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Check out our huge, ever growing punch archive! Eddie Irvine Has anyone seen the documentary about this pompous asshole? With his bleached hair and smarmy sexist attitude he deserves an exhaust pipe shoved up his ass. It makes me ashamed to say that I come from the same country as this cunt. He's rich, he has beautiful women around him, and he drives a fucking ferrari, but he is an ignorant bastard and hopefully he will go the same way as Ayrton Senna. Cheers. Hando at [email protected] Laura Bush A week after Bush was elected "The Accidental President" Laura gave an interview that she and her husband would not try to overturn the Roe V. Wade verdict, but would try to limit the number of abortions each year. So a week later (if that)Bush comes out and says he's cutting federal funds internationally for abortions. So basically all their rich republican friends knocked up teenage daughters can still get them but people with no money in countries with poor medical cannot. Disgusting! Put them up together so I can smack the crap out of them! [email protected] John Howard Creating the dumb country Racist Privatised Detention Centres for Refugees I could go on and on and on [email protected] Mel Gibson There's nowt wrong with Mr. Gibsons acting, in fact he's quite good. Its just the fact that he seems to always star in movies that seem to be saying that Britain is always persecuting some country or another! Braveheart was bad enough, but he's just gone too far with the Patriot! Making up lies about us and then telling young Americans that they are historical facts is just not on! I'd like to drop kick his head back into the colonies! Jim Leach [email protected] the AOL woman do I really need a reason? You only have to see that bloody AOL advert. god, she has the worst voice, hair, dress sense and make up in any one person i have seen. please add her coz she just sucks. sarah [email protected] Ant and Dec Arse bashing geordie twats. When ever you turn on your tv, there they are with there plastic faces and effeminate hair do's. You shall have a fishy on a little dishy, you shall have coalminers arse, when the booot comes in! Tim. [email protected] Charlton Heston reason= He a a-hole and president of NRA who allowed the columbine killers to get their hands on guns. He hates rap and wanted to get it banned. but thinks pyschos should have guns {makes a alot of sense huh?} [email protected] Meg Matthews She's the rabid horse Noel rode to the apocalypse which is latter-day Oasis. Kate Hendricks [email protected] John Ashcroft He is anti-woman's right, pro-death penalty, pro-segregation, anti-environment, anti-abortion, and he is friends with George Bush, I think that says enough. Our government sucks. Erika [email protected] Julie Burchill For being a fat, hypocritical, ugly, wannabe-journalist with the actual journalistic talent of the fat toad that she resembles. She ought to stop using her column for slagging off her ex-husband, who she dumped the kids on to become a lesbian (for about a day). She also ought to stop wearing fuschia-red lipstick with such a pasty, white punchable head that has more chins than brain cells [email protected] Moby He's a sanctimonius hypocritical money Grabbing Hippy Shite face. He jumps on every musical bandwagon going and pretends he invented them, then is lauded by 30 year old chinless wonders for his boring patronising ( and in the case of Natural Blues faintly racist)starbucks drinking derivative shite. He flaunts his green credentials then lets is music go on fucking car adverts. He deserves a good kicking [email protected] The Tweenies. How these cringworthly creations from the BBC ever became favorites with little kiddies around the country is beyond me. The mud in my garden is more appealing. Charlene Chapters Book Store For slapping metallic, irremovable squares inside the covers of their books (if Orwell were to see what was being done to his books ... the irony is obvious). For jacking their prices sky high, and marrying with Starbucks to destroy any culture that a bookstore/coffee shop combination may have had. Congrats, multinationals, for jumping on the little mom-and-pop businesses! Lastly, for employing mostly dullards who wouldn't know Kafka if he laid eggs in their ears Jayar ([email protected]) Jeremy Clarkson Never before has British television had the mark of the very devil placed upon it in such a soul-destroying fashion. He has a harsh grating voice, reminiscent of Maggie Thatcher in a blizzard, copulating with a cardboard box, while sporting a tough, springy, shredded wheat upon his head (apparently it's his built-in defence against revenge attacks involving blunt instruments; it protects against most foreseeable head injuries). This lanky toerag would do well to speak less on TV (and anywhere else for that matter) before the entire population rise up and stab him in the face repeatedly with a trowel (I'd pay for the trowels). Fongphu Tran, [email protected] Lars 'fucking hobbit lookalike' Ulrich i'm dead against Mr. Lars Ulrich for his general smug bastard-isms. what the hell is wrong with napster anyway? most people are so turned on by packaging and sleevenotes that if they have a fifth rate copy of a great album they'll buy the real thing anyway. i know i do. what's going to be mr. ulrich's next target? cos libraries do the exact same thing as napster was doing and the literature industry hasn't exactly been on its last legs. it's not as if metallica are strapped for cash either. charging £3.99 for a single. grrrrrr. lars you suck my man. Graeme. [email protected] Hillary Clinton Keep her the hell out of New York! [email protected] anne robinson