punch archive

more slapees back nominations: your votes weird ones fuckwits nominate!

Madonna I would say to each her own but after the MTV Music Awards Performance she needs to be STOMPED good. Her little pseudo-eastern-mysticism- look-at-my-latest- wannabe-intellectual-fad-shit has to go. Not only did she blatanty commercialize and exploit every southeast asian culture in the world, she also SUCKED DOODOO when she was trying to sing her nastyass i am a born again raver cheesy techno crap song. I don't wanna listen to her stale lowbudget voice crack, I wanna give her a good upside the head SMACK! Cheers. Kammy kammy_k@hotmail.com Emma Noble If she wasn't shagging our former P.M's son she would just be another pathetic blonde bimbo getting her tits out to sell a bag of crisps. PSMITH7699@AOL.COM The Country Landowners' Association Pretending that it's still the age of the feudal system by putting "Keep Out" notices all over the place and not maintaining footpaths properly so that a walk in the countryside becomes an enforced scramble over barbed wire and through nettles. AARGH!!!!! Nick bspnrjw@bath.ac.uk Pauline Hanson When i heard she lost her seat i pissed my self laughing. Now i say hit the bitch when she is down! It makes me sad that ppl even think the way she does! dath@rocketmail.com Any/All of the Fuckwits (Preferably ALL) I wandered in over a "useless java" page, and indeed, the slaps-scripts are rather useless... But funny as hell. I've since bookmarked the site, not really over anything java, but that you torment those literate "faget" and "lessbion" fuckwits and let them grovel helplessly over it. Kudos, you folks fuckin' *RULE*. Keep up the hate of the haters, and make the world a more interesting, if not an inherently better, place... *hugs*, and never thirst... Wight@mindspring.com Tara Palmer-Tompkinson She is a snobby little daddy's girl who throws money, which could be given to somebody who really needs it, away like I would pieces of soiled bog roll. If she had any sense she'd get a job, get a man and get a life, and stop criticising people who point out that she has none of these things! helena_stroud@hotmail.com John Prescot For being a fat hypocritical bastard driving around in a jag slagging off bus conductors, toadying to Tony slime bucket Blair and spouting what he knows to be bullshit. Richard@Gelmorn.demon.co.uk bill gates besides being a nerd, geek, looser. he and his dad have contributed hundreds of thousands to GUN CONTROL Advocates. Why not send the money to a firearms education for kids program ?????? liberty3@imsday.com Linda Tripp Why does she tape conversations with her "friends"? keithmulcahy@ndirect.co.uk leonardo di caprio he looks exactly like a ill-fed malnutritioned constipated piglet rabi@cal.vsnl.net.in models While millions of intelligent, hardworking women fight to be judged for what they can do, and not the way they look, these little pixie stix wander around stupidly confirming that it is okay -- even preferable -- to view women as mannequins to be molded for the viewer's pleasure. And fuck all of you catwalking skanks that have been quoted saying that "...modeling is really hard work...it takes discipline..." You are cordially invited to kiss my ass. jw391@columbia.edu Volvo Drivers. I have been knocked off my bike twice, and clipper four times. By who? 'kin Volvo drivers."Hmmm I'll just pull out to the middle of this junction, I'm sure no one will mind - Ooh! what was that thud?" More slaps are needed if Caravans/Horseboxes are included. Tim mcai7tw2@ist4.co.umist.ac.uk All Saints reason=Get off! Get off my TV and radio, you bunch of talentless goons. Write a song of your own sometime, instead of building an entire repertoire of piss-poor cover versions. Wear a different pair of kecks once in a while! kathryn@quinnster.demon.co.uk Robert Plant & Jimmy Page reason=This pair should check into rehab and then take up tossing-off in the public washrooms like the rest of their geriatric and washed- up buddies... Don't these guys ever learn? Throw the Stones in with them, would ya? Fucking clowns the lot... hampton6@yahoo.com Backstreet Boys! The sound like bloody cats coughing up furballs and nick is the pits! They have all these bloody teenage girls screaming for these bastards. I am not one of those girls! I wanna slap em, HARD! SARAH max@divers.co.nz The Sex Pistols These guys had their day back in the 70's...and now they've come back and they're crap! Let's slap 'em back to the old