

faced with another humiliating wait at the dole queue in a post industrial northern town, Glenn Frey decides to get the band back together to do a tour in their all together.

_wins a sundance award and the guardian calls it a brave exploration of what it means to be a late middle aged man in modern britan._


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

_The Peasemaker_

George Clooney shows Nicole Kidman how to make the perfect accompaniment for gammon.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 20, 2016)

Ravity

George Clooney and Sandra Bullock are star-crossed lovers on the UK rave scene of the late '80s.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 20, 2016)

Turf Nazis Must Die

Irish Nazi Justin Barret tries to infiltrate rural turf-cutting community. Hijinks ensue as a motley crew of bachelor farmers organize against him. Stars Pat Short.


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 20, 2016)

^^^Blue Peater

by god the old man could handle a spade and swore like a drunken sailor while doing it...


----------



## belboid (Nov 20, 2016)

Jocky

A darts based remake of Sly's classic.


----------



## belboid (Nov 20, 2016)

Glue Velvet

A dressmakers life in small town America is either very boring or very strange.


----------



## belboid (Nov 20, 2016)

Plight of the Navigator


When the front seat passenger realises he has to completely refold a 25,000:1 OS map in the dark, danger lurks at every corner.


----------



## May Kasahara (Nov 20, 2016)

DotCommunist said:


> The Bong Goodbye
> 
> Marlowe picks up some phat shit at the tijuana border and smashes it through a homemade bong



I really want to see this film


----------



## May Kasahara (Nov 20, 2016)

hot air baboon said:


> The Enfarcer
> 
> Ruthless maverick cop Brian Rix cleans up the mean streets of LA by making villians drop their trousers and run hilariously in an out of cupboards





DotCommunist said:


> The Tron Lady
> 
> Thatch is sucked into one of those massive computers from the 80s and must do battle againt foes like Lord Spreadsheet, Solitaire and Wordstar for Dos





belboid said:


> Jocky
> 
> A darts based remake of Sly's classic.





belboid said:


> Plight of the Navigator
> 
> 
> When the front seat passenger realises he has to completely refold a 25,000:1 OS map in the dark, danger lurks at every corner.



And all of these


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 20, 2016)

Slight of the Navigator

One man is the only person to know how to use a sextant and a nautical map. Hilarity ensues because he is a bitingly sarcastic dickhead to the passengers


----------



## DotCommunist (Nov 20, 2016)

May Kasahara said:


> I really want to see this film


as DaveCinzano notes, it would be prime Seth Rogan material


----------



## JimW (Nov 20, 2016)

The Worse Whisperer - second string sotto vocce hits the silver screen.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 20, 2016)

Flight of Toe Navigator.

The story of a plane-phobic passenger who keeps the plane aloft via gripping the floor with bare feet, from their seat in Economy Class.


----------



## May Kasahara (Nov 20, 2016)

The 39 Sheps 

Collie confusion.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

_The Norse Whisperer_

Robert Redford plays a quiet Viking.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

_


May Kasahara said:



			The 39 Sheps 

Collie confusion.
		
Click to expand...


The 39 Shops_

Ripping yarn about a day spent in a mall.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 20, 2016)

_The Secrete Agent_

A spy's tradecraft suffers when the stress of the job causes him chronic pustule build up, leading him to ooze all over his dead letter boxes.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 22, 2016)

Che: Wolverine!

Things go badly for the Bolivian army when Guevara sprouts steel knives from his knuckles, and proceeds to tear them all a new asshole.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Nov 22, 2016)

Black Hawg Down.

An aging Hells Angel sets out on one last cross-country ride; but he keeps laying the Sportster on the pavement in a series of fender-benders.


----------



## rekil (Dec 2, 2016)

Rosco And His Brothers - Dukes Of Hazzard spinoff set in 60s Italy.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 2, 2016)

The Ciano: aristocrat bets on wrong pony in Italian political horse race.


----------



## Cid (Dec 2, 2016)

The hoarse whisperer - Robert Redford plays an unemployed heavy smoker struggling to find work in a world of vapes.


----------



## keybored (Dec 3, 2016)

The Morse Whisperer: .-. --- -... . .-. - / .-. . -.. ..-. --- .-. -.. / --. . - ... / ... --- .-. . / ..-. .. -. --. . .-. ... .-.-.-


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 3, 2016)

The Horse Whispered: the world is shocked when a horse starts speaking English.


----------



## A380 (Dec 3, 2016)

VestWorld

Very rich tourists pay to play in an environment that uses advanced robots to simulate the men's underwear department of Marks and Spencers.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 3, 2016)

_Tango, Ant, Cash_

Today was payday for tee-total formicophiles Kurt Russell and Sylvester Stallone, and boy do they intend to have fun


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 3, 2016)

The Glue Lagoon

castaways find themselves in a decidedly sticky situation


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 7, 2016)

Shaft's Big Scare

tough streetwise don't-take-no-jive-mother-fucker New York private dick Shaft wakes up in the night & has a nasty fright thinking his dressing gown hanging on the hook on the back of the bedroom is actually a big scary monster


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 7, 2016)

bestworld: a film version of voltaire's candide, starring yul brynner as pangloss


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 7, 2016)

Pickman's model said:


> bestworld: a film version of voltaire's candide, starring yul brynner as pangloss


You. I like you.


----------



## maomao (Dec 7, 2016)

Night of the Jiving Dead.

40s apocalyptic musical.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 7, 2016)

night of the laving dead: zombies in bath horror


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 7, 2016)

Night of the Living Head.

A disembodied floating strikes horror in the hearts of small rural community.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 7, 2016)

_Digby Goes Down_

Dan Dare's sidekick gets his own XXX spin-off


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 7, 2016)

The Night of the Bunter

Columbine style horror ensues as an obese owlish public shool-boy  - tipped over the edge by the non-appearance of a birthday postal-order - goes on a vengeance filled murder spree against his richer and more upper-class chums


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 7, 2016)

_XX Men_

The Marvel Cinematic Universe goes intersectional


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 7, 2016)

The Pound of Music

somebody downloads an Amazon mp3 track for £0.99


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 9, 2016)

The Pound of Music

Demented fascist poet chases Austrian family over an Alp.

"Chilling"


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 9, 2016)

The Hound of Music

one of Kate Bush's hounds ( the one on the left ) pursues a solo career


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 9, 2016)

AFK - In the summer of 1997 when a popular IRC channel operator goes missing, a group of disparate people from across America meet up in Boise, Idaho to try and find out where he went.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 9, 2016)

Night of the chunter: boring drunken monologue


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 9, 2016)

_The Sound Of Ru (Sic)_

Unexpurgated monologue by the well-known drag artist, whom we discover is prone to malapropisms


----------



## petee (Dec 9, 2016)

The 99 Steps

A man admits to himself that he's no longer as young as he used to be and takes an apartment on a lower floor.


----------



## JimW (Dec 9, 2016)

petee said:


> The 99 Steps
> 
> A man admits to himself that he's no longer as young as he used to be and takes an apartment on a lower floor.


_The 39 Stops_ - the night bus to Erith doesn't half drag on.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 9, 2016)

JimW said:


> _The 39 Stops_ - the night bus to Erith doesn't half drag on.



Third go on a single thread, not bad 



DaveCinzano said:


> _The 39 Stops_
> Recently returned from South Africa where he had been working as a mining engineer, Edwardian adventurer Richard Hannay falls asleep on the Circle Line, misses his stop and then has to do the whole circuit. Fin.


Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film



bi0boy said:


> 39 Stops - Railway Enthusiast Colin plans a great adventure, but which branch line offers the best benefit?


Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film


----------



## JimW (Dec 9, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> Third go on a single thread, not bad
> 
> 
> Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film
> ...


Bah humbug


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 10, 2016)

A Quantum of Sallis. Peter Sallis of Last of the Summer Wine and Wallace and Gromit fame plays himself as a bored off season actor who stumbles upon a portal between alternate worlds


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 10, 2016)

The 39 Stews: behind the scenes at a country fair chili competition.


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 10, 2016)

The 39 Stephs - Chris Weitz directs this portmanteau romantic comedy, we follow
a series of romantic blunders by nearly 40 different middle class London women called Steph as they slowly head towards a mass intersection at a recruitment agents convention in Earls Court. Staring Carmen Ejogo, Racheal Weisz, and Emma Thompson


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 10, 2016)

The Sound of Busic - deeply moving Russian documentary from 2003 following autistic mute Sepjan Busic as he attempts to communicate with the blind tailor he wants to shorten his trousers so he can attend a chamber recital at the town mayor's home


----------



## JimW (Dec 10, 2016)

Dom Traynor said:


> The 39 Stephs - Chris Weitz directs this portmanteau romantic comedy, we follow
> a series of romantic blunders by nearly 40 different middle class London women called Steph as they slowly head towards a mass intersection at a recruitment agents convention in Earls Court. Staring Carmen Ejogo, Racheal Weisz, and Emma Thompson


The 39 Streps - an outbreak of sore throats among key war officials suggests dastardly German subterfuge.


----------



## rekil (Dec 10, 2016)

The 39 SST Eps - flannel heavy espionage thriller centred around the US 80s pop music scene.


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 10, 2016)

Dom Traynor said:


> The 39 Stephs - Chris Weitz directs this portmanteau romantic comedy, we follow
> a series of romantic blunders by nearly 40 different middle class London women called Steph as they slowly head towards a mass intersection at a recruitment agents convention in Earls Court. Staring Carmen Ejogo, Racheal Weisz, and Emma Thompson


"Edges slowly away from Dom Traynor, while also being careful to avoid eye contact".


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 10, 2016)

The 39 Stews - Alfie cooks up a treat for the chaps of No. 10 squadron returning to RAF Dishforth after a bombing raid on Cologne. The most popular item on the menu proves to be his beef stew, but with only 39 helpings to serve 40 men, someone will have to be the odd one out. Hilarity ensues as everyone scrambles for a bowl full.	However in the following days and weeks the terrible implications of the night's high jinks become clear.


----------



## Septimus Rufiji (Dec 10, 2016)

IT

the tender study of a tech support consultant's slow descent from the merely surly to outright sociopathy when users constantly interupt his game playing and almost wilfully fail to understand simple instructions.


----------



## petee (Dec 10, 2016)

_The 39 Stups_

Alfred Hitchcock directs Harry Reems in this thriller about a man in search of the McGuffin, if you know what I mean.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 10, 2016)

The Thirty Pine Steps: do-it-yourself video gives instruction on building a staircase at the summer cabin.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 10, 2016)

_From Shere To Eternity_

A British _Falling Down_-style 'decline of the middle classes' satire, with sales executive Michael Sheen getting really rather peeved whilst stuck in gridlocked traffic just outside of Guildford.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 10, 2016)

From Herb, To Eternity.

A group of teenagers procure a bag of super-potent marijuana, then smoke their faces off to the point where they think that they are seeing God.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 11, 2016)

_Yeast Of Eden_

In pre-WWI California, precocious young mrs quoad dreams of becoming a master baker - and with America's looming entry into the war it looks like that could become true, if only he could persuade the quartermaster-general to approve his application to become exclusive provider of sour dough to the boys on the front line...


----------



## JimW (Dec 11, 2016)

_The Thirsty Nine Steps_ - a militant alcoholic develops a programme that can fight AA with fire.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 11, 2016)

_Das Bolt_

Gritty German film showing the darker side of ironmongery


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 11, 2016)

Fantastic Beats and where to Find them. follow Grandmaster Flash on a journey through the second hand record stores of New York


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 11, 2016)

Fas' Boot. Drug runners from Argentina run bales of coke into Southern Florida in Cigarette boats.


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 11, 2016)

Hog Soldiers

unimaginable horror as the dreaded were-pigs go on the warpath


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 11, 2016)

Carrim - an ISIS agent possessing psychokinetic powers wreaks havoc without using explosives.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 11, 2016)

Dull Metal Jacket: Sir Galahad gets angry at his squire when the unfortunate wretch neglects to polish Galahad's tarnished suit of armor.


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 11, 2016)

Dog Solders - whimsical yet disturbing short film using stop frame animation to show a plasticine dog making crazy inventions later stolen by his gormless human


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 11, 2016)

Fog Soldiers - The intrepid staff of the Meteorological Section Royal Engineers struggle to overcome a broken telegraph line to warn the trenches of the reduced visibility expected for tomorrow morning's offensive.


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 11, 2016)

Doge Soldiers - historical epic about Venetian mercenaries fighting pirates in the med.


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 11, 2016)

Doge Soldiers - such acting, wow, so dramatic, much plot


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 11, 2016)

_Dog's Ol' Piers_

A reality TV star turns his back on the world of bail bonds, and invests his money in seaside jetty restoration - only for werewolves to threaten the project.


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 11, 2016)

Meme, Noo - a placid office worker loses her cool after being assaulted by memes all day courtesy of her bored colleagues.


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 11, 2016)

Cite of God - While reading a student's essay, the Master of King's College comes across a reference so perfectly incorporated into the text that he becomes convinced it can only have come about due to divine inspiration. He summons the student to an extraordinary tutorial session which sets him on a path of spiritual discovery.


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 11, 2016)

In the waterfront 

Troubled stevedore Marlon Brando slips on a stick of butter and falls off a pier .


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 11, 2016)

A bride too far

Richard Attenborough directs this tale of bigamy where the man just had to have 10 wives, and hilarity ensues as the whole farce unravells. Dyer for protagonist


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 11, 2016)

ALFie

Jude Law stars as an anthropomorphic talking alien.


----------



## Kaka Tim (Dec 11, 2016)

_Citizen Kant_

Orson Welles ruthlessly accumulates  power and wealth through his critique of pure reason.


----------



## Kaka Tim (Dec 11, 2016)

_Twelve Donkeys
_
Bruce Willis in a time travelling/tail pinning Sci Fi thriller.


----------



## petee (Dec 11, 2016)

_Reservoir Hogs_

Michael Moore documentary on how the 1% exploit legal loopholes to take for themselves the water that properly belongs to everyone.


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 11, 2016)

2001 a Spice Odyessy .

Stunning visuals as Kubrick goes on the road with Scary, Baby, Posh etc for a farewell tour .


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 11, 2016)

Nonce upon a time in the west .

Docudrama follows Jimmy Saville on a sponsored fun run through Somerset .


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 11, 2016)

Doctor's Orange

A psychoanalyst is contacted by the Secret Service to begin emergency sessions on a patient in the White House whose code name is 'Orange'.


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 11, 2016)

A Clock Works or Ange  -  A destitute repairer of timepieces finds himself in a difficult situation when his new girlfriend, Angela, invites him to travel to Rome to meet her parents for the first time. A wealthy customer has set a deadline for the return of his broken carriage clock, and it looks like there won't be time to do both.


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 11, 2016)

Fridge over the River Kwai .

Heartwarming tale of how some kindly Japanese guards hand out chilled beverages to parched tommies in the midst of glorious summer afternoon .


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 11, 2016)

Gownfall

Stunned silence  in the bunker as Eva Brauns boobs fall out during an over energetic nazi salute .

Starring Barbara Windsor .


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 11, 2016)

Rogue Ono: A Star Wars Story

Turns out that Yoko was the Empress of an evil intergalactic empire, after all.


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 11, 2016)

Ricky

Sid Owen stars as the plucky boxer from the mean streets nobody reckons has a chance to defy the odds . Wife shouts a lot , all goes dreadfully wrong for him.  total failure .

At everything .






Ricky 2 ...more depressing failure

Ricky 3 ..fail city..not even close

Ricky 4...just give up Ricky ffs.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 11, 2016)

Shoater: a veterinarian specializes in helping pregnant sows with their delivery throughout the Cotswolds.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 11, 2016)

Casually Red said:


> Ricky
> 
> Sid Owen stars as the plucky boxer from the mean streets nobody reckons has a chance to defy the odds . Wife shouts a lot , all goes dreadfully wrong for him.  total failure .
> 
> At everything .



Ahem.

Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 11, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> Ahem.
> 
> Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film



I see. You anticipated the post I was going to make . That's some David Blaine shit right there.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 11, 2016)

Crocky - rocky comes out of retirement to fight for the geriatrick world title


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 11, 2016)

ROC Key - In this alternate history, the key to an ancient tomb is captured by forces loyal to Chiang Kai-shek during the Chinese civil war. Legend has it that whoever opens the door will be the commander of the thousands of undead warriors lying behind it. Will they be enough to defeat Mao and his communist army?.


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 11, 2016)

Munch

Chilling true story of how Mossad and Black September operatives decide to sit down and settle their differences over a pizza .


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 11, 2016)

Eunich - a decathlete accidentally castrates himself during the 100-metre hurdles at the 1972 Olympics.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 11, 2016)

Casually Red said:


> I see. You anticipated the post I was going to make . That's some David Blaine shit right there.


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 11, 2016)




----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 11, 2016)

Green Streep

long overdue re-make of geezer-noir classic...Hollywood diva Meryl Streep drops out of her theatrical run at the Old Vic & all the rest of actor-luvvie-hollywood crap for the more authentic life of a tooled up East London hoolie - Stanley-wielding terrace terror Meryl "The Peril" shows Dyer and Oldman whose boss....


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 12, 2016)

Touching the Roid

a mountaineer endures extraordinary human suffering on a climbing expedition as his piles play up something rotten


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 12, 2016)

The Fast and The Curious

abstention from mortal mans dietry requirments leads one hunger-addled monk to start wondering whats going on


----------



## rekil (Dec 12, 2016)

The Plaice Beyond The Pines - Determined to support his new family, blank faced carnie beefcake takes a job in a fish market situated behind a pub called The Pines.


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 12, 2016)

The Fast and Thy Furious - Biblical epic in which God watches as his favourite visionary, Jeromiah the Slave, goes without food for 40 days and 40 nights, and consequently inspires a mob of furious Canaanites to join him in a rebellion.


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 12, 2016)

Torching the Void - A pair of gifted quantum physics students in Lucerne manage to accidentally a chain reaction that threatens to destroy everything that ever was or could be.


----------



## petee (Dec 13, 2016)

The Kidders

two professional gag-men come into town and slay everyone with laughter


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 13, 2016)

_Nah_

Short biblical epic starring Russell Crowe as a man who receives instructions from god to build a big boat in preparation for a massive flood, but can't be arsed.


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 14, 2016)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Nah_
> 
> Short biblical epic starring Russell Crowe as a man who receives instructions from god to build a big boat in preparation for a massive flood, but can't be arsed.


Directed by Shane Meadows and set outside Nottingham


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 14, 2016)

Lorna Do One

someone is quite rude to Lorna

Last Qango in Paris

following the election of Marie Le Pen as French president in a Russian election hacking scandal & the ensuing Frexit referendum vote then EU institutions start to withdraw from the former City of Light...including Marlon Brando's controversial scene with Vicki Michelle of Ello Ello involving a large baguette and a stick of celery ...


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 20, 2016)

Trollerball.

Insanely violent comedy in which a gang of internet trolls are chased around an arena by very angry people mounted on rollerskates and motorbikes.


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 20, 2016)

Wangs of New York

an american take on the 'confessions of..' bawdy comedies


----------



## JimW (Dec 20, 2016)

Silly - Eastwood's latest aviation biopic is at least  honestly titled.


----------



## Idris2002 (Dec 21, 2016)

M.A.T.H.

Documentary following some Korean students as they compete in the International Math Olympiad.

International Mathematical Olympiad - Wikipedia


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 22, 2016)

Rogue Bone - Son of an obsequious butler rebels against his father's servitude and becomes a leading anarchist, threatening to bash the rich.


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 22, 2016)

The mild geese

A gang of mercenaries head for darkest Africa, try not to make a fuss , ask why we cant all just get along , and then go home .


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 22, 2016)

The wily geese

Gang of mercenaries get paid to undertake a dangerous mission in darkest Africa. They stick the money in their arse pockets and hide out in Torremolinos, getting a tan and think up a plausible  excuse .


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 22, 2016)

_The Wild Geeze_

Danny Dyer gets, like, pwopah nawty after boshing too much ayahuasca.


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 22, 2016)

The Wold Geese - bunch of ex soldiers have fun with an office team building group outside a conference centre in the Lincolnshire Wolds


----------



## Dom Traynor (Dec 22, 2016)

The Weld Geese - a disturbed welder in the West Midlands does unspeakable things to water fowl


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 22, 2016)

The Men Who Stare at Moats

as the Hundred Years War drags on ennui sets in amongst the guards on the battlements during the Siege of Orleans


----------



## Sea Star (Dec 22, 2016)

The Men Who Stare at Goans:

South Indian documentary


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 22, 2016)

The men who scare at goats

Bunch of cunts giving goats heart attacks by running up behind them and shouting " boo !!"


----------



## eoin_k (Dec 22, 2016)

_The Men who Stare at Boats_: top gear for the likes of twentythreedom


----------



## Septimus Rufiji (Dec 22, 2016)

Kremlins

Larks aplenty when someone feeds Vladimir Putin after midnight


----------



## Sea Star (Dec 22, 2016)

The Men Who Stare at Gorts.
Strange off kilter sequel to the day the earth stood still, where, 60 years after the original Gort visitation, many Gorts arrive on earth, and stand, and wait, and stare. In retaliation Washington send many specially trained men to stand and stare back at the Gorts, using all their psychic power to make them go home again.
Rated as one of the most tedious and pointless films of all time.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 22, 2016)

the men who stare at groats. film about men who through the power of their minds can change coins from groats to shillings


----------



## Sea Star (Dec 22, 2016)

Pickman's model said:


> the men who stare at groats. film about men who through the power of their minds can change coins from groats to shillings


been done 
Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 22, 2016)

Lice of Brian

Monty Python's wacky satire on the less palatable aspects of social conditions in the ancient middle east...including Terry Gilliam's inimitable animated giant louse landing on Graham Chapman from a great height...


----------



## Sea Star (Dec 22, 2016)

Nestworld:
'Terminator' meets 'The Birds'.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 22, 2016)

_Ale Inns_

After the horrors of her time aboard the Nostromo, Ellen Ripley goes on a voyage to visit every CAMRA-endorsed pub in the galaxy


----------



## twentythreedom (Dec 22, 2016)

eoin_k said:


> _The Men who Stare at Boats_: top gear for the likes of twentythreedom


Guilty


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 22, 2016)

The Fart and the Furious.

Unfortunate parishioner with flatulence problems keeps passing wind in church.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 22, 2016)

Itchfinder general
In the days of the English civil war Matthew hopkins scratches other people's backs


----------



## Sea Star (Dec 23, 2016)

Wild Goats:
After mistakenly receiving a large amount of money, a woman (Shirley MacLaine) and her best friend (Jessica Lange) travel to the Canary Islands for a fun-filled adventure. With goats.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 23, 2016)

_Go Teal, The Spartans_

Gruff team coach Burt Lancaster is sceptical when young marketing expert Craig Wasson comes on board at one of Malta's leading football clubs and suggests the adoption of a pale blue strip.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 23, 2016)

Go Bell The Spartans.

Athenians draw straws: short straw-picker must go and affix bells around the necks of the rambunctious Spartans, so that civilized people will know when there are Spartans in the neighborhood. Chaos ensues.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 23, 2016)

The wild gees - the gee family,lost in the outback, turn feral


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 23, 2016)

The Wild Meese. Ed Meese, lost in the Outback, turns feral.


----------



## Casually Red (Dec 23, 2016)

Grans Torino

Nigel Farages mum drives round Dulwich in a fancy American car Trump gave him as a present, shouting racially offensive remarks to her neighbours  out the window and pointing a gun at them . Doesn't end well .


----------



## Septimus Rufiji (Dec 25, 2016)

Barry on Camping

Barry Chuckle shows viewers how to survive in the wilderness and demonstrates a hard-edged will to do whatever it takes to get the job done. The scene with the deer and the rock in which bloodlust overtakes the presenter will etch itself into the minds of those of a sensitive disposition.


----------



## Johnny Canuck3 (Dec 25, 2016)

A Christmas Carom. After getting drunk on egg nog laced with rum left out with cookies, Santa falls down the chimney of a pool hall, and proceeds to lose the sleigh and reindeer to Minnesota Fats in a game of Three Cushion Billiards.


----------



## Septimus Rufiji (Dec 25, 2016)

Barry on Screaming

Barry Chuckle is having recurring nightmares about _that_ incident with the deer. This film follows his journey to understand the nature of fear and how to overcome it.


----------



## Septimus Rufiji (Dec 25, 2016)

Barry on Don't Lose Your Head

Barry Chuckle has had a relapse and is finding it increasingly diffiult to stay calm in stressful situations. Aided by his brother Paul, Barry tries multiple ways to soothe his mind and come to terms with his previos actions.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 25, 2016)

_Barry On Up The Khyber_

The Proletarian Democracy International Brigade sorts out Afghanistan, with hilarious results. “Tora Bora me, Tora Bora you!”


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 27, 2017)

_A Lion Covenant_

Not content with fucking up the _Alien_ mythos, Ridley Scott takes a shit in CS Lewis' wardrobe with this unlicensed Aslan sequel


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 27, 2017)

_The Kong Of New York_

Christopher Walken pulls on a monkey suit and dances across the Manhattan skyline


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 27, 2017)

*The Rocky Corro Picture Show*
Mavis and Rita turn on Bet Gilroy before returning to their home planet


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 27, 2017)

*Dame of Thrones*
White Walkers aide, Diana Rigg pulls rank


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 27, 2017)

*V, Claudius*
The BBC just don't know when to let go


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 27, 2017)

*Deadgood*
Ian McShane stars in arguably the best show of all time.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 27, 2017)

*Star Wars: The Horse Awakens*
The rebels strike back against the evil empire with a CGI Shergar


----------



## A380 (May 28, 2017)

Jar Jar Land

A hapless amphibian finds and loses love in what seems like a gentle tribute to the golden age of Hollywood; till at the end he is shockingly revealed to be a Sith Lord controlling the galaxy.


----------



## Yossarian (May 28, 2017)

Ba La Land

A rosy-tinted look at life in Gwynedd during the golden age of Welsh-language cinema.


----------



## Cid (May 28, 2017)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *Star Wars: The Horse Awakens*
> The rebels strike back against the evil empire with a CGI Shergar





A380 said:


> Jar Jar Land
> 
> A hapless amphibian finds and loses love in what seems like a gentle tribute to the golden age of Hollywood; till at the end he is shockingly revealed to be a Sith Lord controlling the galaxy.



You'd think after 97 pages people might have grasped the rules.


----------



## Cid (May 28, 2017)

Roget & me

Penguin is to cease production of the thesaurus, Michael Moore wants answers.


----------



## Cid (May 28, 2017)

Speltbound

Documentary following the young contestants of the junior spelt baking word championships.


----------



## Cid (May 28, 2017)

Bowing for Columbine

An answer to the question 'silences, what do we think?'.


----------



## keybored (May 28, 2017)

*The Li-ion King*

Documentary about some bloke who invented a new sort of battery.


----------



## A380 (May 28, 2017)

Cid said:


> You'd think after 97 pages people might have grasped the rules.


I thought this was an anarchist forum...


----------



## Cid (May 28, 2017)

A380 said:


> I thought this was an anarchist forum...



Yes, and DaveCinzano mutually agreed a set of rules that we have to follow.


----------



## Cid (May 28, 2017)

Toonlight

Critically acclaimed coming-of-age film set in Newcastle.


----------



## Cid (May 28, 2017)

The jungle cook

Feature length Ray Mears documentary.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 28, 2017)

All Pied.

Zany wartime comedy with Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard, as SOE agents who fight the Nazis by throwing pies in their faces.


----------



## A380 (May 28, 2017)

La La Sand - Two lovers key up their woodwork before applying a primer.

La La Band - Two lovers work to keep a colliery brass ensemble together.

La La Hand - Two lovers try to work out what cards each has been dealt in a game of bridge.

La La Nand- Two lovers search for the missing O when dining on Portuguese inspired chicken.

La La Rand - Two lovers discuss the currency of South Africa.


----------



## starfish (May 28, 2017)

La La Mand.

