# The Apprentice 2015



## paulhackett (Oct 6, 2015)

They've announced the candidates. I got stuck at the one who has gone for the Flash Harry 2015 look.. 



Looking forward to seeing Claude each week.


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## bi0boy (Oct 6, 2015)

They need to replace Alan Sugar, he's too predictable now.


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## paulhackett (Oct 6, 2015)

Reading up.. one of Flash Harry's role models is Hugh Hefner


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## weltweit (Oct 6, 2015)

I watched the first series and enjoyed it, but found less and less enjoyment as the series' went on, I doubt I will muster the enthusiasm to see this one.


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## kabbes (Oct 6, 2015)

bi0boy said:


> They need to replace Alan Sugar, he's too predictable now.


Sooooo much this.


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## weltweit (Oct 6, 2015)

On a side note, I see Alan Sugar has been reported as saying that there are no properly poor people in Britain now. I expected to see a thread on here about it.


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## kabbes (Oct 6, 2015)

weltweit said:


> On a side note, I see Alan Sugar has been reported as saying that there are no properly poor people in Britain now. I expected to see a thread on here about it.


Thinking there should be a thread about what some rich nobhead thinks is a very weltweit thing.  Others don't think that way.


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## weltweit (Oct 6, 2015)

kabbes said:


> Thinking there should be a thread about what some rich nobhead thinks is a very weltweit thing.  Others don't think that way.


Some do, there is a thread about what Hunt is reported to have said ...


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## kabbes (Oct 6, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Some do, there is a thread about what Hunt is reported to have said ...


Hunt, the man in charge of the NHS, you mean?  Yes, that's just the same.


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## stavros (Oct 6, 2015)

Do we know when it actually starts? I saw a trailer before Strictly but it just said "coming soon". Will it be on Wednesday too, because if so I'll have to postponed Grand Designs to catch-up.


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## isvicthere? (Oct 12, 2015)

_<rubs hands in anticipation>_


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## belboid (Oct 13, 2015)

9pm tomorrow then.

Will they have done a fucking thing to update the series?  Or will it be the usual rubbish - a bunch of fucking idiots without a clue doing utterly pointless tasks that equip them for nothing more than being figures of hate?


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## weltweit (Oct 13, 2015)

I expect it will be the same as before.

Which is why I doubt I will be able to muster enough enthusiasm to watch it.


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## MarkyMarrk (Oct 14, 2015)

About to start with a double bill. I think it'll be the same. Sadly, I can't stop myself watching it.


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## Nanker Phelge (Oct 14, 2015)

Here we go. Twatfest uk.


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## Nanker Phelge (Oct 14, 2015)

Her in the rainbow suit is gonna go fast...


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## zoooo (Oct 14, 2015)

Aw, there's a pretty one. Hope he's a twat so I don't get a crush and get stuck watching this whole bloody series.


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## wtfftw (Oct 14, 2015)

Aww. He could've made a better case for sugerbabes. Seeing as the team line ups are interchangeable.


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## MarkyMarrk (Oct 14, 2015)

Why don't they realise a bit of humility goes a long way?


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## MarkyMarrk (Oct 14, 2015)

That avoiding anyone being project manager in Versatile was funny.


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## D'wards (Oct 14, 2015)

I predict the lowest viewing figures ever.

Looks like the British now have a taste for niceness and helping out your brother-man a la Bake Off, and losing the interest in seeing nobs backstab and blame everyone else for their own mistakes whilst taking credit for someone else's success. I wish this was true anyway.


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## zoooo (Oct 14, 2015)

MarkyMarrk said:


> Why don't they realise a bit of humility goes a long way?


I can only assume those people don't make it through the casting.


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## tommers (Oct 14, 2015)

Get your calamari!  Nice and British!


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## purenarcotic (Oct 14, 2015)

The one liners are just wonderful.  What a bunch of cunts.


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## MarkyMarrk (Oct 14, 2015)

£9 for a salad off the street!!


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## MarkyMarrk (Oct 14, 2015)

He went into a vegan restaurant with fish.


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## purenarcotic (Oct 14, 2015)

'A power hour'


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## zoooo (Oct 14, 2015)

I've only just got why he said Sugarbabes. 
I'm quick, me.


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## MarkyMarrk (Oct 14, 2015)

£1.87


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## MarkyMarrk (Oct 14, 2015)

I don't want the Jamaican woman to go. I think she will though. I don't think being black and female but confident will help her.


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## MarkyMarrk (Oct 14, 2015)

Dan seems nice. Get rid of Brett.


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## tommers (Oct 14, 2015)

MarkyMarrk said:


> Dan seems nice. Get rid of Brett.


Nice doesn't get you anywhere in business.  You need to have the balls of a concrete elephant.  

Dan nice but dim -  you're fired. 

Grrr.


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## zoooo (Oct 14, 2015)

Pretty much the only non cunt. Obviously goes first.


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## tommers (Oct 14, 2015)

Boom.


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## zoooo (Oct 14, 2015)

It's reminded me I shouldn't watch this shit. Just makes me depressed. I shall go back to just watching the You're Fired after-show!


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## tommers (Oct 14, 2015)

It's always had a very tenuous link to the real world.


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## Nanker Phelge (Oct 14, 2015)

I'm good at mathematics....

Ha ha


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## MarkyMarrk (Oct 14, 2015)

zoooo said:


> Pretty much the only non cunt. Obviously goes first.


Yes.


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## D'wards (Oct 14, 2015)

Why do you need to be good at selling crap food on the street to be an entrepreneur? Dan might have had a diamond business idea, that he could have got some other cocky prat to sell to the customer


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## tommers (Oct 14, 2015)

Jack dee?   I like him but is he a host?


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## Nanker Phelge (Oct 14, 2015)

Was he making them fish cakes 2.5inches and not 2.5cm


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## belboid (Oct 14, 2015)

Haven't seen tonight's yet, but suspect a friend of a friend was in it.

He came out of a meeting, desperately hungry, told his mate "I'm going to get the first thing I see" and immediately saw several over-eager salad sellers offering samples. He took a sample - and it was very nice, apparently - but then asked the price. At which point he laughed and walked off.  It was then he spotted various cameras lurking discreetly.


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## souljacker (Oct 15, 2015)

belboid said:


> Haven't seen tonight's yet, but suspect a friend of a friend was in it.
> 
> He came out of a meeting, desperately hungry, told his mate "I'm going to get the first thing I see" and immediately saw several over-eager salad sellers offering samples. He took a sample - and it was very nice, apparently - but then asked the price. At which point he laughed and walked off.  It was then he spotted various cameras lurking discreetly.



There was a bloke who said 'not for 9 quid mate' so maybe thats him.


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## Nanker Phelge (Oct 15, 2015)

When is 45 the age of the grey pound?


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## starfish (Oct 15, 2015)

I think i say this every series but this lot look even worse than the last lot.


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## souljacker (Oct 15, 2015)

Gary looks like he is perpetually skydiving.






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## tommers (Oct 15, 2015)

That McQueen guy is clearly there as a joke.


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## bi0boy (Oct 16, 2015)

D'wards said:


> Why do you need to be good at selling crap food on the street to be an entrepreneur? Dan might have had a diamond business idea, that he could have got some other cocky prat to sell to the customer



He didn't even have the sense to try and sell his talents to Sugar though. You don't keep saying "I can't sell, I really can't sell anything. Nope, not me." Instead you say something like "It was my first time trying to sell to the public and I learnt a lot so I can only get better at it, please give me the opportunity".


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## kabbes (Oct 16, 2015)

Yeah, he basically committed suicide, identifying himself as bad at core skills.  

If building an online business, you won't have to sell your product face to face to consumers but you likely will have to sell it face to face to investors.  The technique is very different, but displaying a total lack of understanding of how to engage is not a great start.


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## Nanker Phelge (Oct 16, 2015)

'so shoot me' ha ha


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## Maurice Picarda (Oct 16, 2015)

Nanker Phelge said:


> When is 45 the age of the grey pound?



It's difficult to get to 45 without a few grey hairs, to be fair. I suppose it's the idea that there is a homogeneous 40-95 market, addressable en bloc, that hurts.


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## kabbes (Oct 16, 2015)

I am certainly looking forward in a year's time to spending all my money on tartan shopping trolleys and boiled sweets.


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## Nanker Phelge (Oct 16, 2015)

kabbes said:


> I am certainly looking forward in a year's time to spending all my money on tartan shopping trolleys and boiled sweets.