folks home. Nevermind The Sex Pistols, where's their Viagra? ha ha! Mo - dork@weirdness.com Monica Lewinski Because of this pushy broad, no matter what she says,Our country spent 60 million dollars. I cant believe no ones nominated her yet! So what if Clinton cheated loads of people do, but because she went public our country is screwed. I think we should mess up her already ugly face! Dan B. c.bryant@snet.net Marilyn Manson For spawning hordes of personality-lacking teens who try to be different for conformity's sake. If I see another fucking pre-teen spending $300 of his allowance on black leather I'm gonna fucking puke. Mike, mystictoaster@txk.net Stephen Hendry He is a dull little shitbag and he can ram that cue of his up his arse the poncey little fuckwit that he is. Guss Family@mortimer1.force9.co.uk Leonardo Dicaprio Everyone agrees this ugly bastard should stay at the bottom of the Atlantic with Titanic. They also believe he should stay dead with his lover Juliet. But I say he should be on urban75 for all of your veiwers to enjoy. I, and other residents of this world got sick of him after 3hrs and 15 minutes of 'Jack'. Don't you agree that it is time to give Leo a nice slap. Please, put Leo on urban75 for your veiwers and for me. shorty2016@hotmail.com Reggie White Not only did this Reverend stand up in front of the State Legislature of Wisconsin and debase basically every race, he appeared in a photo ad, published nationally, and said that homosexuality was evil (or something to that effect) while wearing his Green Bay Packers team jersey. Not good advertising for your team, pal. Lance Paulson/paullr15@gbvaxa.uwgb.edu Denise Van Outen That 'comedy' show, Babes in the Wood was about as funny as walking around Grimsby with a nail in your shoe. Oh yeh, and those hair extention thingies look wank. Oh, and another thing, she wears mascara thats all clumpy at the end. I would like to lamp her one in the face as she thinks she is a top geezer, one of the lads and hard as nails. Try not to beleive the hype Denny! j.barlow@amaze.co.uk the entire cast of friends they are the last creatures in the universe i would want as friends. i would rather have a swarm of locusts round to my house. mevamy@dircon.co.uk John Howard He can take the punches on behalf of the members of the ruling classes of Australia, whos agenda he advances daily. His latest effort, a GST/VAT, deliberately sets about redistributing money from poor people to rich people. He seeks to remove tax 'impositions' from business and place them squarely on the working class. I'm nominating him to be punched cos you guys don't have an 'Up Against the Wall' section. alister@start.com.au Timmy Mallet For mollesting young children with his mallet. Matthew Scrivens Mgs571@bham.ac.uk Bill Gates Can you believe the balls of the fuck, he has totally pushed out every other OS so that manufacturers are forced to design for Windows, thus lining the shits pockets a little more each day. Somebody should take a copy of Windows 98, and stick it right up his arse. assimilation@clara.net Jonathan Aitken - only beaten by Michael Howard in the Satan Elections because his own cheating and lying were so over the top he destroyed his chances. Not only is this man the rightful ruler of Hades, he has also spawned a team of cheating bastard fraudulent bastard bastard Aitkens, whom he has sent out to undermine the entire world. The people of Britain NEED an outlet against this creature (one that won't land them with assault charges). Moreover, I move that 'AITKEN' be officially declared an expletive.... PLEEEEEEASE stick the git in the gallery! Innamorata@charlesworth.demon.co.uk Micheal Jackson If he has one more face lift , his ears are gonna be on top of his head. jgobble@hotmail.com elton john he shouldn't be allowed to go to funerals if he's going to perform and sob David.Levy@valrad.com Camilla Parker Bowles she is the ugliest person i ever saw. the_queen17@hotmail.com the entire House of Lords they are a bunch of no good, upper class wankers, who have no idea of public opinion or awareness that there are people, even within their own class system, who get a 'stiff upper lip, from being with people of theri own sex. Just choose someone from amongst them and let the shit kicking commence. Jaideep Singh numbnutter@hotmail.com Senator Jesse Helms He's an old bigot who hates virtually everyone, especially women, teenagers, minorities, non-Protestants, people with HIV or AIDS, and homosexuals. He's