Compelling true life drama of mad, mental Amanda Goradu. (Thats a made up name)


----------



## Dr. Furface (May 28, 2017)

Deadcool

Ryan Reynolds' wiseass superhero battles for the soul of The Fonz.


----------



## JimW (May 28, 2017)

Wonder Wyman - Ninety minutes of speculation on how Bill got away with it for all these years.


----------



## starfish (May 29, 2017)

Ponder Woman - Ninety minutes of speculation.


----------



## belboid (May 29, 2017)

Taywatch 


Lifesaving tales from Perth.


----------



## belboid (May 29, 2017)

Wander Woman. 

A woman asks three men for directions, with catastrophic consequences


----------



## A380 (May 29, 2017)

Wonder Women.

All of the women in my life.


----------



## A380 (May 29, 2017)

Spider Van

An arachnophobe's nightmare.


----------



## A380 (May 29, 2017)

Vat Man

A cash in hand builder's nightmare.


----------



## A380 (May 29, 2017)

Iron Min

Drip dry shirts.


----------



## bi0boy (May 29, 2017)

Maze Punner - an unfortunate member of an internet forum awakens in a rusty elevator with no memory of who they are, only to learn they've been delivered to the middle of an intricate maze, along with a large number of other forum members, who have been trying to find their way out of the ever-changing labyrinth, which is navigated by changing repeatedly a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film to open new doorways.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 14, 2017)

*Apocalypso*
Walls' new burrito-flavoured ice lollies clog up store freezer cabinets the world over.

*Wogan's Run*
In a parallel universe, Children in Need funding comes at a price.

*The Depanted*
Jack Nicholson looks on enthusiastically as Leo DiCaprio and Matt Damon take turns kegging each other.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 14, 2017)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *Apocalypso*
> Walls' new burrito-flavoured ice lollies clog up store freezer cabinets the world over.
> 
> *Wogan's Run*
> ...


Damn - DP pops up from nowhere with three-for-three!


----------



## dessiato (Jun 15, 2017)

*La La Wand *new Harry Potter film.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 15, 2017)

fantastic beasts and where to find them

documentary on the light entertainment stars and senior politicians of the 1970s


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 15, 2017)

*Fantastic Breasts and Where to Find Them*
Documentary looking at the impact of Internet porn on millennials


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 17, 2017)

Nine Bob Note said:


> *Fantastic Breasts and Where to Find Them*
> Documentary looking at the impact of Internet porn on millennials


Qv

_Paranorkal Activity_


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 17, 2017)

*Les Roseaux Sausages*
French gayers hold a BBQ to protest the war in Algeria


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 17, 2017)

*Along Came Golly*
Romantic comedy produced by the UK Independence Party.


----------



## poului (Jun 17, 2017)

*Run Lolz Run*

Millennials talk about why running's a bit of a laugh, really.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 17, 2017)

*Des Misérables*
He had the world at his feet, but the king of sport took a gamble on a light-hearted C4 afternoon gameshow...


----------



## TheHoodedClaw (Jun 17, 2017)

*Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mine*

Christ, I dunno. Mick McGahey and Arthur Scargill star in a complex meditation on memory about that time they had a torrid romance on the brushes down Polmaise Shaft 1, Level 3?


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 17, 2017)

*Goodbye, My Chips!*
Appeasing residents and enraging animal rights activists, one city council begin culling seagulls.


----------



## bi0boy (Jun 17, 2017)

La La Lard - a butcher and aspiring singer helps his customers get through the war by cheerily supplying them with his special lard from under the counter.


----------



## bi0boy (Jun 17, 2017)

Fanta Stick Beasts and Where to Find Them - Little Jimmy has a tantrum when his father decides to stop buying fizzy beverages. How will Jimmy be able to send off for all the promotional plastic models to compete his collection?


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 17, 2017)

*Wonder Wogan*

Terry W. fights crime with his trusty toupee of truth, and his blankety blank cheque book and pen.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 17, 2017)

*Super Dan*

DC meets DC Thomson in the grudge match of the century!


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 17, 2017)

Idris2002 said:


> *Super Dan*
> 
> DC meets DC Thomson in the grudge match of the century!


I'd buy that for a dollar!


----------



## Who PhD (Jun 18, 2017)

*A View to a Hill*
007 tours the English countryside.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 18, 2017)

Who PhD said:


> *A View to a Hill*
> 007 tours the English countryside.


*Coldfinger*
007 tours the English countryside


----------



## Who PhD (Jun 18, 2017)

DaveCinzano said:


> *Coldfinger*
> 007 tours the English countryside


*Toonraker*
007 tours Newcastle.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 18, 2017)

*Never Say Hever Again*
007 is _still_ touring the English countryside


----------



## Who PhD (Jun 18, 2017)

*A License to Pill*
007 turns his hand to running a large pop festival


----------



## Supine (Jun 18, 2017)

*License To Kilt*
Bond has made it to Scotland


----------



## belboid (Jun 18, 2017)

*License to Till*
Bond becomes a farmer.


----------



## JimW (Jun 18, 2017)

*Casio Royale*
Q makes Bond a very fancy calculator that doubles as a speedboat and shoulder-launched missile.


----------



## JimW (Jun 18, 2017)

*The Spy Who Moved Me*
On gardening leave after one inappropriate relationship too far 007 starts moonlighting with Pickfords.


----------



## xenon (Jun 18, 2017)

You only live twine.
Bond becomes obsessed with the stability of his climbing plants.


----------



## Balbi (Jun 18, 2017)

Raging Bulb

A GMO on daffodils goes horribly wrong.


----------



## xenon (Jun 18, 2017)

Sky fail.
Q's  New parachute design is somewhat problematic.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 18, 2017)

JimW said:


> *Casio Royale*
> Q makes Bond a very fancy calculator that doubles as a speedboat and shoulder-launched missile.


Beaten to the punch I'm afraid


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 19, 2017)

DaveCinzano said:


> Beaten to the punch I'm afraid


OTHER KID CARPET ALBUMS ARE AVAILABLE

Kid Carpet


----------



## Who PhD (Jun 19, 2017)

*THe World Is Hot Enough*
Bond teams up with Leonardo Di Caprio and Al Gore to warn us all of the dangers of climate change.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 20, 2017)

*How to Train Your Dagon.*

Lovecraftian kid's horror movie.


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 20, 2017)

star trek ii: the rath of khan

the crew of the enterprise find khan living in a world remarkably similar to medieval ireland.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 20, 2017)

*Michael Rollins*

Hank's ancestor takes on the Tans in 1920s Ireland.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 20, 2017)

*Bogans' Run*

Haze, Beejay and Nevaeh run out of tinnies for their barbie - but it's the work of a moment to fire up their trusty Holden V8 and head for the nearest bottle shop.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 20, 2017)

*The Wild Geeks*

Bill Gates & Co. spread a reign of terror throughout Africa.


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 20, 2017)

the mild geese

mercenaries offered a contract to bring down an african government; they turn it down and go to afternoon tea instead


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 20, 2017)

*The Wily Geese*

Burton & Co. take money from both sides in the conflict, then put their feet up and crack open a few cold ones.


----------



## JimW (Jun 20, 2017)

The Wild Gees
Lifting the lid on the Bacchanalian doings of the brothers Gibb.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 20, 2017)

*The Wild Gees*

Shocking expose of Ireland's shadowy pubic hair underworld.


----------



## rubbershoes (Jun 21, 2017)

*Fratliners
*
John Belushi and pals chug loads of brewskis and try to get laid on the QE2 and  Queen Mary


----------



## May Kasahara (Jun 21, 2017)

rubbershoes said:


> *Fratliners
> *
> John Belushi and pals chug loads of brewskis and try to get laid on the QE2 and  Queen Mary



I want to see this film.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 21, 2017)

*Toy Tory*

Disturbing horror in which Gove, May and Johnson are turned into toy-like, life-size dolls by an insane taxidermist.


----------



## Yossarian (Jun 21, 2017)

*Tory! Tory! Tory!*

A lot of things go down in flames after fanatical nationalists launch a surprise attack.


----------



## ElizabethofYork (Jun 21, 2017)

*Duck Coup*

Waterfowl take over the world, with hilarious results.


----------



## rubbershoes (Jun 21, 2017)

*The Longest May
*
Narnia rip off film.  It's always May and never June


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 21, 2017)

A Bridge Too Far I.

Reggae legend Prince Far I serenades the troops.


----------



## bi0boy (Jun 21, 2017)

Transformers: The Last Night

Supplied with faulty electrical infrastructure, the first team to climb the Martian volcano, Olympus Mons, face an uncertain future without power. In the face of adversity they decide to host the party to end all parties.


----------



## bi0boy (Jun 21, 2017)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Lead Men Tell No Tales

Documentary about he prevalence of heavy metal poisoning amongst 18th century sailors Caribbean caused by contaminated rum.


----------



## bi0boy (Jun 21, 2017)

Diary of a Limpy Kid: The Long Haul

Tedious 3 hour yarn about a crippled kid trying to do a Forest Gump


----------



## Yossarian (Jun 27, 2017)

I Know What You Bid Last Summer

"Best auctioneering thriller since Blazing Gavels."


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 27, 2017)

Yossarian said:


> "Best auctioneering thriller since Blazing Gavels."



Well, since _Lovejoy Luck Club_ at least.


----------



## May Kasahara (Jun 27, 2017)

_Jackie Frown_

Adventures while signing on/appealing a parking ticket.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 27, 2017)

Bellraiser

the exciting job of being a fluffer


----------



## bi0boy (Jun 27, 2017)

A bone in Berlin

A girl discovers a bone in Berlin, in the grounds of her school. This awakens the demon prince of Zakatosaosh and launches a titanic struggle for control of the cosmos.


----------



## rubbershoes (Jun 27, 2017)

DotCommunist said:


> Bellraiser
> 
> the exciting job of being a fluffer




Or 90 minutes of non stop campanology


----------



## rubbershoes (Jun 27, 2017)

Dour Lions

Would-be suicide bombers fail to smile at anything


----------



## rubbershoes (Jun 27, 2017)

No country for old Len

Len Hutton's citizenship is revoked  and he spends  the next 18 years at East Midlands Airport


----------



## mod (Jun 27, 2017)

Elfie (1966)

We follow our protagonist Elfie (a small, supernatural creature with pointed ears and magical powers) around 1960's London as he womanises and schemes his way to poor health and a period of introspection. 

Avoid the 2004 remake staring Jude Law.


----------



## hot air baboon (Jun 29, 2017)

May of the Dead

Streepesqe political biopic meets disturbing post apocalyptic horror as the blasted corpse of a former PM defies death to spread alarm across the land - followed by a moaning, shambling retinue of rotting remains in pin stripe rags risen from the political graveyard ( Tebbitt, Heseltine, Major, Patton


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 29, 2017)

bi0boy said:


> A bone in Berlin
> 
> A girl discovers a bone in Berlin, in the grounds of her school. This awakens the demon prince of Zakatosaosh and launches a titanic struggle for control of the cosmos.


Atone in Berlin.

Young Germans find out what Grandad _really _did in the war, and proceed to flagellate themselves for several hours. "Harrowing".


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 29, 2017)

The Foreigners


Jackie Chan comes to england to re-unite the band because he fucking loves that cold as ice song


----------



## JimW (Jun 29, 2017)

A Fielding England - odd little arthouse effort that consists entirely of a view of Joe Roots arse in the slips during Pakistans second innings in the third test.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 29, 2017)

*Br. No*
007 easily locates Spectre's secret layer in the Czech Republic.

*From Russia with Gove*
Schools throughout the land are issued copies of Dr Zhivago, foreworded by Michael Gove.

*Goldminger*
Made for TV documentary by Channel 5, looking at ugly people who buy jewellery from Argos.

*Thunderwall*
Noel Gallagher attempts a second remake of the Bond classic featuring endless Beatles references and casual homophobia.

*You Only Jive Twice*
If you thought the fifth installment of 007 was racist enough, you were wrong.


----------



## hot air baboon (Jun 29, 2017)

Last Bexit to Brooklyn

a hapless UK trade negotiator with a penchant for spoonerism inadvertantly misses the chance to book Lynn - his PA - on a flight to Brussels, unbeknownst to his wife, for a weekend sojourn on the last day of brexit negotiations.


----------



## Buddy Bradley (Jul 4, 2017)

Ni By Mouth

Ray Winstone knocks Kathy Burke around while demanding a shrubbery.


----------



## hot air baboon (Aug 7, 2017)

Argos - the CIA hatch an elaborate mission to rescue innocent civillians caught up in a truly terrible retail experience


----------



## Dom Traynor (Aug 7, 2017)

Cool Punnings 

Jamaican verbal gymnastics team do surprisingly (to racists) well at world pun championships in Switzerland.


----------



## Pickman's model (Aug 7, 2017)

wander woman
superheroine on a trek


----------



## Dom Traynor (Aug 7, 2017)

Mon Air

Jamaican prisoner transport plane gets hijacked and crashes on a totally tropical beach.


----------



## Yossarian (Aug 7, 2017)

Do the Wight Thing.

Tensions boil over and shit gets real on a hot summer's day in Ryde.


----------



## hot air baboon (Aug 7, 2017)

Wogan

an innocent sheep-slaughtering werewolf tries to deal with their horrendous secret - uncontrollable urges to put on a bad hair-piece & act like an oleaginously self-deprecating, blarney-spinning light entertainer


----------



## Riklet (Aug 9, 2017)

Dine Hard

Massive Christmas shnackathon with some cheeky British villian playing classical music and stuff


----------



## DaveCinzano (Aug 9, 2017)

_Dunc Irk_

Performance art film inspired by Alan Clark's _Elephant_, in which hidden surveillance teams follow an unwitting subject, the former _Blue Peter_ presenter Peter Duncan, around for a whole day, as actors pretending to be ordinary members of the public continuously stop him as he goes about his business to tell him that they “always preferred John Noakes”.


----------



## hot air baboon (Aug 9, 2017)

..marks awarded for effort...


----------



## Pickman's model (Aug 9, 2017)

Lost exit to Brooklyn

Stanley Edwards in new york


----------



## Pickman's model (Aug 9, 2017)

Des' boot
Des Lynham goes to the shoe shop


----------



## belboid (Aug 9, 2017)

Fun Kirk

Unbeknownst to many, Mr Douglas was actually a hilarious prankster. Lee Evans recreates many of those pranks in this rib-tickling biopic.


----------



## belboid (Aug 9, 2017)

Pun Kirk

Unbeknownst to many,,,,


----------



## belboid (Aug 9, 2017)

Gun Kirk

No, actually it's a serious documentary about the need for gun control.


----------



## belboid (Aug 9, 2017)

Tun Kirk


Documentary about an obscure church in Orkney


----------



## hot air baboon (Aug 9, 2017)

Dun Firk

Firky decides to hang up the trolling pants & retire to a cottage in the country


----------



## hot air baboon (Aug 9, 2017)

The Amdrameda Strain

an over-enthusiastic thesp suffers an unfortunate medical mishap during a particularly energetic rendition of the knife fight in the Surbiton Players production of West Side Story


----------



## T & P (Aug 10, 2017)

La Va Land

An aspiring volcanologist hoping to become the world's foremost expert on Mount Vesuvius falls in love with a musician plying his trade in Naples.


----------



## JimW (Aug 10, 2017)

Dub Kirk - 
Young Wee Free minister Ally McGraw has a massive sound system and an unconventional plan to liven up Sunday services.


----------



## hot air baboon (Nov 5, 2017)

666 squadron

Hammer Films present : devil worshipping dambusters


----------



## Ho Chi Ming (Nov 5, 2017)

Shallow Gravy

Three friends become increasing paranoid in this taut thriller centering on a Sunday pub lunch with a disappointingly tiny gravy boat.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Nov 6, 2017)

Ho Chi Ming said:


> Shallow Gravy
> 
> Three friends become increasing paranoid in this taut thriller centering on a Sunday pub lunch with a disappointingly tiny gravy boat.


I heard that it got slated


----------



## Yossarian (Nov 6, 2017)

Cool Rand Luke

A rebellious inmate runs afoul of prison authorities while serving time for beating the shit out of US Sen. Rand Paul.


----------



## Yossarian (Nov 6, 2017)

Yappy Death Day

Trapped inside an isolated dog-breeding facility by a natural disaster, workers discover that if they get hungry enough, Pomeranians and Chihuahuas can do worse than just annoy.


----------



## Yossarian (Nov 6, 2017)

Blade Runner 2009

In dystopian Los Angeles, a government agent uses his fancy new iPhone to try and find rogue replicants by checking their postings on emerging social media sites Facebook and Twitter.


----------



## JimW (Nov 6, 2017)

Thora: Ragnarok
The PC-gone-Mad BBC force a beloved national treasure to promote paganism on Songs of Praise in their relentless quest for so called diversity.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 6, 2017)

Yossarian said:


> Cool Rand Luke
> 
> A rebellious inmate runs afoul of prison authorities while serving time for beating the shit out of US Sen. Rand Paul.


perhaps inspired by this story


----------



## Johnny Doe (Nov 6, 2017)

Classie

A Collie undergoes a ladette to lady transformation, ultimately winning Crufts

(credit the missus)


----------



## petee (Nov 6, 2017)

Beds
American comintern agent John Reed gets some much-needed shut-eye.


----------



## Ho Chi Ming (Nov 7, 2017)

Pickman's model said:


> the wand that shakes the barley
> 
> harry potter joins the ira during the tan war



There was I thinking how clever I was for just thinking of that.
Two years too late.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 7, 2017)

the faking of pelham 123

donald trump directs movie about fake terror attack on ny subway


----------



## Ho Chi Ming (Nov 7, 2017)

Blood on Stan's Claw.

Coronation street spin-off that sees Stan Ogden go a little too deep with the nail clippers on his big toe.


----------



## Ho Chi Ming (Nov 8, 2017)

Les.

Troubled schoolboy befriends Leslie Phillips but tragedy strikes after the stake of an unplaced bet is squandered on brilliantine.


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 16, 2017)

Beverly Hills Copt

not unlike the original but involving a member of the Egyptian police force


----------



## DotCommunist (Dec 16, 2017)

hot air baboon said:


> Beverly Hills Copt
> 
> not unlike the original but involving a member of the Egyptian police force


Are we sure that the notoriously persecuted egyptian copts are allowed to be policemen?


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 16, 2017)

_Kinder Garden Cop_

After an unpleasant run-in with an intolerant park keeper, mild-mannered horticulturalist Arnold Schwarzenegger begins a petition to politely ask for more sensitivity training for his local council's municipal gardeners.


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 16, 2017)

DotCommunist said:


> Are we sure that the notoriously persecuted egyptian copts are allowed to be policemen?



_The numbers of Copts accepted to military and police academies, judiciary posts, diplomatic corps, and university teaching posts are limited to a one to two percent quota. _

Copts in Egypt: Situation and Policy Recommendations

a fine opportunity for some feelgood Hollywood-style syrup on religous diversity before the end credits roll I'd say  ( we laugh, we cry and hey, we go home just that little bit morally improved )


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 17, 2017)

_Copt And A Half_

Burt Reynolds plays an Egyptian Christian who dreamed of being a police officer, but found himself frozen out of a life in blue by an arbitrary quota system, so instead opened a craft ale pub.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Dec 17, 2017)

_Cup Land_

After an accident with a bull during a work experience placement in a pottery, lifelong amateur ceramicist Sylvester Stallone loses his place on the vaunted Royal Doulton porcelain programme, so decides instead to open up his own paint-your-own-mug cafe.


----------



## The Fornicator (Dec 17, 2017)

Spaceyballs

A goofy comedy about sexual urgings at the Old Vic.


----------



## hot air baboon (Dec 17, 2017)

Mx Vicar - hardened bank robber questions his gender identity & plots a daring break-in to Holloway prison


----------



## hot air baboon (Jan 3, 2018)

Torah! Torah! Torah!

kamikaze rabbis - Woody Allen helms in a strong return to form


----------



## The Fornicator (Jan 3, 2018)

Last Mango in Paris

Documentary exploring new applications for this exotic fruit


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 19, 2018)

_Dead Pol_
Snarky po-mo biopic of Brother Number One, all comic book violence and fourth-wall breaking and unreliable narration-from-the grave


----------



## agricola (May 19, 2018)

Run

Akira Kurosawa directs. Takashi Shimura plays the lead role as an elderly ex-sprinter whose focus is now on his family; Toshiro Mifune plays his son, the great hope of Japanese athletics but whose wild living and barefoot tendencies threaten to destroy everything his father holds dear.  Tatsuya Nakadai completes the cast as Shimura's badminton-obsessed neighbour.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 20, 2018)

_Ran, Lola, Ran_

Franka Potente stars in a fast-paced, shogun-flavoured, gender-blind take on _King Lear_


----------



## porp (May 20, 2018)

_Mither India_

Nargis gets into debt in post-independence rural India and cant stop moaning about it


----------



## Dr. Furface (May 20, 2018)

Avengers: Infinity Wart

Marvel superheroes battle to save the universe from a monstrous skin growth


----------



## dessiato (May 20, 2018)

Mr Who. A time travelling surgeon fights aliens to saverify the world.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 20, 2018)

When Harry let Sally

pegging hilarity ensues


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 20, 2018)

Wary Poppins

There is something very odd about the Banks family and their new nanny is right to be  alarmed.


----------



## rekil (May 20, 2018)

Mr. Gurner. A 3 hour long biopic of the 19th century's pre-eminent competitive face puller.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 20, 2018)

American Ginster

The story of how a pastie company conquered the New World. 

(I know, one letter)


----------



## dessiato (May 20, 2018)

Mine Songs. Welsh miners' choir rehearse for a competition, but cannot agree which to perform.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 20, 2018)

Lawn of the Planet of the Apes

The Voyage of the Lawn Treader

Red Lawn

Zulu Lawn

For some reason films about keeping grass short are popular.


----------



## dessiato (May 20, 2018)

Bande a Party. A group of people in a French band celebrate.


----------



## dessiato (May 20, 2018)

City of Angles. A place that mathematicians aspire to upon their demise.


----------



## dessiato (May 20, 2018)

Buffy the Vampire Player. An actress takes on the role of a vampire hunter/killer by dressing as a vampire to infiltrate their world.


----------



## dessiato (May 20, 2018)

Lesbian Vampire Skiller, LGBT film about vampires being given training in life skills.


----------



## Grump (May 20, 2018)

Full Metal Jocket. A film about a platoon of soldiers lost in Glasgow.


----------



## Grump (May 20, 2018)

Priscilla Queen of the Dessert. About a woman not to be trifled with.


----------



## Grump (May 20, 2018)

Of Mace and Men. About chaps working in a small convenience store.


----------



## mojo pixy (May 20, 2018)

The Expense. The adventures of several factions in and around a cutting-edge accountancy firm.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 20, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> American Ginster
> 
> The story of how a pastie company conquered the New World.
> 
> (I know, one letter)


As OP I grant you a pass


----------



## Grump (May 20, 2018)

James and the Giant Poach. He goes to an orchard and....


----------



## Grump (May 20, 2018)

Enema mine. Don't ask.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 20, 2018)

Grump said:


> Of Mace and Men. About chaps working in a small convenience store.


Of mince and men - drama about a man's quest to cook the perfect spag bol


----------



## Idris2002 (May 20, 2018)

Peon

Jean Reno plays a peon.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 20, 2018)

The Good, the Cad, and the Ugly

Terry Thomas is a cad in the old West. (I would watch this, actually)


----------



## JimW (May 21, 2018)

Black Pant Hero - T'Challa rises to be king of Wakanda thanks to his supercharged dark undercrackers.


----------



## dessiato (May 21, 2018)

JimW said:


> Black Pant Hero - T'Challa rises to be king of Wakanda thanks to his supercharged dark undercrackers.


And a porn version Black Pant Her


----------



## Yossarian (May 21, 2018)

Block Panther - Lego's latest superhero movie.


----------



## Mrs D (May 21, 2018)

Oh this is fun

Pacifier I'm 2 - A mother becomes anxious when her toddler strikes up an usual friendship with his imaginary talking pacifier.

Lawnmover man - A simple man struggles to obtain patent protection for his turf translocation machine.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 21, 2018)

The Fast Picture Show

Jeff Bridges, Timothy Bottoms and Cybil Shepherd come of age in a Texan town, really quickly.

See also Fast Tango in Paris, Fast Exit to Brooklyn, etcetera


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 21, 2018)

Fast of the Mohicans

Fat punk-rockers go on a diet


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 21, 2018)

Last and Furious

A constant loser gets angry

Last and Furious 2

again 

Last and Furious 3

and again


----------



## Yossarian (May 21, 2018)

Fast Times at Ridgemont Nigh - the fast times haven't arrived yet, but they are surely going to be here soon.


----------



## dessiato (May 21, 2018)

Sabot Age documentaty about classic French footwear.

Sale Rider, a film about a man who cycles around in shops looking for bargains.


----------



## dessiato (May 21, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> Last and Furious
> 
> A constant loser gets angry
> 
> ...


And again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and once more.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 21, 2018)

Farce Ten from Navarone

The tenth in a series of hilarious comedies from the Greek island with an oddly Italian name.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 21, 2018)

My Big Fat Greek Bedding

Who'd have thought that buying a high-tog duvet in Athens would have such hilarious results?

My Big Fat Greek Wadding

Who'd have thought that buying stuffing in Athens would have such hilarious results?

My Big Fat Greek Welding

Who'd have thought etc?

My Big Fat Greek Weeding

Who'd have etc?

My Big Fat Greek Wending

Who...?


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 21, 2018)

The Best Erotic Marigold Hotel

Hilarity ensues when rubber glove fetishists buy a hotel


----------



## Mrs D (May 21, 2018)

My Pig Fat Greek Wedding

Slapstick comedy involving a marriage in Athens and 40 lbs of lard.


----------



## Yossarian (May 22, 2018)

My Big Fat Dreek Wedding

An outdoor wedding in the north of Scotland in November was an unusual choice - and one they would soon come to regret.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 22, 2018)

Waving Private Ryan

Ryan is in the army and greets everybody alike, with hilarious results.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 22, 2018)

Saving Primate Ryan

Ryan is a Lowland Gorilla who is rescued, with hilarious results.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 22, 2018)

Statingrad

Overweight Russians fight off the Nazi invasion, without hilarious results.


----------



## JimW (May 22, 2018)

Long Wank To Freedom - not a lot else to do on Robben Island for 27 years.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 22, 2018)

JimW said:


> Long Wank To Freedom - not a lot else to do on Robben Island for 27 years.



I suspect that is a rich vein  of possibilities


----------



## Fez909 (May 22, 2018)

The Ham Busters

A squad of elite vegans strike at the heart of the enemy in CarnviWar II


----------



## JimW (May 22, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> I suspect that is a rich vein  of possibilities


Mostly been done pages and pages back but not that one unless I bollocksed up my search for "wank"


----------



## mod (May 22, 2018)

Hoodfellas

A romantic comedy based on the true story of a gang of BMX riding, crack cocaine dealers in Peckham who get infiltrated by the metropolitan Police.


----------



## dessiato (May 22, 2018)

Fop Gear. Clothing line for foppish car enthusiasts.


----------



## dessiato (May 22, 2018)

Pale Aider, Sickly first aider who scours the countryside for people needing help.

Pale Cider, light beverage for people wander in the countryside.

Pale Eider,  light coloured duck being bred for pillow and duvet filling.

Pale Hider, man wanders around the country hiding from others.

Pale Sider, man travels the plains repairing buildings using white coloured wood.

Pale Tider, a man wanders along the sea shore looking for people needing his help.

Pale Wider, man wanders around living off the land and getting fatter.

Pale Zider, man wanders around the west country drinking locall you produced alcoholic beverages.


----------



## dessiato (May 22, 2018)

Later Cake. Drug dealer goes on a hunt for a kidnapped girl and is drawn into a drugs war. He saves some cake for celebrating finding the girl.