And being 'afraid of anything new'


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## bi0boy (Oct 16, 2015)

Nanker Phelge said:


> And being 'afraid of anything new'



Don't worry, at 45 your grandchildren should be old enough to teach you how to use email.


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## Nanker Phelge (Oct 16, 2015)

I got 7 months left before 'THE FEAR' kicks in....

....better experience as many new things as I can before I am old and my only value is measured in grey pounds!


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## isvicthere? (Oct 17, 2015)

Nanker Phelge said:


> I got 7 months left before 'THE FEAR' kicks in....
> 
> ....better experience as many new things as I can before I am old and my only value is measured in grey pounds!



I remember when the internet was all fields. 

_<reaches for cane>_


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## stavros (Oct 20, 2015)

D'wards said:


> Why do you need to be good at selling crap food on the street to be an entrepreneur? Dan might have had a diamond business idea, that he could have got some other cocky prat to sell to the customer



Ah, that supposes that the point of the series is to launch a great and successful business.

I watched the first 25 minutes of the French version this afternoon, before the picture and sound went all out of sync and it became unwatchable. However, it seemed almost identical to our version: same music, same delayed entrance and corny lines by Bruno Bonnell, their Sugar, same egos amongst the contestants, and the equivalent helicopter panoramic shots of the Paris skyline.


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## Teenage Cthulhu (Oct 20, 2015)

Monsieur Sucre


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## stavros (Oct 21, 2015)

He looks more like Claude actually, in as much as he's bald. I saw a showbiz interview with him as well and he seemed quite affable, whereas I'm not sure Milord Sugar would be quite so liberal with letting the grumpy schtick go.


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## weltweit (Oct 21, 2015)

I must be sad, am watching this atm


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## weltweit (Oct 21, 2015)

As it happens, I have met one of the apprentices, and I can confirm that in real life they are very much the arrogant tosser they appear in the show!


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## isvicthere? (Oct 22, 2015)

I've been watching this since the end of series one, and belatedly begun to ask myself where these people come from. I'm too old to be in the age group they recruit from, and I was just wondering, how common are these types in the 20s/30s "demographic"? Have thirty years of neoliberal shit created a widespread type of business twat, or are they spectacular tossers, chosen for their arrant nobness?


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## Gromit (Oct 22, 2015)

I'm gutted. The only real reason to have The Apprentice was to watch Your Fired afterwards on BBC2. 

Unfortunately now it's Jack Dee it's just not funny any more. I'm not blaming Jack but the good writers obviously left with Dara.


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## Gromit (Oct 22, 2015)

Oh and Ramesh is on every week? 
But he ain't funny.


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## Teenage Cthulhu (Oct 22, 2015)

The American woman is the one I have chosen to enjoy hating. The way she holds her phone URGH.


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## stavros (Oct 22, 2015)

Some of the alleged French demonstrated last night was Del Boy-esque.

I prefer Nick to Claude. The latter doesn't have the former's mastery of the exasperated eye-roll.


----------



## weltweit (Oct 22, 2015)

I think the boys got off lucky with that toy boat, I didn't see the dimensions but I bet it was borderline at best, candidates have been slammed for those sorts of things in the past.


----------



## weltweit (Oct 22, 2015)

I suppose as I met one of the candidates I am now doomed to watch until they are fired.
Shouldn't be too long!


----------



## Gromit (Oct 22, 2015)

weltweit said:


> I think the boys got off lucky with that toy boat, I didn't see the dimensions but I bet it was borderline at best, candidates have been slammed for those sorts of things in the past.



If it had been close it might have come into play but even with a penalty they still would have won so they didn't bother making an issue of it.


----------



## belboid (Oct 22, 2015)

weltweit said:


> I think the boys got off lucky with that toy boat, I didn't see the dimensions but I bet it was borderline at best, candidates have been slammed for those sorts of things in the past.


I was sad enough to keep an eye out - it was 62" so did fit the spec. I did think that it was a borderline choice tho, and if it had been potentially decisive, Sugar would have gone with whatever suited his preferred team, rather than anything 'fair'


----------



## isvicthere? (Oct 23, 2015)

stavros said:


> Some of the alleged French demonstrated last night was Del Boy-esque.



Le best prix, monsieur? 

The American said she spoke French, but was not shown doing so. This leads me to believe that she was probably ok, and less entertaining than the sub-GCSE franglais which was actually broadcast.


----------



## Dan U (Oct 23, 2015)

weltweit said:


> I suppose as I met one of the candidates I am now doomed to watch until they are fired.
> Shouldn't be too long!


You gonna tell us who, even after the sacking?


----------



## weltweit (Oct 23, 2015)

Dan U said:


> You gonna tell us who, even after the sacking?


Nope, going to keep it a secret, or at least try to!!

I was so amazed seeing this person on the program having already met them and decided they were arrogant good for nothing and no good, but I suppose that is just that type of person this program attracts!


----------



## stavros (Oct 28, 2015)

Products for pet-lovers starts in twenty minutes.


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Oct 28, 2015)

Should of binned em both off...


----------



## colacubes (Oct 28, 2015)

Nanker Phelge said:


> Should of binned em both off...



Yep.

Scott was the first one in the boardroom so far who hasn't come across as an absolute bellend tbf.


----------



## souljacker (Oct 28, 2015)

I thought Ruth could have done well in this series but she didn't sell tonight which always fucks you up.


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Oct 28, 2015)

colacubes said:


> Yep.
> 
> Scott was the first one in the boardroom so far who hasn't come across as an absolute bellend tbf.



He's a bit too gentle for this game


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Oct 28, 2015)

He was trying to save them both...


----------



## weltweit (Oct 28, 2015)

Watching "you're fired" atm .. I like Jack Dee et al


----------



## kabbes (Oct 29, 2015)

Whazzitface was pilloried by Sugar and Karen Brady Capitalist Lady for his various balloon decisions, but his balloons outsold the other team's trinkets by over 25% and, in fact, came close to matching the other team's high ticket item, which is effectively unheard of.  Given that, I can't see how they get off being so condescending about it.

Yes, it "doesn't take a rocket scientist" to see that you have to sell 140 balloons at a fiver to match one cat tower at £700.  But it also doesn't take one to see that you actually have a chance of selling 140 balloons for every cat tower.  (Otherwise, why would anybody bother selling low value stuff?)  And it takes a cretin to make that fatuous comparison in the first place given that you had to choose two low value and one high value item by the rules of the game.


----------



## Dan U (Oct 29, 2015)

I've bought one of those balloons before. They are like fly paper for toddlers and above. 

I'm sometimes not sure if they use the editing and commentary from sugar and his crew to make you look the other way to keep the suspense. 

It seemed obvious to me whoever had the balloons would win. The guy reckoned he sold nearly 1000 of them previously on one day ffs


----------



## kabbes (Oct 29, 2015)

They undoubtedly edit to create a story, but Sugar and cronies still said the things they said.

They also put too much store by things that happened due to luck.  A good salesperson will average over time more sales than a poor salesperson.  But 3 v 1 v 0 in a day is too low frequency to reveal that trend.  At that level, it's just noise.  Somebody who wanted to buy anyway happened to go to one of the other two instead of Ruth.  It could easily have been 2 v 1 v 1 and then what would everybody have read into it?

It's like the week before when there just happened to be a crystal salesman in the hotel.  Sometimes stuff just happens


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Oct 29, 2015)

It's almost as if there are flaws in this otherwise unimpeachable selection process which is generally typical of the way that world class enterprises identify talent.


----------



## Dan U (Oct 29, 2015)

Yeah luck definitely comes in to it. 

If Ruth had sold one as well it is likely she may have stayed in the process as the other lass was useless this week.


----------



## Smokeandsteam (Oct 29, 2015)

Nanker Phelge said:


> He's a bit too gentle for this game



A point made more than once by Sugar who effectively told him to become as big a twat as the rest of them or he'd be down the road as well. 

A modern parable.


----------



## isvicthere? (Oct 29, 2015)

Maurice Picarda said:


> It's almost as if there are flaws in this otherwise unimpeachable selection process which is generally typical of the way that world class enterprises identify talent.



Now you're just being silly.....


----------



## stavros (Oct 29, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Watching "you're fired" atm .. I like Jack Dee et al



The joke about Scots and vegetables, whilst obvious, was very funny.