on what would have be an otherwise half intelligent quiz show, we are forced to suffer the 'headmistress' like attitude of this brain dead bitch. who the fuck put such a woman into hosting a quiz show? she obviously has no idea what the answers are and really fucks me off. i'd like to take her by the hair and give her a right royal lacing both physically and mentally. [email protected] Al Gore Dull [email protected] John 'the Fat Controller' Prescott Looking down on the little people from his ivory-towers, telling them they shouldn't protest if they disagree with the shower of arses who claim to be in charge of the country, he forgets he was once one of them. This former cabin-boy has got a 'let them eat cake' attitude. It's time the bloody cake got stuffed in his gob or was used to give him a good slap. [email protected] Johnny Vaughn Every morning this twat gets up on the big breakfast and wears a pair of blue jeans and a checked long sleeve shirt, every fuckin big breakfast, does he have no imagination, obviously not as he has fallen into the same pit as chris evans, surrounding himself with people that he looks down on and who laugh and cheer at every shite joke, somone slap this tedious, xenophobic small minded prick. chris kimberley, [email protected] Ben Elton Cheeky ex-student Ben used to make us laugh with his 'little bit of politics'.. but now what?? He's writing lyrics for musicals composed by Andrew Lloyd-Webber! As if that ugly bastard needed any more excuses to write crap for our theatres.. Smack him NOW before he starts whingeing about sex and violence on the TV at midnight..! Emma Wyatt George W. Bush He's not even worthy of being called a Bush, rather, we should all call him George W. Shrub. [email protected] Rosie O'Donnel( american talk show host) She has a really annoying voice, she isn't too attractive,she sings annoying show tunes all the time and she is a total hypocrite.Have you heard about her stance on gun control ? She feels no one should be able to carry a gun except police.. But yet she does ads and publicity stuff for K-mart- who sells guns and is adamant about her body guard carrying a gun. She goes all out to Gun rallies and National rifle association meets etc. and speaks and protests about how wrong it is. She is a reject plain and simple. Corrie [email protected] James Whale listen to him on 1089/1053AM talkSport to find out [email protected] ted nugent he uses his money to buy local hunters limits, they tag along and ted shoots everthing. If a warden shows up the numbers are okay. Then he boycotted canada because some politician made a decision over the fate of black bears. Well he's back and we don't need him. I know a lot of hunters, and ted's not one of them, he's a murderer. woody buck [email protected] fox hunters you're a bunch of upper class inbred sadists with far to much time if sport involves terrising local wildlife,household pets and lets not forget the foxes . as for tradition, ritual drowning was traditional a few hundred years back so maybe we could bring that back and start with the fox hunters [email protected] Fallwell Does Grand Inquisitor mean anything to you? He wants nothing more than a homogenic world of one religion and one thought, HIS! He probably thought that fucking '1984' and Big Brother were good ideas. Antwan [email protected] Tara Palmer-Tomkinson Surely there can be no-one (except possibly Tamara Beckwith) who has any further interest in hearing about this spoilt friendless airhead's tedious problems of coke addiction, shopping addiction and the immense problems of having too much pocket money from Daddy, no useful occupation and £10,000 a month Amex bills. She needs smacking back into reality with a vengeance - yuck yuck yuck. Ali [email protected] All the members of SLIPKNOT What the fuck are they on about. "I'm so angry my album just went platinum" bunch of repressed retards in fancy suit they all need a good smack so we can see their faces just to smack 'em again Tom Dyson [email protected] Cheesy pop acts that think they're Dance Sash'!', Alice Deejay, Eiffel 65 and Ann Lee all make me wanna puke. They prance about in bras or with a keyboard on Top Of The Pops, singing and making like they're DJs or something. When are these people gonna pack it in, stop insulting Trance and making kids think they're cool and into Dance just coz they like a piece of Euro-shit that contains more cheese than Dave 'another roll of fat' Pearce's socks? I'd like to wipe those Euro pop-fucking- smiles off their little pathetic faces. [email protected] Boris Johnson He is a pathetic weird-voiced Tory, is horribly anglophillic (not to mention xenophobic), saying rubbish like 'there's more chance of being decapitated by a frizbee than catching anything from British beef', he once ran an article in the Daily Torygraph about how he loves shooting innocent birdlife, he looks like a posh schoolboy grown to twice his original size but not twice his original brain, and he is generally a bit of a smeghead. Luke [email protected] Jamie Oliver(aka Naked Chef) A totally stylised 'lad' chef, created by TV producers. Apart from being intensley irritating, he's intensely irritating. All over TV and the bookshops and anywhere else you care to look. Punch him repeatedly. And then some. emma - [email protected] Queen Mother For tormenting the nation with those rotting teeth at every opportunity, making the colour pale blue a geriatric symbol, for initially supporting Hitler and then pretending to be just like any other Cockney family and finally for living too long. Sherbet [email protected] Paul Keating and Gareth Evans For tongue-kissing Suharto, for aiding and abetting the slaughter of countless children, women