----------



## Yossarian (May 22, 2018)

Yolo: A Star Wars Story

A look back at Han Solo, Chewbacca, and Lando Calrissian's days as obnoxious fraternity bros.


----------



## dessiato (May 22, 2018)

Jam on, jam on. Group of musicians get together to play music.


----------



## dessiato (May 22, 2018)

City of Cod, documentary about the fishing industry in Grimsby.


----------



## Fez909 (May 22, 2018)

God Cilla

Shortly after the death of a popular TV presenter, an archeological team finds a mysterious manuscript during the excavation of ancient Liverpudlian burial grounds. Could this indicate she was no mere mortal?


----------



## belboid (May 22, 2018)

Dean on Pete

Dean Saunders regales us with hilarious tales of his time with Peter Beardsley


----------



## SpookyFrank (May 22, 2018)

Lazy Bird

Saorsie Ronan can't even be bothered to act in this lifeless and utterly generic coming-of-age teen drama which somehow made everyone hail its director as the best thing since sliced Kubrick.

Oh wait, you said create an entirely _different _film_. _


----------



## Idris2002 (May 22, 2018)

Crooklyn

Saoirse Ronan gives the performance of her life as New York's Napoleon of Crime.


----------



## JimW (May 22, 2018)

Padding To N2 - Hugh Grant excels as a man walking to East Finchley in his slippers.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 23, 2018)

The Leg Movie


----------



## Idris2002 (May 23, 2018)

Moulin Pogue

Shane McGowan is a fancy showgirl in 1900s Paris.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 23, 2018)

The Battle of the Bugle.

Two buglers enter, one bugler leaves.


----------



## hot air baboon (May 25, 2018)

Funereal in Berlin

lugubrious tunesmith Leonard Cohen plays Germany


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 25, 2018)

Idris2002 said:


> Crooklyn
> 
> Saoirse Ronan gives the performance of her life as New York's Napoleon of Crime.


Too slow


----------



## Fez909 (May 25, 2018)

Spinal Gap

Based on the true story of a magician's sawing a woman in half trick gone wrong


----------



## rubbershoes (May 25, 2018)

Margo

Dodgy dealings and death in Minnesota. Starring Penelope Keith in a turquoise kaftan


----------



## rekil (May 25, 2018)

My Gassy Girl. Grief laden woman in Korean fart gag vehicle.


----------



## WouldBe (May 28, 2018)

The gins of Navarone


----------



## dessiato (May 28, 2018)

Brighton Dock. A documentary about the early days of Brighton marina before it became posh.

Brighton Sock. The surreal adventures of a pink sock.


----------



## dessiato (May 28, 2018)

.


----------



## WouldBe (May 29, 2018)

The food, the bad and the ugly. Film about cooking gone wrong. Would probably have worked better as a TV series.


----------



## JimW (May 29, 2018)

Fanny Hand Alexander - limited distribution on decency grounds stymied this deeply weirdSwedish pseudo-sequel to Edward Scissorhands.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 29, 2018)

*The Wild Meese
*
Edwin Meese, former member of the Reagan administration goes on wild 5-day bender.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 29, 2018)

the mild geese - former mercs swap heart-warming stories in a pub


----------



## Idris2002 (May 29, 2018)

The Wild Meese.

A herd of demented Elk, driven mad by confusion over the plural of "Moose", destroy a small Canadian town.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 29, 2018)

*Sold: A Star Wars Story*
Long-awaited sequel to Brewster's Millions. George Lucas has 20 years to spend $4 billion dollars on anything he fucking well likes.


----------



## WouldBe (May 30, 2018)

Stair trek - a home fitness video.
Stair trek the next generation - a home fitness video for kids.

Dre Who - a biopic of the rise of a rapper.


----------



## Nanker Phelge (May 30, 2018)

Debbie Does Callas

Debbie, Karoake queen, dreams of the day she can perform Maria Callas in her local pub


----------



## hot air baboon (May 30, 2018)

Cress of Iron

soldiers on the Russian Front supplement their meagre rations by growing water-cress ( contains mild peril & scenes of market gardening )


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 30, 2018)

*Third Cock from the Sun*
A downmarket tabloid's run of naked men on page three proves a great success


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 30, 2018)

*Mad Max: Fury Load*
Max nips behind the rig to, err, vent his frustrations


----------



## Grump (May 30, 2018)

Enter the Dragoon, the cavalry decide to learn Kung fu.


----------



## Grump (May 30, 2018)

Twelve Angy Hen, 'where you fucking going with my eggs'?


----------



## danny la rouge (May 30, 2018)

WouldBe said:


> Stair trek.


RTFT

Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film


----------



## Grump (May 30, 2018)

Winter's Bonk, early Juliette Lewis film about her dangerous search for a quick shag.


----------



## JimW (May 30, 2018)

_Form Russia With Love _- Alt-history flick where Ivan the Terrible defies his epithet by conducting the transformation of the Grand Duchy of Muscovy into the centralised state that persists to this day as a kind-hearted exercise in doing good to his fellow man.


----------



## hot air baboon (May 30, 2018)

Veet Me in St Louis

an overly hirsute American books a beauty session


----------



## Idris2002 (May 30, 2018)

The Magnificent Amber Sons

Proud father discovers that his male progeny have a curious amber glow.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 30, 2018)

_A Touch Of Evel_

A famous 1970s stunt motorcyclist receives a visit from Op Yewtree


----------



## Idris2002 (May 31, 2018)

Neet me in St. Louis

Disturbing journey to the heart of the incel nightmare.


----------



## Yossarian (May 31, 2018)

Grading Places

A wealthy white stock trader and a black street hustler have very different approaches to leaving TripAdvisor reviews.


----------



## Yossarian (May 31, 2018)

Ronan Holiday

After helping to bring down Harvey Weinstein and a lot of other media sleazeballs, Mr. Farrow enjoys some well-earned time off.


----------



## WouldBe (May 31, 2018)

Wizard of Oi - History of skinhead music. Contains scenes of sex, violence and explicit language.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 31, 2018)

Goon with the Wind

Secombe and Milligan gurn like madmen through the American civil war.


----------



## WouldBe (Jun 2, 2018)

Die Lard - a vegetarian tries to rid the world of meat products.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 2, 2018)

*Die Card*
A team of entrepreneurs begin producing a range of practical and efficient greetings cards.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 3, 2018)

*It's Always Runny in Philadelphia*
Health inspectors mount coordinated raids on a number of unsanitary fast food outlets.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 3, 2018)

*The Crow*
Elizabeth II shocks her loyal subjects by becoming a goth vigilante


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 3, 2018)

*Paced*
Tim and Daisy share a flat and are now hurtling towards fifty.


----------



## WouldBe (Jun 3, 2018)

Die Lard 2 - a fat berg bursts out of it's underground lair to wreak havoc on the streets of London. It's down to John McClean to sort it out.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 3, 2018)

Gore With the Wind

epic historical slasher film set against the background of the American civil war.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 3, 2018)

Cat and Moose

A very unorthodox Canadian police inspector is assigned to investigate a millionaire's mysterious death, helped by a giant talking moose.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 3, 2018)

Of Rice and Ben

documentary about the man behind Uncle Ben's rice products.


----------



## A380 (Jun 3, 2018)

Sea Star said:


> Cat and Moose
> 
> A very unorthodox Canadian police inspector is assigned to investigate a millionaire's mysterious death, helped by a giant talking moose.


I think I may have seen that on American cable.


----------



## Mrs D (Jun 3, 2018)

Tom, Bar Aider - A shy Christian student volunteers for a charity helping victims of the drinking culture amongst tourists in Magaluf.

Loses I Mon - An elderly Rasterfarian man struggles with self-identity and mental illness


----------



## Mrs D (Jun 4, 2018)

Once an S8 - a cunning school pupil converts an old Samsung phone into a lifelike humanoid robot. Trouble sets in however when memories of a past life browsing social media on public transport begin to surface.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 4, 2018)

WouldBe said:


> Wizard of Oi



Garry Bushell biopic, obvs - Bandicoot Combiboiler in the lead


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 5, 2018)

My Own Primate Idaho
Obsessive former zoo keeper wins the lotto and buys so many monkeys and apes with his winnings that he displaces the human population from his home state.


_Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mine
Coal mine manager decides he wants to sell his mine off but it's no longer a profitable concern so he needs to sell as an unusual  residential property - 'suits a large group of friends'. 

Before he can sell he needs to clean and tidy the place up. He ropes in a bunch of local kids and sets them to work with the promise that they can turn part of it into a hip happening disco and coffee house, and they set to work to make the mine spotless. Laughs, drama and heartache follows. 

Requiem For A Bream
After the death of a much loved fish, a whole town comes together to create a suitable tribute and memorial for the greatest fish that ever lived, and in the process tell the life story of the fish and various touching acts of kindness. But in the process a dark secret about the fish is discovered, which taints everyone's experiences forever. 
_


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 5, 2018)

Gogan's Run

Veteran Irish disc jockey Larry Gogan travels across a post-apocalyptic America, administering his famous "just a minute quiz" to random survivors from the Before Times.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 5, 2018)

Damnation Pally

Joe Strummer has to get the serum to Delroy Booth.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 5, 2018)

Logan's Rub

Logan had a special way of making everyone feel better.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 5, 2018)

The Cull Monty

General Montgomery discovers that he is to be the target of an attempt to cull the upper ranks of HM Forces.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 5, 2018)

Natural Borg Killers

the next film in the Star Trek franchise.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 5, 2018)

Varnishing Point
the best furniture restorer in the business comes back for one more challenge.


----------



## alsoknownas (Jun 5, 2018)

*Walkabout*

A teenaged girl, a six year-old boy, and a teenaged aboriginal boy, wander abandoned through a heaving Antipodean-themed bar, dodging spilled pints, and being harassed by pissed-up City-types, quenching any notion of burgeoning adolescent sexuality that might otherwise have risen.

(apologies for no letter change)


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 6, 2018)

Bonk Club

sexy version of Book Club


----------



## belboid (Jun 6, 2018)

*Staller*

Tarlovsly masterpiece, follwing an enigmatic man as he wanders through the Zone makig cars mysteriously stop at traffic lights. The twenty minute scene of red changing to amber is one of the most gripping scenes ever filmed.


----------



## belboid (Jun 6, 2018)

alsoknownas said:


> *Walkabout*
> 
> A teenaged girl, a six year-old boy, and a teenaged aboriginal boy, wander abandoned through a heaving Antipodean-themed bar, dodging spilled pints, and being harassed by pissed-up City-types, quenching any notion of burgeoning adolescent sexuality that might otherwise have risen.
> 
> (apologies for no letter change)


shorely *Wankabout *- middle aged man follows a young woman for hours, hoping for that 87 second scene where she gets her kit off


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 6, 2018)

Walkaboot

Same film but set in Canada


----------



## alsoknownas (Jun 6, 2018)

belboid said:


> shorely *Wankabout *- middle aged man follows a young woman for hours, hoping for that 87 second scene where she gets her kit off


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 6, 2018)

Glue Lagoon

Brooke Shields drowns in a pool of Evostick. Hilariously.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 6, 2018)

Dat Boot

The story of Dr Martens told with in an annoying teen way.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 6, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> Dat Boot
> 
> The story of Dr Martens told with in an annoying teen way.



Loach. Split between 1970s northampton shoemaking era at its heyday and modern day china in a Special Economic Zone where they cut and tan the leather for peanuts. Depressing soundtrack.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 6, 2018)

*Falkabout 
*
Man in shabby raincoat wanders the outback. "Just one more thing", he says to passing kangaroos. .


----------



## JimW (Jun 6, 2018)

Waltabout - sad man on a pub crawl drunkenly regales strangers with made up tales of his exploits in special forces.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 6, 2018)

Warkabout

Kirsty Wark hosts documentary film about her life and passions, while trying to survive in the outback of Australia


----------



## belboid (Jun 6, 2018)

Walk A Tout


Join Yorkshire's leading supergrass as she is made to make the long walk to Lancashire, and death.


----------



## krtek a houby (Jun 6, 2018)

_Whatabout_

Man challenged for changing more than one letter in movie title, responds by giving examples where other posters did the same


----------



## JimW (Jun 6, 2018)

Alka Bout - drink has been taken and things have descended to fisticuffs.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 6, 2018)

This thread has jumped the shark


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 6, 2018)

The Laddy Vanishes

Depressing documentary about missing persons cases.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 6, 2018)

F.A.S.H.

The adventures of a British nationalist field hospital.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 6, 2018)

R.A.S.H.

The adventures of an Army STD clinic.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 6, 2018)

BASH, CASH, DASH, GASH, HASH, LASH, PASH, TASH, WASH

You get the idea.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 6, 2018)

The Steetlighter

The UK title of  Walter Hill's directorial debut movie about an expressionless council employee, played by Charles Bronson.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 6, 2018)

The Plod to kill Hitler

The allies send one of the filth to assassinate Adolf


----------



## belboid (Jun 6, 2018)

Silo: a Star Wars Story

Luke’s farming days


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jun 7, 2018)

Sea Star said:


> This thread has jumped the shark


Sorry, we've done that several times already

Search Results for Query: jews | urban75 forums


----------



## WouldBe (Jun 7, 2018)

Strain spotting - a group of unemployed physiotherapists go out looking for people to help.


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 7, 2018)

rain spotting - meteorologists in the lake district classify rain


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 7, 2018)

train spatting - documentary film of arguments and fights on trains


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 7, 2018)

trains petting - thomas the tank engine and his friends adopt dogs and cats
also a 1979 film of thomas the tank engine and his friends getting jiggy


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 7, 2018)

Mulder on the Orient Express

Poirot/X-files mash-up


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 7, 2018)

In Space Noone Can Hear You Scream

Herman's Hermits/Alien mash-up


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 7, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> Mulder on the Orient Express
> 
> Poirot/X-files mash-up


Death on the Niles

Poirot/Frazier mash-up


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 7, 2018)

The Lady Varnishes

Dowager antiques expert gets out the ronseal.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 7, 2018)

Wife boat

Hitchcock's various wives climb into a boat and _make good their escape. _


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 8, 2018)

Indiana Jones and the Last Crustade

A fight, with evil Nazis, for the only remaining vol-au-vent.


----------



## JimW (Jun 8, 2018)

Trans Potting - gender issues are sensitively explored in this slice of life set partly in a big commercial nursery outside Edinburgh and partly in a Leith snooker hall.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 8, 2018)

The East is Rad

Chinese skateboard musical.


----------



## hot air baboon (Jun 8, 2018)

Kill Jill

idiosyncratic television oenophile Jilly Goolden elicits an unfavorable reaction amongst viewers


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 8, 2018)

Casio
Epic crime drama about a 1970s scam involving digital watches


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 8, 2018)

The Ting and I

More annoying teen slang


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 8, 2018)

On The Muses
Film of the classic sit com about Zeus and his 9 daughters, working for London Transport in the early 70s.


----------



## dessiato (Jun 8, 2018)

Eyes Wide, Slut. A particularly nasty porn film.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 8, 2018)

F.I.S.H.

Sylvester Stallone works in a fish market, and grows tired of the unfair policies in place, leading him to start a fish fight. Though Stallone is fired, his spirit wins him the admiration of others, and he becomes a new recruit for the fish marketing board. As the fish marketing board (F.I.S.H.) becomes more powerful, Stallone's influence grows and eventually his ambitions result in a partnership with the mob. However his life grows more dangerous. And fishy.

American Bream
unofficial sequel of F.I.S.H.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 8, 2018)

On the Waferfront
Comedy set in a wafer factory, starring Ken Williams and Hattie Jaques


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 8, 2018)

The Fantastic Flour
An imaginative adventure yarn about a group of unlikely heroes who set off to make the best bread ever.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 8, 2018)

Feltch

Chevy Chase tackles a more demanding role.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 8, 2018)

Sea Star said:


> This thread has jumped the shark



Apparently I'm consistent if forgetful.



Sea Star said:


> this thread has jumped the shark.


----------



## andysays (Jun 8, 2018)

_Fear and Clothing in Las Vegas_

A gonzo journalist and his lawyer speed across the Nevada desert in a red Chevrolet Impala convertible while consuming a variety of drugs on their way to cover a fashion show


----------



## JimW (Jun 8, 2018)

Ice Cold in Asex - John Mills discovers celibacy can be a chill and lonely commitment, even whilst pluckily driving an ambulance through the desert.


----------



## Mrs D (Jun 9, 2018)

Raving Privater Yan - Determined that the next party he organises won't be raided by the police, Yan the Jewish techno DJ makes a name for himself by taking great care to ensure every event is even more private than the last


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 9, 2018)

*A Very English Sandal*
The Libdems try to modernize their image by banning the wearing of socks and sandals at their party conference.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 9, 2018)

The L Worm

Animated tale of a disabled worm.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 9, 2018)

Van Gogh: Painted With Worms 

Film based on a controversial theory about Van Gogh's methods.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 10, 2018)

If the one-letter change rule is not being stuck to I'm having:

Bridget Jones's Diarrhea


----------



## WouldBe (Jun 10, 2018)

Fake placid - a man struggles to hide his temper.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 10, 2018)

North by North Vest

Cary Grant puts on an extra layer of clothing


----------



## krtek a houby (Jun 10, 2018)

Gone With The Wine

Epic, sweeping dinner party disaster as Clark Gable absconds with the booze


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 10, 2018)

Coldfinger

A shock for Bond as he as at the mercy of evil proctologist Dr Coldfinger.


----------



## krtek a houby (Jun 10, 2018)

Mutiny on the Bunty

Dundee grandees revolt at having to make comic relevant to working class girls


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 10, 2018)

Britten On The Body

People who have Benjamin Britten tattoos.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 10, 2018)

Glove Story

Animated tale of a glove that tries to find another glove to pair with.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

Socky

A boxer with smelly feet gets a supremely rare chance to fight a heavy-weight champion in a bout in which he strives to go the distance for his self-respect.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

A streetcar maimed Desiree

Desiree is involved in a horrific accident


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

An American in parts

Hank is involved in a horrific accident


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

The Malteser Falcon

A bird of prey eats between meals


----------



## dessiato (Jun 11, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> A streetcar maimed Desiree
> 
> Desiree is involved in a horrific accident


My mother, named Desirée, had, as a child, an accident in which a tram knocked her off her bicycle. She still has some scars.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

krtek a houby said:


> Mutiny on the Bunty
> 
> Dundee grandees revolt at having to make comic relevant to working class girls



Jackie Grown

A teen magazine is relaunched for an older audience. Starring the same Dundee grandees.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

dessiato said:


> My mother, named Desirée, had, as a child, an accident in which a tram knocked her off her bicycle. She still has some scars.



I'm sorry to hear that. I had no idea. Did she have to depend on the kindness of strangers?


----------



## dessiato (Jun 11, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> I'm sorry to hear that. I had no idea. Did she have to depend on the kindness of strangers?


I'll have to ask her. She was in Fleetwood at the time so probably.

For future reference, during WW2 she was bombed out twice.

I look forward to your next posts.


----------



## skyscraper101 (Jun 11, 2018)

"The Green Mil"

Pioneering pharmaceutical scientist Tom Hanks re-synthesises methadone for the masses and the world gets down to a new groove called Methbeat.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

dessiato said:


> I'll have to ask her. She was in Fleetwood at the time so probably.



Were any of her friends fishermen?


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

The Fight of the Iguana

Tennessee Williams's follow-up to "A Streetcar Maimed Desiree" about a giant boxing lizard with a lethal left hook. Sequels were going to be 'The Right of the Iguana' and 'The Might of the Iguana' but Ava Gardner  refused to wear the suit ever again.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

Lance's with Wolves

Lance Percival takes over a Midlands football team with hilarious results.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

Cat on a Hotton Roof 

Adventures of Yorkshire fire brigade in an Emmerdale spin-off. Tennessee Williams yet again.


----------



## dessiato (Jun 11, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> Were any of her friends fishermen?


She escaped from Germany on a fishing boat, just before the war.


----------



## shifting gears (Jun 11, 2018)

Slade Runner - poignant tale of a wannabe music producer who had to work his way up by pandering to a glam rock outfit's every whim


----------



## 8ball (Jun 11, 2018)

_Mr No_ - modest Bond villain feels no need to overstate his qualifications


----------



## 8ball (Jun 11, 2018)

_Finding Tory_ - one of Jeremy Corbyn's dinner party guests is hiding a dark secret... but which one?


----------



## shifting gears (Jun 11, 2018)

Night of the Living Dad

- lesser known Romero gorefest that has nonetheless achieved cult status


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 11, 2018)

shifting gears said:


> Slade Runner - poignant tale of a wannabe music producer who had to work his way up by pandering to a glam rock outfit's every whim


at _least _thrice and I was the first to do it, way back all those hundred pages ago


----------



## shifting gears (Jun 11, 2018)

DotCommunist said:


> at _least _thrice and I was the first to do it, way back all those hundred pages ago



Haha for real? Sorry for biting your style I genuinely ain't read the whole thread


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 11, 2018)

shifting gears said:


> Haha for real? Sorry for biting your style I genuinely ain't read the whole thread


 yeah all the low hanging fruit had gone by page 60. Hence the surreal turn


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 11, 2018)

blade ruiner - a shit knife sharpener encounters the man with no name


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

The Green Mice
Climate change or something is turning rodents green and making them aggressive. As society collapses, US Marine Tom Nastybastard has to return from heroically killing Afghan farmers and wedding parties to save his ex wife and step children from dying a horrible death by rodent teeth.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

Slugs of Beverly Hills

Sounds like a David Attenborough documentary but it isn't - it's a clever satire on celebrity culture disguised as a horror film.


----------



## JimW (Jun 11, 2018)

A Man For All Sea Songs - Tom More is a ballad obsessive determined to memorise every nautical song before King Henry lops off his head. Shall he or shanty?


----------



## danny la rouge (Jun 11, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> The Malteser Falcon
> 
> A bird of prey eats between meals


I did this gag better: Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film

FFS people, ask yourself "would danny have said this?" And if the answer is "maybe", do a search.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 11, 2018)

danny la rouge said:


> I did this gag better: Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film
> 
> FFS people, ask yourself "would danny have said this?" And if the answer is "maybe", do a search.



I hang my head in shame. I should have checked.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> Jackie Grown
> 
> A teen magazine is relaunched for an older audience. Starring the same Dundee grandees.


Deano

DC Thomson's finest relocate to de Dublin nortsoide.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

Randy

-  I had an uncle who once played, for Red Star Belgrade, he said something are best left unspoken. .


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

The Ion in Winter

Peter O'Toole plays a subatomic particle.


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 11, 2018)

Uncle Cuck

John Candy is targeted by alt right freaks on twitter


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

JuanTwoThree said:


> The Fight of the Iguana
> 
> Tennessee Williams's follow-up to "A Streetcar Maimed Desiree" about a giant boxing lizard with a lethal left hook. Sequels were going to be 'The Right of the Iguana' and 'The Might of the Iguana' but Ava Gardner  refused to wear the suit ever again.


That's brilliant, one of the best on this thread.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

The Lost Honour of Katharina Brum

Brummie is falsely accused of being in the Baader-Meinhof gang.


----------



## JimW (Jun 11, 2018)

A Wenger's Infinity War: the former Arsenal manager just won't let it lie with Mourinho.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

Fear Eats the Saul

Saul Goodman finds that it's actually not "all good, man".


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

License to Ill

Timothy Dalton goes undercover in the New York hip-hop scene of the '80s.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

Octohussy

Spiderman reboot with a female Doc Octopus


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

An American in Parks
Horror set in various parks across the US.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

The Spy Who Goved Me

Spy thriller - evil terrorists have created a ray that turns normal people into an annoying, obnoxious and incompetent right wing Scottish men.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

The Spy Who Moved Me

Bond is moved to tears by the experiences of one of his colleagues. Lots of flash-backs.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

clear and Present Dancer

Film about someone who can't stop dancing, but isn't good enough to do it as a job, so just annoys people in the street and at work instead.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

Thunderbalm

A tree extract that can cause a nasty rash has been mixed in with real balm products in a nationwide pharmaceutical company.

The race is on to find the Thunderbalm before some customers find themselves coming out in nasty rashes.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

True Grot

A Reginald Perrin reboot.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

The Quink and the Dead

Writer who still uses an old fashioned pen and Quink ink to write, has a large body count in his new novel. Quickly though imagined events become real and people are laying dead in the streets of his town. Was it really his arrangement of ink that caused those people to die? What should he do to try to put it right?


----------



## 8ball (Jun 11, 2018)

danny la rouge said:


> I did this gag better: Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film
> 
> FFS people, ask yourself "would danny have said this?" And if the answer is "maybe", do a search.



+100 urban points for original post
-50 urban points for blatant "like farming"


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

Malcom M

Hard hitting biopic about Malcom Muggeridge


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

The Ox-Cow Incident

In this classic Western, wanderers Gil Carter (Henry Fonda) and Art Croft (Henry Morgan) ride into a small Nevada town plagued by cattle thieves. Initially suspected of being the rustlers themselves. At first it looked bad for our heroes, but another group of strangers were in town and all it took was a silly error; and one that no-one in those thar parts, where people knew about cattle, would ever make. They mistook an ox for a cow.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

DotCommunist said:


> Gregory's Gill
> 
> working class scots lad develops a means to breathe underwater, while tragi-comicaly lusting after a young woman in a film which we are told is a classic but is actually a load of old shite


Gregory's Gill

Scotch lad gets pie-eyed on just one gill of _uisce beatha. _


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

Taint Your Wagon.

After a Russian nerve-agent attack, Clint Eastwood discovers that his wagon is irrevocably tainted.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

Splatoon

Bored GIs compete to hurl mud at the walls. "Captures the futility of war as few other movies do" - _Sight & Sound._


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

Paint Your Wogan

Sir Terry gets a make over.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 11, 2018)

Sea Star said:


> Paint Your Wogan
> 
> Sir Terry gets a make over.


Not bad.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

Kelly's Herons

A war film about a group of trained herons who decide to rob a bank.


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 11, 2018)

Idris2002 said:


> Not bad.


I had to break the rules though. I did a transpose.


----------



## shifting gears (Jun 11, 2018)

12 Angry Mon

- Jamaican remake of seminal courtroom drama


----------



## rubbershoes (Jun 12, 2018)

The Bark of Zorro

Next door's dog is getting irritating


----------



## rubbershoes (Jun 12, 2018)

The Green Milf

Unnecessary remake of _The Graduate _set on Mars


----------



## Sea Star (Jun 12, 2018)

The Green Mild
Ealing Comedy about a small local brewery that produce the best tasting mild ale ever - but it's green!!!


The Green Milk
similar but dairy and milk.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 12, 2018)

Mac Hate

Scottish guy hates wearing his mackintosh.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 12, 2018)

Classics:

Milf on the Floss

Mess of the D'Urbervilles

Fart from the Madding Crowd

Lady Chatterley's Rover

Women in Hove


----------



## shifting gears (Jun 12, 2018)

DotCommunist said:


> at _least _thrice and I was the first to do it, way back all those hundred pages ago









[emoji23]

Looks like ole Terry beat either of us to it by a good decade and a bit


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 13, 2018)

Concessions of a window-cleaner

In this exciting tale of cut-throat business Robin Askwith decides to turn his business empire into franchises. When he gets the time!


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 13, 2018)

Villein

Richard Burton is a lowly serf in feudal England.


----------



## shifting gears (Jun 13, 2018)

The Endless Hummer

- in this remake of the achingly hip 60's surf movie, Ben Affleck can barely contain his glee when his cute young girlfriend reveals her love for all things fellatio


----------



## belboid (Jun 13, 2018)

I Know What You Did Last, Hummer

Name that tune, the movie!


----------



## JimW (Jun 13, 2018)

Cor, Nan the Barbarian -- Schwarzenegger is astounded to discover his gran has caused the downfall of the Roman Empire.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 13, 2018)

To Shave and Shave Not

Hipsters and normies clash in battle royal.