Those poor cats must've been scared shitless; "OK, we can just about put up with thousands of pet lovers, but wankers like this?!"


----------



## isvicthere? (Oct 30, 2015)

stavros said:


> The joke about Scots and vegetables, whilst obvious, was very funny.


----------



## sleaterkinney (Nov 11, 2015)

Triple firing tonight.


----------



## zoooo (Nov 11, 2015)

Holy crap. Didn't realise how tall and modelish April was until she walked on to the Jack Dee show.


----------



## Fez909 (Nov 11, 2015)

"What are you doing?"
"I'm screwing a nail"


----------



## paulhackett (Nov 12, 2015)

Elle was so bad it makes me think they've run out of candidates.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 12, 2015)

paulhackett said:


> Elle was so bad it makes me think they've run out of candidates.


i understand diamond's applying for the next series, and claude tells me he'll be a shoe-in. although the line was poor and it might have been he'll get a shoeing.


----------



## weltweit (Nov 12, 2015)

Just caught the you're fired BBC2 program, Jack Dee didn't have much time with each of the three evicted and the program was a bit compromised because of it. Romesh was good though.


----------



## isvicthere? (Nov 12, 2015)

What, no mention of DULWICH HAMLET?!


----------



## bimble (Nov 12, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> i understand diamond's applying for the next series, and claude tells me he'll be a shoe-in. although the line was poor and it might have been he'll get a shoeing.


Pickman you are such a cipher, what with the Stalin biographies & the Apprentice, I'm glad I'm not the amazon algorithm trying to sell you stuff.


----------



## kabbes (Nov 13, 2015)

paulhackett said:


> Elle was so bad it makes me think they've run out of candidates.


Turns out that contrary to her expectations, you actually do have to be good at stuff rather than just pretending to be.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 13, 2015)

bimble said:


> Pickman you are such a cipher, what with the Stalin biographies & the Apprentice, I'm glad I'm not the amazon algorithm trying to sell you stuff.


Like Dennis Healey he is a man with a rich hinterland


----------



## stavros (Nov 19, 2015)

I've had ear wax more decisive than Sam. He had to go.

I've been impressed by Brett's assertiveness, but Sugar is obviously gunning for him now. Of the remainders, I think Vana and Joseph have shown the best so far.


----------



## colacubes (Nov 19, 2015)

Is Selina made of teflon?  She moans, groans and is massively negative about everything and yet somehow doesn't end up in the boardroom.  Baffling.


----------



## BigMoaner (Nov 20, 2015)

love this shit. total trash TV but love it.


----------



## kabbes (Nov 20, 2015)

colacubes said:


> Is Selina made of teflon?  She moans, groans and is massively negative about everything and yet somehow doesn't end up in the boardroom.  Baffling.


She butters up the project leader every time.


----------



## bimble (Nov 21, 2015)

kabbes said:


> She butters up the project leader every time.


I'm one episode behind (just did the manchester one) but very yes. That Scott he seems so wise and all but she's just Jessica Rabbitting her way through the whole thing. Wish I was a blonde.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 21, 2015)

There's something very attractive about her, even though she is really evil.


----------



## bimble (Nov 21, 2015)

Sherman Tank said:


> There's something very attractive about her, even though she is really evil.


 SESSIONS / PHONE TRAINING -  MiStress Andrea


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 21, 2015)

Um


----------



## BigMoaner (Nov 21, 2015)

yes, have to say, although plainy evil, she makes me think rude thoguhts quite regularly.


----------



## BigMoaner (Nov 21, 2015)

belboid said:


> 9pm tomorrow then.
> 
> Will they have done a fucking thing to update the series?  *Or will it be the usual rubbish - a bunch of fucking idiots without a clue doing utterly pointless tasks that equip them for nothing more than being figures of hate?*



exactly its main selling point.


----------



## BigMoaner (Nov 21, 2015)

ive been trying for a few series to work out whether Sugar is a massive cunt or not? thoughts.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Nov 21, 2015)

BigMoaner said:


> ive been trying for a few series to work out whether Sugar is a massive cunt or not? thoughts.



A bit of a twat, playing up to a persona which is by now entirely scripted.


----------



## bimble (Nov 21, 2015)

BigMoaner said:


> ive been trying for a few series to work out whether Sugar is a massive cunt or not? thoughts.


ok moaner, my thought: I like him, think he's a very charming cunt doing a great job / good deed by hamming it up for tv. 
Recommend a brief perusal on utube of the american Donald Trump version of same show, made me feel all patriotic.


----------



## BigMoaner (Nov 21, 2015)

i can't help but like him. wise head on him, but i bet he's a bit of wanker for about 30% of his average day.


----------



## BigMoaner (Nov 21, 2015)

he has got a good "shut it, you're talking bollox son" detector going on. still a lot of the old east end in him....


----------



## Fez909 (Nov 21, 2015)

BigMoaner said:


> i can't help but like him. wise head on him, but i bet he's a bit of wanker for about 30% of his average day.


He's a wanker 100% of the time

What A Wanker, No Poverty In The UK Claims Alan Fucking Sugar


----------



## bimble (Nov 21, 2015)

I just went to your link, thanks that was fun. 
"due to technology we could all live in the world Alan Sugar has invented in his head.  There is no reason at all for poverty in the UK, or anywhere else for that matter."


----------



## stavros (Nov 21, 2015)

bimble said:


> ok moaner, my thought: I like him, think he's a very charming cunt doing a great job / good deed by hamming it up for tv.
> Recommend a brief perusal on utube of the american Donald Trump version of same show, made me feel all patriotic.



Is "Not as a big a cunt as Donald Trump" something people boast about?


----------



## isvicthere? (Nov 22, 2015)

belboid said:


> 9pm tomorrow then.
> 
> Will they have done a fucking thing to update the series?  Or will it be the usual rubbish - a bunch of fucking idiots without a clue doing utterly pointless tasks that equip them for nothing more than being figures of hate?



Why tamper with a winning formula?


----------



## bimble (Nov 24, 2015)

Place your bets ladies & gents ? I reckon blondie Selina will be out.


----------



## stavros (Nov 24, 2015)

A lot depends on what the teams are. Sugar might completely fuck with them tomorrow. Having said that, Brett sounded like he was going to be watched closely after last week.


----------



## Sherman Tank (Nov 27, 2015)

That was excruciating, neither team deserved to win, there were several moments where I had to look away. Having said that, the brummie guy's team were clearly the worst. I think he should have gone rather than David though. As for Selina she is one of the most watchable ones left, so I'm glad she is staying.


----------



## kabbes (Nov 27, 2015)

It may have been the most cringy thing ever to have been on telly!

On the other hand, who are these fucking wingnuts paying £2000 for their precious darling's birthday party?  Vacuous arseholes.  No sympathy for them.


----------



## Pickman's model (Nov 27, 2015)

Sherman Tank said:


> That was excruciating, neither team deserved to win, there were several moments where I had to look away. Having said that, the brummie guy's team were clearly the worst. I think he should have gone rather than David though. As for Selina she is one of the most watchable ones left, so I'm glad she is staying.


gary you mean


----------



## souljacker (Nov 27, 2015)

kabbes said:


> It may have been the most cringy thing ever to have been on telly!
> 
> On the other hand, who are these fucking wingnuts paying £2000 for their precious darling's birthday party?  Vacuous arseholes.  No sympathy for them.



For 2grand, surely you get a bit more than a go on go ape and a burger. My kid went to a party at one of those trampoline warehouse things and it cost the parents about 15 a head and that included food.


----------



## stavros (Nov 27, 2015)

David was too nice, so I'm surprised he lasted this long. I liked his body-popping on You're Fired. He should've done some of that to impress the kids on the bus.


----------



## weltweit (Nov 27, 2015)

souljacker said:


> For 2grand, surely you get a bit more than a go on go ape and a burger. My kid went to a party at one of those trampoline warehouse things and it cost the parents about 15 a head and that included food.


I agree, (just seen the program) £2k is massive for a children's party - ridiculous even especially for what they got. Our parties were a fraction of that and much more fun!


----------



## Gromit (Nov 28, 2015)

weltweit said:


> I agree, (just seen the program) £2k is massive for a children's party - ridiculous even especially for what they got. Our parties were a fraction of that and much more fun!



10 kids. £200 per kid. These days thats an average day at the cinema once you include all the sweets, drinks and popcorn isn't it?
You could book it all yourself but the mark up is on the organisers doing well the organisation for either a) you lazy bastards or b) we are soo  important and busy we ain't got time to organise all that shit.