narrowminded and his ideals are outdated. Yet people are still voting for him. Personally, I think he should quit politics and join a hate group. pandorasbox@rocketmail.com Leo DiCaprio He is a mother fuckin ashole who is getting by on his so called good looks. His rep went sky high in Titanic and sunk like a pile of shit on a cold day. gurl24@hotmail.com Amy Tamara Beckwith She looks like a boiled egg with eyebrows painted on, has the trashiest and most vulgar taste in clothing since Su Pollard and has more money than me - damn damn damn! She is a typical example of money pretending to have talent and the thought of that PERSON owning an equity card when proper actors etc can't get one makes me want to chuck. Anyway, she might look better after a good lamping (couldn't look much WORSE could she?).asplintowers@mcmail.com (This month's Editor's Choice!) thora hird ok she's an old lady but that stannah stairlift advert was just too much ! clib@postmaster.co.uk David Hasslehoff Mainly because he sucks more than words can describe. It's not so much the fact that he actually claims in public that Baywatch is a family show and that it is not a 100% T&A show...it's mainly the fact that he thinks he's an artist, a vocal stylist if you will. He has an album out that also, coincidentally, sucks more than words can describe. He performs "rock" concerts for children where he dresses up like a cowboy for a country tune(that he didn't write) and puts a leather jacket on for a "rock" song. I can feel my face heating up just thinking about this stuff. dc / plutopost.com Pauline Hanson (from Ass-tray-ya) She's an annoying trollop whose 'statements' read like a shopping list of hate: gays, Aborigines, migrants, single mums (despite the fact she's got four kids to two different dads) etc. Please!!! Plus, she's costing us a fortune, she needs more police to keep the peace at one of her 1000 people "meetings" than are rostered for the AFL Grand Final with crowds of 100,000. ebnsteve@netspace.net.au DISNEY They've gone overboard. The keep turning out new dumb movies, and rereleasing old ones. And Flubber was just plain stupid. Nicholas Henry Cd07B5@dallas.net Rev Iain Paisley I think it should be obvious......he's a ranting, fat, fraudulent git who had to create his own Church so that he could become a Rev and does nothing but stir up trouble and get other people killed. But he does have a wonderful singing voice I'm told. iang@micromuse.com Tony Blair Because he's made me realise I should have known better - I voted for him, and do I feel a prat? Yes I do. Sleaze, corruption, no sign of an 'ethical' arms policy, no advance on drugs policy... all hail the New Tories. Let me slap the lying bastard... pez@pezza.demon.co.uk Ken "King Fuckhead" Starr This son of a bitch has spent over 60 million US dollars(or around 43 million pounds) and accomplished only the task of making himself look like a jug of goat cum. He was hired a couple years ago to investigate a land fraud deal, but the only deal he'll investigate is if Monica Lewinsky gave Clinton a wank, or if the ugly troll Paula Jones wouldn't give him a blow job. Ken Starr needs a HARD slap, or a new section to punnish males, the Racking section. A shot to the jewels(if he has any) should shut him up. DragonmasterSlash@yahoo.com Kevin Keegan After 5 weeks of his absurd pathetic commentry it is time he got it. Who else would curse England with such effect with his "There's only one team that can win it now and that's England" against Romania but worst of all, as Batty stepped up for England - quickly Kevin, will he score? "Yes........Oh no" What a twat! Lets kick that boss of Fulham's butt. mflower@compuserve.com U.S. Drug Czar Barry McCaffrey He's a lying sack of shit, being paid with my tax money to sit in front of the Senate and complain about a "slick mis-infomation campaign" seeking to legalize drugs in the States. His own Office of National Drug Control Policy is probably the biggest liar in the U.S. government (no small feat, that!) Mark Idontwantthosebastardsafterme Stan Collymore Cos if he can slap ulrika we should slap him!!!!! ian hills hills@easynet.co.uk The Krankees Its all just a bit too kinky, isn't it? Wife dressing up as schoolboy? AND the fact if they were any further from funny, they'd come full circle back to funny...not fecking likely. As if Scotland doesn't have enough of an image problem. Please, just think of that catchphrase - fandabifuckindozy! Slap and slap again!! sthurlbeck@hotmail.com