----------



## belboid (Jun 13, 2018)

Idris2002 said:


> To Shave and Shave Not
> 
> Hipsters and normies clash in battle royal.


ahem


JimW said:


> To Shave and Shave Not - Bogart is undecided whether the beard works or not.



To Hove, or Hove Not

Man tries to decide whether or not to move to near Brighton


----------



## rubbershoes (Jun 13, 2018)

Teen Rolf

A hirsute creature with a lovable persona turns out to be a cunt


----------



## Mrs D (Jun 13, 2018)

Tee No Wolf - A teenage boy and his father become estranged after an incident in which a round of golf is prioritised over a long-desired visit to a wolf sanctuary


----------



## Mrs D (Jun 13, 2018)

JimW said:


> Cor, Nan the Barbarian -- Schwarzenegger is astounded to discover his gran has caused the downfall of the Roman Empire.



Co-nan the barber Ian

A hairdresser helps his disabled mum to be the grandmother she has always wanted to be to her daughter’s children.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 13, 2018)

The Bogweteen

At just turned thirteen a boy's loss of innocence on discovering that not everybody lifts the seat.


----------



## dessiato (Jun 13, 2018)

Deli Cat Essen. The story of Catherine, from a German town, who runs a delicatessen.


----------



## dessiato (Jun 13, 2018)

F ringer story of a church bells tuner and manufacturer.


----------



## Mrs D (Jun 13, 2018)

O, Sean’s 8!

His parents thought their son was 7, but then discover an entire year of their lives has been erased from their memories.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 14, 2018)

Taying Alive

John Travolta survives the Tay bridge disaster.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 14, 2018)

*Holliday on the Buses
*
"fish out of water" comedy as old west gunslinger Doc Holliday becomes a conductor on the London buses.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 14, 2018)

*The Trench Connection
*
Gene Hackman is an officer in the Great War.


----------



## Mrs D (Jun 14, 2018)

Confess Ions of a Wind Owl EANer

Professor Mortius shares some interesting insights into the cerebral membrane biochemistry of _Oteus Ventus_, the Eurasian Wind Owl, at the European Academy of Neurology conference in Frankfurt. However when a member of the audience challenges the experimental results, Mortius is forced into a humiliating admission.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 14, 2018)

*Mary Ploppins*
An embittered nanny uses her magical umbrella to shit on her former charges from a great height.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 14, 2018)

*Ted Sonja*

In this steampunk/fantasy crossover, Sonja fights the hordes of Hyperborea while dressed as an "Edwardian Strutter".


----------



## JimW (Jun 14, 2018)

Cross Off Iron - in an attempt to make bingo more upmarket, Dudley Mecca starts playing games using the Periodic Table. Somewhat marred by peckinpah's obsession with combat in an unlikely setting.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 14, 2018)

*Bros of Iron.*

Channing Tatum tries to appeal to the alt-right market, thus committing career suicide.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 14, 2018)

*How to Carry a Millionaire
*
Lauren Bacall shoves a boathook into the ample backside of a small millionaire, and carries him around '50s Manhattan.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 14, 2018)

*Let's Make Gove
*
Marilyn Monroe plays a mad scientist who creates an artificial Michael Gove by using the body parts of dead criminals and syphilis victims.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 14, 2018)

*Gentlemen Refer Blondes
*
Rex Harrison tells his blonde bombshell neighbour (Diana Dors) that she should be referred to something or other, I can't be arsed, can someone else finish this one?


----------



## hot air baboon (Jun 15, 2018)

the quack and the dead

when impersonating a doctor goes badly wrong


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*Blithe Spirits
*
90 minutes of Rex Harrison knocking back glass after glass of the hard stuff.


----------



## belboid (Jun 15, 2018)

*Dr Ni*

Bond goes on a terrifying mission, attempting to foil an evil plan to take over the world with a shrubbery.


----------



## belboid (Jun 15, 2018)

*The Best Years of Our Hives
*
A disease ridden family do their best to look n the right side.


----------



## belboid (Jun 15, 2018)

*The Third Mané
*
After Sadio and Carlos, which family member will join the two geniuses at the World Cup?


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*Tarzan of the Ales
*
A wobbling beer gut flashes past on a vine.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*Get Shirty
*
Life on the message boards.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*3.10 to Yur Ma *

Mum jokes in the old west


----------



## belboid (Jun 15, 2018)

Idris2002 said:


> *Get Shirty
> *
> Life on the message boards.


*Ban Lands
*
[A certain moderator] goes mad on the message boards


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

belboid said:


> *Ban Lands
> *
> [A certain moderator] goes mad on the message boards


*Chitty chitty ban ban
*
ADMIT DEFEAT BELBOID


----------



## belboid (Jun 15, 2018)

No chance sunshine, get off the 

*Ban Wagon*


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

A bit less of this

*Ban Behaviour
*
please.


----------



## belboid (Jun 15, 2018)

You’ll be facing 

*A Ban for All Seasons 
*
if you’re not careful


----------



## DotCommunist (Jun 15, 2018)

No country for old zen

The PRC outlaw buddhism, with hilarious consequences


----------



## danny la rouge (Jun 15, 2018)

The Third Ban


----------



## danny la rouge (Jun 15, 2018)

Ban Santa


----------



## danny la rouge (Jun 15, 2018)

The Lady in the Ban


----------



## belboid (Jun 15, 2018)

Lady Windermere’s Ban


----------



## belboid (Jun 15, 2018)

Mods conspire to drive a poster to break the FAQs. Yes, it’s

*Inside Ban*


----------



## belboid (Jun 15, 2018)

You’re not allowed onto the Norfolk forum..,

*Wicker Ban*


----------



## Mrs D (Jun 15, 2018)

Amen for All Sea Sons

Superhero romp in which Triton son of Poseidon (Jude Law) encounters Joseph of Arimathea (Christian Bale), a Christian missionary with electric powers.


----------



## danny la rouge (Jun 15, 2018)

Little Ban Tate 

A prodigal maths genius isn't banned for very long.


----------



## Mrs D (Jun 15, 2018)

.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*Little Pig Ban
*
Something something David Cameron


----------



## danny la rouge (Jun 15, 2018)

Banhattan

Woody Allan - in a role that should have been a clue - is banned.


----------



## danny la rouge (Jun 15, 2018)

The Ban with the Golden Gun

The name's banned. James banned.


----------



## danny la rouge (Jun 15, 2018)

The Elephant Ban

We'll never forget this Ban. Starring Anne Bancroft.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*The Ban who knew too much
*
Secrets of the mod forum exposed


----------



## danny la rouge (Jun 15, 2018)

The Ban who would be king

"You want to ban him? Here'sh how you get him. He pullsh a knife, you pull a gun. He shends one of yours to the hospital, you shend one of his to the morgue! _That's_ the Urban way, and _that's_ how you ban on Thurshday nights! Now, do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that?"

"You were only supposed to ban the bloody dorks off"


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*A Midsummer Night's Rex Comedy
*
New York family take a summer house, and bring their labrador dog Rex with them. Wholesome family fun with Woody Allen.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*Odd Ban Out
*
Urbanites question apparently arbitrary nature of banning decisions. And get banned.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*The Ban Who Wasn't There
*
et cetera, et cetera


----------



## JimW (Jun 15, 2018)

Rash Omen - speculation as to what those red spots on Yuki's ballsack might presage from several different characters.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

JimW said:


> Rash Omen - speculation as to what those red spots on Yuki's ballsack might presage from several different characters.


*Yo! Jimbo!
*
Wandering Ronin is caught up in the hip-hop wars of early '80s NYC.


----------



## belboid (Jun 15, 2018)

Idris2002 said:


> *Yo! Jimbo!
> *
> Wandering Ronin is caught up in the hip-hop wars of early '80s NYC.


*Ban*

The classic tale of the Rise and Fall of Ernesto Lynch, reinterpreted for a Japanese audience


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*Ban
*
you get the picture


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2018)

*Fetter to Brezhnev
*
Through a series of misadventures, a young Liverpudlian woman finds herself handcuffed to Soviet supremo Leonid Brezhnev. "What's the point of this movie", both parties are said to have said.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 16, 2018)

*The Rime of Miss Jean Brodie
*
Edinburgh school teacher kills an albatross, and lives to regret it.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 16, 2018)

*The Grime of Miss Jean Brodie*
A teacher invites former students to her home. They decline as its a complete shithole.


----------



## belboid (Jun 16, 2018)

*The Prile of Miss Jean Brodie
*
When teacher invites her students over for a game of cards, three of a kind are never far from her mind


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 16, 2018)

*The Price of Miss Jean Brodie*

Whatevs


----------



## Mrs D (Jun 16, 2018)

*The Prime, of Missed, an’ Bro? Die!
*
A tale of unreliable musket bearing confederate deserters fighting a pitched battle with uzi-toting time travelling gangsters on the streets of Philadelphia in 1865


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 16, 2018)

Mrs D said:


> *The Prime, of Missed, an’ Bro? Die!
> *
> A tale of unreliable musket bearing confederate deserters fighting a pitched battle with uzi-toting time travelling gangsters on the streets of Philadelphia in 1865


Have you drink taken?


----------



## hot air baboon (Jun 17, 2018)

The Mexorcist

the Donald employs the forces of darkness to tackle the illegal immigrant situation


----------



## JimW (Jun 17, 2018)

A Room With A Viet - odd couple movie sees Helena Bonham-Carter bond with her SE Asian dorm mate during a year abroad at Qinghua.


----------



## hot air baboon (Jun 17, 2018)

Eyes Wide Shit

renowned cinematic genius explores the issues surrounding constipation


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 18, 2018)

*The Guts of Navarone
*
Too much beer down the NAAFI leaves commando unit a bit on the "unfit for purpose" side.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 18, 2018)

*The Crime of Miss Jean Brodie.
*
She says it with pride, that she once knew (the) Clyde (even though that's in Glesgae Toon).


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 18, 2018)

*Rif RAF*

The Royal Air Force go on holiday in Morocco.


----------



## hot air baboon (Jun 18, 2018)

Dos Boot

Back to 1983 & its a sweaty claustrophobic hell down in the confines of the IT Dept. as they attempt to get the new IBM:XT operating system running


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 19, 2018)

Force Den from Navarone

For some inexplicable reason Millwall relocate to the the legendary Greek island with an oddly Italianate name. With hilarious results. It's not long before the local mayor (masterfully played by Hugh Grant) decides that they have to go.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 19, 2018)

*Raining Tones
*
A bizarre rain of tiny Tony Blairs falls on a small village in rural Iraq. They then run around screaming "45 minutes, 45 minutes".

M. Night Shyalaman directs.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 19, 2018)

*Cone and See
*
Harrowing tale of John Major's Cones Hotline.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 19, 2018)

*Hatton: Lust for Glory
*
"Make mine Militant"


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 19, 2018)

*Red Knobs and Broomsticks
*
An outbreak of STIs among the Trotskyists.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 19, 2018)

*Every which way but Goose
*
Trucker Clint Eastwood has to share the cab of his rig with an angry, enraged waterfowl


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 19, 2018)

hot air baboon said:


> Dos Boot
> 
> Back to 1983 & its a sweaty claustrophobic hell down in the confines of the IT Dept. as they attempt to get the new IBM:XT operating system running


da's boot - a tearjerking tale of an accident which left only the protagonist's father's boot to bury following a chance gas explosion


----------



## hot air baboon (Jun 19, 2018)

Maywatch

nail-biting political suspense as the audience is kept guessing if the protaganist has a brexit plan 

contains cunning plot twist as they leave no wiser than when they went in


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 19, 2018)

*The May After
*
British PM faces postapocalyptic dystopia.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 19, 2018)

*Snider
*
Innocent internet user logs on to message board, only to be immediately sniped  - or if you prefer "snided" - at by long term old lags who accuse her of being firky, or that weird paedo guy.


----------



## Buddy Bradley (Jun 20, 2018)

*The Lives Of Otters*

East German riverbank drama.


----------



## dessiato (Jun 20, 2018)

The Creamers. Story of a brother and sister who meet an American student while in Paris during the 1968 student riots. As they shelter from the turmoil the Parisians are introduced to a milk substitute.

Sampson, the movie. Story of a biblical character who is involved in a relationship with a cheating woman.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 20, 2018)

*Alba the movie
*
Alec Salmond, Nicole Sturgeon, Mhari Black and Angus Robertson thrill the Scotch with rousing renditions of all the old hits, including their Eurovision winner "Culloden".


----------



## Mrs D (Jul 24, 2018)

So I was browsing IMDb, and I came across this movie called Brad’s Status and the description said “a father takes his son to tour colleges on the East Coast and meets up with an old friend who makes him feel inferior about his life choices”

This thread came to mind immediately. I mean what a silly premise for a film. Perhaps the actual movie was called Brad’s Statue about about some interesting thing, but they played this game before writing the script.


----------



## JimW (Jul 24, 2018)

Real Itty Bites - Ethan Hawke and Janeane Garofalo are two hipsters trying to run a cafe with the unique selling point of stupidly small portions.


----------



## Mrs D (Jul 25, 2018)

The Imp OS Bible

A band of mystical creatures band together to navigate their way from their world to ours, but which of them will be able to lead the way?


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Aug 1, 2018)

The African Queef

Katherine Hepburn in her epic role.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 2, 2018)

*The Jazzz Singer*

Conspiraloon is grilled in the mod's forum _where he sings like a canary. _Guest starring Jimmy Cagney as George Soros.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Aug 3, 2018)

_The Jizz Singer_

Young Al Jolson tries to find common ground with his traditionalist father by inventing an ejaculating sewing machine that spits out magical unicorn cum


----------



## The Fornicator (Aug 3, 2018)

The Shame of Water - unfit, overweight couple decide to revisit their youth at Brockwell Lido on a sunny Friday lunchtime.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 29, 2018)

*The Fall*

Rocker Mark E. Smith, driven mad by endless touring, is reborn as an insane dictator.

Guest starring Bob Geldof as Adolf Hitler.


----------



## krtek a houby (Aug 29, 2018)

_Jaw_

Jimmy Hill biopic, on the chin kind of stuff


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Sep 29, 2018)

Has to be done:

The House with a Cock in its Walls

A male chicken is immured in a house where magical things then happen.


----------



## May Kasahara (Sep 29, 2018)

Stale of Stales.

Salma Hayek stars as a fairytale queen searching for something decent to eat at her nan's house.


----------



## Cid (Sep 30, 2018)

Die Hart

Thriller in which the late (not but probably should be) sir Tony pursues evil south africans up the grain power station in Kent. 


(yeah, yeah - there was a time when I was rigorous about the 1 letter rule too)


----------



## Cid (Sep 30, 2018)

Inbredibles 2.

Honestly, just don't watch it.


----------



## Cid (Sep 30, 2018)

Jurassic wold

Archaeology documentary set in Yorkshire.


----------



## passenger (Sep 30, 2018)

Lend it like Beckam... 

Famous football star offers high octain APR action, to make millions of 
poor  people, even more  poor, co staring  borderline suicidle.


----------



## mojo pixy (Feb 12, 2019)

_The Shinning_, in which the winter caretaker of a remote hotel goes mad after climbing up on the roof and getting stuck there.

_The Shiting_, in which the winter caretaker of a remote hotel goes mad, stuck in the toilet after a massive poo.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Feb 12, 2019)

Mary Poppins Deturns

The Banks' are made to see the relation between art and society in a new way.
"Spectacular!" - Tim Clark.


----------



## isvicthere? (Feb 12, 2019)

Withnail and E.

Dissolute, unemployed actor discovers the rave scene.


----------



## dessiato (Feb 12, 2019)

Three colours: Bed
Three colours: Shite
Three colours: Flue


----------



## alsoknownas (Feb 12, 2019)

isvicthere? said:


> Withnail and E.
> 
> Dissolute, unemployed actor discovers the rave scene.


Discovers the rave scene by mistake, surely?


----------



## 8ball (Feb 12, 2019)

Wogan

An ageing mutant broadcaster... I forget where I was going with this.


----------



## Cid (Feb 12, 2019)

Fantastic Beats and where to find them... 

(yeah, previous one, but...)


----------



## Cid (Feb 12, 2019)

Deadpoop

<childish sniggering>


----------



## isvicthere? (Feb 13, 2019)

alsoknownas said:


> Discovers the rave scene by mistake, surely?


----------



## Yossarian (Feb 13, 2019)

Cold Fursuit

An aging actor discovers the fur coat he bought from a Russian furrier is shoddily made and lets in cold through the seams. He spends the rest of the movie roaming the streets looking for Russians to attack.


----------



## Idris2002 (Feb 13, 2019)

*Tan and Ollie
*
While touring Ireland with Laurel, Oliver Hardy is kidnapped by a psychotic Black & Tan.


----------



## Idris2002 (Feb 13, 2019)

*Karla's Song*

George Smiley is trapped in an interrogation cell with only his arch-enemy Karla and a Balalaika for company.


----------



## Yossarian (Feb 13, 2019)

Bard Box.

A wandering medieval minstrel and his carpenter friend invent history's first jukebox. Would have had a happier ending if they'd put air holes in.


----------



## petee (Feb 13, 2019)

e2a
never mind ...


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Feb 13, 2019)

*Star Wars: A New Chope*
Plans to destroy the Death Star and free the galaxy are postponed after tedious legal objections from a backbench rebel.


----------



## Idris2002 (Feb 14, 2019)

Prick and Morty.

Desperately unfunny "adult" cartoon show becomes the choice of millions, who identify with the prickish lead character.


----------



## Idris2002 (Mar 8, 2019)

*BAWS*

The authorities are powerless to act as a demented weegie teabags innocent holiday makers.


----------



## belboid (Mar 8, 2019)

*Mary, Queen of Slots*

The lass from the fourth form hangs out in the pub playing the one armed bandit.


----------



## Idris2002 (Mar 8, 2019)

*Renaldo and Lara*

Dylan meets Pasternak in this historically inaccurate account of the Russian civil war.


----------



## Idris2002 (Mar 13, 2019)

*Damnation Pally*

Hammersmith Palais hides a dark and terrible secret - if Aleister Crowley flew in today. . .


----------



## JimW (Mar 13, 2019)

Captain Marcel

Latest from MCU caused a storm on the internet as bitter fanboys refused to accept a mime as a superhero.


----------



## petee (Mar 13, 2019)

Casabranca

Biopic about the house an avart-garde musician grew up in.


----------



## danny la rouge (Mar 13, 2019)

Dr Oo

James Bond battles Frankie Howerd’s Dr Francis Bigger.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 27, 2019)

*The Bogs of War
*
Fly-on-the-wall docco where likesfish takes the viewer on a tour of toilets he has known.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 27, 2019)

*The Grate Gatsby
*
Leo Di Caprio gets on everyone's nerves.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 27, 2019)

*Fangs of New York
*
The toast of CBGBs turn out to be vampires.


----------



## belboid (May 28, 2019)

*Avengers: End Lame*

The finale to the... whatever you call a sequence of 22 films... is a disappointment.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 28, 2019)

belboid said:


> *Avengers: End Lame*
> 
> The finale to the... whatever you call a sequence of 22 films... is a disappointment.


Fuck, did they actually make 22 of them?


----------



## 8ball (May 28, 2019)

Idris2002 said:


> Fuck, did they actually make 22 of them?



That surprised me too (though I can’t be arsed to check).


----------



## Idris2002 (May 28, 2019)

I run, man.

Obnoxious fitness freak won't shut up about his daily exercise regime.


----------



## Yossarian (May 28, 2019)

John Hick: Chapter 3

Our Iowan hero struggles with a troublesome tractor in the third installment of the wildly popular franchise critics call "the spiritual successor to the Ernest movies, and not in a good way."


----------



## Yossarian (May 28, 2019)

Aleddin

Granted three wishes by a genie, the surviving members of Led Zeppelin resurrect John Bonham, make themselves young again, and are about to wish for world peace when a dilemma arises - Bonham overdid it on his first day back and needs to be resurrected again.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 29, 2019)

*Sophie's Hoist
*
Meryl Streep is hoist by her own petard.


----------



## hot air baboon (May 29, 2019)

They Shoop Horses Don't They

fascinating look at the specialised world of equine photo-editing


----------



## JimW (May 29, 2019)

Wandering Hearth - Chinese big-budget spectacular about a poorly installed kitchen range.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 29, 2019)

*The Len Who Stares at Goats
*
Shocking reality of Leonard Cohen's sojourn on the Greek island of Hydra revealed.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 29, 2019)

*The President's Anal Cyst
*
Intense body horror starring James Cogburn as Donald Trump.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 29, 2019)

*The World of Suzy Wrong
*
Factual misadventures of Hong Kong woman.


----------



## petee (Jul 22, 2019)

*Yo! Jimbo!*

An American spots an old friend in a one-street town in Japan, of all places.


----------



## Proper Tidy (Jul 22, 2019)

DIY Hard. A maverick NYPD officer tries to skim a ceiling with hilarious consequences


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jul 22, 2019)

tim said:


> It's such a pity that Jimmy Perry and David Croft never made a horror movie.



Dad's Arm

You hang M'lud

Die Di Die


----------



## Proper Tidy (Jul 22, 2019)

Das Boots

Your dad has shit shoes on a submarine


----------



## Pickman's model (Jul 22, 2019)

Das bot
German biopic of theresa may


----------



## andysays (Aug 24, 2019)

The Cunt of Monte Cristo

inspired by the current 'c-word' thread


----------



## danny la rouge (Aug 24, 2019)

No Cunt, Try For Old Men.


----------



## maomao (Aug 24, 2019)

The Cunt for Red October. 

Contrived submarine/porn thriller.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Aug 24, 2019)

*No Country for Olé Men*
Documenting the battle by animal rights activists to ban bullfighting in Spain.


----------



## rubbershoes (Aug 24, 2019)

petee said:


> *Yo! Jimbo!*
> 
> An American spots an old friend in a one-street town in Japan, of all places.



This pops into my head about once a week and gives me a chuckle


----------



## Proper Tidy (Aug 24, 2019)

Ricky. Sid Owen takes Apollo Creed to 15 rounds.


----------



## Proper Tidy (Aug 24, 2019)

Withnail and It. Richard E Grant loses a boat down a drain and gets eaten by a clown


----------



## Proper Tidy (Aug 24, 2019)

Allen. Sigourney Weaver meets the welsh xavi on a space tug


----------



## Proper Tidy (Aug 24, 2019)

Proper Tidy said:


> Allen. Sigourney Weaver meets the welsh xavi on a space tug


Allen v Predator. Joe Allen struggles with his new boots, gets blisters


----------



## Gaia (Aug 24, 2019)

Proper Tidy said:


> Withnail and It. Richard E Grant loses a boat down a drain and gets eaten by a clown



You're not entirely sober, are you PT…?


----------



## petee (Aug 24, 2019)

Withnail and Itt. Richard E. Grant moves in with the Addams family.


----------



## Proper Tidy (Aug 24, 2019)

My name is Job. Ken Loach's bleak portrayal of one man's battle with a right prick called god and his sidekick satan


----------



## Cid (Aug 24, 2019)

Arrplane! Pirates cause flight disruption.


----------



## Cid (Aug 24, 2019)

Fridge on the River Kwai - documentary covering the trials and tribulations of two teams taking part in the biennial Kwai river trebuchet contest.

(It made more sense when I misremembered the title as 'bridge over the river Kwai').


----------



## Proper Tidy (Aug 24, 2019)

Godkilla. Richard Dawkins defeats organised religion and saves Tokyo (probably from muslims or something)


----------



## Proper Tidy (Aug 24, 2019)

Mad Mix. Post apocalyptic gabba


----------



## petee (Apr 30, 2020)

Shit, the Piano Player
A pleasant evening in the bar is about to go wrong as the house "musician" sits down at the ivories.


----------



## mauvais (Apr 30, 2020)

Just looking back through my great works on this thread and





mauvais said:


> _The 51st Skate_ - Action comedy in which Tony Hawk or Tony Hawks or whichever one it was that didn't do the thing with the fridge tries to sell the 51st identical incarnation of the exact same 1990s skateboarding video game to unwilling punters, but is ultimately outwitted by his nemesis, the other Tony Hawk or Tony Hawks or whichever one it was that _did _do the thing with the fridge, who does a sweet 1080 One Footed Nosegrind. Off a fridge.


I absolutely think this should be made.


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 30, 2020)

West Side Tory, young conservative in unattractive part of post-war New York seeks to convince his recent immigrant neighbours of the primacy of thrift, entrepreneurialism and family values.


----------



## cyril_smear (Apr 30, 2020)

Weaving Las Vegas: An alcoholic writer decides on a change of career.


----------



## JimW (Apr 30, 2020)

Para Shite - searing Korean social drama follows a Walting fantasist as he bullshits his way from pub to pub with spurious tales of yomping to Goose Green.


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 30, 2020)

Citizen Kant, German philosopher goes out sledging. Craziness ensues.


----------



## Proper Tidy (Apr 30, 2020)

Forest Dump: four hours of hot fly tipping footage in real time


----------



## Yossarian (Apr 30, 2020)

Fort Apache: The Brony - a hard-drinking NYPD cop in a crime-ridden precinct unwinds by becoming a manchild My Little Pony fan in his downtime. One fateful day, his two worlds collide.


----------



## mauvais (Apr 30, 2020)

*Angela Has Fallen* - Gerry Buttles stars as Michael Banning, German BND agent, who must evade the BfV and his own agency to find the real threats to the Chancellor: faulty heels, uneven pavements, stairs...


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Apr 30, 2020)

Quatermass and the Pie

An ancient evil turns up at the bottom of the professor's deep freeze


----------



## Marty1 (Apr 30, 2020)

Raiders of the Lost Park

A group breaches the coronavirus lockdown by breaking into a closed park to feed the swans.


----------



## Reno (Apr 30, 2020)

Proper Tidy said:


> Allen. Sigourney Weaver meets the welsh xavi on a space tug


Or going for another Allen, Sigourney Weaver's first film appearance was in Annie Hall. That's her on the right as Woody Allen's new girlfriend.


----------



## Spymaster (Apr 30, 2020)

Withnail and IT.

Richard E Grant struggles to power up his laptop.


----------



## JimW (Apr 30, 2020)

Two Miles for Sister Sara - adventures of a nun who took social distancing far more seriously than the rest


----------



## Marty1 (Apr 30, 2020)

Pie Another Day

007 infiltrates Greggs


----------



## Proper Tidy (Apr 30, 2020)

Break fist at Tiffany's. Audrey Hepburn bandages George Peppard's hand after he punches a wall like a dickhead


----------



## cyril_smear (Apr 30, 2020)

.


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 30, 2020)

Spymaster said:


> Withnail and IT.
> 
> Richard E Grant struggles to power up his laptop.



Especially difficult in 1969! 👍


----------



## Buddy Bradley (Apr 30, 2020)

Bone With The Wind

A flatulence-fetish porn remake of the 1939 classic.


----------



## Proper Tidy (Apr 30, 2020)

Trainspitting. A bleak docudrama filmed in black and white focusing on post-industrial antisocial behaviour set on the 1.47 northern rail batley - leeds


----------



## Proper Tidy (Apr 30, 2020)

Rita, Sue and Pob too. Live action/animation wholesome family favourite in the spirit of who framed roger rabbit with no obvious noncing


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 30, 2020)

The Gig Sleep. A private detective, played by Humphrey Bogart, moonlights delivering fast food by bicyle. The long hours this entails make him very tired.


----------



## JimW (Apr 30, 2020)

The Irish Main - despite the clever de-aging trickery, Robert DeNiro fails to convince in this dislocated pirate romp.


----------



## 8115 (Apr 30, 2020)

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Liver. Oh I don't know, make your own plot up. I'm crap at this kind of thing.


----------



## WouldBe (Apr 30, 2020)

Proper Tidy said:


> Break fist at Tiffany's. Audrey Hepburn bandages George Peppard's hand after he punches a wall like a dickhead


Break fast at Tiffany's. A group of Muslims go to Tiffany's for iftar.