----------



## kabbes (Nov 28, 2015)

Gromit said:


> 10 kids. £200 per kid. These days thats an average day at the cinema once you include all the sweets, drinks and popcorn isn't it?


Er, no.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Nov 28, 2015)

No one was paying £2000 for a birthday, surely. I assumed that researchers found two families dim enough to think that a free party and an appearance on telly was a good deal. It probably wasn't even their birthdays.


----------



## bimble (Nov 28, 2015)

Does anyone still have kids birthday parties inside McDonalds restaurants or is that illegal / totally socially unacceptable nowadays? Was a really popular option when I was small.


----------



## weltweit (Nov 28, 2015)

Gromit said:


> 10 kids. £200 per kid. These days thats an average day at the cinema once you include all the sweets, drinks and popcorn isn't it?
> You could book it all yourself but the mark up is on the organisers doing well the organisation for either a) you lazy bastards or b) we are soo  important and busy we ain't got time to organise all that shit.


You are a factor of 10 out! my 16 year old can go to the cinema with all the trappings for between £20-25.

And as for children's parties, we have had them for between £10-20 per child, all in. Which includes half a day in an adventure centre being physical, a birthday meal, birthday cake and goodie/party bags. I don't really see what either team offered that exceeds that, so the £2k figure just bemused me.


----------



## weltweit (Nov 28, 2015)

bimble said:


> Does anyone still have kids birthday parties inside McDonalds restaurants or is that illegal / totally socially unacceptable nowadays? Was a really popular option when I was small.


I went to one perhaps 10 years ago, no idea if they still do it but I would bet they probably do!


----------



## kabbes (Nov 29, 2015)

Maurice Picarda said:


> No one was paying £2000 for a birthday, surely. I assumed that researchers found two families dim enough to think that a free party and an appearance on telly was a good deal. It probably wasn't even their birthdays.


That was also my first thought.  But then some things don't hang together.  

Firstly and foremostly, why £2000?  The show generally gets prices of things about right.  If contestants charge too much for things, that's always their choice, not something imposed on them by the programme.  There was nothing stopping them doing it that way round this time too.  Or taking the same tack but with a £300 rather than £2000 budget.

And secondly, it's not the show's style to have ringers pretend to pay for stuff.  Tasks are, if nothing else, in the sharp end of the real world, getting real people to stump up real cash.  True, there is the corporate "how much of this would you buy?" kind of task too, but even there, there is an inherent honesty to the manner in which they have to pitch.

Something about those families too made me think they did not find the idea of dropping £2k on their kid's party obscene or even unusual.

But who knows?  I agree it may well be that the £2k was provided by the programme rather than the individuals.  Just seems a bit of a departure.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Nov 29, 2015)

kabbes said:


> That was also my first thought.  But then some things don't hang together.
> 
> Firstly and foremostly, why £2000?  The show generally gets prices of things about right.  If contestants charge too much for things, that's always their choice, not something imposed on them by the programme.  There was nothing stopping them doing it that way round this time too.  Or taking the same tack but with a £300 rather than £2000 budget.
> 
> ...



£2000 because they needed to have enough birthday activities in order to get half an hour's footage, and then they needed to be able to add notional margin. Let's assume that a single bithday activity venue reckons on £12 per head or £200 hire charge. Then - abnormally - you have an initial venue for an activity, a hired routemaster for transit, a secondary venue for play and dining. That's simply because material from a single location shoot over two hours would bore viewers, despite that being how kids' parties actually work. So we've already tripled the normal budget and then we have to make margin on top, despite the lack of added value, meaning that the minimum that can be collected from the client is already £1k. Apply the same logic to food and incidentals purchases, and £2k looks like a sensible notional budget to pretend that clients have paid - but far too much for it to be plausible that they did so.


----------



## bimble (Nov 29, 2015)

kabbes said:


> Just seems a bit of a departure.


Not completely sure about that.. that one a couple of weeks ago where they appear in the middle of the street in Manchester city centre, unfold their tables and start flogging electronics I was annoyingly reminded that there must be an amazing amount of behind the scenes work and money being spent by the BBC to you know, make the show possible.


----------



## Gromit (Nov 29, 2015)

I believe the parents would actually pay the £2k themselves... To get on TV and be shown as big shots who spend £2k on their kids. 

But no one was ever going to pay the full amount bar a miracle.


----------



## souljacker (Nov 29, 2015)

bimble said:


> Not completely sure about that.. that one a couple of weeks ago where they appear in the middle of the street in Manchester city centre, unfold their tables and start flogging electronics I was annoyingly reminded that there must be an amazing amount of behind the scenes work and money being spent by the BBC to you know, make the show possible.



Yes, that annoys me too sometimes. When Sugar says "You made £500 profit' I'm always amazed that a one day lease in the Arndale is apparently completely free.

But then I remember, this isn't real. Its just telly, like.


----------



## Gromit (Nov 29, 2015)

souljacker said:


> Yes, that annoys me too sometimes. When Sugar says "You made £500 profit' I'm always amazed that a one day lease in the Arndale is apparently completely free.
> 
> But then I remember, this isn't real. Its just telly, like.



I live it when they pat each other on the back for making £200 profit for two days work divided by ten people and they haven't had to pay for petrol being ferried half way across London. 

None of em could afford to live on the profits.


----------



## weltweit (Nov 29, 2015)

souljacker said:


> Yes, that annoys me too sometimes. When Sugar says "You made £500 profit' I'm always amazed that a one day lease in the Arndale is apparently completely free.
> 
> But then I remember, this isn't real. Its just telly, like.


Plus they would, in the real world, have to pay for the employee's time.


----------



## bimble (Nov 29, 2015)

but that's what makes it fun, it's not actually reality tv it's a slick expensive show with helicopters and everything.
It's the real bits that stick out, like how what's her name the american one is always wearing the same yellow silk scarf.


----------



## stavros (Nov 29, 2015)

You know how we're all meant to shit breezeblocks at the mere mention of Claude's name? Well by assuming Nick's role he's definitely defused his supposed aura. Are they going to be bringing in another lacky to do the interviews?


----------



## Dan U (Dec 1, 2015)

All going belly up apparently, or the viewing figures are not great and the PR bods are leaking stuff

What time and when is The Apprentice on TV this week? Plus, has Scott Saunders really quit?


----------



## colacubes (Dec 1, 2015)

Scott was my fave and that won't be changing if that article's true


----------



## bimble (Dec 1, 2015)

BigMoaner said:


> yes, have to say, although plainy evil, she makes me think rude thoughts quite regularly.


Apprentice star Selina Waterman-Smith strips down for lingerie shoot


----------



## Gromit (Dec 1, 2015)

bimble said:


> Apprentice star Selina Waterman-Smith strips down for lingerie shoot



Airbrushed to hell. Proof that in today's photoshoping glamour world that even i could wear that underwear for a magazine shoot and look good.


----------



## bimble (Dec 2, 2015)

Gromit said:


> Airbrushed to hell. Proof that in today's photoshoping glamour world that even i could wear that underwear for a magazine shoot and look good.


I've always thought you look pretty good just as you are, totally naked.


----------



## BigMoaner (Dec 2, 2015)

bimble said:


> Apprentice star Selina Waterman-Smith strips down for lingerie shoot



no comment


----------



## Gromit (Dec 2, 2015)

Wow magic windows that let the sun in during the night.


----------



## Dan U (Dec 2, 2015)

Selina has released a YouTube video apparently explaining her no show on Your Fired. 

Seems she isn't happy. Is tweeting it like mad.


----------



## Gromit (Dec 2, 2015)

Currently watching the greasy spoon dissection. You could see steam coming from Charlene's(?) ears. 

Selina grinning like a Cheshire Cat because she thought she'd won the argument by not letting her talk and then telling her off for shouting. She should have 666 tattoo'd somewhere.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 3, 2015)

That apartment block is not in Clapham


----------



## kabbes (Dec 3, 2015)

Not sure what happened to Scott in the last few weeks but he really had even bloody awful over that period.


----------



## spanglechick (Dec 3, 2015)

kabbes said:


> Not sure what happened to Scott in the last few weeks but he really had even bloody awful over that period.


??


----------



## bimble (Dec 3, 2015)

Mrs Miggins said:


> That apartment block is not in Clapham


Did you know.. the losers cafe is in the Leafy suburb of West Acton?