Kenneth Starr He's running roughshod over legal ethics, the constitutions, and the taxpayers. I'm tired of spending millions of tax dollars to try to get the President. I don't want the legislators overseeing morality - I'll leave that to relligion. If there were crimes to find, I'm sure they would have found them by now. Gayle Hensley grh217@earthlink.net Frank Skinner He invites all sorts of interesting people on to a show so that he can endlessly whine on about himself for half an hour. mike@mikeandc.clara.net Mike Harris Mike Harris is making uneccessary cuts to crucial public services such as education, health care, and welfare, so that Ontarians can have a "tax cut". First of all, cutting these programs is cutting back on Canada's future, and also, with all the money saved by cutting back on these programs, our tax cut comes to about a dollar a person. What the hell is wrong with Harris? Cola alexmolo@interlog.com Richard Branson This smug git tries to persuade us he "a real nice bloke"..BULLSHIT!!..he's a cold capitalist meglomaniac..if him and Murdock ever get together god help us..Virgin trains meets the Sun.ARGG!!.xenophobic nationalism running late..Put him up and lets give him one in the eye for all the wage slaves he uses to fund his childish balloon flying. Ferdi@deathsdoor.com Marilyn Manson Not because he is gay or anything like that, just because he makes strange music that seems to mess with the heads of kids here in the U.S. and turn them into gothic addict weirdos which I don't think is a good thing. I know if it wasn't him it would be someone else but he is such a weirdo I think he deserves some slapping. Emilie Miller/ eckhardt@concentric.net Lord Archer Alias slimey, slipery,git who "allegedly" enjoys the company of loose woman and goes home to the lady wife in good faith. But when caught with his trousers down denies associtation with said indvidual in a court of law. This is the man who would be mayor of London. Emmmm. I would rather vote for my dog!!!! Mark Ryan/ayenack@msn.com US Congress These fuckwits really deserve it--they tax the American lower- and middle-class to poverty so they can build a damn nuclear bomb shelter for themselves! It's saying, "I'm sorry you're cold, tired, and hungry -- not to mention out of work -- but damn it, we gotta preserve democracy, even though we'll be the only bastards alive! Fuck the people who voted for me and for whom I'm supposed to work for; I'm stepping over my own family to save this fat ass!" this chick/ssjyoung@hotmail.com Bill Gates Windows 98 is a big dark shit fouquaut@hotmail.com Jeff Kennett Bastard Thatcherite Dictator of Victoria (Australia)who wins elections by orchestrating Grand Prix to entertain the great unwashed masses and emasculates the Parliamentary process. Jeff can be blamed for any number of the world's problems: nuclear proliferation on the Indian Subcontinent (that was Jeff); widespread antibiotic resistance (Jeff); civil unrest in central Africa (you guessed it, Jeff); Kerry Packer's face (well, we can't really blame Jeff here, but it happened on his watch!); welcomed the Spice Girls to our island continent (surely we must act now to bring this terrible crime against humanity to the notice of UN judicial authorities). We could go on, but it would only encourage the bastard.. Corey Watts/mwatts@zoology.uq.edu.au DISNEY Give me a break, enough of the fucking Mulan advertising blitzkrieg already, the friggin McDonalds tie-ins and the buying up of 42nd Street in New York City...I pledge allegence to the mouse ears...E-FUCKIN-NOUGH ALREADY!!!!! jwhit8@concentric.net John Howard A year ago the pathetic little weasel said "if we ignore Pauline Hanson, she'll go away". Now, due to his party giving preferences to hers, she's got some political power in Australia. The stupid racist self-serving little monkey-boy bastard should never have been elected PM of Oz, when 10 years ago his policies were the same as hers are today!! Please let me hammer the shite outta the fuckwit. Bren - scorch22@mailexcite.com marilyn manson he's a wanker elarocca@hotmail.com Stan Collimore He's a woman-beating, footballing twat. For the sake of all women in relationships with men who still think that giving their 'loved one' a quick smack in the kisser is a valid expression of affection, please give this lout a clout. Zoe Thurlow, nelson.harvey@virgin.net Want more? Click here or nominate you own slapee!

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