----------



## cyril_smear (Apr 30, 2020)

WouldBe said:


> Break fast at Tiffany's. A group of Muslims go to Tiffany's for iftar.



you win.


----------



## cyril_smear (Apr 30, 2020)

White Nail and I: A harrowing tail of one mans life long struggle with Leukonychia


----------



## petee (Apr 30, 2020)

Dat Boot
A group of German submariners appreciate the fine, fine footwear on a passing young woman.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Apr 30, 2020)

When Harry let Sally

Hollywood breaks the taboo about pegging in mainstream movies


----------



## Proper Tidy (Apr 30, 2020)

It's a wonderful lift. Christmas classic about various shopping centre lifts. "Uplifting", Mark Kemode.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 30, 2020)

JimW said:


> The Irish Main - despite the clever de-aging trickery, Robert DeNiro fails to convince in this dislocated pirate romp.


I would actually watch Robert De Niro (any era) as an Irish pirate.


----------



## petee (Apr 30, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> I would actually watch Robert De Niro (any era) as an Irish pirate.



Arrrrr ye speakin' ta me?


----------



## Proper Tidy (Apr 30, 2020)

Shallow Rave. A coming of age comedy drama where everybody goes to a field with a massive rig to take insta photos while not on drugs


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 30, 2020)

_Apocalypse Nowt_
A laid-off Lancashire factory worker stows away aboard canal barge Dart of Harkness on its journey south in order to seek his fortune in That There Lunnon


----------



## JimW (Apr 30, 2020)

The Rinse of Skywalker - Mark Hamill greying a bit by now.


----------



## Proper Tidy (Apr 30, 2020)

Vape Fear. Psychological thriller in which a horrible prick comes out of jail then drowns in his own candyfloss flavoured steam


----------



## Proper Tidy (Apr 30, 2020)

Raging Full. Jake LaMotta eats too much spaghetti.


----------



## maomao (Apr 30, 2020)

The Rice of Skywalker. Luke abandons the Jedi Knighthood to become a TV chef.


----------



## Proper Tidy (Apr 30, 2020)

A pish called wanda. Can't think of a plot.


----------



## Proper Tidy (Apr 30, 2020)

Foul weddings and a funeral. Louis Theroux follows a british royal family between 2010-2020 culminating in the brutal murder of the sinister matriarch.


----------



## Humberto (Apr 30, 2020)

Mumble in the Bronx. Jackie Chan plays a 'store clerk' who is constantly having to repeat himself and gets increasingly frustrated by others seeming inability to 'listen properly'.


----------



## belboid (May 1, 2020)

Rose of Skywalker 

porno parody


----------



## belboid (May 1, 2020)

Raging Bulk

the last half of the film, basically


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 1, 2020)

High Moon

Gary Cooper shows his arse while intoxicated.


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 1, 2020)

The Ion King. Professor Brian Cox bangs on about science for four hours.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 1, 2020)

Fuck Soup

The Marx Brothers want a different starter


----------



## Yossarian (May 1, 2020)

The Man Who Shat Liberty Valance - an idealistic attorney brings peace to a Texas frontier town by killing, eating, and excreting a notorious outlaw.


----------



## Yossarian (May 1, 2020)

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mao World - a madcap chase for $350,000 in stolen cash takes a group of motorists into China during the Cultural Revolution.


----------



## platinumsage (May 1, 2020)

A Quiet Place: Party - everyone dies when a horde of drug-addled ravers brings a year of post-apocalyptic tip-toeing to an end in style.


----------



## krtek a houby (May 1, 2020)

The Mild Bunch

Ageing holidaymakers take on the might of the shared villa experience. Sangria is spilled and there's an argument over replacing the toilet paper.


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 1, 2020)

Amerikan beauty. A middle aged man discovers maoist third worldism in his garage then becomes a sex case. Convincing performance from kevin spacey.


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 1, 2020)

Stand By May. Bleak tragedy chronicling the front bench career of phillip hammond, ends with a corpse in the woods


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 1, 2020)

Blair ditch project. Tony Robinson presents this quirky upbeat british comedy as various people called blair are submerged in a rain filled ditch. Starring lionel, tony, eric, ian


----------



## JimW (May 1, 2020)

The Inca Edibles - superheroes give up crime fighting to open a really old school Peruvian restaurant.


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 1, 2020)

Local Nero. The village of ferness in the scottish highlands is invaded by a roman emperor with the aid of the praetorian guard


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 1, 2020)

Proper Tidy said:


> Stand By May. Bleak tragedy chronicling the front bench career of phillip hammond, ends with a corpse in the woods


Remind me which _one_ letter has been changed..?


----------



## Steel Icarus (May 1, 2020)

Ramblefish

Charming tale of a _Betta Splendens_ who unexpectedly grows legs and discovers the joy of walking as a method of travel. (b&w)


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 1, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> Remind me which _one_ letter has been changed..?



Ah fuck


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 1, 2020)

_The Worriers_
A gang of hypochondriac kids has to negotiate the most packed lines of the New York Subway despite flagrant disregard for social distancing if they are to get to the Coney Island coronavirus testing facility before it closes


----------



## JimW (May 1, 2020)

Spar Tacos - Kubrick really had to skimp on the catering to get this one made.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 1, 2020)

_Eyes Wide Shit_
Kubrick only made one foray into the lucrative but niche underground German scat movie demi-monde, but damn if he didn't go at it two-footed


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 1, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> _The Worriers_
> A gang of hypochondriac kids has to negotiate the most packed lines of the New York Subway despite flagrant disregard for social distancing if they are to get to the Coney Island coronavirus testing facility before it closes



Ahem



DaveCinzano said:


> Remind me which _one_ letter has been changed..?


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 1, 2020)

Proper Tidy said:


> Ahem


The ‘a’ has been swapped out for an ‘e’


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 1, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> The ‘a’ has been swapped out for an ‘e’



Hmmm. Mind you this interpretation opens up rich new seams


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 1, 2020)

Also, MAGPIE'S LAW


----------



## JimW (May 1, 2020)

Throne of Flood - a Japanese Macbeth has problems with the shitter backing up in Spider's Web Castle


----------



## JimW (May 1, 2020)

The Last Temp Station of Christ - JC is off to see God tomorrow to give him a piece of his mind about this ridiculous new hot-desking initiative at the Pearly Gates Support Centre.


----------



## Indeliblelink (May 1, 2020)

The Irish Nan - Mrs Brown's Boys: The Movie, with Joe Peschi


----------



## krtek a houby (May 1, 2020)

The Hunt Locker

Former would be Tory leader tweets sycophantic praise from an enclosed space


----------



## prunus (May 1, 2020)

8115 said:


> The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Liver. Oh I don't know, make your own plot up. I'm crap at this kind of thing.



I’m pretty sure that’s how Peter Greenaway did the original as well.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 2, 2020)

In a long series of films we see the different periods of Max Rockatansky's life, oddly in alphabetical order

Bad Max
The outlaw years

Cad Max
The Seductor

Dad Max
Fatherhood

Fad Max
The macrobiotic years

Lad Max
The drug years

Mad Max
Them other films

Pad Max
The penthouse years

Rad Max
Skating

Sad Max
A rare foray into noir

Tad Max
Welsh Fatherhood

Wad Max
The cash economy years

There may be others

ETA

This is a roundup, some have been mentioned before.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 2, 2020)

Of course there's another drug film:
Med Max

A film about a crisis:
Mid Max

The Lambretta years:
Mod Max

The glam rock years:
Mud Max


----------



## JimW (May 2, 2020)

Max Max - more than ever before!


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 2, 2020)

Then there was the private detective:

Mac Max

The Vogue editor:

Mag Max

A neat but niche welsh language follow up to Tad Max:

Mam Max

Something or other, CBA:

Man Max

The Ordnance Survey years:

Map Max

(Wish I hadn't started this)

The Judo years:

Mat Max

(Not as much as you do)


----------



## deeyo (May 2, 2020)

The Bobbit - or there and back again.
Being the sad story bout a man of short moral stature and hairy palms, who, faced with trauma and loss, escapes into a fantasy world of wizards, dwarves and trolls, hunting for the treasures of a giant dragon-snake. 
Most critics focused on the stretched-out story, complaining that a lot of scenes felt stitched-on, but director jackson retorted that the 3 movies lasted exactly the same time as the original surgical procedure, which was a great sucess. 
To cast tilda swinton in the title role was considered cutting-edge at the time, although some described it as 'rehashing orlando with a sawed-off strap-on'


----------



## belboid (May 2, 2020)

The Fell Monty

Biopic about the naked rambler


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 2, 2020)

_The Loveliness Of The Long Distance Runner_
Remake of the Sillitoe/Richardson New Wave classic gets commodified into a cosy comedy drama in which a nice young chap really tries his best in the annual 5k grudge match between two running clubs, but just isn't quite good enough to beat his rival at the tape. They end up BFFs.


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 2, 2020)

28 days late. Post-apocalyptic thriller about one man's epic battle with Hermes.


----------



## maomao (May 3, 2020)

belboid said:


> The Fell Monty
> 
> Biopic about the naked rambler


That's two letters.


----------



## maomao (May 3, 2020)

_White Men Can't Dump_ 

Woody Harrelson unexpectedly excels at defecation.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 3, 2020)

maomao said:


> That's two letters.


No it is nae


----------



## maomao (May 3, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> No it is nae


Is so.


----------



## Spymaster (May 3, 2020)

Apocalypse Noi - Apocalypse in progress in Northern Ireland. 

The Italian Nob - The life and times of Silvio Berlusconi


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 3, 2020)

Get Farter

The Newcastle underworld unites in trying to find out who it is


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 3, 2020)

JuanTwoThree said:


> Get Farter
> 
> The Newcastle underworld unites in trying to find out who it is



`*`CLICK`*` `*`CLICK`*`

“In a stink arse!”


----------



## belboid (May 3, 2020)

maomao said:


> That's two letters.


It’s not, tha knows


----------



## isvicthere? (May 3, 2020)

The loneliness of the long-distance punner, a biopic of Tim Vine´s early life, in which he overcomes the difficulties of borstal by means of athleticism and one-liners.


----------



## belboid (May 3, 2020)

isvicthere? said:


> The loneliness of the long-distance punner, a biopic of Tim Vine´s early life, in which he overcomes the difficulties of borstal by means of athleticism and one-liners.


In which he takes up running to escape all the inmates wanting to beat his head in for his fucking shite jokes.


----------



## isvicthere? (May 4, 2020)

maomao said:


> _White Men Can't Dump_
> 
> Woody Harrelson unexpectedly excels at defecation.



Natural Born Millers, Woody Harrelson and his girlfriend embark on an epic wheat producing spree across America.


----------



## Pickman's model (May 4, 2020)

Jif

 a public school during the pandemic where boys ingest disinfectant


----------



## Pickman's model (May 4, 2020)

isvicthere? said:


> The loneliness of the long-distance punner, a biopic of Tim Vine´s early life, in which he overcomes the difficulties of borstal by means of athleticism and one-liners.


Another film of the same name where the punner working for the British Antarctic survey in Antarctica tries to maintain a relationship with her partner in England by email. Doesn't end happily


----------



## Sprocket. (May 4, 2020)

Suddenly Last Gummer.
Odious Tory twat gets eaten by cannibals whilst on holiday.
A raucous comedy.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 4, 2020)

Sprocket. said:


> Suddenly Last Gummer.
> Odious Tory twat gets eaten by cannibals whilst on holiday.
> A raucous comedy.


There was a tv spin off about the fermented by product washing up in Yorkshire, with hilarious consequences

Last of the Gummer Wine


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 4, 2020)

John Selwyn has cum stains on his trousers
I know what you did last, Gummer


----------



## andysays (May 4, 2020)

isvicthere? said:


> Natural Born Millers, Woody Harrelson and his girlfriend embark on an epic wheat producing spree across America.


Natural Born Fillers. WH and GF embark on epic preparation of surfaces for painting spree across America.


----------



## andysays (May 4, 2020)

Natural Born Sillers

WH & GF embark on an epic window installation spree across America


----------



## andysays (May 4, 2020)

Natural Born Drillers

WH & GF's epic hole boring spree across America is disallowed because it involves changing two letters


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 4, 2020)

Sausage Tarty. Dismal comedy in which allegedly likable dickhead seth rogan makes a shit tea.


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 4, 2020)

TedX. A cartoon bear and a racist catholic smoke bongs while talking about remaking masculinity or something


----------



## andysays (May 4, 2020)

Natural Born Kilters

WH & GF embark on an epic killing spree across America while wearing tartan


----------



## JimW (May 4, 2020)

Not Ural Born Killers - officials from the oblast deny any connection with the recent outrage.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 4, 2020)

From Prussia with Love.

Four hour family epic stretching from Bismarck's time to the dismissal of the provincial SPD government in 1932.

Grim epilogue brings the saga up to 1945.


----------



## JimW (May 4, 2020)

Gove With The Wind - unpleasant compilation of burps and farts from the Pob-faced Tory. Easily confused with his 2007 conference speech.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 4, 2020)

_Fission If Possible - ‘Rogue’ Nation?_
Lengthy biopic about the genius behind Pyongyang's heroic nuclear programme, the Supreme Leader himself, and his quest to bring world peace through challenging American global hegemony


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 4, 2020)

JimW said:


> Gove With The Wind - unpleasant compilation of burps and farts from the Pob-faced Tory. Easily confused with his 2007 conference speech.


Little known fact - his favourite porn sub-genre is ‘constipation babes’


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 4, 2020)

Get Carted. Michael Caine stars as a cockney gangster who travels to newcastle and gets lobbed down a hill in a whee'barra'


----------



## isvicthere? (May 5, 2020)

andysays said:


> Natural Born Kilters
> 
> WH & GF embark on an epic killing spree across America while wearing tartan



Andysays, you have really picked up the ball and run with this one!


----------



## isvicthere? (May 5, 2020)

I am ledge,

Will Smith forgets all about the dystopian New York he inhabits to boast about all his bantz.

Alternatively, Will Smith balances flowers on his head in a dystopian New York.

But disqualified because of changing too many letters!


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 5, 2020)

isvicthere? said:


> I am ledge,
> 
> Will Smith forgets all about the dystopian New York he inhabits to boast about all his bantz.
> 
> ...


Excellent self-criticism there comrade


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 5, 2020)

Men in t' black. Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith move to yorkshire and pay off their mortgage


----------



## Reno (May 5, 2020)

Supperman, defeats enemies by whipping up a light dinner.


----------



## JimW (May 5, 2020)

Chin Atone - forget it Jake, you'll never make it up to him for that awful beard trim.


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 5, 2020)

Homme Alone. Hilarity ensues as a fully grown adult male is left to fend for himself at christmas; gets burgled


----------



## spanglechick (May 5, 2020)

Nan’s Labyrinth

Yes There are fascists, but also doilies and a faint smell of lavender bags.


----------



## WouldBe (May 5, 2020)

spanglechick said:


> Nan’s Labyrinth
> 
> Yes There are fascists, but also doilies and a faint smell of lavender bags.


And piss. Just as well we don't have smelly vision.


----------



## WouldBe (May 7, 2020)

Sex in the city slickers.


----------



## isvicthere? (May 7, 2020)

WouldBe said:


> Sex in the city slickers.



?


----------



## andysays (May 7, 2020)

WouldBe said:


> Sex in the city slickers.


Wrong thread


----------



## WouldBe (May 7, 2020)

andysays said:


> Wrong thread


Bollocks. I wondered how the thread had got up to 100+ pages so quick.


----------



## cyril_smear (May 7, 2020)

8115 said:


> The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Liver. Oh I don't know, make your own plot up. I'm crap at this kind of thing.



The story of a chronic alcoholics final days in a difficult love triangle.


----------



## WouldBe (May 7, 2020)

Six in the city. Big budget version of friends. Set on location rather than in a studio.

Sax in the city. Mystery. A saxophonist plays haunting melodies from roof tops but no one knows where it's coming from.

Sox in the city. Fashion advice for urban dwellers.


----------



## petee (May 7, 2020)

JimW said:


> Chin Atone



The Oddfather finally admits all.
(Vincent Gigante - Wikipedia)


----------



## deeyo (May 7, 2020)

Fistful of collars
a mysterious stranger comes to seward, and swiftly proceeds to gather all the necessary stuff to ride a dogsled down the iditarod trail all the way to nome. The race for gold is on.

For a few dollars sore 
'after all we sacrificed - this is our reward?' Manco and the colonel takes issue with the meagre bounty for completing the serum run to nome and killing el indio all within a week... at least balto got a statue for his trouble.

The hood - the bad and the ugly.
Lee, clint and eli on a roadtrip to some of the roughest parts of urban america. No matter where they travel there's at least one little eastwood lookalike shouting 'mommy! Dad's here!'


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 7, 2020)

The Piani. Sequal to the Oscar and palme d'or winner. First time there was only one piano, but now... 14% on rotten tomatoes


----------



## Roadkill (May 8, 2020)

Oh Mr Pooter
Will Hay's lost film set in late Victorian Holloway


----------



## petee (May 8, 2020)

frogwoman said:


> the minority retort
> 
> brave racists speak out



2020 says hello


----------



## porp (May 8, 2020)

Heat and Rust

Radiator repairs under the British Raj


----------



## porp (May 8, 2020)

The Boltonians

Merchant/Ivory adaptation of Henry James' treatment of the New  Rich and older bourgeoisie in 19th-Century Lancashire


----------



## porp (May 8, 2020)

_Yes_

Life affirming Ken Loach tale  of a falcon-owning child who overcomes bullying and social oppression by adopting a sunny and positive outlook on life


----------



## JimW (May 8, 2020)

Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Skid - the queue for a festival toilet can be the undoing of many a bold cowboy, no matter how good his gun-slinging.


----------



## porp (May 8, 2020)

_A Kind of Coving_

Kitchen-sink drama as Alan Bates agonises over ceiling finishes


----------



## isvicthere? (May 8, 2020)

La Dolce Pita, jaded journo in late '50s Rome seeks escape from all the decadence by opening a kebab joint.


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 8, 2020)

Fight Cub. Edward Norton encourages a young lion to fight him.


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 8, 2020)

The Den Commandments. Rule #1, bring your own weed. Rule #2 if you spill the bong you full it back up.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 8, 2020)

President Evil.

Trump, Assad, Jinping, Putin and friends are tied up in a giant sack and drowned in the river.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 8, 2020)

Enter the Dralon

Bruce Lee is a scientist developing new synthetic fabrics in 60s America.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 8, 2020)

_Slade Runner_
Cum on feel Sebastian's toyz


----------



## Yossarian (May 8, 2020)

Natural Corn Killers - Michael Moore confronts the agribusiness executives trying to drive the few remaining producers of non-GMO corn out of business.


----------



## Yossarian (May 8, 2020)

Friday Night Wights - a plucky high school football team in Texas is wiped out in a bus crash but continues their run for the state championship as reanimated corpses.


----------



## isvicthere? (May 8, 2020)

Yossarian said:


> Natural Corn Killers - Michael Moore confronts the agribusiness executives trying to drive the few remaining producers of non-GMO corn out of business.



Sounds like a prequel to Natural Born Millers.


----------



## T & P (May 8, 2020)

Death Becomes Cher. Two women competing for the man they love attempt to use magic to remain young forever, but the potion they take  instead transforms them both into the Goddess of Pop.


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 8, 2020)

Natural Bon Killers. Woody Harrelson and Juliette Lewis spree smash posh chocolatiers before meeting a sticky end in this 90s classic


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 8, 2020)

Nature Born Killers. Woody Harrelson and Juliette Lewis spree kill while nude


----------



## deeyo (May 8, 2020)

Hoarder they come: 
old and bitter, jimmy 'ivan' cliff, disillusioned with the corrupt music industry, aquires the largest stash of toilet paper, desinfectants and flour on the sunny island in this '50 yrs later' sequel. Soundtrack: children's bread, j.cliff

Herder they come:
 young jimmy 'ivan' cliff happily tends grandmas goats and chickens in this 'three yrs earlier' prequel. Soundtrack: ackee 123, the beat

Harper they come: 
disillusioned with the corrupt music industry, jimmy 'ivan' cliff takes to the cordophone and pursues a career in classical music in this alternate ending. soundtrack: symphony in d minor, c franck


----------



## porp (May 8, 2020)

Yossarian said:


> Natural Corn Killers - Michael Moore confronts the agribusiness executives trying to drive the few remaining producers of non-GMO corn out of business.


This one actually sounds like a documentary that would get made.


----------



## spanglechick (May 9, 2020)

Deleted - Wrong thread


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 9, 2020)

Edit: Wrong thread


----------



## belboid (May 9, 2020)

porp said:


> This one actually sounds like a documentary that would get made.


hmm, dunno, have you seen the news about his latest?


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 9, 2020)

The one letter rule seems to have been fucked off I see


----------



## Idris2002 (May 9, 2020)

The Wild Tone

A feral Tony Blair is hunted down in the Australian outback.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 9, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> Mermaid In Dagenham





Proper Tidy said:


> The one letter rule seems to have been fucked off I see



Wrong thread soz


----------



## spanglechick (May 9, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> Wrong thread soz


Oh.  Me too!


----------



## belboid (May 9, 2020)

The Dadbusters


----------



## Proper Tidy (May 9, 2020)

One grew over a cuckoos nest: award winning documentary following a cuckoo foetus from conception (?) through to hatching


----------



## ItWillNeverWork (May 11, 2020)

Have we had the Sheepshag Redemption yet?


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 11, 2020)

Proper Tidy said:


> One grew over a cuckoos nest: award winning documentary following a cuckoo foetus from conception (?) through to hatching





ItWillNeverWork said:


> Have we had the Sheepshag Redemption yet?


GODDAMMIT


----------



## Idris2002 (May 12, 2020)

*Thoroughly Modern Millies*

The Committe for a Workers' International have falling out over some tomfoolery or other.

*Cliff Hanger*

Disturbing expose of what really happened to the SWP's founding father.

*Kelly's Zeroes*

A mad Irishman collects Japanese fighter planes of the 1940s (anime)


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 12, 2020)

_The Great E-Scaper_

Hilts' 4th of July moonshine recipe goes a little awry, and he accidentally invents MDMA. 

Cage-happy tunneller Ives necks too much and is sent on a psychonautical flight over the wire, bullets bouncing off him like cotton wool balls... 

When he comes down he realises he is entangled in barbed wire, full of bullet holes, and breathes his last. 

FIN.


----------



## rubbershoes (May 12, 2020)

Lord of the Dings-  The tale of my very short career as a valet parker


----------



## cyril_smear (May 12, 2020)

deeyo said:


> Fistful of collars
> a mysterious stranger comes to seward, and swiftly proceeds to gather all the necessary stuff to ride a dogsled down the iditarod trail all the way to nome. The race for gold is on.
> 
> For a few dollars sore
> ...



Fistful of collars - two zealous traffic officers compete with one another to rid the roads of inconsiderate drivers.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 12, 2020)

cyril_smear said:


> Fistful of collars - two zealous traffic officers compete with one another to rid the roads of inconsiderate drivers.


_For A Few Collars More_
One of them prowls the No Loading Zone outside the local hospital for Blue Badgers


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 12, 2020)

_The Goods, The Bad And The Ugly_
The other focuses effort on ticketing hauliers, cabbies and Audi drivers


----------



## deeyo (May 12, 2020)

_a lion -no one can hear you roar in space_
ripley learns that the king of the jungle is also king of the void

_lion - the roarfessional_
when her family is murdered, a young girl befriends a grumpy old man-eating beast. gary oldman as the corrupt park ranger gone poacher.

_only the lion ely - the mane, the woman, the mother
_john candy as ely the circus lion, ally sheedy as the alf activist who breaks him out of his cage, and maureen o'hara as 'mom' - the overbearing ringmaster. Highly allegorical.


----------



## cyril_smear (May 12, 2020)

slow - jonny deep plays an inept, overweight drug smuggler who is forever getting caught.


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 12, 2020)

_Foodfellas_
"As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a barista..."


----------



## deeyo (May 12, 2020)

_goldfellas
glow_

'as far back as i can remember, i always wanted to be a lapidary.'

starring johnny depp


----------



## cyril_smear (May 12, 2020)

blob - jonny depp portrays a recovering coke addict who has difficulty controlling his binge eating.


----------



## deeyo (May 12, 2020)

_plow
goadfellas_

'as far back as i can remember, i always wanted to be farmer john'

starring mr depp


----------



## cyril_smear (May 12, 2020)

bloc - jonny depp portrays George Jung after his latest release from prison as he branches his smuggling empire out in to the former soviet union.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 13, 2020)

*Jedward Scissor Hands*
Eurovision 2020 is allowed to go ahead, but with performers required to supply their own makeup, hair-dressing services etc...

Srsly: why couldn't they have done this?


----------



## petee (May 13, 2020)

_Mad Max: Furry Road_

Immortan Joe discovers that the road to gasoline is paved with beavers.


----------



## JimW (May 13, 2020)

Enter the Drag One - Bruce Lee arrives to infiltrate the martial arts contest on Mr Big's island but has forgot his kung fu pyjamas. He finds a very nice frock that enables him to join the women-only event in disguise.


----------



## krtek a houby (May 13, 2020)

_Mart Attacks!_

Shit edgelord invades planet urban with laser like wit and hilarious conspiracy theories, before beleaguered denizens finally have enough and get themselves banned/binned/bored to death.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 13, 2020)

The Never-ending Stogy

Some fucking enormous flying dog has a magic cigar.


----------



## belboid (May 13, 2020)

The Never Lending Story

A child bullies others into campaigning to save their local library


----------



## Idris2002 (May 13, 2020)

The Never Ending Laurie

urban's very own Laurie Penny unlocks the secret of immortality


----------



## andysays (May 13, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> The Never Ending Laurie
> 
> urban's very own Laurie Penny unlocks the secret of immortality


Wrong thread, that should be on the 'Change a movie title by altering one of the words to one that sounds a bit similar, but isn't spelled anything like it' thread.

Great idea for a film though


----------



## Idris2002 (May 13, 2020)

andysays said:


> Great idea for a film though



Have your people call my people.
*
Dick Trancy*

Cartoon shamus becomes rave dropout.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 13, 2020)

*The Dogfather*

Family man Marlon Brando is transformed into a dog. Heartwarming Disney family viewing.


----------



## krtek a houby (May 13, 2020)

Sulu

Red shirts beam down and against the odds, hold off thousands of George Takei cosplayers.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 13, 2020)

*The Cone Formist*

Italian ice cream manufacturer dreams of the perfect cone. Farcical.


----------



## krtek a houby (May 13, 2020)

Sammy and Rosie Get Paid

Unlikely fantasy set in 80s Thatcher's Britain


----------



## porp (May 25, 2020)

Rona Lisa

London gangster falls for the wrong woman , develops persistent dry cough


----------



## DaveCinzano (May 26, 2020)

_The Lounge Good Friday_
The PG edit of _TLGF_ with reformed bad boy Harold Shand settling in for a quiet Easter weekend with his missus, watching telly from the sofa and ordering in a cheeky takeaway.


----------



## harpo (May 26, 2020)

The Hound of Music. Various clips of That's Life and Britain's got Talent, curated, directed and produced by Kate Bush


----------



## JuanTwoThree (May 26, 2020)

A junior officer from Paris curates the festival

The French Lieutenant's Womad


----------



## ATOMIC SUPLEX (May 26, 2020)

In the cunt - basically just the same film but with more vage than cock shock.


----------



## isvicthere? (May 29, 2020)

The crying gam, red-faced 50-something enthusiast of brexit sees the error of his ways and goes all snowflake.