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Dec 3, 2015)

bimble said:


> Did you know.. the losers cafe is in the Leafy suburb of West Acton?



Dunno where the film the firing bit...but his office is in Bracknell isn't it?


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Dec 3, 2015)

bimble said:


> Did you know.. the losers cafe is in the Leafy suburb of West Acton?



I knew this.

They must get ferried about a bit cos everything is film in various locations around the m25.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 3, 2015)

spanglechick said:


> ??


I just mean that although he started really well, Scott has been a total liability in every task for a good few weeks now.


----------



## stavros (Dec 3, 2015)

Who are people's tips then? A lot may well come down to the business plans and pitches, but Vana and Richard would seem to stand out, with Brett as a possible outsider.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 4, 2015)

stavros said:


> Who are people's tips then? A lot may well come down to the business plans and pitches, but Vana and Richard would seem to stand out, with Brett as a possible outsider.


You can't predict the winner because that's all about their actual business ideas.  Most recent series seem to have the best competitor end up losing because it turns out their big idea is to write a blog or something.


----------



## souljacker (Dec 4, 2015)

Richard will get destroyed in the interview/business plan dissection episode. I bet he's got all sorts of made up shit in his plan. I hope Vana doesn't win, because she is a dick.

I reckon Brett will win. I reckon he has a good idea up his sleeve.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 4, 2015)

Richard and Vana are dicks but they are only two that I wouldn't immediately reject out of hand as a business partner.  The rest are fucking idiots as per normal.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 4, 2015)

Goodness. I'd be happy to set Joseph and Brett up as the delivery wing of a bathroom refurbishment venture, but wouldn't touch any of the others with a bargepole. Particularly not the ones who make a living from communications, marketing or consultancy. I'd get no value at all from Richard or Vana.


----------



## bimble (Dec 4, 2015)

The only people in the whole process with sex appeal have gone.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 4, 2015)

Maurice Picarda said:


> Goodness. I'd be happy to set Joseph and Brett up as the delivery wing of a bathroom refurbishment venture, but wouldn't touch any of the others with a bargepole. Particularly not the ones who make a living from communications, marketing or consultancy. I'd get no value at all from Richard or Vana.


I'd at least hear what Richard and Vana had to say and then dismiss them as all bullshit.  Brett and Joseph with £250,000?  Like losing money, do you?


----------



## kabbes (Dec 4, 2015)

bimble said:


> The only people in the whole process with sex appeal have gone.


Statements like this piss me off.  People aren't there for your sexual gratification, no matter how shit they are and how awful they are as human beings.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

bimble said:


> The only people in the whole process with sex appeal have gone.


karren still there  play your cards right, bimble, and you might be in with a chance


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 4, 2015)

kabbes said:


> I'd at least hear what Richard and Vana had to say and then dismiss them as all bullshit.  Brett and Joseph with £250,000?  Like losing money, do you?



I wouldn't hand it over in a single chunk, but I'd stick £5k into brochures, telemarketing and online marketing for hydrotherapeutic power shower installations, and another £5k into basic wages, on the basis that Brett would convert qualified leads to an agreed pricing structure, and then project manage on site, while Joseph would handle the plumbing work (sans horrid tache). As long as cost of sales and net margin and so on all stacked up in my favour, ie I was getting them ridiculously cheap and could pimp them out for four times that in the long run.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 4, 2015)

kabbes said:


> Statements like this piss me off.  People aren't there for your sexual gratification, no matter how shit they are and how awful they are as human beings.



People on television are there to be objectified. That's the deal. It's on the small print of the license fee.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 4, 2015)

Maurice Picarda said:


> People on television are there to be objectified. That's the deal. It's on the small print of the license fee.


Statements like the one I objected to demean us all, not just the ones being spoken about.  It tells us that we are there to be judged not on our merits but on the way we look.  It's unpleasant.


----------



## bimble (Dec 4, 2015)

kabbes said:


> Statements like the one I objected to demean us all, not just the ones being spoken about.  It tells us that we are there to be judged not on our merits but on the way we look.  It's unpleasant.


Oh dear. Sorry I offended your sensibilities. I didn't mean to demean Scott, Serena or 'us all', honest. Anyway, there's something about Sugar.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 4, 2015)

bimble said:


> Oh dear. Sorry I offended your sensibilities. I didn't mean to demean Scott, Serena or 'us all', honest. Anyway, there's something about Sugar.


You didn't "offend my sensibilities", you patronising idiot, you pissed me off.


----------



## bimble (Dec 4, 2015)

ok. Can't apologise for that can I.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 4, 2015)

bimble said:


> ok. Can't apologise for that can I.


Yes.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

bimble said:


> there's something about Sugar.


there's a film title for you.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

bimble said:


> ok. Can't apologise for that can I.


why not?


----------



## bimble (Dec 4, 2015)

Apologies are no good unless sincere - I'll have to go and think upon my actions and how they have demeaned us all, taking care not to get pissed off in turn by the idea of humourless twittishness because that would spoil it.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 4, 2015)

bimble said:


> Apologies are no good unless sincere - I'll have to go and think upon my actions and how they have demeaned us all, taking care not to get pissed off in turn by the idea of humourless twittishness because that would spoil it.


Ah, accusations of lack of humour.  How well that has served dickheads down the years.


----------



## bimble (Dec 4, 2015)

kabbes said:


> Ah, accusations of lack of humour.  How well that has served dickheads down the years.


If I'd just said that I'm sad Scott's gone and not mentioned the fact that I thought him beautiful, that would have been ok? Have you seen the link to Serena in her underwear in the DM above? In a world of objectification gone mad, it is a bit funny that you pick me to be pissed off with.


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Dec 4, 2015)

A humourless, but valid, point is still a valid point.


----------



## BigMoaner (Dec 4, 2015)

kabbes said:


> Statements like this piss me off.  People aren't there for your sexual gratification, no matter how shit they are and how awful they are as human beings.


sex appeal is just that, appealing sexually to someone else. do you find some people more sexy than others? bimble was just a bit sad that the people she fancied are no longer in it.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 4, 2015)

bimble said:


> Apologies are no good unless sincere - I'll have to go and think upon my actions and how they have demeaned us all, taking care not to get pissed off in turn by the idea of humourless twittishness because that would spoil it.


tbh i don't care whether you get pissed off as long as kabbes gets an apology. and i'm not particularly interested in the sincerity of the effort.


----------



## bimble (Dec 4, 2015)

BigMoaner said:


> sex appeal is just that, appealing sexually to someone else. do you find some people more sexy than others? bimble was just a bit sad that the people she fancied are no longer in it.


Now I'm pissed off. It was not me fancied Serena, it was.. someone else as I recall.


----------



## bimble (Dec 4, 2015)

ok. I am sorry kabbes . I knew it was in dubious taste whilst I was typing it. Was a bit upset having just watched Scott leave. For what it's worth (not a lot I'm sure) I am quite a hardcore feminist myself, and do understand your point and agree with it in principle.


----------



## paulhackett (Dec 10, 2015)

He could have fired a lot of them last night, if it wasn't for needing 5 for the interview show next week. Charleine was a disaster for starters.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 10, 2015)

If everyone fails, the task was poorly planned. They needed more guidance over how to make the products - just as they were given tame designers so that the packaging looked vaguely plausible.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 10, 2015)

Agreed. An absolute shower the lot of them but it was a difficult task. I think you are right Maurice Picarda 

But I would have fired Charleine's team 



Spoiler



because of the dubious health claims - unforgivable.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 10, 2015)

I thought that the po-facery about acceptable health claims grated, given that it came from Holland and Barratt, purveyors of homeopathic medicines and magical magnets, and from consumer electronics conman, destroyer of the ZX Spectrum and inventor of the eMailer, Alan wide-boy Sugar.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 10, 2015)

Maurice Picarda said:


> I thought that the po-facery about acceptable health claims grated, given that it came from Holland and Barratt, purveyors of homeopathic medicines and magical magnets, and from consumer electronics conman, destroyer of the ZX Spectrum and inventor of the eMailer, Alan wide-boy Sugar.


They were making some pretty wild claims though!


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 10, 2015)

Mrs Miggins said:


> They were making some pretty wild claims though!



Once someone has suggested that they are selling iconic vegetables with passion, you rather tune out further claims about curing scrofula, conferring immortality and so on.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 10, 2015)

Maurice Picarda said:


> Once someone has suggested that they are selling iconic vegetables with passion, you rather tune out further claims about curing scrofula, conferring immortality and so on.