and men in East Timor, for lining their pockets with the blood of innocents, for betraying the citizens of Australia that voted the bludging bastards in (myself included, to my great shame), for despoiling the memory of ANZAC, and for leaving it to Little Johnny Howard, (God help us), to get Australia out of Suharto's arsehole. WARNING...anyone punching these two maggots should wash your hands in citric acid, or some other powerful cleanser. Hope I die before either of them...I can't wait to see their faces when God gets hold of them. Bloody Steve [email protected] Robbie Williams No other person gets close to pissing me off as much as Robbie Williams. He is a fat drunkard, whose latest song makes my insides rench (surely others feel this to). It is quite simply pure turd. The man has one endearing feature though. A face no one can tire of punching. [email protected] Carol Smilie She has got the most annoying and cheeky smile in the whole entire world. She kind of forces people to say their houses look great after what Carol and her team destroy their houses with drills and pneumatic crushers. Chang Ho Yoon, [email protected] techies smugness, birckenstock-wearingness, pleased- with-themselvesness, wouldn't-want-to-go- out-for-a-pint-with-themness, failure-to- understand-ironyness, love-of-documentation- ness, opinionated-ness, lack-of-sense-of- humour-ness, don't-watch-big-brother-and- therefore-think-they-are-superior-ness, that's-about-it-ness miles [email protected] chris evans because he has an ego like an iceberg as much talent as my grannies bedsores and he is really fucking talentless he has a face like a turkey that has only been a quater cooked and a hairstyle of a horsehair sofa that has been left out in the rain for a decade. [email protected] Quentin Wilson For those who don't know, Quentin Wilson is a pathetic estate agent-type guy who is the successor of Jeremy 'I'm too busy going to parties' Clarkson on Top Gear and also presents a bunch of other stupid programmes on BBC2. Please, let us punch the shit out of this guy right in his stupid tosser-grin. Luke [email protected] Chris Tarrant For being a smarmy condescending pillock [email protected] John Howard He's a racist bastard who refuses to apologise for over 200 years of genocide against our aborigines, almost single-handedly defeated our republican referendum and recently said that he was going to overrule a federal court ruling that stated that lesbians should be allowed access to IVF. c'mon, do us a favour and put this balding, short, bigoted wanker a place on your gallery. by the way, congrats on adding Pauline Hanson, Australia isn't the paradise many Brits think it is, we have our fair share of morons. Don King This may be the only fight he cannot fix [email protected] Carol Vorderman She's such a smart-arse poppping up on T.V every minute of the day wailing on about how when they wanted her to do some crappy advert about how butter actually lowers the colestral she agreed immediately just to get her fat arse on the telly once more. [email protected] Harry Potter Because he is the most annoying little fucker ever to get published, along with the grey-faced J K Rowling. Every fucking day all you ever hear is all this utter shit about how Harry Potter is so bloody great, SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP! Who cares about whether the latest one has less words in it than the Oxford English Dictionary, WE DON'T CARE! He's just a STUPID LITTLE SHITTER! God-damned shithead, stealing all the readers away from Discworld, now *they* are books. Luke [email protected] MARGARET THATCHER May God have mercy on the soul of this grotesque greed-mongering excuse for a human being, and all who admire her in their arrogance and ingnorance. She and her kind are a malignant cancerous tumour that needs to be cut out and incinerated before slavery applies to anyone without a platinum credit card or a knighthood !!! [email protected] Lars Ulrich NOT due primarily because of Napster, as a musician I do sympathize, though sending out 335,000 odd law suits to fans WAS bullshit, my drummer got one. No, mainly just because he is a self important, self aggrandizing, megalomaniacal LITTLE PRICK. I and others who've met him were struck by what a ROCK STAR he is. You're not immortal prick. Fans put you where you are. A blow hard who doesn't have the intelligence to present what he wants to say without making himself out to be a complete moron. SLAP this corporate whoring GENE SIMMONS wanna be. [email protected] 'Dr' Laura Schlessinger The homophobic, racist fuck-face who spends all her time stamping her tiny feet in fury at the absolutely sewer level deviancy of anyone who isn't her. Wake up, smell the pot and feel this slap you toss rag red dan, [email protected]. Charlotte Church Far from posessing the 'Voice of an Angel', little Charlotte would be perfectly at home tormenting the souls of the damned with her shrill, hesitant versions of the classics. The pint-sized songster has already been inflicted on Clinton and the Pope and must not be allowed any further exposure beyond her (mostly elderly) fanbase. A good slapping should sort out this unwelcome noise. Adrian Butler [email protected] Hello!, OK! etc they build a business on making us commoners feel inferior to the pretentious one-dimensional b-list celebrities they feature in their oh-so-classy glossy pages. fucking soap stars, football players etc all with the intelligence and depth of a beetroot are treated as untouchable gods and only those with no semblance of a life actually waste their money on this crap. Mark Salisbury [email protected] Want more? Click here!

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