----------



## petee (May 30, 2020)

i had a bunch ready to go off _The Flying Nun_ but it was only ever a TV show, not a movie too as i thought


----------



## porp (Jun 3, 2020)

Dr Ho

Porn remake of James Bond classic


----------



## platinumsage (Jun 3, 2020)

Knaves Out - A mighty Lord expels the riff-raff from his castle, and then has to deal with the consequences

Zombielard: Double Tap - An elderly lady replaces pork lard with zombie fat in her legendary cake recipe, but it proves a difficult substance to work with


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 9, 2020)

Real life example of the shenanigans in this thread (I suddenly thought of this, which I hadn't thought of in years and years):









						Ladri di saponette (1989) - IMDb
					

Ladri di saponette: Directed by Maurizio Nichetti. With Maurizio Nichetti, Caterina Sylos Labini, Federico Rizzo, Renato Scarpa. A movie resembling Bicycle Thieves (1948) is shown on TV, but the real-life world gets muddled with the film and the TV commercials.




					www.imdb.com


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 9, 2020)

porp said:


> Dr Ho
> 
> Porn remake of James Bond classic


Tinderball. Porn remake of etc. etc.


----------



## platinumsage (Jun 9, 2020)

The Painted Hird - A mechanical malfunction on a domestic stair-lift during a renovation project plunges Britain's best-loved Dame into a catastrophic interaction with a 25 litre drum of gloss white.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 9, 2020)

*The Devil Rides Owt*

Prince of darkness lacks steed.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 9, 2020)

petee said:


> i had a bunch ready to go off _The Flying Nun_ but it was only ever a TV show, not a movie too as i thought


Shit we may as well hear them anyway. 

Didn't the real life flying nun come to a sad end? Or was that the singing nun?


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 9, 2020)

*The Two Dopes*

Remake of Dumb and Dumber featuring Ratzinger and Bergoglio.


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 9, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> Shit we may as well hear them anyway.
> 
> Didn't the real life flying nun come to a sad end? Or was that the singing nun?


the blue nun


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 9, 2020)

*The Flying Hun*

Rangers fan takes to the skies.


----------



## Roadkill (Jun 9, 2020)

*Reach for the Sty*

In which a demobbed ex-Spitfire pilot decides to take up pig farming.


----------



## porp (Jun 10, 2020)

Cad on a Hot Tin Roof

Terry Thomas is miscast in this adaptation of the Tennessee Williams play


----------



## Saul Goodman (Jun 10, 2020)

I
A movie about a lonely clown.


----------



## petee (Jun 10, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> Or was that the singing nun?


yeh she really got victimized








						The Singing Nun - Wikipedia
					






					en.wikipedia.org


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 10, 2020)

*Norman People*
Marianne tries to win the attention of Connell, who is too busy building Motte and Bailey castles.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jun 10, 2020)

Maxi Driver

Robert de Niro's gear linkage issues send him round the bend


----------



## Roadkill (Jun 10, 2020)

JuanTwoThree said:


> Maxi Driver
> 
> Robert de Niro's gear linkage issues send him round the bend


----------



## Roadkill (Jun 10, 2020)

*In Which We Swerve*

Noel Coward's new car doesn't handle very well...


----------



## Roadkill (Jun 10, 2020)

*Ask a Poloceman*

Updated version of Will Hay's police comedy, set in the Nouvion Gendarmerie


----------



## isvicthere? (Jun 11, 2020)

andysays said:


> Wrong thread, that should be on the 'Change a movie title by altering one of the words to one that sounds a bit similar, but isn't spelled anything like it' thread.
> 
> Great idea for a film though



😀


----------



## isvicthere? (Jun 11, 2020)

The Italian cob, animal heist movie in which a male swan and his gang attempt to blow the blaaady doors off.


----------



## billy_bob (Jun 11, 2020)

porp said:


> Cad on a Hot Tin Roof
> 
> Terry Thomas is miscast in this adaptation of the Tennessee Williams play



Cak on a hot tin roof

A gruelling documentary about poverty and residential overcrowding in the Aegean.


----------



## porp (Jun 15, 2020)

Gong girl

Ben Affleck does confused betrayal in percussion themed adaptation of bestseller


----------



## platinumsage (Jun 15, 2020)

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Hun - SpongeBob travels back in time to 1914 to give a series of lectures to British troops on the uniforms, habits and foibles of the typical German infantry soldier.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 15, 2020)

It's a Fad, Fad, Fad World


Forgotten 80s Indie star Fad Gadget monologues for two hours on various themes of life, love and what's it all about.


----------



## Raheem (Jun 15, 2020)

*Jews 3D*

Sequel based on the classic movie, but with less stereotyping.


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jun 15, 2020)

A Broom For Romeo Brass.

A coming of age drama with triumphant final scenes with the protagonist securing employment as a janitor


----------



## porp (Jun 15, 2020)

Omen in Love

Family, class, sex and the devil's spawn in a DH Lawrence horror mashup


----------



## billy_bob (Jun 16, 2020)

Raheem said:


> *Jews 3D*
> 
> Sequel based on the classic movie, but with less stereotyping.



Jews 4: Again with this Shark?


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 16, 2020)

The Naked Bun

Leslie Nielsen opens erotic cake shop.


----------



## andysays (Jun 30, 2020)

Two Gentlemen of Corona

Two stereotypical ex Footlights actors travel to northern Italy and bring plague back to England on their return, in this updated version of one of the bard's earliest works.


----------



## Pickman's model (Jun 30, 2020)

andysays said:


> Two Gentlemen of Corona
> 
> Two stereotypical ex Footlights actors travel to northern Italy and bring plague back to England on their return, in this updated version of one of the bard's earliest works.


changing two letters but still very good


----------



## andysays (Jun 30, 2020)

Pickman's model said:


> changing two letters but still very good


I considered starting a new thread with a slightly different title, but I think I got away with it.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 30, 2020)

Bamlet

Kitchen sink depiction of Glasgow's youngest bam, and his terrible fate.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jun 30, 2020)

OT? Hello!

The church of Scientology welcomes its first operating thetan.


----------



## porp (Jul 21, 2020)

Animal Fart

Scatological remake of George Orwell's best feature length cartoon

"I must shite harder..." Said Boxer


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 21, 2020)

_The Greatest Cape_

The prisoners of Stalag Luft III have given up on escape and focus instead on developing the best poncho in the world


----------



## Yossarian (Jul 21, 2020)

_The Man in the Iran Mask_

Pandemic hijinks from Sascha Baron Cohen, who tricks President Trump and other senior Republicans into wearing a face mask with the Iranian flag on it.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 21, 2020)

_The Sud Fucker Proxy_

Screwball comedy about a gormless sap who is duped into some weird soap-banging kinky shit by a greedy corporate hack


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 21, 2020)

_Withnail On Di_

Feckless thespian escapes his grotty life in north London for a holiday in Paris, only to suffer a calamitous breakdown - in more ways than one!


----------



## A380 (Jul 22, 2020)

The Princess Bridge

“Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, the toll for cars is £1.60.”


----------



## krtek a houby (Jul 22, 2020)

Close Encounters of the Third Kin

Keepin it all family in the hills.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jul 22, 2020)

Roadkill said:


> *Reach for the Sty*
> 
> In which a demobbed ex-Spitfire pilot decides to take up pig farming.


 I must read the whole of this thread one day. If only I had the time.


----------



## Roadkill (Jul 22, 2020)

UrbaneFox said:


> I must read the whole of this thread one day. If only I had the time.



Reached its peak here IMO. This post still makes me chortle.


----------



## danny la rouge (Jul 22, 2020)

Koyaanisqasi

Not really Koyaanisqatsi.


----------



## platinumsage (Jul 22, 2020)

The Tobacconism - 10 years after the UN ratified the global ban on cigarette sales, a new cult sweeps through the mid-western USA.


----------



## billy_bob (Jul 22, 2020)

danny la rouge said:


> Koyaanisqasi
> 
> Not really Koyaanisqatsi.



*Joins rush to show he (i) knows the quite obscure film and (ii) gets the quite obscure wordplay


----------



## platinumsage (Jul 22, 2020)

I At Woman - When the sheriff of the isolated town of Woman, Arizona is murdered on Easter Day in 1872, the son of a local Navajo chief is a prime suspect.


----------



## platinumsage (Jul 22, 2020)

Stir Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back  - determined not to be outdone by those pesky yanks and their newfangled KitchenAid mixer, a plucky Brit inventor seeks help from India to produce a rival product that he hopes will take the world by storm.


----------



## JimW (Jul 22, 2020)

The People Under The Sitars. 
A young boy breaks into George Harrison's mansion but is horrifying trapped when the star's instrument rack collapses.


----------



## petee (Jul 22, 2020)

UrbaneFox said:


> I must read the whole of this thread one day. If only I had the time.



some gems in here really.


----------



## deeyo (Jul 22, 2020)

DaveCinzano said:


> _The Greatest Cape_



hope.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 22, 2020)

_Pant Labyrinth_

Faunographic version of the Del Toro original, set in a maze made of underwear


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jul 22, 2020)

_The Killing of Fister George_

The FBI's search and destroy team's hunt for serial sex offender George Adams


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 22, 2020)

Monty Python's the Wife of Brian

Been out saving the soul of that Mary Magdalene tart ave yer? (Said while Brian has returned home after barely escaping from the Roman grammar Nazis)


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 23, 2020)

Nymph O'Maniac

Irish sexpot works her way through the elderly bachelors of the parish.


----------



## spanglechick (Jul 23, 2020)

Oh What a Lovely Car!

Joan Littlewood’s biting Satire on the contribution personal motor transport has made to pollution deaths.  Features sing-a-long ditties and Jeremy Clarkson as General Haig.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 23, 2020)

The Pi Who Loved Me

Driven mad by loneliness and social awkwardness, a mathematician etc. etc.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jul 24, 2020)

The Discreet Char of the Bourgeoisie

One simply can't get servants like that any more. One whiff and they're away selling stories to Hello! and writing their 'memoirs'.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 24, 2020)

*The Wages of Bear*

A humble polar bear becomes a truck driver on Canada's infamous Road of Death.

*Get Darter*

An enraged Kevin Rowland hunts poor Jocky Wilson through the corridors of Broadcasting House.


----------



## belboid (Jul 24, 2020)

UrbaneFox said:


> The Discreet Char of the Bourgeoisie
> 
> One simply can't get servants like that any more. One whiff and they're away selling stories to Hello! and writing their 'memoirs'.


The Discreet Pharm of the Bourgeoisie



Poshos search for a tactful dealer


----------



## billy_bob (Jul 24, 2020)

Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodor

Corrupt fascist libertines kidnap a fleet of anthropomorphic trains and do mindbogglingly disgusting things to them.

Unavailable since the estate of Reverend W. Awdry issued a rather sternly worded cease and desist order.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 24, 2020)

DotCommunist said:


> 'pecific rim
> 
> 
> targetted arse tonguing


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 24, 2020)

billy_bob said:


> Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodor
> 
> Corrupt fascist libertines kidnap a fleet of anthropomorphic trains and do mindbogglingly disgusting things to them.
> 
> Unavailable since the estate of Reverend W. Awdry issued a rather sternly worded cease and desist order.


Always had a bad feeling about Hatt


----------



## Raheem (Jul 24, 2020)

Lie Hard

Bruce Willis plays a senior government advisor forced into reading out a statement about how he was only driving to test his eyesight.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 24, 2020)

_Beyond The Poser Don Adventure_

David Starkey is trapped in a capsized cruise liner after an ill-judged pop historical outburst


----------



## Raheem (Jul 25, 2020)

Fridge Over the River Kwai

I don't want give the ending away, but we all know they eventually gave up on the fridge in favour of another means of getting across.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 25, 2020)

_Seven Bridges For Seven Brothers_

Technicolor musical about a bunch of siblings who really fucking love civil engineering


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 25, 2020)

The Discrete Harm of the Bourgeoisie

An unemployed academic rants dementedly for two hours about the concept of structural violence.


----------



## Raheem (Jul 25, 2020)

The Discreet Chart of the Bourgeoisie

Some statisticians hold a dinner party.


----------



## Saul Goodman (Jul 25, 2020)

Two Mules for Fister Sara.
Western bestiality porn, with a fitting 70s soundtrack that was recorded on a Grundig tape recorder with a weak pinch roller spring.


----------



## Artaxerxes (Jul 25, 2020)

Grindmouse.

The secrets of what really goes into a happy meal


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jul 26, 2020)

The Discreet Harm of the Bourgeoisie

Tristan, overwhelmed his ambitious, hothousing parents, hangs himself during Freshers Week, when he realises he is but an entirely average student.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jul 26, 2020)

The Singing Defective

Callous Victorian parents exploit their handicapped son by forcing him to perform music hall hits in a touring freak show.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 26, 2020)

_In The Realm Of The Menses_

Oshima's historical cock-chopping art-house shocker earns a C21 _The Worm That Turned_-esque gender-reversal reboot, with a female hotel manager using her position to relentlessly pursue a lowly male staff member for a torrid affair, and to shove boiled eggs up his grandad's foreskin


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 26, 2020)

_Two Moles For Sister Sara_

A golf-hating sex worker comes up with an ingenious but convoluted plan to spoil the fun of the good-walk-ruiners whose course abuts her nun-themed brothel


----------



## spanglechick (Jul 26, 2020)

The Flair of the White Worm.

Schlocky horror.  Costumes by Versace.


----------



## passenger (Jul 26, 2020)

.


----------



## JimW (Jul 26, 2020)

The Di Screetch Arm of the Bourgeoisie - some posh lad has a tasteless prosthesis made that screams like the late princess as she careened into the tunnel.


----------



## Yossarian (Jul 26, 2020)

_The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Laver_

The wife of an oafish London gangster embarks on an ill-fated attempt to get more seaweed dishes on the menu of an upscale restaurant he has taken control of.


----------



## billy_bob (Jul 26, 2020)

The Discrete Charm of the Bourgeoisie

Several middle-class people living alone in separate houses during a pandemic lockdown use the gift of time to bake and write more.

(Don't disappoint me now, Urban homophone fans)


----------



## hippogriff (Jul 26, 2020)

Watership Dawn

Rabbits get up early


----------



## Saul Goodman (Jul 26, 2020)

Watershit Down
The story of two prohibition bootleggers who made millions from diluting the illegal moonshine they were running.


----------



## billy_bob (Jul 26, 2020)

Watership Mown

A bunch of rabbits discover the grass above their warren is shorter than before. Bad news if you're a rabbit, but not quite as harrowing as the original.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 26, 2020)

Breastless.

French tit man suffers deprivation.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 26, 2020)

Aboot le Soufle.

Quebeckers and Anglophone Canadians meet in battle royal.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 26, 2020)

Betty Flue

Beatrice Dalle gets stuck in a chimney.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 26, 2020)

The Barbarian Evasions

Attila and friends wisely don't get suckered by the seductions of civilisation.


----------



## Saul Goodman (Jul 26, 2020)

Carlito's Gay.

Imprisoned for 30 years, Carlito Brigante finally comes out.


----------



## belboid (Jul 26, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> Betty Flue
> 
> Beatrice Dalle gets stuck in a chimney.


Btty Blu

Beatrice Dalle discovers everything is better with ecstasy.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 26, 2020)

Betty Glue

Horrific depiction of substance abuse in the bainlieus.


----------



## prunus (Jul 26, 2020)

W for Vendetta.  German-language version of the classic dystopian thriller.


----------



## JimW (Jul 26, 2020)

The Park Knight - after a surfeit of Arthurian folk tales, a young Welsh lad takes up station by the boating lake and challenges anyone who comes past to a fight with broom handles.


----------



## hippogriff (Jul 26, 2020)

The Ode Couple

Hilarious personality clash as two poets cohabit


----------



## mx wcfc (Jul 26, 2020)

I'm not going back over 123 pages, but has anyone done

The Worriers

Bunch of youngsters have a think, and decide it's not worth the trouble.


----------



## maomao (Jul 26, 2020)

billy_bob said:


> Watership Mown
> 
> A bunch of rabbits discover the grass above their warren is shorter than before. Bad news if you're a rabbit, but not quite as harrowing as the original.



* coughs *









						Change a movie title by one letter to create an entirely different film
					

Right of the Living Dead - zombie bill passes second reading




					www.urban75.net


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Jul 27, 2020)

Love in a mold climate

Gritty Northern avoidance of yeast infections


----------



## Raheem (Jul 27, 2020)

Slide in Flames

A very very cheap remake of The Towering Inferno, set on a kids' playpark.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 27, 2020)

mx wcfc said:


> I'm not going back over 123 pages, but has anyone done
> 
> The Worriers


Use the search function, dingus!


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 27, 2020)

prunus said:


> W for Vendetta.  German-language version of the classic dystopian thriller.


_M For Vendetta_ 

All the freedom fighting Guy Fawkes stuff is just a fantasy world dreamed up by a murderous paedophile as a means of justifying his grooming of Evey


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jul 27, 2020)

prunus said:


> W for Vendetta.  German-language version of the classic dystopian thriller.


_M For Vendetta_ 

All the freedom fighting Guy Fawkes stuff is just a fantasy world dreamed up by a murderous paedophile as a means of justifying his grooming of Evey


----------



## JimW (Jul 27, 2020)

V for Vienetta - this multi-layered comic book adaption has sweet moments.


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 27, 2020)

Dial N for Murder.

Murder plot fails due wrong number confusion.


----------



## Johnny Doe (Jul 27, 2020)

A Zoom For Romeo Brass 

Coming of age tale of online lessons, in an unlikely plot about a global pandemic.


----------



## billy_bob (Jul 27, 2020)

maomao said:


> * coughs *
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Er... Marc Webb-style reboot?


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 27, 2020)

Faces High

Rod the Mod and friends get, like, really fukcing high dude, where did you get this stuff?


----------



## hippogriff (Jul 27, 2020)

The E-Shaped Room

French woman gets high in Notting Hill


----------



## platinumsage (Jul 27, 2020)

Black Wafer: Abyss 

Every morning Gerald is served a cup of tea by the nursing home staff with a pink wafer biscuit. However one morning he is horrified to discover the biscuit is black. This plunges him into a deep, dark rage which he harbors inside himself, unleashing it on an unsuspecting world on Halloween.


----------



## Pickman's model (Jul 27, 2020)

supermoan: an extraterrestrial lands on earth, and as a journalist fills pages of the daily planet with grousing, whining and lamenting


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 27, 2020)

Faliens

Gross-out comedy involving the galaxy's clumsiest xenomorphs.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 27, 2020)

*The Manchurian Randy Date*

Original title "Confessions of a Maoist Cadre". Still banned in Taiwan.


----------



## SpookyFrank (Jul 27, 2020)

*Chariots of Fir*

Some blokes heroically try to make chariots out of a wood that's ill-suited to general carpentry while some cunt plays the same six notes over and over again on an electric piano.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jul 27, 2020)

*Hook: Back in Anger*

Henry Winkler gives a soaring performance as the educated but disaffected pirate captain of working class origin, permanently cast as villain. Now Hook wants revenge on the crocodile who ate his severed hand.

Crocodile voiced by Robin Williams.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jul 27, 2020)

*Giff Gaff*

When dodgy scaffolding leads to the death of his best friend, grieving Ricky Tomlinson forms a phone company big on community and offering support offered by you, the paying customer, 24-7. Naturalistic portrayal of modern Britain by Ken Loach.


----------



## Artaxerxes (Jul 27, 2020)

The Slawman

When good Mayo goes bad. 

(its 2 letters but I love the concept to much to care)


----------



## JimW (Jul 27, 2020)

*The Loo King Class War*

Gentleman Jim has always been top plumber in Pembury but now some trust fund kiddie has started up a rival business offering bespoke u-bends and artisan ballcocks. Jim's not going to stand for some posho pulling his chain.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jul 27, 2020)

SpookyFrank said:


> *Chariots of Fir*
> 
> Some blokes heroically try to make chariots out of a wood that's ill-suited to general carpentry while some cunt plays the same six notes over and over again on an electric piano.


Clearly they were *Woodfellas*


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 27, 2020)

Looked back through some of the older posts on this thread. frogwoman was on fire a lot of the time.


----------



## A380 (Jul 27, 2020)

Ice mold in Alex

After crossing the desert in an old ambulance a band of adventures thrown together escaping the siege of   Torbrook discover a respect for their enemies but are disappointed to find the barman at a hotel in Alexandria hasn’t properly cleaned the ice cube maker.


----------



## A380 (Jul 27, 2020)

The Breath of Stalin.

Beriya are Malenkov are too terrified to tell their boss he should use a mouthwash.


----------



## A380 (Jul 27, 2020)

Krill Bill

Uma Thurman’s Bride   seeks revenge on an ocean full of tiny shrimps and phytoplankton for an unknown and yet stylish reason.


----------



## petee (Aug 1, 2020)

_The 40 Steps_

Entertainment hall mnemonist pushes it, gets shot.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 1, 2020)

Metro Polis

Corrupt Glasgow polis goes about his daily round - extracting bribes from massage parlour owners, beating up jakies, you name it.

Petropolis

Crime thriller set in the oil producing centres of the Niger Delta (this would work I think).


----------



## isvicthere? (Aug 1, 2020)

A380 said:


> The Breath of Stalin.
> 
> Beriya are Malenkov are too terrified to tell their boss he should use a mouthwash.



The dearth of Stalin: lack of tyrannical bully boy in top echelons of Soviet Union leads it to go soft and lose the Cold War before it really began. (Also: only one letter change!)


----------



## petee (Aug 7, 2020)

_Barman Returns_

A customer waits to the brink of patience for another vodka tonic.


----------



## JimW (Aug 7, 2020)

The Metrix - Neo discovers there is a parallel to his world of feet and inches where things divide neatly by ten.


----------



## Raheem (Aug 7, 2020)

Twelve Years a Shave

The harrowing true story of a very slow barber.


----------



## Raheem (Aug 7, 2020)

Pilates of the Carribbean

Newfangled exercise comes to Trinidad.


----------



## maomao (Aug 7, 2020)

Pie Rates of the Carribean.

Jack Sparrow, a junior accountant at the Trinidad Inland Revenue, uncovers widespread VAT fraud in the hot food sector leading to swashbuckling thrills.


----------



## isvicthere? (Aug 8, 2020)

Blend it like Beckham. Former Spice Girl eschews a career in fashion design to concentrate on healthy nutrition.


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 8, 2020)

The God Lather - a born again Christian product development executive working for a multinational purveyor of personal grooming products receives divine inspiration for a groundbreaking liquid soap formulation.


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 8, 2020)

The DOD Father - biopic of James Forrestal, the first United States Secretary of Defense.


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 8, 2020)

The God Fat Hen - an animated Easter adventure from Pixar


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 8, 2020)

The Gad Father - sequel to The Gadfly, based on the book of the same name by Mikhail Shishkin


----------



## Raheem (Aug 8, 2020)

Bend It Like Peckham

Enfield competitive balloon animal team seek to emulate their more successful South London rivals and bring silverware back to the community hall for the first time since decimalisation.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 8, 2020)

platinumsage said:


> The Gad Father - sequel to The Gadfly, based on the book of the same name by Mikhail Shishkin


Shostakovich's soundtrack later lifted for the theme to "Reilly, Face of Spies', about an MI5 agent infiltrating his local Mod scene.


----------



## JimW (Aug 8, 2020)

The Lido in Winter - perhaps even too slow paced if beautifully realised, as the pool's not open until next April at the earliest.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 8, 2020)

The Leon in Winter

Who would have expected Mexico to be this cold?


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 8, 2020)

Ben Did Like Beckham - a college student is reknowned for professing his visceral hatred of the retired English soccer legend, but after a serious head injury sadly proves fatal his last will and testament takes everyone by surprise.


----------



## Flavour (Aug 8, 2020)

Back to thy future.

i'm sick of modern versions of shakespeare plays. instead: let's shakespearianize 1980s films.


----------



## Raheem (Aug 8, 2020)

Back to Tha Future

...or Yorkshirise them.


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 25, 2020)

We Net - a team of animal collectors for private menageries aim to win a TV talent show by bringing in a record catch of hippos in just 24 hours.


----------



## Reno (Aug 25, 2020)

Is this dad-joke central ?


----------



## Buddy Bradley (Aug 27, 2020)

Coldfinger.

James Bond goes for his annual prostate exam.


----------



## PTK (Aug 27, 2020)

No Mask. Jim Carey wanders the streets of New York City coughing on people.


----------



## JimW (Aug 27, 2020)

Kenet - a shadowy organisation recruits an unnamed operative for a canoe trip outside Reading.


----------



## PTK (Aug 27, 2020)

Fatman Returns. A US bomber crew has a crisis of conscience and decides not to drop the second atomic bomb.


----------



## PTK (Aug 27, 2020)

Avengers: Infinity Pool. An alliance of superheroes battles evil local authority bureaucrats who refuse planning permission for the installation of a new swimming pool in the back garden of their terraced council house in Milton Keynes.


----------



## PTK (Aug 27, 2020)

Die, Daniel Blake. A vicious inhumane government minister implements legislation that deprives ill people of their social security benefits. (Come to think of it, that was what happened both in reality and in I, Daniel Blake).


----------



## maomao (Aug 27, 2020)

PTK said:


> Avengers: Infinity Pool. An alliance of superheroes battles evil local authority bureaucrats who refuse planning permission for the installation of a new swimming pool in the back garden of their terraced council house in Milton Keynes.


It's one letter different not one word.


----------



## PTK (Aug 27, 2020)

maomao said:


> It's one letter different not one word.


Profuse apologies to all.


----------



## Raheem (Aug 27, 2020)

The Gove Bug

A mysterious disease is making everyone act like an unbearable posh Scottish dickhead.


----------



## PTK (Aug 27, 2020)

Planet of the Aps. A group of astronauts crash-lands onto an Earth-like planet, with a humanoid population in thrall a strange portable technology.


----------



## PTK (Aug 27, 2020)

Yonder Woman. A new female superhero, whose special ability is to be able to appear instantly on the horizon


----------



## PTK (Aug 27, 2020)

Supermax. Superman is detained in a maximum security Federal prison in the USA for being an illegal alien.


----------



## PTK (Aug 27, 2020)

Watch Me If You Can. Leonardo DiCaprio takes part in an international gurning contest.

Match Me If You Can. In 1950s small town America Leonardo DiCaprio receives hideous facial injuries in an accident, then signs up with a dating agency.

Patch Me If You Can. One Monday morning in 1960s rural America Leonardo DiCaprio’s favourite pair of jeans suffers horrendous damage in an accident involving a piece of agricultural machinery. He hopes to wear them to the high school hop at the end of the week, and the race is on to find someone with the requisite tailoring skills.


----------



## PTK (Aug 27, 2020)

{Variations on Gone Girl}

Bone Girl. A biopic about the childhood of a palaeontologist. 

Cone Girl. A biopic about the childhood of a member of a road maintenance crew.

Tone Girl. A heart-warming story about one girl’s struggle to be accepted in a church choir.

Lone Girl. The story of the childhood of someone who will grow up to assassinate a president, on her own initiative, and definitely not as part of a conspiracy.


----------



## PTK (Aug 28, 2020)

A Few Wood Men

A tale of a team of jobbing carpenters who roam a post-Apocalyptic land fixing damaged houses. “You can’t handle the roof!” cries one at the climax of the film. In a moving confession, the object of the accusation admits that he never finished his apprenticeship, because he was forced to drop out to care for his sick mother. He is in fact not a skilled carpenter, but a bodger.

 �\�U,�I_�.��^


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 28, 2020)

Blame it on Dio

Fly on the wall documentary following rockers Dio on tour, and documenting the trail of wrecked hotel rooms they leave in their wake.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 28, 2020)

Yeast of Eden

James Dean starts hipster bakery.


----------



## Idris2002 (Aug 28, 2020)

Rouble Indemnity

In the twisted world of the Russian oligarchs, an insurance agent dreams of the perfect crime.


----------



## PTK (Aug 30, 2020)

The Modfather {The Godfather}

It is the late 1980s, and across the length and breadth of Britain dozens of men and women in their twenties discover that they are in fact the offspring of an irresponsible scooter-riding follower of a 1960s fashion conscious youth trend.


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 30, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> Yeast of Eden
> 
> James Dean starts hipster bakery.