This is why I think they were such a shower. Badly designed task maybe but that's no excuse to come out with shit like that. 

I think one of them even said "the packaging is iconic to the vegetables". Whatever that means.


----------



## paulhackett (Dec 10, 2015)

Mrs Miggins said:


> This is why I think they were such a shower. Badly designed task maybe but that's no excuse to come out with shit like that.
> 
> I think one of them even said "the packaging is iconic to the vegetables". Whatever that means.



In his case it meant he was fired as he was indefensibly shit as opposed to defensibly shit. That said, neither team labelled the product correctly.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 10, 2015)

paulhackett said:


> In his case it meant he was fired as he was indefensibly shit as opposed to defensibly shit. That said,* neither team labelled the product correctly*.





Spoiler



But at least team crisp just missed out the USP of the product. Team healthbar put outright lies on the packaging!


----------



## kabbes (Dec 10, 2015)

I don't understand how this antioxidant shit is still being pedaled as if it is proven scientific fact.  There is *no evidence whatsoever* *that antioxidants have any* *health benefit*.  The only studies so far have shown a statistically insignificant _increase_ to cancer risk.

It's truly bizarre the way that the narrative around antioxidants has become accepted.  The kabbess is doing a biomedical degree at the moment and she even had a nutrition lecturer mention benefits from antioxidants.  What the actual fuck?


----------



## souljacker (Dec 10, 2015)

The whole superfoods thing has been roundly dissed by various people. There is a Ben Goldacre Ted Talk on Youtube that I think talks about it but can't watch the video at the moment to confirm.


----------



## souljacker (Dec 10, 2015)

I think Bretts team would have got some orders if the product wasn't so greasy or if they had held their hands up in the pitches and stated that they'd had a manufacturing problem. I also think Brett may have survived if he'd brought Vana in and slagged her off for the oil madness.

Personally, I'd have sacked Charlene last night because she is a total mess.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 10, 2015)

Both teams got far too excited with their special ingredients such that they failed to make a snack bar which remained a bar and a crisp which was crisp, and so neither proposition was actually buyable.

Brett had to go, his contribution to their pitch was mumbo jumbo, so much that I think he confused himself!

Where is this year's Felipe?


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 10, 2015)

souljacker said:


> Personally, I'd have sacked Charlene last night because she is a total mess.



Did you notice the clearly crowbarred in comment from Karen that "she never gives up" to try to plant a reason why she should not be fired immediately? Because there is no other reason!

Still - telly show innit. Casting and that


----------



## weltweit (Dec 10, 2015)

souljacker said:


> .. Personally, I'd have sacked Charlene last night because she is a total mess.


It was interesting to see the pressure expressed on their faces as the boardroom session went on, Charlene seemed to be feeling it most, Brett had a good poker face, but they were all feeling the pressure.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 10, 2015)

What did happen to Scott? I missed that episode but I did think he would make the last 5?


----------



## souljacker (Dec 10, 2015)

Mrs Miggins said:


> Did you notice the clearly crowbarred in comment from Karen that "she never gives up" to try to plant a reason why she should not be fired immediately? Because there is no other reason!
> 
> Still - telly show innit. Casting and that



I wonder if she has a good business plan. That guy from last year who won it was hopeless a few times yet he still got to the end and I reckon that was totally based on his plan.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 10, 2015)

weltweit said:


> What did happen to Scott? I missed that episode but I did think he would make the last 5?


might have done if he hadn't walked out


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 10, 2015)

souljacker said:


> I wonder if she has a good business plan. That guy from last year who won it was hopeless a few times yet he still got to the end and I reckon that was totally based on his plan.


Good point...


----------



## souljacker (Dec 10, 2015)

weltweit said:


> What did happen to Scott? I missed that episode but I did think he would make the last 5?



He lost his Mojo but I suspect he now has it back since we started bombing Syria


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 10, 2015)

weltweit said:


> It was interesting to see the pressure expressed on their faces as the boardroom session went on, Charlene seemed to be feeling it most, Brett had a good poker face, but they were all feeling the pressure.



Because they all knew they had utterly failed. Charliene in particular knew she had made an inedible product that also entirely missed the brief.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 10, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> might have done if he hadn't walked out





souljacker said:


> He lost his Mojo but I suspect he now has it back since we started bombing Syria



Just walked out? what? threw away his chance, did it look like he would have been fired at the time?


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 10, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Just walked out? what? threw away his chance, did it look like he would have been fired at the time?


he was on the winning team.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 10, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> he was on the winning team.


Perhaps I need to go back and see that episode because I don't understand it.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 10, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Perhaps I need to go back and see that episode because I don't understand it.


i thought it would confuse you.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 10, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> i thought it would confuse you.


Quitting from the winning team, yup I think that is confusing!!


----------



## weltweit (Dec 10, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> i thought it would confuse you.


Just seen that boardroom, seems he decided he can do ok without Lord Sugar's help. Good luck to him.

eta: I see his business website is up www.payroll-supermarket.com, I wonder how much financing it has, obviously not the 250k from the apprentice.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 10, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Just walked out? what? threw away his chance, did it look like he would have been fired at the time?


Chance to give away half his business to the most unpleasant, narrow-minded and one-track backer imaginable?  Oh yes, I wonder how he ever lived with himself for that decision.


----------



## discobastard (Dec 10, 2015)

Mrs Miggins said:


> I think one of them even said "the packaging is iconic to the vegetables". Whatever that means.



This is what made last night's show for me.  It was possibly the worst/funniest episode I have ever seen.  Rarely have I heard so many convoluted and meaningless sentences uttered.  Using big words like 'iconic' only impresses people when you use them correctly  

At times it looked like Brett and Charleine had both flicked some kind of 'bullshit autopilot' switch in their heads and checked their brains out.

I think I may have to watch it again and make a compilation of the best bits.


----------



## Gromit (Dec 10, 2015)

discobastard said:


> This is what made last night's show for me.  It was possibly the worst/funniest episode I have ever seen.  Rarely have I heard so many convoluted and meaningless sentences uttered.  Using big words like 'iconic' only impresses people when you use them correctly
> 
> At times it looked like Brett and Charleine had both flicked some kind of 'bullshit autopilot' switch in their heads and checked their brains out.
> 
> I think I may have to watch it again and make a compilation of the best bits.


Buzzword soup. Bret was at one stage just blurting out every buzz word he'd ever heard in his life in no particular order or relevance.


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Dec 10, 2015)

Their inability to speak basic English really stood out in this weeks episode.

Actually, their general lack of intelligence.

Alan Sugar wasn't much better. Since when is Parsley a Vegetable?


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 10, 2015)

Nanker Phelge said:


> Their inability to speak basic English really stood out in this weeks episode.
> 
> Actually, their general lack of intelligence.
> 
> Alan Sugar wasn't much better. Since when is Parsley a Vegetable?


since when did parsley (or indeed vegetable) receive a capital?


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Dec 10, 2015)

Pickman's model said:


> since when did parsley (or indeed vegetable) receive a capital?



Since about 7 minutes ago?


----------



## Gromit (Dec 10, 2015)

Nanker Phelge said:


> Their inability to speak basic English really stood out in this weeks episode.
> 
> Actually, their general lack of intelligence.
> 
> Alan Sugar wasn't much better. Since when is Parsley a Vegetable?


Parsley isn't but Elvis Parsley is a singing turnip who does a tribute act to the famous herb.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 10, 2015)

Baobab


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Dec 10, 2015)

boobab


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Dec 10, 2015)

I hate this geezer


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 10, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Just seen that boardroom, seems he decided he can do ok without Lord Sugar's help. Good luck to him.
> 
> eta: I see his business website is up www.payroll-supermarket.com, I wonder how much financing it has, obviously not the 250k from the apprentice.



Money supermarket should get litigious. That looks like passing-off. And the copy on that site is misspelled. It offers comparison services for a very limited market of contractors, generally IT folk, who are probably pretty good at shopping around, in a space where the variables are limited, so whoever has backed it was very, very silly.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 10, 2015)

Maurice Picarda said:


> Money supermarket should get litigious. That looks like passing-off. And the copy on that site is misspelled. It offers comparison services for a very limited market of contractors, generally IT folk, who are probably pretty good at shopping around, in a space where the variables are limited, so whoever has backed it was very, very silly.


Yes, the name could be an issue. I didn't spot the misspellings but I only had a quick nose. It did strike me that if the market for these products is viable, what would stop someone like compare the market or money-supermarket doing it themselves.


----------



## Gromit (Dec 10, 2015)

Maurice Picarda said:


> Money supermarket should get litigious. That looks like passing-off. And the copy on that site is misspelled. It offers comparison services for a very limited market of contractors, generally IT folk, who are probably pretty good at shopping around, in a space where the variables are limited, so whoever has backed it was very, very silly.


Money supermarket do not own the name supermarket.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 10, 2015)

Gromit said:


> Money supermarket do not own the name supermarket.



Thanks for that. Diamond, your position as Urban's preeminent IP lawyer is under threat.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 10, 2015)

Nanker Phelge said:


> I hate this geezer


Me too, but why?
For me he is just full of shit, but so many of them are!


----------



## Nanker Phelge (Dec 10, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Me too, but why?
> For me he is just full of shit, but so many of them are!



He just reminds of lots of people I've worked with in the past. The kind of people who are out only for themselves and will resort to dishonesty to stay ahead of others.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 10, 2015)

Nanker Phelge said:


> He just reminds of lots of people I've worked with in the past. The kind of people who are out only for themselves and will resort to dishonesty to stay ahead of others.


I tend to agree. And I think Sugar et al know this, which is why when Brett was standing up for Richard, Sugar, I think, said Richard wouldn't do the same if the positions were reversed.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 16, 2015)

Here we go! Interviews!


----------



## purenarcotic (Dec 16, 2015)

We stopped watching this for a few weeks because they are all truly vile and even the general silliness didn't motivate us to watch but the interviews are the best.


----------



## souljacker (Dec 16, 2015)

What a shite bunch of business ideas. Vana's one is bonkers.


----------



## Indeliblelink (Dec 16, 2015)

A mobile disco, Ha Ha Ha Ha

Get out.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 16, 2015)

souljacker said:


> What a shite bunch of business ideas. Vana's one is bonkers.



It's not that mad, is it? Dating apps are a mature space and gamification makes more sense there than in other sectors. All the other ideas suck.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 16, 2015)

Richard is a bigger bellend than Uttred son of Uttred.


----------



## souljacker (Dec 16, 2015)

Maurice Picarda said:


> It's not that mad, is it? Dating apps are a mature space and gamification makes more sense there than in other sectors. All the other ideas suck.



The fact that you might waste time playing games only to find out your date isnt very nice looking is daft. The major competitor is tinder which let's you decide in seconds.


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 16, 2015)

souljacker said:


> The fact that you might waste time playing games only to find out your date isnt very nice looking is daft. The major competitor is tinder which let's you decide in seconds.



That's fixed by a minor tweak to the app, though. It's not fundamental to the plan. This is a Reggae Reggae Sauce investment; a fair number of the viewers will give it a whirl.


----------



## spanglechick (Dec 16, 2015)

i think Vana's idea is possibly the only innovative-but-plausible idea i've ever seen on the apprentice.  

it's not doing the same thing as tinder... it's about flirting.  the slow burn.  some people want that.


----------



## spanglechick (Dec 16, 2015)

I keep remembering the mobile disco and laughing out loud. wtf was Gary thinking?!


----------



## Gromit (Dec 16, 2015)

If I was to Dragon's Den these business plans:

Charlene
No USP as a hairdresser. No rep. No competitions won. No celebrity clients. No chance of franchising.

Gary
Party events with teleconferencing. Won't scale up to make millions. Nice little business for you but its never going to make me as an investor rich. Plenty of other people could come along and steal the idea if they wished. No IP protection or established brand worth investing in.

Joseph
Plumbing franchise. These exist. Lots of them. What is going to make someone want to join yours? He's not big enough in the game to carry it off.

Vana.
Dating aps is a saturated market and 250k would be swallowed up in no time. Dragons would say that she haven't asked for enough money.
Very early days in its development but the overall idea of combining games and dating ain't completely stupid.

Richard
Marketing company that made 17k in what appeared to be year 3. Divided by 2 remember as his brother is a partner. Sounds like they can't even market themselves let alone anyone else.  

So for each and every business plan... i'm out.


----------



## Gromit (Dec 17, 2015)

Seen it all the way through now:

Charlene should have gone through to the final if she could have let go of her grand scheme. 250k would have been enough to open 2 brand new salons. 
Joseph realized this and did the right thing. He would have been my other finalist.

250k is fuck all of an investment if you think about it and they all try and make out they are going to turn it into millions.

Lord Sugar I'm going to take your 250k, buy a maisonette in North London and rent it out for a two grand a month. Thats my business plan.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 17, 2015)

I caught up with this last program late, am I right in saying that they didn't actually show much of the interviews, most of the program seemed to be a rerun of the previous firings!


----------



## joustmaster (Dec 17, 2015)

weltweit said:


> I caught up with this last program late, am I right in saying that they didn't actually show much of the interviews, most of the program seemed to be a rerun of the previous firings!


I think you watched the wrong thing.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 17, 2015)

joustmaster said:


> I think you watched the wrong thing.


So I did, thanks for that.


----------



## wtfftw (Dec 17, 2015)

I very much enjoyed watching Richard in the interview episode. Although I would have preferred him to have a crisis in the lift and then try and up the bullshit.


----------



## Me76 (Dec 17, 2015)

wtfftw said:


> I very much enjoyed watching Richard in the interview episode. Although I would have preferred him to have a crisis in the lift and then try and up the bullshit.


His (seeming) change of heart from cocky wanker to 'oh shit I may have fucked this up big time' amused me greatly, the final desperate plea of 'I will relinquish my shares' just before him getting fired was satisfying as well.


----------



## weltweit (Dec 17, 2015)

wtfftw said:


> I very much enjoyed watching Richard in the interview episode. Although I would have preferred him to have a crisis in the lift and then try and up the bullshit.





Me76 said:


> His (seeming) change of heart from cocky wanker to 'oh shit I may have fucked this up big time' amused me greatly, the final desperate plea of 'I will relinquish my shares' just before him getting fired was satisfying as well.



Can I take it Richard was not your favourite candidate  ?

Me I think he was odious but he did meet the arrogance requirement for the program better than many.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 17, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Can I take it Richard was not your favourite candidate  ?
> 
> Me I think he was odious but he did meet the arrogance requirement for the program better than many.


sadly he was unduly honest and admitted his business plan was vapid wank


----------



## weltweit (Dec 17, 2015)

I hope Vana wins, they are both reasonable candidates but I like her, and her idea, more.


----------



## Gromit (Dec 17, 2015)

Me76 said:


> His (seeming) change of heart from cocky wanker to 'oh shit I may have fucked this up big time' amused me greatly, the final desperate plea of 'I will relinquish my shares' just before him getting fired was satisfying as well.



Unfortunately i think Richard comes from money and knows about networking and being part of the old boy network etc. He'll probably end up doing ok.

However if anyone who deals with him in future sees this programme they'll know that if backed into a corner he'll crumble like a cheap flan, you just have to push him far enough. We want your first born child, no way, okay the deals off, i've reconsidered you can have them. 

His negotiation skills have been compromised for life.


----------



## Pickman's model (Dec 17, 2015)

weltweit said:


> I hope Vana wins, they are both reasonable candidates but I like her, and her idea, more.


yeh. but i'd prefer the self-taught man to win.


----------



## Mrs Miggins (Dec 17, 2015)

Gromit said:


> Unfortunately i think Richard comes from money and knows about networking and being part of the old boy network etc. He'll probably end up doing ok.
> 
> However if anyone who deals with him in future sees this programme they'll know that if backed into a corner he'll crumble like a cheap flan, you just have to push him far enough. We want your first born child, no way, okay the deals off, i've reconsidered you can have them.
> 
> His negotiation skills have been compromised for life.


I actually quite admired him in the end for realising that his bullshit was beyond defence.


----------



## Gromit (Dec 17, 2015)

Mrs Miggins said:


> I actually quite admired him in the end for realising that his bullshit was beyond defence.



I did too at first. He nearly tricked me but then he reverted to type in the boardroom again. 
It became more obvious that it wasn't a case that he was swayed by logical argument. He knew his bullshit was bullshit and only gave up on it when he saw that he'd made a fatal error in believing that he could bullshit them and get away with it. So he acknowledged that particular line of bullshit they'd already identified...