Plane Toft, he apes

A businessman attempts to build a copy of the sleepy Cambridgeshire village of Toft on an artificial island in the Pearl River delta.


----------



## PTK (Aug 30, 2020)

Gone With the Wine {Gone With the Wind}

A gang of criminals with sophisticated palates travel the land raiding the wine cellars of stately homes and mansions.


----------



## PTK (Aug 30, 2020)

The Codfather {The Godfather}

North Atlantic fish stocks have declined catastrophically. Marine biologists discover that one species faces imminent extinction. They begin a desperate race to find the last fertile male cod, so that they can catch it and begin a breeding programme. However, a ruthless gang of tuna traders has decided that it will stop at nothing to thwart them.


----------



## petee (Aug 30, 2020)

platinumsage said:


> Plane Toft, he apes
> 
> A businessman attempts to build a copy of the sleepy Cambridgeshire village of Toft on an artificial island in the Pearl River delta.



how does the plane come into it?


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 30, 2020)

petee said:


> how does the plane come into it?



It's kinda flat around there.


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 30, 2020)

B, ill & fed, faceth EMu (sic) 

After eating his last meal and delirious with malaria, the mysterious warrior-priest known only as B journeys to fight the mighty bird-God.


----------



## petee (Aug 30, 2020)

platinumsage said:


> It's kinda flat around there.



but that would be "plain".


----------



## PTK (Aug 30, 2020)

petee said:


> but that would be "plain".


Planes are flat too.


----------



## PTK (Aug 30, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> Rouble Indemnity
> 
> In the twisted world of the Russian oligarchs, an insurance agent dreams of the perfect crime.


I thought of something like this, but you beat me to it.


----------



## JimW (Aug 30, 2020)

Cage Musha - in one of the great Japanese auteur's only foreign-set films, a petty thief and Alaskan sled driver bears an uncanny resemblance to a Hollywood icon and err... you fill in the rest.


----------



## platinumsage (Aug 31, 2020)

The War wi' Thug-ran DPA - A pluky Yorkshireman takes the corrupt Dubai Ports Authority to court when his shipment of wool goes missing.


----------



## Mation (Aug 31, 2020)

Another Darth - in which we discover that Vader is also a twin, but that it has no bearing on the likelihood that he will father twins.


----------



## Mation (Aug 31, 2020)

Glazing Saddles - documentary following participants in an extreme equestrian tournament.


----------



## Roadkill (Sep 10, 2020)

*Barmy of Shadows* - in which former _resistantes_ are slowly driven mad by post-war civilian life.


----------



## porp (Oct 16, 2020)

Three Men End A Baby

Unreleased alternative ending of corny 80s family feelgood drama, in which Ted Danson and his two flatmates choose infanticide over cheap laughs. Certificate 18.


----------



## platinumsage (Oct 16, 2020)

Ghosn Busters: Afterlife - The hunt for Carlos Ghosn, the former Renault executive wanted for financial misconduct, who after being apprehended in Lebanon escapes to paradise pursued by a group of specialists from Kyoto University


----------



## Mation (Oct 17, 2020)

Attack the Clock - terror plot to destroy Big Ben/St Stephen's Tower.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Oct 17, 2020)

Gack to the Future

Time-travelling coke-dealing


----------



## DaveCinzano (Oct 17, 2020)

JuanTwoThree said:


> Gack to the Future
> 
> Time-travelling coke-dealing


GREAT SNOT!


----------



## Spundamental (Oct 26, 2020)

Hazed and Confused.  The hilarious story of a young man’s initiation ceremony by a college football team. A team he isn’t on and a school he doesn’t attend


----------



## Idris2002 (Oct 26, 2020)

Barcelrona

Harrowing depiction of American expats trapped in lockdown Catalonia.


----------



## Raheem (Oct 26, 2020)

Parcelona

Catalan language remake of Postman Pat.


----------



## Idris2002 (Oct 26, 2020)

La Shaine

Through a series of misadventures, a Nevada cowboy turns up in a French suburb.


----------



## Idris2002 (Oct 26, 2020)

The Wife Aquatic

AKA I Married a Mermaid


----------



## Jay Park (Oct 26, 2020)

Bootlicking Troopers

StarshipTroopers but without the message of what US fascistic imperialism would look like in the future, and just plain old fash, goose-stepping.


----------



## Jay Park (Oct 26, 2020)

Completely Shut Doors.

Sliding Doors but the train doors won’t actually open so everyone stands there, huffing and sighing at first, then becoming passive aggressive with fellow passengers, then an all out riot - Royal Rumble style. Then the Hulk enters....



and throws every cunt off the platform, rips the doors open, and drives the train.


----------



## krtek a houby (Oct 26, 2020)

One letter, Jay


----------



## Jay Park (Oct 26, 2020)

krtek a houby said:


> One letter, Jay



Shut Doors?


----------



## Jay Park (Oct 26, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> La Shaine
> 
> Through a series of misadventures, a Nevada cowboy turns up in a French suburb.



which arrondisment? Le soixante-neuf?


----------



## Idris2002 (Oct 26, 2020)

Jay Park said:


> which arrondisment? Le soixante-neuf?


Baisez mon cul


----------



## Jay Park (Oct 26, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> Baisez mon cul



I mean, I would, but shouldn’t we take it slowly? I don’t wanna rush this thing we have.


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Oct 26, 2020)

Pratty in Pink

6' 4" 16 stone middle-aged man makes an ill-advised colour choice of trousers.

Autobiographical


----------



## Raheem (Oct 26, 2020)

Jay Park said:


> Shut Doors?



Gliding Doors
Sliding Moors


----------



## Idris2002 (Oct 26, 2020)

Jay Park said:


> I mean, I would, but shouldn’t we take it slowly? I don’t wanna rush this thing we have.


*Seul contre vous*


----------



## Jay Park (Oct 26, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> *Seul contre vous*



now you’re getting bold mate


----------



## Jay Park (Oct 26, 2020)

Idris2002 said:


> *Seul contre vous*



tu n'es pas seul


----------



## Idris2002 (Oct 26, 2020)

*La Thinoise*

Parisian actress/models compete to be thinnest


----------



## Jay Park (Oct 26, 2020)

China Clown

Jack Nicholson playing exactly the same character with exactly the same storyline, yet, you’ve guessed it: dressed as a clown


----------



## andysays (Oct 26, 2020)

Jay Park said:


> China Clown
> 
> Jack Nicholson playing exactly the same character with exactly the same storyline, yet, you’ve guessed it: dressed as a clown


I don't think you've really grasped the point of this thread, Jay


----------



## Jay Park (Oct 26, 2020)

andysays said:


> I don't think you've really grasped the point of this thread, Jay



To not be a burden, I’m gonna do-one

au revoir


----------



## Jay Park (Oct 26, 2020)

JuanTwoThree said:


> Pratty in Pink
> 
> 6' 4" 16 stone middle-aged man makes an ill-advised colour choice of trousers.
> 
> Autobiographical



that’s my wine all over the dinner table


----------



## paul mckenna (Oct 26, 2020)

JimW said:


> _Turn After Reading_ - an insider's look at life for the lorry drivers who keep our supermarket distribution networks moving.


brilliant


----------



## JuanTwoThree (Dec 26, 2020)

The King's Peach

George VI gets his arse shaved to overcome his fear of speaking in public


----------



## Artaxerxes (Dec 26, 2020)

Local Heron: The tranquility of the local pond is shattered when a new heron appears and cultures clash.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jan 11, 2021)

*Gregory's Grill*

Bizarre tale of Scotchman's attempt to bring barbecue culture to the inclement climes of northern Caledonia.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jan 11, 2021)

_Gregory's IRL_
Scottish teen goes cold turkey from social media


----------



## Mation (Jan 13, 2021)

The Last Days of American Crimp

A history of fickle fashions in hairstyling and salon tools.


----------



## platinumsage (Jan 15, 2021)

A Quiet Plane - a documentary about Burt Rutan's failed secret twenty project to create a silent wide-body airliner.


----------



## platinumsage (Jan 15, 2021)

The Park Tower - Chad Worthington spends his days towing illegally parked vehicles for the National Park Service until one day he has a chance encounter with a reluctant maid of honor at a Yosemite Valley wedding


----------



## paul mckenna (Jan 15, 2021)

JimW said:


> _Turn After Reading_ - an insider's look at life for the lorry drivers who keep our supermarket distribution networks moving.


brilliant


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jan 15, 2021)

JimW said:


> _Turn After Reading_ - an insider's look at life for the lorry drivers who keep our supermarket distribution networks moving.





paul mckenna said:


> brilliant





paul mckenna said:


> brilliant


Is that your final answer?


----------



## JimW (Jan 15, 2021)

paul mckenna is clearly a poster of exceptional good taste and perspicacity and in no way on my payroll.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jan 15, 2021)

JimW said:


> paul mckenna is clearly a poster of exceptional good taste and perspicacity and in no way on my payroll.


----------



## hitmouse (Jan 15, 2021)

Lent: Musical following young people in 1980s New York as they struggle to give up various indulgences for a period before Easter


----------



## hitmouse (Jan 15, 2021)

Get Owt: Jordan Peele's acclaimed psychological horror film where a shy bairn goes to meet his girlfriend's Yorkshire family.


----------



## hitmouse (Jan 15, 2021)

Celine and Julie Go Booting: Classic French film about two young women who bond by kicking the shit out of everyone they meet.


----------



## hitmouse (Jan 15, 2021)

Meat Girls: Lindsey Lohan tries to fit in with the popular clique after starting a new job at a meatpacking factory.


----------



## platinumsage (Jan 15, 2021)

The Sound of Phi Ladel Shia - In New York, a group of Muslims with a fetish for bent cooking implements which conform to the golden ratio plan a flash-mob percussion concert on Fifth Avenue.


----------



## hitmouse (Jan 15, 2021)

Hen: Spike Jonze film exploring technological alienation through the story of Joaquin Phoenix developing an increasingly close emotional bond with a chicken. Features the voice of Scarlett Johansen making a variety of squawking and clucking sounds.


----------



## hitmouse (Jan 15, 2021)

Ket Carter - Michael Caine goes to Newcastle and takes a lot of tranquilizers.

The Byrds - Hitchcock's classic adaptation of du Maurier's tale of a small town terrorised by a sinister jangly folk-rock band.

Pear and Loathing in Las Vegas - a thinly-fictionalised version of Hunter S Thompson sets out to cover the Mint 500 motorcycle race, but then he drinks too much Kopparberg and has to go for a lie down.
or alternatively:
Bear and Loathing in Las Vegas - a large ursine mammal performs tricks in a circus on the Strip, and doesn't like it very much.

Mime Bandits - another Terry Gilliam classic, telling the story of a group of pickpockets who distract their victims by pretending to be trapped in an invisible box or something and then very quietly nick their wallets.


----------



## hitmouse (Jan 15, 2021)

The Straight Tory - a Conservative MP drives around in a tractor looking for people to engage in heterosexual intercourse with.


----------



## JimW (Jan 15, 2021)

How To Train Your Drag One - RuPaul offers parenting tips on the best way to bring up your most fabulous offspring.


----------



## stdP (Jan 15, 2021)

The Grand Budapest Hovel - Heartwarmingly mawkish makeover drama. Waking up after a two-month binge on meths, an impoverished Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen vows to bring dignity and leopardskin ruffles to the Hungarian homeless.


----------



## deeyo (Jan 15, 2021)

Artaxerxes said:


> Local Heron: The tranquility of the local pond is shattered when a new heron appears and cultures clash.


lo cal heron - '_the nutrition will not be televised'_ -documentary bout gil scotts slighly less well known cousin. and his lifelong struggle to keep the perfect weight to height ratio.


----------



## porp (Jan 15, 2021)

Five Etsy Pieces

Jack Nicholson showcases a mixture of inspired craft and derivative tat


----------



## DaveCinzano (Jan 16, 2021)

porp said:


> Five Etsy Pieces
> 
> Jack Nicholson showcases a mixture of inspired craft and derivative tat


His $10 ‘lucky dip’ parcels are particularly popular: “You gotta BIG surprise comin' to you, pls leave feedback”


----------



## UrbaneFox (Jan 16, 2021)

*The Missouri Breads*

Montana badlands baker, Pride Warburton, is a self-made millionaire. He has transformed his vast and rugged land into a thriving market for steam-baked, partially cooked wheat bread.

But then comes a gang of crustlers (Jack Nicholson, Harry Dean Stanton and Randy Quaid) with kitchen-tested, artisan recipes with longer fermentation times, and step-by-step tutorials, giving the locals the confidence to bake and cook from scratch.

What follows is a series of complex, brutal, savage, bread-based murders that no-one ever thought possible.


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 18, 2021)

Chitty chitty gangbang

Shameless porn remake of children's classic.


----------



## Favelado (Apr 18, 2021)

Apocalypse Nowt.

Thermonuclear war comes to Yorkshire, but is shrugged off by unconcerned locals.


----------



## Riklet (Apr 18, 2021)

Point Bread

A gang of master bakers carry out secret diamond robberies, before hiding the jewels baked in baguettes. A young police agent is hired and trained in master baking in order to infiltrate the operation and work out where the (stale) baguettes have been stored.


----------



## BigMoaner (Apr 18, 2021)

Drainspotting


----------



## BigMoaner (Apr 18, 2021)

Stephen King's Tit


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 18, 2021)

BigMoaner said:


> Stephen King's Tit


Pretty sure that innumerable TV and film producers gave suckled that dry already


----------



## billy_bob (Apr 18, 2021)

Black Klinsman

Poor-taste sports comedy starring Martin Lawrence in multiple roles.

(I know, I've cheated by one letter)


----------



## cyril_smear (Apr 18, 2021)

PTK said:


> The Modfather {The Godfather}
> 
> It is the late 1980s, and across the length and breadth of Britain dozens of men and women in their twenties discover that they are in fact the offspring of an irresponsible scooter-riding follower of a 1960s fashion conscious youth trend.



Stylised “ Quaraphenia” for the American market


----------



## krtek a houby (Apr 18, 2021)

"Wank" Oscar baiting indulgence concerning the making of Citizen Kane. Anticlimactic.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Apr 18, 2021)

On The Paterfront

Tortured Prince of the Realm, Charlie, could have been a contender for the prize title, but for his domineering, critical father, who sold him to one of Scotland's toughest prep schools, and his indestructible Mater.

Crushed by his disastrous marriage, battling sons, useless brother(s) and complete lack of any purpose whatsoever, his love for his horse forces him to testify against his gang-ridden upper crust empire.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 18, 2021)

The Mangy Saints of Newark - much-anticipated Sopranos prequel, telling the story of some extremely scruffy Italian-Americans in 1960s New Jersey.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 18, 2021)

Sorry to... But her? You?  - Lakeith Stanfield stars as a call centre employee whose life is turned upside down when he learns that his partner is cheating on him with his best friend while in the middle of a routine sales call.

Or alternatively:
Lorry to Bother You - Boots Riley's directorial debut, a sci-fi comedy based around a sinister company bent on creating a race of half-human, half-lorry creatures.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 18, 2021)

Evil Dean - Bruce Campbell and friends are stalked through the woods by a malevolent senior academic.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 18, 2021)

The Texas Chair Saw Massacre - not-particularly-scary horror in which Leatherface runs amuck and carves up a tremendous amount of furniture.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 18, 2021)

Kevin and Merry Go Large - deeply confusing comedy following the adventures of one sulky teenager and one hobbit as they explore Ibiza together.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Apr 18, 2021)

She's Gotta Shave It

Nola Darling is a young, attractive New Yorker, juggling three suitors. Her carefree, sexually liberated life comes crashing down when her three boyfriends meet and compare notes.

Sponsored by Veet Bikini Wax Strips


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 18, 2021)

A Day at the Raves - the Marx Brothers have a proper massive one.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 18, 2021)

hitmouse said:


> A Day at the Raves - the Marx Brothers have a proper massive one.


Great buncha lads - Grouch-E, Harp-E, Chic-E and even Zepp-E and Gumm-E


----------



## stdP (Apr 19, 2021)

Bill and Ted Fake the Music - Saviours of the universe "Bill" S. Morvan and "Ted" Theodore Pilatus are demonised and the future of the planet is cast in to doubt when it's revealed that they didn't actually sing their own humanity-saving anthems.

The Wages of Year - Desperate workers in a remote oil field in South America struggle to complete their tax returns accurately due to a poorly documented discretionary bonus payment from a nitroglycerin shipment.

Knives Cut - Self-explanatory whodunnit where it's revealed that cutting utensils used in a stabbing motion are able to stab and cut things.

The Big Sheep - Morally dubious shepherd Philip Marlewe struggles to protect his prize ram Rutledge from a sinister conspiracy.


----------



## Orang Utan (Apr 19, 2021)

Let The Tight One In - a serial round-avoider attempts to access a festival without paying


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 24, 2021)

Blue Eel Vet: Kyle MacLachlan stars as the innocent veterinarian drawn into the seedy underbelly of small-town American life after he begins to investigate the strangely discoloured wildlife appearing in local rivers and ponds.


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 25, 2021)

007 travels to Jamaica to discover the evil genius adversary he was expecting to confront is actually just...

Dr Nob.


----------



## BigMoaner (Apr 25, 2021)

Wet Cemetry


----------



## BigMoaner (Apr 25, 2021)

James and The Giant Reach Around


----------



## BigMoaner (Apr 25, 2021)

Randyman

If you say his name three times he gets his bum out.


----------



## JimW (Apr 25, 2021)

One Hundred and One Dals at Ians - Cruella De Ville is determined to get her hands on the enormous stash of tasty lentil broth round some bloke's house.


----------



## platinumsage (Apr 25, 2021)

God Sill, AVS KO Ng

When his invention that would have revolutionized window framework construction fails to gain traction among angel investors, Guangdong-based entrepreneur Ng Lee decides to forge a new path with his groundbreaking ideas for the third-generation audio-visual coding standard, which are set to deal a blow against the incumbent frameworks.


----------



## Elpenor (Apr 25, 2021)

Womadland

Frances McDormand is stuck in the Nevada desert filled with assorted world music acts and forms an attachment with Peter Gabriel, who drops her plate at the campsite.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 25, 2021)

*Rod Help the Girl*

Young person in crisis discovers the early 70s waxings of Rod Stewart, and never looks back.

*City of Rod*

It's 1979 and Rod Stewart is the toast of Rio's favelas - but a rival plans to bring it all crashing down.

*Children of a Lesser Rod*

The former Faces singer discovers that an impersonator has been plying his trade, and using his name, in southern California's sperm donor banks. Hijinks ensue.


----------



## BigMoaner (Apr 25, 2021)

Castle Cock


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 25, 2021)

*Aguirre, Wrath of Rod*

Rod Stewart tries to build opera house in the Brazilian jungle.
*
The Man Who Sued Rod*

Billy Connolly pursues Mrs Stewart's boy through the courts.

*In Rod we Trust*

All others pay cash


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 25, 2021)

*God Diggers of 1933*

Archaeologists unearth an ancient temple in Mesopotamia - and unleash an ancient evil

*The Philadelphia Tory*

Bacon baron is blackballed by Philadelphian high society, after his unspeakable secret is revealed - "one might tolerate pig fucking, but to be a Tory as well".

*I was a Mole War Bride*

Wartime comedy romance: Cary Grant stars as an anthropomorphic talking mole, who marries a GI.


----------



## BlanketAddict (Apr 25, 2021)

B.T. (phone home)


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 25, 2021)

*The Hake*

Rudolf Valentino cast against type as a Grimsby fishmonger.
*
The Hitchhikers Gide to the Galaxy*

French aesthete Andre Gide takes the audience on a tour of the galaxy's best absinthe bars.

*In the Name of the Lather*

Hipster barber Daniel Day-Lewis goes on quest for the ultimate shaving foam.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Apr 25, 2021)

_Wangs Of New York_
High budget melodrama about the little-known mid-19th century phenomenon of dick-measuring contests in the Big Apple


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 25, 2021)

Driving Piss Daisy - Explores the life-changing consequences that ensue after the protagonist wets herself in the back of a taxi.

Bringing Ur-Baby - Classic screwball comedy where Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant raise the original prototype baby that all other babies are descended from, possibly in the Garden of Eden or something?


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 25, 2021)

Nest Side Story - highly unconventional musical reworking of the Romeo & Juliet story, where all the characters are birds.


----------



## BlanketAddict (Apr 25, 2021)

The Lizard Of Oz.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 25, 2021)

The Post Weekend - A harrowing, unflinching depiction of a man who spends his whole weekend pissing about on the internet and not getting anything done.


----------



## Raheem (Apr 25, 2021)

*Forrest Dump*

A short film set in woodland. Boring and slightly off-putting. There's a bear in it.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 25, 2021)

DaveCinzano said:


> _Wangs Of New York_
> High budget melodrama about the little-known mid-19th century phenomenon of dick-measuring contests in the Big Apple


*Yangs of New York*

Pushed too far by the mainstream Democratic party, mayoral candidate Andrew Yang wreaks a terrible revenge upon the woke hypocrites.


----------



## JimW (Apr 26, 2021)

Idris2002 said:


> *Yangs of New York*
> 
> Pushed too far by the mainstream Democratic party, mayoral candidate Andrew Yang wreaks a terrible revenge upon the woke hypocrites.


Ganges of New York - a small drainage ditch in Long Island bizarrely becomes a site of pilgrimage and mass ritual bathing.


----------



## krtek a houby (Apr 26, 2021)

Fangs of New York

19th century vampires fight tooth and nail in the Five Points for dominance


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 26, 2021)

Po: Darren Aronofsky's bleak, intense, black-and-white big-screen adaptation of the Teletubbies.


----------



## platinumsage (Apr 26, 2021)

Judes and the Black Messiah

A 16th century printer of bibles is put on trial for heresy when he publishes an edition of the new testament that contains a number of errors, including three copies of the Epistle of Jude, and a misprint of "Jesus turned black" instead of "Jesus turned back".


----------



## platinumsage (Apr 26, 2021)

Nom All And

Pac-Man has an existential crisis after literally eating everything


----------



## JimW (Apr 26, 2021)

No, Mad Lard! Can anyone stop this crackpot fat lad on a rampage?


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 26, 2021)

Singing in the Drain: Stephen King's IT remade as an inappropriately cheery musical.


----------



## deeyo (Apr 26, 2021)

sinking in the rain - a solemn look at the wet last days of those of gods creatures who didn't get tickets for noahs cruise.


----------



## stdP (Apr 27, 2021)

Tsargate - the mystery of the ancient Romanov's is uncovered when an interplanetary gateway transports a historian to an alien world ruled by a sinister monk.

Requiem for a Cream - three friends Eric, Ginger and Jack spend a glorious summer sitting on top of the world getting high on their successes... but winter brings a crossroads showing the union was born under a bad sign.

Shallot Grave - cautionary tale of greed where the accidental destruction of some prize-winning onions brings an end to the friendship of three competitive gardeners.

Ringu - a plasticine penguin is terrorised by the spirit of a vengeful seal who passes from victim to victim via a demonically possessed fish.

Bose Tomahawk - aspirational native Americans insist on only high fidelity utensils for their cannibalistic rituals.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Apr 27, 2021)

Singing in the Raid

Plucky Londoners sing their hearts out beneath underground stations as the Luftwaffe demolishes the East End.


----------



## petee (Apr 27, 2021)

_Snakes on a Plane_

herpetologically-senstive remake of _Flatland_, with Samuel L. Jackson as The Square

(actually doesn't qualify as there are no changes)


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 28, 2021)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Minh: Extremely enthusiastic biopic about the Vietnamese leader

Dead Man's Shots: Following the untimely death of his brother, Paddy Considine inherits his considerable collection of tequila, sambuca and schnapps.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 28, 2021)

*The Flight of the Goves*

A nephew and niece of Michael Gove are pursued by their evil uncle all the way to the Aran islands.

(inspired by this exercise in stage Irishry, well maybe that's unfair, I haven't seen it in years: Flight of the Doves - Wikipedia)


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 28, 2021)

The Green Mine: Threatened with the loss of their traditional industry, the Grimethorpe Colliery Band have to come together and find a way to make coal carbon-neutral. Starring Tom Hanks and Pete Postlewhaite.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 28, 2021)

*Crassed Off*

Punk vegans annoy everybody


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 28, 2021)

12 Angry Len

The veteran trade unionist clones himself 11 times to stay at the helm of Unite rather than step down in '22


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 28, 2021)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mild - Jim Carrey goes to the pub and drinks several lovely pints, and then wakes up the next day with all his memories of the night before having been erased.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 28, 2021)

Revo Man - Emilio Estevez stars as the alienated young man who's recruited into the Workers Power youth section by Harry Dean Stanton.

Or:

Repot Man - A young punk gives up on his dead-end job at a supermarket and dedicates himself to growing houseplants.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 28, 2021)

DotCommunist said:


> 12 Angry Len
> 
> The veteran trade unionist clones himself 11 times to stay at the helm of Unite rather than step down in '22


*12 Angry Fen*

Irate Trekkies set phasers to stun after being pushed too far by the Trekkie Assassination Squad


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 28, 2021)

Jurassic Parka - in a future where mods have gone extinct, an overambitious scientist sets out to clone them from some DNA found on a Vespa. Featuring him off Seinfeld whose name I can't remember as the leather-jacketed villain whose interference leads to disaster.

The 400 Blobs - Noel Edmonds stars in François Truffaut's universally loathed French arthouse film, shot entirely in black and white and pink and yellow.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 28, 2021)

Night Hare on Elm Street - everyone else suggests that it was probably a rabbit, but Johnny Depp knows what he saw.


----------



## UrbaneFox (Apr 28, 2021)

They Died With Their Boobs On

Showdown Battle at the Hollywood Bowl when Errol Flynn (Ru Paul) confronts a deadly attack by transphobic neo-Nazis.


----------



## Yossarian (Apr 28, 2021)

petee said:


> _Snakes on a Plane_
> 
> herpetologically-senstive remake of _Flatland_, with Samuel L. Jackson as The Square
> 
> (actually doesn't qualify as there are no changes)



Snakes on a Plate - the Anthony Bourdain story


----------



## Yossarian (Apr 28, 2021)

Snakes on a Plant - gripping 36-hour documentary captures the Malagasy leaf-nosed snake's patient wait for prey in real time


----------



## Yossarian (Apr 28, 2021)

Snakes on d Plane - Snakes have fantasies too. Unfortunately for Mr. Roarke's diminutive assistant, one of them involves finding people small enough to digest comfortably.


----------



## Raheem (Apr 28, 2021)

*Shakes On a Plane*

Samuel L Jackson is told by a member of cabin crew that there's no ice cream, so he asks what else there is.


----------



## DotCommunist (Apr 28, 2021)

Snapes on a Plane

-The potterverse barrel is being scraped in this solo adventure for the notorious wizard


----------



## deeyo (Apr 28, 2021)

snakes on ape lane - the chimpanzees, gorillas and baboons are panicking since a accident in the terrarium let the vipers loose. will mr jackson, the old zookeeper, save the day yet again?


----------



## Elpenor (Apr 28, 2021)

*Stat Wars*

The long-standing and mean battle between the warring factions of standard deviation and regressive analysis.


----------



## stdP (Apr 28, 2021)

Shakes on a Plane - a distinguished pilot conceals his Parkinson's disease from his crew, with cataclysmic results. No-nonsense aerial dairy operator Samuel L. Jackson's is called upon to cool those jets before disaster strikes.

Shapes on a Plane - introductory Open University course in to 2D geometry.

Snakes on a Plate - Comedy starring Steve Irwin as a chef desperately trying to conceal his café's unique selling point from an ophidiophobic restaurant critic.

Snakes on a Plato - Historial fantasy starring John Belushi as an ancient Greek philosophy student who tries to steal Asclepius' walking stick with unexpectedly hilarious results.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 28, 2021)

About Da Soufflé - Jean-Luc Godard film following the adventures of a hard-bitten Noo Yawk chef. (Searching the thread I see that someone nearly did this joke five or six years ago, but didn't do this exact one.)