...but there was still more bullshit that he thought he'd gotten away with and so tried to defend that when they identified it in the boardroom. Then once again flipped when he realized he'd been called out on it.

It wasn't someone being shown an error which they hadn't realised and conceding.
It was more like someone being accused of a crime of which they were guilty, trying to get away with it and only pleading guilty for a lesser sentence at the last minute in court when its become obvious that they are banged to rights. Reluctant honesty not genuine honesty.


----------



## belboid (Dec 17, 2015)

The interviews were as hilarious as ever. Wtf was Gary's idea? Just bloody silly. Richard, what a daft git, just couldn't stop being an arrogant prick. Hey ho. Charlene could have saved herself, her plan was essentially the same as Joseph's, but she couldn't work out how to scale back her ludicrously grand dreams like Joseph did. 

If he can work with a figures person to make a realistically scaleable business, he should win. Won't be big money, but should make the necessary return. 

Vana's idea could work, and if it did, _kerching, _but odds on she'll just piss it all away in six months.


----------



## kabbes (Dec 18, 2015)

If you have a billion pounds and you want to invest £250k of it, would you prefer something that will be safe but never make more than a negligible difference to your fortune or would you prefer a slim chance at something that could actually have a noticeable impact?


----------



## Maurice Picarda (Dec 18, 2015)

If you want to start a dating gamification business, though, why start with Vana? At least Joseph can install a tap.


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 18, 2015)

kabbes said:


> If you have a billion pounds and you want to invest £250k of it, would you prefer something that will be safe but never make more than a negligible difference to your fortune or would you prefer a slim chance at something that could actually have a noticeable impact?



There are other considerations. He does care about his image - remember the cosmetic surgery woman who he said was too risky for his reputation? Also, he rejected some sort cold-calling business on a similar basis. You can imagine the Daily Mail saying something like "Aspiring Serial Killer Hunted Victims Using Dating App Sponsored by ALAN SUGAR".


----------



## kabbes (Dec 18, 2015)

bi0boy said:


> There are other considerations. He does care about his image - remember the cosmetic surgery woman who he said was too risky for his reputation? Also, he rejected some sort cold-calling business on a similar basis. You can imagine the Daily Mail saying something like "Aspiring Serial Killer Hunted Victims Using Dating App Sponsored by ALAN SUGAR".


He did choose the cosmetic surgery woman though.


----------



## bi0boy (Dec 18, 2015)

kabbes said:


> He did choose the cosmetic surgery woman though.



Oh well there you go then.

The only winners I remember are the London Underground guy and the reverse pterodactyl bloke.

Badger woman lost I think.


----------



## joustmaster (Dec 18, 2015)

I've just seen that brummie mobile disco guy in the Sainsburys opposite my work

He was ordering a small bottle of own brand vodka, and shouting in to his phone about The Gherkin building in the city.
His phone didn't appear to be on.


----------



## Gromit (Dec 18, 2015)

joustmaster said:


> I've just seen that brummie mobile disco guy in the Sainsburys opposite my work
> 
> He was ordering a small bottle of own brand vodka, and shouting in to his phone about The Gherkin building in the city.
> His phone didn't appear to be on.



Many phone screens turn off to save energy when brought up to the ear. 

Give him the benefit of the doubt as to if it was on. But no doubt that he is name dropping buildings and anything else he thinks will impress anyone.


----------



## paulhackett (Dec 18, 2015)

joustmaster said:


> I've just seen that brummie mobile disco guy in the Sainsburys opposite my work
> 
> He was ordering a small bottle of own brand vodka, and shouting in to his phone about The Gherkin building in the city.
> His phone didn't appear to be on.



Is that the insertable size (miniature) own brand bottle?


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## belboid (Dec 18, 2015)

kabbes said:


> If you have a billion pounds and you want to invest £250k of it, would you prefer something that will be safe but never make more than a negligible difference to your fortune or would you prefer a slim chance at something that could actually have a noticeable impact?


same decision he had a couple of years back, with Ricky's boring employment agency, V wotsisfaces wine investment portfolio.  That, like Vana's plan, required far more capital to establish than was actually on offer. The only difference was that Ricky was the better all round candidate that time, whereas Vana probably is this time. 

There's also a possible question around the pseudo-educational aspect of the show (or is it a programme?) - in order to encourage entrepreneurs, he should be looking at realistic plans, not crazy rolls of the dice.  That's what Dragon's Den is for.


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## Sherman Tank (Dec 18, 2015)

I think the right two got through to the final and I have to say both the candidates have grown on me to be quite likeable for all their flaws throughout the series, so not bad at all. 

Vana's idea has got to be the more interesting proposition frankly, the potential return has got to make it worth a punt despite the risks, and I think she could scale down the start up costs if she had to.


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## Gromit (Dec 19, 2015)

Nah the only way for it to fly is to pour extra money on it. Unless someone in Alan's stable is already working on it and they'll just piggy back that and tack her on for publicity.


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## weltweit (Dec 20, 2015)

Come on Vana!!


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## Maurice Picarda (Dec 20, 2015)

Why hasn't she called it Foreplay?


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## Pickman's model (Dec 20, 2015)

weltweit said:


> Come on Vana!!


haha


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## Gromit (Dec 20, 2015)

School drop-out beats all the silver spooners. 

I liked Vana but after being reminded (on your hired) that her parents are posh architects and she studied in Shanghai, Paris. Some mention of Oxford was dropped. She hasn't exactly been short of the advantage of privilege.

Taking all that into account I'd rather Joseph got the benefit of winning such a competition.


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## Gromit (Dec 20, 2015)

That panelist Grace on Your Hired, Why oh why has she botoxed her whole face? Stupid vain people.


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## mrs quoad (Dec 20, 2015)

kabbes said:


> If you have a billion pounds and you want to invest £250k of it, would you prefer something that will be safe but never make more than a negligible difference to your fortune or would you prefer a slim chance at something that could actually have a noticeable impact?


I would want ten thousand outstanding cats, tbh. 

And at least one Labrador.


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## isvicthere? (Dec 21, 2015)

Did anyone else notice that giving it increasingly implausible multiples of 110% was largely replaced in this series by ubiquitous resolutions to "smash it"?


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## Dan U (Dec 21, 2015)

I hate the phrase smash it. 

Was bored at work today on companies house for something and I looked up the companies Sugar is director of. 

I have a pet theory that he didn't go for Vana because she said she wanted to bring in VCs after his seed money, essentially the real money men in her eyes. 

His ego is such that in one of his twitter fights recently he accused Donald Trump of not being a real billionaire and having loads of debt and no real money, he implied he could lay his hands on 100ms of cash iirc. 

Sure enough his group property company had 100m in cash in the bank, assets of 400m and zero debt - and he is the sole shareholder 

This is a long winded way of saying I think Vana offended his ego and it may have gone against her. 

Out of the companies he has invested in, Susan Ma seems to be doing the best. He only gave her 200k by the looks of it and she is turning over several million. And she didn't even win. 

Inventor Tom and the recruitment guy are both making money too and are likely to have paid back the investment in dividends or could do so of he wanted it. 

Botox woman less so but that is more recent.

None of these guys are going to make him spectacular wealth, but as with Joseph he obviously can see how he can make his money back as a minimum and does so in short order.

Tldr I was really bored.


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## Gromit (Dec 21, 2015)

Dan U said:


> Susan Ma seems to be doing the best. He only gave her 200k by the looks of it and she is turning over several million.



Why do people keep quoting turn over. That guy did it on the Your Fired show when they were trying to boast that as a former winner he's doing well. 1.5million turnover.

For all we know they could be making a 200k loss.

Turnover is vanity, profit sanity.


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## Dan U (Dec 21, 2015)

Gromit said:


> Why do people keep quoting turn over. That guy did it on the Your Fired show when they were trying to boast that as a former winner he's doing well. 1.5million turnover.
> 
> For all we know they could be making a 200k loss.
> 
> Turnover is vanity, profit sanity.


She is making a profit before tax as well, about 400k iirc 

Apart from Leah Totton, they were all posting 6 figure profit before tax figures but her last accounts were early days iirc. 

Understand your point - I should have been clearer

Eta - they all had healthy cash balances as well and shareholders funds were all at the 250k investment level. None of the businesses thus far appear to be a turkey.


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## bimble (Dec 21, 2015)

How does Tinder make money, is it full of ads?


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