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 28, 2021)

View to a Kiln

007, sensing his days at MI6 are numbered, contemplates a career move into pottery.


----------



## Raheem (Apr 29, 2021)

isvicthere? said:


> View to a Kiln
> 
> 007, sensing his days at MI6 are numbered, contemplates a career move into pottery.


There's also the follow-up, *Licenced to Kiln*, where 007 finally graduates evening classes.


----------



## belboid (Apr 29, 2021)

Secret Arm

Until he finds the secretary of his dreams, the embarrassed BDSM lover had to use this to carry out his hidden desires


----------



## belboid (Apr 29, 2021)

No Mad Wand

Alastor Moody loses his magical device in desperate Harry Potter spin-off


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Apr 29, 2021)

*The Saddam's Family*
Ba'athist hallowe'en comedy sees Uncle Fester try to trick his brother out of control of Iraq. Saddam's spooky goth children, Uday and Qusay, uncover their uncle's disloyalty and there are laughs a-plenty as he is fed into a wood-chipper


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Apr 29, 2021)

*Honey, I Shrunk the Skids*
Rick Moranis expects his wife to be pleased when he begins boiling his soiled undergarments on the family cooker.


----------



## Humberto (Apr 29, 2021)

Charlie and the chocolate factor

Charlie realises chocalate isn't the be all and all, and has to accept global perspectives.


----------



## Humberto (Apr 29, 2021)

Raging Gull

Seagull has a bad day on the chips scaveging and attacks a pasty eating child


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Apr 29, 2021)

*30*
King Leonidas blames the persian invasion on woke social-distancing regulations


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Apr 29, 2021)

*Lack Beauty*
When passengers refuse to get into a cab pulled by such an ugly beast, his owners sell him to be made into Findus frozen lasagnes.


----------



## JimW (Apr 29, 2021)

Snakes on a PLA NEC - Somebody in the upper echelons of the Palestinian movement is working for the enemy.


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 29, 2021)

Under Mick, Wood.

Rolling Stones´ lead singer asserts his position in the band´s hierarchy.


----------



## isvicthere? (Apr 29, 2021)

Humberto said:


> Raging Gull
> 
> Seagull has a bad day on the chips scaveging and attacks a pasty eating child



There's a sequel when the seagull, having feasted voraciously on angrily-procured pasties, develops a serious weight problem....

Raging Bulk.


----------



## rekil (Apr 29, 2021)

Snakes Own A Plane - documentary following their attempt to go legit and set up a charter flight firm on the eve of a global pandemic


----------



## platinumsage (Apr 29, 2021)

Snag Es on a Plane - In a daring attempt to smuggle many tonnes of ecstasy tablets into the United States whilst evading authorities, a cartel attempts an ingenious solution whereby packages are picked up from a specially designed tower by swooping aircraft.


----------



## Pickman's model (Apr 29, 2021)

the gins of navarone

allied special forces capture an artisanal gin distillery


----------



## WouldBe (Apr 29, 2021)

Jabs - in an attempt to stop his east coast holiday resort being put into lockdown chief Brody dons scuba gear and vaccinates unwitting swimmers and surfers.


----------



## Pickman's model (Apr 29, 2021)

jams - genetically modified fruit objects to being turned into conserves in a coastal american town


----------



## Yossarian (Apr 29, 2021)

Star Jars - this all-Gungan remake of Episode IV - A New Hope was the last project George Lucas completed before he was institutionalised.


----------



## danny la rouge (Apr 29, 2021)

Baws - just when you thought it was safe to dangle them in the water ...


----------



## platinumsage (Apr 29, 2021)

For Cep 0 from Na Var One - A gourmet mushroom researcher isolates a new variant of edible mushrooms from his sodium-rich variety of experimental mycelium inoculations.


----------



## platinumsage (Apr 29, 2021)

Just Ice Society: World Wax II - A global candle making contest is disrupted by a new team of entrants using a novel cold-based manufacturing process.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 29, 2021)

Pickman's model said:


> the gins of navarone
> 
> allied special forces capture an artisanal gin distillery


Starring Oliver Reed as himself.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 29, 2021)

U Vitelloni.

Aimless young Italian men insist that it is their neighbour, not they, who resembles a young calf.


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 29, 2021)

Rashes and Diamonds

At the "special clinic" in Warsaw, STI cures are exchanged for black market diamonds


----------



## Idris2002 (Apr 29, 2021)

The Ion Has Wings

Subatomic particle takes flight


----------



## Pickman's model (Apr 29, 2021)

Top gin - a squadron of pilots enter a distilling competition


----------



## stdP (Apr 29, 2021)

The Woman in Blacks - Jennet Humfrye is sent on a year-long hiking tour by her sister and has to purchase suitable outdoor clothes and shelter from the high street.

The Acre of Blood - Prideful smallholder Vincent Price was driven to suicide when he failed to win the Cabbage Circle Award two years ago... but now he's back to enact vegetable-themed revenge on those he thinks have wronged him and gain some bonemeal fertiliser for his asparagus.

Where Eagles Date - Avian romance set against the backdrop of war-torn Bavaria.

Stank By Me - a small group of friends on the cusp of adolescence embark on a quest to discover if he who smelt it actually dealt it.


----------



## Cid (Apr 29, 2021)

The Wrath of Chan - The federation left Jackie Chan behind, now he must seek his revenge.

The phantom menage - an exploration of the relationship between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Amidala. Bertolucci directs.

War Morse - Misguided reboot, War Morse fails to justify its alternate timeline trench-nazi setting.

Funkirk - WWII comedy romp.

Paint Break - Bank robbers leave a trail of white footprints that point to one thing, the local painters and decorators. Keanu Reaves imbeds.


----------



## belboid (Apr 29, 2021)

Snoke's on a Plane

Another Star Wars spin off, where the young Supreme Leader of the First Order to be first learnt about true evil. Flying Dublin to Majorca on Ryanair.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 29, 2021)

The Unvouchables - Al Capone and his friends attempt to join an exclusive private members club, but find that no-one is willing to risk their reputation by nominating them.

The Unouchables - The latest Marvel film introduces a team of superheroes who are incapable of feeling pain.

The UN Touch Abe S - Confusing big-screen Simpsons adaptation where a complicated mix-up leads to Grandpa Simpson being called in front of the United Nations to answer for war crimes.


----------



## Cid (Apr 29, 2021)

Miami Mice - Fievelverse pivots into the world of drug smuggling. See also Miami Mice: Director's cut. And Miami Mice: expanded edition. And Miami Mice: the final version, honest guv.

Marin Antoinette - Cheech and Chong are back, and they will hotbox the Hall of Mirrors.


----------



## deeyo (Apr 29, 2021)

shite heat - cody jarrett wreaks vengence upon the gas company whose leaking pipes killed his ma and left him psychotic & suffering from headsplitting migraine.

white meat - cody jarrett tries elimination diet to cure his migraine.

white seat - a modern hustling cagney wannabe finds out that teslas famous stain resistant interior might stand up to wine spill, but not to the manic  grinding of pomade-soaked hair during cocaine-induced migraine attacks.


----------



## Saul Goodman (Apr 29, 2021)

IP - The story of a clown that sues McDonald's for copyright infringement.

EP - The story of a vinyl-based life-form that has just 20 minutes to live.


----------



## hitmouse (Apr 29, 2021)

The Grind Budapest Hotel - Documentary following Napalm Death as they tour Hungary.


----------



## Cid (Apr 29, 2021)

Something's gotta Gove - Nancy Myers rom-com charts the unlikely relationship between a Tory Times journalist and another Tory Times journalist.


----------



## stdP (Apr 30, 2021)

Apocalypse Nog - A distinguished Vietnam general goes mad on hearing that the only shipment of Advocaat has been destroyed shortly before Christmas.

Night Trawler - Jake Gyllenhall plays a sociopath inexorably drawn to the seedy world of late-night fishing.

Galaxy Quint - Aliens watching shows from Earth abduct a drunken Robert Shaw, thinking him a real-life hunter, to rid them of a terrifying menace stalking their oceans...

Cross of Tron - Jeff Bridges finds himself trapped inside a Sam Peckinpah movie.

Mink the Bismarck - Even wartime shortages and patriotic fervour can't stop the Royal Navy wanting to make the pride of the Kriegsmarine look fabulous fur her first tour of the North Atlantic.


----------



## belboid (Apr 30, 2021)

Battle of the Liver Pate

Obscure Powell & Pressburger satirising the race for the Dardenne's in world war one.


----------



## belboid (Apr 30, 2021)

Cattle of the River Plate

Short film on the rare pygmy bovines who somehow manage to survive a semi-aquatic life on the banks of the famous river.


----------



## belboid (Apr 30, 2021)

Apocalypse, Not

Millennials couldn't give a fuck about Vietnam


----------



## AverageJoe (Apr 30, 2021)

Barman.

Surly service from a gravel faced, bum chinned, orphaned billionaire beer tender who wears a mask. There's no trouble in his pub


----------



## UrbaneFox (May 11, 2021)

Clift to the Gallows

French crime thriller in which homophobic protesters murder film star Montgomery Clift by forcing him into a malfunctioning elevator.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 12, 2021)

*Cliffbanger*
A BBC helicopter piloted by John Lithgow is batted away with a tennis racket by Sue Barker


----------



## Nine Bob Note (May 12, 2021)

*Fargos*
Store closures within the Sainsbury's group leaves people having to travel far and wide to spend the giftcards they got for Christmas


----------



## ruffneck23 (May 12, 2021)

The green mole


----------



## hot air baboon (May 30, 2021)

Stokey and the Bandit.

them good 'ole boys from the Potteries up to their hi-jinks again


----------



## hitmouse (May 30, 2021)

Leaving Las Vegan: Nicolas Cage breaks up with his Spanish lover after she asks him to adopt a cruelty-free diet.

Or alternatively:

Leaving Das Vegas: Man in the High Castle-type story set in an alternate timeline where Germany won WWII.

Leaving LAN Vegas: Nicolas Cage is a well-known figure in the Nevada Local Area Network gaming scene, but realises he's no longer interested.


----------



## JimW (May 30, 2021)

Saturday Night Fiver - even if he can smuggle a half bottle of vodka into the 'Spoons, Bob is going to be hard-pressed to make much of a night of it on this budget.


----------



## Idris2002 (May 31, 2021)

Vjango

The avenging antihero hangs up his shooting irons and moves to the south of France, where he paints impressionist masterpieces


----------



## rubbershoes (May 31, 2021)

Army of the Dean 

The Dean of Winchester Cathedral spends his time off duty playing with his model soldiers recreating the first day of the battle of the Somme. 

"You're dead. And you. And you, and all of you"


----------



## MysteryGuest (Jul 16, 2021)

Sheepless in Seattle - Can a Welsh hill farmer find love in the big city?

Gongs of New York - Previously battling gangs decide to set aside their differences to bathe in healing frequencies.  Not nearly as violent as the original.

Toys from Brazil Story 2.  Or something, I dunno.


----------



## belboid (Jul 16, 2021)

MysteryGuest said:


> Gongs of New York - Previously battling gangs decide to set aside their differences to bathe in healing frequencies.  Not nearly as violent as the original.


I’ve got the 2001 documentary on rival versions of the legendary Canterbury band touring America that goes by the same title.  

Ohh that Daevid Allen!


----------



## ohmyliver (Jul 16, 2021)

Human Triffic

Really annoying film about ex public school city boys out on the lash in the late '90s


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jul 16, 2021)

*4* *Hour Party People*
Ageing rave fans complain about the queue for tea and the sub-standard toilet facilities in the Hacienda.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jul 16, 2021)

*Jurassic Sark*
Lord Attenborough unleashes monstrous dinosaurs on the pedestrian tax-dodgers of Sark. After velociraptors chew through his ridiculous vineyards, the Barclay Brother hides in a kitchen cupboard.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jul 17, 2021)

*Air Force Gone*
President Harrison Ford must take a connecting flight - full of drunken British tourists heading to Orlando - following his Moscow conference.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jul 17, 2021)

*Star Wars: A New Pope*
Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru did not die in vain


----------



## BillRiver (Jul 17, 2021)

*Paris Is Gurning*

Fly-on-the-wall documentary featuring Paris Hilton on a typical (for her) Saturday night.


----------



## BillRiver (Jul 17, 2021)

*The Invisible Map*

Nobody knows where they are going, chaos ensues.


----------



## BillRiver (Jul 17, 2021)

*The Big Blur*

Arthouse, no clear plot, (camera lens was dirty).


----------



## BillRiver (Jul 17, 2021)

*The Umpire Strikes Back*

A fight during a cricket match ends with multiple casualties, one survivor.


----------



## BillRiver (Jul 17, 2021)

Return of The Hedi

French photographer comes home.


----------



## BillRiver (Jul 17, 2021)

Stat Wars

Mathematicians start bombing each other in row about data.


----------



## petee (Jul 17, 2021)

BillRiver said:


> *The Umpire Strikes Back*
> 
> A fight during a cricket match ends with multiple casualties, one survivor.



the trailer:


----------



## Yossarian (Jul 17, 2021)

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Zoom 

An elderly American archaeologist tries to use modern technology to supervise fieldwork from his home.


----------



## cyberpink (Jul 17, 2021)

E.E.

Alien with long neck and red finger gets lost on earth and hooks up with some crybaby kid in 1983 before realising there are some mad pills available in NYC at the disco


----------



## isvicthere? (Jul 17, 2021)

There will be blond! Maverick oilman is totally determined to dye his hair a fun colour prior to a rare night out.


----------



## hitmouse (Jul 17, 2021)

Green Root: A hardcore punk band decide to start growing herbs and vegetables, but trouble ensues when the allotment plot next to theirs turns out to belong to a gang of nazi skinheads.

OR:

Green Roof: After accepting a last-minute gig offer in rural Oregon, a band go up on to the roof of the venue for a cheeky spliff, not realising the door is one of those ones that automatically closes after you and locks you out unless you prop it open. Can they get off the roof in time for their set?

My Mam Godfrey: Screwball comedy where Carole Lombard finds William Powell, a homeless man who has been ruined by the Great Depression, and decides to try convincing everyone that he's her mum.

No Man Holiday: Audrey Hepburn starts in this lesbian feminist classic.


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## hitmouse (Jul 17, 2021)

An Office And A Gentleman: Richard Gere plays a posho who gets a job in admin.


----------



## ohmyliver (Jul 17, 2021)

Star wars: a new nope.
2 obsessive Star wars fans attempt to pull at a Sci Fi convention


With hilarious consequences obv


----------



## isvicthere? (Jul 18, 2021)

American History F.
Edward Norton fails his exam, and, instead of spending the summer doing nazi/skinhead stuff, has to concentrate on revision for his September re-sit.


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## Nine Bob Note (Jul 21, 2021)

*The Ping*
Those who view a mysterious NHS app are required to stay at home for ten days. No one dies - in fact, not much happens at all, as that's the fucking point.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jul 21, 2021)

*Mulder on the Orient Express*
When posh people on the famous train turn up anally-probed, there's only one man for the job. Unfortunately, Poirot is busy waxing his moustache.


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## Nine Bob Note (Jul 21, 2021)

*Shop Girls*
Elizabeth Berkely works her way up the greasy pole in WH Smiths


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## Raheem (Jul 21, 2021)

*No Time to Dig*
Monty Don finds his new career as a spy a bit more full-on than he expected and asks for flexible working so he can keep up with his main passion.


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## krtek a houby (Jul 21, 2021)

Doctor Ni


Bond takes a knight out


----------



## hitmouse (Jul 22, 2021)

Raging Hull - Jake LaMotta is fucking furious about the decline of the fishing industry.


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## rekil (Jul 22, 2021)

rubbershoes said:


> Army of the Dean
> 
> The Dean of Winchester Cathedral spends his time off duty playing with his model soldiers recreating the first day of the battle of the Somme.
> 
> "You're dead. And you. And you, and all of you"


Peter Cushing liked doing this. 



Spoiler


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## DaveCinzano (Jul 22, 2021)

_American History FX_
Marvel at Paul Revere making his legendary ride astride a dragon! Gasp as the Statue of Liberty comes to life and beats off Godzilla! Whoop as a motioncaptured Andy Serkis deepfaked with T2-era Arnie's face and physique mows down Geronimo, Cesar Chavez, Bin Laden, Monica Lewinsky, Malcolm X, Chelsea Manning and the Dixie Chicks with a giant CGI minigun because U! S! A!


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## JimW (Jul 23, 2021)

DaveCinzano said:


> the Statue of Liberty comes to life and beats off Godzilla!


They make some right weird filth in that there Japan.


----------



## Raheem (Jul 23, 2021)

*Play Minty For Me*
Terry Wogan, played by Clint Eastwood, gets an unexpected request for anything by a certain forgotten 90s art-pop collective.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jul 23, 2021)

*Jurassic Cark*
Lord Attenborough considers laserquest when his genetic experiments fail


----------



## Raheem (Jul 24, 2021)

*Moonwanker*

Documentary telling the story of Neil Armstrong, in the words of those who knew him.


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## JuanTwoThree (Jul 24, 2021)

Raheem said:


> *Moonwanker*
> 
> Documentary telling the story of Neil Armstrong, in the words of those who knew him.



Reminded me of this short-lived childishness



			https://www.urban75.net/forums/threads/change-walk-to-wa-k.369980/post-16453821


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## Idris2002 (Jul 27, 2021)

*Moonlaker*

Hijinks ensue as millionaire Freddie Laker starts budget space travel service to the moon and back.


----------



## Idris2002 (Jul 27, 2021)

*GOU Only Live Twice*

Iain M. Banks' scripted Bond movie (that would have been worth a watch, actually).


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 7, 2021)

_The Livers Of Others_

Little seen early adaptation of Thomas Harris' 1988 thriller novel _The Silence Of The Lambs_ made in the dying days of the DDR, in which heroic members of the Stasi bring to bear the very latest scientific socialist detection techniques in their collective efforts to track down a decadent Western serial killer.


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## Nine Bob Note (Sep 7, 2021)

*Lear Window*
The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea, in order to shove Mrs Owl's body and all her possessions in the water. Wrapped up in a five pound note.


----------



## mx wcfc (Sep 7, 2021)

I can't be arsed to go back though this thread but have we done the best film in the whole wild worlld ever, The Warriors?


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## Orang Utan (Sep 7, 2021)

mx wcfc said:


> I can't be arsed to go back though this thread but have we done the best film in the whole wild worlld ever, The Warriors?


you mean The Worriers?


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## Orang Utan (Sep 7, 2021)

Chaos Wanking - set in a post-apocalyptic/alien planet in which humans can only communicate via their sexual leavings. Only celebrate priests are able to decipher the spatter of orgasmic juices on porcelain like holy folk with tea leaves and livestock entrails


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 8, 2021)

mx wcfc said:


> I can't be arsed to go back though this thread


No stamina these youngsters 🙄


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 8, 2021)

Orang Utan said:


> celebrate priests


Are they the party vicars?


----------



## Saul Goodman (Sep 8, 2021)

DaveCinzano said:


> Are they the party vicars?


24 hour party preachers.


----------



## Orang Utan (Sep 8, 2021)

DaveCinzano said:


> Are they the party vicars?


damn you autoasphyxiation!


----------



## Yossarian (Sep 8, 2021)

Bleck Widow - Marvel lost $100 million and several studio execs lost their jobs after wildly overestimating public interest in a film about an Afrikaner assassin.


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## DaveCinzano (Sep 8, 2021)

Yossarian said:


> Bleck Widow - Marvel lost $100 million and several studio execs lost their jobs after wildly overestimating public interest in a film about an Afrikaner assassin.


_Bru Paul's Drag Race_ picked up big viewing figures early doors before audiences realised it was just a fly-on-the-wall series about a Saffie petrolhead


----------



## belboid (Sep 8, 2021)

*Can do Man*

A malevolent spirit from the past returns and does some DIY with appaling consequences.


----------



## belboid (Sep 8, 2021)

*Dandyman*

A nineteenth century fop returns and threatens to kill half the local town with nothing but hair powder and a cravat.


----------



## belboid (Sep 8, 2021)

*Bungle Cruise*

Tom gets into the legendary costume to try to save George & Zippy from the evil Mr Geoffrey.


----------



## Raheem (Sep 8, 2021)

*Cardyman
*
Say his name five times into a mirror and he'll put buttons on your jumper.*
*


----------



## Yossarian (Sep 8, 2021)

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Pings

Legend holds that he's now deleted the app.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 8, 2021)

*All the Right Goves*
Dreary NFL nonsense, remembered only for our next primeminister accidently showing his genitals in a mirror.


----------



## krtek a houby (Sep 8, 2021)

Jawas

The desert will remain open, despite the missing droids.


----------



## isvicthere? (Sep 8, 2021)

Singin´in the drain.

Dystopian nightmare, in which future cops Gene Kelly and Arnold Schwarzenegger team up and go below ground level to crush a rebellion of dissidents.


----------



## platinumsage (Sep 8, 2021)

Done

Some bloke called Paul is totally done with all the giant worm and spice shit in his life and fucks off to some place else to do something more boring.


----------



## Yossarian (Sep 8, 2021)

Caw Patrol: The Movie

Mayor Humdinger won't be doing much scheming after crows peck his eyes out


----------



## shifting gears (Sep 8, 2021)

Weld At Heart

Lynch’s Scottish opus following a down on his luck factory worker. Worth seeing for terrifying villain_ Jobbie Peru _alone.


----------



## T & P (Sep 8, 2021)

Pruella. The story of the gradual transformation of a fundamentally honest English hotelier’s wife into a soulless sociopath.


----------



## hitmouse (Sep 8, 2021)

Wanking Life - Some people felt this Richard Linklater film was a bit self-indulgent.


----------



## DaveCinzano (Sep 8, 2021)

_Spanking The Donkey_ - lacklustre adult animation spun off from _Shrek _in the wake of_ 50 Shades_


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Sep 9, 2021)

*Poirote*
A snooty Belgian bird publicly accuses people of terrible crimes unless placated with crackers


----------



## petee (Sep 10, 2021)

mx wcfc said:


> I can't be arsed to go back though this thread but have we done the best film in the whole wild worlld ever, The Warriors?











						Road ‘Warriors’: The Marathon That Looks a Lot Like a Gang War
					

A quasi-legal 28-mile road race through the streets of New York City in the middle of the night where everyone dresses as a gang member from a 1979 B-movie.




					www.nytimes.com


----------



## Storm Fox (Sep 10, 2021)

Gull Metal Jacket.

The birds get serious about obtaining chips


----------



## Buddy Bradley (Oct 15, 2021)

This thread on Reddit has had me cry-laughing for the last few minutes:


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Oct 16, 2021)

It's good to know people are getting Reddit platinum uber gold for shit I posted here years ago. You don't deserve me, really


----------



## petee (Nov 13, 2021)

The 300 Blows

misunderstood kid has it bad, but it could be worse.


----------



## Raheem (Nov 13, 2021)

The Z00 Blows

French kid is not impressed with Bristol's premier tourist attraction.


----------



## isvicthere? (Nov 13, 2021)

Sparta Cuss

Peloponnesian War epic, in which the Athenian army diss the mums of their adversaries.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2021)

*The 007 Blows*

Alternative title, "Childhood of an Agent".


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2021)

*Casa Bianca*

Ms. Jagger gets a nice house in the divorce


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2021)

*Elite Quad, Elite Quad 2*

First instalments in the long-running comedy series about a motley crew of quadbike enthusiasts. Widely blamed for a significat uptick in road traffic deaths.


----------



## Idris2002 (Nov 13, 2021)

Idris2002 said:


> *Wood's Cock the Movie.*
> 
> Naked hippy named Wood displays his genitalia for two hours.
> 
> Banned in Ireland for 20 years.


Then unbanned.

And promptly re-banned again.

Features such classics as "last Turkey in the shop" and "Groucho Marx"


----------



## Raheem (Feb 6, 2022)

*The Lives of Otters*

About woodland creatures spying on each other in the DDR.*
*


----------



## porp (Feb 9, 2022)

Dung

Worms and space stuff, but smellier


----------



## mojo pixy (Feb 9, 2022)

Dude.

Everyone else thought it was a desert planet but it's just a massive beach. The worms are inflatable. Drugs turn their eyes blue.


----------



## mojo pixy (Feb 9, 2022)

Coca

Heartwarming disney animation about a drug cartel's murderous shenanigans.

(Note to self: search before posting!)


----------



## Elpenor (Apr 28, 2022)

Bunfight at the OK Corral

A less bloody outcome this time when Virgil Earp asks whether having a cleaner is morally acceptable.


----------



## Yossarian (Apr 28, 2022)

Top Gun: Moverick

A 59-year-old retired fighter pilot throws his back out while helping his friend Richard move house.


----------



## rubbershoes (Apr 29, 2022)

Zune directed by Denis Villeneuve 

House Atreides remains convinced that the Zune was better than the ipod. 

"The Spice Girls must flow"


----------



## platinumsage (Apr 29, 2022)

Jurassic World Dom Onion

A former paleontologist carves out a new career running a sadomasochist theme park while dressed in their signature vegetable costume.


----------



## Yossarian (Apr 29, 2022)

She Batman

Him Tarzan. People may not understand or approve of their love, but they're just another couple trying to get by (and fight crime) in this mixed-up world.


----------



## JimW (Apr 29, 2022)

No Tim to Die.
A crackpot Rangers fan has a plan to blow up Parkhead but he's not a complete bastard so he's aiming for minimal casualties.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Jun 25, 2022)

*Gove Island*

Intellectually-deficient, morally-bankrupt tory chancers fight it out to impress the big dog for the star prize - maintaining a position in the only cabinet that would ever have them.


----------



## Nine Bob Note (Nov 1, 2022)

*Hallowe'en Special 2022*





*Scram*
Teenagers heed each others horror movie survival advice and go on to live long and dreary lives

*Shellraiser*
Pinhead gives up the Cenobyte gig to become a fossil fuel investor and makes huge fucking profits

*Don't Cook Now*
Julie Christie mourns her daughter, Donald Sutherland angrily follows her around closing doors and switching off lights

*Halloween 220*
Seriously, just let this fucking franchise die already

*Carre*
Stumbling upon a school gymnasium piled high with bodies, George Smiley dismisses the crazy telekinetic girl and insists the Russians gone done it


----------



## stdP (Nov 1, 2022)

I've missed the Hallowe'en window but clearly I need very little encouragement to scrape some more from the cutting-room floor.

*The Andromeda Train* - Slow-paced thriller. A signal failure at Betelgeuse and rail replacement work around the Blue Snowball nebula adds a further day to Dr. Jeremy Stone's already arduous 8.1 billion year journey to deliver exotic samples to a _very_ remote biosafety lab.

*Pip* - when Nicholas Cage's reclusive chef has his beloved Victorian orphan kidnapped, he's forced to embark on a surreal journey back to the seedy Oregon underbelly of Dickensian amateur dramatics he once turned his back on.

*Jodorowsky's Durex* - documentary examining in exquisite detail the story behind the tale of the most epic story never made about the humble prophylactic. Includes artist's impressions of Salvador Dali as _Mould No. 17_ and a complete storyboard sequence of Orson Welles as _Primary Latex Reservoir_.

*Rad Lieutenant* - Harvey Keitel plays a detective whose ollies are spiralling out of control. When a nun is violently assaulted by a fellow skater pulling a particularly sick aerial, he embarks on a personal quest for vengeance, absolution and some totally gnarly grinds.

*Hard Soiled* - no-nonsense Hong Kong cop Tequila has his mopping skills tested to the limit when ruthless gangsters start a gunfight whilst he's on nappy-changing duty in a hospital's maternity ward.

*Heaven's Gale* - overblown Western detailing the epic battle between entrenched landowners and incoming migrants, all desperate to monopolise the windmill market.

*My Dinner with Andrex* - Wallace is invited to dinner with an old friend whom he's not seen in years - but he hadn't expected him to bring his dozen playful puppies and their "toys"...


----------

